Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Stavros Halkias

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews Stavros Halkias (Fat Rascal on Netflix, Let’s Start a Cult, Tires & more) about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro 2:00 Competitiveness 6:40 Health 13:42 Family Guilt 25:33 Sponsor: Tushy 27:32 Crowd Work 37:27 Rumination 42:38 Isolation 51:33 Artistic Integrity ---------------------------------------------------------- Follow Stavros Halkias:  @StavvyBaby   Follow Neal Brennan: Instagram X TikTok Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ([e-mail])  Sponsor Blocks: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/blocks Sponsors: https://www.tushy.com/ use promo code: NEAL for 10% off your first bidet order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, Neil Brennan, Blocks Podcast. My guest today is a hilarious dude who I had never met before 20 minutes ago. It's not going well. No, I met him 20 minutes ago. I started seeing him on Instagram, I don't know, three, four years ago. Does amazing crowd work.

Then he had a Netflix special that was great. When would it come out? Next special came out. November, man? December? Yeah. December. And what's it called? Fat Rascal. Fat Rascal. Couldn't have... Like, you can't make that up.

And, uh, and he has a movie coming out on October 25th called Let's Start a Cult. Why do you think you're ready to transcend? I mean, because it sounds sick, honestly. And he's a hilarious dude. Get slurped up. God's watching. Stavros Halkos, everybody.

How are we? Do I need to lean in? Yeah, you can lean in. It's not gonna hurt. So we were just talking before we started rolling about because I was saying that you're inherently likable. And that's not it's not teachable.

Right. You can't, you're literally just like- Just like being tall. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, it's a good thing that just happened to you. Yeah. Yeah. And do you, I guess you can't really abuse it. Yeah, I guess you could.

You could be like manipulative and, you know, appear warm, but be a asshole secretly. Yeah. I don't think I doulative and you know, appear warm but be an asshole secretly. Yeah. I don't think I do that, you know, but it's definitely, I think a lot of cult, like a lot of like, just like maybe Ponzi scheme guys, a lot of con men, they're the ones who are abusing likeability. Like, what's the movie Catch Me If You Can,

if not a super likable guy, kind of figuring out little... But I'm not, I don't have the ambition to be a con man. Like, what's the movie Catch Me If You Can, if not a super likable guy, kind of figuring out little... But I'm not, I don't have the ambition to be a con man. It's a lot. Well, are you ambitious? I am, I guess I am. What's your ambition? Tell everyone.

I don't have, I guess I don't have like a specific, I just wanna do, and that's one of the blocks is like, ever since I was a little kid, I just wanted to like win, it's like competitiveness, ambition kind of thing of like, I was in Greek school, right? I was the best at speaking Greek. I went to Greek school three nights a week after school,

just because I'm a first generation immigrant, my parents wanted me to like know Greek and then- How long would class be? Hour and a half, I think. Okay. But you're like 10, so that's not easy. Yeah, it sucked. No, it was horrible, because you're like, everyone's just playing, and you have to do regular homework.

You go home, do regular homework, eat dinner, and then you go to fucking Greek school. Everyone hates it, everyone's happy they did it. Eat a second Greek dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a fucking... They roast a lamb in the middle of the... That's most of what a Greek school is. It's like an hour and 20 minutes of roasting lamb.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Making sure it's even. It's even. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just remember, I was always like, I always had the best... I was just like lucky that my parents only spoke to me in Greek, but I got used to winning,

and then a girl moved from Greece. And it's like, this then a girl moved from Greece. And it's like, this bitch went to actual Greek school. This isn't fair. And I lost to her, or like, it was like, we were like tied or something, and I was fucking pissed. And I was like, I didn't care about actually learning the language. I cared about winning, you know what I mean?

And that, I don't like that about myself. Which is kind of the same thing with your career, where it's like, when you start succeeding, it stops being about making the best stuff. And it's like, can I get famous? Like, can I be in a fucking, you know, have my own TV show? Can I be a movie star? Can I do all this shit?

And I kind of want to stop thinking that way, because I think the last few years were like, how successful can I get? Can I be a theater act? Can I get a Netflix special? And I got those things, and I was pretty miserable, honestly. Were you really? Yeah, I was like, because I was just pushing my health to the limit, I was working too hard,

I didn't, I had no social life, I had no personal life. And I was like, oh, who gives a fuck? You had crowd work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's another element of it too, right? The like, uh, yeah, I was just, just, yeah, the people I talked to were, I probably put more hours getting to know the guy in the front row in fucking Kansas City collectively.

Yeah. I probably talked to the audience member in the front row more than I did my mother for two years. You know what I mean? I probably asked him more clarifying questions about his life than I asked my mother. You should have chat on your... You should have found a way...

You should have recorded talking to your mom and tried to post it on Instagram and looking for an end to shit on her outfit. I could have found something. Did you... Okay, so you... So it was going well and you were just like... You did the thing where you were like, so you, so it was going well and you were just like, you had the thing where you were like, I can't,

these opportunities may go away. Yeah, exactly, exactly. That was the thing where it was like, and I guess to a certain point I think that is true. I think you kind of want to get to like a save point in entertainment when you're like, I kind of was always working towards a Netflix special because I was an internet guy from,

first I was just like a podcast guy, then I became like a clips guy. And then I was like, I need one. My first TV credit is an hour long Netflix special. I've never had anything else. So I was like, I need that. And once I got that, I was like, all right, you did it. You're like, oh, the internet's better. Yeah, exactly.

LAUGHING Oh, there's more heat from that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's all part of it, but it's like, yeah. I just felt like I needed, it is better, but it was like, I had no, it's funny how these things that don't help you that much get you industry attention. Oh, totally.

Like some list that I was well past getting, my agents were like, let's just get you on this. I was like, I'm so beyond that. But you get that and then like some executives like, oh, I saw him in fucking Vulture. And it's like, I'm on a list, I've been selling out theaters and I'm on a list with like people

who just started doing comedy, but it's like, it actually helped. You know, like dumb shit that shouldn't help helps. And that's kind of like, you know, I just wanted to cover all my bases a little bit. And did you feel, did you's kind of like, you know, I just wanted to cover all my bases a little bit. And did you feel, what, did you have to specifically, like, all right, from this date on, I gotta chill a little bit?

Oh, yeah, as soon as the special happened, I had some makeup dates because I would get ill on the road, and I had to, like... Were you doing, were you like, different city every night kind of thing? Oh, yeah, a lot, yeah. Most of the time, I was gone. You know, I would just really rack up the weekends and then on the days off, I would fly to New York,

do podcasts, fly to, you know, fly back to wherever, you know, whatever it was. But yeah, I was on the road for like three years in a row, basically, just after the pandemic. And what happens to your health? Dude, I just eat like a fucking asshole, do drugs, you basically, just after the pandemic. And what happens to your health? Dude, I just eat like a fucking asshole, do drugs, you know, stay out of it. Drugs, I never, I never remember drugs.

