Boonta Vista - EPISODE 227: Sainsbury's Wrapped

Episode Date: December 3, 2021

This week: Andrew has forged his own chains with a new segment theme, a delivery man buys himself some time in the Hole Report, a man crawls his way to $8,000, an exploration of Dutch exhibitionism, a...nd another British Cheese Child. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at mailbag@boontavista.com! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Oh, you're so random. You're so random. You're so goofy. You're so random. You're so goofy. You're not afraid to let you goofy, huh? You're so random. You're so random. You're not afraid to let you goofy sideshove. I'm sorry, I'm being attacked. Uh, well, it's not the time. Uh, hello and welcome to Bonavista.
Starting point is 00:00:30 My name is Ben, and I am here in the complex where Netflix keeps its elite team of Twitter account operators. Hmm. Working on a dozen tweets about how a movie that Netflix Commission made and is now promoting is so important, and here's Lucy. Here's Lucy. Hi, this is everything. It's everything. Yes, when I see those two characters on screen and they're doing the thing that we're trying to get people to want, I think it's so valuable. Yeah, that is crucial. So true. Queen. Yeah. Diversity. Great. Representation. Amazing. Does it coincidentally great. Representation. Amazing. Does it coincidently. That's what that means is it's just a coincidence.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Yeah. I get paid $150,000 a year. Yeah. Unless you're one of those freelancers getting paid like $50. That's true. For like 40 hours of, yeah. They're freelancer, tweets. Yes, they do. Oh, they absolutely do. I got often a job doing that at some point. But they wanted you to work from an office in Sydney, so I said no. And also I would find that very embarrassing to do, so I'm not going to do that. You could have been making gifts. I could have been...
Starting point is 00:01:46 Yes. I couldn't say it and stuff like that. How many fucking tweets do they need a day? Well, they have a million Twitter accounts, so that's probably what takes all the work. And then they're all localized as well as a whole thing. Writing in first person the f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f. I to to to to to to to to to to to to th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, t, t, t, tha tha tha, tha, I tweet, I tweet, I tha, I tweets, I tweets, I tweets, I tweets, I tweets, I tweet, I tweet, I twee, I twee, I twee, I twee, I t, I t, I t, how t, how t, how t, how t, how t, how t, how t, how t, how t, how tweet, how t, how t, how tweet, how twee, twee, twee, twee, twee. twee. twee. twee. twee. twee. twea. twea. How twee, how twee describe how they think Netflix should make a sequel to a Netflix movie that incidentally they're already making a sequel for it's Theo hey Theo hey you're gone I really did enjoy the Red Man with Brian Reynolds and you know I mean I just if if they made a Red Man to I might be so there for it you know yeah Netflix make this and you're tweeting that from the Netflix account yeah yeah which is weird yeah yeah thir thi and th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the th the the the the the th they the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. the the the the the the the the the the the the thee theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee theeeee they're they're they're they're they're they're this and you're tweeting that from the Netflix account.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Yeah. Which is weird. Yeah, and then I'm forgetting to log out before I tweet. I want this on a shirt and it's a co-ized version of Ted Kaczynski's face that I've made. Yeah. And I'm immediately fired. I really like the, theirtheir style of having a corporate Twitter account with like a hundred million followers be like, oh I personally love this. And you're like, who are you? Yeah. Who the fuck are you? Who is I here?
Starting point is 00:02:57 Shut up. Hate that shit. And then Wendy's replies, same, same sis. And then- Going to go home and watch you. Costco replies, saying, miss me with that. Would you like 100 kilos of hot dogs? Sorry, 200 pounds of hot dogs. 100 pounds.
Starting point is 00:03:15 to 90 pounds. Sitting at a calculator, taking the number of minutes, users of collectively watch something and multiplying it by 10,000. It's Andrew. Hey, Andrew. Wow, can you believe that Red Notice starring Ryan Reynolds and Dwayne Johnson has been watched a collective 650 million hours since it's released two weeks ago? I can't.
Starting point is 00:03:37 You listed the two male stars of that movie with three top line stars. Yep. Third one's from Israel. Boo. Yep. Third one's from Israel. Boo. Yeah. Yeah. Women don't do the same numbers on our tweet accounts so. Yeah, that's we've done our AB testing and it turns out it's just dudes. Yeah. Fuck. That fucking shit where they're like, wow, unbelievable. 267 million hours have been watched of this movie is, I'm not one of those cinema is sacred type people or whatever but like that's fucking profane to me that
Starting point is 00:04:11 is the occult to be like well a bunch of guys watched 37 minutes of it and then a bunch of guys watched two minutes of it and then some people watched it five times and that's the same as people buying a ticket to something. Crack a lacquen. Jesus Christ there, was that your place? That's me. Oh wow. Lanina much?
Starting point is 00:04:33 You all get storms down there as well? Crazy. Just now. Just now. Lanina, am I right? Yeah, I think so. A lot of people are saying the words Lanina to me lately. Yeah. I said it on the last episode. I keep hearing this. I like to say Leninia and then have somebody respond. Well, actually it's a very mild Lanina. There's also the Great Ocean sinkhole that's...
Starting point is 00:04:58 Is it the dipole? Are they talking about the whatever, whatever dipole? Yeah. I'm like, buddy, I know about magnets. You don't have to fucking tell me. It got plugged up with too many, like, Amazon Alexa dots, echo dots or whatever. Yeah. And that's fucking with the dipole, yeah. Ben, apparently, Netflix, I would know because I work here. Yes. Netflix have changed their metrics from the previous way that they used to measure them,
Starting point is 00:05:27 which was roundly scorned by me, a guy who works at Netflix, which was that they used to count views of a movie by saying, someone has watched at least two minutes of this movie. And so that was the basis for them saying, for example, that that movie extraction, directed by the Russo Brothers with Chris Hemsworth in it, was like their most watched thing on the platform with, you know, 100 million plus views. But they're taking that on the basis of people who watched, like, didn't get through the opening credits.
Starting point is 00:06:03 Yeah, two minutes is you're nowhere near there. And turned th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that tho-that tho-a' that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thathea thathea that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the the the the the the thea. the thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. thethe opening credits Yeah, two minutes is you're nowhere near in there and turned it off Potentially we wouldn't fucking know. Hey, um just want to say put this on the record sometimes two minutes is enough And it's enough for both parties. It's enough to know everyone's happy. Yeah, and that counts as one sometimes. Sometimes it's not enough. I was gonna turn off Dark City 1998 last night. Huh you guys seen Dark City starring Keith Ress settlement? Directed by Australia's own Alex Proyos. That's right. I was going to turn off. I was like, this looks kind of weird.
Starting point is 00:06:33 And then it was one of the greatest movies I've ever seen in my entire life. Yeah, fuck yeah, dog. Great movie. Yeah. I love any movie where it's night time all the time and it's raining all the time. Underworld, your favorite movie. Blade Runner, my actual favorite movie. Now I think there's daytime sequences in sleepless in Seattle for sure. Blade?
Starting point is 00:06:53 Blade got daylight? I mean you can walk in the daylight. That's one of the notable features of Blade. He's the day walker. Okay, I forgot it. That's true. But they they they they they they they they they they they they's they's they's they's they's they's they's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. thaten. thaten. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. theat. that. thateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateate. Yeah. Yeah. thue. Got me there. But they have actually changed their metrics now to say we are basing it on cumulative hours watched other thing. Such a dirty. So you could just make you movie longer to boost that number. Yeah. It is. It's very it's very shit and like you're saying Ben I just I think Like they're sort of desperate to conjure up some kind of figure
Starting point is 00:07:26 that is in some way comparable to the way everybody used to think about movies, which was, this many people showed up at this many movie theaters and paid for a ticket and said, I want to see this movie and then they sat in a dark room for two hours and watched it. Yeah, box office bucks. But now they gotta say, wow, this would have earned 280 million Netflix bucks were people paying for tickets, but instead no one's watching. If you were paying to see it,
Starting point is 00:07:53 but they're not. They're paying $16 a month for a subscription. And it doesn't matter how much money we spend on making content. And all they do is they is they is they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. tho. that that that. that. that. that. that. tho- tho- the their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. their their their their their th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. to too. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to all they do is they watch the American Office on repeat. They should measure it based on the amount of views that go for more than 12 minutes so they can weed out the viewers that are just there to jerk off. Yeah. Yeah. I uh... I'm... It's my position. I started watching a Netflix original the other day. The harder they fall. Haven't seen it. No.
