Boonta Vista - EPISODE 328: The Haarlem Globetrotters

Episode Date: January 7, 2024

We're back! This week: An insufficiently remarked upon driveway theft, and our annual look at the raw carnage of New Year's Eve in the Netherlands. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello, welcome to Buntavista episode. Go ahead of you. I'm trying to pick the new year. Put your hands in for the new year. Go! Oh, wow. For the record, then you put his hand in. Somebody, want will take part?

I want to take part. Uh-huh. Hello, welcome to Buntavista episode 328. What's that? Do I hear the dinglingling of Christmas bells? Yes, that's right, it's our very special Christmas episode. And although we're recording this a little late, hopefully it should still be enough time for Ben to edit this and get this out by Christmas. Don't fucking put that on me.

Don't imply that I've not done something on time. What? I'm down the weed pipe for a lot. Fucking. It is the 7th of January. I'm a fresh-faced, five-year-old munchkin. It's a very special day today though, because we're going to Westfield Garden City to see Santa and his team. My whole heart is swelling with boyish wonder and innocence. And I sure hope this is a pure and golden experience

for me and nothing untoward. As we line up to see Santa, we're greeted by one of Santa's finest helpers. Dressed all in green with an impish little face and an elven ears, it's none other than Ben. But uh-oh, there's something wrong here as he's smoking a cigarette. He's already making an obscene gesture towards his genitals. Uh-oh! Sorry, I hate towards his genitals. Uh-oh. Sorry, I hate to pull the curtain back. I hate to expose the artifice of what you're doing here. So this is said in the past, because you said Westfield Garden City.

Oh, this will, it will never be Westfield Upper Mount Gravatt to me. Well, it's just Westfield Mount Cravett. I think the specificity of calling it Westfield Up on Mount Cravatt as if there might be a Westfield to be a Mount Cravat. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very metropolitan centre. It's a hub and spoke model. It's the fastest growing city of the world. Yes. Up and about Gravatt. Yeah. Yeah. All right. It's good. So it's not because it's not because this is set prior. It's a this. It's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because it's not because this is this is this is this. It's not because it's not because this. It's not because this. It's not because. It's this. It's not because. It's not because. It's this. It's this. It's this. It's a this. It's a this. It's a this. It's a this. It's a this. It's a this. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the very the very metropolitan. the the the the the the the the very metropolitan. the the the the the the the the the the set prior to when was the name change six months to a year ago? Yeah like 2023 is yeah yeah okay good so I wanted if maybe we were being privy to one of Theo's memories. Yeah I don't know. Particularly an't Santa's workshop? Was there a smoking elf that traumatized you? Sorry I can I'm fully able to close the curtain now and get fully into character. All right thank you. A horrible little elf and I'm the tw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Yeah. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeahized you? Yeah. Sorry, I'm fully able to close the curtain now and get fully into character. All right, thank you.

A horrible little elf. And I'm smoking a cigarette. Hey. Hey. What's up, you little fuck? Oh, I don't know about this. So forth. Yeah.

Well, that was educational in all the wrong ways for me, a tiny tot who came down in the last rain shower. But we've reached the front of the line now and I'm starting to get excited again. And there, could it be, coming over to us, it's friend to all good boys and girls, it's Mrs. Santa. But, uh-oh, she's kind of thoddy with her. She's got a suicide girl's tattoo at her forearm and her dress is simply not audience appropriate. Hi Lucy. Hi there, big boy. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Mrs. Santa, by the word? Mrs. Santa? Yeah, that's what we call her. Okay. Rare marriage maneuvers, she took his first name.

That's right. We also have an open relationship. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And finally it's the big man himself. The Red Kahuna, the sultan of slaying, the cool S. That's right, it's Santa. Or Mr Santa, whatever. But fuck, he's a cunt.

That's right. He's drinking from a hip flask filled with vodka, leering, swearing, and occasionally whipping the elves with a length of pallet strapping. It's Andrew. Can I please get a photo with you Santa? Oh no, we got a bad Santa. Oh no, we got a bad Santa. Wouldn't that be crazy?

We got a nasty Santa. Oh, course, because he's kind of like... That's because he's kind of like... No, we got a bad Santa. Wouldn't that be crazy? We got a nasty Santa. That's because he's kind of like a documentary. Yeah. It's now copyright 2024, but it was done. Like, it's cool like inversion of expectations right. Because like, Sandy, he's like this nice guy to boys and girls all over the world. What if he wasn't?

What if the Colin brothers did up on the script. He jacked off. What if Santa jacked off? Right, this is normal, that's healthy. It's good for your prostate health as well to jack off? I've not looked into the details, but that's what I've been told. For your butt hole health. Yeah, to look after your butt hole you must jack off. Yeah, you must. You need to relieve stress at some points, you know? Yeah. And Mrs. Santa's out there with

all the other guys from jacking off. Mrs. Santa says we've got an open relationship, but it just kind of seems that I mean she knows whatever she wants. Yeah. I'm at the North Pole working all year round. Yeah. Stuck with these fucking elves. If you want to hear a good 50 minutes of material about Mrs. Claus, as some people call her being in an open relationship, you should listen to the auntie donor Christmas episode that was put out about two weeks ago. Oh, is there such a thing? Mostly about...

And they put it out before Christmas. Before Christmas was a novel idea. Yeah, that's right. Okay, I'm just I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I'm just just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. th. to just. th. th. th. to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. the. the. the. to to to to to to toean toean toean toean toean toean thean theanannenenenea. thea. the, that's right. Okay, I'm just, I'm writing this down. And I'm getting Siri to set a reminder for 11 and a bit months from now. In our defense, we were very sleepy. This is one of the sleepiest ends of a year we've ever had, but we've come back. We're full of energy. I'm still sleepy. It was like 40 degrees here.

And then it rained a whole bunch. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's th. It's toozy. It's. It's. toozy. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. whole bunch. That's not, you can't podcast in that. No, it's sleepy weather. It's like school. If it reaches a certain temperature they let you out of podcasting. Yeah, we get a little day off. Yeah, no school in history has ever reached that temperature threshold by the way, children of Australia. It's literally never happened. No and we didn't have, I don't want to get to like, oh, I walked to school like through five foot of snow or whatever, but we literally didn't have air conditioning. Didn't even have- So we're just baking in like- Bloody ceiling foods.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, in the portable classrooms? Yeah. In the donners? You're sweating in the donnas. You're sweating in the dongers. You wouldn't even know about it. Oh man, those donies you get in there at Sweat City. Sweat City in the Dongers. That's right. And we don't have to come up with an episode title right away. I was just about to write that down.

Oh, so we did do the podcasting equivalent of our wheeling in the TV for the last couple the year. Watch the little rascals kid. But have they cut the boobs out? Here's an episode you've heard before, but you loved it. You can't watch Titanic at school. It's three hours long. It is three hours long. That goes over afternoon and breaks at school. Yeah, I've recently been trying to figure out. I've been trying to pinpoint a year for the very distinct memory I have of being shown

Braveheart at school. Is this just a specific teacher that was like kids were going to watch Braveheart today? Yeah, but like they're lopping stuff off people. Yeah, they're slitting throats. Yeah, they're getting their tits out. They're getting their bums out. And they put an arrow in those sexual those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those thos thoes thoes thoes thoom in thoom in thoom in thoom in thoom in thoom in thoom. thoom. thoom. thoombs. thoom. thoom. thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing tho-a. tho-s. thoom stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff. their bums. They're their bums. They're their bums. They're their bums. They're their bums. thoom. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-in. They're thooo-a. They're getting their b-s they're getting their bums out. And then they put an arrow in those bums. Yeah, it sort of is a taunt. That's sexual violence. It's a taunt to the enemy.

