Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Heather McMahan

Episode Date: January 18, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews Heather McMahan ('Son I Never Had' on Netflix) about the things that make her feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how she is persevering despite these blocks. ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro 1:00 Full Throttle 5:44 Anxious As Of Late 13:35 Wants Kids, No Desire for Baby 22:02 Worries Something Bad Is Going To Happen 25:57 Ads 31:44 Intuition 34:43 People Pleaser 37:38 Can't Pee on Airplanes 41:52 Confrontation 51:20 What She's Done ---------------------------------------------------------- https://nealbrennan.com for tickets Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle  ---------------------------------------------------------- Sponsors: https://mintmobile.com/NEAL for $15/month 3-month unlimited wireless plan https://betterhelp.com/NEAL for 10% off your first month. https://meundies.com/NEAL for 20% off plus free shipping. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whether you're practicing your morning breath work, waiting for your favorite artist to come on stage, or running errands at the perfect pace, Liquid IV Powder helps you turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration so you can live a more extraordinary life. Live more with Liquid IV Hydration Multiplier. Available in refreshing lemon, lime, passion fruit, and strawberry flavors. Buy a stick in store at Costco, Walmart, Amazon, and other Canadian retailers. My guest today, I was watching on Instagram

back in the days when I was on Instagram, and she had a great joke about therapy and TikTok. I was watching my therapist the other day on tiktok and oh yeah my therapist is tiktok so and she was saying she was like heather would you talk to your eight-year-old self the way you have been talking to your adult self and it was i'll be honest it was a joke i was trying to crack myself myself she cracked it

and i was like i gotta have her on the podcast seems interesting she sells out a zillion theaters she has a netflix special did great that's why what i was basing it on she's here right now heather mcmahon all right well i don't let's start i don't we've never met yes that i'm aware of no we have not when did you start doing standup? In high school years ago, but like professionally, like 2017. You've had the same personality since you were three? Yes. Great. Full throttle.

And you lived, but you said you lived in New York and LA. Yeah. And now Atlanta. How did you move to all these places and not be a comedian? Okay, exactly. Got a theater degree, moved to New York right after, was doing UCB, was doing improv sketch stand-up. How were you popular in the UCB circles? Well, it's interesting.

I was good and I did my thing, but I was not the typical UCB girl. I like makeup and hoops and a hair blowout, and I'm from the South, and I lean into that. But I was not the typical UCB girl. I like makeup and hoops and a hair blowout. And I'm from the South. And I lean into that. But I did well. And then I moved to LA. And then the UCB scene was just even more insane. So I- It's very snobby, if you don't know.

Very snobby. Very clicky. Very clicky. I lived right in Franklin Village, right across from the- Right there. From the spot. Near Sci-Ti as well. Near Scientology.

Literally backed up to the Celebrity Scientology Center. Sure, of course. So, and then I branched off with a girl. Maybe you caught some vapors. Oh, no. I would literally walk by at night. I'd be like at La Pubelle across the street and I'd be like, I rebuke it in the name of Jesus.

Like I'm not fucking with it. Yeah, right, right, right, right. Yeah. Then I had a writing partner that we met at UCB. We did like our two-person show. We kind of did our own thing. And then unfortunately, I picked up and left LA because my dad died of cancer very abruptly. So then I moved home to Atlanta for the first time.

And I was home figuring out my new normal. And then that's when I started doing, I was like, well, fuck doing sketch and improv and all that. I did characters online. And then I started doing stand-up again. And then I moved to New York. And then I just recently moved back to Atlanta during the pandemic so when did you start doing well um like 2018 okay so before the pandemic yeah and then I started touring 2018 2019 and then took a break

obviously during doing clubs or doing like bigger um I would do clubs and then I went right into theaters. Great. Well, that's what it's watching you. You don't have any of the stand-up-y. Like you look like someone who came into it with a fan base and you know what you like talking about. And they know what they like hearing you talk about. I don't know if that's a good thing. It is.

Okay. Because you don't have any of, there's no like gunk on you okay you don't have any like club gunk i know and i know especially from new york where there's like a lot of heavy energy and i have friends obviously in comedy now they're better they're sometimes like oh well you know you didn't come up in the club scene i'm like no i did kind of like what the kids did on TikTok, but on Instagram years before that. It's like, I mean, Matt came up in the clubs, but like when people want to give Matt Rife shit about like the TikTok thing, I'm like, I basically did that on Instagram. I just put all my standup, all my sketches, everything, my characters on Instagram. And then it took off from there. But I've been doing like one woman shows forever. People just didn't know who the fuck I was.

Were they character-y? Character-y, yeah. Got it. My first tour, my first theater tour, I opened for myself as a character, which was like- And people hated it, right? They would boo her off. They would boo her off, yeah.

Right on, Heather. Yeah, no, and then finally like people were like, you're doing way too much. Like just get an opener. Like, cause I'm an old theater kid. So I like really like to give people a show building sets yeah fuck yeah yeah i have a full costume uh-huh hot glue guns oh glitter everywhere i love it um okay and then you and then you started doing well and and do you talk about how old you are yeah i'm 36 years old great

so that's a decent age to succeed uh-huh like, I think you have a shot at being a normal person. But I've also seen it go both ways. And I think it's hard to maintain some humility when you're getting showered with praise all the time. In your 30s yeah i think any age okay it gets easier but i think it's still tempting to every like you see people like new like there's a guy gabber monte who's a who's like a you know ayahuasca psychiatrist and even he likes the the attention he likes the juice and he's like 70 and was in the holoca Might be 80. So like everyone's susceptible to like connecting and all that stuff. So it looks like you've maintained a normal life and now you live in Atlanta. Yep. With your husband.

