Boonta Vista - EPISODE 237: Honk Honk, Honk Honk Honk Honk (with Demi Lardner)

Episode Date: February 17, 2022

Andrew, Theo, and Ben are joined by award-winning comedian and awful little creature Demi Lardner to talk about one poorly executed almost crime, one mystery animal identified, and a type of miracle c...owboy bathtub. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at mailbag@boontavista.com! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to Buenta Vista episode 237. I'm Theo and I'm normal now. The procedure was a complete success. On Mondays I say to my coworkers, happy Monday. On Fridays I say to my co-workers, happy Friday. On Tuesdays through Thursdays I ask my co-workers, ready for the weekend yet. I'm normal now. I'm convinced that somebody should do something about things, but I'm also convinced that if things truly got really
Starting point is 00:00:55 bad, then somebody would do something about things. I'm normal. 9-11 is just not something you joke about. I'm racist, regular style, and I've gotten some great fly-by rewards in my time. I drive 90 through a 100 zone. I drive 90 in an 80 zone. I drive 90 through roadworks. I've never been more normal. I'm concerned by proportion. I know a person is about 1.8 meters high. The girl probably weighs about 30 kilos, and a house costs something like 500 to 750,000
Starting point is 00:01:25 dollars. Somebody knows more than this. It's my job to say, how do you even know this stuff? They put a little hole in my skull and they fit in a tool that looks like the mouthpiece of a flute with a little whiz blender inside. They found the bit of my brain that tells me, you should put that broken glass in your mouth whenever I see broken glass on the pavement. Procedure is precise and I'll soon receive a new round of government funding. I'm watching young Sheldon and I'm laughing. I love true crime podcasts and I lock my doors whenever I stop in Logan. HR no longer
Starting point is 00:01:58 monitors my team's chats after the incident where I joked to the whole department about performing ketamine heist on the local vet. I'm so normal you wouldn't pick me out of a lineup of normal guys. FIFA 2022. The surgery has had no complications. Man I'd love a Tesla. That's 9.30 a.m. on a Saturday I'm thinking we park near the end of the shops where Gloria Jeans is so we can grab a coffee before heading to J B.. Hi-Fi, try and buy a PlayStation 5 for my normal idiot children. That's just good forward planning. Nothing against gay guys, but do they have to do the voice?
Starting point is 00:02:32 I can't just talk normal. I've never once wondered how to begin a conversation with my significant other to to take them through the evidence that the CIA killed JFK. My dick works th work work work work work work work work work work thic thic th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. I th. th. thi thi thi th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi- thi. I that. I th. I tho. I tho. I'm their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I. I their their their their their their their their their their their th. I can't th. I can't the. I'm the. I'm too. I'm too. too. too. too. together. together. together.a. I've. together. I'm. I'm together. I'm the. I'm th take them through the evidence that the CIA killed JFK. My dick works normally. I like normal things like the NFL Grand Final and getting a skin check from the dermatologist every however many years you're supposed to get it checked. No longer empty and frantic, just normal. I'm here with my normal friend Ben. Ben, you also had the procedure and you're normal now. Hot enough for you. You wouldn't want to get much hotter than than than than than than than than than than than than than than th the the th the the the the the th the to the the to the to the to the to the to to the to be to be to to be to be to the to the th. Ben, the the the th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the the the the 't want to get much hotter than this, I tell you. No, but still, good for the farmers. Yeah, unless there's too much rain, then it's bad for the farmers.
Starting point is 00:03:14 I saw you just got your car serviced. Yeah. 5,000 kilometers, 10, 10,000000 K once per year service thing going on here. Yeah, and you're putting that in a logbook that you're writing out by hand? You're going to show that to the person that you sell your car to next? 100%? Look, they're going to want to see that. Just like I would want to see that when I buy my car. Yeah. I was a very very very very very very very very that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I'm. I'm. that. I'm. I'm. I'm going. that. I'm going. that. I'm going. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I was thinking of Mazda 6. Well, that was very normal to have five years ago.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Yeah, I don't know what a normal car is these days. Yeah, it's a Mazda Shkoda. I think. Shkoda is not the normal car to have, and I've sold it. It's gone. I'm also here with my friend Andrew. Hey, just give me one second. Yeah, okay, just finishing a message to the group chat I have with my neighbors where we talk about the latest episode of the Mandelorian and how this one had the Mandelorian in it.
Starting point is 00:04:12 And how this one had bobler, fed in it. And also the latest episode of the book of Boba fet and how this one had the across the road and they've sort of, they've kind of like tested the door. And the door was locked so they kept going but. Yeah, I mean I did sit up all night. Yeah. Pretty worried about it but they didn't come back. I didn't come back. I didn't come back. Yeah. And finally. th th th th th th. th. th. th th. th the th. th. they th. th. th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T tho. They tho. They're thoo. They're they're they're they're they're they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they're they're they they the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the the the their the tho. thooooooooooooooooo. the the the the Yeah. It's a normal way to be. And finally, also with us, probably the most normal person we've ever had on the podcast. It's Demi. When I watch the news, I say out loud, pedophiles should all be shot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:01 I mean, well, it's hard to argue with that, isn't it? Oh, string them all up, that's what I say. Jail these days, too good for a flat screen TV, you know? They've got a mattress? It's basically a hotel. Here's the thing, I can't get a PlayStation 5, but prisoners can? Under Bravek has a PS3, you know, what have I got? Oh, I'm a pierced four. Did you cut your lawn? Problem every week. Where every, yeah. Sometimes twice a week.
Starting point is 00:05:29 You do it yourself, you don't get anybody else in to do it. Don't trust them. Yeah. I wouldn't. Yeah. The Jim's mowing man's not going to have the alternating... Yeah, well the alternating, yeah. I think you need to have like a roller. I'm gonna ask, it's different heights.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Yeah, when I'm in Bunnings next, I'm gonna sort of just like tisk until one of the young children, the work there turned around. It's like, sorry, can I help you with something? And then I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask them over the next 45 minutes. Yeah, you do the alternating pattern on your line. Try, you can reduce that length of time by putting your hands on your hips and going, and look, just looking up and down, both ends of the aisle. Now that's a hashtag, life hack. I had a fucking guy do that to me at work the other night.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Like we are not often busy enough that there is a wait because the bar is very small, but I was working by myself. I had to make a bunch of cocktails and a cheeseboard at the same time while there was like four people waiting for a drink and this guy had to wait. time he was standing at the bar, like clenching and unclenching his hands inside. I was at Bunnings the other day and I got some of the biggest drill bits you've ever fucking seen. Did you get some like masonry one? I got the ones that you dig holes in the garden with. Oh no. Thank you. They're huge. They're so big. I don't know man they're so big and spirally. Yeah. Those ones you can use for like mixing concrete. They's they's they's the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T. th. th. They's th. th. th. I's th. I's th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's the biggest. th. th. the biggest. th. the big. the big the big the big the big the big the big the big the big the big th. I the big th. I's big th. I's big th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the biggest thi. thi. thi. the biggest thi. thi. thi. the big spirally. We don't have a garden. Yeah, those ones you can use for like mixing concrete in a bucket. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Sounds so good. But I'm fine. I don't, I don't ever ask for help when I'm at Bunnings. But if I, I won't ask them, but also I will just sort of go, oh, hoo, oh, oh, oh, no. I will ask for help. I will, I, I, I, I, I th. I th. I will, I will, I will, I will, I will th. I will th. I will th. I will ask for help, but rather than staying there with my hands on my hips going, Oh, it's hard to get help these days.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Instead of doing that, I like to pretend that I'm hunting the most dangerous game of all. Man, and I go up and down all the aisles, skulking around, you know, kind of half-crouch. Looking for a guy called Steve, who was concreater for 25 years, but now due to the economy has to work at Bunnings. That's right. I like to wear thigh-high Dominatrix boots to Bunnings, waist-sinched mug beat to filth and that's how I, that's how they know that I need help and then I'll just fall over in the shovel aisle. Be like, oh no, I didn't find what I needed and now I'm injured.
