Betrayal - Introducing: Burden of Guilt - Episode 1

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

The loss of her baby brother has haunted Tracyraquel Berns ever since she was 2 years old. Growing up, her questions about her brother’s death were met with beatings from her father. As an adult, Tracyraquel did her own investigation and what she discovered would change everything. It caused a burden that she would carry with her for the rest of her life. That burden of guilt coupled with a nagging suspicion that there was more to the story, led Tracyraquel to revisit her abusive and dysfunctional childhood in a quest for the whole truth. Hosted by Emmy-winning journalist Nancy Glass.   If you would like to reach out to the Burden of Guilt Team, email us at [e-mail]  If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, please reach out and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.  To report a case of child abuse, please contact your local police department or call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1.800.422.4453. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On March 16, 2000, two sheriff's deputies were shot in Atlanta. A Muslim leader and former Black Power activist was convicted. But the evidence was shaky, and the whole truth didn't come out during the trial. My name is Mosey Secret, and when I started investigating this case in my hometown, I uncovered a dark truth about America. From Tinderfoot TV, Campside Media, and I Heart Podcasts, Radical is available now. Listen to the new podcast Radical, for free on theHeartRadio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts

Tune in to the new podcast stories from the village of nothing much like easy listening but for fiction If you've overdosed on bad news We invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in every day life are all around you. I'm Catherine Nicolai and I'm an architect of COSI. Come spend some time where everyone is welcome and the default is kindness. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much. On the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

In the new Amy and TJ podcast, news anchors Amy Robock and TJ Holmes explore everything from current events to pop culture in a way that's informative, entertaining, and authentically groundbreaking. Join them as they share their voices for the first time since making their own headlines. This is the first time that we actually get to say, what happened and where we are today.

Listen to the Amy and TJ podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Andrea Gunning, host of Betrayal, and I'm excited to share episode one of the new podcast, Birdon of Gilt, brought to you by the same producers as Betrayal. Birdon of Gilt, brought to you by the same producers as betrayal. Byrden of Gilt tells the true story of a two-year-old who was framed for murder

and how she grew into an adult determined to get justice and protect her family. You'll be hooked after one episode and even better, the entire series is available for you to binge now. Enjoy the episode. you to binge now. Enjoy the episode. Call your next witness please. You're listening to a trial which took place in 1997. A beautiful 27 year old blonde woman named Tracy Raim is on the stand.

Thank you. Excuse me, sir. Could you pull that microphone just from the closer to the... Is that good? Okay. You said you wouldn't miss Savannah. Yes, do you have any children? Yes, I do.

How many children? I have two children. Tracy was impeccably dressed with perfectly quaffed hair, but her appearance was deceiving. She grew up on the poverty line and was exposed to extreme abuse. The prosecutor asked why she had worked so hard to see this case brought to trial. It was a search for truth. I realized that something bad had happened and it was to correct that thing. A bad thing did happen. When she was just two, Tracer Rikkel's brother Matthew died.

He was only four months old. There were many accounts as to what occurred, but her family chucked it up to a tragedy and life moved on. So what was your brother's death described as? What did they tell you? So when I was growing up, I was always told that Matthew died with crib death, that he slipped between the bars and fell in the floor.

I had this idea of what I thought I knew. I was 25. I had finally gotten the records sent to me. These were the hospital records from the day of his death. They contained all the details she was desperate to know. I remember waiting for those documents on a daily basis. It was a bright sunny day. I was downstairs in the living room. I had to get them open as fast as I could.

And that's when the world caved in around me. I wasn't prepared for what they said. It states, wasn't prepared for what they said. It states, child was threatened from crib by system. Oh, hold on. Did I do this? Is this everybody trying to protect me? Imagine, just imagine,

seeing a report that says you were the reason someone died. Tracy Raquel is a kind and caring person. She couldn't picture her baby ever, even by accident, yet there it was in black and white. Child, friend from crib, my sister. Tracy saw in writing that she had thrown her little brother out of his crib. Was that true? Could she have done this?

