Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Kyle Kinane

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews Kyle Kinane ('Dirt Nap' on 800 Pound Gorilla) about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. Watch Kyle Kinane 'Dirt Nap': https://800poundgorillamedia.com/products/kyle-kinane-dirt-nap --------------------------------------------------------- 🎙️ Have a Question about your Blocks for Neal? 🎙️ Email “[e-mail]” to have your question answered on a future episode.  ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro 1:02 Neal/Kyle Similarities  5:18 What It’s Like to Be Kyle Kinane 7:08 Childhood / Parents 13:37 Kyle’s Take on the World 18:14 Judgmental: Rules For Thee But Not For Me  23:52 Sponsor: HelloTushy 25:40 Sponsor: The Perfect Jean 28:30 Karma & Catholicism 41:54 Being Midwestern 45:38 Sponsor: Mando 47:50 Achieving Dreams ---------------------------------------------------------- FOLLOW & RATE Blocks: » Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blocks-w-neal-brennan/id1658660161 » Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6gx3bANm25DtKA3cnlBH1r https://nealbrennan.com for tickets Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Neal's Instagram: https://instagram.com/nealbrennan Neal's Twitter: https://twitter.com/nealbrennan Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle -------------------------------------------------------- https://www.HelloTushy.com/NEAL for 10% OFF your entire order https://www.ThePerfectJean.nyc/NEAL15 for 15% OFF plus free shipping https://www.ShopMando.com use promo code: NEAL for $5 off Mando Starter Pack Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi everyone it's me no brennan uh this is the blocks podcast my guest today is a guy who let me read his uh his plugs he has a new hour special called dirt nap uh which is going to be on 800 pound gorillas media website on march 4th he's going to be on a tour and the name of the tour is it's not a tour it's the job kyle canane is my guest today everybody kyle canane.com for tickets and all that shit kyle welcome to the program buddy he sounded thrilled kyle welcome to the program he sounded like you judged everywhere in that no because i was trying well that's just my that's just my uh my instrument i know it's a i've played judgmental horn um even if i don't want to you can retune that you know well how it's a tuning

wait i've been do i've been trying to retune it there's a whole scale in that track my my drug usage i've tried so much stuff um clearly this guy doesn't watch the netflix specials um kyle we know each other in passing i would say there's a mutual respect i think you think i think you think i don't know what you i think you think i'm probably a little i don't know why i'm starting this like mark merritt like here we go yeah i i consider us more categorically similar than different i'll take that in that we both respect joke writing we care about what we're output we care about what we're saying we care about how we're saying it we care about uh if there's any integrity to uh our being and our approach to things i'm probably flashier than you but like that but but in in our essences this is um i would say that we're similar like you care

how things go like do you do you write off bad sets or do you take them personally i take them you're not gonna believe this far more personally than the good sets i think anybody who is unaffected by a bad set is a sociopath. I think they're on there. There may not be full sociopath there. I mean, they're at least a narcissist. But here's my question for you. What do you attack within?

What's your first? If you bomb, what happened? Don't even think specifically about a set. It's always what do you think happened? It's always me. But what? What about you? Didn't have a plan going into it thought too much of myself i know i call that my menu

okay i didn't have my my menu for the night i got this idea it's gonna be great i'll ride on that for 10 minutes never happened once no and it bombs in the first minute you're like oh scram in it i first three sentences and i'm like fuck this many drinks. Still too many drinks before a short set. Not a problem for me. Yeah. You're not in it. And I'm not drunk, but just like, oh, I took, I dulled the blade a little. Sure.

And that doesn't like, these people are all sitting here watching a show. I like to be in the room watching who's up before me and what's the temperature of the room and how it's going. That's part of being prepared. Because then it's like, oh, somebody did a joke about this. And if you're drinking, you're not, or you're not.

I am, but I'm like talking to somebody next to me and I'm like, you know, I'm socializing. I'm in the room, but I'm being a dick in the back. That's talking and making jokes while the comics on stage, hopefully not too loud,

but that volume changes on the number of drinks. But it's, it's always something that I did. Is it preparation? Because I can go into my essence. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like what you just said, where you're like, every word of that sounded judgmental. I didn't think I was sounding judgmental. I wasn't trying to sound judgmental. I was trying to sound something, but not judgmental. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's where I go wrong. When I say I go wrong, it's like,

that's in my essence. I go like, I need a time machine to re, uh, interpret all of my life leading up to this. Oh, well, okay.

If you want to crack that egg, then yeah. The, the disposability of, of what we're doing. Like, no, no,

no, not disposability. What is your outlook on life? That's what I mean. Where I'm like, what good what is your outlook on life that's what i mean where i'm like what good is this doing that's never my issue my issue is like i really want to do this and i really want to be good at this and but the part of me that writes jokes is so sour that it comes out in the performance whereas if i were if i were uh uh slicker, I would write jokes from a bitter place and go up there with a smile. And I would always try and fix myself by the joke writing.

I would always be like, oh, if my reaction to something is like, well, that's stupid. I'd be like, wait, wait, is it stupid? Or am I not allowing myself to look further into it? I'd make it hard for myself because i think the results are better when i'm like well if there's something i immediately want to shoot down then i will try to praise it or find out why it's my problem that i'm shooting it down that's a nuanced approach yeah well cynicism so goddamn exhausting yeah you've seen this stuff it's stupid look at that it's stupid this thing over here it's pretty stupid. This thing over here, it's pretty stupid. Maybe you're stupid.

Maybe you're a drag to be around and your attitude sucks. And I can't imagine, like, in seven minutes, that's probably a pretty funny set. But I can't imagine watching a half hour or an hour. So you have seen my Netflix special? Something's wrong with me. I want to get off the specifics of stand-up and, like, what do you think about life? What's it like to be you man i it's pretty simple dude and sometimes i'm bummed out that i'm that simple but yeah been with my

partner for 10 years oh you haven't all right yeah yeah 10 years just not getting married both of us are like for what should we do this like i don't know why unless one of us gets in like a health insurance situation, which is not the reason. It's never going to happen. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, not here. So sometimes I'm like, oh, I should be more the arbitrary idea of age and time. 47, oh, when so-and-so was this age, he had this, had a business, had this.

Without sounding, hopefully not sounding arrogant, I had this, had a business, had this. And they're like, without sounding, hopefully not sounding arrogant, I think I crushed it. I think I won. Jokes pay the bills. And I go and I ride bicycles for fun. And I have a room with guitars and drums in it. I can't play any of them. But when I'm home alone, I make a bunch of noise.

I have a smile on my face. That night I go, I live like Tom Hanks in Big when he finally accepts that he's big and he just puts a trampoline in his apartment. That's it. And I know to some people it might sound juvenile. We're like, when are you going to grow up? For what? Like what? Tell me the reason.

