Boonta Vista - EPISODE 242: Through The Centre Of The Creek Flows The Lord's Milk (with Max Lavergne)
Episode Date: March 25, 2022Lucy, Theo, and Ben are joined by writer and goofabout Max Lavergne to talk about: the Wank Pod, a too-fast Dutchman, Mothman Returns, and the introduction of The Tipping Report. *** Follow Max on Twi...tter at @prawn_meat and purchase his wonderful book here: https://maxlavergne.square.site/ *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at mailbag@boontavista.com! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista
Transcript
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Hello and welcome, it's born to Vista, episode 242.
I am Ben and I am here at the Rat Factory.
The latest and greatest in rat design is on display as rats take shape and a busy network
of rat assembly machines on the rat factory's state-of-the-art rat assembly line.
With me is the head of rat innovation, who assuresures me that 2022's rats are the best rats yet.
It's Theo.
Hi Theo.
Hey, how you going?
They're good.
Yeah, a lot of people think like rat innovations, you know, sticking like a second
tail on them, you know, giving them like a little gun on the back of them or whatever. It's really subtle than that.
You know, we're talking about like, we're trying to hit our metrics this, this year, our
KPI's, you know, 30% longer spent in the little wheels that they run in.
Mm-hmm.
Gonna have like one cute little pink paw per rat.
Yeah. Just like, just little features like that
that our users really will learn to appreciate I think.
Now a lot of people think like, hey,
you've been releasing new rats every year for thousands of years.
Like, what could you possibly add or take away from the rat?
But you know what I say to them, rat is never finished. It truly isn't.
And you think, oh, well, you know,
there's only so much you can do.
There's limiting yourself.
You know, the inspiration for the new rat idea is all around us.
Yeah.
It's in the air we breathe.
The birds in the sky. guy, sometimes literally, it could be anywhere. Yeah. Yeah.
It's wings for rats.
That's that you've given away the big twist of rats for 2022.
Shit.
And that'll be exciting.
Also with me is the head of the ratitude department, who assures me that these rats
have the spiciest ratitude yet.
It's Lucy.
Hi, the head of the ratitude. So my job is to make sure that these rats are real spunky.
I would not use the word spunky personally, but yes, you are in charge of the ratitude, which is a portmanteau of rat and attitude. It's sort of the attitude of the rat. The ratitude if you have. Like just the vibe of the thing. Yeah. In what ways do you reckon these rats display. R rat. R rat. R rat. R rat. R rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat rat the rat rat rat the rat rat the rat rat rat the rat the rat the rat the rat the ratatatatatatitude. the ratatatitude. the ratatitude. the ratatitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratitude. the ratatitude just the vibe of the thing. Yeah. Yeah.
In what ways do you reckon these rats display more ratitude than their predecessors?
Oh, um, well I think this year's rats are especially going to be naughty little thoddy's?
Yeah.
Like baddies?
Like, baddies?
Like, baddy vibe is what we're looking for with this year's rats. Like, you're gonna see a rat in your house,
and that rat is gonna be backing it up
and making those cheeks clap.
That's, that was gonna be my first question.
Can we expect to see some of 2022's rats
from the rat factory make it clap?
Absolutely, absolutely.
Rat claps, as early as Q4, I think.
Yeah, whenever think. Hopefully.
Yeah, whenever that starts.
Yeah.
Also with me, hiding in the vents of the rat factory and writing a lengthy expose on the
horrible things at work at the rat factory that the public knows nothing about, its radio
producer, comedian and author, Max, Leverne.
Hi Max.
Better meet and more of it.
Pha- All right. I'm just, you know, I'm not going to address any of that other stuff,
but I will say that's what's on the cards. Let's stay focused on that.
Yep, you reckon that's the key deliverable for the 2022 rat.
Matt's, rats no meat.
Rats are always sniffing it out. Why?
Because I know what's good. So why not get more meat in there?
If you want to make the rat better, I say,
listen to the rat.
The rat will tell you what the rat wants.
Drill down on meat.
That's what rap, yeah, that's all we all want.
That's interesting. Now rat, Max, I hate to peel back the curtain here,
but I was doing some research for this episode where I went to the website Twitter.com and
I typed in into the search bar that they're from colon, prawn underscore, meat, rat factory.
Because I really wanted to make sure that I saw all of the prior material of the rat
factory.
And usually you'd think that it'd be a pretty safe bet.
Yeah.
Well, there's nothing under there.
There's a lot in there.
There are more rat factory tweets than I recall.
The law of the rat factory is deep.
Yeah, well, I don't consider myself a journalist per se, but when you've
got a well-placed source like I do, and they feed you little tidbits like mine does, you
know, you kind of see it as a calling to let other people know it. That's the way I see.
It's nice. I like knowing what's happening at the rat factory. You know, sometimes you take it for granted, you know, you go down to your local rattery, you look, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, the th, th, the th, their, th, their, and their, and their, and their, and their, their, their, their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, th. th. thi, thi, that, that, that, tha, tha, ta' ta' ta' ta' tha' tha' tha' tha, tha, tha, and their, you go down to your local rattery, you look at the rats, you buy a new rat because your old one broke. And you don't think about the people and the
processes that got your rat there. All the work, yeah, that's gone into making that rat the
way that the rat is. The invisible work at the rat factory. Yeah. It's so easy to ignore it. Yeah, thank. It's the the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the their their that. the that. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their. their their their their their their that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th ignore it all. Yeah, thank you for keeping that alive. A lot of people don't even think about the rat miles involved in getting their rats either.
I mean, not that I don't appreciate the seriousness that you're treating this with,
but I think this is a very arcane bit.
This is something that I personally will resurface every like eight months or something.
It's a... You got to have those bits bitsthat are just for you. Just little treats.
Little jokes that aren't for anyone else. Little 12 fave little tweets. Just for you.
Sometimes you have to put your children to sleep and then you pick up your phone and you
go, the rats have leather jackets down. Yep. What can I do with this? What can I do with this?
Yeah, that's where the best stuff comes from.
So we got you on this podcast for a specific reason.
I've decided in the last six months or so that I've decided to try and get guests under the show,
onto the show, under the auspices of it being promotional material.
I say to people, hey, would you like to come on to promote this thing that you're doing?
Whereas usually I would have said, hey, would you like to come on?
And it's nice to have a pretext there, but we have a pretext this time, which is that
you are now a published author.
You have a book.
Yeah, that is technically true, yes. You seem cagey about answering the question, but I have it in my house, it's real, it's
got your name on it.
Yeah, you know, the reason that I'm cagey about it is because that, you know, what you're
saying implies a level of prestige, which, you know, is like not really deserved
here. And that's not me being like false, modest or anything. It's because I'm published, I I I I I I I I I I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have it's that I'm, I have that I have that's that's that's that's that's that's that I have it is, I have that's that's that's that I have that I have that I have that I have that I have that I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I that is, I that is, I that is, I that is, I that is, I that is, I that is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, I have it is, that I'm that's that and that's not me being like false modest or
anything it's because I'm published in that I paid a company an amount of
money to print the books and now they exist that's just something that you can
do that wow you can do my understanding of the words published an author
you are a published author in that you've all been something that's been published. Thank you for the validation I do appreciate it. I believe it is the, I believe it is that. that it is that it is that it is that it is that that that is that that that is that is that that that that that that that that that that th. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi thi th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I I'm th. I I I'm th. I'm th. I I I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi the the the the thi Thank you for the validation. I do appreciate it. I believe it is called Blue Knight at the Cult,
and it is a collection of short stories, uh, of a frankly haunting ilk. You have, you've been writing,
sort of short stories sporadically over the last couple years, uh, and putting them up on the internet,
which is kind of you. I feel like they've gotten, I don't know if darker
is the right word. They feel way to you. They feel like there is like a real, I don't know.
