Blank Check with Griffin & David - Nomads

Episode Date: February 11, 2024

Okay, action freaks! We’re kicking off our John McTiernan miniseries - POD HARD WITH A VENGECAST - with a film that is not at all indicative of the greatness to come. Nomads! A movie where Pierce Brosnan attempts a garbage French accent and is terrified by some punks in a van. That’s kind of the whole thing. Anyway - get ready for a spirited conversation about plenty of other topics, like: the filmography of Tom Shadyac! John McTiernan’s super cool dad! Gerard Depardieu’s face! The strict rules of Julliard! The 1976 Academy Awards! And more!  This episode is sponsored by: Bombas (bombas.com/check CODE: CHECK) ExpressVPN (ExpressVPN.com/check) Burrow (Burrow.com/check) Join our Patreon at patreon.com/blankcheck Follow us @blankcheckpod on Twitter and Instagram! Buy some real nerdy merch at shopblankcheckpod.myshopify.com

The old man on Atrovac used to tell us a tale of the dangers of traveling far, of hunting alone on the ice. How one might no longer know what was a podcast. What are you referencing? Real, I don't know. It's apparently in the movie. I mostly just wanted to- Is Brosnan saying that?

Yes. Or is it Count Chocula? Yeah, did Brosnan age 80 years? Here's the problem. I can only do an impression of old Brosnan saying that? Yes. Or is it Count Chocula? Yeah, did Brosnan age 80 years? Here's the problem. I can only do an impression of old Brosnan. Aha. So you're trying to do old French Brosnan. Well, I was trying to age it down,

and I was failing in real time. I understand. Right. You're giving me old. You're giving me Brosnan now in this movie. It's hard to do. Yeah, I'm doing Dr. Fate with a French accent. It's hard to do an impression'm doing Dr. Fate with a French accent. It's hard to do

an impression of someone who already has a strong accent applying a bad accent on top of it. It's a little bit like the Nick Nolte, Lorenzo's oil thing, where it's like two voices clashing against each other.

Every line reading he has, he simultaneously sounds Irish and French. Like it's coming out of two different speakers right with nolte he sells his accents through pure bravado mama mia what a pizza pie like that's a spicy you're like this man is not embarrassed right yes like this man is this is how he's gonna speak to us today pierce you can feel the embarrassment when he's out of his comfort zone.

Much like... But you're rooting for him. It's the thing I find endearing about him. Yes. That's why in Mamma Mia, when he's singing an S, he's singing an S. He doesn't really sing in the second line.

When you're gone. Yes. Because I compare it to Russell Crowe in Les Mis. Yeah. Where Russell Crowe is actually a singer. Now, is he the best singer in the world? No. But that man performs in a band.

But that makes it worse. He nominally enjoys it. But then he seems so uncomfortable in that movie. It doesn't make any sense. Pierce, you feel... Probably because it's the live singing gimmick. If Russell Crowe had been allowed to not sing live... Yes.

That might be a better performance. That should have single-handedly swung the issue on that movie to, maybe some numbers are done right. No, never. Tom Hooper's all or nothing. Tom Hooper is all or nothing. When I interviewed him about Cats,

he was like, absolutely, I would never, like, they must sing live. Right. Well, the fragility,

the fragility you get on set. The fragility. But he's also like, the thing he said was like, people do that on stage every night. Of course. And I'm like, right,

but if you want to only hire those people. Yeah, right. Also, David, think about it this way. Previously in a movie musical, you'd go, what have I done? Sweet Jesus, what have I done? Right. Come with you for the night, but come on, talk in the run. But with this, you can stop and go, what have I done?

So we're mocking the newbie or whatever it was called. First look. Regal first look, Les Mis, to kick off a new miniseries about... John McTiernan! John McTiernan. Not Tom Hooper.

About a movie that features none of these actors. No. But it does feature Pierce Brosnan. We built a bridge to Pierce. This is... We will never have a piercer run than we have had

these last four months on the podcast. We did four Bonds, Mirror Has Two Faces, and McTiernan's giving us two Pierces. We've covered him once before. Mars Attacks. We will cover him again. We will? In this miniseries.

That's what I'm saying. But after that, how many times might we get back to Pierce? Eight Pierce movies. Seven of them have been in the last four months. We could do Chris Columbus. We could. Drive-by fruiting. Drive-by fruiting.

Ben, drive-by fruiting. Thumbs up. But also, Mrs. Doubtfire. He's a Mrs. Doubtfire fan. Her famous quote. Oh my God. Yes, of course. One of the most quotable films of all time.

And what is that quote, of course, that rings around in our head? Well, it's It's a little something It's a little something Hello! Hello! Ben's very sleepy today

I don't He's in a bit of a nomad sort of trance state Where is he here? I'm not sure Is he experiencing someone else who was here okay i think we could one day do a patreon series on like you're looking at the rest of pierce's career correct like on like could be covered early 90s cyberspace movies right because like lawnmower man virtuosity oh sure oh we could do a kid like yeah but isn't that one of those things for steven

king's like stop saying i'm associated with this one this one isn't me at all my friend the only similarity is that it has a lawnmower in it my guy didn't go to the fucking cyberspace no his book is about a guy who thinks he's like a satyr right s-a-t-y-r-e yeah they took that story and then they merged it with an original screenplay called Cyber God. Right, and just used the title. And they picked Cyber God to not be the title. Yes. The Lawnmower Man or Cyber God.

What's drawing people to theaters? It's a terrible title for that movie. They picked The Lawnmower Man because they figure, well, we can slap Stephen King's name on this. Call it Cyber God. So they make Jeff Fahey a lawnmower man in that movie, but that's not what the book is about at all. So we could do Lawnmower Man, Virtuosity,

Johnny Mnemonic. Yeah, Ben's favorite. Those are my favorite. Yeah. Maybe like I think those are the... The Net? Could we do The Net? The Net. Hackers? Yeah. I want movies where you see... 90s computer movies.

You want inside the computer. So, like, definitely the first three we just said. I forget if The Net does any of that. Disclosure does technically do it. I don't think The Net does. No. The Net is more like, oh, no, I ordered a pizza,

and they're after me. Yeah. The Net's true now, right? That's the whole thing? Yes. Everyone laughed at it at the time because it was risible, and now everyone's like,

The Net basically predicted, like, online, you know, surveillance. You order a fucking pizza, and the cops will arrest you. Yes. Everyone laughed at it at the time because it was risible and now everyone's like, that basically predicted like online surveillance. You order a fucking pizza and the cops will arrest you. Correct. I think that's it. I think so too. I don't think there's any other. I guess we could do John Borman one day. Sure. It's like

year 14. Yeah. We do Borman. Do you know in like year two of this show. Where the podcast is. On mic we promised if we ever got to year 10 we'd do Tom Shadiac and we are one year away from that now. Did we really? Yeah cause we We were like what a ridiculous

amount of years to be doing this. There is no chance we're doing this show after a decade. Okay. You're listening to year 9 of Blank Check. And next year, perhaps, we are forced

by our own golden handcuffs that we've assigned ourselves to cover Tom Shadiac. I gotta ask. It's nine movies. Who's Tom Shadiac? Great question!

Here we go, Ben. I'll run it down for you. Let me just say quickly, this is Blank Check with Griffin and David, a podcast about filmographies. Directors who have massive success early on in their careers are given a series of blank checks

to make whatever crazy passion projects they want. And sometimes those checks clear and sometimes they bounce. Baby, this is the beginning of a new miniseries. It's the films of John McTiernan. One of the only filmmakers to go to movie jail and federal prison. I will never stop making that joke. I love that joke. It's called Pod Hard with Avenge Cast.

Yep, that's right. We decided on that ages ago. It's called Pod Hard with Avenge Cast. Yep. That's right. We decided on that ages ago. It's one we've been threatening to do since the beginning, and we had to get him done before Tom Shadiac with his killer run of nine films. So his nine films are Ben. Get ready to Vince McMahon meme in real time. You're going to really be feeling it

at the start of this run. I think you're going to feel... And then you're going to jump out of the roller coaster before it ends. You're going to feel the twists and turns of this. Now we're ignoring his TV film, Frankenstein, the college years, although that could of course be a Patreon.

It sounds good. And Ben, just, you have no idea who he is. Do you have any guess of where this philography is going to go? Just off the name. What you said, Frankenstein went to college.

That seems to be a TV movie. He started out with in 1991 okay I could not predict off of that alone what's next Ace Ventura Pet Detective first movie no problems with that movie number two The Nutty Professor with Eddie Murphy

huh okay two huge hits in a row yeah number three number three what if you couldn't lie liar Liar Liar starring Jim Carrey. Humongous. The guy's three for free. He's like the biggest comedy director in Hollywood. We're never gonna have problems. Number four.

Patch Adams. Hong Kong. Boy. Okay. Number five. That was him. Now let's mix the laughter with a few tears. Tom Shadiac goes serious. Number five. It makes a stupid amount of money, but everyone agrees it's bullshit. It's the movie that isn't frequency.

Dragon fly. It's the other one. Yes. It's sort of like frequency, right? Kevin Costner talking to the great beyond. He's going even more serious. Okay.

Not a movie people like. No, but don't worry. Cause next movie, we're all back. Bruce almighty. Humongous huge hit maybe the movie's not that good but hey Tom thank you for return to comedies you're the

biggest comedy director you cannot miss okay I'm gonna make a sequel then Evan Almighty one of the biggest flops in Hollywood history yeah I remember that one Noah's Ark kind of a movie that cost 200 million dollars inexplicably. Well, it had all these animals in it.

It had the animals. It also was. They built an ark, I think. Yes. And in 2007, they were like, we're going to be the first carbon neutral production. They tried to get ahead of that, and it cost so much fucking money. Then he has a bicycle accident. Yes.

He doesn't die, but he is injured, I guess. And Evan Almighty kind of ruins his reputation where it's like, this guy got out of control. The budget got out of control. He was an egomaniac. And then when the movie bombed, he blamed the studio for mismarketing it. He had like a sort of post-concussive problem.

So then he makes a movie called I Am. He gives up a documentary. All his earthly belongings. I believe he moves into a trailer. What? And is like, I reject this life of Hollywood bullshit. He isolates himself from society completely and then makes a movie about it. And makes a movie about like where he talks to like Desmond Tutu and like Noam Chomsky being like, what's it all about, man?

I'm trying to get back to the real human experience. What a great way to return to the earth. A movie no one cares about. By making a documentary about your life. And then five years ago, Brian Banks.

Oh, right. The movie where Aldous Hodge plays a real-life football player who was wrongly convicted. Yes. He was charged with sexual assault. It's kind of like a weird story. Never seen it. Anyway, God, that's a real bummer. That was wrongly convicted. Yes. He was like charged with like sexual assault. It's kind of like a weird story. Never seen it.

Anyway, God, that's a real bummer. That's a bummer. Maybe we combine those two movies. There's a New Yorker article about him post bicycle accident and his like resetting of his life where it was like the studios were still pitching him all of these big movies. and he was like, I will sign on to do the incredible Mr. Limpet remake if 45 minutes can be devoted to a very detailed accounting

of how we are destroying water life. And the studios were like, no, fuck off. And he kept on being like, I'm ready to make a comedy again. I think comedy is the greatest gift we have to give to each other as people. I just need to say something in it.

Shadyac. So we could do that, but we could, we'll see, because look, I was just thinking about Doctor Who, right?

Doctor Who canonically can transform his body. The doctor. The doctor. The doctor. He can transform his body 12 times. They say this

in an early episode. Sure. He regenerates, he turns into a new actor. This is how they recast the role. Right. And they were like,

we'll never have to. When they picked that number, they were like, well, we're never going to do 12 doctors. Best case scenario, this show runs for exactly 50 years and no longer.

And so they had to do a thing at a certain point where like someone had to be like, can I have 12 more regenerations? And they're like, yes. You know, they had to like address this.

So we may have to address the Tom Shady Act. So let's do this. Housekeeping. And more years. We are committing Tom Shadyac will happen in year 20. Yes. And no further mulligans allowed.

But now, today, we officially begin a director that we've been thrilled to talk about for so long. Come close to doing a couple times. And finally, we went, just fuck it. Let's just have fun. Let's talk McTiernan. It's a new year year it's a new year we start out with a little babs followed by a big heap in a mctiernan one of the wildest uh careers tell me griffin what do you know about american filmmaker john mctiernan and it better

not be that he was born in 1951 because i already knew that oh You're in trouble. Where was he born? He was born in upstate New York. Albany. Hell yeah. New York's capital. What do you think, Ben? Of Albany. You been there?

