Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Atsuko Okatsuka

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

Neal Brennan interviews Atsuko Okatsuka (The Intruder on HBO) about the things that make her feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how she is persevering despite these blocks. ---------------------------------------------------------- Atsuko Okatsuka's blocks: 00:00 Intro 5:50 Paranoid Schizophrenic Mother 27:47 Avoiding Confrontation 41:56 Recomposes Family 55:30 Unorganized & Late A Lot 1:00:35 General Sadness 1:03:36 Procrastinator 1:05:35 Can’t Watch or Listen to Sad Things 1:09:42 Loves Spoilers 1:15:24 Movie Question ---------------------------------------------------------- https://nealbrennan.com for tickets to Neal's tour Brand New Neal Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ---------------------------------------------------------- SPONSORS: https://betterhelp.com/neal for 10% off your first month https://fitbod.me/NEAL for 25% off your subscription https://factormeals.com/neal40 for 40% off your first box Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When your celebration of life is prepaid in advance, it becomes a gift from you to your family later. Because no one should have to plan for a loss while they're experiencing one. Paying in advance protects your loved ones and gives you the peace of mind you deserve. Let us help you plan every detail with professionalism and compassion. We are your local Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at dignitymemorial.ca. Hey, my name is Neil Brennan. I have a special Netflix called Blocks. Friends come on, tell me about their blocks. That's perhaps the podcast that you're watching. I don't know when

I should stop explaining it to people, the listeners. But I feel like we'll get some new people this week. Can you promise me new people? I'm kidding. My guest today, Otsuko Okotsuka, everybody. Now, let me say something. If I'm known for one thing, it's for taking credit for things. I love going, I, what did I, I said he was.

Yeah. I cannot take credit for you. I, in fact, I have to do the opposite, which is there was a Netflix pilot before COVID, like the day before COVID. Yeah. And it was basically a comedy competition, which everybody loves. Comedians love to be a part of them. And it's, there's nothing humiliating about them.

The judges were Tig Notaro, Dion Cole, me. People would come on and then they'd do three minutes or five minutes and then we'd bid on them. It was like the voice. Yeah. You didn't choose me. I didn't choose you.

Tig did. Tig did. You said you allowed... I I didn't choose you. Tig did. Tig did. You said you allowed... I allowed Tig to take you. I didn't want to stand in the way of what was one of the great comedy love affairs, I think, at this point. Yeah. I didn't know. You never told me you didn't want to get in the way.

Well, I don't know if I... I don't even remember my thought process. I will say, though. Yeah. know if I, I don't even remember my thought process. I will say though, you know, when you see certain people and you're like, because you have like a look and a aesthetic, a part of me thought like, is this a gimmick? But I've since seen you write, you've got one of my favorite marriage jokes I've ever heard. Literally one of my favorite. Like, fuck. Like, there are so few,

not so few, but like, you know, where you're like, I would do that. Give me that. I'll do that verbatim the way you just did it. You can watch it on her new special, The Intruder,

on HBO. Or is it just that? You know what's funny? I cut that joke out of that hour. You did? Yeah, yeah. I think it's going on my next one. Yeah, I bet it is.

That's usually how that works. I'm like, no, I'm not going to need this. And then you're like… Right. Yeah, I was like, oh, I won't throw it in the trash trash. But, you know, yeah. So that, I actually didn't put it in there. You put it in the trash, but you haven't deleted trash yet?

Yeah. But then, you know, there's like an expiration for that, right? I don't believe that. Oh, yeah? Oh, good. I no longer, I believe that it's our material. Oh, I meant just the actual computer trash. Oh, it'll empty on itself. Yes, after 30 days, probably.

But I also agree. I don't believe jokes in just your brain as the trash can um there's an expiration date i don't think so too but there is a level of like pride of like am i doing but that joke's so fucking sturdy and so uh like will work would have worked that would i'm getting choked up would have worked 40 years ago Would have worked I'm getting choked up Would have worked 40 years ago Would have worked 40 years ago And will work 40 years from now

So It keeps coming back into my life Just like you We're bringing it full circle Thank you No yeah And yeah no Tig and I

Really met on that shoot too I met you Dion and Tig really For the first time on that shoot too. I met you, Dion, and Tig really for the first time on that shoot, I think. Where were you? Where was I? Meaning like what were you doing? Like what rooms were you working? Because Birbiglia knew about you. You were opening for Birbiglia.

Not yet. Oh, you weren't? Yeah. I was just like a, you know, Dynasty type writer. I should lie and say I told him about you. Sure, you can. Yeah. But he would know that's not true because he found me online.

Oh. Yeah. A lot of people found me online. They sure have. Yeah. Because, yeah, I was at like theaters. I was like a Dynasty typewriter. Mostly like a Dynasty typewriter girl.

And then the improv would have me more like random like house shows and stuff like that. You know, when we met. Yeah. Yeah. So I wasn't like touring yet

and stuff like that. But I had been doing stand-up for a while. I just was still figuring out I think how to make it land.

You know? Like the right way. But it's funny. I don't know how long it took, but it's correct. Oh, uh-huh. Like the, your tone, you're getting laughs in weird places. You're like, because when I read, we also did a Planters commercial together. Right, right.

And when I read your jokes, I was like, i don't know if these are and then i saw you do them i was like oh these are fucking hilarious right right but it's like they wouldn't work for anyone right yeah i mean like they work for you because you like can do a thing where you i'm sure you bomb like everybody but like you can train the audience to come to your like cave-ins yeah yeah yeah yeah it's really cool all right so the the show the big it's not on your it's not one of your blocks but i it's a thing i want to talk about which is where are you from from like when you moved here right i moved here yeah i moved here from japan uh near tokyo a prefecture called chiba and And then I was born in Taiwan. Yeah.

Okay. And your mom came and dad came? Just mom and grandma and me came. Okay. Three generations of women. Great. And there's some mental illness stuff floating around? Yes.

And my mom, it's there. And my mom. And probably, I mean, so floating in all of us, really. But yeah, my mom has paranoid schizophrenia and then epilepsy or the seizures come with it, I guess. It's a little confusing. Is that a TikTok? Yeah. Yeah. You know me. I'm always like, pretty cool. I'm just finding like moments for your, when you dice these up into little clips. Yeah. To go viral. About schizophrenia. For you. Yeah.

And seizures. And epilepsy. You know, it's really not, I don't know. Yeah. So either way, she has all that. Yeah. And she just went viral. So pretty cool. I hope so. I'm always trying to normalize these things. So yeah. Well, okay. Well, that's what, so I believe in normalization. Obviously, I'm fucking, won't shut the fuck up about any of this stuff.

But how was it dealing with it? Because you're a little girl. Did your grandmother help? Not help, but like explaining it. Did you think it was your fault? Like what was your arc with it? I remember internalizing it a lot. And so I was like a very quiet kid.

How did it manifest in just day-to-day life? Like what sort of stuff would your mom do? Oh, right. My mom was, to me, scary at the time. So, you know, she would keep to herself. She didn't have friends. Like when we were living in Japan in a little apartment down the street from my dad, they were divorced.

Honestly, my dad had full custody of me, but then he was like, I mean, it's your daughter too. You should see her. And so he would let them, you know, see me a lot. And my grandma and my mom would sort of take advantage of that and keep me longer. They lived down the street from each other. And yeah, my mom kept to herself, didn't have friends, was always inside, didn't have a job or anything. In Japan, she's a Taiwanese woman. So there was also like xenophobia, you know, feeling like an outsider. They couldn't really even rent the apartment. Really? Because they weren't Japanese.

This is in the 80s? 90s? and rent the apartment. Really? Because they weren't Japanese. This is in the 80s? 90s? Yeah. Yeah. The 90s. Yeah. 90s.

Japan's still xenophobic, but they're getting better. It's more diverse now than before. But yeah, before, if you weren't a Japanese citizen, you couldn't rent a place to live in. I also, I will say that as a white person, it's gratifying to hear that

non-white people are racist. Oh, 100%. Yeah, that's why I'm telling the story, Neil. To confirm it. And whatever percentage of your fans might need it. Whoever needed to hear that. It's not just you. It's not you.

Hi, I'm Neil Brennan. Hi, I'm Neil Brennan. And I'm not alone meanwhile country of Japan is like yeah yeah so

there was already that going on and then so the isolation was even greater that my mom felt like I think a freak you know with the voices in her head and

and so she would throw temper tantrums was there any medical attention was she was was medication available? Was she just like toughing it out?

Yeah, so I don't really know. My grandma, you know, raised me. And she kind of would hide things from me, would try to take care of things, you know, without me having to know all the ins and outs. So that I could be a kid as much as possible which was cool she left me space to try to play and stuff like that and was your dad fairly neutral about it yeah I mean they never really hung out after the divorce it was really just passing me off back and forth that they would kind of interact but my grandma was mostly the one doing that so from what I know I think she was med but with like medicine, they were getting in from Taiwan.

