Boonta Vista - EPISODE 339: Ratatouille Life-Debt

Episode Date: March 24, 2024

Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: A high-level operator trying to get home to his family, a bold Dutch vision for man-rat coexistence, Headline News, and a surprisingly full Clipping Report. *** Outro: Rats - METZ *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome to Buente Vista. Yes, right? Yeah, unless you have a great comedy of life. That's what we're here to talk about. Hello and welcome to Buntavista. Comedy at Current Events Podcast, Episode 339. I'm Theo and I'm participating in the time-honored tradition of partners' folly, which is of course when you perform a well-meaning task on your own initiative, which you think would be helpful and appreciated, but you make one crucial mistake

which sours the whole effort. This is not directly inspired by my own experiences, so please do not ask that. Here you can see me frantically pulling the washing off the line as the rain starts to come down, loading it in the clothes dryer, including my partner's favorite bra, which ruins the wires forever. I'm wearing a dumbass little smile on my face because I think I'm helping. I don't know yet that I am fucked. It's hard to know whether we can truly help one another, not just within our own spouse or relationships, but within our families,

our communities without creating tension or harm at the same time. Perhaps the two are inseparable. Perhaps life just exists in tension, a highly taught state. We must simply come to accept. Our camera lifts for my own personal folly into the sky, tweaning and tracking across the landscape before plummeting back down again, as we find ourselves in another suburban home, similar to and unique from the last. Here we find a man again with that friendly little idiot a stupid little tune to himself, while he gleefully and obliviously dresses them both in horizontal stripes. He is fucked! It's Andrew! Hey,

buddy! Hey, how's it going? I'm a good boy. You're a good father. You're being a good boy. My actual crime is putting the folded laundry back into the cupboard in the wrong way. Uh-huh. I, I, this is one, yeah, absolutely, yeah, you you you you you you you you you you you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're thi, you're thi, you're th, you're the folded laundry back into the cupboard in the wrong way. Uh-huh. This is one, yeah, absolutely. And Caitlin is so patient with me, putting all the shit back in the, in the cupboard, and I'm going like, okay, this is exercise stuff. I think it goes in this drawer and I'm wrong every single time. And she just, I don't know when she does it, but she patiently goes and puts it all back, because it's, I, th, th, th, that, because, because, because, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, thi. I'm, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi every single time. And she just, I don't know when she does it, but she patiently goes and puts it all back

because it's important that I'm helping. In our situation, it's not so much that I'm putting stuff in entirely the wrong place. It is literally like the sheet is oriented wrong in the way it's facing out of the shelf. Oh no. So yeah, like when the way it's facing out of the shelf. Oh no. So yeah, like when the sheets are folded and there's like a folded seam, that should be presented outwards to the person who is opening the door.

And if you put them in so that the seam is facing in a different direction, you have fucked up very badly. Oh, that makes sense. Presentation pill. I guess, because you just get a single seam facing in a different direction, you have fucked up very badly. She's a presentation piled. I guess, because you just get a single seam instead of all the folded bits on the outside, so you could just grab the one thing easily without just grabbing like the top half or the bottom half or something, right? You know how long it's taken me to learn how to do the folded towel so that the little trim bit goes like across the surface that presented like in a hotel. You know from the bottom of the towel then like there's the little border margin thing

which has like floral design or whatever. On old tales, correct. And to fold it so that it's sitting nicely on the on the top there. And it's not just looking like a complete shambles of linen. That's important. Now, in fairness, we have had a development in our relationship over time, which is that my beautiful wife has said, actually, upon reflection, this is something that I am specifically insane about. Yeah. And if I want it to be exactly just so every single time, I think I think on the top, I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the thoo' the tho' the tho' tho' tho' thin, tho' thi thi thi to be exactly just so every single time, I think I will take the responsibility

on myself to make sure it's done that way. We don't talk about this, but I think this is what we all must come to in our life and in accepting others' help as it's given. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, I think if we're being really reasonable, we could say that like if I do occasionally orient the sheet wrong, I haven't like destroyed anything, I haven't, like the sheets don't stop working, you know, they don't find their way out of the cupboard into another dimension or anything like that. They're there. They're there and we can use them. They're just not the, they're not the optimum sheet. They're just not correct.

Not getting the full room score. Yeah. And we love each other. And we understand, you know, that's nice. Yeah. While the obvious allegorical touch points for this tale, the medical cares of President Garfield and Phineas Gage following their woundings at roughly the same point in time in history. The former shot by a malfeasance, but then killed by his carers as they probed in his body in an attempt to find the bullet. Their fingers delivering death more than the bullet itself. The latter, after a tamping iron was blasted through his skull, had his wound bound loosely so as to drain and then left. Two kinds of care, one close, one at arm's length, with only the latter surviving. What are we going to make of this? As the camera zooms in to a coal's liquor land, to Ben, who's smiling like a moron,

as he purchases a bottle of Pino Grizio, a surprise addition to tonight's dinner party at his partner's parents' house. What a lovely, thoughtful thing he's doing. Completely unaware that his partner's parents both suffer from sulfites allergies. A thing he has been told, it's Ben. Yes. I mean, all the wine that we get at the bar, which is all minimal intervention, minimal sulfides. So this is like a kind of maybe like a parallel kind of, yeah, we're playing a character

of ourselves. I just can't see myself doing that. You guys are just talking about the stuff you do. No, it's not stuff I've never ruined ruined a bra by putting it in the thaw. What are you talking about? I would never put a bra in the dryer. I accidentally did that like a week. I didn't... Yes, I should have given you that one. I thought I was being very helpful, but I just thought you'll be helpful.

You're doing partners fully. Yeah, I should have just moved in together recently and I'm so not used to extending my thoughts about other people's needs. Partners folly, partners folly. Partners, folly. And I'm trying my best. I don't want to be one of those, you know, when the fear that when women are talking to each other, they're talking about how stupid their husband is. No. Or that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their, tho. thi. thi. th. their tho. thoom. thoom. thoing tho. their f. their f. Parting their f. Parting tho. Parting th. Parting about th. Parting about th. Part. Parting about th. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part. Part th. Part th. Part th. Parts. It's. It's. Parts. It's th. It's th. th. th. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts. th of those guys. No. Or that's simply that he does nothing. Because imagine if you were too... Well that's way fucking worse, yeah. Imagine if you were too afraid to try and help others and then people just took that to mean that you... You didn't

want to. You didn't have the urge to help. You didn't folly. It's not because you don't care and you haven't listened and you haven't tried. Yeah. It's that you do care and you mostly listened and you did try. God, what a podcast. Yes, rules. We're socialized wrong because of sexism. It affects all of us, all right? We're all having a hard time. I almost ruined one of your bras. You don't need that thing anyway, babe.

Yeah. Oh boy. Society with the things limits on you. Yeah. Try to bring you down. Let's get you out of those shackles. We are firing shots in every direction and one of us might accidentally catch astray. That's a phenomenon that we observe in the Clipic Report. I'm in a fucking daching with the Clipin Report. Um, usually these are taken from sort of like the last seven to fourteen days, because that

seems like a good amount of time to get a bunch of these. This is taken from the last four days. Just the last, four days from before when I did the notes. Here we go. That is less than a handful of days if I was saying correctly. Bountiful Hall this time. That's right, the harvest was good. We won't have to have to have to have to have the toountiful Hall this time. That's right, the harvest was good. We won't have to sell the cow.