Tell me why. Because you like doing your own taxes why what tell me what the reason is and so that's and knowing that checking in with myself on that puts everything else in perspective of like am i really going to get pissed off that this person got that or i should have more this really grateful for what i have um the kids thing was never in the cards for me wasn't interested in it sometimes i'm like am i a sociopath because there's just no part of me like oh i should have a child because that would give my life what i'm interested in is like did you not i think there could just be like i'm not interested and then other times i'm

like am i not interested or is this some sort of like vendetta yeah against my parents because like they were so shitty i'm not even gonna bother see that you know what i mean it's like when you they weren't my parents were great i almost felt like the kids came in and kind of messed up having them even more fun you know the part where you realize that your parents were just people before you came along i mean they're still just people but they were just like do you ever think like would your parents would you be friends with your parents if you were just a contemporary of them they it was so long ago that like it's it would have been like my life's very different from what their life was yeah but like if like social circumstances were the same you were in the same town you met your parents i know what you're i know what you're asking me and

i don't know i would think my mom was sort of like a nice lady probably yeah but they weren't my mom raised 10 kids so like that was her identity yeah that was who she was like there was no and all there wasn't there wasn't no and also but there was like not a ton of and also she was this she was just kind of that and my dad was a tax attorney and kind of a mean-spirited guy so like probably not but it sounds like you might it sounds like you were friends with your mom and probably still are but that's what trying to understand yeah i'm friends with both my parents it's just trying to understand them as people if you can somehow remove the parent-child relationship from them and this isn't a psychological question but i'd

be like oh it'd be curious to know because you see how your friends are with your kids has your mom ever told you like yeah i wasn't i've heard people's parents say like that i if i were gonna do it over again i don't think i have kids no no my mom wouldn't allow herself to say that and she does she like her like like the best thing i can do is just call her just bullshit she like likes you she's never hung up a phone call right okay yeah she wants and she'll just go she'll go like she's talked to wrong she'll go. Like, she's talked to wrong numbers for 45 minutes. Yeah, she'll go with anybody. But she likes you.

Yeah, we get along. I mean, your parents, you have your squabbles and you don't see eye to eye on stuff. Are the arguments ever emotional or is it just like, what are you, you're voting for what? No, it's not even that. It's just like, you know, it's like your parents want to see how you run your life one way and you get old enough and you think, well, you should be doing this with your life. It's like, we're not getting anywhere with this just

accept how somebody is somebody's going to make their choices and that's how they're going to live their life yeah and why like to think you know everybody thinks they know what's best for each other that's kind of a problem in the family everybody thinks you know without understanding the circumstances why somebody does something i think they know what's best because they know it's best for them and acknowledging that what's best for you is not what's best for somebody else is a big that's a that's a roadblock i think that i have that did it take a while to come to that with everyone or with with your parents first no my parents it's kind of having to explain like you know it's like hey there's a lot of ways to do this.

I understand that you are choosing this way to approach it, but there's a lot of ways. And just because that way works for you doesn't mean it works for other people. And that's a bit of a, you know, there's control issues there. And so realize, but instead of me being 15 year old, Kyle, like, fuck that, I'm not going to do it. It's like, well, listen, Hey, I understand that. I see where you could, that's a good, that is a good way to do it, but I am going to choose to do it this way. And if it fails, know that it's only failing on paper. I'm learning from why it's failing. Like, like allowing somebody to learn by failure was not something that happened in my family.

Like I just bought a house and I'm learning all this stuff now as a grown man. Which stuff? Finances or like wood? Wood, like fixing things. Yeah. Taking care of stuff because it was just like, we just want to get this thing done it wasn't like teaching moments so often and it wasn't a lot like you know you're from a city and he's like so this sport this that it was not a lot of influence put onto the kids of like oh they were into this thing my dad was

work midnights and then was around him he had motorcycles he had cars he had an airplane at one point and be like oh that sounded cool what happened he's cars he had an airplane at one point i'd be like oh that sounded cool what happened he's like you i'm like all right well i didn't i didn't know you had to give up all your interests because of kids but i mean he works with airplanes he likes what he does yeah but there wasn't a lot and then sundays we're gonna watch the bears game we're gonna take you to the sport he was sort of a loner yeah a little bit so he was like mildly interested in you guys yeah well i also didn't give him much to be interested in like once my sister got into sports it's like well this is what you do you go and you cheer

at the volleyball game it is a weird thing where like families in some ways are just four people that don't know each other that well yeah in a car and you're just kind of like ah well and imagine having a kid that doesn't like i was i like drawing and everything and i was pretty good at art but how you don't cheer for art you encourage art but it's like that's wow good job there's but it's not like let's rally let's like cheer for the art the art off yeah yeah yeah on saturday crush this museum you know yeah we're our favorite monet paintings on our shirt we're team monet brewing other paintings yeah yeah this one man this guy's um so that was like i went from that into all the punk rock stuff which your parents aren't supposed to understand because

that's the whole point is like look at how different i am then then my mom would come to every show i'm like well this defeats the purpose and everybody like my mom gets along with everybody's like yeah miss canane's here and like that was like well all right well i still want to i still like this music a lot i'm not trying to take down governments i just like faster louder music sure and mom's here so and she lets us practice in the house so it sounds like like you were like the the your home life was pretty peaceful it was frustratingly utopian because i wanted i needed something to be different we're gonna say your dad was a little remote but understandably it worked nice yeah yeah what are you gonna do and then are your are your issues with the world

more pronounced meaning like are you sort of like do you feel like you fit into the world or not especially you know that's like this outsider status thing like high school was still i was gonna be the funny guy i was good in school i was a smart ass that the teachers would let get away with it yeah so i'd still do good in the class i would show i'd be a smart ass within the context of also showing that i'm paying attention and so i got away with being that guy i fucked everything up in college that's why i just i just drank and was just no hard drugs just just pot and booze and just basically just put pause on you know just stunted adulthood for took me seven years by my couch 30 years yeah but you clearly

but you were doing things yeah i didn't do't do anything. I started stand-up, and I really thought, like, this is it. I lived at home until I was 26, and I was doing open mics. That's what I was doing. But what's your take on the world? Like, do you, do you, because you seem, just based on your act. There's prescription cat food out there. Why? Who's trying to get the cat food that's not okay man man hook

me up hook me up with that hills prescription man like you're you're not you're not with all of it you're not like crazy about the way things are set up and but i don't but are you like bitter or are you just more like no i feel like the in the most spiritual sense the best i can hope for is that i go through this world without making it worse and maybe it's a little bit better because of some jokes maybe i let somebody and i know that sounds very altruistic but like oh did you leave in a better mood than you came in or you're in a shit mood and so you do listen to comedy and my comedy isn't just dick and farts like maybe there's something in there that like made you like feel a little less alone then that's and that's it and the fact that that emotion that somebody got from it that's the imposter syndrome like oh i'm glad you feel

better but that's a gesture of opening a door to me you don't get paid for that that's the imposter syndrome like oh i'm glad you feel better but that's a gesture of opening a door to me you don't get paid for that that's just the least i'm not giving the money away don't get me wrong but it's the least a human being can do is like well if you're gonna talk at least have it be fucking somewhat pro social or yeah well that's i mean that was my whole social group was like if you're gonna complain something, it better be funny because otherwise who cares? Why are you complaining? Life, it's very Midwestern. Life is never good. Life is fine at its best point, but mostly it kind of sucks. And we all agree it kind of sucks. So if we're going to sit around with it sucking and we're going to talk about it sucking, better be pretty funny about it and that's the type of humor that i grew up with like oh like if my buddy bob had a bad day that was the best time like oh bob had a shit day we got to get him over because he was going to be the most fun dude to listen to complain and then he'd feel better because we're all laughing with him i mean we're all burnouts delivering pizza we're

at we know subconsciously we're not we're all fucking losers but yet we're having the best time of our life because we're complaining about being little i'm not really doing anything to change it but we're also i mean maybe we're kind of stunted it because of how much fun we were having in that moment being losers together like why would we change this what are you gonna do get a degree yeah our one buddy got a degree now he can't hang out what's friday night we're getting stoned behind the pizza place have like laughing harder than we're gonna laugh in the rest of our lives you never felt trapped by that because i think some people would feel like eventually it got to that point because that's good that's a good thing to have like when you're 17 or 18

then there's a point where i'm like oh wait my friends are now graduated college and have houses and i'm still doing this what's happening and so i just moved to la so i just ran away from all the reminders of what i should be doing at my age and i moved to la and what did you think of la i thought it was great because it's everybody choosing that era in their life and staying there. In LA. Yeah. Everybody's like, oh, it was this character from my hometown. Now I'm this character here.

