Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED BONUS EPISODE: Boople Me Some CooterCash

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

It's Freemium Freebruary! We generously unlock our bonus episodes for the shortest month of the year so you can get a taste of the good life. Subscribe if you like it, maybe? *** Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: The South's competing Cooter Festivals, a uniquely American government scam, speeding as a fact of life, and Headline News. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Now they're going to pay the dice and playing Slender Spire on the second day. Good job if you can get it. Hello and welcome to Bundavista. This is a bonus episode. I am Ben and I am here at the Limerick competition for people with a chronic stutter and for whom English is a second language. The sun is shining, the birds are singing. Wow. It is truly a beautiful day to hear a selection of limericks performed by people with a chronic stutter and also for whom English is a second language. I'm here as a judge and as such will not even once have to recite a limerick.

But by the look of it, we do have three contestants here who are ready to, what's called upon, perform a limerick. And yes, it does say say th a th a th a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is does th, what's called the pod, perform a liberic. And yes, it does say right here that all three of them, they have a chronic stutter and they do not speak English with the fluency of a native speaker. First up, we have...oh, oh, no, that's not right at all. I'm not a limerick competition for people with a chronic stutter and for whom English is a second language at all, am I? Maybe it's more that I'm not just there.

I'm everywhere else, too. I've become somehow unstuck in the intro. Where once I progressed from intro to intro, leaving previous intros in the past and moving inexorably towards the intros of the future, I now exist in all intros at once. While I'm here listening to an irreverent but undeniably funny improvised limerick performed by someone with a chronic stutter and for whom English is a second language, I'm also here watching Lucy give an acceptance speech at the Diurehea Awards. Hi Lucy. Hello, thank you very much. Yeah, you really earned this award at the Diarrhea Awards. I really had the most diarrhea

of anyone this year. I'd like to thank my producers. Yes. I'd like to thank God. Yep. So you your mind immediately went to most. What other awards would there be at the today? Yeah, their the awards would their the award? Yeah. the award? Yeah. their their awards? Yeah. their their their awards? Yeah. their their their awards their their awards their awards their awards their awards their awards their awards? Yeah their their their their their their awards? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I their their their their their their their their their award their award. I their award. their award. their award. their award. their award. their award. their award. I their award. I their award. I their award. I their award. I their award. I their award. I. Mm-hmm. So your mind immediately went to most. What other awards would there be at the Diarrhea Awards? Do you think there's one for? Worst, worst, worst diarrhea with the diarrhea awards for me. Best adapted diarrhea. Because best diarrhea is regular poop.

But that's not diary at all. Hmm. Question for that. Hmm diary at all. Hmm. There's a question for that. Hmm. Just delayed processing everything you set up until this point. But wait, I'm gone again. I'm here reading the transcripts of conversations between Nixon, Holderman and the grunter. I'm here in Theo's anxiety dreams, getting scolded by a 50-foot woman.

I'm at Polish Guzmany Gomez. I'm here watching Andrew perform the lead role in Dutch Avatar. Hi Andrew. Hello. Hello. My ponytail is my penis. And just like that I'm whisked away again. I'm here at the real estate ancient Jonestown, brackets good. I'm here at the NFT artist Key Party. I'm whisked away again. I'm here at the real estate ancient Jonestown brackets good I'm here at the NFT artist key party. I'm here watching a court deposition as a judge reads Theo's YouTube history back to him. Okay, so you've got here the amazing engineering of space shuttle reentry. You've got the silenced Walter P9k Polish edition. You've got the the silenced Walter P9k Polish edition. You've got, this is about an NPC that has a funny label in Eldon Ring. Lock picking lawyer video in 1921. Is this

paperweight better than Master Locks claimed 10 out of 10 lock? I'm Theo's lawyer and I'm objecting to the submission of 750 hours of lock picking lawyer is irrelevant. Just read the entry and move on. Just save the channel and move on. Don't say, don't like put on a, like a voice or a special intonation when you say all the gun disassembly videos. It's not important. It's not different to any of the other stuff. It's just satisfying. There's a bunch of vows on there. Yeah. It's like a physical mechanism that's very satisfying to watch lock in. Man, I feel like, I don't think my depression would be cured, but if I could just, if I could just like rack a slide on a simple blowback pistol, I think a lot of it would be lifted.

Sure, that feels good, right? I didn't get gun fever from firing guns, but I might have gotten mild gun fever from just pulling the bolt back on a bolt action rifle. that felt very good. How come we don't get to do this otherwise? How come we put a bolt action on that uh, iPhone? Yeah, they should put a bolt action on my Lenovo. Yes. Absolutely should, yeah. They should have a breach loading Lenovo. Because I feel like it would

be really satisfied to crack your Lenovo and then two batteries pop out. Yeah. And it's got that little nipple on the middle too. Are the Lenovo nipple? Yeah it's got a little Lenovo nipple. Yeah it's interesting a lot of people go for clip for that. Yeah I think it's the IBM think Pat has a clip. All right let's go around the the clip who's a clip? thip like either. It's a depression thing. They're like a way with the breach-loading of Lenovo. No interest. Some of those introes I just mentioned might have been more interesting if they are fully

fleshed out, which is sometimes true of the headlines that we explore in a segment called Headline News. A very short list for you this week. There's just two here. Maybe connected? I don't know. Bald eagles gathering at Camus National Wildlife Refuge. It's like, two here. Maybe connected? I don't know. Bald Eagles gathering at Camus National Wildlife Refuge.

Is that good? Why are they doing that? Yeah, why are they doing that? What are they going to talk about? I've been trying to remember the name Albert Camus? Camus? Camus? Camus? Yeah, I think it's Albert Camus. Yeah, I thi.

I definitely, I thought it was pronounced Albert Camus for nearly my, I'm gonna say most of my life until relatively recently. Not me, I've never gotten that wrong. He's the thing though, he's French. Shut up. Alby came he. Some of us did stem, all right? We missed out on a lot of books and a lot of talk about books. One more here for you. Girl, five, accidentally discovers the true name of God.

Whoops, don't say it. Oops, do I see. Don't think it. Don't say it. Yeah. What's she going to do with it? What's she going to do? predict the stock market with it?

By putting it into a weird computer? Yeah. Yeah. Hmm? Is that what she's gonna do with it at five? What do you think is? What do you to the name is? Next thing, she's using a drill.

I know what this is about, you, and I bet you'd love to know. I actually don't care. Again, this is no interest to me. I'm going to go back to Eldon Rink. You didn't get a lot of sleep last night, right? I did not say, so Noah was up at like 11, 12, I think Finn woke up somewhere around two, and Noah was up at four, yes. Taking shifts. That's nice. Yeah, they were taking his shifts. My wife and I were not, because she had to be up early for work.

