Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Beth Stelling

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews Beth Stelling (''If You Didn't Want Me Then' on Netflix) about the things that make her feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how she is persevering despite these blocks. --------------------------------------------------------- 🎙️ Have a Question about your Blocks for Neal? 🎙️ Email “[e-mail]” to have your question answered on a future episode.  ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro 1:52 Childhood 8:15 Romantic Relationships with Men ---------------------------------------------------------- https://www.MeUndies.com/neal for 20% off plus free shipping FOLLOW & RATE Blocks: » Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blocks-w-neal-brennan/id1658660161 » Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6gx3bANm25DtKA3cnlBH1r https://nealbrennan.com for tickets Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Neal's Instagram: https://instagram.com/nealbrennan Neal's Twitter: https://twitter.com/nealbrennan Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, guys. Neil Brennan here. You're listening to and watching the Blocks podcast. My guest today is a woman that I like very much who I don't know especially well, but whenever we interact, it's pretty kind and it's pretty decent and I like her comedy and I like her person and we have many mutual friends. Beth Stelling is my my guest and she has a netflix special called if you didn't want me then and she has an hbo called girl daddy and i watch

them both so everyone can go fuck themselves because i'm not one of those comedians who's like no i don't want stuff i don't want to get my hat no you're you're you're a selfish person um if you don't watch i love comedy and everyone in comedy should like comedy and if you're so to say i don't watch it's like you're just selfish you're overcome by your own jealousy look that's not aimed at you i'll press oh i won't watch i'll press plan pretty much everything yeah some there was only one recently right i was just like, I can't do it. And I didn't press play. Let us know who you think it was in the comments, guys.

Real quick, if you want to guess, I have my couple jump to mind. But yours I did watch and enjoyed. Thanks. Thanks. It's true. It was great. No, I believe you. So your-

One word missing, I was just going to say pleasant. Our interactions? Yeah. Great. it was great no i believe you um so you're one word missing i was just gonna say pleasant our interactions yeah great i mean it doesn't make for great podcasting i listen to a very conflict vaccines um all right so your last one or your most recent one the netflix one and she's at at beth stelling that's two l's um did you do you talk about your dad a lot uh what's the give people the quick version of who what your childhood was like and who your dad was my parents divorced when i was around three my dad moved to orlando florida i don't know to become an become an actor which is not where you go correct

if he was there in the 90s I may have crossed paths with him it's very possible auditioning for all that so I was there for about 6 months did you take an improv class ever? I didn't, did he work with Paula Pell? did he bring her up ever?

no because Paula Pell was in Orlando and then she got hired for us. If only he had crossed paths with her. All of our lives would have been never. I'd be a nepo baby. Then by the time I was six, we were going to visit him, leaving our mom in Ohio to visit our dad in Orlando.

For how long were the periods? A month in the summer, which was extremely long. That'll leave you all garbled. You come back and you're calling your mom, dad. And it's strange. It's such a weird transition, especially Ohio and Florida being so different. And were they similar people at all? No.

No, no, no. Not similar at all. Why did they get married, do you think? I've talked to my mom about it a little bit with questions. And she was like, he was very talkative and funny. a little bit with questions and she was like he was very talkative and funny moms i always say moms like moms like pushback as much as cops do like you can't question moms about anything they don't they like it about as much as police departments for their life that you don't understand what it's like on the streets um he remarried so we like met a stepmom. There was some, some, uh, I guess visitation that

happened before we started flying down there in like, uh, with a supervisor, supervisor and therapist present. And then, cause I, I mean, I've been playing since I was six. Was he contentious? Um, he met, struggled with mental illness. Oh God. Okay. Yes. So then yes yes months in the summer pretty much every other holiday in the usually if we had christmas sometimes we'd be flying on christmas day to our dads so it was like you either stayed up until christmas eve and then left

or left on christmas day till new year's ish i can't think of any christmas movies or even stories that are like that yeah were. Where you stay in the elite. Was it sad? Were you like, you seem good natured about it in the specials, but I'm wondering like. Yeah.

I would say it's much deeper than that. Everything that happened, I would say. And traumatic for sure that we all went through at different ages. I have two older sisters,

so we all kind of remember it differently. They're wrong, by the way. Yeah. My story is obviously correct. Just FYI's there's a lot that goes into it there was like there's definitely a people-pleasing aspect in me where i was like i want to be uh make my dad comfortable when i'm there i want to make mom comfortable when i'm there let them not necessarily like make them think they're they're my favorite but just like do that that's

probably you think you were in a position no no i always i could never relate to the remember it's not your fault it's like don't protest too much i never thought it was a pretty clear it's very clearly their problem yeah yeah and then also i felt like my mom did her best to my mom was not a shit talker. She never bad talked him when I would draw a family in kindergarten. Uh, it would be, I think I can't remember. Sometimes I would draw him with a hole in the top of his head cause he was balding. Um, and then other times I started just drawing me and my mom and my sisters cause that's how we grew up. illness go ahead i wasn't that clever yet um but yeah i don't know i and then you know it's i always had that this moment i remember somebody

was like well where's your dad and then i you know eventually the joke became like you're supposed to have one you know it's sort of like everything was good my mom was well that time. One of your blocks is PTSD or CPTSD, which is complex PTSD. Also, what does it all mean anyway? A, that. It's the same with the Bible. A bunch of dudes read the DSMV. It's all like I heard Freud said. It's all so hearsayish.

You know what Freud thinks? Okay. Close personal friend Freud. Lived in the modern world Freud. The guy who wrote about dreams 80% of his life. Just dream. Alright man, this is never going to be provable or disprovable.

Talking to people can be helpful. My question for you is how do you find processing your own trauma? Honestly, because I've gotten sick of my own. I have a bit now where I'm just like making fun of it. And I'm making fun of like this. It's a thing I have with my girlfriend where I call it decadent emotions. Where like every emotion must be taken out and buffed and polished and honored.

And like because we all have time because we ever because our lives are basically so good that we can go excavating for like the bad. We something's amiss. Right. Well, it's almost like I'm too introspective. Sometimes I'm overly self-aware, sick of myself. There are's times where i've been like what do i have to say about it shut up and i think earlier i was just so busy and so driven in my youth that my early day after doing stand-up this long which is like a lot 17 years and also not a lot in the grand scheme of things same yeah so it's kind of like it's it a lot. And yet I feel like where'd the time go? But I've changed, of course, as a human.

