Bittersweet Infamy - #58 - The White House Party Crashers

Episode Date: November 27, 2022

Taylor tells Josie about uninvited guests Tareq and Michaele Salahi, and the Real Housewives storyline that ended in a congressional hearing. Plus: all the latest on the former Princess of Norway and her spirit hacking reptilian shaman fiancé.

Welcome to Bitter Sweden. I'm Taylor Basso and I'm Josie Mitchell. On this podcast, we share the stories that live on and indeed. The strange and the familiar. The tragic and the comic. The bitter. And the sweet. Taylor, to start us off today, well, how are you? I should just ask you how you are. I'm good. See, I self-monitored there. Good job, good job. But yeah, no, I'm good. I'm good. How about you, Joe? I'm good. It's nice and cool in Houston. I got to be outside and I saw an alligator. I saw a few. Paligators. Yeah. Were they, were they together? They were. That makes them paligators. Oh, you're good. You're good. I'm

gonna bring you a pretty bittersweet little Mimphimus here. Okay. So somebody's about to die. No, actually, no one's about to die. But it is a unfolding current event, which we know because we got faked out by Deep Fake Mom. We got deep faked. We got deep faked by those plotting against Deep Fake Mom that sometimes bringing up the most current stories aren't always the best because where infamy lands is a task for history sometimes and not for our own judgments. Certainly, 1984. We're drumming Vanessa Williams out of the Miss America organization. 2016, we are apologizing to her for that very thing. Exactly, yes. I bring this story with the full understanding that they're moving parts currently happening that I

probably don't even know about because it's all happening in the moment, such as life. We live in the moment, baby, season three. This Mimphimus for just living in the moment, certainly. Taylor, earlier this month, not that long ago, the royal family of Norway has released statements pertaining to their daughter, Princess Marta Louise, and her upcoming nuptials. Okay. And much like a Harry and Meghan situation, Marta Louise is relinquishing her royal duties. She will no longer use her title, which I started to read, it was referred to as a style. Your royal highness is a style. Yes, it is. Yes, I did know that, like how the former Prince Charles, I still can't say King Charles, I need to wrap my head around that, how King Charles was styled Prince of Wales. You know

why? Because it's Prince, it's the former, the artist formerly known as Prince, so you're like the former Prince Charles. I'm waiting for him to switch his name to a symbol. Yeah. Just a little like emoji crown, and then like a brofist, emoji breathing smoke out of its nose, and then 102 underlines. And it's in a crest, I think. Yes. That goes without saying, this is the royal family. We're in a classy operation around here. Well, that is what the royals in Norway are also trying to do, is keep things classy, keep things above board and transparent as they can. But families are complex, royal families, you know, not being an exception in any way, shape, or form, perhaps considering all the money and pressure and inbreeding. I was gonna not say it, but you did,

so it's there. So you're lucky that I swooped in and did. Let's talk about it. There is inbreeding in royal families often, and I imagine it's not great for the pressure that you're describing. Right, yes. The princess formerly known as Princess Marta Louise, this is her second marriage, and it has accrued some criticism about her and her fiancee, Shaman Durek Varet. Oh no. Like I said, this is a second marriage for Marta Louise. I will not refer to her as princess, but Marta Louise. Her wishes. Yes, her wishes as discussed with her father. The king. She was previously married to Ari Ben, who was a Norwegian author and playwright and visual artist. They had three children together. She is in line for the crown, but she's fourth in line

after her brother and her brother's children. So she's like Diane Feinstein level in line for the crown. Yeah. Got you. And so her children as well are that far down. And interestingly enough, Norway, they switched things up so that in those royals born after 1990, it used to be based on gender, but those royals born after 1990, women can also be in line for the throne. That's all to say that Marta Louise, if she had been born 20 years later, she would have been in direct or a much closer position to the crown. But born in 1971, she is not. No, she has no claim. She's not going to be affected. She has no claim. So her stepping down from her royal duties doesn't really affect the ascension of the crown within Norway. But why she has decided to step down has a lot to

do with her newest love of her life. She met Dirk through some channels that she was also very familiar with. As a princess, she had taken up some very strident interest in alternative medicine. And that includes kind of meditation and acupuncture, realm of therapy, kind of the typical things that we think of with sound baths and crystals and exactly. She even opened a school for kind of shaman clairvoyance thinking about alternative ways of being in the world, not even just health. And it was called the angel school later called soul spring, which is I don't know, soul spring is kind of getting into that like Silicon Valley kind of vibe there, I think. Marta Louise studied physiotherapy, she then trained as a rosin therapist and studied at

academies for holistic medicine. So she has like all this background, she then started her own school. She met Shaman Dirk for it in 2019. He had just come out with his book called spirit hacking. I instantly see how that caught on and I hate it. I did like, I heard that and just like, my ancient bile duct was like, but then I was like, I bet a lot of people were like, bro, how can I hack my spirit? So I felt like, you know, fuck it, we're looking for something somewhere, aren't we? It's a self help book about, you know, finding your, your lit life and taking charge for what you've got and just. YOLO. Hacking that spirit YOLO baby, get on the lit train. I think is,

I think was the, the direct quote. Jeez. A review from Gwyneth Paltrow, thought provoking, iconoclastic and powerful. Illuminary in the space. Truly. In the book, through kind of this, this language of bio hacking, we'll say, there are some advocating towards maybe some more fringe medical theories. Like, so what, eugenics, what are we talking? He claims children get cancer because they want it. Oh, he suggests that chemotherapy doesn't work and it's a tactic used by doctors to make money from it. Right. Yeah, some strange stuff going on there. He also claims to have foresaw the September 11th attacks. Okay, where the fuck were you then, bud? He said, everyone must accept their destiny and that

it was not his role to intervene. It has been claimed that he has considered himself to be reptilian and he asserts that he is a species of reptilian and he holds energies of the ancient spirits from the old world. I don't know why the royals would, because there's so much royals are reptilian's conspiracy jargon, right? Like, that's a huge one. Yeah. That they're secretly reptilians. And so for this guy who is an out reptilian, let's say, to to marry in to the royal family, it's subversive. I like it, but I'm confused. Yeah. It's a little, it's all a little confusing. He has some less gnarly marks on him. He's American. He was born outside of San Francisco in the Bay Area. The Good Shaman, that tracks. Yeah. Taking, taking a little bit about San

Francisco flavor on the road, you know? Yeah. Martin Lewis is also of the San Francisco flavor. And you know, with her monetization of her spirituality and his very apparent monetization of it, like they are a beautifully sweet couple. They have like a very large, of course, they have a huge like Instagram and TikTok presence. Right. And they post these kind of awkward videos. And there's one where they're on a public bench and she's has a salad in her in her lap and she's about to eat it. And she goes, babe, I need a napkin. And there's somebody that runs by and he stands up and he rips off his shirt and then hands it. He's like, it's for the princess. That's hot. And hands it to her. And she's like, thanks. That man of mine dabs at her mouth. Love it.

With these beliefs that he is bringing to the royal family, there have been concerns from the Norwegian public. There have been concerns from people within the Norwegian government, not excluding the royals themselves. This August, Marge Louise released a statement in response to questions about her views on alternative medicine, science based, conventional medicine. This is posted on the royal site, like royal court.no for Norway, right. She writes, I'm impressed by all the knowledgeable people who work in hospitals, doctors, offices and educational institutions across Norway. I personally have received help from them many times, as have most people in the country. However, I also believe, however...

Damn dude. How did I know that was coming? That there are components of a good life and sound physical and mental health that may not be so easy to sum up in a research report. Okay. Biohacking, all that jazz. Right. I forgot. I was like, I was like, I bet there's a lot of people who would go along with that. But then when you reminded me that it was in the context of spirit hacking, a made up ass buzzword. I'm sorry. No, no, bro. No. Yeah. They got engaged in June and all of this has kind of been building and back and forthing in the public. And this month was the month when she and her father and I'm sure advisors came together and decided you will no longer continue having your royal title. You can no longer continue hosting

a shaman workshop called The Shaman and the Princess. That's off the table. Wow. Yeah. No, that's okay. Okay. Derek is welcome in this family under some pretenses about the separation of royal status, business, and I would say as well, probably royal status and like the reptilian vibe. Yeah. Wait, are they to be crystal clear? Did she quit or was she fired? I don't think that will ever be made crystal clear. I think it's kind of a royal, you know, everybody's saying. We have come to by mutual consensus. It has been decided. Okay. She released a video on Instagram where she's sitting next to Derek and they're, you know, they're obviously

reading from a screen and she's saying a completely amicable decision. My family and I have decided that I will not continue in my royal patronages and I will not continue carrying the title outside of, you know, the royal center. So when she's with her family, she can be like her highness and that kind of thing. What? Is that because we don't want to have to retrain the butlers? That makes no sense. Or there's limited capacities where she can use that title, but certainly in a public space or any business space, she cannot use it. Sure. But okay. Yeah. More transparency in the Norwegian monarchy is going to be my platform for 2023. We're going to do, we're going to do like a fundraiser, a Twitch stream marathon, like we're going all in on, on bringing down that wall. Honestly,

the inner workings. You know, it might be necessary because this relationship between Derek and Mark DeLuis has caused so much consternation within the royal family and within Norway that people have been criticizing him continually, her as well. But there's also another layer to this story. Derek is black. Oh, okay. So that I see. And there's an element of the responses that are engaging not with his thinking and his maybe social media presence, but perhaps with just the color of his skin. Certainly. Yeah. That has, has been brought up by Derek himself. He's claimed that, quote unquote, people don't want a black man in the royal family. Okay. He says, I've never experienced so much racism as when I came to Norway. However, there has

been a little bit of pushback from Norwegians with that. Former cabinet minister Abid Raja, who's a Pakistani descent said, Hey, listen, this is distracting from the criticism of his conspiracy theories and his dangerous views on the medical system. One of the really insidious things about racism, I think is how unquantifiable it can be. Totally. It is very conceivable to me that that plays a role anywhere from minor to major in the way this person is perceived in Norway, because racism doesn't always look like burning across on somebody's lawn or something really, or the Holocaust or something really obvious and extremely hard are racist. It can be really difficult to quantify how much of somebody's, I don't know, vague distaste for Meghan Markle

or somebody, let's say, is race based or not. And so you can have the discussion endlessly without pinning down an exact solution, which sucks because I think that's what racism wants. Marta Louise is going on her own journey with reckoning with her white privilege. A lot of her outwardly facing media is about realizing how much she had going for her just because of the color of her skin and some reckoning that's going on there. White people don't get to define racism. A lot of appearances with Derrick, and I think that is a super healthy thing to come out of their relationship and awesome for them to take that on, because that's huge and scary. So now Marta Louise and Derrick are engaged. I don't think they've set a date quite yet.