There's something that sort of, I think, has been forgotten because we've sort of structure our life around the sort of structure of a nine to five-day week. But human beings are actually meant to sleep in an octophasic sleep pattern. Yes. You meant to have eight distinct phases. Yes. We used to sleep for two hours going so, so, so seeds while it was dark. So he didn't get sun burnt. Wake up another two hours later. Yes. That's the time where people would do. They would write works of art that have sex. That was the thing that they would do six to ten ten ten ten ten ten times times times times times times times times times times times times times theen times then then the the. the. thi. thi. to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to was the thing that they would do six to ten times a night because the body naturally wakes you up every one hour in 20 minutes. Hey, Limericks, it's a regional I think to Limerick in Ireland. Well, there's a segment where

we explore regional stuff, and that segment is regional bullshit it's time for regional bullshit regional bullshit every little town has got their own bullshit regional bullshit every little town has just got to happen. This is actually a bit old. This is from six months ago, but I thought it was still worth talking about. This is a story from Citrus County Chronicle in Florida. But I thought it was still worth talking about.

This is a story from Citrus, from Citrus County Chronicle in Florida. Hey Ben, just a quick bit of feedback. Next time you should say I've been saving this for six months. Yeah. That's really smart. Be like I've been keeping this in my special story box. Special occasion. Yeah, this is for freemium Freebrewery. Yeah, yeah. That's right for the Fribos to experience how good it is behind the paybos. All the Fribos are here. Yeah, eat it up freebos. We're surrounded by Frebos right now.

I don't think we say that anymore. Actually, freebo. The headline is, It's no longer Couda Fest, it's Cudatobar. Oh, thank God. Yes. Cuda Fest lasted forever this year. Yeah, but Cudortober is starting earlier every year. That's right. The City of Invernesses Cuda Fest started as a three-day festival in 2004, then build

as quote, the Great American Cuda Festival. Come on now. That's, yeah. Oh, Kuda. Yeah, C-W-O-T-E-R. Yeah, like, K-I-L-K-T-E-R. Like, K-I'm still waiting for the explanation, you're actually going to be waiting quite a long time.

Okay. For 2023, it has now morphed into a month-long celebration and a new moniker, Kuta Toba. Kicks off at 5 p.m. October 1st at the Valerie Theatre with the Kuta King and Queen pageant. I'm gonna be honest, Ben, I could have done with knowing about this before October. Yeah, I'm sorry they can participate in Kudor tobu. You might become the Kudor king? Yeah, Andrew could be the Kuda king. I I going to nominate you for Cudorfest for months. The change in structure was a topic of much discussion at the start of the September 5th City Council meeting. It lasted approximately half an hour before Council members moved on the regular meeting agenda. As presented by City Manager Eric Williams, the new concept of Kutatoba would have people

speaking about it way into the foreseeable future. Like the end of time, like the dawn of a new civilization. Maybe an Australian podcast will talk about it in February of 2024. That is pretty far in the foreseeable future. Oh right, so we're post Kutobar has already occurred. Kututober has happened. Yeah we're living in a post Kututober world. And God willing Kututober will happen up afterwards. Part of the reasoning for the change was the drop in attendance over the past several years something the city seemed unable to stem. It was a far cry from House Studentin times, such as in 2019 when the 16th annual

festival was moved from downtown Inverness to Whispering Pines Park. Down, Grud, I mean, because of the pandemic, like, I think we saw a drop like worldwide in Couter interest. Yes, Couter interest did go down. I don't know if interest, couter activity just, yeah, people are super interested in kuders, like, still. Prior to that, the venue was held at first, the venue was held first at Liberty Park than expanded to include Wallace Brook Park and the depot district. However, attendance in subsequent years began declining with COVID-19 a major factor.

What followed in its wake was the decision to expand the festival into a month-long event. Quote, I think you're going to be blown away by what's slated to occur in the month of October, said Williams. Yeah, Kuta Toba. Before he turned the presentation to Parks and Recreation Director Woody Wally, who began by raising an interesting factoid. Quote, this is the only city in Florida with a month-long October of events, said Wally. Hmm. Quote, and the best part of this is community spirit like you've never experienced before.

So it's not just that they have a coup de tobar all October. It's that they have an event all October. Yeah. It's just one of the other, that's a bold claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim claim, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th. th. the, th. the, th. th. the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to. to. to. to, bowl claim. We're one of the only places that has events throughout the month. I just feel like a lot of places got to have like a month of Halloween stuff. Yeah. What about, what about Miami? Yeah. Do you think Miami has events all month? I think there's stuff going on in Miami? Yeah. What about Cubano month in Miami? I bet Cubano month pops off. I bet. Wally then reeled off several key events plus the fact that will be events and attractions for all age ranges from children to youth to teens to adults.

Love kids kudortober. Yeah, kids love kudah. Teen kudatoba is amazing. Oh no, don't, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, that. Oh, don't, that. that. that. that. that. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the the the tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. tho. thoooooooo. thea. thooooooooo amazing. Oh no, oh no, don't say that one. What if they had Gudatama at Kutuatoba? It'd be amazing. I think yeah, I'm gonna gootama. Guttahoba, kudatama. Oh my god, and what if Gudatama at kudatama? Oh my god and what if it's a cuda tama, kudita tahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah-a, the-tahahah, tha, tha, thu, thu, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, and tah, oh, oh, oh, and tah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and tah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and, oh, and, and, and, oh, and, and, oh, oh, oh, and, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and, and, and, oh, and, oh, and, and, tahahahah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, tah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, t, kudatat. You are the comedian of the week.

I don't think I am. Is it kuditar? I've never actually had to... Kudat, kudat, kudat, kudatat, kudgra. That's another one, yes. Kudatuba, kuda, kudra. There we go. Perhaps the most interesting, as well as humorous synopsis, came from Matt McGarry, president of Citrus, Vets, and Camaro's car club. These are some locals. Yeah, Matt McGarry, Woody Wally. At last year's Couda Fest, Trunk or Treat, the distribution of candy was overwhelming and subsequently ran out in short order. It wasn't going to happen this year, he said.

Have you guys seen Trunk or Treats? What are you talking about? Do you feel your car trunk with candies? It's fucked. It's fucked. It's fucked. I saw some photos of it last year, right? Like, you know how Americans are constantly panicking about everything?

