Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Brian Simpson

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews Brian Simpson (Live from the Mothership on Netflix, BS w/ Brian Simpson podcast) about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. --------------------------------------------------------- 🎙️ Have a Question about your Blocks for Neal? 🎙️ Email “[e-mail]” to have your question answered on a future episode.  ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro  1:22 Upbringing / Foster Care 15:44 Not a Fan of Pageantry  22:48 Being Alone vs. Loneliness  26:11 Shooting His Foster Brother Story 39:23 Medication - ADHD, PTSD, etc. 53:59 Relationships with Women 1:05:29 Goals and Dreams ---------------------------------------------------------- FOLLOW & RATE Blocks: » Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blocks-w-neal-brennan/id1658660161 » Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6gx3bANm25DtKA3cnlBH1r https://nealbrennan.com for tickets Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81728557 Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Neal's Instagram: https://instagram.com/nealbrennan Neal's Twitter: https://twitter.com/nealbrennan Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Introducing TD Insurance for Business, with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique, so your business insurance should be too. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. Hello, it's me, Neil Brennan. It's the Blocks Podcast. I'm in a different studio. I'm in Austin, Texas at the Comedy Frequency Podcast Studio. Not bad.

And my guest today is an Austin, Texas legend. He's got a new Netflix special that I'm blanking on the name of. Live from the Mothership. Live from the Mothership.hip good dude met him at the store probably five years ago and uh he had good jokes from the time i saw him and his name is brian simpson thank you yeah good to see you buddy likewise man you the first time you met me you know you uh you gave me some shoes that were too big for me they were too big for you but i paid they paid my rent i gave you and jamar shoes right were they jord me. They were too big for you? But they paid my rent. I gave you and Jamar shoes, right? Were they Jordans? They were, but I wasn't with nobody

else. Were they red Jordans? No. I gave Jamar some red. Oh, yeah. He probably still got it. I read Jordans that he sold, I think, for $7.50. $7.50? What'd you get? No, I got $4.50. That's not bad. Yeah. Because I'm not a hypebeast at all. I've never

owned a pair of jordans before i shot my special that's smart that's what i like about this what i like about simpson is uh you have your working class you're not silly you tell people your background no that's because i don't even know it all right right, disabuse me. I was born in Washington, D.C., and when I was like seven, went into foster care. How did you go into foster care so your parents couldn't do it? My dad already wasn't around. My 18-year-old mother lived with her mother. She already had me and my older brother so she had her first kid at 16 me at 18 loved it so much was like i gotta give i gotta do another one

something i no no no because i think she really she really thought my father was gonna was so that's that both of you guys were from the same guy no no no no no no my brother my older brother was from a different guy who was just a shithead high school boyfriend yeah but my dad was like a real dude it was like my mother was like oh we can build together like we right if we stick together but you know my dad ended up cheating on her and anyway my grandma who my who my mother my mother's mother she she always dated all these abusive men you know and they would never abuse the kids and it's funny how that kind of works that way sometimes but they would never abuse the kids but they would always she would always beat the fuck out of my he would always beat the fuck out of my grandmother and my mother had already

fucking hurt two of the dudes the last dude defending her mother right who would then turn on her well that's funny because when you say they don't hit the kids a lot of times they do hit the kids oh yeah sometimes they do but but but that's what's so what's so funny is my grandmother was a crazy bitch and touching one of the kids would that's what that would have set her off right they could beat the fuck out of her and she would cry wipe her face off and make them a sandwich but if they wanted one of her children she would literally like pour hot lye on their face like She's lost her shit before. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I've seen her fucking- Well, they probably sensed that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Straight mama bear type shit. But my mother, the last dude, my mother burned the guy with an iron. It was this whole thing, and then- Burned one of your grandmother's men. Right.

With an iron. Yeah, and then the guy- And your mom's 17, 18. No, I mean, I think- Or 20, something like this. I think at that point i think she was 16 so she didn't hadn't had me yet but she was just over it and then she found out that my grandma went was back with the guy she came home the guy was in the house and she was like i'm not doing this shit no more and she left and uh when she first see what every time i go through this whole spiel, I skip over a lot of the parts because it's just faster to say she left. But for real, she took us with her but couldn't hack it.

You know, she was a teenager. You know what I mean? Yeah. Had to have her own place and two kids. Two kids under three. Right. So she took us back. She left us there.

And then one of our hating ass neighbors called the cops and said we was home alone. And then back then they used to have this propaganda shit. And this was like the Nancy Reagan dare days. So cops was all in the schools. I don't know why they don't do that shit no more or do they not. But the cops used to come to the schools to the school to be like friendly. I think they probably still do that i don't think so i don't think the kids have no respect for cops at all

now i don't think i don't think it would help no no but but what i mean is no now the community outreach now they they have no no because i guess cops are in the school yeah now they have cops in the schools to to police you were born in what 83 82 82 but now the cops are in the schools as police like but to police the kids right right but back then they used to come and just be like because and this was the thing every single one of them said i'm officer friendly yeah they all said their name was officer friendly and they were just there so that you felt comfortable around police so there was they weren't there looking for crimes they were there just being like yeah friend if you need to snitch no no it

wasn't you can come to me it wasn't even like that it was like oh i'm gonna be helpful i'm gonna help you up i got you with your book you know don't don't be a bully it was all it was so anyway the nosy ass neighbor called the cops and said we home alone which every every black kid in the hood was home alone if you had a single working parent yeah but and my dumb ass answered the door because every black child is also told don't answer the fucking door but he was like it's officer friendly you know i'm like i fuck with this guy right that's officer friendly i know and it wasn't officer friendly not the one i knew was he in uniform yeah he was in uniform but there was a cop at my school that we call Officer Friendly.

I didn't know back then all of them just said their name was Officer Friendly. But whatever. So they took us, and even then, we down at the jail for a while. They took you in?

They took us down to the jail. For what? What were the charges? No, they didn't charge us with nothing. All right. They just were holding us down and they wanted my grandmother to come get us or whatever.