It might not be an announced date, it might be a more private affair if that's the case. And in the meantime, they are putting together some wonderful content for us to enjoy. Ripping shirts, a lot of dancing, a lot of hugging, and some lip syncs almost totally, and like little sparkly, like this is the man I love, this is the woman I love. And they're both very attractive too, so it's all very fun, it's all very good. I hope it goes well for them. Derrick has a very, he was a model in his teen years. Model Shaman from San Francisco, I see how that's over with me. I could false pray that easy. It's pretty sweet and pretty bitter too. It's bitter sweet, I see what you did there.

It's a very bitter sweet situation that is still unfolding, so we will see how things come together. Keep an eye on her, Josie. I'm assigning you, Josie, are your official royal correspondent, okay? Okay, all right. So I'm gonna put you in charge of keeping track of that, and if anything, they really, you don't feel like you need to come back with a book report every time one of the, because I have a feeling they'll probably get a lot of media attention. If it gets real wacky, come and tell us. Okay, I mean, the threshold for wack is pretty high, but... That's true. You know what? That's true. Nobody died, so... Yeah, nobody died. You're welcome.

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Learn more at thinkshinricks.ca. In 1986, a man named Scott Dunlop moved to Coto De Casa, an exclusive gated community in Orange County, California. Do you know Coto De Casa? I do not. I know Orange County, but I do not know Coto De Casa. Is it like Reagan country? Yeah. Oh, very that. Very that. It's incredibly that. Everybody there is Republican, white, conformity is prized. And so for the next 20 years, he spent his life in the HOA mandated hypernormalcy of Coto, the majesty of the identical scrubby brown vistas, the hazy sun

setting over that weird pool noodle that you have to unclip to get to the gate that gets you to the gate that lets you inside. The families that own a handful of four bedroom homes to accrue value and pass on to children as was the style before the mortgage crisis. The cavalcade of former Playboy models turned realtors and abrasive white ladies selling insurance. All of this desperate humanity happening around him among the tennis clubs and swimming pools of the moneyed suburbs before such an observation had been rendered trite. And he thought somebody should be filming this. This idea would need to wait for its opportunity culturally a post American beauty landscape where we were primed for such stories. And specifically, it would need to wait for the

pop cultural moment to be influenced by Fox's beloved mid 2000s teen soap, the OC and subsequent reality knockoff shows like Laguna Beach. Did you guys? What did you make us as a Cali girl? What did you make of that spade of orange County mania we all went through in the 2000s? Strangely enough, it was probably very similar to everybody else's reaction. It just it wasn't it wasn't as place based for me because it was like, well, I know those landscapes, right? And I kind of like you go to the beach. Yeah. And you like, but in terms of like the hyper like, whoa, they look really amazing. And like their low rise genes are so we thought y'all were cool. The OC was huge in Surrey. They were all talking about what's his face, Seth. They were all I

never watched it. I should it's so up my alley, but I never watched it. I think I was in high school. I was like, very like, you laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same. So I think everyone was watching the OC. I wasn't. Oh, no, like, of course. Yeah. Altie. Altie kid. Little emo boy. You know, I was too busy crying. Orange County had hilariously become aspirational. And so all eyes were now on this mostly white, mostly Republican, mostly McMansion dwelling Hill of Ants to see what it would do next. Perfect time for a new reality show thought Scott Dunlop. So he pulled together his pilot on a wing and a prayer and ultimately received interest from the cable network Bravo, formerly an arts network looking to rebrand as

Urbane reality fair after the success of the original queer eye for the straight guy. Oh, okay. The network was in but in addition to drawing upon the increased cultural capital of orange County, they also wanted to evoke the glamour of the nighttime soap opera. So they cast around the well quaffed women of Kodo Dekaza and cashed in on another touchstone of the moment ABC's desperate housewives. Oh, and so was born the real housewives of Orange County. Taylor, it's finally time. Taylor, it's finally time. We're doing it. Season three. Bravo is Andy Cohen, who would go on to be the know of the housewives shepherding everyone along two by two and guiding us safely through the choppy waters of many a reunion special.

He didn't like the title. He thought it was too long and clunky and it should just be the real housewives. But Bravo had honcho Lauren Zalaznik knew better. They needed that city name in case they decided to expand. After all, if everyone's so interested in these outrageous rich ladies in Southern California, then why not New Jersey or Atlanta or Dallas or hell even Dubai? Omaha, baby. I don't care. Just get me in there. That is the real, real because they will come out with a new city and you'll be like, that sounds like trash. I don't want to watch that and you will watch it and you'll be like, you mad bastards, you've done it again. I doubt it. You've done it once more.

And so they did. And what started as this weird little places character docusope about a gated enclave in Orange County living large on the brink of the recession, turned into a primetime reality juggernaut spanning 11 domestic franchises, even more licensed international version spin-offs, crossover streaming exclusives, an entire Bravo Liberty ecosystem, an annual convention in Manhattan and a legion of belligerent fans present company included to create content, podcasts and merch. Because the Bravo Verst is vast and intricate and rich in lore and minutiae really challenged myself to put on the blinders for this episode and stay focused. I would love nothing more than to wander into the weeds of housewife infamy and discuss Jen Shaw getting hunted down by

Homeland Security on camera for defrauding the elderly, Mary Cosby, who as we discussed married her step-grandfather in order to attain control of the family cult, or Julia Lemigova, whose infant son was allegedly assassinated by a mysterious nanny who disappeared into the ether, whose financier husband was then murdered during an equally mysterious BDSM roleplay session and who now lives in Florida where she is married to tennis star Martina Navratilova and appears on The Real Housewives of Miami. We can't do it, Josie. We have to keep looking forward. Keep those words. This is the Wonka Tunnel. Don't look to the left. Don't look to the right. Eyes ahead. No, no. What's the song he sings? There's nowhere to be waved. No way.

Chicken's heads getting cut off. It's all happening. If this episode has good engagement, maybe I'll return to those or other Bravo adjacent subjects in the future. So by all means, post it to your Housewives groups. I'd love to come back to this subject. We're going to be bittersweet infamy, colon Bravo. Yeah, Bravo Sweet Infamy. We're going to take a page out of their book. We're going to make it hyper specific. But there's only one Real Housewives storyline so infamous it resulted in a show's cancellation, a public apology from the Secret Service, a congressional hearing, and an assurance from no less than President Barack Obama that such despicable Housewifery would not happen again under his watch. Oh my god, his watch of Bravo?

You mean? Or his watch of the nation? His watch of Bravo? Of the nation, okay. And yet the event itself is little remembered in the larger Bravo canon perhaps because the Real Housewives of D.C. was canceled after a single season leaving the show and the stunt that brought it down as forgotten residue in the pop cultural ash bin. And all this over what? A party? Everyone loves a party. Me, you, Barack Obama, and every Real Housewife loves a party even when they're not technically invited. Josie, this is the story of Tarek and Mikhail Salahi, the White House Party Crashers. Oh my goodness. Yeah, White Housewifery. Is that what's happening here? Yes, White Housewifery. White Housewifery, okay. Do you know anything about this story? Because this is a crossover

thing. This became a media story. Um, I do not know anything. 2009, a couple breaches Obama's first state dinner without an invitation. She's wearing like a red piece of Indian garb that's called a lahanga, but she's like a blonde white lady. He's wearing a tux. Kristen Wiig played her on Saturday Night Live. They made a bit of a splash. Dude, I don't know where I am. I just, my, I, there are things I don't know. I was there. I was in the world. I was living. I don't know. I'm so sorry. I don't know. But I'm excited to learn now. You don't have to apologize. That's fine. I'm just, I'm having a little moment where it's like, I need to read the news more. No, God, no, it's fine. This is, this is complete garbage fluff. Nothing happens. Stupid bullshit.

There's no reason that you should know any of this. Okay, build up your story a little bit here. This is going to be great. I did just build up my fucking story. I did a great job building up my story. The pool noodle and the gate and the other gate. I killed that shit. Oh, I loved the other gate. There you go. It was the best gate. Maybe I'll pull back a bit and ask you what is your knowledge slash understanding of the real housewives. This is someone who doesn't watch it much because a lot of people who are going to be listening to this are going to be in that boat. I understand it to be, you know, scripted reality or, or, you know, scenario built reality where it's like we're going to put these people together and then we're going to like break them apart and

then we're going to put them back together, you know, that kind of reality TV featuring women with a certain amount of money, very, very wealthy who are self selecting to be on a scripted reality show. So I think that says a lot, you know, right? They want to be on TV. And if reputations are challenged or slightly tarnished, that doesn't really matter to them because they're on TV and they're looking good. And yeah, there's also a proposition of potentially building a reputation for yourself where one wasn't before either because you want to get to the top of a particular industry like Bethany Frankel did with skinny girl, or because you are someone without her own income stream who wants to get a divorce and and reestablish her own identity or whatever

it is, right? Yeah, you're using your your social capital for your own gain in whatever way that works monetizing your social capital. And there's fights and spats and it's a soap opera. Well, I mean, the little the tiny little bit that I have seen, it's like, you know, the single confessional being like so and so was doing this and that was inappropriate. And so I had to correct that, you know, whatever, whatever it is, like, that's a countess Luan special. And then yeah, some characters that have really blossomed out of that formula and like just broke in the mold left right and center. And let's celebrate women. That's part of where I where I come to it from is I think it's like, really interesting. And you could challenge this all day, because there

would be people who are going to be like, Taylor, how can you say that like, watching Real House Wives of X is a feminist act when it basically like, to some degree, it's making fun of its participants for its for their vapidity. But it's also like, these are like 15 plus year long narratives that are about the complicated relationships between women and that also in addition to poking fun at its characters, celebrate them and can often depict them really empathetically or use them to make like quite, I don't know, astute points about the world. I've been really interested in the Bravo fandom lately, because they did Bravo Con in New York City. And on the one hand, people booed the shit out of Lisa Rinna. And she was saying afterwards,

she was like, I loved it. I felt like I was a WWE wrestler. She was like, so it's got those parallels. And I've always said that Housewives is like, WWE plays babyface one day, heal the next, you switch between seasons. It's the same thing. It's a grand opera. It's all the people's opera, man. On the flip side of that, you see this video of a woman going up to Vicki Gunvilsson. And Vicki Gunvilsson was on the very first season of Orange County that I was just describing to you. And her shtick was she was the OG of the OC, everyone else is just a copy. And she's a very annoying, loud insurance agent. She was maybe part of a cancer scam. We're still trying to get to the bottom of that. But there's a clip of her being met by just this like adoring throng,

and this woman just like crying as she meets Vicki Gunvilsson, this insurance agent from fucking Kodokaza, California. It's there's something to it. Like there's it's inspirational to me. I'm like, whoa, what a what a world we what a big, small, weird world we live in. One last thing as to the nature of the shows being scripted. It's it is what you said. It's it's people giving unscripted reactions to occasionally slightly contrived situations. Let's go to this party together and see what happens. Let's go to this together and see what happens. I think probably the average skeptic of these shows thinks that they're more scripted than they actually are. But also the average person who buys completely into the shows might

not know how scripted they are. Yeah, there's a scale. Yeah, the word scripted implies that there's a script and we're reading lines, and it's not that really. It's just contra it's just a hotel has paid for us to come and do a girls trip there. So we can do spawn con. You know what I mean? Right? Yeah. And we're going to bring these props will be available or you know, this will be yeah, you know, you we can eat at this restaurant and they've allowed us to film at this time and whatever. Yeah. So that's having said all that. Take me back to the White House wiffery. I'm let's I'm we're going to DC. We're going to DC because I think that this is this story is a really good example of how like, non scripted it can be.