And my mom. And your mom. And in the same house? Yep. Great. I saw your mom on Instagram. Or no, I saw your mom on the Netflix and she didn't. A lot of times mom sketches, that can go a lot of ways. She held her

own. She's an icon. Great. Yeah. I didn't know she was an icon. I just thought she held her own. Yeah. I'm glad to hear that. She will love that feedback. How is your general disposition? Are you anxious? I've been anxious as of late just because I've got a lot of balls in the air and I feel a little discombobulated, but my general disposition is just honestly very joyful yeah i giggle always always great i am really glass half full and it's funny because i'm married to like a very like an italian version of larry david like a very italian just like philly no he's from new york but just you know every the world's against you everything's fucked everybody's fucking everybody's fucking us and i'm literally like it's all gonna be okay like my my catchphrase in life is just kind of like um like it's gonna be fine we're

gonna figure it out it's gonna be fine okay well that was what i that was one of the things i wanted to speak to you about based on your instagram uh-huh there is an element of i think any kind of uh female just like laid out influencer I don't know what the fucking term is. There is a level of optimism that I kind of like, you were saying the other day, like if you dream it. All I want to say is she believed she could, so she motherfucking did. And it's like, Heather. That's me being sarcastic, though. Oh, thank God.

No, that is the whole bit like i i on my podcast people call in and i basically give them like horrific unsolicited advice so these clips that these like this my social media people because i'm making fun of okay she believed she could so she did okay i mean now no you gotta be funny yeah get a netflix special no no no that is me being completely thank you completely sarcastic and the reason i make vision boards is whenever i'm hung over on like new year's day i'll take an edible and i just like to craft i like to scrapbook this isn't even about dreams or manifestation it's just about crafting and glue i'll take an edible i'll craft so what happened

was a couple years ago i made this vision board and i was like you know like kind of thoughtful in it but i was high as shit yeah and then I put all this stuff up and I really enjoy just like the task of doing it. I enjoy to be, that's my quiet time to turn my brain off. And then I put it up in my office. And then like a couple of years later, I was like, looked at it. I was like, oh fuck, this shit's starting to come true. So now it's just something that I make every year. And it's almost like a joke.

Like I don't believe in vision boards. I don't believe in like, oh, okay. Like, you know. Do you believe in astrology? Fuck no. Okay. Because I think astrology is actually from like oh okay like you know you believe in astrology fuck no okay because i think astrology is actually from the dark place you know interesting are you jesus are you jesus yeah i'm jesus and i have a i have a strong faith in the lord but i also just feel like i don't know i mean i work my fucking ass off yeah and you also talented. And it seems like you probably were where it's you're getting a lot of resistance.

Mm hmm. And then you just like that just opens up. Yeah. You're like, well, that was that's pretty cool. It was interesting because in the comedy world, I always just spoke from my point of view and perspective. And I knew that, like, I was just going to talk to women. And I was like, that's who I'm going to hone in on. Right. Because those are my girls. So you specifically. Specifically. And then. Did you always get along with women?

Yeah. Great. But I was also like, I mean, I was in a sorority. I fucking thrived. I loved it. I thought the sisterhood was fantastic. Yeah. I never watch you and think you're lying.

Yeah. Okay. I don't like this is bullshit. She's a dark cynic, whatever. Yeah. But I love. I also think you believe in astrology. So that's what I thought. No. Now that I'm getting a fuller picture. No, no is bullshit. She's a dark cynic, whatever. Yeah. But I love. I also think you believe in astrology. So that's what I thought.

No, now that I'm getting a fuller picture. No, no, no. Complete character. Okay. No, I think like people who believe in like, I mean, is there some like godly part of it that connects? Sure. But do I think that, you know, Gemini's are like all alcoholics?

No, I don't. I don't. Yeah. But no, I was, I'm a girl's girl. I mean, I hate to like even put a label on it but i also can like sit around and you know sit in the back of a club and just talk shit you also like you and your dad were close very close yeah so like that's a different i don't know if that's a girl's girl but like that's a different that's interesting that you picked a quadrant of the audience honestly i was just my material like i was just

talking about my own shit yeah i was like i didn't care if the guys liked honestly i was just my material like i was just talking about my own shit yeah i was like i didn't care if the guys liked me i was like whatever and then i you know was just dialed into stand-up and then now all these guys come to the show and they're like this is fucking great like my whole new hour is about i try to explain to guys i'm like let me be the middle point for you to understand why your wife or your girlfriend thinks about x and i'll help explain it yeah like that's all I'm trying to do. Yeah. I was wondering what.

Get people laid and bring, bring everybody together. Yeah. We do get a lot of people laid. Do you, I was wondering what your new hour is because the last one was so biographical. I want to paint a picture of what baby Heather looked like. Okay. Yes. I mean, this is, I am a storyteller.

So this is all about though, my first year of marriage. And it's about like this international wedding I had, the things I learned on my 30 day honeymoon. It's really my observation of all the nuances that happen in your first year of marriage. Great. And how is it going? It's great. How were your relationships before you got married? going. It's great. How were your relationships before you got married? Relationships like with other people? With men. Good. I mean, I dated a bunch of losers in college that were not worth my time,

but I met my husband when I first moved to New York. We were like 22 and he walked in a bar and I was like, that's who I'm going to marry. It was very- Really? Yeah. I know that sounds weird. I just knew, but I think it's because I had a healthy relationship with my dad. So I never really put up with shit. Like I had this one boyfriend in college. You didn't say a word. You saw him and said, I'm going to marry that guy. I know this sounds like this is bullshit. No, I believe you.

I'm just wondering. I was in a bar with my dear friend, Christina. She works with me now. And that's how I met him. Because my girlfriend, Christina, grew up with my husband, Jeff. So he walks in a bar to meet us. And I said, who is that? That's what I'm going to marry. And Christina goes, Jeff. And I was like, yeah, you know him. She's like, yeah, that's Jeff. One of our buddies from high school. And that was it. Now it wasn't until a couple months afterwards, he had no idea that I was interested in him. And I literally had to tell him at a bar, I was like,

I think you're cute. And the next thing you know, we're like, you know, tongue to tongue doing the damn thing. But yeah, that was it. Why did you think that? I can't explain it. I just had this gut feeling when he walked in. I saw him and I was like, that's it. Never had it before. Never had it before.

And when I look back, we took a group photo that night. He looked. You're staring at him from across the group. He's so ill. No, I'm on one side of the photo. He's on the other. He looks like he'd just gone through like radiation chemo. He was like kind of jaundiced.