Yeah, sorry, can't take any more regulations. That's right. No one was injured at a Walmart in Locust North Carolina, after a customer's gun fired into the ceiling when it fell out of its holster while the customer was bending down to pick something up. In locust. Locust North Carolina. People in America be living in places called Locust North Carolina. Yeah. And that was named for something good. A man and a woman were both injured in a liquor store in Miami Beach, Florida, after another man inside the store's gun fired when he reached into his bag.

What a gun's doing? Just a loose, safety off gun in your bag, huh? And it injured two people. Yeah. Yes. So, one must either assume shrapnel or through and through. Or yeah. Like when you line up two people in um that's not a sniper elite four. Yeah. To blast four nuts off of. I was going to say are the balls okay.

A woman in Ammon Idaho, which you guys might remember actually from the last episode. That's the place where the guy bought that truck with fake checks. That was in Ammon. That was on that one. Oh, that was a wonderful episode. You should go back and listen to that. Yeah, instead it and smear. Yeah, instead of having diarrhea. Yeah, you had diarrhea. A woman in Amina, Idaho suffered a gun shot to the leg while walking with a man, when the man readjusted his bag on his shoulder, causing the gun inside the bag to fire. Loose gun, in my bag.

Guns just jostling around. Yeah. fire. Loose gun, in my bag. Guns just jostling around. Yeah. Bumping into each other. Yeah, it's in there with my collection of knitting needles. And they're loose as well. And it looks like one might have gotten inside the trigger guard. And they're using the power of leverage.

Did my bag where I keep all my used diabetes syringes? I'm not really game to reach right in. I just have to shake the bag around until it comes out. A 47 year old employee at a gun shop in Wichita suffered a laceration to the face from a piece of flying glass after another employee at the store, 33, accidentally fired a gun when removing it from a shelf. What if you stored the guns without bullets in the gun? Why is there a bullet in the gun? Yeah. In your gun shop, the bullet stopp the bullet stop in the gun shop,

the bullet stop in Wichita. How come there's a bullet stops here? Yeah, the bullet stops outside the shop once it's gone through the wall because the guy just fired it Will the bullet stop in you? We're not gonna check every gun We are busy people we have other shit going on have a look around you see how many guns are in here? Do you want to check them all? You gonna count every box of bullets? A 65-year-old woman in Augusta, Georgia was shot while in a them all? My work is not my life. A 65 year old woman in Augusta, Georgia was shot while in a camper trailer as a result of two men nearby doing target practice without

an adequate backstop. I'm just picturing somebody who's setting up a cardboard target between them and the RV. Yeah, so apparently their gunfire hit a bunch of camper trailers, but she was the only one that got hit. No good. A turkey hunter in Bunnell, Florida suffered birdshot injuries to the head and torso when he was mistakenly shot by another turkey hunter who mistook the first hunter's decoyed turkey as a real turkey. The man told the 911 operator, quote, we were turkey hunting and I saw what I thought was a gobler. He had a decoy set up and I didn't know he was there.

Yeah, he got, he got Viped. Holy fuck, that's a turkey. You guys see a gobler. Yeah, he got dick-chy. There's a surprisingly steel gobbler over there. A man at a campsite in Tishamingo, Oklahoma, accidentally shot himself after his revolver fell out of his pocket, hit a rock and fired, the bullet traveled up through his leg and into his chest. Oh my god. Now that's some sniper elite shit, right? Yeah. You don't want it traveling around inside you. You want ideally for the bullet to be spending as brief a time as possible. Yeah, it's either going to stop or it's going to go straight through and like

soar off. Yeah, you when when a bullet has a journey through your body, you want it to be visiting as few locations as possible. When you start saying the bullet described a path, stop, you have fucked up. I don't want to list the number of places in my body that the bullet traveled through. You don't want the bullet forming a high pot in use.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. the the bu. Yeah. the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. Yeah. the bu. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the bu. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're the bu. You're the bu. Yeah. Yeah. You're the bu. You have the bu the bu the bu the bu the bu the bu the bu the bu th. th. Yeah. the bu the bu. Yeah. Yeah. the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. Yeah. the bu. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the th. the th. the to list the number of places in my body that the bullet traveled through. You don't want the bullet forming a high part and use in your body. You don't want more than one entry and exit wound each. You don't want the bullet having like a series of slides that it shows to family members that all the beautiful different locations in your body that have visited before coming to a stop inside your chest.

Linked by pins and string starting here, exiting here, back and to the left. Also what pocket we keep in our gun in? Fellas, you know I'm keeping it in the right, because I, it's my dominant hand. Yeah. Yeah, and it's loaded as well and also cocked. Yeah, just in case you need to draw. I actually have special jeans where the pockets are backwards so that I can keep my revolver on my left pocket, reach around samurai style.

I've got a dissenting opinion here. I think that this was in the breast pocket of like a like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. the. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the th. the th. th. the the th. the th. the the th. the the the th. the th. the th. the th. this was... That's right. I think that this was in the breast pocket of like a denim shirt. Oh, nice. Like, barrel down. There's a fucked up place to keep you going. So that the whole handle is just kind of swinging around and everything. And all he's got to do is just kind of lean forward to point at something on the ground. He doesn't even have to get all the way down to the ground and that bad boy is coming out. Yeah, you know, we're one of those sickos that keeps their gun in their back pocket.

That's crazy. Because when you sit down, it's all comfortable. It'll lose the feeling in your legs. Yeah, it puts your spine. I just killed her. My chiropractor hates it when I carry my gun in my back pocket. Admit it, admit chiropractor is fake. A 41-year-old plumber in Covington, Tennessee was found passed out in his car in the parking lot of a police station after driving himself there following an instant where he accidentally shot himself while using the flashlight on his gun to find a lost set of keys. Incredible. I think Sherlock Holmes trying to piece that one together in his stupid little mind palace. So he was that any child to look... was he looking in his own

pockets with the flashlight? Must have been. How was he looking for the key and still pointing the torch slash gun at himself? I reckon he probably got a ricochet. Hmm. He was pointing the gun because the gun's a natural pointing instrument. Yeah. Very directional, strongly directional the gun. You got a little sight on the end there. You can see exactly where you point. Hey, when you point a gun at someone, you the the the the key the key. You the key the key the key the key the key the key the key, you the key, you the key, you're, you're, you're, the key, and the key, the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, and the key, the key the key the key the key the key the key the key, the key, the key, the key, the key, the key, the key, the key, the, thooooomorrow, the key, thooooomorrow, the key, the key, the key, the key, the key, the key, the key, little sight on the end thing, you can see exactly where you point. Hey, when you point a gun at someone? You beat me too much.

It's the first thing I was thinking, three fingers pointing back at you and one kind of curled around. Yeah. And one barrel pointing forward, very importantly. That's ideally, yeah. It's really the barrel that's carrying the accusation. Where are my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my the keys my the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys the keys. the keys. the keys. the keys. the keys. the keys. the keys. the keys. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. the. the. the. that's carrying the accusation. Yeah. Where are my keys, I say, pointing into the footwell of my car. Where are my keys? What'd you do with my keys? Do you think Batman voice as I point my flashlight of gun around the garage?

Do you reckon Batman just got drunk? I'm like, well, I'm using a gun tonight. Fuck it, this'll be way easier. Yeah. What are you doing? That's a fucking joker. You're dead. Bam. Bam.

