Boonta Vista - EPISODE 378: Permacrisis Bananaphone

Episode Date: January 12, 2025

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Our annual report on Dutch New Year's, the brand synergy betwixt condiment and hype man, and a look at the trends set to define 2025. *** Outro: The Best Laid Plans - Kevin Gilbert *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Music Hello and welcome to Punta Vista episode 378, our first episode for 2025. I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year, although I will say obviously the Christmas period can be a tough time for some folks for a ton of different reasons. And I want to be real with you, at the top of the uh, for a ton of different reasons. Uh, and I want to be real with you at the top of the show. I had a pretty rough Christmas. Um, first of all, Viv of the show, my grandma Viv had another minor stroke. She's still with us, Ben. It's all right.

I saw your, it's, yeah, she's still with us, but, and she bounced back pretty good the next day, you know, but, uh, it's, it always, it always shakes us up. There's no joke about that. That's just kind of the reality of being 94 years old, right? Yeah. Then like in the main, we ended up buying a house in a big hurry in the lead up to Christmas and moving in like a week later. And, you know, like I'm one of the people that can be in the housing market. So don't, don't cry for me. Um, you know, it's, it's, it's tough out there for a lot of people.

It shows the least possible stressful time to do it too. But that's right. Yeah. And it was like crazy disruptive, right? Like, especially for the kids, their routines all went out the window and they watched a bunch of TV since Caitlin and I was always busy like doing something or other and TV turns them into absolute cunts and it was like day three of me being yelled at every fucking waking hour and wanting to drive my car out of the garage and keep driving and our washing machine broke because I didn't put the fucking moving bolts back in because I'm a stupid piece of shit and I remember one night we cooked roast chicken and veggies and the kids had none of it and afterwards I'm looking at this butchered

chicken on the you know on the wet shopping board and I'm going like I have no idea how to do this I don't know how to clean this up I'm thinking I wish that was me yeah yeah I wish someone had killed up. I'm 38 years old. You were thinking I wish that was me. Yeah. Yeah. I wish someone had killed me. Like, I'm 38 years old and I can't work out how to get this chicken into a fucking Tupperware container, right? Just like completely like breaking down.

And I thought, no, you know what? You're 38 years old and you've been in therapy most of your adult life. You can work this out, right? It's a simple thing. So I opened my phone and I hit random album on Plexamp and it came up with Effloresce by Ocean Size. Of course, it was 7.30 at night, so I'd already listened to Effloresce once that day. So I hit random again and it came up with this album. I'm not trying to be funny, Andrew. It came up with this album, The Shaming of the True by Kevin Gilbert, which about three people on earth have

listened to. And Kevin Gilbert was this tragic figure. He was in a few bands in the 80s, but then notably he was Sheryl Crowe's boyfriend and member of the Epinimus Tuesday Night Music Club from her debut record. And he co-wrote a bunch of her songs. He's got a writing credit on All I Want to Do. And then when she went big, she just left them all behind. And so he was destitute for most of his life, right up until his death by accidental suicide in 1996 at the age of 29. At which time Genesis was looking to hire him as their replacement vocalist after Phil Collins left the band.

So he's a really tragic guy. And Shaming the True is a concept album about a guy who goes to Hollywood and makes it big and ends up completely hollowed out. So it obviously draws from a bunch of his experiences in Hollywood and it was put together after his death by his friend Nick DeVigilio based on his experiences in Hollywood. And it was put together after his death by his friend, Nick DeVigilio, based on his demos and notes. And it's a bit naff, but it's also like sad and beautiful and fun and really angry.

And when I listen to something like this, I don't feel like sad or angry or whatever. I don't just feel, I do feel sad, right? But I also feel more human and more connected. Like this guy put it all out there and this is how he felt and it's human to feel angry. It's okay to feel worthless because there's also kindness and beauty coexisting within you. Right? And remember, I'm standing in my kitchen listening to this and suddenly I feel more alive. Right? I feel like a, like a real human.

Um, and it's like a spell's been lifted from me or at least for like half an hour. And if there's any punchline to any of this, uh, it's that, you know, occasionally we get messages from people saying, Oh, I was going through a really tough time and your show helped me laugh, right? And it's not many. I'm not trying to blow smoke up our houses, but it does happen from time to time. And we don't intend the show to be completely nihilistic,

but it's like we do all these batshit stories and sometimes it feels like we're insane trying to make sense of it, but it's the world that's sick, it's not us, right? It's not you, you're not sick, it's the world that's sick. And in some way I hope that the show helps you feel more human in some way

I'm Theo and my big and gorge spider belly is ready to burst with tens of thousands of little spider eggs The pressure on my pussy is almost unbearable. I Hate it, but I sort of love it. And I'm aching for that release when all those little eggs are going to slide out and fuck up my web with all my disgusting juices. Oh, here they come now. One of them's hatched already. It's my good friend Ben, who's desperately trying not to be eaten by several his brothers and sisters before he can jet off and do some disgusting spider stuff. Hey, Ben.

If you decided that 2025 was the year you're going to start listening to the podcast, Buntavista, and this is the first episode that maybe it's got a funny name. Maybe you thought, oh, that sounds funny. Thank you for making it to this point so far. Really appreciate it. I'm a nasty little spider. Ooh. Yeah. Thank you for making it to this point so far. Um, really appreciate it. I'm a nasty little spider. Ooh. Yeah. Cool. Thanks. Oh, here comes my pathetic spider husband, Andrew. Terrified of being eaten, but at the same time kind of turned on by the prospect. And he sounds just like George Takai. Hey buddy. How't. Ben, how are you feeling?

You just turn it on like that. I actually feel a little bit hungry after that labor. Don't. No, you have one crack at it and I think it maybe was okay. I think if you try a second one, we're putting ourselves in a serious jeopardy. And a big uh-oh because from here, all I can see is the bottom of a big black boot coming down to crush us all. Like the disgusting bugs we are.

Yeah. Attached to that boot is Lucy. I don't have to be a nasty little spider like you guys. You're all small and nasty and deserve to be stepped on. Just before I get crushed, I say, oh my. Okay. 2025! Podcasting's back, baby.

It's back in a big way. Happy New Year's to each and every one of our beautiful and sensual listeners. Jesus fucking Christ. Hey, one of the Star Trek movies that had George Takei in it was called the undiscovered country. Uh, there's another country that is discovered. It's the Netherlands. It's time for Netherlands watch.

Hey, this is something we do every year where we check in. I think we're the only outlet in the world that reports on this except for the primary sources from which we gather our material. Dutch New Year's, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you're familiar with what it is. We've covered this previously on the episodes 180, Battlefield Urk, 231, Dutch Watch Inferno, 279, Show Me A Printout of Dutch Kashi, and 328, The Harlem Globetrotters. They blow themselves up for New Year's Eve. This is the fifth time.

Like deliberately. Fifth time we're covering it. So you can count that on one hand, unless you're Dutch. Yeah. Hey, do you like you like this? We're we're a half decade of covering Dutch New Year's. I don't like that. It's not getting any better No, it's not Lucy. That's very true. They refuse to learn from us now because we have covered this before I'm gonna kind of do this as more of a highlight reel Of just some of the key.

Yeah. The funniest of the funny. That's right. Yeah. So first up, just a little bit of a preamble, just to sort of set the tone. So this is some reports from just before New Year's first one here from DutchNews.nl. Fireworks sales start ahead of Dutch New Year frenzy. Fireworks sales for the New Year festivities began officially at

midnight on Friday night, one day earlier than normal because they may not be sold on a Sunday. Sales normally run from December 29th to 31st in the network. Like the Sabbath? You can't sell fireworks on the Sabbath? Yeah, you can't buy fireworks on the Sabbath. Yeah, you need someone else to light the firework for you on the Sabbath as well. That's right The rules for fireworks have become tougher over the years buyers are now required to buy safety glasses and fuses and come up purchase more than 25 kilos of fireworks per person That's so much fire

To be lower yeah like to I wonder if they put like a wheelie bin outside the door for people to just deposit the safety glasses in as they go back to their car. Oh my God. Yeah. That's a here you throw these out situation for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And then you can, you know, the sort of every hour or two you can go out and bring them back in, you know, bring them around. You take the wheelie bin around to the back of the store and then you just bring it up to the side of the counter and start handing them out again. I'm just thinking of the state of the medical waste bin at the hospital the day after. Like our fingers.

