Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - David Cross

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews David Cross (Mr. Show, Arrested Development, Senses Working Overtime Podcast & much more) about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. **FYI: We understand there are audio issues starting around 48 min. We tried but couldn't repair them.** --------------------------------------------------------- Watch David Cross' new special - 'Worst Daddy in the World': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnw65BBrlY4 Senses Working Overtime Podcast: https://officialdavidcross.com/pages/senses-working-overtime-with-david-cross 🎙️ Have a Question about your Blocks for Neal? 🎙️ Email “[e-mail]” to have your question answered on a future episode.  ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro / Mr. Show 3:49 Life / Upbringing 7:08 Rich Kid 20:04 Bob Odenkirk Partnership 26:59 Sponsor: BetterHelp 28:43 Anxiety + Drugs 45:55 The Illusion of Happiness  51:05 Guilt & Appreciation 52:46 Anger & Dissatisfaction w/ Creative Output ---------------------------------------------------------- THIS SHOW IS SPONSORED BY BETTERHELP: https://www.BetterHelp.com/neal for 10% off your first month FOLLOW & RATE Blocks: » Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blocks-w-neal-brennan/id1658660161 » Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6gx3bANm25DtKA3cnlBH1r https://nealbrennan.com for tickets Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81728557 Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Neal's Instagram: https://instagram.com/nealbrennan Neal's Twitter: https://twitter.com/nealbrennan Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hey everyone it's neil brennan it's a box podcast my guest today is a guy who i used to go to tapings of his tv show is that true that's totally true i never knew that yep i used to go to tapings of mr show with bob and david excuse me sorry oh hey everybody uh i'm david cross hey everybody i'm david cross i know no no wait you'd come with us to the taping i would i would have remembered no i wouldn't car brother no no no i would go sit in the audience 1994 yeah yep first one see all right see i told you and uh then he was on uh he was on uh it was mr show that was like five years and then he then he was on he was on Mr. Show that was like five years and then he did he was on Arrested Development

I'm afraid I just blew myself and the whole time he's been a great comedian and his name is David Cross and he has a podcast that I don't write the name down and he has a new comedy special called worst daddy in the world that's on youtube and he's got a few on netflix and you know hbo yeah they're

fucking come on grow up to the winds yes i used to go to tapings and i didn't go to like a ton of them but i went to a few of them it was the i to explain to someone what like alternative comedy was at the beginning now seems I mean it was 27 years ago or whatever 30 years ago I mean that label came out a little later

I think it was somebody from the LA Weekly did a article I'm young what is the LA Weekly are you serious? I know what the LA Weekly is what is the la weekly again that's one of those things are you serious no i know the la weekly but you know what i mean like what is it mister a cd uh all right yeah air what tap water it was uh well new york tap water is great fantastic it i mean there is no alternative anymore it's all pretty much that but yeah back back in the early early early days 80s i guess i put the put the whole thing on janine garofalo

the professional darted what we now consider alternative comedy somebody else gave her squarely gave her credit as well oh she i think she was it she i mean bob did bob in his book yeah i think she pretty much you know i was with her in the in boston and there was just nobody was just doing that at all no going up you would have a notebook notebook scraps paper not nice clothes not presentational at all and not doing not doing like you know set up punchline tag type stuff. I heard about you, I think, well, I heard about you from, well, this maybe was later. I was kind of roommates.

Sam Seder had an apartment in New York, or an apartment in LA that I stayed in, and then John Benjamin would come out and stay there. Oh, yeah. Well, John was in, John and Sam were in my sketch group in Boston, yeah. So did I know you back when? Not really, no.

When did I meet you and your brother too yeah probably in the 90s yeah late 90s and then i was me and chappelle wrote half-baked in 97 and then i started you were in new york i was but then i moved down quietly quietly under cover of night yeah i didn't tell people a totally obscure person's moving it's like when people make a big production of like hey guys i'm getting off social media for three months it's really toxic and you're like who the fuck are you when you're you're telling your it's you're gonna realize seven followers yeah no you're gonna know and um this is not performative anyway that's why i told you um i'm interested i like you sent good

blocks in which i'm happy about are you happy with your life because i i've always looked at you i look at you with the same sort of category as like you and marin and and people that are had uh i'm gonna put it in quotes integrity artistic and investments integrity and there was an anger to how you did shit right and i always felt like because i would go to tapings and i was like very i watched the i watched mr show i i think i've seen every episode several times read name we spoke about it like a huge fan you know i would do things and i wouldn't consciously think i bet cross would think i'm a fucking sellout for this or whatever but there was always this this um not i don't want to say superiority because you were so it didn't feel like you were winning but it felt like you there was like a way to do things there was a right way and a wrong way. Sure. And do you feel like that, looking back on that,

was I right about that? And do you still feel that way? There's a lot to cover in that. I don't, I wouldn't say right versus wrong. I'd say it's, first of all, it's, you know, integrity is subjective. You know, for some people, I'm a sellout. For some people, I'm not.

And I. That was like, that's also a real 80s 90s term of like yes yeah sellout and integrity and all that shit and i've talked about this before because i don't think it exists anymore i don't people don't even know what you're talking about like sellout they're like what are you talking about did you get a super bowl ad or not sellout as an ad that's not on the super bowl i think to me at this point i'm gonna jump ahead yeah at this point i think it's about are you taking on everything like when i see to me the thing that's uh there's not a lot of distaste for stuff left if i know you're blatantly lying, then that's, you know, I find that unethical

and, you know, there's no integrity. If you are hawking something that you know is bad or the company behind it is bad, that is also lack of integrity. But for me, it's like,

like if you're doing uh capital one bank card ads and you're doing amex ads and you're doing smart water ads and i mean that's just like kind of and i do i do feel now in which i didn't when i was younger um yeah fucking get the money take the money yeah like when i i remember um hearing modest mouse on a some car ad this is 10 years ago maybe and and thinking good i mean yeah isaac brock is a genius and he works his ass off and he's uh he's brilliant and you know outside you know the records aren't making them a ton of money. So, yeah, make some money.

Enjoy life. You have a kid? Two kids? I have a kid, yeah. Yeah, which that changes shit, I would assume as well. In terms of like, okay, now I absolutely need money and I'm a lot less rigid. I'll tell you what, this may be surprising, but that's not the case. I talk about this in my special. I think, I mean, I have a rich kid, certainly rich by my standards growing up. It

bothers me, you know? And she's great, and she's smart, and she's all the things a parent would say about their kid, but she's spoiled, and that bothers me and i you know i really try to infuse everything that that is good about our lives with you know and we also live in brooklyn so we're around the corner from a treatment center so i mean you're gonna see messed up people she sees it on her way to school yeah from school you know you and you did that intentionally yeah yeah. Well, what I did was I got a bunch of people addicted. They didn't know. It's easy to do. And so they now go to the treatment center.