Okay. What's Barack Obama has to go on the record. So Washington DC 2009 with franchise is in Orange County, New York City, Atlanta and New Jersey, warming their way into the cultural zeitgeist. Bravo is looking to expand its reach and tackle new milieus. One of these new landscapes is the nation's capital, where the first black president Barack Obama has newly assumed office, and was recently awarded a Nobel Peace Prize, which even then felt early. And perhaps given that Obama spent his entire presidency at war, not earned in the present tense. Well, you know, yeah, history, history. Look at that. Making us making us fools. Good Lord. To true. But it illustrates the mood in DC at the time we're

high on hope. And as a result, the players in Washington are taking government and its roles more seriously than they will in, say, the Trump years. And because of that attitude of swirling change and the rock star swagger of a new and popular president who can make jokes off the cuff without embarrassing himself or starting an international incident, DC presents an appealing and unique landscape for Bravo. If the other housewife cities move on money, reputation or beauty, DC moves on power or proximity to it. Yeah, political power, baby. Unfortunately, that also makes it a bit hard to cast there because you're not going to get politicians or their wives who have too much to lose by implicating themselves in themselves

in reality show Shenandigas. Exactly, yeah. You're not going to get anybody who needs to maintain discretion for their job, which is like pretty much anybody of any actual importance in DC. Everyone's getting background checks left right center. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. And like, you don't like, I don't know, if you're like, if you're like a gun lobbyist slither into a back room, you know what, do your shit there. That's that's the ticket. Why fuck with a proven system? Anyway, yeah. Nowadays, you could probably land a pundit or two. But back then, reality TV was more stigmatized and seen as a very day class say, which is evident in the coverage of the party crash, which snobbishly and savagely highlights the slaw. He says these shitty pretenders to be

mocked and reviled for their proximity to TV cameras. Oh, well, okay, rough. Well, though, is it meet the slaw keys? We'll see. Okay, all right, here we go. As with all things, it kind of lands somewhere in the middle. That seems to happen on the show. There's a lot of room between bitter and sweet. Everything just kind of swings right down to the middle. Exactly. I also think that like, the veil between reality TV and a list celebrity, for example, was way more. Now you've got Kim Kardashian who is an a list celebrity because she was a reality star, right? In part. Yeah. And at the time, it wasn't so much like that. And it was also not for nothing. The the veil between reality television and the White House was a

lot less porous. So thankfully, the Real Housewives of DC is eventually able to source a handful of elegant women with upscale lifestyles in the DMV area, including Miquel Salahi. She and her husband Tarek are lobbyists and entrepreneurs, owners of the Oasis winery located in Virginia with an abundant view of the Blue Ridge Mountains, as well as America's Polo Cop, a prestigious sounding name for an unsanctioned annual polo exhibition match. Okay. How unsanctioned? Let's go. How unsanctioned you ask? Ask me. Did someone die? Did someone die? Nobody died. Nobody died in my story either. It's a zero kill episode. It's cruelty free. We did it. We finally got our certification. So in 2010, but how unsanctioned was it? You asked

as I recall. How unsanctioned was it? There you go. In 2010, when the event was advertised as US versus India, Indian officials as well as purported sponsor King Fisher Beer denied any knowledge of or involvement with the event and the Indian polo team was alleged to be comprised of Pakistani dudes from Florida. Oh, okay. Oh, my. This particular scheme is at the behest of Tarek, born May 26, 1969, a lifelong polo player who numbers among his equestrian acquaintances, the artist formerly known as Prince Charles, or at least Tarek certainly likes to portray it that way. Okay. As far as I can tell, there are like three photos of him with Prince Charles, King Charles. King. Two of them are very clearly after polo matches where they're shaking hands,

and one of them is Tarek, Macau and Prince Charles at some sort of indoor, like he's greeting them at the door at some sort of event. So maybe. Oh, the receiving line. Yeah, or something like he invited them to some kind of some fundraiser, something maybe. I don't actually think that these people are close friends. Yeah. You draw your own conclusions. As for Oasis Winery, that is the family property that Tarek inherited from his parents, Belgian mother Corrine and Palestinian father Durgam, who started the winery on 75 acres of land in 1976. Durgam was a seemingly inattentive father who attributed his absences to a secret role in the CIA, though Tarek does acknowledge briefly in Cirque de Salahi, Colin, be careful who you trust, that it could have just

Cirque de Salahi, Colin, be careful who you trust, is a book written by a journalist named Diane Diamond in the wake of the White House crash with the participation of the Salahis. It is not an entirely favorable depiction of them. It is by far the most sympathetic depiction of them I've seen. Whoa, even the most sympathetic is like. It's a little bit even the most sympathetic. Diane Diamond will straight up just be like, there are points where I know that they are outright lying to me. Like, it is very, like, I asked Michele if she was really a cheerleader in the NFL and I got the run around for weeks. It shouldn't take this long to answer. Yes or no. I'm just fact checking. I know you're about to get on a plane. Can we just?

You're going through another tunnel, huh? There's all these tunnels around. Okay, goodbye. Bye. Point being, Tarik does acknowledge briefly in Cirque de Salahi that his dad might not have been in the CIA. It might have just been an affair that he just kind of fucked off and did. Nonetheless, the family seems quite well to do. In addition to his horsey upbringing, Tarik is sent off in his youth to study viticulture at UC Davis. Upon his return to Virginia, Tarik is a minor background character in the murder of Argentine polo player Roberto Villegas by arms heiress Susan Cummings. So supposedly Roberto, the victim, sold one of Susan the alleged killer's horses to Tarik right before the murder, which may have sparked their fatal argument or

so Tarik tells it in the way that people retell stories to put themselves in close proximity to important events. I'm best polo friends with Prince Charles. Exactly. Yes. King. Yeah. Speaking of whom, he uses his connections to the future king along with the cachet and success of oasis winery to become somebody in the Virginia wine and tourism scene and advance himself upwards in what I can only describe as the realm of society populated by the drabist and most forgettable of the middle aged middle management Democrats of the 2000s, the most notable of whom, Tim Cain. Hey, the Tim Cain. The Tim Cain. He announces his run for governor on the grounds of the winery. So Josie, do you do you recognize that name, Tim Cain? Tim Cain. Well, who's the Cain who ran

for president? Almost. And that's exactly my point. Tim Cain was Hillary Clinton's running mate. There we go. Thank you. Right. Yeah. And it was like, let's pick the blandest white man that we can get. The most the absolute middle like like fucking and how and and got it nailed it. Great job. By this point, Tarik has shepherded oasis to some new success and prestige, getting some awards. He has a reputation as a self promoter and a social climber and he's spreading himself thin in terms of his business ventures. But it's working for now. Now all he needs is a wife. How fortunate then that in the summer of 2000, at Cafe Milano, he meets a motivated platinum blonde makeup saleswoman named Miquel Holt. Miquel, who goes by Missy to her nearest and dearest,

was born October 1st 1965 in Silver Springs, Maryland to homemaker Rosemary and graphic designer and printer Howard. The Holt's move around through several states before they eventually settle in Virginia in the early 80s. Young Miquel is bubbly. She's well liked. She's a super fan of the rock band journey. She goes to as many concerts as she can. Like she's just a big like, you know. Wow. Don't stop believing, babe. And she didn't. And she won't you will find throughout this story that she does not. She keeps on believing. She graduates in 1984 from Oakton High School and Vienna, Virginia where a teacher inscribes in her yearbook, life may not be ready for you, but it had better get ready. Oh, shit. Which is something that I suppose was meant encouragingly,

but it sounds ominous in retrospect. Yeah, a little bit. Gotta be careful about that. In 1989, she enters Miss USA, although she will later represent herself as having won the competition. She is in fact passed over, but she gets scouted by Absolute Vodka for a live event that will end up being a very formative experience for her. Okay. Miquel is one of two girls outfitted in a solid gold dress worth 500 grand. So of course she's surrounded by security all night. Yeah. She makes $300,000 for the appearance, which is a massive sum of money for a college dropout working at a radio station and looking for ways to advance in the world. God damn. That's a lot of money.

She thinks that this is her path, making money in these glamorous and exciting situations. Classic small town girl with fine tastes and big exciting dreams. Just a small town girl, you might say. Morning raisins sound joy. Yeah, no. That's the boy is raised in. The girl is from a lonely world. You haven't been to as many journey concerts as Miquel. Shit, dude. I'm so sorry. It's all good. I stopped believing. I got it. I was just about to admonish you not to actually, if you must know.

So unfortunately for these champagne fantasies, Miquel's life is actually pretty ordinary. She dates a nice stable guy named Eddie. He inherits his dad's insurance agency, so there's the possibility of a life there. Vicky would say lock him down. Insurance gets you far. There's always money in the insurance stand, baby. Vicky kept her money through the recession, and she was one of the rare ones. Those realtors, oh no, they did not. Eddie and Miquel are engaged for eight years, but he's still like, you know, I need more time, so she breaks it off. And she's like, okay, obviously this isn't happening.

She decides to chase the worlds of makeup and fashion working at a Nordstrom in Virginia and living with her parents till she's 35. She's a well-liked fixture at Nordstrom and is able to placate her thirst for the glamorous life by brushing elbows with customers like former first lady Lady Bird Johnson and her daughter, Linda Bird Rob. Oh my. Tipper Gore. Wildflowers. Oh, Tipper Gore. I'll do even, even more famous than Tipper Gore, her mother-in-law, Pauline Gore.

