Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

Neal Brennan interviews Tom Segura (Your Mom's House, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Netflix Special 'Sledgehammer') about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro 10:02 Drugs & Money 13:45 Body Image 34:25 Fear of Not Knowing Who He Is 1:01:47 Kids & Relationships 1:08:55 Buying into His Own Narrative 1:17:17 How Trauma Changed His Life 1:38:18 Movie Question ---------------------------------------------------------- https://nealbrennan.com for tickets to Neal's tour Brand New Neal Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle ---------------------------------------------------------- Sponsors: https://birddogs.com/NEAL for a free yeti style tumbler https://hellofresh.com/NEAL50 for 50% off plus free shipping GameTime App Code: BLOCKS for $20 off your first purchase https://betterhelp.com/neal for 10% off your first month Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer is like a cocktail. It has to be mixed just right. Start with a handful of great friends. Now, add your favorite music. And then, finally, add Bacardi Rum. And there you have it. The perfect summer mix. Bacardi. Do what moves you. Live passionately. Drink responsibly. Copyright 2024.

Bacardi. Its trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. I have a special on Netflix called Blocks, where I talk about things that make me feel like something's wrong with me, makes me feel like I'm alone in the world, isolated, fucked up. Jimmy Carr had the idea to have my friends come on, tell me about their blocks. And today's guest, ladies and gentlemen, is a five-time Netflix champion, four-time? Five-time Netflix champion, podcaster, and a solid dude tom segura everybody yay good to see you good to see you man here's the thing you were hiding you're kind of handsome thank you you were hiding it thank you very much you were hiding it and now you're but you're very symmetrical eyes you have a decent skin tone the gray works with your your ready reddish skin tone

a tan helps everybody yeah that tan helps so yeah i feel like things are going especially well for you in a way that must be it there it's got to be beyond your imagination yeah i mean i i none of this stuff was something that we even talked about you know like i was talking about like uh career-wise you know when i started out you just heard about people selling out clubs uh-huh you're like that's insane and you go how how yeah by the way i want to point out that's still incredible yep it's kind of been diminished by some people and like it's fucking crazy that you can announce a show at the improv somewhere and that 300 people come out that night let alone if they come out three nights in a row to six, like that is remarkable.

But I really thought that there's just no way. Like, I just thought I saw people do, I worked with people that were doing that. And I was like, that's, I guess you gotta be a movie star or something. Yeah.

Sitcom. Cause they were, they were either in movies or sitcoms. And then, you know, I was like, that's the coolest thing ever. And you'd hear about, you know, you know, I was like, that's the coolest thing ever. And you'd hear about, you know, their checks and you're like, that's, I can't wrap my head around that.

Yeah. You're like, how, what? Huh? Yeah. Didn't, I didn't understand it. It's just wild. It's, um, the landscape has, I'm also like one of these people that I'm very, a lot of our friends are delusional. And, uh, I'm pretty like one of these people that I'm very, a lot of our friends are delusional and I'm pretty realistic about things.

And I also realize that that landscape has changed in that we just happen to be active in this time where this is happening. Yeah. Meaning like if I were the same guy with the same work ethic and it was like. In 1989. the same work ethic and the same like and it was like in 1989 it's just be i just you know i'd probably work clubs all the time and um you know if i lucked out had maybe a couple specials over time like on comedy central that was like the only thing that was like what you wanted to do that's what i wanted to do in the early 2000s it just so happened that things just i mean it is so nuts how many people are doing theaters and arenas like it's it's it was like a few and now it's dozens yeah it's dozens yeah probably over 30 people doing theaters that's and i counted 12

people doing arenas which is insane it's insane i kind of think it's more than like rock and roll music. It kind of is. I mean, probably not hip hop. I'm sure there's around 15 to 20 hip hop acts. I can do. Yeah. Arenas.

But I've been to these places too, where they're like, you look on the wall of like, who's there and it's all music acts. Yeah. And then they're like, Oh yeah. A couple of you guys are here too.

And you're like, this is fucking crazy. Yeah. And I, I, I'm with you in terms of like what it was. I was asking, like oh yeah a couple you guys are here too and you're like this is fucking crazy yeah and i i'm with you in terms of like what it was i was asking i did uh i did the wilbur theater twice this weekend unbelievable fantastic unbelievable right the great great venues yes couldn't like used to

dream if i could just do one wilbur and then i because it's the theater that you play like a club like it has club feel correct and that and it's a theater but it's the theater that you play like a club. It has club feel. Correct. And it's a theater. But it's 1,000 people. Yeah. Just doing it. 1,000 people agreed to come at that time. It was amazing.

But I was talking to the guy, Bill Blumenreich, who owns it and runs it. He's hilarious. He's hilarious. He's got great stories. But what people used to make was like not a lot. You'd make 500 bucks a show even if you sold it out in clubs. It's why some of these talent managers, you're like, yeah, dude. This is not a thing.

I get it if you got your commission then yeah but if like your guy just does this all the time like you're not really supposed to deserve more money yeah you don't you're not really what are you doing hey did you make your flight yeah i did thanks yeah um okay so so what do you make what do you what, what do you think of the success beyond what's it like to be you? Are you, are you proud of yourself? I know it's a broad question, but. Yeah. I mean, I think it's amazing. I think it's like, you know, it sounds, I can't believe it. Kind of doesn't feel real in some ways, you know, like you kind of go like, kind of doesn't feel real in some ways you know like you kind of go like like i i never think i know this sounds like i'm trying to be modest i never think when i walk into

a room if someone looks at me that they're a fan or that they like me you're a fool if you do i don't think that yeah and when they go like like that i'll be like something on my head you know like i wait i always wait for confirmation you're like a quarterback checking the like yeah the thing you the whatever they call like the you do that route no that what could it be oh I don't assume that you're gonna be like I like you I don't assume that um so I I am kind of in disbelief of it yeah it's it's it's wild to me it's weird it's a weird thing to to be like having done this i haven't done anything else in 20 years now you know i mean like i mean i had side jobs and everything but i still approach doing it the same way

like when i put out my first album in 2010 i pretended like everyone had heard the album i told myself it was like you know i mean like i went into it like you have to act like everyone's heard this even though i don't know a few thousand people heard it and so it kept me just like thinking about the next thing the next hour of stand-up oh all right so you weren't it seemed like a contradiction no no yeah it wasn't like oh everybody knows me you were like this material's dead i can't ever repeat it yeah and so i i just approach stand-up the same way and i think like in order to not get distracted by you know the level of success involved in it i i just have to think about stand-up like you know that's the

that's the only thing that works for me and so yeah i don't know that and like i mean honestly having family helps because you it's really you know kids are very they're super normal super normal grounding uh you don't lose yourself in much when you have kids do you ever use the success as an escape mechanism from your kids do you know what i mean like if you're like let me just see how many arenas let me see what how many arenas i'm doing next year with because my kid just puked on me uh yeah of course no i always think about that stuff and i also like if they get particularly shitty i'll be like do you know how many fucking tickets i moved this week yeah they'll be like what moved yeah and they're like whatever i'm like i'm just i'm above this man yeah i'm

way above you're lucky i'm here yeah yeah i hope they realize that they don't know but they won't and has it changed your overall mood you go through these ways it's not consistent like the what i'm asking is just for that like do you does the level of success adding shows adding money adding objects what's the emotional arc of it i think the arc is that there's an excitement when it starts then there's like you get the funny thing is how used to it you get so fast hours you're like oh my god and then you're like yeah but i'm not even like in an arrogant way you're like well that's just the thing now yeah it's funny how you hear this like your whole life you hear it about like usually like rock stars and stuff but they'll be

like yeah it's not there's nothing up there and it's and it's not fulfilling and you're like bullshit let me say and that real answer for me is that it's bullshit if you try to say that having money and access to things doesn't make life easier of course it does yeah but it is not ultimately fulfilling you do not actually feel complete by the fact that you got paid well or you acquired a thing and you think i think at some point you think that that will be the well if i maybe i just wasn't enough money this time and there's probably a better amount and when i move up to that that'll make me feel complete and fulfilled and it doesn't yeah i mean i i can say no i don't i mean it doesn't it's universal yeah prince had a good line which is um money

won't buy you happiness but it'll it'll help pay for the search that's very good pretty good diet of drug overdose but but yeah but before that drugs are cool i i should say that but you don't do you do you do the good one you do the fun ones you do coke you do uh no shit i know i know i i got scared i got scared too young i overdosed when i was 19 really yeah so when you on what i took a bunch of ghb drank a bunch ecstasy like all together in one night and it was really the amount of ghb and the booze which was like you weren't supposed to mix them ever and then i just ended up in a coma so when you when you have that early yeah it's and i could see the path i was on because i was trying thing i was in college and coke would have been a natural thing but it's too it's too terrifying like i was too scared by that i thought you were going to say

len bias then bias was my dog yeah i mean yeah one of your road dogs like that did it for me i've done i've literally done this once and i did a bump the night after my Comedy Central hour. Because I just was like, well, it'd be funny if I died. If I do this bump and I die, that's funny. You're really committed. Yeah. And I did one line and I was like, I don't even know why this is famous. I don't know why I've heard of this drug.