My uncle's an OBGYN in Taiwan. And so he had like psychiatrist doctors or something that I think were sending pills or something like that. That's the best way to get treated, by the way. Just imported. Illegally, no one to talk, speak to you. It's word of mouth diagnosis and go like, yeah, let me see. Yeah, have her eat these. Yeah, yeah. See how that goes. I know.

I was like, in retrospect, if I, you know. Yeah, I wish they talked to somebody. But they were like, who are we going to talk to? We barely have friends in Japan. You're the one with friends. You're eight. How'd she end up in Japan? My grandma signed my mom up for like this Japanese

dating like program. Yeah. And then they flew out from Taiwan to Shinjuku in Tokyo to do this program to find my mom a boyfriend or a husband. Somebody. Is that what 90 Day Fiancé is about? It's based on do this program to find my mom a boyfriend or a husband, somebody.

Is that what 90 Day Fiancé is about? It's based on my parents. I mean, that would be, yeah, probably. I've never watched it, but I feel like there's some forced thing about it. For sure. A hundred percent. You haven't seen 90 Day Fiancé? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's shedding a light on, 90 Day Fiancé is No. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's shedding a light on, 90 Day Fiancé is shedding a light on how, you know, the gray areas of international dating, right? Yeah. And immigration. I think that's what it's really more about. I think it is too.

And I haven't watched it. And I feel like I'm the only person who hasn't watched it. Yeah, you don't need to watch it. I feel like what I just told you is probably it. I've seen like two episodes. Okay. And I was like, oh. It feels exploitive to me. Yeah, it's too much.

From the outside in. I'm like, I shouldn't be watching this. You know what? I think the producers of the show did hear that. And they were like, okay, it's not cool. It's like these immigrants who obviously need a green card. lot of them uh some of them it is love but like uh so let's do 90 day fiance the other way yes where it's americans looking like dumbasses you know yeah going to a foreign country because they're actually in love you know and being down to move to iraq. You know what I mean?

Is that what the Gulf War was about, do you think? It was like a 90-day fiance the other way? Yeah, I think it all started with love and failed love. Romantic love. 90-month wars. Invader. The other way.

You ever think about doing reality shows? Because that piqued an interest. I have a good reality show that's a little rough. But at some point I wanted my... I'm one of 10 kids. I wanted all of us to move in together. Into a house. And parents, all 10 kids.

And America votes us off one at a time. That's amazing. It's called Last Brennan Standing. The Last Brennan Standing, the winner would get a million dollars and would get to leave the family forever if they wanted to. Wow.

See, that's like, come on. I mean, that thing writes itself. Can we make that the official pitch? I'm sure you've talked about it out loud. No, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. No, no, no.

That's cool. I'm always thinking about reality shows and stuff. I do watch a lot of it. And my parents kind of started on one in a way. Yeah. How long did their marriage last? Like a year. Yeah.

So they had me and then they were fighting a lot. And then I guess that's when, you know, right after the divorce is when my mom started hearing voices and, you know, psychotic breaks. And so that's when that started, which, you know, I never blamed myself for it. I just know that, you know, after giving birth, you're in a different country, you don't speak the language, you have friends it's like and uh postpartum yeah depression and it's brought on by stress a lot of times right stress yeah exactly and she was you know in their 30s which i think is a little late for women to get schizophrenia or something i don't know um but it hit her because i think it was probably genetic in her anyway too so all that was like a perfect uh combination And it would just come out in temper tantrums. She would throw plates and stuff.

She would be really paranoid that the Taiwanese government was coming to get us. Things like that. And would you clear out? Would your grandmother be like, we should go to the store?

Because even if you don't think it's your fault, it creates chaos. clear out? Would your grandmother be like, we should go to the store? Yeah. Because even if you don't think it's your fault, it creates chaos. Yeah, yeah. There's no dependability. Right, yeah. I was always scared of her. I didn't know how to approach her. I would find myself getting stoked if I got to go to my dad's finally or, you know, I stayed out later, you know, with grandma. Yeah, so grandma would take me on a bike ride

or something. Did your mother seem apologetic or was she like just so in it she didn't even know? It was out of her hands also? I think I didn't stop to notice as much and I feel bad for that because she was suffering. Right, but you're also a little girl, so I don't think

you should know. Right, but you're also a little girl, so I don't think you should know. Right, right. Yeah. Like a lot of times I'm like, I don't know where she was standing when I'm thinking about this one time, for example, that my grandma was like, we got to get out of here.

Let's go to the park. Let's go to the park. I don't remember stopping to look back to see what my mom's face looked like or how she was after she had just like thrown plates. Yeah. You know, if she was crying, if she was desperately needing help with something like, you know, or in pain somewhere. You know, I don't remember knowing or stopping to look for that.

Did it ever kind of normalize or at least like find a plateau with her illness and your relationship with her. It's the best now. Great. As a grown person. Yeah. As both grown people, but me really grown. You're about as grown a person as I've ever seen. I think, yeah, this is the tallest I'll ever get.

Enjoy it. I do. Let me just say. I will. No, of course. Yeah. Because then what? Then we kind of start getting smaller.

You start at 55. You start. Getting smaller. Reeling it back in. No, of course. I just wish I got a couple more inches in. I've been 5'3 since I was in the fifth grade. Tallest.

Oh, that's. Tallest. So you were the tallest. I was so tall. So tall. Big dreams. People had big dreams for me. I got enrolled in basketball dreams for me. I got

enrolled in basketball for example 6th grade. Sure. During that time Japanese American kids in LA like it was big to be part of Japanese American basketball leagues and then you would play, play, play and then you would get like a thousand dollars

to go towards college or something for playing so long in the league. And our team lost every week. We were just the worst people put together on a team. But I was the tallest because I was 5'3". Yeah. A giant. A lot of pressure.

I was forward. You know. And a lot of pressure. I would always… I would overhear parents in the stands during games be like, Atsuko's got the ball. She's going to make it. She's 5'3".

And that's like so stupid. That's very specific also. It's like a lot of like very, like was one of them blind? It was one of them never met. She's very tall. She's 5'3". And she's got a bowl cut. Did you have the bowl cut?

No, I didn't. I didn't know myself or else I wouldn't have been playing basketball. I would know that's not even my interest at all. Yeah. You didn't have any, you're no older brothers and sisters. I have half siblings from my dad's previous marriage. When you were here. When did you move here?

Yeah, when I was here. I moved here when I was eight. Yeah. And did you know English at all? I didn't know English at all. Yeah. So, but who was here with you? Just your mom and grandma? Mom and grandma. We moved in with my uncle and aunt. When you said, I didn't even know what my interests were. Yeah. How did you eventually find out what

your interests were? Because like I'm one of 10 kids. So I would just go like, right. A panoply of like option to go like, I like that. I like that. Which is so cool. I mean, in a way. Yeah. Like relative to the opposite. Yeah.

No, it was. That's the best part of my childhood is the access I had to stuff. Sure. Being my brothers and sisters. And kind of seeing, not like, oh, what not to do. You could kind of what not to do, what to do. Yeah, you've seen what not to do. My brother, my oldest brother is 16 years older than me.

So like. You would see his heartbreak with, you know, breakups. Yeah. Yeah. You just see like people's life plans work out, not work out. Sure. It's definitely better. But I'm curious, how did you find your interest?

Was it classmates? That's so interesting. This stuff didn't hit me till recently. Like Mike Birbigli was telling me, he was like, yeah, I got into comedy because of my older brother. He was watching standup. He would watch Letterman every night. My brother is a comedian. So my second oldest brother is a comedian. I've been going to comedy clubs since I was 14. That's so cool. It's so… I've known Dave Attell since I was 14.

Yeah, and he's 85. He's 85 today. 85 years young. Happy birthday, Dave. That's just one of my brothers. Like, so… Yeah. It's just like a culture.

Because it's such a difficult… You know, back then especially. It's like only 20 people really know what it's like in the comedy world. So that's cool, you know. It's not till recently that it's like, oh, come look inside. Every, every, there's a podcast. Can I get some tips? You're like, there's a million fucking podcasts that I don't do this. Everything's about process.

Everything. Everyone knows about comedians. Yeah. Fags and setups. Touring works even. Yeah. Just like a nurse in Oklahoma. Yeah.