I, meaning I never look at you and go, oh, this fucking guy goes. Well, it's not, I would just get really high and eat like shit and I would take, maybe I would take, you know, pills started to creep in. And I'm not a big drinker, I would drink a little bit, but it's like dick pills, you're so fat, you can barely...

Naturally, your body's like, stop. But I'm like, no, I have to... No, but we gotta do this. I'd like to get ahead, please. You're gonna like this. Yeah. Give me a couple minutes. I think I'm gonna sway you. Just walk with me on this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was like literally being so fat and being like, I'm full of like, you know, I'm on edibles, chicken wing greases running through my veins. I have a headache from a dick pill. You know, I've fucked some girl I don't know or, you know, who cares? It's like, I could have just beaten off. And it's like going to bed with like a pounding headache,

fat as shit. Your face hot as shit. Hot. And I'm like... And like, I literally had days where I was as shit. Hot, and I'm like, and like I literally had days where I was like, I don't think I'm gonna die, but if I don't wake up, yeah, it wouldn't shock me. You know what I mean? And I was like, if I'm having that thought,

and I'm 33 or 34 at the time, it's like, what the fuck's, you know, what's the, what are we doing here? So that was most of it. And if I just had more self-control, and I was just healthier, I probably wouldn't have taken time off, but I've kind of like, you know, from February until like a month ago, I was just kind of in Baltimore, chilling.

Yeah? Yeah, I still worked, like I would still, I acted in a couple things, but I wasn't on the road at all and I really my health was my like Primary concern and so I lost a little weight. I'm starting to feel a little better and Yeah, I'm trying to continue that even though work is starting up again. That's my main focus and then it's like work I'm trying to be the kind of guy whose work comes second to his life. You know what I mean? What is your life? Did you get back in touch with your mom?

A little bit, yeah, legit. Yeah, I actually did this year. Way more talking to my mom than random audience members. So far, the ratio is in Lil Venetia's favor. Yeah, just, I mean, health is really what it is. And then also, I don't know, seeing my friends, seeing my family, maybe a serious relationship. Have you had like a health scare?

Have you had like a hot, have you been in an ambulance? No, but I'm not that, you know what I mean? No, I know, but I'm wondering like, is there a point where you go, cause I had Buddy of mine had like the pre-diabetic like blackout thing, just on a plane. And I was like, well then you'd turn your life around, right? Right, right, right.

And not really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, nothing, I mean I've had times, I remember at points in my life, me and the fellas going out for cheese steak, I was pissing a ton, and I was like, well I have diabetes, so let's go out one last night, cheese steaks, ice cream, and then the doctor's gonna tell me. Like the 25th hour with cheese steaks. Yeah, well, I have diabetes. So let's go out one last night, cheese steaks, ice cream,

and then the doctor's gonna tell me. Like the 25th hour, but with cheese steaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This will be the best night of my life. Doctor's gonna tell me I have diabetes, and then the test results came back fine. And I was like, oh, great. I've had that thing, and you go, well, if I don't,

what are the diabetics eating? Oh, dude, I know. Like, what are they fucking doing? I know. I know. I've had that thought a lot. I just feel like it's one of those, it's gonna be fine, gonna be fine, gonna be fine, and then. What are the fucking diabetics eating? Like what are they fucking doing? I know, I've had that thought a lot. I just feel like it's one of those,

it's gonna be fine, gonna be fine, gonna be fine, and then it's gonna be devastating. Like it's gonna be, I've been like a procrastinator on everything, and I feel like my diabetes is probably the same way where they're like, oh shit, the deadline to give this guy diabetes. Oh fuck, we're supposed to kill this motherfucker. Exactly. Where are the keys? And I'm gonna wake up one day,

foot's gonna be fucking tingling, you know what I mean? So I'm just trying to avoid the scare, either like scare, I'm trying to like cut it off at the past. What are you doing, just out of curiosity? Just exercising, eating, walking. I mean, that's the tough part is you get so fat that like walking is like strenuous exercise. So I'm just off of, like I'm finally lifting weight.

It took me like three months of rehab to get like my shoulder and like my back and my feet. And these are basically what we'll call fat injuries? Yeah, I don't know where they're from. I just, I tried exercising and my butt was like, no, what the fuck, you don't do this. And it was like, I try lifting a weight and I have five traumatic injuries. Look at this douchebag.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Things we exercise. Fuck out of here. So, yeah, I don't know. I one day, my shoulder just, I have an old football injury that just started hurting. And then, but yeah, now I can lift weights. I've, after six months.

You started as the kind of guy that could lift a bunch of weights. I'm trying to get there, dude. I'm trying to be a fat, strong guy. Are you not that? I feel like you are. I'm okay. I'm not that strong. I'm stronger than you'd think, but I'm not, you know... I have a pathetic bench, because I have a shoulder injury.

I can lift a lot with my legs. Yeah, I mean, come on. That's what I was talking about. Yeah, yeah. Come on, dude. You don't think these fucking... These juicy bee cups can really put up 315? All right, so, and so you, did you hire a trainer? Did you do all that?

A little bit. Mostly it was just, I hired, like I went to a PT guy, my brother's a trainer, I worked out with him at his gym. But dude, it's mostly just, the hard part is, it's all you. It's like, I've hired trainers in the past and I've been healthy for four months, and I realized this time I'm like, I kinda can't do that shit because I have to cook my meals.

I have to see what a healthy meal is. I have to feel it intuitively. I have to fucking measure, like I measured out, I grilled a steak and I measured out how much of serving of ribeye is, and I like almost fell to my knees crying. Because it was like, I had made this delicious fucking marbled piece of meat, huge.

And it's like legitimately, like I had to cut it in like thirds. And I was like, well this is my whole meal. And it was like, and by the way, I ate it with a fucking half a baked potato and some broccoli, felt great. Felt fucking awesome. Didn't wake up with diarrhea at 3.30 in the morning. You know what I mean? And I was like, huh.

That wasn't so bad. I think about it. So I kind of felt like I need to do this shit by myself. Because you can hire somebody to be your willpower. But I'm at the point where it's like, okay, it's just... I have to do this forever or I'm gonna fucking die, you know? But I would assume you wanna kinda stay, do you think you can get small or you just shape like this?

I think, I mean, I could lose 100 pounds and be a fat guy. Like I could lose, I weigh, when I started I weighed 340, dude. And so right now I'm like at around, I'm at just under 300 and I could lose another 80 pounds and easily play the fat neighbor in a sitcom if I needed to. You know what I mean? I mean, that hairline ain't going anywhere. Yeah. I'm not hitting turkey anytime soon.