Oh, what? Those elbows. I bet they're so soft. The Pauline Gore. And she's even invited to apply makeup for a news correspondent who's working at the White House, which is very thrilling for her. I got to go to the White House today. That is exciting. In the book, Cirque de Salahi. Be careful who you trust. Written by Diane Diamond in Cooperation with the Slies. Miquel claims that she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1993. Oh, wow. The press tour for this book was the first time Miquel and Tarek publicly disclosed this

information, which led to a lot of skepticism. Okay, I wondered if that was coming through. I was just going to let it go. No, dude, fair enough. These people, it would typically be in poor taste, I think, to doubt somebody's self-reported MS diagnosis. It's also prudent to look at the Salahi's history of to be blunt pathological lying, like extravagant pathological lying. And to take any shocking revelations with that proverbial grain of salt, for my bit, the information and the way they present it in the book is consistent enough for me to be willing to believe it. On the other, they use it as an excuse at certain points where I am

absolutely certain that they're lying. So draw your own conclusions. Okay, a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. Oh, a bit of bit, a little bit of sweet. On November 1st, 1998, Miquel decides to recapture the zest of her youthful days by going with a friend to a journey concert where she locks eyes with journey basist Neil Sean. No. Yes. Go up and talk to him, Miquel. He loves you. Absolutely. Do it. Do you have you? And she does. She's like, look, as far as I can tell, I'm getting waved in here. Don't stop believing, baby. She did it. She never will. And he gives her his phone number. I don't know if she was maybe still with Eddie at the time,

or if she was just not dating or she thought he was just some rock star out to play her, but she finally calls him back months later and he's like, I can't believe you finally called. And they begin to date, which has got to be the dream for a journey super fan, right? Yeah. They have a passionate whirlwind romance and are madly in love, but ultimately he doesn't want to give up the rock star lifestyle and she's sick. So she says, so they go their separate ways. Oh, okay. Get separate ways, little journey, little journey humor there. Oh. Yeah. I wrote note in parentheses. I wrote note. Josie will not get this joke. That was for someone other than me, I guess. You know, you know me so well.

You could build my hell. There you go. I am gonna next Halloween. She's so she's off to look for another flashy peacock, albeit one who can offer her a bit more stability. And into that picture wanders Tarek Salahi, who owns a 40 foot boat and drives a $200,000 Aston Martin. A winery. Oh yeah. A winery and all the finery. Part of McKell still loves Neil Sean from Journey, who can't write a song nearly as well as I can and let's be real. But Tarek is able to win her over through lavish displays of affection. He does the old, the old, what I now think of as the Tinder swindler move, which is where he whisks you away on a private jet for a dinner in Paris. Oh yeah. To me that's too, you can't use that one anymore. Tinder swindler put

the kibosh on private jet for dinner in Paris. I also think that's like stupid and wasteful. Think of the carbon footprint on that dinner. That's insane. Tarek tries to use his wine knowledge to schmooze McKell, but she doesn't drink, so that's a flop. She's still impressed. Wine, culture, etc. It's culture. Viniculture. Viniculture. All the cultures. And after a very brief courtship in February 2001, Tarek pulls off his most extravagant gesture yet and here I'll turn it over to Diane Diamond for a long passage from Cirque du Soleil, which I've tweaked a bit here and there, but it's the same. Tarek had arranged for 360 red roses to be placed in a circle of vases on the tasting room floor at the winery. He lovingly led McKell inside the circle, hugged her close

and said, within this circle of 360, you complete me. He then bundled her onto a horse-drawn carriage, so presumably we've gone in, did the hug, said the line, we're into a carriage. He took her up to a bluff overlooking the pond in the main house behind and said, my father gave me this section of land. Someday I will build a house here. Then he dropped to his knee and said, I want to build that house with you as my wife. To toast their engagement, Tarek presented her with an engraved champagne flute, which read, McKell, will you marry me? Okay. So that's what I'm talking about, scripted. Okay, yeah, continue. Very scripted and also she doesn't drink, bro. I forgot. That's kind of a you want, you want that, not anyone. That's a you thing.

McKell pulled him up, jumped into his arms and repeated her answer three times. Yes, yes, yes. Tarek made her feel like a modern day Cinderella as the carriage took them back to the main winery building. A small plane flew overhead, trailing a banner that read, McKell, will you marry me? My theory is the plane is out of, it missed its cue. Oops, yeah, oopsies. Then they were off to Rio to celebrate their engagement. So this, I kept that in its entirety because this so symbolizes this guy, this big chauch move, right? Yeah, that is, yeah, that's a lot. It's a lot of roses, a lot of lines. No cliche, he didn't hit there. No, he's just like left, right. Maybe there's a I'm imagining there's most likely teddy bears in the carriage. Yeah, no curation in this proposal.

That's the problem again. She had already answered the question, but then why did he need the plane and the flute? Because she doesn't drink. What if he was maybe worried that he'd break the thing I would be? That would be my concern. We need a backup plane, but it wouldn't be like get a backup flute. I'd be like, we need a plane in case I drop the flute. And he agreed. Okay. Yeah. So Tariq and McKellar married November 1st, 2003, the five-year anniversary of McKellar's fated meeting with journey guitarist Neil Sean, who will remain an acquaintance of the happy couple. I imagine Tariq would probably rather keep him at arm's length because he's the sexy rock star axe, but he you know, he's also a famous guy. So he, Tariq loves him.

Maybe he'd buy some wine or invest in a thing. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. The wedding includes 30 bridesmaids and flower girls. Too many. An attendee list full of elbow-rubbing politicians who wouldn't make the main stage at a presidential debate. They do get Justice Kennedy to speak somehow. Upon emerging from the church, the happy couple releases a pair of doves into the air because of fucking, of course they do. Before the wedding, McKellar's mother warned her daughter, it can't be real. So you may have noticed that our Tariq is a rather prolific spender. And with a high standard of living, come high costs of living, which would be fine, except that by 2003, Oasis Winery is not doing well. Tariq, for as many imaginative ideas and

ventures, is not a very good businessman easily distracted by side hustles and business deals and a new tour and a proprietary bottling system that all go nowhere after much sunk cost. Says Diane Diamond, quote, over the years, some of Tariq's business schemes looked like sure winners, but became too bloated along the way and far from admirable as victims of his unpaid bills piled up. Tariq's creed seemed to be, if he lost money, then no one else in the business chain should expect payment either. It was an explanation he would use often as if his big picture risks should naturally be funded by others. Pay your vendors. See, you feel in the real house life spirit. I love it. That is something that someone would like a shout at somebody to

shut them up. More seasoned entrepreneurs would realize that if one thinks too large and makes plans without contingencies, they will risk both their livelihood and their reputation. And if it happens too often, then no one will want to do business with you. It is a lesson Tariq Salahi finds hard to grasp. This is the pro Salahi book, to be clear. Like... Right, yes. That is as empathetic a treatment of Tariq Salahi as I've seen in terms of being like, well, look, this is why he seems to be this way. All this to say, Tariq is struggling with non-payment, both Oasis and America's Polo Cup, this champolo match that he does, are stiffing their vendors, as you say. He's got creditors out the ass, and even in and amongst this,

he's still trying to climb higher and higher in society, even while his reputation sinks further into the shitter with each bounce check. What an image you paint. Bouncing into the shitter. So I didn't even know I was right in gold. Compounding all of this stress, he's having some serious family issues. Dad Durgum's dementia is getting worse, and he's interfering with and disturbing the vineyard workers. Mom Karin suddenly gets very involved in metals with Oasis and is accused of locking Mikkel in a room at the winery for hours. The family situation quickly gets acrimonious with Karin suing Tariq over control of the winery, which is ultimately put into receivership with Tariq managing. One day, Mikkel walks into the

common space of Oasis winery, and who does she see but Shaq? Obviously, Mikkel is like, NBA legend Shaq. What are you doing here? That's Shaq, okay. Yeah, oh yeah, Shaq already pizza, same guy. Kazam. Okay. And Shaq is like, hi Mikkel, I'm the new owner of Oasis winery. It transpires that Karin has attempted to sell the winery out from under Tariq to Shaquille O'Neal. Oh my goodness. Yeah, Mikkel finds Tariq in the winery, and she tries to warn him this, she's like, bro, probably didn't call him bro. She's like, hey, Shaq's over there and he's saying he owns the place, you should go talk to him. But he's mostly just starstruck and he schmoozes up to him and like shows him brochures, quoting Cirque de Salahi, I told him about the welcoming

center I wanted to build, the spa, the inn, all of it, Tariq sheepishly admits. Mikkel adds that Shaq interjected his own ideas for a Superman labeled wine. He said he had Superman tattoos, and I think he thinks of himself as Superman too. So he wanted to make a wine he could name after that. You know, that's where we're at. Shaq wants to do the Superman wine. We haven't cleared this with the appropriate comic, you know, license holder, but Shaq loves Superman. Let's get this shit done. Sadly, the whole, you're gonna be shocked to hear this, the whole deal goes sour. It ends in a bloody court battle between the Salahis and Shaq over the control of the winery. I heard court too, a little differently on first listen.