Like, it's obnoxious. You think it's the same character or a different character? I think it's a heightened version of that character. I mean, you can't. There are the reinvention stories out here. But I do like LA for the fact that you could still go to the Rainbow Room and see some dude that was like his heyday was 1989. And he doesn't want to let it go. And so he's still going to go and sit there and relive the old time. Like, I can have it, man.

Are you happy? Then let these dipshits laugh at you like their fashion's not going to go out of style at some point. That's it's Seinfeld's joke about it's all fathers essentially dress in the clothing style of the last good year of their lives they just dress like that forever yeah which this is true hey this came back around man no i know i was gonna say you live in portland but you dress like that before i've been this guy i've been this guy since uh i feel like portland like came and got you like come on okay it's time thank god i was never successful during my rockabilly years because the hair fell out and i couldn't hang on to that one um so and are you

judgmental or no you have oh yeah yeah but not for me which i'm which i'm interested in oh yeah internally it's something i'm trying to actively work on just quietly i've judged every single person that i've walked by when that time frame could be used with just thinking about bettering myself or they've been like look at this fucking guy what's the what's the premise of your judgment all the usually just you just superiority what's funny what are you doing with yourself your judgment like when i opened by saying like i feel like we're more categorically different similar than different where i was always felt like your judge i would project your judgment of me have been like look at this fucking hot shot fucking thinks he's blah blah blah where

it it like oh you think you're better than me but you're telling me that your judgment was actually like i'm better than you well it's because it's oh you're better than me well let me tell myself why i'm better than you you know right one one handshakes the other in that situation but it's it short changes every interaction if you i mean especially it's an la thing it's a status thing it's a comedy thing. It's a status thing. It's a comedy thing. I mean, LA doesn't make it difficult to judge somebody. LA's set up for status differences. Yeah, you're getting out of a yellow Lamborghini. I'm not expecting to meet the most humble individual.

Let's connect. Yeah. Look at this well-balanced individual. We have similar values. Yeah. But why am I using my energy for that? That's where I'm disappointed. It's not that like, why am I using my energy for that? That's where I'm disappointed. It's not that like, oh, I'm sure.

Some of it's short-changing relationship or getting to know somebody. But that can be diffused just by meeting them. Almost always. You judge everybody from their act or how you see them behaving. But then you meet somebody like, oh, I was ready to think you were a jerk. Yeah. And then you're not. It's like, what was that energy for?

Why did I use up any bandwidth with that? I know. I think the mind is scanning for threats all the time. And now that there's no physical threats, now that like your friends, the plumbers and the electricians have set everything up so good. Yeah. We now it's all social threats and status threats. But what's a true social threat? Like if you're happy with who you are, there's no status threat.

Right. There's no social threat. So now I'm like, oh, I'm not happy with myself. Fuck, that's the root of it. But isn't it? Yeah. And then, and do you not want to deal with that are you like oh fuck i thought you i thought it was your hair yeah turns out it's my hair yeah

or lack thereof yeah i mean do you know what i mean like is is that the i'm with you in terms of what a time waste it is the the hard part is the looking at your relationship with yourself which is what i'm interested in it's like as a therapy junkie would you say that like how how often do you have to be that way for it to be a problem versus days where like i'm learning the difference between introvert and extrovert like the true like oh it's just where you get your energy from i always thought introvert meant i hated people i'm like i don't i can be totally social at a show but when it's time for like okay i'm gonna wake up i have no plans my first thing is like let's see what somebody's doing it's like no i have no plans i'm gonna play drums poorly i'm gonna enjoy my own company

and then because i'm doing that i haven't any negative thoughts i haven't sat there and let unless i'm on the internet looking at what somebody said what do you guys think about me yeah any literally anyone tell me yeah and that'll ruin it whereas like oh just by myself i haven't i haven't jump-started that alone. It's always from some outside impetus. So is it a problem? Or is it just like, oh, I went out and that guy... Because I usually correct myself right away too because I'll see somebody that looks like a putz. I'm like, look at this guy.

I'm like, why? Because he likes who he is and he wants to dress like a kook? Is it like a reflex? Is it a defense mechanism? I think it's like a jealousy of people that are so comfortable or seemingly so comfortable in their skin they will express themselves they will wear a t-shirt of the thing they like someone at ease is a threat like that and it's the easiest thing to make fun of the guy that i would see regularly on the hoverboard with big headphones and vaping like like full cyber dork but why that guy doesn't

give a shit that's actually awesome i just saw him he's wearing an apple vision pro of course he is of course he is of and we want to judge anybody wearing one of those yeah and it's one of those things that i bet if you tried it you'd be is sick. Fuck, I will not be seen with this on, but this is awesome. Yeah, of course it is. Yeah. So why am I threatened by people that like who they are? Hello, Tushy. Want you to remember one thing.

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you know the kinds of pants i've talked about the kind of pants i wear uh they were comfortable they were stretchy i've been doing a thing recently called horse squats you can look those up where you just hold a horse pose like you're riding a horse for about i'm up to 60 seconds uh they work there they worked uh walking around going to get thai food of course and what else do i do that's about it i do horse squats and eat Thai food and uh and then I'll watch tv it's finally time to stop crushing your balls and uncomfortable jeans by going to the perfectgene.nyc our listeners get 15% off your first order plus free shipping free returns and free exchanges when you use code NEAL15 at checkout. That's 15% off for new customers at the perfectgene.nyc with promo code NEAL15. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them.

Please support the show and tell them we sent you. Tell them Neil sent you. Fuck your khakis and get the perfect gene. Neil 15, Neil 15, perfect gene, Neil 15. Sounds like a Brian Adams lyric. Who's Brian Adams? Neil, I'm young. Well, grandpa's going to tell you all about him right after this. How is your relationship with yourself changed? I don't know. It seems a pretty safe child environment, like to be a kid.

Yeah, I've had no major obstacles. And that, here's a block. I don't know if it's a Catholic thing or whatever. Well, something bad's gonna happen and the longer something bad doesn't happen the worse the thing is gonna be oh it's compounding oh yeah it's definitely there's building up there's definitely a spiritual tax that i feel like you always say like oh this person had a hard childhood and then this happened and this happened. Now they're a motivational speaker. But if somebody is just 50 and everything falls apart, you never hear from them again.

Like, oh, that was too much. I'm taking myself out of society. It was too much in the wrong time. Yeah. Because he don't have time to over. I didn't have a skill set built up to deal with hardship. And there's a little bit – and I'm not going to be like I have a trauma kink to try and develop it. Or what victim mentality, I guess, is the term where everything's the worst.