Well, you know, I don't like, you know, the thing that I guess it's it, I would compare it to. And like, you know, I've always th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho th th tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they've thi thi thi thi their their their their they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've got got thi. I've got got thi. I've got got th. I've got thi. I've got their their their their their their thethat I guess I would compare it to, and like, you know, I've always thought
this is like a massive cop-out when comedians do this, where they're like, I'm going to make
the fucking shit that I do feel more substantial by making it sad at the end.
And there's going to be a whole heap of jokes and they build to a sad bit at the end and everyone goes, wow, that's struck me deeply and that means it's profound.
But it is a bit like that, I suppose, where you know, I don't know, I guess I just like read
like a bunch of like books and short stories and stuff and like, after a while I was like,
does feel good to get kind of sad at the end, you know.
You watched Nanette and then you're like, wait a god damn second.
What if that was me?
I've got this.
I can monetize this in reverse.
What if a tragedy happened at the rat factory?
Yeah, and you know, I'm expecting my Nanette Bucks really any day now.
Yeah.
Yeah. No, they've moved on.
It's Jeff Foxworthy Bucks. Unfortunately, the zeit ghost that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. Yeah. that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. it's Jeff Foxworthy Bucks now. So unfortunately the
Zite Ghost has passed. Sad comedy over. Yeah, boomer comedy about the music of Eric Clapton.
It's in. That guy is insane. Like I was I like never heard of this guy before like that weird series of screenshots.
No that's. Am I fucking this up? Yeah, there you are. I think you're like, I'm like fucking that weird series of screenshots. No that's... Am I fucking this up?
I think he's fucking that up. That's um... Maybe another Jeff. Jeff. Jeff Dunnum. Yeah.
He's the... He's the... Silence. I will kill you. Yeah. I follow Islam and I'm a puppet. Yeah. I follow
I follow Islam and I'm a puppet. Yeah. Oh, okay. Jeff Foxworthy is the, you might be a redneck guy.
Yes.
Yeah.
What did he do?
I've missed some news cycle.
Oh, it's nothing.
It was just a promotional tweet.
Where you know, they go from being like, uh, when I grew up, we didn't have participation trophies.
And that's the entire joke.
And that's literally it as well.
Like you might think that's like a placeholder for just like a dumb, lazy joke,
but that's actually the screenshots they put up.
Yeah.
Except it to take four frames only got a trophy for winning. That's it. That's the
whole, you know, yeah, because you know, these days, that's classic. What with political
correctness? But like the participation trophy shit is from like the 90s. That's like, it's
it's old. I thought this whole, I thought this guy was like a parody or something because I went to his Twitter account and his Twitter bio
Verbateum is Jeff Foxworthy is one of the most respected comedians in the country and the only thing he loves more than making people love is his family and the outdoors. That's a great bio. Which honestly, that's nice. If I knew someone and the latter half of that was the way that I described them sincerely. That would be the best person. That's a great. That's a great. That's a great. That's a great. That's a great. That's a great. That's a great. That's a great. That's a great. I. That's a great. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the the that's a great. I. I. that. that. that. the the the the that. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. ttod. true. ttoday. today. ttoday. ttttoday. tttoday. tttoday. the the the the the the latter half of that was the way that I described them sincerely,
that would be the best person that I know.
That's a wonderful person.
That's also, in my opinion, the bio of a funny comedian.
So, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. If Tom Walker said that as his bio, I'd probably get a good chuckle out of it or something,
I like that. as his bio, I'd probably get a good chocolate out of it or something, right? His only approach to being the most ridiculous person on earth is getting more and more sincere
in the way that he describes his own comedy, where he's like, yes, I am a mime.
These are the things that I do.
Please come to my show, there will be a lot of javelin-related material. I believe I've seen, I don't think I've seen the think, I've seen, the the think, think, the tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thrown, thrown, thrown, tho, the the, the, thro, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the tho, thr-a, thr-a, throwne, throwne, thr-a, thro, throoooooo, thoooooo, the. thr-a, thr-a, th I've seen the Javelin show, but I think I might have seen an early version of the Javelin show performed in the basement of Fritzenberger in Brisbane.
Yeah, is that the one on Milton Street?
It's near the end of Milton Road, yes. Yeah, yeah. All right, I'm picturing it and I just need to get the vibe. Yeah, it's packed. And I was a wonderful show and I hope. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. the th. the th. the the th. thi. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. I thi. I. I've the. the. thea. thea. thr. thr. thea. thea. the the the the the the the thra.ea. thea. thea. I's thea. I's. to get the vibe. Yeah, it was packed and I was very drunk.
And it was a wonderful show.
And I hope it is that because I had a wonderful time.
Check out comedian and tonight's guest, Tom Walker.
Yeah.
He'll be listening to this.
So if I've got any of those details wrong, I don't fucking man what you want for me.
Speaking of Tom Walker.
Ben, can you play, can you play leaf?
I would absolutely love to.
M-A-X-L-A-V-E-R-E-R-G-A-E-D-D-Square dot sign.
M-A-X-L-A-E-E-R-G-N-E dot square dot sigh.
You can send us an email.
Max LaBernat and Ch-mail.
Maybe DM-U-M-S on Twitter.
It's at Pornmate.
You could even message Facebook, but we don't really check the Facebook, yeah.
A-X-L-A-E-R-E-R-G-N-E dot square dot side.
M-A-X-L-A-V-E-R-G-N-E dot square dot side.
I just wanted to, you know, take the liberty of, I love it.
I love the segment openers, I love the stings that you guys have on Borda Vista. I wanted also the opportunity to get things back on track if we
kind of stray too far away from talking about my book. So that's the address that you can go
to and it is dot square dot site. I'm aware that my singing voice kind of like I'm saying dot square dot start. I'm not. I'm not it's dot site. the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm not. I'm not. thi. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. th. th. th. I'm not. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. th. I'm kind th. I'm kind th. th. th. I'm kind. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm tot. I'm tot. I'm tot. I'm tot. I'm tot. I'm today tot. I'm kind thi. I'm kind thi. I'm kind it's dot site. So, I mean, and this ties into, um, first of all, thank you so much.
Second of all, at what point in your day or week did you do this?
It didn't take very long. Okay.
It was beautiful. You might have been able to tell for it for quality, it didn't take very long to do. It had a haunting quality to it.
It sure did.
It's good that Andrews not here.
I'm glad that Andrews not here.
Defend his artistic license.
You know what's good is that, even if we could have sent you the stems or something.
Even if you're like, jokingly,
like, he really jokingly make fun of him when he's not on an episode because he will never listen to it so he'll never be in on the joke. So even if you're like, oh, he's such a piece of shit.
It's not in the way where like it's affectionate because it'll he'll hear it and laugh.
It's just saying Andrews a piece of shit well. Yeah and he has no way of defending it. Not like the time thi that I made fun of the head the head the head the head the head the head that you that you that that that that the head th of thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. he he he's he's he's such he's such he's such he he's such he's such he's such a he's such a piece he's such a he's such such such such such such such such such such such such a he's such such such such such such he's such he's such he's such he's such he's he's he's he's he's he he he he he he he he he he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's s he's such he's such he's such he's such he's such he's such a piece. He's such a piece the is such a piece of the is s s s s' the is such a piece of the is such a piece of he episode and you kind of cut in and you could hear
the barrel of the gun sort of get pulled out past your teeth.
Yeah.
