Blocks w/ Neal Brennan - Trevor Wallace

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

Neal Brennan interviews Trevor Wallace ('Pterodactyl' on Amazon, 'Stiff Socks' podcast, + more) about the things that make him feel lonely, isolated, and like something's wrong - and how he is persevering despite these blocks. --------------------------------------------------------- 🎙️ Have a Question about your Blocks for Neal? 🎙️ Email “[e-mail]” to have your question answered on a future episode.  ---------------------------------------------------------- 00:00 Intro 1:08 College & Starting Comedy 7:10 Making Videos 11:15 Social Media Algorithm 24:55 Too Single? 32:07 Working A Lot 39:40 Lack of Rest  43:22 Working to Avoid Personal Life 56:52 Confrontation 1:05:25 Accepting Himself 1:08:25 Upside ---------------------------------------------------------- FOLLOW & RATE Blocks: » Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blocks-w-neal-brennan/id1658660161 » Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6gx3bANm25DtKA3cnlBH1r https://nealbrennan.com for tickets Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81036234 Neal's Instagram: https://instagram.com/nealbrennan Neal's Twitter: https://twitter.com/nealbrennan Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased). Edited by Will Hagle #standup #podcast #comedy #mentalhealth #standupcomedian  -------------------------------------------------------- https://www.Babbel.com/BLOCKS for 55% OFF your first month https://www.MeUndies.com/NEAL for 20% OFF plus free shipping Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi everybody it's neil brennan and it's blocks and jimmy carr and we heal the earth my guest today i became aware of you on the internet which is the way most people become aware of it in the olden days we become aware of people on back in my day yeah basically yeah so i became aware of the internet and there was a good you had a sketch i saw about like the airport parking pick a lane bitch boy whose bag is this yeah yeah you have a lot of really fucking funny sketches man thank you man that means a lot yeah no i know i co-created chapelle show yeah very aware yeah thank you pretty pumped i mean i can only imagine what you're going through um so you know a lot of sketches and then and then you just shot it you just have a special out like

tonight so it's out if you're listening it's out now on amazon amazon prime video amazon prime video go over to amazon regular and buy it on dvd yeah that's what i want yeah that's what you definitely give you a piece of that it's trevor wallace everybody thank you hey it's me when did you start doing stand-up when i was 17 so 13 years ago and then i took some time off in college just to be a dumb fret degenerate uh you don't look like that um spoiler alert yeah yeah my first words were michelob so that's funny yeah that's a good opening joke good opening yes yeah I I know exactly what I look like and I'll do like frat videos online I'm home who's trying to get this working flip cup you want it Shelly people be like he's so good at this I'm like yeah I'm not acting this is I'm living it I'm living it like it's like add 10% more extra

that's me yes but then my first two years of college i was just doing frat shit and then i was i just kind of got over it pretty quick because i started drinking at like 14 another shocker and so i started getting hangovers like 20 i was like i'm over this and that's when i was like well i don't understand why more people don't come to that conclusion i don't know you gotta start drinking earlier get these kids on booze stat you were 14 is pretty early i was still gonna pack a day at 14 but that's like swear to god it is it is pretty cool you know what the fuck's he so stressed out about yeah yeah you're absolutely right was this new york uh philly outside philly oh that checks out camel lights that's what we're what we're rocking back then really yeah how'd you get them went to the store just knew i mean they no no no

just went to the store there was no they didn't check ids really i used to smoke on it sounds like the bad news bears i used to smoke cigarettes on the bus on my high school golfing team i swear to you i would smoke cigarettes on school time and property on the bus during golf matches well that's representing my house it's the coolest thing on earth it's the coolest i prayed i never got me i was like fine i just stayed fine that's so imagine me from the other like high school be like this guy's unbeatable yeah he's like an old man on the first hole jesus christ mentioned by hole 19 if i really needed to put the pressure on i go no non-filter i take the filter okay uh okay so you are doing in fraternity uh and then when i was like about to turn 21 i was like i i kept telling myself

and i was like right here and there and then i was like all right you know what i'm gonna hold myself accountable where it's like, I'm not going to. And this is such dumb, like frat logic. What city? San Jose. San Jose State. I was like, I'm not going to go out on the weekends unless I do at least one mic a week, which is like very like dumb frat logic.

But it held me to it. I don't think it's dumb at all. Yeah. Thank you. But then that one. Like it's not like that's how you do shit. Yeah. Then that one mic would turn into two and then three.

And then there's a pretty decent scene in San Jose. So I was able to get up like three times in the week just after classes. Right. And there was like a standup club on campus. So like I could go there after class and then there's like, I was able to do a club like not like a meeting, like a meeting group. Yeah. Yeah.

It was pretty much like a open mic through the university. You'd meet up pitch jokes back and forth oh really yeah it was actually really cool yeah that is cool so you'd pitch jokes back and forth and you do like whatever like three or five you're working on uh minutes and then you just like go to go back like go to another class and we meet in like that's so cool we'd eat we'd i wish i had that now oh my god just although i don't think chappelle one time said you can't really pitch jokes during the day which i think he's kind of right about because he's like so then porn right and you're just like all right man this is let's wait let's get it before street cleaning this is weird it can't be hard this early uh but yeah this was like

it was really fun and it was very beneficial and then i just started to go to mike's and then uh the san jose improv which i'm sure you've done a handful of times great club uh kind of weirdly huge well used to be like a opera theater like a music it feels like it yeah or like houdini did shit back there hopefully he had a good door deal who's even heard of him yeah he's not moving tickets on tiktok that much houdini more like who the fuck are you talking about nice so so but my first intro it kind of worked out being in a frat because i messaged this this guy who ran like a one-off show and i was like hey man

i got like 50 people want to see me can i do five minutes and he's like yeah i don't give a fuck like at the improv yeah because now i realize how much money i brought him and if you're doing like a i don't think it's a bringer show but like if you're just doing a show and some kids promising 50 people you're like like, do every show. So I was getting up at the improv way, way, way before I was even like ready for it. But I do five minutes in front of like a packed house there. And like that is how I built my first 10 was just in college. So then I just moved straight to L.A. 2015 and just started doing mics and I was doing videos back then, too.

You got more traction with videos. Yeah. But, okay, so did you have any, because they're, you know, they're put together well. Did you have any? So I was going to film school in San Jose. Oh, there you go. So it kind of like helped. Yeah, I was doing film school and Vine was kind of the same time.

So I was like learning the traditional side, but also just making the shit quick content with my friends in the fraternity so i was able to actually it was great i just had like a disposal of like dumb jocks but you guys want to be in this video great you guys want to say the crowd great like they were just my like extras that would just like run with me wherever i needed it was it easier to get guys or girls to to give you free labor guys 100 what did they like about it just the fact that whether they were okay so they could drink yeah it was an event for because they would go to the event and hope so there'd be hot chicks there right i'd be going to go to the show on sunday they hear show comedy me they're going to be like yeah there's gonna be chicks there so what would you how about for the videos videos was easier for guys just because i lived in the

fraternity house so i could just be like you still do yeah literally it's pretty creepy yeah it's pretty cool you know uh i don't use syrup i just use four locos on my pancakes but i feel like i could just make a lap around the front but hey can you hop in this real quick yeah yeah you know okay so then you so the videos get traction after college vine died and from like 2015 2017 there was no like really like it was like nobody was really like taking off so i just was doing mics then i was just trying to get up as much as possible in town just to make my rounds and then i was starting to post like 2017 as i started posting on like facebook videos and youtube those are like the two and the following just grew uh slowly but yeah i i eventually had something hit and i used to work for russell simmons old company all def digital have you