I like the idea that this guy had the flashlight, but he was like, well, it's really supposed to be clipped onto a gun. Yeah. Yes, I could use it just like this. I could press the button and just turn it on and look around with it. Not really how it's intended to be used. I wouldn't have bought a tactical flashlight for my Glock if I wasn't going to put it on there and use it.

Yeah, you know. Might have bought a regular torch. I would have bought the unstrategic torch. strategic torch. Yeah, it's cheaper. How moment to find my keys without tactics? A 35 year old man in Syracuse, New York died after accidentally shooting himself in the groin during an argument. No one has ever lost at argument that hard. You shot yourself at the groin plus you you're dead, plus you're wrong, plus ratio. Plus hell. That is tragic. You think MSG allergies are real?

Well, what about this? Blank! Right. It's unclear what point he was trying to make. It's so tantalizing though, like wouldn't you love to know what the argument was about? I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall wearing a bullet-preface. Yeah. I have absolutely doing the sniper elite x-ray vision on every single one of these stories in my head. I'm sorry. It's fun to imagine.

We've talked about like the weird cultural intersection that like that like- You talk about the penis thing? The penis thing! You can show people's balls getting blasted off like just getting exploded by- But you can't show their dongs flapping around with Envidia physics applied, you know. It's just, we're a very strange... Society, commentary. What does this say about us? What does it say?

I want to know. I want to know what it says about us. That they can't show the penis in the sniper elite x-ray vision but they can't show the balls. The balls getting smithereened. No one will tell me. Why am I so obsessed with it? Not sure. Honestly it's unclear. But hey, you know what, sometimes you only notice when things in society are strange when you take a sort of a big overhead view of them.

Which is something that you could do from a plane. It's time for plainly speaking. Ah, this is your captain speaking. Please return your seats for their upright positions as we are coming in hot on another edition of Plainly Speaking. Now I'm doing it, I'm going to point out that this is usually Lucy's domain. She got on that dumb bitch juice last night. She was... She had a couple of pet gnats at the Tasmanian Greens after party for the election, I think. I didn't look at how they went, actually,

you should have done that. Yeah. Are they drinking because the outcome was really good? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hard to say. I was also drinking quite heavily last night. I went to bed at 3 in the morning. And then I got up at 8.30 to do this podcast and I feel fucking great. Yeah, but that's just because in the moral fortitudeitude th for th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. thi. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the outcome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th better too in the morning, man. That's just because of your moral fortitude then. Yeah, but also it's a later for you, Andrew. You didn't have to, it doesn't matter, we don't have to litigate this. Who's fault is that though? You chose where to live. I also chose what to us from KSL in Texas. to the love like it. This comes to us from KSL in Texas, Keeve St. Laurent.

Kick-sucking lips, that's right. Texan bumped from Salt Lake flights, tried to fly home as stowaway, charges say. Now that's a throwback. Yeah. People just don't stow away anymore. You don't get, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me get in the cargo hold. Except like in really sad situations where people try and get in like the wheel wheel of like a jet to escape. And they freeze to death. But like there's also funny ones as well like this one. Oh that woman that compulsively sneaks onto planes and it's like banned from airports. Yeah.

That's amazing. Even though I'm sure the she was very unwell, I also can't help the picture her going tee-hee-he! And she's so good at another plane. Yeah, she's the Pink Panther of sneaking onto air fl And that's something to be proud of, I think. She's not causing no harm. Have you seen the Pink Panther? Just out of curiosity? No. Is he good?

Who do you reckon that he is in the Pink Panther? The Pink Panther? Just out of curiosity. Okay, the Pink Panther? Because in the Pink Panther, the Pink Panther series of films, the Pink Panther is a statue that someone is trying to steal. No, it's the guy played by Gene Wilder. No, says no, Gene Wilder, the Pig Panther. No. It's Peter Sellers and he is playing the clumsy Inspector Pursue.

Yeah, there's fucking nothing funnier than a silly French guy, I tell you what. I was so close. You guys knew I meant Peter Sellers when I said, Gene Wilder. They're not very similar to people. I mean, I knew what the correct thing was. I didn't know whether you meant it. There's no character called the Pink Panther and the the the the the Pink Panther. There is just an object called the Pink Panther, but they had to retain the title for all of the sequels. It's sort of like a character in itself though.

Well, they sort of made their bed and had to lie in it because that's what people thought the guy was called. So like, there are movies in the series called, like, son of the Pink Panther, which makes no fucking sense. the thinath. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thath. thath. thath. the thath. the thathe, thatheatheatheatheatheatu. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. It, th. It, th. It, like, th. It, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that. It's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a statue. They're thinking that everyone thinks just like me, like a normal person with it. The Pink Panther is actually the guy that's a really good sneak. Yeah, because of- Yeah, because of- Like, whistling. Is he French? Is he French? The Pink Panther?

Pink Panther is a stature. The main character is not a burglar, the main character is a detective who is trying to catch burglars. But he's very bad at solving the crimes. Yeah, it's the exact opposite of what you're saying. He's not competent and he's not a burglar. He's incompetent and he's a cop. No, the one that's in like a little black, like turtleneck. And he's try to sneak into things and take the painting or whatever.

The, the, the distaff with the ruby on it. The first film in the series derives its name from a pink diamond that has enormous size and value. Yes, he's trying to take the pink diamond! The diamond is called the pink panther because the floor at its center when viewed closely is said to resemble a leaping pink panther. Yeah, and that's where the thief gets his name from. Because he stole the famous pink panther diamond. The phrase was used for all the subsequent films, even when the jewel did not figure in the plump. The gentleman jewel thief is called the phantom. No, that's a different thing in the newspaper. How about this for a depressing sentence, Ben? The Jewel appeared in six of the 11 films.

Yeah, it's a lot of movies. 11. Yeah. Never catch that pink panther. The Pink Panther is too sneaky. A Texas man is facing a federal charge after he claimed he kept getting bumped from his flights at the Salt Lake City International Airport, so he allegedly tried to sneak on a plane by taking a picture of a child's boarding pass while she wasn't looking. Hacker man. Yeah, dope.

That's honestly, that's trade craft, spycraft, whatever it is. This guy has it, and he's doing it. It's amazing. It's amazing. that's a fucking operator. Yeah, you're telling me it's just a stupid little barcode. Yeah, I'll take a photo of it. I'll take a photo of it. I'll take a photo to scan it. Yeah, I've got the picture right here already pre-prepared on screen's up full brightness. Yep, no cracks on right? Yeah, let me go. Yes, my name is Annabelle. Yeah, I saw another kid somewhere around here. I think he might have picked up my

tick or something. I don't know. I have, if you help some, I have Benjamin Buttons disease, and it's also for gender. That's right. I have progeria. That's that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have that. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I that. I that. I that. I that. I th. I th. Yes. I the the the the the the the the the the the. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I. Yes. Yes. I. I. I. I. I. I. Maybe. I. I. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. I. Maybe. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I have progeria. At some point, boy is your face going to be red? Yeah. I'm filming this. You are cancelled. Why are you asking me these questions? What do you mean is the passport what I looked like before or what I'm going to look like later? You can't ask me that. I don't know which what I'm going to look like later. You can't ask me that. I don't know which direction I'm going anymore. It's hard to keep track of. Oh, the fascinatingly named Wycliffe Eve Flurizard. That's fantastic, yeah, that's the guy! For the movie? Wycliffe Eve Flurizard? Yes. Yeah, little black suit. It's all connected.