Or did something much more sinister happen? My name is Nancy Glass. I'm an investigative reporter. I've covered some of the most notorious crimes in US history. I've interviewed Jeffrey Dahmer in prison. I've practically lived at the courthouse for a year, covering the O.J. Simpson trial. But even after being close to evil, time after time, this is the story that has affected

me more than any other. This is Burton of guilt. Episode 1. Age of Innocence Tracy changed her name several years back to Tracy Rakell, so you will hear her referred to as both Tracy and Tracy Rakell in this podcast, especially since many of the people we speak to remember her from her younger years. I'll explain why she made that change later in the series, but out of respect for her, I will only refer to her as Tracy R'Kell from here on out. This series talks about crime, domestic abuse, and homicide,

but it's so much more than a true crime story. It's a real account of survival, resilience, and justice. It's taken us two years to put it together because it's that hard. It's that dramatic, and most importantly, it's taken 25 years for Tracy Rakell to be able to tell her story. I went to see her at her home in Colorado. She lives on a heavily protected military base. We sat outside, so it's a little noisy.

Do you just sit and enjoy the view? I can only see the very top of it from my house, but I'm under Cheyenne Mountain. You know, war games, the movie, norad, that's where we are. It's all beautiful there. This place has everything her soul needs, peace, tranquility, and beauty, and a garden. But there's also everything her head needs, fences, uniforms, and protection.

I mean, those are, yeah, that's just the little pilots training over there at their forced camping. Really? Yeah, that's them. there at their force camp. Really? Yeah, that's them. That's their touching gaze. Tracee Raquel is a veteran. She's served in the army for two years. She has lived all over Hawaii, Colorado, Alabama,

different states, cities, and bases to her. Home is where her family is. She's a wife, a mother, and a grandmother. Against all odds, she has created a stable and comfortable life for herself and her family with her husband Bart, who is still on active duty. Because I'm with him, I don't feel terrified. I don't feel as vulnerable, I feel safe.

I guess that's the easiest way to say it, right? vulnerable, I feel safe. I guess that's the easiest way to say it, right? Yeah, I feel safe. I think we're that coupled now that when you see pictures of us, we've started to look like each other. Like people look like their dogs sometimes, or their dogs look like them, and then you see people, I think that's where we are. We've got the same little quirks now.

I loved hearing the way she talks about her husband. It's really special. When I see her life in Colorado she talks about her husband. It's really special. When I see her life in Colorado and hear about her family, it makes me smile because the odds were so stacked against her. If I decide something's going to be, something's going to be, I'm pretty anointingly tenacious, if I believe something has to happen, then it's going to happen. Well, that's the theme of all of this isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I guess it is Before I went to Colorado I had been fascinated by Tracy Raquel's story for almost a decade a

Few years ago we started corresponding and I have spent the last four years getting to know her We come from such different backgrounds, yet we do have so much in common like our love for gardening and poodles and cooking and our kids, of course. Tracy Rikell is in a safe place now, and any pain is well hidden, but her road was a long and difficult one. Now, at times, the story can be difficult to hear, but please stick with me. After seeing hospital records that said Tracy Rikell was responsible for her four-month-old baby brother's death, it was a reckoning. The night math you died also happens to be her very first memory. At the time I didn't understand what all the lights and sirens are and I don't really have a memory of an emotional

state at that point. Just asking what they were doing. You scared? I was terrified. She has flashbacks of images of herself in a car. I remember it being a dark green, El Camino. I remember standing up in the seat with my arms around that headrest and looking around at all the sirens everywhere

and Jay and Sam, they're trying to help Matthew. Jan is Jan Barry Sandlin, Tracy Rikkel's father. Matthew, a four-month-old baby, was hurt and needed serious medical attention. Journalist Jill Jordan Cedar explains how the sequence of events started with Tracey Rakell and her mother that day. Kathy and Tracey went on an errand. Jan was at home babysitting Little Matthew. When they returned, Jan came to the door, blocked her entry and asked her to retrieve something

from the car. Kathy did that and Tracy went inside the apartment. When Kathy comes back, she goes into the bedroom, finds Tracy and the crib, Matthew on the floor, eyes out of focus, looking in a world of trouble. At that point, Jan says that Tracy has caused Matthew to fall out of the crib, hit his head, and is really chastising Tracy. Jan spanks Tracy and scolds her for what she's just done.