And you kind of gave your story about how you know you'd had a horrific week, blah blah blah,
worked really hard on this, etc. and then it cut off just as you were putting the barrel
back into your mouth.
Yep. That was, that was when I edited and released an episode of the podcast,
Buntavista, during the 2022 Brisbane Floods.
That's right.
Yeah.
The biggest floods so far this year.
Sorry, I should be saying the early,
early 2022 Brisbane floods just to leave a little bit of wiggle room for later on in the year.
So we don't look like idiots. Max, Max, Max, Max, Max, Max, Max, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that thi thi thi tho, tho, tho, and thi thi, and the, and tho, and th, and th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, and th, and th, and th, and the the the thi, and the thi, and the the thi, and thi, and theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean, the the theeeeeeean, theeean, theean, thean, we don't look like idiots. Max, that was a beautiful theme song.
It's time for another theme song.
That's right.
It's time for...
Oh, fuck.
How does he do this?
Paging Dr. Lucy.
Oh, no.
Oh, it's the old one.
Let it run. I can't like it, sort of throw there.
I don't know, he's gonna throw that.
I thought there was a little one on the throw there.
I thought there was a little one on the end there.
Maybe I don't know, he might have added all five times.
No, the little one's on the second one.
I asked that to be put in because the second theme
that he made was fart-free.
Yeah, it was completely fartless.
Yeah, 100% zero fart zone.
So this is where we talk about the relationships between man and woman and between man and
woman and man and non-binary person, non-binary person and woman. And then Polly relationships.
This is a press release from the company Stripchat.
Quote, Wank Pods to become a new work perk for Stripchat employees.
The world has changed as we are.
No idea what that means.
Nowadays it has become super important for companies to boost the office environment for those
not working remotely.
We at Stripchat know how to ensure our employees quality, know how to ensure our employees
quality, quote, FAPI hour.
Oh, I don't like that.
Yeah.
I don't like that at all.
Our team is spending hours using the platform and checking for things to improve and
make the lives of our users easier.
So why not elevate our employees' experience with the VIP WankPOD?
We want it, we got it.
Each Wank Pod is planned to come fully equipped with masturbatory accessories, including a 4K LED screen to watch VR tams by Dreamcams technology, an Oculus Quest
VR headset, lotion, tissues and more. All right, this is obviously insane, but
like you're going to give your employees an Oculus Quest? Well, the Oculus Quest
has to stay inside the Wang Pod. There's one for the office.
Yeah, this is one, okay. You don't get your own... so you're taking from the office. They're trying the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their th. Trying their their th. Trying th. Trying th. Trying th. They th. They're th. theateateateat. T. th. th. th. theat. their th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. Loom. Loom. th. Loom. th. Loom. Loom. Loom. th. Loom. Loom. Loom. th. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. the the the the the the the the the th. their t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. don't get your own wank pod. Okay. This is working from
the office. They're trying to lure people back into the office. They are by saying that you
can wank there. So what's Stripchat? Have you done this research? No. Because I'm not going to,
I'm not putting that in my search history. I was, there was like a Lad Bible article about this, which I didn't include because it would th, I th, I th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. thi, th. thi, thi, thi, th. This is th. This is th. This is, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, the. I, th. I, the. I, the. This is, the. This is, the. This is, the. This is, th. This is, th. This is, th. This is, there was like a Lad Bible article about this which I didn't include because it would
be embarrassing to say this is a story from Lad Bible, but they had a few extra details,
one of which was that the employees will be allowed, sorry, allowed a 30 minute wank break.
The other is that they have about 200 employees.
And that also they're based in Cyprus.
Not that that changes anything, but just, you know, let your imagination fill in that picture
a little bit more.
Yeah, I mean, the geopolitical tension in Cyprus does make it a lot spicier.
Yes.
And I'm also thinking that like they would need to stagger the break, you know, they would need to, with 200 employees, you've got to stagger, you can't have everybody taking a half hour at the same time.
You productively go straight down to zero.
You don't want to pod backlog either.
Yeah.
I don't want to cross paths with a co-worker who is just leaving the wank pod as I'm
about to enter the Wank Pod. Yeah. I would have, you don't want someone knocking on the door when you're in the Wank
Pod? And I'm like, I'm in here. You almost down in there? I mean, if they're serious about
Fappy Hour, then, you know, I mean, there's already some lines that you can draw there, right? Like, you see somebody out and about during Fapy hour, their their their their their their th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi is thi. thi. thi. tho is tho is tho thoom is thi. I thi. thoom is thoom is to thoom is to to be like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I'm thi. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm to be like, to be like, to to to to to to to thin. I'm to to to to thin. I'm to be like, like, you can take an educated guess as to where
they're going or where they've come from.
Yeah, that's true.
Like you think FAPI hour is a formalized hour where perhaps masturbation is mandatory.
I think StripChatter serious about that kind of thing.
I once saw a job ad for, like a software job job at a it was at like a porn company
like a porn hub or whatever where they were like you're allowed to masturbate on
the job and I was like that's not you were describing the worst possible work
situation I can imagine why would I would like at your desk at the workplace?
Because you're too horny from looking at the website that you develop and if you don't masturbate you'll go insane. I feel like it wouldn't be like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th the th th th the th the th th th th th the the th the th th th the th the th the the porn th th th that th that th porn company th porn company th porn company th th th th th th porn th th th porn th porn th th th th the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is was that that that that that thorou thorou thorn company their their their their to porn company their their toy thorn thorn company thorn company thorn thorn thorn thorou their their that? At the workplace? You're too horny from looking at the website that you develop.
And if you don't masturbate, you'll go insane.
I feel like it wouldn't be.
If you work on a porn website, like it's just becomes work then.
Like you, it's work then. It's not enjoyable anymore.
You come home and like your beautiful wife is standing nude in the doorway, and you just shake your head, and you're just you th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th, you're just thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're th, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, thi, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' to thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th be more like a chef situation. At work, you're having a cooking it up every day.
When you get home, you're just happy someone else is cooking it up for you.
Can you expand that metaphor?
It's like a spokesman.
I would love to say.
Does like everybody gather for a meal in quotes at the start of the shift as well? I mean, it probably wouldn't the best option of the two to to to to get to get to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to get to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to be.... their too. too. their too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to to. to to to to the shift as well? I mean it probably probably wouldn't hurt. That's probably your stand-up, right? What's the best option of
the two is that you you're either you become completely anewed to sexual
imagery in a way where it no longer elicits a response in you whatsoever or you are just like
cripplingly horny all day.
Yeah. The only thing that does it for you is the Sears catalog now. Yeah, which they still
make, I mean you can get probably. Probably. I guess that's why you need the Wank pod.
Because you're cripplingly horny all day. Yeah, but you probably need ultra porn in there, because the you've been looking at strip chat all day so your base level of
arousal is like well that's not going to be enough for me. I need something crazy. What's the
craziest shit you've got in that pod? Can you make it crazier? Did you look at what strip chat was?
It's just like a cam girl type website currently. Yeah. So yeah you're a base level horny and then you're gonna, you're
gonna go in there and need like beyond incest. Like you're gonna need like eight
steps above incest. You're just like going in there and typing in specifically
the incest porn where they don't use step as it get out of jail free card.
No step dad's no step mum. Blood relative incest porn where they explicitly say I am
related to you by blood.
Birth certificate.
Birth certificate DNA test incest porn.
This is my real mother.
How do you reckon that's going to go in the pod?
How do you reckon that's going to go for them?
Just the pod.
I'm sensing a no from you, Ben.