So there is that kind of, that is a shadow. Are you worried? A shadow in the corner of the room. Are you worried for yourself? Worried about what it's going to be or how I'm going to deal with it because I don't, I haven't had any, anything in my upbringing

or my experience to know how to deal with that. And you can't fake that. I'm with you. I think, I've had this argument with people that grew up poor and, or, or, or just have like a rough

sort of outlook on life and it's like people are gonna people will figure it out i think like the it's it won't be like gilligan's island where she which was a tv show uh where it's like the my jewels like it's people are gonna get hard quickly i don't think you have to bleep your age if you're gonna reference no of course not i think i just i just told on myself yeah i saw it first run by the way i wrote on it too much yeah yeah um but yeah like i think people will get it together i think you'll figure out yeah what just because you didn't grow up on the plains and people weren't dying of scurvy and and i guess infections it's a mix of being scared of

having a deal with it or what if the shit happens and i deal with it and what what if what if i live a life of no tragedy oh what's gonna happen to you when you die what karmically you know i'm gonna get reincarnated as the worst in the worst situation here's the question what do you think if are you still what do you think of catholicism it's not the religion's not a thing but like but it's in there oh yeah but the guilt part i think i can't blame it entirely on catholic i mean well part i think i can't blame it entirely on catholics oh but i mean well no i can well you mentioned karma in one of these books and i'm like the idea of uh of like you you say you're crippling concept of karma or that yeah luck is finite and what if you've used all your luck that is a very catholic concept and it is a very or car whatever

you want to call it which is i just thought it's a human concept like that's so weird like that's what religion can do to you is it can fuck you up from childhood and then you just think well everybody deals with this right like you know it's the the freedom of speech not freedom of consequences like living is that is not like live believing in yourself and being a good person is still not freedom from consequences. Right. I guess that's the kind of guilt – I mean that's how you could juke somebody into being a nun or something is like, well, are you so – You really want to knock this out. Like you really want to overcome –

Oh, lock me into service. Lock me into just being – just serving the good of the Lord because you've made me so terrified of the consequences of sin or enjoying my time on earth even a little bit that just let me be a nun, let me be a monk, let me go into that. Because now I've isolated myself because I don't trust my own existence.

Well, it's how bad a thing could i do that would be worse than 70 years of service as a nun so you think like all nuns are secretly just serial killers that i think they know that yeah i think they're just like i think they're doing what you're saying like fuck it let me just knock this out that's the movie to write that's a serial killer that just knows that that's what's in her capabilities and so that's why she's removed herself yeah it's still she's still in the in the black in terms of like she's it morally still more it's oppressive because she's a nun but it's good because it's a woman forward story no it's a lot it has a lot of virtues okay um i'm an idea man i don't write the script if i come into town i draw a million dollar ideas i leave um so you're worried about karma

you're worried about about like it's been too good for too long something bad's gonna happen yeah yeah it's it's hard to appreciate anything going well because there hasn't been hardship for perspective and so what why do i get this why do i get why do i get to be the comic that gets to pay his bills it's funny because you look so uh like you've always looked like you don't think things are going well and that things haven't gone well meaning but you're just irish or whatever irish and german probably but like irish forward is really yeah the attitude that comes out yeah yeah like you're just irish but at the same time you feel like uh no this is going really well yeah well that's why the comedy is always like i'm happy but with with trepidation like i always approach everything like i'm sure this is fine but i'm not going to enjoy it 100 and that's i mean i think

i'll attribute that to mid Midwestern sensibilities too, of like, Oh, something's good happening. Don't get used to it. Yeah. It's not going to be like this. And,

but you have, do you think you deserve, it's all about what you deserve. Yeah. It's, you think you're so great. You think, and it's like,

I think I put in comments before the fall and all that stuff. Yeah. And I think I put in the work. I think I put in the work. I think I put in the miles to get where I am, so maybe I'm accepting it a little bit more. But I'm accepting, I think I'm getting exactly what I should be getting for the amount of effort put in. I don't think stand-up should be elevated

at the level that people are holding it right now. I think it's a service job, and I think it should be rewarded as such 80 grand a year plus benefits no we could do a little better than that okay buck 30 all right you know solid you know middles and then a headlight solid feature solid feature buck 30 yeah clock around two two okay two two a year for benefits yeah 250 if you're really you know you're getting all five shows out with overtime yeah and if you're adding shows all right i'll give you three but then cap it there cap it at that and but you're jealous yeah yeah you're jealous i'm not giving any of my money

away right yeah i mean i'd like yeah but i'm not like doing it for free i'm not giving any of my money away right yeah i mean i like yeah but i'm not like doing it for free i'm not like so like nope everything all proceeds i made it in another dumpster later like i i saw those punk rock kids too and i'm like i i like some i like having some things i think part of aging or maturity or something is just accepting like no i think comedians should there should be a ceiling on what we make and also give me more money yeah give me more stuff and give me more money and you just like both of those are true for me well since we're already allowing this much money to be floating around yeah i think i should have a slice of it but if we were to start over and also i don't like that hack making yeah too

much money i i mean i'd be fine if did. And somebody thinks that I'm a hack, but they're wrong. I'm right about who's a hack. I'm again, the judgment thing. I'm always correct. Also, I'm always wrong and I hate myself, but also I like who I am and my opinions are facts. So what's the percentage of positive and negative emotions within you day to day? I mean, I think it's also the strength of those emotions like positive like like rooted positive emotions like man things are good i'm grateful for what's going on i'm grateful for my health those are large emotions and those are a big percentage this large emotions that you ignore or large emotions i know but they're always there that's like that's like that's, that's the fallback cushion.

When all these little tertiary bullshit emotions of like, somebody said this about me, I'm going to be angry about this. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Pivot to the large emotions. So that's why all these little things, they'll consume me for an afternoon. So it takes a little bit harder to pivot back to the larger emotions that are positive. But when I do, I'm like, oh yeah, me for an afternoon so it takes a little bit harder to pivot back to the larger emotions that

are positive but when i do i'm like oh yeah what stupid little noise all this is like like can you laugh at how much you let this bother you have you tried to work on your habits around it yeah i blocked a lot of social media on my phone yeah now because like twitter sucks and twitter like i just i gave that password over to my management like just use it for promos yep i need to get away from it i'm glad thread sucks because it's like oh i don't even want to do this i forgot about it yeah it's it shows up i'm like oh yeah get away instagram was like silly and now that's getting tainted you know it's getting ruined by the bots and the trolls you're racist but towards bots and trolls.

That's how it sounded like. We used to have fun, and then the bots and trolls came through. Yeah. And it sounds like Mexicans and whatever. It just sounds more like cops. I don't think that's right. This place used to be where we parted until the cops came. I'm going to go more that way.

I like the Mexicans. I like racism. All right. Well, again, my opinions are facts facts so what i said was better so uh but that but so that's that'll get to a point of disgust where i'm like all right i'm out and i take it off my phone do all this stuff too for good emotional hygiene yeah that's great yeah it's tough because i did the same thing by the way because but you did were you like aligning value with like oh a tweet did well or somebody said this to me and like i would

it my mood my human mood i was and it's fucked right yeah and then you and i found myself doing it last night because i had to download it to post and i was like just stop it just don't do it like what why would i open i go in the dm i'm like why am i opening up uh like a fucking like a meet and greet don't you have like you've got people like here's the password right i would like this to be on twitter today yeah i yes i don't like delegating that. So I've just kind of cut off all of my, but whatever. So I'm with you in terms of, is that something you've gotten better at? Because that's something I've definitely gotten better at. Like, what's hurting me?