ever did some of them i had a meeting with them in 2006 yeah that's about all i have yeah so i worked for his company so they were putting out videos uh they were doing comedy and music and they're putting out like sketches and they would put me in their sketches and then i was doing mics and starting to make my own videos and it just started to kind of bubble and then like i had one video hit on youtube and facebook and then i was like boom there's the fire let's just keep growing that fire what's the fire mean one releasing videos once a week or oh uh pretty much just like it caught some like viral traction and then i was i kind of just picture as my career is just like a giant fireplace and it's like each time i put a video it either like sustains or blows it up or it's like oh that was a wet log fuck you know do you care about frequency like do you think that whenever i was

like you gotta post every day several times a day i like feel like i'm annoying people if i post every day like there's days i agree it's also like come on man like and also if you if you had one two of you two duds in a row they're like hey man fuck you forever yeah yeah i gotta let it breathe i got it i know when i feel annoyed and if i feel like i'm just putting shit out to push it out i always get that in return like i'll look at the reviews and i'm like yeah this was forced now having said that please subscribe to my newsletter please yeah i'm begging you no duds there um so i i think frequency is kind of like i try to just like once a week maybe twice a week but like you know sometimes you're just feeling it and you're like ah this is a banger let's just drop it or sometimes you're like i got nothing to say that

would be my worry about being a content editor and i've heard people complain about a lot it's like you're never off the clock i think we're never off the clock as comics but you're really never there's in between i'll release something when i have an idea or i have to release something yeah or you like you get into this mindset we're like oh i'm finally at peace i'm gonna take three days off and then somebody posts something and you're like oh i can make it better than that yeah or somebody or a trend happens and you're like i fucking have to yeah like i i was in new york on a family vacation 9-11 yes yeah yeah it's a family vacation i mean yeah some of your brothers didn't make it um used to have twins just just like the Towers.

But there's all this Travis Kelsey Taylor Swift thing going off. And in my head, I was like, I should do a video. And then I was like, nah, I'm on family vacation. Then I was like, fuck it, I'll do a video. And then now I'm on my story. I'm posting like, who in New York has a Travis Kelsey video? The fact that you can just outsource and get it. And within two hours, I have a Travis Kelsey jersey at my hotel. I'm shooting this at night.

I'm editing till four in the morning while meeting my parents for like fucking cat's deli at 9 a.m. Did you? Did it work? Yeah, it crushed. Great. And that's that's the fucked up part. It is like one of the bigger videos I've had in the past couple of months.

And you're like, that behavior is rewarded by views. So now in my head, I'm like, she got fucking rise and grind. I know. I know. Woo, sports. Oh, I didn't know you like the chiefs where is she but you will make yourself miserable yeah you're like just an ambulance chaser where you're just like what are we doing now ah come on ticked and making two and two it's fucked up yeah and instead of like enjoying new york and like going out and like doing show with friends i just was like just cutting away but i like that i like i like the thrill i like the and i timed it out i was like okay the the chiefs are playing this sunday at

5 p.m so i'll post it like right at 4 30 so it starts to build up boom right when it like it's calculated in my head i like doing it also no there is something fun about it yeah sure like when you have the definitive tweet or whatever i don't make videos like that or if i have like a funny monologue and do it i'll do but but it there's something really valuable about it it's fun to have like the definitive joke or angle on something yeah it's like very satisfying there's like a time bomb to it where you're like i can't wait to get this out because that's a great way to put it it's not gonna matter yep like if i put you know what it will matter when they break up we'll be right back and we'll reshare that same video guys i just want to just want to take a moment praying for them hoping for them tag them

also yeah um anyhow social media algorithm block number one that's just the funniest one to me because the algorithm you're like i don't know what it wants and i have like representatives at like every app and i'll like talk to the people and it literally turns into a therapy session but like i understand you are feeling this and i'm sorry that your views are not doing what they used to and i empathize with you i'm like what are you saying just yeah like just tell me how to get better running it i know is it china by the way they trained all the time they literally feels like i'm like in a relationship that's with a girl and it's not going well and i walk in every day i'm like what do you

want today and she's borderline personality so she won't tell you what's going on she doesn't even know what's going on she's very sheltered and you're like do you want long form you want short form what do you because yesterday you wanted short now you want long yeah that's uh when they were pushing uh reels yeah on Instagram and then they were just like, no, we don't fuck with that. Exactly. Like what? Every day.

It's like, like I've been, I've been on the internet for a while making content and it's like, I'll have these meetings with TikTok and they're like, we want three to five second videos. And you're like, what the fuck even is that? Yeah. And then they're like, we want five to 10 minute videos. I'm like, make up your mind. Am I shooting a low budget short film or am I filming myself sneezing?

But that was like when they were doing reels were monetized and all that shit. And then they were like, hey, we can't fight TikTok. Like we're just going to like two minutes. I don't fucking know. They also don't know. Yeah. And the other funny thing is when then you look at the views and they all go down within a second oh yeah they all go like 50 percent yeah

and then it's like why are you even counting this it's so confusing the only thing that brings me some joy and uh my tiktok rep makes tiktoks and they don't do well so i go at least it's not hitting for somebody who works there you know yeah i don't think it's an in i think they just they're chasing the crowd yeah and they have so much data but i've heard yeah i've heard so many rumors about what works that like me and my friend will it's like okay you have to post and then you can't check your phone for like six hours really but i don't know this is all stuff that we've just like hammered in our head so i post and then i won't check tiktok as long as i can because in my head somehow it's like once you check it it disrupts the thirsty you're too thirsty yeah it's like but it feels like i'm just trying shit right that's yes

you know i'm sure you do the thing where you post look at the views within five minutes see that they're down and just delete oh yeah yeah i i go like in and around or i'll look comments i'll look for comments and if the first like 10 comments if there's not like how many flame emojis are you looking for i need the i need the laughing emojis three of them i need to see i need to see like ha ha ha i believe black dude should get a residual from the three crying laughing emojis funny thank you so much yeah like like they they were the first people that i saw do it oh yeah via text they they changed the game yeah i wish i had a bigger black audience because i feel like they comment like one of my best friends

is a guy used to work for uh at olive digital uh kev on stage just a very funny guy oh he's funny yeah he's great but like he'll have a a video with like a third the amount of views but like quadruple the amount of comments it's just all the homies just hyping them up i'm like fucking white people we don't hype each other up we look at each other go i could have done it better i'm gonna just share that i'm not gonna comment i'm gonna watch yes how can i own that but but black dudes are out there just like thousands of emotions i'm like this engagement is unbelievable it's incredible um i have a guy i don't know if he's white or black but he always comments on these videos for the algo just to like get like he's just okay support yeah support it you know you you can affect

it's up to you america it's literally what it is like it will get more whatever yeah uh and does it make you feel shallow or like a fool or because you i'm guessing you've made real money on the internet i've made a little um i don't i don't know what is a lot or a little right at the on on uh on uh now we're just about to throw a pitch yeah exactly okay yeah what do you but but that's kind of why what it is it's like i just i feel like any successful boss of a company doesn't look at their stats that much like they're they're like you have your quarterly meetings or your monthly meetings and you go to the finance and go how are we up we're up cool

but like it's not normal for a boss to check the numbers every single day yeah so it feels like i'm just going insane being like okay this got that this got this yesterday did this we did that like it's overly managed yes and it's overly managed and there's too much micromanaging and something i don't have control over you're like i was talking to the talking about this the other day with somebody like some people are just people just like looking at him like ralph barbosa people like looking at him like they just like it like the same way they liked hannibal and azita like i'm just telling him when he was on there but like it's not up to them yeah you know like he could post not a lot a little it just doesn't make it he got traction immediately yeah he said he wasn't even barely working at comedy a year ago a year ago he was

like living at his parent like just yeah you guys having some some uh some great success which is awesome yeah he's a good dude he's funny dude it's just so bizarre because there was a year i mean like i'm one of those guys unfortunately i'm sorry I had a successful pandemic. Yeah. Which is not great to brag about, but I was not touring. So all I was doing was staying home and making videos to keep myself sane. And that's like a big compliment people will give me at shows now. They're like, dude, you like made my pandemic. I like watched you during the pandemic. So the algorithm was like favoriting me then. And then now it's like, it's like still good. It's not bad by any means. It's just like, sometimes the numbers aren't the same, what it was in the pandemic. And then now it's like, it's like still good. It's not bad by any means. It's just like, sometimes the numbers aren't the same, what it was in the pandemic.