Like, who's the first person that's going to go in the pod? Are you saying I sound
pod negative? I'm just, it's just the vibe I'm getting from you. I just think it might be a terrible
idea to just always have a place people can go where they're about to masturbate or have masturbated
because there's just a lot of really awkward hallway chats. Yeah. Hey bro, you're to the to the wank pot, yeah I was just in the wank pot actually. I just came. Had a wank. Anyway, nice to see you, Steve.
You're still good to cover my shift next week. Max, are you enjoying yourself?
I'm trying to astro project myself and do just what it's like to be at Strip Chat and what the energy is like just in any given corridor at Stichat, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, thirty, thirty cha, the their, thirty, to to to to to to to to they, they, their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, the thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thi's really really really thi's really really trilylylyly trily trily trily trily trily trily to to to to to Stripchat. Like it's probably different, you know?
You know, we're casting these judgments because we don't work at Stripchat.
We think it'd be weird, you know, we think it'd be, to see somebody who we think might have just jerked off. But if you're at Stripchat, everyone's probably just like, me again, yeah, yeah, and then they're all just like, yeah, we know, we might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might.... th. th. th. th. th. th. We. We. We. We, we might, we might, we might, we might, we might, we might, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we might, we might, we might, we might, might like, me again, yep, yep, yep, and then they're all just like,
yeah, we know, this is part of our lives.
Yeah, it's the most normal thing to them.
Yeah, it is more comfortable in the pod
than it is in a cubicle in the bathrooms,
and it's a little bit more private,
so it's actually prefer it's a different paradigm, as I'm saying. Now, Max, just while we've got you here,
can we get a firm yes or no from you
on masturbating the workplace?
Are you pro or anti?
It depends if the TV is 4K.
Less than 4K, it's a big thumbs down.
Yeah, and so you, if you're, let's say, you've taken your work-assigned laptop into the toilets with you, that's out.
Unless it's a retina screen?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If it's alien wear?
Yeah, if it's alien wear, I think the rules are a little different.
Yeah.
Nothing's more erotic than six high-rpm fans spinning up as soon as you hit play on a video.
That's right. Accidentally getting a small amount of pubic hair tangled in one of the fans.
Just ripping all that shit right out of the back of that thing.
How many LEDs are reflecting off the screen while I'm looking at it?
I'm trying to think of how I can possibly segue into this next segment because we've never... We shit on Andrew so much but the show is just, he's th...... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. he's the glue. He is the glue that holds us together. He's occasionally a different kind of glue that goes on weird monologues that
it's hard to pin down what he's talking about as well. Smoked glue. Yeah, like a
glue that's maybe been smoking like a lot of weed. Yeah, like a quick scene that's
made of references to 10 different films that none of which I've ever even heard of.
It's like we're on a starship and Andrew is trying to steer us towards a black hole that
is a Stephen Cigal movie that he saw 20 years ago and can't quite remember the plot off.
We're trying to sort of navigate around that. Anyway, it's time for Thetipping report. I'm itching for another edition of the tipping report.
The tipping report is of course, yes theo, you look like you have a question.
No, no, I'm good. It's the classic segment where you all know and love.
It's a fan favorite, the tipping report where we talk about the things that have come out of trucks that have tipped over in the last fortnight. Now
the shipping report is of course it covers a seven-day period. The tipping
report covers a 14-day period because it turns out there are fewer non-lethal, slightly interesting truck accidents, then there are maritime, non-lethal maritime
accidents.
Anyway, let's get into it.
A United States Postal Service truck spilled a load of mail on Interstate 264 in Kentucky.
Sorry, quick check.
Are there any jokes allowed in the tipping report?
Oh, yeah, no, sorry, that's, yes, this is a completely joke. Oh, the shipping report. Yeah, no jokes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non the the the the the the the the the the the thetetetetetetetetetetetetethetonon-letletletlethethethethethethethethethethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaethaeth Oh, yeah, no, sorry, yes, yes, yeah, this is a completely joke.
Oh, the shipping report.
Yeah, no jokes in the shipping report.
Yeah, no, they're completely different segments.
Yeah.
Did you have jokes about, no, not yet.
Okay.
Oh, legit.
Just if one comes to mind.
A transport truck rolled over on highway, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, the the the the the the to, the the the the the truck rolled over on Highway 404 in Toronto, losing a load of live fish.
That sounds like a real error to me.
We'll get there. I get those fish, fish won't be found at their destination.
That's a, yeah, okay.
Oh, you're both making computer jokes there.
I actually think maybe this might be a zero joke segment actually.
It seems like you maybe now feel compelled a zero joke segment actually, now that I'm just like...
It seems like you maybe now feel compelled to do jokes
because you're allowed to,
but you don't necessarily need to.
You said there could be jokes.
Okay, all right.
I don't want to shit on someone for trying.
A mechanical fault with a truck in South Coatsville,
Pennsylvania saw an estimated 8,000 liters of raw sewage spill into a creek?
Sounds good. You know, that's a washout, that's fine. You know, the creek,
that gets rid of it. Like, that's not a problem. Yeah. It's probably a good idea.
That's a good idea situation, yeah. That is no longer the problem of South Coatsville.
Mm-hmm. Diarrhoea in creek is like hand and glove. I. Yes. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's like thi. It's like thi. It's like to to to to too too the same the same the same the same the same thi-s thia. Sounds thiolkiolkiolki. Sounds thi. South Coatesville. That's the same problem. Diarrheal Creek is like hand in glove. I agree.
Yes.
That's true.
It's like hand in glove.
And you know, if you're a little way downstream and you're like a little mangrove, a shrub
at the side of the creek, you're like, finally, finally something for me.
So that's a good news story.
If you're a fly a fly a fly a fly a fly a fly a fly fly fly a fly fly fly a fly fly fly a fly fly fly fly a fly fly a fly fly a fly If you're a fly fisherman a little way downstream, probably
not like the same level of joy. If you're a fly fisherman, you take the day off, you come
back tomorrow, it's a creek, it's all gone now. You're fine, okay? You can take a day off being
a fly fisherman. You know, unless you've got a family to feed, it's a hobby. Yeah, unless you're a subsistence fly fisherman, just let the diarrhea pass.
This two shall pass, is what I say.
You really got to have some fly fishing boon, some surplus put away just in case your creek
becomes diarrhea.
Yeah, that's fly fishing.
You can't be running right against the edge of your supply because you are going to get Creek Diarrhea occasionally.
It'll happen.
It'll happen.
A semi-trailer crash on Kentucky Interstate 75 saw, quote, Victoria's secret lingerie
and Bath and Bodyworks lotion scattering across the road.
Wow. That's a good time.
I don't step into the Wank Pod just thinking about it.
The Wank thodd is now Interstate 75.
It's a road for a laundry and lotion.
This is the only shared load truck that's tiped.
All the other trucks have been a single purpose truck.
This is laundry and lotion.
That's a strange mixture of loads to. Yeah. They don't have the the the thole thue tho. tho. th. tho. tho. th. That's tho. tho. tho. That's tho. tho. That's a tho. tho. tho. That's a tho. That's a tho. tho lotions. When you go on with that.
I will, um, I want to clarify that in two of these, there's also been a diesel spill from, you
know, the trucks fuel tank rupturing, but that's not like, it's not as funny.
Ah, sewage and diesel.
Yeah, I kind of left that out.
Yeah, I'm going to have to walk back back my my my my my my the the for that creek if it turns out there's a petrochemical in there as well.
Yeah, that was. Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. That is a shame.
A semi-trailer crash outside of Broome, New York resulted in cate of yogurt spilling into Catsill Creek. Hogan the creek seems fine.
Again.
Hand in glove, yeah.
Yeah.
Because the creek whisks it away.
That's the good thing about a creek.
It's nature's travelator.
