Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Carrot Top

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Neal Brennan interviews Carrot Top (Headlining 6 nights/week at the Luxor in Vegas) about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro 3:44 Background 4:48 Tonight Show Audition 7:42 People Who Wouldn’t Book Him 12:42 Comedy Expectations vs. Reality 23:09 Early Rejection 26:09 Destiny 27:40 Feeling Sorry For Yourself 29:32 Vegas Residency 31:24 Pretty Good Life 36:54 Relationships  43:30 Not Neurotic  45:05 Being a Boss 48:02 Perfectionist  51:59 Mentors 54:47 Gallagher 1:18:28 Carlin 1:23:30 Act Burning Down 1:30:07 Upside ---------------------------------------------------------- https://carrottop.com/ https://nealbrennan.com for tickets Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ---------------------------------------------------------- Sponsors: GameTime App Code: BLOCKS for $20 off your first purchase Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Seth and Riley's Garage Hard Lemonade, a delicious classic with a vibrant taste of fresh lemons. The perfect balance of sweet and sour with a crisp, zesty edge. Welcome to The Garage, the place of refreshing hard lemonade. Available at the LCBO. Must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Hi, my name is Neil Brennan. This is the Blo the blocks podcast i'm not going to explain the premise go back and listen to a different episode long story short we're healing the earth my guest today you saw it on the title when you click this his picture's probably on there yeah i know right

and uh and i don't know what your intro is i did see that you're celebrating your anniversary at the luxor oh yes yes i don't know i don intro is. I did see that you're celebrating your anniversary at the Luxor. Oh, yes, yes. I don't know. I don't either. I could tell, huh? You look great in plaid, by the way. Thank you so much.

So, yeah, I think it's our coming up on 18th year anniversary. Not usually an anniversary people celebrate. I'm not at an anniversary. But God bless. Yeah. Still working. Still doing it. It's one of the most, one of the great comedians of our age and day, his street name is Scott,

his government, or his name is Scott Thompson, and his street name, if he were a drug, it would be called Carrot Top. There you go. Here he is. If I was a drug. I am a drug. You are a drug. Yeah.

Now, I've never met you. I'm a street drug. Yes, I like that. You are a drug. Yeah. Now, I've never met you. I'm a street drug. Yes, I like that. I've never met you before. No, we've never met. What's great is like we. I feel like we went on three flights of stairs. Yeah, that's.

And we feel like we've. Trial by fire. Yeah, we really earned it. I don't know much about. My experience with you was I heard about you in 1992. that you were a prop comic, and that you were very funny. But, like, comics don't like them, whatever, whatever. And I never understood it. I thought it was childish.

I thought it was reductive. I just, I didn't, it was like I would watch you on The Tonight Show or whatever, and I'd be like, these are fucking good jokes. Here's a little party favor for someone who has asthma. They're maybe not the most technically difficult, but they're still fun. I do smart comedy, and I still think about your acts. It's like, this dude's fucking funny. Oh, thank you.

There has to be a little bit of intelligence and smart to do in the field of what we do right and people which is shocking funny they get it almost nightly is the first thing they say is something very similar like well you know your show is very smart yes but but but it's when they say that that they think they coming into it they wouldn't think it would be like this is going to be the most horrible, lowest common denominator of comedy or whatever. And they say, God, it's so smart and so well crafted. And I'm thinking, well, I hope that's what people get from it. But, you know, you'd be doing it so long. But that was kind of the feeling in the earlier days.

Yes. Especially early days because I was this new guy in the block and I was doing props and I was just, yes, I was just like, who is this guy? And I got a lot of success and people were really angry about that. Jay Leonard to this day was, he would put me in the show and I would just do my, I didn't care about what, I was caring about the people that were watching the show. I didn't care about what the other comics were thinking.

In fact, I'd go to the improv when it was done, if I knew I had a good set and I'd go in and bug. Isn't that always the way? Well, and it never was, you know, but bub to say let's watch it i'm like god no not in the whole lobby and he put it on in front of all the comics and everybody and it was it was a nightmare but i knew if i had a really good one like man this is gonna be you know my god wait till this will be the one that gets him well no just just just like you know this is one of our brothers and he's on the tonight show and it's and wow and you killed and it was it was all clever it was all brand new like bill clinton

jokes and it was things that were happening right then and there it was very topical and so every comic came over and said wow it was great and so i started getting a little more respect and love from from the comic yeah once the longevity of it you know it's kind of like i would say i've been doing it for uh next year will be 40 years and it's like after 40 years you probably you know you finally they let you go to the barbecue it's like okay you know yeah you're invited into the the club even though 40 years so you started in 85 why it's so funny because i didn't hear about you till 90 so you had been doing it seven years by the time i even heard of you yeah that's amazing which is another thing people always say you're over the overnight success now for me it

was a little sooner 85 to when i first got my started getting some tv stuff it was sooner than most probably but i i had an act that just i was at the right time literally i i tell people all the time it was it's you know is it a lot of luck you and timing. I was at the right place at the right time. Right when the comedy boom was just coming down, I came in the thing and there's this carrot top with this props and it worked great for television. It was like every show was like, oh, we want this guy. Here's a plate. If you go to grandma's house, you don't like the food. It's got a little disappearing tray on the plate. Because it worked great for TV. It was, you know, in your face, visually good for TV.

Here's rollerblades for rednecks. Those are pretty cool. Which was funny. They never put me in their first Tonight Show. I went and auditioned for it. The Johnny Carson one? Johnny Carson. And I was going to make a joke.

Were you on Carson? No, I was on Tim Allen. But yeah, way back. That's how long. But no, I had auditioned for him and i killed i was one of the best shows and i never really did that well at the improv i don't know why i was just a weird dragon my prop trunk through the hallway up to the club and i did exceptionally well and jim mccauley who booked the tonight show booked the comics on the tonight show

came over and it couldn't have been a better set he says man scott it was so good and i said i got the show right and he says you know as much as i love you you just will never be on the show and i'm like well why did i audition he says well i just you know i i just wanted to see you like i just wanted to hurt your feelings well in a sense yes he i think he said the exact same thing to howie mandel yeah he did in fact how and i had this discussion and what's crazy about the whole thing with that was, and I explained this to Howie, I said, it's so funny if you break down what television is. It's the visual. Yeah.

It's what- It's in the title. And it's what everything Carson did, Karnak. Karnak, the magnificent. And the thing, and the throwing in the throwing uh you know hatchet said everything that he did was visual and that's what made variety and all that was you know the you're not doing it i guess he just didn't like it so anyway and i didn't really didn't i mean hurt my feelings because i really wanted to beat say i was on johnny carson but uh was on, I still got to stand on the gold star when it was all said and done.

And that was pretty cool. Yeah. And also it's, we're getting to the point where no one remembers who Johnny Carson is. Right. It's just like, you just wait or you stick around long enough. No one even remembers who Jay Leno is. Carrot tops. That's what I mean.

And the things that hurt your feelings are completely, and the people are totally irrelevant in terms of work stuff. True, except internally with you. Of course. So with me, it's always going to be that, but people are like, let it go. I'm like, well, I've let it go, but I think I will always have that embedded in me. That's why I bring it up in that a lot of your blocks that I have, I have these blocks written down here. I can, they're all kind of around the same thing. I guess what I'm curious about is what do you think,

how did it manifest itself? Like you said that not being on Carson hurt your feelings or we'll hold the grudge or we'll remember the, we'll nurse the wound, we'll stay loyal to the wound, all that stuff. Put it in our trauma trophy case. Yeah, even though you've done other things that might be bigger and bigger than live.

You've been in movies or in sitcoms. All right, welcome to the ICU. And things and theaters and specials. It's just as a comic, you wanted to do the Tonight Show. Yep, I get it. The first block you have is people who would not who would not book you in their venue were there people who would not book you what do you mean by that i mean that yeah and and it's a they wouldn't book me and then the strangest thing is they were all my

friends that were booked at this uh club in atlanta and it was a it was a huge club and it was the you know it was the a-list club from foxworthy to everybody and then i'd have friends like oh the amazing jonathan friends of mine everyone worked the club and so i you know and and i and i knew the owner and there was a big christmas party so i went to him and i said you know i would like to play the club you know and everyone in my all my friends are already playing and i'm already playing every club in in in that at the time a clubs and he just said uh yeah it's almost like the carson thing in a sense was that man just you know not our kind of our cup of tea and i was like well you i'm not following you're booking john you're booking me jonathan who's all these guys variety comedy magic yeah right and i'm, what's different than that?

And he just said, I just, you know, but he loved me. We'd sit here at the Christmas dinner and have a toast. It's so weird. And all the comics. And he just said, don't take it personally. And I'm like, well, I kind of did take it personally. What should I take it? How should I take it?

You know what I mean? Like that's my, whenever it says, well, people always say, don't take bad stuff personally, but the good stuff. Oh, right. That was all you. And it's like, all right, well, there's a huge inconsistency here, guys. And also they would have sold the show up. Yeah.

It just made no sense. And so, so then what did I do? You know, I said, I'll book, I'll book the other club. So I, I, I booked the other club in Atlanta. And of course, we did great. I was, again, at my peak of it. And I was doing all the radio in Atlanta. And I was promoting and da-da-da-da.

And then I think on the radio, I said something to the effect of, I think I might have said, I wanted to play whatever the club was called. But I'm playing play the, the, whatever the club was called. And then, but I'm playing here. And then that guy got wind of it. He says, why would you say that? And I said, well, you know, the truth of the matter is, as you know, you know, the truth. Then the other club's like, why would you say anything about that? This is not a people hurt people, hurting people like, well, you're doing right. And I was still doing, I was, you know,

I was headlining the other club and we were, it was great. It couldn't have been better, but I just personally was still mad that i couldn't play that so what happened was and this is one of those things that um i think was what is a great moment in anyone's career because i'm not a i'm not a kind of guy that's gonna revengeful kind of guy i just don't have it in me i'll give you a couple examples later on when we talk about i think the other the other one so your other vendettas yeah well the other block so i got i got i remember the the venue was in in downtown atlanta it's the fox theater now this is this is a big venue this holds like you know five to eight thousand people and other clubs at the time were 300 400 people so it was uh 8 000 people on a Wednesday in Atlanta. And I don't know, we booked it. I brought, I remember some of the band, Widespread Panic, this band that I've known

for years that live in Atlanta. They came, I had some other celebrity people come and instead of, you know, getting mad at, I just invited Ron, you know, the guy. Yep. I said, come check out the show. And it was one of those kind of feel good moments where, you know, he wouldn't book me in this club that held 300 people, but I was sold out on a Wednesday at the Fox Theater. It was kind of a cool thing. And of course he didn't come, but it was, you know, you invite him and you just, just, just to kind of let him say, you know, that was the way just you know i would have done it never it would have been fine it would have been never heals the wound though no no no i mean you're still like i just fucking needed you to just acknowledge that i'm great

or just something it would have been and i'm not saying again i wouldn't have like rubbing in his nose like a puppy but i i just thought you know i'll invite him and and just let it so he so he of course he knew about the the booking and knew about the gig but it was more of a personal again like oh man but yeah okay all right here's my question so a lot of these things are about personal rejection not feeling like you belong not feeling supported the thing i said to you when we sat down which i said before we started rolling was i'm on your side yeah right i like i've always been a fan legitimately and then we were talking about feeling support and i was like no one feels

supported i don't think anyone in showbiz thinks it's going all that well i think people think it's going like well for now right even tom cruise is worried about like why do i have to keep doing these sequels? You know what I mean? Like certain, like DiCaprio's had a pretty unblemished. I like how you said going good for now. Yes. DiCaprio's unblemished. He's never done a sequel.

