Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED BONUS EPISODE: Burying All Kinds Of Secrets In The Iowa Cornfields

Episode Date: December 23, 2023

We're on our Christmas break! Have a bonus episode. Mwah mwah mwah *** Lucy, Andrew and Ben bring you: Big laughs from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, gaining a grandfather from a lake miracle, losing your car to a lake tragedy, and the RIPing Report. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello, it's me, Ben from the podcast, Buntavista. It is the 24th of December, it is Christmas Eve, and we've reached the time of the year where we take a little break, because podcasting is work, and we deserve it, and also because we're all very sleepy. And I'm also in the middle of moving house because my apartment got flooded with sewage and I got forced to move out and then I had to move at Christmas and it has been absolutely hellish. But the good news is over this period the people who pay for the podcast aren't really getting

anything extra, but you guys, the freebos, you get some unlocked bonus episodes. We pick some of our favorites from throughout the year, and then we'll give you a couple of those. For whatever reason, our like three top bonus episodes that we haven't already unlocked happened in like one run in September to August. I don't know why that is or what happened but yeah I hope you I hope you enjoy it I hope you have lovely Christmas we'll be back with new episodes or probably a week after New

Year's when all the reports have come in about Dutch New Year's and we've got our facts and figures at hand. Stay safe. Have a lovely time if you celebrate Christmas. Enjoy time off work if you get any time off work. Yeah be well. Bye. Welcome to Botsavista I was playing a very quick speech. I was just playing a very attractive game with you I too. I was playing a very attractive game with you I too. Oh, yeah, okay. I just like very common occurrence in my life.

Welcome to Buentevista, and here you are on the Jared Harris variety hour tonight on Channel 42, the Jared Harris Network. Tonight, our special guest for you, got the wonderful Colin Firth, comedian, Kevin Hart, and Jared Harris. Later tonight, live cross to London for our London correspondent Jared Harris, the live performance by the Jared Harris experience. Now our first guest was born in August of 1961 in Hammersmith, London, second of three sons of the late Irish actor Richard Harris and Welsh actress Elizabeth Rees Williams

supporting roles in film such as Mr. Deeds, lost in space, starring as Ulysses S. Grant in 2012's Lincoln. He was nominated for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Sporting Actor in a Drama Series for portrayal of Lane Price and AMC's Mad Men. He won the British Academy Television Award for Best Actor, the 2019 Primetime Emmy for Outstanding Lead actor in a limited series or movie for the HBO mini-series Chernobyl. He's also a Virgo. It's Jared Harris. And Ben, can I ask what it's like being Jared Harris? I was going to try and do his accent. I can't do that. It's tremendous. No, that's just me talking normally. It's tremendous. I love being Jared Harris. I love playing a sort

of Rupert Murdoch analog in the movie Mr Deeds. I love playing the grown-up version of Will when they go through the portal into the future in the 1990-8. Eight. I'm gonna say eight. Wonderful. Wonderful performance. I most of all loved being Captain Crozier of the ship, the Terror, in the Terror. In the Terror? Which, I, as Jared Harris, and I think a lot of people would agree, would say we're one of the most phenomenal seasons of television ever made. I love being Jared Harris. Thank you, Jared Harris Harris. Now in November of 2018 our next guest is one of the first recipients of the Royal Canadian

Geographical Society's Louis Kamukak Medal awarded for making Canada's to the world for his betrayal of Captain Francis Crozier in 2018 is critically a claim series of terror. He also joined Jared Lidoeo, starring to the their the world, the their the next 2018. to the two-18 two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two. Now two. Now in 2018 in 2018 in 2018 two-18. Now in 2018. Now. Now, the 2018 in 2018 in 2018, the 2018 in 2018 in 2018 in 2018 2018 2018 2018, the 2018 2018 2018 2018, the 2018, the 2018, the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their two two two two two. two. two. two. two. the two. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the two. two-18. the the the two-18. the the the the the the the the the two. For his betrayal of Captain Francis Crozier in 2018's critically acclaimed series of terror. He also joined Jared Lido, starring as Dr. Emil Nicholas in 2019's Morbius. Wonderful, wonderful. Versatile Man, it is Jared Harris. Andrew, what would you say to anyone out there who is not Jared Harris? I'd say you are really missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime when you get to star in a and to the world to the world. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the world Lido the the to the the the the to the to the to the the the to the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the world. the the tea. tear. tear. team. team. team. team. the tra team. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there who is not Jared Harris. I'd say you are really missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime when you get to star in a film opposite, the one and only Matt LeBlanc. Yeah, that's a rare opportunity.