Let me stop. Well, I would compare it to, I used to smoke. I used to be a real heavy smoker. And I would say my fingers were yellow. My breath stank. I had a horrible smoker's cough. And I was like my fingers were yellow. My breath stank. I had a horrible smoker's cough. And I was like, you bought this. Not only do you have all this, making you wildly unattractive,

you also paid for it. You paid a premium for this. Let's look at that. Hey, look at this coughing, smelly nightmare. Oh, he's actually subscribed to this. He actually has a daily amount of money he spends. I'm like, that's fucking ridiculous. And so I would look at my mood or how I was behaving

or how I'd feel so pissed off. And I'm like, I walked into that. I let this happen. This isn't the world happening to me. It's a choice. I went, oh, can i feel like shit today over nothing yeah over nothing i can change not like really had to remove myself and look like look at how this can go one of two ways but like this how disposable and temporary everything we do is in

our existences now that could sound like the most bleak, like, well, then why not go shoot up a mall? Right. If there's nothing after this, you know, the whole, if there's no God, why would you not be a piece of shit? Because I still have a moral compass.

Yeah. But more so like these things are taking out, we have limited amount of time on this planet. And this isn't like, this isn't me like trying to tell, this isn't a speech to tell somebody else. is what i have to tell myself yeah we have such such finite amount of time and then you got a whole afternoon of being pissed you could have just gone for a walk you could have done anything else watch tv even was like parenting yourself where you're like hey hey

little guy yeah let's let's let's look at seven-year-old little guy let's not look at comments look at the thing look at the glass you threw because a guy who might not even be real said a thing that nobody else saw either troll yeah it sounds like a bot or troll yeah it sounds like one of these goddamn bots or trolls bots are coming over my premise is pretty good it pretty good. It ain't cops. It's Mexicans. It's always Mexicans. Yeah. And that is, I had a thought when you were talking about, I was just thinking about why did I always think that you were like sort of enduring hardship and being Midwestern is a commitment yeah to like it's like we traveled so

it's like an immigrant story that never ends yeah we could have just gone we made it over an ocean what if we just keep going we came from sylvakia and then we go to and it was hard then we had to walk and then we get on boat and we sit in the carriage and we're vomiting the river stopped people yeah no and then you and then you're like and then they get here and they're like we florida like no let's go to cleveland where we can continue feeling sorry for ourselves it's still cold does it still kill crops and livestock that's all we deserve like we go there and it's just a continuation of this like self-pity yeah hardship and probably it's like doing it there's probably something catholic

about it of like self-flagellation oh there's definitely like a like a location or a web but again it's it's it's camaraderie i was was always like, sports are stupid. You're all getting together to root for a bunch of guys. It's a sense of camaraderie. And so when you know you got to work at 8 a.m. after shoveling snow off your car just like everybody else that did and you're all just like, this shit. But we're all here. Why am I going to get mad at you?

We already did the thing that sucks today. Now let's enjoy each other's company. Cause we already, we already have a shared misery and that bonds people. Yeah. It's, it's fun. It's so, I really think I understand the Midwest and I grew up in Chicago for like nine years. So like my family, like I'm not, it's not like I'm like, what is that place? I understand now what's happening.

Yeah. And the celebration is summertime when every single neighborhood has five block parties going on, we know this isn't going to last. We are out and we are having the best time of our life because we're not leaving, but we're all like, I mean, you go to a bar when it's like miserable out and a few people are in there, those are your best friends. Like you still wanted to come out. Yeah.

You still wanted to have drinks and shoot the shit with whoever might be here tonight. You know which coat's yours? You're leaving with a different hat, different gloves, different scarf. They're all in the corner. It's a commitment to shared misery. Yeah. But then that's not miserable. Right.

So. It's kind of cozy. So it's kind of, but that is, that's weird that in my 40s I had to realize that's what rooting for a sports team was, is that if they lost, you all shared the loss. You all walked out to the parking lot angry about it. If they won, you all shared the win. It's us. It's just a tribe.

Yeah. But the values of the tribe in sports, it's like whatever. It's a little too bro-y for me. The so-called character of the team. rowey form the so-called character of the team and yeah and then if it's location it's like fucking it floods here or it snows here and fucking hurricanes or the avalanche these fucking avalanche it's like a shared enemy it's having an accomplishment without having to do anything for it yeah i'm from this place that's terrible well what if you move well then my personality goes yeah my whole personality is predicated on being opposed to a certain weather pattern.

Okay. John Roy has a great joke just about being in LA or something. It's not like that, but that New York pizza. Then go back. Yep. Nobody told you we were running out of comedians or actors. Anytime somebody's in LA like, well, I got to be here for work. Were we running low on you?

Yeah, we're good. Were we running out of whatever it is you have to offer? I'm pretty sure we're not. Go ahead and call the airline. Let them know you're going to need to move. I'm the only one auditioning for this? Crazy. Yeah.

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Everyone's going to thank you. Or you might just get something like, what is that? And you'll just go, it's a Mando. Throw it away. Don't go, it's a Mando. Just give it like a Amanda like sort of confident little smug bye what did you want and did you get it and are you still trying to get it no I got it I got I mean stand up is the puzzle that doesn't get finished there's no edges to it

and so that like just to have that I was going to do that anyway. Like, I just found the purpose. I was going to be a warehouse manager that recreationally has the thing. It's, I know you don't want to keep talking about stand-up, but it does define, you know, a lot of my motivation. It's not just like tell jokes, get laughs. It's like it colors how I move through the world. Can I change? I'm not on all the time but everything's getting processed into like maybe it's because i don't do i'm not writing scripts i'm like i just do

stand-up and so i was going to be like it looked i was like pub sports it was like darts or billiards here's the thing that you're going to go to a bar and but i go thursday nights we got we got league night you know that's what's the end of this that's what it looked like to me like this will be the thing that i'm excited about and then a few people that are good at it they might get to the next level but for the most part here's my gang of people doing this is our night out i still want to be good at the thing but here's my social group that i'm not looking for elsewhere. So I was going to be, I was probably going to be like,

you know, move my way up and warehouse or whatever job you get because you're, you know, not at the rock bottom IQ and can fill a hole in a company somewhere that that's what I would have gotten. And I would have just still been doing standup. I think because I love it. Yeah.

So it moved up into this place where it's my job. So I got that thing. I got that part. And whether it sounds dumb, I didn't have goals of like a family or these like this American dream type thing. I guess the American dream thing is like doing what you love and paying your bills. So I got that. I have a partner that I love, and it's been 10 years,

and that's amazing to me. And she's the one who like helps me like, hey, why are you mad today? Because you looked at your phone? What if you just don't look at your phone? Nothing's happening on there that's going to change the world right now. What if you just put it down? For her to like be patient with that instead of being like, us idiots yelling at Instagram, I'm going to split.

So I got that. be patient with that instead of being like us idiots yelling at Instagram, I'm going to split, you know? So, so I got that. And so now, and making me list these things off as just got that other shoe waiting to drop just right there. So thank you for this. Uh, that's why the cancer's building.

Yeah. Something's going wrong. Something. What is that? Is that a lump? I don't know. Uh, I did.