And it's, you know. And you'll stay to fentanyl overdose in the morning. I'm totally 100% fentanyl free. That's part of my services. That's the David Cross promise. If I get you high, will not there'll be no not even a trace of fentanyl yeah but you will stay high for a good decade and your life until your daughter learns yeah and uh and i have to say don't drink don't do drugs look look at that

guy shitting himself and you really play it up a little bit hobble right well they don't have to i get them good stuff um so you have a rich daughter and that you've resented a little bit yeah i'm at the point where i've saved up a lot of money i don't if i had not married my wife i would have so much more money is that true oh yeah i mean i don't marry an actress amber. Very successful, popular actress and great actress. Yeah, and, you know, she's amazing. She's, you know, we were raised wildly differently. I mean, she had, she was the only child.

She's been working since she was 11. And she had to, like, support her family growing up, right? I... Kind of? I mean, sort of. Yeah. I mean, her dad is, you know, a a legend but they weren't getting a whole lot of residuals back in his day and and so yeah she she was a uh breadwinner for sure but she also just

gets money and spends it and doesn't really think like uh she doesn't know what a upi is you know uh and she did when when you go shopping there's no like i'm always looking at the upi universal price index, tells you how much. Is it on the thing? I don't really know what UPI is. Yeah, yeah, it's to the left. It's the most important number. So you'll see some olive oil, right? And it's $18.50. And you're like, Jesus Christ, that's a lot of money for olive oil. And then you'll see another one that's, you know, $9.20. And you go, I'm going to get the $9.20. nine dollars and twenty cents and you go i'm gonna get the nine dollar and twenty cent but because of the packaging and all that stuff the upi is the number uh for how much you're paying per whatever ounce or whatever the increment is you know and that's on the thing

it's to the left of your price number thank you yeah it's this trust me you will you will learn you'll go and get a box of cereal, right? Well, I'm going to get the cheaper one. This one's $7 and that one's $11. Well, you're getting a lot more product for your $11 than you are for the $7. And they do it by ounce. They do it by like – Yeah.

It'll be right there, whether it's liquid or – Correct. Yeah, UPI. Look at the UPI. Fantastic. Especially things like butter, you're like well this butter is cheaper they're like no not really not when you add it up um anyway she doesn't pay attention as to i don't either but like here's here's an example and listen i'm not bitching i

love my wife this is we're just very different people i i was one of three kids my dad left us in mountain of debt and my mom struggled uh and we were latchkey kids obviously had a work and we'd come home from school and we she wouldn't be home you know i'd have to take them my sisters and we had no money so there was you had to make choices and do you want uh do you want shoes or do you want this you know know, and, and you learned about that. And you also learn not to waste a thing. You don't throw food away and you don't buy more than you need.

Right. You buy what you need. And, um, just those little things from growing up poor that are, uh, um, and listen, you know, there's another thing like, uh don't want uh you know uh salmon mush uh out of a can with uh powdered milk that's what we got if you're hungry you eat that that's it yeah and you eat because you're hungry so uh but there's none of that in our house. There's like... And you believe that's constructive as a lifestyle? Do you think it makes better people to grow up in some level of poverty or tension around money? Not necessarily better, but certainly more equipped to deal with adversity

more equipped to deal with adversity and literally anything that might come your way that is an inconvenience i can sleep on a cement floor i'll be okay my range of what i can be not necessarily comfortable with but uh uh when it comes to temperature like i can deal with 100 degrees and i can deal with it when it's 12 degrees see i just i don't bitch i'm with you because i didn't grow up i grew up whatever and and uh there are times when i think i'm better equipped for life right and then there are other times where i think if the shit went down or whatever if there's some sort of giant shift in how people live i kind of believe that rich kids you're done whatever would figure it out in about two days they would just adjust to whatever now if you're saying that what makes you say that because they would have to because people are well everybody has to right but i'm saying we're pro we're pre we're the human body wants to stay alive right and you'll just adjust your standards

too but but i will say you may be right if things remain calm that it'll be harder to study it'll be harder to do difficult things i don't know i don't necessarily agree with that i don't i don't understand why a person who is uh been privileged would have an easier time if uh oh i don't think it'd be easier oh i think it wouldn't be i think they would they would just yeah attitude yeah three days they'd stop talking about like you said he was rich and he should they would just yeah attitude yeah three days they'd stop talking about like it used to he was rich and he should they would just be like fuck it you just like in like a mill there's a there's a plot in platoon like the guy who's very like the sort of upbeat sergeant at the beginning and by the end he's like i don't give a fuck yeah like he's just very he's like turned completely. So I am with you in terms of like maybe people that grow up privileged are soft. But I also think like if they had to be hard, they would get there.

But I'm with you. Well, let me add a little wrinkle to it. I think privileged and insulated is not good. So privileged and, you know and you have a horse farm and then you go to boarding school and all that, that's probably not good. But privileged and living in New York where you see everything, that's a little different.

I think that I could see your point of view there. I think it's the insulation. And look, this kid is surrounded by love what do you think of that relative to assuming you weren't surrounded by yeah my mom's side of the family my grandmother was ice cold weird odd lady just cold yeah um and i used to say just as for my own amusement i'd end a phone conversation with uh all right i love you grammy and then she would say righto she wouldn't say it was weird and we and my sister and i was so great and uh born in 1920 yeah 20 something right and uh both my grandfathers died before i was born uh and then i had one

grandma who was very warm um but she died of cancer when i was five or six and then my mom's side of the family was just so it was my grandmom uh my mom and her brother who went insane when he was 18 uh and was you know committed and and kind of nuts. Kind of. He was. And so very small. And then my dad's side of the family, which was very boisterous and loud, and there were five kids, five or six, one, two, five kids, and tons of cousins. They over from england and uh my dad was you know on

the boat and uh and lived in the bronx and long island scattered around but you know big like it was really fun kind of and and uh very european in that sense. But then, you know, we moved every year. We moved somewhere else. And then we moved to Georgia, back to Georgia where I was born when I was nine. And then my dad split. And we barely saw him. And we just, the rest of the family just didn't have anything to do with this i know they came down from my bar mitzvah a bunch of people did that was really it like all the people

like they just my dad wasn't involved they just checked out and so my daughter has none of that i mean she's just surrounded our in-laws uh or my in-laws and my family we're always up we're uh her fucking uh spring break uh is coming up in a in a couple weeks and we wanted to take her to northern california go see the redwoods and uh and you know my wife has family there and she has multiple reasons to go we'd go go to San Francisco. Napa. Go to some Napa. Yeah, do wine tasting. She's got a very sophisticated palate.