Starting point is 00:08:27 No. Well, I've got great news for you guys. Is that bad? I turned it off after like 15 minutes. I just wasn't, I wasn't vibing with it. So long enough that they know you weren't jerking off, but yeah, they counted me towards something, I'm sure. But like, you know, it, it had, it had, it had, it had a a, it had a their tha tha, tha, tha, tha, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, tha. tha, like, But like, you know, it had a, it had like, it clearly had a big budget.
Starting point is 00:08:47 Clearly had a lot of like name actors, that had like Idriss Elba, it had the dude from Get Out, it had like Regina Hall. It had like an original Jay-Z song on the opening credits. They clearly put a ton of money into it and all that sort of stuff and but it's still I've never heard of it so it sounds good. It just it felt like direct to DVD Django Unchained kind of like they were doing a black exploitation western but Netflix originals still just kind of feel like straight to DVD movies.
Starting point is 00:09:21 To some extent I don't know what it is, but like... It's like Christmas. So they've got all these shitty straight-to-Dvd style romantic Christmas comedies that they've started making every year. But I mean that's actually kind of perfect. They are doing what the viewer wants there. That's true. Like you want your Christmas movies to be absolute fucking dog shit that looked like they were filmed by like a small town advertising company.. Yeah, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, like, like, like, like, they, they, like, they, they, they, the, they, the, they, the, they, they, they, they've, they've, they've, they've, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their the, theat, their their theat, their their their their their their their their their, their, their be absolute fucking dog shit that looked like they were filmed by like a small town advertising company. Yeah, with one C-grade actress.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Yeah. But make the people in it really hot. They go for 12 minutes and you've got a hit on your hands. You got something on your hands and it's come. Oh dear. Oh dear. I recently got myself a movie called The Hole in the Ground. Mm-hmm. Is anyone going to say it? Are you going to say it, Theo? Go on, I can wait. I can wait. What that whole do? I was waiting for it. I haven't seen it. Or you would just kind of didn't want to interrupt the segue you were clearly doing, but you were happy to interrupt your own segue for once.
Starting point is 00:10:35 I'm not there yet, buddy. Okay. You see, this is a movie that none of you guys have seen. Uh, and normally what happens is I start describing a movie and Lucy says, Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. I'll say I haven't seen it. But don't worry.
Starting point is 00:10:54 We now have a solution to this issue. Allow me to introduce a new segment in which we circumvent the issue of me taking a long time to describe a movie and the plot of taking a long time to describe a movie and the plot of that movie that Lucy and Theo haven't seen. Andrew loves to watch a million movies but nobody else really gives a fuck he's got 15 seconds to describe the movie otherwise he's just shit out of luck. Five, four, three, two, one. Let's go. It's like an Irish indie horror movie. It's about a lady who takes her son and goes into the woods to live alone with him, which is kind of weird anyway and you would think like that's bound to set up some spooky stuff.
Starting point is 00:11:35 I haven't watched the movie yet. The red letter media guys recommended it. Wow, thank you so much. Wow, that was quick. That went quicker than I thought. I think when we were first discussing discussing the the the the theeeeeckeckeckeckeckededededed thiiiiiiiiii s s discussing thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I the. the. I the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. the. much, Andrew. Wow, that was quick. That went quicker than I thought. I think when we were first discussing the idea of this, we were going to give you 30 seconds, 15 seems cruel. Yeah, that's great.
Starting point is 00:11:52 I decided to trim it down to 15 seconds. Sure. Wow, check out, hole in the ground. Irish indie horror movie. About a hole in the ground. You're done. You're done. Don't describe the blood anymore. I didn't go any further.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Don't worry, I haven't watched it. But hey, that makes me think about holes on the ground, you know? And when it comes to talk about holes in the ground, we like to head straight over to a segment we call the whole report. All report. All report. Wow report. It starts making sense as you have the fence voices calling. You're falling. Wow. That is a new whole report theme by listener.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Wow. That, that is a new whole report theme by listener Matthew. Matthew, haunting. Maw. Matthew, thank you very much. Hauntingly beautiful. You have now taken out the only theme that Theo made, but you know, thank you theo for your service for that time. You are no longer needed.
Starting point is 00:13:05 RIP. So let's cover this from the top. We've got a theme that was made because I never had any time to make the Nature Corner theme and the theme that I made, which has now been replaced with a much better theme. Yes. All right. Voice is calling, now you're falling. So this is of course the segment where we discuss what sort of whole
Starting point is 00:13:30 news there is happening around the world. And this story comes to us from WVTM News, Alabama. I don't know about that. That's not necessarily. If you live in Alabama, feel free to write in and let us know how offensive that was. Hundreds of FedEx packages located in Blount County ravine. Blount? Blount. I think it's Blount. I'm choosing to say Blount.
Starting point is 00:13:59 The Blount County's sheriff's is investigating after hundreds of FedEx packages were found in a ravine Wednesdays, Wednesday afternoon. You say ravine? Ravine. Ravine. Hey, if you do know how this place is pronounced, perhaps you are from there or anyone near there, if you're an American listener, you can call in to 732-8763446 and let let us know. Alternatively, you can record a little video of yourself making it and just message it to that number. There's a football player called Blount so
Starting point is 00:14:33 I'm going with that. Yeah, let's say that. On the BCSO Facebook page, Sheriff Mark Moon said a deputy at the location believes between 300 and 400 hundred hunder packages of assorted sizes were thrown into the location believes between 300 and 400-400 packages of assorted sizes were thrown into the ravine. Now we're talking. Said an area manager for FedEx was on the way to the scene around 4.24pm. And then this is just a blow-by-blow of what happened that afternoon. At 5.12pm, FedEx arrived to the get all the packages. At 7.30, Wednesday, Moon said FedEx is sent trucks
Starting point is 00:15:05 and drivers from all over the south, and they will begin loading packages once the sun comes up. Now, here's a follow-up story to this one from KSNW news, which is interesting because, as we learned in earlier episode, the W denotes a station from the East Coast, the K denotes a station from the West Coast, but Alabama is on the East Coast. So I don't know what happened there.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Maybe I wrote down the wrong thing. Are we all picturing that a guy who worked for FedEx just said, fuck this! Yeah, I won't do this anymore. Wait until you've heard the second story before you make any conclusions. FedEx packages found in woods at second Alabama site. According to the Jemison Police Department, nearly 20 FedEx packages were found in the woods along a rural Alabama road about 75 miles from a ravine where hundreds of parcels were previously discovered. A statement was released on Wednesday from
Starting point is 00:16:09 the police in Jemison saying that it wasn't clear how long the items have been on the side of the road or if there was any link to the previous discovery where sheriff Mark Moon says a Fedex ground driver dumped packages into a ravine repeatedly at least six times. Who could say if they're connected? It could be a copycat crime to c, to c, to c, to c, to c, to to to to to to to the c, the c, the the c, the the the the the th, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their the, their their the, the, their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their, their their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their theaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseasease, thean, thean, thean, thean, their their their their their their. Who could say if they're connected? It could be a copycat. It could be a copycat crime. Someone's trying to frame me. So we have to assume, obviously, that this is just someone who's had Jack of delivering packages
Starting point is 00:16:35 for basically no money. Yeah, and then they're like, oh, I delivered him. I threw the thi to hole. It's like exactly what you do when you're a paper boy and you throw 500 pamphlets in the bin you go yep. That was exactly what I was going to say Ben it's very similar to the situation where people used to sign up to the things and they'd say here's a thousand pamphlets walk around these suburbs and deliver them all down into a stormwater drain. You give them to Pennywise the clout. The difference is, the different, Black Friday sales,
Starting point is 00:17:15 Pennywise, what do you think? The difference is, though, that nobody wanted those pamphlets in the first place. And thus, no one will complain about them failing to materialize in their mailbox. However, if you ordered an Amazon Echo Dot from the Black Friday sales, and then it never shows up, and somebody says, ah, here's the problem, it's in a ravine. Yeah. It's in a canyon, sir. But if you ordered it from Amazon and you just say you didn't get it they'll probably just refund you. Yeah, so it's a victimless crime. Yeah, so it's a victimless crime. It could be a victimless crime If that allowed this person to have six free afternoons they might not have otherwise had, I support this crime Yeah, I support this crime. Yeah, unless it had someone's like throwing it in a ravine. Oh, the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's they. that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It's their. their. their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a tri. It's tri. It's tri. It's tri. It's a victim. It's a victim. It's a victim. It's a victim. It's a victim. It's a that. Shaking it a bit to be like, oh this sounds expensive, ravine.