Kathy said, look, there's something wrong with Matthew. We've got to get him to the emergency room. And they leave. They raced the baby to Northside Hospital. The staff took X-rays and realized he needed more care than they could provide. He was transferred by ambulance to DeCab Medical Center. As Matthew was evaluated, extended family

began to gather outside the hospital. Kathy's sisters and grandparents hovered close by. Uncle Butch, Jansolder brother, paced in the parking lot. He said, I arrived at the emergency room and you were sitting on a concrete slab where ambulance was pulled up. Little Tracy Rakell had no idea what was going on, but Matthew was in dire condition. He had extensive skull fractures, brain bruising, and his pupils were fixed and dilated.

Doctors felt they needed to perform surgery to give him a chance to survive. Kathy signed the paperwork giving permission, but it was of no use. Before midnight, Matthew died. Tracy R. Kell lost her baby brother. The next paper Kathy would sign would be a release for the county coroner to perform an autopsy and permission for Matthew's body to be sent to a funeral home. But after he died, Matthew just wasn't mentioned much. Tracey Rakell course, was always aware of him because of the memories of that night,

but the family didn't do much to keep his memory alive or to memorialize him. You told me a story about a very scary car ride when you were a little kid. Were you telling the story? I mean, I was seven. I was in the car with Kathy, and she said, day after tomorrow is Matthew's birthday. And I just had this child-like remark of, you don't take me to the cemetery,

I'm never going to speak to you. It's funny, I can remember exactly where we were on the road. And next to the highway and her reaction was shocked. Shocked about what that you would even mention him? You're exactly right. Her and Jan were together then and she went home and had a complete fit. She told Jan and he beat me terribly.

He really enjoyed the belt, the wrong end of the belt. He beat you with a belt. Yes. He wanted to ensure that I didn't talk about Matthew again to her. So I didn't. Although she was too young to articulate a desire to honor her brother, she craved a connection.

Her father, Jan, was uninterested in the least, except in teaching her a lesson. And I guess some people think they all got weapons with belts back in the day or whatever, but it wasn't like that. It wasn't a supplement. It was... Don't ever talk about this again. You know, when all this time we've been talking,

you have never referred to Kathleen Jan as mom and dad. Why not? I don't think genetics makes you a parent, so now I don't refer to them as a mother and a father. They weren't that. They weren't parents to me. They were monstrous. skylight digital picture frame. Skylight is a touch screen frame that everyone in the family can send photos to from anywhere, and they'll pop up in seconds. It's the perfect gift for new families, parents, and grandparents, or anyone who has all their photos stuck on their phone. With skylight, you can actually pre-load photos before you give it as a gift without

even opening the box. Once it's unwrapped and plugged in, the frame will light up with all those special memories. Surprise, you're loved one this year with a beautiful skylight frame. Grab yours today because they're very popular and will sell out around the holidays. For a limited time, you can get $30 off your purchase when you go to CA.skylightframe.com slash true crime. That's right. To get $30 off your skylight frame, just go to CA dot skylightframe dot com slash true crime. That's CA dot SKY LI GHTFR AME dot com slash true crime.

On March 16, 2000, two sheriff's deputies were shot in Atlanta. Jamil Alamine, a Muslim leader in former Black Power activist, was convicted. But the evidence was shaky, and the whole truth didn't come out during the trial. My name is Mosey Secret, and when I started investigating this case in my hometown, I uncovered a dark truth about America. He said to me, you want me to take care of them for not doing something or paying you something like that. I said, no, what you talking about?

But I had no idea who he had become. That's how he approached you. You know, he meant what he said that. Yeah, I'm thinking, murder, any minute, you know. I think that's what he was thinking. From Tinderfoot TV, Campside Media, and I Heart Heart podcasts. Radical is available now. Listen to the new podcast, Radical, for free on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. [♪ Music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Catherine Nicolai, and you might know me from the bedtime story podcast, Nothing Much Happens. I'm an architect of Kozy, and I invite you to come spend some time where everyone is welcome and kindness is the default. When you tune in, you'll hear stories about bakeries and walks in the woods. A favorite booth at the diner and a blustery autumn day.