Full of fingers. Just a bin full of fingers. Just full of fingers. Little Dutch fingers. Fat little Dutch fingers. Fat little Dutch fingers. 25 kilos. How many fireworks are you getting for that? Let's all picture for a second going to a gym

and picking up one of the 20 kilo plates. What is a firework way you reckon? A kilo? Less than a kilo. Yeah, well I'm thinking about a roast chuck, right? That's like one and a half kilos. Yeah, just depends on the provenance of the bird, I suppose.

Yeah. So imagine like 12 of those worth of fireworks? 12 roast trucks first. Imagine 12 roast chickens worth of fireworks. Yeah. In the back of a... The back of what a young Elantra was. Quick, Google, what do Dutch people drive?

I think it's in the basket of a bicycle. No, I'm thinking of the classic Red Rooster story we covered. Oh, wow. Absolutely, but... All those chickens in the truck. I feel like's a bicycle. No, I'm thinking of the classic Red Rooster story. We covered But I feel like everyone gets that yeah This is also the maximum weight of explosive allowable in a private car So yes, they are putting it in the back of their Ford Vestiva. Yeah load up the boot Let me load up the boot of my Škoda with 25 kilograms and these fuses. And I'll just leave the eyeglasses here.

I hope they don't combine themselves in the back when I go around a corner. The type of fireworks which consumers are allowed to set off has also been limited to types F1 and F2, which means no Chinese firecrackers, no Roman candles and no rockets. Thank God. Fireworks fans looking for more powerful explosives head to Belgium, where the rules are not as strict. See, that's why they're heading to Belgium.

What's going on in Belgium? Yeah, just nipping over the border. We're going to hit up Belgium New Year's. I knew it. I knew it. I think Belgium is exporting its New Year's violence to the Netherlands. They probably have the safest one. Yeah, because the Dutch people have taken all their fireworks.

This is like how Americans are scared of the cartel, that the cartels are all using American weapons that have been smuggled in, you know? Yes. It's just like that. I've got a little bit more foreshadowing here. This is from the NL Times. People in the Netherlands break record from 2022 for most money spent on fireworks. People in the Netherlands spent around 118 million euros on fireworks this year. This was reported by the chairman of Belangen Vereniging Pyrotechnique,

Nederland, the Pyrotechnics Association of the Netherlands. This breaks the record of 2022 when fireworks importers and wholesalers had a turnover of approximately 115 million euros, according to the trade association. I'd love to figure out how many euro 25 kilos of fireworks buys you. And then we could figure out like how many tons of fireworks they've been through. I think we're paying Dutch people too much. Their wages are too high. I think that's the issue.

We've got to cut that off. Yeah. Their society is actually too fair. They like income inequality is actually, equality is too good. Yeah. And they're spending it all on too much excess money, disposable fireworks. I like the alternative idea though, which is that Dutch people are really tightening the belt year round.

They're like, I know you need back to school supplies, little beyond, but... Yeah, this is taking fireworks off the table. Yeah, unfortunately, you're going to have to reuse your pencils from like, we'll re-lead those pencils for you. You can get your hand-me-down pencil case and we're going to get the full, I'll go and get 25 kilos and then your dad will go in separately and get another 25 kilos. I'll go back in with a mustache on. Yeah.

You go down to the shop and get some. Your big brother is turning 18 this year, so he can go and get 25 kilos. You know, we're going to be a 75 kilo family this year. That's what I'm saying. I don't think this total includes the dark Belgian fireworks either, because this is just from the Netherlands biotechnics association. So I figured they're probably spending another 200 million euros in Belgium. It's great for Belgium. Grunewald had already predicted that the total turnover would be higher than in

2023 when around 105 million euros were spent on fireworks. This prediction looks like it will come true. Quote, it is a fantastic year for the fireworks sector said Gruneveld. Good to keep that in mind when we get to everything else that we're about to talk about. Now, so this is some reporting from New Year's Day, from the day after the carnage, this first bit from the NL Times. New Year's Eve in the Netherlands, riots, arson and injuries across provinces.

New Year's Eve celebrations across the Netherlands turned chaotic as riots, arson and injuries were reported in several provinces. The unrest included the burning of a police car in Veen, firework explosions causing severe injuries in Wognum, hospitalizations for firework-related injuries in children with alcohol poisoning nationwide and widespread incidents of violence and property damage in cities like Rotterdam, The Hague and Coulomborg. Oh, I love the purge. Yeah.

All these drunk children firing explosives. Burning police cars. In the village of Veen, located in the province of Nord Brabant, the decades old tradition of setting car wrecks ablaze escalated into violence. Yeah, we'd hate to see setting car wrecks on fire getting out of control. Become violent. Also, they seem like surprised. They lay it out like a story every single time and a story that they've never heard

before. As if it's novel. This is really like Dog Bites Man news. Not like they're reciting a saga. Like they've been passing down as an oral tradition since the Chinese infected fireworks. Like a cycle, like a grand cycle. Near the notorious Wittbuhmstraat-Vanderloostraat intersection where hundreds gathered to witness the annual car burnings, a police vehicle was destroyed.

The annual car burnings. Getting your dead chair out. Oh, I need a good spot for the car burning. Good way to get rid of your old car, I guess. Just drive it down to the car burning spot. Good for the the car burning. Good way to get rid of your old car, I guess. Just drive it down to the car burning spot. Good for the environment. Around 3am as officers stood roughly 10 metres from their patrol car, two young men poured a flammable liquid into the vehicle and set it on fire,

according to eyewitness counts. The mobile unit intervened using water cannons to disperse the crowd and secure the area, which was littered with the remains of eight burned out vehicles. Hey, stop that. And just in the nick of time too, sounds like. I think the team said Teeheehee while they were doing it. Yeah. And while they were getting their bare ass sprayed with water.

In the North Holland village of Woggenham, two young men sustained serious injuries when a firework exploded in a field on West Enderweg around 11pm. A spokesperson for the regional safety authority stated the nature of their injuries is not yet known. In Alfond Arndenraein, one of the most significant incidents occurred shortly after midnight when a fire broke out and several construction tailors on Wetterich strut. Flames spread to at least seven parked cars before firefighters gained control around 1 45 a.m. Though no injuries were reported, residents were alarmed and authorities

assessed the structural safety of a nearby scaffolded apartment complex. Our car is really that flammable. Yeah, we were making the next flammable in Europe. Some flammable stuff in them, as far as I understand. Oh, yeah. They're storing explosives inside cars. Yeah. I've got some flammable stuff in them as far as I understand. Oh yeah. They're storing explosives inside cars. A separate blaze in Newtdorp heavily damaged a commercial building on Armbarked Shoft

earlier in the evening. You're supposed to take these people seriously. Newtdorp? No, what's become of Newtdorp? Maybe that's why they have to be so violent because it's Bjorn from Newt Dorp. He's got to have it released somehow and that's burning a car. I'm not silly. All right.

My life isn't silly. I sound silly, but I'm not actually a silly guy. You wouldn't believe it by how I speak. I am a serious man. The fire primarily consumed the building's roof and caused significant water damage to adjacent businesses. No injuries are reported, but the cause remains unclear. I think the cause was having a good time.

Yeah, too much fun. Just letting off some steam. It's all in the name of a bit of fun. Australians seem sensible. That's really something. Yeah. We just do like a race riot every five years. Yeah, we just kind of have race riot every five years. Yeah

Not every year though, yeah semi Monsters my annual More here from Dutch news.nl They were a number of minor incidents during the New Year celebrations in the Netherlands and a 14 year old boy from Rotterdam was killed Earlier in the evening, reportedly trying to relight an illegal Cobra firework, officials said on Wednesday morning. Cobra. Don't mess with the Cobra. That is sad. That is unbelievably fucking sad. Yeah. Riot police were forced to intervene in several places and dozens of cars were set on fire, 20 of which were in Utrecht, according to local media

reports. By 7.30 AM, 17 patients had been treated at Rotterdam's specialist eye hospital, around half of whom were minors. I always forget about the eye hospital. The eye hospital that's just got to be open all night on New Year's Eve. Worst night of the year for the eye fixing and finger reattaching hospitals. Like you think of firework maiming and you think of, of fingers getting blasted into the next suburb, but you forget about the eyes getting the little, the little child eyes getting shrapnel in them.