Starting point is 00:08:09 I wish this was a joke, but I spent, I've replaced like the mowers, sorry, I replaced the blades on my mower recently. Yes! I spent so fucking long standing in that aisle looking at the different blades you can get and try to figure out which were the right ones for my mow. What blade would work particularly well with your grass? I barely succeed buying the fucking Whippersnipper Cable.
Starting point is 00:08:34 Like that to be... What I spent fucking ages trying to figure out, I'm looking up the owner's manual PDF on my phone for like the fucking model of lawn mow that I have, because I'm trying to figure out does it have two blades or four blades underneath. And I could not come to an answer and I was like, tell you what, I'm going to buy two blades, because it's better to have two and need another two than to have four and have twice as many as you need. But then you th you thoen you thoen, thoooooo, to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have their. to have two their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho'a, to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have their. their. their. their. their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their one one one one one one. thr. toe. toe. toe. tooooooomooome. two two tooome. too, tooome. tooome. toe. toe. toe, toe. to have four and have twice as many as you need. But then you got two spare if you get four. And then you don't have to buy him again. Yeah, look, that's a great approach
Starting point is 00:09:09 because I bought two and I went, fuck it's four. So now I have two nice sharp blades on my mower and the alternate to have big chunks taken out of them everywhere. Oh, man, your lawn is gonna look like like to to to to to to to to to thua thua to thua thua to th and thua to have thi thi and to have thi and thi and thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to have to have to have to have thi. to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. two two two two two two two toooooooes. two two two toooooooooe. to be to be to be the. to the's taken out of them everywhere. Oh, man, your lawn is going to look like someone kind of cool in 2009 with the lines shaved into their head. No, that's like, that's fine. The issue was that, um, the issue was that once all your blades are all fucked up, uh, the grass just stops going into your lawnmower.
Starting point is 00:09:38 It just all gets clogged in the lawnmows throat and your mower goes, Oh, I know how that is. Yeah. Yeah. That's what my moa was doing. That's what my moa was doing and going, you're okay? Are you on? My moan never does that. It's the true.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Went down the wrong part. I'm your lawnmower. I like to really yummy grass oh my god it's so good but um yeah just a glass of water maybe could not eat another bite I can eat that's my favorite I'm normal I actually probably said that instead of the pedophile thing I was just going off what my friends parents used to say when I would be at their house for dinner when I was a kid yeah that was That happened so much. It's a completely different, like, I go and visit my in-laws
Starting point is 00:10:29 and they're sitting there watching the news, which is just an alien experience now, and there's ads that come on? Yeah, oh, yeah. And they're just sitting there, and they're paying attention to the ads. Getting blasted in them, isn't it wild. Well. And their their their their their their their their their their their their their their with them, isn't it wild? Well, what if there's information about a product or service that I may require? And I might be interested in that. Elna watches, Elna Watch is married at first sight and she prefers to watch it live
Starting point is 00:10:53 so that she doesn't just find out what has happened via tweets before it comes on to the on-demand thing. You'd hate to be spoiled, wouldn't you? But that means... Yeah, you get the shit that makes you want to blow your brains out. Yeah, the pipe and ads in. And like, it does just make me go like, yeah, I guess I did make a very conscious choice some years ago to say, I don't need to have advertising getting piped into my house. And so, you know, we have streaming services and we have like a plex server, you know? And boy do I feel it when there's fucking ads. What's the most of one that you have seen? What is like, what's the worst or do you not have, would you, so if you did get to the point where you did have to blow your brains out because of the TV? Would it be the kind of situation? Would it be for a particular ad? Would would you would you would you would you would you would you would you would you would you would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, like, like, like, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, out because of the TV. Would it be the kind of situation? Would it be for a particular ad?
Starting point is 00:11:45 Would you like put a stencil on the wall behind you that when you peel it off it says Grant Denia or would it be like victory curtains and blinds? Like what? I don't think it's a specific ad so much as the vibe of like every commercial that you see, sorry, not every commercial, but I'm gonna say like, I'm gonna say like maybe half to two thirds of commercials that you see on Australian, like publicly broadcast TV, ads for other shows on that station, and they all have people from all the other shows on them.
Starting point is 00:12:23 It's just like so fucking incestuous. That sucks shit. I want to be in the tele, put me on there, I'll fuck it up real bad. Yeah. And then even the ads, even the fucking ads where it's like, Coles now has this stuff and it's just like the people from fucking Master Chef going, oh, peanut sauce. I think we've brought the, uh, get me out of here. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the the the the the the their. I. I. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.'ve brought the get me out of here. I'm a celebrity thing up about 5,000 times on the podcast. So I think picking that, if I had to pick an ad, it would be that. But if I needed to mix media, I think I'd climb up onto one of the United Australian parties, billboards.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Oh, that's good. Yeah. And take like something a little more high- so we can be seen from further down the motorway and just just really blast half my fucking skull off. You can get the UAP... Are you gonna get down? Oh he's gonna be dead. What? His body will slump into the Fortitude Valley Five Ways. Some poor worker has to come along with like the big squeegee on a pole.
Starting point is 00:13:24 I'd let a dog eat me I think. What would you let eat you eat you after you after you after you after you after you after you after you after you after you you after you you after you you after you you after you you after you you after you you after you you after you you after you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their last their last their last their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tha on a pole. I'd let a dog eat me, I think. What would you let eat you after you were dead and what would you not let eat you? Any animal respected, which is basically any animal larger than me. Yeah, okay. By volume. Imagine how hard like a group of chimps would go. I was gonna fucking say chimps, yes! Yes, because they'd just rip you up. Oh man, they would pull you apart like a rotisserie chicken. Yeah, fuck. Can't wait, honestly.