You know, how many people kind of had that experience? Exactly, exactly. Like he was on our screens and in our hearts for many years, but it was more sort of a core cast that got to soak him up on set, you know? So the opportunities to be with him up on the big screen, few and far between. I'd rather have that than an Oscar any day. Very important to be part of the attempt to turn Matt LeBlanc into an action hero. Mmm, didn't stick.

It did not take. Yeah, it didn't take. I read a little thing the other day. There was, it was, Paul Rudd was like being interviewed or doing some kind of oral history about something. Maybe it was when there was all the hubbub about the friends reunion thing, which was just them sitting on a set and going, we were in friends. That's right. But Paul Rudd was talking about how he had a recurring role as Phoebe's boyfriend over the course of the show, and I think they ended up together at the very end of the show. And so he was on set when they filmed the finale, and Paul Rudd says, when they filmed the finale and Paul Rudd says, when they wrapped the final shot,

but the six core cast members all went over and like had this had this group hug moment where they all stood there with their arms around each other in silence and he said I thought it would be funny to go over and put myself in the circle and say wow what a crazy trip it's been right. And he said they did not find it funny. That was not funny. They did the the the the the the the the the six. They the six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six. the six. the six. the six. the six. the six. the six. the six. the six. the six the six the six the six the six the six the six the six core core th. six core th. six core th. six core core th. six core core th. six core th. six core th. six core the six core the six core the six core the six core the six therip it's been, right? And he said they did not find it funny. That was not funny. They did not like it. He said it was not well received at all, which makes it way funnier to me.

Funny than the whole series, am I right? It's not a funny show. It's not. And I know for a lot of people that was kind of the show that they really, that was kind of, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, they, they, they, they, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they thi, thi, thi, the show that they really, you know, they liked it at a particular age or whatever and it's stuck with them. Sort of as a, kind of as a comfort. You know, you can revisit it. All your favorite moments are there. We want you to feel bad for having that relationship with friends. Yeah, you should have it with a different show.

Pick Seinfeld. Watched. You know, there are jokes in Seinfeld. There's observations about life. Friends, awful. Horrible program. If those two universes overlapped, I think that the cast of Seinfeld would destroy the lives of the cast of friends. They'd listen to like one conversation from the cast of friends and they'd just look at each other. And then they'd wait for them to leave the room and then they'd all be like, what was th was th was th was th was that? was th was th was th was th was th was th. What was th. What was th. What was th. What was th. What was th. th. that? that? that? that? that? their their? their? their? their. their. their. their. th. th. the. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. their. their. thea. their. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. the. the. they'd wait for them to leave the room and then they'd all be like, what was that? You can't be doing that. That's the sort of vicious takedown you'd get from... And if you watch friends... They were all unfunny talkers, Jerry. But they they talked like they were joking, but there were no jokes. There's no jokes. There's no jokes. Speaking of jokes, it's time for what about, not this

podcast, we don't do jokes. It's time for one of our classic segments where we keep an eye on jokes that are happening around the world in Joke Watch. Jared Harris has never told a joke. No, doesn't need to. Naturally, just so charismatic. A joke will be below it. Can you tell I'd be watching the terror? How good is the terror? It's like mandatory, I think,

that if you get COVID, you should get to watch season one of the terror. And you only have to watch one season. Yeah, why would you even try with the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second one one one one one the second one season. Yeah, why would you even try with the second one? It's not the same people making it, doesn't have Jared Harris in it. Me and Elnett were watching, I had a Jared Harris moment the other day, me and Elnett were watching, um, being Jared Harris. This is kind of a being Jared Harris scenario, isn't it? Oh, yeah, I guess that's true. We were watching, we watched some kind of historical type movie recently and Elna was like, I enjoyed that or we listened to like a history podcast or something and I said oh you've never seen the Michael Man 1992 film The Last of the Mohicans. I've never seen that.

We should watch that. And I put it on and in the first 20 minutes I'm like, who is that young British lieutenant? He's very, very young. His face is terribly smooth, but no, it's Jared Harris. I had to check it out. I was like, because you're not used to seeing Jared Harris with a very smooth face. Turning to Eleanor, I'm being like, hey, hey, sorry, I'm just going to, we're going to have to stop this because I think we might be having a Jared Harris moment, I'm going to need to check this out. And do you know what she said to me? She said, what she said? Oh, I thought you're about to say I fucking hate Jared Harris. No, no one in my house is saying that.

Everyone in my house is saying, except for me, is saying, who is Jared Harris? Why did she hate it so much? She was like, they're all just talking. Okay. She sounded like Logan Paul reviewing Obenheim. They're all just talking. Anyway, jokes. So this was sent into us by a dear friend of the show James Colley, who I don't think listens to this podcast at all. But he is our friend. But he is our friend, like a personal friend. And he suggested that maybe we might enjoy reading

out the list of the top 10 jokes from this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. So these, these 10 jokes were chosen by the the list of the top 10 jokes from this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. So these 10 jokes were chosen by the public on a voting system from a short list compiled by comedy critics that have been to the fringe. Can I pull back the curtain for a second bit? Yeah, I think you can. Now I just I just want to note for the listening here that I breezed past this article earlier in the day, right? I saw this, but I note that Ben has reversed the order of the list giving us a David Letterman top ten style counting from ten up to one.