Denzel's only done one sequel. You know what I mean? Like there's certain guys, no one thinks it's going especially well. You know, any peak is temporary. Right. Sure. So that's my first point. My second point is when you you got into comedy what did you

think it was going to be like and then how did it end up how what is interesting what what do you think it was going to be like and what because i in the in a similar boat where i thought i came from high school to work in the door at a club in new york so i was like yeah we're all gonna be high school friends right and slowly but surely i realized like oh we're adults going to be high school friends. Right. And slowly, but surely I realized like, Oh, we're adults. And this is millions of dollars are at stake. And there's, there's a lot of weird antagonisms and, and,

uh, not exactly friendship. So when I wonder about what, what was your experience? It's a great question, which I've never been asked. I think that's really cool. When you got into comedy,

to get into kind of what you think it would be like, and then wanted to turn out to be like what you thought weird so when i got into comedy i was just i was enthralled with just the idea of i love comedy i'm studied george carlin you know all these yeah comics and uh admired it thought that the process was fun the idea was fun but i was never you know not show business in family there's no i have no deal i still have no business being in it but i thank you i got that thanks for saying that's how we all feel i really don't i should not be involved in this but i i got into it very just randomly i was an open micer at my college that i i went up and i just told george carlin jokes and robin williams jokes and and it was great i mean i got big reactions and it was fun and then I

slowly got into doing the real clubs the actual comedy clubs and I started doing my own stuff and that's middling that's why opening still opening I was just coming up with like trying to open Mike still so that's when I got into prop so I stole this crime watch sign and I thought it was funny so I said walk on stage and say sorry I'm late I was in the neighborhood how good is their crime watch if they're not even watching their signs and it killed and so I thought it was funny. So I said, I'd walk on stage and say, sorry, I'm late. I was in the neighborhood. How good is their crime watch if they're not even watching their signs? And it killed. And so I thought, oh, the lady, the book that said, do you have more of that? Because it's really good.

It's really clever. It's really funny. It's visual and it's smart. And it's a little bit naughty because you stole it. And I said, well, I mean, I can go steal more signs. And she said, great. So I went and I stole more signs. Yeah.

And I took all these different signs so you as it sounds to me you've every every joke so far has been stolen yeah it was in that sense in that sense in that sense in that sense yes i've been beginning i stole from carl and then i started stealing signs from yeah so i started stealing all these and that was great because it was that was the the fun part about it too is that i was i had all these, and that was great because that was the fun part about it too, is that I had all these signs that people had seen in town that I had stolen, and I'm holding them up and talking about, you know, no train horn between certain hours. That's when we need the horn. And why is there, you know, slow children to play with no feet on their things? It was just very fun, and people loved it.

So that's how the prop started with that. Socially, how were you doing? Where was this? In Florida. In Florida, okay. And then I started to get a little, you know, whatever, but I thought what I thought your initial answer to question was what I thought comedy would be. I don't know. I thought it would just be again, a whole bunch of, you know, comics and camaraderie. And when I did the open mics,

everyone kind of helped each other in a sense and in a sense kind of were jealous, which is weird. Cause I never cared about anybody else's act. I used to always comment on their acts and a prop guy, if I would help them with their act, they would, they almost found it offensive. Like I have a tag for you. And they're like, this is the end of the world of caretops writing jokes. I'm like, I know how to write jokes. I don't just do props. I can write a joke. So even to this day, I'll, I'll, I'll'll see a guy walk up and I'll say, here's something you might want. And they'll say, oh, that's great. Or they'll say, stick to your prop.

But what happened with me was I started getting, I did the clubs and then all of a sudden I did this college circuit thing. And I got booked in all these colleges and which was, honestly, I probably owe that to the NA NACA, it's called. They still have their National Associated College Activities, but I did their thing, and I got thousands of bookings. And what happened was it went away from all these clubs and hanging out with comics and comrade to me being on the road by myself doing road shows for a year. I'd come back every once in a while but i just lost touch with all comedians i didn't know anyone anymore yeah because i was on the road by myself so i did this for some years then i started doing theaters and i'm out on my road again i'm not in clubs i'm not there's no camaraderie with and i'm on the road and then i

moved to charlotte because it was all this area where there was all these clubs. So people are like, why don't you live in LA? And it was when I did finally move to LA. And then I said, oh, this is back to the camaraderie of what I thought it would be with a bunch of comics. And you're in this fraternity of comics and you just kind of grow and back on the road again. So I never really had the friendships of, I mean, I do now with big-name comics but I didn't have a lot of growing with them with the comics in my like gosh you did it my way I did Larry the cable I went on to do theaters you know and you know

everyone that I started doing comedy you know became and the ones that I admired you know from the Jay Leno top so the Jerry Seinfeld's of the you know Bill Mars you know now I know dave chapelle dave chapelle used to do colleges i wouldn't say a lot of them we did a few but um you know so he kind of grew that way so then then that's when all the big names you know you have a gary shanling or bill maher saying you're great and then you're thinking oh oh cool this is nice i'm getting you know you're getting that respect that you want from the people that you really really think are funny yeah and admired and studied so it's kind of cool so did it feel lonely for a long time yeah because it feels like comedy's lonely anyhow i think i mean i mean not

in a sad way you know people always say okay you know it can can be sad but i'm saying like the loneliness part uh did you when you look back on it do you wish you'd not made different decisions but do you kind of feel like what do you how would you do it differently i i don't think you know looking back not in a way of like not that you i asked myself bad about it but, it's just a light question because it's a question that I would never probably be who I am today if I didn't do it that way. I did it. I mean, literally.

So I look back and I say, Oh, you know, if I had never gone and lived in Charlotte and lived in LA and did all the things that everybody did and went to, uh, you know, reads and went movie auditions every day and stayed out here and worked

improv in the laugh factory store. Um, what I, what i have turned out to be where i am today i don't know the answer to that so i don't really regret i think you'd be in the same exact place just different headband yeah maybe nice i don't but i always wondered that because i do i'm like wow you know i kind of was a grassroots mark i went on you know i just went out into the world instead of staying in la i was out in nebraska and iowa and selling out arenas and people like what the hell is this what is this fucking carrot up what is this yeah and they'd say oh i saw him on regis and kathy lee carrot top well answer the question from before which is it what did you have any idea of what it would be and then did it end up kind of not being that did you pick did you ever think about like i wonder what carlin's life is like sure because in a weird way yeah his life was

kind of similar in that he was on the road a lot and then from what i understand he would write a little bit in new york and la but yeah and i could have that dead wrong but but i'm wondering like you were not a victim of your own success but that'll it's i think a lot of times what happened it happens is guys have like their crew that they started with and then one of them makes it and then either the crew survives that or doesn't and a lot of times it doesn't and yeah some of the crew i was the first one to hit and in mind and then larry dan whitney larry the cable guy and i remember the conversations with him. It was yesterday. And he's like, dude, I just sold out like a 500-seat room in Omaha.

And I was like, dude, it's great. And he's like, now I'm doing like this thing for Get Her Done. Get Her Done. And it was great to see his joy and his excitement about this next step and level of fame and fame and money and, and comedy and, you know, fame and comedy fame.

And, uh, it was great to see the excitement in that, but I mean, I don't know. I, I, it's,

it's a fun journey every night, but I do, like you said, I, I think when I went into Vegas and I saw, you know, Bill Cosby and I was like, holy moly,

this is, I wonder what this is like i mean you can read the transcripts well right if you want to know what it was like now you just take a little bit just a little bit and just take a little bit not a lot uh the horrible cosby impression judd did a great version of that same bit of like him going to the post, like getting the subpoena and hiding from his wife with the Cosby.

I got up and I hid the paper. I guess what I'm curious about is the natural. It's a sad, horrible life is what you're talking about. No, but the natural sort of defensiveness that I don't know

if everyone feels, but I don't know too many people that feel like they're widely lauded widely supported even people that are always are focused on the person who's not supporting them or said something negative or gave them a look or probably in every business yeah not even just show business probably any business totally great so so what i'm saying is how do you think it manifested itself because from the outside in the thing that i noticed about you was like you started working out at a certain point but i always worked out you did yeah okay 12 13 14 showed it off you showed it or no maybe we got a little more into it but i always worked out yeah okay so that wasn't like a not really no i was just in vegas stuck with nothing to do

because i had a full-time residency. And I said, what do I do? Do drugs all day long or go to the gym? Did you try the drugs? I did the gym instead of the drugs. Yeah. I've never been a drug guy. I mean, I've tried them all.

I'm not, but. You have to. Yeah. But you're in show business. But, you know, when people say they've never, like Gene Simmons, I've never tried. Yeah. You had to have your genes. Nope.

Never, never, never, never. Yeah. But I tried them them all but i didn't enjoy them all so i never liked them i was like not my thing okay so what do you think this sort of even now nothing no no drugs no no vaping even i i have horrible lungs so i i just good yeah you're doing great um you're doing fine what do you think of i wish i could smoke everybody seems to seem to enjoy if i get terminally ill i'm gonna do it i'm gonna go back to it i quit yeah like a long time ago um what do you how do you think it manifested itself in your internal monologue and how do you think it manifests itself in like your life choices this sort of feeling rejected thing well it was only for a brief moment, really.