Starting point is 00:13:54 Oh man, they'd just be popping those joints out, you know? I didn't feel, I mean it wouldn't feel, but like I'd know just before I went, I'd be like, oh, is it better be some full tummies? I like that we were able to keep up being normal for about 10 minutes before me like, fucking fucking. I was trying really, really hard. Yeah. I've went, I've gone to Bunnings like three times this week. I am like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th....... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, tables, bro. Fuck yeah, dog. That's why Tom comes downstairs and he's like, oh you're depressed. And I'm like, yes, look at the tables.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Oh, yeah, I feel like I haven't been into bunnings in a while. I don't know if, uh, no, I did have to get some new drill bits. I'm a liar. I'm a fucking liar. You fucking love to lie, I'm normal. How are you going? Good. That's a great normal person lie. Do you want to look at these photos of something that I did, your work mate? Yes. Yes, I do. I love to. Show them to me now. Show me your holiday photos from Ballina.
Starting point is 00:15:06 I can't wait. There is, however, someone of my work, because obviously, living pandemic style, I have not left my house in several years. And one of the people, so that means that like, for fucking years now, I've just sat in my little room and talked to people on the people, so that means that like for fucking years now I've just sat in my little room and talked to people on the screen for work and one of the people that I'm working with my current job every now and then she's like, hey what are you doing? What are you doing as she looks down and I'm like what's going on down
Starting point is 00:15:37 there and she picks up her gigantic British bulldog? Oh! And holds him up to the camera and I go yay Yeah, the sickest animal bred to be that way Did you see that Norway have banned? British bulldogs? Really? Norway have said they only exist to suffer and we would not like you to buy them anymore. Yeah. I think that they had some sort of stat that was like it was fucking ridiculous. It was like 95% of them or higher than that require some kind of like surgery so that they can breathe, you know? Yeah, they're all fucked up. Yeah, they went, what if we just stopped having them? I'd love to have a skunk.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Somebody in my Discord has a skunk as a pet? And it is... Can you get them like... Yeah, D-assol? You can, but you're not supposed to. They've banned it in the UK. Oh, it's one of those things where it's like, like decloring your cats and stuff. Can I just clarify something? They have banned the practice of taking the stinky gland out of your skunk's assole,
Starting point is 00:16:47 but they have not banned owning a skunk privately. Yes, yes. Makes perfect sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm normal. Works for me. Works for me.
Starting point is 00:16:58 I swear to God someone in our discord also posted a photo of a domesticated skunk. It's probably the same person then. Wild. Wild. What overlap. Andrew, you really set yourself up for a perfect segue there. You're talking about the bulldogs and crimes. The first story there is that. Are you trying to tell me that you want to segue into a brand new segment? Isn't it new? Have we done it before? Probably. I mean, look, let's say brand new segment, because I'm about to play a little thing for you. A brand new segment on this show in which we look
Starting point is 00:17:36 into crimes which have occurred. And we call that segment, Crime Watch Scrum watch. Just, you know, we don't discuss a lot of our methodology with each other on this podcast. We just sort of do whatever feels natural, but I just take it as red that any time I put in a segment heading that is something watch. Yep. You know, we just use the generic stinger that we have for something watch. Oh, sorry, Ben, don't interrupt the theme. G-g-g-g-g-goo- Ah!
Starting point is 00:18:50 My son! They're still dying. Did you prepare that today? Uh, yes. Oh, okay. I looked at the notes and I saw a crime watch up the top and I said, can't just play the regular old stinger, come on. God we're good. Now I'm doubting everything.
Starting point is 00:19:07 Anyway, this is from Lima or Lima News in Ohio, Akron suspect mixes up two Ottawa's in alleged bomb threat. Ottawa, Ontario is the capital city of Canada and current home to a massive protest by over the-road truck drivers angry about mask mandates related to the COVID-19 pandemic. Hong-h-hunk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk kong kong get out of your goose this is serious Trudeau your time is up honk honk honk, honk. You've got beautiful eyes, honk honk. Honk honk honk. I've got teeth all over my tongue. It's not good to see, honk.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Too many. They do, don't they. It's not good. Oh, I hate getting chased by a goose. I'm not getting to the todayorououououse. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to to to. to. to. to. to. t t t t t t t t t t t t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t. t. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. know what's going on with the bird world but they just want to fuck me up so bad not as much since I grew up a little bit but I'm being chased by so many birds I will freely admit that that my my my goose chase memories are all from childhood yeah that's all from I've still got yeah I have honk honk honk honk honk Although, there is something that's worse than the honk, which is when they go... Yeah, I don't like the hish.
Starting point is 00:20:30 And I'm like, no, go into it, but I've been attacked by so many birds. I don't believe it. I wish you would. You lend yourself to bird attacks. I'm not saying you brought these point yourself. I just mean that your life sounds like you're saying it's what I'm wearing. Just because it was a three-piece suit of chicken feet doesn't mean I deserved it. When was the last time you got chased by like a large dad? That's so recently. Yeah, I know. It's stunningly recent.
Starting point is 00:21:17 Because I was down near a river and I had a, I had a sandwich that I had a sandwich that I had brought from home. And a big fucked up swan just started sprinting at me. That's a great image. I picture a sprinter like moving their arms as well. I picturing it like moving its wings. And I was running away and this old woman just turned around. She was like feeding the ducks.
Starting point is 00:21:44 And I was like, can't go over there. She wants you to have it. And like, this old lady's just scream laughing at me from a bench. So bad. So no help from that lady. She didn't like right in and clock the swan on its jaw or anything. It's never, you know you're in for a bad time when the bird involved like a thi thin, you thin, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, th, th, this this this old, this old, this this old, this this this this this this this this this this this this th, this th, th, this th, this this th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi this old old old old old old thi thi this old this old, like, like, this old, this involved like goes parallel to the ground and stretches his neck out. Oh, I don't like that.
Starting point is 00:22:07 When it goes like arrow mode, it's ready to like snap your Achilles tendon. Yeah. It's like a fighter plane kind of putting its wings back to go mark to accept it wants to bite your genitals. We should attach parachutes to every goose and swan so that this can't happen. Oh, like drag parachutes, like the way drag race is back. Yes, I think so. So if they get up to a certain speed, it catches on the back here, or if the wind blows, I guess, and then the swans are blown into a building.
Starting point is 00:22:37 Maybe there can be an app where you can remotely pull the rip cord on a local goose. Yeah, yeah, on the local goose. Gooses in your area, push this button. I heard recently, I heard from an unreputable source that they used to put a goose up the chimney to clean the chimneys in old, old time. No, I think that's real. Really? Yeah. Delightful. I mean, mine might also be from an unreputable source as well actually now that I think about it but I've also heard it so it must be true.
Starting point is 00:23:09 And then you release the snakes to clean the goose. I'm just imagining a running, running away from a goose as you try to get your phone to detect like a local Bluetooth device. Come on! Hog, hon. I was thinking you could maybe have the same thing as like remote camera flashes where it's just an IR flash. So you just got a little remote that you just press and then, you know, if there's a goose within range, yeah, parachute.