But we make her spit it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we had this. And it was Amber's idea. Go up, see the Redwoods. Yeah, it'd be cool. She'll love that. And we could not get her. She was like, she was sort of into it.

But she goes, she wants to go to Atlanta and hang out hang out with my sister sister-in-law my mom like we're we go to atlanta like three times a year you want to go for for spring break you don't want to go do this thing like no i want to see aunt wendy okay all right when you say that she's surrounded by love my the because you grew up not surrounded by it i grew up not surrounded by it in certain ways my thought is like again growing up hard does make you pretty interesting yeah as a person and then you wonder does does growing up surrounded by love make you i'm not gonna say your daughter's boring look i don't know her but you know what i mean like does it if she's not gonna she might not be an artist dave is that what do you think uh i'm quite happy with that yeah that's fine um she wants to be a veterinarian uh because she

learned or she was under the impression that uh when you put a dog down you shoot it and she wants to be a veterinarian so i go with that you know i you shoot it. And she wants to be a veterinarian. So I go with that. You know, connecting those thoughts. I think she wants to shoot dogs. But I'm fine if she doesn't. And look, I have the if you were going to start from scratch and like, I want to build a comedian. I have all the ingredients. So it's not a it's not a surprise.

Yeah, it's funny because when you threw in Bar Mitzvah, I was like, and you're Jewish? You have fucking everything. I have everything. Total package. It was weird. Yeah, I had a weird... And the South and England and abandonment and right-o.

Yeah. Yeah, so I'm... Okay, we'll talk more about it. I would like to say say i want to know a little bit of your background if that's okay please give me uh give me one of 10 kids yeah youngest of 10 irish yeah irish catholic and uh yeah just like uh alcohol i'm the youngest alcoholic dad violent and uh mom who did her best and you know well that's also a recipe for a comedian i know yeah yeah my brother two comedians in one family it's not good not good parent um

something went wrong yeah uh yeah something everybody did their best but not they weren't that good not a lot of natural talent um you got to talk to Odenkirk about his... I want to talk to Odenkirk. Yeah, because I read his book, too. He's got a... Oh, yeah. Well, it's in the book. He doesn't even really go into it.

I feel like he didn't really... He didn't really. Yeah. It's tough for him. I mean, it's a tough thing. But yeah, his mom and dad were... I mean, his dad died of alcoholism and his mom was, you know. Barely scratches that in the book.

Yeah, but his mom was like over the top Catholic. Yeah, that's in the book, yeah. In a very extreme way. Yeah. And, you know, and he's got also a large family um but yeah you should talk to him yeah i was i wish i mean and i say this as somebody who also i wish he was having more fun he's having fun he is he i remember uh like i had been hearing about nobody his action movie for seven or eight years he had been trying to get that thing yet he had the idea

shot a little bit of it himself right like he did like a sizzle kind of thing uh i remember seeing him and he had just come back from shooting he was probably doing the stunt probably showing the stunt right yeah stuff he had been trying to get a project like that going for a long long time and then everything kind of eventually after years fell into place and he went and did i and he talked about a lot i mean you know we talk all the time obviously and uh um and it was a big thing for him and then i went and watched the movie and it's not my kind of thing you know but uh i could see obviously i knew the backstory but i could see how much fun he was having okay good he had he had so much fun shooting it and getting it going and hanging out with those guys you know yeah and uh i could tell i could tell

you know what's interesting about you because you were partners but you weren't like dependent on each other. I'm really, it's interesting to watch both of you, both of your careers. And like, there were points where he must've been jealous of you and that, or not jealous, but like jealous, but like when you're in a partnership,

people compare you to each other. And, and there were points where like, you're, you partnership people compare you to each other right and and there were points where like you're you were doing crazy really well and then he was doing really well and i'm always like i hope you guys are always and it seems like you're always friends oh god yeah oh no we're we're we're very close we're gonna climb machu picchu and for real yeah in may who's filming it okay um what's who's doing the content? Are you going to make a documentary?

We are. We will take, I mean, it'll be as minimal of, you know, one or two cameras. And we'll wear GoPros and, you know, I'm going to get those fancy glasses with the cameras in them. And, yeah, we're going to go climb Machu Picchu. But it's, I mean yeah it's filming it is is was later the initial thing was like hey let's just do it i would like to quickly say in terms of like if you're not familiar with with uh mr show uh there's a sketch called the audition that uh crosses the star up whatever stars. There's no star up in the sketch.

Well, the script is actually the star of that one. Yeah, exactly. It's maybe the best comedy sketch I've ever seen, and I don't say that. I say that pretty well informed. The monologue that I'll be performing now is from the play entitled The Audition by Gavin Hollerwood. Can I use this chair?

Sure. Oh, no, I started it. That's part of the monologue. It's a good one. It's up there. It's fucking so good. That show is so great and so layered. And there's things just sitting here with you where I'm hearing shit like scammy, flammy, mammy.

you where i'm like hearing shit like scammy flammy mammy like it means well you say scammy flammy mammy constant fucking constantly um uh like and god and the bible the one that's a mother uh tamra yeah you are you need to respect the baby because life is precious and God and the Bible. There's just so many things. There's so many small lines. Oh, my scammy, flammy, mammy. Oh, my scammy, flammy, mammy. Summer's here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered.

A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box fan? Happily, yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats.

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that your business is unique, so your business insurance should be too. Whether you're a shop owner, a pet groomer, a contractor, or a consultant, you can get customized coverage for your business contact a licensed t insurance advisor to learn more it's so fucking funny and it's nonsense it's just yeah the tag on a sketch you break in and sing my scammy flammy mammy and it's and there's 70 of those

sketch and character to do i always like doing those really earnest guys who are clueless you know yeah there's a little you're very good at that was that there was another guy yeah there was also a guy that wore a scarf it was like an inventor rode over a bicycleumbent bicycle. Yeah, yeah. Right. Dylan, I think his name is. Yeah, I don't even know. Oh, that guy's like the pretentious, just, you know. He didn't have TV. I don't watch television.