A truck lost a trailer full of white claw after tipping on Tennessee
Interestate 81 in Green County. That really depends on whether they were tinned or whether it was sort of free-flowing.
Now I would love it so much if this was.
Yeah, like a tanker-full of white claw. It's just cases. It was in cartons, which is wasteful
when you could just have tanker trucks pumping it directly into the mouths of white women
Am I right Lucy?
So true
So true
White ladies in Australia be drinking white claw now they do be it's like six dollars a can What is a white claw is it just like a monster or is it got vodka in it? It's a seltzer. It's a hard seltzer, bro. A hard seltzer. It's a nothing special.
It's a soft drink but with some alcohol in it.
It's an alco pop, but for when you...
But it doesn't task much.
Too good to drink a vodka cruiser.
Yeah.
To like a swage tastes too much, they're going to be like there's calories in this.
So the white color is like the hint of a beverage.
Wow.
Yeah, that way you can have 20 of them and not worry about it.
That's true.
An unsecured rear door on a truck saw, quote, stock effluent deposited in both lanes
a stretch of a stretch of New York. State Highway 2 near Flax Road. So that was that was cow shit.
Cow shit. Yeah, okay. But the guy didn't close the doors. So it was just sort of
like you know how you're playing a sort of vehicular combat game like Interstate
76 maybe and you leave an oil slick. Yeah. Yeah this truck was just leaving behind a big shit
slick. What a reference though? Instate 76?
The 1997 car combat game that nobody played.
Is it from 1997 specifically?
I don't know.
Because if you got that right, that is a staggering feat of recall.
Well, I'll look that up and you keep going to go.
Yeah, I've got one more here.
Max, I think you're going to like this one. 1997. Holy fuck. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to th. to to to to to to to to th. th. to to th. th. to to thoen, thoen, thi, to thi. thoen, that's, that's, that's, thi. to to to that's, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. I the. I's the the the theee.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. I's. I'm toe. It's. It's the you're going to like this one. 1997.
Holy fuck, you are the golden child.
That's my fucking, that's my talent.
That's my rain man thing.
Hey, it's freakish.
Good game though.
80,000 gallons of milk, sorry, 80,000 liters of milk, I forgot to change the
wording. It was 20,000 gallons, 80,000 liters of milk were released on the truck.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoomolololololololome th. the wording. It was 20,000 gallons, 80,000 liters of milk were
released onto the road after a truck overturned near Sunbury, Pennsylvania. Now that was in a
tanker. That's good. And you know, I also like it because it's, you know, it provides me
with the opportunity to imagine more hubris scenarios for downstream fly fishermen.
So I love that because, oh boy oh boy, imagine being a fly fisherman who sees this white turrant
rushing towards him. He's thinking, boy what a day. And you know, I love to think about that little guy.
Who's... You'd want to be near the... the nearish to the part of the stream where the milk entered it. Because if it was on like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to that. I to to that. I I I to that. I I to that. I to that. I to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I that. I that. I that. I that. I to to that. I to that. I that. near the... nearish to the part of the stream where the milk entered it.
Because if it was on like a three-day journey,
you know, you don't want to be in an estuary.
You don't want to be near the part where it goes out to see, I think you want to be closer to the source.
And you don't want to be in a curd situation. I think it depends on where the milk you're taking from the stream.
I think it depends where it is in the stream.
I think if it's in the middle and it's untainted by the banks,
as far as I'm concerned, it's going too fast for the germs to catch up.
It's good. You can scoop it from the middle.
You know, when you think about it, milk that's in our fridge is a sitting duck. It's just, it sits there.
Of course it goes off, you know, it's completely stationary.
It's like, you know, the sugar that you leave on the counter, of course the answer is
going to get to it.
Milk that's traveling, you know, 60 kilometers down.
Well, that's just constantly moving the
milk around.
You don't have a milk pipe in your sink?
Yeah we don't have milk pipes in Queensland, just the buildings are very old before the invention
of the milk pipe.
It just keeps your milk turning.
Yeah, well, it's going to keep that shit moving.
When was the last time you bought milk?
I don'tthat up? No, I'm vegetarian. I'm not vegan.
Alright, when was the last time you bought milk?
Brother, I bought it yesterday.
That's so crazy. I feel like I don't really know people who buy milk. I'm never buying milk.
Yeah, I've got a milk guy.
Wait, how do you not? Why do you not buy milk for?
What would I need milk for? What do milk for. I mean I'm genuinely amazed
that there's nothing that you require milk for. Like it is it's a staple, you know,
I mean that way gets thrown around a lot. It is a staple. It goes in a lot of things.
You're not making porridge, you don't make a pasta bake. You're not making coffee, you're not making coffee. You don't making milkshakes. You're not making a lovely cup of Milo.
I like that, yeah, I mean, most of the things you're listing off are sort of like,
those are treat beverages to me, but also like I have my coffee black, don't need no milk there.
Yeah, true. I'm not having milkshakes because I'm a
31-year-old and I'm not making milkshakes at home regularly.
Also, I'm lactose intolerant and I don't enjoy diarrhea.
I'm different to Theo in that regard, so I try and avoid it where I can.
Okay, I think you probably could have led with that rather than making judgments about
milkshakes. I think you could have just said, I'm lactose intolerant.
We would have said, done and done. Ben doesn't need milk. to. to. to. to. Ben. to. Ben. to. to. Ben. Ben. to. Ben. Ben. to. to. Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Ben, to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, to. I, to. I, to. I, th. I, I, th. I'm, I'm, th. I'm, thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm try. I'm try. try. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm are frequently in your home being like, God, I could really go a chock-mult right now.
What the fuck are you doing?
Well, I bet you that you having said that just now, either Theo or Lucy or both have gone,
chalk-mult will be pretty good actually.
Yeah, it actually does sound pretty good.
I can't go-like-Illo.
It's gone shit Milo's all kind of like caked to the side of the tin. It's gone shit. Got shit Milo. You probably just shake it like really hard. No it's a...
It takes some of a weird consistency. It does. It'll never dissolve again. It becomes like bark.
Yeah. You don't want that. What's that anti-caking agent even doing at this point?
Nothing. My Milo is caked up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ben, could you play a rock?
I would love to very much.
Mmm.
And now it's time for Max to plug his book.
Very interesting.
Yes.
Fascinat.
Now that gives me something to think about.
Blue Knight of the Colt.
Oh yes, I like this.
Selected short stories.
Very salient.
Check it out on social media.
So did you guys have any questions?
Yeah, who did you get to the voice overwork?
Yeah, what is that?
Is that Peter Seraphinoids?
that Peter Seraphinoitz? He can do any voice.
Next question?
Tell us more about your book, Max.
Okay, anything more specific than that?
Yes, are they all short stories that have been previously published online or are there
a few in there that are little treats?
Great question Ben, two of them are completely unpublished. And I'll commit here and now now to here to here to here to here to here to here to here to here to here to to their their their their their to their their their their their what to their what is th is th little treats? Great question, Ben. Two of them are completely unpublished.
And I'll commit here and now to saying I will never publish them.
I will never publish them.
The only way that you can read them is if you buy this book.
It's 20 Australian dollars.
Now if you're in America, that's a hell of a bargain. I don't know. But very, very very thaa. tha. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, very very very very very very very very thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoomomomk, thoom. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That's th. That's th. That's th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. to to to to to to to to to toeeeeeeee. to to to to to to theeeeee. the. the something. I don't know. But very, very cheap. And yeah, yeah.
Yep.