Do you reckon this guy has two younger brothers called Wycliffe Eve flurmander and Wycliffe Keep going. Charmander? Charmander? Char-ahmander? Charmander. Char... Charmander. Balposaur. Squirtle.

What's the second? Oh, I get you. You got Charmander. Charmander. Yeah, you're right. What's the one in the middle? Well, surely he's in the middle and he's only got a younger brother. Why Cliff Evelian. Flamelion, they they they they they they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Charmander, th. Charma, th. Ch Charmander, th. Ch charmander, th. Ch chare, th. Chch. Chch. Chch. Chch. Chch. Chch. Chch. Chah. Chah. Cha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Cha, th. Charma, th. Charman, th. Charmand, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha They took a detour. Charmander, Charmelian, Charrizard.

Right. Yes. Ah, Charmelian. And how would that work with all of their last names changing like that, Ben? Shut up. It, the, uh, from the... He's... From the Southeast, Asian. Anyway, he was charged Monday in U.S. District Court of Utah with being a stowaway on an aircraft. What's the crime? One extra guy on a plane? The plane weighs like 800 tons. Dude, have you seen how big planes are? They weigh so much.

He's one man. The plane actually likes having all those people in there, okay? Yeah, it makes the plane feel better. Yeah, the plane loves love th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus the thoes thus thate thoes tho- the the th th th th th th the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi that thate thate thate thate the the the to to to toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa the the the there, okay? Yeah, it makes the plane feel better. Yeah, the plane loves having all the people in my tummy. A plane is never sadder than when you make it fly with like four people on it. Yeah. Is there something wrong with me? Yeah. Oh, I wish my tummy was so round and full.

I wish my tummy was so round and full. Okay. Okay, anthropomorphic plane, pink cheeks. Plushing. Oh, they're wriggling in there. And that's, to be clear, that's what the plane wants. That's what the plane wants. A lot of folks in there, it wants them jostling around. You know, the real irony Ben. Is that what a plane actually fucking

loves more than anything is the nightmare scenario for the passengers where you see one of those videos and it's like 80% of the fuselage is full of Swifties on their way to a concert and they're all singing along with one person with an acoustic guitar up the front. And waving their arms back and forth. Like the pride flats. Horrible for you and me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me, the plane, the plane, th, th, th, th, th, th, what, what, what, th, what, what, what th, what, what, what, th, what th, what the plane, what th, what the plane, what the plane, what the plane, what th, what the plane, what th, what the plane, what a th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what their their their their, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what their their their, what, what their their their their their their their their th, what th, what their their their their th, what th, what their their th. What the plane, what their their the, what the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea guitar up the front and waving their arms back and forth. They're like the pride flats. Horrible for you and me, the plane fucking loves it. Yeah, plane smiling. He's got the, like the transparent cutaway.

Yeah, you can see what's inside. Oh, they're all swaying side to side. That feels so good. I love the music music the music music music the music music the music music the music the music the music the music the good. I love the music. Yep. When the plane is... Fee one else to you what the podcast Buntavista is. It's just it's a comedy current events podcast. What else do you want? Okay. We're talking about current events and the things that planes do and don't like. Things that matter. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. However, if it has a bunch of drunk Australians on it on their way to Bali their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. We. We's. We're th. We're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te.. Yes. Yeah. However, if it has a bunch of drunk Australians on it on their way to Bali and they're sort of getting into fist fights and they have to ground the plane early, that's

the equivalent to the plane getting an upset tume and having to do diarrhea. Yeah, that's toxic for the plane. Yeah, oh, I don't like that. Yeah, I gotta get on a toilet quick. You stop somewhere, get those guys out of there, and you're on your way again. And knowing how much time and attention to devote to this thing we're doing right now is what makes us professional podcasts. Yeah.

Maybe they make diapers for planes. They do it far too long. Some people they'd only sort of make the one weird reference to impreg planes and then leave it and keep going. I sort of do it obliquely, so if you know you know, but if you don't know, well then you know, no harm, no foul. Like if you're familiar with the law of this podcast, which is the... Uh, uh... I don't even know. We make a lot of references to VOR, I guess.

Do we? Do we? I feel like... I mean, it's mainly you then. More than like... More than NPR? Yeah, NPR. I would say.

More than NPR. Yeah, that's our promise. Also, we had a listener who has a vor kink writing to tell us that it's okay for us to make fun of it because it is kind of silly. We've got permission. We have the pass. We've got the vor pass. If you want it, you can just take a photo of ours. That's right, while we're not looking. On Sunday, Flurizard boarded a Delta flight in Salt Lake City headed for Austin, Texas.

After getting on the plane, Floresard was spotted, opening the door to the emergency equipment storage area, according to charging documents. Don't do that. A flight attendant then directed Flourizard to the bathroom at the run of the plane. That just paints such a good picture. He's like jostling the lock on the emergency equipment thing and they're like, oh, oh, you lost there, sir. Oh, I must have been looking for the toilet.

Yeah, looking for somewhere to shit actually. I have to shit real bad. Can you help me out by pointing me to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the toilet? Not to this place. What even is this? Yeah. I could probably stay in the toilet while you guys take off actually. I wouldn't. Yeah, I'm gonna be... Don't wait on my account. This is a 45, I reckon. That's what I call a 45 minute shit. I'm gonna be there for a fair while. Yeah. I'll probably be coming out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I thi. I thi thi. I thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm gonna be there for a fair while. Yeah. I'll probably be coming out when the seatbelt light goes on. Yes. No, comes off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll come out when I'm supposed to. Don't worry. Yes. Don't worry. Quote, Floresard spent a significant amount of time in the lavatory while others were boarding and he did not lock the door while

occupying the laboratory. After boarding was complete and justying the lavatory. Afterboarding was complete, and just before the aircraft doors were secured, Florizard exited the front lavatory and made his way to the back of the aircraft and entered the back lavatory, according to the charges. This guy's a fucking pro. Tradecraft, operator. Yes, he's like that guy with a moustache and the glasses from Sikario. Yes, the thipathter. That's this guy. Yeah, other guy from... Hmm? The pig panther? The pro move of not locking the door so that there isn't the outward indicator that there's someone in there.

Like it's a bit of a risk, but obviously, probably the smarter move, and then changing bathroom so that, you know, if they're like, oh fuck we didn't check the front one. Yeah. He's already in the smarter move and then changing bathroom so that you know if they're like oh fuck we didn't check the front one yeah he's already gonna keep him moving he's like the wind he's like Zeno's paradox yeah don't don't stay in the same location for too long you know that's how they track you down when he got out of the bathroom all the seats on the plane were full oh no that's my nightmare. That's so awkward. Haven't like, oh, oh. Nowhere for a little old me to sit, hey?

I wonder how that worked out. Yeah. What if you just like, you know, you see those people on planes who are clearly uncomfortable sitting down for the entire flight. So like those are sort of stand up near the toilets or sort of walk in the aisles. You seen those guys? The plane walkers? Hey, I don't understand them. Yeah, I don't stand up on planes. I'm trying to be stationary as much as I can.