Like, you know, my 2012 Conan said it's a time capsule. It's like I didn't even know how to tell them how I like to do my hair. You know, like there's so many things you learn along the way. Anyway, I guess early days of stand up, I could only really rely on feedback. I didn't know what I was. I didn't have a plan and be like, this is my persona. Here I go. I was the youngest of three.

I was a ham. I liked attention. I was a class clown. I wasn't necessarily a theater kid yet, but I would go on to study theater. And I did speech and debate in the humorous category. So everything was leading towards me. They have a humorous category so everything was leading towards me they have they have a humorous category yes i was the state champion of ohio in 2003 i recognize you um um all right let's do some blocks real real quick let's do romantic relationships

with men okay because i am interested in your feelings where if you've gotten better at it how where'd you start and how have you gotten better at it because i think in your teens i mean like the shit about yeah just trying to like eighth graders hooking up with college dudes or whatever like as if you guys were hooking up i know that's what was happening i know i think he touched my water bra and then tried to finger my friend's butthole. I was like, we got to get it out of this closet. But I'm like,

my dad wasn't present in my upbringing in Dayton, Ohio. Still had to visit him. He made it very clear how much he loved me. He does struggle with mental illness.

So there is an intensity to it and it's not your typical relationship with a father. It's better. So it's kind of like, okay, yeah, I'm in eighth grade. I'm going down to party at University of Dayton with my like bad girl girlfriends. What's the root of that?

Is it daddy issues? Right, because there's five of you. Right. Or is it our American culture, which is I get my worth from men being attracted to me like i look at my diary back then which i still have it's terrifying and it's stuff like a little list of like workout go tanning like i'm just sort of like where does that come i mean it comes from looking around in magazines and TV. Daddy issues could just be like status issues.

Yeah. I'm just like, and I was scared. I wasn't like horny looking to hook up with a college dude. I was terrified. I had no tits. And that's pretty much what saved me. I don't even know if I put that joke in that special. I used to have a joke about gymnastics.

Yeah. Oh, the only time gymnastics has, I said I, gymnastics saved me. The only time gymnastics has saved a kid from getting diddled. I don't think I put that in. Fuck. We got to go. I missed some tags. We got to reshoot it.

It was just one take. I did it anyway. So yeah, I mean, I wasn't like seeking that out. I was definitely scared of that. And, but that is also interestingly also interestingly enough related to my body. So by being a gymnast, I didn't really have tits. They didn't make me feel sexy. And I feel like some of my first experiences with my boyfriend, who cared about me and stuff, Robert.

How old? He was a junior and I was a freshman. And I'm just sort of like it's that people-pleasing. I remember I was like I'm ready to give him a blowjob. I drank like two huge bottles of pre-made screwdriver. It's like that, like barely orange. It's like a yellowy orange, so watered down with vodka. It's in a bottle.

I can't remember. Did you, when you say pre-made, who made it? It was just like in a bottle that you purchased. Oh, you could buy it. Yeah, apparently at the quick and cold. Great. I gave him a blowjob in my bunk bed, my top bunk bed. Travel better with Air Canada.

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finish. Perfect for sunny days and warm nights. Enjoy it well chilled or over ice. That's refreshing. That's Summersby. Must be legal drinking age. Please drink responsibly. Carlsberg Canada Inc. Waterloo, Ontario. Are you standing? What are we talking about logistically? I mean, like, I'm like, the ceiling is like this high.

Like, I don't even know if I could sit up all the way. We're like climbing in their army style. Okay. I mean, I'm not mad at it. Go ahead. And then I was like, I don't think that was good enough. And I did it a second time the same night. Did he finish?

That I truly don't remember. I'm sure he did the first time and he probably was able to reload. But that's like a funny thing for me to look back at. Like I wasn't, whatever you want to call it, slutty. I had a boyfriend, but it was like I definitely sacrificed my own comfort and my own pleasure to please somebody else. And that's a consistent theme. Yeah. And I and I don't want to get too gendery about it, but like that's I did the same thing. Like to your point of like I don't know what's this pathological daddy issue and what's just a human being wanting to be socially connected and like of worth within their circle. Yeah.

And liked and – Yeah. Why wouldn't you want that? Yeah. Who doesn't want – like I'm too healthy for that. No. You just – maybe you have better boundaries if you're healthy but i don't think anyone has boundaries until they're like 30 yeah i'm also

thinking too like you know what's the key self-love you know like being so happy and content with yourself that it would be like a joy to just have a a partner appreciate the things that you already love about yourself yeah i, in a perfect world. But people say stuff to you and you're out in the world and you can't control it. And then those things stick with you and you build insecurities and all that stuff. Yeah. And I don't. And yeah, so it's a part of our anti-therapy movement on this podcast.

Better help is a regular sponsor. Well, yeah, I get all my yeah my therapy but again like you therapy is worthwhile what i'm saying is the idea of pathologizing everything so it's like i only did this because of my dad are you sure right because a bunch and millions of other people did it who had ostensibly good parenting. Yeah. And then it comes to the point of like, grow up. I'm just sort of like, you can't be blaming your dad to your 30s. I know somebody who dated somebody whose dad had passed. And it was like, he was still saying like, well, that's why I do this.

It's like, what? These can't be excuses for your behavior. Yeah. You know, you can't be saying, well, I do this because of that. Now, sometimes when you haven't analyzed it or looked under the rock at all, it can feel like you're a magnet getting hurled towards a fridge being told not to stick. It does sometimes feel inevitable. partner violence. I personally didn't think that I would ever be needing to deal with that. My first person that I fell in love with, I was, I think 15. It was really positive. We were speech kids together, both funny. We did the play together, musical together. And we loved each other and it was a positive experience. And we've gone in and out, but he came and hung out with me when

I was in Portland at Helium this when i was in portland at helium this like in november yeah so we're still friends like very positive and i have had plenty of lovely positive men in my life so it's almost to the point where when i did experience partner violence by the way gave no credit to your dad for that right i mean do you know what i mean like that's how it works it's like right anything negative is because of him anything positive is just because i i don't know why yeah it's not attribute attributable to anybody even though well i will say he one of his things is like a he's very repetitive and he would consistently say like because we had a phone call weekly phone call when we weren't there during the year go for spring break or like i told you a month in the summer every other holiday we would have

a weekly phone call and he would say over and over. And I think I mentioned this in a special, but it's, it's, everything's true. He would say, get the education you need to get the job you need to get the car in the house you need, then worry about the husband. So I wasn't having, and I never had pressure for my mom to get married or find a husband or have kids, never have. My mom's a musician or music teacher, but she's a pianist and always very encouraging of my my pursuits in comedy and theater and all those things. So I did have a lot of love of pushing me towards things that fueled me and lit me up and and supportive my dad that wasn't involved in like finding a man.