And then I just go like, why is it this? What was I doing different? And it's like, I don't even think I'm doing anything different. It's just like, I would have a reason quickly a theory. There wasn't a lot of fun during the pandemic. So people needed your tone. Okay. Like kind of silly.

Yeah. Yeah. So that was like, yeah, yeah it's still i need some silly yeah and now there's way more opportunities for silly yeah it was the name of my special way more opportunities for sillies yes yeah sillies i like it sillies sillies is not a bad special title i may end up in that area yeah i may quick little sillies. Yeah. Yes. So do you just feel like you're tethered to that judgment system and you don't understand what it likes? I just wish that there was like the algorithm I could talk to and be like, am I doing anything wrong or is this actually still fine? You seem mad at me.

Algorithm. Yes. What our lack of communication. I've been a couple's therapy you know who has what can i do to help you for you to help me but what like wraps my head around is like all right it's fine on tiktok but like somebody was telling me this so like look at the biggest creators they have like a million hundred million followers and you see their views and they get like two million views so if you do the math on that yeah it's like kind of everybody's

bombing on tiktok like it's not like i the math on that, it's like kind of everybody's bombing on TikTok. Like it's not like I'm being soloed out. It's like for the most part, everybody's like my views are down. So like that brings me to peace. It's also a weird platform where you're like competing with makeup tutorials. Yeah. I get it. There is fascinating shit on there.

There's guys in prison showing you how to cook prison food while in prison. That is way more captivating than anything I'll ever do. Prison talk? If you ever got a free four hours, check it out. Come on. This stuff is no time, man. Here it is. But it's just guys just showing how they make food in prison.

We used to get that on the Discovery Channel back in my day. Yeah, but this is like. No, I understand the value of it. I'd never heard of it till now they snuck a samsung in their ass to shoot and edit a video on tiktok don't talk to me about sacrifice i actually brought these cameras in through my ass no way no it's weird and i you'd never guess i would say a gopro but those are full cameras yeah these are full that's a wide lens yeah hopefully it was recording when it came out hello yeah um the out of my out of my birth canal um so anyway trevor i think what

also brings me like getting out of my head is like there's so many other platforms like facebook and youtube and instagram with reels like the chances are that it's like it's now i have more chances for that video to hit like there's a yeah yeah so many platforms i posted something recently got like five million on instagram reels and then on tiktok got like 300k so you're like it's it it used to be just tiktok was the place but now there's so many opportunities i'm like as long as it's kind of getting viewed amongst the ecosystem it doesn't matter the numbers are people on facebook will buy more tickets on people on tiktok so i will oh yeah because they're like older audiences yeah and they're just kind of like more they're more like family oriented so they're kind of just i don't know they maybe got it more

together like tiktok people will be like they'll literally i'll be like philadelphia i'm coming to your city it'll be where and then what yeah when how much i can't find tickets did i miss this i went on step up why are they 140 40 40 when are you coming to philly just left this morning yeah i'm tonight no but when tonight 7 p.m yeah but like when eastern why the fuck would it be anything else oh dude i can't make it so it's like yeah i don't know tiktok just seems very like fast fashion but like other apps feel like they have some stake in the game it's like it's like oh i follow this guy on facebook because i love this guy tiktok you're like i don't even know i follow this guy you just fucking do it's just so like fast action it feels more like mom and pop shop a little bit not for nothing this could be

a good video meaning you explaining the difference like oh because fast fashion is a great explanation for it's literally like close at h and a like this that this that then you wash it once and deteriorates there you go um look at us that by the way it works on every platform think about and they're invested it's a perfect video genius i mean someone's making it already um just looked at my phone it's gone oh yeah ai already took yeah it's gone it's fucking direct feed yeah ai is fucking my girlfriend fuck um there's literally gonna be a porn title any minute now ai is fucking my girlfriend will you explain that thing where they're like like girls make faith it's like what the fuck is that i wish i knew but it's hot

the the cross the eye and put the tongue out i'm not gonna do it because you'll have a good thumbnail if i do it but i don't know what it is I think it's the thought that guys are like, what if she did that to me? I fucked her so hard she... Cross eyes. I turned her into a cartoon. I fucked her so good I cartooned her. You're not wrong. I don't know what it is because I...

The term is a hego, I believe. It's spelled weird though, right? Yes. It's not like Asiago cheese, but it's up there. Okay. Great. But yeah, it's very... I don't know what it is.

Yeah, but I can't stop masturbating to it. Okay, let's go to the next block. What's the best way to learn a language? It's immersion. Dummy, you knew that. Living where the language is spoken and using it every day. But if that's not in the cards this year, you can still learn a language the second best way, and that's with Babbel. That's the sound I hear when I'm learning a new language with Babbel. And if you want to learn a new language this year, I guarantee

it'll be one of your favorite sounds too. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. Babbel's quick 10-minute lessons are designed by over 150 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. I've used Babbel and I use, I currently use Babbel. I used it two nights ago. I'm rocking that Espanol. I'm going slower than I'd like, but I'm going faster than most people. It's effective. It's real. The times I've been to Mexico and Spain, I've thrown a little bit around, you know, my policy, you know, you're speaking it well when you A, think it, and B, mumble it. It's just a good system. I stand by it. Get 55% off at babbel.com slash B-L-O-C-K-S. That's B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash B-L-O-C-K-S. That's this podcast. Rules and restrictions may apply. I'm talking to cab drivers.

I'm talking to restaurant people, waiters, waitresses, bus boys. I'm doing it. And you can too. With babble.com slash B-L-O-C-K-S. You know, the thing about being a guy, you know, I love talking about it. We're pretty much stuck with what we've got appearance-wise. We don't wear makeup. We don't really, you know, we can't get implants.

Finally, MeUndies is unveiling their latest gift to men, helping us feel big. The Contoured Pouch and Ball Caddy. The micromodal sling keeps things separate and lifted. Nine out of ten women swear this sophisticated brief technology will help you look huge. And that's all that matters, right guys? Not what kind of person you are or how you are, but it's just at the beginning, do you look huge and that's all that matters right guys not what kind of person you are or how you aren't but it's just at the beginning do you look huge because that can affect the whole thing you never get a second chance to make a first impression they sent me some I liked it I this is a this ball caddy thing is like a new thing because I'm old enough to remember when you just get like briefs or boxers and then there was boxer briefs that was like a revolution so now i got the the

me undies and they're great me undies isn't just about underwear oh no explore the lounge collection featuring joggers hoodies onesies and more good things come in big packages at me undies get 20 off your first order plus free shipping at me undies.com that's m-e-U-N-D-I-E-S dot com slash N-E-A-L. That's meundies.com slash N-E-A-L for 20% off plus free shipping. MeUndies, comfort from the outside in. They're hugging your balls. Block number two is being too single blocking out the acceptance of any new relationship. How about this?