I changed. I did change some lives. I mean, Iwesterners can't have nothing nice i've vegetarian i go back to the midwest and i just have to like quietly eat sides at thanksgiving i'm like don't mom don't bring it up i don't need to hear shit yeah don't bring it up i still love casserole i'm not vegan i'll still eat all the cheese you could throw at me sure yeah so i do and this is like this is the gratitude. And so that's because the standup was like, well, life sucks, but let me try and talk about it in an optimistic way. I can still find things that are frustrating, but it's not disingenuous.

Yeah. It's not going to be like, oh, and then I'm broke. I'm not broke. I'm not going to, I'm not going to false. I'm not going to falsify my life for standup. So that's a challenge in its own right. If you're going to talk to people that aren't, like life is shitty for a lot of people out there. And the reason I got my career is because I related to that. And I'm still trying to be relatable. I understand that there's frustrating

things in life, but maybe here's how you can look at these. Here's some perspective on when something's frustrating, you can kind of flip it into this. So that's where I think there's still relatability and there's still a lot of meat on the bone left to do the kind of standup that I want to do. And so I'm grateful for that. So yeah, I'm listing all these things.

Make me realize how petty I am. And that's pissing right but again that's this i've been on gratitude for a couple months it's fucking unbelievable yeah like i make gratitude checklists every day several times a day four times a day just to like because i was talking to rain wilson about about i was saying like islam they you got to pray five times a day and i was like that's about the right amount yeah that you got to remind yourself like no fucking be a good person and uh and then he goes well why don't you do a and i was talking about gratitude and he goes why don't you do a gratitude journal five times a day and uh and i was like fine so i just do a

checklist yeah of like remind of the facts of what's happening in my life instead of the sci-fi dystopian sci-fi i write about what's what i think is happening in this person and they said and they think and did it and it's a much richer story though the dystopian sci-fi has so many more interesting characters and plot twists of course yeah this is pretty much like crickets yeah because afterwards you're like yep things are great and you're just like yeah but but if but i don't a lot of fun right but i don't i'm not buying the thing of like and therefore i'm gonna be smited by the yeah i'm working on that i'm gonna i just think like i don't think anyone can understand what anything spiritual or what's actually happening on Earth.

I don't think we can understand it. So I'm just going to try to appreciate if I were a God, I would want people to appreciate what's good about their life. life yeah i wouldn't want them to be constantly worried about how i i'm fucking them or i'm gonna fuck them or any of that stuff where are you at spiritually with i'm higher powers i am uh i was an atheist i drank ayahuasca a number of times i uh became a uh not a believer like i felt a thing that hasn't left yeah and i'm not even i'm not ashamed of it i'm just like i don't know it's just what i believe is happening and i part of the gratitude thing is just going like this is excellent i gotta shut the fuck up. I don't have real problems. Yeah. There's connecting tissue. Yeah. Out there.

I haven't done ayahuasca, mushrooms. You get little glitches on it. Yeah. Yep. That's what I'm wondering. What type of omnipotent God would put a plan out there and watch it get misinterpreted and be like, well, I guess. Every religion's a misinterpretation.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I don't think they're wrong. I don't think they're wrong that there is a higher power, but I think after the first sentence, it's wrong. And you should. No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Shut the fuck up. No, no, just there's a higher power. Yeah, yeah. But what about fish? Shut the fuck up about fish. No one needs to know about meat and uh so i don't get lost in the thing of like well then how do you i just i'm of the mind that it's uh above our consciousness to have any sense of what's actually happening and i'm just gonna accept what what i

see is happening and appreciate it i guess i'm fearful of like i don't want to lose all the cynicism because that's where the fun is it there's no nobody like goes out at a bar to have a cigarette and talk about the things they're both grateful for i agree they go out to be like and then this fucking guy can you believe they're doing it and that's the those are the fun conversations i agree when you laugh with somebody it's so ingrained in me and you and a bunch of people and like people yeah that i think it's like i just had the balance wrong yeah i just had it like not 99 that and one percent like well yeah that's probably i don't know yeah no that's that's that's cool to have done that like i guess i'm lucky a little but i work hard all that shit do you ever think that you've gotten too much for your success like

is there like out of the gratefulness i think i literally had the thought or wrote in in the in the the checklist it's not a journal guys if you call it a checklist it masculinizes it does i was gonna say journal whoa please i'm not no i ain't no bot um i wrote i couldn't compensate for the how great my life is yeah that's a total 180 yeah there's nothing i could do to there's no volunteer there's no amount of volunteer work yeah which is great because it lets me off the hook i don't know i already told myself no i couldn't i mean why i could buy why even try i just make a checklist and then that's it that's all i can do uh there's a soup kitchen bad checklist said no for what i can't there's not enough soup um yeah like that's where i've come

to is like this is uh this is a this is insane we're working at a surplus yeah that's just like and i it does buy my laziness does it ever purchase laziness for you like i like i like mountain biking and the whole thing is like you gotta ride these trails you should go dig on these trails saturday morning i just donate money i'm like i'm not getting up on saturdays i go dig in the mud i'm like you can have i will donate top tier of what i can to this trail and you do it anonymously because you're classy oh yeah yeah nobody knows and except for right now yeah which probably i'm betting your podcast who that who that uh rockefeller who $80 to the dirt bike trail outside of Portland. It's the most that the website let me get.

I want to get more. Their Venmo's fucked up. Yeah. I was going to say the, that's what the postscript to, there's nothing I can do to compensate is like, all I can do is work hard at the thing. Let's say the talent is a gift.

I think you're an asshole if you don't cultivate it. Yeah. That would make me the asshole if I didn't cultivate it. So I think I work as hard, maybe harder than I have. But the gift being funny or knowing how to put it into scripts either one putting it to stand up because that's where i'm like being funny as a personality trait and i've said it in the past like i'm i am an asshole because i'm trying to capitalize on it i grew up with it again this is like midwestern like see this is wrong you

should what are you a pretty boy hey mr hollywood i've said it before you know five people that are funnier than you that have never done stand-up at least five people i don't but there are i but i see people i don't personally nope never met him sorry you got the wrong guy um but there are people on on like where the people tweet or whatever yeah that's a fucking insanely good observation. Yeah. People that just don't have the desire to try and make a thing. Right, but I don't think they're more noble than me.