But it's like, everyone knows the situation. Like, technically, it's illegal to leave your kids home right it's like but ain't no cop you know what i mean like everyone's kind of doing some form of this right so were you guys super young i couldn't have been older than so you were seven and five or yeah yeah so but but even then my grandma she walks in that fucking police station like she owned that motherfucker i mean scream like they threatened to lock her up you know what i mean like man if you don't calm down we like i've never seen anybody where they're like we don't want to arrest you like please you as a kid don't you doesn't that read as uh care? If your grandma, I was,

it's like those dads who try to lunge at the child molester in court or the murderer in court. If I'm, if that's my dad, I'm like, I'm proud of him. Or I would feel cared for her. I,

or that's what I think I would feel. I don't know what I felt back then. Maybe embarrassed at that age or confused or something. Or like, is she a cop? Is she more important than the cops? I don't know. But, but that age or confused or something. Is she a cop? Is she more important than the cops? I don't know. But also, I have way more respect

for the dad that plans it and the guy that blew that guy's head off when they was walking him through the airport. I have more respect for that guy than the guy that just loses emotional control in the in the moment yes i can say why the guy who loses control is better because if let's say it's a molestation if he just loses control in the courtroom and lunges at the at the perpetrator he's gonna get away with it it's understandable if he plans it and kills him he's going to to jail. The dad's going to jail forever, leaving the son or daughter alive and kind of without a father. Now, if the kid's dead, though.

Respect. Right. To the to the father. Yeah, because that's one of the places where you can't really get true revenge. You can't be like, I'm a way to you go to prison and then I'm a molest your son. you can't be like i'm gonna wait till you go to prison and then i'm gonna molest your son you know yeah but whatever so anyway we we i don't know if i don't know what how i looked at her in the moment i guess you know what it is i don't know i guess i just looked at the at those cops like like yeah like that's how she be like you're reacting the way i do yeah like we don't know what to do me so yeah that's yeah you should listen to her you know what i mean but so she gets you out and then and then that somehow leads because i've never talked to either person about it my grandmother or my aunt that leads to us moving upstairs in the same building with our aunt who also has two kids so she was also a teenage mom auntie has us can't handle it obviously call social services yep just so happens my brother's grandmother so his dad's mom is a foster parent in maryland

which is right across the board yeah so then they put us with them because they will they will put you with family if they can if they can yeah it was a it was a nice home as far as foster homes go um not the nicest one i was ever in but definitely that is where i felt abandoned all right well that's what i was gonna ask you in that particular home yeah that and you feel like you felt abandoned because you should have been more emotionally connected and it wasn't there no no no i felt abandoned because the the aunt we were living with because this this this was so before before we lived there this was just because we thought she was rich she just lived in the

suburbs she was just the grandma that we would go visit every now and then because she had the she had the nicest house in the family and you know they had the Nintendos and shit like that. So it was a big holiday at Thanksgiving. We might go over there, slack. You know, but she had cable, which was mind blowing. Cable in multiple rooms. Fuck. Right.

All this. So I was told that we were going over there for Christmas. So I'm like, oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck it. I don't like her like that. But to be at that nice ass house for a few days how's that cable a cable still warm exactly so then a few days go by and

we're there and obviously and i get into one of the kids one of the kids is one of her biological kids and i i fucking hated her and i get into her and i'm like whatever bitch i'm going home i can't wait to go home and she started cackling i was like and you knew like oh she knows something i don't know no i was completely confused you know and she was like you live here nigga i was like what are you talking about oh what the fuck i go to her i go to the mother of the house hey when are we going home It's like you are home What the fuck so I go I run and grab My brother and I'm like yo

Did you know we live here And he was like yeah yeah yeah Auntie told me like two months ago Like So why you ain't tell me So this is in February this happened Or you this is before Christmas He found out like in November you were going.

Right. He found out November that we was going. Yeah. And then I remember like months before that, my cousin, my aunt's son, him saying that to me that we was going into foster care saying it like a insult yeah and me not believe him because he would do shit like that yeah you know so not thinking nothing about it and now i'm thinking oh so so everybody knew except me yeah like why the fuck did why did everyone feel that it would be better to just to lie to me right like what did you think was gonna happen that i was gonna get over here and have such a great time i would never want to

go home and then and then i would find out we were staying here and be like yay is that what you was uh-huh yeah fuck that i was so honestly i think that sparked there's a little ember of pissed off that's always smoldering in me from that moment yeah it's like i don't trust it it and then and then and then everything after that eroded my my trust in the adults around me yeah i think that's real dangerous for for kids i i would never do that to my kids well that's what i was the question i wanted to ask was so you grew up in foster care until age of 18 yeah and then you went to the military so if you grow up what you think is in a normal healthy way relatively relatively, right? Like, let's say, hypothetically, you grew up in just a stable one- or two-parent home with no major volatility, right?

Right. Who do you think you'd be versus who do you think you are? It's a hard question to answer, but I'm saying, like, what did you get? What do you think being sort of in foster care did to your spirit looking back on it i think i if i had been if i'd grown up normal i think i was i would just be great at something else than comedy right or or i might still be doing comedy i might just have a completely

worse at it different perspective i don't think i'd be worse at it. I just think maybe. I don't think you'd be worse. You have a good brain. So it's like your jokes are like synaptic pinballs. Right, exactly. So it's not like you come up with weird angles. So it's not based on trauma necessarily or for lack of a better word. But maybe it did.

But it doesn't hurt. I think where it helped me was my ability to translate, my ability to chameleon and understand. Communicate between the kids and the foster parents, so to speak. You know what it gave me? It gave me the ability to to instantly become the observer like when i catch myself yeah you know because there's being in the moment and then there's being above the moment yeah which is a different thing and it gave me that ability to be like wait a minute let me let me observe

like what's making this what's making because you had you had to learn that you know you change your home you change in schools you change your friends you have to learn how to fit in you have to learn that you change a home, you change in schools, you change in friends. You have to learn how to fit in. You have to learn how to recognize danger. You have to learn how to assess people's motivations. Yeah, you have to read every single room. Right. And that.

There's no home games. Yeah. So there are things about the foster care experience that have stuck with me to this day and i don't think they'll ever go away yeah but and on top of that by the way netflix let me make my documentary please every foster adult that i have met has most of the same issues is it largely because your first block is basically what we're talking about, which is I don't fit in completely anywhere. Right. So obviously, there it is.