Well, no. But yeah, you're right. Yeah. I guess it was my classmates. It was my immediate classmates. Did you catch any breaks culturally? Like where somebody turned you on to something that was like yeah oh this is great and i'm gonna fuck with this forever luckily it was at church and yeah so church was like the culture i was you know consuming a

lot and then what kind of church? Just regular Baptist Christian. Yeah. Chinese Baptist Christian. My uncle and aunt were in the church. So, you know, we were staying with them. And, you know, that's how they get you. Immigrants, you know. Do you want friends or not?

You know, do you want friends? This ain't even about blessings. This is about friends. Friends, lunch. You want to be a part of something? Yeah. We go to field trips every month. Yeah.

I was like, oh, I like that. So maybe like ninth grade, during a sermon, one of my youth group fellow goers passed me a DVD. And was like, I thought you'd like this. It's a stand-up comedy. Go home, watch it. I was like, okay. You'd like this. It's stand-up comedy. Go home, watch it. I was like, okay. You know, like it was bad. Were you funny from when you were little?

I wasn't constantly funny. I was very quiet. Right, but like you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah. I would make people laugh with things. Nobody… It's like everyone hadn't thought it. And I had to say it.

Because I'm like… But we're all thinking it, right? I love doing that a lot. I love doing that a lot. To break a silence or something with laughter. Because like my family would eat in silence and they don't talk during dinners. Like, I don't know what it's like to watch movies

or, you know, hear about families with 10, 14 people in it. You know, where it's like, oh, it's so chaotic in the family. Or like Italian Americans, Jewish Americans. I have no idea what that in it, you know, where it's like, oh, it's so chaotic in the family. Or like Italian Americans, Jewish Americans. I have no idea what that's like, you know, because yeah, my family of like five people would just sit and eat in silence and just like, who died, you know? And it was just easier to not talk about our days or feelings because maybe it'll get sad or who knows why. Right. And I remember one time we invited like two more relatives and it was the same thing.

They flew in from like somewhere far. For a moment of silence. Yeah. You want to come over for a silent dinner? Yeah. After dinner, I said something like, well, that was fun. We should do it again. And everyone laughed because they knew it was weird.

Yeah. Right. and everyone laughed because they knew it was weird. Yeah. Right? So stuff like that, I really loved and I would cherish and kind of keep in my brain. Yeah. And you go like, that was fucking cool.

Yeah. What if I could like talk more about stuff like that? How do I get them to keep laughing? You know? Yeah. What a series of jokes or tags or whatever

that I would later, later find out that I could have continued like doing at the dinner table. There were podcasts back then. Yeah. If I could later, later find out that I could have continued right. Doing at the dinner table podcast back then. Yeah. If I could just, I don't know if I knew,

uh, but then it was through that DVD. What DVD was it? It was Margaret chose a notorious CHO tour special. So that's not even, that's like her. Yeah. That's not even,

I'm the one that I want. Yeah. That's not even her best thing probably. right? I think that's what we're supposed to say. That was just like, I think the year that it came out. No, I'm not saying like, oh well that must have been like, you must have watched it and been like this is fucking amazing. And then seeing the one that I want

and been like, oh. Exactly. Exactly. Show's great. It was just cool enough where I was like, I didn't know this was a job. I didn't know this was an art form. I didn't know it was just cool enough where I was like I didn't know this was a job I didn't know this was an art form I didn't know it's just one person one person holding court

talking about themselves and being relatable and being funny and being so personal I didn't know that was a job you can't believe it when you're like you hear about it

you're like what? no idea and you're like You hear about it You're like What? No idea And you're like That's all So basically that thing That was fun We should do this again

Yeah And then you just Protract it And it's almost like A beacon Toward Like your whole life Which is like

That I mean that's what My experience was Where I was like Wait you can do that and then like oh and then you were like i will try because that was not my second thought well i don't i just thought it was like uh looking i don't know if i was even aware i just was like that's really great yes yeah yeah like that's so great. And not just like, oh, that was pleasant.

It was more than like, it was, it felt like essential to me. It was like a, it's like a, like I said, like a beacon of like, okay, I just have to go. Yeah. Toward that. And the exposure to things is so important. And I don't know if there's a certain point in your life where it gets too late for that. Probably. Probably.

But yeah, thank goodness. Like as a kid, I feel like you just should be able to see the possibilities. I don't know. Because people try to filter comedy for kids. Or like, ah, you shouldn't watch stand-up, you know? Yeah. I'm glad you know? Yeah. I'm glad I did. Yeah.

Yeah, just because it was like totally opposite. Well, that's also the value of people that are clean. Oh, sure. That's true. Like Sebastian, for instance. The reason he does it on the road is because everyone can see him. That's true. Yeah.

Literally, your grandmother thinks he's funny and the 11-year-old thinks he's funny. That's true. Yeah. Literally, your grandmother thinks he's funny and the 11-year-old thinks he's funny. It's like, if you just don't curse, I can't do it. But if I just didn't curse, I would be able to do it. All right,

we got to do blocks. We're here grab assing. But I want to talk about, more about the mental illness stuff. And then I like the bond you have with your husband about it, which we'll get into. Hey, it's me, Neil Brennan. When I would go to the gym 20 years ago, it's Gold's Gym on

54th Street in New York City. Don't look for it. I would go to Gold's Gym with a physical piece of paper on it with exercises to do, weight type things to do. And then if I lost the paper, I would just have to go home because I didn't know what to do with the equipment. Not exactly true, but kind of true. If you're looking to take your workout to the next level, check out FitBod. FitBod app creates a workout program that's personalized to your goals, fitness level, and available equipment. It learns from your previous workouts and adapts as you improve. There's no better time to level up your fitness habit. Try FitBod today. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app free at fitbod.me slash N-E-A-L. F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E. That's fitbod.me slash N-E-A-L.

I can't wait to see your body. Show me your body. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Look, I get why they sponsored the show because all we talk about is improving mental health. You know about it. You know I've been in therapy 20 years. Talk therapy, hugely helpful.

It will just give you someone to bounce your life off of. And they'll show you how to interrogate yourself of like, what do I mean? What do I feel? What do I, it's, it's better than a friend. That's all I can tell you. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash N-E-A-L today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H slash neal. I'm not going to say it again. Betterhelp.com slash neal. I said it again. All right. Block number one.

Right, right. Avoiding confrontation. That's right. Which is very original. And you were saying all comedians. Every Bobby had it. Bobby Lee, Sebastian. I certainly have it to a degree. I see it mostly, which you don't have. You have it the least. I don't have it bad. The problem is we're all people pleasers. Give me some snapshots of avoiding confrontation in your life. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, the biggest example that I used in my special is when an intruder came to my house.

This is very literal. My instinct was hide, you know, maybe look for a weapon-ish thing and just hide. Maybe run away if possible. Maybe move. You know? My husband's was opposite. Go towards the guy. Go confront him physically.

Go try to stop the situation. With my body and the clothes on my back. Very different people. Yeah. So that's literal, like physical avoiding confrontation. An intruder is a pretty big one. That's not like I couldn't say no to a podcast or I couldn't say no to a birthday party. Like an intruder is like fight or flight.

Yeah. But in intense, crazy situations like that, you really show your true colors, I feel like. Yeah. You know? And it was interesting where I was like, wow, I was going to let my husband die because I was like, well, you know, like, we're just renting anyway. Like, we should just move. In my head, I was like, we'll move. We're no longer safe here.

Yeah, immediately. Quick to instead of being like, no, we built a life here, which is the things my husband would say. You were on Zillow while the intruder was still there, right? Yeah, I mean, yeah. If I had... If your true, true colors came out. My tabs were still open, though, from before he came. My true, true, true colors came out, and it was white.

Yeah, my husband would say things like, you know, no a life here we should at least keep trying if we move the intruders win yeah yeah that kind of thing but also it's like it's not so easy to just pick up and move in la you have to now find a new place and that's hard and there there's rent control here. We have a good relationship with our landlord, you know, like, but I'd rather go through bigger hurdles than to avoid a confrontation. I gotta say, intruder's a big one. Intruder's like personal, physical life and safety, but you're allowed to flee. Oh, then I was going to somehow try to get to the time, you know, I, whatever, was late to something or whatever. No, but what's the more like that kind of thing?

Like, do you find yourself overbooking yourself? Do you find yourself saying yes to too many things you don't really want to do? Yes, all the things, right? Of a people pleaser, right? I'm a people pleaser. I started going to a 12-step group that is based on codependency and overcoming codependency.

So it's about creating boundaries for yourself within social dynamics. But it's really hard to the point where they have meetings every day. Right. Because it's very hard to ask people to meet your needs. A hundred percent.

I always say like, you don't really change as a person from when you're a kid to now. The only thing that changes is your boundaries yes right i think that's it you just realize the energy you have for things yes better you know so you go okay i'm still the same person i still want to people please i want to say yes to everything but oh i know that thing makes me really tired i know three podcasts in a row makes me tired i did it the other day or five shows in a row or whatever.