Starting point is 00:23:37 A little parachute comes out. So do we get them to everybody? Or you can have them, okay, you have them at the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to the thoes, to thoes, to to to thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, them, okay, you have them at the start of the park, so when you walk in you get your goose remote, I think. And then there's like a bin to put them in when you leave. There's no sense having one on you all the time. Like if you're, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. The goose also has a remote, right? And it gives you wheels, and it gives you wheels, and you wheels, and you wheels, and you to to to to to to to their their their to their their their their to their their their their their to to their their to their, to to to to to get, their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their, their their their, their their their their their, their their, their their their their, their their their their their their their th. It's, th. It's, th. It's th. th. It's thus. It's thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's their th. It's you're not used to having them yet so you don't really know your balance is wrong, right? The goose pushes the button and like the you know the wheelie sneakers? Yeah, they did the heel-y sneakers.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Yeah, that pops out on your shoes. Yeah. Oh, he's getting these things. They can't be. They haven't got any ad revenue. They're very aggressive. They can do a lot all all all all all all all all all all all all th. th. th. T. th. T. T. th. T. th. th. th. T. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their. thi. thi. their. their. their. their. their. their. their balance. their. the balance. the balance. the balance. the balance. the balance. the balance. the balance. the balance. the balance. the balance. the balance. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. their. their. their. their. their. the revenue. They can do what if they, they can do a lot of stuff. What if the button, they just push it and the zip that you've had installed in your thorax just unzips and all your intestines fall out? What about that? They'll be mean to get that removed.
Starting point is 00:24:37 What do you think is the biggest venue that a crew of geese could rob. Ooh, I don't reckon more than like a probably chip shop. Or maybe. Yeah, yeah, because if they got up there and got behind the counter into the, into the like chip tray, you know, everyone's just gonna go, whoa, and stand back. Oh, costume shop. Okay, what?
Starting point is 00:25:00 I'm gonna need to see working on this one. Because I think if they went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went they went went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went they went this one. Because I think if they went in there to rob the place, either they'd immediately have access to a disguise, or it would be assumed that they're already wearing their goose costume and perhaps they are returning it. Excuse me, fancy gentleman with a monocle. Did you see a goose coming here? Hong, Kong, Kong. Yeah, well they do two for no. So. Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Honk, honk. Oh, God. Are you tired of paying nothing for the same old superior- to-punitie-upon-o'-due-o'-o'-a'-dia-o'-o'-a-po'-p'-ss... the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. thiii-s. thi'-pppppppppppppppppppppppppongeded-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-coe-p. th. the-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-p'-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-s. the-cc'-c'-a-a-a'-a'-a'-a-c'-c'-c'-c'-cooooo-cooo-coo-c'-c'-c'-c'-c'-c'-c'-n'-e-e-e-e Do you want less politics and more content about diarrhea, or animals gone wild? You're tired of skipping through those hours upon hours of paid product placement for Mark Wahlberg Film Shooter? Well, boy, do I have the offer of a lifetime for you. That's right, for just five US dollars a month, you too can be a premium VIP member of the Buntavista Patreon. That's right, just five US dollars for all of our bonus episodes. That's over 300 hours of content from the hosts you know and definitely tolerate. I'll even throw in access to our glamorous and exclusive Discord server, where bizarre arguments
Starting point is 00:26:14 only happen once or twice a week at most. Head to Patreon. Com slash Buntavista. Sign up in the next five minutes and I won't know because that's not my job. but you'll be enjoying the sweet satisfaction of supporting us and we will love you romantically for it. That's my promise to you. All right Ben, well one sentence in Ottawa, Ohio. No one of the above. Nobody honking in Ottawa, Ohio.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Nobody honking there. Unless they have seen a bumper sticker and they are horny. Yeah. Or if they got you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you their you their you they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their they their their their their their their their their their th th th th tho th tho-s tho-s tho-s tho-s tho-s th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. the thi thi that that that that that that to to theat to to to to that that that that that that the that thi thi thi the th Ottawa, Ohio. Nobody honking there. Unless they have seen a bumper sticker and they are horny. Yeah. Or if they got them big heinies, you know? Yeah. That's true. Hmm, maybe them honking. Apparently some people are struggling to grasp the difference. None more so than a 20-year-old man from Akron, Ohio who is facing potential criminal charters chcharters, thaters, that, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or th. th. th. thi, the the the the the the the the their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, or thi, or thi, or thi, or th a bomb threat to police in the wrong Ottawa on Monday. Oh, this guy said, grasp. Get his ass.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Whose man's is this? What the fuck? Say grasp? What the fuck is happening right now? Cash, gas or grasp. Nobody rides for free. I feel like I'm going crazy right now. What did I say? You said grass. What is that wrong? To me? Yes.
Starting point is 00:27:35 Yeah, it's also wrong to me. I might argue with my English mother about it, but come on, bro. Grasp. My mind to be saying grasp. Thank you. on, bro. Grasp. Am I going to be saying grass? I think so. Yes, that's much. That's so much more soothing on my ears. Mmm.
Starting point is 00:27:50 Grass. This is fucked up. I'm going to be looking into this later. And then, part of myself. Opus day style, if it turns out how it's wrong. Hey, Ben, if you were to clean yourself you would say I'm getting into the the bath yeah you fucking would and what would you clean first? My back I have one of those scrubbing brushes on a long handle and I'm also wearing a shower cap in the bath safety first have you ever seen a cartoon of anyone in a bath before yeah yeah dude I used to so I love having a to that the barred site. I used to so I love having a baths I the bath I the bath I the bath I the bath I the bath I the bath. I the bath. I the bath. I the bath. I the bath. I the bath. I the bath. I the bath. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I the bath. I the bath. I the bath. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I th. I the th. I the th. did he need it in the bath? Safety first. Have you ever seen a cartoon of anyone in a bath before?
Starting point is 00:28:26 Yeah, dude. I used to, so I love having baths. I only ever want to have a bath ever. I hate having showers. I don't want to stand up. I'm relaxing and I'm washing my goot. And I had a living situation when I first moved in with Tom where he didn't have a bath. So I went to, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went online, I went on to, I went on to, I went online, I went online, I went on to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I tree, I tree, I tree, I tree, I tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, to to to to to to to to to to to online onto green, tree, green tree for the shopping, shopping tree, a little tree, gum tree, three, thank you, and bought a half of a wine barrel and just sat down to the shower, and I used to, and I drilled a hole in the bottom with like a spade drill bit for the plug, and I used to have baths in half of a barrel. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Okay. I'll send you some photos. You can ask Tom.