Like Mikkel and Tariq threw down with some streetball. There's blood everywhere. The bloody court. They took it to the, it was like an NBA jam, downtown, flaming balls and fucking backboard shattering, court light shattering. This is what I mean by scripted, like. Unscripted baby as real as life. We're gonna take it to the court. The Salahis miraculously win this court battle with Shaq, but by this point the winery is bankrupt and the vineyard is barren. Yeah, it's a sour grape, totally. If only it were a sour grape, it's no grapes. It's like the picture of, it's like fucking death of a salesman's shit when you look at this like, barren vineyard. Okay, I see it now. And as quick as you can say,

fucking shattered vestiges of the American dream, this is when Bravo and the real Housewives enter the picture. Oh, beautiful. Mikkel and Tariq submit an audition video in our cast. They get on the show and begin to film where they instantly alienate the rest of the cast with their eccentricities, including Housewife Linda, who was already a vendor at the America's Polo Cup. And you know, that goes, oh, credit to where it's due. The Salahis steal the show and managed to cram in an impressively batshit performance in 211 episodes. This includes Mikkel attending and performing at a Washington NFL cheerleader reunion, despite not knowing any of the routines or being recognized by anybody. They also tell their friend, hairstylist Paul Wharton, that they will host his birthday

party only to have their lawyers preemptively threaten legal action if any invoices are sent to the Salahis. The couple arrive at the party anyway in a white limo with a police escort and their gift, a single bottle of champagne, which they saber open in front of a crowd. Oh my god. So again, just like, chotch level red, right? Like just... Speaking of champagne, the Oasis winery in its state of flux becomes a subject of conversation as Tarik insists that it is open and actively producing wine, despite all evidence to the contrary. At one point, the Salahis invite the other cast members out to Oasis for a grape stomp where they discover that, one, they will be stomping store-bought Thompson seedless grapes,

as opposed to wine grapes, and two, Tarik's mother Corinne has shown up to stop filming and is being detained by security in the driveway. So not a great look for the Salahis. It's on this trip to the winery that we learn about an important recent incident that occurred with the Salahis and two other recurring cast members, hairstylists Ted Gibson and Jason Bakke. According to Jason, the Salahis got in touch with them and said, hey, we have tickets to the Congressional Black Caucus dinner. So this is a separate event from the state dinner that we'll talk about later. Would you like to be our guests? And Ted and Jason are like, of course, we'd love to. The Salahis take them to this event and supposedly there is a lot of who has it? Oh no,

we've got the ticket. Where's the ticket? It's fine. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Oh yeah, it's right. It's don't work. You don't even need to, you know, and they slip the boys in through a side door and they're like, holy shit, we just crashed the Congressional Black Caucus dinner. Like, again, Obama's the new president. This is no good. Meanwhile, the Salahis are in their schmoozing, rubbing elbows, cracking jokes with everybody. Oh, the best. Oh my God. And Ted and Jason see the Asher kind of go up to them. Hey, bro, you got to go. What is this? Who are you? You're not supposed to be here. And then they're like, okay, well, that's that's fine. 10 minutes or however long later they turn around and they look in the VIP section. The Salahis are in their

fucking shaking hands and giving out cards. So they've gotten back in. Oh my God. What? That's, I mean, slow clap for that because that's that's beautiful. That's it. Wow. Wow. Never let anyone tell you no. No, just don't stop leaving. Don't say, don't go on to that feeling. Later, when confronted on this after their more infamous gate crash, they'll explain, they'll claim, explain, allege that it was a misunderstanding. And it was actually their lawyer who got the tickets and Mikhail's MS acted up again. So that's why we had to go. It's another convoluted story with a disorienting amount of details, the Salahi special. Yes. So basically, my read on the situation up to this point is as follows. Tarik, if someone who's not at the level he wants to be or hoped he would be at

this point, it seems like he was on track to get there at some point, but a combination of bad business decisions, family drama, and his own abrasive personality took him down. Gotcha. He does not have the clearance to the elite circles that he would like to project himself as being in, especially now that he's on TV. Okay. To wit, off screen, a couple weeks before the state dinner, Tarik sends an email to his old buddy outgoing Virginia governor, Tim Cain. Tim Cain. Hi, Tim. How are you, friend? Sorry to be upfront. One of the things we always wanted to do with you was that dinner in the governor's mansion, but didn't want to bother you with such a matter during your busiest times. What do you think? Have we run out of time? Cain replies back five days

later. Okay. Claiming that someone will get back to Tarik and nobody ever does. That's, wow, what a, what a, like, I don't know. Just scream my phone calls. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Oh, yes. No, I totally, yes. No, we should. You know what? I'm going to have somebody get back to you in a little bit, and I'm so looking forward to it. I can't wait to see you. Oh, yeah, that's going to be great. Anna, make sure that you get Mr. Salahe on the phone, okay? It's sometime this we can't, we can't wait. Click. That's the click of him putting down the email receiver. Yes. So Tarik, having been, having been cock-blocked by Tim Cain, cracks his knuckles and opens up his email list to take a swipe at securing invitation to an even more exclusive event. He sends a message

to Michelle Jones, his contact at the White House and basically says, take us to the state dinner. How about it? Can we make this happen? The ensuing email conversation is circular and includes a lot of, in my opinion, stonewalling via polite vagueness. My favorite type of stonewalling. The final, so these emails are reproduced in Cirque de Salahe for you to kind of look over, and I think if you were being really, really, really charitable, you could say that, like, he really just wanted to believe that it was so, and so he convinced himself that it was. I don't think so. I think he's, he's just pushing and pushing and pushing until he gets a yes. He doesn't really get his yes. The final correspondence from Michelle says,

in part, I am still working on tickets for tonight's dinner. I will call or email as soon as I get word one way or another. So that's the note that it ends on. It's worth noting that she had said over and over before, like, yo, this is a really exclusive event and, you know, all of these other things that you say when you're the, like, a comms person for a state dinner and everybody wants in, and you're trying to, like, politely rebuff people without offending them because you don't know which idiot is going to be important down the line. Take the goddamn hint. Yeah, yeah. If you're that idiot, even if you know what she's saying, you have an incentive not to take the hint because you want the ticket to this dinner.

True. That's true. And at that point, like, you're a comms director. You should be able to communicate. Just say no. Just say. That's true. Your name will not be on the list. And so sorry. So according to Tarik's Law, he, he said in an email to Michelle Jones after the fact, so this is after the whole shebang is done, they've gotten home already from the state dinner. Okay. He says to her, we ended up going to the gate just to check in at 6 30 PM, just in case it got approved since we didn't know. And our name was indeed on the list. They said to her. According to Michelle S. Jones via an official statement from the White House, quote, I specifically stated that they did not have tickets. And in fact, that I did not have the

authority to authorize attendance, admittance or access to any part of the evening's activities, even though I informed them of this, they still decided to come. And indeed, shortly before the event, it does seem that Jones left the couple of voicemail saying she'd had no luck getting them approved. Unfortunately, according to the Salahis, they missed the message because their cell phone died. So they, they just went to the White House to check, you know, yeah, just go knock on the door, make sure. What harm is it to take a limo to the White House and just check put on your tuxedo all dressed up all over the White House, get your hair done, get your makeup done. Yeah, you never know. And they were on the list, they say. Look at that. As for Salahi. Oh my god.

You know, you miss every, every shot you don't take. And so the stage is laid for our Act One climactic set piece. November 24th, 2009, erect the tents on the south lawn, put up the space heaters because DC's cold November, lay out the finery, a mix of Bush and Clinton administration China to bring unity to a polarized nation. It worked. And a vegetarian menu in anticipation of our honored guests, the Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and his wife Grishaar and Kar, although they will not end up being the ones who make the headlines. Production cameras follow Mikhail as she gets all jazzed up at a salon for the big day. She's wearing what was reported in the press as a sorry, but is apparently more

accurately a lahenga. It's a very beautiful piece of Indian cultural garb. Hers is bright red. One of the hairstylists as well as a producer repeatedly asked her to see the invitation, but Mikhail doesn't really know much about it. She kind of doesn't know where it is. And they're like, Oh, but come on. It's like the it's your invitation from the White House. Yeah, that's part of it. That's like part of the thing. It's cool. Let's see it. She looks in the car and it's not there. But she's still very calm. She has she's not rattled by this. The producer asks her and it's it's now it's more common. But at that time, it was rare that a producer's words would be depicted on camera. So this this episode has a bit more of a

verite documentary feel than most Housewives episodes. The handheld camera. Yeah, exactly. The producer asks her, you lost the invite. Why is this not a big deal? Mikhail says that she shirts fine. It's probably back home, you know, whatever. Tarek clarifies that the fabled invitation from the White House suitable for framing is really more of a formality. And they send that a lot afterwards and really as long as you're on the list, you know, it's dandy. You're not going to make you dig around for an actual like they're going to make the Prime Minister of India's wife dig around dinner. Come on, you know, yeah, yeah. The cameras depict them in the back of their limo chattering with anticipation. At one point, they get a call from one of Mikhail's castmates, Stacey,

and they enthused that they're going to the state dinner and Stacey replies. Oh my god, Mikhail, Tim Cain didn't even get a ticket to the state dinner. So that had to feel good. I feel good for them that Stacey said that because they had to be like, yeah, he did. Yeah. I mean, neither in my heart of hearts, neither did we, but nobody needs to know that. I know. I didn't get a state dinner invitation in 2009, but neither did Kim Cain. So I'm feeling good. So we're on the same level, Tim. Maybe I won't answer your emails, Tim. Hey, front of the podcast, front of the podcast. They pull up to an area outside the White House where their driver is waved in and directed by a cop. So this is presented as a moment where, oh, maybe it'll all go south here, but of course it

doesn't. The cop just waves them on through. What the fuck? Security. What happened to security? That's what everyone said in the newspapers, yes. They approach the first of two checkpoints on foot, where they give their names. The person working the clipboard does not see them on the list, but perhaps, you know, whatever, perhaps not wanting to cause offense over an error, not wanting to make two potentially important dignitaries wait out in the cold November rain, not a journey song, or maybe just pass in the buck. When they offer to wait nearby, she acquiesces, and they kind of just walk past into the darkness of the White House lawns. What do you mean acquiesces? She's like, oh, maybe there's been some sort of mix up, and they're

like, oh yeah, do you do you just want us to like wait over here? And like not even really indicating where over here was. I thought you meant she acquiesced as in like, oh, just go ahead and go in. What ended up happening had the same effect because like, they were very smart to just be like, oh, well, just wait over here. And of course, this poor person working the front gate who's got a million names to check and things to do is just going to look over, see that you're not there anymore and be like, oh, they must someone must have got them. They must have been helped. Something like that. You know, it's so or they must have left or whatever it was. So they're able to kind of just by being in the same way as they didn't quite get to know by relying on other people's polite

vagueness, they're kind of able to write in. Oh, my God. Whoa. Do they have a camera crew following them? We lose the cameras at this first checkpoint. So the cameras wouldn't have been allowed to go into the White House. So the last kind of shot we see of them from this evening on the show Real Housewives of DC is them being like, oh, we'll just wait over here and then walking off into the darkness. Okay. Okay. Whoa. And then there's a second security checkpoint identical to the first that they pass somehow at the other end of the lawn. But like, they probably just did the exact same thing. Oh, that's funny. We were on the first list. Maybe your copy of the list is out of like, there's if they did it the first time, they probably just did the exact same thing again.

Oh, my God. That's so good. It's good. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's ballsy. I kind of like it. Yeah. Yeah. That was not the prevailing opinion at the time, though. They wait in line to be personally received by no less than President Barack Obama. They're like, oh, do you remember us from Rock the Vote before you were president? We took a picture. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Obama did his Obama for them. They, they enjoyed it. Yeah. Miguel is photographed shaking the president's hand with a huge smile. Then it's time to mingle, baby. What's the point of rubbing elbows if you're not going around giving each other elbow massage? What's the point of breaching security if you're not going to make a few contacts?