The hair was thinning. He did not look well in this photo, but I don't know what it was when he walked in. I was like, that's it. And we've been together, honestly, solidly for like 13 years. And I moved out to LA. You cheat on him a ton though. No, honestly, I really, I haven't. Like I haven't. You have to tell us if you i know

he's just like my bud like we have a good time together we really you know i mean marriage is hard don't get me wrong relationships are hard but when i moved to la we had been dating a year and i said listen i gotta move to la like i know that's the next step and he goes go i never want you to resent me like i i want you go. And we stayed together the whole time. So he has good ideas about relationships. Yeah. Just on his personal, like, just has it on him. Like, he's like, yeah, I know if you don't, you'll resent me.

And like, because that's a pretty advanced observation to make. Yeah. He just said, I know that this is what you want to do. Because the minute I met him, I was like, I'm doing comedy. I'm a stand up. I'm do this. Like, I'm going to be on SNL. This is what I'm going to do.

Da, da, da, da. And he just said, oh, all right. She knows what she wants. Go for it. I mean, it takes a very, I think, specific man who's very confident in himself to be like, yeah, I'm going to let her get up on stage and fucking roast me all day or just talk about the most embarrassing shit in my life. Does he work?

Yes. He does real estate and finance. Okay. Yeah. He's semi-retired right now because mom is doing well. Sure. Retire. Now's the time.

In your 30s? What better time to retire? Exactly. We're going to have him on. Okay. I can't pee on planes. That's not significant enough for this podcast. Okay.

I'm so sorry. Show some goddamn respect. The I want kids but no desire for the baby that is a biggie okay what do you mean you meaning you want it because i've had i had a buddy of mine say one time about a girl whatever he goes a click of girls he goes they want to they want to be a picture of a mom. They don't want to be a mom. No, quite opposite. I want the relationship with the family. I want the child, but I don't have any desire like this burning, nurturing feeling inside of me that I need to have a baby in my womb. I'm not craving like I'm 36 turning 37. You don't want to be pregnant.

I have no desire to be pregnant. I mean, i already have my own infertility issues so i think that probably has put like a weird dark seed in the back of my brain but i just don't have this like connection or craving with like i need the baby do you want do you want to you want milk coming out of your boobs i wouldn't mind i think that could be fun i've literally never considered that like do i want to be milked i the milking part i'm fine with right um i don't want to rip tip to taint i've uh i did ivf and all that shit and it really fucked me up hormonally and coming off of that was the wildest gnarliest ride of my life you talked about it in the netflix that you made you were on testosterone i swear to god I was on testosterone for like a week. And by like day seven, I looked like guy fucking fury.

I was on testosterone. I'm fascinated by what testosterone does to women. It makes you horny and angry. And I said it in the special, it makes you so fucking horny, so angry. That's what it's like to be a man. That is what it's like to be a man. Those are our two emotions.

Literally, I was like, I get it. I get it now. And I want to look every man here in the audience tonight, right in the eyes. And I want you to know I see you. I hear you. Okay. It is bullshit. The way that people have been trying to put us down recently. They, they have no fucking idea what we go through. I mean, I was just, I would just have these rages. I would road rage. I felt fucking nuts. Like it. And so after you do the testosterone for like a month and a half, two months, then I had to be put on estrogen and progesterone. It was like a mixture of that. So there, cause I'm full estrogen dominant, which I like, we couldn't tell. Yeah.

No one could, no one, no one could tell just tell just on site yeah i was on the testosterone then i had to be on the these vaginal suppositories where you're putting all these drugs just in your vagina it's soaking in through your uterus you're going in your you have to put it in your vagina like yes like a suppository yes and you'd have to do two a day and you'd have to literally clench your pussy and like pray that it would stay up there. And you just felt gross and your hormones are such a wild ride. Then I had to do the rounds of shots to get the eggs. After multiple rounds, I think I did three rounds of shots. I was only able to get one embryo. So I have an embryo. I know I have a little girl on ice, which is a wild thing to know that you like specifically,

I know the sex of the baby. So I have this like desire to be a mom and I love the family aspect, but I don't have any desire to go back and do IVF again. I don't care about being pregnant. I just want somebody to hand me like a seven year old. Would you have to do that to have to get pregnant? You'd have to do most of the hormones again? Yes. Yes. Most likely. Yeah. And even if I took the embryo and decided, okay, I don't want to risk it on me because I only have one embryo and the chances are really low. I'm going to put it in a surrogate because they have a better chance because of the way their shit works. I still only have one embryo.

So even if I want other children, I would then have to do IVF again to get another round of eggs, period. So I only have one shot as of right now. I mean, don't waste it. Good thing your husband's retired. Building up semen as we speak. Yeah. And do you, have you prepared yourself for the possibility that you won't be able to have a kid? Yes. I mean, I've always thought that like I could adopt. I would love to adopt. Oh, that's a beautiful thing.

Yeah, I would be totally open to adoption. I do think that men need to have a connection with something that is biologically theirs. I mean, my husband's been very open to it. He's like, I just want to at least try to have our own first, which I totally get. I mean, I understand that. It's strange that a guy would pitch like, maybe we should fuck. We should probably fuck just in case it works. In case, yeah.

But I'm also in a really weird part in my career. I am a little bit of a late bloomer like being almost 40 and i'm in this weird spot where everyone's like look at the success like all this shit's happening and they're like so when are you going to become a mommy i know and it's fucking bullshit dude like and that's the pressure i know i only have if i don't get physically pregnant myself tomorrow i only have a short window to at least do ivf again i'm trying to do all this shit i'm on the road it tears up your body i already feel like you know every sunday when i fly home i feel like an nfl athlete like i've just been beat up all fucking weekend yeah and then i'm supposed to like also somehow do that pregnant like you know we saw i mean good for ali wong

for doing it and crushing it and doing those specials and amy schumer did her hbo documentary about it and i'm just like but they were already so far ahead in their career. Like I'm at that point where it's like shit's popping off, but I don't know if I physically have it in me right now to give, give somebody a baby. Yeah. And can the market take another pregnant female comedian? They cannot. Can they, can we bear one more?