Starting point is 00:29:08 The best part about it is that when you're done, you can kick the bottom of it out and put some straps on and then walk around asking people for money. And everybody knows I'm poor. Yeah. I personally, I personally, hold the solution that you arrived at. Well, I wanted a bath that because I like to be squished up in the bath, like if I'm in like a long bath I like turn sideways and put my knees up. And so I got like the half of the wine barrel. I was like, I can just sit in here because my little honey with my knees up.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Demi, would I be correct in understanding that you are not tall? I am 511 is is is is is is is 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that. that. that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that. that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I. I. I. I that. I. I. I that. I that. I. I. I th. I th. I. I. I th. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that. I th. I th. I th. tall. I am 5-1-ish, just under. Right, right, because I personally fucking hate a bath, right? Because your standard bathtub, like, has been put into a 1970-style Australian house. Yes. They're all the kind of bath where I can put water into them, and then if I sit in that bath, I can either have like say my belly
Starting point is 00:30:07 button down submerged in the water and my legs and then my entire like torso and shoulders and head and everything are all completely above the water or I can get the top half of me you know up to the shoulders into the water and then most of my legs are out of the water and I don't enjoy any part of the experience. I also don't enjoy just kind of sitting in like like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to to to to to to to me. to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. the. the. theluu. thelu. thelu. telly. theau. theau. thelu. theau theau theau their. the. the. to. to the shoulders into the water and then most of my legs are out of the water. And I don't enjoy any part of the experience. I also don't enjoy just kind of sitting in like Andrew's soup. I love it and sometimes I'll just let it out and refill it and stuff. But right now I have a folding bath because that house that we're in doesn't have a bath so it's a folding bath.
Starting point is 00:30:40 I would have probably done that first before buying half a wine barrel. Yeah, but the aesthetic of the house was such that I would rather have the wine barrel so that I didn't have to put it away. What is a folding bath? It's basically, it's like hard plastic with essentially like rubber hinges that you can fold it flat and it goes completely flat so you can like hide away. Oh, it's like a big adult-sized version of one of those collapsible tubs that you take camping. Yeah. But for putting a person in? I believe they're very popular in Japan. Yeah. I am currently looking at a picture of one that has an almost completely enclosed top. Oh I've seen those. It just has a hole for a lady's head to come out of and she has a man's head. A Macbook. A ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma. A pro a pro a pro a pro a pro a pro a pro a pro to a pro to a pro. A pro. A pro. A pro. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. th. th. th. to come out of and she has a man's head sitting on the lid of the tub.
Starting point is 00:31:26 Okay, how the fuck is she getting out of there? Now Ben I believe in equality but a man's head would not come out of that bath hole. That's just for ladies. It's only a lady-hole that's just for women. What about a hole that's just that is right Ben you've read my mind? Finally. Can we get a hole for women, please? A hole with a sign on that says, ladies only. Ladies only? How is she getting out of though? Because surely she's got a, how she's moving the laptop? I think, oh, shit, that's a really good point.
Starting point is 00:31:57 I suppose she probably has like a boy to do that for her or something. It's worth noting that this is like a classic sort of Ali Baba style photoshopped product photo. But that said, if you wanted to get out of this bar, you would have to like stand up taking the whole lid with you, sending your laptop crashing to the hard-tiled floor. And then you put it in the laptop bin, you get your new laptop from the dispenser on the way out and you continue living your life. That's right. This woman is also like, she is rapturous in this image. Her eyes are closed. She looks to be in a heightened state of relaxation.
Starting point is 00:32:33 Yeah, she's just listening to the audio of Downton Abbey. Why is there a lid on the bath? I think to keep it hot, like to keep the steam in maybe. It's also way big big the to to the to the to the to keep the to keep the the to keep the the to keep the the to keep the to keep the to keep the the the the the to keep the the to keep to keep to keep to keep the to keep to keep to keep the heat in the the heat to keep to keep to keep to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the heat in their. their. their. their. the heat. the heat. the heat. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. theathea. theathea. theathea. teathea. teathea. tea. tea. tea. th. thea. the way bigger than I was picturing. I thought this was one the ones that you would like sit underneath like at the bottom you shower It's sort of upright and you'd go in your demi style. Yeah Yeah, well, I sit my seat sideways in my bath because mine is a long one. I don't know I try to tell you the baths. I don't know it anywhere because my bathroom is too small, but I miss having a bath so much. No, it's not. No, no, no, no, you can get it. Buy half a barrel! By half a barrel! I might just get a whole barrel because I'm kind of tall. Yeah, you can get it.
Starting point is 00:33:11 That's what be a strange way to get to be getting in though. Yeah. Then you're going to have to put like stocks or something. Stumps, scrunks, bonks, feet, something the stirrucks. Chirps? Chalks? Chalks. Language looks so beautiful. Language is amazing. I'm so lucky that I have smart friends. I am I replaced the showerhead in a shower a while ago and because you're normal now it's the same thing you do as normal and what you replace it with well because my dick ripper off a 2000 because I do not rent this house oh there was no obligation to have like an extra you know a-saving low-flow thing in there when when got the classic the classic Daisy high-flow showerhead and I said
Starting point is 00:34:13 let me waste that water yes I feel like it in the ocean it's tons we're running out of sand though to nobody you know that I don't need any sand. I'm good on sand. All right. Fine. Like if I need sand I can I can break down some of the glasses I've got. Right, next time you need to make a terrarium for some hermit crabs. Maybe then you'll think about it. I don't. I don't. At the moment I'm busy looking after, yeah, I'm looking after my cat. I'm, uh, I'm trying to quash my children's desire for a dog. Yeah, don't get a dog. They got stink. They go stink holes. Man, like, no, like, I don't want to buy a fucking dog from a breeder, right?
Starting point is 00:34:59 That's correct. Am I correct? Yes. Yeah. I want to buy a fucking dog from a th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. I, th. I, thi. I, thi. I, thi. I, thi. I, thi. I, thi, thi, thi. I'm, thi. I'm, tog. I'm, tog. I'm, tog. I'm, tog. I'm, tog. I'm, tog. dog from a breeder and my beautiful wife, Eleanor, every night she says, I've got to look at the dogs and she looks at the like dogs in the local area that you can adopt. And every one of them says, hey, here's a dog that needs a bit of work. And down the bottom it says, this dog fucking hates children. This dog fucking hates cats. Well, it loves children in one way.