Maybe. I've been there and let me tell you what else. I've caught a bus out of Albany and that is a hair raising experience, folks. But John McTiernan was the son of Myra and John McTiernan. He's a junior. Ben, have you ever seen what John McTiernan looks like? I don't believe I have. Give him a Google.

I would say he looks like the owner of a bar you do not want to go into. Yeah, he's got kind of like a grizzled thing. Here's like classic McTiernan Benny. You know. And here he is now. Here he is now. you know, kind of grizzled fella. But he's one of those guys where even the photos where he's smiling,

they're somehow even more intimidating than the photos where he's flowering. He definitely looks like he could have a dirty rag tied to his belt. You know what I mean? 100%. Yes. Look, he's a director who was hugely important,

obviously, in the 80s and especially in the 90s. He's a well-known action director, but certainly not someone who ever sniffed, like, Oscar or awards contention. Not a guy whose movies opened at a film festival. Kind of aggressively unpretentious while being an intellectual, but was just like... An intellectual and, right,

caring about the craft of a genre film. Right. And kind of a throwback more to like a peck and paw. Yes. Right. Where it's like I take my movies very seriously. I have very serious craft. I'm not trying to win fucking Oscars. That's not what this

is about. And obviously had his I think had people who were genuinely like this is a great uh filmmaker and then it's not like contemporaneously he was ignored no and people figured it out later but still but like maybe look has never gotten enough flowers compared to someone like tom shady okay who after three hit comedies was like Patch Adams. You know, that's a common arc if someone is working at the highest levels of popular cinema is after a couple movies, they're like, I demand to be taken seriously. I demand it. Whether I need Oscar consideration or I need to

make like a small artsy one for myself to get the critics on board. McTiernan was a guy who would like, he had the lane he wanted to work in. And in a lot of ways it embodies like, he is a filmmaker whose career really embodies the sort of arc of 80s cinema building up to the excess of 90s Hollywood and the fallout of that in the early 2000s. Now. Yes.

John McTiernan. We've done a lot of directors of late. Barbra Streisand, David Fincher, even Park Chenoweth. Certainly Buster Keaton. Yes. Where our researcher, J.J. Bursch, has had piles of books, autobiographies. Yep. Yep.

Chunky interviews. Retrospectives to dig through John McTiernan's more the kind of guy where you load the Wikipedia page Die Hard, Predator, these things are well a lot of his movies are like John McTiernan appeared to make this movie about a year before it came out and that seems to be the story

on this one. This film was made and then released people saw it and had varying opinions on it. The man made Predator, Die Hard, and Red October. Those are well-discussed movies. He made two famous bombs, Last Action Hero and The 13th Warrior. Sure. There's discussions of those.

He made Die Hard with a Vengeance. That's a famous sequel. Most of his movies are so big. And the man is not press shy, right? He will show up. He'll do retrospective interviews. He's not like, I won't tell you what it's about. He'll throw up quotes on stuff.

But he's very much a guy where it's like, there is no shortage of reporting on the development, creation, production, response. But it's studio side. Predator. It's stars. Even if he has quotes, it's a hard man to get like his biography figured out. What do you want out of this career, John McTiernan? Right.

And he's like, I want to go to jail, of course. No, he did. He did go to jail, which we will talk about later. But today, we're talking about his first film, an auteurist project called No Man's. His only writing credit. Written and directed by John McTiernan in 1986. I see it written here as horror film.

In my opinion, that is a stretch. I would agree. It's a thriller yeah it's a sort of you know thriller that gets your heart rate up to like you're walking on the treadmill but yes it's going for thriller it's supernatural is it it's it's saying it is can i talk about my arc of awareness with this but it's like supernatural in a way of like what if people had a weird vibe i'm like what if it's like supernatural in a way of like, what if people had a weird vibe? I'm like, what if?

It's like, what if I told you that spirit's in them? And I'm like, what did that do? Gave them a weird vibe. Anyway, I'll see you later. My arc of relationship to this movie, this man's second film is Predator. Yeah, and his third film was Die Hard. And his fourth film was Hunt for Red October, right?

And I was just like, man, this guy blasts out of a cannon. If his first movie was notable in any way, people would talk about it. Yeah. Because it certainly didn't take... And it stars an actor

people know. This guy, like, basically started hitting perfection from the second movie on, right? Yes. And films that are

so complicated, towering, have lasted are, like, seminal movie star texts. Right. Where I'm like, this first movie no one talks about, maybe it's like a weird little hidden gem, but it has to be some

kind of minor thing. And I just never really looked at or thought about it or had any sort of cultural compulsion to watch it outside of just like, someday I want to have seen every John McTiernan movie. I'll watch it someday. Yes. And so I just never really looked into it and was just like, all I know is it's called Nomads and it stars Pierce Brosnan.

And maybe there was some conflation in my mind with 13th Warrior, but I was like, this is some like flesh and blood style epic. This is a

swords and loincloth movie, you know? I was like, this has to be some tribal period piece action film. Makes sense. Right. We commit to doing this. For the first time, I was like this has to be some tribal period piece action film makes sense right we commit to doing this for the first time I'm like time to order a blu-ray of nomads I look at the

poster I'm like fuck it's Pierce Brosnan and like a leather jacket being hunted by ghosts exactly is this movie gonna fucking rule awesome I was like dreading it when I was like oh he made some sort of like somber sort of like epic. Viking thing or something. And then I'm like, oh, this is like, Nomads is even a cool title. And then I put this thing on and I'm like, this is neither thing I originally thought this movie was. I don't know that this movie is anything. Maybe it could have been something, but I think it's not anything.

It is so bizarre. And the other thing was, I was astonished to see his name come up with the writing credit at the beginning, because I'm like, this is a guy I do not think of as a writer at all. You don't even really hear about him developing scripts. And it felt like the rise and fall of his career was so much based around when he had access to the best scripts in Hollywood versus when he didn't.

Where I'm like, well, it's not like he's a guy who can single-handedly will any script into being good. So then I'm like, huh, how weird that he wrote guy who can single handedly will any script into being good so then I'm like how weird that he wrote one movie and you watch this and you're like I get why he never wrote another film. He learned his fucking lesson now I don't know Ben what did you think of Nomads? Ben's a little sleepy

well yeah I'm waiting to get roasted oh okay Ben was two hours late to recording because he was sleeping I stayed up late to recording because he was sleeping. I stayed up late to watch this movie so that I could have seen it before we talked about it. And that was

that unfortunately put us in this bind of you not being here to talk about it. You watched it. You prepared. You did. Yes, I prepared. We were seconds away from me hosting, producing this podcast, and who knows how that would have gone. I think you would have been okay.

David was getting behind the control board when Ben finally picked up. Yes. Yeah, but what did I think? I think it's an interesting idea. It's an interesting idea. And there were moments where I was like, oh, fuck, is this going to start ruling now?

Is this what this movie is doing? And it never does it in the way that actually works. You like scallywags. Scallywags. Go on. You like, you know, people where, like, if I saw them, I'd be like, I'm going to cross the street. You know, I don't like the vibe of this sort of biker gang. Or I don't like the vibe of these, like, guys in leather jackets.

You like that kind of a group existing. That's sort of what this is about. Yeah. Well, Adam Ant. A silent Adam Ant. An unspeaking and is he sort of post his major stardom at this point? Like when is his peak?

Yeah, it's 80 to 83. Yeah. So it's like a few years after he's been like the hottest shit but he's still around yeah prince charming that's what he would say prince charming do you like adamant yeah sure okay not like a big adam ant guy personally are you kind of adamant is one of those things where i'm like it rocks that for one year pop culture was like you you we wanted a fucking troubadour highwayman like yes this is what we wanted and then like after a year of that he's like should you more highwaymen and everyone's like completely sick of you bro like no no more

yeah yeah what do you think it's just like how scott you know like like you know things would just get hot with like everyone for a year. Sure. It's so funny to me. So I think it should be celebrated. Because his look was also just like he got covered in glue and then spun around in a vintage store. Yeah. Which is kind of how the nomads in this movie. And then he like kind of put his hands in paint and then just kind of like slapped his face. Yeah.

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head over to bombas.com slash check and use code check for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash check and use code check at checkout. Bombas.com slash check. I would hang with the nomads. Sure. Of course you would.

That's what we're saying. I'd rather hang with them than fucking Pierce Brosnan. Yeah. Well, this is another thing to say in Ben's defense. You've not been sleeping well in general.

No. But the other thing is, last night, you and I went to go see a motion picture called Die Hard. Ever heard of it, David? I'm now realizing that you guys chased

Die Hard with Nomads, which really is not going to make Nomads look good. That is the exact point. Right. And you didn't really think you were doing this, right? You were just kind of like, Die Hard's playing. We have this record on the books, our first McTiernan, right? And then I, two days ago, saw, holy shit,

Die Hard is playing at Nighthawk in 35mm. I've never seen it in a theater. We're a couple weeks out from actually recording that episode. But I was like, fucking get ahead. Do the prep work. See Diehard in a theater. Get ahead, David. David, you wouldn't understand what this is like.

Did you? Some people like to leave things to the last second, oversleep, show up late. And other people like to do their work in advance. Did you see it at the Williamsburg? But it was on the big screen. It was scratchy. It was a real grindhouse print. It skipped

over some lines of dialogue. Who needs them? It was kind of fun. Not a quotable movie in any way. But I started watching Nomads. You made a Die Hard sandwich. Nomads is the bread. Right. I was trying to finish it and then I got caught up in some other stuff. So I watched half of Nomads. You made a Die Hard sandwich. Correct. With Nomads as the bread. Right. I was trying to finish it, and then I got caught up in some other stuff. So I watched half of Nomads,

went and saw Die Hard, went back home. When you say you got caught up in some other stuff, does that mean pooping? Correct. Yes, I didn't want to say it, but obviously everyone could infer what that meant. John Campbell McTiernan Jr. was born January 8th.

Ben watched all of Die Hard and then Nomads. Both of those are bad ways to watch Nomads, because if you're directly comparing Nomads right up next to Die Hard. It's tough. Yeah. January 8th, 1951 at Capricorn. Albany, New York. I already mentioned his parents are

Myra and John Sr. John Sr. apparently an upstate New Yorker himself went to Syracuse University, joined the Navy after Pearl Harbor, fought in like, you know, theer himself. Okay. Went to Syracuse University, joined the Navy after Pearl Harbor, fought in like, you know, the Pacific campaign. Okay. Returned after a tropical disease

claimed much of his eyesight, but then married Myra and they lived together for 61 years. Wow. He became a litigator for the state of New York, disguising his near blindness with a photographic memory and a prodigious ability to absorb documents

read to him by his secretary. He became the counsel of the transportation department. And because he had such a great courtroom voice, he took singing lessons and discovered the world of music, began singing with church

and civic choirs, then community musical theaters, and finally spent many summers singing opera in professional theaters in Maine and Maryland. Wait, his dad? What a life story! Yeah, his dad's

kind of incredible. How is he not? The singing director's father. Mondays at 10 on NBC. How is this not? How has John never made a movie about his crazy dad's life story? Jesus Christ! This like basically blind guy who not only becomes like

a great courtroom like photographic memory guy guy but also sings opera anyway so McTiernan I guess this sort of suggests I'm just reeling from the amount of information I know JJ put it in and bolded it clearly because it's like you don't

understand this is sort of interesting yeah and I guess it sort of explains like McTiernan having a love of theater, maybe? I don't know. If you're trying to sort of like figure out like where he gets into things.

He wanted to work in the theater, so he enrolled where, Griffin? Juilliard? Juilliard. This guy is a Juilliard-educated artist. Yes. He didn't like Juilliard, though, found it suffocating. I've never heard that about Juilliard. He was going there Yes. He didn't like Juilliard, though found it suffocating.

I've never heard that about Juilliard. He was going there for theatrical directing? I think so. He wanted to be a theater director, yes. Which is odd because, I mean, I think he's got great dramatic instincts, but I also think of him as such a visualist. He's sort of a guy where you would almost just assume the technical came first. Well, this is the first of what I'm assuming

is going to be a lot of John McTiernan quotes that's kind of to the point. Sure. I wanted to be a theater director, but it seemed like most theater directors were wealthy to begin with, had trust funds, and a large proportion of them were also gay.

It felt somehow that I didn't fit. It was a hermetically sealed world, he says. He's a pretty blunt man. While being weirdly eloquent He says what he thinks He does not mince words He, while struggling at Juilliard though Meets some people working on films

Quote, I think they call themselves independent filmmakers Or some pretentious nonsense Johnny But this is part of this whole thing Don't hit the brakes Don't think of me as some sort of artist You know He goes to the Symphony Theater on 95th and Broadway.