And that's my identity and all these things. So it's like, to your point, I had a fairly, you know, feminist take from him on that, I would say. And building yourself as an individual and not just like finding your other half. But as time went on, I mean, I had a dude in college. I definitely experienced like I gained a bunch of weight by going to my dad's house in the summers. I just eat and we wouldn't do much. He's a sign spinner. Like he calls it, he defines it more widely as like a live roadside commercial or character direction. He's not just standing

there. He's like really putting a lot into it, but he would be doing that during the mornings and then take us to the beach. So it was just like, we weren't doing like a ton while we were there. And that was a huge factor. I think beginning weight, I think I i got i was just in my relationship to myself to men i went to see chloe radcliffe show cheat um she's a new york comic and she was basically saying like being chubbier when she was younger and she also has like a very prominent mole on her face that she talks about it she was describing it as like a scarcity mentality you take what you can get type of thing and there's food is available yeah well food is that what you were saying no no no i mean like yes food of my dad's but also feeling chubbier feeling like you just got to take what you get like if you like me i

like you too oh oh yeah i like you again i must too i think that that's incredibly common at any weight yeah maybe you're right and i think it's i think we don't even think about very often do i like this person oh my gosh is this person yes i've actually heard you talk about that before when i went off to college i dated a guy at uc i was i had a thing with long distance for a while and um where i would i would consistently have a long distance relationship with men and i was like well first one was with my dad so this is lining up but it's like there's safety in that you know there's also freedom in that yeah like i get to be alone a lot yeah yeah it's easier for a lot of reasons and yeah it's easier because like you just don't have as much time yeah to be uh you don't have to be a girlfriend that much yeah

which is like let's be honest it's a role. Like it's a role like being a boyfriend. Like these are, you are not yourself in gross shorts. I'm talking about everyone. Yeah. In socks, gross shorts, just fucking around on your phone or computer. Exactly. It's like, do I want to meet up after, like even now, after a show, do I want to go and meet up and hook up or do I want to go home and eat and slouch and mess around?

Be at half mass, basically. Anyway, I'm just thinking like, I had a crush on this guy in college and he never really, really gave me the time of day. And then I felt like I lost weight and we reconnected later and then he did. And so that was also formative. He what want to date me yeah so again he but here's the other thing that I'm not remembering I came out here when he was living here and I was still chubby and

we hooked up so I'm sort of like I don't know I think there's part of me that here's another thing he doesn't want me like this he wants me like this are people not a lot of their preferences? True. Do you know what I mean? There are so many things now that I think are just like, it's this gendered fucking conspiracy against X people. Women don't like short guys or guys don't like fat women or whatever. And it's like, they're allowed to want what they want it's not this grand conspiracy against your type of person but it's it's everything's position now that it's like everybody has an opinion on everything like you know you can like what

you like and you know face to face to someone say like i'm not really interested or whatever and that's different than going on some random girl's instagram who's fat in a bikini and saying you're disgusting yeah you know that's that's the issue i would say that's awful i mean one of the many issues awful incredibly awful behavior yeah and i guess that i see what you mean that it could seem like a conspiracy in or like this sort of shame uh regime or whatever if it's if there are people do writing underneath your basically writing graffiti on you which again why are we in a system that allows this i know i don't that part yeah that part uh yeah to my knowledge i felt like i'm good nothing i'm not going to get myself involved in anything where i would get hurt and but it was just sort of like i realized my

my boundaries are very much you know like a little piece of paper i'm like here's my boundary and it's like okay that's gonna fall if you don't hold it up i actually need you to hold up that i just tore it up and threw it away any other about that's it to fall if you don't hold it up. I actually need you to hold up that paper. I just tore it up and threw it away. Any other boundaries? That's it? That was your only boundary. No, that's okay. That's okay.

Okay. So, yeah, I think that. And also, there's a couple things, too, that come to mind when you were just talking where it's like people are allowed their preferences. And we also don't have to, like, you know, you don't have to villainize every ex i think that comes with maturity and retrospect but you know it's again part of our culture to be like well fuck him if he doesn't want you or he's probably gay you know and it's like yeah okay so if someone doesn't doesn't like you yeah it's him they're a toxic narcissist right huh that's wild yeah and of course i've been a part of that reaction from a friend uh i've i've said things in the past of course they're like well fuck him he's stupid and yeah yeah i'm all for like or it didn't work out

like one fuck him yeah he's x yeah okay you got like two weeks of that yeah and then after that it's like all right well yeah you know what they are but i had my patterns too like i would basically like i had this old joke that i was a tarzan dater before i let go of this dick i'm like swinging to the next dick i've had the same observation didn't realize it could be a joke like i noticed like i would say she tarzan me which is like i'm glad that i didn't that you figured it out yeah because it was like you know you don't i mean i the joke i make about it is like i'm college educated i don't quit a job before i another one lined up yep and it's like but of course that's codependent it's like the

need of someone like you at all times even if i'm breaking up with someone i'd love for them to still love me yeah it's also immoral you're kind of emotionally cheating already oh gosh yes 100 i was absolutely emotionally cheating and whenever it became physical or was something like that i not justified it i knew it was all wrong but in the past i would say like well i would never then sleep with that my last person like i wouldn't be too timing and to me that was like better but of course it's it's not okay he didn't know you weren't gonna sleep cowardly yeah you weren't't, but he hadn't found out yet. Yeah, it's selfish.

It's cowardly. It's all those things. Yes. Because I, and then the trouble too is like, and now more recently I've been cheated on, like whatever my previous relationship. And I have to go like, I still have to stop myself from going,

but it was, I wasn't like that. I didn't fuck random people without a condom at a bar and then fuck my girlfriend without a condom. To to me that's like an actual crime and you should be prosecuted but i'm like also i'm open about that now and able to say like that was a pattern and when i am open about that that's backfired like somebody thinks well you're just gonna do that to me i'm like well okay i mean you can believe that but i was being honest about a past thing that i don't do anymore i thought thought we were sharing about ourselves, but okay. I don't, I don't, you know, how much? What's relevant?