Starting point is 00:35:31 This dog fucking hates men. Every fucking single dog on those websites is like, and you would, and if it ever needs dental surgery, this one is a load bearing tooes, the whole dog will fall apart if you do anything to its face. There's a dog that has been on there for months and months. And this dog, they're like, yeah, it's got this kind of fucked up problem where it needs to sit in like a high chair while it's having dinner. Sorry, I had to interrupt, but uh, my rescue dog is trying to throw up at the moment.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Yeah, see, throw them all th and throw throw throw him him him him the the the to throw up at the moment. Give me one hot second. Yeah, see? Throw them all in the bin. Ben's dog is sitting there being like I just feel like I had too much for dinner. I got to fit. I definitely puked at this point. I got to fit into my gold dress. You think you think Louis's trying to look good? I think so yeah. It's just like... Lowy feels th. L- the th. Lu th. Lu th. Lu feels th. Lu th. Lu thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. I thi th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to try. to to try to to to to to to try to to to to to to thi. thi thi to thi thi thi like- to feel self-conscious. Listen, like- Listen, like, one more kilo, like, honestly, one more kilo and I am done. Like, I know, like, I'm not the healthiest, but like, I look hot. Which is such a shame, because Louis's kind of nice with it, though.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Louis's kind of nice with it. He's like, their like, Do you ever see those like Twitter accounts for girls who are like... We got those now, huh? They're allowed? You ever see those Twitter accounts and it's a girl and she's like, I used to have an eating disorder, now I'm just on a weight loss journey. They're like, oh, if I lost a few more pounds or whatever, I'd feel real nice. Good thing I don't have an eating disorder. Yeah, it's one of the few things that makes me feel really bad on Twitter. Yeah, not good. I used to have an eating disorder and I decided to stop having it when I looked in the mirror
Starting point is 00:37:14 and was like, Gollum? It's not good. Well the fucked up thing about the classic eating disorder, like, the that the classic eating disorder, like, makes all your hair fall out and shit, doesn't it? Gollam style, yeah. Yeah, for real. You get right, I think I was, there's a point where I was like, I'm 5'1 and I was like, p-ph-40 kilos. It was really that. Oh, you can see every, I was a damn xylophone, ta shirt off. No good. It's not enough kilos, my dude. Playing
Starting point is 00:37:46 you like one of those skeletons and the old black and white cartoons, you know, yeah, that's what I want. Anyway, I want to do. I want to do is lift like thrown Murphy bath, you know the Murphy Bates? Oh, can you put them away? Once I'm done, yeah, once I'm done. Once I'm done, what I want to do is th, what th, what I want th, what I want to do, what I to do, what I to do, what I to do, what I to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, to to to to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, the the the thin, t, to, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too done, what I want to do is lift like 300 kilos of porcelain into my wall. It's like, boom. That'd be so sick. It's still wet as well. It's wet in the wall. And it dumps it into the wall too.
Starting point is 00:38:14 It dumps it right inside of the trowel. But you can't have a pipe on the water immediately goes into all of your like insulation and drywall and stuff. I remember one time I was looking, I came home, I was in a sharehouse with my friend Brazier and our other friend Shannon. I came home like ultra drunk and I was like, I'm having a bath but like everyone else had just gone to sleep after having their showers and all the hot water was gone. So I started running the bath and I only got about like two inches of like bathable water. So, me and me and my drunk self got naked, laid in the bath and just rolled around like a sausage at the 7-Eleven. Like, like you're battering a piece of chicken.
Starting point is 00:39:05 Yeah, like I was a crocodile that he got in its prey. It was trying to drown it, but it was way too shallow. I was just like basting myself in the dirt water. It was so good. I was looking after a puppy at the time, and the housemates woke up because the puppy was like, up on the side of the bath going like, I'm like, I go, go, go, like, what are you doing? My housemates came in and I was like, guys don't look at me, I'm not proud. Theo, I know that you were joking,
Starting point is 00:39:33 but the thing that you're talking about exists and it is called a Mosley folding bathtub. Wow. It is a self-contained unit, it is a self-contained unit. It's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I's, I, tho, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, tho, tho, th, th, th. I, th, th, th, th, th. I, th. I, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoooo, thoo, thoo, thoo, tho, tho, tho, tho, it's like an antique type thing, a self-contained unit that has like its own hot water unit and bathtub and when you're finished you can just fold that whole bad boy up. It looks like it looks like what you would have a bath in in the old west. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh it's been six months and I'm finally going to pay two bits to wash my penis. Definitely. It's doing triple Judy as bathtub, moonshine, brewing vestibule and coffin. It was invented by a guy who puts doctor in his title even though he has no medical background of any way, any kind. Dr. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. M. Moseley's folding bathtub. Oh, oh my god that's sick. A real blessing to children and delicate persons.
Starting point is 00:40:27 And the luxury to everybody is the latest improved Mosley bathtub. No longer kills you. It is a handsome cabinet which may be turned into a hot bath at a minute's notice and used in the bedroom or anywhere. Taking a down of the bedroom or anywhere. Per- Taking it down to the beach? Perfectly sanitary. No deadly sewer gas.
Starting point is 00:40:50 A lot of question a product I buy doesn't have deadly sewer gas. Not enough of them around, honestly. Oh my God. This rules. Oh, man. So there you go, just get one of them Ben. Get one of this rules. Oh man. Get one of them Ben. Get one of them. Yeah, perfect.
Starting point is 00:41:08 I'm saying a lot of magazine ads for the Mosley folding bathtub. It costs anywhere from 18 to $100. That's perfectly affordable. Which shit was like one cent? So fucked up. You can't be one cent, idiot. How many silver dollars? All right, now this one's aggressive. The Mosley will add to your home that inestable comfort and satisfaction, which a perfect bath affords.
Starting point is 00:41:39 You're the loser if you haven't won. You're the loser if you haven't won. Fucking owned. They're really trying to negge me into buying this folding bathtub. You're a loser if you haven't won. Hitherto, a wedgie bestowed pun your rear end. In one corner of the ad, it just says gas, gasoline or oil, making no reference to $25. You could get a mostly self-heating folding bathtub that's as complete as any
Starting point is 00:42:09 city bath. Good Lord. Oh, I've got a price listing for a mostly, for a mostly antique, for a mostly antique, sorry, it wasn't antique at the time. This is a number 15, beveled French plate mirror imitation drawers, natural antique or 16th century polished finish zinc lined, five foot six inches long with folding legs. A zinc line tub with enameled iron heater costs you $40.80 cents. A steel. An enameled tub with enameled iron heater, $44.80 cents. A copper lined tub with enameled iron heater $44.80.
Starting point is 00:42:45 A copper lined tub with enameled iron heater, $47. Oh, damn, you're gonna get murdered like in Sherlock Holm too. However, if you just wanna get them without the heater, his incline tub will run you $27. An enameled tub will run you $31.20. And a copper lined tub without heater will run you $31.20 and a copper lined tub without heater will run you $34. My God. I was watching, I finally watched the Lighthouse.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Wonderful film. That is a film for it. Oh God, it's just, I watched the Lighthouse and I was like, man, if somebody told me, like if I was at uni right now and like a film, a male film student was like, yeah, the lighthouse was amazing. I'd be like, well then, sir, I am shielding the small of my back from you and you will never be able to touch it. However, we finally watched it and not only did it rock. It fucking does rock. Two extremely normal guys right there.