How people are gonna put razors in your candy and kidnap your kids? And Target is grooming your children somehow. Fentanyl, gummy bears. Yep, yep, all of those things. So, they need like, and also living in like, not very walkable places. So, they've started doing these things called trunk or treats,

where everybody loads up the boot of their car, and they all assemble in a car park, and the kids do like, stand in lines at the trunks of cars and move their way around the parking lot, and then they leave. Just a tray of a dodge ram. Just Google, just Google trunk or treat. If you're driving in the car right now, take your phone in your pocket, Google, trunk or treat. Look at a few. Hey Google, hey Google, search for trunk or treat. And like, it's just people. This might be one of the most American things I've ever seen. Holy fuck. America is just so in a different. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr a tr. tr a tr. tr a tr. tr. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. tru. tru. tru. tru. trunk. tru. tru. trunk. trunk. trunk. trunk. trunk. trunk. trunk. trunk. trunk. tru. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. the tr. tr. the the the tr. the the the tr. the the the the tr. Just, just the the the the t. t. Just, just tru. tru. true. true. true. Just, just true. Just, just true. Just, just tru. Just, just tru. Just, just tru. Just, just tru. Just, just tru. Just, just tr people. This might be one of the most American things I've ever seen.

Holy fuck, America is just so in a different time to us. Like 15 years ago, 20 years ago. Everything there looks like it's from the fucking 90s. What you guys deal with? It does, huh? America, you are Chugi. That's the United States of America. You have become Europe. Yeah.

Tailgote though, I like that. I like that. Yeah, but like, that's fine for drinking beers, but you're not taking your kids out to him, are, are you? I don't know. Maybe you are. Maybe you are. Maybe you are. Maybe I the the the all the candy we went through, we've kind of

changed it up this year, McGarry said. So every member is required to buy 2,000 pieces. He added the organization just placed an order for almost 70,000 pieces of candy. Okay. 70,000 pieces of candy. At Kuditoba, that's right. Save three for me. Now I know what you're all asking, what does it take to become the Cuda Queen? The Cuda King or the Cuda Queen?

Here are the requirements. I am. We're looking for the most Cuda-rific King and Queen to help emcee our Cuda Music Festival, October 7th and 8th. The Cudra and Queen, fucking hell, the Kuda King and Queen pageant will take place on October 1st at 3 p.m. at the Valerie Theatre. Bring your talent, your style, and your wit, and your Kuta. And your Kuta. Don't leave your Kudor home. Kudor! Do you have what it takes to be crowned the 2023 Kuda King or Queen. Cudor King and Queen participants must be over 18.

Yeah. That seems like a given to me. Obviously. Yes. I like thinking that this is about a specific kind of Kudor and it's just really trans friendly. It's really trans positive. You can be the Kuta king or queen. That's very nice. Just as long as you got a little cooter down there. Oh, I did not enjoy saying that. Oh boy, here we go. Participants must present a talent.

Oh. Talent must be family-friendly. No foul language, nudity, and nor sexually explicit content allowed. Okay, I'm confused. Talent must be between three to five minutes, no more than six minutes. Yeah, that's more than five. That actually means it could be outside

of the bounded rage who gave initially. Confusing. Yeah, the props must be approved. No open flames or dangerous equipment. No mess left is allowed on the stage. This includes, but is not limited to confetti, water, sand, food, powder, or anything sticky. Just listing some messes. You will be judged on time, creativity and originality. Contestants must furnish their own music for all categories.

Music must be properly labeled and emailed to, oh, fuck it, why not. Info at Twisted Arts Initiative.org. That's just to be clear, that is Twisted with two eyes. Twisted. Twisted. Twisted Arts Initiative. toog. Participants must present their best evening wear.

The ensemble must be appropriate in nature. Participants must be prepared to answer interview questions on stage. Interview questions will be chosen by Twisted Arts Initiative. Language must be family friendly, free of sexual content and or cursing. Contestants left 60 seconds to fully answer the question. When did you first learn about your kudor? Keep it clean. No applications will be accepted on the day of the pageant, obviously. Judging will be based on a total accumulated point system. Contestants will be judged on four

categories, interview, talent, evening wear, and overall presentation. Contestants must adhere to a family-friendly performance slash show basis. No sexual content or obscene language will be tolerated. Failure to adhere will cause for points deduction and or disqualification. They're really hammering like no sexual content. Like this is really been an issue before. So strange. Twisted Arts Initiative and or the City of Inverness has reserved the right to disqualify anyone who demeans, belittles and or bullies any contestants and or twisted arts initiative or city member and or the non-profit itself.

Have you been bullied in the past? Yeah, I bet they added that rule for a reason. Anyone who makes me cry will be disqualified. Winners must attend the Kuta Music Festival on October 7th and 8th. Here are some of the events that will be occurring throughout Kudu. October 1, obviously is the Kuda King and Queen pageant. October 7th, you just heard is the Kuta Music Festival. October 8th is a Tufa.

We've got the Cycle La Cucci. Bike ride. And they, yeah. Pardon. I think that's French fruit, the Coochee. Yeah, I think it is, cycle the Coochee. Cycle the Coochee. They also have the Cuda Carnival. I don't think that's the Cuda Carnival. Sorry, yes, of course. October 12th is the Teens Night Out.

Don't let your Teeds go to Cud Toba. Don't let him go out. I just got a bad feeling about it. October 14th is the Kuda comedy. Sort of a puppetry of the penis type of situation. Family friendly, yeah. This my impression of the guy from Plasma. I didn't crush it over there in Florida. October 31st is Cuda Ween. God damn. That hits the mouth unpleasantly.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Imagine if Wien was... Ah, I don't know. Now, before I tell you what Cuda Festival is, I think it's probably more important to tell you that this isn't the only only the only the only the only the only only only the only only only only only the only only only only the only only the only only only the only the only the only the only the only only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the oo to Festival is, I think it's probably more important to tell you this isn't the only Coo the U.S. Oh. People are crying out for Coo-Coo there's demand. People love Cuda.

People love Cuda. Cudor rivalry? Yeah, except one's in Florida. Cuda beef. So it's sort of like the South, kind of. Got like a Cooter at Civil War, is that what you're saying? Yes, but only in the South. So the other Coo Festile is in Allendale, South Carolina. Here is the description from their, I think this is our official website. This is for the listing for the 2012 edition, because this is the the the the the the the the th so th so th so th so th so tho tho tho tho th. tho tho tho tho tho tho thou thou thou thou, thou, thou. thou. thou. thou. thou. South thou. thou. thou. So, so thou. So, so, so, so south south south south south south south south, south south, south south south, south south south, south, south, south. South. South. South. South. South. South. South. South. South. South. South. South. South. tho. South. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thou. th. th. th. th. th. their, I think this is their official website, this is for the listing for the 2012 edition because this is the first one I found.

