Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Tig Notaro

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews Tig Notaro ('Hello Again' on Amazon Prime, 'Handsome Podcast') about the things that make her feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how she is persevering despite these blocks. ---------------------------------------------------------- Watch 'Tig Notaro: Hello Again' on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Tig-Notaro-Hello-Again/dp/B0CV4FNJ27 Subscribe to Handsome w/ Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster & Mae Martin:  @handsomepod   -------------------------- 00:00 Intro 1:35 Childhood 5:55 Private Jet with Ellen 6:36 Often Almost Dies 7:22 Cancer Diagnosis 9:50 How Cancer Changed Her 12:04 Falling on Tour 15:30 Feeling Cursed and Praying 18:45 PTSD / Bad News 21:18 Trusting Life  33:47 Sponsor: Mando 35:49 Trusting Life: Success vs. Simplicity  39:30 Health  44:50 Anxiety 48:28 Inner Strength & Perseverance  49:57 Standup Pace  56:45 How Anxiety Manifests 59:00 Deep Breathing 1:01:40 Parenting  1:05:55 Climate Change  1:13:40 Connecting with Those Who Aren’t Likeminded  ---------------------------------------------------------- Follow Neal Brennan: https://www.instagram.com/nealbrennan https://twitter.com/nealbrennan https://www.tiktok.com/@mrnealbrennan Watch Neal Brennan: Crazy Good on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81728557 Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ---------------------------------------------------------- Sponsor:  https://www.shopmando.com use promo code: NEAL for $5 off Mando’s Starter Pack Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whether you're practicing your morning breath work, waiting for your favorite artist to come on stage, or running errands at the perfect pace, Liquid IV Powder helps you turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration so you can live a more extraordinary life. Live more with Liquid IV Hydration Multiplier. Available in refreshing lemon, lime, passion fruit, and strawberry flavors. Buy a stick in store at Costco, Walmart, Amazon, and other Canadian retailers. Hey, hi, Lo. It's Neil Brennan. This is the Blocks Podcast. We talk about things that trouble us, and then we connect over it, and we heal the world. I don't make the rules, guys. My guest today, I know not well, but what I do know, I like. We worked together on a Netflix special for Ellen DeGeneres, and we got to know each other a little bit there. And I'm not going to let you speak yet.

I'd like to talk and then the podcast ends. My guest today, it's Tignitar. One of the best observations anyone's ever made about me. Do you remember it? You pointed out that when I drink from a bottle, I'm going to do it now. Guys, watch closely what I do with my tongue. I remember now.

No one had ever noticed it. In 40 plus years of living, no one had ever noticed it. This young lady came into my life and she brought the hammer down pretty quickly. She's here to talk to us today. She's here. She's queer. She's here. She's queer.

Are you used to it? They're not. Do people you used to it they're not are has any do people get used to it no i'm not even used to it yeah do you ever go like am i still doing this yeah well i always consider it uh something i'm dabbling in yeah until the right guy comes along hello hello um i feel like you're the kind of person who was yourself from age three not and i don't mean like yeah i just mean like you were the the the brand was pretty well worked out i think so i can work back and see you as three and be like yeah that's that's all right there a lot of my um childhood i was kind of huckleberry tig though go on that's all right there. A lot of my childhood, I was kind of Huckleberry Tig, though.

Go on. That's all. I just, you know, I like playing in the woods and fall in the creek and the bayous and what have you. Well, that's where you go, where does the Southern girl begin in the lesbian? Exactly. Correct? Yeah. Is that what you're getting at absolutely it's like are you gay or are you midwestern southerner do you have a tractor yeah yeah and you don't and you still don't know my family in mississippi they were john deere tractor um sales folk so literally yeah yeah not this isn't for a bit no no they literally sold

tractors they sold tractors is that better than being a farmer is that like status wise is that like well they're sales they're part of a corporation i don't know i don't really totally run into it yeah no i really don't know it seems like you would get respect in either in either world i think that there's a little too much respect for farmers. Yeah. Just in terms of like mythologizing them. Like they're just working like the rest of us. I don't think it's special because it's wheat.

How dare you? It's not just wheat. Or barley. It is not just wheat and barley and corn. Animals. It is not just wheat and barley and corn and animals and cheap okay what if what if the farmers were like you know what i'm not gonna do this anymore how would you feed yourself okay what if we didn't do what we did anymore the whole fucking country

would collapse you know that as well as i do it's all it's an ecosystem we're all paying into there i don't think they're more noble than anyone else i don't and i'm tired of it i don't it's it's an ecosystem we're all paying into there i don't think they're more noble than anyone else i don't and i'm tired of it i don't it's it's a it's i have a joke that is this your block no i mean it turns out i have a joke that never works which is uh oh let me hear it i know again is she an asshole or a lesbian you don't know what's what i have a tractor yeah uh the that there are certain jobs in the world that are they we we won't pay you so we say that you're a hero or you're salt of the earth we're not gonna pay you we're gonna pay you in compliments and farmers one of them teachers one of them nurse is one of them firefighters firefighter cop i mean yeah you're a hero but don't don't ask for a raise you're not that much of a it is odd

like um speaking of heroes um wait was that your joke i thought it was just a talking point and then i real and i remembered oh he was going to tell me a joke have you ever done comedy sometimes right if it doesn't cross the talking point barrier, it remains, it doesn't get escape velocity and it stays in our orbit. It gets some laughs, but not enough for our level. And you're still closing with it? I'm opening and closing with it. Okay.

So people are pretty upset. A lot of disappointed people. And they go like, was it a joke? Yeah. It kind of makes you think. Kind of. Yeah, kind of. Kind of. i know that's the thing it's not good enough i preface it by saying it's not a good enough it doesn't work yeah so anyway what you were saying well i was just thinking about the word hero and when people do something heroic and they're on the news and they're like oh i'm not a hero it would be nice if somebody did just own it you know just like you know what i am that was very

heroic of me yeah yeah i went in there and i did that and i feel like a hero we're getting into comedy right now this that could get a laugh okay more than the one you just did well maybe whose hero bit will destroy more vote let us know america uh i should have brought your blocks up before you got here well i mean no i don't really need to look at a at a piece of paper for you already know what my blocks you're but i know what you worked with me right we zipped around on a private jet hello i do have pictures of it did i ever send you the pictures yeah they're cute yeah they're cute yeah yeah they're cute did you really look at them and think oh my god they're so cute it's cute it's like you got your feet up on a on a zillionaire's lap in a private

jet it's okay i'm gonna cut to them and again, let the audience decide. When you say audience, what are we talking? I don't know. Depends. What do you think you can pull? Bill Burr's in the 500,000 range. What do you think you're going to? Dave Letterman, Bill Burr, Tom Segura. What am I looking at?

What can we expect? I think I might get skipped over. No, they'll like it. They like it when they think that there's blood in the water so to speak meaning they like it when i think it does well when they go oh she'll have some shit just because you almost die so often i haven't in a while yeah really do you miss it do you my entire body is like jenga did you uh i have a drink a bit don't worry about it crushes um uh don't need your pity on this one did you just think i'm gonna die were you you must have just been absolutely convinced you were dead what which

time i know that's what i mean like did you go well i'm not gonna do it all right so you sir the first diagnosis was the cancer no the fall i got i had pneumonia okay and then i went to urgent care got antibiotics and that um can sometimes cause an adverse response and clear out all the bacteria inside of you, except for this one bacteria called C. diff. It's not good if I've heard of it. Right. If I've heard of the bacteria, it's probably pretty bad. It's bad.