Cats and dogs and rescued goats and donkeys. Old houses, bookshops, beaches were kite fly and pretty stones are found. I have so many stories to tell you, and they are all designed to help you feel good and feel connected to what is good in the world. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the village of nothing much on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Tracey Rikels' parents had a long complicated relationship dating back to their childhoods. Jan Barry Sandlin and Kathy Oman had grown up into Cab County, Georgia. Even decades later, Kathy would admit she had been in love with Jan since she was 12 years old. One look at Jan's teenage photo, you could see something in him, confidence maybe, or maybe overconfidence is more like it. He had a handsome face and charisma, even as a teenager. Reporter Jill Jordan Cedar

Jan and Kathy had known each other for a long time, since 6th and and seventh grade, through elementary school into high school. She found him charming, he was a cut-up sort of the class clown. He was very popular, very mischievous, had a lot of the girls after him, and she was one of them. Jackie Wilson knew Jans Sandland's family growing up. A few of her girlfriends had crushes on him in school. Jan did mine showing how much he cared about somebody whenever he did care for. But he was also demanding and domineering and expected whatever he said to go.

In the early 1970s, it wasn't unusual for couples to get married right after high school. Although Jan and Kathy eventually married, they took a circuitous route with other partners first. Now, this is going to be tricky. So, if you're multitasking and I know I do that when I listen to podcasts, lean in for this. In high school, Kathy wanted to be with Jan. He came from a bad name, bad family, so she wasn't allowed to be with him. But obviously, she found a way, because when she was 15, she became pregnant by Jan and her mother found out. You told me about something very traumatic that happened to Kathy around that time.

What was it? Her mother, my grandmother, told her that someone was going to come and just check to make sure that the baby and the pregnancy was OK. And the woman actually came to do an illegal abortion. They didn't tell her what was going on. Since Kathy was forbidden to date Jan, she found another boy with a better reputation. Publicly, she dated this really nice boy, Ted Golder through high school. But at the same time, she was seeing Jan on the side the whole time.

And then, when Ted was drafted, she found out she was pregnant. With me, he was in the army. And then he went off to war. Despite her marriage to Tag, Kathy still carried a torch for Jan and continued to see him on the side. How did Kathy ultimately end her relationship with Tag? She had sent him a dear John letter

while he was deployed over in Vietnam saying, this is not your child, it's Jan's child, I don't love you, I'm in love with him. And it was true. Kathy wanted Jan and she knew the baby wasn't Ted's. Ted was willing to forgive Kathy and raise the baby with her, but Kathy wasn't interested. That baby was Tracy Rakell.

Soon after, however, Kathy found out that Jan married another woman, a pretty brunette named Nancy Tegger. With Jan now married, Kathy reconciled with Ted, and during that reconciliation, they conceived Matthew. Just a month after Matthew's birth, Jan's wife Nancy tragically committed suicide, and suddenly, Kathy's true love was free. It was only weeks after Nancy's death before Jan found comfort with Kathy, who had open arms waiting. Ted Golder was forgotten, and Jan moved comfort with Kathy, who had open arms waiting. Ted Golder was forgotten, and Jan moved in with Kathy,

Tracy Rikkel and Baby Matthew. They lived together as a family. They were on some honeymoon days for two days, and then there was enormous amounts of violence. The house was chaos. There was drug abuse and booze. Jackie Wilson saw the debauchery first hand. It was no longer a charming teenage romance.

The couple's attachment evolved into a rough adult relationship and Tracey Rakell was exposed to most of it. I remember Jane and Kathy were at Jane's mother's apartment and there was this huge domestic situation that was going on. She was screaming, bloody murder, and he was beating her up, and his mother was yelling at her. And where were you?

I was sitting outside, and there were people walking on the sidewalk across the street looking, and obviously taking notice. Nobody did anything. Keep in mind, Tracy Raquel was observing these acts as a small child. She would put her through horrible beatings and rapes. But she would say,

I love her my life, I love my life. It was one of these things that I didn't understand. But she had something inside her that was very strong. She found ways to seek refuge from the toxic, dysfunctional environment that surrounded her. To quiet the noise, just be a kid. I would get two cookies in milk, and I could watch the Brady Bunch. Yes, she watched the family, all of America embraced and she dreamed. It is escape, watching that family work.