Yeah, whereas the one I saw it was number one going down to like the tenth funniest, which is not the right way to do. No, and I had to reorder these by hand. So I just want to say, I recognize what you've done for us and for the listener. Have we made sure that none of these people are our personal friends? No, and I've also taken names off the jokes as well, just in case. Yeah, why would you present a top 10 list starting with the winner and then getting worse from there? Just tell me the first one and then we're done in that case, you know. Here's the funniest joke and I'm finished with your time.

And here's nine increasingly worse duds. Yeah, see, because about that. Ordering them in reverse. Like, you kind of couldn't tell regardless of the order, so the fact that they've put them in order means that you really do have to do a David Letterman style top ten to build up to what these people are telling us is the funniest joke. These people are trying to tell us that this is this this this this this is this is this are telling us is the funniest joke. These people are trying to tell us that this is the funniest joke. Professional podcasters, you think you can tell us?

The people who constantly start a joke and then say to the listener, you can fill in the rest. You'll figure it out. Yeah, you'll be fun. Workshop this at home. Now, just to clarify. Now, just to clarify, before I get into this first one, this is from this year's Edinburgh Fringe, 2023. That's where we are now, if you're listening to this in the future. Number 10, my grandma describes herself as being in her twilight years, which I love because they're great films. I love a joke where I already know the punchline immediately. Well, it makes you feel kind of safe, doesn't it?

Yeah, it makes you feel smart and safe. I could have written this joke, you say to yourself, and guess what? You could have. I feel like if you're doing this like 10 years ago, you would have singled out the films because it was slightly more timely. But doing this now, why would you pick the films over the books? Isn't the book like the more well-known thing? I mean, when you say 10 years ago, the first movie was still five years old? I guess... Also you should have said something about her being team Edward or team Jacob. I think that would have...

That would be funny. I bet while the laughter was just dying down. I'm gonna assume it's a man. Don't know why. Because of how society is, he's turned to the crowd and he's gone, I'm still team Jacob though, like it's off the cuff. Everyone's like, ah, he remembers the thing from the movies. But maybe teenage girls liked. And his grandma and him. Number nine, Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch. All right, okay. I like what they've done with it. Could have been a tweet.

You could have made that sort of international by going, universal studios, a little ambitious. Start with one planet. I think at least with this one though, punching up, you know. At a bank, whatever the fuck nationwide is. Speaking truth to British Bank nationwide, or is it nationwide insurance or financial services? Is that an insurance company in the US? Number eight, I entered the How Not to Surrender Competition, and I won hands down. Because you'd throw your hands up and surrender, like Dino tells us. Oh, okay. I won't throw your hands up and surrender.

Like Dido tells us. I won't throw my hands up. I hate wordplay. I just want to put it out there. I hate it. I think it's shit. Lowest form of wit, wordplay. Not diarrhea.

Oh, you're clever. You did something clever. Good for you. You're going to love this next joke. My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's costophobic. So... Oh, like, claustrophobic.

I don't think it sounds that similar. What's the British... What's the British? What's the British coffee? Cost a coffee? Cost a co-all right. Yeah, don't know about their coffee over there. That's a bit. It cost a coffee? I assume it's bad. That's a better joke. Now that's a good joke. Now that's a joke. Now that's a good joke. Fuck. And is that, would you count that as word play? No, it's just being smart? That's just being clever. that. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a the. that's a the. the. the. to. the. today. the. that's a the. the. the. that's a the. the. the so. Smart. It's just that's just being smart. That's just being clever. I, what I, what I do like about that joke, um, is how torture the setup is.

My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. All right, we are starting off really not feasible. I got a lot of questions. I don't know how you got locked in a coffee store. How big is the coffee shop that he's not able to make his presence known to the employees, they're closing up for the night? It's ridiculous. Like I'm not buying it.

Why do you just say? My friend only ever goes to Starbucks. He refuses to go to their biggest rivals because he's costophobic, bam. Or, or he could have gone with, so he doesn't go there anymore. Yeah, he's costophobic. I don't know why we had to say, now that only goes to Starbucks, not the rivals of Starbucks,

now if you're thinking of coffee chains that are perhaps a rival to Starbucks. Yeah. Anybody got it? Costophobic? Really doing a lot of work. My friend had a branch of a major coffee chain. It collapsed in a terrible structural issue and it killed his wife and two kids. And now he won't go there.