So, you know, you don't do that. You don't do that. And then people, it's like with standup, Attell is from the school of like, you do six spots a night. No, I mean, you can, sorry, sorry. No, you've created a boundary. No, my nose starts to bleed. What is he? Want to die? I realized for myself, after two spots, I can't remember anything. I can't remember the night. So as much as I'd like to get like rise and grind and all that stuff, like that doesn't work for me. No.

It's not useful. Yeah. So protecting yourself and knowing exactly, exactly. Who cares about your ego or pride? I don't... There was an interview out there where like, and I won't say the person, but the person was like, yeah, you know,

before this movie, before this TV show, I was doing 6 to 13 shows a night. I was like, 6 to 13? First of all, I think that's a lie. Are you starting your shows at 2 p.m.? Yeah.

I don't think in any city you can do 13 shows. I mean, I don't know unless you're doing two-minute sets and then the next place is... In New York, you could. If you started at 7,

you could. 13? If you were working the cellar, the Fat Black Pussycat, and the village underground. Is there a world for you, Neil? I know there isn't, so I don't know why I'm asking,

but is there a world, I'm trying to wonder for me, is there a world where I do 13 sets in one night? And that's helpful to the process or any of the jokes at all. Here's the only advantage I will say. My brain's not that big. Right.

It's just a hard drive space, more or less. I found that it's good to just get combat situations. What does that do to my body? It's like training a Russian cosmonaut where you just do shit to get ready for space.

Sure. And you're doing... That to me is the usefulness of it. And you can work a premise out in a night. Like it is useful. For me though, I realized after a few months of doing that in New York.

Yeah. This is not helpful. Yeah, no, same. I like that you were like combat, like that's wind blowing on your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guns shooting at you. Yeah, or you just do that when you go up for an hour or whatever.

Yeah. You know, you already are in combat. You don't… No, I know, but I… The rush for me is driving to the next spot. Because that's what my whole day is going to be. That's what… You're training your body to drive from spot to spot.

I don't want to be a better driver. I've lived in LA since I was eight. Yeah. I'm fine. But so the, yes. It's creating boundaries for yourself is huge. Yeah. With your husband.

Yeah. How did that go? Your husband seems like a genteel individual. Meaning your husband seems like a very caring person. Did you have to create boundaries with him? Seems like you maybe didn't. It wouldn't have been hard. He has to create boundaries with me. Do you encourage him or are you like, fuck, this is going to be worse for me because he's not going to do that thing? No, I understand. He makes me also make boundaries with other people too. He just like encourages me

to go. You don't have to say yes to everything. He just like encourages me to go. You don't have to say yes to everything. Remember when you say yes to everything, sometimes you aren't thinking about things. You say you are saying yes to things because you care about these people. But then when you fail to be able to show up on time or even show up at all,

then you're actually screwing over the people you care about. And sometimes the people you care about that you're screwing over is people like me because then you're, I just never see you or you know what I mean? And that's true. Because when I was a kid, like my face, it does what it does. And I have like A dry sense of humor So I've been able I mean I'm like Sly Like any charisma I have Is like Subtle or

Whatever Like It sneaks up on you Sure It attacks you from behind Which is great People love that People love being attacked

From behind especially You and Tig both Snakes I mean Huge Tig's a better version Of what it is But yeah

But so I've always I've been able to kind of be gruff or like, nah. But I'm wondering what the fear is. What do you think is going to happen if you set a boundary? Yeah, I don't like to disappoint. I don't like to see somebody just feel bummed. You don't want to reject people? You don't want to reject people. I don't want to reject people. Yeah. Because not that I've felt it. It's more like I've seen it, I think, between my parents and mostly my family. I've seen loneliness and being rejected and

feeling like an outsider. And so I don't want anyone to ever feel that way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you've realized you become an outsider. And so I don't want anyone to ever feel that way. Yeah. Yeah. But you've realized you become the outsider. Of your own life. Kind of. If you become like disconnected from a good experience for yourself. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

And a big example is coming to mind actually of me not being able to set boundaries is like for me and my husband's honeymoon. I brought my mom, my grandma, my dad and his ex. We were like crazy rich Asians, but not rich. But not rich. And he's not Asian. Exactly. Although he wore a kimono recently. And now in my head.

That's all you see him as now? Yeah, I swear to God. Now in your head. It's a tragedy. Now in your head, he's Kiwi. But... Too Japanese for me. He's short round.

Ah! A white reference. Indiana Jones is getting ready to be canceled, just FYI. He is? Just about now? Just now? What'd he do? Now? He traveled around the Middle East and stole antiquities. No, I know. Oh, I thought you meant like

now. No, I'm just saying like his job is like illegal. They made it like him against the Nazis. Right. But like, well, who should have the Ark of the Ark? Oh, you're right. The American government should.

It's in the best possible hands. I know. Thank you, Indiana Jones. You're fucking canceled. Meanwhile, he's throwing like tarps and like food carts at like brown people. Yeah, he's shooting knife people. Yeah. Sword swordsmen, local swordsmen. I know. Artisanal swordsmen. It's true. Yeah. I's shooting knife people. Yeah. Sword swordsmen, local swordsmen.

I know. Artisanal swordsmen. It's true, yeah. I thought something new had come out. No, I mean, Temple of Doom is a garbage movie, but that's the one where Short Round has one of my favorite lines ever. Yeah.

I thought of two sketches for Temple of Doom, which is a job interview for Temple of Doom with like an 11-year-old boy. So what makes you think you're cut out to work at Temple of Doom, which is a job interview for Temple of Doom with like an 11-year-old boy. So what makes you think you're cut out to work at Temple of Doom? And the other one is when Shortron says, Indy, you're my best friend. You're my best friend!

Wake up, Indy! And I'm being like, look, it's a little soon, kid. I understand you're excited I got you out You know, you're excited I got you out of slavery But like

Let's ease into friendship Dang, he never got a break No Well, he got an Oscar Any, so That's true Okay, so So how did your husband deal with it?

Yeah Dude, what was your thinking? You didn't want to exclude your Like, hey The more the merrier. Let's all… Of course, I was… It reminded me of this because of something you said earlier about the boundaries thing.

It makes you lonely. You end up being alienated from your own life. That's right. That's right. I don't get to enjoy the fact that like, oh, you only have a honeymoon. Really, one time, hopefully. Or whatever. It doesn't matter how many times you get married. Honey. Really one time, hopefully. Or whatever. It doesn't matter how many times you get married.

Honeymoon's supposed to be special. I hope your husband heard that. Go on. No, I just want to also normalize divorces and getting remarried. I'm with like, hey, everybody's great. But some shit's not great. Sure. And I'm not saying don't get divorced because…

Because you're a Christian. Or Catholic. Because you're Catholic still. What did you think I was? A Christian? A Catholic. I mean, I'm not saying don't get divorced because it's against the... Or Catholic because you're Catholic still. What did you think I was? A Christian? Yeah, Catholic. I mean, I'm nothing, but I'm not like... It's because it's against the church.

I'm just saying like... Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah, right. Yes. Thank you for clarifying that. Do better.

I'm doing... Be best. Be best. Did your husband say anything on the honeymoon? Did you... Who realized that this was going to be a problem or that this was not fun first? My husband first, because he was like, hey, I thought, you know, it's me and you honeymoon. Hey, you know?

And I was like, right. I just, I just thought, you know, grandma hasn't been there in so long. You know, she's from there. You know, I'm saying things like that. Yeah. He's like, yes, I know where your family's from. And I'm like, you know, and then when I brought it up to,

and then so when I brought it up to her, she was like, oh, you know, she said the same stuff. She's like, it would be nice, you know. It's been a while. And then, so I was like, sure, you should come. And then my mom was like, well, how about me?

Who's going to take care of me? I was like, well, you should, you should definitely come too then. I think it'll be fun. You know, it'll just be like a family trip. Like one of those like National Lampoon Vacation. Yeah, fucking hilarious. I think I forget a lot of the parts of those movies.

Yeah. But the idea of a family trip, family vacation, that was just stuff I watched in movies and stuff. FYI. Yeah. Not a bad movie idea. This, what you're describing. Honeymoon.