Well, it's funny. My audience is like, we can't wait to see you pregnant. Or they're like, we can't wait to see you in the middle of the night, you know, on the baby monitor, just losing your shit. Because my audience like has bit. They want to be in this with me. You know what I mean? You worry about oversharing.

All the time. There's no boundaries. But I also like in this fucking day and age, I have a podcast. I'm giving people so much fucking material I will wake up in the middle of the night with like fucking hot sweats that I've shared too much about all of my life but then I'm also like well fuck this is it this is our job like my job in comedy is I can only again I speak from my point of view like what I've been through okay so you would uh adopt that's good because I. Because my first thing was when you were talking about fertility, I was like, I don't think I would want to adopt.

And then if you said, why not? I think if you really push me, I'd be like, because I don't believe that it'll work emotionally. Really? Yeah. Because I'm one of 10 brothers, sisters. By the way, it doesn't work emotionally. Right. But like I wouldn't buy that I could just be like, no, those scenes where they're like, you're my son and you're – it would be hard for me to believe that that is as good a connection as blood. And you know how I feel about blood connections.

Right, right, right. So I'm – but I'm interested to – I think maybe women are just more apt at love. I think agape love is the most beautiful kind of love where it is outside of yourself. It's like a friendship love. Is that a plant medicine? Yes, it sure is. Is that a plant medicine I haven't taken somehow? Okay, this is going to sound fucked up, but I think about like people handing me my pets

and I know this is totally different. I know humans and animals are totally different, but I think about how much I fucking, I like love these fucking animals. I'm like, so you're telling me if somebody handed me my pets and i know this is totally different i know humans and animals are totally different but i think about how much i fucking i like love these fucking animals i'm like so you're telling me if somebody handed me the minute you're handed them oh my god i just want to love them and you saw your husband uh-huh i think one of the boxes you're very possessive very quickly okay yeah no but you saw your husband you're like i love him uh-huh and hannah dog i fucking love you. So you're telling me if you handed me a child and you said, that's yours, I'm not going to be obsessed and love that thing. I just, I, it's, it's something that's been on my heart for a long time that if I needed

to go that route, I would be absolutely open to it. And I have friends that are adopted who, who have beautiful relationships in their family. So yeah. And again, I mean, the opening joke from Blocks is like, so I get a pit bull named Keith, and everybody told me Keith's going to be your best friend. And I got to say, maybe my ninth best friend. So I'm not good at it.

I'm good at loving things and loving people. Yes. And I'm very sensitive towards it. That's an amazing character trait that I'm not saying like you should be grateful, but that's a great thing to be. I like the friends that I have are friends that have stayed with me.

I'm not the kind of person like I don't cut people out of my life. That's why I think this relationship, you know, with my in-laws is so stressful because I've never, there's never been a relationship where I haven't been able to like, listen, we can agree to disagree, but that we can't find

a mutual respect. And that's, it's really challenging for me because I'm fairly easy to get along with. Yeah. I'm worried that something horrible is going to happen because life is too good. Yes. I always knew as a little kid that something was going to happen amongst my family. Like when my dad died, I saw it coming, even though he died very quickly. I remember looking. How did you see it coming? Please tell me. Okay.

This is going to sound really fucked up. Yeah. Please. Okay. So I was living in LA. I knew something was wrong with my dad. And I just had this weird premonition. Intuitively.

Intuitively. And my dad, well, I mean, the joke is my dad was starting to lose weight. And I was like, there's no fucking way like you're dying of something. And he got misdiagnosed. My dad was a heavyset Southern guy, but very healthy. He was a pilot. So he had to get tested through the FAA like every year. And they'd be like, yeah, you're just a big old boy from the South.

But you've got perfect blood pressure, perfect everything, like nothing wrong. The Thanksgiving before he died, he died at Christmas. So Thanksgiving of 2015, something told me not to go home. And I regret it. And it fucks me up all the time because that was the last holiday I would have spent with my dad. And you were told not, you felt not to go home. Yes. I would always go home for at least Thanksgiving.

I would go home for Christmas. I had a great relationship with my family. But for some reason, something told me, just stay back in LA. Like, don't make the trek. Just do it. Just hang out with your friends. And we had this big Friendsgiving. And had I gone home, I would have seen, because it was the outsider coming in.

My mom and my sister were at home. And they were like, we're doing the best we can. They misdiagnosed him with diabetes. This is so weird. That's why he's losing the weight. But I knew that if I would have jumped in, I would have been like, something's not going on. I'm not saying that they weren't doing everything they could but the outsider coming back in being like whoa this guy's really fucking thin like what's going on because at the end of the day there was

still nothing we could have done he died of pancreatic cancer when you find pancreatic cancer you're fucked yeah so um then uh two weeks before christmas i fly to my friend's wedding in puerto rico and my parents were supposed to come. This is my best friend in the world. And they said, hey, your dad's in the hospital because of gallstones. They think it's just gallstones or gallbladder. They're probably going to remove it. And I knew. I told my husband. I said, my dad's dying of cancer. I fucking know it. And Jeff was like, you're crazy.

Your brain always goes there. Like, that's not it. I said, Jeff, life is too good right now. I just know that this is going to happen. So, do you... And back then, it wasn't even that good. It wasn't even that good? No. Looking back, it wasn't too good. I was doing like a one-woman show off happen. So do you remember? And back then it wasn't even that good. It wasn't even that good. No. Looking back, it wasn't too good. I was doing like a one-woman show on a fucking fountain, you know?

It was fucking terrible. So you remember that scene from, did you ever watch The Comeback? No, but I'm aware of it. There's a scene on The Comeback where Lisa Kudrow finds out that her makeup artist. Did you watch The Comeback? Woman doing a one-woman show on fountain? Was that relevant to you? Go ahead.

Did you watch the comeback? Woman doing a one-woman show on Fountain? Was that relevant to you? Go ahead. So, Mickey, who is Lisa Goudreau's Valerie Cherishes the Character, is her fabulous gay best friend makeup artist. She finds out that he has cancer. So, they go to an improv class at the Groundlings. And she gets on stage and all she can say is cancer, cancer, cancer.