And if it's left alone to thrive, it will just eat your insides to pieces. And so that's what happened to me. And then I was, I didn't know that whole time that I had invasive cancer. So that was in a four-month period of time. Are you a depression person? Have you had much depression in your life? I've had depression.

Because what I'm saying is, did it feel physically different? Are you, are you, you know what I mean? When you're like, I had cancer and I didn't even feel that much different than I did five years earlier. Well, no, because I mean, I think cancer is that it's the silent killer until it's too late. So I wasn't really feeling much of any i was i don't know which was which you know i wasn't like oh my god oh my cancer oh my pneumonia or my c-diff um my lesbianism yeah yeah yeah oh my uh hero jokes um but i uh i i just yeah i felt i was just really sick and but like probably like well just go get some shit and it'll be fine.

I kept thinking I just had a cold. I didn't know I had pneumonia. Three weeks? I don't know if it was a week or two that I had something in there. And then once I contracted C. diff, I thought it was related to the pneumonia. I didn't know I had a whole full-blown disease outside of that. And then lurking underneath was the invasive. When they call it the silent killer, is it because you don't know it's happening?

Yeah. It just doesn't feel any different? Yeah, you could just be like, you could be sitting here. Yeah, I could be. Creating cancer right now. I could be stage now as we speak or just right now your your cells are are doing something doing doing cancer stuff like right now yeah that's pretty cool yeah i have the thought that people don't change in life unless they almost die

i kind of believe that like even even if they go to 12-step groups it's because they almost die. I kind of believe that. Even if they go to 12-step groups, it's because they almost died from drugs or alcohol or whatever. Don't you think sometimes heartbreak and loss in different ways? Yes, but I mean change. I think I mean change in a good way. I think that can change in a good way. I think it's good to get your heart broke. You don't?

I mean, it's not part of my growth vision board. Okay. Meaning I don't, it can be. Death is, you just have a skull and bones. Skull and bones. Yes. Yeah, it looks cool. People think it's like a pirate motif.

No, but do you know what I mean? Like, I don't, I know what you mean. It can make, getting your heart broken can make you more empathetic because you go oh i guess i i broke hearts yeah and i that is helpful i think almost dying can make you have a different outlook on everything summer's here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with uber eats what do we mean by almost well you can't get a anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no.

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Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. This episode is brought to you by Lego Fortnite. Lego Fortnite is the ultimate survival crafting game found within Fortnite. It's not just Fortnite Battle Royale with minifigures. It's an entirely new experience that combines the best of lego play and fortnite created to give players of all ages including kids and families a safe digital space to play in download fortnite on consoles pc cloud services or android and play lego fortnite for free rated esrb e10 plus indeed well that's what i'm wondering about it's like did it what were you

like before and what did you what do you think it did to you? In terms of, I mean, it's a broad question, but. It makes me more careful just across the board, I would say. Thoughtful, careful, and mindful, all of that. Careful with like don't endanger yourself? Or we're talking about emotionally, we're talking about? Everything. I truly prioritize my health, my sleep.

I try and remove stresses from my life whenever I can. And I mean, even when i'm walking after a shower in the bathroom like i i don't just no i know you i am very careful because i i really don't want to go through anything again i also don't want to put my family through it yeah i have two sons it'll be they'll be eight in june and um i i fell when i was on tour and ended up it recently fractured my wrist and did you ended up on crutches shower no oh my gosh i my luggage was lost and I went up to the airport to get my luggage. Pouring rain. Okay.

Pouring rain. And this story begins much earlier than this, but this is the moment. I get out of the Uber and I just have to walk across you know how where this parking structure, like let's say it's LAX. Here's the parking structure. You walk across that street. It's 40 yards. Yeah. Get to the baggage claim. I get out of the car. She paused for my tongue.

I'll be honest. I forgot. Oh, there it is. It's very unsettling. Once you told me once you told me unnecessary i don't know why you shove your tongue in i don't know either and i but it's too late i want to see how your family they drink they must i don't i never noticed it before that's what was so devastating about the observation is like no one i hadn't noticed it we were at the bar right yeah we're in a bar yeah me here's a picture of this me tignitaro portia darossi ellen generous just knocking back cold ones and i see your tongue go into your cold one also i believe you or ellen pitched us all going

on tour i believe it was the bearded lesbians of comedy and i was like why don't you guys put that on your instagram because i'm not gonna i can't really sell that thing through i think you could i really do so anyway i get out of the uber somebody walks in front of me with their huge suitcase launches me i mean i'm airborne And while I'm in the air, I'm thinking I'm going to break my hip. I mean, I have plenty of time to think. I am so high up in the air. Come down and I, what is it? Tear a tendon in my leg, fracture my wrist. I can't even walk I'm in Europe anyway are you you're literally in Europe yeah yeah

I did I did weeks in Europe on crutches with a fractured wrist for you were doing stand up yeah and

but I called my wife and I said don't I didn't want our sons to know I didn't want them yeah to worry I didn't

it's great it's important that a family have secrets but that is something where I'm like if they don't have to know. I didn't want them to worry. I didn't. It's great. It's important that a family have secrets. But that is something where I'm like, if they don't have to know something like that, I don't want them to know.

But obviously, it's not the worst I've been through, but it's just, it's like added to the list of. And do you, I mean, at a certain point,

do you just go like, if it was like, if a body could be a lemon, do you feel like you have a lemon? Or do you not even blame your body? I would blame my body probably. I also think that there's experiences in life and toxic stress and all sorts of things that can cause damage. PTSD, all sorts of things in life. Yeah, that long term can be.

I don't think that's what caused the fall. Looked it up and she's... No, there's no way to know. I guess my question is, do you think that a person can attract it have you gotten that far out with it not attracted but if somebody's accident prone or there are things like that are not ptsd related but but you kind of become a magnet for like bad situate you know some people just have bad luck and it feels spiritual somehow i don't think that would be you but well i mean when i had that all happen in that four month period of time uh in

2012 i did think oh my god am i cursed and that is not anything i think that's not in my thought process is curses or i'm not really spiritual or religious or any, I don't even think in those terms, but during that time I thought, oh my gosh, am I cursed? But I also started praying during that time too. So I was all over the map. What were you praying to? Well, first of all, I was apologizing to the God I didn't even believe in. For never believing. For never believing. Hope it's not too late. Yeah, yeah.

This is weird. And apparently it wasn't too late because, you know, the ship was turned around. But I still get little things where I. You're welcome. Where I still have moments where I, you know, trip and fall in Europe and end up on crutches. I don't think you tripped and fell didn't didn't you get it sounds like you got kind of tackled or something not tackled i was walking and uh the suitcase the person cut in front of me and i caught the tail end of their large suitcase okay and it launched me did they go like they nobody stopped nobody stopped it was uh it's

not very what you would think of in europe no but uh the city i was in and i'm not gonna say what it is bring it down do you don't know what you don't want to give them the press you don't want to give them the negative press i don't want to give them negative press but i did my my wife because i i could not believe nobody stopped yeah again pouring rain my my wife looked it up and she said it is the rudest country in europe now i want to guess i'm not going to tell you okay jesus i don't want to i don't want to bring these people down you know they're already yeah I want to say the Netherlands. No, my God, no.