Yeah. No, totally. And those are all things you have to learn along the way too, I think. Like every relationship is different. I think it's just what transitioned from me needing to be with someone. And even after I break up with them, I'd love for them to stay in love with me for a while, please. It's like, you left them. Let them move on. Yeah. Let them say you're an asshole. Yeah. A hundred percent. But it's like that need to be liked and all that stuff.

Or who are they dating now? It's like, it doesn't matter because. Yeah. You didn't want them. You broke up with them. Now it's your claim you're driving past an old property that yeah so yeah i've definitely handled mishandled those things in the past i just think too with a partner who was uh physically abusive to me it's like can you tell me my understanding of if you're college educated and go to k and the first time it happens you're like the fuck yeah it was a i would say

too it wasn't really like it was too probably one major time and then a follow-up later um you know when you think of we we like to like villainize people who are abusive and it's like well often they're very charismatic um they're funny they don't you don't get to keep almost yeah you don't get to keep doing it if you're not good at it yeah and so yeah like there were definitely red flags a lot of unhealthy things and as someone i'm on the side of like type a comic like i don't like being out of control i don't do drugs i drink occasionally as a as age i drink less and less it doesn't mean I can't tell like so I would say I've gotten better at it in fact my last relationship made me like an investigator of drugs and alcohol like I became like you know trying to figure out yeah and but back then I

might have noticed less is that was that the abusive one or the no okay I mean yeah I guess what I'm getting at is I got better at detecting that. So I think initially I didn't know they were on drugs. Well, you get good at detecting one kind. Yes. So it was like, well, I'll never fall for that again. I'm going to fall for some different shit. Exactly.

Yes. So the first, I mean, it's tough because there were definitely lots of foul behavior in my last one too. it's tough because there were definitely lots of foul behavior in that in my in my last one too um but that the one in particular i'm speaking of it's sort of like that was my first time being harmed in that way by like a loved one like a partner and it felt very like not like oh no i'm my mom but i was like oh my gosh i didn't think that would happen to me yeah that's got to be like what the fuck yeah and it was like i said it wasn't struck by lightning or yeah it's not like making me a sandwich you know it's sort of like a night goes wrong i think he's kind of like a party guy so i'm drinking a little more i'm chameleon chameleoning whatever i'm trying to say my party ticks up a little nothing crazy but like if i'm a

little more inebriated than i normally would be in this relationship i'm out more and i was younger of course so i was you know it didn't affect me as much drinking i didn't know if he was on pills or if he had just done a little coke or i wouldn't detect that because i've never done cocaine and i don't do pills and i can't even take things prescribed to me because of like, it is all linked. It is all linked to everything. I'm not trying to give you a scavenger hunt.

It's just one of those things where I'm sort of like, it is all linked. And then I'm like it, because we're all so used to like, everybody thinks they're a therapist now and everything on TikTok is like, you have this. It's like therapy is now astrology. You read CPTSD.

I think it's an insult to astrology. Because I think most people think. I'm an Aries. Everyone thinks, or almost everyone thinks astrology is stupid. But almost no one thinks. Some women think astrology is real. Almost everyone. You can't get insurance to cover your astrology.

A reading? Yeah. Although in California, I got to think it's got to be. And I have somatic therapy and I've been to a healing trauma program after that abusive relationship. It's like those things help. But it's a multi-pronged approach, as you know. It can't just be talk therapy or it can't just be antidepressants or whatever. Meditation and food.

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expect I don't know if I would have gone with Wild West as a metaphor but I'm gonna I'm gonna just I'm gonna eat my writing brain and I'm just gonna be performing brain where you smile and you deliver it with charisma I would have gone with rummage sale. But, you know, what do I know? A few Emmy nominations, not a big deal. Now that I've felt the buttery soft comfort of MeUndies, my other pairs have got to go. Because MeUndies is all I reach for.

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Okay, well, I guess I'm wondering like… Everything's linked. I'm just sort of thinking like, how did I end up here? Where are you when you say here? Being with a partner who physically harmed me. Where are you now? What do you mean? Are you in a relationship now?

Yes. Okay. And it's good? It's great. Great. It's very healthy. Yeah. And there was a bit of a mourning period I experienced with that, where I would find

myself being overwhelmed with emotion and appreciation for him, and kind of tearing up, and being like, I'm happy. I have a question, which is, I have a joke that I tried to get Chris Rock to do because it's dark, but he could tell it, which is women only say nice things about their husband when they get assassinated. So as a woman, I feel like you're like a feminist sellout. If you're like, my boyfriend or husband's fucking great. Like you're not allowed

to say anything i would have thought that in the past like early days of stand-up when you genuinely thought like i can't be happy if i want to be a stand-up things can't be going well if i want to be a stand-up and i think that has changed or at least for me yeah but um no i do feel happy and that is a good thing and you don't feel like you're you're failing your sisters by being by saying like i have a guy who's like excellent in pretty much every category and i'm crazy about That is a good thing. And you don't feel like you're failing your sisters by saying, I have a guy who's excellent in pretty much every category, and I'm crazy about him. And I don't think he's a misogynist or a colonizer.

Does it feel like a failure, or do you even look at it that way? No. I mean, I'm sleeping with the enemy, of course. Of course. But I think it's a good thing. I love men. it that way no i don't look i mean i'm sleeping with the enemy of course of course but uh i don't i think it's like a good thing i love men you know in like and need them and i want them to be full happy thinking human beings that that can that can experience the range of emotions without any sort of shame like i don't i i think that it's will never fully step out of like patriarchal feelings and values in the sense

that like, sometimes you, I can say, well, why am I turned on that I, that I could be physically protected by this man or he would stand up for me in a, in a physical fashion, you know, or like be the breadwinner or take care of me. Like there, that will always be part of our culture. That being said, I can take care of myself and it's nice to not have to take care of someone, which is what I was doing probably for a while. Like he doesn't rely on me for money or food. It's like a grown man that has a home

and buys his own food. Yeah, I think that that's the first, I think like that's the bare minimum. Yeah, but also like I can't blame those men who i was paying for because i offered you know it's like yeah it's that's part of it is i can sit with you and say five years ago and go gosh if i pay for one more man's dinner and then we're sitting there and we're talking and things are going well and he he's telling me like he's, you know, a bartender or something. And I'm like, oh, I'm writing for a comedy show or some television show.