Welcome to the official site of quote, Cuda Fest. There are a lot of turtle races and talks of Cudor on the internet, but there is only one Cudor Fest and it's in Allendale, South Carolina. That information is no longer valid. Yeah. There are a lot of turtle races and talks of kuder on the internet. Yes, a lot of talk of kuder on the internet. Separate things, but equally valid. Yes. Kudor Fest is big weekend filled with live bands, DJs, carnival rids,

food vendors, crafters, professional fireworks display, and of course, the Carolina Kuda race race, race, where one person will win 1,000. No clear denomination, attach to that one, and the title of the world's fastest cuda. Oh, wow, how illustrious. Yeah. It's been my dream. Since I was growing up in South Carolina.

Since I was a teen, my first teen night out. To be officially declared the world's fastest kuder. And I assume if you win at Kuta comedy, you get the world's funniest kuder too. Yes. This is a write-up about it from 2016 in the Hampton County Guardian headline is The Legend of the Coo-Dohre. Some towns try to be all fancy and host their peach festivals, their strawberry festivities, their orange blossom affairs. But here in down to earth Allendale County and surrounding areas, we love the sweet and

pungent aroma of our Carolina Cuda. Oh, the sweaty aroma. Featuring everything from bingo to street dancers, wrestling matches to a quote, anything goes athletic competition. No rules, baby. A carnival, and great food vendors to rocking music from the East Coast Party Band. There is something for everyone here at the Cuda Festival. Quote, it is a unique laid-back festival, says longtime chairman Rick Gooding. Quote, we have two beer gardens where you can enjoy draft beer, some of the best food vendors you can find and lots of family-friendly fun for the kids.

It's very safe and we've had very few incidents over the years. Hmm, describe the incidents you have had. Yeah, why are you saying that, man? Why are you listing incidents? Why are you trying to downplay the incidents that I'd never heard of? I wasn't even thinking about them. Yeah, I wouldn't even look him up. I th. I th. Festival incidents and turning safe Sir Trump. All of this fun is centrally located near the All indale County Courthouse all the way down Memorial Avenue,

but to put our finger on the main attraction of this festival, let's talk cooters. Mm-hmm. The highlight of this small town affair is the cuda race held each year in the Coo-Bole. Starting with just a few smelly kuders back in 1984, the event drew somewhere between 250 and 300 kuders last year. They've got names. Yeah, I've got those are people's wives and daughters, all right? People of kuders. In previous races, kuders have come from as far away as Nebraska,

but one Cooter managed to get himself disqualified when the Department of Natural Resources determined that he was in fact some type of red-eared slider turtle from west of the Mississippi River. We could tell by his accent. But we'll get into more detail on that event later, because there are several Coo-handling rules that we need to discuss. Be gentle for one. Yeah, I wish someone would give me this rundown years. That's one of those things you kind of have to find out for yourself.

This year's Cooder race is planned to be bigger than last years. The Allendale County Spring Coo Fest and the Carolina Cuda Race Committee will offer bleacher seats for the comfort of the Coo-to-raise fans. A rent a Cuda booth will be available for those race fans unable to trap their own the thrutaxuda...... their the power imbalance as well that a lot of dynamic of play. The Carolina Cooter Race will be grouped into three divisions determined by the width of the Cooters shell. The three divisions are one, mini Cooters.

It's Cooters measuring six inches and under. We took a width or depth. Is that small? You think that's small? Two? Modified kuders. That's a kudor measuring more than six inches. It's really sad. People feel like they have to modify their kudor. Yes.

Don't like magazines and fucking... It's all these people watching pawnography. Your coutar is beautiful the way it is. Yes, just turn off the pondography and then just look at a beautiful cuda. What do you talking about? Hmm, we could say. I'm just getting that they're talking about turtles. They are talking about turtles. You're walking in the desert when you come across a kuda. Yeah. Hines back. Yeah.

So helpless. It's kind of like it's stuck there. Yeah. It's stark, why aren't you flipping it over? Cudor division heats will race until one winner is determined. At the end of the day, the three division winners from division one, mini kuders, division two, modified kuders, and division three, mystery kuders. Mystery k-kid. Secret third thing.

Yeah, that's right. That they won't tell us what it is. They will race off for the grand title. They will race off for the grand title. You're telling me that that that that that the mini the mini the mini the mini thoom. T the thoom. They will will will thoom. The- thoom. The-tha. The-tha. The-thae. The-thae. The-thae. The-oos will will will thi. Thea. The-oos-oos-oos-oos. Thae. Thae. Thae. Thea. Tha. Tha. Tha. Tha. Tha. Tha. Tha. Tha. Tha. Tha. Tha. T. T. T. T. T. th. T. T. T. T. th. T. th. T. T. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi-a. thi-a. thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a. thttauuu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi at the end of the day, the three division winners will race off for the grand title. You're telling me that the minicooters have to race against modified? And then they have to race off against whatever the third is? Supercooters? It's fucked up? Turbo cutters?

You've got an Uber. You got anduty. they will win $1,000 in prize money. A trophy and $100 prize will be awarded to each division winner. They will also be a trophy awarded for the crowd's choice and a $100 prize and trophy for the best dressed kuder. You guys got eyes on this kudor. So kudor fans get your kudas. Dress them up and bring them to the Carolina kuda race, Saturday, May 7th. Kuda race registration starts from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $ $1, $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $1, $1, $1, $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,1,1,1,000,1,000,1,1,1,000,1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Cuda race registration starts at 1230 at the Coot Bowl. Registrations will be from 1230 until the 32nd annual Carolina Cuda Race. Begins at 2 p.m. in the Couter Bowl. Couter Handler rules.

Please. Once the race begins, Couter handlers may not touch their Cuda. Pushing, pulling or rubbing once Cuda will be grounds, to be grounds, their, to be to be touch their cuda. Pushing, pulling or rubbing one's cuda will be grounds for disqualification. Come on, come on. You can't do this and then be like, oh, no sexual content at Cooder Fist, no sex jokes. Yes, although in fairness, that was the Florida Cuda Festival saying no rudeness.

I don't know, the impression of them gathering here in Allendale, South Carolina. Yeah, they do things different with, they handle their kudas differently in Alandale. So when you start, so let me just go to this straight. Once we get started, you're not allowed to toughed at all. Yeah, I'm not letting you tou. You're not allowed to compete. If the judges suspect a Cooter has been drugged and the Coo the veterinarian verifies the party's response will be fined or better yet. Sentenced sentence to clean up the Coo racetrack area after the race. I want that cuda tested. I don't think you should probably go to jail. Yeah, don't get a fun slap on the wrist. Yeah, don't drug your kuta. Because you drugged an animal. Metaphorically or literally.

Don't drug a turtle. You go into fucking jail. Don't give stimulants to a kuder. They like going slow. They like it that way. What do you do it like feeding it riddling or something? Yeah. How would you stimulate a kuda dexes? I'm about to make a cool thousand dollars. Well, I guess $1,100 in total because I also get... How are they testing it? I think you're just looking. Am I putting a swab in that kudor? Man, the ludivous, such as grease or oil can be placed on one's kuda to increase its speed.