Yeah. I don't eat raisins. What? Why? Because it's not a true, you know, whatever the thing is. I don't eat donuts or hamburgers or any other food that has approval of the masses. Yeah, I like Fart and Gary was a character like that. Just earnest, trying to be nice and just clueless.

You also yelled at, and I think about it every time the weather's cold in LA, where you're like, there was something when maybe the first season you were filming in like a weird restaurant or something and you're like yeah you were like we fucking moved out here and we're shooting in a fucking rude or fucking it was a broke down ass restaurant and i think that every time it's raining like i fucking moved out here and this is what we get it was yeah it was some weird place on Las Palmas, I think, just off of Hollywood. And it was all we could afford. Yeah.

And it was a bar. It was weird. And they still had the menu up there, like wingdings and things and whatever. And you could literally hear crickets. There were crickets in the walls. And our audience was bust in. We had an audience service at that point you know it's a lot of kids from el segundo who didn't who didn't really care for comedy in general or your comedy

in particular probably didn't like your comedy no i remember asking uh um some there was a table we were you know stopped down it was a restaurant or something yeah and i was like uh hey so what do you guys think and this guy's like you could use a little more color in it all right let's just you know you know old white guys yeah legitimate criticism looking back all right let's do some blocks this show was sponsored by better help can i ask you a question what's the first thing you'd do if you had an extra hour in your day would you go for for a run? Would you read a book? Would you show up for a friend? A lot of us spend our lives wishing we had more time. The question is time for what? If time was unlimited, how would you use it? The best way to squeeze that special thing into your schedule is to know what's important to you and to make it a priority. You didn't think I was going to pronounce priority that way, did you?

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That's BetterHelp.com slash N-E-A-L. I've gone to therapy a lot of my life and it's had huge benefits that I talk about nearly every week. Almost boring. If look at me and the guests weren't so damn entertaining, it'd be a real snooze fest. But thankfully, we're naturally pretty, pretty good. What? Pretty good. Pretty good. Thank you. Betterhelp.com slash NEAL. All right, let's do some blocks. Number one, any al all right let's do some blocks number one anxiety you you say you're you have like standing anxiety yeah before i understood what that meant and i just had a a very cursory idea like oh you're anxious you're nervous or whatever and i didn't really think about it and And I was and have been since I was younger, like young, prone to depression. And I always just assumed, again, ignorance.

Oh, I'm a depressive. I get depressed. And then it got pretty bad. There was a couple of things that kind of triggered it when I was in Los Angeles. And then I started going to a therapist, which I had never done. And she was amazing. And then she recommended going to a psychiatrist,

the one who, everyone who gives, yeah. And I started seeing the psychiatrist and he's the one who diagnosed me. He goes, uh, yes, you're,

you've got anxiety. You've got this level of anxiety. And I, that was a real eye-opener because i didn't know what i true anxiety was and then every when i was like it was functional that was just your personality uh not that's it's what i had and it's what i could treat and i could treat it uh both with um chemicals which i did and do and i can treat it by learning how to not go so deep like let like come out of it a bit and i remember one time i was uh in a car driving and i was um uh at the on sunset trying to take a left on la cienega so do you remember

that area and there's like a pink dot over there i was looking down i was looking my left and i was like down the hill and i was seeing the beverly uh maybe two years at that point and i had like a real kind of panic attack like i attack is too strong a word but it was just a flood a flood yeah just overtakes and the light turns green and i can't't go. And people are honking. And I'm like, I'm just looking. It was a. That is a, I will say, I've been not all over the world. But I put that in my top ten most stressful intersections.

Yeah. Because going up La Cienega, you're rolling back. Yeah. I was going down. No, I get it.'m saying that left it's two lanes yeah there's of course the pink dot you don't want to fuck up in front of the pink dot do not want to no come on pink dot and uh and there's two this way this way down a hill novel idea like whoa this place is like a 7-eleven but they'll deliver to you it was incredible there

was nothing like it at the time. There were no apps, no. And they were like, you get toilet paper, ice cream. Yes, yes. Cult 45. Yep, cigarettes. And cigarettes and condoms and a frozen pizza. And they'll just put it in a car, bring it to you. Let me get this straight.

Yeah, it was incredible. But yeah, so I had this. And I knew then I was like, okay, this can't. Because I had little episodes when I was younger and a lot of it was having moved to Los Angeles and not liking L.A. And also the thought of like integrity, you know, and all that stuff. Who am I? Am I being true to myself, et cetera, et cetera. And and then I knew it was time to get some help, you know? You know what's interesting? I don't remember when you talked about this.

It was either on a podcast or there was like a Guardian interview with you where you're just talking about cocaine, doing cocaine in England. Yeah. Did I read that or I heard you talk about it? Do you remember doing a lot of cocaine in London? Not more than usual. I was a there was like a it was a because you don't seem very much like a drug guy you don't like read as a drug guy i was way i was uh a big upper guy like i didn't like uh i was not a downer guy i didn't like ludes or

i've done you know everything a handful of times like heroin was just not not worth it to me did you ever do it try yeah yeah and it was like I mean it's okay yeah I never shot it and it was I probably did it I don't know I maybe seven or eight times total. Heroin. Heroin, yeah. How many times would you say you've done cocaine? Oh, shit.

Hundreds and hundreds. Great. No one ever openly talks about cocaine. I'm pro-cocaine. But like in any drug, it has to be used in moderation. I'm not a, nor was I ever like did you read the carl hart book drug use for grown-ups it's a buddy he's a buddy he's a he's a head of title he's he's professor at columbia yeah and the book came out two or three years ago and uh he's he's like you

can do meth yeah you can do all this you can do heroin you do all this. Oh, I did a bunch of crystal. You can do heroin. You can do all this stuff. I did lots of crystal. Did you really? Yeah. God damn it. That's great. I had one specific rule. It was very, very important to me. And it's why I, of all the things I've ever done, I've told this story before. I did crack in London. This must have been the thing I heard. Yeah.

And it was amazing. This must have been the thing I heard. Yeah. And it was amazing. And I was with two friends and three strangers. And they were strange strangers. I hope everyone pictures you smoking it out of a pipe, like a wood pipe. Like a British something dignified. Mirchum or whatever that's called.