What's that shit that people are like, they're like, stay away from it. And they're saying that it helps you. They're selling it like as a workout supplement too. Is it? Oh, Kratom. Yeah. Yeah. That gives you like this, in certain doses,

it gives you like this euphoric kind of like feel good thing. But people are using it sometimes to get off of opiates. Yes. I used to eat it. I used to take. I took the liquid form of it and i was like i feel great and then people were like be a lot of people were like warning me to be careful i don't know i never i was taking it every four days do you trust donated drugs yeah okay i get thrown stuff given stuff

never okay do you give it to somebody and they do it yeah great yeah there's always someone to stand up who's like yeah fine yeah i don't give a shit yeah yeah how do you like the road you're like really on the road you're like kenny rogers on the road yeah i i overdid it on this tour but also touring is like i've never known anything else honestly i mean as an adult like sure i started i wasn't touring out of the gate but But I started touring heavily, and I mean heavily as a middle act, in 2006. So by 2007, I was like, yeah, I worked 35 weeks less. I was a middle, but I still was like all over the place. It's never, ever been paired.

The only time it ever came down was pandemic, like 2020, where it was like, no, you're staying home. And then we still were finding, oh, Oklahoma City is allowing it, and you're like, go do a show there. Yeah. I mean, touring is natural to me. Do you fly well? Meaning like I can't stay awake on flights, so it's kind of invisible. Oh.

Like I just get on a plane. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm jealous of you. No, I'm up. I'm usually awake for flights. on flights so it's kind of invisible oh like i just get on a plane my like oh really yeah i'm jealous of you yeah no i i'm i'm up i'm usually awake for flights it has i have to be like eggs beyond exhausted to sleep on a flight but i also flights don't bother me like i have friends that are scared of flying yeah i have people uh you know i'm i mean i'm taking flying lessons so have you right yeah cool that's a that's a that's the money level yeah

that's a fun one that's a that's a good one that's the billboard level unlocked yeah um all right let's do some blocks real quick guys okay i'd like to say up front that tom uh was very very good a lot of people won't send the blocks you sent them last night why won't they send them i think they want they want a cool guy oh they want it like hey let's just but people just let it go easy yeah let's just let's let the let's jazz people don't like jazz number one body image yeah that's a big one but okay you lost weight what made you lose weight. You were always like kind of a, every picture of you is like you're, you're a chunkster, right? Did you care back then?

Yeah, of course. And I, and I also remember like, this is a thing, like even some of my friends now it's been, so they don't remember that when they met me, I wasn't like, they don't remember. Like when did you get fat? High school? Well, here's the thing. I've been up and down my whole life so i got fat in high school like i graduated fat but in college i lost all the weight and when i moved to la i was 180 185 pounds so everybody that i met

2002 2003 like i was a 185 190 pound dude including like like bert he's like i don't remember that i'm like because you think about yourself all the time but but like that's how you met me and then i slowly gained weight again i'm saying it's always been a a struggle or like an issue and i feel like i resent i think i resent that that's you resent that your body wants to do that are you right i resent that my body wants to do that i also resent that it's part of my story i hate that i i oh yeah i know i wish it weren't yeah part of something i had to deal with acknowledge just like how to to quote larry king how did you gain all the weight yeah yeah he said is that the college yeah yeah how'd you gain the weight it's so funny he's like uh he was so

thrown by that yeah how did you gain all the weight um just eating a lot just eating i guess yeah i mean dude it's it's there's nothing it's no secret yeah funny if you just eat like shit eat like shit don't move a lot yeah you'll get fatter it's so that was kind of it i mean yeah did you have the delusional thing where you're like well this is kind of sculpted was there like it's but it's hard fat and that there's no i there's different delusions i went i had part me through the delusions as you see yeah well so first of all i remember i remember shooting this thing in 05. So I've been out here three years. And when I went to grab the pants for it, they didn't close. And I was like, that's weird.

Because they'd been my pants for a few years. I was like, this is weird. Someone switched my pants on. Someone took my pants and you sewed them. They must have done some sewing. What the fuck? Yeah. And then I weighed myself.

And it sounds like it was out of nowhere but i was like 225 and i was like that's weird because i'm not 225 you know like i'm not they fuck with the scale too yeah change the scale to change the pants what are they doing in this house man so i feel like i just was like they put fat prosthetics all over my neck and while i was asleep this is bullshit but the thing is at that time i was like kind of figuring out what kind of stand-up i am uh-huh and i was you know i was a real club guy i always had like dirty jokes and and i was like kind of fits like right being 20 pounds whatever fat act yeah that's what you were saying yeah yeah or and it's gonna get fatter i think you know so i i started to like i i let myself believe that hey that's part of who you are now you can be like this slovenly up late

eat late have a couple drinks talk about porn what like it fits yeah and so you just kind of like allow that and then the next year like there's no keeping it like in check there's you can't get a little it's gonna just start headed that way it starts to get just worse yeah pretty quickly you know like within i don't know another year another excuse me 10 15 pounds easy right so it's just starting to go up and at that point i think i have full blinders on too like where you know there's this thing you do when you're anyone who's overweight does this which is like when you walk, when you see yourself in a mirror faster than you can actually say it or think it, you adjust for the mirror to look like less fat. So like you, it's, it's a, it's

a fascinating thing that the mind does because you look at a mirror and let's say you go like, um, you know, your face, whatever looks fat, you just go like this. And then you go, that's what I like in the, in the brief second, that's what I look like like and then you just kind of like turn away from the mirror you're not and that's why a lot of people overweight like hate having their photos or they'll be like you know let me see that photo before you post it it's like they want to represent themselves in a way that looks presentable they don't want it to look like what they really think it's true do you think like the angle is true is like the that's part of the delusion in the moment the at rest angle is a mistake right yes have you ever gone there's a fat person coming

and then it was you there's a time i remember sitting on flights and go like like this and felt my finger here and thought someone was touching me i'm like who's touching i was like oh that's me touching myself you're haunting yourself yeah like touching a fat roll that's hanging but the fucked up thing about it is like how much mental space it occupies in you yeah you all day right like you you have these thoughts about like you're unhappy with the way that you look and the way that you feel because that's's the other thing is like, the one thing is the aesthetic thing of like, this isn't the most flattering to look at. You also don't feel great. You don't feel great physically. You don't feel great. In a way you're aware of.

Yeah, exactly. And, and you're, but like you're emotionally beat up by it. You know what I mean? And it's, I keep thinking of the fat bastard monologue from austin powers too oh yeah i eat because i'm unhappy i'm unhappy because i eat yeah that's and it's that all that is true and then the to make it extra fucked up and this is like why human beings are so fascinating is that you go i'm just not good like i'm just not going to address this. Or you'll think about how miserable you are about it, and then you'll sit down and be like, what do you want to eat? And you'll be like, how about a triple bacon cheeseburger with fries?

You just order the worst thing to eat, and then you'll sit there and be like, yeah, I'm just going to. And it really is because you're unhappy. Well, I think it's you're unhappy, and I think you're actually scared to try. You know how people, they go. Well, it's also, you also probably and you're scared. I think you're actually scared to try. You know how people, they go. You also probably realize it's a multi-year thing and it's forever. It is forever. I think at the time too, you go, if I have a salad right now instead of this thing,

what's that going to do? Right. You know, I'm just going to wish I'd eaten this. So I'll just eat this. And then. Why dream of this when i can live it yeah exactly and then you just stay in this fucking pattern you stay in this in this cycle of like eating shitty food not exercising sleeping like shit waking up feeling that's a

funny one that americans eat so much they can't they it breaks their sleep it fucking it's insane yeah and then you're like you know you start snoring crazy yeah right and you're like i don't know why i'm snoring so much and they're like i think it's because your face meat is obstructing yeah it's a i have a suspicion yeah hear me out yeah you're you're you're not your body's fucked up yeah you've ruined your body yeah and it takes a long time before you recognize this i think you have to be out of it before you can see it snoring crazy is such a funny it's like a richard pryor album title this motherfucker snores yeah but like you you don't see it when you're in it and then you do see it once you're like addressing it is how much you are emotionally eating like people go like i'm emotional eater you hear that

i think when you're in it you're like i don't really know what you're talking about like that's how you're delusional you are don't know what you're talking about as you are able to start addressing these issues and like working on it then you see it more clearly you're like oh i was stressed out or or or anxious and i was just like and is it a thing like where people that are alcoholics i'll be like we should get a drink we should bad news we gotta drink good news we got a drink no news i'm bored we got it absolutely it's the same thing i think it's the same thing i think it's like great show let's go yeah like a fucking banquet right i mean that was like that was like a big thing is like that was tonight was great let's fucking shut this restaurant down yes i

mean yeah bad show you're like oh let's fucking get we're gonna shut this restaurant down yes i mean yeah bad show you're like oh that's fucking good we're gonna shut this restaurant shut the shit down but let all emotions were like tied to eating crazy amounts and food yeah as like punctuation and why does the delusion creep up on you yeah because you're saying like you're explaining all the delusion i'm assuming are you and my second question is are you judgmental of other fat people very yeah very yeah great no it's bad real human i mean i here's the thing i also i feel like a lot of it's tied to the effort i see if i see somebody who's really overweight and like trying i'm like the biggest cheerleader for that person if i see somebody who's really overweight and like trying, I'm like the biggest cheerleader for that person.