Yeah. Don't make kuders will produce that. They'll produce that naturally. Yes. And a lot of those foreign substances are like water-soluble as well. That's how you'll find that they... Number four, shouting, yelling at, and coaxing one's kuda during the race is encouraged. Okay. Maybe you could kind of like berate it a little

bit, you know? Oh you're pathetic. Yeah maybe you could tell it it's pathetic. Yeah. Kuta handlers are required to provide a safe environment for their kuders before and after the race. Yes, yes. That's not even a joke about that. That's very fucking fair. Look after the c the c the c c c c c c c c co the c co the c co co c co co the co the co the co the co the co the co the co the co the co the co the co the co co co co co co cuda th tho th thi thu thu tho thooo tho- tho- tho- tho- thu thu tho tho th. During th. During th. During th. During th. C. C co th. C co th. C co th. C co th. C co th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. Co co co coo toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thir kudas before and after the race. Yes, yes. After that's not even a joke about that. That's very fucking fair. Look after your kuda. And your kuda will look after you. The human body is such a miracle. The kuder committee will provide a kuda holding tank for those kudor handlers unable to return

their kudas natural habitat after the race. They're just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just they're just they're just to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to their to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to to to to to to their their the race. They're just trying to see how many times they can get it into a sentence. They're really, they'll do it on purpose. Is that like a pH controlled environment in there, do you think? But also who's not able to get their kuder back to the swamp? What do you mean? What's that? A detailed tea bird? I don't know. I don't know. Couter. Cooder hand han handers handers handers than Couter than Couter than Couter thananananananananananananananananananananananananan is. Cout. Cout. Cout. Cout. Cout. Cout. Cout. Cout. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. their kudas will automatically be disqualified. If I see you slapping it a couple of times, you're out of there. If you're beaten on that kudor, yeah. Mm-mm. Any violations to the kuta race rules will force the kuta judges to disqualify the kuta handler from the race competition. And finally, decisions of kuta today. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, than, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, the kutah, the koo, the koo, the koo, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, the k, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, too, too, ta, too, ta, ta, too, too, too, too, too, tha, thi, thi, thi, to judges are final and there are no appeals. There is no higher court than Cooda court.

You will like what we hand down. Yeah, yeah you will. I'd love to be the guy screaming, you're out of here. That's what? Now, I know I tell you guys not to look at the document, but if you could do me a favor and get in there and have a look at the end of... Yeah, I'm looking at that shirt. Yeah, so, they haven't done CoudaFest in Allendale since 2019.

And they were planning on doing a 2021, but unfortunately, I don't know if you all heard about this, but something happened in 2020 and is still happening right now. Block the that. The COVID happened and they had to cancel Cuda Fest but they did sell some shirts to make up for it. Andrew do you think you can describe these two shirt designs for us? Okay so number one we've got I'm a a, okay, on the front here. Got a pocket design. Breast pocket design. Very poorly and inconsistently rendered outlines on these shirts. It's a different outline on the front to the back.

The outline on the front suggests maybe it has a collar. The outline on the back suggests it is a T. So first up, we've got a little got a little breast pocket design says CudaFest and the two O's, I believe, are rolls of toilet paper. Yeah, you all remember that? I can't get any damn toilet paper. Oh. Yeah.

That is so true. That was for a wiping. And then there is a toidal. There is a toidal. And he has sunglasses, because that's cool. And he also has a mask on. Remember those? That's cool to me.

Yeah. He's got some like sanitizer maybe there too? Yeah, but at the first pass it right back. It kind of just looks like maybe like lubricant. Yeah. He's also in the the one on the pocket. No, actually in both. He's like weirdly one one arm super muscular or the other ones hiding one hand while giving a thumbs up, possibly because the artist found it difficult to draw hands consistently. I don't know if this was made by an artist as such. I think it's art. I think it's art. I try to buy these but that website no longer exists. Oh I would wear one of these. Oh I wear the fuck out what it is. I don't ifthey made any, like it looks like the image doesn't really fit on the

shirt there. They actually did these in a series of beautiful colorways. They took some photos of the printed final shirts. They looked pretty good. Underneath the turtle on the rest pocket, it has 20-20, but it's crossed out. And then underneath it says question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark. As though to indicate the uncertainty we were all feeling. It turns out they could have just left the question marks off because they were never doing it again, it turns out. And on the back it says official in very big writing, and then in smaller writing.

Kuta Fest, apostrophe after after fest. Oh yeah, I guess it's shortening festival. Yeah. Kuta Fest, two words, capital C, capital F, apostrophe to indicate the shortening of the word festival. I have never seen that done before. Then looking at an image for you. Don't you love having it described you in detail? And then we've

got the same turtle, pump bottle of lube next to him with his big muscular arm, big red writing says quarantine across him. A big roll of toilet paper because he's about to jack off and then he's going to direct the load into some toilet paper. Mm-hmm. And that's what the image depicts. He does have toilet paper paper the to to to to to to the tap tap to tap to to the tap tap tap to to tub to the the the the the the the the the tut tut tut tut tut tut tutu tut tut tut tut. tut. tut. tut. tut. tut tut. tut. tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tutu. And tutu. And tutu. And tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tutu. the load into some toilet paper and that's what the image depicts have toilet paper and looby right there yeah and then I guess after that it says t-shirt we got a variation here it says t-shirt the second one is definitely better so it's an official CoudaFest quarantine t-shirt Kudafest dot com second shirt pretty much the same thing on the front but on the back it says it says the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is says it says it says it says it says it says it says it says it says it says th is th is the the's the's tho th is th is th is th is th is the th is the th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is th is th is is th is the th is is is is th is th is th is is th is th is the th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the teeeeatea tea tea toyea tea tea tea the the the the the the toye t-shirt kudafes.com Second shirt pretty much the same thing on the front but on the back it says a little quarantine kuda never heard anybody

And it's got two turtles and they have they've disrobed from their shells their shells are off They are nude. They're nude. They are wearing their masks. their shells are off they are nude. They're nude. They are wearing their masks, that's safe and I like to see it. And they're fucking. Yes. Yeah, they're just they're rooting. Yeah, I love to see it personally. And they're doing a sort of, um, it's sort of a lotus position kind of, I don't even know how I'd describe that position. There's a bit of a karmusutra-style situation going here. Yeah, it's kind of a straddling happening.