Yeah. Don't, yeah. Yeah. What if you could pretend to be one of those guys for like the entire flight? landing. Yeah, like, oh, sorry, I got, I just got ants in my pants. Yeah. I'm just classic me. Yeah, I have restless leg syndrome. Here's a card I made up that says, I have restless leg syndrome. You gotta let me walk. It's just a photo of someone else's restless leg Now on a non-stop flight, we're talking two hours and forty. That's a decent amount of time to be trying to circulate yourself between the bathrooms for the entire duration of a completely occupied flight. Yeah. I think it's doable. If it was Camberto Sydney and you got yourself like a 30 minute flight time. Easy.

Easy I reckon. Yeah. But to me this is on the outer limits. Yeah. But what are they going to do when you get there, they're just going to go, hey, hey, uh, so you're walking around a whole bunch like not really sitting down and he's like, oh, they's toy. .

. Sorry, I gotta go to the toilet. Yep, gotta shit. Oh, oh, my tomb-y. Oh, sorry, I was shitting for an hour and now my restless leg syndrome is even worse than normal because of how long I was sitting down to shit. Carrying me to the next toilet. Yep. I reckon if you just alternated, you go half an hour in the toilet, go for a little walk for 20 minutes, half an hour in the other toilet, you just keep doing that.

And that three hours, that two hour and 40 minutes, that'll just disappear. And then bam, you're in Austin, Texas, baby. Yeah. Hold on a second. City of Angels. Yes. I'm trying to understand a sequence of events here. So he got on the plane, he's been in the shit, blah blah, blah. When he got out of the bathroom, all the seats of the plane were full. Uh-oh. Florizard claimed he was in a seat that was already occupied. But a flight attendant confirmed

that it was not Floresard's seat in charge of state. On account of the person who had a ticket sitting in it. Yes. He probably wasn't like counting on them. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. the seat. th. thi. thi. the seat. the seat seat seat seat seat seat seat seat seat. He was in the seat. He was in a seat. He was in a seat. He was in a seat. He was in a seat. He was in a seat. He was in a seat. He was the seat. He was the seat. He was the seat. He was the seat. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was in the seat. He was in the seat. He was in the seat. He was in the the the th. C. He was in the the the the thea. He was in the the the the seat. He was in the I'm in one of those seats, he says, just waving towards the front half of the plane. Yeah. I mean, hey, I've got to see that bathroom up there. See what that one's all about. Upon further investigation by searching his weird name, the flight attendants, quote, were unable to locate a valid ticket or booking reservation for him. I would have said, hey, let's be a glitchage the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. thief. th. thief. thief. thirty. thirty. thirty. tipeateateateateateat. tipeat. teating is. teating is. tha. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. Yeah. Yeah. t. Yeah. t. Yeah. t. Yeah. Yeah. t. Yeah. t. t. Yeah. t. t. t. t. t t t t t t t t t t t t t total. total. total. total. tea. total. te. total. total. total. total. total. t t t t t t t a valid ticket or booking reservation for him. I would have said, hey, must be a glitch in the matrix. Yeah, your computer's fucked up? You guys are sick of your IT systems? Yeah. It's always something, isn't it?

You probably can't do that up here because you can't get internet on planes. Oh, you can now, huh? Interesting. We once, like, went and took our seats and had a couple come up to us and be like, excuse me, you're in our seat. I'm like, oh, I'm pretty sure we're not. I'm pretty sure we're in our seat. What does your ticket say? And, oh, sorry, but you're in our seat. Our seat is, you know, 20A and 20B.

And like, we like, literally take the ticket out of the pocket and says on it that is our seat. It's like, and they're like, it took us like three rounds of doing this before we convince them to produce their ticket. And it says like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, own ticket? And it says like 12B? Like, oh, are they just like silently like turned and no apology, no anything. Not even sorry for being a huge freak. Yeah, those are our seats. No, they're not. Or are they? Do I look like the kind of guy that wouldn't quadruple check that I'm getting in the right seat?

Because I'm terrified of this interaction specifically? I'm so sure that I'm not going to look at my ticket. On my profile it just says D and I. Yeah, we're getting you. No further, narrowing it down. We should get you one of the vests that they put on, put on like guide dogs in training. Yes. Anxious. Yeah.

Do not touch me. I am not a pit. Ah! I don't know. So, so they figured out that they didn't have valid ticket or booking reservation for him. The plane was forced to return to the gate. Where please were waiting for Flores out. So, so, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thus. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to thi. to to to thi. to to to thoooooooooo. too. too. to to to to to to, to, to, to, to. than, the plane was forced to return to the gate. Where please were waiting for Flores Art. So has the plane not taken off yet?

It's still on the runway. Yeah. Because he's got in the... They really want to get this before it becomes like an air-based plane. I guess so. It is easier to get a passenger off, yes. Or at least, you know. They don't let they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th they th th th th th th th th th the the the the the. the. the. the. that that that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooea. toe. you know, they don't let you just chuck them out anymore. No. If you don't have a ticket though, you know, yeah. Oh, somebody could have chucked him off

and done the, uh, done the Indiana Jones reference, you know? Yes. The last crusade. No ticket. And everyone would have had their phones out. Get off my plane. Yeah, that one too. If you looked a bit like Harrison Ford you would have been fanging to throw this man out of a plane. Yeah. Officers went back and reviewed surveillance video and observed Floreside. How did they do it? How did he do it? This guy's like a ghost. This guy's like this guy from Sicario or the Pig Panther. The Pink Panther from Sicario, or the Pig Panther. The Pink Panther from Sacario. He observed Floresard in the boarding area taking photos of multiple passengers' phones and

or boarding passes while they were not looking, including a girl passenger. Yeah, it's sickening that he would do this to a girl passenger. Women, I promise to never that he would do this to a girl passenger. Women, I promise to never take a photo of your boarding pass. Women deserve to be passengers too. I think we can agree. I will only impersonate men. That's right. Probably just smarter. Like that might buy you a couple extra minutes on the plane.

He is closer to my appearance. The footage also shows Flozad using his phone as a boarding pass when he enters the plane, according to charging documents. When the girl who was traveling alone attempted to get on the plane after Floresard, the system showed that she was already on board, like a certain Mark Garland of the episode. Yeah. After being taken into custody, Florard agreed to talk to the police. He said that he had been on a snowboarding trip to Park City, radical,

but needed to get home to Texas because his family was scheduled to visit from Florida. He was supposed to fly on a buddy pass on Southwest Airlines. What the fuck is that? No fucking idea. But there were no available seats when he first attempted to fly home on Saturday and his rebooked flight on Sunday was overbooked so he was not able to get on that one either according to the charges. Now I have to say I am on this man's side.

You tried to book a flight twice and were unsuccessful. I think you should just get on the plane anyway. Yeah that's right. We th right. We th right. We th right. We th right. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. We're the. We're the. We're. We're. the. We're. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. just get on the plane anyway. Yeah, that's right. We've spoken about this before, but the whole American thing of being like, oh, I'm on standby for a flight and we'll see if someone doesn't turn up for it, and if there's space, they'll let me on the plane. They have such a cavalier attitude to flight bookings it's fucking insane. Overbooking. Yeah, they overbook those flights or whatever. I just don't understand. And a buddy pass is a standby ticket that an airline employee can distribute to family or friends.

So you can just like wait and see whether you can get on the plane on. I'm not going to the fucking airport. If I don't know that I'm getting on a plane. Yeah. It's half an hour away. Yeah, I'm going to go out on a limb and say if it's actually important to me that I be at a place by a certain time, I don't know, maybe family is coming from interstate to see me. I'll probably buy a ticket instead of engaging in airport lottery. Yeah, also, this man loves his family. Isn't that beautiful?