He only goes to the rival Starbucks. His insurance company will not pay out. How do Celiac Germans greet each other? Gluten targ. No, that someone didn't say that out out loud at a comedy festival did they? I think they did yeah. Hey Ben, yes, can I just give you a small piece of feedback? Can I get the number before the joke? This is number six. I try to sound excited when you say number six. And we're counting up to the best one so these get better. Yeah, okay. You've noticed the significant uptick in quality since the Twilight Years Right. Gluten tug. Why, because we, because they're celiac, why would they say gluten?

Why would they like gluten less? They don't like gluten. I hate gluten. Yeah, how do you say hello to your friend who has celiac and then also make them mad and they're German. How did Germans who aren't Celiac greet each other? Yep. How are Germans who are fine with gluten? No, you're probably right, you can't say gluten in there twice that'll ruin the punchline. And if you at all, the list are right now thinking about something snide about the quality of our own jokes? Glass-outs. Glasses and stones. That wouldn't be funny. That wouldn't be funny. That'd be really

mean. That'd be really mean. What sort of prick goes out there and records a response criticizing other people's jokes? Yeah, behind a pay wall. Secretly. Don't tell the comedians. Um, here's a great one. This is number five. Yes. So we're over halfway. Have you got a drum roll on the soundboard? I, we have historically. I'm not using it now. I thought I'd start off with a joke about the Titanic. Just to break the ice.

Fade away jump. I've heard it before. That's not even original. The iceberg broke the titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titan titanic titanic t broke the Titanic. That's a line that... Famously. Yeah, I don't think the... I've seen that on like a Tinder profile, you know, that people share on the... Yeah. So I'm just sinking of the RMS Titanic. Are you trying to see if the titanic broke the ice or not? Just checking the dates on that. 14th of April 1912 to 15th April 1912.

So I think that happened 111 years ago. And Lucy makes a great point here, which is that it was not the ice that got broken. That wasn't the issue. The issue wasn't that titanic got busted up. Yeah, they didn't call it the breaking up of an iceberg by the RMS Titanic. Hmm. You safely arrived. The terror in the arabes also did not break any ice. That's true. They're kind of stuck in there.

It's one of the big problems that they had. Ah, this is number four. When women gossip, we get called bitchiechchchchitchitchitchitchitchitchitchitchitched, the the thia, thia, thia, thi. thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. That is th. That is th. That is th. That is th. That's thi, thi, thi, thi, that's that's that's that's thi, thi's thi's that they had. This is number four. When women gossip, we get called bitchy. But when men do it, it's called a podcast. Oh, fuck. You feel erased, Lucy? Do you feel a raise right now? I do. Yeah. It's really original.

I think that's what's so good about it. What do you call a group of white men? It's a podcast. Flock? No, I know this one. It's a part. Pod I think. Oh, a pot. Number three, last year I had a great joke about inflation, but it's hardly worth it now. What would the way things are? I added that last bit at the end. There's a bit of flavor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.. It It It It It it. It it. It it. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a that. It's a that. that. that. It's. It's a that. that. that. that. that. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the podcast. the the the podcast. the podcast. the the podcast. It's. It's. It's a the podcast. It's a the podcast. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the podcast. It's a podcast. It's a podcast. It's a the podcast. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a podcast. It's a the podcast. It's a the podcast. It's a the podcast. It's a the podcast. It's a the podcast. It's would the way things are? I added that last bit at the end is a bit of flavor. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's hardly worth it now because of inflation. How much do you get paid to do a show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival? Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Okay. Yeah. Are you like paying to rent the theater? Is that kind of a? Yeah, basically. If you're listening to this and you performed at theater is that kind of a... Yeah, basically. If you're listening to this and you performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Tom, let us know how that was.

Number two, the most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said, well I'm sorry but I don't apologize. At least this one's kind of observational comedy, made up for the sake of a joke. What's the most British thing you guys have ever heard? Oh, probably, I saw someone in the discord today pointing out that English people will call all of dessert pudding. Yeah. Like, and for pudding, I'm having an apple crumble. That's not a pudding.

That's insane. What are you having for pudding? Well, I'll have pudding. Is there an other option? Is that? Is that? Is that? Is that? Is that? Is that? Is that? Is th? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh, th. That th. That thi. That's thi. That's the the the's a crazy thing to do. Well, I'll have pudding. If pudding's going. Is there another option? Is there pudding going? I'll have pie for pudding. You sound fucking insane, Grandma. Loses Grandma specifically? Crazy bitch. Oh, and I know it's hard to imagine that they get any better than these, but we've arrived safely at number one, unlike the Titanic. Oh, this is number one. Yeah.