Now I am such a fan of your short stories you're writing online that two of the closest people
in my life both secretly purchased your book for me. And then it was sort of revealed that, um, that, um, yeah, um, yeah, the tell the hell of a hell of a hell that, um, yeah, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the th. Yeah, the th. Yeah life both secretly purchased your book for me, and then
it was sort of revealed that actually I have two copies of the book coming my way.
And that's just one of the many things that I have in common with your wife.
We both love you for instance. Yeah. Thank you to Theo and Mrs. Theo and Ben. You, that now you can re-gift it to someone
else and you can give it to somebody who, you know, won't even necessarily like it.
And that's, you know, it's, you know, and that's an investment in me and I love to hear
about that. Yeah.
You're living high on the hog through my beautiful loved ones. I love to be high on the hog. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th, you to, you th to to to to to to to to to to th th to to to to to to to to give it to to give it to give it to to give it to give it to give it to to to give it to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to thi thi thi through my beautiful loved ones. I love to be high on the hog.
Oh no.
Sorry, I just got a fun text message from someone that I spent the entire day with.
That their partner has COVID and it's very likely that they've got it as well.
I was in a car with that bad several times today.
Oh, fuck. Yeat.
No, I'm still, we're built different.
This podcast will never get COVID-free.
I don't, I'm not gonna get.
I'm not gonna get.
Yeah.
If, if we get COVID, can't.
to cancel your Patriot.
their Patre.
toc my other job, so the Patreon money is the only one that I can't, please.
It's all immediately.
I don't want, I don't want your money if we get COVID.
Max, have you had COVID?
No, COVID-free, baby.
And I know people have said this before, but I will never get it.
It's that you will never get COVID. Knowing for a fact that you never will. Yeah. It's just that it's that clarity. A lot of people lack that clarity. Not me. I don't
like it. Do you guys listen to any of you at all listen to the podcast free to a good home?
I listen to it occasionally but you know I don't care for pen and hangers so. No, I mostly use it as a way to secondhand hear stories of hums life
about her repeatedly declaring that she'd never get COVID and then spending a night
at a wedding reception where it turned out someone there had COVID and I believe
somehow ending up making out with that person after she had spent months saying
I will never get COVID, I'm built different, and I believe she did not get COVID after that.
You just got to believe it.
You've got to believe it when you say I will never get the normal crime of virus.
And I believe it.
Yeah, some people walk around dragging their heels going, oh, it's terribly contagious. Oh, I could be part of the statistics. And look what happens to them their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the thi the thi thi, Ben thi, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho tho tho tho tho tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, theeeea. thea. theea. I thea. thea. I thea. I thi. I thi, thi, thi, the contagious, oh I could be part of the statistics, and look what happens to them.
Look what happens to you Ben. Pretty much described you from the dragging your heels to the
hang dog expression to the, you know. I just look like that. I don't think you'll get COVID.
No, I don't think I'll get COVID. I don't think you're going to have it. Although the person who I'm talking about, and I think I can reveal his current medical status on the podcast, is a friend of the show Chev,
who I think he's the only person, because I'm not like a doctor, but I know that this isn't really how it works,
but he's the only person I know who is healthy enough that I truly believed he would never get COVID, just because his body is freakishly well all the time.
But I guess we'll find out when he takes a PCR test tomorrow.
Speaking of PCR tests,
there are an awful lot of them happening in the Netherlands right now.
If you lived in or around the Netherlands, you'd know that this is true because they're having
another COVID spike. I only know that because I read a lot of Netherlands stories for this job
that I do. This segue is? Take that as a comment. This is from Dutch News
done an NL, the official Dutch news source of the podcast. Dutch skater quote
flies on ice to break 100 kilometer per hour speed barrier. Oh my goodness. Yep.
Dutch skater killed Nuis has broken the 100km per hour speed barrier clocking a world
record of 103 kilometers per hour skating on the frozen Savalan lake in Norway.
That's pretty sick.
That's so fast.
I know it's Dutch, but that's pretty cool.
I think we can put our differences with the Dutch people aside and say,
My dude, you went so fast.
Is there any information as to how he got to that speed?
Like was he like flung from a catapult or did he slowly kind of build up momentum kind of going round and around in a circle?
I'm genuinely curious.
There's, it was on a straight track.
There were no corners he wasn't doing the circle thing. It was a three kilometer. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. th. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It thee. It's, theea. It's, thea. It's, thea. thea. thi. thea. thi. thea. It's no, no corners he wasn't doing the circle thing.
It was a three kilometer straight.
I asked this, so the image of it was a large truck
with a man behind it.
And I thought, well, he's just getting towed by that.
Sorry, it was a yut.
The large ute, I was like, oh, well, he just got towed up toed and speed and toed and toed and toed and toed and toed up toed and toed up toed up toed up toed up toed up toed up to just got towed up to speed and then let go. But it turns out it was actually a Ute towing a sort of geodesic wind barrier just ahead
of him so that there was no wind resistance.
But otherwise, he got there entirely under his own power.
I thought maybe he might have been cheating a little bit.
I think that if you are eliminating wind resistance that is cheating a little bit. Yeah. That's the key thing that stops people from
going fast. It's one of the two biggest factors, yeah. But I mean what if he'd done it and he'd had
like a tail wind? Would that have been acceptable? Or will we have had to neutralize that in the interest of balance? I think it's unacceptable? Yeah, you have to do it to do it to do it to do it to do it to do it to do it that. that's a to do it's a to do that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a key. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a key that's a key. Yeah, that's a key. Yeah, that's a key. Yeah, that's a key. That's a key. That's a key. Yeah, that's a key. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a the they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a te. Yeah, that's a te. Yeah, that's a key. Yeah. Yeah, that's a they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that neutralize that in the interest of balance.
I think it's unacceptable.
I think it's unacceptable.
He's saying we need to perform surgery on this Dutchman to give him like winglets.
Yeah.
A little tail fin or something.
If we made all these bones hollow, I don't know if that would help.
I think it sounds cool.
It's worth a try, you know?
Yeah.
We're willing to scoop them out.
Get in there with some of those little crab spoons and scoop him out.
Just suck him out.
He's just jettisoning his own, oh god, marrow as he gets to like 97 kilometers now,
being like, I just need another 3Kk's Let me add him with a crab spoon and a spittoon and I will hollow them out.
It's that classic Archibedes proverb give me any man in a cramp spoon
and I can break the hundred kilometer per hour speedback for a man skating on a frozen lake.
The three kilometer track did not have any bends which would have slowed him down and new and new this was also shielded from a wind the wind th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus the and I the and I will the and I will the and I thu the and I will the and I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th and I I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the and I the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee thu to thu thu to. The three kilometer track did not have any bends, which would have slowed him down,
and Neus was also shielded from the wind by a car equipped with a screen.
Nuis, who won gold on the 1500-meter race during the Winter Olympics at Beijing this year,
said he was in, quote, his best shape ever.
I was literally flying, he told broadcaster NOS when he had finished. I even
floated above the ice a few times and had to correct myself. Does that sound
correct to your guys' understanding of physics? Are we saying that he's got like
he's getting ground effect from his ice skates? Like as in, you know, like you taxi your plane too fast, say,
or you're that guy from that story we did a couple of weeks ago who got in a plane
then accidentally took off because the winds were too strong.
I don't think this man had, like a...
I don't know if that happens with like the human beings.
Yeah, the human then how to be corrected? He's in the air. You can't steal while you're jumping.
Yeah, it might be tops.
Yeah.
And he corrected it by just letting gravity put him back on the ice again.
Yeah.
We're not impressed, News.
Yeah.
Skating at these speeds is technically challenging, Nuis said, my strategy was to get to to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to get to get to get as much to get as much to get as much to get as much to get as much to get as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much to get as to get as much as much as much at these speeds is technically challenging.