And the check comes and I'm like, here. It's like, why'd you do that? Why'd you do the thing you don't want to do? Oh, right. Yeah. You're talking to yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, hey, Beth. So as much as I can get annoyed by that. Yeah. See if he'll pay instead of. Yeah. Or just talk. I don get annoyed by that. Yeah, see if he'll pay instead of. Or just talk. I think that's what bothered me the most about the two relationships that were bad. It's like, I thought I fixed this. One of them was physically abusive.

And the other one was more like him dealing with it. Him being about seven years apart. He was younger than me. He was doing alcohol and drugs and lying a lot, probably pathological liar. And just so much projection. It was just, I couldn't believe that I got taken for a ride again in the sense that I tried to be open. I tried to talk about things. And then all of a sudden I just like let it keep happening. Like he wasn't saying, like if I was paying for everything, it was slowly eating at me. And I knew he wasn't working. And at

the time I thought I would say, I even said like, hey, at one point I did bring it up. I said, if you are going to be staying here most of the time, like you are going to have to start paying rent with me. And he was like, yeah, I totally get that. Cut to be staying here most of the time, like you are going to have to start paying rent with me. And he was like, yeah, I totally get that. Cut to him staying with me for a full week. So it was sort of like my boundaries were, I was able to talk. It wasn't like I couldn't say anything at all.

You would say what your boundary was, but not enforce it. Yes. Yeah. You had a legislative force, but not a police force. Yes. And then I would notice things and say things like, you know, somebody's not a police force. Yes. And I would notice things and say things. Like, you know, somebody's like, I'm like, you did coke, right?

No. I'm like, I love you. I was like, okay. Introducing TD Insurance for Business with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique. So your business insurance should be too. Whether you're a shop owner, a pet groomer, a contractor, or a consultant, you can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more.

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Then no further questions. Yeah. Yeah so like that's the that's the part that like just twists a knife in you where you're just getting like gas lit out your gourd um by someone who's telling you that they love you and then that's actually why do i love it so much why am i still loving this person who's mistreating me i always know it's a fairy tale i always know three months in i knew i packed all I always know. Three months in, I knew. I packed all of his stuff and put it in the garage and said, your keys are in there too. Bye.

Calls me, long letter. Okay. And I love you. It's over three pages. You got to take them back. And I did. And the next one was five pages and this last one was 12. But it's like, I truthfully, it's like,

I'm not like saying that stuff because I want to get back at him or something. I'm not saying I don't feel angry still. No. But it's like, again, I recognize that he has his own issues to deal with. I just can't believe that I kind of took them on as if they were my fault. I think there was a lot of projection happening. And I'm looking back like, why did I think you were in charge? You know, like what?

I'm in charge. I don't know why I like deferred in that way look man that's when i felt like things fall apart and that's the thing it's like i did the same thing as a guy okay in romantic relationships i'm glad that you're sharing that i mean because i'm so interested yeah no i know but like in in personal relationships and it's i can pathologize it i can say why i can tell you my dad's an alcoholic and did it which may be true but the thing i've been saying to myself recently is uh is you know like restaurant and the the menu and there's no substitutions life yeah here it is no substitutions what are you gonna do you can't be like well i i i think

no this is what it's that's who they're gonna be yeah are you gonna get off the road or are you gonna keep like no i think this is like right no this is a bad get off the road yes get off the road but why is it so easy like you know you know, you can tell your friend that. You can know it and then still be on that thing getting really rocked. Because it's a narcotic fairy tale. Yeah. It's, you know, it's fake. You know, the expectations of you ultimately are kind of low. Yeah.

Because it's all fake. Well, also, he was offering like breadcrumb of change. Like, I'm trying to change i can't change that fast yeah well that narrative's the dumbest i mean also too the thing that your joke from blocks it's just sort of like i forget the exact word you use when you're just like they were pulling a fast one on you basically like you look back and everything you thought was real between yeah it's a grift it's a grift some of the most cherished memories of your life may have been a grift. It's a grift. Some of the most cherished memories of your life may have been a grift.

The whole thing. And it's happened with girls. It's happened with friends, guy friends, with businessmen. And if someone won't recognize your boundary and kind of want to help you enforce it, that's not your friend. I agree with you. It's just hard to – it's also hard to call out, hey, this whole – your whole life is a lie. That's a big thing to say to somebody. Yeah. Because it's such a complete, somebody said that there was a joke on The Good Place.

When I heard the term basic, you're so basic, I couldn't believe how perfect it was as an insult. It's like maybe the best insult I've ever heard. And there was a joke on The Good Place like, no, it's a complete, total, foundational. It's the final insult. Once you say to somebody that you can't get out of it. Once you say to somebody like, I think you're lying almost all the time. You can't really go get something to eat after that. No.

Because they know you know. Yeah. And they're also, they can't even passive aggressive you. Like, well, you know, you think I'm lying.

You're lying. That's the toughest part. It's like, that, realizing that about someone that you're like, I loved you. And you lied like so much. much everything was i didn't even love i loved a thing i loved the i loved the character right but i didn't like the you is a sort of

conniving also it's hard not to be conniving it's meaning it's not for us because we're so righteous but but i'm saying uh but you know it's hard to be honest and forthright and know that you know by being honest you can lose shit it's so it can feel so uncomfortable oh so it's the worst five minutes but it's oh so it's the worst five minutes but it's the second five minutes are excellent but the first five are unbearable but then once you both realize like i yeah and i think i look back like i was saying in my 20s about those times where i was you know partner to partner and of course when i was experiencing that the other guy that cheated on me, I'm like, there's always like,

you always want to make levels to it. Like, well, I wasn't that bad. But there was always a little part of me that was like, karmically, is this coming back? Or is it just a youth thing? I mean, he's seven years younger than me. I'm just sort of like, I mistook tall for mature, you know?

First time ever. First time that's ever happened to a woman. Mistook tall for mature. First time ever. First time that's ever happened to a woman. Mistook tall for everything. For a husband, for a leader. I mean, like, yeah. That should be a punishment. You can't wear sneakers. You can only wear flip flops now if you're tall.

We're taking an inch off of you yeah and the next thing is your feet next thing to go is your feet do what you want but just know that you're yeah you're losing but i don't think tall people realize i think they like they're people so they think like well i'm just earning this off of my my merits and so you're kind of open about your own contribution to the unsatisfactory relationships. Yeah. Yeah. I'm bummed at myself. Are you at empathy yet?

That's the thing. I'm bummed at myself. I'm mad at myself. I don't know if I'm in that currently. But to say that I'm not, I still don't'm mad at myself. I don't know if I'm in that currently, but to say that I'm not, I still don't have anger towards my exes wrong. Cause I still definitely do.