Yeah. Honeymoon with your entire family. Yeah. I actually am starting to sort of figure out how to write that. Yeah. It's like the ultimate, like I can't set boundaries,

but also because I always want to recreate like the family I always wish I had. And so that's a big part of it where I'm like we didn't get to do this when I was a kid. You know? We weren't a family together truly and we were poor. We couldn't go on vacations and stuff. I finally can like cover you all. Like I can cover you guys now. So… When was this? This was like 2018 okay yeah but i can cover them better even now yeah so i'm still doing this like we me and

my husband just went to japan and taiwan for two weeks yeah i saw the videos and i brought my grandma she didn't have to come but i brought her she's 88 and she had like a high blood pressure and more health issues, but I was like, she hasn't seen Japan. I know a Korean, or I know a Taiwanese OBGYN if you need anything. Yeah, you do? My uncle is one too. I was going to get in touch with your uncle

and get some meds for your grandma. Damn it. I don't know, Neil. You're a well traveled person. I am pretty well traveled. I'm pretty connected in the OBGYN. I'm not sure. I don't know. Neil, you're a well-traveled person. I am pretty well-traveled. I'm pretty connected in the OB-GYN. I'm not sure. I don't know. Comedians always have some weird… Some weird hookup. It's like I also…

Yeah. I know the NRA president or whatever. I don't know. That's more specific. No, it's fine. Don't be too… But yes. Yeah. So for the honeymoon, my husband was like, this is maybe not cool, but okay. I can enjoy it. I can enjoy it. I understand you never see your dad, especially.

So he was kind of like game. Yeah, he was down. He put a brave face. Because I'm very like positive energy, cheerleader energy. I'm always like, hey, like, oh, look over there. Like once we're there, I'm just like, look, Taiwan, you know, just trying to distract him. Like, look, new language. Oh, my God. And he's very in the moment kind of person, too. And he does love family and my family.

And so he would get on board and he loved seeing a new country and stuff like that. So, you know, it was enough distraction. But then when we got tired and there was stress and reality sank in, like my grandma was too tired. So then we had to like carry her or, and my mom refused to go out and do like a temper tantrum or when my mom had a seizure actually too. And we also had to figure out how to make sure my dad and my mom never saw each other because they haven't seen each other since the divorce. When actual things like this started happening. This sounds like a

fucking awful honeymoon. No, of course it was terrible. It was terrible for him. For me, I'm like, I would have been so pissed. You would have left me. You would have left. I would have been like, no, I'm not fucking bringing. Yeah. We're not, no one's coming. You and I are going. That's it. That's the list. I got the list of the people coming to our honeymoon.

Me and you. The list is close. No, a hundred percent. It's fucked up. Yeah. Now that I think about it, I mean, even during it, I knew, but I was always trying to keep on a good face and be like, well, it's good. It's so funny that you want, it's like, you knew you fucked up. You didn't want to, you probably didn't want to hurt your mom and grandmother's feelings.

So you have to go along with it. It's just like sort of a lie telling yourself one kind of lie. And like, and I also want to be, I've recomposed this family. Let's reconstitute and we, this time we're going to do it right. Yeah. The last Brenton Standing idea is based on me and my brother were

trying to get like organized family reunions. And then one of the final year he punched me in the face. Oh my God. Whoops. Right. We can't get along.

Yeah. One sister told another sister, she's a bad mom. Wow. And then somebody else that was like, okay. So that's like five days together. Oh no.

In separate houses. It was. And so you haven't had one since then. Nah. Yeah. I mean, that's so smart. Because I would still have many after something like that.

Because I go, this year, this is the year. This is the year. I know. This is the year. We've all grown. We've all grown. My mom's on that. Obviously, my mom wants it to work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's having everyone go to Ireland this summer. Okay. And it's just a real boundary test for me. Yeah, but I'm such a dreamer like her. That sounds awesome. To me, I'm thinking you get to see your family's heritage together. You know, maybe everyone's older now.

Maybe it's someone's last year that they could really do this. Punches won't hurt. Punches won't. Yes. Like people don't have much fight in them when they're older. No. Yeah. Right.

Their bones and ligaments and muscles are bad. Yeah. Things hurt. Yeah. So punches won't hurt as much. You're right. And maybe you're, you know, like the elders will be like, you know, glad that they went before they get too old.

So in my head, I'm thinking like your mom. No, I know. I know. I know. And then I have to be the bearer of bad news and say like, I don't, I don't believe in it. I don't think we can do it. I don't think we can. I don't think we can be the utopian family. Yeah.

So what's that called? This is 12 step program recovery around boundaries and codependence. There's a term that I think is worthwhile, which is detach with love. Like, hey, I love you, but I can't be a part of this. The relationship does not work for me, but I don't think that we can change it Is that not a breakup? It is if you're fucking But if you're not I do with men way more than women Yeah, no, I'm saying that's breaking up from your family or friends Yeah, I guess it's a breakup

Yeah, it's a breakup But it's not like fuck you forever it's just like as who i am and who are who you are right now yeah right can't happen it's just not good it's i don't like it yeah yeah yeah and i told a friend of mine i was like i don't want you to change. I just, it's too painful to be around for me. Okay. Yeah, no. And that's, that's cool. And then, okay. So, but okay. You're doing a podcast, which means like you're with people all the time and maybe it's like, oh, that's a lot of people. And maybe I don't want to talk to them. This is most of my social interaction. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly. That's good. I think that's a lot of people. Maybe I don't want to talk to them. This is most of my social interaction. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly.

That's good. I think that's good because we're still hanging and catching up. I will know you better after this. Yeah. We both said things that we wouldn't have said in any other circumstance. Totally. Totally. And it's good.

We're also making content at the same time. I mean, we're fucking monetizing. We're stacking. Yeah. We're setting goals. So many birds. We're visualization. A hundred percent. We're also making content. I mean, we're fucking monetizing. We're stacking. Yeah. We're setting goals. So many birds. We're visualization. A hundred percent. We're rising. We're grinding. We're never

stopping. And friendshiping. And friendship. Fuck. Well, there's like enough boundaries, so it's not like I'm like... Branding. And branding. Branding. Branding. New branding. Thank you. Okay. So how testy does it get in that occasion? Who sort of snapped first?

Who said like, why the fuck are these people here? Yeah, well, of course, my husband. Yeah. My grandma and my mom were like, okay, if you want us to. Huh? You kind of framed him. You kind of set him up. No, of course.

Yeah. And he Not to And he's not the bad guy He's just like With love Trying He's just like Trying to

Meet everyone Meet me Where I want to be And Yeah And then And you Your goal is noble

Sure But That's the problem It's like But that person always like Dies or something Or gets beheaded Didn't that happen?

Almost every time. Mel Gibson's character or something. Braveheart. He was like, noble. I'm doing the right thing. But he died. Yeah.

Yeah. You'll, you're going to get popped. Yeah. If it's too noble, don't be too noble. Be a little noble. Yeah.

Be fake noble, like open doors, shit like that. But don't fight the government. You fucking out of your mind. No, no, no. No, no, no. You fucking out of your mind You're gonna get beheaded

Yeah There's so many people So many High tech stuff Also Chinese government Don't Oh yeah Especially

Or Russia Don't Oh trust Little noble That's why we were like Let's go to Taiwan now Let's go back While it's still Taiwan

While it's there Did you go to Hong Kong? No Hong Kong It's fucking tragedy No I know it is Taiwan. While it's there. Did you go to Hong Kong? No. Hong Kong, it's fucking tragedy. No, I know it is. It's tragedy. That's why we were like, let's go. And then let's bring grandma.

Also, another noble idea. Not going to do well on TikTok. No, no, no. Okay, we'll have to move on. No, no, no. Another grandmother idea? Oh, no. That's why I brought grandma to Taiwan this time.

Because I was like, well, you know. I was like, I'm being noble. You know, China, you know, I was like, I'm being noble, you know, China, you know, blah, blah, blah. Maybe this is the last time we can go. And then my husband was like, okay, all right. But remember, honeymoon was really stressful. And last time you did a show in Honolulu, you brought mom and grandma too. Remember, your mom never even left the hotel. Grandma got COVID. It was a hot mess. I was like, you're right. You're right. It was a hot mess. But was like, you're right. You're right. It was a hot mess. But how about just this one last time? So I keep bringing less and less people. At first,

it was like a lot of people, five people. Then it was just me, my mom and grandma. Now it's just grandma. So I'm getting better. And next time I really truly think it will just be me and my husband because we've, it has been that stressful and the fights aren't worth it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. How bad did the fights get and how are you guys good at it? The fights didn't get so bad. It was just more like, you know, I have to consider his feelings. How many times can he really ask? And like, sometimes it was a breakdown where he was like crying because he's like, I'm so stressed. And I feel like I haven't gotten to enjoy just being with you in this new place. I wanted to go see this one site.

I thought you would really love it. But I wanted to surprise you. But you were busy trying to make sure your mom and dad didn't see each other at the train station. So we missed our train. It's shit like that. You're playing opposite. Keeping your mom and dad from each other. Did you sponsor that? Who said mom and dad from each other who did you

sponsor that who said they can't see each other so it's all in my head i made these that's what's so funny about it's like it's like the parent trap or like who yeah they're both fucking 60 i know like they can figure it out what are going to do? But that is like these phantom expectations that you put on yourself and or. Yeah. I think it's a part of avoiding confrontation too, because I could just ask. Yep. I could just ask, mom, would you be down to see dad? Yeah, but you're going to be uncomfortable for like 20 seconds.