RIP. Doesn't exist anymore. So he's taking a day off at Juilliard, which is like not allowed. Juilliard's very fussy about this sort of stuff. Yeah. If you've ever heard about Juilliard from anyone, it seems like a fucking nightmare.

They don't let you eat meals. Yeah. Like, it's insane. They don't let you eat meals at all? No, for four years. He went to see. I'm joking, but they do stuff like that. They really are very rigid about, yes,

you can't take days off. If you're like an acting student at Juilliard and you get offered a paying job, they're like, well, enjoy dropping out of college. Wow. Yeah, it's one or the other. You either learn properly or you go take a job like a fucking pig. Are you here to take this seriously or not? Chill out, Juilliard. I agree. I'm saying it. It's one or the other. You either learn properly or you go take a job like a fucking pig. Are you here to take this seriously or not?

Chill out, Juilliard. I agree. I'm saying it. It's also weird. Every year they cut people. They do it like fucking elimination style. They're like, half your friends won't make it.

Like, you know, that's how it is up here at the Big J. He goes to see Day for Night, Francois Truffaut's Day for Night at the Symphony Theater. He says he thinks he saw it eight times that day. He just sat and just like every time they played it, he saw it again.

Of course, Day for Night is a movie about making movies. Yes. It's an excellent film. And so he was very interested in like, I got past the story. I got past the acting. I got past like, oh, I love this bit. And I was just trying to get into like the true technology. That's fascinating. I learned to sit in the back row of a theater. I got past like oh I love this bit and I was just trying to get into like the true technology and process

I learned to sit in the back row of a theater you never watch it close if you want to see what's there or you want to try and reproduce what's there I think I learned day for night shot for shot from memory so I could write it down sounds like he's got a fucking McTiernan senior memory over here

other movies he loves McCabe and Mrs. Miller he loves the you know and Mrs. Miller. He loves the, you know, big wooden village. He likes how they built that. He likes the sound of it.

He thinks that movie is a huge inspiration on Die Hard with a Vengeance, which we can talk about. that's not the one. I think the sound, he says, he tried to do some of the techniques

Altman did with sound there, where you like, it doesn't sound like microphones are in people's faces. But also ensemble cast, especially in his early run of films, this is a guy who's so good at like juggling 20 primary characters,

which is a very Altman-y thing. But Altman is doing that in a way that is not tied to a repulsive plot. And McTiernan does, which makes it even more impressive in a certain way. He quits Juilliard. He transfers to SUNY Old Westbury. They have a film program.

He starts sort of, he says, I basically made my own film program because it was so new there. I made a long movie called Poor Richard's Almanac that was everything that went through the mind of a guy named Richard sitting in an apartment in

new york city stoned on his ass sounds kind of good sounds pretty good yeah he made a student feature like his sort of thesis film called tales of the 22nd century okay that got him into the afi uh where he got an mfa so he's like a true it's funny he's like like a true first generation of film school kids. These 70s film school kids who are learning the craft at these August institutions that are popping up. And then he's like, very good. What if these guys in a van hassled Pierce Brosnan? He went through every stage of it. It's like, well, I learned like dramatic storytelling

and dramatic craft and actors. And then I get into filmmaking. Right. And then I go to like through film program. And then I work in commercials. Like he just like

slowly built up every muscle. Starts making commercials. Yes. Another obvious classic way to do this. Mm-hmm. One thing

JJ wants to clear up. Wikipedia, among others, cites that this script was based on a book by Chelsea Quinn Yarbrough, who is a, you know,

somewhat well-known like sci-fi and sort of fantasy. She wrote vampire novels and stuff. She's still alive. Okay. Not true.

It was a novelization that was published before? Correct. Even though Nomads was not released until 86, Yar It was a novelization that was published before? Correct. Even though Nomads was not released until 86, Yarbrough's novelization of the script was released in 84 for some reason. It is wild how big of an industry there was around novelizations for movies of like any size.

And there were a lot of cases of... I think it was kind of like, it's like the work's half done. Yeah. The story's basically written anyway. Might as well also sell it as a book. And they would just hand people scripts and have them write the book while the film was being made, before it was even filmed. And then you get a lot of cases like this.

And there were times where they intentionally, like, would publish the book first and then pretend that the movie was based on the book. Right. Like Love Story and Summer of 42 is that as well? Right. Is that right? Right. But then other times you just have this thing where it's like, well, the movie just kind of sits around for a while

and it doesn't come out and the book made it to shelves so then people think the movie is based on the book, even though the book was never a bestseller. It's weird. I mean, does it help the marketing? It did for a while. Like the narrative of like this not just being an original screenplay. Right.

Well, it went from being a like, if a kid liked Star Wars. I don't know if much helped at all. Right. It went from being if a kid liked Star Wars, publishing companies can make a quick buck by putting a Star Wars book on the shelves and kids will want to reread Star Wars, especially in an era where you don't have home video. Right? It's like, this is your way to live with the movie over and over and over again. But then it starts to become this thing where they're like,

it becomes promotion for the movie. That's weird. Anyway. Yeah. This film is based on nothing other than John McTiernan sitting idly. Yeah. Well, he was always very interested in anthropology.

Of course, Pierce Brosnan's character is an anthropologist in this film. He projected the notion of Eskimo monsters. Eskimo is a culturally insensitive word at this point. This is an interview from the 80s. And he discovered while he's researching this, this idea that nomadic cultures all have the same bloody myth that some of the people out there really aren't people. We walk around and a certain percentage of the people

we see and deal with aren't really there. I don't know what he's talking about. Horror movies he likes. They scared him. He loved Alien. So he decides I'm going to do a horror movie he uh gets a one million dollar budget to make this movie from independent producer elliot castner who is quite a fascinating figure if we can dig into him for a bit uh he did he's the executive producer

of when eagles dare he's the work uh he produced uh the long goodbye the altman film he had the marlo rights for a while because he also did the 270s Marlowe movies with Mitchum. Kastner's collected archive of the production Nomads is currently on sale for $1,196 on Abe Books, if anyone wants it. Kastner, though, yeah. I mean, do you want to get into him more than that? He's just kind of like a famous like Hollywood roust about right

like he would fund weird movies like the Missouri breaks that's another one like that like probably like major studios didn't want to deal with I mean can I read two incredibly good quotes about him because I just think that he's someone with an interesting Wikipedia page yes Mario Puzo 1977

said a group of producers regarded Kastner as, quote, the greatest genius in the movie business. He has put together very big films, nearly all of which are flops, and yet he can get the money and stars to produce any movie he decides to. He does it with a phone, irresistible charm, and shameless chutzpah. So that's an interesting quote where you're like, this guy is a failure but embodies something of this kind of a classic movie producer where he just wills his way into stuff.

Alan Parker, who makes Angel Heart with Kastner, says, describes him as an irascible gadfly in the film industry. Having been involved with more films than Technicolor and outlived 50 studio heads in as many lawsuits. Many was the time I've seen him, quote, work the tables in the Pinewood Studios restaurant on the way to the men's room. work the tables in the Pinewood Studios restaurant on the way to the men's room. He usually stayed just long enough to blow his nose in your napkin, dispense some wickedly cynical aphorism about the movies, and move on.

There is an oft-told story that Marlon Brando finally said yes to doing misery breaks because he could not face the prospect of Elliot Kastner on his knees crying in front of him one more time. I'm just fascinated by, you hear the way people start to talk about him and you're like, is this some Joel Silver,

a man McTiernan will work with later, who just yelled and screamed and threw his phone at intimidated people? You can't fucking do this to me! Right. Fine, Jesus, Joel. Or is this some like passionate, I'm going to push this uphill,

I'm a man's kind of James Seamus-y friend to filmmakers guy. And you're like, Kastner's in the middle where it's like, part of his bit is like schmoozing people. Part of his bit's being pathetic. Most of his movies are bad. The ones that are good

almost feel like they happened by accident. It's like, why did he make Long Goodbye? Like, that's crazy. That movie's actually good. Right. Or whatever.

Yes. That everyone seemed to be like, I kind of can't deny this guy. Yes. But, he gives him McTiernan $1 million for this script about fucking nomads. I don't know. Okay. I guess they're worse gambles to make. Sure.

I think this movie made, it looks like it made $2 million. So it was a robust hit, obviously. Yeah. Made 100% of its, 200% of its gross. That was the other thing. Castor put his own money in. If he, like, found material he liked or a filmmaker he liked, he'd be like, I'm just gonna to give you money to write the script. Pierce Brosnan has been in basically zero movies.

He has a nameless role as a gangster in The Long Good Friday. You see his hairy chest. He looks very sexy. And of course, he had been on the television show Remington Steel, which is currently airing. This was made in between seasons three and four of Remington Steel. So this is in the period where Bond has been

snatched away from him? Yes. I would assume so. Well, The Living Daylights is 1987. Okay. So maybe it's about to get snatched away from him.

Maybe they fucking saw Nomads. I mean, I don't know. He's on this bubble, but we've told this story. We told it on Patreon, but just to restate it here Remington Steele was like this perfect audition piece for James Bond where he's playing

sort of like a fake version of a James Bond type guy to the point where they're like fuck this is who should play James Bond Remington Steele gets cancelled you've told this story but I probably told it on Patreon so I'm resetting it on Patreon they start to cast him as Bond Griffin was telling the story But I probably told it on Patreon. Guys, it gets canceled.

They start to cast him as Bond. Griffin was telling the story. Let's slow it down. Let's slow it down. The excitement from the rumor mill of Brosnan being tipped for Bond makes NBC go, wait a second, maybe let's capitalize on this,

get him back on Remington Steel. So they uncanceled Remington Steel. He's locked into that. He misses Bond. Dalton gets it that time. He'll have to wait for later. But of course, he does at least end up getting through Bond. Wherever this happens in relation to that whole

scenario, he is in this zone where people are like, this guy might be a leading man in movies. He's handsome. That jump's inevitable. Maybe. Well, no. Back then, the jump was never inevitable. The jump, I should say, I should put it this way. It is inevitable that they will test him out. Yeah.

Right? Because he's, yeah, he's of a certain age. The guy had the potential, the right look, the right what have you. This film was unsurprisingly designed for Gerard Depardieu. Because for 15 years, there was only one French actor that America would acknowledge it's beyond that

it's not just and I would say this is sort of at the beginning of his run there yeah because basically 95 they let

Jean Reno in as well right they're like he also there are French actresses who can make it in so like obviously

the 80s well like let's wait first process okay sorry well actually well because I'm saying it's Depardieu first no I know you're right yeah okay who can make it in. So, like, obviously, the 80s are... Wait. First process. Okay, sorry. Well, actually, well... Because I'm saying it's Depardieu first.

No, I know you're right. Yeah, okay. We can briefly just mention Depardieu. Because, like, obviously, Depardieu, I feel like his big breakout is, like, The Last Metro, right?

Like, sort of, like, does lots of movies in the 70s. Going Places. You know, The Last Woman and, you know, but then the 80s... Would you picture his face,

Depardieu? Do you picture him as, like,, you know, but then the 80s... When you picture his face, Depardieu, do you picture him as like with like a serious look or sort of a goofy look on his face? I picture him looking like he's just been shown a big wheel of cheese. Yes, me too. Yeah. I think I...

Here he is seeing it. I think I made the comment that Debra Dew now is a man who only appears in 3D even when he's acting in a 2D film. He does look like he's been 3D printed, yes. I'm just like, his face is just like so aggressive. He's also a nightmare person. He is a nightmare person.

In a million ways. He's hot stuff. Yes. And he starts doing stuff like Danton and like Jean de Floret where it's like he's even getting American Critics Awards and stuff like that. So, yes. But versus later on he becomes thought of as like this burly

French character actor. His peak is 1990 where he does Green Card and Cyrano de Bergerac in the same year. And everyone's like, he's crossing over. Right. And then he comes to America, does My Father the Hero. Yes. 1492 Conquest of Paradise. And everyone's like, he's crossing over. Right. And then he comes to America, does My Father the Hero, 1492 Conquest of Paradise, and it's like,

out. Longest plot. But he had been like, France's biggest leading man for like 15 years at that point. Yeah, I was going to say,

his, yeah, he'd already broken out before Last Metro Action because there's a ton of, you know. Going places at 74. Yeah.