Great. That's a believable no. I mean, there's the obvious ones like France or whatever, but I don't think it's that obvious. You're not obvious. You're not an obvious person. And do you. So you're more careful. Do you select work differently i try to yeah i mean

there there i i what i really try to do with decisions that i make and i mean here i am doing your podcast in person yeah i mean podcast um but i do try to make decisions this is this is weird but i think this is ptsd from when my i got a call that my mother had tripped and died yes i don't ever want to get bad news when i'm doing something i really don't want to be doing of course i never want to get bad news no i know what you mean though but if i'm doing something that is utterly soul-sucking and i get a horrific phone call you're gonna be like this was a total failure of a i think it's going to deeply deeply disturb me for a very money compensate for it no interesting i think i need to feel like i really want to do something right i like the people i'm going to be signing up to spend my time with did you have a sense of that before no so it's just like you're just going through life

like yeah i'll do i don't understand at all who I was before 2012. I really don't. I have a vague idea, but I was so just out of touch in certain ways that it's haunting. It's that bittersweet thing of the deep awakening that I got during that time, but it came with a lot of loss and pain yeah it's hard to reconcile those it's hard to express too because it's probably hard to express what you know now that you didn't know before well and also wrapped up in there is uh i lost my mother in the middle of it all and there's also the thing of like it was a weird catapult for your career which is that another one of those weird yeah unexpected things where and i've been saying this recently like i'm always scanning human

beings like we're just scanning for threats all the time and then there's these weird things that you assume is a threat or like bad news or a bad event that ends up being like long-term kind of positive and not like your mother dying is positive or all the diagnoses and illnesses are positive but like they end up kind of being, I don't know what the word is, like fortifying or enriching. Well, I think that this is, I always go back to this feeling of the importance of- It's all corny.

Of trusting life. And that's what I'm trying to do and that's what i've been trying to do is trust life and that means all of the things that go along with it yeah it's it's it's very hard to articulate because it was brutal that time period. It's also like any other processes we could do where I could get this, I could get these sort of downloads or these understandings that isn't C-Dep. C-Diff.

Whatever it's called. Whatever. Yeah. C-Diff or cancer or mastectomy or is there any other way we could do this and it seems like there might not be it's unfortunate

it really is because there's so much loss and pain and PTSD I mean even to this day when I check into a hotel room I keep everything so in order and packed in case there is an emergency and I have to. And that came from I had internal bleeding in Philadelphia and collapsed after a show one night and was hauled off to the emergency room.

Was the show good? Oddly, it was one of the best shows of my career. Of course it was. And what was hilarious was this friend of mine from my childhood lived in the area with his wife and he, and Stephanie happened to be with me. It was so crazy. She's your wife, Stephanie? Yes. She's never on tour with me. And so we were all going to go have a drink after the show. And I'm standing there talking to him and his wife. I haven't seen him in 20 years. And then I'm feeling this pain where I can't even concentrate. It's like I'm burning alive inside'm and i'm also a bit of a germaphobe and i'm i don't know why keep going stephanie told me she knew something was terribly wrong because she saw me scanning to go that was going down on the floor and but she could tell i was like i don't want to go down I don't want to be laid out.

Which area could I bear my face being against? That's so funny. But I'm like down for the count and I'm struggling to breathe. This happened so fast. And my friend, I didn't see him again. I got hauled out of there so fast and didn't see him again. That's it. I saw him at the merchandise booth and then uh that was that and then he actually came to a show of mine recently was so so crazy and he hadn't seen you

since you know no the last time you um so i was hospitalized and stephanie had to go back to the hotel pack all of our stuff and get it organized and so part of my ptsd from that experience is that i make sure everything i like in my toiletry bag, I don't, you know. You don't fuck around. I keep, like after I use something, I put it in the toiletry bag. After I. Do you put the toiletry bag back in the suitcase at the end of the night? No, but I just feel like.

You're pretty cool. I feel like if I can keep things manageable, then I'm not going to be a problem or, you know, it's not going to be a problem to somebody if they have to come, you know, clean up. there's an old thing that you may not, women may not.

Men used to have these things when there were porn tapes. My brother and David Tell had an agreement. Like if I die, you have to go to my house and get rid of the tapes like my porn like i don't want people coming to my house and seeing how much i truly enjoy porn yes because people know guys will never think that about my brother david tell okay um well yeah mine mine is similar but it's my toiletry bag and my suitcase different strokes yeah yeah when you look back at 2011 tig that was before anything happened yes um

is there a sort of like that silly that silly kid do you have do you look back with some longing of like you didn't know what you didn't know and you were just babing the woods and like having fun? You thought you had it all figured. I'm terrified for 2011 Tig and before. I mean, everybody's naive to a certain degree. But I think that I took so many risks. I trusted so many risks. I trusted so many people. I trusted situations.

Were you not following your instincts or you just didn't occur to you to be skeptical? I think that I'm pretty, for the most part, pretty straightforward. pretty straightforward. And I take things at face value and I can see how that can get you into weird situations or relationships. I don't know. My mother was kind of naive in a way. I think I had a certain level of that.

It is interesting to hear you say that and also learning to trust life because because in some ways i would say like well 2011 tig was trusting life no that's a good point you know and i don't say and i'm not like calling you out but it is it is the thing of you know we should i get i don't want to be paranoid all the time but there wasn't absolutely but there wasn't much thought put into it i wasn't like consciously trusting life okay i was thoughtlessly trusting got it got it got it got it and i think that there is a bit of a difference there i also felt very much like that's not gonna it's it's similar to getting

diagnosed with any sort of disease it's like you before that happens you like that's not gonna it's it's similar to getting diagnosed with any sort of disease it's like you before that happens you think that's not gonna happen to me happens to other people it's gonna happen to tig i would i consciously well now i know anytime i mean it is ridiculous yeah it's like anytime they a doctor say, here, this medication, don't worry. It's a very small percentage of people that have an adverse response. I used to think nothing of it. And now I'm like, I'm sorry, but I-

I don't know how to tell you this. It's gonna be me. It will be me. What I've also realized over time is I'm so sensitive. My body is so sensitive. It responds very positively and it responds very negatively. And so when you are that sensitive, you have to really take note and have follow-up questions. And because I have gotten myself in horrendous situations medically because I...

You didn't think it would happen to you? Yeah. A therapist told me one time that in her experience, people who have traumatic backgrounds are more sensitive to medication. Interesting. And I don't know if you have a traumatic back before 2011 like uh i kind of think you didn't like growing up no i i definitely i had a you did certainly okay well yeah that's then there's some information that i don't that that's been

and i found that to be true specifically with medication yeah uh uh antidepressants would work within a two two days for me and usually it's like it's gonna take two months and like it's not gonna take two months yeah it's interesting and then like ayahuasca i do sometimes i don't need much like it just shit can and maybe it's because we're skinny, but I kind of believe that spiritual, you know, what trauma does to you and what you were saying earlier, like PTSD and you kind of get your body in some ways, I guess it's weaker or something, but I don't know if that's the right word. More susceptible. the right word more susceptible i feel like well it just swings in both directions i feel like um something can take me down easily but then i feel like i can also come back my body i just feel like my body is it responds yeah yes and it and it's in both directions yeah like i will get i will i want to go work quickly or any of these things will work quickly and then when i stop it'll just be reasonable it won't be like it won't it won't be screaming are you emotionally

sensitive or would you say like more sensitive than stephanie than like who are you do you consider yourself yeah sensitive i'm yeah i'm very sensitive yeah and um step And Stephanie and I always have an issue with people always direct all of the sports updates to me. I think because my hair is short. Like our handyman, he'll be like, yeah, he's from Philly telling me about plays and whatever sports and scores. And I'm like, whoa, hold on. Let me go get Stephanie. Don't get it twisted. Yeah, I'm like, this is, you've got the wrong one.