And you're the first person that's a friend of mine that I've said those words to that didn't take it. It's absurd. What do they say? Like, Seve, people love you and right or yeah yeah like you or because i guess you can't tell someone that you don't fit in without it being a statement about them right it's like i understand we all right are crazy about it's like no i hear you go your joke about i don't wish shortness on somebody i wish endless height growth and when i see one of you tall fucks dancing the night away i don't wish you were my height i wish you would

keep growing yeah uncontrollably non-stop till you reach a height where it's not sexy to nobody on somebody i go well there's a all right he's not gonna care about new year's eve he's not gonna care about birthdays he's not you're not gonna care about the normal shit that you're supposed to care about because you don't. And I say it because I'm in the same position. I don't care about the shit other people care about. And I don't see things the way other people care about it. And can I just say this to the women of your listeners?

Hey, listen, when your man tells you he doesn't care about birthdays, he means it. your man tells you he doesn't care about birthdays, he means it. But the reason you think he doesn't is because that's not what you would mean if you said it. Correct. He doesn't mean I don't care about your birthday. Right. He means I don't care about my birthday. And he means I don't think that birthdays are a significant milestone for anything.

Correct. And I don't want to party. Yep. And when you throw me a party and it's all said and done and you go well i he really wanted one because i threw him a party yeah he had a great time no what you did was you put me in a position where i had to have it he had to perform great right because i can't walk into my surprise party and go what the fuck is this because then i'm the piece of shit so now now I have to go, oh, babe. I hate every second of it.

And I feel unheard. Me too. I hate every second of it also. Right. I feel unseen when I asked you not to do that. Yes. No, but you're fishing. No, I'm not. I know how to get attention.

I like to earn it with a thought. Go on a stage, have people approve or disapprove. Because honestly, I think what bothers me the most about all of it, I'm not a fan of pageantry. It all boils down to that. I'm not a fan of doing things for show. How about parades? You must love parades.

I fucking hate parades. I hate doing things just for show. How about parades? You must love parades. I fucking hate parades. I hate doing things that, just for show. Yeah. It's like, I don't like ceremonies. I don't like, like I recognize the tradition and all that,

but it's like, wrap it up. Wrap it up. Yeah. Why your wedding, like that's why I don't go to Catholic weddings. Why your wedding? Why the vow?

Why is the, why have we been sitting in the church for two and a half hours? Why is this over an hour? For two and a half hours. Why is it over 20 minutes minutes and then my next question is why am i still here why is the mass longer than the recession why are we pretending like this is gonna help how is this helping anything like you know what i mean like by the power of our wedding day please get us through this argument you either fuck with

each other or you don't i know when we're unromantic for saying this weddings is a weird wedding is a wedding is a weird thing to me because it feels like it feels like a giant fucking upfront investment in something that fails so regularly it's it's it's like it's almost like you wouldn't buy you when you buy a car you do more research you're more cautious it's like having a grand opening for a building that cannot pass inspection cut the ribbon it can't pass inspection guys don't have a ceremony unless you're it's it just you just get married and shut the fuck up yeah you know what it is it's almost you know this to me i feel like some some people's like getting married it's like it's like it's like renting an apartment online without ever going

there it's like uh you know and then you know by the way making everyone go to the apartment yeah when you move in and then you show up and you're like this is fucking great yeah and then you oh by the way making everyone go to the apartment yeah when you move in and then you show up and you're like this is fucking great yeah and then as soon as the party's over and the lights off you start cleaning up you start noticing stuff oh wait a minute i didn't see this crack in the wall huh it's a ceiling slump yeah and you like it cold uh you know so whatever yes so you're you are i'd say constitution abnormal. And then I probably out of the out of the box from 83 on and then 84, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 didn't help. Right. It exacerbated a preexisting condition. And you know how I know that I would have been very similar to who I am now is because this is one of the things I

really kind of do get emotional about because my mom you know because people hear my story and just assume that we aren't close but when I finally got to perform in DC shout out DC improv and my mom to come see me perform also her first time no no it's not true but but her second time seeing me perform live but a lot of her friends who've never met me coming to see me perform for some and constantly saying to her well that's your fucking son for sure because she she and i are so much we have the same constitution we're very resilient there's also weird shit like your throat the way i don't know your mom but i'm saying like the way you say certain things or the way you pronounce words or the way just shit that is that creepy family shit see my i got so many friends that would have been like well i mean

i know your mom's throat whatever they just made it took a jab at my mom of course whatever i was i thought i was yeah whatever that's very real brennan to be like yeah that joke is beneath me even though i even though i know it popped up in your head of course but it's like of course shoot i wouldn't waste people's time like that all right so um uh yeah yeah yeah it's like of course shoot i wouldn't waste people's time like that all right so um uh yeah yeah yeah it's like everything so many things about her and me are the same so i know a lot of my you know your ingredients don't change yeah which you know your pantry is it's got it when it's what's in it you're to me i think still a pound cake even if it's sitting in a refrigerator or a or a dusty cabinet no but i know i mean like you're i think like when you're born you're fucking your personality is a dusty doomsday bunker you

know and everything that's in it is what you got and you can flip it and make different shit with all the ingredients in there but you can't add shit in it it ain't in there you know and so you can put one of those video game chairs in there yeah yeah you know what i mean you do you can spruce it up a bit spruce it up clean it up but yeah it's still gonna be what it's gonna be but i think i think everybody's born with a kitchen and you can and you what you can make the possibilities are countless but there's certain stuff you just can't make because you don't got it you know okay so i know you're alone are you lonely is it strange to say that i i never i'm never quite sure no i'm positive that i i don't feel lonely often i do recognize when i need to be around people and maybe that's loneliness it's you know you know what it is? Loneliness. I think it's just like,

it's the difference between I'm starving or I should eat. I should probably. Right. My relationship with alone is different because alone brings me comfort. Like I'm, I'm at peace when I'm alone. If you're used to it. Yeah.

Well, yeah. And it's, it's almost like, have you ever, have you known any wrestlers, people that wrestled in school or whatever? Oh, no, not that I pop into my head.