Yeah, like Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. whatever that's called. Yeah, like Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. There was this guy who was like a very well-known town character figure in Camden, Camden Town, which was like the hipster. This was pre-Shoreditch and all that and pre-Hackney. So Camden Town was the place.

And this guy would perform in the back of a fish and chip place and uh and he was kind of rockabilly whatever and uh and you just everybody knew he was one of those guys and i don't know how it came to be but me and two friends and that guy and then these two older, kind of funny, cackly British women. You ever read Viz? No. British comedy magazine? No.

There's a comic called Two Fat Slags, and they were kind of like them. they have the there's a comic called two fat slags and they were kind of like them um ended up at this guy's fucking tiny shitty dirty flat with a uh the one thing i'll never forget is a empty fish tank with uh dirty dishes in it. And we smoked crack. And I could not understand these women. These women were like Northern England, so that's really tough to hear and to comprehend and their accents. And it was just weird, right?

And we smoked crack all night until the third time, maybe fourth time. And it was like, are we going to get some more? Because we kept buying more. And I was like, if I don't leave now, because I was doing shows. I was there. I had a month at the Soho Theater on Dean Street, Soho. And I was like, if I don't.

Oh, I didn't even tell you my. I'm sorry. I went through all this so my rule my one rule is if i ever fuck up a performance or can't make a performance because of drugs or drinking i have to quit that thing i have to quit and that was my promise to quit the substance not comedy the substance yeah if it's messing with with my ability to uh be professional to carl hart's rule is you have to sleep anytime people have psychosis from drugs it's because they haven't slept yeah i mean all the bath salt which is a fake story anyway but like any psychotic episode the first question you should ask is have you slept and the answer is always going to be no yeah so he's like take a sleeping pill do whatever you

have to do yeah that makes sense i've been on you know was on some benders where you just sort of come to you you not that you were unconscious but you're doing this stuff you're walking around and then you just sort of regain clarity and you're like what it? It's 10 a.m. I'm in Tompkins Square Park and I've got a tall boy in my hand. What am I doing? Go home. It's time to go home, you know? And but yeah, I I said, no, I got to go. And and that was the one and only time because it was great. Yeah. It's great. That's actually a joke, I think, from Mr. Show.

It's lie detector sketch. Yeah. Have you ever done crack? What about crack? Do you ever smoke some crack? Yes. Dude, you're out there. I hadn't done it at that point, but Jay had.

And he was like, oh, yeah, it's great. Yeah, it's funny. It's like the first time I've ever seen someone on television say, yeah, it's good. I think the line is, yeah, it's great. It's crack. Yeah, it's incredible. It was great. It's crack.

It gets you really good. But I was not a downer guy, but I loved doing, again, in moderation. And I wasn't like, let's do fat rails. Would you do it like celebratorily or would you just do like, I don't know. No, no. It was only as a practical function to keep staying out. So I would not do big lines, but I would have some and I would do bumps, you know, and we'd be out. And I was a bachelor who was kind of famous

with some money in the East Village in Lower East Side with some celebrity, and why the fuck wouldn't you do that? By the way, the locusts of your celebrity. If you're gonna be, like, you're extremely famous. You're Will Smith in the Lower East Side and Brooklyn. But I mean, I was having a blast. Yes. And I was going out drinking and meeting girls and hanging out with friends and going to shows.

And so I never did like, you know, coke or, you know, I'm going to talk like that and I'm all jittery. I would just, it was, as i said to my wife it's like it's it's like a cup of coffee for your nose you know it was i wasn't doing like stuff where i was an asshole if it's enhancing knock yourself out that's what i that's what i that's how i did so i did a lot of coke but i didn't i wasn't a coke head i wasn't a fiend i just and it's also i you know literally i knew everybody there was a guy at every bar you just you find out who it is and you go grab a bag and that's it it's it's easy i mean it's you'd go and then you go in the bathroom do some bumps and you're like all right let's have another drink yeah great cocaine so yeah it's fantastic um are you sponsored by cocaine hopefully if you'll do a funny read on it

um okay so the anxiety and you just sort of have now you take the laughter you take something yeah i i'm on a very mild so i was on and off it for a long time. And I was on it for a bunch. It was great, very helpful. Almost, I mean, not literally immediately, but very soon. And I remember taking this off. It worked on like the third day. Yeah, it was great.

And I didn't lose any part of my personality, which was my big fear. And it was really helpful. And then I was in Turkey. I went to Turkey for a month, and I've been on it for a couple years at this point, and I was having to take these, bring my pills with me, and I'm just backpacking around Turkey, and I'm like, what am I doing? I have to get up in the morning and make sure by nine o'clock I have my anti-anxiety. I was like, all right, I'm going to go off it. And I went off of it for a while and then I found I needed to go back on. So I went back on. Uh, and then when I was, when Amber and I got together and we're serious, like right away, away it was it was basically

she moved in within weeks and that was that was all she wrote and uh um that was real quick that must have been exciting yeah i mean like fall in love and we yeah we uh i mean it was like very quick and and we were just in which i rarely rarely did, if ever. I would always try to... Did you question it? Were you like, is this healthy? Is this right? No. Great.

I mean, it just kind of meant that it was. I mean, our age difference was always... We were conscious of it. Me more than her. But yeah, it's not an issue and it wasn't an issue um it was just you know the i'm just talking about the speed whenever you're like whenever you jump into a relationship i'm always like ah yeah again it just sort of felt like oh that's this is this is worked fine and uh i think in part, it worked early on too, because we were, even though we like moved

in together very quickly, you know, she'd go work on a project for three months and, you know, visit her, she'd come back and then vice versa. I'd go out, you know, I got a shoot in Vancouver for, or I'd go to London. She's not the only one working in this relationship, guys. And then I said, you know, I've been on, I'm on Zoloft. I think you should get to know me when I'm off Zoloft. And she said, relationship, guys. And then I said, I'm on Zoloft. I think you should get to know me when I'm off Zoloft. And she said, OK, sure. So I went off of it. I was off for a long, long, long, long time. And then when my daughter started school, I started, like I would always, if you ask my wife, we have a place upstate that I've had since before I even met her.