If I see somebody who's in their delusion and like acting like it's not a thing, I'll be like, the fuck is wrong with you? You know, I'll judge them. Not necessarily to their, I'm not going to like say that to their face, but yeah, I'll judge. You don't confront them. Hey fatty, what the fuck is all this? I don't like when people get me involved in their weight loss journey and then they just get fat again yeah it's like dog come on pick it you're like didn't you say that what's

it gonna be i said it to eric griffin one time i was like you got it you can't and i said what are we doing here what are we doing yeah like what i'm not don't get me involved yeah don't get me emotionally invested and then when you're making decisions yeah but i have to be i have to root for you one of the things that i think is great about like people talking about this or even like a show like yours is that i saw a clip of you saying that you are like oh my love handles or something right one night on stage you go hey i see you grabbing your love handles which yeah most people are like what like this guy yeah but the reason that that's good is that it makes everybody go like oh yeah like this isn't just like everybody has that self-critical voice yeah and when they

see somebody who's like objectively a thin guy who still is critical of themselves it actually goes like it makes you go like oh even like even he even a hero even a great guy like this yeah one of the great men where the mr olympia is fucking criticizing himself hi here's the thing about bird dogs they sent me the box i look pretty good guys not gonna lie to you You know what's nice about getting older is things get like products get better. So they got like bird dogs, stretch khaki shorts. They fit slimmer because, you know, back in my day, all shorts were super boxy. These are tight around the leg, which let's be honest, pretty cute. And bird dog shorts do the exact same thing as Lululemon, but fit way better. I happen to agree. I also want to say, you know those apps where they have crimes in your neighborhood?

There's a lot of garbage on those things, and don't listen to them. It's a lot of misinformation out there. If you see stories about me in the next few weeks, again, I need you guys to know that some of my personal enemies are out to get me. And just focus on the bottom of the pictures that are flashing on screen right now. Go to birddogs.com, birddogs, one word,.com,

slash NEAL, or enter promo code NEAL for a free Yeti-style Tumblr with your order. That's birddogs.com slash neal, or promo code neal for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off. We promise you. Guys, do you know I used to do professional voiceover work? I don't want to say for what, but it was pretty good. With HelloFresh, you get fresh form pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store

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We don't do bad deals on here. Never have, except for probably a couple times but you know the psychology of it's fascinating to me it totally is and here's the thing it it never like really like you know i'm always thinking that i look terrible and that someone's judging me great dude and i don't say it like i mean like you're it it's an odd thing where you look like you look like rogan rogan's the stunt double for you thank you you know what i mean thank you like all right let's get the the guy and he's gonna drive the car off the cliff yeah and you're like all right i'll be in my trailer yeah i uh i that's very funny i've i've made like i've made progress in in in the sense

that i'm still like pretty critical i think of myself physically but like have gotten to the point where like you know i was at the beach and you were we were downstairs you almost popped off a croissant i said no yeah you said no but you were like you entertained it i just said what are you doing to us yeah no i but i it felt like it was in the realm of possibility that you might go like fuck it yeah well do you have like a strict regimen i wouldn't say it's super strict but i wouldn't i wouldn't have gotten one um because i probably would what i do now is like, oh, a croissant? I'm not going to fuck with this guy's croissant

because I know where the best croissants are. Yeah. And I'd be like, oh, if I really want one, I'm going to make myself go there. My point is I would indulge in something that was spectacular. Yeah. Whereas 10 years ago, I'd be like, I call it like a reckless. Is it self-loathing?

Is it self? And it really is just this self-loathing feedback loop. I kind of, yeah. Yeah. And then, and then hate it, you know, man, that's good. Or, you know, like that was such a good croissant, but like, and then I'd be like, man, I feel like, like, I look like shit. I feel like shit.

And then I always like would, you know, I, I, I had when I was younger, so many times where I want to say like so many times, but a few times where a woman would like me and like make it very clear. And I would just turn her down like, because I was like, yeah, but you won't,

you must have almost dreaded being taking your shirt off yeah at times but i also just dreaded like i was like she won't actually like this she like she doesn't know that i'm over with like like she's blind like she doesn't know i'm fat she can't possibly like this yeah she can't see my secret through this shirt she's seen photos where i did this so she's gonna she knows i'm actually she thinks i'm this guy you know yeah it's so crazy but it's all like yeah it's all crazy but we are it's this weird thing about being a human is like we're dropped into these bodies yeah and sometimes they feel like this is me yeah and then other times it just feels like this thing we're in yeah you know i mean like my body and then but if it's asleep

you're like what is this like what the fuck is this thing yeah and then the site the psychology around it is very hard to untangle it is what was hardest like the just the eating differently or eating the the mental portion well i guess they're kind of all tied together i mean yeah changing how you actually eat when i think when you especially when you're like overly and indulging and overeating all the time it's like it really is something you have to focus on you have to feel like a demotion also like the funny thing is though that like as soon as you find a pattern of good like it's not you you yeah you like i wake up every day and i basically have yogurt with blueberries some like and i don't go like oh fuck yeah i gotta eat this bullshit like

i was just would i go to eat yeah you know it's, and I feel better. It's funny, like, I'm like, oh yeah, there isn't like a crippling diarrhea every day because I'm not eating garbage. You know what I mean? Like I used to eat so crazy and I'd be like, I don't know what's going on with my stomach. And then I meet people now who are like the same. Like, they'll be like, man, I was up all night.

I was like, yeah, what do you think it was? Do you think it was? I can't figure it out. You had that gyro with the fries and the two pieces of baklava i don't or the goat was it the feta block of feta cheese what do you think it was i definitely wasn't that i don't know man but something's going on my stomach i have a i don't know if i ever talked about it here but there's a thing called occam's razor which is just a it's basically like whatever the most obvious explanation for something is razor occam's razor aka that thing okay no i mean it might be i don't know where it's from but it's it means whatever the most obvious explanation is that's the

explanation and that's a whole and but we do it we love denying it like it couldn't be the block of feta cheese it couldn't be the swedish fish that i ate at 1 15 in the morning no but the psychological one like it couldn't be well i know i don't like distant women because my mother's distant yeah yeah yeah there's no positive it's like no dude whatever the most obvious explanation is that's what that's what is happening that's what's happening the way that the human mind operates that allows the it the way that it allows you to get through the day is by taking things away from your point of view and going yep it must be over here because it's like i don't like it's like uh it's like your brain is basically like a horrible entourage yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Like, no, boss, I'll tell you what it is. No, man, something fucked up. Somebody must have put some shit in your food. That's the only reason I have diarrhea. Those cheese bacon balls ain't it, dog. No, no, I'll tell you what, them shit's too delicious. They were delicious. No, it wouldn't be like that.

It wouldn't hurt your stomach. Forgive the black voice, guys. You get what we're saying. You know what it is. You already know what it is. All right. That's a good block. Number two.

This is a fucking fascinating one, especially from you. Fear that I don't know who I am or what I like. Yeah. I'll tell you something. I was talking to a woman friend of mine who's in her 20s, and she said she's in her late 20s, and she's like, I don't even know who I am. I just figure out what guys like and do that,

which I feel like that's most women in their 20s. Sure. What is your – how is that a problem for you? Well, I think it's a – first of all, I think it's a lifelong thing. So I think it probably – I should also say it's a problem for you well i think it's a first of all i think it's a lifelong thing so i think it probably i should also say it's a problem for me yeah i mean it's so but it seems like it couldn't be for you because you seem so confident dude i told you your special is like easy it's like easy money it seems like your heart rate never goes above 48 i wish my dad was still here you know he died a few months ago and I understand it's part of life.

It happens to everybody. I'd never visited somebody sick in the hospital. That was a new experience for me. It's strange if you've never done it. You get to the hospital, and then somebody that works there goes, are you here to see? And you go, yeah. And they go, yeah, they're going to die soon.

And you're like, I thought so so too that's why i came you're just like yeah so what else where are we well uh my heart rate is actually very low great all the time it shows it shows i'm barely alive actually great i don't know i i think this so this this is this lifelong thing where you know what i can liken it to is if somebody goes when you know when they get interviewed and they go what's your what's your hourly what's your act like and you're like i don't know yeah but if somebody goes what's neil's act like i'm like oh and like yeah clear description and for everybody else talking about myself a lot of times i go do i is that what i like is that who i am your your act in particular well i'm talking about

act and or life so like when i get asked like how do you feel about this i i sometimes second guess myself and i go i really have to question how do i feel about this how this being anything this being anything yeah this being anything i have made huge leaps in this almost like like with the physical stuff like health and everything too where i feel much more confident to answer these things now than i did a few years ago but it's only because i've put like a lot of time in it but i feel like i I'm always learning. In other words, I don't feel like I a hundred percent go, it's this man. Like I, I think back to this time when I was in high school, I remember this so vividly and the teacher goes, put your, uh, put these in order of importance to you. God, family, career, money, and like friends.