I don't take the Midwestern stuff and be like, see, he's the salt of the earth. I don't think it's noble. I just don't think they, yeah, they didn't have that, I got to be a star. Yeah, but fucking Beethovenhoven i don't know i don't i'm not gonna judge beethoven for wanting to here we go yeah go ahead i'll let me let me turn my mic off um no i'm i for wanting to be beethoven or thinking he had uh he should write compositions i'm not gonna be like well look at this fucking showboat he was deaf right yeah he was

deaf so right there so that's what if he got a hearing aid and like remastered all his stuff and it's like what like oh buddy um i i gratitude is amazing yeah and and uh i don't think it's like soft or yeah queer or whatever you know i mean it's like soft or queer or whatever. You know what I mean? I mean, it's hard to talk about it publicly because I think public consensus is you should be more bitchy about things. Because it sounds arrogant. I know. I've covered that also, which is like I'm not saying – I'm saying everyone should do it do you know what i mean i'm not saying like

it i'm not going to fall into the trap of like easy for you to do you have x amount of you have that kind of car i don't yeah yeah you're right but so do you have some car relative to somebody else i well yeah the perspective game you're not uh you don't have to put your wheelchair on the like there's and if you're a if you're only a uh paraplegic that well what about the quadruple like there are levels to literally everything that's well i mean that's the old stanhope thing just because somebody else's suck sucks doesn't make my suck suck any less no yeah it's like yeah i can imagine talking to somebody i know with three jobs like hey in between your doordash deliveries you should write a gratitude list well but what's

funny though is like it works better than complaining i know but i can't tell them that yes i'm telling this isn't a trickle down advice when it comes to no i get it but i'm saying it works better than bitching it just does oh yeah it works on your brain but but it's who you're receiving that message from yes like we can't sit here and tell somebody but i would think i actually think we're better messengers because we're like giving people a way forward like in that like i'm the depressed guy from netflix but, and I'm telling you that I, one of the ways I got out, I get two ways,

drugs and gratitude. Yeah. Like that's, that's pretty cool. Do you know what I mean? I don't think it's like, like, look at this.

I'm not Oprah. I'm not fucking Tony Robbins. I'm just saying like, Hey, this is a thing I did. It's, it's as good as any, as Zoloft or Prozac or i know i i still and then maybe this

is my own show i still look at like oh i'm not gonna go to the bar later and be like have you thought about gratitude like i can't i can't be the messenger for it just like i was saying how like i'll like talk with my mom like just because something works for me it's it's the framing of the message which is what informs all the stand-up hey this is what's working for me if you'd like to try it i'm going to tell you how it works for me yeah i'm not saying like you have to do it or there's a there's a i'm just telling you like it's a thing i started doing and it's pretty wildly uh effective it's it is secondhand therapy speak has been it's been pretty prevalent the last 20 years you think i think with well and especially maybe it's moving to la and like more people accepting

that like therapy is not a stigma yeah you know it's all should have talked about that was that thing you said earlier which i was gonna say that thing about love language and attachment style i could take or leave yeah introvert extrovert was very like personally helpful yeah because it made you feel like oh i'm not an asshole i just am like i just am not energized by groups of people and if you grew if you grew up where i grew up in like somebody you went to therapy like what happened molested like there's something catastrophic happened and it's so and that's still ingrained kind of that's still remnant in in my head of like oh so i'm talking to somebody i've tried to start therapy a couple times and it just doesn't take i'm not knocking it it just

hasn't i haven't seen the rewards from it and i guess conceptually i'm still stuck in this like i'll get it i'm doing the same i'm doing the same thing i grew up with like i'll handle it i want to get this done i'll handle it right now yeah or i'll ignore it and push it all down and it'll manifest into something in 20 years so one of these ulcers i've been counting on yeah yeah yeah so that's that i'm with you i it's like well then who are people going to listen to i i you can't i can't listen to i can't worry about how i mean obviously you do worry about how it'll be received but at the same time it's like i don't know something pretty regular about both of us in different ways and like we're both telling like

this is a thing we did and it is a bit like have you ever gotten a massage before you know like massage in the 70s probably was just like i don't like people touching me yeah i don't and then you go like oh this feels good or like snuggling yeah yeah like i don't snuggle like what do you archie bunker you can't be grateful but a massage right away feels good therapy is like well it might just take a couple years you may have to talk to five different therapists i'm like therapy no therapy therapy the problem with there there's a few problems therapy one of the problems is there's not enough uh types of therapy that people are offered so they just go it's just i go to an office and talk and that's one type of therapy yeah and within that there's five kinds there are 10 tell me this is it fucked up to think in terms of therapy like yeah some people

love to find a good mechanic and other people want to learn how to fix their own car is that not an apt uh i think i know i think it's a fine analogy i think uh i think fixing your own car in some ways that's what i ended up doing with i call them i call medicine cops call them drugs right ayahuasca, DMT. I'm not a cop. MDMA. You can call them whatever you want to call them. Tell your outfit. Tell your cool Portland guy outfit. I also enjoy all that medicine.

Infiltrate Antifa outfit. Yeah, so I've done those things and that was, that fixed my car because I kept going to a mechanic. And I would say like, it's in my body. I can't keep talking about this. And lo and behold, after sort of really fucking taking a hammer to the engine. Yeah. And like a real, like this is, this is what this car is in trouble for a few months.

And then it coalesced into into a better version without beating the metaphor to death i used to always think like trying to find a therapist i always was judgmental on therapists in la because this had to be like striking gold if you're a therapist because not only are you mechanic but everybody tried to put together their own car like oh of course of course this is a city full of people or yeah they're also trying to run they're flintstoning their car yeah like if i'm just if i'm just industrious enough i can be it'll seem it'll it'll masquerade as health so you could just live here as the worst therapist in the world and still have a full calendar absolutely so that's why i was kind of suspect of trying to find a therapist in la because like oh this is well yeah and everyone in the midwest

is constantly being cheated like being a spin instructor here like oh you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna get a job yeah it's there's something uh yeah that that is is uh it's possible to judge about therapists yeah um but yeah i don't think i'm not uh embarrassed because i've been so cynical like because i've been like atheist and i've been you've been that guy pitch black and pitch black uh attitude i'm like all right well and also if there's no way forward it's nothing sadder than an old punk buddy yeah like you don't i'm not saying you got to become a folk musician but i'm saying like but that didn't develop otherwise yeah it's like so you're just so you're so you're just in a dead end and you're fucking doing sad donuts in a cul-de-sac that was a big lesson in the midst of

playing music and everything was secretly learning about how all these guys and bands that i admired were also getting their shit together they weren't hiding it but they just weren't being a lot of the one band that i'm i love this band called the bull weevils and they're still playing the singer like oh canceled a gig why oh because because the singer's doing his residency i'm like wait he's a what he's a hold on we could do that i thought we were all supposed to like let our teeth fall out nine people in a punk house or something like oh he's a doctor oh shit life is still moving what about the man yeah does he fuck does he is he like a cool doctor yeah does he do like is that's the thing he's like yeah he's is he homeopathic at least does he

believe in some alternative no he's taking a lot of shit too because he was like the billboard he's like i'm a doctor this is a pandemic wear your fucking mask yeah punk rock i'm a doctor wear your fucking mask yeah yeah you can believe whoever you want to believe i'm a doctor yeah and uh i thought that was cool yeah but just like that people are like, you know, when you're younger, you're so desperate to have something define you. Like, were you an atheist or were you like a loud atheist about it? Atheists are usually also like, it's like veganism. You're going to let somebody know that old joke, you know? I always said my atheism was like, it was like when a little kid runs away

from home but they make a big deal about packing like all right i'm putting my shirts in and i was waiting for god to be like neil wait let me know what all right fine i'll come back it was all like a the well actually guy yeah basically yeah i would i would commend your growth and and i think you didn't have that much to do in the first place yeah nothing sinister was going on which is again when there's no opposing force what do you what what's your personality what's your purpose what are you doing so i've had to like try all these things i have a suggestion you could just enjoy being kyle canane i think that's where i'm at i mean the look it's i still listen to all the punk rock stuff no of course you got

musically i just like it yeah fine i can't listen i can't listen to sad music i can't listen to like i'm like i'm by default if i'm listening to music i want to be in a good mood and then music that's like so moody i'm like yeah then i won't listen to music if i want to be moody there's not i'll go on twitter yeah yeah i'll find it it exists yeah it's like but that's the commiseration thing it's like well what if i don't want to be miserable yeah yeah listen to something else it's fine you're not a bitch-ass sellout for being like enjoying life i don't need somebody to come punch me in the face after a show like there now you got some material like that kind of thing yeah like it's i don't need any help

enjoy it yeah life's hard and in and of itself wherever you live and enjoy it and just enjoy it you're allowed to enjoy it yeah i like comedy still frustrates me and i'm so happy that it does it's so hard yeah it's also hard that's why it's awesome yeah that's what's so interesting about it's like fuck i'm not even better at this no no it's still the same blip of like the first joke that work and then goes away like i'm still trying to get that yeah it's like you can be a mountain climber when everest still doesn't have enough oxygen yeah or kill any of these but it's also not going be a mountain climber when Everest still doesn't have enough oxygen. Yeah.