All right. It's the best scene ever. I'm on a flight watching the comeback about to land in Atlanta, Georgia, back home where my sister's going to pick me up from the airport. And it was that episode. And I swear to God, it was the universe like telling my brain, you already know that you're about to find out your dad has cancer. This is just the universe like setting you up for it. It was a God thing, whatever.

My sister picks me up from the airport and I say, I know dad has tell me how bad it is she's like fuck i told mom not to tell you we want you to enjoy the wedding there's nothing we can do it's bad like i'm so pissed i said mom didn't tell me anything and i just knew and she was like how'd you know i was like god told me i just know and then it was a week later he died so i don't know it's fucked up i mean i feel like when you lose somebody like that you just are constantly in the back of your mind like i told jeff my husband i was like life is really good right now it feels good i'm just waiting for that other shoe to drop you know we're gonna do some we're gonna take some calls and you'll tell people based on their voice whether they have cancer or

okay i can feel it i can literally see you're the air. And it's glioblastoma. Yeah. Uh-huh. On average, it takes about 30 days for a person to break their New Year's resolution. Took me three. But, you know, I'm an overachiever, guys, even when it comes to breaking resolutions. So if saving money was on your 2024 list, your odds aren't looking that great. Luckily, I have a 100% guaranteed way to save you money this year.

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thousand dollars this year i don't want to get too specific about my financial situation but it's between 500 and a thousand could be as it's bare minimum 500 top top line a g so you know what i mean look i'm notoriously cheap i've talked about being cheap follow my lead on this switch i felt no pain it has been seamless same number same everything same everything. I swear to you, I lied before. I told you I lied. Not lying. I couldn't. You guys, I have too much integrity to lie this well. I probably could.

Let's be honest. But I'm not. It's our friend Ryan Reynolds. We've talked about me and Jim Jeffery. We talk about him. He's never coming on. Let's be honest. He's never coming on this podcast.

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See Mint Mobile for details mint mobile ryan reynolds is never going to be friends with any of us but he did give us a nice break on some phones this show is sponsored by better help guys new year new you who you trying to be this year trying to be mentally healthy you gonna do the new year's thing where you order a gym membership that you don't use? Don't do it. Go to the mind gym. Go to the emotion gym instead of lying to yourself about what you're going to do with your body. Go inside, buddy. Then you won't really care about your body as much. You know, what I'm talking about is therapy. And I don't even know what episode this is going to air on, but I almost promise you that we're going to talk about therapy and how it helped them. Again, it doesn't have to, people that go, you don't have to be in chaos or crisis or

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i might have been kissing you you don't know this is for audio and video you yeah i stand by everything that happened here all right how many i'm i did not expect to go through that whole i'm interested in in intuition and i'm interested how often it happens to you and the level on reddit i follow like mediums i don't shamanism just sort of you know i'm in the ayahuasca world yeah yeah no and i that's great take that journey sure but i always for calling it a journey you bitch take that ride you know whatever you need to do do. When I was a little kid, I like really envisioned and saw like how my life was going to go in a sense of, I kind of knew that this was always going to happen. Like when, I mean, this is. It never happens in the right order though,

because I feel the same way. I feel the same way. Like I've gotten everything I wanted in life, not how and not when I thought I would get it. So that allows me to still feel sorry for myself. Do you know what I mean? I'm still like, yeah, but it's all happened. It does all happen in a weird way. But when there were really low points in my career or when you're just fucking hustling and grinding, I never really had a doubt. I just always knew.

I was like, even as a little kid, when kids would play school, I would play Jay Leno. I would make my sister sit in a chair and interview me about like all of my projects. You'd walk around and go, hi, you guys. Hi, you guys. Hi, you guys. Literally, I was like ready to be like called over to the couch. I know now I haven't been on late night yet, but I always just kind of like knew that shit was going to happen. So when all my other friends who are successful now were like, always, they're like, why are you being so like optimistic about shit? I was like, I don't know. I just feel like it's going to happen. It's going to, I'll figure it out. I know now after losing my dad in the way that I did, like, I think the universe prepared me so that the blow would be a little softened because life happens. I don't believe like, you know,

it's just hard right now to not be on the mindset that train like something bad's going to happen. I'm going to lose my mom, my husband, like something bad's going to happen because life is cooking with gas right now. That's kind of your default, your protection, my protection. And is it a different tone than the dad one? Because that's the hard thing is once you start, once you get one intuition, then you got to go like, we got to get chicken wings. I can't explain why.

No, I'm not the kind of person where I'm like, these are the lucky numbers. Let's play the scratch off tonight. No, I'm not, none of that. I'm not a gambler, anything like that. But I definitely feel something in my gut, like something seems a little off. I mean, I just think I'm anxious.

I mean, fuck, I'm playing a big show this weekend. Then then i'm shooting my next special i also am in a state right now where everything that i've asked for is now happening and i feel the weight of the world a not to fuck it up b not to disappoint other people i have a lot of people that rely on me right now financially for jobs and i'm like just doing the best i can to keep my head above water you can't worry about that i know i can't like you can't worry about being like the the the cow the milk you know what I mean like you can't because it has to be natural from what you want to do I am such a people pleaser and these like conversations that I have with myself where I'm like if somebody's having a bad day backstage or whatever was a tough travel day i like wear that and i have done shows

through covid the stomach bug fucking an ovarian cyst rupturing like i just get up and i'm a show pony and i do it and there are days where i get a little pissed off like with somebody else on the cruise having a bad day i'm like i don't have days that i can have a bad day if i don't feel like shit if my life's falling apart i still got to go out and razzle fucking dazzle right here's the punchline you make 30 times more than the highest paid person no i know um so fucking cheer up i know the show pony i know eat the fucking giant carrot no i'm with you but that's why i also feel like i i i hold that shit to the chest like people are like you never like show any emotion with shit i'm like because i don't want to complain like i'm very grateful for where i'm at but there are days where i'm just like i do feel like i gotta make sure that you know the show

yeah but they didn't again none of their people will get jobs after you do i have to pay you for this hour because i feel like we're really diving into this i know i sell ads that's i sell ads against your content great great great um so. So it's going to be fun. No, but I'm wondering what you, what do you, they're going to work after you. They work before you. They're going to work after you. We're all just flying past each other. Like, especially if it's tour manager or whatever, it's like they've been on a lot of, you don't have to tour all the time.