So it didn't really manifest. It's most of your blocks. Well, no, most of my blocks are from early on. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it really has taken, that's what I'm saying. Early on, it was kind of a weird thing. And I think that I, when I talk to young comics and I would say the same thing, you know,

the early day, you got to be strong and, you gotta be strong and you gotta be really, you gotta work really hard and you gotta stay focused on what it is that you want because you're gonna get, you know, especially hit or success, you're gonna get,

you're gonna get a lot of hate from it. Singers, whatever. A lot of it's just, anybody. A lot of it's just institutional. It's like, I hate whoever's making it.

Sure, sure. And that's, that's a fact of life. The old saying, they love success but hate successful people. Yeah. You know, and that was just – that was part – and it just was – it was just so much so quickly at a young age when I was doing so well that you just couldn't – it was hard to kind of break it down.

And you're like, I was on a tour bus many nights with my crew and we just, you know, sold out. It was a great show and you just – you couldn't have done any better and you're on a tour bus and all of a sudden one of the late night shows you know saturday night live doesn't rip on me and and we're all just like oh my god no it's funny but you're also like you know you just kind of have this like you know like god that it's still funny you're they're talking about you that's kind of that's okay yeah i'll say that like mixed well they're they just did a skit on you in saturday live dude you're like you're that means you're like yeah you're pop culture you're legit but you're like i know but i also why can they do it in a positive way yeah why can't they do it in a positive way yeah because then it's

not funny how did you how did it wouldn't be funny in a positive way right i mean that's what makes it funny i did a family guy it was all the whole thing with Family Guy was to make me look like an ass. And I kept saying, I don't want to do it. I don't like it. But then when they brought it to me, they're like, this is awesome. And everybody loves it. And I said, well, I don't love it. He says, well, everybody else does.

And who's everybody else? Like, people that wrote it, you know. Yeah. Do they like it? But people did. And finally I said, you know, let's do it and i did it and people to this day still walk up and say hey man seesaw it was a it was a stupid joke and i just god i hated it how'd you get to the trap door i found this saw with glasses on it oh that's my seesaw i said can we do any other joke that makes me look a little better like i'm not a moron and seth is like no this is what makes it funny yeah because i look no i'm with you because i

guess my question is how did you finally deal with it did you i just said you know what okay fine let's just i'll make fun of myself i'll make fun of my own brand i'll make fun of me being that but it hurt it hurt to a little bit because I wanted to be clever and funny. I didn't want it to be, you know. And what do you make of the, like the, I don't know if you have like a belief in God or spiritual anything, but like, this is your, that this was what you were, this is your destiny. What do you make of that it's like because i the thing i always noticed about you was like you seem so genuine i didn't think you were cynical or shitty

or you just seem like i think this is funny and it's yeah that's how i am right yeah i am you're going to jill and i'm fine but no i that is what i i am i'm i'm at my age believe it or not to be not that cynical it's pretty amazing i i still just go up there and have fun and uh and just yeah i don't really get to but you're right this is probably my destiny but but but like i said this to hasa minaj on here like would you spin the wheel what do you think the odds of beating it are you know what i mean the eight eight billion you can be eight billion people on earth would you ever risk spinning the wheel no yeah no yeah never i like being i know i honestly i like being me i Yeah. Not some days, but most days, you know, most days.

Sure. Everyone has a day. You're like, oh, man. What is the, what's your oh, man day? What's the, what kind of things make you like shit? Because you live in Vegas full time. Yeah. That's a good question, too.

You have great questions. I don't know if there's a, it's just a, you know, just a, there's a very famous. What makes you feel sorry for famous comp no i don't really feel sorry ever feel that way i just yeah famous comics get like a you know you just get in a like these might be in a which is weird because that's the number one question it'd be ask comics how do you how do you do it every night oh my god how do you how do you go up there and just be funny how do you take on how do you take and, well, or if you have a crowd that's just dumb as bricks and then you just become down

and it just eats at you like horribly. And those are the nights where you're like, man, I really, really hate this job right now. And you couldn't. But those moments only happen very, thank God. I usually always say that i said as long as it goes out and over the bad ones and then but what's funny about the bad ones are the ones and in your head they're bad and then when you get done they're all standing and going

crazy and people are are getting on the instagram that was the best show i've ever seen you do i know and you're like where the fuck are you every time where were you at like where were where we were possibly but then there's not like there was one just last week, and it was just, I don't know, just an odd night. And in my eyes, nothing was really working and clicking, and we weren't clicking as a group. And every ad lib that I would say, and just ad libbing and self-deprecating, was working so well that I thought it kind of saved the show. Because I was really like, they're really getting the fact that this is not going well. Great. But.

Did they then convert to a good audience? No. Yes. Yes. They do that sometimes. This one didn't, they just kept laughing more and more at this deep, horrible kind of,

it was a dark side of me. Yeah. And they, they, they, they, they loved it. And at the end I was like,

I want them over, but I came up and i was exhausted and i was like that was that turned at least in to be okay you have ones where you just you you really just you want to rethink getting how big is your staff at your show uh i have my crew but uh i have a local crew in my crew my crew's uh five and then the local crew's about six and then uh yeah in vegas yeah and do you do you have to worry about selling tickets or is it kind of self-generating always worry about selling tickets but i'm saying do you have to worry about like do you have to do stuff in vegas

no i don't do anything i mean no i used to right i don't don't know. No. So it's pretty, it runs itself. Yeah, in a sense. Like, I don't go around town and, like, God bless, I'm bringing up a new name. There's a very, very brilliant, funny comic that I love and admire who's there for a bit. And he used to go out to the airport and go on the streets and, like, do things in the afternoon to give tickets

or to hawk his thing and i'm like i will jump off the lux well if you jump off the luxor it's not gonna hurt you but if you jump off anything to do i just don't even come to me and ask me to do that i'm never doing that so that's pretty i've never done that even if i'm working a club when i was 19 years old hey go out go down on the no but like radio no i'm not doing that well radio you had to do that back in the day. But now do you have to do any? Oh, I still do some if I do road shows.

I do radio shows. Okay. I don't mind radio shows, but I'm not going to stand on the street. You know what I mean? I'm not going to get in the back of a pickup truck and drive down the street. Of course. But I'm wondering how much you have to do to, how many tickets is it per night? It's like, it's a nice size 400 seats room.

It's nice. Yeah. And that's, and you're doing it's a nice size 400 seats room. It's a nice, yeah. And that's, and you're doing it? The Coliseum's got, you know, 5,000. That's why you don't want that gig. You're doing five nights a week? Six. Six nights a week? Six nights a week.

So, yeah, so you got to sell about 100. But I do my best to help promote the show. I mean, I do a lot of, you know, we're here now, aren't we? Wearing my best headband. Thanks for bringing your props. Yeah, it's fine. Okay, so it seems like a pretty good life yeah great and you have a great house in vegas i feel like everyone in vegas has like custom everything and a pool table that i don't do all that i'm a very no no blingy guy

what do you have uh what you got a pool at your house i have a pool okay do you have how many seven how many car garage just one car one car great so you haven't i'm the most simple guys yeah someone said that they said you only you little yet like it was just someone just that day say you have one car i said i have one car you have one i said i have one car this you know my friend has like 30 cars. Literally 30 cars. Yeah. Russell Peters?

No. But 30 cars. I said, I do have seven houses. Oh, yeah. Bill Maher and I were talking. That's what it was. He said, yeah. I said, I have one car.

And he said, you know, how many houses do you have? I said, well, I have two. I have one in Florida, one here. He says, oh, I have seven. I said, well, of course you have seven. Bill Maher. He has seven houses? I don't know. They're all connected. I don't know. Oh, yeah, I have two. I have one in Florida, one here. He says, oh, I have seven. I said, well, of course you have seven. You're Bill Martin. He has seven houses? I don't know.

They're all connected. I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what he means. He's a popular guy. Yeah, I remember him. I have just enough. I don't need more.

Like you said, the big houses for the people that work there. Yeah, yes. Hey, everyone. One of our usual sponsors, and I'm happy about it because I stand by it. I guarantee the product is GameTime. Getting tickets is a pain. It's kind of scary. And with GameTime, you don't have to worry when you buy tickets.

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Somebody said they saw Green Day and Blink-182 at a concert recently, and Blink-182 won. Like, Blink-182 somehow won concert recently. And Blink-182 won. Like Blink-182 somehow won the night. Which would be hard. One time I was in New York. And I went and got some ice cream. This was 20 years ago. I went and got some ice cream.

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Travis Scott, of course, no comment. A lot of basketball happening. Glad to see it back. The in-season tournament. I'm interested in that. I don't really understand it. I think it's in Vegas. Maybe Neil goes on Game Time, gets tickets for the NBA and for U2.

Maybe. Maybe. Although I feel like maybe U2's not on here. Who knows? Burner Boy is coming to the BMO Stadium. I feel like that's going to be a very international crowd at Burner Boy. You're going to see a lot of dudes wearing mustard and red jeans you'll see that a lot at an international concert you'll see adult men in red red denim

kiss is coming uh there at the hollywood bowl goodbye kiss that's their farewell tour and uh goodbye spider-man into the spider-verse live in concert okay people really can we just have a movie or does it have to be like everything it's got to be like an animated series and a musical experience david sedaris is going to be at the Arlington Theater. David Sedaris, one of the great comedians, writing, writer, comedy people. Incredible. Jerry Seinfeld at the Forum.

Good, good, that's a good show. That's a great show, Jerry Seinfeld. Am I a little mad he's not on the podcast? We talked about it. So GameTime's got last minute tickets, flash deals, zone deals, easy to find and buy tickets for every kind of event in your area, views from all seats in the venue, lowest price guarantee, event cancellation protection, job loss protection. That's got to be pretty sad when you're like, I can't afford it no more. But they have it.