Because we keep going back to like, well, because they all go to the same specialist eye hospital and because this guy clearly is good at his job and he hasn't gone to another one, we keep hearing from the same people like dr. jude de faba who turned the father who they talked to every year and every year says hey we need to knock this off yeah I don't know if he believes that I think to defab is making a bit of bank from this but I think it's paid like the same not on like a quota of how many eyes he prepares It's not getting paid per people Chiridh to Faber said the situation was similar last year and again called for a national firework ban. Yeah, but it'll definitely happen this year

Absolutely keep asking you keep asking for that. Anyway, keep up the hard work Yeah, thank you for what you do, keep up the hard work. Yeah. Thank you for what you do. Thank you so much. For the eyes of the Dutch. Love your work. Love the feedback. Love the comment.

We'll take it on. As every year, the firework ban now extended to 19 towns and cities was widely ignored. Most local police forces had said stopping people setting off their own fireworks would not be a priority. Yeah. their own fireworks would not be a priority. Yeah. In Rotterdam ambulances were called out 250 times, treating both firework victims and people who had been injured in a fight, as well as people who were drunk or under the influence of drugs. The Port City's fire brigade received 928 reports of fires, far more than last year, and 51 cars had to be

extinguished. There were 14 fires in buildings, mainly in sheds and storage areas. Outbuildings mostly. In Utrecht, riot police were brought into quelled trouble in the Overvecht and Canalin Island districts where emergency service workers were pelted with fireworks. At least 13 people were arrested. It's the same story again and again. City council officials said the trouble was the exception and in most places the celebrations passed off peacefully. Like, can we get some scare quotes around peacefully there? Can we get like peacefully is in the-

What's peacefully? Just know he was injured? Yeah, peacefully is in the remaining eye of the beholder, right? However, the fire brigade had to deal with 38 car fires involving 43 vehicles well up on previous years. 38 car fires involving 43 vehicles. So you're counting if like two cars are next to each other or they're both on fire. That's one car fire.

Is that one car fire? Is it per car? Well, how could you have 38 car fires for 43 vehicles if it's one fire per car? Do you think your car insurance premiums are fucked up if you live in one of these towns and you're going to be there over New Year's? Are you going to own your car on New Year's Eve? Yeah. Are you planning to live in the town you live in and continue owning your car over New Year's

Eve? Street parking. Do you park on the street? Yeah. Do you park on the street between the times of the 31st of December and the 1st of January? Yeah. Now this is important.

If so, we are adding a premium that is roughly the cost of a 2014 Schkoder Octavia to your premium. I got more here from DutchNews.nl. A 46-year-old man who was badly injured in an accident involving fireworks on New Year's Eve has died in hospital The man who came from Bearden is the second person to die from firework injury Dozens of other people are seriously injured in the annual firework forensic and 27 people were treated at Rotterdam specialist I hospital so you'll note that number has gone up by 10 since we last mentioned the figure

People are dying here so it is very tragic, but this man came from Uren? Buren. Oh, sorry. Keep going. Thanks, Theo. Noticing the art, the repeated use of the word frenzy is really painting a picture here. What else do you call it?

Like, you just have to stay home. I already stay home. I'm a stay home on New Year's person, but this seems like scary, like, yeah, I'm locking my doors. Uh, and this is the final summary. So we get a little look at the facts and figures here. This comes from DutchNews.nl. In total, the police were called out to deal with 8,292

incidents and made 245 arrests. The fire brigade was called out to deal with 4,106 fires, an increase of 400 on last year. This year, 295 police officers and 49 emergency service workers were either physically or verbally attacked. That's, don't count verbally. Yeah. It's news. Can't say either. Yeah. It's not safe either.

Yeah, just give me a statistic for physical and I'll take that one seriously. Some guy being like, peace off is probably, that's probably fine. Uh, meanwhile, the Dutch safety Institute, Verlijkheid NL said 1,162 people had been treated for firework related injuries, which is roughly in line with last year. Of these, 367 were taken to hospital with more serious injuries. Several dozen people lost a hand, finger or part of their foot. Will Barron Oh my, part of your foot. Adam Backer Shit, several dozen.

Will Barron You're stepping on one to put it out. Adam Backer Or you're just too close when you like let it off because you've been drinking fucking Amsterdam you've been drinking Grosh. Hohgarden. Grosh. I don't think that's Dutch actually. Ertinger.

You've been drinking Ertinger all night. Schlitz. A case of Schlitz. You've been having a case of Schlitz. 25 kilos. I've got 25 kilos of fireworks. I've got 25 kilos of fireworks and I've got two cases of slits. The perfect evening.

I can't wait to go to bed later with all of my hands and feet. Some 37% of injuries were down to illegal fireworks, 27% to fireworks bought legally in the Netherlands and the rest is unknown. Mystery fireworks. So that leaves, sorry, 30% to illegal fireworks. 37 to illegal, 27 to legal, which brings us to 64. So 36%, we don't know. Fireworks of unknown provenance.

Sometimes I don't understand other people. Like, why do you desire to do this? Or is it a peer pressure situation? Yeah, cuz it kind of goes bang. It's gotta be like wicked crazy fun, right? It's gonna be awesome. And most people are not getting like their hands blown off. I guess most people when you put it that way it's like for all those people that died how many people didn't die? I mean people didn't lose a finger. Just a large minority of people are getting their hands blasted off and shrapnel in their eyeballs. Yeah, what percentage of the population died?

I think there's probably still like 12 million Dutch people left, so they're fine. You're saying they can lose a few limbs? If that's what they want, this is their culture. I think it's beautiful. That's true. We should respect other cultures. Is this the closest analogy that we have to the purge in modern life where we have like, what is otherwise by all accounts a pretty, a relatively straight-laced culture and they

behave themselves all year and then they go, all right, it's fucking savage. Time to let loose. Tonight. Crazy time. It's crazy hour. Time to release the beast. Yeah. This is what happens to your society. Aren't you sick of behaving?

Don't you want to go bat shit? Yeah. And we all do. We all do. We all do. The Australians just do it on like a minor level like every weekend. I think that kind of like levels it out a little bit. And the Dutch save it up and they have three to four hours of uninterrupted psycho time.

Yeah, we, um, we, we just, we just distribute, uh, uh, violence and dysfunction on average across the year in a normal way, you know? Uh, in total 19 towns and cities have been declared firework free zones, but the impact has been limited, uh. For the card and L director, my time, Chebacca said my favorite kind of impacts. Definitely not right. We have to ask ourselves as a society if it is acceptable that every new year, more than 1000 people, including children, are injured and in some cases

scarred for life. Meanwhile, at the back, someone's someone's yelling at. Yes, it is. The country is spoken! I think the country is answering you very clearly on an annual basis I think collectively. They're not gonna stop. They love it. Like extremely loud and clear you know. Yeah extremely loud. loud extremely loud and incredibly clear The right wing government has already said it has no plans to introduce a nationwide fireworks ban Yeah, I mean they wouldn't would they yeah It's like 40% of the economy

They are the they are the seventh largest importer of fireworks in the world, which when you consider, what did you say Ben, about 20 million population? I think like 12. I think it's like half the size of Australia, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. So I feel like that kind of puts their relationship to fireworks somewhere in the realms of like Australia's relationship with poker machines. Do you think there's like a fireworks lobby that's like making this happen? I would be, I would be shocked if there weren't, uh, many, many people who made a

fuckload of money there out of it. That's the fucking guy, the guy that we heard from in like the second article. This has been fantastic for the fireworks economy. No, no, the doctor guy. He wants this. The doctor, the eye doctor. He loves this. I think it's Chird and Grunewald. No, no, the doctor guy. He wants this. The doctor, the eye doctor. He loves this.

I think it's Chird and Grunewald. The guy's waiting for his annual eye bonus. He gets paid per paper. You wait till you see what he earns. It would make your eye water. Yeah, the guy from Pyrotechnik, Nederland. That's his good clean. They've done some polling and like 60% of respondents nationally have said that

they would vote yes on a referendum to ban fireworks. Oh really? Yeah. The whole country is mostly like, please fucking stop doing this. But you know, the people that like fun, that have a lust for life, they're sort of the louder voice because they're blowing shit up and they're screaming because they're on fire. Yeah.

And they're leaving the house and they're getting heard. Yes. Hey, the Netherlands. That's a pretty weird country, but it's not the weirdest country. We all know the weirdest country is the United States of America. We check in on those guys in America Watch. America. They don't think they're weird though. That's the thing.