And so I was like, I wrote down, and everybody was supposed to do it in class. And she asked me mine and I was like, oh, it goes God, family, like friends, career, money. And a girl in the class was like, I feel like that's not true and i was like what and she's like i don't feel like you're being realistic i think you're giving what grade is this this was in high school this is probably junior senior in high school she's like i don't

feel i feel like you're just giving the answer that like you're supposed to give and i was like you mother fuck right i was like catholic school uh well no it was a pissing pool affiliate it was a private school and i was like and like as she said it i was like oh she's so right like i'm just answering the way yeah to answer and i was like yeah i don't care about i put god first like i was like, yeah, God is number one. And it was just like, so that sentiment is something that I always think about. Like, am I saying how I really feel about this? Or am I saying what I'm supposed to say in this situation? And by thinking about it a lot and talking about it, you actually progress through it.

You end up making, you discover things about yourself, but I always feel like I question that. Like I think about how, you know, do you really like this? And then my fear of like, if I say what I really like now, will you think like, oh, that's fucking lame. You know, like that's not cool. Like those things always occur to me too yeah i mean and also the fact that you still want to be cool yeah like you've got a family you got like a it's you're cool you know what i mean like you do arena you talk in arenas it's like yeah how much cooler could it be sure but you're still like you can yeah do, yeah, I love that new Jeezy album or whatever.

You're still like, uh. Yeah, yeah. That's so true. And here's the thing you end up realizing is that the more you settle into being sincere about what you think and what you feel and what your opinion is, and you go, it is this, that actually is cool like it's cool once you finally go like yeah i don't i'm not i don't like merch i don't like i personally don't like objects i just don't care about watches or cars or whatever like i just

don't and it's just man you're super i know that's whatever that's your choice judgment no watches uh don't care really Really? Yep. Can I tell you that I think that people like you in this regard are lucky? Go on. Well, I'm like, you don't have to. I don't have to go on the websites. I don't have to go look at watches. I don't have to talk about watches. You don't deal with any force pushing you or pulling you or having that. With the cars and things, it becomes almost like an addiction where you or pulling you or like having that you know with the cars and things

it's like becomes like this almost like an addiction where you're like oh my god like this thing came out or i can acquire i can get this or i found this on this on the gray market i i can i know a guy that could probably call this guy yeah and then you know yes it's fun so i'm not gonna act like i do enjoy it but when someone's like i don't give a shit i'm like ah that'd be like sometimes i go that'd be nice to like yeah yeah yeah like they just don't care it's like people who don't care about looking good or it's like great man i'm not some old guy or it doesn't have to be old but a lot of times these old guys like bernie sanders no one's cooler than bernie sanders because he doesn't care he just doesn't care

anymore yeah i had a joke with burbiglia one time where it's like we're both near in a 40th near 50 and you're still like hey what how do i seem what what am i like i'm gonna die relatively soon but before i do what am i like like how do i seem there's a i there's a reddit thread called am i the asshole yeah we never know if we're the asshole or not yeah and it's fascinating that we don't get really any better at it do you have that that doubt like the who am i what what am i like yeah and i the girl in her 20s i was i said basically in order to know what you're like you kind of have to be isolated and then see what you do it's very true like you just

have to be like if you go to a city you are on your own is who you are is is like and also your internet searches just your if you just go like history and just look you'll see you'll get a sense of who you're what you're like yeah over it's like if if a third of your things on your phone are like social media you're a fucking thirsty piece of garbage but you're also i think if you're if you're that you're actually somebody living in a type of avoidance correct because what you're doing a lot of times like when i find myself in a one of these cycles a social media cycle which for me would be like instagram uh twitter yep youtube and like you kind of just go like this set your traps go back and see how they're doing

is just kind of avoiding yes you're just avoiding participating in life yes you know and so i find myself and i like when i can see it i check my i'm like fucking a like could you just go i'll close one and open the other and then and then close it the other day i was just looking i'm like what are you i don't even it wasn't even looking at anything you're not participating yes and i and when i say i'm a thirsty piece of garbage i'm talking about myself i'm not saying like you you and not me i mean especially i am and seeing what you search for seeing and we should be clear that those platforms are designed to do just that yes they're designed to take you in and keep you there and wanting to come like refresh like that's that's how it was

all it was designed by the world's best engineers to do just that to you yes and it works and they did it they fucking crushed it they crushed it um killing it by the way i think those things are going to take off one day facebook twitter instagram they're going to be big i don't watch i don't know you watch um and have you made money on youtube now look um you're you get so many hits it's hilarious to me i'm like anything anything with it's like hilarious so um you're like a white bobby lee oh i love it i love it so who were you avoiding admitting to being and who are you oh god that's a really it's a hard hitter yeah it's a hitter like what did you not want to admit you were like

somebody who feels you you know what's interesting about you i was just thinking about looking at you always struck me as lonely really oh you've literally from the first time i saw you you always seemed a little lonely like a little off to the side that's probably not inaccurate i mean yeah i had you know i love therapy i've always been a huge proponent of it and my therapist had this thing where he goes you know you like to live there's a great way to describe because you like to live in a narrow emotional bandwidth which means like everything is here right and so like i never get like too excited or too down too happy to like it's just, everything's here, you know? So like my wife

would be like, you know, you just got like phone call that Netflix wants to do this thing with you. And she was like, is this it? Like, isn't that exciting? And I'd be like, yeah. She was like, can you? And I was, I think so when you asked me that, I, i immediately think about the fact that i tried to go here just be like live like this because jumping outside of that bandwidth is uh kind of scary you go what like what does that mean that i'm very emotional because i'm scared i guess of those emotions you're gonna be a bitch be a bitch and not literally a woman just like a soft man yeah be very emotional here's what i've discovered over the last few years in particular is that um i've kind of broken out of that bandwidth because

it's all kind of tied together like the physical stuff health revelation stepping outside of that and allowing myself to feel more is so much better yeah and so i've i've been somebody now who expresses a lot more feeling and a lot more emotion and and and what i've discovered is that i am those things i am emotional and i yeah i feel a lot more but it's also tied to like why are you taking like flying lessons because i want to i think it looks fun and fucking and you know i think a few years ago i've been like you know yeah that loneliness too though is like i think that's a real thing i think a lot of people i don't know i don't again when i say you seem lonely it's not like over there i mean like i'm the same way i just noticed it in you or like that kind of i don't know i feel like i'm jumping into a next block but like i feel like stay back

i know i feel like it's tied to uh one of those that is written in there that the idea of and we'll let you know what it is right after this hi guys you know how i don't like many things so i guess what i don't like buying tickets for things either. But with Game Time, proud sponsor, it's the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all sports, music, comedy, and theater near you. There are some concerts coming up on the app right now in LA. The Menzingers, don't know about them,

but they're doing the Belasco where I shot three mics. I can make anything about me. Alicia Keys, August 2nd at the Kia Forum. John Legend, September 23rd at the Hollywood Bowl. John Legend, executive producer of three mics. Little known fact. Last time I was at the Hollywood Bowl, I couldn't go, but I was personally invited and I did go to a show at the Greek and a lady behind me was singing all of me in a very off-key way to the point where I showed go to a show at the Greek and a lady behind me was singing all of me in a very off key way to the point where I showed it to John and he left. Guys, your Uncle Neil has all the stories, doesn't he? GameTime is the place for last minute ticket deals.

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This show is sponsored by, you guessed it, BetterHelp. I talk about therapy so much, it's like they're paying me to do it, and now they are. Look, I've been talking about therapy forever, right? I believe in it. It's effective. It helped me. It helped me get a 35,000-foot view of my life. It helped me rearrange things. Therapists can recommend other things you can do. And it's a net positive for your life to talk to somebody about your problems, about your feelings, about your problems, about your feelings, about relationships, et cetera. You know what's good about therapy and you kind of suspect you should go. Don't you? Have a little inkling

something ain't right? If you're thinking of starting, which you are, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash N-E-A-L today to get 10% off your first month. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P help.com slash N-E-A-L. Just try it. It's very easy.

Now you don't have to Google a therapy and then go, ah, their number, and then try this. None of that. Betterhelp.com slash Neil. You're already getting healthier. Can you feel it? You're still not healthy, but you're getting healthier. the i want to talk more about the the bandwidth yeah because before we get a good one it really applies to me it's no i it really i mean i said in three mics which tom good news everybody tom finally watched it we should give him a little background yeah give him a little background

so a while ago yeah go ahead you were like hey man have you you just hit me you're like you hit me up and you're like hey i saw you saw something i did and you're like have you watched three mics yeah i was like no and you're like you like you would like it just like very like you would like it i can tell you more more from my point of view. I told Rock you were funny. I know Rock is your hero. I know that you started, the first time you did stand-up, you were doing him.

I have a tape that you would love. I have the tape. It's like it's me crouching, pacing, and doing this with punters. Repeating? Did you repeat? I told Rock you were funny you you met rock i i guess i introduced you to rock and rock was like yeah you're really funny and i was like and this motherfucker won't watch my shit i fucking i introduced him to his hero i introduced him i told his right you're right you're right i was like fucking that was my grudge yes you wouldn't want then you you complimented me about my thing for Dave's Mark Twain thing.

And I was like, yeah, man. Yeah. I'm pretty good. Yeah. And you go, I go, that was great. And you go, have you checked out three mics yet? And then he, Tom wrote back a laughing emoji. Like I will never like the idea of it's laughable.