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Download GameTime right now. Last-minute tickets, lowest prices, guaranteed. People of Los Angeles, hi, it's me, Neil Brennan. I'm doing a show at the Fonda Theater, November 11th. Two shows, as a matter of fact. I said one, I said A, but I'm, you know, the truth is I'm doing two of them. Get tickets now, N-E-A-L-B-R-E-N-N-A-N.com,

neilbrennan.com, November 11th. It's a Saturday. I believe the shows are at 6 30 and 9 and i have to do shows at 6 30 because as ali wong said all of my fans are depressed and they have to get to sleep early neilbrennan.com okay so what are you you told me you're not married that's not married and you've never had a tough job being married in show business in general i find tell me why well i guess as a comic more than anything else i think actors they go on location and their wife can come to the location which is already horrible i don't want my wife or girlfriend

at my job um my whole my whole career we had a rule especially um maybe because i didn't have a wife but i'd say no wives and no girlfriends like ever at the road like no seriously at any road show on the bus no following the bus and they were like oh wow really i'm like yeah because we're working we're in a working environment so there's no there's no girls there's no wives there's no one no you're like the army yeah yeah the carrot top army you i mean honestly though when we're at work though it's a it's a whole it's a it's like the army yeah yeah the carrot top army you i mean honestly though when we're at work though it's a it's a whole it's a it's a work environment you know we're all focused we're traveling there's no time for could they be the hotel with your with your wife on the phone after

the show like they do but you'd give them an hour to fight with their wives go 10 to 11 maybe yeah their time yeah not not on carrots time not um uh would you that's a funny policy yeah now it's a great policy and a great one yeah because you know there's no there's no distractions i i know people that when they're hiring a staff will look for people that are not new parents or you know newly married or new like you want them to be committed to your thing i get that um and we didn't want girlfriends following the bus you know or wives following the bus so there's any kind of issue with some something happening horribly that they're yeah you know so just um and do and what was your what's your relationship history it's got zero here i am you you know i mean i have dated

and how did it go it didn't go so well. I mean, it's, you know. But then again, like I was saying, as a comic, I think comics are an interesting breed of people. Totally agree. Not only because of the traveling aspect of it too, but just, it's just, you know, it's just a different thing. It's like, you know how you feel when you have to give a toast at a wedding that that saturday you have a toast and you start if the toast is at six you start worrying about it at like the day before and then at 11 you start doing this and trying to find we're like that all every day all the time all the time and it's it's preoccupying yes and if you are involved you gotta understand i've been i've been

doing a joke about it where i'm like i'm just preoccupied so they'll be telling me right relationship stuff and i'll just be thinking of jokes and keith richard said it in the in his autobiography where he's like i was just thinking of riffs there were girls and coke and i was just thinking about a riff yeah yeah no that's exactly my, couldn't have said it better. And it's nothing personal. It's just, that's how our brains think. We're never, we're never listening or focusing ever. Or just thinking about the gig.

I wouldn't say ever. I want to give myself some. Well, not ever, but I mean, pretty much ever. Like the whole day and whatever. And the only time maybe after the show, after, after the show, like right after you're still thinking about what went right and what went wrong. Or ideas that can add. Two and a half maybe after the show, after, after the show, like right after you're still thinking about what went right and what went wrong or ideas that can add. Two and a half hours after the show, you'll start to be a human. Maybe be a human and say, no, what were you saying earlier?

You're kind of, you're's – and I don't know any comics that have ever been – I mean, a few that have been happily married forever, but they're usually – they have sitcoms now, and they don't travel, and they have families, and they still fight. We kind of have to hunt what we eat. Everybody does. I know of any comics that are even very, very successful comics that their whole act is about what they do. They're fighting with their wives. I mean, that's, you know. So in a sense, they can help. They can help you right.

Look, if you're coming, you got to pitch in. Well, Bill, we had a nice one because he and I are very, very similar in that regard. It's just about the single aspect of things. And I think we just were like, you know, he's 60'm 60 something yeah and he says people to this day find it odd that i am not married and i said i get the same shit i and it's not uh it's odd to me that you think it's odd like to me it's like everyone

doesn't everyone doesn't do the same normal thing yeah i remember when i was 30 this you now eventually you do realize you're gonna have to get married get the kid and get the house and the wife and the what do you mean eventually i have to do that well that's what you do what do you mean that's what you do who does so i know a lot of people that never did that i know a lot of people that never did that but if you are they're like oh well you wouldn't there's nothing wrong you wouldn't let well there's a lot wrong with you wouldn't They couldn't work for you if they did that. This is true.

You were discriminating against them. Yes. No, but I am with you that you're trying. It's like, look at. That's why I say it's really my pain that I was making them suffer. Because I didn't have a girlfriend, so you can't have one on the bus. Yeah, that's what happened. I'm sorry that it took you this long to realize it.

And many of them are speaking to lawyers as we record this. I love lawyers. Oh God, you don't love them? I love them. No, the idea that you, someone looks at you and goes, well, I'm sure he's normal about relationships. What gave you that idea

that this person would be normal about it? It's like just not the thing. Right. So the, but the expectation people just want you to do the thing. They want you to affirm their choices. Right. Exactly.

Like if they got married and had kids. Well, absolutely. All my friends did that to me. And then you, what's great is when you wait for my brother, I went to the air force Academy. I didn't go to the air force Academy,

but it was odd. But like, when are you going to go to the Air Force Academy. I didn't go to the Air Force Academy, but it was odd. Like, when are you going to go to the Air Force Academy? Yeah. I'm dumb as fuck. I'm not going to go to the Air Force Academy. Did you feel insecure about that at any point? No. So you seem like.

My dad worked at NASA and trained astronauts, and my brother was a F-16 fighter jet pilot, and I was happy with that. I just said, I'm going to gonna i'm gonna go and i'm gonna go in a sense i'm literally in a sense i'm going to do yes and i do it in the show and it gets it's the biggest probably the biggest laugh show is when you see the whole story told with with slides it is it's it's it's insane it's insane but that's exactly how it happened i'm sure other families have probably had that too but it couldn't have been further from where I grew up and further from no

show business and no, and that was funny, but you know, the fact that I might've be a comedian. So there's not a ton of like neuroses and I'm not, you don't seem to be like a very neurotic guy. You just sort of like, I like this and I'm going to not judge it or myself for liking it.

I'm going that way. And I'm not going to think about that way. Sure. Absolutely. That's a great way. Yeah. That's exactly. I didn't care about anything except I wanted to be.

Yeah. I wanted, and I was going to, I was going to pursue it whether I didn't end up doing it or not, but a lot of people end up in there and you're like, holy shit, I'm, I'm standing on that

gold star kind of a cool moment but yeah it's that moment that's the moment i think i still always remember it's just kind of like oh my god this is crazy the tonight show johnny carson yeah the gold star we stood and you're standing on you're like this is insane i'm yeah yeah it's like how the like, I must have done something. It doesn't feel special when you're doing it, but you're like, all right, well, all the people I've seen standing on this were pretty special. It felt pretty special right when I did it too.

I think I kind of looked at the tape. I remember looking down, I made some kind of reference, like, wow, this is pretty cool. But yeah, it's always been a good moment, all the moments. Right, but I'm saying you're lucky in that you're not neurotic you're not you're not right i go this way and then i go should i have gone that way and i'm that way i'm not neurotic in that regard yeah you're that's you're you're you're lucky in that regard ask my crew if i'm neurotic and i give you different answers well okay how are you how do you like being a boss sometimes i love it go on scott no i do sometimes i like it

i mean i try to do i try to run a good i've had people that say you know well one thing i think is pretty nice is that i've had the same people with me from day one right so i think i'm running it right so you know i give everybody except for that part about having their girlfriends and wives right it's a great job you can never yeah we just don't ever you can get laid just not at the show so everyone everyone does their thing you know they come into especially now we have a show at the luxor they come in you know they set it up we do it and they go home and it's a it's a normal life for everybody. But being a boss is interesting because you have to kind of run the ship. And if you get really cool, smart people that know how to already run the ship, you just kind of monitor it.

You don't have to say before you could say they already have it done, you know. But the show changes every night. New joke, new thing. How do you implement it? Do you have a rehearsal? Well, we don't have a lot of rehearsal time at all. In fact, that's the unfortunate part. I really want to see your show now.

And fortunate part, because if you have too much rehearsal time, you'll get that three in the afternoon, people will kill you. But we get there, we have only 30 minutes, maybe max, to kind of run through something. What time do you get there? Sound check. 6.30 shows open at doors at seven so i get the six and i do a sound check which is weird for a comic but does the edit get your ears open so

always do a sound check always always and then run through a couple things uh that i might want to try whether it's a video joke or a verbal joke or both or a music joke and then we do it and last night we had a brand new one and it was all fucked up because and and then that's the part about being a boss you got to be kind of so we rehearsed it and it's about the sphere and i said have you seen the sphere and this big sphere comes up behind me and the u2 song's playing it's it's a great everyone's it's great i said have you seen the sphere fuck and i make some jokes i always want to go to, people are going to ask me if I've been to the sphere. I haven't been.

I got to come to fucking this show. And then it went away. And I'm like, you got to keep it up there because the next two jokes have to do with the sphere. So then I went, I saw it go away. And then I'm like, look over at him, kind of like, and then I said, you know, the sphere, you know, it's got a billion lights. How do you compete with something that's a billion?

We tried to at the Luxor with one and it's, you know, the one light, billion lights. How do you compete with something that's a billion? We tried to at the Luxor with one, and it's, you know, the one light. But he already put it down, so it. Yeah, it joked it more. Yeah, so I just looked over, and it was like the third joke into the show. There's already a tone in my head that this is not going to go well.

It's hard. And I'm mad. Yeah. And there's a way to paint that picture where you're a petulant baby yeah for being like upset that yeah but at the same it's the thing i say it's like you're jumping out of the plane the chute has to open yes it's you're not a petulant baby if you're mad that the chute didn't open you're dying right you're gonna die So I'm on your side. Yeah. And I understand. I'm a big baby, by the way.

Go on. No, really. I'm a perfectionist to the nth degree, which is the worst thing you could possibly be. People used to always say that about David Letterman. I did his show a few times, but he was always very, very nice to me. Yeah. They said he was really, talking about he's not still here. Meticulous, yeah. He's still not here.

After his show, he was really, you know, talking about he's not still here. Meticulous, yeah. Like he's still not here. After the show, he was beyond just, you know, so meticulous. And every, after the show, it was, they spent more time

after the show reviewing the show than they did even prior to and taping. Yeah. And I remember one night I was on the show and it seemed great.

Crowd was great. Yeah. And they got done and they said, he's pissed. And I thought, that's weird. I'm like that. And I don't wish, I's pissed. And I thought that's weird. I'm like that.

And I don't wish, I wish I wasn't, but I, it's not that many times I walk off and I'm like, all right, that was great. We'll see you guys tomorrow. This is always like,

fuck. Yeah. Always like, God damn it. We do this every night. Why can't we get this right? But the show is kind of heavy duty. There's a lot of going on.

It's like videos and music jokes and standup jokes jokes and then a prop joke and then a thing. And so it's like tap dancing, as you know this. And if you don't get it just right, it's a disaster. And if it's – It's a disaster to you. To me. Yeah. But that's all that matters.