Am I too single single what do you what do you mean yeah i was in a relationship for like three years and then i got out of that relationship not got out that sounds crazy like i was on bail she broke up with me anyways and then for like three months after i was down bad emotional sad we cling on to like anything and then i started getting my then i started getting back in and i started dating again and now i feel like i'm just so i love what i'm doing i don't have to i'm just like only worried about myself right now which is i mean being responsible for somebody else's emotions is like it's not like a walk in the park like it's a lot of energy it's like three times the emotional output. Yeah.

Cause like thinking about yourself, you're not really, you're just, it's all purely self-interest. Yeah. And it was easy. And if it's going well, pretty great.

Yeah. And so now I'm just so single in a sense of that. It's like, you know, I, I live by myself. My office is there is everything I'm doing and I'm working more than ever, but I love working.

But now I'll go on some dates. And after three or four dates, there hits this point where I go like, oh, no. Am I ready for this again? Or is this going to be a lot of commitment and fitting in with what I'm already doing? And it's like, I do want a relationship. But it's just like once it gets in front of me i'm like oh and i'm just like i love being only focused on myself right now well granted it's you know this last year was a lot of touring and a lot of stuff to put out the

special and then you start juggling somebody else's emotions you're like oh fuck i don't want to screw them over i don't want to be mean to them so then i'm just in my head like is this is i don't know i just i just love the comfort that i'm at right now comfort yeah i bet one of the things is you sleep with them too soon and that's all them i'm always like ladies ladies no please no yeah no no get your hands off my zipper stop doing the thing with your eyes and the mouth out you know that's my weak spot oh no you think so yeah yeah because you i know what i've been on that third fourth date situation and but guess what if you hadn't slept with them they just got four free dinners or whatever lunches a ferris wheel and some kind

of like a lunch date guy to you neil no but i just found out a buddy of mine is a breakfast date guy was it uh for him yep i saw that very like it does check out for him though this is advice to guys out there breakfast is an unsung hero he's very it's just his he used to work at boeing that's her he's a he's a little touch of asperger's. So funny. Yeah. And he's fucking hilarious. But if you want. You can get eggs, Benedict. You don't rip. You do your spots. It's the same reason.

You don't want to. You don't want to sacrifice what you're already doing. Well, you don't want to hurt people's feelings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's very hard. There's severely competitive interest within us. Right. And after a breakfast date, she's not going to call you back.

So it doesn't fucking reschedule. No. So right there, you're taking that second date off the right and after a breakfast date she's not going to call you back so it doesn't fuck up your schedule no so right there you're you're taking that a second date off the table by taking exactly but i'm saying for you your high status good looking all a bunch of stuff funny thank you and uh and you make it you can make a timely tiktok um but so so like just don't sleep with them and when you say i don't think we see each other again i i don't feel like we have a connection also if you put speak in in woman say things like connection and slay and yes connection like i don't want to do uh you know i don't feel like we have a special connect and they they can't argue with it and if you haven't slept with them they're like on your side like oh good you're you're being honest and

i didn't i you didn't uh they don't feel like you owe them something yeah so it's not gonna happen yeah i'm totally comfortable with the fact it's never gonna happen yeah i guess you don't want if you want to get yelled at less you want to feel okay gonna happen yeah i guess if you don't want to if you want to get yelled at less you want to feel okay less guilty yeah i guess just in my head it's like the second it feels relationship it's the weirdest thing where it's like oh i want a relationship and then somebody's like kind of being like hey this is how this would start if we want to go down that road and then i'm like oh fuck oh i but there's times where i've definitely tried to make it work and it's just like the tour schedule is not great yeah you're not it just it's not your life isn't situated correctly right to to

be like in a in a settled shared another person's emotional ecosystem yeah it's a bigger ask than i don't think i don't even think guys realize what it is it's a bigger uh commitment than starting a podcast i will say that yeah i would agree commitment i would agree i would agree you got to meet up for two hours i mean god damn yeah with people you wouldn't be caught dead with in real life me yes oh i'm looking right god damn it i invited you my goddamn yeah okay do you feel guilty about it i feel guilty for learning along the way in a sense of like yeah i would say so because i feel like you know i might be three dates in with a girl and i'm just kind of like trying to figure out do i have the mental capacity right now to like

actually be there for somebody i feel bad that i don't have it all figured out and they might i'm way older than you i i the how i came to figure it out was like dmt like bufo alvarez and fucking ayahuasca it's like it's it's just like i said competitive competing interests within ourselves where it's like and and you want to be able to emotionally support somebody yeah it's a lot of things yeah like you i don't think you are go into them aggressively like fucking best of luck getting my emotional support it's just we're just optimized no for a different thing we're optimized optimized for thinking, saying, making videos. The strongest emotional connection I have healthy is now,

and it's a total accident. Really? Yeah, total accident. And you weren't looking for it. It just happened, right? No, I wasn't looking or not looking. That's what I feel like. That's kind of the best is when it's like.

Because I feel like any time I try to force anything, it's never going to work. Every time I try to force a video to go viral never works anytime i'm like i need to find love it's not gonna work it's when i'm not gonna be thinking about that type of stuff yeah i just feel like i give like a hundred percent of my energy towards career and it's like i don't want to like ease up the breaks of anything i want to do more so i'm like how do i make that 100 over here but also like what's my family friend relationship life like it's like non-existent right now i see my parents every once in a while other than that all my friends are like married but that looks boring the cry for help oh you got married for an instagram

post sucks didn't even break 100 likes i'm not going fucking not worth it dumb stupid no obviously i'm kidding but it's like if not not really but i feel like i'm like 110 career which i love everything i do like i wake up and just start working and i'm like am i doing this because i'm neglecting yes there are trade-offs in life yes if you want to be a popular thing you're gonna regret not giving it 100 because by the way it can have really long implications yeah the a very successful career or like launch or whatever and if you i bet if i put a gun to your head and said what do you want more success or a happy marriage say probably say happy marriage no no success take no no no no get the gun

away from my head like you gotta put the gun down but kiss me neil exactly yeah i think yeah i don't know man but but i will say when i was in a relationship god bless this lady she's still awesome she's wow she's a lady she's a lady i just call women lady which they don't ma'am madam they hate that yeah they sure don't i remember early on i was flying for tickets 2015 and i go yeah here you go ma'am free comic show she goes ma'am yeah i am not a man i am young and i was like the second you're defending how young you are you'd be better off calling her bitch really it's close i bitch does feel more youthful yeah you know and she's like with that haircut ma'am you feel like you're in high school yeah bitch you're at least yeah like i just had a

college question for excuse me ma'am could you help me with this one yeah she got so mad i was like that's pretty much just proving that you are old yep like if you get mad about a thing you're that thing yeah that's proof that you're a ma'am oh in that relationship there was times where uh i would take so much more time just be that guy in the relationship and go on vacation and be there for her and do whatever she wanted to take a movie night this and that but in the back of my head i beg just my wheels would be turning back i could be making videos i could be i could be writing more i could be getting up right now and now i have that and i'm doing so much work that it's like it's just

this pendulum also you like it more yeah also here's the other thing people don't realize what makes guys averse to relationships like that we'd rather work sometimes being a relationship because i'm good at work yeah i'm good at it in a relationship i'm i'm like an open micer yeah basically yeah we're basically like an open mic in comedy i'm uh i do theaters yeah yeah yeah the relationship let's see if this works that's the time that i pull my name out of the bucket yep and a lot of times my new bits don't work my old bits don't work yeah you got to go back to your old bits start fucking your ex again yep your closer doesn't work um so so yeah like we like people like being good at shit did you see the thing where Idris Elba, I think a month ago, went to rehab for being a workaholic?