Or fighters? Anyone had to cut weight? No, but like... Okay, but the people that grew up wrestling and stuff like that, when they cut weight so much at such an early age that... Like my friend Jeffrey's like this. His relationship with hunger is like... like my friend jeffrey's like this his his relationship with hunger is like it's it's twisted because he never feels like he's starving yeah he's he's he knows what starving is right he just recognizes the patterns of how he behaves when he hasn't eaten like he if he knocks over

the thing he's like oh shit yeah i got it yeah but he doesn't feel hungry yeah you know what i mean well okay well that was what i was going to say so there is that like constitutional observer removed thing which people probably take as aloof which i've always been like i'm not aloof like i'm engaged meaning what uh disinterested dispassionate think think less of people i've been called that i'm that's not me at all i know me neither you seem i seem more like it than you do um but that's because when you're sort of observing all the time you're still reading the room people think like oh he thinks he's better than i was like no i'm just a little quiet no you know what you know what it is is that you have you have an urgent timber and tone to your voice to your voice so it sounds like you don't have time for whatever you're like who like

whatever i don't wherever you're talking right now it feels like i don't have time for little things for chit chat for right for in things that are insignificant like your voice sounds like that well i which is fairly true but it doesn't mean, like, fuck you. It just means, like, hey, well, let's get to the thing. Yeah, you never come up as aloof to me. You come up as the sort of person that's like, I will give you five seconds to prove to me that this interaction is not completely pointless.

All right. Like, you won't ever say that, but it's like, what's going on? I'll give you a chance to say something interesting, and then we might be here talking for an hour right but we've also talked on the phone for an hour it wasn't like what right and you know what i'm exactly the same way but you didn't do chappelle show so no one thinks you're an asshole and i'm and i'm and i have i'm gonna have a friendlier disposition yeah correct um which is also not me either i know

i'm i'm nice i just don't seem like so what i'm saying is what i also considered that my sort of uh comfort or even desire to be alone sometimes with um when you grow up around a bunch of people sounds like you're with a lot of people around a lot of people around no space but no but that wasn't even really was i'm gonna tell you what it was in my third or was it my fourth foster home i was playing with a gun and shot my foster brother and that turned into a whole fucking shit storm and i don't know why right and i ended up being taken out of that home what do you can i before can i cut can i butt in real quick yeah what do you i was thinking about a kid playing with a gun

how old were you um at this point i'm 15 okay so you know what a gun is i'm just wondering what little kids think is happening no but they're with a gun. At that point, which is crazy, I'm almost positive I had never seen a gun. Not a real one. Maybe I had seen one, but I definitely had never held a gun. This is going to piss off my lefty friends, but I honestly think guns and sex are things that people need to be educated about as long as it's going to be ubiquitous you know they're here they're everywhere yeah and and we clearly aren't going to do anything about it even though it's weird that both sides focus most of their abstinence right but the right focuses on abstinence and the left focus on

getting rid of guns even though neither of those things is ever going to happen yeah it's like everywhere everywhere throughout history violence and sex is part of us yeah anyway i i don't know what uh why i went off on that no yeah i mean you're that's actually not that's a a good premise and b true which is we should have gun class in eighth grade and i end up in i ended up in the military where i where i trained and slept with my gun and i never shot anybody not even an accident that's funny and i literally the reason i shot my my at the time my best friend was because i didn't know what the fuck i was doing i just thought about you sleeping with your gun so you would i would assume you wake up most mornings with an erection again up against

your gun no no i would wake up in a cot with my so it would be i don't know if you have a sling those military cuts but they kind of bow a little bit you and my and then look what i would do is i will put my leg through the sling put my leg through the sling and wrap it around is everybody have their gun yeah so get somebody must have fucked their gun at a certain point um i don't know if it's possible to fuck your gun there's no it's really no dry hump it i mean look that's definitely possible but but there's way more fuckable things around you when you deploy than your gun. Boots.

Also, you need your gun. Like, you know, the reason you're sleeping with it is because at any moment you might need to use it. Right. It's not a sex object. I mean, you definitely don't want cum in your gun in a fire fight. That's what I was getting at. Okay. All right.

So the gun thing. So you shoot your i shoot my friend i guess i can't just skip past that right yeah so they so long i'm gonna make the story short long story short another former foster kid that used to live in in this house that i was in like he so he's grown he's out he's grown but he was there when the oldest kid that's there with me was a younger kid so that he kind of looks up to so he gives him a gun to hold like just like hold this for me don't talk so this gun's in the house for i don't know months whatever and then and he keeps it a secret and then one day he's i don't know if he's drunk or high whatever and he decides to fuck with me and like wake me up with it to my face so in the middle of the, I don't know if he's drunk or high or whatever, and he decides to fuck with me and, like, wake me up with it to my face.

So in the middle of the night, I don't know who's here, who's in the house. He just wakes up, don't you fucking move. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And I'm fucking scared, and I'm like, I don't have anybody, whatever the fuck. And then he turns on the lights and he starts laughing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is, the jokes you've been a part of as a child are three of the meanest jokes I've ever heard.

I know. It's all foster care. It's all abandonment and betrayal. Yeah. And so, you know, to get him back, you know, I waited a few weeks. He was getting ready for a date to get out the shower. He comes in and I'm like, ah, which now thinking back on it, I'm like, why would that's not even a good prank? Because because I was scared.

I was like, yeah, that's a good prank. That's not a good prank. You're just holding the gun. Yeah. You know, and I don't know what possessed me to shoot it. Is it one of those things that just happened and you don't remember sending the message to your finger to pull the trigger? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What it was is when he did it to me he pulled the trigger and

it clicked so he and he was like ah little bitch and took took the thing out and showed me and right cocked it back and showed me oh blah and i i just remembered that in the wrong order so when i got to when he was in the shower and i got the gun, you know what I'm saying? I took the magazine out. Slight mix up. Yeah. I took the magazine out and I cocked it back and that put one in the chamber. Oh,

fuck. Right? And so, actually, I did it in the right order, but I just didn't know what I was doing. Yeah.

You know? And so, so I just, I pulled the trigger. He gets shot. He survives. He's shot in the stomach. 22.

Fuck. 22 caliber, galactomy bag, all that. To this day? No, no. I think, actually, I haven't seen him since then. But I'm pretty- I'm surprised he doesn't keep in touch.

No, no, no. I spoke to him about a year and a half ago or something like that. But that was the first time I spoke to him since then. So it's been over 25 years, 30 years. And did he, did you explain like, well, you did it to me. So where was it just like, ah, and then it's- over 25 years 30 years and did he did you explain like well you did it to me so where was it just like ah and then it's no no no insane so what's funny is i carried around this guilt because that foster mother was the best one i ever had they take me out of that home because it's clearly you know i lie i lie for him because they you know he tells me what to say but he's

bleeding to death i called our friend before I called the cops. I called our friend while the neighbors was calling the cops. So when the cop was questioning me, he already knew what I was saying was a lie because he was like, why would you call this guy? Why would you call this guy instead of 911? Right. Yeah. You know, it doesn't make any sense.