Starting point is 00:18:06 You'd... It's still there. You could go and get your package. Maybe they ticks to left in a safe place, more information ravine. If it's so important to you, why don't you go and get it, you know? A little treat for the raccoons, yeah, I support it. I'm, personally in my mind palace, I'm picturing that this person just got a big broom, like, backed, backed the truck up to the ravine of the woods. Big broom. Swept them all out of the truck, went and got a beer. Yeah. They're good on him. They didn't even steal him. They didn't even go through and be like, what's in here that I could have. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. theee. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. th. th. thee. thi. I'm the. I'm thi. I's. I didn't even go through and be like, what's in here that I could have?
Starting point is 00:18:46 That's true. Yeah. That's a good crime. Honestly, that's a lovely day. You get to throw some packages into one of nature's beautiful holes. Which was probably fun. And then you have to go put a beer into one of nature's beautiful holes. Your mouth. Your mouth. Yep.
Starting point is 00:19:03 A little hiccup. Speaking of nature. Yeah. Um, fuck. It's time for Nature Corner. That's all I've got. Oh, okay. Not so easy, is it? No, it looks like the place. I belong,
Starting point is 00:19:25 wiltom. Bultin' the sun. Nature corner. Robbercraft. Snipped my dick. Snip, snip. Snip. Snip.
Starting point is 00:19:43 This is a story from the Associated Press. Slithering snake burglar steals thousands from California Salon. Am I going to have to make a snake-specific version of the Nature Corner theme? Well, yes, probably in the future, but this is not even really about a snake. I just thought it was funny to put this under Nature Corner. Police were looking for a man dubbed the snake burglar who wriggled through a Southern California business and fled with several thousand dollars. Surveillance video showed the man slithery on his
Starting point is 00:20:17 belly at the rustic roots along in Riverside around 5 a.m. last Friday after apparently getting into the business through a rooftop fire escape. It gave me chills up my the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. The th. The th. The th. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The snake. The th. The th. The th. The the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. getting into the business through a rooftop fire escape. It gave me chills up my spine, owner Laurie Hodge told KNBC TV. Do you remember that story that we had on, I think it was on Nature Corner about like, about all the iguanas that we're getting in through like roof banks and falling into toilets? Yeah. That's this guy, but that's how he does burglary. But he's a the the the the the the the th. It's a the biggest. It's a the biggest. It's a th. It's a their th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's th. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's the th. It's the the the the th. It's the the the th. It's th. It's the th. It's the the th. It's the the t. It's the t. It's the the t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. ti. the t. the tip. t. t. getting in through like roof vents and falling into toilets. Yeah. That's this guy, but that's how he does burglary. But he's a man. It's the biggest difference. Slithers through the vents and then he wriggles along the floor like a dirty snake on his belly. He's, uh, what's Theo, the character right. Toombs? Is that his?
Starting point is 00:21:05 Eugene Toombs? I think. I haven't seen it. Hmm. It's good. Hodge says the thief she calls the quote, snake burglar, stole hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of products, cash from the register, and a safe with more than 8,000 dollars inside.
Starting point is 00:21:23 First of all, terrible name. Is a snake burglar? Because you think he's... He hasn't stolen a single snake as far as I can tell. Yeah, the hamburger the hamburgler. Yeah, the hamburger burglar. He doesn't steal hams. Oh, he doesn't steal hams. But it's a play on a buggling hamburger burglar. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He doesn. He doesn. He doesn. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't he doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't. He doesn't. He for clarity's sake, you should be called the hamburger burglar. All right. I'm gonna, I'm also gonna, I'm gonna call bullshit here on, stole hundreds of, oh, hundreds
Starting point is 00:21:53 of dollars. I thought it was hundreds of thousands of dollars. No, it's totally. My man got himself a little beard oil, he got a bit of product, he got himself like a nice ceramic hair straightener. He is looking fly. The fact that he was... Free drink of the blue liquid. I haven't seen the blue liquid in a long time. A little sip of the comb formaldehyde.
Starting point is 00:22:16 Are we still doing the blue liquid as a society? What are you talking about? I don't know... The blue liquid at the hairdresser for putting your stuff in between Snips. This is a barbershop thing. I don't think you're going to expect. Oh, this is for the fellas. It's just for us boys. I mean, I've seen the blue stuff at gender neutral addresses. I don't know. Regular hairdresses that do any clientele, but not since the 90s. I think we moved done from the blue stuff. Right. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did the blue th. Did people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is the blue. This is the blue. This is the blue. It the blue the blue the blue the blue the blue the blue the blue the blue the blue the blue th. It. It. It's the blue the blue th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the 90s. I think we moved on from the blue stuff. Don't know. Right. Did people start to finally say, people don't like the blue liquid. No, or they said the blue liquid looks too, too drinkable. Yeah. It's too delicious looking. It makes people fit. As soon as as the... Like coolant. Too enticing. As soon as the Star Wars movie with the blue breast milk came out they said that's it get rid of it get rid of it can't have it anymore
Starting point is 00:23:06 Security guard who is installing a new alarm system at the salon told K and B C TV that the crook had been trying successfully to avoid a motion sensor now don't say trying successfully say he successfully avoided the motion sensor yeah he snaked under it that dude fucking rules the same man may have tried to burged to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the. the try. try. try. try. try. try. try. tel. the same the same the same the. the. the same the same the same the same. He snaked under it. That dude fucking rules. The same man may have tried to burglarize other businesses previously, including a local pizza parlor where security video showed a man crawling on his belly, the station said. Like many of the scams that we cover in ScamWatch, I believe that this man has earned his money. Yeah, take it, pro. Doing some Catherine Zed Jones shit under there. Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. Yeah, that, that, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, that, th. Yeah, that, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same same same. the same same same same same the same same the same the same the same th scams that we cover in ScamWatch, I believe that this man has earned his money. Yeah, take it, bro.
Starting point is 00:23:46 Doing some Catherine Zeta's Jones shit under there. Yeah, that man smoked a massive blunt legal, California. Fucking did a big breath out, smoked up the room, saw the lasers, and was just like shimmy. Wriggled out of there. Good item. Good for you, man. Now, I need to to, I I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to to to to, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th, I thoing thoing sooing sooing soa, th, th, th, th, th. th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. Doa, the they. they. Do, they. Do, th. Do, th. Do, thath. Doe, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that thea. thatroan, thatrowne, thatrowne, that, th safe, crawled with the safe somehow, got out of there. Good on him. Good for you, man. Now, I need to interject into the proceedings at this point and note that Lucy has been sipping from a hungry Jack's cup. I knew you would do this.
Starting point is 00:24:16 No, I want to ask what your order was. It's just, I just had a little, a little vegan burger. Oh, I tried the vegan burger the other day. Which one? The fake meat one or just the veggie one one? No, I got the fake meat one. What do you reckon? I don't mind it. It's better. It's better.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Have they made the veggie one better? Because the veagggy one was fucking shit. The like weird vegetable patty type scenario going on. But you got the impossible meat one, right? Yeah, I got that meaty boy. They don't have impossible here, that's the problem. They're gonna get the impossible meat. Give me that impossible. Over from the United States.
Starting point is 00:24:56 I think they should set their sights lower. Yeah. Yeah. Just sipping on a little coke. Is that all right? Is that all out? It's absolutely allowed. Oh, a rebel whopper, is that what you have?