Hold on, let me go get Stephanie. And she actually follows sports. Yeah. And she knows all that stuff. And then people assume that, you know, she's more sensitive. I mean, she's definitely sensitive sensitive but i am way more sensitive i would say than she is i think everybody's pretty sensitive but like it gets to the point where do you ever think it's ego like i get my feelings hurt yeah i get my feelings hurt easily and it's

like maybe that's ego maybe i'm maybe i'm just thin skinned because i want praise so badly that when it's not i'm like i feel like i've even changed in recent years of like obviously you do stand up for praise and adoration and all that stuff but man am i needing that less and less it's weird isn't it it gets a little cringy for me sometimes the The attention or even it sounds insane, but like the clapping and cheering when you walk on stage. It's like, guys. Look for new value programs when you shop at Loblaws, like Hit of the Month. So you get the best deals and low prices on amazing products every month. And did you know PC Optimum members save more. For exclusive offers and members-only pricing,

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I close with. Well, you throw your hero joke in. Yeah, I close with hero. Yeah. And everything else takes care of itself. Yeah. But yeah, it is a little silly. It's so silly.

And, you know, but I don't want to also come across as no i know because a lot of people are enjoying it i have enjoyed it it's just that i enjoy comedy i just i'm struggling with um that sort of attention well it's also you're you're and i'm again less so you're an avatar for a bunch of things it's like you almost died multiple times you she won't stop talking about it um uh you you know you're like uh the phoenix you know like you you are resilient you are a bunch of things that people more than comedy yeah i i uh and you kind of have to again i don't think you're fighting it i don't think it's i don't i don't think you're being disrespectful or or in in grateful it's but i

but there it you do get to a age or maybe a level of mature i don't know what the word is but where you just go i don't this is uh this feels a little yeah yeah yeah it's i i've i've noticed it over the past handful of years where i've just started to feel like this feels odd i don't know introducing loomy for men have you heard of loomy whole body deodorant it's hugely popular dummy well now they have Lume for men. It's the same clinically proven doctor developed formula, but in cologne quality sense for men. Imagine if a deodorant didn't smell like deodorant. That's Mando. Mando is made with mandelic acid and alpha hydroxy acid that blocks the sweat eating bacteria on your skin from causing odor. So you don't even smell in the first place and you can put it anywhere.

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It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipe, and of course, free shipping. Luckily, I got a discount code to help you get hooked on my favorite smelling whole body deodorant on the market. New customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code that equates to over 40% off your starter pack. Use code N E A L at shop Mando. That's S H O P M A N D O.com shop Mando.com code N E A L. That thing you said about trusting life. Is it a daily thing? Cause it is hard hard to it's hard to really go even this one even this thing that looks like a a this is a gift also it sure looks like a turd or it looks like a setback or it looks like and you just go even this one because that's a that's the hard part it's not even hard but it's a i do find it i was

kind of cursing not even cursing two days ago i was uh i have a netflix out and i'm like how's it doing and i'm like i couldn't tell and i'm like why kind of not even feeling but like cursing god for like why won't you tell me why can't my life be simpler and like obvious? And why can't I just be like a fucking huge star? Why does everything have to be like, I had to fucking claw my way up. And then, and,

and recently you're like, you want to be a huge star. You, you do. You want to be a huge, I would, if, if I had to choose my level of success

kevin hart really yeah yes if you're asking me if you're asking me how i can do the exact same material if you're asking me how successful will that material be same material as kevin As Kevin Hart. As Kevin Hart. I'm married. I have two kids. And I'm married. Dicey. Yes. Wouldn't you want to be the same spirit? No. No. Why not?

Tell me. No. I feel like I have a nice amount of success. I do too. Yeah. I think you do and I think I do. Yeah. And I'm good with it yeah i'm not that's what i i want to uh specify i'm not jealous of kevin and i'm not like no i don't hear it as jealousy but that is that would be your ideal yes stadiums Yes, stadiums.

If I'm going to do it anyway, if I'm going to Philly, I can do a 1,000-seater or I can do a 17,000-seater. Oh, my God. None of that appeals to me. Really? No. Why not? No. Oh, my gosh. I think there's just a simplicity that appeals to me and um and that doesn't feel

you're from tractor sales people and tomato farmers yeah i'm a simple woman yeah i yeah it doesn't appeal to me it really doesn't yeah so um but that's but i'm also dealing with that taking life on its, on trusting life, right? So I'm going like, why does it have to be this way? Like, why does it have to be, why can we learn most lessons from punishment and death or near death and why? And then eventually it's like, just because that's how it is, dog.

I call myself dog in my head. Oh, okay. You're talking to you. Yeah, yeah. that's how it is dog i call myself dog in my head oh okay you're talking to you yeah yeah that's how it is and no i was and i call you dog as well on this no but the the acceptance of like that's just what it's going to be and there's no point in fighting it there's a second part of it also which was i'm like i'm have like sort of negative feelings around it and and i'm like well you know you're the only one here so it's just you're just hitting yourself with continuously negative feelings and i'm wondering if you took a look how was your inner monologue in 2011 versus what it is now were you harder on yourself before? Have you learned sort of gentility? I haven't really thought about that.

Well, did you think about, did I make myself sick somehow? Do you know what I mean? It's like you go diet. What, like what's the, what are the inputs?

I mean, I just recently, uh, there's a new test out that I took where they can. Is it like a BuzzFeed kind of thing, like a personality? Yeah, yeah. To see if your cancer is going to come back. And so thank you, BuzzFeed, for this free, accurate.

It's free, and it's incredibly accurate. And it cost them like a billion dollars almost. And they just. Gave it away. It's amazing. cost them like a billion dollars almost. And they just gave it away. It's amazing. So thank you, BuzzFeed. I have to take this new test on BuzzFeed every six months because I've started a new medication. But this test lets me know if there is cancer in my system. And so did I make myself sick? Well, yeah, I really don't know. But now that this test is available and that I can start this

new medication, what I have control over, which is what I eat and drink and who I spend my time with and how I try and clear out different stresses and any sort of heaviness that's toxic in my life. That's what I'm doing and what I was doing before, I did not think at all about, I mean, I, I, I even as far as sleeping goes, I was like, oh yeah, I got two hours I can plow through. I wasn't thinking how that might affect my health. Um, I was surrounding myself with people that weren't necessarily great in relationships that weren't serving me or them. I've dated plenty of people that are wonderful, beautiful, smart, successful, funny, but I also wasn't aggressively pursuing anybody. If somebody pursued me a lot, sometimes I just ended up their girlfriend. Yeah, that happens. But really,

I truly, I would find myself in relationships or friendships where I thought, God, they came on strong and now I'm just in their life. They really don't make sense to me. Stephanie, you pursued? Did I remember that correctly? I did pursue her. I texted her once a month. But yeah, neither of us are into texting. And when we exchanged numbers, I told her that I was like,

I didn't think she was into me. I was just like, oh, I'm not a big texter. And she said, I'm not either. And I told her I had gone out with this girl that texted me after our coffee saying that was really fun. She knew I had a show that night, texted me and said, have a great show. Then at 11 o'clock at night, she texted me sweet dreams. And I was like, oh, my God. And I told Stephanie that. And she said, don't. That is not me.