They're really, they're really writhing around on each other's arms if turtles have them. Imagine begging your husband to stop wearing the turtle fucking t-shirt. Please, just not at my parents' house. Please. Come on. I'll let you wear that when you're going down to the bar with the guys. Just not today. I got to tea thus. I'm going to wear them. he's he's grinning like the joker and saying kudor just means turtle babe

that's not rude do they're not having sex they're just they're hugging with their shells off it's called skin contact it's actually very important for developing bonds it's nice actually how how big can you get the artwork on these band what if we started selling them what if we just stole their artwork but just made it say Buntavista do you really think think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th artwork on these Ben. What if we started selling them? What if we just stole their artwork but just made it say Buntavista? Do you really think that a... Do you really... A little quarantine kuda never hurt anybody? People would buy them. Yeah, Buntavista. And... A little quarantine kuda never hurt nobody. And seeing as they have not done any kuda fest since then, I don't think they're going to,

A, find out about it, or B, pursue us. I would genuinely do you a hundred bucks. Yeah, like what if I emailed them and said, hey, could I pay you $500 for us to get the rights to this design? Too much, too much. They're probably quite despondent over the fact they don't get to do Couderfest anymore. How much time or money do you think got spent on this design in the first place, Ben? It looks like dog shit. There's no time.

And I love it. I love it. Yeah, it's genuinely amazing. If this comes up on one of your like, you're weird, those eBays you'd love. You'd drop some serious coin on this. I would. I should note just for the listener that I did say that the two turtles were disrobed and fucking straddling wearing their mask. I did not make clear enough that there is a little love heart between their heads indicating

that this is an act of love-making, not just casual fucking. I think based on Minecraft rules it means that a third small turtle is about to appear next to them. It's my understanding. Lucky. Yeah. Hey, if these guys found out that we had been printing these shirts without permission, they would probably think that they had been scammed. It's time for scam watch.

Warning, warning. Someone has successfully or unsuccessfully attempted a scam and must be judged. This is Samwatch. From WIVB, the whov-b in New York. Counterfeit check costs Erie County taxpayers over $326,000. Bit of coin. Intriging, yeah, how would that happen? I would like $326,000. And I'll take it.

I'll take it. I'll see it. I'll see it. the second pizza oven. Mark, edit that out. Mark, don't leave that in there. It's rude to one person specifically. There are a lot of questions on how hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxpayer money in Erie County

has vanished. County officials have been looking into the situation. Mortgage tax is collected by the Erie County Clark's office and then a portion of it is distributed to the situation. Mortgage tax is collected by the Erie County Clark's office and then a portion of it is distributed to the state. Cool? Sure. So far so good. The comp trollers office. It's not real. It's not a real job. Imagine telling people you are the comp troller. Oh what do you do? Oh, I'm in comptrolling. I comptroll mostly. It's not even a real word, like you made it up.

Yeah. It's like the Americans have a couple of words where you hear them and you're like, what are you talking about? You know when they say gubernatorial race? It's got a the governatorial race. What's got a that's got a that's got a that's got a that's got. It's got. It's got. It's got. It's. It's a the. It's. It's. It's. It's a the the th. It's a the the th. It's a the th. It's a the the the th. It's a the th. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. thro thro thro true real real real real real real word. truea. truea. true. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's actually the word. I think it's a gubernatorial. Oh it's the gubernatorial, rest. No, it's the gubernatorial. No, it is it. The gubernatorial, which just sounds better.

Is it pronounced gubernatorial? I think it might be better both of them sound. Oh, Lord. Clowne. I feel like they say it th., gubernate? Oh God. Don't. Don't. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Don't. Throw your phone down the side of the room. Frisbeard into the fucking ocean right now. Bain putting the back of his hand on your chest and saying, do you feel in comp troll? Yeah, I guess, yeah. It's a good vein. The comptroller's office didn't audit on how mortgage taxes collected in the clerk's office in 2022 and found that a check on its way to the state was intercepted and counterfeited. What sort of heist is stealing one check?

You guys are so stupid! You're really stupid. Why can someone steal the piece of paper and they get the money? That check? So hang on. They just shift, they're just taking this check from place to place. That's how they transfer large amounts of money. They write it down on a piece of paper. Oh yes, we all agree this is, this is $300,000, correct, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're they're they're they're really, they're really, they're really. You're really. You're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you. You're just, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. They're, they're, they're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just just just just just just just just just just, they're just just, they're just, they're just just, they're just just just just they're just just just they're just they're just just they're just just they're just they're just they're just they's how they transfer large amounts of money. They write it down on a piece of paper. Oh yes, we all agree this is this is $300,000, correct? So you're a signature on it? So they carry this piece of paper from place to place and then someone else

looks at it goes yes, that's $300,000. Thank you very much. Yeah, but it sounds like the check pay cash to whoever has this. to this. to this. to this. this. to this. to this. this. this. this. to this. the the the to the the the the the to the to the the to their to to to their to to to their to this. the this. this this this this is this is this is this this is this this this this this this this this this their this their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. this. this. th. this this th. th. th. this th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. this is $. this is $. this is $. this is $. this. Stop using checks. Just use pay-i-d. Any idea how ridiculous it seems to the rest of the world. You guys seem insane. Why don't you just bople the money to someone or Google it? Why don't you use Klezler? Why don't you use one of your 70 payment apps? Just spla-it-it to someone.

Hey, can you snapple me 20 bucks? Hey, real quick, I sent you $300,000 on kudder cash. Oh, you kooed me? Did you kooed me? Kooten me for the rent? Did you get it? Hey, sorry, just, I don't know if you notice this, but your kuder profile is actually set to public, so they come up with the to me me me me me me me me me to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to their cout a to to to to to to to, to, their cout a their cout a their cout a their cout a their cout a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to oo ooom. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to coo they come up with social media posts. So when you cooted me $45, everyone can see you couted me $45. Everyone can see your kuder kicks, dude.

I can see what's coming out of your kuda right now. They're giving me up kuders for the $45 that you couted me. But I also got a cuda points. Are you getting cuda points for that? Epic Kooter Gold, my good set. The check was for over $326,000 made payable to Get Mobile LLC. There's your problem. Yeah, Get Mobile and move to the Bahamas. Even $26,000 you just can't. Officials aren't sure if Get Mobile is a real company.

They're based in Maryland. Could be anyone. Could be anyone. Oh boy. It appears that someone took the original check and copied everything just the same, same check number, same date and same amount, and just change the payee, Erie County Comptroller Kevin Hardwick, say. How could we prevent something like this from happening?

Gee, I shouldn't have put all my money on that piece of paper. Fuck. They just... They just change the payee. Give the money to me. Auditors turn the check over to the Erie County District Attorney's Office, which is still investigating the matter. How did they change the payee?