Yeah, that's fine. And I'll let them figure it out, right? Dad, would you be down with seeing mom again? Instead of doing that, I just created this narrative in my head instead of, because I don't want to even have that conversation. I go, no. Okay, we'll make sure they don't see each other.

Are you getting better at it? And how? Well, you know, like I don't plan on, you know, inviting family. Right, you are. You are. Yes. You're reducing.

I'd like to see you on vacation by yourself, honestly. I think that's the final frontier. Yeah. Send me off to an island. Yeah. Don't even bring your husband. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Go on a honeymoon with yourself. Wow. We'll be right back. Okay. So you are getting better and it's just from failure. Yes. Yes. Yeah. That's really how I learned You?

Yeah, you're just bombing and going Okay, I got to stop bringing everybody Let's bring one Let's try one less What's our limit? Like in too many podcasts Okay, there's my boundary Yeah, yeah, yeah

You should have a list of like boundaries I can only max amount of like a boat Like maximum capacity for podcasts in a day. Two. Maximum people on a honeymoon. Just two. Again, two. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Two is a good number for you. Hey, I don't like shopping for food. I don't like washing the dishes. I like eating food. And maybe I'll throw the container away. That's about as much work as I want to do. And that's what's great about Factor. Factor is America's number one ready to eat meal kit can help you fuel up with ready to eat meals delivered straight to your door. You'll save time, eat well, and tackle everything in your

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All right, you're unorganized and late a lot. Right, I think that goes with the other stuff, the people pleaser stuff we were talking about. Yes. Say more about that. Your husband calls it... Oh, not planning for your future self. Not planning? Oh, like if I'm late and unorganized. So he says, plan for your future self. Yeah. organized. So he says, plan for your future self. The things you don't want to do in the moment,

which is like leave early or put that one thing back that you took out. Because then that one thing turns into many things. That's how a mess happens. You're not planning for your future self because you're thinking about your present self. I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, he's a poet. Yeah. You were thinking about that. I was thinking about this over the weekend. I'm big on like people keeping their promises. That's kind of like

the basis of friendship and relationships. Yeah. The amount of promises I break to myself, it's a constant. It's constant. Wow.

I'm constantly breaking my promises to myself. Really? Like it's no, you are too though. Like just that thing of like you're breaking, don't you want to be organized? Oh, for sure. Haven't you kind of promised yourself, I'm going to be organized and I'm going to be on time.

Yeah, yeah. No, that, oh, you're right. You're right. And then you're like, fuck that person. The problem is we're very easy. We're very fast to forgive ourselves. Yeah, that's true.

And then maybe place the blame on someone else. Yeah. Well, it was, you know, there was actual traffic this time. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's like, I assume the length to a location is the fastest length it's ever been. Every time. Yes. If something's generally 40 minutes, but I did it in 28 minutes once.

Yeah. You're like. That's how long it takes. And if it takes 40, I'm like. You're like that too. I bet you are a little more. Okay. Okay. You'd be surprised. Interesting. Okay. In in my head i just think everyone i've ever talked to is just more on time than me i think a lot of it's about avoiding rejection i don't want to get to a thing early and then someone gets there late oh wow okay i don't even think that far that's not why. I've interrogated myself. What are we doing? First of all, it's just like I get distracted

and then I'm utoping about how much the time thing, right? It's 20 minutes. Then it's like, 42? You mother fucking fuck me. That's if you're on the late end. But I don't want to go and wait and be stood up, even though I'm not being stood up. I'm being, I'm being, it's a form of disrespect, by the way, that I practice constantly. And I don't even mean it as disrespect when I'm late. It's just my own system. Sure. And the other person too.

But I wonder, did, have people like done that to you a lot too in your past where they didn't come back or they didn't? Google Google Chappelle show end. Oh, uh-huh. Sure, sure, sure. It's a pretty big one. Sure. I was on time the day that my

partner left the country. I was at the set. That's just a, that's like a funny example. Sure. but like pretty formative. Yeah. But I was also 30. So it's not like I was already, you know, I was late. I'm just like late all the time. It's also kind of selfish and like childish and like, well, no, I have to take a shower or like I have to, I have to do the thing that's elective. Sure. Yeah.

And it's a childish choice and I'm immature. No, and that's a funny and big example. But it's mostly just late. I was kind of late today. I was a minute late. Yeah, yeah. And we were parking. We parked basically next to each other

because you were also a minute late. You're allowed to be because it's not your thing. I'm the host, so I should get here soon. You know what's wild? I always like to think too, like, well, you know, even though I'm not so organized

and not early all the time, I am, at least I'm like a nice person. You know, that's something I always say and it's like, oh God, what is that? Like, who are you? Like a cartoon mouse, you know? Kind of. Because I do the same thing.

I am. I kind of am. I do. I always tell my husband these things. I'm like, oh, that would be mean. A cartoon mouse wouldn't not wear this. Yeah. And then say something like that.

Yeah. Well, you know, yes, I am always late. But I'm a nice person. At least I'm nice. And then a theme song? Right, right, right. Yeah, and that's kind of like... Okay, Japan.

Very organized. Very on time. But I see the sadness. I see the sadness everywhere. Everyone's sad there. It's a very lonely country. Everything's perfect. Marie Kondo's from there.

You know? But like, there's sadness. And not that I'm saying I'm also sad. I have a general sadness to me. Just thinking about my mom all the time, things like that. Have you ever had depression? Not that I know of,

but I also have never really like seen a psychiatrist or I don't have a therapist. So I don't know. So it would be like self-diagnosed. Yeah. But I think you'd know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, then maybe not. I don't know. So it would be like self-diagnosed. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't, I think you'd know. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Then maybe not. I don't know. Your whole life is like, why are people, why is everyone having more fun than me? Oh yeah. No,

that's, that's not just jealousy. It's not even jealousy. It's just more like, I didn't mean it to be like that. No, no, no.

But it's just like, why is everyone like, like, I can't get to that level. Ecstatic or seemingly ecstatic where I literally cannot... Get there. Don't even know. Right.

I took... When I started taking antidepressants... Yeah. I remember telling a buddy of mine like, I don't want to dance, but I understand why someone would now. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So... Which is a very deep... Where you're known for your dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Which is a very deep where you're known for your dancing. Deep and dark place too. You can be, I think you can also dance and be depressed too.

Dance for people and be depressed. But that's different. Yeah, anything's possible. Anything's possible. But I don't know, I don't know if I've hit it. I've seen it in my mom.

I'm pretty sure she's depressed. She's not diagnosed for that, but I'm pretty sure she just is. She hasn't left her house in years. She hasn't showered in years. You know, so I think she has that. It's not just COVID. It's not just the COVID. She's not

on her COVID bullshit. She's not just... You know me. I'm on my COVID bullshit. You know it's long COVID. Hey, at least I'm nice. You know. But she...

Yeah, so... Yeah, so... You know, so the general sadness. Oh, what is that? How did I... Why did I go into the general sadness? What we were talking about. Japan.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you a funny... Another story about the guy who was didn't show up to work that day uh-huh when we started doing the tv show yeah i said to him like you have to be on time like because he's very he can be very tardy and he to your point Got me a card He's never gotten me a card For anything Got me like a gift, a greeting card Of a picture of

Dick Cheney and George Bush Looking at their watches And the inscription on the inside Was like, yeah, but time In the wrong hands Meaning like It's your Japan boy Like, look, I could be You want to see on time, people Yeah, but time in the wrong hands. Ooh. Meaning like... Yeah, no. Hey, it could have been worse.

Like, look, I could be... You want to see on time people. They don't seem very happy. And he was basically making your argument. It's like, look, you want to... These people are on time. Look over there. Yeah.

That's the look over there. Yeah. Basically, yes. So I love your spirit. No, for sure. Do you intend to stop doing it? Yes, all the time. Are you a procrastinator?

I am. Yeah. But like you said, I've gotten better. I've gotten better at putting things in calendar, making sure I organize, planning for the future me, live, love, laugh. But these are the things. These are the most important messages. You have to say these general basic things all the time because it's true, you know, but the breaking promises with yourself, that is definitely something I didn't really think

about that. I guess that is what I'm doing, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And we're too quick to forgive because if you didn't, you'd be just screaming at yourself all day, which I'm also doing. So it's pretty great. So that's not good. Yeah. Where's the happy medium in that? It's like, forgive yourself, but not too much, but then I'm not forgiving myself at all. You know, it's impossible. You would just stand still. It's impossible. That's so much brain activity. Life's impossible. You would just stand still. It's impossible. That's so much brain activity.