I don't think it's bubbling within me and gonna lash out at any minute, but I'm not like, like a lot of things help me, like going to meetings for sure help, but still I don't even take that fully seriously. There's like, there's so many things within reach. 12-step meetings.

Yeah, but I kind of like, sometimes I feel like there are things within reach to help me and I'm just not grabbing them. It's almost like we're talking about forming a joke and stand up. It's just like, oh, I'll do another show. It'll come. It'll come. Instead of like pen to paper, I'm going to figure this out. Yeah.

It's like that's what I'm treating my healing as. It's like, well, if i go to enough meetings and i do this i need to get back in therapy my therapist had moved away for a bit and that's helpful and there's just things within reach that i know would help me field hockey was a great distraction i think for a while not distraction but activity yeah outlet um source of like confidence and fun it's an ongoing garden okay well here's a fine yes that's the trouble and do you what do you think of the basic non-pathologized thing of women have bodies that once a month are like hey are we doing a baby this month okay well here's here's deal with this sploosh yeah and then and and also just a world

where men are bigger than women and women need safety and women need the thing you were saying about like what do you make of do you resent nature for the situation that women find themselves in right because it's so much of it's like so powerful patriarch and did it and it's like i always think like no one's a bigger sexist than god the whole thing is set up that it's i think i think it evens out with women's ability for emotional connection that men don't have like you all that price you pay there you like get back in like love and shit a love beam yeah anyhow what do you think of like or wanting to get married or or or uh wanted to have a kid by 40 or all these things that are just kind of like almost factory settings for women how do you deal with them and do you have

them yes i feel like i was very driven career-wise for a long time and because i had that rhetoric factory settings for women. How do you deal with them? And do you have them? Yes. I feel like I was very driven career-wise for a long time. And because I had that rhetoric from my dad and my mom was always encouraging in my career, I never felt pressure. My sisters are married several times and they each have kids. No one's ever given me that like, when are you doing it? So I've never felt that pressure i've also felt trapped by marriage and i didn't dream of it i always felt like stand-up is my wedding all the time i mean do i want a nice photo of me they're everywhere um you know i could get a photo shoot i don't need to put on a wedding dress or i could and then post those sure but like i don't need that attention and sometimes i i i worry or I perceived it to be like is that why people are getting married like that one big day

where everybody looks at you you know yeah which we satisfy with the job yeah I badly want to trust myself and feel happy in myself and confident and at this point it's like I owe that to myself and I feel like I'm there so with this new partner in my life, met him in like last summer, I felt like a Disney wind was like blowing me towards him. Like, and it was like, is the universe sick of me and my broken picker? And they're like, we're going to help, you know? Or, or that scary trust part within myself is like, or is it another alcoholic? And I'm like, oh. Yeah. So it's sort of like I offered this man my trust, which is a gift.

I did my best to not bring old stuff into it. I feel like it's someone wonderful coming into my life. What was the question again? I guess it's what do you make of the biological urges that you find yourself... He has kids from a previous marriage

that was never like a deal breaker or anything like that. I had step parents. I met him right after I froze my eggs. So I have like healthy young eggs on ice. You froze them in Alabama, right? Because I have some bad news. They're there.

They're getting eaten as we speak. I have some really awful news. Maybe good news. You don't have to make the payments anymore. No, they're chilling in Beth Hill. Hello. My eggs are 90210. Great.

So it's like I did that for a reason because it's a vulnerable thing to say out loud. I'm not scared right now. Well, this goes to the same thing of like. It's any dream or wish. But especially it's somehow you're betraying feminism by saying like i would like to be a mother i disagree okay i disagree you know where i'm coming from though yes yeah i'm not like oh my gosh that's a wild take yeah but like come on feminism is like it has such a bad rap and in like any movement who's gets the most press the worst people of it but it scares i think reasonable

people like any movement sure it scares like the people who are like i don't really fucking agree with that i guess the only time that um this idea bothers me is when a female's like i'm not a feminist no but i'm not i think that right i think that's also men. I think that's also stupid. I think that's also stupid. It's more about vocalizing a dream in public because it might not happen. Yes. Honestly, even

back in the day when I was young and full of hope, it was scary for me out loud to be like, I want to be on SNL. You fucking loser. You're never going to make it. To me, it's a feeling like, I do want to be on snl yeah it's like you fucking loser you're never gonna make it yeah so to me it's sort of like a feeling like i do want to be a mom is my path a stepmom or you know what i mean like i i think there there is absolutely a biological pull and my body rocks me once a month thankfully i don't have to deal with anything um like pcos or anything intense with my i have a very healthy cycle,

but even still with a healthy 28 day cycle, my face is breaking out. I'll have a face breakout. I have cramps. I'm irritable. When I'm ovulating, I'm horny. Like the body is incredible.

These are not novel things, but meaning like this is, there's a book called period power that my girlfriend who's a therapist recommends to her patients which is like it's incredible it just explains what your body's going to be doing almost to the hour yes and that is totally it's yeah i was i was gonna go totally cool but it's sort of like i i have a you know this my next or my new hour is including a lot of the stuff that we're talking about the freezing of the eggs how i think there should be a license before you're allowed to fuck how on that test there should be um the cycle and learning about the cycle and i explain that it's complicated

whatever but the the heart of the joke is like your boobs are bigger and like more attractive you are horny Your discharge is like sticky because it's like, I'm going to get your jizz and keep it in me. And you are more attractive in that way because your body's like, I want a baby.

So it's like- It's funny from the guys. There's a couple months ago, my girlfriend, I was like, she just, we were on Zoom or FaceTime and she was,

she looked really good. And I was like, I like want to buy you gifts. And she was like, I'm ovulating. She's like, that makes sense. Because like it works on us too. And there was a study that strippers in Atlanta got more tips when they were ovulating. Wow, that's cool. Yeah. And I think that's part of it.