No need to worry. And then that night when I went home, I got a text from her that said sweet dreams. And I was like, OK. Is this a bit? Is this a bit? No, it was hilarious. Yeah, but you still five percent he's like okay okay i she's so funny and we could not stop texting after that yeah um but uh that was oh and then and then like six months later we um how do i get something like that and then we made out for the first time and then she

wrote me this like 10 page long email saying i've never been with a woman and you know i really like you and i thought that was fun but i just it went on and on and on and then i just responded okay dyke and then um because i just thought well if even though i knew i wanted to be with her i just thought i guess i have to let this go and I'll do it lightheartedly. And we've been together now going on 12 years, two kids, three cats, production company. Great.

That was mindful. Like my pursuit- Was that post 2012? It was. Yeah, 2013. You ever think she was doing it for the life insurance? Even if she was. Knowing that this broad ain't going to be around long.

I can be a dyke for how much longer? Truly. I will take it. Whatever her motivation is, I'm fine. But yeah, so I think I just, it's a stark difference to me. Yeah. And again, you had to almost die to finally make slightly better choices. And okay, let's do some specific blocks.

I feel like we've covered a lot, which I appreciate because it's been great. For some reason, you have anxiety. Medicated? Am I medicated? Yeah. No yeah no no i mean not for anxiety no do you have to take a cancer an ongoing medication for that for the c-diff not for c-diff um c-diff is kind of like herpes for people in that once you've had a flare up it's around there's a recurrence um that potential recurrence yeah and what can trigger it is alcohol fried food sugar basically all of those things but i think you know i became vegan um it's uh eight years ago something like that and uh so i shifted my diet it took me a few years

to shift my diet i was still dealing with a lot of pain even though i lived through it and um rose again i was in a lot of pain i shifted my diet that's helped a lot and um I really don't drink a lot. But that's all C. diff related. And medication I took for cancer, I came off of fairly recently. And it's so tricky. It's like you live through cancer, but, and you have parts of your body removed inside and out. And there's medication that you take to balance what you used to have. And, and then your body responds to that medication. Yeah. And so I,

I've been on a real roller coaster to, yeah, because a lot of the internal bleeding issues was like cysts bursting inside of me and that happened so frequently because i was having an adverse response to the cancer medication so i needed the medication but it was the my doctor was constantly monitoring these cysts that were like massive. Ovarian or anywhere? Ovarian. I was hoping for ovarian.

Yes, it was ovarian. So there you go. But they were so massive and it was like a ticking time bomb because, and I reached a point where I told my doctor i said i've been hospitalized three times at one of them burst on a on a blood vessel and it was like an enormous like that much blood loose in my body and i'm like i'm flying around the country around the world if this happens on a flight yeah it just it reaches it's hard to balance everything that's going on. Imagine if when we were on Ellen's jet, if that had happened, how unhelpful me, Ellen, and Portia would have been. And how quickly that-

We would have tried to change the subject. Your blood is supposed to be in your veins and it burns like hell when it's not. That's interesting. When it is loosey-goosey around your veins. Did you know hell when it's not when it is interesting when it is loosey goosey did you know that before 2011 did not know that did not know that in 2012 yeah but i was like struggling to breathe it's hard it is tricky and so i came off that medication and then um and And then, um, and anyway, so I'm, I'm, I'm fine and I'm, and I'm trying new things, uh, and trying just to balance things out and get through, get through my day to day. Oh, well, here's the question. Do you feel sorry for yourself?

I, I would, I think I would feel so sorry for myself if I had the level of maladies you've had. No, no, I get frustrated. Okay. And I think I have an inner strength that, I remember Stephanie said to me just something about how I'm able to persevere and that I have like this inner strength. And I know that,

but I think back to, I used to be a long distance cyclist where I would do 50 to a hundred miles a day. And one of my favorite moments of cycling was always uphill. And whenever I would do uphill cycling and pass people that were on the side of the road resting or pushing their bike. I would prefer to continue at a very slow speed up. And one time it ended up being eight miles and I didn't know how long the hill was going to go. I don't know where it comes from, but I have no problem. I can just focus. Even if I'm going half a mile an hour, I can go up that hill for eight miles. And I feel like it translates in many different areas in my life well you know it's a big one stand up obviously you have a your pace is not rushed

no meaning like you're not you're like hey this is the pace you don't like it it's still the pace i remember when i first started and i was doing uh open mics and i looked down and i felt insecure because i was newer at it than some of the other people at the coffee shop and this woman that had probably been doing it a year or whatever she did this to me just waving her hand like, come on, come on. But it's also like a virtue because your pace creates tension. It's like you turned a curse into a gift where it is like, shouldn't work. It should be faster. But let's all admit it should be faster, her pace.

If not funnier. Yeah, a little funnier, a little faster. A little funnier, a little faster, but faster a little funnier a little faster but still people are showing up she's she she qualified to be a guest yeah but you've turned it into like a signature which is again there's other slow comedians i'm not like you no i'm kidding no of course but your pace that's the first thing i thought of is like your your pace is it's like uh it's dominant do you know what i mean like it's a dump you're not you're like no i'm hilarious give it a second like no it'll well you'll wait you'll wait you'll wait for it

i hope they do i'm sure they yeah they've been waiting yeah they you know they wait yeah they wait they're gonna wait sometimes it doesn't pay off yeah but that's all right i mean i'm waiting too yeah we're all waiting yeah it's connecting with the crowd but it's also it's that yeah that trusting life and um i used to believe that something so huge was going to take me down or something so huge was going to launch me and and neither really do you know i mean they can no but give me again what do you mean by that uh launch your career or launch your it's anything in in a positive way or negative i feel like yes of course it can something can take you down or kill you or something you become an overnight sensation of course but i do feel like the majority of things

in life just kind of it all becomes a wash you know i don't think i just even with stand-up i don't think any huge gig is going to be my biggest. This is the one, yeah. I don't think any terrible show that I have is going to be. Take you down. Yeah. It's all cumulative, positive and negative. But I used to think, I used to really think that there was one or the other. And now I think in those moments when I'm on stage and I'm delivering material that's especially when it's new and I'm waiting, the audience is waiting. I'm like, I don't I don't even know what's happening.

Yeah. But I do trust now that it's fine and I can sort through this moment or this material and I still have to work on it. I don't really write my material down. I just have a list of, you know, five or 10 things I'm going to talk about and I don't know how it's going to go. And it's that fight or flight that creates a punchline so quickly that I'm like, wow, okay, well, there it is. Yeah. There's the punchline. I've said on here, and don't reciprocate, I've said that the three fastest people I've ever seen are you, Fred Armisen, and Cedric the Entertainer.

And just in terms of doing a bit, the fastest, like, I start a bit, you're there. You're there, finishing it. And my favorite one of yours, and you may not remember this when we were going around the country private jet like bon jovi um ellen had to the airport the private airport in seattle was gonna close at 10 p.m. So she had to be off stage by 9.15 so that we could make it to the private jet airport.