Life's impossible. Life's impossible. I would just crash in a car. Because it's impossible. I've been procrastinating less because I realized that like the more I work on stand-up, the better it is. Yes.

Meaning like if I do a new joke show every Tuesday, please come. It's in Santa Monica if you feel like driving out there. New material. And I write it. I do notes during the week and then on Tuesday, please come. It's in Santa Monica if you feel like driving out there. New material. And I write it. I do notes during the week.

And then on Tuesday, I have like long form, figure it out. If I start at four, it's one result. If I start at one, it's just better. And therefore,

I'm not stressed like tight about the show I have to do later. I'm like, oh, I'm like, I can write at like a decent clip. I don't have to like. Right. Like, you know. Right. And it's just better form.

It is truly what your husband and I like where it's more pleasant for me. But like the baby in us is like, no, check your phone again. It's so true, though. Okay. I'm not able to watch and listen to sad things That I really like Yeah Like even like a drama or something I just

I'm always like Ah Pump up energy I gotta listen to like Lil Jon energy music Yeah Or like dancehall Dancehall is what I listen to a lot

Which is And then But just like really pretty Mainstream dancehall That just like feel good And you know Maybe they're talking about The island vibes

They always They are They are I don't even know what song it is They're talking about the island vibe Yeah That's all And that's all I want

And I'm just like I'm not on an island But that's okay You know And Taiwan So then I'll watch Taiwan That's true You want I'm not on an island But that's okay So then I'll watch Taiwan That's true I'm an island girl You're an island vibe Do you remember those boys?

Yeah To my last breath Yeah, I actually kind of like them I think there's some Island Boy is a great song Yeah, yeah, yeah It's a great song Yeah, it is Great songs come from anywhere think there's some Island Boy is a great song Yeah, yeah, yeah It's a great song Yeah, it is

Great songs come from anywhere I don't even know if it's their song I don't know the backstory I don't know anything either All I know is That's a melody That stays with you It's catchy

And it's pretty And it truly does have island vibes to it Yep And that's what I love Anytime I go to an island I You go I literally made an island, I... You go,

island boy. I literally made a video when I was in Hawaii in November. Yeah, yeah. Promoting my show. Yeah. Hell yeah. With the sang island boy.

Yeah. I'm going to island boy. And I'm going to island boy. I don't even know. I just know the... The beginning. Yeah. The first two words.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. But, yeah, yeah so And then Did you ever like sad shit? Because I really liked sad shit Yeah that's so hard Like and you just live in it

Do you sit and cry though? When you listen to like a sad song alone Do you cry every time? Because I cry every time No I don't Songs don't really make me cry Okay But movies will fucking

Slap the shit out of me. For sure. Same. Same. Yeah. And I like it. Like I'm not, I don't want to avoid it. Okay.

Yeah. I like being wistful. Wistful. What's that mean? Like looking out the window. Oh, wow. Sort of touching the. Like someone's watching or you just like feeling it?

I'm watching the world And I'm like The earth, a life Like this is all so Like this rich What a rich experience Right but then when you're seeing sadness So that's different right It is

It's like you're looking out a window and you're seeing A woman trying to wake her dog Who just died up You know is that wistful? Do you like that? That I would probably close the blind because I don't want to. See that. I just don't want to.

Then I got to worry about my dog and do I brush his teeth enough? But that's what a sad movie is or a sad song. Not Schindler's List. Well, what do you mean? There's nothing. I don't go into a spin I'm pretty sure There was a dead dog

Am I saving enough Jews? Oh like It's so It's so It's so like not It's bigger than a dog Yes The movie that makes

That The Amy Winehouse documentary Yeah yeah I've talked about it before on here Destroyed me Of course yeah Destroyed me Of course yeah

I love I watched it four times Destroyed me every time Yes of yeah. I watched it four times. Destroyed me every time. Yes, of course, yeah. I mean, and it should because you're human and it's like a real thing that happens to people and the loneliness and the sadness or whatever, the pressures that you can relate to, but also see it that other people are also maybe suffering, right, going through. And I get that.

I already feel like I see that. You exist in it already. Just from the friends I have or the stories that I know from people. And also you lived in it. Maybe, yeah. It's not so, I don't think it's so much about me. Maybe, maybe. But I see it in my mom a lot, you know, and I see it every day.

And so I'll read about it. I'll read about the Amy Winehouse documentary and exactly what happens. The spoilers. I love spoilers. You do? I love spoilers. Because it takes the punch out of a sad thing. Yes, I'll read about it and empathize with the sadness or the tragic elements of the movie.

And, okay, know that, oh, that's the arc they were able to reach or not reach and just know that that was a fact in life or I'll maybe read the book or something but yeah but the movie when the music is there and the acting's going on or you know not a documentary but the music's there. Yeah. It'll hit harder. Yeah. Yeah, it helps. And seeing her face move. Yeah. Yeah. So you did see the documentary? I didn't.

Fuck. Yeah. You just read the spoilers. Yes. Yeah. And, you know, we all kind of... We know the story, but I'm like... You can tell me.

I like spoilers. No, no, no. I don't... It's not even a matter of spoilers. It's just like you're better off seeing her sing and then cutting to an interview about her dirtbag boyfriend. No, that, I don't It's not even a matter of spoilers It's just like You're better off seeing her sing Right And then cutting to an interview About her dirtbag boyfriend No, that's true

You know what I mean? Right Like it's more effective But That's true If you don't need it I have things like that And I'm trying to think of what it is

Things you can't watch? Or just things where Somebody go Don't you want to date a funny person? And I'll be like, I don't need funny. Like, I got funny. Oh, interesting. You know what I mean?

Like, I'm not opposed to it, but it's not a prerequisite. Right, right, right. Like, we need a thing that we don't have, I think. Maybe that's what it is. That would be cool to know it's as simple as that. And maybe it is. I'm starting's what it is. That would be cool to know. It's as simple as that. Maybe, and maybe it is. I'm starting to think it is.

It's because I have sadness. Like I just feel it and see it a lot. Suffering. That's part. It's also part of your appeal. You are a little mouse. Of course, everybody.

And you're at least you're nice. And there is a sadness to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To your essence. Oh, yeah. Not, it sadness to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To your essence. Oh, uh-huh. Yeah.

Not, it's like subtle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wouldn't be the first thing anyone said, but like there is like difficulties that you've seen. I can see that you've seen difficult things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. Yeah. Like Mr. Rogers.

No. No, Mr. Rogers. I saw that. I saw that. Oh, right. Yeah. Like Mr. Rogers. No. No. Mr. Rogers. I saw that. I saw that. Oh, you did? That wasn't that sad. He didn't…

He was like just loved people or something. Yeah, just like… So much. I think it was upbeat. Yeah, yeah. But he's like, I love people so much. And he would cry about it.

I'm like, what? Where's that coming from? I never do that. What makes you sad? What makes you cry? I do love people. I do love people. Like freaking the whale trailer made me cry. Did you see the movie?

No, but I watched the trailer. And the trailer itself already. When he goes, people are incredible. I'm like, yeah, they fucking are. I guess I do cry for people. Yeah, I love people. And so when he said that, I'm like, that's coming from a pain and like a loneliness. But seeing the beauty, somebody helped him or touched him in a way.

We're talking the whale. But in that scene, whatever that scene was, taken out of context, I knew what that moment was about. And so then I freaking, I was like, oh my god, I was just crying just from the 45 second trailer or whatever. So that's me. How often do you cry? I don't cry

like in daily life situations in real life situations. It's only when I'm watching something or like a fiction. Yeah, I'm watching something. So once, maybe twice a year. Am I a serial killer? Not if you haven't killed anybody. No, right.

I mean, not a serial killer. Like, are you temperamentally like a serial killer? Is twice a year good? Bad? It's really good. You tell me. I feel like you've taken steps to help yourself more.

It seems like it's probably less than most people, but it's not wrong. Yeah, yeah. Here's a fucking very racial question. Yeah. Do you think, we'll go with Taiwanese Asian women, are more stoic? Yeah, I think they are. Like any- The women I know.

A lot of women I know that are Asian. There's like a stoicism. Yeah. That's like, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Like, let's not. It's a bit like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody chill.

Let me figure this out. I don't know. There's something I've noticed that I'm like Sense this thing of like And I don't know if it's like Historic Or like Like what it's based on Right But it seems like Pretty across the board

You know Just being raised by like Two Two Asian women Yeah I kind of see it in them too I also rarely

Rarely Rarely saw them cry I think maybe I've seen my grandma cry like just three times maybe in my life. Yeah.