That was like his big breakthrough yeah and then like 1900 yes he and De Niro get dual hand jobs in that movie yeah they do yes side by side he wins the fucking Golden Globe for green card and people are like I guess they did it the guy will talk about

him one day on green card yes we will do that and then he just proceeds to like have a couple humongous fuck ups in a row. Yeah. And then becomes this guy you cast for shorthand French. Yeah. Like it's the thing in he's so distracting in Life of Pi

in his very small part as the angry cook. Yes. Okay. Because he keeps eating all the food. Right. I'm joking. That's so mean of me. He kind of does though. Well part of the bit of the movie is that you like are made to wonder if he was eating them the food. Right. I'm joking. That's so mean of me. He kind of does though. Well, part of the bit of the movie is that you like are made to wonder if he was eating them.

Right. Yeah. But, um, uh, Ang Lee was like, look, I just,

that character doesn't have a lot of screen time. I needed someone who very quickly the audience gets he's Fred. And like, that sort of becomes

the way he's cast after that. Right. But, in American films, in Hollywood films. Right. But this is a moment where, yes, it's before his 1990 peak,

but it's in that period where people are saying, when a star is so big in a foreign country, that Hollywood keeps on going like, are we fucking up? Is there an untapped resource here? It's what sort of happens to Banderas a little later. You know, Jackie Chan had a long time in Hong Kong, where it's like,

this other country is so fucking crazy for this guy. Do we need to figure it out? The thing is, if you're gonna maybe cast Gerard Depardieu

and you write the role French, and then you cast Pierce Brosnan, maybe, maybe, change it back. Here's the thing. They get Irish,

he's Irish. That's an accent. I think he can do it. Depardieu would. They can Irish. He's Irish. That's an accent. I think he can do it. Depardieu would have been vaguely disastrous in this film. No one's good in this movie.

No. So it doesn't really matter. He might be fun. I can't see him fitting into this film. Pierce is struggling so much with the French accent. He does feel like

better casting in every way but the guy being a Frenchman which you could just fucking drop. You could just drop it. It's irrelevant to the story.

It's pretty irrelevant. Completely irrelevant. Especially just being a film set in the States. You could just go, he's from Ireland. Or go, Pierce, what other accents are you good at? Anything you got?

Don't impose French on him. You don't have French. Yes. You don't have it. You don't have that one. But here's the thing. Yeah. McTiernan really likes Pierce Brosnan.

Says it was great working with him. They stay in touch. Obviously, they work together again many years later. He's off. He thought he was well used in Remington Steel. But, you know, he's playing a bright and chipper character. So he said, like, I had him put some weight on. You know, he would drink four or five beers a day to thicken up.

Okay. Because in Nomad, he's a little less, like, debonair, obviously, and a little less trim, I guess. And once again, don't know where this is coming in the Bond cycle, but Pierce was, like, consciously... I think it's around. It's all happening around. Sure, it's all happening around the same space. I think he was like, if I do Remington Steel and Bond and other parts like this, I will never break out of this ever. I'm going to get pigeonholed into one type of suave.

And here's Pierce's quote. This is exactly it. I was so anxious to get away from that image. I think I went a little too far. I agree with you. I grew this big beard. I wore my hair long. That movie came and went.

I don't think it was a good move for me. Like, basically. See, here's my argument. No one saw this movie. It didn't make an impact. He did right. This don't think it was a good move for me. Like, basically. See, here's my argument. No one saw this movie. It didn't make an impact. He did right. This didn't really hurt his career. I do think it actually maybe helped him to make a movie no one saw playing something very different with a different look.

If not in terms of public perception, just in terms of himself. Yeah. Yeah. Like, this movie's just basically an ash can for him to just be like, let me get this out of my system so that when I go back to wearing the tuxedo and holding the gun, I don't do so with the panic of,

am I going to be stuck here forever? But then, like, he does the deceivers where he, like, wears fucking disguises or something. He does a movie called Mr. Johnson. Uh-huh. Which looks good. Lawnm. Johnson, which looks good. Lawnmower Man, obviously. Sure.

Then Mrs. Doubtfire, which is like a big movie. And he does get fruited. He made a movie called Live Wire about spontaneous human combustions where he plays a bomb disposal expert. That sounds very good. Yes, it does.

So it must be terrible. Yeah, I would have heard about it. You suck. he makes a movie called entangled with judd nelson you don't want to be making movies with judd nelson in the 90s that's not like you don't want to be like waking up today being like can't wait to report to set with judd nelson uh so uh leslie ann down of course is the female lead of this film kind of the real lead of this film. Yeah. Well, I mean, this film has an incredibly bizarre approach to having a lead character. Yeah.

And you keep thinking, I get it. This is how it's going to work. Is it going to be like a heaven can wait situation? Is it going to be like an all of me situation? And you're like, no, it will like spend enough time with one character that you forget the other character exists even though they're sort of occupying the same reality, but

in two different timelines. Right. Well, Lisanne Down was friends with Elliot Kastner. Okay. And he got lunch with her and he said, I've got this new director I'm producing a movie for in LA and I would like you to play the girl, the doctor. He describes the movie and

she says, that doesn't sound like me. I'm English. You're describing an American doctor. I don't think that's going to work for me. And he says, well, I'd like you to be in it. It would help the selling of it. And she was like, okay then. They offer her some money. She gets off the plane, she

says, and she meets mcturnan says he's very gruff uh-huh wasn't nice to her was because he didn't want like right you were not what i wanted i wanted forced on me he had some american blonde girl i see hitchcocky blonde right who was quoting she says quote probably perfect for the part and i was not and so they had a terrible time she's not good in this movie. She's not like terrible. She's whatever. Yeah. I mean, is anyone good in this movie?

I would say the van is doing good work. David. Yep. The economy. No. I know that's. It's actually more robust than the press would have you think. But you know what? What? It's actually more robust than the press would have you think. But you know what?

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It would join custody. Okay. Okay, buddy. This movie has interesting people in it. It does. And you keep waiting for someone to sort of start popping. Yeah, but does anyone pop? No. in it. It does. And you keep waiting for someone to sort of start popping. Yeah, but does anyone pop? No.

I think Mary Woronov who plays Dancing Mary. Who's like a legendary. Kind of like a Corman Warhol girl. Paul Bartel's partner. Yeah. She's kind of, she holds the camera. She does. No, there are people, I mean, they're compelling, but you're just like waiting for someone to sort of have

some, I mean, it is astounding that he went from this to Predator. And my biggest question I just want to put on the table right now is Schwarzenegger takes the credit for. He saw this. Yes. Said this guy established. He liked the mood of this movie. A good atmosphere and a very low budget. Predator was his project.

He convinced Fox to hire John McTiernan. Is Arnold Schwarzenegger a genius for being able to pick that out? Or did he get really lucky that McTiernan was so much better

in terms of potential than he even could have realized? I think he's a bit of a genius. That's my take. This is the whole argument with Schwarzenegger versus his modern day counterparts is like,

he picked the right fucking collaborators. Yes. he had a great eye for talent and he trusted people it's possible that he saw this movie and was like well here's a director i could push around like i guess like but i don't think so i think you saw this movie in this movie's only accomplishment is that it sets a mood yeah so much so that you're like can't wait for the horror to begin right and then the credits are rolling and you're like what he just got hassled by some guys in a van i don't understand if they're invisible david if you're schwarzenegger right and like silver's got the fucking predator script yeah shane black's doing punch up you're reading it and you're like this is a fucking billion dollar premise if i'm handing him this script and this guy's good at mood,

then he'll probably be able to pull this off. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Arnie's probably a genius. We can talk about it more next week, I guess, of like what that went like. I just, I kept watching this going like, would I have been able to recognize what he recognized in watching this?

Yeah, right. But, you know. This is not like a wildly unsuccessful film. It's not one of the worst movies we've ever covered, but it's one of the films that like, it makes very little impression. I do agree if you're looking at it very seriously, you can see like, okay, this man does know how to construct scenes. The film is not dramatically engaging, but it looks good for what it is. You know, it's got some panache at moments, but it's definitely not unlike some first films we've covered where you're like, this thing's rough, but you can feel the energy of someone figuring

shit out. This is not a first film where I would bet on like this guy's absolutely going to get it together. No. And like you said, I was firing this up just being like, maybe this will be a bit of an undiscovered. Secret gem. Even if not a gem, just kind of like a fun,

pulpy 80s. Yeah. Supernatural thing. And it's just irritating how much it is not supernatural or scary. Right. This was Leslie Endow's big complaint about the movie is like, it's a real neither fish nor fowl. I mean, she's done a lot of interviews about it since where she's like,

he was like stuck in this terrible zone between like wanting to be... The factory did a big release of this. She's the one person who still talks about the film. But like he wanted this sort of more self-serious stripped down somber version of the thing right but it doesn't really work as an actual drama

and he stays away from like the pulpiness of going full genre with it so you're just stuck in this middle zone where it's like just kind of mood. The basic premise of this movie is that Pierce Brosnan. Oh, please go ahead. Try to summarize this quickly. Is a French sociologist. Anthropologist, sorry, who studies nomadic culture. Correct. Has sort of displaced his loving, devoted, patient wife.

Yes. For decades as he just picks her up and goes, we now need to go to a different sort of off the beaten path. We gotta go to fucking, right, the middle of nowhere to study this nomadic culture. It's not gonna be in a, you know, giant metropolis, whatever.

His wife played by Anna Maria Monticelli. Yeah, who's fine in this. He finally settles down in Los Angeles. He's going to start teaching at UCLA. Is that the idea? Like he's sort of finally trying to set up. He's gotten a job at UCLA.

Yeah. They get a suburban home. And he's like, I'm ready to play the normal person game. And then a van appears. Dun, dun, dun. We do have to agree with that. Filled with nomads. Best performance in the movie.

Yeah, the van, you think. The van. I mean, people keep being like, holy shit, it's the van. And I almost believe them. They're like, fuck, it's the van again. But the way we're introduced to this is that Lesley Ann Down... This is the thing. That would be a movie.

Is it Doctors Getting Ready to Retire or Transfer? I think she's maybe gonna transfer Eileen Flax is her name She's working an ER shift A guy comes in and dies He's like screaming and he's bloody It's Pierce Brosnan No one can make sense of what this guy is saying

He's losing his fucking mind He basically like whispers in her ear before he dies And she gets like possessed with his memories She walks away and she was like that was fucking weird and everyone's like that guy just died. This is the other thing watching this movie

on the same night as Die Hard. Die Hard is one of the most impressive movies in its ability to communicate information cleanly and in an entertaining fashion

that is memorable. And this movie I could barely keep track of anything that was going on. And even putting aside the weird lore of the nomadic supernatural thing

it's getting at, I just couldn't figure out, like, is Leslie Hand down retiring? Or is she transferring to a different hospital? Or is she changing careers? There are all these conversations that sort of have this tone

of her being one foot out the door. And I could not figure out what exactly she was moving from or to. But yes. It's not important. He whispers into her ear and then basically possesses her. And you're like,

okay, so is this one of those movies where his soul is inside her body? No. No, it's not. She's reliving his memories. She basically... But she'll do it while she's like, you know, at the deli. Right. So like she's going like, and like she thinks she's Pierceiving his memories but she'll do it while she's like you know at the deli

so like she's going like and like she thinks she's Pierce Brosnan but at the deli there's a lady running around screaming to be clear there are no scenes in the deli it's like in present moment she is reliving the last week of his life she's basically walking through flashbacks

not realizing that in real life she is also in spaces doing things. Yeah, like she's Mr. Magooing kind of across town. Like she's on like a steel, you know what I mean? Like a steel bar or whatever that's being lifted by a crane and she's walking across. Exactly. But she like doesn't have agency in these flashbacks. Like you're just watching Pierce Brosnan.

I just figured out what you're saying. And yes. No, you nailed it, Ben. Once again, our finest film critic. Even though he's on two hours of sleep. There's like 10 minutes you'll be with Brosnan, and then they'll cut back to her. And yes, she's like walking into a wall,

and everyone's screaming at her. Right. And you're like, oh, right. All of what I just saw happened a week ago. She has no ability to affect the outcome. It's not like a time travel thing. It's not a possession thing in a usual sense. Right? It's not even

like, oh, to other people, she looks like this. It's stupid. Okay, let's just say it. It's dumb. Doesn't make any sense. It doesn't matter. The movie does it way too many times and it's like, what are you doing? Like, you know, like snaps back to her. What's going on?

She wakes up in bed with his wife and you're like, did she fuck his wife? Okay, so let's talk about it though. That scene. It's so bizarre. Is weird because it's, she's in Pierce's memory. And once again, she's like not even, because she doesn't have agency in the Pierce possession.

She's just basically like. She's acting out what he did. I got to get through a week of Pierce's life to catch up to what actually killed him. Right. I want to find out what happened to him right before I met him in the hospital. And there's a scene where she basically, Pierce, like, goes up to a window, undresses after being hassled by the people in the van. Sure.