This is what I'm saying. Says Roxanne Roberts of the Washington Post. She does like the Society Wank column for the Washington Post. That's not what it's called, but that was my interpretation of it. And she's the one who first, it has some stupid name. I forget what it's called, but it's the Society Wank column. The Society Pages or whatever. There you go. She's, she's the one who was kind of following the Real Housewives of D.C. And so she was the one who recognized the Salahis in the event photos as she breaks the story. No one would have noticed that they shouldn't have been there until it was time to sit down, because every table at a state dinner is obsessively considered. And each table has

someone who serves as the host and knows where everyone is to be seated. So if you're not supposed to be at a state dinner, you can't just sit down at any table. They basically had a 90 minute ride before the coach was going to turn back into a pumpkin. So 90 minutes before you had to sit down for dinner. Yeah. And the second you have to sit down, the game's over. So you have to fuck off before them. Yeah, it was a, it's a musical chairs situation. The music will turn off and you will not have a chair. Yeah. In those 90 minutes, they flourish. They, they meet and take photos with the likes of Indian composer A.R. Raman, Chicago mayor and Obama confidant, Rahm Emanuel, journalists, Katie Couric and Robin Roberts. Oh my gosh, Katie. Hey,

friend of the podcast. And possibly this is the most iconic image that the Salahis snapped on their little digital camera, because they were going around with their little digi, in like the little silver digi cam, because it was a, you know, 2009 or whatever. Oh, yes. So here is the probably the most infamous of these images. Oh my God, it's Joe. It's Joe Biden. It's Joe Biden and she's, he's got his arm around like the small of her back and she's like leaning on him and her hand is over his heart. It's a very intimate. It's a very intimate photo. Yeah, that's like not intimate. Like, oh my God, but like they are chummy. Like this is my close friend, Joe Biden. And Joe Biden is probably like, ha, ha, ha, ha. You know, Joe Biden. Yeah, look at this

dish. You know, whatever Joe Biden thinks. Yeah. One of the hosts I've said she is on him, like she is his woman, which I thought, yeah. That's what it looks like. They look like they're a couple. Like a married couple that still fucks, frankly. And of course, as our friend Roxanne at the post says, they're gone by the time dinner service occurs. If you ask them, they have to leave early because, um, Mikhail's MS is acting up again. Oh, yeah. So what an irresponsible use of MS, I have to say. Either way, with an excuse about checking in on Mikhail's sick mother that I don't know why they need to give other than I just like to tell a lie. And you know what? Who among us? Yes, true. Very true. A good lie can be very satisfying. So they turn in for the night.

But not before doing what everyone does. So Josie, it's 2009. You've just gotten home from a big event with your digital camera full of photos. What do you do? You post them on your like blog post or your Tumblr or something. Facebook in this case. The Salafis dump their entire exciting evening, the photos of Mikhail with her hand over Joe Byn's heart, and then she's in with Katie Couric. Apparently it was in the drink line. They post everything on Facebook, as was the style in 2009. Story breaks via the Washington Post, Roxanne Roberts, that the Salahis depicted as reality show wannabes, which they're not, they have to, if I can give them one thing, they have the contract at this point. They're not

reality show aspirants. They actually are taping a reality show. But it was depicted in the media that they were trying to get on reality TV, which wasn't quite true. They have breached the supposed tightest security in the nation and crashed President Obama's sacred first state dinner. Oh, that's right. It's his first. Oh my gosh. This is his first ever state dinner. Name any other state dinner. The second. Boom. Got it. See, that's my point. This is so like, this is such made up outrage. It is so funny to me, but whatever. Name any other state dinner that anybody's ever had. So from here, the story snowballs into a media circus, as it always happens, says CNN senior political contributor, Ed Rollins. This despicable, desperate, duplicitous

couple disgraced the Secret Service and embarrassed the president in his home. The Salahis deserve to be charged with criminal trespassing and lying to federal officers for starters. Whoa, dude. Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan issues a statement taking responsibility. Democratic Congressman Benny Thompson, chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee, announces that there will be an inquiry with all relevant parties subpoenaed, including Secret Service Director Sullivan and the Salahis. So, night trap. I was like, we've kind of entered this realm of the Democratic moral panic, congressional hearing to distract from the fact that we're embarrassed that our protocol got outsmarted by a guy who can't get Tim

Cain to answer his emails. Yeah. The other layer of this is like, you know who's gonna get in the most trouble is like the clipboard woman. Oh yeah, she's done. You know what I mean? She'll never work in this fucking town again. That sucks. Like, uh, you know what? The lesson here is, don't be polite. Fuck it. That was the policy that the White House would take on from about 2016 to 2020. Um-hmm. That's true. Okay. Anyway. Damn, you got me. Damn, you got me. So, it also, by the way, it turns out that there's another dude, Carlos Allen, who gatecashed this same event. Oh. Yeah. I don't know. He caught a ride with the Indian delegation from the Willard Hotel. Unlike the Salahis, he actually ends up finding a table with an empty seat. So, he ends

up dining with ABC News correspondent Robin Roberts, and then he's awkwardly reunited with her while she's grilling him about crashing the event on Good Morning America. So, she's like, I'm good to see you again. I remember you from that dinner. So, I know you were there because you fucking sat. We had a long conversation. And you were not on the guest list. Let's talk about it. Holy shit. Well, see, to be fair, he also has a statement from his lawyer with like a long, confusing backstory in his defense. Yeah. You know, I'm not going to do it. Carlos, I wish you would. My cat barfed on the president. And the passport and the warrant. Yes, I got it. Absolutely. As for the Salahis, they, of course, do the press circuit proclaiming their innocence,

even as it comes out that Tarek contacted a UK gatecrashing reality show before the state dinner seeking advice. In a today show interview with Matt Lauer, they say that their lives have been destroyed by the scrutiny following the incident and claim, we aren't crashers. We were invited. There isn't anyone who would have the audacity or the poor behavior to do that. Meanwhile, the talking heads condemn them. Acquaintances and stiff vendors rush to get their sides of the story on the record. And the Salahis face all kinds of public rebukes. This one perhaps the most scathing of all quoting NPR Virginia governor Tim Cain said he is acquainted with the Salahis calling Tarek Salahi a self promoter. Cain said he wasn't surprised by the accusations

of high level gatecrashing. If someone had said to me, Hey, some Virginians tried to crash a party. Who do you think it might be? I think I might have been able to guess it within five seconds. Cain said, noting that the state has 7.5 million residents. Timmy Timmy Timmy. So even even Tim Cain is now teeing off on this law. He's in the press. Yeah, even Tim Cain is getting some like getting some good ones off on you know, that was a solid jab. That was a very good, a very good crack of the jaw. However, I tell a lie. This is the most scathing. Speaking on the record to ABC News, real housewife of New York City, Countess Luanne Dilla-Seps said, people who would lie to get into the White House and crash parties are definitely not the

types of people I would necessarily want to rub elbows with. So they have failed the Countess's etiquette test in this regard. Oh, yes. Yes, they have. Those elbows are not clean. Speaking of the housewives, the head honchos at Bravo and their corporate overlords at NBC are none too happy with this development. The FBI is all over them, believing that because there were cameras at the outset of this whole farce, this was some sort of reality show stunt. And I mean, it kind of well. That's it. They got to investigate that avenue. Yeah. And but it wasn't perpetrated by Bravo or the parent company in BC. No, or half yard productions, which was the production company. No, they were like, they were at the salon with McKell being like, yo, you seem pretty chilled

out considering your your invitation is gone. Do you have any comment on that? Yeah, I wonder if they like inserted that into the episode because they're like, we are going to clean our ass. There was probably some element of it. Well, the FBI ends up walking out of the production suite with the raw footage. Reality TV got a lot of like bad publicity from this because they'll look at these sleazy people crashing the White House. So they probably felt like they needed to defend themselves a bit in the way that they presented the evening. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. In an interview with 60 minutes, President Barack Obama calls the incident a screw up and says he's unhappy with how the event was handled. But adds, this is a town where once

a screw up happens, people can't just say, okay, that was a screw up and let's fix it. There needs to be two weeks worth of cable chatter about it. I don't think from a policy perspective, this was the most important thing or even the fifth or sixth most important thing that happened this week. But it got the most news. Oh, keep us in perspective. Barack, I thought that was a fair response. Yeah. On January 20th, 2010, the Salahis appear in front of Congress to answer questions about their roles in breaching the White House State Dinner, watching along as depicted in the finale of the Real Housewives of DC, are their castmates drinking healthy glasses of white wine and heckling the TV with calls of go to jail, make some license plates, get a service job,

shit like this. I'm sorry, get a service job? Yeah, yeah. That's equivalent of go to jail? In Real Housewives Land, there's nothing more degrading than having to take off your nails and go rub a table. On the advice of their legal counsel, the couple plead the fifth on every single question. At one point, Bill Pascrell of New Jersey demands, Mr. Salahi, did you wear a tuxedo that night? You gonna take the fifth on that? When Tarek begins to assert that, right? Pascrell says, let me ask you this. Were you there? Are you here right now? You got to get an answer from your attorney on that? Oh, he's pissed. From there, unable to extract any further information, the committee placates itself by digging in on the Salahis, calling them all kinds

vegan maniacal fraud. Texas Representative Sheila Jackson Lee tells them, Houston baby, the Constitution protects fools, the Constitution protects stupidity, the Constitution protects errant thought. Thank God it does. Again, a bit of a night trap beat down here too, where everyone's like, okay, we're embarrassed about this. And yeah, the very least need to whether or not we can discern whether something illegal was done here or not, we need to at least have like a bit of a televised beat down on these rubes who's like, you know, there was a lot of like, what if they were fucking terrorists? Okay, but they weren't, you know. And I mean, I could also see one part of it is like, we need to project that the security is very secure at the White House. Exactly. That was the main

point that people made was this is a bad look because it emboldens anybody who wants to, you know, put their hand over Joe Biden's heart. God forbid they have a knife, you know? Right, yeah. But also, I'm sure they're combating too. It's like, this is fucking cool. These people crashed. Nobody do like the non terrorist group. Everybody thought took this very seriously. Or else, dude, nobody had a sense of humor about this shit. I swear to God, smoke a joint, 2009. I couldn't even get married level of smoke a fucking joint. Okay, in the end, no charges are pursued against the Salahis, says Washington Post Ombudsman, Andrew Alexander. Since the Salahis White House exploits generated headlines seven

months ago, they've been written about in more than 110 post stories or columns. The coverage totals more than 2,200 column inches, the length of a novel, all told more than 30 reporters and researchers have contributed. But he continues, many object to continuing coverage because they find the couple detestable, especially the Salahis moth to flame craving for media attention. Many readers have told me that they view the couple as villainous and some eagerly await the Salahis comeuppance. But many of those same readers harbor a what will they do next curiosity. They're eager for each new episode and what amounts to a serial drama. The Salahis don't disappoint. Journalistically, they're a gift that keeps giving. So that was the Washington Post