And so then what is that guy going to tell them? So it was all these things. My lie unraveled very quickly. And I got taken out of that home, like from the hospital. They came to the hospital and got me and took me to my previous home. Back your aunt's house upstairs. No, no, no, no. Because the shooting happened in like my fourth home or third home.

Oh, okay. They took me to the home before that. And I remember just sitting in the dark somehow it brought me comfort like everyone had questions and concerns and all i'm worried about is like is is he alive am i did like did i kill him because i'm stupid like what was you know i'm just sitting there going through all these things and all of these adults who i don't trust right are trying to cops foster parents right and i'm like get the fuck out of here with your pam you don't have a pamphlet on what to say to a kid that just shot his friend stop trying to fucking you know like you looked up the answer in your textbook like trying to tell me how i feel and are they trying to scan you for like are you crazy are you a

murderer or is it just like do they does anyone quickly go well this is just an accident i don't know you know what i think i think what i needed at that time was an adult conversation i think it's important to recognize when you when you have a uh constant would you call it constitution constitutionally different child yeah i don't because i want to say smart child because that's coming a lot of things different things right but i was a smart kid and i think the smarter your child is the more they need things to make sense because a lot of a lot of adults have child conversations with their children because it makes them comfortable yeah there's also the thing when

you're a when you're a kid like i'm assuming similar that we were, where you'll say shit to adults and they'll be like, huh. A lot of like, I've never thought of that. And you're like, you've never thought of that? Because I'm 11. Right. How did you not think of that? And it's just like, they just don't. There's a lot of that.

Yeah. I think as a kid, I don't think I was ever around any adult that... Yeah, and it's not like they're dumb. It's just we're just weird. Yeah, I don't think I was ever around any adult I thought was smarter than me. There were definitely ones I recognized wisdom. I recognized that they knew things I didn't. But it's like, oh, you're just keeping the information.

But sure, you didn't... You're a hard drive. You're not a CPU. Exactly. Wow. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. You're a hard drive, not a CPU you're not a cpu exactly wow yeah that's a good way to put it you're a hard drive not a cpu and so i didn't i just didn't trust any of them but that's not true i trusted them to behave the way i had stored them in my mind where it's like

you're the type of person that's going to react this way and they never surprised me they always reacted the way i thought so you're in the dark so i spent a lot of time because i because i'm also so here's the other thing i'm also around other foster kids that like i left this home because i didn't get along with these kids are they glad like you didn't make it or are they like fuck no because you know everybody because these are traumatized kids like they i don't know what it is, but she was doing the system a favor. I wasn't supposed to be there. And probably if they would ever let me look at my own file, which you can't do that for whatever reason.

Why do they save the records if you're the only one that's allowed to see it? They save your records. They're confidential. No one's allowed to see them. You can see them later? You can't ever see them. Ever? The state of Maryland will not let me see my foster care records ever but at the same time no one is

allowed to see them so that begs the question then why do you have them no we don't know you can't we can't tell you that exactly in case the cia ever wants to destroy you no but uh but also it does make sense that they won't let you see them because like you could have some kind of you know you could have you could be mentally unstable you could have you know you could read something that one of your foster mothers said about you that you didn't know or you know because yeah i don't know if you're over 18 it seems like you should be able to know you should be able to know i agree um but i'm sure they have all kind of bullshit reasons but anyway so they have so she was she's keeping holding me there for them to find somewhere for me to go. Cause now I'm a problem job for sure.

And she ain't a problem child person. And so they're keeping me separate from the other kids in this house. Yeah. Yeah. It was a big ass house. Okay. I basically, they kept me,

I was just downstairs where the, I was in the giant living room, I guess. Got it. And all the bedrooms are upstairs. So for the few days I was there, I had that whole room. I was just me in that room. And I remember my foster mother walking in and turning on the light and her asking me,

like, you know, do I need anything? Do I want to talk? And I was like, can you just turn the light off? you know do i need anything do i want to talk and i was like can you just turn the light off and i don't know why sitting in the dark made me feel better i think it was like less sensory input or something like but something about it made me feel like i had more control of the situation that felt so much out of my control and i ain't want to fucking talk to her or them or whatever you know it's also i think being isolated what it's like a sign of depression and all that stuff but it's also i think there's something empowering about isolation especially if you're i'm sensitive to perception like i like feeling someone's perception makes me behave differently.

And it's a friend of mine, Monic Martin, always says, I don't always want to be perceived. So it's like, I just like being by myself. I don't have to think about how I am. I don't have to think about what my behavior makes you think I think of you. I just want to behave and exist and not worry about who's going to see it and who's going to analyze it and appraise it and assume things about. And I think I do my best. I do. I think I do my best thinking by myself. Absolutely.

Because I'm also one of those people that I actually enjoy thinking. I enjoy actively picking an idea apart and really thinking about it. It's its own reward. It's like, like well that's interesting i wonder ah right and you're not it's not that that's not your voice everybody like it is when you have like a good brain you can kind of like it's it's fun it's like something satisfying around doing nothing i'm like so is neil degrasse tyson he gets paid to think what do you think the head of the planetarium is doing? Yeah. You think he's, he's not, he's never looked through that telescope.

Yeah, he's just thinking of formulations and shit. Like, what do you think a theoretical, so now. Theoretical physicist. I know, I know the undergrad science is not a theoretical physicist. But like, what do you think Michio Kaku does? He makes all this decent money. He's, he gets paid to think. Yeah.