How did they do this? It used to say something different. They took what was on the piece of paper and they made another piece of paper but but the thing different. How the fuck did they break they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the pay the pay the pay the pay the pay the pay the pay the pay their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the and they made another piece of paper but were the thing different. How the fuck did they break our security protocols? That's a kind of lie. You can't. Both sides disagree on whether the county confirmed the check was cached and tracked it. Quote, yes we do verify all of our checks to make sure but this obviously slipped through the cracks, said Erie County Clark, Michael Kearns.

It's only a $300,000 check. It's only a little piece of paper that's worth $300,000. Yeah. Probably want to check that one twice. Can't, I can't catch them all. I'd probably make a pretty good comptroller. I'd be checking them all. I guess I'd probably make a pretty good comptroller I'd be checking that check. Oh my god you control the fuck out of this situation. Absolutely. It'll be all under control. Yeah if you got caught like not checking the payee on a $300,000 check you got to hang up your comptroller's hat. Yeah that'd be out of control. You got to take off the sash. you got to turn that in. But maybe they were maybe they were maybe they were maybe they were maybe they were maybe they were maybe they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were stressed. But maybe they were stressed. But maybe they were st. But maybe they were st. But maybe they were they. But maybe they were. But maybe they were. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe. But maybe they were. But maybe they were. But maybe they were. But maybe they were. But maybe they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were stressed. But maybe they were they were stressed. they were they were stressed. they were they were they were they were they were they were they were stressed. they were. they were stressed. they were stressed. But. But. But. But maybe they were. But maybe they were stressed. Maybe this was the limits of control. Oh, do you think they're a small bean, Ben?

I was trying to get a pun out of limits of control. No, I get it, I get it. Yeah. I think they should have to turn in their sash and gun. Yeah. Yep. You're done. Oh, the comptroller's office says that certain cities and towns were either overpaid paid or to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to their the's office says that certain cities and towns were either overpaid or underpaid on mortgage tax money. Yeah, that'll do it. Yeah.

Okay. One or the other. But the Clark's office disputes this, saying everyone got what they were owed. Quote, don't leave your checks. Don't leave your checks your mail in your... Sorry, don't leave your checks, you're in your mailbox for your mailman or male person to pick up. I feel like it should be a comma in there somewhere. No, I think they're missing the word in. Don't leave your checks in your mail in your mailbox for your mailman or male person to pick up. The fucking comptroller's office has gone woke. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. They spend all day on lesbian training and

not checking the checks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna be five minutes of Theotheo explaining to lesbian training to that gets me. A lot of meanings. Oh, turn in your badge and your strap on. You're out of here. Kern says don't do that anymore. Don't leave the paper that owes you all the money on it.

Yes. In your mailbox, for your mailman or male person to pick up. For your male person. I really like mail person or male person because that is, this is a transcription of someone talking. So obviously he's gone, male man or male person. You could just say male person. What's the gender neutral? Is it male person? I think it's male person? Yeah. Honestly, honestly, I find it endearing when I hear someone try.

Oh, like obviously, you know what I mean? Yeah. I was watching a, I was watching a barbecue video last night and it was about like, you know, smoking a whole brisket. And the guy was saying, oh, you know, you know, it's a male, it, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, male, is a male male male male male male male male male male male male male male male male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, is a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it's a male, it was about like, you know, smoking a whole brisket and the guy was saying, oh, you know, this is one of the most intimidating things for people, even for, you know, guys who've been, who are just starting or guys who've been doing it for a long time. Big pause, or gals. Yes. Yes. And I was like, look. I got gals smoking brisket's now. Yeah. It's legal. You can't stop them. In 10 years we might have non-binary people smoking brisket. We're not quite there yet. Also, male person sounds like one of those things like a weird

British turf would say to call themselves like a man. I'm not a male person. I'm a male person. That's the definition of the word. the word. th. th. th. th. the word. It th. It's th. It's th. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the thi. the the the tho tho the the tho thooooooooooo the the the thoooooo the tho tho tho th say to call themselves like a man. I'm not a male person. I'm a male person. That's the definition of the word. This matter involving the canovet check is separate from allegations from the comptroller's office that a former employee in the clerk's office is suspected of embezzling money. That case remains under investigation as well. So hang on, but who owes the fucking company? Whose LLC is this? Oh, it's out of state, so there's no way we can look into it or figure it out. There's no way to tell if the person who cashed our $327,000 check.

We can't check if it's real. That's all the way over there. Where over here? That's in the past. Yes, forget about it. It's just mortgage tax baby. Not being able to investigate something because it's in a different police officer's jurisdiction. Yeah, you like, you sped over the line to Ohio and now you're just like flipping off the cops and like, fucking shit. That's in Paris County. Sorry, the systems the systems, the systems, the systems, the systems, the systems, the systems, the systems, the systems, the systems, the system, the system, the system, the system, the system, the system, the system, the system, the cops and like, fuck, fucking shit. That's in Paris County. Sorry, the systems, the computers, they don't talk to each other yet. And by the time we get a fax up to head office. Can you send it to me on boople? Boople it to me and I'll look into it.

Just boopli. Boople me some coup. I will get a glaxo. Glax. Quote, this is not going after the clerk. The counterfeit check was not planned by us, Hardwick said very suspiciously. We did not take the money from the clerk's accounts that shown up missing. There are criminal investigations going on about both those things, end quote. Yeah, I don't know. It sounds like some shit's going on there. There are criminal investigations going on about both those things." End quote. Huh. Yeah, I don't know.

Sounds like some shit coming down there. Why did you say you didn't plant the check? Who suspected you were planting the check? Doesn't seem good in there. But hey, all of this talk of controllers, that sounds distinctly American to me. It's time for America Watch. Now I've put this one in here just as a little treat for Theo. Sometimes I like to give him little presents for him to eat up. This comes to us from KXII in Oklahoma, the K-12.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Sheriff responds to recent traffic stories. us from KXII in Oklahoma, the K-12. Sheriff responds to recent traffic stop, says everybody speeds. So true. I don't. I don't. I don't. Body cam footage from mid-January alleges that Carter County Sheriff Chris Bryant was speeding in Ardmore. The officer stated Bryant was driving 70 miles per hour in a 55 mile per hour zone.

So that's what like 85... 22 over-ish. Yeah, yeah about that. We should never do mass on this podcast. The last time News 12 broke that... Oh, it is News 12. Oh, they're getting, they're getting a little, little cute with it. That's fun. The kitchie. Yeah. Kitchie, you kitchim, am I right? Someone's neo-pronouns. Are you right? I don't know. And if you find that offense if I deeply apologize. The last time News12 broke the story of Bryant getting pulled over was in 2021 in Wilson. At that time, the sheriff was uncooperative, refusing to hand over his license and getting out of his truck. Bryant told News 12 he was on his way into work to take care of a few things when he was pulled over. Brian stated-

Take care of a few things. Yeah, you know, shoot some prisoners in the head. Brian stated he never asked for special treatment. Quote, I've admitted before that I've got a lead foot, Brian said, I do speed. I'm not different than anybody else. What? I think you're supposed to do that that's th speeds, don't say that. Like you're giving, you guys probably find people for speeding, right? Hmm. Why are you treating this like it's like a game that you're playing? We're like, nah, I go on and do it, but if we get you, oh boy, but go on.