It's just, it's awesome. It's in the woods and it's great. It's tiny and I love it. But when we leave, when we go to leave, I'm always, it's where my anxiety kind of tends to come out in a not great, you know. Well, we got to be on the road by 2.30 and it's fucking 2 o'clock. And I, you know, I'm not leaving here unless the fucking road by 2.30 and it's fucking two o'clock. And I, you know, I'm not leaving here unless the fucking floors are mopped because I'm not going to just, all right, chill out, dude, chill out. So when my daughter was born, I mean, that was all great and everything. And, and I didn't really have those tendencies, but once she started school, I heard myself,

she started school i heard myself could see myself doing this this behavior with a a fucking four-year-old five-year-old whatever she was like marlo we got you have to put your shoes on right now we're gonna be late and and just like chill out you know and it would just keep happening can you see it because i my girlfriend has a kid and i can she'll be like i was a little uh today and i could see it affecting my son yeah can you and it's like a symbiotic ecosystem where you're like oh i'm being a little crazy and it's making them a little crazy for sure and i'm and i'm i'm hyper aware of it now especially because i've it's been a thing in my life and i don't like it i mean i would make fun of somebody else if they were in my presence doing that i would be like okay yeah down it's all right we're good everything's gonna be okay and it's just a

matter of whether you can control it even though i know what i'm doing it's like i can't well great and i mean it really came to four when uh we were playing video games i introduced her to you know they have games for kids that are really great and dumb dumb fucking you know put that peg in that thing and then you get the chocolate bunny or whatever the thing is and i'm like marlo you get no you gotta go left I'm like, Marlo, no, you got to go left. I'm like, a video game. That's meant for children. And I'm going, well, no, now we got to start over. Well, okay, now you've done it.

Fuck. And just terrible. And then I was like, all right, I got to do something about this. And so it was really when she started going to school, I noticed it. And then I've been back on since. Great. this and so it was really when she started going to school i noticed it and i've been back on since great really low level low dosage but enough to prevent me from screaming at your daughter about a video game about pegs uh no block number two which i'm looking forward to because i don't no one's ever said this the illusion of happiness need a great reason to get up in the morning well what about two right now get a get a small, organic Fairtrade coffee and a tasty bacon and egg or breakfast sandwich

for only $5 at A&W's in Ontario. Your mom hates it when you leave six half-full glasses on your nightstand. It's a good thing mom lives on the other side of the country. And it's an even better thing that you can get six IKEA 365 plus glasses for just $9.99. So go ahead, you can afford to hoard because IKEA is priced for student life. Shop everything you need for back to school at IKEA today. So the illusion of happiness goes, it speaks to a little bit of what you had brought up very you know early on about the integrity and happiness and all that stuff and uh uh whether i'm angry or anything it just makes me

think you really have to search and and yourself and dig deep and like am i happy because i know i should be happy i have everything you could want and what you you're living you this couldn't have gone too much better no i have someone who's been aware of you for 30 years mike this worked out really good for cross yes you know there were moments where it might not of and uh and i i suppose it goes to the this idea of i should be happier right because i've got everything i shouldn't be depressed but depression is part of the human makeup and uh and even uh the things that you know i have an amazing wife. I have an amazing daughter. I have great in-laws. My family's great. We're, you know, relatively comfortable. There are two things that can make me unhappy.

The state of affairs in America. Yeah, if you care about that, it's like yeah it's like a it's a commitment to misery in a weird way yeah they're not in a weird way that's kind of what it is and it used to be a lot i don't know it did it seems like an especially uh severe well though there's there's it is more severe it was always there yeah but you could there was a feeling of like, you know, up until six years ago, there was a feeling of, or eight years ago, there was a feeling of, oh, whatever, it's a cycle. You know, it's a pendulum. The pendulum goes and they'll, you know, these guys are assholes, but they'll be gone soon. And it didn't feel as uh weighty and uh um existentialist like there's a there's a feeling

a very real feeling of like oh shit everything we ever knew may go away and that's uh jarring and and uh all the stuff that i grew up with making fun of the southern baptists that you know the the weird rules at my school, and I'd get in trouble for saying the word transvestite. What? Okay. And all that's kind of just, they're anecdotes and they're things that didn't really deeply affect me,

but the fact that those folks could have minority power in a very realistic way is frightening and disturbing and upsetting. So that's a constant thing. And I'm a bit of a news junkie, so I'm opening myself up to all kinds of horrors that, you know, some people don't know. And they're, you know, willfully ignorant. And I kind of jealous of that sometimes. Like, I don't watch the news.

Yeah. Like, okay. And then the other is work. Work is perhaps the main thing that drives my happiness or lack thereof do you think that's good no i wish it wasn't i wish i could be happy in for its own sake it's like this with some vocations certainly ours um where if you don't work for three months you start getting itchy like and you really do think like am i ever gonna work again there's no other company you don't go to a company and try to no one has to employ you i was kind of cocky in a way for a long time like

look if i say something and i can't be hired anymore and hollywood doesn't want to work with this bad boy rebel um then fuck it i'll just do stand-up i can always do stand-up and then covid came and that was a year and seven months which is a lifetime like in this business it's a laptop i can't go more than a couple months without doing a set somewhere like i have I have to. I got stuff to talk about, and I want to do it. And I like the thing that it gives me, where I get up on stage, and it's fun, and it's a year and seven months, man. Yeah. All of a sudden, I was brought down to earth, and my cockiness about like, well, fuck it.

I'll just, I can always do stand-up. I was like, no. Mm-hmm. And that was an eye-opener so the illusion part is is me am i why i said you got to dig deep am i tricking myself that i'm happy because i've got all these things that by every reason should make me happy and i am happy but am i that happy do you feel guilty about not being feeling and appreciating your position i feel guilty about i feel guilty about having money

i feel guilty about not being happy not being more appreciative not tremendous guilt but i feel it residual yeah and do you do anything about it uh cocaine fantastic it's like a cup of coffee for your nose no i have not i haven't done coke and uh like since my kid was was born or since shortly after my kid was born i i haven't done anything really yeah good i mean i drink i still drink i drink a lot but uh i don't do also i mean this kind of coincided uh luckily with the the like i i would just do whatever you put in front of me stranger be like yeah let's go in the bathroom let's find out what this is what's gonna happen and i enjoyed that part of life like who knows and um but now with a bit of like if it kill if it's fentanyl fuck it no no this is pre-fentanyl i would never do that now okay i would never um i mean there's been i don't know half a dozen times

in my life where i found coke i found a little bag of something like oh what's this no it's nothing or i don't know what that is but it burns but you know and you and i would never do that now you know yeah whether i had a kid or not kid or not. I mean, just like, it's, you know, it's a Russian roulette. Yeah. I do play Russian roulette, though. It was a place in Midtown. That's, that's. You know, Dave and Buster's has Russian roulette.