accidentally discovering what keeps some people watching Real Housewives, right? Right, yeah. The media whirlwind around them continues, especially as the premiere date of the Real Housewives of DC draws near. We have this tape. Now it's gotta be on TV, right? The press tour in anticipation of the New Housewives franchise is, thanks to the Salahis, a train wreck spectacle. Tarik is disinvited from Bravo's upfronts presentation in LA, so he pays his own way, much to the distaste of the women. He throws a glass of red wine on one of the women, Linda Erkalishin, during an off-camera dinner, like during this promo tour. He says, in his own defense, I wasn't trying to toss wine on Linda to be like Clark Gable and

simply protect my wife. Linda is actually hurting my wife. Physically, she's killing my wife for anyone who has multiple sclerosis. Stress attacks the central nervous system and that affects her health. That's the only thing that goes through my mind. I see Linda taking away days and months and years off my wife's life. That was wow. Yeah. Wow, that was yeah. That was yeah. Wow. So the cast goes on the view to promote the show, but the segment quickly gets combative. The Housewives squabble about this red wine incident that's happened off-camera. Sherry Shepherd tells Michele that she should be in jail, which the studio audience applauds, and annoyed Whoopi Goldberg leaves during the segment. And then when the Housewives, because the Housewives are just

beaking too much at each other and she can't get a thought out. So Whoopi Goldberg kind of storms off and she comes back at one point and she touches Michele's arm and she's like, excuse me, would you get back to the White House because she wants to go back to like the White House part of it as opposed to this red wine thing? Yeah, that nobody has seen. Yeah, exactly. And she doesn't care about it and whatever. Unfortunately, this turns into Michele accusing Whoopi Goldberg of hitting her, which leads to a backstage confrontation between Whoopi and the couple as Whoopi cusses them out, while Terrick records on his Blackberry, and he'll later sell this tape, of course. This press tour is just going very badly. Like it's very dramatic, but like, or it's going great.

I don't know. That's, you know, we do want the cast to get invited back to the view someday, though. Like you can't be, you gotta play nice when you're visiting company, don't you? Yeah, okay, fair. I mean, I don't give a fuck. I agree. Whoopi Goldberg beat that girl like a barnyard mule, whatever, but if you watch the video, it's just like the most gentle, excuse me, it's just like a tap. Yeah. Amidst their wine hurling and feuding with Whoopi Goldberg, the Slahis find time to cooperate with Diane Diamond on this book, Cirque de Slahi, which I've been sourcing extensively, and which provides a sympathetic, if not altogether, exculpatory portrait of its title couple. I wouldn't call it a good book, even in their tell-all,

the Slahis raise more questions than they concretely answer, and Diamond seems weirdly hung up on the fact that Michele is blonde. She uses it as like a literary, like, oh god, it's, I won't even, anyway. She uses it at length. She's obviously a fake blonde. Yeah, and I don't know if it's like an insecurity thing or like a, let me, here's a quote. She got the job. Most notably, she accomplished it in spite of the fact that at this point in her life, she still traveled among the lesser of the camera's two kinds, the not blonde, those bearers of jealousy and resentment who live in torment because their hair will never overload a camera lens with reflected light simply because they laugh and toss their heads. You know what? That's Diane Diamond's mother speaking.

You are absolutely correct. Let's keep it. You know it is. You're right. You know what? I hadn't placed it, but I think you may be right. I think that's it. Okay, you got it. You got it, Detective. I smell mom all over that. And she like starts the book with that. She kind of drops it halfway through. I think it was like a weird, like, I've got to hit word count, and I'm not actually as interested in these people as I thought I would be, maybe. Yeah, I thought maybe they were terrorists and I could break into like hard news, but back. I mean, they cut a kind of social terrorists, right? Nobody seems to want to be seen with these people. This book, Cirque de Salahi, it's, it's not entirely in their favor, but it's, it's enough for the Salahi's to feel like they have their

side somewhat on the record. It's also where Miquel first publicly discloses this MS diagnosis to much skepticism. Sadly, this document lacks one critical voice. Quote, Tim Cain, now the chairman of the DNC, refused to respond to numerous requests for an interview. Several messages were left for him on his personal cell phone. The number was then disconnected. Oh, shit. Oh, and for all of us listening, I want everyone to know that Taylor took a huge drag of a joint after he said that, and then friction hailed it. What happened there? That was amazing. Did I? Thank you. I looked like it to me. I think I, I think I maybe turned into like a saucy French woman when I'm bagging on Tim Cain. I don't know. Beautiful. On August 5th, 2010, Bravo premieres The Real

Hosts of DC to tepid audience response and critical reaction. Oh, there's just too much bad blood. It's, it's got a weird stink to it. I think that the cast is largely seen as not having been quite up to snuff other than Miquel. We've got, you know, Linda, Stacy, Mary, who's always kind of zanied out and cat, who's a British woman who talks like this. And that's kind of the crew. Yeah. To prepare for this episode, I watched DC for a third time. I liked it more than I ever had, and I saw more seeds of potential in it than I ever did. But I think it's maybe a show for a more refined housewives palette. It's not your first one you watch. Right. It's not very glamorous or, or super exciting. It may be more of a, I hesitate to say a cerebral play about a show

that included Miquel Salahi, but here we are. The season focuses mainly on the exploits of the Salahis who have commandeered the show and the media around it, much to the frustration of their castmates. This sentiment is echoed by Bravo, who have found the whole DC experiment to be a massive pain in the ass with very little reward. Yeah, FBI. Trumpin' everywhere. The show is canceled in March 2011 after one season. Andy Cohen says he saw the franchise as potential and advocated for it behind the scenes. But as you say, quote, when the FBI subpoenas your raw tapes, you're not bringing the show back. I think that's a good rule. That's a good boundary for yourself. And they'd ruined the fucking press rollout. Apparently they refused to come to like

the premiere party and scheduled their own competing premiere party. They were just complete toolbags to deal with, and that was enough, was enough. I think that totally makes sense. Yeah, if you're working with people that you'd rather not work with when the opportunity comes to not work with them, you take it. Yep. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Especially when they're causing you headache on this level, right? I feel like there's the perception that it's anything goes on on a show like this, but there is sometimes kinds of publicity that that networks don't want, that corporate types don't want. Yeah. So that leaves our our fame hungry protagonists with the taste of the limelight, bittersweet, though it was, and now without a vehicle. From here,

we see them engage in a series of attempts at relevance. For example, Michele gets cast on the show Celebrity Rehab. Unfortunately, after about 10 days of filming, the producers realize Michele does not have an addiction. That's not something you like screen for. She doesn't drink. She probably lied her way in. Oh my god. Okay, so she gets released from the show and she gets replaced by Sugar from Survivor, her footage never airs. So as far as the the aired product, Michele's never on it, but I managed to like find a snippet from this ancient interview where Sugar is like, I'm not sure what she originally said her addiction was, but later she said she was addicted to

whenever she felt like she had a cold she had to take antihistamines. I'm addicted. And so Michele apparently had been rooming with byling. Do you know byling? She's great. She's in like the worst episode of Lost. She's in Crank. She's in Wild Wild West. And then when Michele was off the show when they kicked her out for not having an addiction, she wouldn't stop calling byling to the point where it was like stressing byling out. So Sugar had to like pick up the phone and be like, stop calling byling. She is in a rehab. I'm the girl that replaced you. You have to stop. Oh my God. So she essentially Taylor, you realize she crashed rehab. She crashed celebrity rehab. It's a compulsion. This is what she's addicted to. This is what

she's addicted to crashing things. Dude, I would have been like you're addicted to lying. You're a compulsive liar. Yeah. To some degree, whether it's influenced by your husband or not, a lot of people think it's him because she had a reputation as being just kind of like a sweet happy-go-luckly if slightly air-headed chick prior to meeting him. Yeah. And it didn't turn quite so toxic until he entered the picture. Right. So there's that. Michele also completes a time-honored housewives prophecy and releases her own single Bump It featuring DJ UPS. I assume that's his name because he always delivers. That would be my tagline if I were him. And I'm now going to share a sample via my absolute favorite artistic medium, awkward inappropriate real housewives dance single

performance on a local morning or evening news program. That won't make the crowd jump. Summer Jam. That was that was good. I will say of all of the housewives singles, I think that that one's like perhaps the most violent in its mediocrity. I don't know how I would describe it. Also, I want to point out DJ UPS is in uniform. Great touch. There's also four gyrating backup dancers just really giving it hell. Nobody works harder than a real housewives backup dancers, man. It's true. And it's like there's no special set. They just have like a corner of the NBC newsroom area. You can kind of see the chairs from the interview area in the other

side of the screen. From there, the Salahis continue their usual antics in and around the DMV, hosting their fraudulent polo game and navigating their many lawsuits from their many creditors and so forth. They pop up here and there, but never at the same lofty levels of media interest until September 2011, nearly two years after the gate crashing incident, a flustered taric appears in front of local news cameras saying that Miguel has been kidnapped. I swear to God, I'm missing my wife, he sobs. This is not a joke. Oh, well, when you have to say this is not it, what? Like he has a bad rep. This guy's like, listen, I know what you're thinking. He's cried wolf. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Yes. And while it's not a

joke in true Salahi style, it's not the entire truth. What is true, according to the Washingtonian, is this, according to documents he later filed in court, Tarak had last seen Miguel around noon the previous day when she left the house saying she was getting her hair done. Around 7pm, she called to say that she was heading to her mother's and would return afterward. Oddly, the call didn't come from Miguel's phone. It came from one with an Oregon area code that Tarak didn't recognize. Sometime after 11pm, he contacted Miguel's mother and discovered that Miguel hadn't stopped by at all. Oh, alarming. So Tarak calls the police and reports Miguel missing and the police check out this Oregon number and they're like, hey, bro, she's not missing.

She's fine. And truthfully, before Tarak appeared on the news, before he filed the police report, he probably already knew this because he had already received an email from the private account of journey basist Neil Sean with a picture of Neil's big dick. He also received a voicemail saying, this is Neil. I'm fucking your wife. What? Wait, a journeyman emailed a dick pic to his lover's husband? A big dick pic. It is enshrined in the court documents that it's a large dick. Yes. Oh, wow. Wow. It's public record. It is law that this guy has a massive

dong and he hung it for Tarak's law. He left him a voicemail that said, hey, buddy, she's mine now. And so in response, he goes to the police. Tarak goes to the police. And says Miguel was kidnapped. This can't be right. Why would Miguel, why would Miguel leave me for this hot rock star who she's idolized forever? With a huge shlong, apparently. Yeah, with a huge hit. So the relationship seemingly rekindled a month after the gate crashing incident in December 2009 when Neil texted Miguel, what is up with you and Tarak? I would love to fuck you silly, you sexy woman that's sexy with three X's. And then he does an ellipsis, a sideways smiley face.