They don't. It's so funny how they think they're normal. How do you know what your temperature means? Why, that number seems crazy to me. So you guys mustn't understand it. Listen to yourself. You sound fucking stupid. I posted a photo of a can of Diet Coke and a bunch of Americans were like, 375 milliliters is the wrong amount for a can to be. What? What's the fuck size are their kids? 12 fluid ounces. Oh, exactly. Right. Yeah. Okay. It doesn't equal 375 mils though. All right. Okay. Freaks. You guys might have actually seen some footage of this thing that I'm about to describe to you, but

I thought hearing it from the horse's mouth, so to speak, is a uniquely American experience. This is a press release from Duke's Mayonnaise. Finally, finally. Their silence has been definite. It's time someone gave them a platform. Duke's Mayo surprises fans with celebrity mascot reveal at 2025 Dukes Mayo Bowl. Ooh. What a wonderful image that conjures. Dukes Mayo Bowl. Drink deeply from Dukes Mayo Bowl.

Yeah. Especially if you're not like an American sports fan and you have no concept of like the college bowl. What a mayo bowl is, yeah. like an American sports fan and you have no concept of like the college bowl, the Rose Bowl or any of these things and instead I'm just picturing a heaping bowl of mayonnaise. Delicious, creamy, full egg mayonnaise. Yes I'm rubbing my tummy and I'm licking my lips. Dukes is pretty vinegary though. Is it? Yeah I'm just saying. Get a Duk review. Yeah, I bought some a little while ago because I was like in the deli that I get my cheeses and such from.

It's where I get my sauerkraut, my roasted peppers, my duck fat, things of that nature. And I needed mayo for something I was making and I was like, oh, they got Dukes. I've heard that shit's good. And I picked it up and I was like, you know what? I'm making like a really big thing of whatever the fuck it was Hawaiian macaroni salad. I was like, I'll get two of them. I got two of these things Put them through the register along with everything else and looked at the screen at some point and realized that they were $25 each that's fucked up and I went but it was like too late. It was too late. I couldn't be like, I'm sorry. I'm like, no, I don't want to pay $25 for mayo. Actually that's a psycho thing to do.

Yeah, I'm sorry. This is cheap to me. I'm not fucking buying them. Your imported mayo prices are fucking insane. Instead I had to play it off. Like it was normal for me to spend $50 on mayonnaise in a single transaction. Like looking around like, oh,

geez, I've got the $25. I guess that's just how I roll It doesn't bother me that's how much I value this beautiful Jukes mayonnaise turned up the flavor at the 2025 Duke's Mayo Bowl with an epic post-game surprise. Duke's beloved mascot, Tubby, unmasked to reveal none other than hip hop legend Flavor Flav. Wow. Holy shit, it's Tubby.

Tubby's taking off his mask. Holy shit, it's Flavor Flav. Have you guys seen what Tubby looks like? No, let's get him up. He's a tubber man. I like looking at Tubby. I gotta say I'm pretty into Tubby. Now Tubby, I can get by.

Tubby. Oh, all right, okay. Yeah, Tubby got eyebrows. I like this guy. Yeah, for anyone who's not looking at him, he's got like incredibly Greek eyebrows. Yeah. He looks like a Greek cigarette. Yeah.

And his googly eyes are pointing off in different directions. Look, his eyes are drawn Rick and Morty style, like where the pupil is just a scribbled thing. And they're doing this on purpose, all right? Tubby was unveiled like two or three years ago and they're being wacky on purpose. They're trying to get in on that sort of gritty vibe of having, you know. Or when they were doing, remember when planters were doing like the Mr. Peanut thing

where they're like, we're killing Mr. Peanut and now there's a baby Mr. Peanut. Yeah. Oh, baby nut. Well, yeah, we've done that whole thing where they're like, we're killing Mr. Peanut. Now there's a baby Mr. Peanut. Yeah. Oh, baby nut. Well, yeah, we've done that whole thing where we went, we went from like normal advertising to self-aware advertising to like everybody just being like, we know advertising is fucking stupid

to we're deliberately making abrasive and unsettling things. I guess it's like- We'll debase ourselves if it'll make you clap. We'll do it. It's got to be like an attention economy thing, right? Where it's just like, at this point, we're just trying to do something weird enough to get people to look for a few minutes.

Yeah, like the Pakistan airline that did the graphic of the plane hitting the Eiffel Tower. Right? Yes. Almost hitting. About to hit it. On the precipice of hitting it. Because guess what? Now's delimited, right? Almost hitting, about to hit it. On the precipice of hitting it. Now I know they got direct flights between Islamabad and Paris, so.

It's good to know. It's good advertising. I just, like am I way off base? I don't know why anybody wants to see Flavor Flav hanging out at places anymore. I don't know if they do. He must just be cheap. Like that's a bug in CelebRite.

Yeah, you've got to book someone. You've got to book someone. You turn up at the Duke's Flavor Bowl or whatever and they don't have like a hip hop artist that you go, oh, I haven't thought about him in a hot minute. You walk away disappointed. More of a hype man than an artist. We play that, that big flavor, flavor song. Yeah.

You know the Jukes bowl and they don't bring the flavor. Did, did, I don't know if I've said this on the pod before, but we ever talked about when a friend of the show, previous guest, JR Hennessy got a call out of the blue from Flavor Flav. Yeah. No. No. It doesn't ring a bell and I feel like it should.

So someone, some probably Australian, extremely online person used cameo to get flavor Flav, uh, to give a shout out to Cardinal George Pell and then Heno. Yeah. It's all coming back to me now. Yeah. Heno wrote an article about it and was like, hey, flavorflav just shouted out Cardinal George Pell. And then a couple of hours later, a call gets forwarded to his desk phone.

It's like, hey, what's up? It's flavorflav. Didn't know all the stuff about that guy. Was unaware. I'm not about that. My bad. Yeah. Again, seems loosely related to the concept of taking any amount of money that is being made available

to you for speak on behalf of something. Maybe just Google who you're giving a shout out and the word like pedo and just see if anything pops up. Yeah. Yeah. It only takes two minutes to Google that person and pedo. Just feel like Flavor Flavor was like culturally relevant in what the the the 80s? The late 80s, the sort of public enemy era and then there was like the the resurgence of him.

The reality show right? Flavor of Love. Flavor of Love, the reality tv dating show in which a bevy of women competed for the sexual attentions of one Flavor Flav. Not as good as Rock of Love with Brett Michaels. No and it was also like 20 years ago right? Yeah that was also 20 years ago. Yeah is he immortal? Is that why we're clapping? Yes. That's what the clock does. That's what the clock does. That's what the clock does. That's what the clock does. That's what the clock does. That's what the clock does. That's what the clock does. Time is frozen. If he takes it, everything dies.

I've got a video here of the moment that he is unveiled and it also has the moment that they dump a big tub of mayonnaise over like one of the coaches. Yeah, that was coming up in the story. Sorry, man. Spectators went wild as the rap icon bought his unmatched energy and signature clock necklace rocking Bank of America Stadium and proving that Dukes knows how to keep

it flavorful on and off the field. Sucks. I know it's been happening for so many years but it's still like it's still just a special kind of depressing to hear Bank of America Stadium. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't like that. And what was the other thing you said Ben? Crypto.com arena, you know. No right at the end there. Keep it flavorful? Yeah, like you've just got to keep writing this press shit until we all Until someone kills you. Until someone kills you on this earth, right? Like yeah, apparently this is just culture now I'm gonna grind this out, squeeze our little culture tubes and less and less of this horrible paste will come out each time.

Just a little powder, slightly moist powder. Dust. Quote, when we started thinking about how to bring this to life, Flavor Flav just felt right. Did it? Rebecca Lepesko, Jewish brand director. Yeah, he answered our call. Yeah, he picked up almost instantly.

It's like half a ring. What do you want me to do? I'll do it. How much? Doesn't matter. He's been calling us for months. Great. His energy is unmatched.

And when he said he has an unhealthy love of mayo, that was icing on the cake. Okay. There's mayo on the sandwich. Yeah. Come on now. Yeah. Flavor Flav and Duke's together? Doesn't get better than that. Agree to disagree.