Nuis said, my strategy was to get as much protection from the windscreen so I could have enough
energy left for the final push.
This really is the limit of what is humanly possible.
It was incredibly difficult.
I don't think that's up to him to say.
Well, I, you know, he does sound like an expert.
But I just feel like you would say that if you didn't want anyone to beat your record. Yeah. That's about as fast as we can go.
Physically couldn't get any better than that.
It's probably as fast as you can possibly do it and there's no point figuring anything else.
I'm awesome. It's actually really unpleasant. You should just stay at home instead of practicing speed skating.
Yeah.
The use of the phrase technically challenging in this context is great because, you know, when
he says skating at these speeds is technically challenging, it can also be, well it's technically
challenging.
But for me it's easy for me to do.
It's easy for me to do. Also, like, I guess he's using technically in the sense of technique, but I hear that and
think of like technology, whereas the real technology element here is the human leg.
Like he's just skating very fast. It's not that
technically complex. It's like walking but you slide your feet, that's my
understanding. It's true. They go far too far speed skaters. That sounds dangerous.
Yeah. It doesn't seem like a thing we should be able to do, but it also looks a lot like a lot of fun,
but also ice is extremely
hard? Yeah. Like, what if you fall on your bum? That's the thing that always fucks me up
about skiing, because like, I don't know if you guys have been skiing? Have you been skiing? Who's been skiing? thiii. to have been skiing? Max? No. their skiing. thinks it's fucking thau. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Yeah. thi's thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. here. Mr. Skis. Down there at the slopes at Aspen.
Mr. Two Long Feet here. But it's fucking terrifying.
Have you been skiing in Europe? Yes.
Where do I go? Oh, I went to Hacona.
Um, Hacona in Japan, Europe. Yeah.
Hacuba. Yeah. Which one? I don't know. Okay. Yeah. But it's, it's fucking terrifying. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too. too too. too too. too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too. too too. too. too too. thi. thi. thi too thi thi too too thi too. too too thi too too too too too. too too. too tooba? Yeah. Which one?
I don't know.
Okay.
Yeah, but it's fucking terrifying.
And people just like hammered down the mountain.
I just think, what if you had an oopsie?
Yeah, but is snow soft?
Not the bits that they skate on.
It's like, it's softish, but the thing that is, you know, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, think, think, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, the thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th is, you know, I think terrifying about that, even though I've never been, is that there's people who like either like kill themselves or permanently
injure themselves by running into a tree, which is comical. It's comical, but deadly, that's bad.
It's bad. It's so bad, and it's unfortunately the only way that has ever entered pop culture or been
represented in the arts is something, it's extremely funny.
It's not like this guy was going 70 kilometers hour, he hit a tree that didn't budge and
then his face turned into a paste and so did his organs and then his family had to
grieve him.
It's oh, whoops, oh, there he goes.
We were a real shame to go out that way.
Because everyone would have to stifle a chuckle, because they're picturing you, you hit it,
and then your legs go up either side of the tree because you've hit your nuts.
Yeah. And it's sort of gone, whan, whin, whin, whin, whey, whi, and the tree sort of shaken back and forward, etc. Or like if you've hit it fast enough, it's actually left a human shake hole directly through
the middle of the trunk.
You know?
And if you're explaining that to a small child that their father has died, that's probably
what they're imagining at first.
They're like, oh, he's fine.
He's come out the other side, in a sense, but not in the form that you will recognise
it and there is no longer any life left in it.
And also, it's just us now.
Your father is God.
Pretty funny. I reckon if you saw a Dutchman travelling at 100 kilometers an hour under his own power over an ice flow,
he would look somewhat like a crypted.
It's time for Crypted watch.
Now this is an update on a story, I guess a developing story, you might say.
Now this is an update on a story, uh, I guess a developing story, you might say. We've spoken about
this phenomenon, which I frankly don't think is getting enough coverage in the
press. We've spoken about it several times before, we've spoken about it on the
bonus episode, Kevin Costner's Overwater World, and also the bonus episode, Unashamedly Wet.
This is a report given to the website UFO Clearinghouse, a very August publication.
And this is verbatim the text from the person who made the report.
I was out driving around with a guy I had just started talking to.
We were out by the airport, just cruising around, listening to music and getting to know one
another.
We decided to park to smoke some bud, and one thing led to another.
We were in the backseat when he looked up and started screaming, what the fuck?
Over and over again.
It was then that we felt like something bumped into the side of the car, like when someone slammed up on the side of your ride.
I sat up and saw a pair of bright red eyes and a big black body looking into the driver's
side window into the back seat.
It scared the hell out of us both and we started screaming out loud.
This thing kept looking into the car and then it just disappeared.
A security guard shows up, then two more show up.
They made us get out of the car and started asking us
why we are there, but after looking at us,
they start asking about what we had seen.
We told them, and they screamed at us to get dressed and leave.
Wow.
Pretty powerful stuff.
I think we can all agree.
This is obviously a mothman and this was
at the Chicago O'Hare International Airport. I think I got some of those words correct and in the right order.
Which for some reason is just a fucking crazy hot spot for Mothman's
Well it means because it's the Mothman.
It's probably a lot to explain the Mothman. I'd be more likely to see the Mothman at his general location.
For one reason, and it is because Mothman lives there.
My local Molly's is a crazy hot spot for me sightings.
How often are you going there?
I've got a lot of milk to buy, Ben. Yeah, that's fair. I don't, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I associate, I, I associate, I, I associate, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I just, I just, I to, I to, I to buy Ben. Yeah, that's fair. I don't, I just, I associate the moth man with the town that he's in in that movie that
Richard Gere is in.
Point Pleasant, is that what it's called?
Point Pleasant, yes.
In West Virginia.
I'm...
What's he doing in Chicago?
Why is he always there?
I don't know if I'm the only one, but I kind of infer from like the description, the
security guards and the security guards screaming at them to leave, that the security guards
are like, these guys, like, either they know too much or like, this is legit, this
is a genuine sighting and they need
to get out of here because they're in danger which obviously implies that
security guards at Chicago International Airport are fully aware of the
mothman which seems like you know there's got to be a lot of security
guards there and you know the word would be well truly out if that was the case. No no I I disagree when you start on the job as a to the job. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the job. the job. the job. the job. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th. th. th. the they're they're the the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they. they. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. they. they. they. they, the word would be well truly out if that was the case.
No, no, I disagree.
When you start on the job as a security guard at the Chicago O'Hare airport,
very first thing, first day is induction into Majestic 12, the enforcement arm of the Illuminati.
Mm-hmm. And these guys know, these guys know the gravity of the enforcement arm of the Illuminati. And these guys know, these guys know the
gravity of the situation, like three or four hundred more Mothman sightings and
they're fucked. I mean, people know.
I mean, as long as the people that saw the Mothman were stoned and nude, they've got like a good...
You've got a pretty good car that there.
Yeah, I got a couple of, another couple of stoned and nude guys.
Like, they can say, I saw the Mothman, and you can point at them and say, no, they didn't.
And most people are going to go, yep.
No, good point until those people reach a critical mass, at which point you cannot turn the tide
anymore.
Yeah, when you've got a thousand stoned and nude people who insist they saw the mothman
at a construction site near O'Hare International Airport, you can't silence them all.
People are going to sit up and take notice. We did, I think one of the earlier stories of this we covered I think might have been a whistleblower at
Chicago O'Hare International Airport who
Said that they were told they weren't allowed to talk about or discuss it. So I think the security apparatus there is well
aware of the mothman, but for whatever reason it would behoove the airport
For people to not believe that there was a Mothman there.