Because he had, like, 14 days off between films, and he went to the studio to work instead of being with his family. But it's, to your point, you're like, dude, he's so talented. He's great at it. As a family, he's like, yeah, this is cool. He doesn't have to go to rehab for, like, acting. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's rehab for workaholic yeah i mean okay what do you even do there uh you just you he's like i fucking should have booked that yep yeah i'll do this for this yep yep uh yeah i think you're right it's like i feel like i'm very i know what i'm doing so much in the work world but like relationship that's why i feel like i know what career wise i'm

headed in what i'm doing but family relationship and personal life i'm like i have no idea what's going on over here you have no acuity for it i don't care there you go that garden i go over and i water it and the things i water are my parents they're deteriorating yeah make sure they're yeah you know they're dry yeah yeah if you were black you're doing ashy check ah it's one of them and it would have one of the laughing face emojis one of the many sacrifices white people have to make we don't get to make ashy check yeah so i mean but like i don't know and i i think but i would suggest just just try to get over it i mean and i say that as like just accept

that part of yourself because it's yeah very beneficial it's what i've been saying recently on the podcast like talking about trauma and all that stuff there's a thing called post-traumatic growth that no one ever talks about they just go post-traumatic stress and okay you know there's a thing called post-traumatic not clarity if you will post-traumatic growth like it's your your your your things that you're are they're all positive in some way yeah where there's darkness there's light yeah it's like if he's elba it's arguably the best addiction a person can have yeah and also you know what the problem is he was neglecting his family it's if he doesn't have a family he's not neglecting anything right that's what i'm doing right now yes and by the way you you're gonna what usually happens in my experience is like you

pursue a ton of work stuff and it's a bit like a video game that you like understand you experience every part of it like i you so you your first thing drops tonight right yeah your first time so then you'll experience what that's like yeah and it'll either be great or average or poor or whatever oh no it's yeah it'll be great yeah right no i know like it but but you go through enough of that stuff where like oh i know what it's like to have a very viral thing yep like you experience every part of it and then you go and then maybe that's when you fall in love in a way that's sustainable yeah so just fucking sprint until then it's kind of what i'm doing yeah i mean that was like

some of the best advice i got is just like do as much as you can now before there's like wife and kids and where there's like real real obligations that you have to yeah like take care of and it's like i mean you've seen so many times where you're in the green room at the store and like whatever comic comes in who's got a kid they come in and they are looking winded and they're just like oh yeah i gotta go up i got the wife and kids and the baby at home i'll just do a quick and you're like yeah take your time yeah yeah uh but you kind of can't right you're something's gonna again trade-offs right great careers so i was like let me sprint in my 30s and figure it out at 39 god blessed us with big penises yes and infinite uh fertility that's true again i'm just talking

but i'm like there may be something to that right well yeah i i guess there's so many stories out there where it's like yeah my dad had me when i was like 52 you're like great yeah and theo got good bits out of it yeah exactly yeah it's kind of interesting though growing up with a dad in the 70s because of like the quality time we would spend like shortly after i was born my dad had one of his strokes so we're both learning to walk at the same time. I don't want my son to have normal bits. Yeah, my dad's 14 years older than me. It's fucking boring. I don't know if that makes sense.

I mean, you could do bits there, but there's bits there. You don't want your dad to be 35 years old. 35. 35 years older than you because that's average. Yeah. There's no bits. Yeah. If my dad's 72, bits.

I don't know if you heard about Theo but his they didn't have a picture of his that they just had a drawing of him over by the over by the river drawn with sap i don't know if you heard this crazy i love you he's very fucking funny uh one of the most original people alive i would argue um lack of rest again i think that kind of just falls in this, where it's like, I think I'm learning this now is learning that rest is a part of the creative process. You know? Yeah. Because I would like, I would literally get back from tour and then they'd be like, hey,

you want to do Sunday at the store? And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm like, and I would land at six, go home, drink coffee and then be at the airport. Because I think you just like, you. You'd be at the store yeah well you would just like learn that like you just say yes to everything in the beginning of your career and then you realize you don't need to say yes to everything and if you say no you think it's going to be gone well that's the thing i was it's similar to the thing of like you think

it's going to be you it you just know what happens meaning then you go to the store at 8 30 on a sunday you're already winded and it's and then you don't even remember it yeah it did nothing it wasn't really for money it was just like yeah you're just doing it to do it yeah there's no like because you you're appreciate you appreciate being asked yeah exactly but you think that if you say no you'll never get asked again yeah but you do your set you don't work on anything new and it's just like a right down the middle set nobody's like dude that was nuts can't believe you landed here for that now i feel it more creative when i take uh like i took last weekend off and i just like i was writing so clear and i just was like this is yes like this is like what it's been lacking i've been so like

let me chug a coffee and then see what I can come up with. And it's like, you're like forcing all your brain cells in one corner. It felt like there was like just a deadline I'm trying to write. But this was like, it was just like free. And I just felt like my riff capacity was so much. Riff here? Yeah. It just had more like legs to it versus like, usually if I'm tired, but I drink a lot of

caffeine, it's like, it's the premise. And then one beat like usually if i'm tired but i drink a lot of caffeine it's like it's the premise and then one beat and then i'm like i got nothing but this was like what if we took it here oh then here's a good perspective and this up you know it's just like it was just so much more open and like all it takes is that feeling to be like oh yeah maybe i should rest you know that's where the long money is yeah not long-term, not like stoned and fucked up and incapacitated, but just like, yeah, let me give it a rest. You know,

it's a minutes restrictions. Yeah. I mean, I remember I was still with the first tour I did, I was still trying to put out load management, the NBA term. What is it? Load management.

Like they only play, they only jerk off once a day. No, they only, uh, I'm a, I went to a frat also um the uh load managers like the kawaii leonard but like dudes only play a certain amount of my first

tour it was like 28 cities all us and it was like it was pretty packed up it was every weekend or every other weekend and i was still trying to put out the same video output that i was doing before that and there was comments that are like dude you can see the bags under trev's eyes like man like get some rest like we'll be here for you essentially but but right yeah we'll be here then i tag them yeah but if it's like if the people who know and love you they're on prison talk by the time you come back they're done and they should be yeah they're looking at bbls anytime you have the choice between his videos and prison talk or prison talk or bbls go to the other two i get it look so in my head i was like damn if the people who know and love you the most are like the people who come first and love you are like yo you look

not great i was like okay maybe i'll take it back a step you'll also you will lose the crowd with shittier yeah well that's what it was it was like i was trying to hit the same mark of post but it's like if they're diluted and they're not as good you're almost set you're doing worse yes you're putting out the same content but it's not as good so it's like what's better put out one insanely good video this month or four they're like oh there was a joke there yeah uh am i only working to avoid personal life i think we kind of talked about that yeah but it's like i feel like uh i just say yes to so many gigs because i'm like yeah yeah yeah yeah let's do it let's do it do it and then it's like i'll see my friend get married and it's all my friends from college