Okay. This is the best joke said at the Edwre of Fringe Festival by a mix of professional and amateur comedians. Drumroll? No, drum-roll. I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheater. Right. So you started dating a zoo keeper out of the impression that this was a professional sort of animal keeper at the zoo, but you instead found out not only was he fucking around on you,

he was also a big cat. But why would... All right, so I saw a video, right? The video on Twitter that was, I guess, this comedian who made this joke being interviewed. And in the responses, somebody said, oh, well, it's all in her delivery. She said, well, it's all in her delivery. That's what makes it funny. And I scrolled back up and I turned the sound on. And she said, it was like on a Zoom call type interview, you know, online, which is not the best way to do it. She said, I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah, like saying it like it's a shitty joke. Like you're apologizing to the joke. Yeah, yeah, but I was like, that doesn't make the joke good. No, saying up front that it's shit wouldn't excuse you having a not very good comedy

joke a joke that you have gonna be crazy God damn oh boy, I bet once you're in the room the atmosphere that atmosphere is electric It's the atmosphere you want to laugh you've come there to laugh you've come there to laugh you've come there to laugh you've come there to laugh and if someone th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to to tho to to to to tho to to to tho tho to tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the atmosphere. You want to laugh. You've come there to laugh. You've come there to laugh and if someone says to you I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out it was a cheater, you're gonna fucking piss yourself. Yeah. Yeah, you rock hard for excitement and you're pissing from joy. Freaking out, shoes off. You're just gonna go in thinking you're in a try not to laugh challenge. Yes, try not to laugh challenge 2023. Edmund French festival.

Like, like, all of those jokes, I'm going to say except for the ones which were like, uh, except for the ones that were kind of confusing in how they were written. All of them really felt like I had heard them before. Yeah, like public domain jokes. Yeah, like most of them. They're on Twitter. I've seen them tweets. Yeah. It's like the kind of jokes that would be in a book that your kids would get that said 1,000 jokes, you know? The grossest jokes for cool boys.

I started fucking a zookeeper. Turns out he was also fucking one of the cats. And was himself a cat. This is what wokeness has done to comedy, right? Because like, you can go to a conservative comedy night and all you have to say is like I started dating a zookeeper, turned out it was trans and like you're getting you're get laughs. Like you've got laughs straight up. Get up on stage. So my Uber driver was Chinese. And then you stand down for four minutes while everybody claps and then you walk off.

Lucy, I did see a reply in the post with this article in a comment from someone saying, rubbish. It's my Nana. They were saying, it's not funny. No, no, they were saying exactly what you were joking about. Oh, like, genuinely. Rubish. They just, they just cherry exactly what you were joking about. Like, genuinely. Rubbish. They just, um, they just cherry-picked jokes from the woke performers.

Right. They actually went with, no, no, this is the woke comedy. And if you had picked the, the, the, the famously funny, non-woke comedy. Ah, then you would have got some bangers, okay. I don't even know what to call him a bin man anymore. Is he a bin them? That's good. That's good. That's good.

You should do stand up. Yeah, thank you. Hey, if we heard any of these jokes in a live setting and we did end up laughing a lot, that'd be a bloody miracle. It's time for Miracle Watch. I feel like we could just snip a little, Hallelujah. Yeah, that'd be really easy to put in there. Yeah, someone who was producing the podcast.

Yeah, it could be anyone. This comes to us from WD-A-Y. The Wooday in South Dakota, Moorhead Teen hooks a billfold full of money on Lake of the Woods. Lake of the Woods, that's right. Tolkien name? I'm just letting you know right there that I've just never read any jail. Yeah, sure.

It's close enough. Totally. Good enough for the Edinburgh Fridge Festival Topp I was just never read any J.I. totally. Sure. It's close enough. Totally. Good enough for the Edinburgh Fredge Festival top two jokes. Connor Halzer is just days away from his freshman year at Moorhead High School and more hockey. And he has a summer vacation story that'll be hard to top. What an American pair of sentences, sorry. Yeah.

His freshman year. Solid vacation. He's fresh freshman year. Hockey. If this was an Australian news story, they'd say, Connor Halser is a high school student. Mm-hmm. Yep. You have a great story for schoolies this year. Yeah.

They'd say. Hey, listen up, you maggot, futt-whits. Something crazy happened to me. Don't be a dog cunt. Look at my clipping from the newspaper. Quote, we were doing a walleye drift. Anyway, um, cool thing you could get points for in need for speed underground. Cool. Okay, Lucy, do you know what a walleye drift is?

No, I don't. I only play Tony Hawk underground. They're drifting to catch walleye. So they're not like, yeah, they're just letting it bob with the flow to try and get some walleye. Oh, they're not just trying to like, it's not like something that a walleye. You look like a walleye while you're doing it. Yeah, like the cool drift of a walleye. This is drift for walleye, not a drift by walleye. I see.