Starting point is 00:25:12 That is, that's the meat one, yeah. Or the fake meat one, yeah. The flame grilled smoky barbecue flavor of a whopper percent beef. It's only, it's pretty good, good portion size as well. This is not a paid advertorial for Hungry Jacks. Could be. But the burgers are better. They're a hungry jacks. So I'm trying to counterbalance our endorsement. All the employees take big steaming shitts on the burgers.
Starting point is 00:25:37 Do not go to hungry jacks. That rebel whoppers. though not bad. Mmm, pretty good. Yeah. All right, hungry jacks. Did you get any Frenched fries? Got some chippies? They got good little chippies. They got nice little chippies. Oh, they change their chips. And they're like, they're like a thick than a french fry now now, but they're not as thick as the KFC chip is dog shit. Two thumbs down?
Starting point is 00:26:05 Yeah. Well, some people eat french fries normally. Other people put a lot of mayonnaise on them like a bunch of sick, fucking disgusting freaks. And we call those people, Dutch. And we like to monitor them and they're goings on. Every day then I feel like you've touched the runway and then you've just pulled back on the controls.
Starting point is 00:26:27 You've just gone right back up again for another car. Bouns. I'm bouncing in the wind. Not happy with this one. Let's land thate again. That's right. I don't think we've ever arrived today. Never really sold on it. Yeah. Dutch Watch. Everybody I'm from Holland. Isn't that beer? It is weird. Sure is. This is a story from the, sort of like,
Starting point is 00:27:00 the shadow link version of Dutch News.Nell. Boo. The awful publication, Dutch review. This is like the shadow link version of Dutch News. NL. The awful publication, Dutch Review. This is from an ongoing series they've been doing on Dutch quirks. Ben, can I just clarify for a second there that I was not booing you, I was booing Dutch Review. Yes, no, I had assumed that. And now, doubts creeping into my mind thanks to that clarification. Good. They've been doing an ongoing series on a little interesting quirks of Dutch life and Dutch
Starting point is 00:27:29 people. This is Dutch quirks number 46. Never close their curtains. And it goes as thus. It's happened to the best of us. Which I will backtrack to that sentence in a second. Okay. You're walking along innocently minding your own business,
Starting point is 00:27:49 your eyes absent-mindedly turned towards a window and bam! You just saw someone's bare-ass cheek. This person is 100% retroactively excusing themselves for being a peeping Tom. Yes, and also, okay, a few quibbles here. You've seen one cheek, that's odd. But it's happened to the best of us makes it sound like there is some level of quality of person you could be where you could avoid this from happening.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Like, it's an, this is not a thing where it's like, I don't know a moral failing that has caused this happen. I th, like. I th, like. I th th to happen. I th th th to happen. I their th their's like, I don't know. It's not a moral failing that has caused their fail. I would say it could happen to anyone, not it's happened to the best of us. Like even the best people in society have accidentally seen one ass cheek through a window. You wonder why this person didn't decide to, I don't know, maybe draw the blinds before they hopped out of their clothes and into their birthday suit. Because they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoed thoed thoed thoes thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoed thoed th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the the the the the th hopped out of their clothes and into their birthday suit. It's because they're beautiful in Dutch and free, tall motherfuckers. You don't get into your birthday suit. You're already wearing the birthday suit. You were born in it on your birthday. That's right. That's what I call it that. If you're getting into a birthday suit you have skinned another human. Yes. Buffalo Bill Bill style. Yeah you're getting into it yeah. That's the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're their. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're their. I. I. I. I. I. I their their their their their their t. t. t. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. their their their their their their their their birthday suit. Yeah, that's right. I'm putting on one of my six birthday suits.
Starting point is 00:29:06 That's fucked up. Don't say that. That's what they do in the Netherlands. That's what I've been hearing. Do that. The phenomenon is fairly self-explanatory. Or through almost any Dutch town or neighborhood, and you'll find that the experience is you see all the fish's cocks?
Starting point is 00:29:25 You say you're the fish are nude? Like, I guess. What their analogy is that you can see things through glass in an aquarium, which is true of like windows generally. Hmm. When I go to the aquarium, I say, are there any kind of like blinds you could draw across the front of thia, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi., the thi., thi., thi., thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thishishishishish or the fish the fish are thi. thi. thi. thi. They're outrageous. Yeah, when I go to the aquarium, I say, are there any kind of like blinds you could draw across the front of this big, big window and like maybe just a tiny gap for me to peep through? Just a little, ooh.
Starting point is 00:29:55 I feel better if I'm peeping. Yeah. Second of all, got any pussies swimming around there? That be sexy fish? You guys got any sexy fish? Instead of being met with curtains or blinds, most Dutch windows will reveal various inner lives and ecosystems, often decked out with some very IKEA furniture. It's almost like people live in there. While this is great for some interior decor, Inspo, shut up, it's not so fun when you met with a scene that probably could have remained private bonus points if you make awkward eye
Starting point is 00:30:28 contact. Just let's just do a quick show of hands here, the people on the show. If you look through a window, would you be like more interested in seeing somebody's Ikea flat pack furniture or seeing another naked human? I want to see some titties. I want to see them that dick bro. Show me some ass show me what you're hanging down there. I'm smiling I'm waving I'm like thank you for showing me your penis. Yeah. I appreciate that. I don't want to see your fucking Kallax bookshelf. I love seeing what someone's watching on the TV. I love I love seeing a TV screen thrown th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that their their that- their their their their their that-I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the theate. I teateateat. teat. teat. te. te. te. te. te. th. theate. the. I'm a TV screen through an open window. And these days, what with the sizes of TVs, relatively easy to peep on? I'm banging on the window. How many minutes of that have you watched? How many
Starting point is 00:31:15 minutes? Double it. There are many theories as to why the Dutch are happy to take the risk of flashing a complete stranger? Europeans. Psycho perverts. Being sicker perverts. Number one reason. Perhaps it's their tolerance. Brackets. It's an ass cheek. Never seen one, eh? Weird. Or perhaps their directness, brackets. I don't mind making eye contact with you. In fact, let me hold it. The reality is actually quite different. It's that most Dutch people need to take off all of their clothes in order to remove their head-to-toe blackface. You think it's under the clothes? You think it's full-bodied? Yep. Forehead, down to the toes. What many Dutchies would argue is simple. I have nothing to hide. And there's a bit of history behind that statement. That's a freak shit. The Netherlands was once a very Calvinist
Starting point is 00:32:09 country. Part of the religion's policy was that you had to prove to people that you were a good person, someone who was predetermined to wind up in the good place above. And how did you do this? By showing that you had nothing to hide. Closed curtains implied that it was something sneaky happening that you had to hide from your neighbors. And while many Dutch people may claim to be atheists nowadays, old implication there, one theory is that this habit just stuck. My curtains are closed because I'm smoking weed and jacking off like a normal person.
Starting point is 00:32:38 Yeah, I would consider that I have several things to hide, being my genitals and by homehome. One testicle, your second testicle, and your penis as well. Number one, my shame. If you've ever lived in basically any other country, you'll get why this is a quirky move by the Dutch. Many countries keep the eyes of passerby, passes by out by using curtains, window stickers, and blinds, because who wants to make eye contact with a stranger while you're lying burrito style in bed? The Dutch, apparently. If you put the stickers on the right spot,
Starting point is 00:33:11 you can affect a really Austin Powers type situation. You're yawning and stretching and the banana sticker is like just in the right place, you know? Best of both worlds. Absolutely. It's less of a question of should you join in and more of a question of when will you join in. In my experience it took just a few months to grow used to the fact that I'm observable from three different angles when chilling in my studio. Given that the Netherlands is such a tightly packed country, you'll very quickly find that if you want to let a bit of
Starting point is 00:33:39 sunlight in, you also need to let your neighbors in. You may even get used to the occasional eye contact and maybe even you will be the one to flash a few innocence. Children. Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Jesus. This was like my least favorite thing in Hawaii about living in Honolulu. It's because it's so hot that you always have the complete curtains and windows open all of the time. Yeah. And it's a nightmare. Do you see a lot of a lot. Do the the the the the the the their. Do the their. Do the the their. Do their. Do you. Do the the the the the the the their. Do you. Do you see a lot. Do you see a lot. Do the the their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. to. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.......................................time. Yeah. And it's a nightmare. It's a horrible way to live. Have you been, did you see a lot of strangers, dicks and titties and such? Maybe not like a dicks and titties, but you're definitely, you're seeing more of your neighbors than you want to see. You know?