they got the invite and i'm like but no invite and like yeah man we haven't talked in like four years yeah every time i've hit you up you've been like on the road doing something i'm like it's fucking true yeah but i sometimes i wonder it's like instead of like trying to like so all my friends were like moved out of la and they all have like like they were they were comedy friends or they were like no no i have like comedy friends but like my like just like friend friends that i grew up with don't live in la anymore where'd you grow up the southern california like an hour from here got it yeah so those guys none of them live in california anymore they all kind of moved out they've moved to austin go ahead literally one

of you guys moved to austin yeah one to austin one to chicago miami and then like some other and they're trying to convince you how much better austin is all the time yeah dude the mother shit great club no no no get us wrong yeah yeah joe i'll see you there first name basis i was talking about joe rogan for all those people at home who didn't know but i just wonder like i don't know like i feel like i don't have a personal life outside of work and it's like do I only say yes to this because it's like, if I didn't say yes to these gigs, I would just be sitting there Saturday night with my cat. Oh, it's like you, yes. You almost can't. At this point, you almost can't take a night off because you'd have to face- Loneliness. But that's the thing. And then that takes me back

to the dating thing where it's like i'm so happy with what i do in my career and then it's sunday night at 7 p.m i'm like i'm gonna fucking i lose it yeah yeah yeah so it's like this again trade-offs yeah it's just that's you have to we i was talking to a friend of mine the other night about, she was saying how like she doesn't want to have kids and that's weird. And I was like, you'd be totally miserable to have a kid. And now you just have to be a little unhappy sometimes. So it's, I think you're in the same position.

You just have to, it's, you have to, you have to be, you have to accept the free, you get total freedom. Yeah. But it, you know, sometimes it's your accept the free you get total freedom yeah but it you know sometimes it's your lone wolf it get low even lone wolves get lonely that is the most alpha thing that is

some andrew tate shit right there even lone wolves get well it's in the name lone lone lonely you know but i i guess that's just what it is it's the same thing i was kind of saying earlier where i forgot my attention span is a tiktok uh yeah great but uh trade-offs trade-offs but you get to go because i think if i was that guy who was constantly getting invited to the wedding invites and i'm only hanging out with those guys i'd be at the back of the wedding be like i wish i could do a tight five at this wedding i wish i could do stand-up wish it could make it so it's like before you even get to like marriage is a sham of course i'd be in the back writing

bits down yeah all right anybody object i do let's film this be good we'll go viral but so i think it's just that where but but sometimes comic destroys wedding yeah comic smashes yeah the bride yep yes and then in quotes sexually yeah i don't know i i think it's just that, that, that trade off where, I don't know. And sometimes you see comics that take gigs that they are way above. They're, they're way above. And you're like, why are you even doing that? And then you're like, oh, they just don't want to have.

They don't want to go home. Yeah. They just chose wrong. Yeah. And that's why it sounds like I'm being cynical, but what I'm saying, I'm almost. goes wrong yeah and that's why it sounds like i'm being cynical but what i'm saying i'm almost all the stuff i talked about in the in blocks the stand-up special was like i'm kind of over in that like i just accepted like yeah i don't want to have kids and i don't i haven't had good luck in relationships and and or whatever luck like i wasn't good at like but i'm great at other shit so yeah and i don't

like i don't i don't like love love my dog but i like him a lot just shit where it's like you know what i mean like yeah i i i stuff i beat myself up about i'm like it's i've said it on the podcast but neuroses you know people go you're neurotic you have no idea what they mean i think it's having a feeling about your feeling okay or you feel like you want to excel at stand-up and go and and comedy and all that shit and then you go great in a vacuum that's perfect then people start sowing doubt in you yeah and then you go am i wrong to have a totally natural feeling yeah which is a fucking waste of time like just accept what the trade-off is and live with it very true it's very it's not cutting any corners it's just right down the middle this is what it

is and it is because i'm living gonna be that anyway yeah it to to get married now for you the whole time would be like oh why are you doing this to me and it's like you did it your priorities are gonna be your priorities you can't force priorities on somebody which is what most failing movements, social movements in America has been doing for like the last 10 years. We're like, wait, I'm wrong to.

Okay. I thought I was fine, but you're telling me that my, I have the wrong, my priority should be your priorities. Right. Okay. I'll get right on that. So you a big hobbies guy.

Do you have shit to take you? Yes. Kite surfing. Nail it. One try. Uh, get right on that so you a big hobbies guy do you have shit to take you yes kite surfing nail it one try uh no i don't know i don't do shit i don't like going out yeah i don't like doing shit yeah and it's like yeah i don't you can't make me like it you can't make me believe that the the music level at a club is the right level you cannot make me believe that the music level at a club is the right level. You cannot make me believe that. It's hurting my ears. Yeah.

I can't. You're never going to tell me that, like, things that my tongue and stomach don't think are delicious are delicious. Like, I can't. It's not going to happen. I feel that. Yeah. I feel that. I mean, I'm starting to get

my own ways very much i like bring my own coffee on the road i bring like like i make my own coffee in there just because hotel coffee shit i don't want to leave my room big a spectrum for too big a room for error yeah this could go any any any way i don't want to have to start my day going down to the lobby there's kids screaming and yelling about sea world we're in connecticut it's not even close and then you got to go to a starbucks there's a big line there it's a whole like i just like a routine yep and i find that routine and i'm like do i need a hobby no yeah if it happens it happens but like i just feel like i just wanted something to get my head out of like work stuff and i was like is it a hobby is it uh seeing somebody or is it spending more time with family

dude if you're not into it you're not into it, you're not into it. I know. It's like when people go let's go to the beach and I'm like no thanks. And they go, and I'm like, do you think I'm not aware of the beach? It's been there since my first memories.

I don't like it. Sorry everybody. You're a fucking funny. Okay okay you're a wet blanket okay i like i okay i you can't make me think that the ocean is clean right you can't make me it's i don't like it yeah yeah i guess if anything is forced it's not going to work but it kind of just will fall into your lap if you do find an activity you really like. I also would argue editing is about as close to like a meditation. Okay.

Yeah, I love editing. I edit a lot of my stuff. I know. That's my point. It's like you like fucking where's that been. Yeah. So we can't go viral with a puzzle. Dumbass.

Yeah. So, so, whoa, dumbasses are reeling right now. You called dumbasses. Sorry, ma'ams. Dumbasses. Fuck. Same thing. If you ask me. Yeah, I would, I would stop beating yourself up.

I mean, again, I know what you're doing because i do it yeah all the time i just probably have i'm bro it gets better in a while uh no you just go i why am i arguing it's people hate think peer pressure is a bad thing but we're all under so much peer pressure and you just have to be a pain in the ass you have to be happy with what you're currently doing or else just beat yourself up over it it's like the fact it was like why would i find any sadness in what i do i love what i do i love all things comedy bill burrow's company is what i'm talking about produce my new special yeah i just love doing anything stand-up or video related anything that's not that i'm like this is fine vacation you're sitting there

you're like a beach with a pina colada all right i got bored halfway through beach with beach with pina colada i wanted to end it after after whiff yeah i was like i gotta get the fuck out we gotta we gotta reschedule our flight what do you do to take time off what's what's neil brennan's vacation look well when you said you had a good pandemic i did also for the completely opposite reason i didn't do anything there you go guys did it did one guess trevor uh no i i i just didn't do much i just read dude it was a crazy time my did a bunch of ayahuas time my roommate at the time would watch like uh oh he's a big cincinnati reds man he would watch like games like 1997 he'd be like watch this this

is a good out this is a good out i'm like it's so funny shout out mike turner he's a comic yeah he would watch and i was like it's getting bad in the pandemic and i was like i need to stay productive i need to do something that's so funny just watching old games that you know and there's certain things that you know like someone's got nothing going on or is in like a bad marriage where it's like you're watching the nhl draft what are you doing just get divorced even air that yeah did yeah like you went on a vent house to watch the nfl yeah like it's insane yeah my neighbor i want to write something about this how he's just this old man and he's always doing yard work but the yard never looks great and i'm like he is avoiding by the way that's like that's aging in and of

itself yeah dude he rakes the street there's no leaves it's so funny and i just like i want like there's so many angles on that i'm just like whether it's the loneliness or he's not happy or he's just like yeah his fucking wife or he's just like ocd to max like there's a leaf got to get it you could also just do like a time lapse video where he yeah it every day looks the same before and after and it's like but it's like clockwork it's like i'll open it 11 a.m and there is r, raking the street. That's meditative, I bet. Okay. That would be my, it's like the same way editing. It's like, what are you, you didn't do anything.