Or in the manner of, yeah. Now look, he's saying this in a real Matthew McConaughey kind of way to me. If you put some clicks and whistles into your reading of this, I think that really McCona Hay it up to the max. Some clicks and wh- You know he's like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the this. I think that really McConaughey it up to the max. Some clicks and what... You know he's always like he's gesturing a lot when he's talking. Oh right. We're doing a wall our drift. We were doing a wall I drift. That's George Bush. That's George W. Bush. That's George W. I moved to impressions baby. So we stopped the boat. We were doing a wall I drift so we stopped the boat, put some spinners on, and let the waves take us.

He said, Fuck, that sounds good. It does. It does. He was fishing with his family. This guy's got it all sorted out. Yeah. He was fishing with his family on Lake of the Woods when he thought a fish had struck his line,

but it was no walleye. It was a billfold of money. 10. A fat wad. Yeah. Quote, My cousin opened the wallet up and he said some words you probably shouldn't say. Well, there's the Ed Wood, there was the F-1, dropped a couple of hours. And he showed everyone and we took the money out and let it dry out, Connor said. Inside the billfold was $2,000 in cash.

Now I would like to note that this time. The discrepancy between what the journalist is writing and what the young man has said. He has described it as a wallet. Yes. Is a wallet interchangeable with billfold as a term? Are we talking like a money clip? What are you picturing a billfold? That's kind of, that's what I picture. Yeah, to my mind, a billfold is just without...

Billfold, North American, a wallet. Why are you being doing? What the fuck? Just pick one and stick to it. Say a normal word. Just be normal. Come on. What you doing? What the fuck? Just pick one and stick to it. Say a normal word. Just be normal. Come on. It's time.

To be normal. Say the swear words, Connor, it's fine. So my cousin said, ah, fuck. Yeah, that's it. We all know what he said. You can say it out loud. Holy fucking shit, it's a fucking billfold or wallet. Fuck me. Yeah, I hate these polite euphemisms Americans use around swearing.

It just makes them seem like they're all children. They are. He said a couple of choice words. What? Which ones? Which ones? Ah, shit my dick off. It's Bigfoot. Those were exact words. Put ones? Name the Wister. Ah, shit my dick off! It's Bigfoot. Those were his exact words. Put them in the newspaper.

Oh, you gotta be shitting my dick right now. Is that what he said? Gotta be shiting my dick out of my cock right now, bro. 14 year old Connor said to his cousin. Suck me sideways. Fucking money. Fucking money. Fucking money in a fucking billfold, he said. He swearing like that one kid and a serious man. Classic like, uh...

There's nothing like the swearing of some young men who just realized that they can do it. Yeah. Oh yeah. Um who just realized that they can do it. They can do it. Nothing like that. Passion. We used to live real close to the school that my kids go to. And so we'd walk back and forth with them every day, you know. And Elna came home one day and said, it was very funny. I was walking home from dropping the kids at school. And there were two high school kids in uniform coming back the other the other th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. they're they and there were two like high school kids in uniform coming back the other way and so they're talking to each other and

then as they get close to Elna one of the kids goes hold on hold on wait and then they clear each other and then once they've cleared he's like mother fucker shit he was just like he was saying wait put the gun away someone's coming. Some grown-ups are coming. Somebody's coming. Hold on, hold on. Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet, be quiet, be quiet. All right. Coast is clear. Time to say it. Time to get the sea word out.

Man, homework is such a pussy. Fuckin. Homework is such a cunting bitch, am I right? Fellers, am I right? Quote, my dad said we should give it to the person, and I said we should too, he said. The family found a business card inside, called the number and tracked down the owner of the billfold. Quote, I'll tell you what, I have the billfold in my hands and it's still hard to believe, said Iowa farmer Jim Denny. Why are you saying Billfold? You sound crazy.

They're always saying it. I bet he said, I tell you what? I bet he did. I tell you what? Yeah, he's one of those southerner Iowans. It is still hard to believe. Classic Iowa accent. Daddy was at Lake of the Woods fishing one year ago. Well, hold on. Oh, no, he is an Iowa farmer, my bad.

I thought, I was just thinking, maybe he's from out of town. Maybe we're not all from Iowa. Yeah, he's from Iowa farmer, my bad. I thought, I was just thinking, maybe he's from out of town. Maybe we're not all from Iowa. Yeah, he's from Iowa visiting South Dakota. South Dakota. He was fishing there one year ago when he lost his wallet. The water was really rough. I was sitting on the back of the boat and it was rocking back and forth and it worked itself out and slipped out into the water, he said.