Starting point is 00:34:16 No dicks, no titties, unfortunately, but you know. You know, it's perverted behavior because you should have the curtains closed for gaming. Because you're getting, like you're getting glare on your TV. You gotta see in those shadows. Yeah. My wife loves it because I do work from home the vast majority of the time. My wife loves it when I close one of the curtains in the lounge room because that one is like directly behind the TV. Too much glare. Entire TV. Too much glare.
Starting point is 00:34:45 Entirely too much glare. My curtains and windows are all open all the time because otherwise I'd die in here. And if someone happens to see my little boot, okay. You little what? All right, my little boot. Little bit of bee hole for the neighbors?
Starting point is 00:35:03 No, well, I mean, I don't know if they're seeing whole, but, you know, they're seeing their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their little, their their little, their little, their little, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their little, their, their their little, their their their their their I mean I don't know if they're saying hole, but you know, they're saying the surrounds, the hinterlands, if you will. Beehole is short for Ben's hole. That's right. Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these promos, so you won't have to hear this ever again. You'll to to to to th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. thate, thate, thate, tho, tho, the the the thr-a, tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, tho, thro, thro, throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. to. thoo. tho. tho. th our Discord, which honestly is turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon.com slash Bunter Vista.
Starting point is 00:35:51 Check it out. Look, uh, I mean, I'm not going to show everyone my penis and anus constantly, but I have respect for my neighbors, my elderly, retired policeman neighbor across the street. He's into everybody's business. He probably doesn't subscribe to the show, I'm going to say. Two left-wing for him. He opened his garage once to get something like lend me a fucking rake or whatever.
Starting point is 00:36:24 I was borrowing from him. And there was a bunch of, like, placards up from when he had run he he thr-in, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had thried, had thried, had thried, had to to to to to to to to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toed, toed, toed, toed, toed, toed, toed, toed, toed, toed, toed, to toed, to to thried thried the, the, the the the the the the toldld told told to told to to told to told me, told me, to to to to told garage once to get something like lend me a fucking rake or whatever. I was borrowing from him. And there was a bunch of like placards up from when he had run as a liberal party candidate. Oh, that's fun. Ah, so I'm not trying to show that guy. My gooch. My goddam gooch. If I did, it would honestly be a hullabaloo. It would be a to-do. It would be a scandal. And we'd write all about it in the local tabloid.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Violator, dis-trainer, turn around me. Fist-headed man destroys church. So this is a follow-on from a phenomenon, phenomenon, phenomenon that we previously discussed, just fucking hell, previously discussed in the bonus episode, read Lester Media, about a boy who only ate cheese. Cheese boy. Now this is a story about a similar phenomenon from Wales online and I'm not talking about some internet literate cetaceans, of course talking about the tabloid from the country of Wales, mum claims scoffing cheese while pregnant had turned obsessed tot into a cheddar eating machine.
Starting point is 00:37:39 A mum believes that scoffing cheese while pregnant has left her stubborn toddler obsessed with cheddar as she refuses to eat anything else. It's as bad as smoking while pregnant, really. I'm going to come out needing it. They're desperate for it. Maddy Alexander Grout and her husband, James, 40. So they have tried every meal in the world involving cheese, doubt it, in their efforts to feed their fussy two-year-old daughter
Starting point is 00:38:10 Harriet, who quote turns her nose up at anything else. The 38-year-old mum believes that her scoffing lots of cheese during her pregnancy with her to have led to the tots addiction to cheddar, forcing them to grate cheese over vegetables to get their daughter to eat any. The whole family, aside from Harriet's six-year-old brother Ben, love cheese as well, and even claim at one point they were ranked the number one purchaser of cheese from Sainsbury's in their home city of Southampton. That's a really big thing. Yeah, I got two questions.
Starting point is 00:38:42 What the fuck is Ben's problem? Yeah, just blend in, bro. You too good for cheese? You don't like a little bit of grated cheese over your veg? I don't think it's that weird that a little toddlar would need cheese on their vegetables, right? Is that weird? I mean for every meal seems a little extreme. Maybe. I remember that fucked up tweat from a twea p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f- that that that that that that that that that tweattweattweep from Prison Paul, where he had like a dish of salmon and boiled a pack of vegetables. Like boiled peas and corn.
Starting point is 00:39:09 And then he grated cheese over the whole lot, like a, like a toddler. Yeah and then captioned it something like meal fit for a king or whatever. No, no, it was a cheese grated libs owned. I, look, I eat that kind of shit. Which is just a lovely puzzling kind of. But, th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, to, toa. It's, toa. It's, toge. toge. toge. toge. th. t. th. It's just a lovely puzzling. But you're not proud of yourself for it. No, I eat that kind of shit because I have like a six year old. You know like I well and also like I made dinner the other night and the the fridge was very run down. We had a chicken.
Starting point is 00:39:39 I just skill it roasted a chicken. Roasted some potatoes because that was what we had in the cupboard. And then the only only the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the only the. the. the. the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I theateateateathea the. theat. that kind that kind that kind that kind that kind kind kind that kind kind kind that kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind that kind that kind kind kind kind that kind that kind that kind that kind that kind that kind that kind that kind that kind th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that that the. the. that that th. that the. that that that that that that chicken, roasted some potatoes because that was what we had in the cupboard and then the only vegetables I could find frozen peas and a tin of corn. Peas and corn roast chicken, roast veg, roast potato, right? That is literally the only food that my dad ever prepared in the entire time that he had child-aged children was getting a like, Woolies Barbecue Chook, getting a tin of peas, a tin of corn, and maybe tinned or the wool worse tubs of potato salad. Tinned potato salad? I fucking love tin potato salad.
Starting point is 00:40:19 I don't know if this is just from living on the boat, but that shit is like, it's something going on there. it's magic. I don't think I have ever encountered tin potato salad. Home brand cans of that shit go for like a dollar, and it's just some like real... Really, I've never seen this. Yeah. I think maybe you have to be living on a basically survivalist diet,
Starting point is 00:40:41 which we were on the boat. I'm seeing like Heinz, Heinz potato salad. There was like a Woolies brand one and a Coles brand one. Maybe they've gone out of fashion maybe. That is crazy to me. It's real. Can I ask, do you have any other favourite tinned products that you recall from your time on the boat. Rice pudding. Tinned rice pudding that shit is fucking... That's good stuff. I really like the I really like the sachets of like Mac and cheese that you get from like Aldi. Yeah. Well what's you know you just put just put your bit of milk. I'll have Easy Mac. Easy Mac's good. It's good. It's good food. It's good food. It's good. It's good time. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's. It's a. It's a that. It's a that. It's a that. It's a that. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. That. That. That. That. That. It's. That's. That. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's good. It's good. It's just put your, you bit of milk, a bit of water. I love Easy Mac. Easy Mac's good.
Starting point is 00:41:27 It's a good time. Yeah, it's a good time. You guys fuck with Deb at all? I was just about to say most of my childhood with British grandparents was eating Deb. Do they have Deb in America because it's very funny? It's like dehydrated potato. You just put like hot water in it. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thiaaqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaqaa. It's like. It's like, tha. It's it's very funny. It's like dehydrated potato, you just put like hot water in it and then you have like mashed potato. Like powdered mashed potato, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:49 My, uh, my mother had some some Deb around recently. Like my, my parents, um, I'm trying to remember if we were staying with them or where they were staying with us or whatever. And she like made some Deb and just like fried little like potato cakes for the kids. That's actually, that's a good idea. One of those like, you know how fucking the Daily Mail will be like amazing kitchen hackin mum's Facebook group. Please look at what I've just posted in the chat. But yeah, I um, I popped in the kitchen and she had fried a bunch of those things up
Starting point is 00:42:21 and I ate several of them and went, damn, I will take a fried Deb potato cake, you know? I want the Deb shirt, Ben. So the Deb, Instant Mash Potato, started an official Facebook account that is followed by one person that I know, and it is friend of the show, Dan Nolan. Their last post was the 20th of April, 20th, 20th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, thub, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, the, the, the, thin, the, the, the, the, the, the, theub, the, th Uh, they, their last post was the 20th of April 2020. Oh, I guess this is probably a joke then because that's 420. Uh, but there are trucker hats available that just say, Deb.