I like what we got here. Yeah. Um, so, all right, so you're working on it. That's good. One of your blocks is guilt. That I'm interested in. Family guilt of your blocks is guilt. Yeah. That I'm interested in. Family guilt, man, I don't know. I don't know if like... Meaning they put it on you,

or your entire family is prone to guilt, or your mom dishes it out? Little bit of both, I think. Not my mom, my dad was actually the bigger guilter. My mom does too, don't get me wrong. Is it basic, like, foreigner guilt? Basic foreigner stuff. First born son in a family that moved here in the 80s,

you know what I mean? I was always the best one at school. I was the oldest son, so I was kinda like, I was the pseudo parent. I was the one who was like, I spoke the English the best in my household from the time I was nine years old. Oh, so you'd have to talk to people on the phone or whatever? Yeah, just shit like that. But also there's like, I spoke the English best in my household from the time I was nine years old. Yeah, just shit like that.

But also there's like an expectation of... I think in my family in particular, with my dad, it was like, well, I came to this bullshit country, I want it for you, so you kind of owe me. And it was, there was always that feeling of, you know, and my dad was so depressed growing up, and when I was growing up, and it was just kind of like, this is all for you, I'm living in hell because of you

and you're the smart one so you better fucking be a lawyer and bail me out, get me out of debt when you're an adult. And then also I feel responsibility to my brothers just because I don't know, older brother, they've never guilted me but I've just kind of like, I want them to do well. And I've dealt with most of it.

Like I've, that's why I was in therapy at first. And I started comedy when I was 19, and then I kind of quit in the middle of it, because I was like, my family needs me to fucking go to college. And I finished college and I was, in two years that wore off. And I remember having a therapist. So you were, how long were you doing comedy for? Like a year and was... In two years, that wore off. And I remember having a therapist.

So you were... How long were you doing comedy for? Like a year and a half, two years. So 19 to 21-ish? 19 to 21, and then I quit for about a year and a half. I was like, I quit for a year and I was like, I have to really give school a go and be like the fucking family man, you know, whatever. Hated it. I was like, no, I don't.

And I was in therapy the whole time. I picture you just like in a fucking Nissan center, like come on, be a family guy. No, no, you gotta get it, you're smart, come on. You won the Greek contest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, literally, I was in horrible, like, and I'm depressed, so I'm like getting fatter. I'm in like, you know, khakis with an elastic waistband. They have the belt hole, they have the loopholes as a courtesy, right? I'm getting fatter, I'm in khakis with an elastic waistband.

They have the loop holes as a courtesy. Yeah, just purely cosmetic. It's like those pockets that don't... Ain't nobody use those. The belt's folded over. They're stuck to the thing. You can't even fucking pull them over. They're glued on.

There's no... Yeah, I went to my internship in just the worst, you know, dress shirt you've ever seen in your life. I interned at the state house, because I was kind of into politics. And like, you know, I interned for the majority whip of the Maryland House of Delegates in, this must have been 2010, something like that.

And yeah, just got nothing out of it, just hid. It's a huge building. I would just be like, oh, I'm going to a hearing to take notes. And I would just be like in the fucking library, doing homework for another class, you know, some paper that was due. Just getting nothing out of the experience. Trying to force myself to be in like a regular relationship

with a really nice woman who I like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah really nice woman who I liked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who I liked, but as soon as that like initial, it's cool that a girl cares about you, where it wore off, I was like, oh, she wants to get married like next year. And I could see my future of like,

I'm gonna be a fucking dirt bag for at least a decade. This isn't gonna work out. Okay, was it a dirt bag or was it just, cause I can relate, I think most people can probably relate to the idea of like trying to do the right life. Yeah. And then at a certain point,

like I know personally I would look at relationships and be like, look at my friends' relationships and be like, I'm not, I would rebel hard against this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But because I knew I wouldn't be able to, I wasn't gonna cheat, I would rebel hard against this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, but, cause I knew I wouldn't be able to, it wasn't, I wasn't gonna cheat, I wasn't, I would just be fucking mad all the time. Right, right, right.

What were you afraid you would be? Sometimes I wonder if I've even gotten far enough to know. Like I've only been in two serious relationships and like three more kinda, weird quasi relationships. So just a lot of just, like, very casual dating. Yeah, and not even after your relationship. Like, you were afraid, like, I know, I work at the state house.

Oh, oh, I see, I see, yeah. Like, what were you afraid that, what were the right li... And, like... I guess I was just afraid that I was going to hate my life as much as my father did. I guess I was afraid I was gonna be the guy who tells his son, like, hey, my life sucks fucking dick.

I'm in hell over here. And it's like, you better have a good time. Because I've sacrificed myself for you. And it's interesting, I've really gone full the other way because of that. I mean, I think there's no way to look at my upbringing other than that. I mean, my think there's no way to look at my upbringing other than that. I mean, my brothers... I have another brother who went... I felt like I rebelled against my dad by...

never wanting to be tied down to anything. Never, like, I have no responsibilities to anyone personally. I don't. Um, and that was always his thing. He complained about how he had to do this. He had to, like, he was... It's so weird when people will complain about a choice that they made.

I know, I know, I know. It's like, it's so human, but like, what do you think... And like, to me, complain to your fucking friends. Why? I'm trying to fucking beat Super Mario 2. I don't want to hear about how you're gonna kill yourself because you're not in Athens anymore. You know, like, it was brutal, honestly,

but I think there's no read on... I mean, that's just so clearly... you're gonna kill yourself because you're not in Athens anymore. You know, like it was brutal, honestly, but I think there's no read on, I mean that's just so clearly. I like that it's Athens, so it sounds like a 4,000 year old problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wanna be in the marketplace selling goat cheese. Yeah.

It was, yeah, I don't know, I just went so far where it was like, anytime I'm in any relationship, I get scared that this person's gonna depend on me too much and I'm gonna be that, and I would, even when things were good, I would just feel this like, deep anxiety that I'm gonna just, you know, that that's just too much pressure. And like, same thing with jobs, I mean, that's why I think comedy,

I don't have a boss, I'll never have a boss, right? Um, I could never do that in the workplace. Any kind of shit like that, I rebelled so far where it was like, I will never have to listen to anyone tell me what to do. And then I see, like, my brothers, especially one of my brothers, he kind of rebelled in the opposite way where he's like,

no, I'm gonna be the best fucking family man there is. And so both the exact same upbringing, and he just kind of went super hard of like... And he can do it. He can do it, and he's happy to do it. And he was like, and I'm envious of it, because I like, that's how a fucking person should be wired.