Just wriggled itself out of there. You know how that happens, Ben? Yeah. Just when you're wriggling too much? Pounding your little booty? Yep. My wallet's shifted. In fairness, I feel like it's more likely that you will lose your wallet than the average man. Me, to me, to me, to me, Ben, to me, to to to to th. to th. th. th. th. th. thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thi, I was, I was, I was, I was thi, I was thi, I was thi, I was thi, I was thi, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I thi, I thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I, I. I. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thin, I'm thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thiologea. I'm thiologe. I was just just just, I'm th's more likely that you will lose your wallet than the average

man, Ben? Me? Yeah. Why is that? Why, I don't carry a wallet? Because there's no space in my pants. Exactly. I bought some of the little shorts that Ben wears and I bought some of the little shorts that Ben wears and then I like put my phone in my pockets. It's like a dolphin doing a trick at sea world I don't know how men are living just

putting stuff in your pockets this fucking it's fucking crazy put some of my pockets I could fall out anytime or or my wife's bag yeah yeah ladies love it oh I don't want to carry this this and then sometimes she'll be like, can you put this in the pocket of your jacket and I'll be like, what the fuck? What the fuck? It's gonna look silly. Like my jacket lopsided, I bought your own jacket with you. Where's your bag?

Where's your bag? I'm already holding all of my stuff. Where's your bag. bib overalls to pay the final bill at the resort beautiful detail getting a real love America so much just a painting of this man I was certain I had my wallet in here somewhere oh my bib overalls pocket is empty oh gosh he's got one side of the overall undone no shirt shirt on. When I said some horses you probably shouldn't say. I tell you what what I said on that day I had to ask Lord to forgive me because I was I was in a state. I've been wanting to get some overalls.

Bibb style? Yeah well it was what other style is there? Unless your inner Iowa farmer. Gonna be a car heart overalls guy. It's been careful wallets come right out of the pockets. Yeah, they're just well great. He should have had it in the front pocket of the bib. You know, close to his heart. Strap to it like a baby. How did this detail arrive at the journalist? Like did the farmer say, well I was wearing my bib overalls at the tholes th overalls........... That the th overalls there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there. It's there. It's there. It's there. It's there. Car there. Car there. Car there. Car. Car. Car. Car. Carols there. Carols there. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I th. It's. It's. Irap to it like a baby. How did this detail arrive at the journalist?

Like, did the farmer say, well I was wearing my bib overalls at the time, or... Maybe the journalist was asking like the five W's or whatever, you know? What? What? What? How many more W's are there? Were you wearing bib overalls? Why weren't you wearing bib overalls?

Where's your nearest shop that sells? Bib overalls. Will you go with me right now to buy you some? What's for dinner? Five Ws? What's with the bib overalls? Oh. So he didn't realize he lost it until he went to pay the bill.

Quote, they had to float me the money for the whole deal. That's the parentheses, worst, end parentheses, feeling I ever had, didn't have a penny on me, Denny said. That's the worst you've ever felt in your entire life because you couldn't cover your... Couldn't pay the bill, your resort bill? Yeah. You haven't felt heartbreak? Jim, Denny?

I told my wife when I was visiting her grave later and... It's a worst day in my life. Finally hit rock bottom. I couldn't pay it Lake of the Woods Resort. There's been a profile of Elon Musk going around that Ron and Farrow wrote. And, uh, Ron and Farrow, is that who I'm thinking of? And people have been combing over it, and somebody was talking about a recent podcasting appearance that he did where he was talking about, gambling all his money on trying to make PayPal or

whatever and he was like, or SpaceX, one of them. And he was like, I'd like used all my money and I was in heaps of debt and everything and I could have gone bankrupt. And, and you know, like that was the worst year of my life. And I saw that quote up and somebody replying going, didn't one of his kids die? The worst year of your life was not when that happened, huh? I probably. Anyway, the worst feeling this guy ever had. Yeah. Not being able to pick up the tab at the resort. It's a bad feeling. It's, and plus, it's, it's a hassle because when you have to pat to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to pick up the tab at the resort. It's a bad feeling. It's and plus it's it's a hassle because when you have to pat your pockets and

you're wearing bib overalls you've got to go all over the place. You're going all over. You're reaching into all your poppets. Yeah. Like you're giving yourself a search which I guess technically you are when you're looking for your world. Yeah. It's hard to calculate, but the odds are out of this world. One million acres of lake, 70 miles long, 70 miles wide, and Connor hooked to billfold the size of a deck of cards. That's crazy. That would have made me think God wanted me to have the money. If you threw in a fishing line, right, and you're reeling in and it's a wallet full of

$2,000, God wanted you to have that. Yeah. He wanted you to buy four PlayStation 5s. Yeah. Those are yours now. Or five PlayStation 4s, you know? Yeah. He wanted you to have a case of prime energy drink. Yep, yeah. He is telling you to go to the strippers at that point.