Of, of things that can't be proven. Mm-hmm. So. Where do you think he's going to do it? gonna do it in in a in a square ass office right wow so why why why is it that when i'm sitting around turn the fucking lights off right i'm just fine when i'm sitting around thinking it's not nothing yeah have you beat yourself up about not feeling connected to people because a lot of these all of your blocks are basically um related to this you know like they're related to it's i don't fit in completely i may never have a healthy relationship brain noise and then i don't know if i if i'll ever be on the right medication what's the what are you

medicating for i don't know man i honestly don't know what do they diagnose they diagnose depression so when i was the foster care doctors diagnosed me with adhd okay but i didn't trust them so so every chance i could i didn't listen and i didn't accept it and in fact i never even thought about it again until cocaine didn't work. And then I realized, and it kept not working. You know, so I've tried cocaine. Hundreds of times. Yeah, thousands. No, no, no, because everyone that's really into cocaine,

when I tell them that, when I say I don't do coke, I should have just said that. But I would say, oh, it doesn't do anything to me. And that just tells them to go, oh, well, you haven't had the shit I got. So I've had three or four chances to try it. And every single person is like, no, this shit, and it doesn't do anything. And I found out later on that it's because if you were on Ritalin as a child. I didn't know this until Alexlex edelman does a joke

about it in his new hbo special and i watched it last night it's if i didn't know you if you took ritalin coke stops working yeah it's insane what do they have you on ritalin still or they had you on ritalin then was that the right medication then? I don't know, man, because I, like I said, every chance I got, I didn't take it. In fact, you didn't take it the first. No, I took it. But the first the first two weeks that they put me on it, we we go have a parent teacher conference. It's my so is my foster mother, teacher and the guidance counselor and they're all sitting around talking about how they notice a huge change in my behavior and how and i know that i've been spitting out the pills so and they're all sitting around oh that's funny they're all sitting around

congratulating each other agreeing with each other i'm like oh these people are full of shit each and every fucking one of them and then the next time i got caught spitting out the pill and so she she devised all these different ways to make us take them or whatever that's the thing because i would always be because she's got a bunch of kids that's on a bunch of meds and i and so she would make us all drink out of one cup so she would have one giant cup of juice or water or whatever and then everyone's medications lined up you and then that's one thing man when me and my mama like i don't be drinking behind fuck people you know and but you in somebody else's house so i always

make sure i'm the first one in line you know i'm saying but that's how i got caught that's how i got caught seeking it you know anyway the point, I notice they're all full of shit. What was my point? I guess it's being on the right medication. Oh, being on the right medication. What are they still treating for? So I was on Ritalin then. Fast forward all the way through the comedy world

or what have you, I end up in a homeless shelter in Los Angeles, in a veteran's homeless shelter what year this is 2015 are you doing comedy at this point at this point i'm five years in a comedy i think yeah i just left san diego and moved to la i was homeless within weeks but congratulations yeah i end up in this shelter but and at this particular shelter it's specifically for veterans, specifically for Iraq veterans. But one of their rules is like, you have to do everything that the VA can possibly do for you. You got to sign up for every program.

You got to take every med. You got to do everything. And at this place, they actually keep the the meds kind of like foster care they keep them in a thing and you have to go to them to get them so they can sign off that you took them and they got the open mouth and you swallowed and all that shit oh yeah all that all that shout out to your mom because if they find out you're not taking them shout out to your mom and i think and i think they also i think they will blood test you from time to time damn like if you they find out you're not on the meds that you're prescribed it's a real problem so what they get so so the va diagnosed me with depression pts uh depression manifests ptsd or vice versa ptsd

manifests as depression and so they started me on wellbuterin which made my heart beat too fast and then they and then they put me on some other shit um that made me a fucking zombie and then they put me on i want to say mirtazapine but i think that is what made me a zombie but one of them made me have to fucking randomly shit my pants like like explode like not diarrhea like i could hold it but it would be like it was like like the sphincter caught that one at the gate like oh right before it was coming like and it would just happen random times you know and that i can't do that especially like i'm on stage all the time yeah so and then they put me on well why are they why how they come up with ptsd for you because i have a question about military and all this stuff i think i think it's one of

those things where they you know they take your symptoms obviously in your years of treatment and And then if you were ever in a combat, they pretty much. It's automatic. It's almost like they're trying to diagnose you. I guess that's not really true, though, honestly. Does anyone there not need anything? Is anyone at the VA, the homeless VA, does anyone there like, no, you just not catching a break you is or is it like something's the matter eat this yeah man it was people there for all manner of reasons i mean some people just had addiction problems um some people were literally like you know they had a traumatic

brain injuries you know where they fucking skulls rattled around in their brain so like some people literally you know they weren't the person they were before they left yeah i'm kind of of the mind and you can you would absolutely know war or combat kind of breaks 80 of the people that participate actively yeah i mean i was never i was never in any firefights you know i was in i was in danger coming this way like they would have these people shoot these rpgs over the gate at the i'm at the base that people came to the away from the combat you know what i mean i mean i mean i'm not it's not vacation but it's the front line yeah look i think i think combat is like money it will highlight and multiply what's there

you know what i mean yeah it's like if you're if you're a fragile person that's gonna get exposed right but i'm saying if you're a strong person and the dude next to you gets shot in the head i don't know if that's reveals something under i think it's just a natural human reaction to see you i'm sure you i'm sure they told you guys a lot of guys in combat don't even shoot at the enemy yeah they i hear that i mean i don't know if you saw it but but a lot of that data comes from world war ii people that were drafted right you know what i mean these are real bloodthirsty motherfuckers that enlist. Also, I think it's different with Marines.

You were a Marine. I was a Marine, yeah. And because they, since NOM, because I think one of the stats was like 80% of the bullets in NOM hit nothing. was like 80 of the bullets and nam hit nothing yeah so since then well first of all now now weapons they issue are three or three round bursts at least when i was in they weren't fully automatic anymore so people didn't waste ammo but i'm sure like now they have these processes that weed people out like back then they was rushing people through they needed people on the front line you know boot camp is five weeks and shit like that yeah but now but my the boot camp i went to was three months long and the people when you know when you get to the fire range people you know you

see people break down crying and shit like that and and they just go they they goodbye they just go yeah so i you know i don't know because i wasn't in combat i don't have any close friends actually that's not true. I have a couple close friends that were. All right, well, my question for you, it's a broad question, but how did you learn to, like, accept what you're like? Oh, fuck, I don't think I have yet. I think I'm just starting to do that.

Like the medication, the sort of brain noise that has a relationship i got off a lot of the meds because you know like i said so you know the va they diagnosed me with ptsd manifest as major major depressive disorder yep and i know the depression shit is there for sure. But so they switched me to, you know, these strong antidepressants and I couldn't handle any of the side effects, even though there's, it seemed like a limitless different brands. And I could never handle the side effects. And I think by the time I got on like the seventh one, I remember i forget what it did to me but i was just like

i'm done with all this and i think i had just i had just moved out here you know and and uh and rogan's going hey man just like we we so what we ended up doing was it was get was going to his gym every morning and working out and i was like damn i fucking feel great like i don't think i need this shit so i stopped taking the the energy and i and i felt pretty fucking good and um but then what the fuck happened oh i tried ozempic or i tried manjaro which is the same thing kind of and it it fucked with my pancreas and that was like getting towards the special type in and all this and i and i remember talking to the doctor and being like hey man i think like i remember just being in one of those modes i don't know if you

deal with depression but it comes in these and obviously everyone deals with depression but i'm talking about just a disorder like the major depressive disorder is like it just comes it just comes in like waves and some and you never know when it's going to end and i sometimes i can kind of feel it coming the way like you know sometimes you know you're going to have a headache in three hours it's that like sometimes i'm like oh shit here we go um better masturbate while it works and i really right and i realized like, I don't, I don't think this shit's working and I don't know what's going to work.