He's like great to the people in his life. He, the only things that stress him out are like real world problems, like his business doing well, not like fake anxieties that you've made up and are fake, you know, fights from whatever, you know what I mean? Like from years ago. And, and, and so, yeah, I mean, I think that's what it is. I think I just have this aversion to any having to do anything. Any kind of responsibility freaks me the fuck out. Yeah.

And I think that's all it was. So, you know, I realized quickly, I can't be this fucking guy. I can't be, I can't, I'm never gonna make this girl happy. I'm never gonna be a guy who works at a fucking office and slowly works his way up to the point where I could help my dad out with, you know, groceries or whatever the fuck he wanted. And I just, from then on, I never,

I didn't even graduate college. I had, you know, six credits to go. And I just didn't bother getting them. And I just started from then on, I never, I didn't even graduate college. I had six credits to go, and I just didn't bother getting them, and I just started doing open mics and having odd jobs. When you did open mics, were you like, okay. Absolutely. Yeah. It was, I had a lot of anxiety as a kid,

and back to that competitiveness thing, I always like, I just wanted to be the best, not learn, just wanted to be the fuck, just have a, I had a 4.0 in college up until like my senior year when I decided I don't give a fuck about this. And I didn't care about learning. I was like, it just looked cool to have a fucking 4.0.

And it's like, you know, political science, not that. I wasn't a fucking chemistry major. Like I was dumb, but. And like, as soon as I started doing comedy, it's so corny. I had problems sleeping my entire life as soon as I started doing comedy, it's so corny. I had problems sleeping my entire life as soon as I started doing comedy. Sleeping 12 hours a night.

Yeah. And now... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now it's back where, because it's a real job, I'm stressed again and I'm worried about shit. But there was a beautiful, like, five years where it was, like, the good parts of, like, I'm actually doing what I want, I feel great. The artistic part of, like like getting better at it. Yeah.

Love that was the happiest I've ever been. What did you do about the guilt? Did you just, did you have like a... Did you have, was there like a enough's enough moment or you still just have to, do you recognize it in yourself and... ignore it? I think, yeah, a little bit of that. I mean, I also think, when I just decided I'm gonna do comedy, just do what I want, not even necessarily comedy, just live with my friends

instead of living at home and move to New York and whatever, I think there was a part of my 20s where I just kinda had to be away from my family and just become my own guy. And then after that, I went back and more therapy, figuring out what my problems were with each and every one of them. I repaired my relationships with each person personally. And then we kind of became good, and then, you know,

there's always some kind of family shit going on. Yeah. And even this time around, it's like, I went and spent time with them in Baltimore, and that was nice. But I think I'm also... I'm good for a little bit. You know what I mean? Like, I have to go back and, like, you know, work and kind of, again, be my own guy.

And then, just, it's just, it took, honestly, maybe 15 years. And I'm at a place where I'm okay with... Pretty much, even my dad, finally, we've started to kind of, like, reconnect. And I didn't even, I wasn't holding my breath on that one. You know, so it was like... Is he, like, a proud man? That kind of like... He is, he's weirdly proud.

For what? I don't know why. No, it's not. Because he's old or whatever. Because he's Greek. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's an immigrant. I don't want to say it. It's because he's Greek. Yeah, yeah, believe me.

Um, but yeah, no, we're, yeah, we're pretty good now, and I'm just trying to like... And then you also just have to, you also recognize it's just you. Sometimes the expectations I have for myself... My family doesn't expect me to fucking save them all the time, you know what I mean? Yeah, so there was never a fight of like,

you think you're like, there's no... There was a little bit of that, but I think that was... That was also brought on by their issues. The only person who's ever kind of done that, it wasn't even about me. It was like, you think you're too good, you know? And so, also when you grow up poor and you fucking, I became rich like pretty much overnight.

I was doing well for a while, but like the last year was like, I mean some of these theater shows, I'm like, it feels fake what they pay you at the end of a night. And you're like, this is fucking insane. I didn't make this much money in nine years. And now I'm like, after a weekend, it's like, so there's that guilt too of like, well, I just,

I'm the one who made it out and I should just like, if they ever need anything, I should do it, but I think also my family doesn't expect me to fucking pay for everything for them. But like- It's also, it's just, there's no winning in a weird way. Like there's no, it's like then they'll resent you for paying. Yeah.

There's no like easy solution. Totally, I think I'm just, and I think we found a good place where it's like I help out where I can, I've helped out on a couple big things, but like day to day, I'm not there. Car wash here and there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my mom and you swiffer.

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You're getting 10% off and you're gonna think about me every time water shoots near your butt for life. I don't know if you have this, but like, I definitely had the, it's going to end tomorrow disease of like, from the first time, from the time Comptown started doing well and we started making money, I was like, we're gonna lose all our subscribers tomorrow, to like, oh, I'm getting a little internet heat,

but no one's gonna watch my special. To like, oh, all right, the YouTube special did well, but no one's gonna watch the Netflix special. To, I could sell out comedy clubs, I don't think, I think my agents are wrong, I'm gonna not sell theater. And it's like, I finally just allowed myself to be like, you're fine.

It's fine, it's not gonna go away. Think critically, pretend it's not you. Pretend it's just a different guy's career that you're analyzing. It's not gonna fall apart for you tomorrow. And so once I kinda did that, I was like, okay, I don't have to say yes to everything. And then where we started, where I was like,

even when I was succeeding, I wasn't happy, so who gives a fuck? Now I've shifted more to like, I when I was succeeding, I wasn't happy, so who gives a fuck? Yeah. Now I've shifted more to like, I'm in a great place. I've become, I'm very lucky to be where I am, where the podcast and touring can sustain me. I don't have to do anything else. And I'll only do shit that I think is cool from now on.

Like, I'll do my own shit, and I'll do anything that's cool, but I'm gonna turn, I've turned down a couple like, you know, some acting stuff. I've turned a couple like, you know, some acting stuff. I've turned down some like, you know, other opportunities because I'm just like, I don't wanna do it. I just wanna fucking hang out. Where you just go like, do I wanna get in a car and then go get fitted for an outfit for this bullshit?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And like the fact that you don't have to, I mean it's like a big shift in like showbiz anyway, of like, you're not gonna be, you're not gonna make more money than you do touring in other podcast. I mean, it's like, not impossible, but like very difficult.