It was hope, it was hopeful, that's what it was. It was hopeful. Despite her escapism, Tracy Rachell was haunted by the loss of her baby brother. He was a ghost, an ever-present ghost. Let me describe him to you. I'm looking at a photo of him, a four-month-old. He's wearing a blue pinnifor with a white starched collar. He's got a little tuft of hair on top of his head, and he has this wide-eyed look. There's baby

fat, the little one's start getting wrinkles around the wrists and folds around the neck. He was adorable. on March 16th 2000, two sheriff's deputies were shot in Atlanta. Jamil Alamin, a Muslim leader in former Black Power activist, was convicted. But the evidence was shaky, and the whole truth didn't come out during the trial. My name is Mosey Secret, and when I started investigating this case in my hometown I uncovered a dark truth about America. He says to me you want me to take care of them for not doing something or paying you something like I said no what you talking about but I had no idea who you know who he had become. That's how

he approached you you know he meant what he said that. Yeah, I'm thinking murder in a minute, you know. I think that's what he was thinking. Yeah. From Tinderfoot TV, Campside Media and I Heart Podcasts, Radical is available now. Listen to the new podcast, Radical, for free on the I Heart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much, like easy listening, but perfection. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life

are all around you. I'm Catherine Nicolai, and you might know me from the bedtime story podcast, nothing much happens. I'm an architect of Cozy and I invite you to come spend some time where everyone is welcome and kindness is the default. When you tune in you'll hear stories about bakeries and walks in the woods. A favorite booth at the diner and a blustery autumn day. Cats and dogs and rescued goats and donkeys. Old houses, bookshops, beaches where kites fly, and pretty stones are found.

I have so many stories to tell you, and they are all designed to help you feel good and feel connected to what is good in the world. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the village of Nothing Much on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In the new Amy and TJ podcast,

Amy Roboc and TJ Holmes, a renowned broadcasting team with decades of experience delivering headline news and captivating viewers nationwide are sharing their voices and perspectives in a way you've never heard before. They explore meaningful conversations about current events, pop culture, and everything in between. Nothing is off limits.

This was a scandal that wasn't. And this was not what you've been sold. The Aimee and TJ podcast is guaranteed to be informative, entertaining, and above all, authentic. It marks the first time Robock and Holmes speak publicly since their own names became a part of the headlines. This is the first time that we actually get to say, what happened and where we are today. Listen to the Amy and TJ podcast on the i Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Tracy Rekelle didn't attend Matthew's funeral, but relatives shared details with her over the years. Matthew was buried in Alabama. Our family is stretched from Alabama to Georgia, so it was a lot of people. I was told that the procession from the church to the gravesite for Matthew, that Kathy and Jan were in the hers. They did say that the vault that Matthew was in

was a high-end coffin that Jan had paid for. The funeral was strange. Jan and Kathy displayed odd behavior on the way to the cemetery, on what should have been one of the hardest and most painful days of their lives. They pulled it to McDonald's. And went through a drive-thru to order food. In the middle of being in a funeral procession? Yes.

Their dead baby lay in a coffin in the back of their car, but that didn't stop them. And they pulled over and stopped in eight before they proceeded to the grave side. It's a very Matthew. What was your family's reaction to that? It was explained to me that everybody was just mortified. Our grandmothers and great-grandmothers and ants were just sobbing in tears. After Matthew's death, Kathy couldn't cope.

Kathy attempted suicide a couple of months after Matthew died. She took Tracy Rakell onto the balcony of their apartment and then, right in front of her own two-year-old child, Kathy, climbed up on the railing and jumped. Jumped right off the two-story balcony. She said she sat me there so that the police would find me. I think she brought both legs and both arms. It was only two floors so Kathy survived, but was badly injured, immobilized. Jan couldn't be counted on and Tracy Recal, a toddler, was thrust into the caretaker role.

It was mind-blowing. I remember days later, she was on the couch in this pretty much full body cast, yelling at me, telling me how to scramble eggs That's the first time I scramble eggs Because she didn't do it Can you imagine? Scramble eggs at two it's hard to fathom

Kathy became more dependent on Tracy Raquel for other adult tasks as well I was buying cigarettes for her when I was five. Oh, by yourself, as a little kid. Why do you think she did that? Your electricity gets cut off or your water gets cut off and you send your child to stand in line with a bunch of adults who are paying their bills because you don't have enough courage

to stand in there and pay your own by bill. Kathy didn't want to stand in line because her bills were being paid late. That's why she sent her daughter to do it. I have this image of this little blonde child reaching up to a cashier with a money order and then asking in a tiny voice, please, can I have a pack of Virginia Slims? It all feels absurd. As time went on, life presumed and nobody seemed to talk much about what happened to Matthew. He was just there one day and then he wasn't. A few years after Matthew died, Kathy and Jan had another son.