You're right. Like, you can't worry about it. You can't worry about bus drivers. It's like, that's the gig. And you're dependent on material. Yeah. So we all have some kind of boss. And our boss is the audience and material. And it's like, hey, material, any material?

No, literally, that's why I'm like, OK, well, what is the next foray? It's like, yeah, having a family, starting a family. So I can like experience that. And, you know, I'm constantly thinking, like, OK, what's the next foray? It's like, yeah, having a family, starting a family. So I can like experience that. And, you know, I'm constantly thinking, I'm like, okay, what's the next tour? All right, well, the first one was an introduction to myself. I talked about my childhood, my dad dying. This one's all about my first year of marriage

and all, and the relationships. The next one, I'm like, well, I've never really done my mom. So I'm like, is it this mother-daughter relationship shit next? Because everybody else has done the, I've had a baby, I'm pregnant. Like I'm constantly thinking, what's the next thing? Yeah, and then also like if you film next week

and when does it come out? And we have a new hour by then. And can you put tickets on sale when that hour comes out? And like, I'm in the same exact boat. And it's never gonna end. That's the other thing is I realized like, okay, even if I get the next hour together, then there's an hour, you're like, fuck. even if I get the next hour together, then there's an hour.

You're like, fuck. And then on top of that, when you're like doing the weekly podcast and then I have to be funny on TikTok and social media, and that's where I got my start. So I enjoy that. That's not a, that's, I really enjoy just being goofy and giggling. Yeah. But then, you know, you do the podcast, which is also like another weird love, but it's like, you're coming up with three hours of new material a week. And there are days where I feel like my brain is ping ponging all

over the place. Now the block where I was like, I can't pee on airplanes is not like a germ thing. I literally, in the last two weeks, I felt so almost out of body. Like I felt discombobulated. I would go into an airplane bathroom and I'm like, wait a minute, I'm not at my seat or I'm not in the bathroom. I'm at my seat. Oh my God. the bathroom i'm at my seat oh my god am i peeing at my seat like what the fuck where am i and i realized somebody was like that's disassociating like you're so and i think it's just because i'm really fucking tired yeah i'm in a lot of places right now and so i i would literally like have to grab the stall in the bathroom on the airplane like where am i am i okay i am actually peeing in the bathroom yeah right now which was like a weird thing you were pe peeing in the seat. I'm Delta Diamond. So please don't take that away from me.

Yeah. It is stressful. And again, never want to seem ungrateful. I love what I do. Doing touring is the most fun thing in the world. But there are days where I'm like, I feel beat up. Well, it's physically wearying. Physically. So rough. And then when you're in six different cities and you know, six days, you're like, well, this is nuts. Yeah. I woke up one day and I had no idea what city I was in. Like, I was like, I was like, I wouldn't, it took me so long to even realize like, what year is it? Yeah. Where, where in my life am I i and then you're at a walgreens and then like

somebody offers you a blunt in the walgreens you're like i'm in cincinnati yep i know exactly where i am and it's an employee yep i know the specific walgreens yep um yeah that is wearying how do you handle stress i smile and then i shut down and I shut down. And then I have like every two weeks, I have like an afternoon where I kind of like lose my shit and then I'm good. How's that? What's that look like? It's me crying in my car by myself because I don't want to burden anybody else with my stress. Because again, I don't want other people to see me sweat because I don't want them to feel like I'm ungrateful or I just know that

like I want to have a rough day by myself. And you, you've earned it. And do you feel smoking weed and drinking and it does that? It doesn't really do anything for me. Honestly, when I really shut down, I'm a very extroverted person, but I've noticed because being on the road is so overstimulating. When I come home, I need a day and I really am not getting a single day off. Because that's what people don't understand. When you're traveling, yeah, you're flying home on a Sunday. You did a show in Sacramento. It takes you forever to get fucking home. Then I got to go home and be a wife. I got to entertain my mom. I got to deal with everything else. Then I'm doing the podcast. I'm doing script notes, whatever the fuck I'm doing Monday, Tuesday, and then I'm back on the road. There is

no just one day to be quiet. And I know everybody listening who's got kids is like, well, wait till you have kids. You'll never have a day off. But when you're literally, you know, most people are Monday through Friday. And then they're like, when my agents text me and they're like, happy Friday. I'm like, fuck you, bitch. This is my Tuesday. Like I'm just getting started. I've got six shows tonight. Yeah. And the other thing with kids is you can give them a tablet. You give them a tablet. You can get a babysitter yeah where it's like the the things you have to do are they're booked in there you can't get out of it also you can't give a thousand people in a theater a tablet can't give them a tablet and also it's always for front facing right

so it's not like i mean sometimes when i'm like writing and shit i can be quiet in my own thoughts but everything is me like performing or me being front frontward facing is it so with i'm watching the tiktoks the and using so like the wine isn't stress relief because i assume that's why people drink is anxiety uh no honestly i like a glass of red wine after a show i'm not a really big drinker. Got it, got it. Weed, I'll take an edible and get giggly and goofy, but I don't need it. It's not a vice. Now, when I'm on vacation, you know, your girl likes a white wine.

Sure. But I'm not, it doesn't stress relieve me. Honestly, I like to take magnesium at night, put on compression socks and let my ankles de-swell and that's what feels good. And then I watch six hours of like cringew-worthy TikTok. That is what decompresses me. I love the socks. Yeah. When you wear heels on stage, it really fucks you up. Like I've threw out my back in April and now I'm like, okay, maybe I got to just lean back into the sneakers.

No, Ron DeSantis told me. no ronda santos told me um i'm unable to confront people other than my family even if someone has really done me wrong i like it okay i'm able to have real talks with my husband my mom my sister like we can hash it out but uh there are probably people that i should have cut out of my life a long time ago it's very hard for me to have a a comp uh like any confrontation because i again i'm like we're gonna figure it out a lot it takes a lot to really get me rattled like really genuinely upset and i'm around a lot of hot-headed new yorkers so they're always popping off so i'm like whatever let them deal with it but i'm always like it's not worth it it's not worth it it's not worth it but there are moments where my husband's been like

you need to have a fucking backbone on this. And he'll say, I know this makes you uncomfortable, but you need to fucking say what you need to say to this person. And I will tiptoe around it all day long because I just don't have the, the problem is really Neil, I don't have the fucking energy to do it. So when I, when something happens, I'm like, we'll figure it out because I don't have the energy to beef with someone. I just don't. See, that's what's funny is I have so much energy. I know you do.