So that's the, that's the prelude. And Tom finally watched it. I finally watched it. And I'm not just saying this cause the prelude and tom finally watched it i finally watched it and i'm not just saying this because i'm here and the cameras are rolling and you slipped me 200 bucks i'm serious i really thoroughly enjoyed it it's really good don't tell me you have another one because i i took me six years to watch this blocks there's a special called blocks that stuff that this is based on yeah so six years from now, I will definitely watch it. But Three Mics was really, really, really good. Thank you.

So the thing that I explained in Three Mics is that I'm in a narrow bandwidth, and I kind of think most of my family is as well, because my dad was a narcissist and was violent. And you're just existing in the shadows. I think my mother's personality definitely contributes to why i am this way is that a block or that it's not a block it's just but that's the i'm wondering why you just because you can't really yeah and like in my house her mood dictated things and it was she's firecracker like big personality and i felt kind of crazy in that house she gaslight a lot you know and and my dad's way of dealing with it is that he would

check out right so you're a kid so you can't yeah you're seeing this shit you know and and he's like i've been to he'd be like what's that like he always was like are we not going to talk about this yeah you know and it was like huh the amount you terrorize your mother interact is glorious i like knowing that i can ask my mother a question and the mere mention of that question might terrorize her mind for years to come it's my payback of course yeah yeah yeah i mean like she's she's gonna get razor it's a bug and why would he be talking to doing jokes like oh i know because she terrorized him as a kid yeah and now he does arenas um and then so it makes you do you i don't even remember being excited and getting sort of like doused with or like like getting a lead blanket thrown

out over me but i think when you're a kid in my experience i don't know what it was for you but it was always kind of understood that who that it's his show oh oh yeah it is kind of it was understood it was understood that like mom is kind of a certain way and like her logic if you're like this doesn't feel like the logic that we should all be saying is okay but everybody would kind of just go along with it and mostly it's because you look at the two like the model is the parents the fact that he i i learned over time that he was of course dealing with it to get through his day and hit like so his way of dealing that was just kind of keep it easy like put everything at ease don't don't overreact she's

a big overreactor so he was the opposite but i think it made his kids kind of crazy i think it made the three kids fucking be like are you guys all in the same doing the narrow bandwidth thing um no everybody kind of processed it different my younger sister definitely did a narrow bandwidth thing my older sister was act out crazier and you know big achiever and lots of fucking triathlons and perfectionists yeah yes yes so they're different i can't believe you had fucking 10 i know it's just incomprehensible to me 16 years it doesn't even i really don't understand it it's like a monk it's like the monkey house at the zoo i assume when there's 10 there's at least a few you're like

i don't really know that one that well a few i mean right like you're like yeah i mean my oldest brother was like gone he actually said to me recently, like, yeah, I realized like, I don't really know. He was like, yeah. How would you know me? You it's so crazy. I knew I was born and he was 16. I'm five. He's gone.

Yeah. He actually, they, we left when, uh, when I was, they, we, we like my parents would move and like shed kids. Yeah. Like, no, don't come. The oldest three, we moved from philly to chicago they're like stay here my brother kevin like didn't have a place to stay for a few nights between college just like crazy but yeah all right and you have you gotten the thing i this reminds me of is

a friend of mine's a therapist and there's a thing called she basically said you identify the feeling and ask it like what do you want so i wake up every day basically with like a negative tape just like immediately and i've started saying like hey what do you want and what i realize is it just wants to keep me in the that's what the voice wants that's what the yeah that's kind of what i think it wants i think that's the it's only motive it's good to it's really a good exercise for anyone to ask yourself what it wants you know i mean like ask the emotion what it wants i think what's your point we're basically doing all the time is avoiding feeling things that's what we all are trying to do just like it just it manifests

itself differently for different you know it can be eating food or going on a fucking 20 mile run or just scrolling you're all just all those things are just i don't want to fucking feel this right so when you ask yourself things like what am i actually feeling right now and sit in that while it's uncomfortable the other thing that you learn is that it is passing those things it all passes it's unbelievable you don't think about that when you're approaching it but you don't consider the fact that this will pass it's it's not even a cloud it should be a cloud and we see it as like one of those like yeah the high pressure systems stick around yeah they don't

stick around don't stick around and that's another thing it's i think it's age yeah remember when 18 years ago anything that happened to you was permanent yeah career-wise girl any any anything was permanent you it's larry david had the funniest fucking joke about it he said he was i don't even know if it was a joke, but he used to say he was a cab driver in New York, and whenever he would drop someone off, he would think, that's the last fare I'm ever going to get.

Yeah. No one is ever going to hail me again because you can't get out of the... It's like a permanence bias or something. I remember in 2003, 4, I had a bit that I would close on when I was doing these like bringer shows and being like, I will never come up with anything better

than this joke about telling a homeless guy to do a flip. Were you right? I mean, and I was like, I mean, you couldn't comprehend it. You're like, it kills. Everywhere I do it, it kills. I was like, I'd tell a guy if I gave him a dollar, do a flip. I'll give you a dollar.

And if you land, two dollars. And it was just like, bring the house down. I was like, that's the greatest fucking joke of all time. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying you're wrong. Yeah. Yeah. If you fall while you're flipping two dollars i'm sorry that's it and if you fall you're flipping two dollars right yeah now i get it yeah but it's crazy how long it takes to realize how

impermanent everything is and if you've known earlier how how different your life could have been yes but here's the thing there is no version of that that you just will comprehend at 21. No, you're absolutely right. It's kind of like that thing of buying stuff is unfulfilling. Someone could tell you that all you want, but you have to experience it to really realize it. You know what I mean? You have to live life, be of a certain age, and go like,

oh, yeah, that's not the way to feel fulfilled by life yeah the but as you well know or i mean you're you've been more successful relationships than me but people are tricky like counting on people and connection as a means to happiness or fulfillment is really risky and painful. You can't, well, it's painful if you allow yourself to feel a lot in it, right? Like that's one of the things that you learn is that there's so many people that are just in companionship. Like they're just near each other a lot.

Yeah, they're not really like super connected. Yeah. And you have to risk being super hurt in order to feel the other side of it yeah if you're if you're like super hurt by someone it's probably because you were really feeling invested yeah you're really invested in it but i don't know that you can rely on it to feel fulfillment but you have to be open to it and you have to and the crazy thing is you have to be willing to have been through something difficult been hurt and be willing to be vulnerable again because without vulnerability you have nothing in relationships you have nothing if you're not

willing to be vulnerable you will not feel ultimately love and fulfillment did you always know that no i didn't know that when did you learn i think it's another like 20 year case study that i've been doing you know um yeah i i don't think i've been i was really willing to be that vulnerable until the last couple of years is was christine more open to it naturally or did she have her own difficulties with it she had her own difficulties with it but she definitely probably got there way before i did you know she was also in therapy before me really into that stuff too like always like and not just into therapy but like you but the books and the podcasts about it. And really consumes that stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, but she's worked really hard at it. Kids must really help with that. With the entire connection system. Everything. I mean, your whole ego kind of falls apart when you're with kids. When you have them. Yeah, because you're just like...

You end up being in service to something else and someone else and your whole but that feels like a different mechanism i'm talking about like the the feet the connecting to a person yeah and just it's like i said in blocks which six or six years from now you're gonna you're gonna love and you're gonna call about when i see that you'll do whatever podcast i'm doing that um and where i say it's like a trust fall oh right and you just you just have to like every day you just trust fall and like you fall into christine and she falls into you and then eventually you have to they're not there yeah and then you have to be like who else can i do this with yeah it's eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

basically it's the plot of eternal sunshine which is knowing what i know and choosing it again yeah but having kids with someone does create a crazy bond but is it companions because what you said is like a lot of people with kids are just still in companionship i think it can be companionship if you are not putting effort into it if you're not conscious of it if you don't you don't have a sense of awareness if you're not trying yeah it's the easiest thing to probably do is to fall into just a let's just try to take care of these things together yeah you know and they're things they're not people no and they never um but yeah that's the easiest thing to do is to fall that's why it's so common is because it's so daunting so much to take care of kids that it becomes you know what i actually i'm gonna put these

other needs and and and uh emotions of mine aside because it's it's too much to take it all on so that's what people do i think they just put it aside almost because they feel like they don't deserve to address those things you know they don't deserve to it's a bit like the fat thing where it's yeah it's a lot of work it's a lot of work it's a pile of shit in the garage yeah and you have to organize it you know and it will be more you'll have a better garage you'll your life will be a little better and it's easier to and it's easy to avoid you know i mean like yeah yeah of course in some ways the world's set up for you to avoid them and and you have you always have a valid excuse actually it's always it's very valid to be like well i'd love to address these things but like i mean you gotta get these kids dressed you know like there's a lot to do here yeah and

people they get into that pattern you know did you feel bad on the road yeah yeah great uh no but i'm saying did you how did you deal with like missing i got really sad i got really sad um i missed a lot of things. It was really like, I mean, I just had this realization finally of like, this is not like this last tour was so, it was huge. It really was.

Yeah. Especially for like the standup world. I mean, it was fucking, it's a lot. How many, there was, you had the number 276 or something?