I mean, because, you know. Yeah, because you can only be you. That's the problem. But I mean, you want the crowd to enjoy it so but then you get done they're like they loved it and i said yeah but it was horrible no it wasn't horrible yeah it you're you're never letterman did this podcast and i asked him if and i think the the the staying late and watching is about as much about self-loathing and self-laceration as anything yeah and the show was great it It's like one time Chappelle goes,

Brennan, or he'd said in front of people, he's like, Brennan's a perfectionist. And I go, yeah. And sometimes the shit's perfect. So why are you,

why are you saying it? Like it's negative. Right. Right. Well, that's what I just said earlier. You're right. So I said,

it's a good thing and a bad thing to be a perfectionist, but when it is good and it's really good and it's tight, like you said, then what's wrong with that? It's like's like an ollie loop it's an ollie loop it's right it's usually why the show is better usually better than you the nights that aren't still is good because you're still so ahead of the game to make it perfect right and do are you a yeller no are you a sulker yes not a Yes. Not a yeller. I don't get, I never really, I just, I just, I just, I just, they just know before I, I just said that, I just look at them and they'll say, I know I fucked up, whatever.

And I said, yeah, well, I, I, I fuck up too all the time. So I don't, no, we never, no, not a yeller. No, no. We just go, ah, man. Yeah. And I sulk and then I write things down and then I don't know where I put them. Whenever I've hired people that were good, I would always hire people that would beat themselves up.

You can kind of smell it on people, like, oh, you're going to beat yourself up? I got this. I like these guys. I like those guys. I hire them, too. Yeah. You want them to be, right, a reflection of the whole thing.

You want them to have a standard. It can't just be like a job. They really do. This button, this button. I'm very very lucky i have a very good crew and again they've been day one so they they're they're so good and i didn't have to you know say anything they just come back and they say i hit that early and i said yeah you did okay you knew that already yep yeah that's that's about all you can ask for it's because they're gonna make people are gonna make mistakes you can ask for. It's because people are going to make mistakes. You can't yell at them. Yeah. Well, you can. You can, but then then.

Yeah. Also, it's useless. You feel bad. I feel worse for yelling than I did about the thing I'm yelling about. Yeah. I don't think. I think one time I yelled at my manager one day, Bex, and it was the weirdest thing because he yelled back at me.

I was like, the fuck? That's not how this works weirdest thing because he yelled back at me i was like the fuck that's not how this works you don't yell back at me i yell at you you know yeah so then it was weird it was like i don't yell anymore all right that didn't work i tried yelling that didn't work at all stupid it doesn't even work yeah um this is a good one. Love-hate relationship with mentors. Specifically, Gallagher. Oh, wow. Lovely job. This could go for days on this one.

Please. We'll edit it. If it's too long. Days and days and days. Who were your mentors? Well, I love George Carlin. I got to meet him, and he couldn't have been more gracious and nice to me in fact uh that was one of the very first comics that came up to me and and said you you're a funny i was at airport he said you're you were a funny fucker great and i remember

thinking wow george carlin said i was and then he went on to tell me my joke. So it wasn't like he was just saying, he knew the bit he liked. Yeah. He said, that bit that you do with the phone. And I said, oh. And he says, that's ingenious. So it was a paper cups and string joke phone. Yeah. Hey, what's going on with the string?

They had them forever for kids. And 90s or whenever the hell I started 80s something i started comedy i that was like one of my props i said you know they always have the paper cups and string phone they should have an updated version they never updated it for today's world so i'd have another cup that came up for call waiting and then three cups for conference calling and i had a clear cup for caller id and he said he said that fuck it how the hell do you i said oh you know i it's like me asking how you came up with the the shit you know the bit you know we got more shit over here and shit and he said he said but yeah but that's i said no it's

the same thing i just i don't know i just thought of it i said i'm looking at a paper cups phone i said we need to have a you know another call waiting call waiting and he said well that's great and i remember thinking that was the first legitimate you know comic a brilliant i don't know any comic that wouldn't have been excited to be complimented by george prior would have been prior excited cosby would have been excited any of these like right geniuses would have been i was shaking in my boots yeah i couldn't i told everybody i and you know forget like a jack nicholson or someone you meet later saying you're fine a comic george carlin yeah so he was definitely a a definite influence in richard prior cosby um okay what's the whole bunch the gallagher one well what are they who

were your mentor men my mentor means to me that means like connected and they give you advice. Well, Gallagher would be a big mentor. When did that, how did that start? The thing with the mentoring thing, and I do a whole bit in the show about it now, is it's kind of a double-sided mentorship thing. So when I first met him, I was 13 or 12, and I i wrote a joke for him i'm picturing you both at a rummage sale going yeah well you know this was actually a verbal joke and he was um i said i have a joke for you and he said uh what's the joke and i said there because he was standing by this door it said this door must remain now this is you know i'm 12 this is a long time ago so this

door must remain closed at all times he was standing by a stage door and i said they should why do they have a door they should not even have a door if the remain has to remain closed at all times and he said that's funny and that night he went up on and on stage and he did it and he says where's scott scott wrote that and i was like i was 12 years old what were you doing there my neighbor had was managing him and said, you want to go to a comedy show? In Florida? Yeah. And Gallagher's not very big at this point or he's pretty big?

He was pretty big, but he was playing like a surf expo, but it was like 3,000 people. But I don't think he was getting there. He already had specials on Showtime. And so he liked me and then the manager you know then 14 years old 15 that i i would did it get a laugh by the way oh yeah and then i started writing more and more things but then he started asking me about my you know i said i wrote a joke too i was thinking about doing that i'll do it for myself he says do it for yourself you're in comedy you're 12 i said well i was 15 now so i said i want to do

i want to do i want to do i think i want to be a comedian so i i started you know writing some my act so he asked me what my jokes were so i told him one then you know i would hang out with him more often and now suddenly i was on the road with the 12 year old joke works yeah then you tell him the fifth when you're 15 you tell him a joke i tell him a couple more did jokes. Did he take it? Yeah. And then I gave him. Did you give it to him or did he take it? No, he took that. Then the one I wanted to keep myself because I said, this is mine. He said, what did you give me your joke?

And I had two. I said, one was they say, it was a prop. I said, they say Visine gets the red out. And I would put it in my hair. Right. And he said, that's great. And I said, then I'd do it to my crotch. And he says, you got two jokes.

And I tell that joke in my story in my show tonight, because in the biggest laugh comes and he says, you got, you only need this one joke kid. And I said, well, I got the, you know, Visine gets a red out and he goes, that's, that's great. And I said, then I put it down here and he goes, you got two jokes. And it gets the biggest laugh because it's true. I had two jokes. And so then this is where it gets weird. So I'm, I started start doing comedy in college.

This is the late 80s, early 90s. 80s. Yep. And I go to Gallagher's show in Tampa, or not Tampa, Fort Lauderdale. And I go backstage. Now he's big. He's playing the Sunrise Musical Theater. Just say Florida.

We'll all fill it in. Florida. So I do the thing. He's backstage. Now this is when he's huge it's like five thousand six thousand seat theater and he's the real deal and he's backstage and he's and he's going he's how's the comedy thing going i said it's good i had a show last night he says what what are you what what are you doing i said i'm doing this under the visine one i said it's just a dumb one. Then I had the other one. So I said, you're a headliner at this point?

No, I'm just doing open mics and opening, not even maybe middling. And so then all of a sudden, years go by, and I was in LA, and I run into him somewhere. And then I said, hey, I'm doing comedy at these clubs. And I'm, you know, he's like, Oh, well. And then I'm on the tonight show. And I call the manager and I say, Hey, I'm on the tonight show tonight. And he's like, we're on what show tonight? I said, I'm on the tonight show tonight. Um,agher to to watch it and he's like like there everyone was like how the fuck did you get on the tonight show including myself seriously like everyone even the people that booked me like how the fuck did jay leno and jay was like

carrots how did this happen so i get and i killed it was it was the my first thing and i i come out i look like the wendy's girl or whatever freaking joke i did and gallagher of course i you know i killed i'm thinking i'm gonna get great news back from gallagher and he was you know not happy i guess because i kind of you know i wasn't doing his act i was just doing you know comedy i was doing my own thing but he was just like how the fuck did this kid become he was mad mad. And at one point he did say, yeah, I was a little fucking jealous, but it was like, well, you don't be jealous. I'm not doing your act, but I'm doing, I'm doing my own act, but I'm just doing comedy. He was mad that I even got into comedy.

So then, then it went on and on and on for years. And then he, he really didn't like me and he thought that I was doing his act. And so he got his brother gallagher too you probably know the story if you don't know i don't know the story i want to inform the audience so gallagher was a so his famous i have my own camera you have your own yeah please i want to get the fuck out of there um gallagher famous comic would smash watermelon we did a sketch they don't even know that part we did who knows what people know and then at a certain point your audience has to be savvy on this

and then he sold his act no he didn't retire yet no no i'll let you fill in this so he did not retire gallagher was still kicking ass and then there was a guy named his brother went on the road as Gallagher 2. 2, like T-O-O. Which is insane. Not 2-2, like 2. Also. Also. Yes. So, well, you know, it's important. As well as. No, it's important to note that because if the advertisement would say, you know, Dice

Clay and Gallagher 2, and they would think 2 and Gallagher as well. So people didn't know. So what happened. And his brother stole from him or no no did not steal he gave his act to his brother oh so he did give it to him he did he gave so he was doing it and he would let his brother yes because i was doing if i'm in seattle and gallagher the original gallagher's in in ohio they needed another gallagher to be over near to compete against the the character yeah wait a minute yeah so he i mean basically allegedly allegedly hired no no he allegedly no no he didn't allegedly hire he hired his brother i'm saying about me right and he gallagher too kept

having gigs near you no not all the time but a lot a lot and often enough we're like he's trying to he's trying to try to you know compete to put me out so he would he was and i brought that up to gallagher i brought the original gallagher and gallagher said well you know how that ended my brother i said i know but when it was happening he said you know he opened a gallagher franchise across the street from the local carrot top franchise no no that is what it kind of what it sounds like well but yeah but and not often i'm on it after the fact i did after it was all said done when he sued him once they were done and they had the guy couldn't do gallagher anyway now here's the interesting part so the brother the brother two gets a gig on New Year's Eve in Detroit at the Meadowbrook Music Fair or whatever it's called.