Yeah, part of this is just, I also recognize that I kind of won a generational lottery of like, a guy with my skill set born five years earlier, fucked. Born five years later, I'm trying to make man on the street TikToks, you know what I mean? But I was in the sweet spot where, I mean, we were one of the, I think we might have been

the first comedy podcast on Patreon, Comptown, when we started. And it was like, I just got in on podcasting, and you know, shout out to Mullen, it was his idea to do it, I didn't think it was, I thought podcasts were dead, I had the wrong business. I was like, well, M know, shout out to Mullen for it was his idea to do it. I didn't think it was, I thought podcasts were dead. I had the wrong business. I was like, well, Mayor and This American Life,

Comedy Bang Bang, those are the only ones. And then, you know, thank God they were wrong. But, and then same thing with the fucking clips, dude. Like, as great as the podcast was, I was in the right place at the right time with a ton of crowd work clips just randomly banked I'm going through a little breakup right now kind of sucks that's alright what are you gonna do I deserved it you know well thanks what is the narrator of Christmas carols is

like it feels like the narrator of my life just broke the fourth wall. And there he was doing pretty good at the comedy show and bearing his soul to the Texans. And though his self-esteem was low, he deserved the best. Working on a half hour special. You had them like edited or you? No, I didn't have edited, but I was trying to... I was gonna get a half-hour with Comedy Central when the pandemic happened.

Who? Exactly, no, but... I mean, the pandemic weirdly saved my life, because I was gonna put out the thing that became my hour special. Thank you, Wu-Han. Yeah, shout-out to that. Shout-out to that bat stew you were serving up.

But I... So I vide... I taped every set I did for two years. Because I was, or maybe like, maybe a year. Because I was like, you know, obsessive comedy dork watching the tape. Were you watching, were you actually watching them? I was watching my sets back, but to tweak the half hour. I did crowd work because I just thought you should do...

You fast forward to the thing that was making tons of money. I would be like, let's get this bullshit out of the way. Which was how I felt. It is still sort of how I feel. It's a lot of people feel that way that are real. You're fucking great at it. I appreciate it. I know people that are great at it and they're like,

I don't wanna do clips. I'm like, okay. But you're throwing away a lot of money and like a lot of attention. I always just saw it as like, it's almost like you should do this to connect to the audience before the stuff that's important. It's almost like a good...

It's like I always wanted to be a Michelin star chef or whatever, and I was working on my main course. And then it's like, oh, but you make great pigs in the blanket. You know what I mean? It turns out the market wants pigs in the blanket and it's like the, or even less, like the chips you serve or your bread, it's actually what it is. It's the bread at fucking Outback Steakhouse. It's that pumpernickel bread.

Some people fill up on bread. People fill up on these fucking mongoloids and fill up on bread. Yeah, your fucking followers love fucking bread, these fucking monsters. Yeah, exactly. And you know on bread. Your fucking followers love fucking bread. These fucking monsters. Exactly. And, you know, these bread eaters are buying fucking tickets. I don't give a fuck.

And so I just had all that shit banked. And I was like, all right, I guess to promote the special, I need something. So let's just clip all this bullshit. I don't want to burn my precious material that will save my life. So let's put out this bullshit. The rhythm gold. Yeah, and then we put out one...

The first clip went crazy, and I was like, this is weird, TikTok must be just trying to get... You just sign up, they want you to stick around, like, I was like, the algorithm just whatever. And then just like five in a row did that, and then it just didn't stop. And I was like, confused, but I was like, all right. And then it was insane, I just like five in a row did that, and then it just didn't stop. And I was like confused, but I was like, all right, and then it was insane.

It was like, I still don't fully understand. Just again, right place, right time kind of shit with a bunch of stuff, so... And likeability, and I also think your clip, I'm always like impressed with... Your angles are smart. You like, there's a dumb, there's like the dumb thing you could have said, and then you say like,

the better thing. Yeah, I mean, I do think, um, especially when you're coming up in like a small town, there's always the guy that's like, the crowd work king. And he's just saying slurs. He just like has five ready to go insults for Indians, Chinese, black people. And it's like, because the reason I was doing it was I want to connect to these people. And also,

you also want to subvert their expectations where they're expecting you to be like, yeah, nice, you know, your shirt's gay. And look, what's why you got to call a guy shirt gay? You got to call a guy ugly. If it's got something on it. He's wearing epaulettes. You know, like he's in the fucking army. Don't come around me with an epaulette and think you're not gonna get gay bashed.

But yeah, I wanted to get to know, I wanted to ask interesting questions and just, it's incredible how much you can tell about people from just, just a little sniffing. Hey, everybody here, role play? What do you do? Like a pet, like a... You're the pet.

What kind of pet are we talking? Are you just a human pet? You're a cat boy, interesting. You put the ears on? Oh, not that far, excuse me. The thing about groundwork that's fascinating, even if you can do it well, is, first of all, it's so unfair.

Because we're talking through a mic all the time, they're petrified of public speaking, and then we go, public speak. And chances are that they're gonna say some fucking weird or stupid immediately. And then we're just like, okay, thank you. I'll take it from here. But you can tell, you can just guess.

You also just get better at like pattern recognition. Yeah, cold reading. I feel like I really could. I honestly believe I could pretend to be a psychic. I think I could. I think I figured something out. And maybe that's, I think that is another just kind of innate thing. I think without realizing that was a skill I had that I could kind of read something about people

and you could just off body language, off tone of voice, not even what they're saying, I think I've just gotten kind of like good at that. And then it becomes fun. And then it has become fun of like, can I find something really weird out about this person? And you're right, you can't do the person that wants to be involved.

It has to be somebody that's not really prepared. And still, you know, people go expecting crowd work, but I'm amongst... They don't think it's gonna be them. They don't think it's gonna be them, but also like, so many people don't. So many people are somebody's friend, or somebody's girlfriend, or just a guy who saw...

Still, people still to this day will just buy tickets because they see a comedian. Even in a theater, I think just the culture for watching comedy. I had that somewhere where I was kind of like... It was at the House of Theater and I was like, I have to be... I was like, why are you here? And I think it's just a comedian. Yeah, I think for whatever reason, again, I think we got...

Or like, I've heard of him. Yeah, I vaguely heard of him or something. Or a friend said he was good. I have nothing else to do. Totally, totally. So you can still get people who don't give a fuck. And that's always fun. It's always great to be like... And yes, skip the initial easy one unless it's blaring.

Unless it's like staring in your face. Fetch a shirt, et cetera. Yeah, yeah. But then see what you can get into a little bit. So, you know. You have ambition, competitiveness. Yeah. How was it in comedy? Because I think competitiveness is good,

and ambition's good. Like, if you want, I don't know anybody who succeeded just like, it was an accident. You know a couple people, it's weird when you meet them. But you're like, how did this happen? Because they're hiding their ambition. That might, you might be right. Yeah. did this happen? Because they're hiding their ambition. That might, you might be right. Yeah.