They're flashing their bums. Yep. That's quite great. It's a true Highlander. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry Ben, did you say they should have katanas in that? Yeah. Like when I see a Highlander I want him to have a kitaner ideally. Right, right, right, right. Or maybe a, maybe if you can get one, a

sword that comes in a cool briefcase and you've got to assemble it. Oh my god, the briefcase sword. Oh my god, the briefcase sword, the briefcase sword for a present, doesn't matter if he has any level of like pop culture engagement with Highlander or anything, he'd lose his fucking mind. Ladies, I hope you're listening. Pro tip, a great man. Siri, sir, sir, sir. Seri set an alarm for 11 and a bit months from now. Buy a boyfriend's briefcase sword.

But also if you, oh, K trying to do, don't, don't, Kogan, briefcase sort. If, um, Kogan, Kogan. Don't do the Kogan brand briefcase. It'll fall about. Pro tip, if you live in a studio apartment or a regular apartment, maybe try and give it to him like when you're on a picnic or something, because he will immediately assemble the sword and start swinging it around full-pelt. I'm just going to start playing with it straight away. Yeah, it doesn't matter how many bookshelves you've got, how many DVDs you have lined up.

He will just be doing full around the head 360 swings. Yeah. And like he's not going to care what he takes out. He's going to be even lost in a friend's toy. I don't think that's a living room toy. And it's not fair to give it to him on Christmas morning and say, now we'll go out later and you can play with it. No, he'd be itching to play with it. Yeah. Obviously, he's going to be straight away and he's going to say, it's so silly, but I was actually like, like my techniques were actually real, you know what, I'll just show you. I thought about going pro but my parents didn't support me.

Yes. And they would let me join. Yeah, you have bought back a joy in my life. And it's time to swing this sort around. And you might be standing there going, but, but, but, all of my, all my little crystal figurines of porcupines, my Swarowski. My Swarowski, my Swarofsky Yoda. Don't! My Swarofsky Grokoo, he's been perfectly cut at half by this briefcase sort. There is a Swarowski yoga, a real one.

Sorry, while you guys were doing this, I was sort of, um... While we were doing the podcast. While we were riffed, my boy was going bad, it kind of, you know, got a few fingers and a few different pies, putting together my spec script already for, just a picture this, it's a bravehart times in Scotland, whatever that was. It's highlands everywhere, right? Yeah. But enter the Japanese blacksmith. He sailed across several seas to get here.

Don't. What does he sound like, Theo? New Year's us. He's ready to teach them the, the beauty, the power, the technique of a thousand-fold steel, katanas. He's inventing the tank. For all of the Highlanders. Just so he could tell them that it could cut a tank in half. Yes, yes.

Highlanders win the war. Scottish UK. Yeah. So the kingdom is united, but it's under the king of Scotland. But under the king of Scotland, brave heart. Oh my god, I love this. And where... And who's Japanese? Cut, cut to... Where does Ireland fit into this?

Just the blacksmith. There was never a northern island? Do they have boats? the Irish? The Irish, I think it's... The Irish. research it, no the Scots, we'll have to research it just to make sure it's period appropriate and then we'll work out because the Irish I think at that stage could not possibly not possibly.

No but I mean did the Scots have boats and I don't think the Irish, did the Scots uniquely not invent boats? Probably not be able to stand up to the onslaught of you know a di Kitana or something a situationikata sort of thing so it's a situation like a perfectly made thousandfold steel. How did the Japanese blacksmith get there on a boat? Yeah but the Japanese headboats the Scottish... So he brought a boat then they've got a they opened the border just for a little bit just to say we must find allies in this deep dark world. I think you've definitely confused two quite different time periods of when Japan's borders were closed and when the Highlander era was, sorry the brave heart era.

What if there was a little swerve, a little swerve in the plot where the Japanese Blacksmith arrives and he is primed to teach them all about the way of the sword, but everybody's way too interested in the boat. What is this? What is this? The Scottish had never considered this before. Second half of the movie is mainly about a competition between rowing teams. Just check in some stats here. Just to really get a bit of research. I think I just spilled coffee all over himself.

Yeah, it's having a hard time. He looks foolish. So, William Wallace lived from 12702 to 1305. Wow. The Japanese closed border era from 1603 to 1868. So a little 400-year difference there. Just a little bit different. I think we could take some like artistic liberties. When was William Wallace around? Yeah. Yeah. It's so early. They would not withstand thousandfold steel tyk. I just think that we had

boat tech sort of sorted globally by like, hmm, BC times. That's why it makes so much sense for the Japanese blacksmith to be there. The Vikings notoriously had boats. That's true. I'm just looking at the Wikipedia entry for Brave Heart and it says, uh... What's such a great stat? Sections of the English Media accused the film of harboring anti-English sentiment. Yeah, so what? Imagine. That. That. That. That. That. I. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th media accused the film of harboring anti-English sentiment. So what? Imagine, the economist called it, the economist called it xenophobic.

To Englishman? To Englishman. Yeah. Yeah. John Sutherland, writing in the Guardian stated that, quote, Braveheart gave full rain to a toxic anglophobia. Anglophobia, wow. It's back. Like they're Scottish. Yeah, come on. Yeah. I can't help being like that. They're a rude people. No, the English are bad. We'd side universally with our friends of Scots. And for the record,

I believe that if there was a UK but under a Scottish monarchy, there would be a unified island as well. I don't believe there would be a Scottish Scottish the Scottish the Scottish the Scottish their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I. I, like. I, like. I'. they's, like, like, like, like, they're they're they're they're their, like, like, like, like, like, like, they're they're like, like, like, like, like, like they're like, like, like they're they're they're their. they're the was a UK but under a Scottish monarchy, there would be a unified island as well. I don't believe there would be a Scottish northern island. Okay? Yeah. Don't ride in. The Brits under the heel of Scottish oppression. There you go. That's politics. Tick. Improv. Tick. Samaroi Voice. Dick. We are smashing all of our KPI's. Who does and doesn't have boats? Sorted. I think they... Alright.

Hey, not hitting our podcast KPI is for the first episode back for the entire year, well that would be a crime. There's another segment where we explore crimes. Crime watch. It's time for Crime Watch. Hey, three! Yeah! No! the Florida, the WIFTV, the WIFTV. Single Mother's Future in Florida, the Wooftv. Single Mother's Future in Jeopardy, after thief steals driveway. Now, now, now, now,

Yeah, it sucks so bad that happened to a single mother. It feels a little like loony tunes-ish to perhaps roll it up, you know, like a tube. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. My understanding is that would be difficult to do with a driveway. Walking unsteadily off the front porch of 1438 Bethesda Street. Little, that's, like the video games. Yeah. We've done some Bethesda Riv- any mis-rifts? Yeah, she was following a little waypoint on her compass.

Yes, yes. Yeah, kill five goblins. Come on now. Number one comedy parkas. Amanda Brochu navigated the bumps and valleys where her walkway should have been. Slowly she headed for the street where her son played with his friends. She passed the white for sale sign sticking up out of her front yard, normally a beckoning beacon to househunders.

Now it serves as a painful reminder that her time is running out. This is so dramatic. Yeah, whoever wrote this like had too much downtime in their holiday. They've actually come back to work too refreshed. Yeah. Either that or that or that, a very depressing Christmas. Yeah, actually that's probably it. In a season where most people fret about porch pirates.

I don't think we say that anymore. Is that people stealing your Amazon packages or whatever? Yeah, that anymore. Is that people stealing your Amazon packages or whatever? Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, or maybe they never got, never got delivered in the first place, you know, Amazon Australia. Yeah. In a season where most people fret about porch pirates, Brochu encountered something far worse. Someone ran away with her concrete driveway. That is worse. Yeah, all you're picturing the same object here. Yeah, it's a solid rectangle of concrete. Yeah, yeah, like, yeah, yeah, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're, maybe, maybe, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never they they they they're they they they're never they never they never they never they never they never they never they never never they never never never they never never never they never never never never they never never never never they never never they never, never never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they're they they're they they're they're they the same object here. Yeah, it's a solid rectangle of concrete. Like several tons in weight? Traditionally very heavy. Ironically, you park on it.