At which point you were like, well, what's going to happen? Like an old man with a lantern like, sorry, kid, airport's closed. And it fucking made me laugh so hard that there would be an old like sorry kids airports closed it was very fucking funny oh um well thank you you're welcome you've mentioned that i haven't mentioned that specifically but i have mentioned how funny i think you are

no don't reciprocate don't embarrass Well. No, we don't have time. What do you mean we don't have time for me to reciprocate how funny you are? Yeah. How effortlessly funny? How you are. I feel like you're that person that everybody. Would you fall under the comics comic, I guess? Is that what you are? Yeah, but I'm trying to be Kevin Hart yeah but you're not and you're not ever gonna be I know you're not for bigly

at one time goes we're never gonna host center at live and I was like wait what and I was like oh yeah I guess we aren't I guess that's never gonna happen yeah does it really upset you that no way but you just think it's one of the great things about being young is you just think anything's possible and then you get older and you go oh no only a few things were possible so what age did you were you like oh i'm not gonna be kevin or you still think you're gonna be no i don't think i'm gonna be kevin okay but if i'm like i said if i'm going to philadelphia why not do an't think I'm going to be Kevin Hart. Okay. But if I'm, like I said, if I'm going to Philadelphia, why not do an arena? If I'm going to Atlanta anyhow. That doesn't sound, I don't know.

It's like with representation, management, agents. Oh, again. I don't want a lot of people. I don't want to talk to anyone. That's the thing is, it wouldn't work for me. The lifestyle wouldn't work for me at all. But if you're asking me, would I like more people to like me the way they like me now? Yes, I would absolutely like.

I think the country would be better off. If more people like you. If more people like me. Yeah. If they had my ethos. Yeah, yeah. I think it would just, I think everything would clear right up well if that's the case

then I'm pulling for you anxiety what do you how does it being tidy on the road how's the anxiety manifest just worry is it a sitting anxiety

is it like a resting like kind of omnipresent state it's not something i've had my whole life um but it's something i'm working through currently and um it comes up in uh in ways of of feeling claustrophobic. But I've also been told that can be tied into trauma in life. And so, yeah, but I feel like I'm starting to get a hold of it a bit. My experience, have you ever had it on stage? Panic attack? No, I've had out-of-body moments, that kind of thing.

Was the set going good or just randomly? Good, bad? Probably everything in between. There's only been a handful of times where i've been like oh this is what's happening sometimes i'll even do it where i'm like my mouth is in my i'm saying words am i gonna know the next word i need to say is this a word like i when i'm on stand like what is what am i talking about why are people here to see me where i i'm yeah i don't know what that is yeah i mean well that's just like being a live and the job is very weird if you ever get too much of a of a

wide shot you're like what am i doing why am i do what am i what am i doing do you have that with words though where you're like is this absolutely that's a word absolutely my mouth is moving absolutely that sound is a word too yeah and you just they know these words yeah they know i don't know how they know yeah but they know we all know these words there's one thing i know yeah these words words. What do you do with the anxiety? Breathing. Exercises. I do deep breathing. I exercise every day. And like I said, I try to get rest.

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Is that a thing that you were like, I think I got to deal with this anxiety. Let's bring in some deep breathing. Or was this a 2012 relic? No, this is something that it's just it's so weird how in life you hear about it. Like when you're a small child and somebody says take a deep breath you know and you're like that's not going to help me yeah and it's like no it actually will yeah it's very helpful yeah and there's a science to it so take a deep breath and i try and explain it to my children instead of just saying take a deep breath yeah I think that's one of the. Are they, how are they, are they buying it? Or are they.

They do. Do they? And it's so, at school, at their school, they teach mindfulness and they do meditation. Great. So it's not like a leap for me to tell them to please just take a deep breath. But seeing it work with them too is pretty incredible. Yeah. But seeing it work with them, too, is pretty incredible. And I know it doesn't work for everyone or all the time, but it's certainly a really tremendous go to. Do you have a practice or you just if you feel anxiety um my sleeping just to get me in the direction of yeah let's let's go deep with this are you how much sleep are you

trying to get i would love to sleep eight or nine hours but i would say i'm falling in the six to seven hours a night you got the you got a you got an app you got a ring I don't have an app my therapist told me about a sleep app yeah this is something she recently told me to potentially get and so that's something I might do, but I am having, I am gradually, I've built back up to getting better sleep. Back up after the kids? I'm assuming you just got no sleep for years? Yes. So touring and filming and, you know, and then stresses and trauma and everything that keeps you up as an adult with kids and internal bleeding. Did you have a parenting plan before you guys had the kids? No, zero, zero. zero zero i truly was sitting on the couch and stephanie walked by me and we were a week from

the kids arrival and i said have you ever read like do you think we should read a book and she was like no i think we're fine i was like yeah me too and uh and we have been and maybe we're oh you have been fine yeah we have been fine um i think people get so locked in on i'm doing rye parenting or i'm doing um whatever style yeah whatever whatever is but also no judgment if if possible if i can say this it's like whatever is going to make you feel comfortable you should do it our kids you know what we do we have our whole family is vegan but we tell our kids that you can try whatever you want you can when you we don't want them to go to birthday parties or uh go to school or travel and not try things but in our home there's no animal products and um and i feel like that's very similar to just how we're raising them is these are the guidelines but we want you to make decisions of your own and do you

think that if a person is you've created a culture for the kids right and then they're out in the world at a birthday party or whatever do you think that a kid can actually make a informed decision about like, I want to fucking try a burger without it being rebellious or without it being like, fuck my parents a little bit? Or like, can you make it? Are people strong enough to have parent be part of a culture and just be like open to other cultures in a way that's healthy? be part of a culture and just be like open to other cultures in a way that's healthy because i i know from my i don't know exactly how you grew up but like you just want to not be like your parents but now i wonder it's like will they want to be like their parents yeah i mean who knows yeah but i feel like it's that thing of the more you say no and you're restrictive, the more they're going to want something else. Again, going back to being more mindful about things, we're not just vegan and telling them we're vegan and you can't eat

animal products. We've talked to them a lot about why we are. And my initial reasoning was because of my health. But once I made that decision, then it kind of bleeds into everything else, whether it's animals or environmental. And so we've talked to them a lot about those ideas. And I think they get it. And they also do try things, but their teachers always tell us that 95% of the time they're choosing a vegan option. It's like when people will be eating something in front of me and they're like is this hard for you not like because i'm not eating that stuff but like like i secretly want a cheeseburger yes you're driving past burger canes i know there's no part it's like during the pandemic somebody asked me like did you stay vegan during the pandemic and i said yeah they're like you didn't cheat at all i was like why do you think i'm doing this like on like on the side during

the pan like or if i was out to sea with a bunch of men i'd come home with a husband you know what i mean like i it's just it's i'm you're like no it's not really why i'm there's way more to it than uh than that okay well you have one on here that are kind of related climate change i'm assuming that's tied to anxiety yeah yeah what was the calculus on kids with that because that's always what i think it's like i don't know it's a bit of a like bringing them into a escape room well it's not only that but also if i'm so worried about climate change why would i bring more people in right to destroy the the climate it's like i don't know the pandemic you didn't want to bring more people in i really actually did yeah i really did i mean we were sitting around and we had these moments you know because we have

we've got we got babies on ice you know yeah goddamn right and um and so were they were the were these ivf kids great yeah um people ask all the time but how we got them and And it was Stephanie's eggs and my sperm. So, but yeah, yeah. I think it's mostly about my children and future generations. That's what the concern for me is, is I really, I think that everything we hear about the climate i think we're i think we're so beyond what they are it's so much worse yeah that every right chart yeah is like it's is oh it's way worse than that. Yeah. It's every single one.