Is South West Airlines against the American family now? They're trying to destroy your family. It's happening to you right now. And what are you doing about it? Nothing. You're getting mad at this man who simply tried to be reunited with his family? This guy is like the movie Milo and Otis, except he is the dog and also the cat. Yeah. This guy's like Plains, Trains, and Automobiles, who I think is the name of the main character in planes trains and automobiles. He doesn't make it fun of me. There he is. There is!!!!!!!! th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is! to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to thi to to thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to be. to th to to to be. th to thi to to thi thi to be thi thr- to thr- thr- toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to thi thi thi thi thi the name of the main character in planes trains and automobiles He doesn't make it fun of me. There he is. There is.

He's on the poster. How can he not be in the movie? The second movie is called son of planes trains and automobiles The planes trains and automobiles returns, you know? Anyway, he left the southwest boarding area and ended up in the Delta boarding area. Any port in a storm, you know? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Quote, Flurizard admitted he had made a mistake, and was only trying to get home, the charges say. And is it illegal to make a mistake now? Yeah. If you depicted these events in a movie, there'd say. And is it illegal to make a mistake now? Yeah. If you depicted these events in a movie, there'd be like a light-hearted family romp with a tier one operator. He's just trying to get home. Yeah. Get him home. There's just, there's the one moment.

There's the one moment from the Martian. Where the operator from Sicario makes an impassioned plea to the airport police who are holding him in the office. He takes off his glasses that have the bit of tape on them, you know gives him a little clean, wipes away just one tear from his eyes and explains he's just trying to get home. Yeah for Christmas or whatever again. What a fucking great movie. What a m. Man's made a lot of many times. I like, man's made a lot of good movies. That might be like his best, purest kind of thing. I'm written by Taylor Sheridan in a trio of sensational neo-nua films. Oh, please go on. I believe he did it in a run with Hellah High Water and also the not quite as good, Wind River. Oh, Wind River is the one friend, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, thi, thi, the's, the's the's the's the the the the, the, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thi-a thi-a'''''''''''''' thea'' the-a'' thi-a' thi- as good, but still pretty good, Wind River.

Oh, Wind River is the one with a friend of the show Jeremy Renner, right? Plus he's reunited with his co-star Elizabeth Olson from the Marvel movies. So if you kind of squint, you can imagine that it's Porky and the Scarlet Witch investigating a horrible murder. I don't think I've ever seen Elizabeth Olsen in anything. Right now I'm confusing her with the, uh... Elizabeth Holmes. With Elizabeth Holmes. No, not Elizabeth Holmes.

Now she would make a good pig pantoom. She's got that black turtle lick on. D-doo-doo. Do. Are you tired of paying nothing for the same old superior quality free episodes of the Buntavista podcast? Do you want less politics and more content about diarrhea, are animals gone wild? You're tired of skipping through those hours upon hours of paid product placement for Mark Wahlberg Film Shooter.

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But you'll be enjoying the sweet satisfaction of supporting us, and we will love you romantically for it. That's my promise to you. If Elizabeth Holmes turned out to be a cat burglar, that's definitely something that would be in a arrest after dumping human remains in local ponds. What? Human remains? What? Human remains? What? What? Human remains? What? What? What? I just came down here to feed the ducks? What? I just came down here to feed the ducks? That? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? thank. You? th. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. came down here to feed the ducks. That, you're saying you saw me throw something in the pond? Bread? I thought I was throwing bread crumbs in the pond? There's something in the pond?

How come I've seen it? I was looking for my precious ducks. Why are you guys all wearing matching blue clothes? Do you like Blue Man Group? It's suspicious to ask me. This blue man group? 95 year old blind veteran skis for the first time in 80 years and yodels all the way down. We've all been there folks. It's a tale as old as time. That's so beautiful that they've mistaken as old as time.

That's so beautiful that they've mistaken his screams of terror. I'm also imagining him just like shooting off the edge of the mountain at the end. Yodley all the way down to his grave. You know that? He was yodling with joy to the very end. He yodled out of our lives so suddenly. You know, someone yodels into your life, you don't think they're going to be yodling out of your life so soon. And lastly, winter showers bring stinging flowers.

Meet Scorpion Weed. Hell yeah. I don't want to. No, imagine if that's a guy. That's a guy's name, Scorpion Weed. No, I'm trying to smoke up on that shit, personally. Yeah. I think I've met Scorpion Weed out the bag of a tire shop trying to step on marijuana.

And that concludes headline news. Fantastic. Yeah, there's another segment where we explore headlines and their stories, but only... And this is weird. From the Netherlands? It's time for Netherlands corner. Everybody. I'm from Holland. Isn't that the... From the NL Times! From the NL Times!

Experts argue for coexistence with vermin, not extermination. Let the rats live in your mouth. You can live with the rats. Yeah. If you're cold, they're cold. Put them in your pockets. The contact between humans and rats typically ends with the latter's death. Not if I'm involved.

Yeah, not if I'm involved. Yeah. I'm not like, I don't have a hundred percent kill rate on seeing a rat and killing a rat. I am squealing and moving away. Ah shit. That's a rat. I'm not like, there's a rat! I'm sorry but I think you are fucking crazy. If you see a rat and your first impulses, I've got to get a hold of that.

And chill it. And also there's a bullet in the chamber and the safety isn't on, and it's right here in my back pocket. They're part of God's creation. They are part of God's creation, right? They are part of God's creation, like one of God's creatures? So like, just killing it instinctively seems like fucked? I get to use this now. One of the, um, so my, my third transition in the intro this morning, was going to be to our fourth podcaster, Lucy, who was sipp it on that dumb bitch juice last night. That's right. And about how maybe life isn't,

maybe it's funny how we have actually managed to eke out any kind of happiness. Because like if you consider everything God's creatures, and that also considers those like caterpillars whose apparent only role in life is to have like the parasitic wasps lay eggs in their brains and hatch and then like you know drive them around like a little like a like mecca or something yeah until the like eggs hatch and then their brains pop which that was their whole existence and that

could be us yeah that could have been us that could have been us so's really, it's fascinating that we have any kind of happiness at all. And what do you make of that? Is that something, is that nihilistic or something? That's something you grab with both hands and say, yes, I'm allowed this happiness. I don't know. Yeah, I've not figured that like the, there's the parasite that goes in like eats their tongue and then replaces their tongue. Hey, I'm your new tongue. It's the new tongue. Hey, I'm your tongue. Hey, I'm your tongue. It's lovely to meet you. I'm your tongue. You and me are going to be spending some more time togue. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I their. I the. I to. I to. I their. I the. I their. the. the. th. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. their. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's the the the the the tode. Just moved into your mouth and head permanently forever now. Until you die. You weren't too attached to your old tongue, were you? Yeah. This isn't your granddaddy's tongue. It's me.