Starting point is 00:42:57 I don't wear a Deb. And the shirt, the tote bag. All right, so here's my second question. Yes. So, the first one one is is is right, so here's my second question. Yes. So the first one is what the fuck is Ben's problem. Second one is, is your local Sainsbury's ranking cheese purchases? I don't believe that they are. Yeah, that's not true.
Starting point is 00:43:17 That is an informal ranking at best. No, it's not. It's not an informal ranking. And I would like you to apologize to Miss Alexander Grout. There is... How do we know? How do we know? The rewards app tracks your purchases and totals up how often you buy something and then also compares you to how often other people buy it? I don't want that. I don't want the shops to do that to me. Well, you don't want them to say... I don't want the government following me around. Number one diarrhea medicine purchaser. You're the number one purchaser of Lou, but you're little Tesco.
Starting point is 00:43:51 You have the most infrequently bought condoms of anyone that's ever come here. Dead last on the sex-have-as list. Here at Sainspreys. Yeah, I was similarly skeptical and I think I might have accidentally cut it, well, not accidentally, but I cut out the part where she said how she arrived at that number. But by first time I was like, well, like what, the manager came out and told you? Hey, by the way! You buy so much cheese. Spotify wrapped, but at Sainsbree's wrapped. Top. Point 1% of cheese purchases. Uh, sorry, continues here.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Maddie from Shirley Southampton said, She will eat everything if it's cheese and nothing else. She's a pain. I hate my dipshit daughter. She continues. She says, I love cheese, mummy. I want cheese mummy. Please can I have cheese mummy? That sort of thing all the time. And cheese is quote, yummy and anything else is, quote, yucky. I'm always saying this.
Starting point is 00:44:56 Yeah. It's your job to make your child not do that. Yeah, you could choose to either let them starve or you can feed them some fucking cheese. Yeah. You can just kind of be like, okay. All right. You are the cheese, you are the cheese goblin now. It's hard so hard to feed her, she's a stubborn little one.
Starting point is 00:45:20 We've basically had every meal in the world involving cheese. Again, I doubt that claim, absurd. I put other things on... Do you know how many cultures there are? Ten. Ten cultures and you think you've eaten all their meals? I put other things on her plate all the time so that you can try them and investigate, but it's always a no, and the dog ends up eating most of it. I absolutely love cheese the the the very cheesy family, apart from my son who hates it. So we buy at least four boxes of cheese a week. Four blocks of cheese a week.
Starting point is 00:45:51 That's a lot of cheese. That's some cheese. What's that post from the, I don't know, some American conservative, what are the shit would be like? We get 30 gallons of milk a week. And the price of milk is going up That's more than a block per person if they just have the daughter and the son who does not eat cheese by all accounts I feel like there's a real kind of
Starting point is 00:46:28 Like if everything if every time you open every cupboard and like every time you open the fridge and like every time you open the fridge, and like? the time you open. you trys to the tho' the th, the tho tho the tho the tho tho tho the tho to the the to tho to the to the to the the the the the to the the the the the the tho-up. the the the tho-up. tho-upe their their their their tho. tho-up tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their th. that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the to to the the to to to to too to the to the tree the to to the the the the tooooooooo the the the the the the the the the in there is cheese. I think maybe she's gonna want, she's gonna eat cheese. Maybe make this, make less cheese in your house. Yeah. Reduce your house cheese. You're incentivizing the cheese dependency by putting her on cheese welfare. Maddie who is the founder of a free parenting advice app called Parenthood, said, quote, It's weird because I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant, so I ate lots of cheese, and now I'm wondering whether or not it could be connected. That's not how... Yes it is. With gestational diabetes works?
Starting point is 00:46:56 Through what mechanism? Well, with gestational diabetes, you have to eat high fat to keep your blood sugars low, and cheese is one the the the the thua thua ate when I was pregnant so maybe I got her into that habit. It checks out the science is all there. Nope it isn't. I don't I'm sure that it is. Who has a medical degree on this podcast? I do. Lucy does so what do you say Lucy? I think it's more likely that you've just fed your child cheese because you like to have cheese in the house. And now she just likes the diet.
Starting point is 00:47:28 Now she's going to be saying that she likes the taste of door handles and she only wants to eat door handles and you'll have to be like, I'm sorry, you're going to have to eat something that's not door handle. I shouldn't have eatento eat door handles. Despite the stresses of trying to feed their extremely picky child, the parents say they haven't given up entirely and will continue to offer little Harriet a variety of nutrient-rich foods in the hopes of finding more things she will eat. Although so far her exclusive love of cheese has prevailed and the dog continues to enjoy an array of tit bits. Excuse me?
Starting point is 00:48:05 Adam? Tit bits? The dog continues to enjoy an array of tit bits. Little tittit bits. TIT, that's right. Tit bits. Tit bits. Tit bits.
Starting point is 00:48:15 So nipples? Yeah. Pork nipples, I think is the only other food that they're trying to give to the job. It's cheese or pork nipples. Traditional Welsh diet. Yeah. We do love our pork nipples. Maddie said, quote, we try very hard to mix it up a bit so she might have macaroni cheese or vegetables with cheese on, but we literally have to grate cheese over everything. I don't think she's necessarily scared of other foods. She just has such an affection for cheese that it just comes first. So what's the problem?
Starting point is 00:48:47 Yeah. Probably going to need some vegetables at some point. I, how do you reckon this story got to Wales online? Like their beat reporter was walking past the house, saw through the open windows? Like that child was only eating cheese. I must explain the house or through the open windows, like that child was only eating cheese. I must explain the story. But I just ask people on the street, like what's going on with you? Like what's going on in your life today?
Starting point is 00:49:10 In what way is your kid fucked up? Yeah. And then I'm going to twee this from the official Netflix account with the caption, if this ain't me this, kid, th th grown adults love really making a big deal out of how much they love cheese, but like making it their whole personality in a really weird way. Like obviously love a good cheese, even if it makes me shit myself. All about it. But like, I don't know, there's a weird thing there where maybe it's millennials not really having any money and charcutary boards being the only thing we have that makes us feel fancy. So then we have to be like, I'm a cheese hollic,
Starting point is 00:49:49 which sounds a lot like Gen X Mums being like, I'm a chocerolic. Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt. I'd like to pair this back like another level. I feel like that due to pop culture and the General kind of dissemination of Sexual predator Joss Whedon Etc I feel like people think that like quips have to be a massive part of their personality now You just have to be quippin' or as you're a boring person, you're not funny, but it turns out that most of the thoughts that go through your head in any particular time. They're just not funny. Yeah, you don't have to say them. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tap. tap. to to to tap tap tap to to tap to tap to to to to to to tap to tap tap the, the, their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their. their. their. their. their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a try. try. try. try. tape. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. to. to. try. their tothoughts that go through your head at any particular time, they're just not funny. You don't have to say them or put them to tape unless you're paid to like us.
Starting point is 00:50:29 And we hate this, we hate every moment of it, and you don't want to be like us. We're under the whip that we have wielded ourselves to have to quip, but you don't have q-quip. You can have no quips. If you see like a lovely sunset instead of saying this sunsets as epic as if Godzilla fought Iron Man. Iron Man you could just be like I'm love it. You can just be like I'm lovely sunset. You can say I'm loving it. a McDonald's commercial. You can just say I'm loving it. You can say, just say the first thing that pops you to your head, which might be the words I'm loving it to the cadence of the McDonald's jiggle.
Starting point is 00:51:13 And then you might softly to yourself say, ba ba baa, ba and then the person sitting next to you might nod in recognition and go. Then that might be your thing. Like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the that might be your thing. Like that might be your catchphrase. You're the guy that always, you say you're enjoying things by saying, I'm loving it, bada, bap, bah. And people love you for it. It could be a whole new chapter for you.