I can think of lots of things. Going for a walk on a nice afternoon. Getting sucked off on a jet ski. Looking into my beautiful children's eyes or thinking about the brand synergy between Flavor Flav and Duke's mayonnaise. Flavor Flav's debut as Duke's celebrity mascot was revealed after the Minnesota Golden Gophers won the game 24-10 against Virginia Tech. The excitement continued when Flavor Flav was given the reins to perform the highly anticipated mayo dump pouring nearly five

gallons of Duke's mayonnaise on coach PJ Fleck to celebrate his team's victory. What a vile waste of mayonnaise. Can I say though, I don't think it's uncut mayo. I think they've watered it down a little. No, I don't think it's mayo. It's not five gallons of mayo. I don't think it's that premium stuff for sure. No, no.

I think if you were really dumping out five gallons of Duke's, it would come out like blobby. It's thick, I think I think if you were really dumping out five gallons of Dukes that had come out like Like blobby Gonna have like a comically large spoon to scoop it out. That's funny Yeah, yeah him sitting underneath while someone with a big spatula Now we're talking yeah put put in some hot water Well, it might seem like a questionable match. There are lots of synergies between Dukes and flavor flow Hey, say that in your press release. I hate these

Yeah, don't say in the press, we know it's pretty iffy. No, they're leaning into it too hard. I know that there was a punchline about spider pussy and stuff in the end there, but I genuinely do think this world is sick. Yeah, well, we're fine. It's diseased. We all agree on that. Brands, it's right between Duke mayonnaise and Flavor Flav. I don't need to think that. Nobody needs to think that.

Well, that's okay. I can see that. Let's hear them out. Let's hear them out. Yeah, they have some reasoning here. He's an icon whose name just happens to be Flavor Flav. What do you mean just happens? I think he chose it. I don't think it's his birth name.

What they're saying is that it just happens to align with our brand, which is something that has a taste. Well yeah, and Dukes is loved for its unique flavor. So you can see Fl, flavor, flavor, flavor. Oh, now I'm actually getting the synergy now. Yeah, the synergy is the main- How did it go so long ago to him getting that name? And like mayo, flavor is the ultimate hype man, adding flavor and spice, but also complimenting the main dish. Mayonnaise is kind of the hype man of the sandwich in a way. It's not the

hero element, it's not the star, but it does elevate the rest of the hype man of the sandwich in a way. It's not the hero element, it's not the star, but it does elevate the rest of the sandwich. Mayo is the elevator. Quote, Flavor Flav and Duke's Mayo. Now that's a flavor combo, said Flavor Flav. Yeah. Quote, I brought the hype to Tubby, the coolest, creamiest mascot in the game because we're spreading the love Duke style Coolest of course Mascot in the game. He's just reading this off like his palm To whichever camera will point at him on his way to the bank. He's picturing the next car. He's gonna buy Yeah, and of course if we were to rank mascots from least to most creamy as we're all

often doing. He's definitely the most explicitly cream filled. The most mayo related mascot in the game. Hey I bet this sort of really obnoxious, weird on purpose sort of advertising is a trend that's going to continue into 2025. We'll look at some other trends that will go into 2025 in TrendWatch. Now we did this last year, which you might remember from being really ahead of the game, re-trends, because we informed you. So we're going to do this again. These are the top trends for 2025 across all of their trend categories from the forecasting

company WGSN. Now first up we have their fashion top trend, dayjamas. Right? I mean, I've been doing this for years. Yes. You're a dayjammer man. I'm dayjammer man. I'll say my pajamas all day.

Is this wearing your pajamas or is this like lounge wear? I think it's wearing your pajamas during the day, so for sort of for whatever. Ah. Are we talking like how ironic semi ironic ironic sincere Sincerely like this shits comfortable as luggage costs and size limits become more restrictive travelers seek versatile items catering to various uses Yes, I like versatile items with various uses Dejama sets in bold and fun prints transition wearers from beach to bar to bed.

Oh, like a, like a cabana set? I think a cabana sets kind of. This sounds a lot like a thing that exists. Yeah. Also track, we've, we've had track pants for a very long time. We mainstreamed them. We can't wear them to the bar. And they don't, well, you can't.

I mean, the Sopranos, they did it all the time. Oh, legally you can't wear track pants to the bar. Think of these as an upbeat revamp of the sad old sweat set. So here they're sort of dismissing that out of hand cause that's chuggy. It's out of date. That's not what we mean. They're saying. That's sad to you. Kind of me just walking around with like hot sauce on my sweatpants.

Yeah. For active wear, dayjammers focus on rest and recovery with wellness ingredients such as collagen, hyaluronic acid, and cannabidiol infused at the fiber level. Sorry? Pardon? You have collagen, hyaluronic acid, and CBD oil in the fibers of your dayjamas? I'm not a scientist, but that is false. Not true. You're not like going to the gym wearing your CBD dayjamas? My CBD dayjamas. All these?

In the office? Oh. It absorbs through my pussy. See, you've noticed my CBD infused dayjamas. Actually really high bioavailability, so. Don't worry, there's no psychoactive component. I put on my THC dayjamas when I get home. Yeah.

WGSN's data shows sleepwear, outperforming dresses and swimwear within the resort wear mix over the past two years. What do you mean your data shows this? Oh my god. This is such a like, just these, these differences without a distinction where they're just like, well, there are, you know, slightly different categories of comfortable clothes, uh, that don't show the stains to a huge degree. And we think one is outperforming the other. Fuck you. What have we done to the world?

Will God forgive us? Absolutely not. No, no, we brought monsters into the world. He didn't. He gave us a perfect world. Yeah. We didn't need to put the cannabinoid oil in the day jam. You got collagen in your dayjamas? Like what are you?

What? Who is that? Legs plump? What's going on there? It can't be. I mean, it's absorbed. You getting that plump pork? Oh, the next top trend is in their beauty category and it is You're getting that plump pork. The next top trend is in their beauty category and it is therapeutic laziness. In 2025, we will embrace a new evolution of self-care, therapeutic laziness.

Building on the anti-wellness movement, this trend elevates- Are you talking about downtime? Oh no, they're talking about bed rotting. They're talking about bed rotting. They're talking about bed rotting. Yeah. Uh, building on the anti-wellness movement, this trend elevates bed rotting or spending extended time in bed and being intentionally unproductive into a refined self-care ritual loaded with tactile hedonism. Oh, it's elevated bed rotting?

Elevated bed rotting. We had kind of a cultural moment where people were like, no, no, no, no, we're tapping out of this sort of cycle of aggressive productivity, this feeling that under capitalism, you have to always be doing something. Yeah. We're fucking that right off. And then now that idea has been completely subsumed back into consumerism by these fucking vulture people. Yeah. There is no idea that capitalism can't rebrand and sell back to you.

Yeah. It'll all be absorbed by the machine. Tactile hedonism. That's Jackanoff? That's Jackanoff. You talk about Jackanoff? Or is it like fidget? Is it fidgeting?

Oh, it might be fidgeting. Yeah. I think it's Jackanoff. The antidote to rising levels of burnout and anxiety, therapeutic laziness offers a guilt-free retreat where therapeutic rest meets beauty. That's not the antidote. That's the palliative. Yeah.

Hey, is the enormous, unescapable machine of capitalism getting you down? Why not? You'd like even when you're in your bed, you can't escape it we've extended the zones That we're like monetizing to where you sleep. You need to buy products for bed Yeah, you need dream products. Hey, they did running sleep is the escape too bad. Yeah, we'll sell you dreams wholesale Rules I Yeah. We'll sell you dreams wholesale. Fuck. This rules, I genuinely feel so bad. This year I feel so bad. No, this year's going to be great. We're tapping out from consumerism. Through bed wellness.

Through buying more stuff. Through buying products and services. Sounds like angry GenX guys, but stuff is really makes me sick. You see it all over reels and there's just so many products. Everything's products. through buying products and services. Sounds like angry Gen X guys, but stuff really makes me sick. You see it all over reels and there's just so many products. There's everything's products all the time. And the people that are selling the products often don't realize they're doing

it because they're the little Zoomer content creators who are like... Yeah, they're just kind of taking all the language in and then just sort of putting it in the, the, the em, like lifeless rock tumbler of their mind and spitting out words in different order that kind of makes sense. Cause that's product recommendations for you to buy. They're doing the advertising for free. Can I, can I offer a, an opposite direction to take you? What we seem to be doing in my home is disconnecting from this kind of stuff and engaging in just enjoying and developing personal skills and doing... I got Elna's

loom back out, her four shaft floor loom, and reassembled it. She kind of started doing some weaving again. Elna's been baking sourdough again. So she's got a sourdough starter living in the fridge. And she's- She's like you got a trad wife. She's trad wife. She's trad wife over there. She's wife maxing.