No, we'll do it. It's a real thing in America that the sheriff's just kind of a guy that thinks he exists outside the law. Like he's just some guy. Yeah, doing it. It's so, like, it's so much worse than you ever expect. Often like an elected position as well. Yeah, it's elected. And their their the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their thoes thi is elected thi is elected police is elected police is elected police is elected police is elected police is elected police is elected police is elected police. It's elected elected police. It's elected elected elected elected police. It's elected police elected police. It's elected police. It's elected elected police. It's elected elected elected elected. It's elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected elected police is a a a there's a there's a whole they's a whole they's a whole they's a whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole their their they get to an elected police officer. Like leeway around how they interpret the law.

Yeah, in their own little counties. Like there was that one county where the sheriff's department had, I'm probably getting a bunch of details of this wrong, but nearly everyone in town had been like drafted as a sheriff's deputy and we're like all on the payroll in some fashion. So good. If I find more details about that, I'll put that in show notes. Check out Fargo. It's so fucking funny to do this with a body cam on.

I think it's the cop that pulled him over that had the body came on, is my suspicion. Yeah, I think. Brian said it wasn't the only time he's been pulled over. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol that a tripip pulled Bryant over about a year ago. When asked what taxpayers and voters of Carter County should take away from the speeding, Brian said that everybody speeds. Quote, I think that everybody makes mistakes, and I think that everybody speeds, Brian said.

Sometimes. I also love the implication that they're not held to a higher standard or even like a standard. Yeah, I'm human. We're all human. Yeah. And just because it's a law doesn't mean you have to follow it. You know what what the traffic engineers know? They're just making it up.

They're just guessing those speed limits. And so I have to follow them just because they're on a sign? Speed's a social construct. You know, it's not real. I'm not a name on a driver's license. I'm a person. You see that? That's the naval. the red, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the. the the the. the. the. the. the the the. their. the. the. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the.a.a.a.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e's the naval flag, the only real flag of Australia. Uh, quote, I know there's a lot of other law enforcement people out there that speed as well, whether they're in marked units or not. Not a good thing to say. Yeah, you... What do you do it? Not a thing in your support. I'll also bad. We all just do whatever. Nobody is above the today. thanks. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. tho. tho. tho. that. that. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the law. th. the law. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. the law. the law. the law. the law. the law. the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. th. Uh. Uh. th. th. Uh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. th. tho. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. that man. You're saying the officer like, hey, everyone's breaking the law all the time.

Yeah, and that's why we should be like a little bit above the law. Yeah. When asked if he planned to speed again, great question for the reporter there. Brian said he hoped he won't and that he has been watching his speed, but that sometimes he may need to speed if there's an emergency. Brian was not on an emergency call at the time of the traffic stop. I'm more pleased to quite come in the story. I'd love to know his interpretation of an emergency. Yeah, I was really hungry.

Taco Bell was closing at 9.5. McDonald's breakfast about to be over. There's nine fifty eight. Have they got around the clock McDonald's breakfast there as well? Because we do now right? Do we? You can get some items all the time? I think so. You can get some items all the time. Only some of them. You can't get a hash brown theythat you want. That's the only thing that came to my mind. That's the thing. Oh, I want a 3 p.m. Fucking egg mc muffin. I do. I want the Flippin Jacks. I want the McDonald's Pash and Brown.

I want a McGriddle all day long. Yeah. I want tothat midnight McGriddle? Yeah. That looks pretty good. They only do them at midnight here. They don't do them at any other time. Oh, damn. I'm looking at this McGriddle that's got like a McDonald's M pressed into the lid. Yeah, it's like they're actually fucked up and disgusting. That's fucking dope to- Is it like a pancake? It's like a little pancake. McMuffin, but like made me the pancake. Damn.

Okay, I'm in support of the McGriddle. That's why I lied, I think you can get a hash brand all day. Oh, can you? Oh, thank you? Oh, thank God. This is a pained breakfast all day or they don't. Are we boycotting it because... No, MacMuffins. It's like one of the worst companies in the world, so you like probably shouldn't be buying it probably. Spad all around. Yeah, but now it's like a speciality don't be getting them. Are they bombing Israel? No, I think. So it's sort of like a McDonald's corporation as a bell. Yes. They're listed in the wi- It's Hamas War of 202324. Yes.

Yes. McDonald's is not helping the Palestinian cause. And that was probably an episode of the podcast. They should. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for being here for Free Me and Freeway where you get to see what it's like behind the paywall. We're looser. You know, we're crazier. Yeah. It's 626 p.m.

Yeah. Do yourself a favor when you're at work, the one day of the weeks that they make you go into the office, maybe, tu. of your co-workers and just say, Fremium Freebrew. Yeah. Hey brother, did you know it's Freemium Freebrewery right now? If you go into the office and they've got that mandatory radio that you can't turn off or else like with like the guy workers get supermatt, just tune it to Buntivista.

Hack into the son-Urass that you got there that's like set on the worst possible mix of songs you've ever heard in your life. I used to work. Chuck on your old friends at Buena Vista. I used to work at a graphic design studio that had like graphic designers who are 20 years older than me and they would take charge of the Pandora radio station. Fucked up. Oh, Christ. That was on every day. Oh, it was a bad time. Framing, Freemia. Freemia?

I thought that anecdote was going to lead into specific examples. How much, uh, oh, the song that played over and over and over again that made me want to kill myself. It was that Snow Patrol song. What is it? Chasing cars? Yeah. Yeah, I just got to listen to chasing cars like 10 times a fucking day. Luckily the place went under and they stole all my money. Yeah, that is lucky. Thank God. I'm now a hundred percent certain that this was an episode of the podcast Borda Vista. Um, um, we're, um, yeah, that is a the task-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c' the the the they-c' the they-c' they-c' the they-c' the the the their their their their their their their their their to-casing-casing to-casing their their-casing cars? Chi-casing cars to-casing-casing cars to-casing their their their their their their chasing their chi-casing their chi-casing their chi-casing their chi-casing their chi-c' c'm now 100% certain that this was an episode of the podcast, Boutavista. We will catch you on the free episode. It was super lovely having you. Stay

safe out there. Don't fucking use checks for anything. Yeah. What are you doing? Just do a wire. a wire transfer through Western Union. Head on down to your Western Union. A strange country. Sort your shit out. Bye. Bye. Bye. the