How do you lift it up? Yeah. Very carefully. Sorry, with your knees, not your back. Yeah. That's a two-person lift. That's a two-person lift. That's right. Hey, before you lift, this. Quote, I come home and my driveway is gone, approach you said, with a laugh of disbelief. Ha ha ha! You've got a laugh.

We ripped up like 10 square meters of concrete and it took us like literally like five days. Just a little side note for the death grips heads out there. You could have that as the opening quote to the death grip song hacker. Come home and my driveway is gone. Okay. Yeah, it's not gonna resonate with you guys. Yeah, just pretend I didn't say it. I won't listen to some death grips then. Yeah, you should listen to the money store. The money store? Yeah, listening to the money store. Hearing a lot of good things about the money store.

Yeah. It's not like a hot album of... the year it been on schedule. She replaced the roof and made minor touch-ups. The listing agent priced it to sell and bragged about the lack of an HOA homeowners association. Homeowners association, the fucking tyradical shadowy forces that control America. What?

We've probably got to do like a whole big thing on them at some point, but that is like a uniquely fucked American phenomenon. What is it? Is it just like a? Well, it's like a covenant, right? It's like a covenant that you form with the people in your like immediate residential area where you agree to maintain like the public facing parts of your house to like a specific standard. Oh, okay. I think that the best, the best analogy for Australians to this, right, is like, it's like a body corporate. Like a strata, like a strata or a body corporate, but for your house on a street, instead of like a townhouse or an

apartment complex because normally it has that thing of like... We definitely have those though. Your house... We do have some rules right? About what your house? No no there are there are housing covenants in Australia where it's like my my inlaws are in one and they're like you can't build a structure with a roof that's got like sheet metal roofing if it's visible from the front yeah you can't just do whatever you like with you land in your front yard but I I guess it's far more pervasive in the US yeah and it's a pretty like six months ago's say on Twitter, where someone took a photo of someone's front yard and it had long grass.

It's like, well this is why you have a HOA. And people have just gone fucking nuts, like, it's like some long grass, dude. You have this so that you can bully one of your neighbors into submission. Yeah, anything you don't like. Oh, this is dropping house prices. I notice you didn't do that weird thing where it makes it look like your grass has stripes in it somehow. I don't know how people do that. I don't understand at all.

But we're gonna kill you now. Yeah. Pop says here we can cut you in half with a cat. That's right. Cut through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th throw throw throw their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tank with one of these bad points. Then, her son told her that people had come by the house to measure the driveway, counting five different contractors in the span of a few days. She confronted one of them, who said a man by the name of Andre, reached out to him to ask about a driveway replacement quote.

The contractor said, Andre claimed to be the landlord and gave brochure Andre's phone number. Text messages supplied by the contractor show that Andre received a quote for $7,200 to replace the driveway and agreed to the price. Is that what it costs? All right. Well, to replace though, right? Not to just pick it up. Yeah. Not to just take it. Yeah. However, Andre said he couldn't meet the contractor to drop off the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the deposit the the the the the the to just take it. Yeah. However, Andre said he couldn't meet the contractor to drop off the deposit. When the now wary contractor demanded full payment and proof of ownership before starting the job, Andre cut off communication. I'm starting to worry

that's not his real name. Brochu called Orange County deputies who in turn called Andre. Quote, they said, he said, he said, it was a mistake, she recalled. He just got the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the address the the contract the contract the contract... the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor the contractor the contractor the contractor the contractor the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contractor. the contract. the contract. the contract. the contract. the contract. the contract. the the the the the the the contract. the the the the contract. the the the the the contract. the the the the the the contract. the the the the the the the contract. the the the contract. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. their. the. the. the. the. the. their. the the the the the the Andre. Quote, they said, he said it was a mistake, she recalled. He just got the address wrong. Nothing else will happen again. Nothing else will happen again. Nothing else will happen again. Nothing else will happen again. I called the criminal and he said that it was fine and he wasn't going to do a crime.

Nothing else will to do a crime. I called the criminal and he wasn't going to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the 't worry about it. I called the criminal and he said that it was fine and he wasn't going to do a crime. The next week, her driveway disappeared. Poof. How? Yeah. Like how? Like actually how? Two guys going? Two guys going? Go, shh. Geth, stop giggling. Get it into the back of the pulsar. Shhh, left with your knees, left with your knees. Team left, team left, always team left. I was in unbelievable like utter shock, real estate agent, Rocky Sanchez.

Hell yes. Oh, I'm quite a terrible job wasted on Rocky Sanchez. Uh, can I just point out that it is spelled R-O-C-K-I. Oh, kind of skanky with it. Yeah. But, yeah, I guess so. Folks, are we picturing a man or a woman? I'm picturing a woman with an eye.

I'm picturing a sexy squirrel. I've just put a picture of Rocky Sanchez in the chat. She has very friendly eyes. She has a warm and open face. It does look a little like a sexy squirrel. I don't think it'll be too, too far for her to go to do a squirrel cosplay. That's all I'm saying. I don't mean that. I don't mean. I don't mean. I don't that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a their they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I's a their. I's a their. I's a their. I's a their. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. t. S. th. th. S. th. th. th. th. the. the. S. S. the. S. S. I think that is absolutely true. I just don't know if that's something that we could say about a non-public figure on the podcast. Right in and let us know if you think real estate agent Rocky Sanchez is not too many steps removed from a sexy squirrel. Sorry, some sort of very loud yard work happening out there.

You need to call the Homeowners Association. Yeah. Fucking get on it. Get him killed. Oh. Blap, blap. I've never seen this before, continued Rocky. I've never had this happen to myself or anyone in our office. Yeah I did a quick whip around the four people around me. I don't think you need to say I've never had this happened to me before. Like yeah we know it's

unusual. Anyone had a just a whole driveway disappear overnight? Sanchez posted about the incident to a national Facebook group for realtors. Oh I that can't be a good place. That's got to be a horrible place. No honorable deeds are commemorated there. No, not at all. No, no, no. None of you will make it into Valhalla. We've got to get in there.

Others began commenting that they've seen similar situations for unwanted exterior work, including paint and driveways. Many scams involved the contractors themselves, though one incident in Washington involved a door-to-door scam are hiring companies to do legitimate paving work while pocketing the money for himself. What? How is this possibly a scam? Because she doesn't pay anybody? We got to go back through. So the first one, a similar situation where unwanted exterior work

including paint and driveways was done. Yeah, you'd fucking, you'd hate it if you came out and someone had like given your driveway a fresh crisp pressing, you know when they do the little tile pressing into it? No, never seen it out, you know? When they when they spray that like coating yeah, and it looks and it looks fucking schmick. Looks slick and if I if I came out and someone had done that and then they said you owe me $20,000 I'd say goodbye and walk inside and close my door. Yeah, nobody's asked for any money though. Yeah, I don't understand. If someone's like done unwanted exterior work to your house,

they've redone your cladding. They just took her driveway. Yeah. What's the fucking scared? Ben, is the idea here that you just do work without somebody saying they want it done and then just shake them down for the payment? I guess. The door to door one. Like I, I was, I was in, uh, we're hopping on a train in a train. the the the the the their. their. their. train. train. train. train. their. their. their. train. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. They're. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they. they. they're. they. they. they're. their. their. their. their. their. We're. We're their. We're t. We're too. We're just just just just just just just just just too. We're just just just too. too. too. too. they're just just just just just just they're just just they're just they're just they're just they're just the payment. Strong, I guess I. It's a door-to-door one. Like, I was in, we were hopping on a train in Rome and a very burly man grabbed our bags and put them up on the racks and then he's like, ten euro. And I'm like, oh, okay sir. And my wife's like, no. We will not be paying ten euro. No, nothing. My strong life intervened. Back! Italian man. Babe, you are so hot right now.