Like, cause I don't even know what it working feels like. That's what I was trying to, you know, that's what I was trying to explain to, to the doctor was like, honestly, I can't tell you if it works because I've done drugs.

I pop pills that make me feel a different way. And, and you know, yeah, this isn't, that's the thing about antidepressants. There's not like, blah. It's like, it takes months.

It takes weeks. It takes weeks. And I was like, I don't know if this is effective. And I don't know. I don't think that the upside is better than whatever the fuck is going on now. Because I don't know. There's too many things wrong for me to know which thing it is. And I was like, I feel like my symptoms don't quite fit that and then i told

the doctor i was like well i did get diagnosed with with adhd as a kid but i always just thought it was bullshit but the more i look into it the more i feel like maybe i got misdiagnosed with the depression or maybe or maybe earlier recently recently like so you think it might just be add i think the add one was accurate i think the depression but you wouldn't take the pills so the thing is i don't know if i don't know if it's add if it's if it's depression or if it's both or if it's one or if it's like the depression is exacerbates exactly right and so it's that it's trying to figure it out so desperately that i'm will i'm really i was i'm at the point like i'm willing to try anything yeah you know and uh but you know it's funny as i said that to a close friend of

mine i'll say their name and i was like i'm at i'm i'm at my wits end i'll try anything he was like will you try you know exercising regularly eating healthy and sleeping at a real regular time crazy right he's like well damn so then i started doing that and and it's not like i'm cured but i but i do feel like you have to be taking care of yourself in all the other ways that matter because because you're whatever the fuck is wrong with my mind i'm never going to cure it yeah there's not an answer it's just i have to learn how to deal have to manage live with it manage it listening to you and like being somebody that i like you and i respect you that it's you're gonna have to what i'm curious about is what is your, is it hard being you? Are you shitty to yourself?

Or are you like, is it pleasant to be you? Or is it not that pleasant and you're getting through it? It's both. It's not that pleasant. It's chaos. It feels chaotic. And like you said, I don't derive the same enjoyment from certain things that I think most people do.

Most people do, yeah. And so it's also hard to... Have to pretend. Right. Yeah. It's exhausting. So even, so when I'm, it's like,

that's what I think a lot of my actual friends don't understand is that like, being around you is exhausting for me even and that's you that like i'm around because i love you yeah me being me being getting tired being around you doesn't isn't reflective of my feelings of you it's like me willing to put myself

through that is is me expressing love but i can't i'm just exhausted afterwards and you might hear from me for a couple days if it was up to me it's like i wouldn't i'm just exhausted afterwards and you might hear from me for a couple days if it was up to me it's like i wouldn't i would be i would be by myself for a few days and then interact yeah you know and then and so it's hard to explain that to people especially like one of your blocks is uh relationship oh with women yeah i think that's a tough one because when i was when i was younger my problem with relationships is that i was very fragile and very very desperate to be loved because i didn't don't you dare say foster care don't you fucking dare no don't you fuck it of course no no i didn't no i didn't don't you dare say foster care don't you fucking dare no don't you fucking of course no no

i didn't no i didn't i didn't want to i think i just been walking around with that with that question without words to it you know what i mean but just that feeling of why doesn't anyone want me like what like why do i keep ending up in a different house at a different school with different friends why am i I, you know? It's hard not to take everything personally as a person. Right. Especially that. It's hard to break out of that perspective that, like, the world owes me.

You know? I didn't do anything to deserve all of this. And I had to get, I really, I mean, the Marine Corps alleviated me of that. What? How? It's's like you ain't special because no one gave a fuck in fact you know what's so funny most that's funny because in the war before the Marine Corps was probably seems like everyone is cared for except me and then you enter the Marine Corps and it's like no one's cared for right including you the foster kid kid me felt like i was surrounded

by people whose obligations were to keep me alive and take care of me and like pretend to be my parents but their actual sentiment was you know they all it's like they all act like you're some kind of you're some kind of creature that doesn't know it's ugly you know they're like they're worried they're worried about you about things that they want to discuss with you whereas like in in in the military me it it was more like i'm surrounded by people who have the same obligations to keep me alive and all that but they don't have to pretend like it's more than that so so it's got it so it's like they're like you know you're i'm here to keep you alive and you are here to do a job yeah and i'm gonna always do my part i'm gonna always make sure you pay fed know where to be with a bubble it was you know it was that consistency that yeah yeah but Yeah. But I wouldn't say.

Why do most of your relationships end now? Because as an adult, the hardest part for me, especially like in the show business thing, is, well, it's several problems. Well, it's several problems. The problem on my end is that I want closeness so bad, but I don't think I've ever actually been close. Like, I don't want I don't. So it's like I'm not comfortable being close. It's kind of like being alone. It's like I'm way more comfortable by myself. But I do want I do want you to want my company. I want you to invite me. And I want you. But I want you to know me well enough to know that i'm not gonna go right it's kind of the same it's like i want to be close and intimate and 100 connected with somebody but i don't know how to be and and the closer i get to it the more uncomfortable i am um and it's like and so because i was like when you're when you're when you're a smart kid that is desperate for love it's like you don't really attract love. You attract predators, narcissists, and people that see you as somebody that can easily be taken advantage of. Because all they got to do is pretend to love you. And that's the thing about, I think, it's true.