Well, that's also the thing. It's like they would look at me and be like, dude, you're insane. You're drinking a prime energy drink and a Snickers at 11 p.m. to edit a TikTok? You're insane. I'm raking the street. Yeah, look at me fucking me. I'm raking the fucking views.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, well, it's just so normal because moved from venice to like very suburban area and it's like such a change wait in what way just like venice had this like buzz and it was like fun creative collaborative and lively and it's like you know it's either uh people in like 20s and 30s or or just people who are like very creative And then I'm just in the valley and motherfuckers just be old and they're not doing anything. And it's just like complete halt.

It's like I got to create my own buzz. Versus Venice, you could walk to a coffee shop and you could ride that like, yeah, we're out here. Yeah, we're fucking out here. We're at Intelligentsia. Exactly.

Intelligentsia exactly the intelligentsia is nice one yeah i'm writing a script that nobody's gonna fucking no one's even gonna open the file when i'm done with this thing it's about a man at a coffee shop wait yeah it's me yeah and also how much is that cappuccino 950 yeah exactly what happened exactly um yeah as i sit here it's just like we all just have to accept ourselves yeah i don't know why that's what i've done that's what i've been that's what i finally did was just like what do you're like this why are you arguing like finishing nothing wrong it's just being like oh this is what it is and arguing with the worst thing you've ever heard about

yourself you know what i mean like yeah you you read one comment and it sticks with you for fucking a year and like well fucking who do you think and or or relationships or whatever yeah that comment where the guy said i look tired on a video it was like two years ago and i'm still like am i well rested that's about average that's about an average uh wait it's daytime but like one comment where somebody's like hey man you changed my life i was in a down bad time not that it means nothing it's just like in my head i was like oh thank you so much and my brain's like and add it to the bank add it to the bank but then there's the ones like you look tired

you look tired gains a hundred percent interest yeah in the bank whereas uh you changed my life three three percent tops yeah but you can like i do you just give them a thumbs up and they say you changed my life you just go thumbs up oh yeah i'll definitely respond and yeah confrontation in work and personal life i like yeah i like it yeah i just think i'm such a roll with the flow kind of guy that if i say like no cilantro on something and it comes out with cilantro, I'm like, I swear to this. You'll ask for more cilantro. Yeah. Yeah.

Not enough. But in my head I go like, if I send it back and now I'm holding the table up because while they're eating, my shit is getting remade. It comes back. They're already done. Now I'm eating. Of course. I don't want to, but it's like confrontation in like a relationship.

If I, if I don't feel like it's kind of hitting, it's like, it's easier for me to just slowly kind of ghost away than to be like, Hey, you know, I actually don't feel like we're Don't sleep with them. That's, that's my, again, that's, I got that one. I just learned it. Don't sleep with them. Okay. Um, they're going to claw it.

We know that. Yeah. And I, and I think the other confrontation is like, now I have employees and like it's so weird that i i don't see myself it's like i'm two people's boss which is so bizarre and then if they're doing something that i'm not a fan of which isn't often they're both great but i it's like weird that's like oh fuck i gotta crack down on this it's like it's weird for them to take me serious because i'm like just their friend i'm just like i'm just a cool boss were you friends with them before no but but they're all like around my age they're just no i know it's easy those are not that thing of bring your whole self to work and and we're a family and all that shit is like

no you're not yeah there has you have to be you have to dangle health insurance over them no but you have to it can't it's not healthy it's just not a good relationship and then it's the same thing where it's like it's a form of the self-doubt if they you ever have an idea and they they don't like it yeah and you want to go guess who doesn't give a fuck yeah guess who's making it anyways yeah like i don't even need to hear it yeah but when they do like the idea you're like fucking thank god somebody had to appreciate it yeah but it is just this weird thing because it's also a fun career and there's a lot of opportunities that maybe somebody else wouldn't have if it's like hey it's a startup where we sell water bottles you're like okay i go to work we sell water

bottles i go home but this one's like hey can you come to the clubs with me hey i'm going to this premiere can you come with me to that and there's a lot of room for like yeah uh there's there's uh perks yes so it's easier to become friends with people like that when you're going to fun events it's easier to just be like oh you're just a peer or they're like oh no i trust me he's good no i can get i can get hammered tonight doesn't really matter and every time i've had these talks with them it's like always it's more build up in my head than the actual talk of course it's fine but it's like why is my brain seeing this conflict as like i don't want to i'd rather just i'd rather just myself do it than them do it you know because the one of the issues is you want to be liked yeah so that's what makes you a good performer that's what makes you a good performer. That's what makes you positive in certain ways.

But it will make you not speak up. Or until it's too late, then you snap. Yeah, that's also true. It's the tension of the power imbalance. And then you go like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, and then it's even worse. Yeah. Yeah, I also just like, and this is me getting used to it. I also just think that think that if somebody doesn't think the same way that i do that they're wrong which is not right like

like if if i walked in here and i put this water bottle on top of the camera you'd be like what fucking dumbass i brought that in through my butt yeah how dare you did the water ball too or just the camera i should have said something yeah it's awesome that i would just be like what why would you do? Like, I remember I had this old assistant. She's great. And I'm not trying to shit on her at all. But I one time I was like, hey, can you go get scrambled eggs for me?

And she came back with the duck eggs. And I almost lost my fucking mind. But I was like, what? How do you? Are you? Huh? I have a really funny one. Please.

And you just want to. I had like I tried to have an assistant at one time yeah like 10 years i don't know when like it was like i mean i don't know young hollywood yeah i was fucking i don't know yeah and uh it was a guy he was like super young and he basically like i my i my dog i'd have like a stool sample for my dog oh this is gonna be good so i didn't like i just said hey if you if he walked my dog and i was like if you want keith uh can you like bag it up and hold on to it and i and i assumed it would just be in like a you know doggy bag uh like a you know a tie plastic and i got home maybe the next day and he had put it in a brown paper bag in my refrigerator oh in the fridges that was like the unreal the the the the coup de grace like the just a little little paprika yeah um so that but again it seems impossible that someone would write that and in my head i go why would

you do that instead of thinking like maybe they're in a rush maybe they had a lot on their plate and they're like oh let me just grab oh that looks close enough like i don't my blame and i don't where'd she get duck also the question like if someone said get me a dozen eggs they'd hear a duck eggs yeah it was it literally the box looked different on the front giant letters duck but but like i was it just like it's the same to the poop thing you're like how how did you was i not clear enough what how did and so instead of now and then you feel like a monster yes he's like why did she get fired oh she got duck eggs that's not why she got fired it wasn't that right in my head i go why did she do that

but now i think i flipped the thinking i go like okay well maybe what was going on was i not clear enough did i maybe say yes i said doesn't she said she heard duck you know now i like editing must make you a little crazy if you don't do it oh yeah now i i've been with the thing i've like three years kind of knows the style but there's been times where i'll like outsource editing to somebody i'm doing that right now just because a lot of shit going out and i get a cut back and i'm like what the fuck is this and they're like yeah you can just type your notes out i go no no you got to come over i got to be over the shoulder and i gotta be like trim this take that i gotta just see it in live time um i just i it's a lot of control stuff but again that's why you're successful

i guess so yeah there was a i'm probably gonna lose people with this jordan peterson which people i still don't understand what the big deal is but he said in order to be a decent leader, you have to be comfortable with resentment. Okay. And you just have to be comfortable with people going like, fuck this guy. And just go, yep.