Like, is that bad for an airport to have a Mothman nearby?
It doesn't seem inherently bad.
What's the problem?
What's the, is he causing?
I mean, it sounds like he was causing trouble here.
I think it's just like the rabbits at the Gold Coast Airport.
causing trouble. I think it's just like the rabbits at the Gold Coast Airport every six months you got a guy out there with a flare gun to vamoose all the mothman off.
Like honestly like if I and you know this isn't just hubris talking like if I
knew that in going to an airport there was a chance that I might see the
mothman I'd be like this is great An airport is a safe place. It's crawling with security
guards and police. This is my opportunity to see the Mothman in a controlled environment.
I get to, you know, witness something truly special without putting myself in harm's way. That's great.
What, what do you reckon what happened to do if you saw the Mothman in an uncontrolled environment? I don't know.
I don't know.
What are the Mothman's powers?
What does he do?
I don't know if he does anything.
I think he just...
Get sighted.
He contacts Richard Gere on the phone and he says,
about a bunch of people are going to die in a bridge collapse.
And then he flies around, he looks in on people who are fucking in the back seat of a car at construction site.
And then he looms.
I don't think anyone's ever been attacked by a mothman.
No, I don't, I'm not that familiar with the mothman, but I just assumed that he, you know,
I don't know, like maybe he ate all their clothes. Maybe he, you know, sort of drained
their blood the thrain, or something, or something effective cryptid for branding reasons.
Like, I don't hear Mothman and think, I know what the Mothman does.
Big Foot walks.
Chupacabras suck goat blood.
Um...
I think the Mothman jacks you are.
That's my belief.
He just siles up to you.
He portends that Doom is coming, and also so are you.
Well, they are, you know, moths are very soft.
Yeah, but he leaves that dust on your, whatever junk you have.
You got that moth dust.
What is that? Does anyone know?
That's mothed, baby.
What that dusty stuff is on moth. I don't know. Yeah.
Is it spores?
Someone's going to, someone's already writing an email.
Yeah, some fucking leopodorist piece of shit.
Except this time it's going to Maxleverne at Gmail.com.
Okay, thank you for repeating that.
That email that you just heard before.
I was like, Maxelverne at site. Square dot site?
Yeah, Maxelver dot square dot site for your book purchases.
Oh, that's the URL.
That's right, that's the URL.
They're tiny scales.
Oh, why don't have scales?
You don't have to write the email after all.
Stop. If you're halfway through your email,
I want you to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to close to to to to write the email after all. Stop, if you're halfway through your email, I want you to close, um, Mozilla Firebird.
Is that right, Theo? Is that an email client?
I think so. You're kind of my guy who and I would ask about email clients.
You don't really do clients anymore. I'm more of a browser-based guy.
These days you can both do your internet banking
and your email sending from a browser window and that's truly incredible.
Speaking of things that are truly incredible, Max thank you so much for being on the podcast.
Just before we go, I've actually prepared an acrostic to sort of say thank you.
Oh, okay.
To you guys, for having me on your wonderful podcast.
Do you mind if I talk through this?
I would love that so much.
Okay.
B. Beautiful.
Oh, original.
Oh.
Of course it's a good podcast to recommend to a girl we have just met.
Oh.
N. No other small talk required, Frank.
T. Theo's Friends.
A. Absolutely terrific.
The. Then mow these guys some cash if you have the app.
I. Imagine if Dr. Mario was a practicing obstetrician and gynecologist.
S. Superb. T. Theo's Enemies. A. Ah, that's me relaxing listening to Buntavista. S. Significantly better at fundraising than Peter Dutton.
O. Optimal toilet listening.
C. Catch the latest episodes on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher and other
podcasting services.
I. Enjoyable.
A. A. A. A. A real poot.
L. Lots of musical parodies.
I would like to take this opportunity to raise a toast to the health of her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the second.. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to toilet, to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, to to to to to to to to to to to to to the health the health the health the health the health the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toilet, the toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toiletilet, toilet, I. I would like to take this opportunity to
raise a toast to the health of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the second. S. So please charge
your classes. Her Majesty's health. T. Theo himself. C. Crime Watch segment opener genuinely
distressing. L, lovable hosts.
You, unkind to the Dutch, and B, Blue Night at the Cult, available for Purchase Now.
Oh, sweet.
That was truly wonderful.
Yeah.
We're now just only Buntavista, so we're going to have to ask for the last two words of your acrostic
to be scratched out.
Scratch for the record, including the one promoting your book, unfortunately.
If this insights even one person to start try to engage with us on leftist theory or anything
along those lines, I'm coming for you, Max.
Well, look, I think we can agree
that the joke got a lot funnier in the second half.
So, you know, let's just assume
that anybody who has made it to the end of this episode
is already disinclined to argue with.
Oh, God, I hope that's true.
God, I hope that's fucking true.
Thank you so much you you you you you so much th you th you so much th th. It has been an absolute delight having you.
I thought I had already like recently asked you to be on the podcast before, but then it turns out looking at my own messages to you, I had just dreamed it. Yeah, no, not happened. No, not at all.
Which is strange. Thank you for writing the wrong Ben, and thank you all for having me. It's so much fun. So this whole time I've been asking, Ben, th th th th th th thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, I've thi, I've thi, I've that, I that, I that, I thi, I thi, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha. I that, for having me. It's so much fun.
So this whole time I've been asking Ben like hey do you
think we could get Max LaVern on the show etc. and Ben's been saying no no we tried we tried we tried.
It's not interested. Not in too expensive.
He says he specifically doesn't want to speak to you.
I literally I'd never sent, yeah anything along those lines. Sometimes I'm like the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist the protagonist. I'm like the protagonist th. I'm like th. I'm like th. I'm like th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've thi. I've th. I've to to to to to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've thi. I've thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th so it's negligence. Sometimes I'm like the protagonist of the Matrix.
I have a hard time distinguishing dreams from reality.
That is the number one trait of Neo, I think you can agree.
Yeah.
He's so confused.
He's just looking around to be like, did I, did I actually eat a burrito the size of a small car?
No?
Dream.
It was a dream.
Thank you to the listener for listening.
We love having you if you've not subscribed to the Patreon.
That's fine.
Be nicer if you did.
We will catch you next week.
Goodbye. Goodbye. to There should be a guy by Max Leven from the short story collection, Blue Knight at the Colt.
There should be a guy who every morning rides his bicycle down to the main street and sets up a small glass case of beautiful cakes he has made. He should sell the cakes at a reasonable price to whoever comes.
The cakes should be both beautiful and inspiring.
They should be sumptuously iced and decorated with fruits and sugared flowers which are
not only lovely to behold but genuinely delicious.
He should sit on a low half wall and read a newspaper folded into quarters until the cakes were all sold.
As soon as the last one is sold, he should tie the glass case to the back of his bike and
cycle to the market to buy fresh eggs and flour, chocolate, fruit, all the things he needs
to make cakes for tomorrow.
And then he should ride his bicycle home, where he should kiss the top of the low door frame leading into his widow's cottage, because it will always remind him of her.
And then he makes the cakes for the next day.
Now that's what should happen.
It should be happening already in towns all over the country.
Hell, all over the world.
If it's not, then fuck it.
Let the bombs fall.
Let them turn the beaches to glass. Return us to hunter-gatherers, cowering in caves,
miserable, dirty people, dying of cold when it rains for too long.
Let us slowly work our way back up
if we can't get even that part right when it should be so obvious.
See if the next crop are smarter.
And if they aren't, then try again, as long as it takes.
Let our distant, dissent side in the in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows and the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows in the shadows of the brick walls we built. I don't think that's too extreme.