Do they really? Yeah. I've been misjudging that place. This is interesting. Ang anger and dissatisfaction with your creative output yes that is something because i would from the outside in you seem pretty fertile creatively that's one of the things that when i was going to see a therapist they were working on my ability to just go okay so you didn't come up with anything today. That's all right.

I will get very frustrated. I also procrastinate. I mean, it's on me, you know? I'll sit down like, okay, no distractions. Like, yeah. Here we go. And then, you know, oh, wait, what's going on in the game? Let me check this real quick.

And then let me check my emails. Okay. All right. Oh, wait. Wasn't I going to get a new carry-on bag because the wheels fucked up on my car? Like one of the wheels was like catching a little bit. So I should get a new, you know. Yeah.

Hate to miss a flight because of a wheel. That kind of thing. And I was like, I'm going to write a memoir. And I had probably a good month of working on it, but in a relaxed way. And then I haven't fucking opened that document up in, I don't know, eight months. And I get angry at myself because then I'm like,

okay, you can't play the video game until you do this and then i'll find justification it's so funny because you're like if i if you ask me to guess i go you don't have a gaming console oh yeah it does not have it oh i remember chris rock told me one time he had to get rid he was playing so much madden he had to throw it away. And if he hadn't, he wouldn't have written his movie Top 5. Yeah. He only wrote it because he couldn't play Madden. Oh, I absolutely believe that. Because it's like guys, and I'm like, no, these guys are like pure artists.

But I have a real deep appreciation for the breadth of some of these. appreciation for the breadth of some of these video games. Grand Theft Auto is the best cultural, is the most staggering cultural achievement of, I'm going to say the last hundred years. And I, I say that dead, dead on. Yes,

it's, it's, it's really fun. It's really impressive how expansive it is, but there are some stories. There are games that the story and the acting and everything about it is i and i i find myself saying this to my wife who's not into that stuff at all she's not anti but right she just doesn't enjoy it or get it it's not her thing but like the first the bioshock the first bioshock

game still i never saw that twist coming one of the greatest twists in video game history i didn't i didn't play it i don't know what the choice is someone told me what the twist was for uh this part two of the rock star western game red dead red dead redemption told me the twist i was like that's a fucking such a cool twist oh when we're done taping i'll tell you the bioshock is fucking genius genius never saw it coming there and there are there are games where you just have this great experience there's a game i think it was an indie game uh called uh life is strange that was just brilliant i have a question which uh i remember i remember being in miami one time driving along and being like when's the last time i was here

and i was remembering it from grand theft auto 3 and like is does that count as a human memory do you know what i mean like it was a good feeling that's wild it was a good feeling a good memory of driving yeah a convertible in vice city and then i was in the thing that it was based on and had the memory and i got the same oxytocin and dopamine and serotonin like i don't know that should count and that was the first one with the great soundtracks right yes yeah so maybe maybe something was playing that was like of course yeah that's why i ran i ran so far away and did you and did you purposely uh run over people and jump out and take their money like oh yeah at first you do. And then you realize it's only like $40.

You're like, fuck, I'm not going to keep doing this. I have shit to... You don't want a five-star. I've got to answer a mission. Yeah. Get to the garage. I'm happy that you like video games. I feel like it

legitimizes video games. No, of course. Of course there's some great, brilliant, great games. No, of course. Of course there are, but it's a hard thing as people who grow up. It's still very, and it's a massive waste of time. I disagree. Okay, great. I don't think it's a waste of time.

You don't accomplish anything after your time, not like you do with writing or something, not like you do with writing or something. But it's no more a waste of time than watching a very satisfying TV show or movie. It's no more a waste of time than even reading a book. I happen to hear you feel this way. Yeah. Because it will allow me...

I will only allow myself to do it so often. But I think women hate them, in experience for the most part there's plenty of yeah there are but it's not but it's a very male domain i i told my girlfriend it's like knitting for men it's kind of just like absent yeah but it's largely a female domain yeah and sometimes men do it and i would say the video games are knitting for men. Just as cocaine is a cup of coffee for your nose. Okay. So what do you,

and then have you accepted the, your output is what it's just gonna, do you have a natural sort of title? Like sometimes the tides come in, sometimes go out, you can't force it. You got to chill. But I think that's lazy justification for

not working harder you it is true you can't force it but you can you can sit and try to get something out of your system and see if you stumble upon something have you written jokes that way i have a hard time writing jokes that way i've never nothing i've never written a joke uh sat down and written a joke i I've never done it. I'm doing them now, these shows. The last four tours, excuse me, in the upcoming tour, I'll go out in the fall again, is all I do this thing called shooting the shit, seeing what sticks. And then I'll go, I'll start in a small, you know, union hall,

99 seats, whatever, in the basement. And I just have my notes and I go and I tape everything, tape every set I ever do and just try to riff on these ideas. And then slowly but surely, you know, you start getting this, oh, that idea is good and I'll put that. And then you build the bit that way. That's how I do everything. Do you build it when you're not on stage? If you know it a good bit you'll just sort of i well i can't i have

transcripts of everything i've done right so then i can start constructing like oh i riff this line or i went off this tangent here because i'm very you will look at it oh you will look at the transcript i have it you know typed up and i've got it on my computer and i go that line let's like that and then i can build the bit from there and and and have it written because it's all i've got them all you know i've got at this point i've got 10 sets you had the first i'm remembering another bit i saw it on e entertainment television uh It was about animal, it was about vegetarianism and something about dolphins. Holy shit, that's way old.

Yeah, I'm talking about 30 years ago. It was on... Oh, that's one of the first, like, you know, when you first kind of stumble upon that bit that is like oh this is like a signature oh this is you know that gave off a heat signature like this is a this is a good bit that was one of my first yeah good bits uh oh wow that is it was it was yes there i was about well it also came from a heckle like i did this thing i was doing this bit about um oh how we don't eat dolphins but we eat tuna because

uh uh tuna's ugly and it's okay to eat ugly food nobody Nobody, you know, that's why we don't eat adorable food, whatever. And then somebody, I was doing that. This was in Boston. That's how long ago it was. Somebody said, no, we don't not eat dolphins because they're attractive. We don't eat them because they're smart. And then I ripped, oh, well well if that was the case then we should probably be eating the retarded and that got this crazy reaction like oh shit you know and then i

just sort of played with it in the moment and i was like oh well there's the bit yeah that's what and well i think either tag or punchline was, and you go good with tuna or no, I'm sorry. And so I blew the punch and you go good with mayo. It was, it was like tuna and sorry, tuna, you go good with mayo.