The shows were 303. 303 shows shows 171 cities it's insane yeah how many arenas i don't remember um it was just like it was but and how old were your kids when you started the thing i started the tour in august of 21 so they were like what if i can like five and three and like that's a it's it's a lot of being gone during that time yeah a lot of milestones too it's a lot it's a lot yeah and yeah you know of course yeah you facetime you send videos and you send photos and all that stuff but it's not it's definitely not the same i mean i I've been around now since the touring ended for a couple of months, and it's a huge difference.

It's a huge difference. For you or them? Both. What's the difference? Do you just feel like? I just feel so much. I realize how there is no substitute for being there. Yeah.

I'm so much closer to them. And you can tell that they're different with me like they're different with you be they're more you're both more animated and they're well like the younger guy when i was i was gone during like these really important years for him i was gone a lot you know i'd be gone week to come home for like a day or two, leave again for like a week or two. And he was just like, I would FaceTime him. Or even if I came home, he'd be like, hello, I hate you.

And I'd be like, hello. Verbatim. Yeah. And then it was like kind of funny, you know, because like it's a kid saying it. And he wasn't saying it like seething anger. But he was just kind of like, you i can do i don't i don't know you come around but you leave a lot like you could tell that was like the sentiment behind all that you know it made me very sad how would you justify it would you go because i've heard people

say that they can't be they can't make their kids happy if they're not happy or that you know well to me like i don't mean i had people who were like why don't you just like cancel um some of these gigs and i'd be like are you out of your i i never thought that that was a realistic thing to propose like are you out of your mind that's not how this works man like are you just gonna cancel work tomorrow yeah i just didn't entertain that idea that i'll just cancel some of these gigs which in retrospect maybe i should have um but i just didn't think that was realistic to propose so i was just like and it's also your dream yeah that's the thing that would be i would imagine it's hard yeah i

guess i didn't really think of it as like at the time i wasn't like this is my dream i was just like i go to work i'm going to work. What are you talking about? Cancel work? You're nuts. But now that I've just been around consistently, like that kid has completely changed with me. Like affectionate, telling me how much he loves,

like, you know, stuff that you're like, Oh man. And I, I realized obviously it feels way better. And, and I also am like i felt like oh man

like he was he didn't know how to express what he was feeling before too you know i mean i guess he did because he was like i hate you yeah he was pretty clear yeah um but yeah i mean i'm much happier that i'm around him all the time now is it a thing you would ever apologize to him for i'm sure i'm going yes i'm sure yes and i've and i've apologized even in these times like i'm so sorry that i was gone this much and you know like he's like i mean it's affected them where like when i go i'm going like when are you coming back like are you leaving leaving i'm like oh no i'm just going to do the podcast you know and neil's podcast and then he's like no brendan the blocks and i'm like yeah oh, no, I'm just going to do the podcast. A Neil's podcast? And then he's like, no, Brendan, the blocks?

And I'm like, yeah. They'll be watching three mics. I'm like, I got to check it out. But they go, okay, but you're coming back. I'm like, yeah, I'm coming back. Like, tomorrow? I'm like, no, tonight. I'll be back in a few hours.

And they're like, oh, okay. Like, that's from leaving all the time. Yeah, I bet that was hard. We've got more blocks guys buying into your own narrative and trying to fulfill it as opposed to living and letting the narrative take its own course that might be the most nuanced philosophical block we've ever had well that was a program really is a huge resonates with me as because i i ended up you know i wrote about this and i ended up talking about it a lot is that i would tell other people and myself

that like i'm a loner i do things alone and and i would just be like if you would go do you want to go with me now to get something to eat i'd be like well i don't know hold on i'm like do i go i am a loner i am a loner do i would i does that fill got a wallet that says the loaner on it and um i just my hog i kind of eat what i kill i don't know if i can really somewhere. I don't have an extra helmet on my hog. I really just like bought into that to a, I think to a crazy degree almost that like. Where'd you get it from? Well, I think because here's what happens. Just because something is somewhat part of who you are or defines you,

it doesn't mean that it totally does. I mean, the truth is I do like being alone from time to time. I do like my time alone. I like if we hung out and we're especially like we're on the road at a certain point I'm just going to be like all right I'm gonna go to the hotel room and go chill out yeah okay I'm enjoying that what I started to do is be like that's just who you are man you fucking sit alone all day and like I know it sounds crazy but it really is no i'm you're talking yeah i think i'm a loner and i'm waiting to be talked out of it yeah i mean i want to see what your what your explanation of it well i mean that what i ended up just discovering is like you

know i actually i love people i love being around people i'm just i have you know certain parameters and like choices that i like about it like i do like smaller get togethers i like one-on-one dinners i like four or five i don't like a 20 person dinner no i don't like going to events with 20 000 people at it um i'm i'm just like that's not that appealing to me i'll still go i'll still go if like if you're like dude you're gonna love this it's gonna be awesome i got us vip parking i'll be like all right i'm in i'll do it um i i like being engaged in life and doing things and i think i was very like resistant to that idea like that because i was like that's not who you are you're a a fucking loner. So you stay in your fucking room, you know, like stay in your room and you stare at shit or whatever.

And you do sad things. Be sad. Like that was like my speech to myself. And what I discovered is that I just like to be alone sometimes, but I actually really love being around certain, like how do you do it with a family that's what i always that sounds like a huge challenge being being even finding alone time with a family oh it's virtually impossible i mean i used to be able to take a shit and then those guys are like hey

man hey they're just like knocking on the door and you're like jesus christ i think the word used was crippling diarrhea crippling diarrhea but they just like you know yeah with kids forget it yeah no you just you are waiting for those moments a lot of times knock on the door like a sitcom landlord from the 70s bro i mean that's one of the things about having why it's important who you have kids with and like whether because you end up taking turns with breaks like sometimes you don't even have to say anything you just look at the person you're with and they're like why don't you go upstairs or like go for a walk or you want to go to the gym and you're like i think i do and they're like i think they can you just read it on your partner you know like you really need to yeah because kids just kind of do something to

your nerves yeah and they're you look they're just like us, like day to day. Like, you know, you're like, Hey man, big guy's real spicy today. I don't know what's good. It's just like how he woke up,

you know? Yeah. Sometimes they're super easy and chill and they're like, can I just sit next to you and watch something? And you're like, yeah, like you just don't know what you're getting day to day, but you just have times where you have to have a break.

A lot of times you can't get a break. It's just what it is to be a parent, you know? That is like, I don't know. It's almost easier to deal with all those things than you out in the world. As far as like being a loner guy, you know? Because for me, it was like the road. I would like really embrace.

Going to CVS by yourself? Oh, man. CVS. Why are they all like, why is the inside of CVS no different than Greyhound? It's just the people there, you're like, what is happening in here? Yeah, it's just, well,

there's a lot of, everything's locked up. That's pretty cool. Very cool. Yeah. Everything's a-hop album from the 90s everyone in there everything's behind the counter anything you want you're gonna have to ask but everybody in cbs looks like they're like things are not working out you know what i mean like no they need some sort of medical help yeah aspirin you're like i'm getting bandages water what's going on yeah yeah i don't know but the whole thing is that i don't know man i i really feel like it's so easy to buy into these narratives because people would then say it to me they'd be like oh like you roll alone and so then i go oh this is like a thing you know like in my mind i'm like oh

yeah that is me that's me i'm alone i like to be alone and then someone would go do you want to go do this thing today i'm like no and what i found stop asking yeah then they stop asking yeah then what i found is like oh that's a very lonely place to be yeah i actually like doing some of these things i just like to have the choice you know i like to be able to say no but i only want to say no because i'm not interested in doing that not because it's with company you know like you go you have a do you have a uh a portfolio of interests i mean i get like bigger than you thought yeah too yeah yeah i was in mexico city doing a commercial and and the a bunch of people from the commercial were like we're going to lucha libre and do you want to come and i was like no and then i saw them leaving and i was like

that would have been fun yeah and it would have but it's not without its downside it's like i wouldn't have been able to leave when i want all that shit but but i'm with you and does it ever do you see being alone as like self-care sometimes that's how i see it it's like i was doing i don't i i just would i was doing it to people please yeah and then next thing i knew i just felt disconnected from myself at an event that i was like i wish i hadn't come well I mean, all those things very much resonate with me. I mean, I, you do need, I need alone time as for self-care. I, and this kind of goes back to one of those first blocks where it's like, I do want to really think about like, when you go,

do you want to go to Lucha Libre? I'm like, Hmm, like, you know, like, I don't want to answer it quickly. I actually want to go, do I want to go to that? Yeah. Where is it? Like, you know, what's like the lay? I mean, those are the things that like, you know, like I don't want to answer it quickly. I actually want to go, do I want to go to that? Yeah. Where is it? Like, you know, what's like the lay? I mean, those are the things that like, I think, do I have a way out is a huge one. Cause I'm always like, if we go to this thing and I don't like it, can I get the fuck out

of there? Yeah. Fast. Yeah. Is it, is it, do I have to say goodbye to everyone? Do I, is it, do I have to get something scanned? Do I have to go back out i need to be able to dip out of place yes i'm i'm like the king of that shit yeah i'm i'm double

dip dude i just i uh you'll see me again where'd he go yeah i mean i just gone yeah my man my man left he left dude yeah was there a bottom was there a rock bottom where you were like i gotta reassess this whole thing well i mean one of the things I sent you was that I felt like traumatic. Oh, yeah. There was something about trauma that I mean. Yeah, yeah. And for me, what I was applying it to was traumatic injury. So, oh, yeah.