You know, I continue to enjoy making all my foods and stuff. She's doing a sourdough stuff, baking some sourdough. And she's also been like making other kinds of bread from like her sourdough stuff, baking some sourdough, and she's also been making other kinds of bread from the sourdough discard. So as you bake from your sourdough, you then take the sourdough starter back down to a point where it's at the right weight again, and then you feed it with a prescribed amount of flour and stuff like that. And the stuff that you've taken out, you can do stuff with. You can make like, uh, sourdough discard crackers or bread or whatever.

And she's been doing that too. And it is very delicious, but also I've turned to her at some point and said, we can't keep eating this many big sandwiches. We gotta keep eating big delicious sandwiches all the time. We're living Scooby Doo style, you know? Um, I'm, I'm trying to like make my own tortillas, do some of these things. big delicious sandwiches all the time. We're living Scooby-Doo style, you know. I'm trying to like make my own tortillas, do some of these things. These are all things that you can just do

with like time and care and love and attention. It's nice having something that doesn't involve you buying another thing. You don't have to buy a thing. If you wanna do stuff, if you wanna make something, if you wanna learn how to like make bread or make tortillas or maybe you're gluten-free and you need to find something else to do. Maybe you should be getting into like Like fermenting stuff, you know doing natural ferments or pickling things or making preserves or whatever

but you don't need to put down a lot of money and these things can absolutely serve as like Your own little wellness activities where you just give time to yourself to do a process and put love and care into a thing and then like check it out at the end and go, okay, what could be a little better next time? And then you just build that into your process. You just keep going and there's no end to it. You can be like the little old Japanese guy who's been making sushi at the mall in Japan for like 40 years and he's just trying to, he's just trying to make it perfect every time. Yeah.

Nothing was wrong with that story. Yeah. Nothing's wrong with that. Nothing. He was so happy. Beautiful relationship with his own life. Very happy. Two adult sons.

That's right. Hey, they can make their own restaurant if they're so hung up on it. Giro has no regrets, I believe was the name of the documentary. I'm not talking about Giro specifically. I'm not talking about Giro specifically. I know there is something to going like. The pursuit of perfection in a craft just for yourself. It doesn't have to be for anyone else or any of your ungrateful adult sons. I bought my acoustic guitar when I was like 16 years old and I've still got it and I can kind of play trains by porcupine tree on it that's all right for me right yes yeah that's

just my nice little thing that I got just do things for yourself and and to do these sorts of pursuits yeah you don't have to be like constantly buying shit you can just be buying some flour or if you do have money Warhammer figurines Warhammer figurines yeah games warhammer figurines. Yeah, I was workshop Get a friend with a good resin 3d printer to print them for you. Don't fucking buy them that company sucks ass There's other things to do other than engaging in the therapeutic laziness economy Also, you don't need a company or a brand to tell you how to lie in bed Looking look inside yourself. Let a podcast that you pay for tell you lie

Take it easy chill out just I think I think this is the year to accept that like social media is done You know Instagram YouTube Facebook It's all it's all of X tube yeah and all all these forces are bigger than you as well so kick up it's all it's all over it's all podcast maxing podcast max in 22 and that means paying all the creators that you like yeah spend all your money on that instead of the the loungewear

cannabinoil. Well you can incorporate that into your other activities. You can listen to a podcast while you do something nice and slow for yourself. While you rub CBD oil into the crotch of your jeans. Just buy your own oil. There's so much more of this to go. Our beds will become wellness zones and self-care sanctuaries. Stop telling me that my bed's going to become a zone. Stop zoning my bed.

That's the jack-off zone. Think. Treat while you laze products that enhance skin and hair health while you unwind or sensorial bedding imbued with nourishing ingredients and scents that bridge the gap between skin care and sleep. We need to- Leave my sleep alone! Leave our sleep. Leave- We don't need to be doing something while we're lying down. That's the point of lying down. You don't need to be cramming more things into the thing- the time when you're not doing a thing.

Sensorial bedding? With nourishing ingredients? Oh yeah, it's- Imbued in the bedding? Let's start having sleep hygiene! You gotta have your fucking lavender oil on your pillow or something. No. There's all this shit you gotta do. Nugjumper might have a fucking Nugjumper before you go to bed.

That's all I'm gonna accept. God damn. Sleep tourism will also have a new allure, with hotels and retreats offering rest programs and serene spaces with sleep enhancing amenities. From AI smart beds to prescription centered lullabies. Fuck. So I did just watch- SHUT THE FUCK UP! I did just watch a dream scenario for the first time the other night.

So sleep tourism is currently occupying a different space in my mind. AI smart beds. Yeah, not a thing. AI smart beds. Not going to happen. I never sleep well in a hotel. AI doesn't exist. Oh, I want to sleep in my own fucking home. I want to sleep in my bed with my shit pillow and my stuff.

I love my bed. Tep Kazinkz is dead, right? My wife is there. Like he died, right? Did we kill him? Did we just get too old? Deep state get him? Are you trying to recruit or? Did he even know he was sick?

Oh he only died in 2023. RIPs. Well maybe if we're lucky he's been reincarnated. Welcome back Ted Kaczynski. You'll need to, this is a covert mission. You'll need to acquire weaponry on site. Man. In an era of relentless pressure, this trend is one everyone can support. Offering a universally indulgent and restorative appeal. Sleep isn't indulgent.

Sleep is like a, it's the thing that kills you fastest if you don't have any. Yeah. Like, I know, I know you're desperately trying to move on Ben, but like when we just get to the cream of this now. The start of this where it says building on the anti-wellness movement. What did they mean by that? This is pro wellness. They're talking like it's the same shit. Like not going to the gym? Yeah. It's not active stuff. It's like passive stuff, but it's the same shit. It's the machine trying to sell you. Skincare products and haircare products. Yeah.

They're clipping both sides of the ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like- Which I guess happens by default. So they're clipping it twice then. With all of this shit, like the day dramas thing where it's like, because luggage costs and size limits keep becoming more restrictive.

You should do this as opposed to, you know, we should be bombing airlines. Parody, parody, parody, parody. Yeah. Instead of it being a problem with like capitalism and airlines and all of that shit, it's your issue to fix in the same way that it's like, Hey, you should do something really indulgent, like getting an appropriate amount of sleep in a comfortable bed, as though that isn't just what it should be.

If you have so much sleep debt that you want to pay like a couple of hundred bucks or more to go stay at a hotel, just to get a good sleep, sort your fucking life out. But maybe buy, use that money to buy a better mattress or something. Maybe. Buy some melatonin from iHerb.com. Like $30. Use the offer code PUNTA10.

PUNTA, I heard, melatonin. I'm so, these fucking people. From the interiors category, fake food. Not new. 2025 is going to be big though. We're talking rocks. Soft serve swirls as dog toys, hamburger area rugs and popcorn vases. Yes, please.

I hate this. I hate this. If I see a pillow that shaped like a fucking like a hamburger, I'm so mad. I'm seeing like red mist. Pancake pillow that has a little butter pillow attached to it. Mm. I'm not going to fuck you anymore. Or be fucked by you or suck you or be sucked by you,

which was my plan originally. You go to his house? I don't do on-premises after. Because of the arrangement. Embrace treat culture and propose decorative items and gifting ideas that tap into the feel good stress relief power of bringing up a smile. What are you saying? I'll kill you! I'll kill you. You got a What are you saying? I'll kill you. I'll fucking kill you. I'll kill you. You got a burrito wrap blanket? I'll kill you. You are dead.

Everyone talks about 1984. No one talks about Brave New World anymore, right? Where the whole population is just like in this drugged up sexual bliss the whole time. It's about a utopia. So much. So that they don't change what's going on. And it's stupid and it's trite to talk about brave new world in 2025. You sound like a dumbass when you do, but yeah. It sounds super stupid. But also, anyway. Yeah.