This is our honeymoon so you can imagine this. Sorry. Once a week. I love a... And Theo, you might think that I'm saying this as a joke, but I love letting my wife do the conflicts instead of me. Oh, it's so good. Absolutely. Why is it so good at conflict? Oh, I hate conflict?

Why I've seen to thrive on conflict? I'm sort of like, as soon as the first little obstacle comes up, I'm like a little obstacle comes up, I'm like sort of like... Is there an apple around here I can just wriggle into? You're making yourself small. Have a little apple car I can drive? Get my apple car and skiddaddle out of here. I'm wondering with the door-to-door scamming thing. That sounds more reasonable like maybe this guy is traveling around

from place to place and saying, hey, would you like some stuff done? And then he hires a local contractor and says, this person wants their payment or whatever, he takes the payment and he just fucks off to the next town. You know, that makes sense to me. Yeah, I guess. You could just kind of. How the contractors involved, because this is like a, that's a high effort scam for them. I'm just saying you basically just go around and actually do the work of like doing door-to-door sales

and hiring a subcontractor and getting to do it, except you pocket all of the money instead of your share of the money. Yeah, you say we're absolutely going to redo those tiles. All I need is a $300 deposit. Contractors are going to come out next week. But you're gone. You're in Tuscaloosa. You don't even have the concrete that your car drives on. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's Tuscaloosa, Alabama. How about that?

But if you are a worm down into that fresh dirt. Yeah. God, it's so warm down there. Good feeling. Good feeling. We love reeling down the dirt, don't we, folks? Yeah. So the closest local scheme WFTVTV could find, this is investigative reporting right here. What's the closest scam you've got to this scam? Oh, let's just bring it up on the scam map. Yeah. The closest the closest the closest the closest the closest the closest the closest the closest the closest the closest scam you've got to this scam? Oh, let's just bring it up on the scam map. The closest local scheme WFTV could find to brochures incident happened in 2012, long time ago? When a man stole bricks from someone's driveway. Not really the same. Not at all, Simulio. That's the closest at most recent.

And that's not really a scam. That guy's just taking bricks. That's free bricks, baby. They come from the ground. How could they be illegal? And I'm guessing you didn't get them all, because if you did, you'd be saying, took his driveway. He took his drive way. He just took the decorative edging dojo. Hey, is that my edging dojo?

It's made from edging bricks, actually. Deputies met Brochu at Ho Home, Tuesday to follow up and launched a criminal mischief investigation. It's just aft. It's just fucking theft! No, little elves popped in from the other realm. Who-hooo? They took your driveway. Was the person who stole your driveway twirling their br their br their br their br their br their bri bri bricks their bri bricks their bri bricks their bricks their bri bricks, their bricks, their bricks, their their th I mean, they took your driveway.

Was the person who stole your driveway twirling their moustache when they did it? Yeah, is there a twinkle in their eye where they planned it? It's a mischievous action. Punishing the whose ass crime? She said they called Andre again, who claimed he had nothing to do with the disappearing driveway before hanging up the phone. I feel like they need to give up on phoning Andre and asking if he did a crime, because he seems pretty set on saying, no, he's got his story straight. Are you the perpetrator? Nope.

No. Not me. Me? Andre? Never. He's probably saying. I don't think he is? I don't think that guy's named Andre. I think he is? I don't think so.

Oh how deep does this go? Oh, how the idea of the cops just calling a criminal? Yeah. Hey, did you do it? Did you do this? Ah, duh. Okay. How many driveways does your house have right now? Uh.huh. It's one, it's just really thick.

Yeah. Got a stack of concrete in his own driveway. He's addicted to driveway. They can't stop. find the person who did this because it's wrong that they targeted me and my family for this. Everyone agrees that it's wrong to take a whole driver. I don't think they targeted, I don't think they like profiled people. Yeah, and we're like, this isn't like a sore style punishment, like all your life

you've been driving over the top of people. It's your turn to be driven over. Yeah you don't think there's like a there's a room full of like black and white photos stuck to the wall. I had at 3 o'clock every afternoon she leaves for 30 minutes to go to the store. This is our time to measure the driveway. Yeah to send it out five different people to measure the driveway. Yeah, to send it out five different people to measure the driveway before stealing it. If anyone asks, just tell them you're measuring the driveway. Oh my god, it's absolutely like the twist from the movie. The guys measuring the driveway are the same person in different

disguises. You just got caught every time. I'm just a different disguise I'm just a measuring guy I'm just the guy lying on the floor seemingly dead it's me I'm jigsaw bitch like from the saw movies yeah in the first movie is he l he's like yeah between yeah that's right and then he between carrier was and Lee Wunnel yeah yeah we say that again one one one one way no no no one one way one yeah yeah that one one one one one yeah yeah that one one one yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that one one one one one one one one one yeah yeah yeah that one one one one one one one yeah yeah that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the and Lee Wunell, yeah. Can we say that again? Wunnel? Wunnel? No, when this one? Elwiz?

Yeah. Yeah. Very, series. Comptly. Yeah, commonly, Carey's pronounced. He's so English. He's like so English. But he's doing American voice in so many movies. Yeah, he's always doing American voice. Isn't he doing English voice in like Princess Bride? The biggest movie that he was edited in?

But it sounds like he's an American doing English voice. Yeah. You've never seen that. You don't need to watch it as an adult. No, I don't watch sort. I don't really need to watch now. Yeah. I have something no other Robin Hood has, for sure. They haven't seen it, but I assume. Yeah, they'd probably ask you to put better jokes in. Yes.

Yes. I got, Mel Brooks, you old fuck. That. You guys noticed how old stuff just isn't funny. Yeah, you ever go back and watch Space Balls. um, space balls? No. I got yelled at last year for saying space balls. Not that funny. Better you than me. You're right to say it, but don't post that shit on the internet. People will kill you. No. It's the jokes are like, oh, there's a character called buff. Awesome, man. That was really funny. I believe the thing I said about at the time was the

movie watches a lot like somebody described Star Wars to to to to to to to to M th th to M th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus thus that that that that that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th. th not th not th not th not the the the th not the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I believe the thing I said about at the time was the movie watches a lot like somebody described Star Wars to Mel Brooks and he never got around to watching it. Yeah. And they just kind of go, oh it's a big guy looks like a dog. We could have some dog jokes? You know? Yeah. What if the Schwartz was his penis? Check out Galaxy Quest. Yeah. I started watching Galaxy Quest. Yeah. Got 10 minutes in. There's a, Sigourney Weaver's in it. So, yeah. Stop the movie tip. No. You said you got 10 minutes in. Yeah, and then my children were like it came in. It's just that you mentioned, like you mentioned Sagani Weaver. Yeah, I just the the the theater, that I saw Sigourney Weaver. No, I just, that's one of the, that's one of my takeaways.

She's really, yeah. No, she's a strong actress. Yeah, good comedic shops. She could lift you up so easily. Yeah, and then Fing came in, it, it's a smashed, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's. That's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's that's one. that's that's they. that's one. that's that's they. that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that tip that he filled with turns into your living room. Violent symbolism. It's now Noah is the bath shitter. Sorry, you're right. I realize that as I was saying, that he's tanned it down, that disgusting torch.