I've met everyone. They're hiding their ambition. They're just smart enough to hide their fucking ambition. That's a good point. Do you, you mentioned a thing about an argument, or beef from years ago? Mm-hmm. Is that, are you like a ruminator?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. It makes me feel good to just like, anyone I had an issue with, like, like there's a specific guy that I have, I have allowed myself one really nice old grudge. And sometimes I just think about how awesome it is

that this motherfucker is... embarrassingly trying to do, like, you know... sketches to go viral. You know what I mean? And it's like... And it's like... And we were like in the same scene, and it's like, I'm selling out theaters in this moth... Like, sometimes I allow myself to be cruel to like... I've quarantined it to one guy who wronged me personally.

You know what I mean? But I do take a perverse sense of... For whatever reason, I thought I was... I think everyone is delusional. And maybe I just got lucky, but it feels good to be like, I thought I was better than a lot of comics I... You know, when I started with, or like, people that were rude to me, or people that didn't give me opportunities, or bookers that didn't want to work with me.

And I just get a fucked up amount of joy over how much better than them, how wrong they were about me, and like how much joy, and it's like... It's like the spite. Spite is the most powerful fuel, but it doesn't... I don't think it burns like, you know, efficiently. You know what I mean? It's not... It's not solar. It ain't solar.

It's fucking diesel. Like, it's one of those things like half. It's not converted Actual energy it's just fucking you just have a bunch of chemicals in you so I tried I tried not to do that I try to just be like shit's going good who gives a fuck You know it's hard though because it is hard. It's like So much of them first of all, there's probably too many movies about showbiz or too many, like, and they told me, and speeches and that, but like,

if somebody's shitty to you, and then you happen to look on their website to see how their tickets are selling online. Yeah, oh yeah. You happen to see, what's that seat map looking like? Exactly, yeah, if you're clicking, if you're hitting the zoom in on the seat map... But, I mean, I do think...

And what's weird is that, like, those are all old. Like, those people, they're not even... I had a thought the other day that ruminating is worrying about something that already happened. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You're literally, it already happened, Neil. Why are you still going over this thing over and over and over again?

And it feels like a vestige of who you were, because like, literally this is from when I was in DC, or Baltimore, like the people that I've, like I've actually been much better about, I am legitimately happy from all my friends, like I don't, there's, or even people that I've, like I've actually been much better about, I am legitimately happy from all my friends, like I don't, there's, or even people that I'm not even that friendly with, but it's like, I like, in general, I like when comics are succeeding,

because it just makes- If the comedies get fucking, God bless, it's fucking awesome. It's great, but this is like, it's almost like, it's a form of immaturity, because like, even people I have problems with from like, my 30s and on, I don't wish, I don't have time,

I don't feel like fuck that guy. It's like no, if I've, you're almost grandfathered in. How I feel about you is like what age were we when we had a disagreement? And it's like people I hated in my fucking early 20s, I want the worst for them. And then it's like, who gives a fuck? Those people affect your life zero. Zero percent, but it is fun every once in a while.

To hit the seat map. Yes, to hit the seat map. And do you, yeah, so it's like, but otherwise, I mean the thing that, as somebody that showbiz feels like people, especially social media, it feels like people are succeeding at you. Right, right, right. And people are taking a vacation against you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, you're just doing, no one's thinking about it. They're just doing their shit. Yeah. And I guess more the ambition thing is like, don't let the need to do, to succeed more in a vacuum, or just in a vacuum,

or just in perpetuity, don't let that ruin your life, right? Like, don't just feed into, I have to make more money, I have to do everything, like, stop, that's a bad, that's bad for you. Thinking that way's bad for you, and it's like, don't, just don't give into like the naked capitalist thing of like, you gotta make more money no matter what.

Like how, you know, like I love the Arizona iced tea guys that keep their shit 99 cents. It's like that motherfucker, you see that clip of that guy? I'm sure you've had the conversation about ticket prices. Yes, yeah. I don't wanna gouge people that like me. I don't want my shit being 75 fucking dollars.

If you like me, let's keep it under 45. Yeah, with fees and everything. I don't, if you, I'd like to give these people in particular a break, no one else. These are the only people I wanna give a break to. But it is that thing of like, no, cause scalpers. And the tick, and you're like, you're just live. By the way, Live Nation owns the scalpers.

They are the scalpers. So yeah, but it is hard to stand in the way and just go like, nah, I don't wanna fuck people. What? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, are you sure? Yeah, like, yeah. That's the whole point.

This is a good one. Isolation. Yeah. Do tell. Well, I just think like it's really lonely. Like, I don't know, I felt like. You tend to do it or you, it's a, you don't like it or you do like it?

I don't like, I. You don't like it and you do do it? It's easy to slip into it, right? It's super easy to slip into it. And that goes hand in hand with just like, head down, go to work, don't look around, like get your, get, you know, some positive feedback from career accomplishments and shit that's very tangible.

Whereas like staying connected to family, seeing friends, being a human being, fucking going, taking a day off to fucking go to a museum and stroll around and just like go to the gym and have just a, you know, none of that, you don't get rewarded for that stuff. And I just feel like I've felt very isolated. I felt like while I was working really hard

and while I was on the, particularly the road, where it's like you don't live anywhere. Certain roads are just not easy. Some roads is all right. Some like city, good hotel, nice infrastructure. But even that, it was like halfway through the last tour, I was like, I'm doing better, I'm gonna stay in better places, I'm gonna get better meals, I'm gonna hire my buddy

to be my tour manager so that I have a friend. But it's like, even that, it's like, I don't have a home, really, for a year. It's like, I don't, you can't have, I didn't see my friends, I didn't see my family, I couldn't have a real relationship. And you just kind of feel like you're floating in space. You feel like you're just kind of like,

oh, we're touching down. Or almost, and not even space, but like, you're on a cruise ship and you dock somewhere, but you live on the fucking ocean around nobody. And it was really weird. It was just like a weird, it just felt bad. I felt like I came out of it and I've time traveled and it's like when I'm off this tour,

everybody's life is two years ahead and I still feel like the same guy from when we started. Well, that's, Chappelle said a long time ago, it's space travel, that's what happens. Everyone ages, you donate, you physically donate. So you come back and you're like... You ever see your friends from high school and you're like, what the fuck?

No, I remember when I went home and actually visited with my brother and he's talking about having kids and I'm like... He's a fucking baby. What do you mean he's gonna have kids? And I'm like, he's a... And then you're like, he's a 32-year-old man. You're in sixth grade. Yeah, yeah.

I literally was like, what do you mean you wanna have kids? We're but... We're not doing that. We're but children, me and you. I literally was like, what do you mean you want to have kids? We're but... We're not doing that. We're but children, me and you. And it's like... And you see everybody you grew up with, yeah, you're so right, dude. And it was like...