He was named Jason. Tracer Raquel had a new younger brother, but another baby in the house did nothing to quell the violence. I guess chaotic people do chaotic things, so lots of violence and abuse. We would be settled somewhere from the time I was a little child, and he would just show up in the middle of the night and throw us on the street. Where would you guys go? We spent lots of time just sleeping on a park bench, just wherever.

One time, I think I was seven or so. He showed up in the middle of the night and beat the door down and beat her up really bad and took Jason. But Tracer Raquel could hardly look to her mom for comfort. Kathy was equally as bad as Jan just in a different way. In what way? I was in the first grade and got gum in my hair.

Her answer to that was just to shave my head and then send me to school. Wow, that story hit me in the gut. And when Tracy or Kelp first told me this, my thought was, didn't anybody else notice or try to intervene? My aunt, June, is Kathy's older sister. She's the oldest of the five of them.

It's my understanding that she and my grandfather tried very desperately to take me away from Kathy shortly after Matthew died. The system just wouldn't allow it. So I think you do what you can do when you can. And that's what they did. But her family was also fearful of offering shelter to Kathy. They believed Kathy would always take Jan back and they would put themselves in harm's way for nothing.

No one wanted to be on the receiving end of Jan's rage only to find Kathy back in the same situation days later. When Jan threw Kathy in the two kids on the street, she would take the kids to motels, and then Jan would show up. It was a cycle. So as a child, Tracea Brickell was basically homeless. Her life was completely erratic, going through her day, avoiding what emotional

or physical landmine she could step on next. Her mother was beaten down, broken, and her dad, well, there was another side to Jan Sandlin that I haven't shared yet. Her father was involved in criminal activity. He was connected to an organized crime group in the South. She was even a witness to some of it. I must be four at the time. I remember all of these men being in this apartment living room and they were making a plan. There were guns everywhere and they were getting ready to do something.

Jan was focused on the task at hand, and when Kathy objected, Jan got her out of his way. They had a protest about something, and he locked her in a tiny little closet while they went and did their, I don't know, robbery, whatever they were doing. How long was she stuck in there? She would be able to tell you how many hours

she stayed in that closet, but a long time. And there was also this. This cab county police officer was murdered. And Kathy said, yeah, he killed that police officer. She didn't even know his name. There were rumors that Jan was involved in the murder of the officer. Only 24 years old, the young police officer had been shot execution

style while working at a part-time security job. But Kathy said he killed that police officer and then we drove to Alabama and threw the gun in the light. I'll tell you more about his story later in the series. It seems like there was never a moment of stability. Tracy Rikkel has vivid memories of Jan breaking into the house and kidnapping her and Jason as a way to get a Kathy. Jan had a special affinity for Jason because he knew for certain that Jason was his son.

I believe that Jan is the personality type that's very primal. I only take care of my own, so to speak. In Jan's mind, Tracy Rakell's paternity was a little more dubious considering the overlapping relationships Kathy had with Jan and her first husband, Ted Golder. But Tracy Rakell was useful to Jan in one way. He used her to look after her younger brother. She has a memory that plays almost like a short film in her mind. Jan had kidnapped her and her brother Jason. When it was time for Jason to take a nap, he would put his both in there and we would

take a nap. And I had this little girl and she knew what was going on. She knew that he had kidnapped us or taken us. That this was a violent situation. The little neighbor girl started coming to the bedroom window every day at lunchtime to try and help Tracy Raquel and Jason escape. And I would be like, OK, I can do this. I can pick him up and hand him down there.

Did you have a plan? This place was at the end of the DeCab airport. My uncle Steve worked at the airport. I just thought if I get him out, I could run him down this runway and be fine. but I was so afraid I was going to hurt him. She had already lost her younger brother Matthew. She couldn't bear the thought of doing anything that would harm Jason. We tried every day for about two weeks.

And then what happened? The police came one day. This nice police woman came and took my hand and he was arrested and off we went. It sounds like a disconnect, but here's what happened. The police showed up because justice had finally caught up with Jan. In the spring of 1981, ten years after Jan and Kathy got together, he was going to prison. He drove to Panama City, committed armed robbery and a gas station or convenience store, something like that, and then got into a shootout on Panama City beach with the Panama City Police Department.