But Theo, I kind of feel like this is part of the feeling currently is like, not to be the most depressing podcast in the world on our first one back. I feel like this is part of the feeling currently is like, not to be the most depressing podcast in the world on our first one back. Oh, it's fine, we started this way, we could go out there. But you knew us. But I'm just saying, like, this is why I just currently am in this space where I'm like, I just wanna disconnect from a lot of stuff

and just have time with myself and read books and listen to my records and make food. Just me and my family and my aunt and bulletro. And all those things. Because it just feels like, it makes you feel stupid to even say this stuff. Yes, it makes you feel so stupid to just kind of go like ancient. Like it's all so obvious and we've all been saying it for years and nothing's happening. Hey, you guys notice we live in the terror nexus?

Shut the fuck up. Shut up. You sound like an idiot. No! Yeah. I've seen lots of posts on Facebook about it by the stupidest people alive. The more realistic, the more surrealist the effect across Trump-leel candles, tabletop, stationery, toys, furniture and room decor, among others.

Oh, they're Trump-leels. You get some Trump-leels in your house? Trump-leel. Trump-leel. Trump-leel. Isn't that like a... Trump-leel. Isn't that like an illusion?

Isn't that like a... Don't know. Or a mass... I'm a loser in my patience. Isn't it like an illusion? Isn't that like a... Don't know. Or a mass... I'm a loser in my patience. A trompe-l'oeil is an artistic term for the highly realistic optical illusion of three-dimensional space and objects on a two-dimensional surface.

So you mean a candle that looks like a cupcake. Or like a rug that looks like a burger, but it's 3D. Whoa! That burger has depth. What a time to be alive. Yeah. Oh, I've got the hamburger phone from Juno. Boy, am I cool.

Have fun and encourage your customers to have fun as well, no matter how small the treat or how cheekily the indulgence is betrayed. Play with textures, detailing and embellishment. Delve into nostalgia, elevate your product with premium materials and finishes, or exaggerate your kid-alt appeal. There is something for every palette. Don't say that. And the appetite is only growing. This one at least is somewhat innocuous compared to the rest.

The rest is just like, every minute of your day should be accounted for with some sort of expenditure. And this one's like, banana phone? Yeah, we're going straight back to the hamburger telephone from the 80s. Being too harsh on this one, that's fine. That's how it is. Yeah. Have a burger phone if you want.

That's actually kind of a cool throwback to having landline. That's dope. The consumer tech category, the top trend is AI companionship. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. It will be. AI girlfriends replica. Check out the episode, You're Making Brian Exist for a little look into the world of AI companionship.

You know what I love more than anything else is treating the symptom. Yes. Yes! Well, because the cause is so big and nebulous. So big and hard to do. The symptom is right there. When I look at that, I'm like, oh no. But when I look at the symptom, I'm like, you know what?

I got a band-aid that fits right over that. Yeah. It turns out I've got a soothing salve and it's the rest of my money. I have balms and lotions. I've got a painkiller that temporarily makes this not a problem anymore. I've got CBD oil in my pants. Got a saturated pussy. Oh man, this, oh God, Christ.

Uh, social isolation and loneliness are on the rise worldwide. And the World Health Organization has declared loneliness a global health threat. Have they? Yeah. The advocacy for social connectedness coincides with the rapid advancement of AI technologies embodied in humanoid and social robots. No, it doesn't exist. There are no-

Hey, here's like the worst possible thing to imagine that like human life is becoming so atomized that it's a miserable lonely experience. What if your phone like did sex chat with you? That's all the problem? What if you had a cyber girlfriend? Think of them as smart assistants, caregivers or digital companions. I'm not thinking of them like that. I'm not thinking of them.

I'm not going to do that. No, you can't make me. These novel human machine interactions will escalate in 2025 with AI engaging more deeply with humans to provide emotional support, alleviate loneliness and redefine our relationship with technology. Get fucked. Fuck off. Don't do that.

Don't. Stop trying to make it a thing. It's not going to make it a thing. It's not going to make it a thing. It's going to make it a thing. It's gonna make people crazy. The people that it will resonate with will become more insane than they've ever been before. Yeah. And they will also, they will kill themselves. Remember, as we've seen before, that will just, this will just cause people a little feedback loop or it's like, yeah, go on. Do it. Remember in the last 12

months when that kid killed himself because his AI girlfriend told him to? Yeah. Yeah. And the movie Her is set in 2025. Just confirming that. Just, yeah. Does it, does it have anything in the article there about high-waisted

pants coming back? Beltless, thick fabric trousers. Yeah. Also collars being on the inside. Zoomers in like Adam Sandler jorts. Yeah. Big. Kevin Smith jorts.

I don't think we've ever seen such a big disconnect between like things that people want and the amount that it has been pushed by companies and content mills and what have you, as we've seen with, with AI. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, no, you want this. You love this. You want this.

Hey, this is going to be a trend in 2025. Don't you know it's going to be a trend. We're going to make this, we're going to make this happen. AI is going to be big in 2025. Just grok it. Just grok it. Just grok it. Just grok it.

Hey, can you grok that for me real quick? Oh, it just called me the F slur. Have you guys like ever sort of caught in the wild a moment where like maybe an old school friend you have on Facebook Goes just discovered the AI app. I made a picture of Kermit the frog In Mad Max and then there's 50 comments of people with cry laugh emojis being like what? Holy shit. That's the best thing I've ever seen. See, this is where my my delusions start to kick in. I got none of these people exist anymore.

They've been replaced. Dead Internet theory. Dead Internet. They've all been replaced by robots. They don't exist anymore. They died. Yeah. And their physical body is being probably kept in a vault somewhere,

you know, being harvested for heat. And now their online presence has been replaced by robots. Yeah, they got a digital twin. That's probably it. Yeah. That's probably what's going on. It couldn't be the other thing where everybody has lost their minds. Yeah.

Where like the sort of the parlor tricks of a stupid machine of bedazzled them. When I turn this handle, it looks like the horse is running. This is in the color of the year category. Future dusk. Future dusk. Future dusk. I mean, it does sound, it does kind of sound like a color I'd enjoy. Like the moment before the night.

Yeah. That everlasting night. Are you just looking at what dusk is? I was thinking a metaphorical night. Like the end of civilization. The going out of the lights of everything that was built. Oh yeah. Twilight of the world. Future dusk is the color for this era of transition.

Moody and intriguing, yet steadfast and constant. Into a dark age? Yeah. It offers a sense of mystery and escapism, but also a reassuring stability. A fresh take on dependable dark blue, it feels both familiar and futuristic, earthy and cosmic. Its surreal and otherworldly qualities align with the long-term trend towards transformative colors driven by the consumer desire for emotionally driven experiences, whether digital or IRL. So I should be wearing sort of a dark, dark blue future dusk pajamas

as the light of our civilization goes on. With collagen. Yeah. With collagen infused and CBD oils. With collagen. With collagen infused and CBD oils. AI powered CBD Future Desk Day Jama Jorts. Yeah. As this era draws to an end, it whimpers. Yeah with a soaked in CBD, sorry, with a sewn in CBD infused butt plug. If you made a graph of the number of times a day I think of the ending of Pi, where the guy just drills the chip out of his brain.

It's going up. Going up! Going up. It's up. New trends in 2025. Thinking about putting a drill in my brain. I've got two more here that we're done. I'm having a great time.

In the sports and outdoor category, soft adventure. Soft adventure is an activity that doesn't require a significant investment in equipment or much skill to start such as hiking, camping, cycling, bird watching, or snowshoeing. Okay. Yeah. Go on snowshoe. Go on snowshoe. 2025.

I'm on my snowshoe bullshit in 2025. It has driven growth in outdoor participation since the pandemic, providing accessible activities for new participants to keep the health and wellness benefits of the outdoors. Yeah. I mean, the pandemic is still going as well. Just FYI, but. SoftAdventure's growth is influenced by global demographic fluctuation, the

cost of living crisis, and a wide range of multi-living situations and communities. Demand for agnostic Softostic soft adventure products and services designed for need rather than a participant's age is rising. So you know, we've got like a cost of living crisis. I do. Yeah. Yeah. Snowshoeing.

Have you tried birdwatching? Have you tried? Birdwatching. That is free. So many of my friends getting into birdwatching over the last couple of years. I think they might've nailed this one. Yeah. Or it's just because've nailed this one. Yeah. Or it's just because we get the holder.

The thing about it is, maybe. Yeah, if you start now, you'll build your skills at birdwatching as birds get harder and harder to locate in the wild. Yeah. That's true. Yes, as there are fewer and fewer of the...