Means you're doing something right, I guess. Yeah. Things have to be to your taste. Yeah. You can't, you know, I had a guy who had a show say to me one time, when I watch the show now, I don't even like it because I was trying to please, I was trying to be a cool boss.

And like, he was a cool boss and like, let's make this a, you know, I'm always open to new points of view. And he's like, you know, I don't like it because when I look at it, it's not even really me. It's like some sort of hive that I don't want it to be a hive. Yeah, I pitched a show during the pandemic and the idea. I bet you did. Oh, God. You were hot. You were hot.

But yeah, the views were up. But the idea started and I love the idea, but it got so watered down by just getting punched by every different side of the industry. By the time we took it out to pitch in the back of my head i almost wished that like it and it didn't get picked up but like i was kind of hoping it wasn't because had it got made it would be like dude i don't even care about yeah this is like this is like so diluted i couldn't even sue based on what i pitched and what it is now i couldn't even sue like the company for diluting it was like the same thing you just said it's like i was looking i was like i couldn't even sue like the company for diluting it. It's so different. But it's like that same thing you just said. It's like I was looking and I was like,

I don't think I like this idea anymore. And then it didn't get passed. It was like, and then they're like, what if we made it animated? I'm like, what are we fucking doing?

Here we go. That's the dancing with the stars of it all when you're like animation and you throw that out there. It's that face that you won't make. Yeah.

Oh, are you doing the hot face? Are you doing the guy who complimented you? The guy, whatever that fucking thing. The guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the won't make yeah oh are you doing the hot face are you doing the guy who complimented you but whatever that fucking ego oh no that's the thumbnail that's the thumbnail right there zoom in and everybody's came and we're back and we're back i don't know what just happened to me guys it takes over you say it three times fast become an only fan he go he go he go um i can feel my breast growing oh fuck um yeah so i want you to accept yourself i think that's what it is be what you are be what you are is probably the best way to put it be what you are try to hurt not hurt people with what you are but you have to be what you are because you're just the system can only work if you are what you are yeah it's to be what you are because you're just the system can only work if

you are what you are yeah it's everything else it'll just get backed up if you're not and have you done anything like to feel better you go to therapy go to therapy yeah working out's the best where i just feel like like if i'm ever in my head or just rest where i just feel like to if i start getting sensitive to people's feedback and or like comments and i get really hurt by that or something where i just feel it more than like i should just shut up maybe go to the gym maybe go for a hike go for a walk go to therapy that's great i talk it out i'm like oh there that happened naturally no it was like maybe like two years ago the girl i was dating she was like you should probably see therapy it was like what the fuck you said to me and then i did i was like god you saved my life

yeah yeah do you believe that yeah i do because it's an unbiased opinion which is the best because i would talk to my friends and every guy but no fuck her she's crazy you know and then i'd be like are you right and that does nothing for me did you feel like um you mentioned being passive in relationships do you think any of them would have worked if you'd been more active or set boundaries earlier? Yeah. Like you think you'd still be with them? Possibly.

Yeah? I think so. Because the longest relationship I had was like three years. And I think I just like, there was a lack of communication. And we just like wrote our own narratives for each other in the back of our heads because when somebody's not talking to you you're like oh i bet they're doing x y and z oh i'm out on the road doing these shows well i bet

she's doing blank you know and you start writing these narratives instead of just talking to that person and i think we just like we moved in together it felt like roommates and we just started to like we lost the charm, but it's just because nobody was being communicative. Yeah. Like, Hey, no one wants to, once someone brings up moving in together, you can't say no. Right.

And you can buy it by like, you can, you can like push by like a month or two, you know? But look, the second they start showing you shit on Zillow, you're like, well, that's what it is. It's Hollywood fun. Yeah yeah it's all learning it's just learning and it's looking back on it and just being like what did i learn from that experience i have no resentment towards that woman of course not because she taught me so much and it's like yeah you could leave that way she'd be like man fuck her i'm gonna fuck her friends but you're not learning anything also you have

to improve in the ways you want to improve yeah for now you want to improve in material and social life yeah yeah but you know you might be bored by the social life yeah it's a pendulum you know you hang out with friends for too long you go to a bachelor party for three days and you're like this was great but i don't ever want to see alcohol again i need to get back to my work and then you do a bunch of work then you go god i haven't taken a vacation in a while oh let's go to hawaii with some friends and get the hammered oh wow you know it's yeah just finding that that middle ground and i i usually ask people like do they is there an upside to all this to your what you are and the the the what other people would call faults or that or what you would call faults oh is there a benefit to having this like yeah yeah i mean i'm living my dream i'm literally living my dream i used to work on my day job

and i'd be like all i want to do is just pay my rent doing comedy and it's like what i've been able to achieve is like so it's like awesome it's like the fact that i'm amazing yeah the upside is i'm doing exactly what i want to get to work with my like idols and icons and i it's like neil brennan yeah the upside is i'm living the dream the that i mean it's just like it's weird being like oh the dream is here you know yeah it's currently happening right now yeah it's impossible it's what you've done yeah it's impossible it's what you are yeah it's impossible it's fucking awesome yeah so it's just but it's because of what you are yeah so and i wouldn't have got that going to fucking margaritaville on a friday night

fuck i wouldn't even know how to get to him i know i would do you fuck dude the syracuse mall there's a syracuse funny bone across from it it's on the third floor I'm so sad already it's the saddest setting that's like no like I've done pretty much shows in every stay all over but Syracuse funny bone for whatever reason man it's across from a Margaritaville and a K2 racetrack and it's on the third floor and the week after I was there there was a shooting and you're like can we make comedy it's a K2 race like a like a ketamine unbelievable no no no i'll be right there k2 or something but you just it's a it's a like a dirt it's a track indoor track yeah so it smells like track it smells on the entire floor and then just yeah tires and gasoline. Yeah, burnt tires, gasoline, next to Margaritaville.

And then you have to be funny. Yes. It's one of those gigs where you get there and you go, can we have a little bit of respect for comedy? Can we not have it next to a Chiba Hut? Can we not have it? Can we give it a little bit of respect? Sorry.

And you take the third escalator up and you're doing merch in front of a museum of selfies and you're like what have you seen those in malls it's like fake sets in a store where you can take different selfies at do they have the private jet ah that'd be the only good one i think that they should have like a hospital once you can like get out of work or something you just take a fuck ton of a pop great different ivs different exactly. Fake car accident. Yeah, blood, bandages, body casts. Yeah, instead it's like some live, laugh, love bullshit in a neon sign. That I like.

Guys, the special is called Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. The boy in it is named Trevor Wallace. That's me. This is very fun. I really liked it. Yeah, it was a great great chat thank you for having me great thank you jimmy carver the idea thank you jimmy car we just signed a treaty thumbnail thumbnail Bye.