Cats in the cradle and the surface bone. The moment that they grow up and they have their own kids and their kids start shooting at a bathtub you were going to be such a mess. Like you were going to be cranks. I'm trying to find, I saw something the other day about the galaxy quest that was saying Sagorny would only be in the movie if she could just be like blonde and busty the whole time? That rule. Thank you. Thank you so good. Apparently the thing about them having to like CG out her bush in alien one because she wouldn't shave not true. I hadn't

hadn't heard that. Never heard that. That's a really roller coaster. Quick to her not learning that fact. You just sort of introduced that fact and it's not true. And it's not true. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu. Thank thu. Thank the. Thank the. Thank tho. Thank the. Thank the. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. theo. theo. theo. theo. theo. theo. theeeo. thee. the. the. the. th a really roller coaster, quick turn around on learning that fact. You just sort of introduced that fact and it's not true. And it's not true. Yeah, I'm hearing this for the first time. Is this common knowledge? I guess. I guess so. Theo pausing and closely inspecting every frame of that 4k restoration. Yeah, not true. Yeah, not no. Nobody. Look, nobody's disputing that Sigourney Weaver looks really great in a tiny 70s panties in Alien One. You can't be using the P word. Panty.

That's very specifically what she's wearing in that movie. Yeah. Yeah, let's all be honest with ourselves. This podcast just became letcherous in a way that I do not enjoy. Yeah, Theo had tently been dipping his toe into the waters of openly expressing haughty thoughts and then we all got on board and ruined it for him. Oh, then when we do it, oh, it's yucky. Oh, gross. I heard you could see her bush.

Yeah, breathlessly. But you can't. But it's not true. Oh, but it were true! I'm so glad I told my children I couldn't come to my family outing this morning because we rescheduled the podcast. This was meant to be just like a light sort of quick filler story to get the tone up before we got into the main part of the episode. Get into the tone up before we got into the main part of the episode. Get into the 40 minutes.

Get into the meme. What's the story currently? The investigation will not solve all of brochures problems. No, nothing. There's deep societal inequality. I have just a drive-by wood. She is under contract to purchase a nearby property and needed the money from selling her current home to make the down payment.

A company she called quoted her $10,000 to replace the concrete. Money she didn't budget and doesn't have. She should have talked to the scammer because he got a quote for $7,200. Yeah. And that was to replace the driveway. That's taking it away and putting it back. It seems like someone someone someone someone someone someone stolen, you should get a fresh driveway. There should be repleven.

It seems like there should be, yeah. This is a perfect use case for replevin. For what? For what? Remember the legal concept that we learned about in some states in America of repleven? No, not at all. The thing that you have that you that you that you that you that you that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have that you have th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that th. th. th. to to to to to to to to be to be to be th. th. the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. It is th. th. It is th. It is th. th. It is th. th. It is th. th. th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was the. It was to to to to toea. It was. It was supposed to the thing that you have to do for a crime you've committed is pay for the thing to be replaced. Replevan.

You guys are blanking me on Replevin. Keep saying it and it's gone. No idea. make its way into my brain. This podcast? Yeah, this one, the one that you're on. That sounds fair though. That's a natural consequence for a criminal, you know? Yeah. The procedure whereby seized goods may be provisionally restored to their own, pending the outcome of an action to determine the rights of the party's concerned. Get, her, her, driveway, back. Have they checked the local cashers. Why don't do a fucking Facebook. their to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the their their the procedure. their the procedure. the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure. the procedure, the procedure. the procedure. the procedure. the procedure. the procedure. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. Proo. Proo, their, their, their, they. Proo, their procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure, the procedure. Pro a whip around if you see a double driveway anywhere. Stashed driveways. Yeah. How long have you had two driveways for? Yeah. Always. I love doing this to my car's suspension every time I can. I notice you've got a driveway,

but you've also got another driveway and leaned up against your carport? Yeah. When did you get that in? They always have a spare driveway just in case for emergencies? Yeah. When did you get that in? They always have a spare driveway just in case for emergencies? Yeah. Just in case to spill something on it. Lucky number Repleven. Anything there? Yeah, that movie was released in Australia under a different name. It was, wasn't it? What was it called the wrong man over there? They think we just can't handle those kinds of names. I think there was also because it's also the name of another movie. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. the movie. the name. the name. the name. the name. the name. the name. the name. the name. the movie. the name. the name. the movie. the name. the name. the the the the the the the the the the the the the movie. Lucky the the th. Lucky number. Lucky number. Lucky number. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Lucky. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Lucky. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Lucky number. Lucky number. Lucky number. Lucky number. the. Lucky number. the. Lucky number. Lucky number. Lucky number. the. Lucky number. Lucky number. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. the, the, the. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. the. Lucky. the. names. Yeah. I think there was also because it's also the name of another movie. Lucky Number Sleven? Lucky Number Sleven, that's right.

How the fuck can that be the name? No, sorry, the wrong man is the name of a Hitchcock movie. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, it's a sports drama movie. So that of it's. Yeah, it's a sports drama movie. It's completely unrelated. It's crazy.

What you're describing is more like they said, I'm gonna make it more marketable, we're gonna change the movie to Psycho. Yeah. Hmm. Sanchez helped Brochu set up a go-fu to-a-funn me as a hail-mary attempt to-to-to-o, to-o, to-o, to-a-o, to-a-o, to-a-a-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, thi, thi, the-s, the-s, thi, thi, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the home sold in time. She's just a single mom. Just a single mom with a drivewayless house. Yeah. No one's gonna buy this, Brochu said.

This brings down the property now, and that just messes it up for me and my family. You should be counting your blessings that you don't have a homeowner's association. Yeah. Can you imagine what they would say? Yeah, they knock it on your door like, hey, couldn't help but notice. Zero driveway. Sharpening their katanas. You're gonna want to have to get that in order. I'm not, I've never owned a house.

Never will, probably. I don't really understand how any of this works. But couldn't you just like put down like a gravel driveway, instead of getting some concreteing down like getting a slab poured. Can't you just drive on the grass? Drive on the dirt. Yeah, it's good for you in your car. Like our four bearers. It's good for your dodge rim. Yeah it's good for your F950 to get the front two tires onto the dirt in front of your house because that's the only part of the car that will fit. I'm turning against the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thir thir thir thir thir thir th. It's good th. It's good th. It's good th. It's th. It's th. It's tie. It's tie. It's tie. It's tie. It's tie. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the. It's the. It's good. It's good the. It's good theeeea. It's good. It's good try. It's good try. It's good try. try. try. It's good the car that will fit. Hmm. I'm turning against this lady. Mitchie, what do you drive?

I bet she's got one of those big stupid trucks. Maybe this is a saw tipe scenario. Yeah, maybe. Driving your Dodge Ram everywhere. What if you had no driveway? Yeah. What's she's a homeowner's association? And they ended up in like an air bud kind of situation where they're like, we never thought that anyone would be missing a driveway so we didn't put any rules in

the book about it. It's nothing here that says you have to have a driveway in the place of an empty spot where your driveway used to be. Update, after hearing about this situation, a Cox Media Group radio sponsor has offered to install a new driveway at no cost of the homeowner. The homeowner plans to donate to. the home the home to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go to go to donate to donate to donate to donate to donate to donate to donate to donate to donate to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the home. the home. to to to to to the home. to the home. to the home. to the home. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the the the the the the the th. The homeowner plans to donate the go fund me money to a local non-profit in coordination with nine family connection. All's well that ends well unless the new driveway get stolen. That's the funniest possible thing to happen. I probably put a lock on this one. She's shown herself to be defenseless in the face of driveway theft. I don't like that there's absolutely no explanation on how one would steal a driveway. No we we're just... No curiosity about it, seemingly. Yeah, it's called magical realism. Yeah.

Okay. The cat can talk, but it's otherwise not a fantastical work. Okay? Deal with it. It's an American story, but it is directed by the guy that did delicatessen. Yes. And he's not the one that's a sex perfect, right? Other outside of being French.