You see his shadowy dong, and he gets into bed, and then, right, then you're waking up, and it's her in the bed with his wife. Right, you're like, is she placing herself in that? Do you know what happened to my husband? Right. She's like, no. Do you know what happened to your husband?

And she's like, no! And so they have to figure it out together. But it's like, did she actually show it up? I don't fuck. Pierce Brosnan's widow. Maybe sleep next to. And then wake up and then be like,

well, weird coincidence. I was think I was living through the memory of the last time your husband fucked you, but also fucking you. I don't know. They don't fuck.

They just sleep together. It just feels like there's a version of this movie where when she sleeps, she has in her dreams the visions of what he was going through. And then she wakes up and tries to solve the mystery herself, right? Instead, this movie basically has her be possessed for a lot of the time. And then her friends are kind of trying to solve the mystery

because her friends are like, what the fuck is going on with her? Yeah, right. We need to figure this out. She's acting crazy. The mystery is that basically there is this gang of like post-punk. There's a gang of punks traveling around in a van. And he's fascinated by them because he's like, they seem to be a modern American version of nomadic culture. because he's like, they seem to be a modern American version of nomadic culture.

Yes. But they turn out to be this sort of like spiritual embodiment of a notion of a demon that nomadic cultures used to be obsessed with. Worship or something, yes. Worship and folklore. Yes, they are the Ainwitok demonic Inuit trickster spirits that take human form, commit acts of violence and mischief, and are attracted to places of death. They have like a shrine to a murderer in like a garage. He finds that and is like,

what's going on? This is like the cultures I've studied elsewhere. There's this very specific kind of junky supernatural movie that is like the writer, the filmmaker became obsessed with a real bit of mythology that existed in history,

right? An old bit of folklore that has historical grounding. And then they build a movie around it in which the lead characters don't know what's going on.

And in the last 30 minutes you need a professor to explain it to you. And it just, it always feels like brutal when you get to those scenes and you're like i don't care if this is real or not the problem is though i could accept that if there was exciting sequences which there should be which there should be you could give me a home invasion and they do the poster is him leather jacket beard looking like a snack fucking floating

ghost faces above him with like claws going like i'm thinking give me all this you got i just want a home invasion yes a car chase sure a battle in an alley some fucking ghoulish makeup and some makeup and i want to see inside the van yeah i mean in there yeah you do well now you can decorate at the nomads experience on 56th street and 7th avenue you can go inside the van with the nomads you gotta get the lines around the block yes especially this time of year 85 dollars or 95 to actually enter it's a real tourist 85 if you just come near us uh they just keep on showing up in his fucking garage and fucking with him and driving him a little crazy. Yeah.

And you're just like, I know this guy dies. That's the other thing. There's no real mystery to solve as much as the movie acts like there is. And you're just slowly moving towards the inevitable point of them beating the shit out of him. Right? Yeah.

Because you're like, the full circle moment of this movie is her being like, okay, and now I've lived through the death which is when I entered the picture he showed up bloodied and I didn't save his life I just want to cut to it they you know they fucking look around trying to figure out what's going on she's flashing back to what happened to Brosnan

which is they got hassled they eventually get chased out of his home by the punks. They flee to the attic. Dancing Mary, like, pops her head up and is like, and they're like, oh, no. And then she leaves.

So then they run away. Their house has been ransacked. They drive out of the city. And then they see a guy on a motorcycle. And it's Pierce Brosnan. And they go, oh, my God. And then the movie ends. Leslie and them first says,

keep driving, keep driving. No matter what, just keep driving. It's like preparing her. You're going to see something that's going to freak you out so fucking much. Don't be distracted by it. Keep driving.

Yes. And then they see him there. He takes off his helmet. He looks fucking hot as hell. And they're like, well, that was intense. And they keep driving and the movie's over. The movie's over. He's on the side of hell. And they're like, well, that was intense. And they keep driving in the movies over on the side of the room.

You're like, what? What? And I'm not saying what, in terms of like, I need everything explained to me. I'm saying what, in terms of like,

I feel like we're just starting to get somewhere with the nomads. Guys, I don't know if this can be the end of your movie. No, I don't know if people are going to walk out being like, God, it was so crazy at the end when it was Pierce Brosnan on a motorcycle. I'm going to say it. John McTiernan, terrible

writer. It is astounding. If you told me this is the first screenplay written by a man who came out of commercials, which he was coming out of, I'd be like, that makes sense. This is a guy. He's got a sense of tone of mood, images he wants to evoke, right? But like, maybe doesn't have a story

sense. The fact that he started out going to Juilliard, that, like, dramatic fundamentals were drilled into him, something that I do think comes across in his other films. Right. It is astounding that this movie has no sense of story. No.

It is so improperly told. What's a movie like this where you're flashing, you know, into memory? You know, there's lots of movies that are like this right like someone's having sort of haunting visions of of horrible things yes now i'm struggling to think of what i know i'm putting you on the spot john malkovich no no but that's more of what i thought this movie was going to be of like there are two people fighting for space in the body. Do you know what I'm saying? Whereas this is,

she just kind of like, it's like her broadcast frequency is overtaken by his memories. And then she's just powerless. But it's still acting it out. Yes, we keep discussing this. We don't know. Probably.

Every time that happens to be the answer you're like you now have two main characters with no agency because everything she's acting out she's not actually affecting and all of it is done it happened a week ago nothing can be changed he's dead which is nominally interesting like we start the movie with like him dying and passing on the curse of whatever the fuck this is. Sure. And then she has to both deal with the curse.

It's like the ring or, you know, and figure out what happened to this dead guy. Right. But that's a tough way to introduce the leading man of your movie.

Yes. He has no active role. And it doesn't deserve to your leading lady. Sure. It fucks both of them. But Brosnan has no active role in this movie. You're just watching him get hassled.

Right. Over a week. And thinking about the fact that she's watching this. Yes. In her mind. Brosnan never feels like he's got much of a handle. Like his character is just like, they're like nomads. Right.

And you're like, okay, buddy. And he's like, that's crazy. Yeah. And you're like, okay. And he's like, my conclusion, they're like nomads. Right. And you're like, okay, buddy. And he's like, that's crazy. Yeah. And you're like, okay. And he's like, my conclusion, they're nomads. He invokes. Like, it's not like he has like more to say on this. No, and when he says it to his wife,

he says it like it's this massive breakthrough. These people I've seen, they are nomads. I can't even do. Yeah, we, I mean, if we haven't made it clear enough, he's speaking in a French accent. It is absolutely fucking God. So bad. It is so bad.

So bad. He's singing in SOS. I made that joke on Letterboxd and here. It is better. He sings SOS better than he talks. Yes, but there's a similar level of, you can just see the sweat beads on his forehead as he's trying to be a

French bearded anthropologist. But when he says like these people who are following me, I'm starting to think they might be nomads. Who cares? Call the police. an anthropologist. But when he says, like, these people who are following me, I'm starting to think they might be nomads. It's like, who cares? Call the police. And his wife responds like that's impossible

as if he's saying they might be vampires. And you're like, nomadic living, that's like a way of life. Right, that's just a person who doesn't live in a particular place.

It's not a supernatural condition. These happen to be supernatural nomads, but that's not even his thesis. His thesis was, would you believe it? American nomads. And you're like, sure, I believe. I don't know. The fuck? Who cares? There's so many examples

that I could think of nomadic people in this country. Yes. In a modern sense. Made a whole movie about a land of them. A land of them. Motorcycle groups. We gave it best picture. You know, gangs, motorcycle gangs.

We personally gave it best picture. You guys did? The Nomadland. You don't remember that year in 2020 they said, you guys just vote

on the Oscars during the pandemic? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't remember a lot of that time. Why not?

Try to block it out. Why not? Something going on that was a blimp a blimp good year it was a mid 2000s Russell Crowe Ridley Scott picture oh good year I'm trying to finish my Scots now

I don't know if I told you this so I watched a good year finally pretty good it's kind of charming unlike 1492 Conquest of Paradise starring Gerard Depardieu you seen that fucking turd

that's like his biggest stinker what is it about Christopher Columbus Depardieu as Christopher Columbus cause they were like you're French right but you could play Christopher Columbus what was he Spanish and Depardieu was probably like he was Italian

yeah so you can do that right on the anniversary you put on this wool fucking outfit and this stupid hat yeah exactly you just go yell at some monks

it'll be fine on like the anniversary of Columbus discovering America there were two rival giant big budget Christopher Columbus

biopic epics starring European leading men that both came out within months of each other and bombed atomically. And people were like, everyone's going to want to see a fucking Columbus movie this year.

Anyway, Depper Du. Depper Du. More like Depper Doo-Doo. Nomads. Nomads. I mean, can you believe it? The gang is kind of fun.

Kind of, but you also keep waiting for them to pop. Yeah. Or turn into monsters. Right. Something's going to happen. The craziest thing that happens is Mary Warren of pops her head into the attic wearing leather. Yeah. Shrieks at them and kind of like pops one nipple out. And he's like,

and that's it. That's what happens. You know what? You don't really know why he died. You know what they feel like? They feel like the gang in near dark, except they don't talk and they never turn into vampires.

Not to go back. It's very near dark. It's, but that energy of just like something off putting about these guys. There's something they're hiding. They're menacing. Right. For some guys. There's something they're hiding. They're menacing. Right.

For some reason. Right. And they're like colorful. And then you're like, what's the movie? What's the big punch? It's like storing up. And you're like, they just act kind of weird. Like, obviously the implication of you seeing Brosnan at the end of the film is they've like stolen his soul.

That's what they did. Okay. And now he's one of the nomads. Great. So he too will ride a bike. Okay. The most chilling fate. You can't leave the theater because you're crying in your seat.

Yeah, it doesn't feel like a finished ending. The chill up your spine has paralyzed you. His next movie is Predator. Ah, it's a better movie. Yeah. Listen, this is still, though, a good idea. Ah, it's a better movie. Yeah. Listen, this is still, though, a good idea. Yeah, it's a good idea. What comes to mind is...

You could do a page one rewrite on this movie and make a very, very enjoyable thriller. Stephen King's The Outsider. Sure. Oh, right. I see. I see what you're saying. That series.

It's not a movie, but I'm just saying some kind of piece of media that's like this. Like this ancient force that's out there. I like an ancient force. I like an ancient force. Empty men? We love our empty men. Empty men's a little

like this where it's like a guy being like, what's going on? Yeah. In like regular life. Right. But like I'm poking at like, what's this? in like regular life but like I'm poking at like what's this? This sort of like spooky undercurrent except is I mean Patrick Willems front of the show

his letterboxd review is the poster is this is a terrifying supernatural horror movie and the actual movie is a woman remembers Pierce Brosnan being harassed by punks in a van. I mean 10 out of 10 great job Pat. That is what this movie is. A Woman Remembers Pierce Brosnan Being Harassed by Punks in a Van. I mean, 10 out of 10. Great job, Pat. That is what this movie is. Yes, correct.

Here's the other thing. The taglines for this movie, this film has two taglines, okay? The first one is a terrifying story of the supernatural. Nominally true. Nominally true. It thinks it's terrifying.

It's kind of supernatural, but sure. Ben, the second tagline for this movie nominally true. Nominally true. It thinks it's terrifying. It's kind of supernatural, but sure. Ben, the second tagline for this movie is, if you've never been frightened by anything,

you'll be frightened by this. Right. So like people maybe who have actually fought Satan himself. Yes. And were not afraid.

But then they're like, one ticket to Nomads, please. And then they're sobbing with fear. This movie isn't even like saying, oh, the scariest movie movie ever made which would be a bold claim this movie is saying hey you daredevil the man without fear we dare you to sit through 88 minutes

of this we know you yawn during the exorcist right yeah yeah we know you sat unblinking in the middle of an active battle zone unafraid didn't break a sweat nomads is going to fucking destroy you have so many weird dreams in it and spook everyone around her the other thing is when she wakes up and thinks that she's fucked Brosnan's wife after having the memory of Brosnan fucking his wife, Brosnan's wife says something

to the effect of don't worry, you slept on the couch. Did you rewind to see if you could see? You can't really see his dick. Yeah, I rewind. It's kind of a shadowy,

you know, scene. Brosnan's widow says don't worry. I hear what you're saying. You slept on the couch and I'm like, you didn't. We just saw you wake up in worry. I hear what you're saying. You slept on the couch and I'm like, you didn't. We just saw you wake up

in bed covered in sheets. You're naked. What do you mean? Well, maybe it's changing. Right? Maybe. Yeah.