1,500 seats? Something. Gallagher, the real Gallagher, calls and tries to get booked in somewhere near Detroit. And it's just the Detroit Theater, one of those theaters. And they said, oh, we already have Gallagher. No, this is not a joke. Seriously, you want to laugh. You want to laugh. This is like the end of the Prestige where there's two Gallagher. No, this is not a joke. Seriously. You want to laugh?

This is like the end of the prestige where there's two Gallaghers. And that's where it got there. You can't make this up. So Gallagher, of course, loses his fucking mind and says, well, you know, book me and cancel the other Gallagher. And he said, we can't cancel the other Gallagher. We already have Gallagher. He's like, no, you're not listening to me. So anyway, that's when he lost his mind, told his brother to quit. And his brother says, no. So Gallagher said, well, I'm su listening to me I'm got so anyway that's when he lost his mind told his brother to quit and his brother says no so Gallagher said well I'm suing you so he took him to court and it all ended but it's the most bizarre story in the world yeah yeah and wait

till care top wait till care top two comes around next I mean and Gallagher three was the Gallagher three that's what's my joke used to be Gallagher 2 audience nothing that was my joke okay did you explain to him like hey man I didn't love that I wrote you a joke when I'm 12 do you not think hey this kid might have a future yes like do you say that to him yes so we for a long time not that long ago before he died he was he was we we finally made up and he and he came to me and this is i think one of those moments in my life that i will never forget he said he wanted to meet me in front of the bellagio and i said okay so i go to the bellagio to meet well in a safe place to meet you know and it's a fight breaks out between gallagher and keratop so i i show up at the valet and i'm waiting for

gallagher i'm a few minutes early i'm looking I'm looking and all of a sudden I see this guy walking up that looks like David Crosby now I literally said oh fuck that's Gallagher but he looks like David I mean just white hair now the white mustache so I said I'm waving like hey and this kid

in the valet I don't know it's just random kids like oh dude can I get a picture with you I said yeah I said Gallagher so I take a picture of the kid Gallag valet, I don't know, just random kids like, oh, dude, can I get a picture with you? I said, yeah. I said, Gallagher. So I take a picture of the kid. Gallagher walks up. I said, okay, wait, give me one more. There's one.

And then Gallagher says, what the fuck's that? I said, what's what? He says, what's that? And I said, what's what? What are you talking about? The kid with the camera. Did you hire that guy to fucking come take a picture of us? And it was so weird i was like

what what guy he is the the guy that we just took the picture with you i said i don't know who that guy is the guy was just a i don't know who he's a fan so let me get this straight you got you had me meet you here so you could have the newspaper come film us to make something out of this and i'm like gallagher look at me real quick. Gallagher, seriously, dude, what are you talking about? He says, the fucking guy with the camera. I said, let the guy with the camera go. I don't know who he is. He was a random kid that wanted a picture. Let's go have a cup of coffee now. And he's like, no, I'm not going, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you hired this guy to come take a picture of us and i'm like dude now this went on for 15 minutes i finally calmed it down enough to say i think you've lost your mind i don't know the kid okay i didn't hire anybody and why would i hire the newspaper to come pick a picture of us

yeah so he's like well whatever he's looking for a cigarette i don't i don't smoke i don't have anything i said can we go get a cup of coffee and he goes no i'm gonna have a cup of coffee i said okay well then i'm gonna go and he says but let me just set set the straight while you're here and i said okay set what straight you first you stole my fucking act and then you stole my manager i I said, I didn't take your act or your manager. No, no, no, no. And the fact that you took my act, I want to talk about this. And I said, I would love to talk about this. What part of your act did I take?

He said, this is great. He said, you took the stupid part. You didn't take the smart part. If you were going to steal from me, why would you not steal the smart part? Why would you not take the words? Why would you not take my standup? Why would you take the fucking lowest common denominator with all my stupid shit? I said, well, first of all, to set the record straight, it's my stupid shit that I came up with. It's not your stupid shit. And now that you said it, I should have stolen your words.

You are, because you were a brilliant standup. And he's like, I'm a great fucking standup. And I said, you are. You are probably one of the best standups I've ever, ever studied and watched. He said, then why'd you take the stupid shit? I said, I, first of all, I didn't take anything. He said, then why'd you take the stupid shit? I said, I, first of all, I didn't take anything. And he just, he was so mad and he, he just, I got to go.

And I said, and this is the, how it is the best ending to possibly get into this. I said, okay, Gallagher. You're still at the valet? Yes. I said, okay, Gallagher. Um, I'll see you. Uh, I'll see you again someday. And he turned around and he says, I've got this, make this up after he said, I stole Zach and I sold,

didn't take the smart shit. He says, I've got this, this foam, uh, big truck, steamroller, dump truck thing that roll steamroller do you want it and i said what he said it's a big foam steam what you you have you bring a guy on stage and you lay him lay him down and you roll him over with the the foam steamroller i said so now you're giving me this you know this is the thing ever. He's screaming, and I mean screaming at me. And then he stops and says, you want this foam roller fucking thing? And I said, no, it won't even fit on my stage. No, no, it folds up into this thing, and it'll kill.

You can have it. I said, okay, I never took it. I never even. So I just, I remember leaving, and I was even, so I just, I remember leaving and I was shaking and I called my friend, I said, how'd it go? I said, dude, I literally, he just screamed at me for an hour in front of people.

So a month or two go by, I'm still telling people about it, like, dude, still telling people, like, why'd you hire the guy at the camera and then one night my manager calls me he says where are you i said i'm just pulling in now i'll be up in five minutes he says your best friend's here i said my best friend i don't know what it means this is your buddy he's here i said who's gallagher i said gallagher's there he says yeah he's been here for about an hour he's like he's like yelling at everybody taking over the

whole theater and you just get up here quick he's driving a steamroller go ahead yeah right so i go up and he's just he's there and he's he's uh he just yelling at me again about everything he's like what is why what what why what are the trunks this here? Why are they set that way? I said, what are, what's that way? Is your trunks? I said, well, cause I, are you going to come to the show tonight? And he said, I don't, I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't think, I don't think I want to, I don't want to go. I said, all right, well, you're welcome to come. And he's like, uh, nah. So he yells at me about my trunks and then he leaves and i said to my guy he's like halfway through the show i glance over and he's on the side of

the stage just watching me just you know galler just standing there watching me suspenders no that was that was different he didn't he had suspenders at one point he did at one point i always think robin williams with the is better they both did yeah but uh you know he has roller skates and he was just yeah he screamed at robin about stealing them probably yelled at him i probably did san francisco wharf i bet he probably did yeah of course he had to and so anyway he'd done the show and he comes backstage and he tells me for again for an hour in front of my whole crew how everything needs to be changed the entire show everything needs to be changed every joke every the trunks need to be turned this way and don't you're giving i don't know why you do this and why you're doing that i said i i got it you know i got it

i mean i've got this i don't mean i don't mean i got your changes yeah i got it kind of but it was also a moment it's just like wow my mentor's watching me and and i'm giving me lessons and whatever so three nights in a row he shows up by the way where's how's he getting in is he coming in he just walks in the front door the luxor is i'm here yeah they don't they don't stop them right this way and the same shirt on for four days right and i show up for the fourth day and now you know i've known him for so long and he's been at the show four nights in a row and now he's yelled at me four nights in a row now it's time for me to kind of be a dick to him so i said are you honestly going to wear the same fucking shirt four days in a row like dude

i'll get you a shirt he's oh i don't even know what's wrong my shirt i said just can i get you another shirt so it seems like a different day i mean it's like look i'm you're yelling at me in the same fucking you're gonna have different memories because i don't know'm yelling. You're yelling at me in the same striped shirt. Cartoon outfit. Can I be yelled at in a plaid shirt? Is he wearing the vertical striped? Yes. He's wearing the Gallagher shirt.

Yes. I have a big. The French sailor shirt. Yes. That's all he wears. Fuck. You got to respect. No, you.

Well, yes, but no. So I said, I have to, in a better way to put a second, I need four different memories of that. I need, of you yelling me in plaid. I need you yelling me in a white t-shirt. Yep. Because it's all coming together as one big sailor shirt. So anyway, he says, give me a carrot top shirt I'll wear.

So I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. So I give him a carrot top shirt and it's unbelievable. He wears it and the whole crew's like, and it's kind of a weird moment. Like Gallagher's wearing a carrot top shirt and it's unbelievable he wears it and the whole crew's like and it's kind of a weird moment like gallagher's wearing a carrot top shirt so i said are you coming tomorrow night as well he said uh why i said i'm just curious because you know i'll be ready so i went home that night i thought if he does come back i have an idea and i thought it'd be funny and we have great and i have it on film i'll show you so i i called danny i says galley he's here again i said fuck perfect i i'm stopping off at vons

i'm getting a watermelon do we have a do we have like an old hammer at the at the warehouse my warehouse is right across the street from the luxor and he says well yeah we have like an old you made one years ago because it used to be a joke when I would, I would make a joke about hitting, it was like a Gallagher reference, but it was a foam. It didn't work. I said, no, I need a real, like it's got to hit a real melon. I said, wait, I don't know if we have anything like that. I said, well, I'm going to go to the warehouse and we just, we're going to rig something up. And so I get there and I've got the watermelon, we have a stool and I rigged this like kind of hammer up. And I said, uh, it didn't have to hit the Melonics. The joke was going to

be, I said, I have a great idea gallery. And he says, what is it? I said, at the end of the show, he's like, I'm not going to be here at the end. I said, why will you be here at the end of the show? And he's like, what do you want me i said i'm gonna come i'm gonna make this reference and then i'm gonna come back out at the end and i'm gonna put a stool down on a watermelon and i'm gonna go to hit it and you're gonna come out and you're gonna grab the hammer and you're gonna hit it and he said first it's just fucking stupid and why i don't get it i don't get the joke i said the crowd is going to go ape shit when you walk out on stage and they see a watermelon they're going to go

crazy especially that i set it up earlier because i used to do it 10 years ago i'd find some random woman in the front row and i'd say uh i said i hit the watermelon at the end in case you're wondering because she's waiting for i'm the different guy right because some lady one night said when are you gonna hit the watermelon i said different guy jesus think i'm gallic so i set it up that way i said i said it is i said by the way lady last night was sitting right where you are she's like when are you gonna hit the watermelon so i'm ready i said uh at the end and then people laugh and i said different guy guy. So that joke works like recently. No, no, it's all, no, this is about 10 years. It's all set up.