Saw some buff-banded rails for the first time yesterday. I bet you fucking did. Ew. Really? Get this. They're fucking did. Oh, really? Get this, they're really cute. Oh, that's nice. Finally, from the Insight category, the Forever Young Adult.

I don't like where that's going. Done. Is that about us? Is this anything to do with enhancing my kid-alt appeal? Global youth are redefining life's timeline. The perma-crisis has left many youths to delay adulthood and live at home well into their thirties. I don't like the casual acknowledgement of that.

I don't like the fucking the perma-crisis. I don't like the casual acknowledgement of that. What do you mean? I mean, I know what you mean, but we're not at the level where we say it now. In this Trends article, like just... This isn't a fucking William Gibson novel. Oh, back in the perma crisis. Y'all know the perma crisis, right?

That's a, in his latest trilogy of books, he was describing the perma crisis, but he called it the jackpot. It was kind of everything went off at once. But the perma crisis, that's a crisis. That's fucking, we do live in the perma crisis. We do, but you don't have to say it in this article about what candle to buy. Fuck, banana phones. But permacrisis banana phone? The permacrisis has left many youths to delay adulthood and live at home well into their 30s. In the West, youth stretches well into the 30s, while in India and Africa,

booming young populations driving a cultural youth quake that will shape global trends for years. For adults who are adulting, there is a resurgence of cultural nostalgia from Dungeons and Dragons groups returning to people buying toys and merch from their childhood. I think we could argue that Dungeons and Dragons groups never went away. Timeless. Always been happening. Brands must rethink how they connect with the young at heart across all industries. How can you manipulate the permacrisis to get these like emotionally stunted millennials?

Yeah. Get the brands off. Brands, Sonic the Hedgehog, Biker Mice from Mars. What new Funko Pops will be released this year? Throwback packaging on chips. Holy shit, is this the 90s packaging of lays chips? I gotta get these that would sell I work on me immediately I'm buying that you brought powers back powers beer. I'm buying that I'd like to see the Doritos 80s packaging come back I like that shit.

That was good. Tarzos. I want Tarzos. Tarzos. Yeah. Yeah. I guess what your home loan comes with some Tarzos. So me up.

Tarzos while the world burns. Look, to, to reinforce something that I feel like Ben has said in various forms, you know, you don't have to live like this. You can, you can look, you can look for your moments of human connection out there in the world. People don't have to live like this. You can look for your moments of human connection out there in the world. People don't wanna live like this. They wanna see each other and be seen. They wanna make eye contact.

They wanna have nice moments. Twice in the last week, some of them moved to Tasmania to be further away from large groups of populations. Like, yeah, like twice in the last week, you know, I went to the surf beach with my kids and as we were walking down there, I was walking past like there was a young family standing there and this guy had like a toddler on his shoulders and his wife had a, I assume wife, had a baby like in a carrier and she was also trying

to wrangle a dog and this guy's trying to take a photo of all of them at the same time, get them all in the frame. And I was trotted over there and said, can I take this photo for you? And they went, Oh, thank you. And, uh, immediately. I was like, he's got a baby on his shoulder. She's got a baby and a dog. Then they were going to catch a load. Life's little joys. R13 Pro. Yeah.

And I took a photo for them and they said, thanks. And as we were walking down the beach, my younger daughter was like, oh, why'd you do that? And I said, because I could just, I could see in that moment that they probably would have appreciated a bit of help. Sometimes in life, you know, you kind of wish you had another set of hands. Yeah. And you could Sometimes in life, you know, you kind of wish you had another set of hands.

Yeah. And you could just be there, you know? And then a day or two ago, I think, yeah, yesterday I went to the coast and picked up my kids who had been staying with my parents for a bit during the school holidays. And the same thing happened. We were walking back from dinner past the jetty and there was like a group of women all sitting on this bench posing for a photo while one of the party was standing up and just sort of I could see it awkwardly trying to get like seven people into one photo and I thought isn't that nice that's happened again I trotted over and said can I take that photo for you and they said oh yes and like you know if you're looking around in the world and you just see somebody

And like, you know, if you're looking around in the world, you just see somebody How many phones can one person have I'm gonna find out, you know Yeah, but what if instead of all of that Andrew we had a gritty reboot of Milo and Otis full penetration What if I was wearing CBD infused jorts instead, you know Sitting at home talking to my AI assistant. All I'm saying is, you know, go outside, open your eyes, look outside every now and then, you know, you might, you might see somebody else who just looks like they could use a hand. You might see somebody else who looks like they could use a moment of human connection.

And guess what? It makes you feel really fucking good to do, you know, it costs you nothing. I was at the bar yesterday afternoon in a personal capacity. I was playing yatsu with my friends and these two people that I'd never seen. I work on your day off. Got it. It doesn't sound very healthy, but okay. Every day of my life. Yep. These two people that I'd never seen before were sitting at the table next to us and they'd just been sitting there drinking and chatting for ages. And then as they're about to leave, they ask one of the bartenders who was working about the coasters that we have that are a list of conversational prompts. It's just like

a list of 20 questions of like weird shit that I put in there to, you know, there's something dumb to put on a coaster. And the person who was working put it to me and was like, oh, he made them. And they were just like, oh, we just didn't say that was really fun. We went through the whole list and we had a really nice time. And I was like, oh, that's great. What's your favorite kind of medieval weaponry? Because that's one of the questions. And the dude was like, well, it's funny that you say that. Uh, the dude was like, well, for me, it's, you know, it's a short sword.

It's a bit basic, but you know, it gets the job done. I was like, yep, absolutely. And then his partner was like, oh, for me it's the mace. And I was like, yeah, fuck yeah. A mace. That's cool as fuck. And then that was it., Oh, to me it's the mace. And I was like, yeah, fuck yeah, a mace. That's cool as fuck. And then that was it. We had a nice little exchange. Like within 20 seconds of meeting these strangers, I found out what their favorite kind of medieval weapons were.

And then we parted ways. It was beautiful. It's a communal experience. You don't get that inside. You don't get that from your fucking replica. Nope. You can have fun inside. You can build a model of the HMS Terra and that will bring you a similar amount of joy. Not everything has to be outside. That's true. On this podcast, you will always be able to get a stern defense of staying indoors.

Yeah. I mean, hey, you were given that model of the Terra by your partner, who I believe you met on the internet actually. So no, that's all inside. It's all inside. Didn't need to leave the house for any of that. Everything good to me happens in the home. Point and counterpoint.

Hey, that was definitely an episode of the podcast. Buen Tu Vista. Thank you so much for coming back for 2025. We missed it, which is crazy. We're sending each other little messages being like, hey, I'm excited to podcast. I can't wait to podcast. Isn't that crazy? That's so weird.

Yeah. I've got it out of my system now though. Yeah. Now I'm like, fuck it's drag. There's my whole fucking Sunday gone. No, it's so nice to be back. Um, thank you so much. And if this was your first episode, it is kind of mostly like this.

Pretty representative, I think. Less despair sometimes. And the occasionally. Sometimes. Yeah, the despair fluctuates. Biologically. As it does for all of us. I think if you want to exist in the real world, you got to acknowledge some of the things that

are going on, but let's keep looking for the light. Let's keep looking for a bit of love in the world. Yeah. Stay positive 2025. Be the change you want to You know? Yes. Yeah. Stay positive 2025. Be the change you want to see. Do something. Do it. These fucking people that are writing all this PR shit. You've been thinking about doing something.

There's never been a better time. Yeah. It's a good idea to do something. Yeah. If someone did like a copycat thing of that, like, but to Elon Musk. I mean, imagine how people would love you. We will see you either next week on the next free episode, or you But to Elon Musk, I mean, imagine how people would love you. People would love you. We will see you either next week on the next free episode, or you could sign up for our

bonus episodes. That's like seven bucks a month. There's 350 episodes in the back catalog. 370, 375. We released a bunch of super good bonus episodes last year. I had a really hard time whittling down which two I was going to make free over Christmas. And I would strongly recommend, if you haven't signed up and you like what we do, sign up to the Patreon.

Get a bunch more of those. And keep CBD creaming your genes, I guess. Get that wellness right into your pussy. Keep creaming in the free world. Yeah, stay safe out there. Bye! Bye! Bye! The shepherd raises up his staff and hurls it at the crowd to the sound of a maniacal saliva