He's the Amelie director, isn't he? He's the Amelie guy, he did Alien Resurrection. Yeah. Oh, the French guy. Yeah. French people, pretty weird. There is another type of European that's even weird still. And they are Dutch. It's time for Netherlands Corner. Tell me, buddy. I'm from Holland. Isn't that the year? All right, here we go. This is from in the lead-up to New Year's Eve, from Dutch News.

Police sees fewer illegal fireworks in run-up to New Year. Fewer fireworks or bad police. Yeah. News.NL. Police seize fewer illegal fireworks in run-up to New Year. Fewer fireworks or bad police? Yeah, did they just not seize enough? Yeah. Dutch police have seized over 60 tons of fireworks in the run-up to the New Year celebrations, but this is almost half the 2022 total and a quarter of the weight found in 2021. Hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. I think the morale found in 2021. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I've given up. I think the morale has finally been broken. Of the police trying to find the fireworks? Yeah, not of the people stocked by the fireworks. Because as we're about to learn, that is definitely not a problem. They're doing fine. The decline is due to fewer large fines, police were found hidden in bunkers just over the border with Germany, which were destined for the Dutch market.

That sounds a little on the nose, really. Yeah. It's, yeah. What, how come Germany's got those bunkers for? How come what those bunkers are there for? Yeah, they're all built facing the wrong way. Yeah, very strange. However, several big fines were made in homes and vehicles this year, including 2.1 tons hidden in a delivery van.

What? 2.1 tons? You can't, you're hiding 2 tons of fireworks. You just open the door and... Yeah, they're not really hidden in the day. Did they catch him like driving to the UN building? Oh, these? These are for New Year's E? Simply going to Den Haag. The police also focused on disrupting illegal marketplaces for fireworks on Telegram and similar sites. Last month, for example,

they closed down a Telegram trading site with 9,000 members. Huh. Through a buy and sell group. You really just want those fireworks that badly? They can't be that fun, can they? Oh, well, you tell me. From Dutch News. N.L. Politicians condemn New Year violence as a quote, Dutch disease. Don't give us those words. Don't, thue, thue, thue, thue, thue, thue, thuuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thiiolue, thiole, thiolioliolioliologe, thi. thiologe, thiol-a, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, thi. thi. Huh, thi. Huh, thi. too, too, too. too. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, to a the. Don't give us those words. Don't apply us with that phrase. No, we're doing fine without you helping.

Dutch disease is haunting Europe. I like that they recognize that this is a, like, this is a grim comparison to draw, but you know the onion headline that they trot out every year, well, not every week. No way to prevent this from happening, says the only place where this happens regularly. Yeah. Yeah. That's the Netherlands equivalent of this.

Like, yes, we know we have a problem. But getting rid of fireworks won't solve it. Actually, I didn't include that. I don't th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, the, th, th, th, th, the, th, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. tho, tho, the, the, the, the, the. the. thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean,that, I don't think I included this quote, but there was an article where a bunch of right-wing politicians in the Netherlands did literally that where they're like, fireworks isn't the problem. It's the bad actors using the fireworks, so why don't we take care of them? I don't know, maybe if you just, we got rid of the fireworks. Maybe she just didn't have that many fireworks, I reckoning th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. I th. I th. th. th. I that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, it's, it's, I thi, I thi, I thi, it's, I don't, I'm just th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It, th. It, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th. It's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiii. thiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. th reckon you might solve a few problems. Yeah. I do believe that New Year violence is a Dutch disease though. Yes, a uniquely... It's a Dutch sickness of what ever they did over there. Yeah, they live too close to the ground. Yeah. They're too low down over there. Too close to the water. Not good for you.

National and local politicians condemned the New Year violence in the Netherlands with some again calling for a national ban on consumer fireworks. Legal protection minister Frank Weirwind said the perpetrators had quote broken every boundary with their attacks on emergency service workers while Justice Minister Delan Yezelgosh said it is bizarre that some people think it's acceptable to throw fireworks and use violence against them. Police said on Monday that several dozen police officers had been injured by fireworks. the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi their their thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their than. the. thean. thean. theanan. thoooooooooooo' teananan. their national their their their their their their the some people think it's acceptable to throw fireworks and use violence against them. Police said on Monday that several dozen police officers had been injured by fireworks during the firework frenzy. It was, quote, a busy night with some serious incidents, a police spokesman said.

What are you guys doing over there? What is it about Dutch people that they go like, like purge mode? Are they're too calm? Are they too pent up? Too placid riding their little bikes? The rest of the year? They're very abrupt people. Like they're very forthright. I don't think they're like stifling themselves. I don't think they're like sort of withholding pleasure from themselves. Do you think it all builds up. If you're Dutch, you stifle pleasure from yourself, please write in. Yeah, if you're Dutch, writing about how you're stifling pleasure. Are you bottling it all up? Yeah. You're just ready to like explode. Don't you want to home it? Just go fucking nuts. Amsterdam's Mayor, Femke Halsimer and City Police Chief Frank Powell. P-A-U-W, P-P-P-O-P-P-P-O-P-P-R.

I believe that's a firework on a matter of PR. Yeah, that's right. I've renewed their calls for a total ban on consumer fireworks after the city's own ban was largely ignored. In total, 16 towns and cities had forbidden all consumer fireworks, but the bans were flouted everywhere. Nimegan Mayor Hubert Brules said the ban on fireworks, which the city had implemented, could not be policed. Why not? I said, do want to upset anyone on New Sve? He told the telegraph, it should also be an offense to have fireworks in your possession.

I think you should be able to have up to like seven grams for personal use. Yeah. Yeah. The trouble every new year in the Netherlands is a Dutch disease, he says. It is quite absurd. They're saying it's their words. This is nighamic and their fireworks. It's quite absurd that people think it's okay to throw fireworks and emergency service workers, sent their neighbours fence on fire and scare people with loud noises, and all

that with a perverse reference to tradition. It is perverse. I'm glad someone said it was. Yeah, he's setting your neighbor's fence on fire traditional. As from Dutch News. N.L. New Year violence is quite completely unacceptable, police say. Dutch police rested at least 200 people during the New Year celebrations and several officers were injured mainly due to fireworks, police said a Monday. Police were also called out to deal with incidents nationwide including arson, vandalism and attacks on emergency service workers. Quote, it is completely unacceptable, said, page de Mage, who's in charge of coordinating

the police response at New Year. This is the reality we operate in during New Year's Eve, year in, year out. The entire evening was busy with a number of serious incidents, Demage said. Right, police were called out to support the Fire Brigade. It's... The entire evening was busy with a number of serious incidents, Demage said. Right, police were called out to support the Fire Brigade. Uh, called out to support the Fire Brigade deal with problems in Alphon and Adderaim and Heidel. In Whitson, Portugal and Amsterdam West, they were brought into breakup groups wearing Balaclavas, the statement said.

Now, they're just up to no good if they're wearing Belaclavas. That's just, that's the trouble the trouble their their their their their their their their their they're their their they're they're their their their their their their their their the statement said. Now they're just up to no good if they're wearing belliclavas. That's trouble. Quote, balaclavas have nothing to do with a party, Damage said. It is totally out of order to go out looking for confrontation with the police. You know what? I know we ask this every year, but what's up with you guys? What's up with you guys?. What's th? What's th? What's th? What's th? What's th? What's th? What's th? th? Oh? Oh? What's th.... What's th. What's th. th. th. th. th. that? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well............ That's the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the to. to. to. the the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the? Yeah, how come you're going so crazy over there? We did, with some of our Dutch listeners,

well, we've had one Dutch listener riding so far and another listener who I believe was just in Netherlands but got too high to leave their hotel room for New Year's Eve. Thank you for that. Beautiful boots on the ground reporting there. We did get sent a very cool video of a th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, tho, tho, thu, thu, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu. We's, thu. We' thu, thu, thu, thu. We' thu. We're, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thu. We' thu. thu. thu. thu. to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thuuuuuuu. We, but sent a very cool video of a crazy big fireworks explosion that someone took. It's very nice, thank you for that. It's um, we still haven't heard from a few of our other Dutch listens now. We've got others that haven't chimed in. We'd love to hear about your experiences. Unless, of course.