It's all set up for that. You're right. It worked 10 years ago just as a setup. Never did it. But now that Gallagher's a foot from me and I've got the whole thing, this is going to be brilliant. And I, so I said, do the setup. Then I come out at the end. I run off.

Does the setup work? Do the, you know, different guy works. People know what you're talking about. All right, great. And I run off and I come back out for this little thing at the end i run off the setup work do the different guy works people know what you're talking about all right great and i run off and i come back out for this little thing at the end that i normally do so when i run off i look over and he's there so i give him the like the look and he's like and i'm like wait so i i bring a stool out and i bring this big fucking watermelon out you went to the ones and bought yes i put the watermelon on top of the stool and i go to grab the hammer and right i go to grab the hammer gallagher runs out i thought he was going to take the hammer but instead he takes the watermelon and he shoves me as hard as you can

shove me he shoves me so hard he's so fucking mad he's just angry and he's shoving me and he's got the watermelon and i'm like oh and i must fall and i'm having this like hammer what's the crowd doing they're going crazy they're they're they're going nuts and then he like and i walk out i said fucking gallagher you know and they they went and at the end people were like what the was that really gal and it was great so at the end i said oh my god i go to give him a hug i said that was the most dude did, did you see that? It was great. I have a video to show you. And he's like, I still don't fucking get it. I said, it's just kill.

You just lived it. You just lived the moment. Did you hear the crowd? I still don't understand what's the purpose. What was it for though? I said, it's for us. It's not for anything. Oh, it's going to be like social.

I said, I'm not going to even put it on social media. I just want to do it for fun. We're having fun. This will be a moment you cannot you cannot and if you want to share it i can put it on thing people will think it's funny but if you don't want to put it on anything i won't share it with anybody and he's like it's well it's not funny even to share i said gala it's brilliant so he came back told me never to show it and and and yelled again. And then I think he took the Carrot Top shirt home with him. Still wearing a Carrot Top shirt. Did you?

Well, the thing I want to say that you didn't realize. I'll show you the videos. I can't wait to see it. That you didn't realize until now, Carrot Top, is that many of our peers are fucking out of their minds. Yeah, well, I know now. Yeah, now you know. Here's a question. Did he have any good ideas when he was yelling at you? No. Okay, so none of them was good. are fucking out of their minds yeah well i know now yeah now you know all right well here's the

question did he have any good ideas when he was yelling at you no okay so none of them i would have i would have loved it but he did trust me i love it i love when people tell me a good idea i love it i don't know if you like that or not but i love it i fucking because no one knows no not no one but very few people like and i feel like i try to help everybody um so it's a great way for me to please feel sorry for myself right yes um and what did you take from it just like ah people are weird and and life is uneven and and things are not circular sometimes you have a mentor and then he's jealous and then he's still jealous and then he dies pretty much yeah unfortunately yes because it was like that

moment we could have been a cool, that'd have been a cool, you know, but it was just crazy. It wasn't like he, I think he, you know, you know, there's some moments where I think he really, I mean, I definitely, he really admired me and liked me because he was like, he would want to help me or try to whatever. But, uh, it was sad that, yeah, yeah, he was just not nice to anybody. I remember my girlfriend had come in at the time, and she walked backstage the same night that went on. And he was just, he said, who are you?

And she said, what? Who are you? And she says, oh, I'm Scott's girlfriend. He says, you're not his girlfriend. You're the next fuck. And it was just in front of everybody and in front of like, you know. It's just, I don't need anyone else. Her girlfriend, you know, my crew, a couple of friends back there, my cousin. And it was just, it was like, it was funny if you're with a bunch of comics, maybe.

Listen, baby, you're not his girlfriend. You're just the next fuck. Because she doesn doesn't understand this she's not in the comedy world well it's not conmore she dates carrot tops not in the comedy but you know i mean it's like furthest thing from it if you're in the you know if you were with a bunch of comics in a club it would be hilarious yeah but it was just the setting and it was still harder feeling she'd pretend it didn't for an hour but it was not even that i was like you just go dude come on and then then he would argue the fact that you do know that though right and he just didn't leave it there like he doesn't just fuck you you do know that right yeah you've already made your joke yeah it's like that like a bitter guy

uncomfortable to really uncomfortable to kind of like okay you have to go yeah that's that's it so it's just sad you know so you know i would like carlin one was was more fun because you know fuck it you know he says uh i'll tell you my other carlin which i i find interesting it's a comic he was playing the same uh showroom i was playing in Vegas at the MGM Grand. I was there the night earlier because we had come in early to Vegas. We started the next night. So I was backstage on the side watching him from the side. And his manager said, no, no, just stand right here.

I'm like, no, I don't want to. I hate people when they're on the side of my, I don't want to. No one's allowed on the side of the stage. I don't care who they are. And the last thing you want to come off and you fucking say hi to some Yahoo, right? Me of all people.

So I'm standing. So he's getting close to his, when is he done? It's like a nightmare. Can you imagine being on stage, looking over and seeing fucking Carrot Top? It's a fucking night. It's a Saw movie.

He did great. So yeah. It's a Saw movie. So anyway, I stand there and he gets,'m like oh fuck he's done like he's all right yeah did his good night you ever come to vegas again you know never fucking see me good night walked off and i'm like oh shit i don't want to be that guy be in the way so i moved over he goes no no no go stand he he knows you're going to be here. He doesn't know I'm going to be here. He walks off and he's, this is Mike and he's,

ah, fuck. Ah, damn carrot top. I said, Hey George. He says, how,

how much of the show did you see? I said, um, uh, from, and I said a joke. Yeah. From about the,

uh, the airplane. The kid, he's like, ah, fuck. When do you, do you start tomorrow? I said, yeah.'s like, ah, fuck. When do you start tomorrow? I said, yeah.

He goes, shit, shit fucking week. Shit fucking crowd. I said, oh, I sounded great from where I was. They really did, but he was just really, really in a bad mood. He's just, that was a shitty fucking, he's looking down. He's like, fucking shit. When do you start? you start i said tomorrow how many shows do you do i said i do one one every night i said we do two on saturday and he just he's looking at the ground and i said i do two on saturday and he looks up and he says why do you do two on sat? And I made a joke. I said, because my manager has a car payment.

And he went like snickered. And then he went, no, why the fuck do you do two shows on a Saturday? I said, I don't know. That's how they do it. I said, we do one and then Saturday they want me to do two. So I said, what do you mean they want? I said, they want to do two, so I just do two. And I said, eh, I look at it like I fuck up

one. I get a shot at the second one. And he says to me, dead silence, his eyes look right at me. He says, let me tell you something. I said, what's that George? Get right in my face. He says, never ever give the audience the upper hand ever. Do never fucking say that again. And I said, I won't. He says, the audience gets the fucking chance. One time you do what you fucking do. You do your fucking cup joke and you do your fucking comedy and what you fucking do. If they fucking get it, they get it.

If they don't fuck them, they don't get a second chance. And he walked off and I looked at his manager and I said, I told you I shouldn't have been here. And his manager says, Oh no, he loves you. I said, well, that went well. And he said, no, seriously, just stay where you are. He's going to come back out. He's probably going to grab you to go back there and i said i don't think so he's really fucking mad i probably shouldn't have said that he says he loves you i second later he came around the corner he says hey and i went back and he had coffee and he was going through some notes and he really didn't talk much about comedy he just said uh how do you like how do you like how do you like how do you like uh out here they treat you good here at the hotel yeah yeah the crowds you you know the number's pretty good but then he just

he didn't ask because he didn't didn't he give the the crowd the upper hand by going like, shit crowd. That always feels like an upper hand thing. No, he said they were horrible. Yeah. Well, he said horrible week, horrible crowd. And I said, it sounded pretty good. So then I said, the two aces, never give them the upper hand. But he didn't. When he was out there, he said, next time you're in Vegas and you can can't get into blue man group don't fucking come to my

show he said something negative right at the end so he was already that's what i said yeah and he was that's what he was basically saying to me at the end but i'll never forget that and i mean dead point it was different when him yelling at me the gallagher and he wasn't yelling he was just making a point and he didn't have a sailor shirt on no he had a black sweater on gallagher bought them all out everyone couldn't you couldn't find a striped shirt i even said i got no okay the whole all of nevada was cleaned up um so you have that what i wanted the thing i talked to roy Wood about, we were talking about, you felt a little bit antagonized by other guys. But there's a story about your act burning down.

Oh, yeah. Birmingham. That feels like it's incredibly sweet. Can you tell me that story? No. Okay. Damn it. Great.

That would have been a great one. i was i was booked in the bahamas i was booked in the birmingham uh comic club this is an a club this is where everyone this is the club you wanted to play it was the biggest club in the south besides the one in atlanta that wouldn't put me going back to that um and so it was the birmingham comic club now this that this club did three shows on saturday so we did a friday remote at the club which they never do it was a remote like john boy and billy and the big team are coming in and the club and they had it set up on the stage and we came up and we did the radio show on the stage and we had breakfast for people that wanted to come audience members to come sit in the club

and they had breakfast for the club which they don't normally do it was an odd thing for them to do have the kitchen open on a friday so we did the radio broadcast show was done and we all is it god it's supposed to like a blizzard supposed to hit there it's already kind of snow but they said everyone you know stay by the phones we'll let you know we're going to do a show tonight it was like that bad that's all people talked about so we went back to the hotel and sure enough you know six o'clock comes and said look there's no show the roads are closed and it's birmingham yeah it's birmingham it's alabama it's not right there's no there's no right yeah right so there's no tractors and gallery and if

he had that foam tractor i could have used it only and so they called and said you know it's canceled tonight we're like wow this is i look outside. God, it's feeling bad, I guess. So we stayed at the Hyatt, wherever we were at, and TGI Friday's bar. And we got, you know, we just watched football. Whatever we did that night. It was Friday night. I woke up in the morning. There's a knock at my door.

And I'm like, I just, oh, I remember. It's like, I don't know where I was. I opened the door. And my road manager's staring at me with a shit look and i'm thinking why is he knocking on my door at 6 a.m this is not good something's wrong so i'm thinking shit somebody died that's all i could think of someone died so i went what he said the club burned down and i said the what he said the club burned down. And I said, the what? He said, the club burned down. I said, what club? I'm thinking like the TGI Fridays, we just had dinner at club burned down. He goes,

yeah. I said, the comedy club? He goes, yeah. I go, like how bad? He goes, gone. And I'm an idiot. I'm sitting there and I go, fuck Bruce. Bruce Ayuce airs you know it's the number i played the club somebody i mean i just oh my god bruce the club and my guys look at me like dude your act so you immediately i really had no clue and i thought oh fuck my acts in there i was thinking the club and the thing you immediately suspect gallagher no rip taylor at at the time. I said they found Rip Taylor's matches. That was my joke. That's my first joke I said. I said they found Rip Taylor's matches.