Starting point is 00:51:33 You should try out. You should try out saying I'm loving it. You should try out saying that. Are you saying that you're not loving it? Who would be saying that? You know not me, therefore. Evil Justin Timberlake be like, I'm not loving it. I am not loving it. I don't know. Huh? Serious Johnman. He sang the jingle in the song. He sang the jingle in the song. He what? He sang the jingle in the jingle. That's just in the fucking words? What? What? What? That? That? You the the the the th th th th, you you you you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, th. Evil, th. Evil, th. Evil, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Evil? Evil? Evil? Evil? Evil? Evil, th. Evil, th. Evil, th. th. th. Evil, th. Evil, th. Evil, th. Evil, th. Evil, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Evil, thi. Evil, thi. Evil, thi. Evil, thi. Evil, thi. Evil, thi. Evil, thi. Evil, the song. That's Justin Timilek's voice that goes, bada, bappa. What? What?
Starting point is 00:52:09 What? Is your mind blown right now? You're yanking my... Yeah. What the fuck? That, is that true? Yeah. I was this year's old when I found out
Starting point is 00:52:21 Shut? Fuck up. I found out... Shut! The fuck up! I... I hate that we have to have like a... There's got to be a framing device for the way that you say things on the in-theenit now. It's got to be couched in a meme. You have to say I was this year's, oh, today years old when I discovered that, um... There's what I'm saying. Yeah, instead th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi tha thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi thi thi thi thi thi th, oh this is cool. I just found this out. I just found out this thing. Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:47 Except except except I'm honking on my pee-pee You could just say I'm jacking off. You can just tell the people at the library. Hey, I'm masturbating. You don't have to say I'm wanking my tongue-up. You don't have to say I'm wanking my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tonging my tongusus. Tungus. Tungus. Tungus. Tung. tongus. tonguus. Okay, just say I'm masturbating. I'm cranking my prebus. Shut up, okay? You don't have to be on all the time. We're all cranking our prebus, but just... Just say it normal. Be sincere. Speak sincerely. You don't have to do quips in here. Please take a break from quipping on the taxpayer dime here in the library. Quickless podcast. But please masturbate more quietly. There's a, um, KFC is running some ads.
Starting point is 00:53:34 Have I already complained about this? Because I feel like I think about it every time I see it. No, oh my god, I hate this so much. Where it's, you know, it's from Futurama and it's Fry and he's saying it, because he's meant to be being an idiot in that scene, right? Someone is telling him the reasons he shouldn't do something and he's yelling at them to know, like, please take my money anyway. And that was a meme, perhaps like five to ten years ago, I much, we'll probably be able to say with some sense of authority, how many times on this show I have said how fucking mad KFC's marketing makes me because all of their marketing involves a person doing something that makes them look like
Starting point is 00:54:18 a piece of shit? And everybody stops and looks at them and says, we all fucking hate this guy. And then they say, B, KFC much? I fucking get that five seconds that I don't care song KFC ad on my YouTube's all the time on the TV. That's always on the YouTube ads. Oh, I don't. At least Charlie X X is getting paid off that one, you know?
Starting point is 00:54:42 It's not, that's so good. No, um, it's some Scandinavian horrible people. Someone who has done marketing for KFC definitely listens this podcast is also a dear friend of mine. So, um, if any of these things were you, and also a friend of Lucy's. Yeah, fuck you, Alex. Yeah, you're a piece of shit. We love you very much. I mean, th you th you th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. tho, that, thi, that, tho, tho, tho, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. thi. that's that's that's then friendship over Theo I believe it is the song I love it yeah that's a iconop featuring Charlie X X X X so we're both right oh is it wow and like you know do you not care about whether you have okay so you know to the the the. Who is Charlie X X X X X don't... I only listen to the band every time I die.
Starting point is 00:55:27 Yeah, we've seen that. We've seen that. I didn't even know that the... you are in the this percentage of listeners went down to like 0.25% granularity. Point 1%. I was very proud of myself for being in like, I'm only on 1% for boards of Canada and that's like all I listen to. To answer your question, Theo, Charlie XX is a British Hyperpop artist. Dang. Yeah, I'm aged now.
Starting point is 00:55:54 Yes. Hyperpop is a thing that happened after me. Yeah, 100 gecks, more like a hundred, go get a job. Hmm. I'm old, but I'm listening to Hyperpop and that's what keeps me young. Yeah, yeah, you should go to some shows. You should be an old dude at a Hyperpop show. Hey, kids, this is pretty nifty, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:56:19 I'm like you. So where are you guys going after this? Oh, you can't? Because you're underage? Okay. And also, I've got nice shoes. Hey, I can sign you in at the RSSL. Back in my day, we used to have hyper pop punk like Green Day and Blink 182. I would say, and that people will just move away.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Both of those acts, right. Still alive. Bad, but... Unfortunately, Billy Jobstron is not dead. Wow. Only dead inside. He's a punk. He's a punk.
Starting point is 00:56:56 He's a punk. Yeah. Ben, he's a rebellious, rebellious punk artist. Yeah, it's counterculture, things of that nature. Nothing more counterculture than doing a Broadway musical. Yep. With, um, what's his name from Grinspoon in the musical playing guitar?
Starting point is 00:57:20 Really? Oh, really? Yeah, Phil Jamison? Phil Grinspoon. Phil Grinspoon. Phil Grinspoon. For the Australian run of the, you know, it's red and black and white and it's about American idiot. Yeah, I think we're punk. I think we're counterculture. Like the podcast. Yeah. I think podcast. No one likes us. Yeah, I think it's counterculture to have a podcast that is not particularly well thought out. Yeah. It's so true. Yeah. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the Australian. the Australian. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr. thrown. thrown. thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown. thrown thrown. thrown thrown. thrown. thrown. th. likes us. Yeah, I think it's counterculture to have a podcast that is not particularly well thought out. That's as punk as it gets. You know, you listen to podcasts where you're like, oh, you thought about this in advance and you had a plan.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Uh, nerd-Revolutions. Ooh, your research this fucking good for you. We like for a bands where the guitarist only knows how to use like the bottom two strings on the guitar. Yeah. It's like that uh... It's working within, it's working within your limits. That fucking, the annual knowledge from the trail of the dead, I'm pretty sure is that quote of the bass player being asked why only has two strings on his bass.
Starting point is 00:58:18 He's like it's a podcast all you need is four microphones. Yeah, and four guys. Yep. Yeah, I think of you as just one of the guys. Yeah, it's just one of the guys. Yeah, I mean to like other women. I'm not like other girls. Yeah, like they're really annoying and shrilled. Yeah, bad. And I hate them except my mom. Women love being one of the guys. Yeah. They do. They do love it. I don't even really have th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the guys. Yeah. They do. They do love it. I didn't even really have that many girlfriends. Yeah, I just like get along with guys better. Like there's just less drama.
Starting point is 00:58:54 It's without other drama, you know? Women are always talking about the interpersonal issues they have in the hopes of solving them, whereas men, they just like kick back. Men are simply emotionally repressed and that feels good to me. And that feels better. That's what's up. It feels nothing to me. It feels nothing to me.
Starting point is 00:59:14 That is what's up. Is anything else up? Are you asking me whether we're doing this last story? Just ask the question. Ask the goddamn question. I think we should. I think it's a quick one and I think people deserve a little treat. Well, they are paying customers after all.
Starting point is 00:59:34 Well, a quick one. I was actually hoping you weren't going to say that because I was thinking about how we hadn't said at the start of either of the two episodes episodes episodes episodes episodes episodes whether it was a bonus or a main, I was actually going to flip it around. So this was the main. Why would you do that? You're crazy. Because you introduced a new segment in it, and I thought that was a nice treat that we could put on the main for people.
Starting point is 00:59:53 And now you're seeing how the sausage is made, and tours. Go into the Primo factory. Yeah, that's right folks. We love smashing animals up into smithereens and piping them into casings to make delicious sausages. And where do we get those animals? We get them from nature. Wow. Country roes, take me home to the place. I belong,
Starting point is 01:00:31 Bulton Hissom, Nation corner, rubber crab, sniffed my dear. Interesting that you chose to do that one instead of the Tales from Wales theme. We don't have a Tales from Wales theme. God damn it. This is a story again from our dear friends at Wales online. Rhino Ram's Car at West Midland Safari and Leisure Park. Was that your dog? That was Louis. Yeah, he didn't like the sound of that. And I agree, Louis. It would be very strange to be in Wales and to be rammed by a rhinoceros.