I have endless energy for confrontation and righteousness and what kind of code does that person have oh and i thought we had an agreement about a code even though we never did i assume we did how could you not and i also there is a thing arthur miller said a fruitful conflict okay i'm a fan of a fruitful conflict because i think you can cover a lot of ground i i if i give you some unsolicited advice if you have to call somebody write it out yeah do bullet points like this before and put it on don't text to them write it down on a piece of paper and go over the things and figure out the best way to communicate it before you've sent it or before you say it so you know what i mean like yeah my sister's a criminal defense attorney and she's

always like i don't want you talking in circles she said that before too she's like write it down in bullet points so that you get your what you need to get across but then be shut the fuck up that's my problem i can't shut the fuck up because I'm always trying to find a resolution. You let people off the hook. All the fucking time. It is a major problem. There are so many times that I should have put my foot down and I'm like, and in a weird way, I kind of like observe and I just keep it in a vault, but here's what's going to happen. Neil, I'm going to lose my shit on this person. It's going to be, I'm going to let it go, let it go, let it go. And then we're going to have a real problem. But that's, yes. And I know that I need to snip shit in the bud before it gets to that point. Are you good with forgiving people? Yes. I forgive people

probably too quickly because the amount of energy it takes me to not like you, the amount of energy it takes for me to store that emotion of like, I'm sitting at home and I'm stewing. I mean, my husband's favorite thing is to be like, that person wronged me and she haven't gray fucked Tony or whatever it is. He eats that shit up. And that's also, I think, like a family thing too. Like they, you know, New York, they enjoy the confrontation. I'm not like that.

I'm like, you got an issue with me. Let's just squash it. Tell me what's going on so we can, I am fine with saying, I'm sorry. These families are like governments. Yes. They're like, what is your system of government? Yeah. And it's like, our system of government is called retribution.

We've always done it. We're always going to continue to do it. And it's, it's not, who knows who started it? My, all my family's like Irish fucking maniac. So they're, it's old. It's old it's so no one wants to change the system of government you're like what do you we can't go from socialism to we're this right i'm like can we at least vote on this shit they're like nope this is it we don't even have the system set up we don't it's not a it's not a democracy uh yeah yeah i don't that's a hard one even how

about with work i can put my foot down with work. I can but the problem is I have a lot of friends that work with me because again, I Very much so like my father. I want everybody to be together I find a lot of joy and watching other people succeed. I'm not a competitive person. I'm really not i'm competitive with myself That is the only person i'm competitive with. So I really want everybody to be together. And I'm like, is everyone having fun? Like,

I really enjoy having all my chickens together. So you, if you have a good, like a good killer show, that's only part of the thing that affects your mood. Like if you have a good show, but somebody got into an argument backstage before, after you,

you're as aware of that as you are at the show yes i am but the show as long as like you know as long as the show is great then i'm still on a high but then i'll go back and lay in bed at night and think like how can i resolve this and i realize i can't fix people i gotta let people do their fucking thing um but it's constantly an observation in the back of my mind and i and the problem is i also am around a lot of stubborn people so i will go to the table and be like can you fix this with this person can you do this with this and when they don't and it's just like i'm constantly getting disappointed and you don't you don't then hold that against them you don't go like i asked you to fucking solve this um in the back of my mind it's eating away at me but

yeah i don't i know that the show must go on. I'm like, we still got to go do shit. Well, no, but that would make me just like not want to work with the person. Yeah. That's where you – That's kind of how I feel. Yeah. No, yeah. But that's fine.

I mean, again, yeah, I think you have to give people a chance. Yeah. And then if they then still decide not to do it, then it's like, look, man, I need to have some boundaries. And I have learned to stick up for myself. But the biggest thing, especially like with family shit or whatever, I finally was like, I worked too hard to be this disrespected. I'm now starting to say like,

I'm not gonna let you disrespect me. And that is, because I always just, again, I'm like, people want to talk shit, whatever in one ear, not the other. But now I'm like, this is now disrespectful, even if it's a work thing to my business,

to this, to my family, to whatever. I'm drawing a line in the sand. My publicist yesterday, love Sam. She sat me down and she was like, you're being too fucking nice. She goes, so many people ask shit of you and you are not asking enough. I don't ever want to ask people to like come on my podcast. Cause I feel like I'm going to bother them. I'm like, you know how many fucking things I've done for everybody else. She's like, start asking. She's like, this is so stupid, Heather. Because I've always just kind of like stayed in my lane and done my thing. And you know, I go to work and I'm really, I'm a happy person. She's like, you need to start asking for favors because everybody asks you for

favors. I'm big with reciprocation. I am too. And I just don't know why I can't send the text and be like, hey, you know know want to do this too podcast over your block so don't um no but i'm big on reciprocation like dude it's got i've had real fallings out with people about that like i it's kind of one of the points of friendship is like yeah you have to like each other it's any relationship is you one person can't like the other one more. The differentiation can only be about 5%. And after that, you're running. It's going to start showing. It's interesting, too, with a lot of these guys in comedy because they'll always like, I'll go do their shit, you know, because they know that they want my female audience to be like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, I didn't know about this guy. And then I everyone's always too busy for me. And I'm I'm a fucking good time. So I'm just'm just like whatever i just stay in my own life yeah i can't i i have real i'm like no if if i'm kind of i'm at that point where i'm like my uh my girl sam was like no it's because you're not asking she's like ask and they say no who gives a fuck like move on you've already established yourself and done your own thing. Well, you know what I was going to say about the thing about like wanting to be on late night. Yeah.