Fantastic. But yeah, so I didn't, it didn't, two and two didn't go together. I didn't think anything about my, I'm like, oh my God. And then I'm like literally losing my mind going i don't remember what i was in there like i had five big cases full of shit that i started in 1980 with you know stolen crime watch signs and bank tubes and and and i'm like oh my god so we charged just as soon as and you didn't have backup you'd never no no i started no, I started. No, I still don't. I started writing down and he started writing down as much as we could

remember that was in the, in there. And then I, then it dawned on me, fuck, I'm on the tonight show Monday in 40, 72 hours around the tonight show. So I call,

you know, my people, the beta care team. I call my people, the Beta Kera team. I call them and I say, hey, listen, I don't think I can do The Tonight Show. I mean, even if I get out, I can't probably, I don't have, you know, I don't have an act to do. And so we didn't leave for five days. So even if I wanted to do The Tonight Show, we didn't leave for five days so even if i wanted to do the tonight show we couldn't leave so then that night in the tonight show jake you know does the money campaign then we had to give a care time with both you know they show a picture of me but then the whole club burned down in birmingham it's kind of creepy making light of it and and i'm we're all sitting there at the

hyatt watching it going no like he has no idea like this is like i think jay actually went and did a thing for it after that did a whole show and made help pay for the some of the stuff but um yeah what happened was then i finally went back to charlotte where i was living and i all the comics in the south of course saw it and heard about on the tonight show they all came to charlotte and they all went like a scavenger hunt one day and everybody went and bought everything and helped me rebuild my act in my garage. It was a really beautiful moment of camaraderie with people. Right when you think all these comics hate you and behind your back,

you're like, no, I'll go find a bank tube and I'll go find a crime watch sign. I'll go get a rubber chicken and a tennis racket. And everybody went all day and we all came back and the next day and i and i rebuilt uh what i could to do it to do a show i think it was a college at the time but yeah and then i went back to the of course on the tonight show i came back with you know burning down the house and i had little smoke detectors in each lid you know we made fun of the fact did you when did you did you did the tonight show that i scheduled it was like a week no it was like two weeks later after okay so you did have i went back after finally done and jim was the one that was correct with what happened

yeah rip taylor's matches they found you know but it was um it was crazy and did you feel loved yeah yeah i felt really it was amazing that people came out of the woodwork people from other states comics that drove in from like dc and wanted to help out yeah what year is that uh 94 it's so goddamn cute yeah it was a blizzard of i want to say 94 yeah all right that's great all right final i did questions I did feel love it's great yeah that's amazing okay what is your what's the what would you say I think I know the answer and we may have discussed this but like what all of the any problems you have I mean you don't have a ton of neuroses but even the the what's the upside of your downsides? You know what I mean? Like you're a perfectionist,

like what's the upside? Well, I think the upside is focusing on the writing and focusing on the show. I'm a big believer in keeping the show fresh and too fresh, too current sometimes. But even if it doesn't work, the people say well you did it you already did a taylor swift taylor uh kelsey joke like the day of you know aaron rogers wow the day of you

and i've always been that way because i always just want to stay current and right i would think that's important um being a professionist but being focused and being oh i work a lot so that's an upside to all that downside is is all the same things you know i don't get enough rest i don't probably take it easy enough but again i don't not well at vacationing people say why don't you just go go take a month off somewhere i'm like what do you do for about a month a couple days and i'm like all right i'm ready to go do something else. Great. COVID was tough.

You know, I've never, I think everyone probably, I mean, except people that are really always lazy, did never want to work. They thought COVID was just another week, another year. Yeah. Some people really did like, you know, COVID really didn't affect me. I'm like, because you never did anything.

I know, I like doing stuff and I like not doing stuff. anything yeah but it's true that's that's how affected people differently i have friends that never did anything in their whole life i'm like yeah it really didn't affect me i'm like well no shit yeah but someone like me that was all you know never stopped i was just i was going crazy i couldn't i couldn't just i can't sit on a boat another day i can't did you get anxiety depression what what everything yes sure yeah anxiety definitely anxiety depression uh i I can't sit on a boat another day. I can't. Did you get anxiety, depression? Everything. Yes, sure. Yes. Anxiety, definitely anxiety, depression. I got a little bit of a, definitely anxiety.

Did you exercise? I thought I was having a heart attack a few times. I was just, I just, I was just freaking out about it. Did you work out more? Well, there wasn't gyms open, so I'd run in the streets, you know, with signs. Help me. No masks. Yeah. Vouch vouchy ouchy uh and i did run a lot and we did like cook out a lot i'm lucky i live in florida on a boat so i had a boat i i i tell people all the time back especially that then if i didn't have my my my uh my boat i would not have made it because i every night i would just go float and

watch the sun go down and listen to music and you know it was a very calming sounds great well i mean you know i mean because people that were considering and stuck in tall buildings in new york yeah i was i came i would just remember thinking i honestly don't even know what i would have done so you have a house on the water with a boat yeah that's about as good as it can be that's what i'm saying yes i said i'm saying that's the best thing yeah it's like a vacation for most people yeah it is it's a vacation it's torture for you yeah what's your personal goal for yourself it like an emotional like what's the what's your what are you what are you aiming at what are you trying to get to that you might be able to get to maybe?

I don't know. I'm just trying to get off the 405 usually. You know, where I'm trying to get to. You know, here you can't get anywhere. I'm trying, you know, I don't know because people, that's a great question too. You've had very good questions. Three. Three by my count that we know of.

Three or four, maybe four. Yeah, maybe four. Up into five, lower five. But it's a good one because i don't know if a lot of people if they if they do have a search for something like i want to be in movies or i want to do a sitcom i want to have a you know like a seinfeld thing i want to have a thing or an hbo thing or that yeah i've always been like i'll just find out tomorrow what i'm doing because i might you know i might be in a movie tomorrow, but I don't know, you know,

but I don't plan on it. But, but if it happens great. But I, I think my only real goal is just to keep doing it and keep, um, having fun at doing it. I think that's the only thing stay. It sounds cliche, but stay healthy. Could you get older, you're like, you know, I'm going to stay healthy and keep writing and creating and doing it. And then when it's all said and done, then it's done. But you seem to be pretty emotionally like. Yeah, I don't think there's anything else I want to do. Yeah, so people always, that's something too. You've also done a ton of shit.

Every day they say, when are you going to retire? I'm like, well, why are you already? That's the one that bothers me is people always, that's something too. And they say, every day they say, when are you going to retire? I'm like, why do you, well, why are you already, that's the one that bothers me is people say, yeah, yeah. When, how long are you going to do this? Like, should I not anymore? Like, it always makes me wonder why they're asking me that. Like, are they thinking it's probably time? Yeah.

You know what I mean? No, I know. Are they already thinking like you're, you're going to retire soon. Like, right. Like, no, I'm still young. Are you? I'm like yeah because all my all my all people that i have admired and and and and grew up watching they did until they died yeah and people say well that's sad i'm like well is it i mean

they should have sat in a room right i mean they should have sat alone in a room and died instead of selling out a theater. I mean, like Don Rickles. God bless Don Rickles. My manager, by the way, 30-some years is here somewhere. I was at a restaurant with him here in LA. You can't make up. You go back to Florida and say, I'm at a restaurant last night.

And it was like Florence Henderson and Nikki Sixx and Don Rickles. And we're in the same restaurant. Chip right yeah it's it's LA and you forget that right you're like oh that's Jack and Nikki oh yeah we're in LA yeah so my manager says to me Don Rickles is over at that table next you should say hello I said like I was in a movie with him so I said I said god damn it is done this is not that long ago and I said god damn was in a movie with him. So I said, I said, God damn it is done. This is not that long ago. And I said, God damn done. He said, I said, well, you, you're his agent too, right? I said, he says, yeah.

I said, well, you go say hi. Don't make me do it. You're fucking, you, you don't want to saw him. You go do it. Cause it's like, it was like 12 people at his table. No, no, you, he's not going to know me. He'll know you. You were in a movie.

I said, I know he'll. All right. You should do it. So I get up up i walk over now literally there's 12 people i'm already neurotic i'm gonna go in and interrupt don rickles fam whoever's sitting with him and i said hi everybody i said don i don't want to bother you just want to say hi and he turns around the typical don rickles you know and he says i said i said don it's carrot top i don't want to bother you just want to, and he says, I said, Don, it's Carrot Top.

I don't want to bother you. I just want to say hi. He says, Carrot Top? Really? Do you have to tell me that you're Carrot Top? Like we didn't see you coming from, like he just started ripping on me. I said, oh, I know. I just, I don't want to bother you.

He says, well, that's too late. Right? He's just, he's doing his shtick. So, and he's, this is like a month before he died. He says, well, that's too late, huh? And I said, yeah, thank you. And everyone's laughing. I said, I'm going to let you died. He says, well, that's too late, huh? And I said, yeah, thank you. And everyone's laughing. I said, I'm going to let you go.

He said, oh, are you? I said, I just wanted to know if you remember being in that movie with me. And he says, I've tried to forget everything you and I have ever done, ever. Great. And he grabbed my cheek and he said, how you kid i said i'm great and he says uh my name's still big and my my name's still alive in vegas i said absolutely yes sir it always is all right good get out of here and then he and he says scared out there this is my and he did the whole is johnny johnny johnny johnny johnny his joke is bimbo and bingy and bonging him yeah yeah and uh i couldn't it was

just the most brilliant like moment i'm thinking here's rickles at 90 years old at dinner and he's still doing his shtick and fucking on point you know i mean and crushing yeah crushing so to answer that question yeah like you know when he got you he's gonna do it to you yeah because what are you gonna do just i have nothing else to do. And everyone I know that did it until they were still doing it. When I think about that, I'm like, God, I'm 58 and I look at my probably a few more years and they say, well, you know, Leno's 75. I'm like, fuck. You know, you can't. Carlin was 80.

You can't quit. You can't be that guy that guy you got to keep going there's no point there's what and do what right and do exactly think you're having a hard time yes people's weight at the fair it's all i'm good at ladies gentlemen ah the one and homely oh is this the beginning of the intro i don't know what is this the intro of the ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Carrot Top. Carrot Top.