What kind of predators preyed on you? No, no, I don't mean those kind of predators. Oh, okay. what kind of predators preyed on you? No, no, I don't mean those kind of predators. But I mean that I mean there are people that will use users. There are people that you're more likely to be taking, being sensitive makes you more likely to be

taken advantage of, not for people to, you know, it's almost like being generous makes you more likely to get robbed. Yeah. Right? It doesn't make you people aren't going to go, oh my god god every time i see neil he's giving a hundred dollar bills to the homeless they're gonna go this motherfucker right here don't know what the fuck you don't right yeah and so it's that it's like as a young and emotionally i was that person that was so green and just thought anybody that showed me the slightest bit of love

i would just drop all the defenses you know what i'm was yeah it was yeah it was almost like i had a i had a i have a fort knox fucking 15th black belt level encryption system right here but the but the password is hi right yeah that's where take cutie yeah yeah so so my prop so then that bleeds into my adult relationships because it's like yeah but. But the other side of that is I think that most women in America. I love a generalization. Cannot wait. They're not socialized or conditioned to like I require the emotional care that a woman would and women are not women american women are not brought up to provide that for men they they they expect it from you but i

need it too yeah like i'm yeah i'm very soft in here and i need and i can't deal with i can't be with a woman that doesn't recognize that and like care for me like extra and and i think the way american women are taught to treat men that they're with like once they get a man it's just not and i'm not and i know everyone isn't like i'm not saying all women yeah there are the sweet souls out there they're usually they're usually married at my age right so it's like it's that it's like i always run into that problem where it's like i need you like all the way i need you to carry everything right now and a lot of times they they can't do that you know they don't know how they've never had to do that yeah they do it for a kid probably yeah but i think i honestly i think it's something that unlocks in you instinctually when it's your kid no of course right but yeah but when it's your man like yeah men's emotions are not we're like

third class exactly it's it's like nothing what no one wants to hear people will listen to your you know. That's why the only time anyone cares how a man feels is when he kills a bunch of people. Then they'll be like, where's his manifesto? Yeah. But as soon as you say it, like you're saying it like now, like, yeah. And so I don't know if I can. I just think statistically chances are I'm not going to.

Or, oh, this is a big one. And maybe I'm doing this in my head. I tend to also go for people that are fucked up because I always thought subconsciously, I think that they can't judge me for what's wrong with me if I don't judge them for what's wrong with them. Right. But that is a recipe for disaster because you know especially i'm 41 if i meet somebody that's for if i meet a woman that's 41 that's still fucked up and not

doing none of the work she ain't gonna help me at all no it's gonna get worse we're gonna hurt each other yeah so it's like it's that whole combination of things but also i don't know if I want, like, I think I want to feel, I think I like the way love feels. I do. I like the idea of, I like knowing that somebody out there love me like that. But I don't know if I need that. And I think so many of my peers, older, younger, whatever, I don't even think it's a generational thing. peers older younger whatever i don't think it's a generational thing they see like i forget the dude from the dude from kfc radio said this to me the other day but it's like i i think dudes want to get married and have kids so everyone knows they're not gay

yeah i mean that's part of it it's people just want to do the thing that culturally that they're supposed to do and be like we're good it is to me? It's like marriage and deep relationships. It's like this eclipse. It's like all these fucking people. You're spending thousands of dollars on flights and shit and rushing out here to look at the sky. It was overcast. And then for a minute and a half, it looked kind of dusky. But guess what?

It's going to be people posting on social media right now going, Austin 2024 eclipse. We did it. We missed out. Yep's what that's what like relationships brought to me it was like like even like my mother sometimes i talk whenever i talk to my mother it's it's it goes i guess it goes back to that party thing where it's like i feel like and i hate to generalize women maybe i could just say the women in my life the women i've encountered but again it's like i don't think i don't think women have to understand men you know what i mean so it's like what so like every time i talk to me like they therefore they don't make an effort to i don't think they know i don't think i don't think women ever i don't

think women make an effort to understand me at all i don't think they i don't think they need i think they care about our emotions about as much as we care about their sexual ideation what they how they feel about sex and like how um important it is and how and we're just kind of like you're trying to fuck or not they're like no but this is an emotional thing that i have a certain expectation for and i would like to feel a certain way before it begins and then afterward and after and we're just like no no and that's how they are with us like we're like we have specific and they're like are you gonna support me or not are you gonna are you gonna be there for me or not right i don't give a fuck about all your shit yeah i need you to do a thing do it no that's a good analogy um especially that especially like that like every

time i talk to my mom she'll say something to the effect of like you know are you who you who you're seeing who you're dating you know and i was like i just got out of a relationship in august but i think she's picky like me or she's particular that's i think that's a better way of putting it and she's older and she's uh single oh actually i don't know if she's particular. I think that's a better way of putting it. And she's older and she's single. Oh, actually, I don't know if she's single. She always got her little secrets. But, you know, she's publicly single. Right.

And I think because, you know, the dream for her was always married, kids, stable. She thinks that she wants that for me like so how else would right but but but when i tell her that i don't really like i guess what i'm trying to say is like my my my mother talks about marriage and relationships as though like the way like like it's somewhere to live. Like, well, you can get down, you can get down. You'll get an apartment.

I heard. Yeah. Somebody I know is down there. So they, you could get in touch with them when you get, when you touch down. And I'm like, mom, I'm living in this van. It's great. I don't need an apartment. Yeah.

Okay, baby. But listen, but I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to put in that application for you. Cause it's, it's like, no mom, no, really I'm fine. All right. Well, I got to take a leak, but here's what I want to say for you. Here's my goal for you. And it's a goal that I have only recently realized. Accepting who you are, accepting what you're actually like in the dark by yourself. What are you like?

What, what, what are your goals? What are your dreams? Fuck. Whether they're the most common dream, whether they're the most accepted dream, whether they're the shared cultural dream and accepting what yours are, who you are and feeling good about yourself within that. That's my goal for you yeah but that's that's a lofty goal that's why it's a goal motherfucker do you know anyone that's reached it i just reached it wow yeah peace Peace.

Close. Close. Self-acceptance. Just self-acceptance. This is what I'm like. It's pretty good. I'm going to service this. I'm not going to be like, yeah, but I'm not going to,

yeah, but you are. No. It's pretty good. Huh. And I give it to you I'm not going to, yeah, but you are. No. It's pretty good. Oh. And I give it to you by putting hands on you. Okay. Brian Simpson, everybody. Brian Simpson.

Blocks. Live at the Mothership on Netflix. On Netflix. And of course, Who Can Forget Blocks on Netflix. And Free Mike's on Netflix. And now Crazy Good on Netflix. Goodbye. Bye.

Bye. DreamWise on Netflix, and now Crazy Good on Netflix. Goodbye.