And he says, love your big, beautiful lips also. Miguel responds, love that, need that, want you now, let's go. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, yeah, rekindled is a word that is too small. An understatement. They have rekindled it like a forest fire. Yes. It's like they say, don't stop believing. Right. Yeah, that's. Hold on to that feeling.

Yeah. The ensuing divorce is acrimonious and brutal and public. Playing out via TMZ articles and social media posts. Well, yeah. He tells Huffington Posts that she lied about her MS. Oh, shit. She says he isolated, controlled, and verbally abused her and once physically shook her. She apparently, according to her, he would do shit like, I don't want you going outside, it's 9-11, something could happen to you and like, give me your keys and like,

if she would defy him, he would like, do things to scare her or shit like that. Like weird fucked up shit. She says he did. Yeah. Oh, that's not fun. Tarik starts doing shit like selling Miguel's underwear for charity, but according to a source quoted in the Huffington Post, he's only giving 10% to charity and he said it was going to make a wish foundation and comic relief, but they knew nothing about it when they were called. So typical, typical Tarik stunt, right? He tries to sue Miguel and Neil for hypothetical damages to their supposed multi-million dollar future empire because we were going to be on Dancing

with the Stars Australia and you know, whatever. But in the end, he settles privately for what we can assume is far less. It would be my observation that Miguel, at this point, comes up the winner. She's snuggling up to Neil in their five bedroom Northern Cali mansion, watching him perform from on stage at journey concerts where he eventually proposes to her in front of a cheering crowd. Oh my gosh. When she locked eyes with the bassist in 98, you know, the dream. Oh my god. Oh my god. They get married on a 1495 pay-per-view special that includes well wishes from special guests like Sammy Hagar and Omarosa. So all the greats, all the greats, all the stars are out tonight. Oh, beautiful. I really tried so hard to find that special, but no dice. Has not been

preserved, sadly. Anybody, Lost Media, archive.org, that shit, somebody, if you got it. Tarik has reduced to renting his place out on Airbnb while selling t-shirts that say, I crashed at the White House Party Crashers pad. I mean, I'd buy that. That's pretty good. Yeah, you know what you'd have to. But that gets shut down by the county because he doesn't have a permit. Oh, no. Oh, kids, you can't win, right? This guy, this fucking schlemiel, it's not happening. Yeah. He attempts to start a wine called the Real House Wine-Os that goes nowhere. Probably a good thing because I'm sure Bravo would have fucking taken him to the cleaners on that. Would come right after him. Yeah, rightly so. Yeah. He launches several runs for elected office that flop because nobody likes

this guy, but loves Spring's Eternal. He finds a new flame, former healthcare executive named Lisa Spoden, and she has money. Specifically, she runs a cruise ship line, which leads to the two of them becoming business partners and eventually life partners. They are married aboard a Norwegian cruise line headed for the British Virgin Islands. She wears a sequined champagne gown and he wears an all-white tux with a nary jacket. Every now and then she invests in one of his pie-in-the-sky schemes. Now that I'm his partner, she says, I'm willing to do some investment because I know that these are brilliant ideas. They really are brilliant. Really? Really? Truly are. Brilliant. Tarek and Lisa are still together as are McKellen Neal. Tarek maintains a website,

TarekSlahi.org. He's a .org like you. Oh, good. See, it's spreading. The movement. The people have heard. We're all switching to .org in 2023. On that website, he boasts that he's rated top 5% social media influencers in the world, which, you know. Who determines that? Him, evidently. Good to know he hasn't lost his talent for that particular kind of line. He also claims that his families have been keepers of the key of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem from the 11th century of the present. So, congrats to them. Oh, wow, yeah. It's a prestigious ship. The DC area would get another kick at the Housewives Can in 2016. The Real Housewives of Potomac now in its 7th season has been far better critically received.

Oh, Potomac. So, they didn't, they did change it a little bit. We did a little, little rebrand on that. The stain of DC was, it was much too sick. You know, a little petty gross. So, they didn't want to maybe ruffle any feathers with, you know, oh, didn't we, you know, subpoena that show before? I don't fucking know. And that concludes the tale of the White Housegate Crashers, a story where, improbably, everybody has a happy ending and gets more or less what they always wanted, except for Tim Kaine. Oh, man. Tim Kaine. Heartbreak. I had a lot of fun with the Tim Kaine runner in this episode. I got to tell you. Dude, what a beautiful synopsis of early 2000s. You know, when we look at the century, when we look back, be like, grandma, what was it like? Grandpa,

what was it like? You can tell your, your grandkids this story. You can be like, I remember we put the TV out, you know, out in the middle of the streets, the whole neighborhood could gather around and, and watch Michael Salahi perform Bump It on the NBC Miami News with DJ UPS. Man. That, yeah. What a time. And everybody ends up happy. I can't except for Tim Kaine. Well, he's a, he's a sitting senator still as far as I know. Like he's, he's, he's, yeah. Oh, I'm sure he's, he's serving. He'll die in that Senate seat. He's cruising. That's beautiful. Yeah. If you're new to the housewives, what is the best one to start with? Maybe start with Salt Lake City because it's quite new. It's only started in the past couple of years.

It's got a lot of interesting characters. It picks up quite quickly and you'll be, it's only in its third season. So you'll be current quickly and able to decide if, if, you know, watching this and watching the little Google articles, ping up on your phone or whatever, I think it's grand may not be for you. I might go with Salt Lake City, unless maybe you want, I don't know, dude, I would suggest just like look at one and decide if it appeals to you and go for it. And if, if it's, I wouldn't, I would say don't make DC your first one. Yeah. If you've reached the end of this episode, if you have not learned anything, it is a don't make DC your first run with the housewives.

I want to end on a quote, actually. Okay. That's okay. It's, it's from a pastor, Pastor Mary Cosby of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I'm sorry, is she like housewife on there or? Yeah. Pastor. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I need to, I need to start with the Salt Lake City. Heck yeah. The quote is as follows and I feel like this, this ties into the inspirational feel that we've been striking lately. Okay. I always say, I have beauty in all my mess. The reality is that I am married to my grandmother's second husband, which was my step-grandfather. Before she passed, she made it very clear that she wanted me to be the one to take her place in the church and inherit everything that came with homes, money,

our church, and also marrying her husband. Don't think it wasn't weird because it was, but I did it because I trusted my grandmother and I'm so glad I did it. I believe if something knocks you down, just get back up. And so that's the note that I just kind of want to finish this episode on is even when the whole world against you because you crashed the White House, you married your step-grandfather, you participated in a cancer scam. What else? You defrauded the elderly and they caught you on the Sprinter Van in the beauty lab parking lot right before you were about to go on the girl's trip to Vale, also Salt Lake City. Oh, okay. Watch Salt Lake City, folks. That's really what you should pull out of this. Pick yourself up, marry your step-grandfather. And just get the

fuck on with it. Thanks for listening. If you want more infamy, we've got plenty more episodes at bittersweetinthamy.com, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you want to support the podcast, shoot us a few bucks via our coffee account at ko-fi.com forward slash bittersweetinthamy. But no pressure, bittersweetinthamy is free, baby. You can always support us by liking, rating, subscribing, leaving a review, following us on Instagram at bittersweetinthamy. Or just pass the podcast along to a friend who you think would dig it. Stay sweet. The sources that I used for this episode were the Royal House of Norway website, specifically the webpage for Marta Louise, formerly known as Her Highness Princess. I read an article

in Jezebel called Norwegian Princess abdicates royal title for American TikTok singing Shalman, written by Katie Ruth Ashcroft, published Friday, November 11th. I took a peek virtually inside Durik Farat's book, Spirit Hacking, Shamanic Fees to reclaim your personal power, transform yourself, and light up the world, published October 2019. I looked at Instagram pages for Durik Farat and Marta Louise, and I looked at the Wikipedia pages for Durik Farat and Marta Louise. The sources that I used for this week's episode include Surprise Housewives Dinner Guests Not Invited, White House Sense, November 25, 2009 in the Washington Post Society Wang column, which is evidently called Reliable Source. I read The Strange Crazy Afterlife of a

reality TV star in The Washingtonian by Luke Mullins, January 31, 2016. How Much Salahee News is Too Much by Andrew Alexander, Washington Post Sunday, June 27, 2010. White House Crashers Tarik and McKell Salahee will pull an event on the mall, overall.com, June 13, 2010. Tarik Salahee selling a strange wife from McKell's underwear for charity in HuffPost Entertainment by Naughty but Nice Rob, October 11, 2011. McKell Salahee booted from Celebrity Rehab for Lacking an Addiction by Joyce Lee, March 9, 2011, CBS News. Emails damaged White House Gate Crashers Claims December 2, 2009 in MPR. White House Crashers Tarik Salahee marries business partner Lisa Spoden by Helena Andrews Dyer, January 4, 2016 in the Washington Post. State Dinner Party Crashers

Park and McKell Salahee tracing their movements in the White House by Daily News staff in the Daily News, November 26, 2009. Celebrity Rehab Season 5 Cast Announced posted by Spicy June 7, 2011 on Celebrity Smack, Accessed via the Way Back, also read the 2009 U.S. State Dinner Security Breaches article on Wikipedia. I read McKell and Tarik Salahee's Hellish Divorce by Diane Diamond, 5th Daily Beast, January 4, 2012. I also read Diane Diamond's book, Cirque de Salahee, Be Carefully You Trust, as well as Not All Diamonds in Rose by Dave Quinn and The Housewives by Brian Moeyland. I watched The Real Housewives of D.C. Season 1, Good Morning America, 3rd White House Crashers Feaks Out on ABC News YouTube, and we also used Clips of Bump It by McKell Salahee,

including one hosted on YouTube by Tom Hartley. A couple of quick corrections, Oasis Vineyards was opened in 1975, not 76, and while I refer to Neil Sean as the bassist of Journey a couple of times he's the lead guitarist. Our interstitial music is by Mitchell Collins in the song that you're currently listening to is Tea Street by Brian Steele. Keep track of your invitations, folks. You never know when you might need them. The club is rocking bottles popping on the inside. I came to party hard and do what I do. My main objective is to be the hottest girl in the room.