You said the turning point of trauma, not a block, but interesting insight in all this. Yeah. So for me, you know, two, what, two and a half years ago i had this horrible double whammy where i tore my knee tendon broke this arm and it's a you know if you talk to people in like especially like pts because pt you know doctors fix you and then they're like all right yeah bye but pts work with people weeks months sometimes years and so they're with these people every day, like somebody who has a horrible orthopedic injury, you know, car accident or whatever. And what they'll tell you is like that they find a lot of times that people that are in those situations have like these

moments, almost very similar, like near death experiences where it does a shit. There's a shift in them where they kind of have, they have, they're so vulnerable because when you have a severe orthopedic injury, you have no choice but to be vulnerable. Like you can't stand, you can't move, you can't turn the lights off. You keep having to ask for these things. It's really humbling. It really strips you down. And people come out of that sometimes with a different point of view on the world and that definitely happened to me you know i mean it's not you're not even so much aware that it's happening as it's just happening yeah you start to you know that definitely contributed to my bandwidth expanding in what way well it's that i i just was like first of all i was so emotional um not like the moment i got

injured in like the days after when you realize how needy you are did you just like cry intensely incredibly so so much so so much and you don't even know what you're crying about yeah you're just like bawling yeah just down like yeah and so you feel that way and you're like i don't even know what's happening so just that moment of being like i don't know what's happening makes you consider your life and you know like what am i doing how am i living life if you're living like this you go i need to like stretch out a little more you know or like i'm not i'm not taking care of myself what the fuck am i doing why am i not taking care of myself it's the fuck am I doing? Why am I not taking care of myself? It's so stupid.

I'm in my 40s and I'm just like, eh. You know, like that, why am I not hanging out with people? I want to hang out. Like you start to actually feel that way. And you start like calling people and you start really opening up. You realize that it's good to open up and talk to people and share things. And people contribute to it. Like sometimes it's friends and family up and talk to people and share things something you know and people contribute to it like sometimes it's friends and family it's also strangers like you have this

capacity and like almost this desire to connect with like new people right away you start telling people you become like the person on the plane who's like yes where are you from yeah oh yeah oh dude and they're like i'm good i'm good and you're like yeah yeah i've been to kansas city what's your favorite place they still got that barbecue place which one arthur bryant's so you just yeah you just want to like i think what you ultimately really realize in those situations is like there's nothing like connection human connection and bonding you bond first of all when you're in those really vulnerable situations you develop this like such an affection for medical staff like you're like

you're like you're the fucking best man and you and and that feeling like carries out of the medical facilities you start wanting to because you connect so much with like the person that was helping you yeah like you couldn't move you couldn't do anything yeah and they didn't leave you for dead and they that you know that's their job but they are you know the reason they want the job is because they're inclined they love those moments yeah they love those moments yeah and so you're just like i mean i still talk to my pt we text all the time i haven't had i haven't seen her in like a year we text all the time love you i mean a texter i love you you know uh yeah it's like and that that bond and that connection

carries into like christine doesn't know about that right don't bring it yeah i'll cut it out if you want yeah yeah thanks it's just uh yeah no but i mean no she's come and like hung out with our kids and our family it's amazing you just you just realize that like i don't know if you were kind of like this person and and then you have those experiences it really does start to bleed into every aspect of your life like wanting to expand your emotional bandwidth wanting to change realizing that you weren't leading the life that you could be leading yeah so like i mean if i was gonna say i'm telling you i'd be i just say like get hit by a car and see no i i said i said on here like a month ago the only thing that makes people change is almost dying and and i said that to rock one time and he's like which

everyone in or a 12-step program and rock was like everyone in a 12-step program almost died everyone yeah that's they're they're there because they almost drug drank sex and gambled themselves to death and only then can you go like oh so huh? Yeah. And that's what you realize. The most basic fucking idea was right after all. And you don't have the ability to like see it without it. Yeah, you're right. It's the same thing where it's like a 20-year-old can't. You can't. I mean, here's the thing.

If you do, you're an anomaly. You're just one of the lucky ones, I guess. Yeah. But most of us don't just have that realization yeah and it can change it changed your overall disposition 20 30 yeah it really shifted i have a notable shift you know like yeah that i think people if you're me obviously you feel it and you know it people that are very close to me all all, all address it, all say it that like it's affected. Well, it's affected all the other blocks too. It's like, I'm better at saying what I want,

saying what I like, giving my opinion on something. I am more confident. Why am I more confident? Because I've just grounded myself more in who I am because I'm allowing myself to feel more and say what I think and feel and not being scared. You know, I think before I'd be, I would stay here and be like, well, if I say this, what if Neil doesn't like me? You know? And I would just stay in that. And like anything is you get better at with practice. I practice it more. You know, I'm just more comfortable at saying what I really want to say because I practice it. at saying what I really want to say because I practice it.

I had a thing in therapy recently where, you know, the way we grew up, similar enough that we were both sort of like, you can't really have needs, right? So I was in therapy talking about needs and I did like a reenactment and a lot of mustaches and pipes and stuff. Do an reenact, just do EMDR where I'm going through a scenario with my dad and I'm basically saying like, my needs are okay. My needs are okay. And then it evolved into my needs are great. And I don't mean that like in an egotistical way.

I mean it like when you're hungry, my needs are basically like an emotional appetite. Like I'm hungry, right? And when you're hungry and my needs are basically like an emotional appetite. Like I'm hungry. Right. And when you're hungry and you're in a big city, you're like, this is exciting. We can get great food. Yeah. So my needs are just like an appetite.

I'm hungry to get my needs met. So you go to places you can get your needs met and you're not going to get them met unless you ask for them. That's very true. At all. At all. and you're not going to get them met unless you ask for them that's very at all at all but the idea of seeing them as like natural and nothing i need to deny yeah is like was huge like a huge shift in thinking and like oh i'm looking forward to saying hey that hurt my feelings or or just like hey i'd like more coffee or or like getting my needs asking for my needs is like saying i'm hungry that's a really good one yeah that's and

that's it literally applies to every everyone on earth yes is entitled to get their needs met within reason and within reason and and the thing that applies to everyone is that none of them will be addressed if you don't say them nobody can read your mind nobody your best friend yeah can't yeah and it is the thing is that everything you're saying before you do it it actually i don't think i can say it is terrifying you are terrified to do it yeah it's very scary to go i'm going to say what i need here but once you do it you realize it's way less scary than you thought and then actually you're like this actually feels great yes and people are grateful

that you're not relying on them to read your mind yeah like oh you do okay great it's like also like i got so much better at like hey this isn't working um like i've fired so many people not so many but like in the in the last couple years i've just been like yeah this isn't no yeah i used to be like oh well yeah like i don't know give it a year and a half and i just go like no it doesn't work doesn't this isn't good and it's not good for them either exactly you're doing both of you a favor yeah like we don't i mean i've said it with writing partners and women i've dated where i'm like it's just not yeah it's not it should be close to like magic yeah or at least like you know we're not easy

but like relatively easy like dry erase board yeah this shouldn't be like a real struggle yeah this where you're worried and i'm worried and yeah in work relationships too it's like fuck man this that this is shit's way too short to deal with that but yeah if we're not clicking on this yeah and we're like doing passes and you're like i mean i get anxiety to actually talk to you or like you suggest something and i'm like oh mate that's not fun yeah let's try to have fun when we're doing this so let's just not do this yeah yeah it's like man we don't have to do this yeah yeah it's like okay goodbye yeah and it's like you won't think about

it again because you didn't think about them before right yeah um but you're it is it is the discount it's the fear of ask it's like being at a restaurant and being afraid to order yeah like you're it's the menu true it's like ah yeah can i have this steak maybe that's what i mean it's the hacky premise of women not being able to order but maybe that's part of it right that thing too is like i've had conversations too where you're like you're just so you're so afraid to bring this up you're like, you're just so, you're so afraid to bring this up. You're like, this is just, I don't know how this is going to, and then you have the conversation, you bring up whatever you're scared of or your insecurity or how something made you feel. 100% of the time, it's been better. It's the only way to make it better. Yeah. It's the only way to make it better yeah it's the only way is to acknowledge the truth yeah of

a situation and then you just like the person more yeah it's a we it's completely it really works yeah it really works no and it really even if you don't even if it's shitty yeah even if it's a shitty thing and you stop working together being friends or whatever you understand each other yeah and you're like i fuck with that person even though I don't fuck with them. You know what I mean? I fuck with them like if they needed me, I'd be there for them. It's true. Because they respect me enough to acknowledge a, to just not insult my intelligence with a lie about a situation.