Starting point is 00:43:50 But like, you know, we were sort of watching it through that lens of, when's it meant to be set like very early 1900s or late 1800s? Late 1800s, I would have thought, yeah. Yeah, and there's the scenes where like, Robert Pattinson's character is like drawing himself some water in the kitchen and it's like pulling it out of the septic tank instead or whatever. Yeah. But I was like, imagine how miraculous it would have been to be like, I'm drawing water from inside the house.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Yeah. I'm just pumping a thing and some water's coming out inside. We're living in the f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f. the f. the f. the f. It the f. It's th. It's th. some waters coming out inside. We're living in the fucking future. It is magic. It is magic. I really did like the light house. I, I, it was, it was cool and we had all the bushfires here a couple of years ago and all the water was that cool? Was it cool? Was it cool as hell? Personally, I loved it. I loved how my kids couldn't go outside.
Starting point is 00:44:52 I loved how the air was brown for months. And I especially loved how occasionally I would turn the tap on and the water would be brown because of the amount of ash that was in the reservoir Yeah, that was a cool thing about it as well. Yeah Yeah, I was like oh a little bit of a little bit of brown water for daddy Nutrients. Hey Ben are we on a sentence three of this article? Yeah, I think so. I'm really sorry guys. I'm in a weird mood No, it's not you. That's the wrecking. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I th. I th. Yeah. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was. that. that. Ithis article? Yeah I think so. I'm really sorry guys I'm in a weird mood. Not yet. It means it's a rightless content. That is true. Wait have you been standing this whole time? No I changed it. All right I was just that felt like a weird optical illusion had just happened to be I was like, whoa there wasn't a
Starting point is 00:45:37 chair at all. Yeah no I changed it. Incredible. Pundam County Sheriff's Office Captain Brad Brubaker said the man called their office saying he was going to set off a bomb in Ottawa. It's like so fucking disjointed at this point. This is on the listener to try and remember where it was before. Quote, our dispatcher stayed on the line with him for quite a while while we tried to determine what was going on, Brubaker said Wednesday. We ran a trace on the call due to the emergency nature of it and got a location in the Akron area, but Bruebreaker said the suspect didn't stop there. He called back a second time, claiming he had been shot. When he found out he was talking to Ohio and not Canada, he said he hadn't been shot, but was simply tried to waste the Canadian authorities time and resources because he didn't agree with their mask mandate.
Starting point is 00:46:25 Hong Kong, Kong, con, con, con, con, con, con, con, con, con, con, God damn. The caller at that point also admitted there was no bomb. The unnamed individual apparently tried to- Hold on, let me, let me hold you up here and say, like I don't, I don't, they' to to to to jobs but I think I don't he's not doing a good job of this he is it's a bomb threat guy yeah I think the bomb thread guy I don't think he's made it like if we can go through the number of fundamental errors he's made at this point number one called the wrong city yes which I would check. Number two,
Starting point is 00:47:06 fucked around for so long that they immediately traced where he was. Number three, told them he was shot for some reason, but also immediately said, no, I didn't really get shot. No, I'm fine. I'm fine. It's okay.
Starting point is 00:47:22 Yes, I guess he was like He was trying to respect the time of the wrong city? Because he really, because he loves cops, probably. Fuck, that's a really good point. Like, people who were... Let's step back for a second, Andrew. So you said he stayed on the line long enough to trace his call. That's a while, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:47:43 Do you think that they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've got like a little ticking time thing there? A little message on their screen? Every one of the five or six thousand movies that I've watched strongly suggested that that is the case. Keep them on the line. Keep talking. And they wouldn't do that you think if it wasn't true? to your understanding? No, I just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the their. their. their. th. their. th. their. th. their. the their. they. they. the they. they. they. the they. th. th. thi. thi. they. th. the thi. th. the th. No, I just I just think that this guy he didn't really have a clear idea of what he wanted to say and get across or what he kind of wanted to get out of this. I think if you want to call in a bomb threat, if you want to call in a bomb threat, generally what you're going for is like, I want to postpone the Ariana Grande concert that I have tickets for because, you know, I have a scheduling conflict and I would like them to do it again two months from now so I can go. Can we have a clear idea with the with the Mr. Bain voice?
Starting point is 00:48:34 Mr. Bain? Mr. Bain? I wish I could show you Mr. Bain right now. I'm not in Canada. And look, I think if we were doing like that. Mr. Bain right now. I'm not in Canada. And look, I think if we were doing like a- I was born with the turkey on my head. If we were doing like a David Letterman style top-ten list of things not to do when you
Starting point is 00:48:58 were calling in a bomb threat, I think number one with a bullet is telling them that they, you don't have a bomb. Calling in the bomb threat. We that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's all. that's all. that's all, that's all. that's that's all. that's that's that's that's that's that's. I that's. I that's. I was. I was. I was that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. That's. That's. That's that's that's that's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. that's all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all, th. th. th. that's all all all all all. th. th. that's all. that's all. th. that's all is telling them that you don't have a bomb. Calling in the bomb threat, we've got no, that's all above board. No problem with it. You're just trying to do it right. If, look, like, no judgment. No judgment. If you're trying to do an effective bomb threat,
Starting point is 00:49:18 don't say, by the way there isn't a bomb. Because... I I I I I I I I I I I the way, there isn't a bomb, because... I kind of fucked up and called the wrong country. You got two problems at this point. Your two problems are that, number one, they know they don't really have to worry about the bomb thing or take it too seriously. And number two, they also know that you have called them and claimed that there was a bomb somewhere. And they don't have to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry, to to to to to the to to to their to to their to to their to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. tho. tho. tho, tho. tho, tho, their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, their, their, too. tooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, th. And, th. tho. tho. tho. th. th. And they don't have to worry about the bomb thing. All they have to worry about is arresting you? Hey, Ottawa police, I'd like to call in a fake bomb threat. Fuck! Fuck! Um... God, Garrett. That's the last sentence here I'm very intrigued about.
Starting point is 00:49:54 Uh, Bruemaker said the Putnam County Sheriff's Office contacted Police in Ottawa, Ontario to let them know the threat was actually directed at them. So he the the the the the the the the the they. tho. tho-I tho-I tho-I tho-fo-fog-fog-fo-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fogued-fogued-fogued-fogued-fog-fo-foomom fom-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-fog-ffffffffffff's f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f-fo f f f f f-fo f f f-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-foom, fuck, fucks f-fo-foom, fucks-foom thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom thomb thoom threate-foom threats-foom threats actually directed at them. So he called him to say a guy called in a fake bomb threat to you. If I hear without a bomb, but he think you guys should know that. Hey, if I hear who's not going to bomb you. Well anyway, have a lovely day. And also he's here and not there. He's without a bomb but he is with free minutes, so I don't know. Hey, I'm just calling up to for for a f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. th. the. the. th. th. th. If he he he he here without he here without he here without he here without here without he here without he he th. If he th. If th. If th. He th. He he he th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. he he he he he he he calling up to forward a bomb threat. Yeah, wrong department, but uh... Maybe this is a nothing to report to report. There's a guy here who's going to do nothing to you. Anyway. I got a phone call from a guy.