Also, for example, like you spend, there's plenty of jokes about this, but like, you know, spend so long trying not to get pregnant. And then by the time you, you actually want to, it's like such a mind shift. My boyfriend is fixed. So like we have incredible sex and I'm not worried, even though like I'm saying like in so many ways, like I'm really in love with him like I deeply love him as a person and I think he's incredible and it's like yeah I want to make a baby with you I also want a puppy but I'm on the road a lot you know what I'm saying like I was sort of like

I don't know where the reality is yeah on that. Because I do want to have a kid with him. He has a vasectomy. I remember it was probably a flippant comment maybe on one of our first dates. And maybe he was saying it because he wanted to leave the window open to someone who's in their 30s who isn't married. He's like, I have a vasectomy. It can be reversed. It was like a flippant comment. But of course that's lodged in my brain. I'm like, why did he say that did he say that because he didn't want to like maybe miss out on a on continuing dating me did he say that because he feels that like women don't know you fool

women know more about this shit than actually i'm trained to reverse right now is that something you want to is that um yeah i have a scalpel in my purse. Yeah. Actually, I don't know what that would do. So I guess to answer your question, it's like I can't really, like, pardon me, what if I say, like, yes, I want to have a baby and I'm just waiting to talk to him about it? I don't know if that's true. Like, have I tamped down so much in my life, in my feelings, like, even career-wise where you you go we're taught to basically like not want it too much you know you're just sort of like standing next to jamie fox and you're like yeah i just create no yeah i don't know this outcome no i don't get caught up in outcomes because you don't you're just trying to keep it cool and do your job and whatever but there are

exciting parts about it and so it's like does everything seep into all areas of your life where i'm just remaining calm and like maybe it will happen maybe it won't yeah because that it could and that's like so much of even stand up again and that's the thing that you were saying earlier we were both saying it's like the certitude of therapy the certitude of like i know why i did what i did because of this and even like i would do i even believe anything yeah or is it just purely kind of like that day's chemicals yeah and and and the cycle is a perfect example of it where there are things that you would hills you would die on one day and the next day you don't even remember the conversation. And it's like, and I have that, I've realized that about myself where I'm like, I don't even have fixed belief.

I say I believe this and then I do MDMA and I no longer believe that. So like, it's just chemical, chemically dependent is who I am. Yeah. And so this idea of like, do I want to be a mom? Do I want to look like a mom? Do I want a picture of a mom? Do I want to do this? And it's impossible to know.

Yeah, I don't know the answer because it's irrevocable. Yeah. It's not just like, maybe we try it out. No, exactly. And then of course, somebody could be like, oh, you get foster, you do this. Like, no, I'm sorry. Like, it's not that I'm against any of that, but it's like that decision to have a child of my own with someone else, if that's what I happened, it's like, yeah, that's, that's not just like the 18 year thing. It's like, you don't go back. So how do you make that decision? I mean,

that's how I felt about marriage for a long time. And I can't tell if I'm fine. I would say at this point, I do love this man as a partner. I want to go through life with him and I haven't really felt like that. And then of course, my joke brain is like, is it easier for me to be open to marriage

now that I'm closer to death? It's like less years till death do us part. The commitment is shorter. But truthfully, it's like, I till death do us part um the commitment is shorter yeah but truthfully it's like i do want to go through life with him he's a great partner and i feel like i feel all the cliche things that i never really did which is interesting uh like you'll know you'll know yeah you know and and it's a different feeling and yeah it's embarrassing yeah it's embarrassing when you when you fall and and it's a different feeling and yeah it's embarrassing yeah really when you when you fall for it yeah really embarrassing and i'm sort of and also the

idea that maybe and maybe this one's fake too 100 and i you know what i came to with that was uh i would there i dated a woman and maybe this was fake too and and i was like i'm willing i'm gonna just devote myself to this that's a great move and like she ended up breaking up with me and i'm like yeah i don't care i i played a good game yeah i don I don't, you showed up. I lost technically. The game guy can't, whatever, however you want to put it. But like,

I'm not, I was a good person in that. And that's beautiful. And not even on some like, and nobody, I'm a victim anyway. No. No,

that's how I would like to be. If I feel that way about somebody, I'm going to act that way about somebody. And that's like, I know it sounds so cheesy or somebody yeah and that's like whatever the outcome fuck it she's here whatever but that's like a beautiful example of of um i forget how bell hooks it puts it nicely in her book the will to change but i think it's like i think it's like male not male feminism but it's in that realm of like you showed up and you allowed yourself to

feel all those feelings and it's okay that you were hurt. It doesn't mean you're less of a man or you couldn't express those things. I mean, I want men to feel vulnerable and still be a man. I mean, that's kind of also like to me that's so normal. But I think that kind of comes with living out here and constantly minding and being so open to things. It's like that's when I don't want to be inaccessible to other people. Because to me, I go, well, of course, man. And then there are cut to someone, college girl in Grand Rapids right now that's like, man up.

Fight this guy for me, you pussy. You know, like and that's terrible. But also fight you about what? I don't know. Like, defend my honor. I have no clue. It's like, there are women who absolutely contribute to terrible patriarchal values that are harming men too.

So it's not just like, men are the bad guys. It's like- Oh, yeah, there's ways- That's what I'm saying. No, women inflict that. I've seen women, I've told women that a girl broke up with me and saw them glaze over like, oh, then you're not a viable man. Yeah, it's gross. And it's kind of like, goodbye.

Yes. You're a fucking psycho. Yes. And the person you end up with is going to, you're doomed. He's cutting off a part of themselves. You're doomed, I would say. You will never get a full version of someone. I curse them.

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See Uber app for details. She'll never get the full version of that man. He'll never, or whatever partner she ends up being with. You're fostering an environment of dishonesty yeah that's the other thing about when we're talking about honesty is like a lot of people don't foster a place where you can be honest because there's when people go there's no right or wrong answer cut the fuck up like who the fuck you bullshit like there's a right and wrong answer to everything yeah and but i think eat bullshit? Like there's a right and wrong answer to everything.

Yeah. And, but I think that leads into a greater conversation about accountability. Right. Because nobody really wants to, like, I always want to be right. I didn't want to get in trouble as a kid. I was a little troublemaker. I didn't do it. She was talking or I'm like, I want to be good.

Even though I was, you know, not in a terrible way, but I was disruptive and trying to be funny and all those things. But it was like, I always wanted to be a good kid. We don't live in a culture of being like, hey, I did something wrong. And then someone going, thanks for admitting that. That allows me to heal. Let's try to move on together. Adverse to everything in your body to want to do that. You know, everybody loves to complain about cancel culture and this or that.

But we don't have any road to accountability and back into society so of course no no one's going to admit to anything if it means that they're going to be thrown away and when no one's admitting to anything then yeah i guess everybody's a bunch of liars it becomes in some ways worse than before yes meaning because it's like well fuck it if i'm I better cover my shit up. Yeah, right. Because if this is the punishment, people go, this punishment's weird enough. It's because they weren't murdered. Right.