And then he was arrested and sentenced and Florida. And I understand it was like 25 to life. He had done time for crimes like forgery and breaking and entering, but this conviction would be the one to put him out of their lives. I thought for sure everything was going to be great. Life would be great without jam. Sometimes you just don't see the force for the trees. Kathy didn't physically abuse Tracy Rakell,

but the relationship was broken, dysfunctional. Kathy was a battered woman and couldn't see much beyond her own pain to offer any love or comfort to her daughter. When I was 14 years old, I was very ill and ended up in the hospital and they diagnosed me with a seizure disorder. I was just done. What did you mean you were done? There was no way out, there's nowhere to go.

I just really didn't want to be in that environment. I didn't know how to get out. It was just not help. So she saved 30 days of a medication, Tegridol, an anti-convulsant drug, and she took it all at once. At the time, I thought I'd be with Matthew, or I'd be in some better place.

It seems kind of hokey now, but at the time, seemed like there was probably something far better than what was going on. She figured a month's worth of the tablets would have been enough to kill her, and it should have. I woke up to Kathy standing over me, shaking my face and, oh my God, what have you done now? That is not the reaction you'd expect from a mother who just discovered her daughter had attempted suicide

And all I could think was wow, I'm really still here. It's remarkable that she survived Maybe it was luck Maybe it was fate Perhaps she was destined for a greater purpose There was a lot of wrong in Tracy Raquel's childhood enough to break anyone maybe it was fate. Perhaps she was destined for a greater purpose. There was a lot of wrong at Tracy Rakell's childhood enough to break anyone. But for Tracy Rakell,

her upbringing only instilled a strong sense of right and wrong and something with those medical records did not seem right. It states, child was thrown from crib by sister. Rather than just looking at my own abuse and suffering, I took on this whole full thing

and I'm gonna find out what happened to Matthew. On the next episode of Birdon of Guilt, Tracy Rikkel persuades an investigator to look into Matthew's depth. When someone of great importance just to child that died, it's terrible. Yeah, but why would I take it? But Tracy says some things that intrigued me. And later this season, there's no way in hell that this child died from being pushed out of a crib.

I'm Nancy Glass. That's all coming up on Burden of Guilt. Stay tuned for Burden of Guilt, the documentary coming in 2024 and airing only on Paramount Plus. If you would like to reach out to the Burden of Guilt team, email us at BurdenOfGuiltPod at gmail.com. That's BurdenOfGuilt, P-O-Dofgildpod.com If you or someone you know is worried about mal treatment or suspect that a child is being

abused or neglected, call the child help national child abuse hotline. You can call or text 1-800-4-A-Child. That's 1-800-422-4453. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Burden of Guilt. Five Star Reviews go a long way! A big thank you to all of you who are listening. And also, be sure to check us out and follow us on Instagram at Glass Podcasts. Birdon of Guilt is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group, in partnership with I Heart Podcasts. The show is hosted and executive produced by me, Nancy Glass, written and produced by

Carrie Hartman and Andrea Gunning, also produced by Ben Federman and Associate Producer Christian Melcuri. Our IHAR team is Ali Perry and Jessica Crincheck, special thanks to Tracy Rekel Burns and her husband Bart, audio editing and mixing by Matt Delvecchio. Birdon of Guilt's theme composed by Oliver Baines, Music Library provided by My Music, and for more podcasts from I Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Stay tuned for Birdon of Guilt the Documentary coming in 2024 and airing only on Paramount Plus.

On March 16, 2000, two sheriff's deputies were shot in Atlanta. A Muslim leader and former Black Power activist was convicted. But the evidence was shaky, and the whole truth didn't come out during the trial. My name is Mosey Secret, and when I started investigating this case in my hometown, I uncovered a dark truth about America. From Tinderfoot TV, Camside Media, and I Heart Podcasts, Radical is available now. Listen to the new podcast Radical for free on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Tune in to the new podcast,

Stories from the Village of Nothing Much, like Easy Listening, but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Catherine Nicolai,

and I'm an architect of COSI. Come spend some time where everyone is welcome and the default is kindness. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the village of nothing much. On the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Walter Isaacson set out to write about a world-changing genius in Elon Musk and found a man addicted to chaos and conspiracy. I'm thinking it's idiotic to buy Twitter because he doesn't have a fingertip feel for social emotional networks. The book launched a thousand hot takes, so I sat down with Isaacson to try to get past the noise. I like the fact that people who say, I'm not as tough on Musk as I should be, are always using anecdotes from my book to show why we should be tough on

musk. Join me, Evan Ratliffe, for on musk with Walter Isaacson. Listen on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.