Starting point is 00:50:41 So... How's the order going? Is that thou? I thought I'd let you guys know? I got a call. I'm sorry you got a bunch of a bunch of guys honk in there? All right, well, you better get going. Oh, what's his name? He goes to a different school. It's so good that this happened because Google localizes your search results. So because he's in Ohio, he's just Googled Ottawa phone and it's given it the closest Ottawa. It's so funny dude. Hello is that Ottawa? Boy do I have a bomb threat for you? So there's a the copier points out that because it's he's also from Ohio that the number he would have
Starting point is 00:51:17 called would have had the same area code as his phone number as he still was like oh this seems right. Mr. Science genius That's so good. What's this happened? What just happened? All right, everybody. What happened? Uh, I started playing a very loud theme locally, and I thought everybody else could hear it too.
Starting point is 00:51:37 No, no, not at all. You seem crazy. Is that it- Edit that part out where I sound crazy. Go fuck yourself. I was about to... It's sort of the way that your eyes changed when you said, what just happened? And I was like, oh no, has he just...
Starting point is 00:51:57 Is he just woken up from his dream life from being an infant and being like, what just happened? I missed the last 30 years. This man has dementia. You're gonna love it, dude. We have the iPhone 11 now. It's awesome. We're running out of time at this juncture.
Starting point is 00:52:15 But there is, I'd like to do a little follow-up to one of our earlier stories. And I'm just gonna paraphrase the article because we're really not going to find out a lot. But in the episode, our extremely long, two-hour long live episode, Beverly Schoolbillies that we did recently, we spoke about an animal that was put into a shelter where they could not determine whether it was a dog or a coyote. And Theo made a disparaging remark about how we'd probably never follow that up. Well, here we go. Here we go. Here's is is is is is is a the follow, here's a the follow, here's a the follow, here's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their th. th. th. th. thoome, thoome, thoome, thoome, thoome, thoom, thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. I thoom. I th. I th. I, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm the. I'm thea. I'm, thea. I'm, thea. I'm, thea. I'm thea. I'm thea. I'm thea. I'm the. I'm that up. Well here we go, here's a follow-up on that one. They're the same thing, aren't they? No, they're different and this one is a hundred percent coyote. I feel like if you have to ask the question. Well, okay, I'm going to say to all of us an image of the animal because the follow-up story also has that. And then I will let you be the judge of whether it's insanely
Starting point is 00:53:05 That's a woman in a bath Obviously It's not a good. Not either. All right. Well, you're smarter than the people at the animal shelter so far Yeah, that's not what a dog looks like just to my personal experience That's what a coyote with mange looks like. Yeah, it actually looks like. That's what like a guy looks like Yeah, that's a scamp that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a scamp. that's a that's a that's a scamp that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a the that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's not a that's not a that's not a that's not a that's a that's a the that's a that's a the the that's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha thia. thi-a. thi-a. thi-s thia. thia. thia. th. thia. th. thia. thi. thi. that's not. that's a th. Yeah, it actually looks like, that's what like a guy looks like more than a dog. That's a scamp that got fucked up. Yeah, oh man. Incidentally, it looks a lot more like Wiley Coyote than the other coyotes than I've seen.
Starting point is 00:53:39 That's true. Wiley coyote is kind of a dejected loser, isn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's like, that's that's just just... That's just... That's what it's what's what's what's what's what's what's what... That's that's what's that's what that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's true. Wiley Coyote is kind of a dejected loser, isn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just about to kick it. I don't need to kick a man while he's down. I read some... Not a man. Not a man. Neither this photo of a real coyote is a man, nor is the fictioning a real man. the fiole is a man, nor is the fictional creation and animated drawing while the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I. Yeah, t. Yeah, t. Yeah, t. t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t to t t t t to t t to t to, t t t to, to, to t t t t t t t don't have to worry about offending either and too much. Here's the trials of the man. Very few wild animals are ordering catalog products and then assembling them. Look, I will say, however, that I think that this coyote that was apprehended by the whoever animal police. The animal rescuers in... Wildlife works in Adams County. I will say, I think that this coyote is more successful than Wiley Coyote from from the Looney Tunes cartoons because it successfully escaped and like
Starting point is 00:54:34 shredded its cage and the window that it escaped from and all that stuff. So, like, I think that it has been successful in more avenues of its life than Wiley Coyote has. Congratulations to this coyote which is a camp of the week. Yes. You did it, pal. There is something very funny about how they've put a hundred percent coyote in quotes as a direct quote. Quote like it's not they're like oh there's no dog in this, there is absolutely none. Zero dog, we tested for dog, zero dog. If you're allergic to dog, eat this coyote right now. It's mandatory. You have to get into this show. Insane clown posse reunion.
Starting point is 00:55:22 What they do. And sorry, how did they, oh, okay, so they took a DNA sample before the animal, before he escaped? Yeah, I think. Their thought process was we must rescue this. And then 30 seconds later they said, hey wait, what the fuck is this? This bad dog has completely fucked up vibes. This dog's too long, too poigy. It also looks depressed. Yeah. It does look really depressed.
Starting point is 00:55:48 It's takes men's been all of us. Well, Tom has to stream, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's Tom there? Is Tom there? Can he run into frame yelling stuff? Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:56:04 He needs to put on a shirt. I mean, they're put on a shirt. Nobody wants you to put on a shirt. Oh, it's me, Tom. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey guys. There he is. Hey, beautiful boy.
Starting point is 00:56:21 Yeah. There's a handsome boy. A beautiful friend Tom. I love how you guys handsome boy. A beautiful friend tongue. I love her you guys share their headphones. It's so... They've got, they're doing the thing like when you're in high school. Yeah, you're listening to evanescence. Hey, put this in.
Starting point is 00:56:34 I'm going to show you a song by the shins. Okay, so that doesn't matter. It's in 5-4, a little band called Dream Theater. I promise, you're really gonna like this Godspeed You Black Emperor's song in 12 minutes and 43 seconds. You gotta tell me you like the Bloodhound, gang. Here is ice cream. And then six years after that event, Theo, yes. I'm sorry, I'm actually projecting my experiences onto UTI arms.
Starting point is 00:57:06 Oh, look, look, if I could feasibly deny it. I would. I had sex for the first time after watching No Country for Old Men. All right, I know. Oh, no, dude's rock. That's the funniest movie ever made. All right, bye. What? We actually have to let him stream now, right?
Starting point is 00:57:27 Yeah, yeah, it actually is the time. Yeah, Demi. Yeah, you're gonna need the toilet seat. Take that with you, tel. Demi, quick, plug some stuff. Oh, Big Soft TV. Png. today and G. Just Google me, follow me on Twitter, all that stuff. Woo! Good, good. Good to be on the show, we love you so much. Thank you so much for letting me grow by my own way in him.
Starting point is 00:57:48 I love you guys. Bye. Bye. It's bus night, baby. Oh, I watch the bus being. It was so good. Thank you. You know what? Yeah.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.