Okay. Look, here's some other stuff from the dossier. Okay. While working together Has Brosnan ever shown more dick than this

in a movie? Not that I'm aware of, but I need, clearly need to watch that bomb Disposal movie or whatever. Yeah. While working on this film, Brosnan and Down realized they might have known each other as children. They went to school near each other in London.

And, quote, this is Down, he was one of the boys that used to hang outside of school and the girls would come out and hike their skirts and lots of flirting would go on. Sounds great. And JJ really grasping at straws in this one. Usually, JJ puts a bunch of good stuff in that we don't say. We're running out of stuff to say

and we're looking through JJ's dossier. Okay, well, here we go. A bunch of shrug emojis. Alright, well, here's a great story from down. Quote, everything with the punky people and everything with us, the doctor and the wife, they were shot separately, but I did meet the punky people one night. It was a dreadful shoot. We were shot separately, but I did meet the punky people, people one night. It was a dreadful shoot.

We were at a house in the Palisades. Lo and behold, pulled outdoors down and all this gunfire starts cut, cut more gunfire, more bullets. Beverly Hills cop two was being shot there. Okay. The night,

the night scene, whereas 20 zillion people get killed. So basically they're like next to that. It's kind of funny. Uh, music by Bill Conti. Yeah. uh fucking legend uh composer he had just won an oscar for the right stuff obviously he's best known for rocky and karate kid yeah yeah uh no i think he actually never won for rocky is that crazy that can't be true how could you give rocky best picture and not score he didn't win for score so

now look we got we got like sort of 15 more minutes to fill right what's our runtime here Ben this episode's back in business it's an hour 16 what one score over Rocky what one score over Rocky let's find out because this is back when they would have like

Rocky wasn't even nominated for score what the fuck are you talking about? It was nominated for Song, Gonna Fly Now, which lost to A Star is Born, Evergreen. Okay. It was not nominated for best score. That went to an incredibly iconic score, Jerry Goldsmith for The Omen.

A score so big that it like charted. Like the fucking song from The Omen, which is just like, like was like on the charts. Yeah. And then the others, look, honestly, it's kind of a,

okay, so it's Bernard Herrmann posthumously gets two nominations for Taxi Driver, an iconic score. Incredible score. And Obsession, where he's giving De Palma a very uh hitchcockian score jerry fielding score for the outlaw josie wales an amazing movie i can't say i remember the score

that well and lalo schifrin a famous composer for voyage of the damned the um oh yeah you know uh fade down away oh that's what i mean fade down's fade down away. Fade down away. Yeah. But it is, yeah. No, Gonna Fly Now loses. Wild. I don't know. They fucked Rocky over. Maybe Rocky was ineligible for some reason. My question is, what is the story behind that not getting nominated? It's one of those crazy years where Rocky won Best Picture.

Uh-huh. As you know. Which is, in and of itself, a little crazy. Right. Because, like, I love Rocky. I think that movie is honestly incredible. Yeah, I agree. And obviously,

it was a gigantic hit and it was a word-of-mouth sensation and all this. Never would have given it Best Picture, especially against that competition. The Taxi Driver, Network, Bound for Glory,

and All the President's Men, like a really, really insane list of movies that are really, really good. A silly winner from that group. It's a bit of a silly winner, but you also kind of get it. It's Rocky.

It's lovable. All of those movies are bummers. Underdog. Right, he's an underdog. It's like bit of a silly winner, but you also kind of get it. It's Rocky. It's lovable. All of those movies are bummers. Underdog. Right. He's an underdog. It's like, wait, you're going to fucking give it to Taxi Driver? No way. It ends with him shooting up a pimp house. The last thing that guy needs is more encouragement. Right. All the President's Men, an incredible movie,

but it's a quiet movie. It's kind of all soft-spoken. It ends with them publishing their first stories. It doesn't have the kind of Knockout thing right Network they maybe Could have given it to network it won three acting Oscars it was a huge hit

Right or what did it just win two acting Oscars It won three Right No three because Faye won It won Finch, Faye and Straight Correct It was almost a straight sweep, but Beatty... And it won screenplay.

Right. I think going into the night, people assumed that was going to win, especially as... I wonder. Now I should look this up. When Beatrice Straight wins, they have to assume shit. If she's winning, everyone's winning, right? The whole thing is winning. Do you think that's a deserving win?

No, I don't. No. No, and I... It's actually, she beat, again, really good actors. I think that is one of the best films ever made. I think it is one of the best acted movies of all time. I don't think that performance is good.

Beyond the fact that I wouldn't have picked her over the competition. I think the performance is fine. I don't love that scene. It is so, it is. Have you seen Network, Ben? Is that the one about the news? I'm mad as hell I'm not gonna take anymore. Yeah. Yeah. I have. Phenomenal

film. I have to admit something though. What? I didn't finish watching it. Okay, well. Did you finish watching Nomads? No. Alright. Why did you tap out on Nomads? And by tap out did you? I didn't see him on the motorcycle. Okay, well. Oh, that was news to you? He's on the motorcycle!

Was your internal monologue while watching Network, I'm bored as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore? Yes. Network, everyone's yelling. Can you do some folly work for your jaw hitting the floor when I tell you he's on the motorcycle? Just do a big thunk. Yeah.

And then I'll have my tongue unfurl too. Yeah, that'd be great. Be it straight to Paula Sims-ism, I think it's a ham sandwich in that movie. But everyone is. But everyone else is... How do I put it? Everyone else is very kind of like comedically canny

with their performance. None of the performances in that movie are subtle. Hers is the only one that feels melodramatic and self-serious to me. The other nominees, I agree basically. The other nominees... Jane Alexander. Which is an incredible one-scene performance. All the presents, man. She's so good in that

fucking movie. Jodie Foster for Taxi Driver, obviously an amazingly iconic performance. Lee Grant for Voyage of the Damned. Okay, that's the movie I haven't seen. Lee Grant's aage of the Damned. You know, okay. That's the movie I haven't seen. Lee Grant's a great actor. Coming after the year she wins, though, right? She won...

For Champlain? Yeah, a year before for Champlain. Okay. And Piper Laurie for Carrie, which is an awesome performance. That's probably who they should have given it to, right? Maybe. I don't know.

Yeah, she never won an Oscar. Yeah. I mean, I love Piper Laurie. Should they bring... Is she still alive? Who? Piper Laurie? Yeah. Why do I think she passed very recently?

Yes. We just lost her? What were you going to say? Bring her back? Yeah, should they pull the... Carrie Legacy? Yeah. What they did to poor Ellen Burstyn.

Have you seen that movie yet? I haven't. Do you know what they do to her? What, they knock her out and then she's just kind of like asleep in a room. Knock her out would be kind. Look, spoiler alert for the exorcist fucking believer. Okay.

And what's the official title was? The exorcist colon fucking believer. No, they're like, hey, hey, we've got a possession situation. It's like, what happened to your daughter? Oh, I'll come. Okay, yes, no. I haven't seen my daughter in years.

We're estrangedanged but i'd love to help you let me go talk to your daughter you know i'll go in the room with her talks to the kid for like 30 seconds the kid fucking blinds her in both eyes she's in the hospital for the rest of the movie with no eyes no eyes that uh feels rude it's a little rude the other thing is does she get to do anything else? At the end of the movie, Linda Blair shows up and gives her a hug. That's it?

Pretty much. During the big possession scene, you kind of cut to her in the hospital and she's sort of going like, whoa. Were there people in a van? Maybe. When?

Maybe sort of just in the background. Okay. When the possessed girl fucks with Ellen Burstyn, does she yell, try blindness? Yes. That would be funny.

That would be funny if she referenced the conversation you had with her. Waiting months for me to make that joke. But David, I got a pitch for this scene. It might seem a little strange.

I really think this is a moment to riff on a conversation I had with some twerp in a makeup trailer 10 years ago. Yeah, to be clear, that's Ellen Burstyn talking to David Gordon Green, not Griffin talking to David Sims. Now, Bill Conti did the score. Elliot Casper, again. I want to go back to that.

I want to go back to that. Because we're never going to talk about fucking Exorcist fucking Believer. Oh, sure. I'm changing the title. It's now called fucking Exorcist colon fucking believer. Uh-huh. They, I think it came out

that she shot all her footage for that movie the end of 2020 because they make this big deal. Yeah. Three films,

they're getting Burstyn back. Her first time since the original film. Ellen Burstyn close to 90? Yeah, she's very old. And they were like, look, COVID, we don't know how long

this goes on for. She's 90 years old. Let's get a bunch of footage in the can right now. Principal photography on that movie doesn't start until like a year later. They foregrounded the Burstyn shit. So what, do they just have her eat breakfast? This is my fucking question!

So maybe that's why it's, because it doesn't really... But then she went back for reshoots. She must have, because, yeah. It doesn't make any sense in the movie. It doesn't, like, her role in the movie doesn't make sense. Yeah.

Did she shoot a bunch of stuff in 2020 that they didn't use? And it was so unusable that they're like, in 2023, come back, we're going to send you to the hospital. Well, they might have just brought her in, like, how fucking how I met your mother shot the ending in season two.

That's what it sounded like. Like, and just been like, well, just in case. And then they was like, oh, actually, COVID restrictions have lifted. you're still in good health now we'll shoot the real movie with you fyi you're gonna get stabbed in the eyes what the fuck is that i don't know but like the thing in that movie is you can tell that david gordon green is like wow this will pull a fast one on them like that you know that no one will see this coming the devil gets a win he said that in an interview somewhere like early on it throws you off no one's coming

and after being blinded She won't see it going But here's the thing When you're watching the movie You do see it coming Because you're like Who's letting this 90 year old woman In a room alone With a possessed demonic child

Bad move This is a terrible idea Dumb She has like a book Ben let's get that on the record Ben did not You didn't do it You didn't let him in

Ben is not responsible For letting her in The other thing about that movie Is it's like It's just fucking hilarious. It's fucking hilarious that that movie came out the same year as The Pope's Exorcist, which is just like a meme on wheels. And that movie is like more realistic

than fucking Exorcist Believer. But there's this moment in Exorcist Believer. Even like more entertaining. More realistic. This actually has more to say. But Exorcist Believer has this scene where they're like, alright, we need an exorcism. Catholic priest, will you do it? And he's like, nah, we don't do those anymore. We get

in too much trouble. I'm not going to do it. So instead, they have to get this motley crew of exorcists to do it. The Avengers of Faith, right? Yeah, sure. It's the Avengers West Coast at best, I would say, but okay. Yeah, and then there's this... They find the flat

man of rabbis. Exactly. Well, that's the Great Lakes Avengers. Good call. They bring in... And then there's a big twist where the priest rushes in in the middle of the exorcism being like, I will help. I feel so guilty about this. Incredible twist. They just twist his neck around in one second and take him out of the house. Oh, a true twist. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, terrible

movie. Look, I just want to tell you how did Bill Conti get this gig riff how Elliot Castner yelled at him that's right he was like come on just do it and then he cried the answer with everything I just like that the Elliot Castner's producing style sounds like MacGruber please please

I need this he goes in and tries to like tough guy hardball them and he becomes so pathetic so funny so funny Conti it's one of the only he'd been working

with orchestras this is an electronic moment and a guitar moment Ted Nugent plays the guitar on the score Ted Nugent has song writing credits for four tracks on this movie, in the end credits I noticed. Does not sing them, but all the songs in the film

were co-written by Ted Nugent. Apparently in, and this movie is going to Broadway to be clear. Of course. Nomads, coming to Broadway in 2024. Is that why the van they're doing that? The experience. Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay. There were synthesizers, there were synthesizers there's

ted there's john mctiernan there's an engineer there's bill conti okay there wasn't a score like he didn't write something down okay he just kind of they just kind of went in there with ted and kind of jammed and that's how the score happened sounds like that uh yeah i ted nugent is one of those guys where I'm like, who the fuck is he? I know he's a famous guitarist. Uh-huh. I know he was in like Damn Yankees.

He was in these supergroups, but he's not like, like who, nobody fucking likes Ted Nugent, right? It's not like, like let me fire up a bunch of Ted Nugent.

I don't know though. I think people do. I know that now he's like a right wing, I was going to say, but you know, agitator. Even before that,

he did have the status of like, I like his attitude. He's got like cat scratch fever, right? That's like a right wing agitator. I was gonna say, but even before that, he did have the status of like, I like his attitude. He's got like cat scratch fever, right? That's like his big record. And then he has like wango tango. Wang dang sweet poon tango. I mean, since the minute you start hearing this shit, you're like, I'm out. I'm fully out. Yeah, but I think a lot of people are like, I'm in.