So I don't know, that's part of it, where it's like... just be a fucking... Don't be isolated. Be a part of something. Be... You have friends, be in a community. All that kind of shit. Stay grounded to people. Then the next problem is, you're in a community, all that kind of shit. Stay grounded to people. And then the next problem is you're in a community,

but it's comedy. Yeah. So it's kind of, you're still doing it? That doesn't fucking count. I mean, that's what I mean. Like it kind of doesn't count. It doesn't. Because it's all, it's still not ambition.

It helps, it's better. It's better than nothing, but it's still like, it's a little worky. Well, I think some of your... Like, the way I look at it is, some of the people I want to be connected to happen to be comedians, because they're my friends, you know what I mean? Like, there are people that I would see, but it's like, like, Samaril, one of my best friends.

Yeah, we'd see each other occasionally doing spots, but even that, not so much, but like, that's different than, let's get dinner and go to a fucking Knicks game. Like, actually talk as human beings. Yeah, we'd see each other occasionally doing spots, but even that, not so much. But like, that's different than, let's get dinner and go to a fucking Knicks game. Like actually talk as human beings. I don't, you kind of almost have to not count that. You know what I mean? And it's like, but yeah, I just, I felt crazy.

I felt so isolated. I felt so sort of, and I had gone through, it was like so weird because you go through a breakup, the pandemic happens. You get on the road forever. The Comedy Central thing. Yeah. Yeah. You get on the road forever. The Comedy Central thing. Yeah. Yeah. You don't get a half hour for Comedy Central.

And I, yeah, I just felt like so weird and so... And then I noticed it where it was like, I would feel so attached to people who just showed me like the... smallest form of kindness or like... I would hook up with a girl and it was like, we just hung out once before we had sex. Like, we just like actually went on a date by accident.

Or like, you know... Family style, like 1970s film, where you go on one date and you're unheard of. This is Victorian courting, right? And I'm like, oh man, just because I hung out with this girl three times, I'm like, maybe we... Maybe we love each other. Yeah, exactly. And then she's like, oh no, I mean, I'm like, maybe we love each other.

Yeah, exactly. And then she's like, oh no, I mean, this was fun, but obviously not. I'm gonna treat you the way you treat most of the other people you hook up with, where you're a disposable fun time. And then I'm like, fucking, you know, heartbroken over nothing, or you embarrass yourself being like, I don't know, I think we got something here. She's like, no, we don't.

Yeah, that's funny, dude. Yeah, that's funny dude. Yeah, that one was brutal. Had a couple of those. Did you, because you said, I don't know if we were rolling, but you said the thing about making the list of your blocks, you were like, oh these are my actual problems.

So are you, but I feel like you did make a concerted effort or like a decision of like, okay, this is not working. Yeah. I need to change things. Yeah, I think so. So do you specifically, not schedule in shit, but like, because I'm starting to realize like, I need to like plan, it's just like what's valuable.

For sure. Because the only thing that was valuable to me for most of my adult life was work success. Fully, no that's exactly it. But I think we're trained, I don't know if it's Americans or like fucking comedians or whatever. Not to be fucking, you know, Bernie bro, but it's capitalism 100%.

It's like you're only worth what you can generate. This guy's a fucking policy maker. Yeah, I mean. But it is, it's like, we're only worth what the money we can bring in. And especially when you start, especially when you grow up poor, and then you go to an industry where you make nothing,

and you finally start making stuff, you do get a little addicted to, holy shit, I could, my family could be, if I keep up this pace for five more years, my family could be good forever. You know what I mean? My family could be fighting about this money. Yeah.

For decades. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, my fucking spoiled nieces and nephews. Ah, suing each other, conservatorship. But, yeah, and so, yes, I have, the effort, kind of the effort was just to change the way I valued things, because I was like you, where it's like, unless so, yes, I have, the effort, kind of the effort was just to change the way I valued things, because I was like you, where it's like,

unless I did something, today was a fucking wash. But then I started being like, when I put my health forward, I was like, a day where I eat healthy meat, if I eat all healthy meals and I work out, that's a success. That's a success. Or a day off is a success.

And I would start, and you know what I did? I didn't even plan working. And I just let it kind of be, it would just, it finds you. When you have to do stuff, you have to do stuff, right? Like we don't have the kinds of jobs where it's nine to five, but it's like, if somebody calls you and they're like, hey, you should really do this audition. Like they actually are thinking about you.

You work on that audition. You get some bullshit that you're like, even if I got this, this audition, like they actually are thinking about you. You work on that audition, you get some bullshit that you're like, even if I got this, do I wanna go to fucking Ireland in the summer? No, you know what I mean? Like, I don't wanna do that. So you just don't do that kind of shit. And so I just put, the only thing I cared about was my health

and then I just like did work as it had to be done. And it was a little hectic, cause it was still, I think in the future, I wanna plan it out a little better, where I'm like, you know what? I should at least schedule it, where it's like I have X days where I'm gonna be working, X days where I'm not doing shit.

But yeah, it was just changing. And maybe what you really wanna get to is not looking at days as win-loss propositions. You know what I mean? Yes, but if you're going to, because what you said about eating well and exercising. Oh, two weeks ago I was directing something and I always try to be nice.

If I'm doing a show, I'll try to be nice. Instead of whatever. Not like, it's very hard, but I just, it's so hard because I wanna scream at them. But just like, whatever, it's a thing that I haven't done enough and I wanna do more. And I told my girlfriend, I was like, it was like the Mark Twain, my Mark Twain speech,

but for being nice to people. Like a work thing that I liked, but about a totally different, about a thing that's actually valuable, not some fuckin' speech on it. You know what I mean? But that's, if you're gonna, it's a good starter way to think of shit.

Like, yes, this was the crowd work clip of eating and exercising. That arugula went viral. You know what I mean? That's basically what you're, ideally that's what you should be able to do. So, oh okay, this is good, artistic integrity. Yeah, that's the last one,

because it is kind of like, what's the point? Part of like, okay, so success doesn't make you happy, so you should be a human being and be happy, a person. But within what you do, you should be really proud of it through and through, right? And that's another struggle against constant production. Because you are rewarded for constant production. My life changed because for three years in a row,

I posted a clip every day. That's production. And that works. And, but at the same time, it's like... You're not gonna be proud of every single one of those. That's not, every single one of those is not the best one. You do. And even my special, which I'm really proud of, and there's great stuff in there, in a perfect world, I would have liked to have six more months with it. You know, like, I felt like, especially watching it back,

like I recorded it, and then I did that movie. So I recorded it last May, and then I did the movie, and then I didn't know, originally we didn't know if I was gonna record the special in the middle of the tour or at the end of the tour, so I still had some tour dates left, and so I took time away from it. And then I was like, all right, well I gotta start working on the next,

you know, on the next thing, whatever. And so I need some new stuff, but this special hasn't come out yet. So I'll just slowly, I'll do 10 minutes of you and 50 minutes of the old stuff that no one's seen yet. And like, a month in, I was like, oh man.