What are we talking about? Rats are gods creations. Rats are creations. But so's a lot of other stuff though. Like they're a view of it. There's lots of other stuff out there that kind of sucks. Yeah. Rats are gods children. He wants you to keep them in your pockets. Yes. How will you ever find out if you can be piloted like a ratatouille type situation? Yeah. Unless you give it a chance. Are you not open to the wonders of the world?? of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of the of other? the th other other other other other other other other other other the the th of other the th of other other other other other other other other other other th of other th of other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th of th of th of th of th. th. tho. tho. So tho. So tho. So thoooooooo. So thooooooooo thooooooooo thooooooo. So th of th of th of th. Soi type situation. Yeah. Unless you give it a chance. Are you not open to the wonders of the world? In the universe? Nine out of ten rats will try and like scurry off as quickly as possible and they'll like

scratch up your scalp and stuff. But the tenth rat. Maybe. You got yourself a rat a situation. to get a rat that's a situation. the the th are good at cooking. Rats have different interests. Rites have different skills. Maybe you're going to get a rat that's really good at like turntableism, you know? Yeah. That's actually what happened to DJ Shadow.

Maybe you are going to be the person who gets the rat that will let you scratch like DJ Premier. Do you think that introducing was made by a ratless man? Yeah, I have zero evidence that there were no rats involved in the making of introducing. How many photos have you seen of Jay Dilla where he wasn't wearing a hat? Yes. You know? Jamariqui? Hat, always got his hat on.

Every single artist that always wears a hat, Elvis Costello. Ever notice how many Formula One drivers have their heads covered all the way through the races? Wow, he has seemingly unnatural reflexes. Devo? That's four rats. That's... Darf Punk, heads covered at all times. They're anonymous because they don't want you to know their rats. Sun O, they wear the hooded capes for a reason.

Buckethead? There's like 30 thousand there. Oh my god. I think we've really stumbled on to something here. You know why Devon Townsend had the skullet to make it very clear that things on there. I think we've really stumbled onto something here. You know why Devon Townsend had the skeleton? To make it very clear that he didn't have a rat. He's all natural maybe. Yeah, he is all natural actually. Devon Townsend's like, there's nothing. He's doing it all by himself. Yeah, Devon Townsend guy doesn't need a rat. That's right. I would would also also also also also also also also also th. I would also Yeah, I would also think like regardless of the rat's talents that a lot of my problems would be solved just if a rat was piloting me. Like in regards to like my

agency and like my personal choice and that sort of stuff like being like regretting like anything that I do, etc. You know having to be able to like, you know, optionality. Oh, you're saying like you wouldn't spend 24 hours turning over in your mind a minor choice of phrasing you made during a breakfast conversation. Maybe I made towards, you know, where I called both you and your lovely partner, hey, the boys, like, yeah. And like maybe that was something that that would ruin my friendship. If a rat did it, I'm the rat. Yeah, fucking the rat is choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, it's that, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it's choosing, the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thirty, thi. thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thi. thi. th. th. the rat. Yeah, fuck it's choosing odd phrasing when I talk to people.

But hey, it's the rat, maybe. Yeah, it's not a 37-year-old man, like, just thinking he has to come up with a new way to reference people every time or else it'll be, it'll be boring. Hey, when you get mad at me, maybe think about, would you get mad at me if a rat had done? Yeah, if a rat was piloting me, would you still be mad? Would it feel fair of you to be mad at me if you knew that I didn't make that choice? Slow tempo, piano music starts.

If a rat was piloting me, would you be mad? What if rat was piloting me? Flores. Flores. Like they used to have a lot more occupations where people had to wear a hat. Yeah, cab drivers, hats. The guy who operated the elevator in your building, you know, that guy, wearing a hat. Hatmaker probably wears a hat because they're free. And also if it's too sick, you just swap the rat over. Hatmakers probably wear hats because they're free. Like, when I worked at Domino's, I had a lot of pizza, okay? Yeah. It's not that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's not that's that's that's not that's not that's that's not that's that's not the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the elevator. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's they. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the. free. Like, when I worked at Domino's, I had a lot of pizza, okay? It's not that pizza was my favorite food, it was there.

It was there. But just rolling back, the hat makers, they get sick because of the mercury, right? And they use their ability to make hats. But if you swap the rat over, I think I'm onto something here, we can reintroduce mercury for feltingtingting felt you've got this ass backwards. I think if you went to a small old western town and you were told that there's a guy that's a hat maker and a guy that's not a hat maker and you've got to choose one to make a hat for you, you would choose the guy that's wearing a hat. He's the guy who had to go to someone to someone to someone to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to wearing a hat. He's the guy who had to go to someone else for a hat. Because he had to go to someone else for a hat. Wouldn't you choose the guy without a hat? Because he's the guy that made that guy with the hat. You know what they say? Yeah, no, I've got this ass backwards. Where does the rat come into this? Huh? The what? What are you talking about? We're talking about Mercury and Hatmakers.

Oh, the milliner's children's heads go cold, you know? We're five minutes over time and we're one sentence into this article. Look, I'm just going to leave you, I, I'm just gonna leave you with a little thought Queen King always got their little hats on. Yes, me. I always have a hat on. This goes all the way to the top of their heads. Fuck. Anyway, typically ending with the latter's death, disputable. I think it's highly disputable. I think we made our point pretty clearly. We have established that none of us are the the their their their their tho. tho th th th th tho th th tho thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus tho tho tho thoes thate thate always always always always always thate thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. th. their their th. th. their th. th. they th. they they they that. Always always always always always always always always always always always that. thate thate that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thi that that that that's highly disputable. I think we made our point pretty clearly. We have established that none of us are brave enough to kill a rat. I just don't like I don't think it's a bravery thing. This feels like a friend of mine. They've got like

little human hands. Yeah. They rub they rub together. They look nervous. Yes. they're ashamed of their own existence.'s like a friend of mine. I have spent many years, I've spent many years working on my Arachnaphobia, so that I can now... Did you say you're a ratnophobia? My Arrhenophobia. They call it that because you go, Aratnafobia?

No. So that I can have friendly encounters with spiders and release them. What are you talking about spiders? Into the world, instead of killing them. On rats. I'm just saying, This is a rat podcast. In fairness, I encounter a lot more spiders than I do rats to be fair to me. Yeah. Yeah.

Ever notice you don't see rats around anymore? Yeah. A lot more people wearing hats though. Yeah. Interesting. Really mainstreamed wearing a hat. Do you think that they usually... Hold on, I was complaining about not as many people wearing hats a middle of the car. We don't have to be consistent. It doesn't have to be internally consistent.

We're not on trial here. And if it's not funny, it's interesting. And if it's not interesting, that's irony. It's filler. Men used to wear a suit and a hat when they snuck onto a plane with the little girls boarding pass, you know? Yes. Yeah. You just have to take your hat off indoors as like a social courtesy as well.

Just a proof that you'd never ride to it. Yeah. Oh, would you like to come in? No? Good bye. Yeah, we've got this new guy at the advertising firm. He produces fantastic work but will not come into the building. Don't Draper wearing the big Pharrell hat. And he's standing just outside the door and handing his work across the threshold, saying, no, no, I've got somewhere to be. I've got somewhere to be, I gotta get out of him.

At a conference of the Center for Animal Studies at the University of Amsterdam, experts argued for a different approach. What have we kissed the ratch? What if we smudge that into a hedge? What if we were all French? Quotes. In the conflict between humans and rats, it is usually win-lose, but killing one of the two parties is not a real solution. I don't know. I feel like rats have potentially killed like maybe like a billion people all told.