Or kill any of these. It's also not going to be easier the second time. That's what I mean. Like, it's not, you still have to, it's still the same amount of difficult. It's not like, well, no, I know. No, it's your lungs don't care. Your lungs don't have experience. But I'm also, that is the thing that keeps me, again, to go back.

But like, what happens to the people that don't have the thing? What happens happens if you just you go to your work and your bills are paid and you come home when you sit and you watch tv enjoy yourself i hope they have a fucking blast yeah because cancer's coming yeah but not for moral reasons it's just coming but you you read like the the list of like this is what people in uh hospice care say their biggest regrets are and i have that saved on my computer that's i don't write my own gratitude list but i definitely go back to that we read obituaries i try to read them fairly right that's not written by the person i want to read what somebody at the end of life going i wish i didn't work so much i wish i would have loved people better in my life like that's that's the checklist of like, I can do that stuff now. I can do that right now. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's like, go ride more dirt bikes. Yeah. I mean, I think, again. Enjoy it. Don't be a dick. Don't make it worse. But also, there's no crime in like really trying to enjoy this weird, whatever.

Finite experience that can be amazing and it can be a lot of things, but you gotta say it's pretty unique in terms of what you were doing before you were born. Do you think that's what we go back to is like the, the state of like, you don't know anything that existed before you were born. And then when you die,

you won't know what's. Yeah. I think we go the, my medicine experiences. Yeah um uh it's incomprehensible but then in the next thing you have uh a consciousness that allows you to understand it but our human consciousness is like i can't what don't it's like you don't have that you don't speak the language maybe fish are the true enlightened beings they've already they've already had the trials and tribulations of this now they're like

oh now i'm just part of the system i already i conquered yeah they have taxes they have enough they have enough consciousness to be a fish yeah no no fit now fish knows its purpose i spawn i swim upstream i get eaten by a bear i don't have to worry about all this other shit of like oh what are these shoes in style do i need an electric car like they don't have to worry about anything oh my god i just got a bone and then upstream in a bear's mouth and then after that you get to be a cloud i think maybe that's it we're looking at it like that's de-evolutionary maybe that's we go in the other yeah or there's some other the universe is fairly massive yeah your purpose is provided for you yeah it's like you just go to the next thing and then you you have like the consciousness for that realm yeah bears aren't hibernating because they're depressed it's like no i do that

and then i go and i hunt yeah i don't think about. I just do that and I don't. But we're too, it's a whole. We're burdened with consciousness. In some, it's a, we have, I told my girlfriend, it's all these, we all have all these decadent emotions and decadent and they're all just born out of the fact that everything's mostly set up for us. Things too easy. Yeah, and then we just fucking,

we're supposed to be hunting and farming and killing and yeah like trying to mill a fire instead we just do you think that's some of the culture right now is why it's like mma and like a joe rogan elk hunting thing is like to try to go back to that yeah is that a fear of having all these emotions i don't think it's going back to it i think it's just in us connecting to it yeah yeah like men just have a lot of testosterone do you have do you have a desire how do you channel status competition so it's still it's still like a like a not alpha the term but like i need to beat somebody else that's the only competition i ever had was like going to a stand-up show and be like i need to be the funniest person on the show that's it i think that's what i that's what i have it's the same if i'm gonna do i want i like there is a drive

and 10 kids will also keep you sure in a competitive sense yeah um yeah like but there is a drive to like i want to i want to win this i don't want to i don't want to be in a competition that i'm fucking losing it yeah like i and so i'll either change the competition i'll either be like well i'm not let me just let me do like emo stand-up oh i'm a winner over there and then now i've like slowly come back to like regular stand-up and i can win more regular okay yeah that was the alt scene that came up was the and then like and then yeah so but it is that i would say that's how i okay funnel it or i'd say that's the expression of the of the of the like sort of primal thing that i'm aware of okay you don't get like any macho stuff

coming down on you're like i've got to lift that thing mine is mine is fixing things now mine is like proving i can do this i still have to use youtube for it but like no that's a plumbing issue i get that i literally recently had the urge to cook more and i was like i feel like that's some expression of there's something primal about it. You're providing. You're providing. It's a tangible skill. What we have is not a tangible skill. So being like, oh, also, look, I made food that's edible.

Because otherwise I'm reliant on everybody else. I would argue that what we provide for a tribe is very valuable. Meaning, I was saying to somebody the other day, the guy who could do an impression of like four animals yeah in cave times they'd be like okay go all right great so then we're gonna eat and then fucking he's gonna do yeah he's been working on some new animal impressions and it must have been fucking revelatory if you could really do of elk or a squirrel or whatever it must have been like this guy is like a god but that okay in the in the now that does make me think in the sense of how like storytelling was the way things were passed down yeah the best storyteller got to direct the history of that

you and the values yeah and uh what's t what's what's worthwhile and now it's tiktokers they will tell the story of the human race yeah but again that's just decadent we don't have enough problems so we go like we have to do but i was laughing at the impression thing but like okay that does show that like somebody that can entertainingly capture the history of a group because i want to look at i want to look at yeah but i want to look at the actual skill sets that are like you know everybody's gone through their their version of a joke about like well the apocalypse happens i'm fine because i'm a comedian like yeah you need the hunters the farmers the doctors that you know all that stuff comedians right pretty far no yes documentarian humorous documentary yeah we got to

re uh but i don't know why you're going after documentarians but what i'm saying is the thing about stand-up or being funny is you can do it in person even like you can sing you there are things that are really valuable to try tribe like or whatever groups of people that aren't but again i know it's the midwestern thing of like salt of the earth and they but also i don't there's the connecting like we're connectors in a weird way art art and entertainment is valuable art and entertainment like what do you what do you do how do you turn off right at what point do you allow yourself to turn off like it's for this other stuff it's for this stuff to be like oh now it's my turn to be entertained i work like you get the meat and then we'll eat it and then we'll all be kind of bored

afterward and then i'll do my part dessert's unnecessary but you still like a dessert somebody still works hard to make a dessert right pastry chefs put that on your list of salt of the earth us and comedians and pastry chefs about the same yeah but i don't value but even yeah like sugar yeah sugar is kind of useless but like i would argue that the guy who could entertain or woman who could entertain must have been like it's a it's a it's a valuable thing okay i'll believe in myself i just enjoy and enjoy yourself kyle canane everybody goodbye did we fix it? we fixed everything yeah we did

everybody wants to have they want to have it real my man all you have to do is open up your hand my man Thank you.