My mom like twice. The whale trailer, obviously. When we were watching the whale trailer and then the other time was when Kihoe won the Oscars.

Is that true? Yeah, I mean, I love when people, you know. I gotta say, I do too. That's good.

That means you're not a... Serial killer. Yes, that you have empathy. Empathy, yeah. Yeah. Or it's like, or I'll be like, because I think that's going to be me. I don't think it is.

I really don't think it is. But it is exciting when a dream, when you fulfill a dream. Right, right. That's what's been fun about... Sorry, I'm still laughing about that's going to be me being the real reason

someone cries. It's like a showbiz cynic. I'm like, or maybe I think when they see it, then I'm me and mine. Yeah, yeah. And you're just like, oh God, when I put on a fat suit

and do my role. Yeah, then they'll see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here's the, it's the final question that I always do. Movie of your life. And this is a bigger question thematically. Movie of your life. Who plays you?

What's the movie about? What's the character arc? And I have a secondary question, which is, what do you, what meaning do you draw from your life? Meaning like mentally a mom, grandmother,

like kind husband, this gift for, gift and interest in comedy, or like, what do you, do you think it means anything or do you think it's random? Oh,

yeah, I think meaning in in life i'll say that first because i feel like that's sort of just everyone's mo and like why we get up in the morning and stuff just like a connection to people you know and uh giving people an experience that'll make them feel seen because you know i want to feel seen too and then humans make me feel seen so that's my mo every day with stand-up comedy with performing with the things i write with my family with the mental illness with my husband that's like my kind of why i get up yeah yeah okay connect yeah all right let's connect yeah and sometimes that's like my kind of why i get up yeah yeah i'm like okay connect yeah all right let's connect yeah and sometimes that's not leaving the house and going to a coffee shop maybe that's like just going on instagram or whatever that's okay too because you know i am a performer that does

that you know is online too so you know like you, that's just how I like to connect with people. And I don't drink coffee. But no, but I'm not in. Huge mistake. What? Huge mistake. Oh my gosh. The people I could be meeting.

I rarely do go out during the day. So that's, that's like my, the meaning. Yeah, yeah. For, to life for me. And then. Is connecting with people. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

To what end? And just to feel a human connection. I think so that it's a mutual, like, you feel seen and I feel seen. We will, like, yeah.

Okay. In whatever way I can do. And, like, I think with my jokes, that's what I'm trying to do, too. You know? Yeah. Yeah.

It is a fun thing with comedy where you, like, it is a fun thing with comedy where you like you say a new thing and a thing people haven't thought of but they and then they agree with it a hundred percent that's like my it's the one of my favorite thing that is the stand-up comedy like the it's kind of the i mean it's not every joke isn't that, but kind of every joke is that. Yeah. Yeah. And so,

you know, being original with it just means like, you know, you say the thing no one said. Yeah. But everyone was thinking so much. Their body. Yes.

Reacts involuntarily. A hundred percent. That's yeah. We should define standup like that more instead of just like set a punchline or attention release. Speaking truth to power. Yeah, it's that. Punching up. Yeah, or that stuff or whatever.

No, it really, to me, it's really, it's like a, I see it as like, because I was, when you were saying you want to connect with the audience, I'm like, I do too. Uh-huh. the audience. I'm like, I do too, but I want to connect as a rebuttal on behalf of everyone of like, we're being bombarded with this. Can I just, may I speak? Yeah. May I get my rebuttal, sir? And then I go say the thing. Yeah. Like this is stupid or silly or great or whatever. Yeah. But that is the, that's the point to me. Yeah. And that's ultimately making sure that the audience feels seen and that you feel seen at the same time. Yeah.

I think that's just the messaging. Yeah. This is my rebuttal? This is funny. Just on a side note, Margaret Cho talks about how everyone has the essential comedy, everyone's essential comedy.

And it's like a one-liner like that, that describes like, she's like, you know, once you know what your essential comedy is, like all the jokes just flow out of you anyway, because it's, you know. So like, for example, Jerry Seinfeld, she says is like, is it me? Right, that's his essential comedy. Same with John Mulaney, is it me? Margaret. That's his essential comedy. Same with John Mulaney. Is it me? Margaret said this and I was like,

oh, weird. I've been, like Ryan, my husband was like, because I was like, what is my perspective? And he said this and I was like,

oh, and it weirdly happened to be the same as Margaret's, which is, I didn't want to be here, but I am. Earth, America.

General, right? Humanity. Humanity. Yeah. I didn't want to be here, but I am. So I'm dealing with it. It's kind of my perspective.

I think yours is that. You already know your essential comedy. I didn't even think of it as my essential. But it really is like what I'm... Can I give a rebuttal? May I? May I, yeah. Yeah, which is different than, is it me?

You know, it's more like you've thought of the collective. Or like the thing you said, like, we should do this again. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing that's like, the thing that no one will say. Because some of it's a rebuttal, but some of it's like not collective. It's more just like. Yeah.

Yeah. It is kind of collective, though. It is kind of like, you you say this but like oh we all agree like but we're not living that let's be clear we did five sketches on the show that had real in it the word real because it was so like the real version of this yeah yeah yeah and that's like what yeah so all right tell me about the movie of your life. What do you think the point of you is? Oh, gosh.

I don't know. I don't think about that. Yeah. You tell me. The point of me in... Yeah. I mean, how about that connection thing? I also think it's joy.

Finding quirky joy in difficult circumstances. Right. Yes. Yeah. Like your outfit is to cheer other people up. But you and I both know it's to cheer you up too. No, a hundred percent. Oh my goodness.

Yeah. Me dancing for people, that's cheering you up. But like I need it too. That's why when I post it, that's cheering you up. But I need it too. That's why when I post it, I watch it 10 times. Because I'm like, ah, it is so fun. That is a fun dance. Whatever. I like to watch my performances back.

For the craft too. But I also like it. First and foremost. But I also like it. I of course love it that I'm like, I made them laugh that part. Yes, that's a good part. Yes. Okay.

Oh, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I think you should enjoy watching yourself because then you can, you know, serve others better. I don't know. I think this is a service industry. So yes, a lot of it's self-service.

Sure. Of course. Yeah. Well, I don't even say that like judgmental I just know like I always want to do a joke I don't know if I'll figure out how to do it When comedians like do a big venue And they go, can you believe we did this? I always want to go like

We didn't do this We didn't go to open mics and fucking eat shit Right, right I did it 100% I'm fucking grateful I'm so grateful But it's such a lie

That's true To say that we Does like Sure sure Yeah yeah It's to manipulate the audience Right right So it's like

We're all on your side Because you're not splitting the money With the audience No that's true Can you believe we're splitting this 7,000 ways? No, if we were, the audience need to like do like... They need to do more. They need to pull their weight.

They do the jokes. Pitch. Pitch something. They perform the jokes. Trust me, they would love to. Yeah, you're right. They would love to. They want to.

Don't give them any ideas. They are so scary sometimes like that. You know, the relationship we have. They had a funny observation about, he hit the opening of one of his shows. He goes, you're all the funny people in your group. They're like the kind of people who like comedy. Right. That will go to it are funny.

That's so true. They do have a good sense of humor. Yeah, well, they like us. What could be better? I think so, yeah. Meticulous taste, the highest taste. I mean, it's either that or it's like, I don't know why I'm here. Yeah, well, there's certain people...

I don't know if you watched The Correspondents Dinner. Roy Wood did it on Saturday. Yeah, no, I missed that. It's great. But there's a couple cutaways to the audience where they're like, and it's like, yo. Yeah. It was like, why are you there?

I know. I know because it's a comedy show or it's going to be. It's ostensibly a comedy show. You have to be seeking that out. And I get it's not, the invitees aren't comedy lovers. Yes.

So. In closing. In closing, yeah. And you, claim me. Thank you. I think very highly of you. I think you're really cool.

And I think you're really funny. And I think you're, you are a little mouse. And you are a nice person. But you're great. Thanks, Neil. No, I think you're awesome little mouse and you are a nice person. But you're great. Thanks, Neil. No, I think you're awesome too. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for having me. And I know now it's not because you felt bad. You didn't choose me on that Netflix competition show. No. Yeah. It's all genuine.

It's all. Rock on, dude dude we're fucking cool young people that's how you sign out right you sign out you sign out saying this

like a same word with your guest right keep crying crying never stop

crying did you do it to the yeah you too right yeah and you did it with the... Yeah. You too, right? Yeah. And you did it with a finger? Yeah.

Keep crying. Never stop... Never stop crying. Crying. That's with Blox. Hold it. Blox. Brandon.

Brandon. Everybody wants to have it, wants to have it real, my man. All you have to do is open, open up your hand, my man.