I want more. Couldn't be more in. McTiernan said that Conti is very smart, knew exactly what he wanted. He's not a musician. He's not being like, give me a B-flat, but he would just hear something and be like, yes, no, yes, no.

That's what directors do. Film came out March 1986, grossed $2 million against a budget of $1 million. Was not greeted with a warm reception. Anyone other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. Right. Walter Goodman of the Times calls it murky, says there's no real explanation why anyone should bother.

Maybe try John McTiernan if you want to know what was going on in this movie. Wow. Kevin Thomas in the LA Times says it does have style, brings to mind body double uh but alongside of the brian de palma thriller seems as substantial as shakespeare so fucking shots fired a body double you know in the killing of nomads he's like shooting through body double to kill nomads that's rude mcturnan says i was happy to with the film to a point. I don't know. As we'll see in the next dossier, there was at least one famous fan of the film. Ooh, a little tease

from JJ there. His, yes. Arnold Schwarzenegger is the answer. JJ, you're fired. Hey, come on. I'm joking. You're not fired. To be fair, JJ did write 10 pages on this movie. I'm amazed he got 10. What font? Size. Small. 72. Single spaced? Size? Small! 72!

Single spaced, like... A is for Apple. I want to make it clear, he did not flub this, fart his way through this assignment. The McTiernan quote is that, like, Kubrick once said,

getting 50% of what you set out to get is doing very well. And then McTiernan says, when you first start in films, if you get 10% of what you had in mind, you're doing well. Should we play the box office game? So, you know,

to McTiernan, this is 10% of what he intended to do. Here's some cool news, Griff. Disney is going to release Soul, Luca, and Turning Red in theaters this year. Well, yes. The staggering them,

giving them semi-wide releases January, February, and March. I like the idea of that. That's kind of a fun idea. Yeah. And then Inside Out 2 comes out in June. You and I were talking about... I'll go see Turning Red.

Yeah. Maybe I'll take... It's kind of not the movie to take my daughter to. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. I don't think she'd care.

That's the only one I got to see in theaters because they did a tiny little unpublicized AMC 25. Yeah. Soul's fun. It's got a cat. Globs.

The cat's in the fur. Oh, well, the real cat. I think about the soul cat. Soul is a movie where I'm like, I saw that in December 2020. Correct.

I don't remember it very well and I haven't thought about it much since. I would very much... Listen to the score sometimes. The score is great. I would very much... I'm looking forward

to seeing both those films in theaters. You and I were talking about the idea of trying to curate a film series of movies that never got to play in theaters. Yes. Based on extrapolating from The Empty Man. But you could throw Mank in there. I mean, we could do it. You could throw Mank in there. Just with the movies we've covered. I would throw I'm Thinking of Ending Things

in there. Yeah. Well, see, this is if we want to do... I might throw Lover's Rock in there. The Five Bloods. The Five Bloods. Finally played like one day at the Paris in City and I missed it. You know, I saw Palm Springs in a theater, but that might be fun to get into theaters. You did. I mean, even just from

our canon, Empty Man, Old Guard, Mank. Yeah. Tenant did get a release, but a lot of people didn't get to see it that way. Yeah, but nice to see Tenant. A real run would be cool. Did we see that? We saw it it that way. Yeah, it was nice to see a Duke Tenet. Yeah. A real run would be cool. Did we see that? We saw it in...

Yeah, but it was just the three of us. It was... Yeah. And your girlfriend. Oh, right. Yeah. And we went in New Jersey

the last day before they pulled it off of screens. Right. I had already seen it. I had done that. I went to Connecticut to see it the first time.

Okay, well... With Stefanski. Okay, well... And Ehrlich. Okay. That sounds great. David? Yes? I co-host a podcast. I don't know if you are aware of it. Blank Check Griffin, David.

You actually, you are the other host on. Yeah, don't know what to say or to expect. All you need to know is the name of the show is Blank Check. People think it must be real cushy being a podcast host. Sure. Get to watch movies and talk about them. Oh, what a nice existence you got.

But? They're not considering how much I worry. About? Everything. Well, you do. Are my takes hot enough? Are they too hot? Uh-huh.

Am I entering the discourse? Am I leaving out? I forget to mention some important piece of context. And? Did I not consider that one movie I dislike was another person's favorite movie and that was rude of them to hear me say that? And? One thing I never have to worry about when I host is whether my guests will find their sleeping accommodations up to scratch. Oh, interesting.

Why? Well, I'm realizing now that this copy is about hosting people at your home. Uh-huh. Like hosting guests. Something you never do. Right. And I just read this as if they were obviously asking me to talk about being a host of a podcast.

I'm just realizing this in real time. And we're not taking this over. This is the ad, right? A hundred percent. You're talking about Burrow's new shift sleeper sofa. Exactly. It's one of those things everyone should have in their Burrow's new shift sleeper sofa. Exactly. It's one of those things everyone should have in their home. It's a comfortable everyday sofa

that easily converts into a queen-size sleep surface. That's a nice surface. Genuine queen size. Not a full, full queen-size sleep surface that sleeps two people very comfortably. I've got a Burrow. Oh, you do? I do.

I don't have the sleeper sofa, although I am very comfortably. I've got a burrow. Oh, you do? I do. I don't have the sleeper sofa, although I am very intrigued. I do have the nomad sofa plus the sleep kit, which is another sleep thing that they offer, which is really good. The best thing about burrow,

I live in New York City. It's hard to get couches through doors and upstairs and so on and so forth. The burrow breaks down very easily and then you assemble it in your house. It's easy to get in. It's easy to get out.

I had a burrow at my old apartment. Yeah. I miss it, actually. Go get it. Well, maybe. But I'll tell you, here's another thing I like. I know this isn't the one they specifically bought ad space to talk about. Throw in a couple garbage bags down the sixth street.

You could. You could bring it over one piece at a time. You could. It's easy to assemble. It's easy to disassemble. I recently moved and I said to like the movers, like, so this couch comes apart

and he's like, oh, believe me, I'm very familiar with burrows. They are great for moving. You want movers to like you? Yes. Buy some burrows. Yes.

Here's the other thing. You hear that, you go, oh, this is going to look like it's made out of Playmobil or something. Right, right. Oh, it must be junky.

It must be junky. No, you could fool anyone. You could. Anyone but a mover. The thing I was going to say, my burrow, I had in my old apartment a feature I really like, even though fool anyone. You could. Anyone but a mover. The thing I was going to say, my borough, I had in my old apartment a feature I really like,

even though they didn't put this in the copy. Yeah. They put like a charging cable. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? There's like USB ports in between the cushions.

Yeah, it's pretty clever. So that you can plug your couch into the wall. They got a lot of stuff like that. And you can charge devices while sitting on the couch without having to reach over to the outlet.

You know what I'm saying, Ben? They're all about the thoughtful details. It's a good company. And this shift sleeper sofa, when it's unfolded, it's got layers of cooling memory foam. It's got comfort foam. It's got core foam. You got a nice night of sleep for any guest. It's so easy to get into your

home. It's got a painless online shopping experience, free shipping to your door, and of course, easy to set up, as we said, assembled without tools in boxes you can move yourself. Now, I shipping to your door, and of course, easy to set up, as we said, assembled without tools in boxes you can move yourself. Now, I want to restate, I myself, as a podcast host, I'm constantly uncomfortable, both physically and mentally. But this ad is about making sure you are creating comfortable circumstances for guests who may stay with you.

Sure, right. That's what they meant, not podcast guests. No, but you do have a lot of anxieties about your hosting. I do. I don't do it. That's why. Check out Burrow's new shift sleeper. I meant home hosting, not the podcast hosting.

It's just clarified. Check out Burrow's new shift sleeper sofa and all their incredible furniture at burrow.com slash check and get 15% off your Burrow order when you do. That's burrow.com slash check for 15% off your Burrow purchase, burrow. That's borough.com slash check for 15% off your Borough purchase. borough.com slash check. I obviously do podcast hosting, even though I do have

worries about it. Okay there, buddy. Okay, box office game. May, March 1986, Griffin. Okay, March 1986. And this is a box office game we may do again one day on Patreon if Ben has his way.

Okay. Because Highlander is opening number seven. Well, that was going to be my guess. Hey. And it's also one we'll do again on Patreon if we have our way because Care Bears Movie 2 A New Generation is opening at number 24. Which I remember liking more than the original. Well, I've seen neither because I don't care for Care Bears. It's got lion hearts.

They diversify. They have different types of animals. Sounds stupid. Number one at the box office. It's good. It's good. It's sensitive and well thought out. Nomad opening number 12 to $1 million.

But hey, fucking Caster's probably like, budget made. Yes. I'm fine. Number one at the box office is a teen comedy. Braveheart the Lion. I was wrong. And Nobleheart the Horse. Yeah.

Those are the characters I was trying to remember. A teen comedy from a major auteur of teen comedies. Is it Hughes? Yes. He didn't direct it. He didn't direct it.

Is it Pretty in Pink? Pretty in Pink. Yeah. Who directed it? Howie Deutsch. Howie Deutsch, of course. Howie Deutsch. Who also directed Some Kind of Wonderful. That's another directed it? Howie Deutsch. Howie Deutsch, of course. Howie Deutsch. Who also directed

Some Kind of Wonderful. That's another Hughes script. Great Outdoors. That's another Hughes script. And Getting Even With Dad is not a Hughes script. What's the Hughes script that we always forget about?

It's not Getting Even With Dad. Dutch. Dutch? The film Dutch? He wrote Dutch. Okay. The Ed O'Neill, Ethan Embry film Dutch. Sure.

He currently sees the last movie he directed, Baby's Day Out. Maybe Baby's Day Out is what I'm thinking. Yeah. That was the joke at the time was that John... He had the... What's his pseudonym? Edmond Dantes on Beethoven.

Right. Yes. And made in Manhattan. Made in Manhattan. And 101 Dalmatians? 101 Dalmatians is credited to him. Was it Dantes? No, as his flubber.

Okay. Home Alone 3. Yeah. Reach the Rock. No idea what that is. No idea what that is. The joke that many critics got a lot of mileage off of at the time was, John Hughes' protagonists are aging down so much,

he'll be the first guy to write a comedy about sperm. Because Baby's Day Out is... Well, it went from teenagers to home alone to baby's day out 20 million critics made that joke and they all

had to split split the Pulitzer Prize that year they did they all had to split it it was a 20 million way time for that one joke

did they they saw it into pieces or did they share one they got like a cheese grater uh huh and they gave everyone some sprinkles now pretty in pink is into pieces or did they share one? They got like a cheese grater. Uh-huh. And they gave everyone some sprinkles. Now, Pretty in Pink is, I would say, a great movie

because Ringwald's so good in it. It is a movie that is sold by its performance as being so good across the board. It's obviously completely notorious as a movie where nobody thinks she should end up with fucking what's-his-name, Blaine. Yeah. But she does.

Everyone thinks she should end up with Ducky. But you know why she does everyone thinks she should end up with ducky but you know why what do you mean they shot the ending right where she ends up with ducky right and the audience response is well this feels weirdly classist that she's sent back that she's not allowed to exist in the space of the popular rich kids and they revolted so much that they reshot the ending where Ducky's right and Ducky's like hey it's cool and Ducky there's like a girl who smiles at Ducky Ducky's gonna be fine yeah no I think that script is kind of bullshit

and Ringwald Cryer Spader Stanton Stanton Harry Dean Stanton knockout performances McCarthy is the weakest link in it but yeah five incredible Stanton. Stanton. Harry Dean Stanton. Just fucking knockout. Knockout performances.

McCarthy is the weakest link in it. But yeah, five incredible performances in the script that does not necessarily. Much like how What's His Pants and Sixteen Candles is no good. Like Ringwald's amazing in that.

Oh, yes. And like fucking Anthony Michael Hall is great. But like the stud is totally boring in that movie. Yeah. Where are you on Hughes

on those movies? Because those movies, when I watched them, were like fossils to me. I didn't dislike them, but I was like, this is not about my experience. I reverse engineered my personality around them. They could not have spoken to me more.

I felt the same way, David. It felt a little foreign to me like in breakfast club when Ally Sheeny has to transform I'm like she's babe like and I'm not saying that out of some everyone thinks that I mean that's right but like I'm like I'm from the 90s her type in the movie

is a babe like we all love the weird emo girl now and in the 80s it's not yeah everybody gets the most trite observation about John Hughes that's why we can't do him because every movie about... We could. Put him on the bracket. You've kicked him off the bracket a couple times.

Maybe we put him on this one. Yeah, because I'm always just like, everyone said everything there is to say about this fucking movie. But he has made a movie I'm quite fond of, which is Uncle Buck. Yes. Well, if we ever do that, Molly has to come on.