Unless you died. Unless you died in the fireworks explosions this year. And then we would love to put together a little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little the little the little the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fireworks explosions this year. And then we would love to put together a little segment to be played at your funeral. Yes. A little immemorium. Yeah. As we go on. In the village of Midwalder in Groning, several cars were damaged and windows broken after an explosion thought to be caused by highly dangerous fireworks which are banned in the Netherlands.

Oh my God! There are similar problems in the Friesian villages of Kholomerdzvag, Tsumarum, and Marum, local media reported. In the Eager police car was destroyed by fire when it was left unattended by police officers. Cars were also torched in Vladingen, Shetam and Baron direct. I mean, the police cars is one thing. Don't touch somebody somebody the the the their their their the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thuze the, the, thuzee, thuze, the, the, thes, thes, thes, the, the, the, the, the, the, thuzee, thuzee, thuzee, thuzee, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the-c' theanan, theanan, thean, theanan, theanan, thean, theananan, theanan, thean, thean, th Berendricht. I mean, the police cars is one thing. Don't talk somebody else's car. Yeah, come on.

Please guys, you paid for those. That's your car. That's your property. And if you want to destroy it, that's up to you. But if you see someone's Schoeder, Octavia. Yeah. to somebody. Hey, don't tortch that's go to Octavia. It might be very important. Now I'm just a simple man with simple beliefs but I think that villagers shouldn't be allowed access to gunpowder. Yes. They should have a kind of hunter-gather, sort of economy, picking berries and hunting wild meat from the nearby forest.

Village or behavior. Village shit, right? You know, the classic village shit. Ackry, I think would kind of be a trade only. Trade between people. Maybe it's too, maybe like a three-level industry where they're turning like wood wood into logs into into planks for use in maybe creating boats from stressed wood, etc. Sort of masonry into blocks to build like guard towers, that sort of shit.

Flour mills, water mills for grinding your flour. Perfect. You make that into bread, you've got yourself a village. Yeah. Quick question though, a little consideration. What happens if a mysterious stranger arrives one day and he starts hammering out a piece of steel? Yeah. Suddenly, next thing you know, they've all got katanas. It would be like, um...

This is how village has become corrupt. You know how that someone with color comes into the world and they all learn about the vibrancy, but in Pleasant Village, you handed a katana and the world turns to color around you? It's black and white because so far all you have is like a stick and someone puts a katar in your head, you're seeing red for the first time. They're hammering out that steel and the sparks are illuminating. Yeah, the 1950s garage. We're gonna make a million dollars with Pleasant Village. Imagine if Pleasantville made a million bucks too.

According to RTL news, 110 cars and mopeds were set on fire at the Rotterdam region, mainly shared scooters. It's so many. You imagine if that happened in your city, like a hundred and ten cars or said, okay. And mopeds. I'm just being like, well, it was New Year's. You're gonna love this. Quote, they are easy to throw in the pile. Smokesford for the emergency services said, the fireworks or the mopeds. The mopeds, the scooters. Throwing your scooter into the bonfire. That's what the Nazis did. That's the first thing the Nazis did.

They all got around it, they had a big old moped. They burned all of the research on queer relationships and also mopeds. That is the first thing that the Nazis did. It does say mainly shared scooters. So we're talking like lime scooters. In which case, a little bit funny. Again, you own those. Those are public grop. You can burn them.

You can burn them. Well, but stand a ways back and hold your breath if you are burning them. Upwind. In Delft, a shop on the Greek strutte was destroyed in a fire caused by heavy fireworks and police officers were pelted with fireworks. Riot police were brought in for a time to restore order, NU.NL reported. The Noonel. Right, police were also drafted into Alphan Andrand and Rhine to protect firemen who were trying to put out a bonfire. In Roddedham, several people were stabbed in different incidents.

What? That's not fun, viala. Don't stab someone. Blow up their car if you must, but don't stab them. The three specialist burn units at Dutch hospitals reported a quote, quiet night despite the number of incidents. But hospitals in general said they had to cope with a large number of aggressive patients who had had too much to drink and had been fighting. From the NL Times, some 3,680 fires reported in Netherlands during New Year's. Hmm. Firefighters across the Netherlands responded to 3,680 separate incidents during the 36-hour New Year's period,

the National Fire Department said on Monday, that was about 11.5% lower than a year earlier when 4,155 incidents were reported. According to provisional data from the 25 regional emergency services officers in the country, the total was 3,936 when the Netherlands rang in 2022. Now, 3,680 fires on New Year's? Is that too many? We report, you decide. Yes. Let us know. Firefighters responded to 106 residential fires down nearly 25% from last year. At the same time, vehicle fires rose by about 20% to 225. The number of fires in trash bins also dropped by 5% to 785. Funny metric.

You have a guy that measures this. There's a man. Fires, the trash bin Fires, of which they were 785. 785, which is down on last year, so that's great. We're doing our trash fire-rapped. Yeah. The trash fire census. Yeah, the trash fire wrapped. Netherlands trash fire wrapped 2023. Another 45 fires took place in other buildings while 1,854 more incidents took place in various outdoor spaces and another 322 incidents were not categorized.

You ever see a Dutch news incident so crazy you just can't put it into a category? You don't know how to describe it? How big is the Dutch New Year's accession? How large is the Netherlands by area? By area? I think it's a lot small than Australia. I'm going to say it's a third the size of Queensland. Yeah. And like this a lot of incidents. They pack a lot in there's a lot of incidents. A lot. A lot.

Yeah, dense mini map. That place is tiny. No, that cannot be right. What? What? What? It's 42,000 square kilometers. Uh, and for reference, Queensland is 1.8 million kilometers. Square. That million kilometers. Square. Square, that's right. It's not a two-dimensional line. It's a very tharan. We're in flat land.

It's not like neon. Sorry, flatland, I think is actually two-dimensional. We would be in a one-dimensional space. So many fires. That's a really tiny place for that many fires. What's the area of Brisbane City Council? I'm sorry, I know I'm keeping this very me-centric and this doesn't really help the listener. Yeah. All right, you could fit 40 Brisbane City councils in the Netherlands. So I hope that helps the listener at home. Wait, no, when you...

saying that Brisbane is 15,000 square columns, greater Brisbane? You'd fit two and a half Brisbane's. Fit two and a half Brisbane's in there. But can you imagine two and half Brisbane's? Oh my God, it'd be awful. I don't want more people to be not in my backyard. Not in my backyard. The New Year's period officially begins at just after midnight on December 31st and ends at 8 a.m. on New Year's Day. That also includes the annual 8-hour time frame in which fireworks may be detonated, which ends at 2 a.m. on January 1st.

During New Year's Eve this year, significant efforts from the Fire Brigade were once again required sometimes in difficult circumstances said it tice van Lyshout, the head of the National Fire Brigade. He also lamented the repeated cases of violence targeting first responders during New Year's. Quote, our colleagues are deployed. Deployed. To guarantee safety as much as possible, you can't imagine having to do this work while having heavy fireworks thrown it, you like bombs. I find that incomprehensible," Van Lysa out said.

Earlier the national police officers said that dozens of police officers were injured during years, over 200 people arrested and right police units were dispatched, freeckon, fireworks thrown at first responders in Amsterdam, Rotterdam, the Hague and Delft as well as several smaller cities, towns, and villages. From Dutch News.N.L. Over 1,200 were treated for firework injuries this new year. Did they get tweeted for injuries? They got tweeated for injuries.