Yeah. The ocean has gotten hotter every single month. It's breaking records every month. Yeah. It is a weird thing of, you don't want to say trust life. You hate to use trust life in this, but like,

I don't know what else. It seems like this is what humans are destined to do for some reason. I'm vegan and have an electric car and solar and all that shit because I want to be a hypocrite. I want to be a hypocrite in other ways, but I can withstand not being a hypocrite in that way. I can live my values there. But yeah, I don't know. And now I'm involved with a woman who's got a three and a half year old

and I'm kind of like, fuck. This is gonna be, I don't even know how to prepare them. So you're riddled with anxiety around it. I don't even, I feel like I'm the only one who's aware of it. That's how I feel. Yeah, I figure. I feel like i'm the only one who's aware of it that's how i feel yeah i feel like i'm

and and and i'm obviously flawed and imperfect yeah and again i do some stuff correctly and i don't do other i fly around every weekend same same i'm breaking all the vegan and yeah rules left and right but i'm leaning as much towards i mostly wear leather like kind of a lot the capes and like stuff you don't even need leather cape sure yeah top hats yes um you and your leather top hats yes i thought you said boobs leather boobs uh you had those made years like trains like long leather trains yeah leather tail yeah yeah it's uh and you kind it doesn't i it used to make me mad and now i'm like i don't i can't to get mad about this would would be a recipe for misery so i just have to like i don't know i don't know what we're gonna do well it

feels like that thing of you know to go back back to what you do and don't have control over. And that's because it is it's crazy making. And so what I just do what I can do to make myself feel better. And then I have to let go of the rest. Yeah. And also, if you have kids, it's like, like well just just love the shit out of them that seems like a pretty a the only thing you control and b maybe loving a child that's on a slowly suffocate or pretty quickly suffocating at this point planet i don't know we'll just love the

shit until it until the till everything caves in and how how is it for you have you been involved with someone with a child before a little bit yeah uh I don't mind it I like it actually I have a you don't mind I don't mind you no I don't know why the kids excellent like I'm locked out um but the I don't mind it because i find i'd never want to have kids so i i like it i don't mind if a woman has kids or like it i even like it sometimes because they have a primary emotional relationship and they're not looking to me to create one for them so it's like no you have one so now you can just see me for what i am yeah which is an entertaining penis person i think that's what men are for oh i think that's first okay i thought you were entertaining with your penis well it's like well now we have serious issues and it's on tape uh entertaining

penis consensual entertainment uh peanut penile entertainment No, I, and I, yeah, I just am kind of like, it's what I think guys are equipped for, which is like, just kind of being funny and stupid and like, whatever. Yeah. And like, you want to have sex with my penis? Cool. I have one. And how long have you been in your marriage? A year plus.

Okay. So, we'll see. Nice. Thank you. I thought you'd think that was nice. Yeah. Yeah, I don't. Do you have a conclusion on the climate change stuff?

Like in terms of what's the plan? The plan for me? Yeah, like what we talked about. Like where you know. Well, the planet is we can only do so much. Right. Recycle. Right.

You've got to recycle. A lot vociferously. it's effective um yeah even that is like absurd where you're you we all know recycling isn't even happening and we're still putting it in the bin when you're in the hotel and you're putting it in the two different bins under the desk yeah they don't they're what are this is not happy this nothing is happening by the way not even the hotel the city of los angeles oh yeah anywhere yeah it's not happening it's three different bins yeah you're doing you're you're fooling yourself it's all it's just you're filing your trash yes yeah and for. And for nothing. But what is the.

Where do you just have to like. Well, that's what I was saying is like I have to just. Even if I know. Whenever I'm in a hotel room. And those stupid little trash cans. Recycle and trash are under there. Under the desk. I still do it.

I know. I still do it. And know. I still do it. And I know they're not going anywhere that's going to help us plan it. But I'm still doing what I can do. And that's where I'm saying I have to let go of the rest because I have no control over that. Yes. And so that's all I can do.

Yeah. Yeah. And, and also I didn't like bring my own cup when I went and got a coffee, when I went and got my little Cortado heroes like me. And what about you? How are you dealing with all the plastic particles you're drinking? What?

What do you mean? What? What? There's no plastic. No, I don't. Uh, that.

Yeah. I don't know. I mean mean in some ways we're old enough like well we're gonna miss the worst parts of it yeah so ah follow lala follow um oh this is interesting connecting with those who are not like-minded i'm in the same boat we're not regular a lot of people are not like-minded a lot of people are not like-minded lifestyle wise etc etc and you've made a concerted effort to connect with people I try to um my wife Stephanie and I talk about this a lot you know there's people that I'm around that I know have opinions about me or whatever it is, whatever it is. Trying to bridge those gaps is, it's tricky. And I have opinions about people. People have opinions about me. I have opinions about people. But it's worse when they have opinions about you. It's so much worse. But I always go back to my very first girlfriend.

I'm still close to her and her whole family and her parents. And how old were you when you dated? I was maybe 19. I don't remember. It's been a while. Her parents are in their mid-80s, and they're in small town Ohio. And I am so close. They're like parents to me. Yeah. And I take my family to visit them in the summertime. I love them so much. They are hardcore Catholic. They are tiny, tiny Ohio people. And our beliefs don't match in a lot of ways. But we love each other like crazy people.

I text with her mother pretty regularly and Stephanie adores her. And it's an interesting thing that has helped in these times that are, you know, obviously there's been such division forever in the world and in people's personal lives and different communities and but it's so divided in in the world and even in the comedy community and it's it's it's a microcosm of the bigger picture and and i always go back to that, my relationship with them, because when I walk in their door, I'm not talking abortion with them. They're not talking about any fears they might have about where my soul might go after this lifetime. We are just together and we laugh so hard and have so much fun. And as soon as I come visit that they're cooking vegan food and they're

just we're enjoying each other for in all the different ways that we do without bringing these other topics in yeah and um and i carry that example with me all the time to try and find ways to connect with others when it is a bit of a struggle. But I'm always struggling with it. I don't know. Yeah. I think in your case, I don't have a thing that I'm liberal and vegan. I'm like, whatever. Lesbian people have a problem with homosexuality.

They just do. That's a big one. This is the first I've heard. Wake up. Okay. wake up okay um well it goes beyond even just being gay because the lines are so blurred right now with gay by non-binary trans that it's like oh i'm okay with you but trans or non-binary and and my point is if you think you're okay me, what you're saying about trans or non-binary people, that bleeds into my world too. If we're just talking about how you love me, when I go into a public bathroom, people don't know how I identify.