I've been talking to people about this lately. A lot is like that world's kind of fading. Yes. Like that. So we all have these dreams of like, and then I'm going to Johnny Carson's dead. Right. Jay Leno's not, doesn't have a show anymore

david letterman is in wyoming and connecticut it's like he like he's these people these people we had dream or even snl or even yeah like all these things like i'm gonna it's all like old media stuff and you're you have 750 000000 followers on Instagram. That's a late night show. Oh, yeah. And then when I'm on tour, it's like the best thing in the world because I'm at these shows. And I do have a lot of like new fans to stand up who, you know, and predominantly like females who are like, well, I never really was a stand up fan. And they come and now they're dialed into all these other amazing.

It's the best. It's the best. They're not cynical. There is, by the way stand up it's like you're gonna laugh 50 times you're gonna if you come to the show so much fun go watch a comedy movie if you laugh three times i'll give you a ticket to a stand-up show and it's like i always say i'm like it's so much fun we're giggling yeah i don't take myself too seriously like i just want to give people a great show and I love the sense of community. It's like the most fun ever. Cause when people come to my show, they dress up animal prank,

glitter suits. Like the guys will come in outfits and they're like, they fucking love it. They're like, I'm out with all the girls and they have a blast. And then they leave. And like, that was the most fun ever.

That's my biggest thing. Listen, I'm not going to like change the world. I'm not teaching you something like you never thought about before, i'm gonna make you fucking giggle god damn it that's valuable yeah um all right what have you done in terms of you've always it's you've been sort of upbeat and happy your whole life what are things you've done that have made you happier and more like the most helpful things you've done for your mental health. Obviously, compression sucks.

Yeah, compression sucks. Honestly, knowing when to just turn it off and be by myself because I have really learned to like value my time. That must be kind of hard in marriage or did you guys establish that early? Well, Jeff's great because we can sit in a room and not speak and he's reading his golf magazines and I'm dicking around on on the internet and that is like my my love language is time i just want to spend time with people i don't care we don't have to say a word but i like to be in the room but to know when to like turn it off just to be like all right i need two hours just to be in silence to shut the fuck up neil that is what i have learned to shut the fuck up there's also something we said for like just having a body there yeah like which is why i have a ton of blow-up dolls in my house but having just a ton of beanie babies as

well yeah yeah uh like just someone there and you don't have to be like communicating you just be like you're there you're alive i'm alive i'm not in an airplane bathroom right there is something to be said for it like that it's it's positive okay what is your what's your dream for yourself and i don't and i don't mean like what's your career goal i just mean like your dream sort of overall i'll tell you right now i want to have some sort of compound i want to rehabilitate fringe bulldogs. That's my dream. I think they're unrehabilitated. You're probably right. I've got two right now that are at a behavioral camp trying to figure out.

I can hear them wheezing from here. Yeah. I've got the, I got the healthy ones, but yes. I just want to have like a compound with my friends and I want to raise healthy kids. How many friends? I would say max out probably. Well, okay. Say five friends, so, you know, five couples. And Sarah Silverman pitched

a very similar thing of like cottages. Oh, yeah. Love the cottage idea. There's a place outside of Atlanta called Sarenby, and it's kind of like, do you ever hear of Blackberry Farms? That's where they're going to train the police, right? Yes. I follow Atlanta news, guys. I want to have like a compound at this really cool

place called sarenby and they have like an organic farm and all this shit and i just want to be able to hang out with my friends and like you know deal with our life and raise our children in like a commune i yeah i've thought about that i it's a great idea and i've thought about and then i've thought about who i would invite uh-huh and then i've thought about potential like uh-oh like because you don't really know what people are like until you live with them in a compound I am still best friends though with my best girlfriends from growing up and like literally we've been friends for 30 years and so I feel like I could live with them like I get it and they're married they're married all of our husbands are friends like it's it we vacation. I have people that I like know I can vacation with.

And honestly, I had this big wedding in Italy and the best compliment I ever got from my wedding, not we love the fireworks, the food was great, all this shit. You know, I've lived so many different places. My New York friends were friends with my LA friends, met my Atlanta friends, met my University of Mississippi friends,

all these different parts of my life. The best compliment I got was, I love your friends. Wow. I loved meeting your friends from here. So the fact that at my wedding, I didn't give a fuck how I looked, all that shit. It showed. Fuck you. I've seen the photos. Sorry, sweetie. No, I looked very hot. But I literally, at my welcome party, I mean, I was so excited. I was just like, everyone's together and having a good time. Like if my dad was still alive, yes, I live at home with my mom right now,

but I know that that probably wouldn't have been different. My dad would have been like, y'all live in the next door. Like he just wanted us all together. And there's so many attributes that my dad had that I realized I'm taking on. And that's kind of why I call the special like son I never had. Like now I'm also in this interesting role. I i'm in my childhood home my office was my dad's old office and there are moments where i'm looking around you bought did you buy it from yeah we're buying it currently from my mom we're redoing everything and that's she's being a real fucking asshole she is nickel and diming made this redheaded bitch oh my god the inflation get the fuck out of here and you've had to fight fire with fire where you'll throw it.

You have Jeff go into a room before and throw mice down. And then you're like, there's mice everywhere. I'm not giving you a, I'm not giving you a dime. Oh, we've been fighting with the HOA. So I'm like there,

that's an issue. That's sweet. Well, that's, it seems like you're, you're dad's daughter. Yeah. If that makes sense.

Totally. And my sister is the same way and like his gumption for business and the way she's just like a badass, like she has, and like his intelligence. I'm more like the sales guy. You know what I mean?

Yeah. But I, I love to keep the family unit together, but there are moments where I'm like, I've hired all my friends. We, we're all in a compound. Like that's just,

yeah. I'm like my father. Just have some boundaries. You'll be good. Yeah. You're right. For real. Cause that,

that's the thing is the thing with friends is like it gets a little it gets a little familiar sometimes and it's like hey i'm your boss still like and and then you'll be socializing and you'll be talking to them like they work for you and it's like that's wrong also right um so you gotta keep it eye on it i gotta keep my eye on it yes uh i like you a lot and i had a great time speaking with you neil thank you for all this i want you to know i adore you and i really appreciate this therapy session and i hope my family doesn't hate me after this some of them oh heather mcm, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Go to follow her. All you have to do is open, open up your hand.

My man.