Because they were badly burned. That's funny to you, Ben. I'm not laughing. In total, 1,213. I was like, oh, ACAP. But, but, but, but, but, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, oh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the the the, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over. Over, over, over. Over. Over. Over. Over. Over. that, over, over. that, over. that, over. that, over. that, over. that, over. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the the that, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th laughing. In total, 1,213. I was like, oh, A-CAP, but no, that's A-back. 1,213 people went or were taken to hospital A&E departments or out-of-hours clinics with fireworks-related injuries during the New Year's Eve festivities, according to Injury Research Group, Fidelichid NL. That is down just 40 on last year, and in, and in, and in, and in, and in, and in, and in, and in, and in, and in, and in, and in, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th injury research group, Fidelichide NL. That is down just 40 on last year and in line with figures from pre-coron virus days. We're back. It's over.

We are so back. We're so back. Nature is healed. Of them, 365 were taken the hospital immediately. One for every day of the new year. Wait, and what extra. Is there a leap year this year? Yeah. Yeah, that's excited. Yeah. And almost one third of these patients had been injured by powerful illegal fireworks. Half the total number of victims were

under the age of 30. Checked out and 75% were male. Yeah, I'm thinking they're probably going to be male. Mmm. Yeah, it's just interesting. I don't know if that's an appropriate use of dudes rock. They're burning the Netherlands down. Quote, one very worrying development is the obvious increase in younger victims, phylochid NL said, 12 to 15 year olds accounted for over a third of the patients injured by illegal firecrackers. Last year this age group accounted for 13% of the victims. Plastic surgeons said earlier in the week that they had been treating more younger victims.

In particular, eye specialists treated 156 people with firework related damage this year, according to preliminary figures, that is a rise of 23 on 2022. These figures again show what a destructive impact fireworks can have when things go wrong, Director Martin Tobacco said, this is a, there is a reason why these fireworks are illegal and we're even more worried that so many young victims have been able to get hold of them. Plastic surgeons and eye specialists have called for a total ban on fireworks. As if they would. It's where all their money is. Yeah. Yeah, interesting. Quibono. I don't know where he is, sorry. From Dutch News. At L, 12 youngsters lose fingers or a hand due to fireworks.

Oh my God. In total, 12 youngsters have lost a hand or fingers because of fireworks during the New Year's celebration for dust, the Dutch Plastic Surgeons Association set on Wednesday. In total, 54 people have been treated by plastic surgeons for burn and other fireworks related injuries and almost seven in ten of them are under the age of 18. They're new it's they're vaping, they're burning themselves with fireworks, they're losing hands. And both of those are yuck. We hate those. Yacky. While those with serious damage to a hand or under the age of 20, with the youngest just 11, all of the incidents involved a band type of powerful firework known as a Cobra six.

That sounds really cool. A Cobra six. Like if it was just called the cobra. Get some cobra six. Not interested. The cobra six. Now this I can get behind. Cobra five? Don't even bother me with that shit. Not getting out of bed for that.

Dad, you got me the cobra five. All the other kids are going to make fun of me. Oh. Quote, what really worries me is how these youngsters are getting hold of these cobras. A plastic surgeon, Adicatrian Van Dekar, told broadcaster NOS. Someone is buying them for them and these young lads have no idea of the danger these bombs present. They're importing them from Italy apparently.

The Cobra six is an Italian firecracker, which has been banned in their land since 2020. Like Sophia Laren. is an Italian firecracker which has been banned in the land since 2020 like Sophia Loren. An Italian firecracker. I was like where has Sophia Loren been banned from? This is an Italian firecracker. He killed a dude. Rother damn. Just to watch him die. From the NL Times, fireworks accident leaves one man dead in Harlem. Oops. An incident involving fireworks left one person dead in Harlem late on Sunday. The second fatal accident connected to fireworks in two days.

Dutch Harlem? What did that sound? The Dutch Harlem Globe Trotters? The Dutch Harlem Globetrotters? Oh boy, it was just blackface rates through the roof in that area of town. It's fucking hell. A braver podcast. What have had a crack at that.

Sorry, I was just watching Cobra 6 videos. It just makes a big bang. Yeah, and then it blows your son's hand off. Yeah. But at least you didn't have to suffer the social isolation of being bought a Cobra 4 or 5. Yeah, that's right. Cobra 405 barely take like a fingernail off. Police confirmed that a 19-year-old man died south of the Harlem City Centre on Henk van Turnhard Pud.

Two miners were also critically injured in separate incidents. The incident in Harlem happened about 11.25 p.m. on New Year's Eve. The victim died from his injuries shortly after the accident despite efforts to revive him, the dispatches sent several ambulances and firefighters to the scene and a trauma team was sent to the scene and a trauma team was sent to the area by a helicopter. Authorities did not say exactly what happened that led to the man's death. Police cordoned off the area to investigate and ruled the case to be accidental by 8am. So while we're pitching movies, because we've all been doing that pretty intensely, how about a Dutch Revenge movie about a dad who, you know, buys his kid a Cobra Six. Cobra Six blows his kids face off or whatever.

And, um, but the, but the EMS is they can't get through because of the local youths attacking the emergency service workers. Yeah, yes. Sun dies in his arms. He's there in his deep depression when suddenly a mysterious stranger appears in town. Hammering, hammering metal into never before seen folded, incredibly hard steel. He acquires the newly invented Dutch Katana. Yeah, goes to town on the fireworks.

They have boats. We know for a fact that they have boats. Definitely. So we're all a fact that they have boats. Definitely. So we're all sorted on that one. And then he works his way up the chain of like the distributors. Maybe he kills some Germans or some Italians or whatever. But he also has to kill all the youths, the dreaded youths that stop those ambulance workers from getting through. It would be a good name news that stopped those ambulance workers from getting through.

What would be a good name for that? Harry Brownface. Phrush. Congratulations, Theo. You are the Buntavista comedian of the item on the soundboard. Oh wait, yes I do. Oh wait, yes I do. Yeah, none of them. This truly is the episode that has it all. I have seen such a town. This truly is the episode that has it all.

Yep, sure is. I'm not actually going to read out the rest of this article because it's just a list of deaths and that's the worst possible way to finish. Thank you so much for joining us for our first episode of the New Year. We loved having you back. New Year knew us. New you. Except for all the old stuff we were done. Yeah, we're not really ever going to change. Now it's probably going to be about the same. Yeah, I'm pretty much, yeah. I promise to you. Yeah. We will never

if you like what this is now, great. It will only get slightly better or slightly worse. Yeah, depending on, you know, energy levels, mood, things of that nature. I was thinking more either you will come to love the segments or dislike them more. Yeah, yeah. Learned helplessness. Thank you for indulge us in a little break there. We had some holiday downtime. That was nice. I hope you had some holiday downtime. And if you didn't, I hope you get some soon. Consider signing up for the Patreon if you want bonus episodes. And if you, if like one hour is enough, don't even worry about it. That's

fine. That's fine, I guess. Oh look, I'd put it to you that um, you can still support the podcast financially without listening to the second hour. Yeah, but if, but, but, but if, but if, but if, but if, but if, but if, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi. thi. I'll thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi, I'll th to you that you can still support the podcast financially without listening to the second hour. Yeah, but if you don't think that our time is worth anything and the work that we put into this is, you know, worth rewarding, don't even bother, who cares? Agree to disagree. Who's fucking cares? Agree to disagree. I think it's very rude.

to be fine, the tododes. We'll see you next week. Stay safe out there. There might still be unexploded ordinance in your street if you live in the Netherlands. So watch your driveways. Watch your driveways. Have a little driveway check every hour or so. Yep. Keep an eyeing driveway. Don't. Ever be out of earshot of your driveway long enough that someone could pick it up out out of the ground. You don't want that. Because you need that. you to be