So that's old. Although I'm a fan cross. I tried to tell you. And then, all right. So you just, you've just accepted that you're do your best, but,

but it's going to come. The process is going to be the process. Yeah, but I am partly to blame and that's what is also, it's a vicious cycle, you know, because I will get angry with myself for procrastinating and then not, even though I, and then I'll justify it by going, well, you know, you can't force a brilliant bit. And then, and I think what helps is I just push away from the computer and the desk and I walk outside. I go outside. And I live in New York too, so it's nice. And when I was, you know, I've run a couple of writer's rooms and when we would be doing Todd Margaret in London. And you just, you hit this wall

and then it's just a matter of diminishing returns for how long you're going to stay there and try to figure out this fucking, how do we get this guy to go to the library because he's crossed out, you're trying to figure out some logic thing and you just you're just sitting there in silence

and every two minutes somebody goes what if oh no and then it's like alright guys let's go we're going outside we're going to go we're going to walk around let's go to fucking Spitfield Market get a cup of coffee and we'll come back in 45 minutes because that's a better use of time than sitting here.

And it usually is. So sometimes I just got to, if it's not coming, just go for a walk. Yeah, good. Power walk. Power. It's the only kind of walks we take, guys. Have you had Andrew Tate on the show? No, I'd love to, though.

You can hear me in touch. take guys have you had andrew tate on the show no i'd love to though you hear me nihilism and hypocrisy which is kind of what i opened with in terms of observing you from afar yeah there's a righteousness there's a there's always been a righteousness to you uh and when i say nihilism i mean it not in the specific clinical definition but the idea of nothing matters pessimism dismissal and I can feel that way and it's not a good way to feel and that's a block for being creative I think and and living a good life and part of that is because of the news I read and like, you know, good people, bad people win and good people go to jail or go get bankrupted or whatever. Or suffer.

Or suffer, yeah. So that is something that I kind of have to work at to. And having a daughter has been tremendously helpful tremendously helpful and i and i said this before it's an it's something that i wasn't conscious of but i became aware of um which is i because i got this kid and um i hang out with her friends they come over over, or I go to some other kid's house and I hang out and stuff. It's not fair to her. It's not right. And I can't afford to have that nihilism.

And I need to find the good in things and be optimistic about things for her sake and for her friends. So you and I can do that. I can get on stage and talk about this stuff, but it has, I have to, for my own health, mental health, and for her mental health, be positive about things. Summer is like a cocktail. It has to be mixed just right. Start with a handful of great friends. Now add your favorite music.

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Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. And that's just like, it's no you can't negotiate with it it's not like well it seems like dealing with my my uh my girl's kid that part of being a parent three and a half part of being a parent is like protect them as much and then as you can and then slowly introduce oh heartbreak and pain absolutely like that just slowly immerse them and like this is

what the world was but just say we're heading in this direction well we're gonna inform you so much as a lot of it is about um fairness and the and and it's a it's a old, that's not fair. Well, life isn't fair. But I don't just say that. I try to explain in real ways that are helpful in helping or understand things. Life isn't fair for a lot of people. isn't fair for a lot of people and for example I was mentioned in the you know the dozens of kind of junkies and pill heads and whoever on the on the corners of our street because of the treatment center and and it's not just like, I mean, I use it as a way to go like, well, I think he's fucked up on drugs. I wouldn't say fucked up.

He took some drugs and it's making him not understand reality and he's, you know, it doesn't allow him to make good decisions and et cetera, et cetera. But it's also about, you know, I will sneak something in there about, you know, maybe, you know, who knows why, but, you know, maybe there was something that led him to that, that, you know, maybe he didn't, maybe his mom and dad weren't around and, you know, just things that. It's not a moral failure right it's just like he had a nervous system that couldn't deal

with the world you know and maybe he didn't get a opportunity uh you know maybe he wasn't able to and i just little things like that i don't just simply go oh yeah, yeah, that dude's fucked up. Yeah, he's a fucking bum, you know, or whatever. So, you know, she knows my, that I had a bad dad, you know, because she doesn't have, she has. Because you won't shut the fuck up about it. Go ahead. Hey, who, how do you think we got this house? If you want a house, you'll let me live too. So, you know, she's aware of that.

And like, because, you know, there's Grandpa Russ, but there's no, you know, my side of the family. And, you know, explained it to her. And she knows that. And she knows there's kids in school who just have one parent, you know. And so all that stuff. I think it's a good, it's good to have an understanding of like, this is the world and this is how it works. And perhaps there's a bit of like, I guess I'm lucky, you know, to be appreciative of the things that she has that other kids don't.

All right. We got to wrap. My question is, my final question, big final. But like, what's your goal for yourself? With all this stuff, what's your goal for your emotional life? Well, I'd like to remain happy. I'd like to foster a fun atmosphere at home that's, you know, that's chill, that's like, you know, allows for

Marlo and my wife to not have to worry and to grow creatively and as people and uh um and i don't want to be a cause of stress for anybody um you know uh so emotionally that and uh um i i've since she was born and i've gotten to be a better person for sure like i used to have a real problem uh i did not like it, hanging out with people after a show. And I used to be really uncomfortable and I'd run away, run to the tour bus. I didn't want to talk to anybody. And then,

and I couldn't take a compliment. I was just a kind of a jerk that way. And, or jerky behavior. I don't think I was a jerk, but it could easily be seen as like, well, that guy's,

why'd he run away when I said hi? But on the last tour, I did meet and greet. So I've come a long way. And I was really cool about it. And people – everyone was appreciative. And I could not have done that five years ago. No way. So I'm better that way.

And that was something that I worked on. What were you working on? Like being generous to people who like you or being generous to yourself or accepting love or compliments? To people, all of that. If I was out eating with Amber's, you know, before Marlo was born and people like, hey, can we take a picture? I'd be like, hey man, I'm eating, you know, like to the point where Amber would get uncomfortable.

And I learned to be better about that of like, you know what? Maybe not now, but after, if you're around, for sure. Absolutely. And just be more pleasant and not be so brusque about it. And I'm a lot better at that now. And the last five or six years, I've gotten much better about that. I would, when all's said and done, and and i pass my goal is that i'm considered one of the top 400 stand-ups uh in the eastern part of the united states to which i say stick with it oh my scammy flammy mammy Stick with it.