That extra 20, minus the worst 20, this might have been like... I think my special was good, but I was like, fuck. I would have been like, much more proud of this version of it, you know what I mean? And that's fine. Well, you know that the pitfall of that is like, you would never stop. And also you'd be like, much more proud of this version of it. You know what I mean? And that's fine. Well, you know that the pitfall of that is like you would never stop.

That's everybody, I know that. And also you'd be like, oh, this, that what's the, your first, that beautiful 20 becomes a fuckin' Haggard. Absolutely, and I know that it probably wouldn't have made the difference I think it would have, but I also do think, just to be completely frank, it was a little fast.

I mean, the first special was nine years of material. The second special was 16 months. You know what I mean? There's no way it's gonna be- Was the YouTube, it wasn't crowd work? No, it was an hour of jokes. Yeah, there was like a little bit of crowd. Same like, you know, what my shows are usually like,

where it's like nine to 10 minutes of crowd work and 50 minutes of jokes. 50 minutes of boredom. Yeah. Yeah. And so, so yeah, I think going forward, I just want to, I don't know, I just want to be, I mean, part of the reason I did a special so quick

was because I was like, I want a Netflix special. I want to be thought of as a guy who's got a fucking Netflix special. And I sacrificed sort of career milestones for artistic integrity a little bit. Not, again, I didn't put out something that I'm embarrassed of. I just would like to, from now on, hold myself to the highest standard.

Well, now you can, is the good news. Yeah. And you also realize, like, it doesn't, nothing solves anything. Totally, and at the end of the day, it's all bullshit. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, did we not say that? Well we do suck, so it's dumb.

Everything we said is total bullshit. I don't know if that's not been clear. We should have begun that every single syllable of what we said has been without value and all of this is slightly better than you working. Right, yes. That's all we have to do is just be a little bit better than you having to fully focus on work.

And I believe we've done that. I think so. But yeah, I just want to, like I feel like I went, people thought of me as just a podcaster, right? People thought of me as like the second mic on Come Town. And then I really went hard on like my online presence. And then people think of me as a comic, but now they think of me as a... Like, most people think of me as just a crowd work guy.

Or like primarily like that. I didn't watch the YouTube because I thought it was all crowd work. Yeah, no. It's... I watched the Netflix day it came out. I just didn't know. Yeah, yeah, no. No, I'm really... That one, I think the jokes overall, because a lot of them are very strong,

but I'm not as good of a performer. Like, I watch that now, and it's so clear how nervous I am. I put $40,000 of my own money, which is a big risk for me. And you can see it in his eyes. It's a Monday in LA, because I could only get a crew. You know, I got the building for cheap. We shot it at 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. on a Monday in LA,

in the middle of, like, Delta variant. Some of these LA motherfuckers are wearing... Yeah, they're wearing masks and the fucking thing. It was, I was more nervous, you know, but I think I like the materials good, but... But yeah, and so I just kind of want to like, now the next step is really establish myself with some great, as a great comic period.

And then also just do, I want to act a little bit, and I want to, I want to like make movies, just because I love stand-up, but it's a little limiting. Like you can't express everything. You have to be funny every like 15 seconds. And I think it would be fun, like I'm very happy, uh, Shane, Shane McKeever, um, put me on tires, because it was like, that was cool.

It was fun to act with my friends and just be, you know... It's kind of the persona I already have. They kind of wrote a character that I could do what I'm good at and explore that. And that's fun, to explore that scripted as opposed to on stage. Um, and I want to do more of that, and then I want to just, you know, I'm happy, like, let's start a cult is really fun, because it was like, I'd never acted in more than a scene

in anything, and I had to be in every fucking, I'm in every scene of that movie. It's a lot, it's a big undertaking, but it was a cool, artistically a fun experience and I just kinda wanna do that now. Obviously I want people to enjoy it, but it's like, I just wanna hold myself to a high standard and know I did the best I could on this fucking thing

and just make fun stuff, you know? So we'll see. And like I said, you got the thing, which is a huge advantage, which is like, even when you're talking about wanting to do another Netflix, and there may be a voice in your head that'll be like, no, people aren't gonna watch another one

because you fucking blew it on the last one. Right, right, right. And I could have thought that, but like my third Netflix was double the second one. Yeah, yeah. So as long as you're around. Yeah, way better. Yours is way better, no.

No, yeah. No, but as long as you're around. Totally, I agree with that. People will just be like, oh yeah, I'll give it a chance. For sure. And if you don't, if the first. But see, but that's why I say artistic integrity,

because there is a reality to, you can look at this coldly and analytically and be like, it's about being around, it's about producing, and it's about putting shit out there and people will find it. Most of people seeing your shit is just knowing who you are, right? And that's true, and that's why you have to be-

Which is why you gotta hit that subscribe button, guys. Yeah. But that's why you have to be your own, like, you could be very, once you get a little success and you just put shit out, no one really gives a fuck if it's good or not. You have to be the one who, you have to be the harshest critic of your own shit.

And that's, I just wanna hold myself to that standard going forward. That's all. That's all I'm saying. You're almost talking about a different thing, which is people's standards for you kind of cease to exist. And they just like you. They don't really care.

But I think that only lasts for a while. Because at a certain point they'll be like, eh, they won't go like, I'm never coming to see this person again, but a part of them will be like, that was some bullshit. Right, right, right, right, right. And they'll look at the ticket break and go like, all right, let's see if these sell.

They'll like, sort of, yeah, they'll like, take their time to Takes a little longer. Yeah, to make the decision. Yeah. But yeah, I'm confident in you as a thing, as like a, you remind me of Rodney Dangerfield in the movie. Oh wow, thanks, man. I appreciate that.

Like Rodney in Back to School, I don't know if you ever saw it, but there's some about you like, you could remake all of Rodney and Back to School, I don't know if you ever saw it, but there's some about you like, you could remake all of Rodney's movies. I would love to. I know what you mean where it's like you create a persona and it can work in different contexts almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're, so you don't look like Rodney,

you know what I mean? I know what you mean, yeah, yeah. But just like, I don't know, what's, it's like a spice, like fucking that. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And you're like, I fucking, it's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but just like I don't know what's it's like a spice like fucking that. Yes. Yes Yeah, yeah, yeah, so Congrats on everything and it was great to meet you and I hate to meet you so fun. I hope we stick in touch. Absolutely Let's stick

I had my shot with the fucking stop it with the hottest guys in comedy No, man, I need to hang out I want to reach an exchange numbers