Yeah, we're just trying to even it out. Although, what's the thing that we found out about the the plague is that rats were the fleas? It was the the the fleas on the fleas on the fleas on the fleas on the fleas on the fleas on the fleas on the the rats on the rats on the rats on the rats on the rats. the rats. the rats. the rats. the the rats. the the the rats. the the the rats. the rats. the th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the thi. their their thi. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the thing that we found out about the plague is that rats weren't the carriers? It was the fleas? It's the fleas on the rats, right? Yeah. Fleas on the rats. You wouldn't blame a rat if it was being piloted by a flea when it then got onto a person and piled them. Who's in charge here? You're not correct.

Yeah, the flea. It doesn't go any deeper. Yep, it's a flea-tui situation. Rather too flea. No. Rather too flea. Perfect. The rat's main problem is a bad image, according to Merrill. Lighted line. I don't think they've got a bad image. They're so cute. Yeah, Goths like them. So I want to backtrack. I know that they're being funny with it, but the vague phrasing they've fused words where it's like, conflicts between rat and humans, we'd lose by the, like, killing one of the two parties is not a real solution. I think killing one of the parties. I think killing one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties was the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties one of the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties the parties. the parties. One of the parties. One of the parties. One. One. One. One. their. their. their. one. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. One. One. One. One. One. the table. Not one of the two. Yeah, not either of the two parties. It also kind of suggests that a decent proportion of the time the rat is murdering the human. Yeah, right? Yes. I feel like if a rat murdered me and went about my job, all my problems would be solved.

The rat's not going to take over your responsibilities after killing you. Not my problem. Yep, he's dead then. I'm dead. The rats have a strict honour-based society. Yes, I killed you, but I still have an obligation to you. I have I will look after your wife and children. Yeah. I will also eat all the soft bits out of your remote control. I have what is called a ratatouille life debt. Now my two sons will pilot your two sons to a successful life. Now, choose the hat you will wear for the next 70 years. Oh, so it's an image problem. It's an image problem.

We were about to burst into the start of that song from Oklahoma. Oh, oh, says Christine Van Royen, who presented a project called Rat City at the conference. Finally. She wants to live in Rat City. Welcome to Rat City. Rat City, baby. Check under your hat because you're living in Rat City. Rat City, baby. Check under your hat, because you're living in Rat City. Look to your left, look to your right, if one of those people is not wearing a hat, you are being piloted by a rat.

Saudi Arabia, they've got neon, they've got the line. Yeah. The Dutch, we are looking for rat city. Fortunately, material costs much lower, due to everything being smaller to fit the rats. Crows, pigeons and bats are all similar to rats in terms of presence, numbers, and links to diseases. Yeah, morally as well. I feel like they're all linked. Yeah. And oftentimes they're like normal to diseases. Yeah, morally as well. I feel like they're all linked. Yeah. And oftentimes they're like normal type Pokemon. They all incur blood debts, as Ben has implied. But people

can live with them with the first response to a rat, while the first response to a rat is calling the exterminator. And that bad reputation is unjustified, Van Gerwin added, adjusting her large hat. Rats are considered transmitters of disease, often in reference to the plague from earlier centuries. But in reality, yeah, early in this podcast. Rats are no more dangerous than other animals. Yeah, a lot of animals are very dangerous to me. So it's not really helping. Hippos, aren't the hippo is like the most lethal to human? No, that sounds really fucking.

They kill more humans in America than guns. Yes. Every day. Yeah. Well, actually a lot of the statistics are suicide by a hippo and it's not really reflected. But... God damnit. The rat is associated with wilds disease. 30 cases of this occur every year.

In 20 of them, the infection happened abroad. Big shrug. A guy died this week or last week in America from the plague. Cool. Isn't that nuts? Yeah, it's still like... It's still like, it's still doing new releases. Yeah, still doing new drops. Yeah, new drops. Yeah, it's like dropping that guy. Did you see that? Van Gelman advocated, a behavior change to send clearer signals to rats and I do spend

most of my time thinking about what signals I am sending to rats. Yeah, rat semiotics. Rat semaphore. As humans, we create, we communicate very unclearly with the rat, for example, by leaving food lying around everywhere. Oh, you want to have food and also not have a rat run over your face in the middle of the night? Hippocrit. You're a fucking hypocrite.

Laying around. That's not me trying to have a conversation. You're not communicating anything to the rat. We don't watch rats in our house, but we could improve batters by making the waste system rodent proof. I don't know, what if they're having fun in there? Yeah, where else are they going to find their waste? How else are they going to like surf on a duke? Yeah, I've seen flushed away.

I think they're having a tremendous time down there. their to' their to let let let let let let let. Let let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. their. th. th. th. their. their. their. th. their. they'a. they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're. they're. they're. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. they're they're they're them tuxedos. No, they get flushed down a toilet and flushed away? No, I'm even the cooking. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. An information campaign about the animal and asking locals to think about exactly why the rat is more of a nuisance than say a bat or a pigeon could also help. How often is a pigeon get in your house and eat your shit? Yeah. In their Rat City Project. The Rat City Projects is where the first sees the wire is said. Van Royen and Lytelon also suggest special feeding areas for rats spread throughout the city. The animals can roam around their unhindered and people as spectators can get to know them better. Dude, oh rat right this!

This is fucking amazing. Going to the rat zones? Oh, I'm sorry, we have PV turn off in here. You can just hang out with the rats. Just hang out and watch. This is incredible. Going to the friendly zones in Rat City, just to observe the rats chilling. Show them that you are not a threat. Yeah. Why do we want certain animals around us and not others?

Van Gogh when asked. In newly built houses, facilities are made in the cavity to provide batch with a home. Are they? At the same time, rats are controlled with traps, glue plates, and poison. Yeah. Oh, oh, you like your adorable little puppy, but you don't want to hold all these rats from the trash. Yeah.

What does that say about you? You love kissing your little cat on its stupid little nose. But you won't let rats eat all the wiring in your walls at like 3 a.m. centimeters from your head. And that was probably an episode of the podcast, Buntivista. Thank you so much for joining us for another wacky, almost hour and a half of rat-based riffs. We loved. We thought that was the one we were going to get stuck on? I know! I was really surprised.

I thought we would laugh at the idea of being friendly with the rats, and then we would kind of be done. But you know what? Comedy springs forth in a beautiful synthesis. What we each bring to the table makes something entirely new. You can't pigeonhole it. Yes. Yeah. Or rat hole. Rat hole. Yeah.

Yeah. We're not going to rat hole it. Hey, if you like this, we have dozens of more rat jokes for you in the bonus episodes. You can get those by signing up to the Patreon. It's about the price of a schooner of beer a month, depending on which country you live in. To be clear, it is almost entirely rat jokes. It's mostly... Yeah, most of our rat jokes happen on the bonus episode. Yeah, but we've given you a little taste of what life would be like if the rat jokes were

free. Hey, the rat jokes are on us. Have a rat joke on Budta Vista. We'll see you next week. Stay safe out there. Strike up a friendship with a local rat. Bye. Bye. You don't know how to sound, I've been crawling around in your mind. You've been here to sound, you've been here to sound, you've been here to stop. They're crawling around again. You don't know what that is. You don't know what that is.

You don't know what the way to get farther. You can't hear the sound. You can't crawl around in your mind. You've been hit yourself. You've been hit yourself. You've been hitting yourself. I've been trying around in your mind. You've been hit yourself. You've been hitting it in the sun. There's been a run. You don't know.

You're empty. It's too late. You can't sleep. You got right. You got right. You got right. the