Starting point is 01:01:20 Hmm. It just seems odd to me. A dad and son have told of their terror when an angry mother rhino charged into their car at a safari park. This is the place where you go to drive your car through like wild animals, right? Yes, yeah. Just in case there's some other second meaning of safari park. No, it's sort of open terrain that you can drive through when there's all manner of animals in there such as rhinoceroses. Rinosauris. Rinosauri. Jamie Wood, 35, took son Jackson 5. Not to be confused with the Jackson 5. On a day trip to West Midland Safari Park where visitors drive their car through the free-roaming animal pens.
Starting point is 01:02:05 But he was shocked when two fighting riders stopped and one turned on the dad's Shkoda Fabia. Why did they specify what kind of car it was? It's so much Fadier. No, my Shkoda! The half-ton mother charged at the family's vehicle from 200 foot, smashing its horn and body into the side of the bonnet. Terrified Jamie said the horn missed his driver's door by a matter of centimetres, but the
Starting point is 01:02:34 smash left him with a 1,500 pound bill to repair the car, which he'd borrowed for the day. Oh, you dicker. It wasn't even his schoda. Oh, my motherer. It wasn't even his schoader. Wasn't, yeah, I'm sorry, ah, my mother's scoader. That's the schoda of my grandfather's. He said he thinks the mother rhino charged because its baby had wandered off, placing the car between the parent and child animals. You don't want that.
Starting point is 01:03:01 Single dad, Jamie, an adult support worker from Birmingham, said it was absolutely terrifying. It happened so quickly and I didn't know what to do. I was just in shock. I kept telling Jackson it would avoid us, and then I heard myself swear what I realized it was going to hit us. Don't worry, mate. It's not coming anywhere near us, so we're going to be absolutely, like, if somebody wrote something about me and put it in the paper and it said,
Starting point is 01:03:27 single dad, yeah. Be like, lonely man. Is that necessary? Single carless father. Guy who spends a lot of time in family court. Depract guy who cries often in borrowed car. He's just going home and like starting his four-stroke mower in the shed, closing the to the line.
Starting point is 01:03:49 Why can't you say father? Wifeless father? Wifeless father. Wifeless man. Wifeless man. Wifeless man. Wifeless man. Wifeless man.
Starting point is 01:03:59 Wife's a husband. Gay men can have wives. When you say single father, we know who you're talking about. Yeah. It's this guy. He like opens another tin of soup for dinner for the seventh night in a row, stares out the window. It really looks like he's contemplating something but hasn't quite crystallized into a clear plan of action yet. He said he thinks... Oh, sorry, I already covered that one.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thate thate thi thate, thate, thate, thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thate, thate, thate, thate, thate, that's that's that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th something but hasn't quite crystallized into a clear plan of action yet. He said he thinks, oh sorry I already covered that one, they were stationary in working out
Starting point is 01:04:30 how to drive to see the giraffes when they spotted two adult rhinos headbutting each other. I said look up. Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm. One of the warden spun the wheels on a land rover to prompt the pair to shipwright, but this scared of baby Rhino who ran away. This is part of their animal keeper training is learning how to do sick burnouts. The mother Rhino broke off her squabble to follow the youngster, but Jamie's car was
Starting point is 01:04:59 inadvertently between the pair. Jamie braced as the animal charged, crumpling the driver's side of the bonnet. Staff gave him cable tires to reattach the bonnet so he could get home, he said. Oh no. Get that scotter back to its rifle owner. A lot of my car is reattached with cable tires in the moment and tickets or a free annual pass. What? Set your standards higher, man. I was expecting some free cable tires and I got them. Seems like you also got what you came for? Isn't this what you came for? Like, that's the ideal Safari Park experience,
Starting point is 01:05:39 isn't it? It's have your mum's scoda fucked up by a rhino that you were in? If not the the th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus that that that that that thi thi' to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia not go to the zoo, go to the fucking zoo man. Doesn't get any better than that. Yeah. Yeah, if you don't want to interact with the wildlife, go to the fucking Birmingham Zoo. Yeah the staff just said, well you know what a protective mother is like, you know what a protective mother is like? Yeah, the stuff sound cool as hell. You know what a protective mother is like, yeah, she's constantly taking me to court. Oh, Jesus. Oh, maybe there's a different tone to that. Oh, you know what a protective mother's like.
Starting point is 01:06:15 Wouldn't you, mate? Yeah. Wouldn't you? Yeah. It's great that they are free roaming, but maybe they should segregate mom and baby pairs so things like this don't happen. Don't use that word. I don't think you should just use the word segregate. Separate, yeah. I know they say you're liable for damage to your car but you expect a little scratch. This is very different. It's a bit different. I don't think that would happen to my SkodaDA. I mean, yeah, it's very easy for us to judge. Only Theo really knows the pain of what it would be like to have someone hurt your SCODA. Honestly, I am.
Starting point is 01:06:53 There is something in back my mind. It's like, that's a good car. That's such a shame. It's a lovely car, the Skoda Fabia. Some beautiful Croatian engineering. Of course we've got a little one, we've got a family, so you know we had to go to the Shkoda Octavia which would be just it'd be terrible to see it. Are you saying all 1.4 ton of it flipped upside down by a in a raised. You're saying that a single dad and a child is not a family? I was just saying that the Fabi is probably more their size.
Starting point is 01:07:25 Yeah, interesting. Wow. Yeah. I think they're valid. Sorry, I'm sorry for saying Skoda is from Croatia. I come from a broken, illegitimate family, all right? Hey, I consider your broken family, legitimate. Fucked up, but real. Loaded the dad. Well, he's surely not listening to the, oh that's right, it's a main episode. Is it? Oh, it is now. I know, it could be. I flipped the switch. I've been doing callbacks to the last episode, you know.
Starting point is 01:07:56 We're doing tenet-style quips here. Yeah, now weto this episode. It's 40% smarter if you do it all out of an order. That's what I learned from the movie 21 grams. Oh man. What a piece of shit. 21 grams of shit in a 10 gram bag. Take that now to say. Folks, that's it for us. Enjoy the episode that you will listen to in a claimed director. Folks, that's it for us.
Starting point is 01:08:26 Enjoy the episode that you will listen to in the future, which will make reference to this episode or will establish some things that this episode will make reference to. I'm not entirely sure. That wasn't really paying attention. He was the tenant all along. That's right. Back to front, it spills 10.
Starting point is 01:08:45 It. Holy fuck. Well, that's it for everybody. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for listening to this free episode. Yeah, I think so. That's why I'm feeling about it right now. Okay.
Starting point is 01:09:00 And maybe you'll have heard an ad during this episode for details on how to sign up for the Patreon and get even more episodes. You'll hear a bonus episode that is linked to this one, psychically. Sign up and you might be saying I'm loving it. You might be saying I'm loving it. Yeah. You'll be Timberlake in a lot of the place. That's right. I've been an article about Justin Tim Lake the other day and it was like, Justin Tibilig's finally getting his comeuppance in the Me Too era.
Starting point is 01:09:29 Cool, all right. And they were talking about like, yeah, apparently when he was just going solo, he would hold his fingers up to back up dancers noses and say, I fingered Brittany's. What? dancers noses and say I fingered Brittany's smell my fingers. But like I just I was reading this thing and going like are we are we doing drag Justin Timberlake for stuff he did in like 2002 when he was fucking 19. Let's not close it off. Do I have to turn it into a bonus episode again now?
Starting point is 01:10:08 Why did you wait until the last 30 seconds to do this? Jesus Christ. We're flipping the switch back the other one. Oh my fucking God. I don't know. I found it, it was a vanity fair piece. I found it very weird to be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it turns out a male teenager did something that sucked. I was like, yes. You'd say goodbye and everything. That is his life.
Starting point is 01:10:30 Hey, he knows what he's doing. Edit it out, that's your job there. See everybody. See everybody. Bye. Okay.

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