Molly, your best friend? Yes. Is that one of her favorite movie really okay and she's always been like once in a while she'll text me and be like you guys did a clifford episode and i'm like yeah molly yeah we did it years ago and then we did another one and she'll be like i love clifford and i'm like i know you love clifford molly i lived with you for seven years and then she's like are you ever gonna do an uncle buck episode and i'm always like we'll let you know i mean she's kind like, that's the other one.

Those are the two. She's loomed quite large on this show. She's come up so many times. Has she? Yeah. She's very important to me. That's her former roommate. I say, if it ever works, I would love to do an episode of Uncle Buck with Molly.

With Molly Armeck? Yeah. Molly's choice. Yeah. Sure. Ben Cosach? Yeah. Molly's choice. Yeah. Sure. Ben Cosine? Yeah. Ben, you pitched doing like a John Candy collection on Patreon,

but I argued a lot of Candy's big works are Hughes. Right. Yeah, but we could call it like the mixed bag of Candy. Number two at the box office is a horror film. Ben's eyes lit up. His mouth went into the widest grin I've ever seen as if we'd pumped a full of Smilax. Number two is a horror film.

Yeah. It's the start of a franchise. Okay. I've never seen these films. There's, I think, four of them. 86. Is it House? It's House.

Ding dong, you're dead. Yeah, you are cordially invited to spend the evening with Roger Cobb and friends. Don't come alone. House Horror has found a new home. I've never seen them before, which means I will probably get a text from Brendan Hines yelling at me. Right. Brendan, let's watch them. Two months from now.

Incredible posters. That's the thing. To me, those movies are iconically in the, we're at the video store and I would look at them every time I went to the video store because I would just

go to the video store and look at all the videos. Right? Of course. You just pull them down, especially the scary ones and be like, what is this?

Yeah. And House gives you nothing. Severed hand ringing a doorbell and the tagline is ding dong, you're dead.

The movie's called House. You have no idea what it's about no the sequel has the best sequel title ever been house to the second story do you get it

so one day maybe I'll watch the houses anyway it's number two at the box office put it on the brag sure it's made 11 million dollars on the way to 19 number three at the box office. Put it on the brag. Sure. It's made $11 million on the way to 19. Number three at the box office is a comedy based on a French movie. Based on one of the great French movies. One of the great French films from one of its great directors.

It's based on one of the great French films from one of its great directors? But it is like a sort of big, brassy comedy. It's based on one of the great French films from one of its great directors. But it is like a sort of big, brassy comedy. It's not. Is it Down and Out in Beverly Hills? Paul Mazursky's Down and Out in Beverly Hills, which is, of course. Remaker, Boudoce from Drowning. Jean Renoir's Boudoce from Drowning. Yes.

Which is basically like a suicidal homeless man appears in the life of like a rich family and crazy shit starts happening. That's the French movie. Now, who do you think you would cast in the 80s broad studio comedy version of that same story? I don't know. Tell me.

Save me from drowning. Yeah. I was drowning. Richard Dreyfuss and Betty Davis, of course. Bette Midler. What am I talking about? Bette Midler and Dreyfuss.

Yeah. Midler and Dreyfuss. And of course, famously, Little Richard plays their neighbor. Cool. That's cool. Yeah. And sings a song. Asks for sugar.

That's a Mazurski? It's a Mazurski film. It's a Mazurski. Number four at the box office. It's a major film of the year that makes a hundred million dollars. It's a big drama. It's nominated for Best Picture. It's nominated. It doesn't win Best Picture. No. no in fact it doesn't win a single oscar rude is it the color purple it's the color purple i was going to tell you it's also came out last year again as a musical

but that's an obvious clue but it was famously uh for a long time it had the record for the most noms with no win because i think it got nine uh-huh oscar noms yes no win? Because I think it got nine Oscar noms. Yes. No, 11. Goose egg. Something finally beat it with zero wins. Yes.

And more noms? It tied with the turning point. Those were the two that had 11. Their mouth may be one with 12 that didn't win. Yeah. Might be like Irishman.

It might be. There's like rude shit like that. The last couple of years have been... Because to rack that up, You need to get a bunch of tech nods in like three to four acting nods like you need to like and color purple has three acting nomination. But last year

was that weird? Well, now be two years ago, but the 2023 Academy Awards ceremony had that weird thing where like three or four of the most nominated films got zero wins because everything everyone wants. Oh, you mean everything.

That year, there was like a monopoly on awards. Look, number five of the box office is a great comedy from a, you know, a fraught figure in the world of comic filmmaking. But you think this is a great one? Yeah, obviously. This is like one of his best movies. Is it Hannah and her sister?

Yeah, it's one of his best movies. It's probably his best movie. I think it is. Kind of. I don't know. Or it's one of his best movies. It's probably his best movie. I think it is. Kind of. I don't know. Or it's kind of like the quintessential Woody Allen movie in a way. You've also got a huge... Well, actually, you know what?

I was about to say huge hit, but like... It's like a mid-sized hit. But for him, it was a big hit. It was his biggest hit ever. Because it made like $40 million. Until Midnight in Paris. That was the highest grossing film of his. You've also got Wildcats.

Oh, sure. The football movie with Goldie Hawn Which is quietly Becoming a team coach A football team coach Quietly the first Woody and Wesley movie Yes Woody and Wesley are both in it Yes If you want to complete the Woody Wesley trilogy

You got Highlander You got Sally Field and Murphy's Romance With James Garner That's a movie I feel like I probably would love Yeah Sally Field she's fucking great If I put that on I'd be just screaming about it for two weeks Do you know how good Murphy's Romance is?

Number nine you have Oh Ben if you're ever looking to sleep Out of Africa throw it on David hates it Number ten of course my favorite movie The film FX Oh, Ben, if you're ever looking to sleep out of Africa, throw it on. David hates it. Very boring. Number 10, of course, my favorite movie, the film FX about FX, VFX in crime. Yes. What if this crime happened with visual effects?

Finally, the two biggest stars united, Brown and Dennehy. Brian Brown and Brian Dennehy. The Bryans. And of course, the sequel was called FX2, The Deadly Art of Illusion, which is an incredible subtitle. I've said this before, but the editing department at my college,

the college I briefly attended, CalArch, had only the FX2 poster framed on the wall. And it wasn't signed by an alumni who had gone there. It was not clear why that was the one poster they had. That's kind of cool though. Yeah. Good poster. Number 11 is the fourth weekend of the Chuck Norris

Lee Marvin film, The Delta Force. Nomads opening below that. John, we're sorry we beat up on this movie. I don't know that we're really gonna beat up on any well maybe a certain movie about a rolling ball but it's certainly gonna be I think it's gonna be a good run for you for a minute here we're gonna we're gonna love the next three has he made another film this boring is the question well and there's only one answer there's only one man who

knows the medicine man the medicine no one knows if that movie's boring or not because no one's ever seen it no that was an example of an episode where we we had to do some digging that was a like you know fucking you know bueller bueller like you know like when we were like anyone seen medicine man want a guest on this episode does someone want assigned homework was how it settled but i think it'll be a fun episode uh listen I'm very excited to be doing McTiernan. The rest of these

episodes are going to be fucking corkers. The man has made five of the most watchable movies in history, arguably, and his bounces are big and wild and

woolly, by and large, and then we'll figure out whatever Madison Mann is. Goodbye. We have to watch The Love Guru in a few minutes, so we're going to sign off

today. I want to say this is just executive decision, and we haven't talked about this in advance, but I just need to say this, David. We need to get this on air. JJ will text us random things at odd hours of the night as he's doing his research. And he does his research, he starts it far in advance

of when we record these episodes. So we'll be getting McTiernan texts when we're doing Fincher episodes, right? Sure. And some of these thoughts, you're just like, JJ, I can't respond to this right now. This is not where my head's at. I'll catch up to you when we get to the dossier in a couple months, right? JJ has pinned in this dossier the fact that we never responded to his text where he found on eight books, often an academic resource for people who need to find rare out-of-print books. I did say this earlier in the episode. You did? Yes, I did.

$1,100, right? For the entire cast? $1,236.18, $26.53 shipping. I said it very briefly. I said it like as an aside. And JJ has been pushing us to make it a Patreon tier. JJ has been pushing us to make it a Patreon tier. And I'm going to say, having watched Nomads,

that I feel no desire to spend $1,200 finding out more about how this movie was made. Right, on like the collected information of Nomads. Executive decision, we do not need all of the paperwork from the development of Nomads. If someone paid us $1,200 to receive it. To receive it? To receive it, yes. To read it, no.

Time is money. Time is money. I would receive it. To receive it. To receive it, yes. To read it, no. Time is money. Time is money. I would receive it, though. If someone wants to pay me $1,200 to have it sent to me, I will accept that package. Right. Right. And that's the settlement of the issue.

It's done. It's over. Ben, any final thoughts? I like in the movie when the character goes home and she looks at her fridge and it's empty. Because you can tell a lot about a character based on what their fridge is like. Right.

And if their fridge is empty, you can tell that they didn't maybe finish writing the character. Ben, do you think you're going to sleep well tonight or poorly? Like, do you think you've now sort of unlocked the sleep and it'll come more easily tonight? Or do you think the sleep pattern that we disrupted by doing our episode two hours after originally scheduled is going to throw you off and getting to sleep tonight? Unfortunately, usually sometime around 10 o'clock is when the

sort of ghouls come out, if you will. The nomads? The nomads. The van pulls up yeah and sort of similarly it's just these annoying thoughts that don't seem to want to go away sure no I know it well yeah we'll see though maybe I'll just Tucker myself out and I'll run down the street screaming oh I thought you were going to say watch

Tucker until he gently soothes you to sleep Smuckers movie about the guy who invented the jam smuckers the man his his jam jam i hope so though i'd like to sleep normally again yeah what would you do if coppola was like look i know a hundred million dollar budget i know i said megalopolis was it and i was going all in. It's my final statement, but there's the one other story that has wrestled inside me for so long. Daniels and I got to

talking. Smuckers, a man in his jam. He wants to play JM Smuckers. He wants to know how the jam gets made. Honestly, JM Smuckers kind of looks like fucking Jeff Daniels. Daniels could play this guy.

Oh, he looks a lot like Jeff Daniels. Just imagine if he's like, what if we squashed the fruit? You know, like, how does that movie look? I got the feedback. We all like raspberries, but we ought to eat a lot of them at once. Apricots. I got the feedback from audiences that they didn't want to see a film about a man who failed in the auto industry.

So I'm now going to make a movie about a man who experiences no conflict and just makes a successful jam and it lasts forever and creates generational wealth. Smuckers, a man in his jam. Thank you all for listening. This has been the first episode

of Pod Hard with Avengecast, which I think will be a very fun couple of months David do you agree? I think it is it's gonna be great this was the episode where we were hoping there'd be a gem to discover and instead we fucking did some smuckers we snuck smuckers in there at the last

second so no one can say it was an entirely valueless episode make some smuckers. I don't know. Get on Photoshop and do that and post them to whatever social platform still exists by the time this episode comes out. Thank you all for listening. Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe.

Thank you to Marie Barty, our associate producer on the show. Thank you to JJ Birch for sending us links to documents that are expensive, that we will never purchase, but also doing our research. Thank you to Alex Perrinet,

Jay McKeown for editing, Lee Montgomery, the Great American Idol for our theme song, Joe Bowen, Pat Reynolds for our artwork. You can go to blankcheckpod.com for links to some real nerdy shit, including our Patreon, Blank Check Special Features, where we do commentaries on

film series. Dun-dun-dun-da-dun. We're doing the Terminator movies. That's what we're doing. It's dude-heavy time for Blank Check. Arnie-heavy. Arnie-heavy. Tune in for that. We'll be doing Die Hard 2 over there as well. Yeah, we will. I feel like that's a question people have'll be doing Die Hard 2 over there as well. Yeah, we will.

I feel like that's a question people have. What about Die Hard 2? That's where we're doing it, over there. Five bucks. Enough! Enough! And as always, when you're gone,

how can I even try to move on Can anyone write a novelization? I mean, what do you mean? You need the rights. What do you mean? You need the rights. Okay, that's true. Anyone could write it. You couldn't publish it without having... That's true.

Why do you ask? Yeah, why do you ask? Is there a fire in your boat i don't know maybe someone needs to tell us the story of uh doom doom yeah what do you mean by doom the movie with the rock in it you want based on a video game you want to write a book of the movie doom based off the video game correct okay let me see if that's been... Ben, I regret to inform you that a Doom film novelization was released by Pocketstar Books

in 2005, adapted by John Shirley. Fuck. Damn it, John. Fuck!