I get looks i i feel and you pee in the sink exactly if not on the floor i go all over the place i don't care i don't care yeah i'm on star trek shield upgrade um it goes beyond just even like, oh, I'm gay and people don't accept me for that or have whatever opinions. What's the beyond that when you say it goes beyond that? Is it? Well, I'm saying that oddly, until a certain point, there was a window of time where I didn't feel the aggression. Yeah. Yeah. There was about a six ten year period yeah there's a window where i didn't feel that aggression which i and i don't

say this ironically alan was a big part of no doubt yeah no doubt um oh my god i can't even believe the roads that have been opened for me because of Ellen, because of so many different people. But yes, very specifically Ellen. But I do, I feel it in certain areas and in public bathrooms. And I had a show that my agent flagged saying there was some pushback because there was a whole pride, like all sorts of events going on from standup to drag shows, all sorts of things.

on from stand-up to drag shows, all sorts of things. And he said, you know, there's pushback, there's letters, there's some aggression going on. And I thought, I don't think I'm going to take that chance. I don't think I'm going to take that chance and he said I'll fly out there with you or you could hire security and I was like what are we even talking about I'm happily married with the most incredible children and I love what I do but no thank you

yeah it's like now I'm your Martin Luther King you have to risk life and death to and it was one of the highest paying gigs i had been offered that year and it was still like no thank you yeah no world yeah it's so funny because fortune was on here talking about like worrying about her safety yeah which is a thing i don't as a straight person i just don't think about that much for being safety no i that i actually didn't worry uh no i just don't think about the

my physical safety at a show because of who i it's like a it's a high significantly higher level of difficulty and so fucking unnecessary and barbaric yeah and unfair yeah and it's something even though we've made such strides in ways since in the past decade yeah it's obviously so much of it has also gone away. Yeah. And yeah, me, 2011 Tig, I didn't think about my safety on stage or traveling in those ways. And now it's not just me, but I have a family. Yeah. And that is my whole priority, obviously, is I want to be healthy. I want to be safe want to be healthy i want to be safe i want them to be healthy and safe and i know it's like yeah of course but it's like it's not as easy for everybody yeah it and it's it makes the the desire to connect how do we navigate like just a

genuine desire to connect when there's aggression from the other side that's a that's hard it's really hard yeah like it and it's also like what am i trying to connect with and then you i have to like teach them fucking teach you know shouldn't have to teach people yeah i we were on a flight, New York to LA. And whenever I tell this story, people are like, where were you flying? New York to LA. New York to LA. There was a family that wasn't seated together.

And so Stephanie and I offered, and we had our kids with us, but we offered to do like a switcheroonie so that we could figure something out for them as well. And then when this woman, it's been so many years, but I can't remember if I was standing up. I think I was to go to the bathroom, or she was. The family that we offered to help, she said, so who's the man out of the two of you? And I thought she was kidding. I said, neither. We're both female. And she was like, hmm. uh is your family ashamed of you i was

uh uh what are we talking about yeah i was answering a few of her questions because it was that feeling of like there's no world that she's really asking me this yeah and i was waiting for the punchline answering but you're like okay and and you're like, okay, I'll go along with the bit. But then I said, I'm not answering any more of your questions. I was so alarmed, obviously, that when she said, are you and your family ashamed?

I said, no. I said, my family is... And then I couldn't even believe I was giving her the time of day. And she looked so normal. New York to L.A. Yeah. Our kids were very young, but I don't know if it was one of those like a flight was delayed

or – and everybody was like – it felt like a – Scattershot. Yeah. It felt like a haywire situation with the flight. And that's the thing. As a straight person, never think about it. Shocked to hear it. I'm sure you were shocked to experience it.

Stunned. Yeah. Stunned. Because I hear racial versions all the time. I'm like, when? Today. How? I don't know, man.

It's what happened. Yeah. Yeah, Chris Rock told me one time he had to get a surrogate to go look at summer houses for him. Because they wouldn't rent to a black person. Recently. So he had to get a white. Yeah. You're like, what?

Wow. Yeah. Just. And it seems impossible. But like. And yeah. And you don't. As if you're you or whomever you don't want to like

shut it all down shut down i'm gonna assume the worst about people or i have to stay vulnerable and get crushed kind of it's a a conscious decision to try to remain open and you know there's i'm originally from mississippi and going back there there's all different shapes and sizes of family members uh literally and figuratively and um and i I, I mean, there's extended, extended family too, and married in and all sorts thrown in the mix, like most people's families. But, um, but I could shut it all down and be like, we're not going and we're, you know, but I, we have so much fun and we are ourselves and we, you know but i we have so much fun and we are ourselves and we you know um don't hide anything about our thoughts or feelings and um and then also try to remain open and um friendly with people that we know that have very, just such opposing views on everything. And it's an even better thing that you can get six IKEA 365 Plus glasses for just $9.99. So go ahead. You can afford to hoard because IKEA is priced for student life.

Shop everything you need for back to school at IKEA today. On August 9th, don't miss the Borderlands movie starring this summer's biggest cast. Everybody buckle up. With Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jack Blackriana greenblatt and jamie lee curtis wow you never see that borderlands yeah and i don't even know what the best approach is because i always feel like the i'm sure someone made this observation but the idea of like if you're afraid of gay marriage just go hang out with a gay married couple. You're going to be bored within 15 minutes. It's just they got to go get some food.

Then they got to pick up the thing and then they got to go move the thing. And then, of course, there's like a lot of pretty graphic gay stuff. But then it's boring again. Yeah. Well, when Stephanie and I went to, we go back to mississippi like i would say for sure a couple times a year and to see if your family's ashamed of you or not yeah and um and when we went last year uh there was a night where this is what really started the conversation between us of like how do we navigate this um not just with my family or mississippi or it's everywhere like in in the world and comedy and everywhere um

but everyone was sitting around talking having drinks it's getting later and later this is a mixed room of family friends friends of family issues came up stephanie is not chill about her beliefs it's not chill and i was sitting there watching i wasn't didn't have any alcohol in me and i was watching the conversation go and the questions happen. And I was clocking Stephanie and thinking, okay, let's see how this goes. Because she is very, she's wonderful, very open, friendly. But to a certain point, she's like hard pass. And at a point in this one conversation, she stood up, up turned to my entire the whole room at my cousin's house and just yelled that they all had blood on their hands and she went upstairs and i i just i i sat there and i turned everyone and i just said well good night and uh and i got

out and went upstairs with her and uh and she was like oh my god and i said are you wanting to leave or um do you want to get a hotel do you want to go back to la and um and she's like no i'm okay and um she was online donating to the aclu and um and then ACLU. And then I just said, for whatever it's worth, when we go downstairs tonight or tomorrow, there's not going to be any awkwardness from my family because they'll talk about anything, whether it's acceptable or not, the way it's discussed. And sure enough, like in the morning, it's like, good morning, well, we sure were, you know. Did you get a laugh on, well, good night? Yes. Okay, great.

Yes, I mean, there's not, my family's very gregarious and like a lot of characters and there's always like 15 people in the house and neighbors you've never seen swimming in my cousin's pool. And, you know, it's just a it's a free for all. And and we just went we actually just got back from Mississippi and had a blast. And so it's not like Tig and Stephanie are coming back in town and remember what happened last year. You know, it's not like that.

You know, it's not like that. But so it's it's it's it's new beginnings of of that. How do you navigate family? And yet we're flying out to Ohio to stay with these very conservative, conservative Catholic elderly people with our gay family um so it's it's all around obviously yeah you have to it sounds like you're accepting life for you know what i mean you're just taking life at its at its terms there's no i've written in my journal i don't call it a diary i don't call it a diary i call it a gratitude checklist because it's it masculine you know it makes yeah yeah yeah but i write yeah it's checklists. That like life, no substitutions. This is it. You want it or not. Yeah. So.

Stadiums or theaters. Stadiums or theaters. You pick. Clubs. I do clubs still. No, I do too. But we don't talk about it. It was so great to talk to you. Great talking to you.

You have a new Netflix special on Amazon? You have a new... Prime Video? Yes. Called Hello Again. I also have a podcast with Fortune Feimster and Mae Martin called Handsome. Yes. It's nonsense.

I don't know Mae well, but Fortune's so great and you're so great. Well, it's nonsense. As are you. Is the show over? None of you want to shut the fuck up? Thanks for having me. Bye.