Like we both know what it is. We're both perceptive. Yes. Everyone's perceptive. Yeah. Everyone can tell what's up most of the time like yeah everyone can read at human energy it's like we're all attuned it's like when people go can you tell i had surgery it's all i can tell as a human being yeah we're scanning everything all the time fucking face change yeah and you think i wouldn't notice yeah um that's great man um and did you so in some ways you're happy that you fucked up it's the worst thing yeah and best thing that happened to me i would never

like it really does suck it really is terrible i would never really wish that on someone and i would not want to experience that again and i definitely have ptsd from it and all that but will you describe the ptsd as you understand it well what happens is for me it's like it happened during this physical act right right and it was spontaneous i mean it's really like like out of nowhere thing and so what happens is like when the thing that happens is that dramatic and that traumatizing there's no escaping your mind going that can happen again and sometimes you know it i mean one of the things that i've done is i try to really do a lot of physical things like because i relatively dangerous or just like push-ups

no i mean like i just you know i'll still like i work out a lot like i was boxing today and i'd put this wrap on my arm because i have nerve pain from it and and so allows me to still punch i still feel this pain i'm doing it shooting vague what's that shooting pain or like a big like no like there's certain contact where it just yeah it goes up and down the arm um numbness um you know in the hand things like that the arm pain can be pretty painful but i do it because i don't want to like not do things that would keep me you know to scare me away from yeah i think physical so it's also one of the things the less you do it then you'll just get more scared of it yeah yeah so i do i mean i do that i play basketball again i you know like i'm

i lift weights i do i do things like that i do do some things like whatever i'll get in the water i'm paddle boarding i'm in the ocean i'm i'm doing like active you know flying race car drive like things like that that are more dangerous but i'm not doing them because they're dangerous i'm just like i want to do this and i don't want to be scared to do things yeah but you know like honestly i'll see uh whatever you're walking on a platform you see a big drop i I mean, the, some of the emotion that you'll feel from that can be like, well, the one that's probably the craziest is a slippery floor because my knee popped first. So when I am on like a floor that like is just, you know, kind of

like slidey, kind of oily or something something wet you feel this like jolt of panic that i know like no one everyone else is like oh it's be careful there but like for me it's like almost it can be paralyzing for a moment you know yeah yeah because i'll just be like holy shit like you're and you there's like the 20 crying thing happen where you like feel like you're pre-crying it's such like a shell shock feeling uh-huh it's a it's a moment of panic it's like actually genuine panic where it's almost like the crying would any feeling like that would come after because you're so caught up in the fact that like like sort of a fight or flight yeah like a fight or flight thing and then afterwards you feel the emotion of like i got really scared right then yeah really scared you should have like you can afford

like at basketball games where they have little kids yeah not even little kids they're like young adults i mean i was playing this game where we were at this with these public courts indoor courts that it was just like a floor and we kept everybody was sliding everyone was like this floor sucked and i was like i just i stopped like playing defense i was like you could just drive on me dog like i'm not i was like i'm you know i mean like it was if i were you i think i would have just not played after this people were sliding i would have been like i can't i it's not fun yeah no i it wasn't it actually knew it took great needs neil yeah yeah it took a lot of the fun out of it that day i remember that and i was like and that's when these guys beat us i was i wanted to be like bitch you you and the floor beat us like it wasn't it wasn't you don't

think your game is all that yeah it's a tie you and the floor split a tie yeah um all right now the final question is well one of the questions is the things that helped you to get to grow in these get to try to get over your blocks is it so it's therapy yeah near death yeah you should definitely break your body yeah yeah and get and get the co the delta variant while you're in the hospital oh wonderful and did you and hallucinogen anything else that helped you grow up

I ended up doing that I've done it twice once I did it like super supervised in a private setting that was the ayahuasca one and that was like they gave me Kana I've never heard of that so i think it's an

african drug a huge serotonin dump great they call it the love drug yeah like a heart opener in those circles uh-huh um yeah i mean that was that was just like great because my big panic and i know i probably sound like so naive to someone because because i am where i was like i don't want to have a panic attack dude i kept saying that i was like don't i don't want to feel like i ate a fucking hundred milligram edible yeah and he was like you won't i go yeah but people say that and they give you some shit you're like and they're like oh my bad yeah i kept saying he was like you're definitely not going and he was right he was right um and but the feelings were yeah it wasn't it was incredible i mean i was i was like really letting go i was talking to myself and i made recordings of of of me talking to myself there

was music playing it was a great setting um and then what i did the next day was i listened to those recordings um and were they you could make sense of them i could make sense of them i just was like i was very loving to myself and to others and like talking about life and relationships and my god i was so i was also like a short while after i was like i need to to erase these. So it was like too embarrassing. Your friends from high school hear them. Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck man. But that's what, I mean, my experience with, I want to say, especially I didn't talk about it ad nauseum, but it, it's a,

it's like a love infection. Yes. Where it's just like, you can't, you almost can't be petty. I couldn't have been more loving and more um selfless i was actually like really really selfless and empathetic yes everyone's just doing their best everyone is yeah and i saw i saw that clearly dad mom siblings friends

like everybody's doing yeah and i was just like really in that and i yeah i i mean i couldn't rave about it enough i was telling everybody i was trying to like hook people up i called you after i did i was like you fucking yeah i'm telling you yeah no it's a good one man yeah it's a good one yeah uh and then what you did that once or twice so i did it once like supervised like like like where it's really organized i did i would say a pared down version on my own it was still good like not bad but i the supervised version was the best i would love to do it again they did they give you some they or they guided you this was like a totally different separate

thing um i mean therapy is the best i don't like yeah i can't some friends i'm like you still haven't especially the ones who you're like you would love like you know yeah it's interesting what are you doing it's a guide for how your mind works i think there's still people that are like but i'm not all fucked up yeah you know like it's not even that's not what we're doing here yeah it can just be like a spelunking like a cave would you like through your how realizing like oh i'm like okay you're in a national park and someone's like hey i've been here a while you want me to show you around you're like yeah all right cool no i'm not gay yeah i got i got a tent i can put this shit up myself and you're like okay okay yeah i'm blown

away by people that are like talking about these things but they're like i don't i don't want anyone to help me out all right yeah so yeah and then things like this like honestly just conversations yeah where you talk to people who are also open and empathetic and like you know like in in it also and like and like this kind of thing yeah that only helps people wouldn't believe you like it i i don't think like you don't seem like you would like i see that i get that yeah um i get that i mean you're a rascal in your act i kind of a little rascal yeah yeah your act is rascally so it's like and your laugh is very fun too you. You have a fun, rascal laugh. That's true. I am a bit of a menace sometimes.

Uh-huh. Bordering on, yeah. It's a rascal bordering on menace. Yeah. But I do like it. But I also always saw the loneliness, so I'm happy to hear that you're interested in pursuing it. All right, and then the final question,

which is, movie of your life what's the arc who plays you this is uh this is the final question yeah god movie of my life what is the arc then we kill you it's the final yeah i mean it would be like the the story would be the one that we've told here yeah this guy who was like staring at the walls masturbating on the curtains in his hotel room and uh being like is this life that's what i'm supposed to be doing and then he probably i'm a loner yeah he goes down just to get like some towels or something and then i don't know there's a sweet woman in there who's like, it's like, Hey, you should,

you never go outside. He's like, how do you know? Where is it? Yeah. Yeah. And, uh,

and takes him by the hand and shows him, you know, I think it would be a guy who was like scared to be open and vulnerable. And then it'd probably be a love story, I guess, you know, but I don't, but is it in,

in life is a love story meaning not like you and christine aren't in love but i'm saying it's your relationship with yourself yeah yeah that's what i it's more like i just mean it would be somebody who's breaking out into enjoying like feeling yeah feeling yeah that's really what i meant like they're they're like oh yeah life is about feelings and connecting with people and emotions you know yeah and then in the i don't know in the third act i mean can we just add a car chase yeah yeah and a murder to get your feelings yeah you have to go your feelings are in the car ahead well he's the thing is that girl that took him by the hand you know kidnapped yeah

well she just like one day she wasn't showing as much interest so yeah he puts her in the trunk and he drives her up into uh griffith park uh-huh is something bad gonna happen i was thinking she was your access to the feeling oh sorry this is what burt was talking about where you go too dark yeah yeah he says a lot um yeah where she she gets kidnapped oh yeah and then you have she gets kidnapped by somebody else sure you have to chase her i like it in it to get her but it's like he's directed before so thank you very much jeremy pivot movie called the goods don't look for it um and uh and yeah and then you have to it's like a 15 minute car chase yeah okay and you some watches in it as well oh there's watches too yeah and i'm always like what time yeah what time is different

watch continuity um yeah and then who gets to play me i know we know who your stunt double is joe rogan let's not have him play me no i don I don't think he should, but I'm saying he's a stunt double. He's a stunt double. Well, I mean, I'd want somebody who has deep emotional capacity. Yeah. Maybe Daniel Day-Lewis will come out of retirement for this thing. Yeah. My favorite's Denzel.

He's a little older now. Denzel's seething though his gift is seething rage that he doesn't let out that's true like that's to me that's like his his thing i'll take daniel day christian bale christian bale christian bale be amazing because he'd get to gain weight he'd be like what do you weigh like 260 like hey jesus christ you're like no i want to make this let's do more scenes from the 260 range and then we need to stop down for three months i'm gonna lose this movie's 2007 bro i'm like oh i didn't know that i didn't know that yeah um this is great man i i had a great time like i got to i got to know you better yeah and uh

we connected emotionally yeah yeah i love you i love you too tom cigar everybody hi guys All you have to do is open, open up your hand My man I met when she was 19 years old