That seems to be like that was what people wanted. So you're absolutely right that you have to foster honesty and live with the results. Yeah. And be willing to be like, I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to lie. No.

It's not going to work. No. It's not going to work. Obviously, there's like the little lies of like your hair, whatever, like that dumb shit, but like those aren't lies to me. I mean, that's whatever.

No, I think it's also dealing with the story not being perfect and that idea of um i don't know like i'm trying to think of a dumb example you know go to a party he had too many drinks and he said something he regrets versus go to a party he got so hammered he fucked my friend you know like obviously there's, there's are very, very different things, but it's like, okay, how do you come, can you come back from that? Even though you were a little embarrassed, like the story's not ruined.

That person's not a bad person for getting a little drunk and saying one thing, you know, so you can't, you have to be, I think this is, I'm rambling, but this is also the first time I've actually felt a little more of what it might feel like to give what I receive in this relationship, this current one. Say more about that.

I guess it played out when we were both sick. I was sick first and he took care of me. It was really hard for me to receive his help. I'm very much all doing myself. Spinning at him. Pellet gun. Like a raccoon. And then he got sick, of course, after me.

And I'm like, let me do everything for you. And he's like, no, no, no. So it's like there was, that's like just, that's kind of the opposite example, honestly. But it was like reflected back to me where I was like, oh, it is difficult sometimes to receive the love I want to give. Because I had that back-to-back happen. And then not conversely, but in the same sort of vein it's like how does it feel to receive that type of love that I give

I guess me actually knowing what it feels like to get back what I give versus giving giving giving a buck like me pouring all of myself into a bucket with a hole yeah there's a joy in that exhaustion oh well you're keeps me busy you're it rates you very high on the victim scale and i'm busy i have such a job to do you're so you're exhausted i'm not able to write this thing that you're a fucking saint i'm going this yeah yeah so now it's sort of like well i'm not busy yeah like wait it's normal yeah like, well, I'm not busy. Yeah, like, wait, it's normal? Yeah, like, well, this is pretty normal. I'm not, I don't have cortisol shooting through my body at all times. Yeah.

Is this even a relationship? Right, that's what was so interesting because it's like I am content. And like I told you, I would sometimes just tear up thinking about him, like overwhelmed with like my appreciation for him. Yeah, I think male-female relationships are the best form of relationship i don't think i'm saying anything crazy it sounds crazy but like when done correctly we're both bringing something the other one i think what you're saying is adam and eve not adam and steve i think that's what it all comes down to. If we don't soon, they're going to be marrying animals. But so I'm with you and I don't think it's, I think it's great.

I think it's, we all want to be so like unique. Like our decisions are like, well, I'm not like, I'm not basic. I'm not typical. Like I'm, I do things a little differently and it's like, no, it turns out you just want to learn nice guy who could protect you. Yeah.

And, and who's not perfect. Like I don't want him to be perfect. Like, I think that's the hardest part is like us wanting this perfect little storybook and nothing goes wrong and appearances and we look good and we post together and we're happy together. It's like, you know, he's even said too, it's like when we've had conversations that have come up that have been more difficulties and I guess, you know, without sounding too cheesy,

it's like, it shouldn't be like, I don't want something that's easy all the time. I don't want something that's like the bumpy road either, but it's like, you have to have some of these difficult conversations because that totally makes it a deeper relationship, have deeper understanding and, and, and be able to move forward. You have to come to the, like the,

the, the forks and be like, I'm choosing the, what I actually feel and I'm telling you it. Yeah. What do you think? Right. Cause I have to,

it's not like she's forced to then come with me, but it's like, you have to be in a good relationship. I have to be in a good relationship. Yes. Here's what is a good relationship to me. What do you think? And you have to be willing to lose the person. Yeah.

Lose the relationship over basically what seems like this incredibly high standard, but it's just a pretty necessary standard yeah we were both saying like that he and i i don't know why i put him in that chair but he and i were saying like yeah if the worst thing happens right like his biggest fear of me and my biggest fear of him we had fun we showed up for each other we loved each other like you have to buy into it you know i i remember like after like initially getting my ex i basically admitted to all of it at later and the drug the cheating and everything yeah and after i'd already left and i you know he told me more and more details and i was like rocked to my core helpful not helpful? Not helpful. Unnecessary. Yeah.

Do you think he did it in a sadistic way? No, I don't think so. Okay. I think it was probably selfish to sort of, what's the word I'm looking for? Exonerate himself. Yeah.

But at that moment in time, I think I was talking to Jimmy Pardo on his podcast. It felt like me happily walking up to a Chipotle that says open

and yanking on the door and it's closed. And I'm like, and then I look around like I'm embarrassed. Like pulling on a locked door is embarrassing. And so I think that's what obviously you want to avoid that feeling, like someone who's emotionally unavailable. It's like, here I go. I'm so excited. And then you're embarrassed. It's like, no, I showed up. I was happy. It said open. You know, I'm not a fool and i'll go find yeah our culture sort of would say you're kind of a fool right because you don't know a closed open chipotle when you see it like

you know i mean like how would i it had all the yes hallmarks of an open chipotle and that's how i felt at the time and so it's sort of like, okay, if that happens again, like you said, you're going to show up again. You might get hurt. Yeah. You're going to do it. Yeah. I'm not going to approach them like defensively. No.

Because it's just not worth it. No. Nothing's happening. And to your point about like feminism and do I want to get married and stuff like it's interesting because I used to also like I looked at it negatively. It seemed like a trap. I always felt like if the government if the government is involved, how is it not nefarious? And it is the first time I felt like I would publicly proclaim much like Social Security, right? For the security of Medicaid.

It's totally nefarious. Go ahead. Another nefarious government program. Go ahead. But that's it. I mean, time perspective changes things and so but then i still have that in the back of my head where it feels like a frat that you have to get beaten into or like kids like no you should have kids meanwhile these people are miserable so it's like nothing is that's another thing you can't be thinking in black and white i i operate like that a lot so for me it's like i'm open to marriage it's also like they just are both true yeah exactly

exactly you're both your kids can be so rewarding and they can also train you of your life yes yes yes that's totally true yes all right we gotta go we We covered one block, but man, did we cover it. We really covered it. Again, if you didn't want me then, on Netflix, watch it. It's great. It's like five hunks. Right? Mm-hmm.

Yep. All right. Great. Best selling. Thank you for having me. Thank you.