Actually, no, I take that back. It depends on what denomination the bills are in, I think. Yeah. I don't think he's gonna be. Well, it was $2,000 worth of $5 bills. That's crazy. I remember it, this is years ago, but I remember reading a story where Justin Bieber had gotten in trouble one night for, I think this is the night he got caught drink driving maybe, but he had gone to a strip club with $60,000 in singles, where I was like, wait, that, that can't be right.

60,000 notes would be an unbelievable amount of notes. You would, yeah. You got multiple people with briefcases coming in, you got a gym bag? Do you need to give him singles? Can you not give him ten bucks? Justin Bieber, you can give him a hundred dollars. Yeah, that's a dog move. How are you spreading those many singles out over the night? Yeah, fuck you, Justin Bieber.

Yeah, you'd have to be throwing them in handfuls to make it work. I can't believe it. Justin Bieber went to the club and did what the guy did at the Iowa State Fair. That's true, but at a slightly bigger scale. Yeah, but it's the same thing though, where you go, whoa, a cloud of money. I'm going to start grabbing money, but it's not singles. It's not the good money you were hoping for, you know. Yeah. It's not going to change your life, but you might get one or two drinks, depending on like if you're in Sydney, you know? Yeah. It'd be a lot for a pint, that's what I'm trying to say. Maybe a handful of dollar bills isn't kind of.

Yeah, beer is expensive. Get you half of a beer. Then what's your most expensive beer at work? Um, we have some bottled stock that's in the like 30 to $40 dollar range. Wow. Who's buying that? A big bottle though? No, it's more. It's imported Canadian stuff. It's very expensive. It's all like 11%. You share it with friends. You're not just drinking one of them. That would be insane. Okay. Next th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. thi thi. thi. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes. the. the. the. th friends. You're not just drinking one of them. That would be insane. Okay. Next time I come there, I'm gonna drink one of them. You can do that, and then you can leave. I'll roll you downhill to my apartment,

put you in the spare room, tuck you in. Quite. The odds have ever find it. The odds have ever found in a thous 20 feet of water? I don't think there's a number, Denny said. Still sounding like that. Numbers only go up to about a hundred thousand. So Denny made the trip from Iowa to Boyhead where he met the Halzer family and even offered to give Connor money but the teen turned him down. Oh, loser. This kid's a loser. Pizza's kids a loser. To meet people like that who are that honest,

I tried to get him to take the money and they wouldn't do it. Denny said, thumbs hooked into his overrules. Denny gave Connor a fancy cooler. Fishing, I guess. Yeah. For fishing. Okay. And buds-wise or beer. A fancy, quote-unquote cooler, then I call it anything normal like an Eski, or a chili bin. All the normal stuff we say over here. That's probably running you a decent penny. You reckon how fancy a cooler can you get? What's the fanciest cooler? And you can get some fucking huge ones too. All right. Yeah, so an icy tech 1,100 costs $2,749 American

dollars. What does it do? So I'd just like to apologize. Moorhead is not in South Dakota. Moorhead is in Minnesota and it's just over the state border from Fargo. It's basically a suburb of Fargo. Okay. Which is, it's cool. I love that he's made the trip. He's gone out there to greet Connor. Yeah, they couldn't mean halfway. God damn it. Why can't they use

normal measurements for anything? It's just not that way. Got a capacity of 1,200 courts. Come the fuck on. That's 1,200 liters. A court is basically exactly a liter. Well then. Well, I, it's all right. Einstein. All right, Einstein. But how many gallons is it? It's a quarter of a gallon. That's why it's called a court. Anyway, you're wrong. 1,135 liters. It's not the same as 1,200. It is. At all.

Boy, do I feel stupid. Oh, look, if somebody said to you, no, you're going to need room for another 800 liters of this stuff. And you didn't have 800 liters worth of capacity. That's a bit of a difference. I'm sorry. Are you looking at it? I really should have looked at this earlier. So the cooler that he's been given, it's not like 1,200 liters.

It's like a regular. We got details. Well, yeah, they don't say what it is, but there is a photo of it here. So it's probably like a 30 to 40 liter one, but so it's got like a ruler on the top there so that you can measure you catch against it and what have you, but it's got custom artwork on the top with a picture of what I think is maybe a bass jumping out of the water and then Halser written across the top. Connor's last name, it's custom. Oh it's custom. He's got custom artwork. Oh that's incredible. Also the shirt that Connor Halcer was wearing says, but more than that he gave the teen a compliment worth

much more than the cash found at the bottom of Lake of the Woods. And I gotta be honest with you, we've been doing this story now for like 15-20 minutes. This next sentence is the only reason I included the story in this episode. Quote, I would take Connor as a grandson any day and I would fight for him any day, Danny said. Why are Americans like this? I would fight for this boy. I'd fucking kill for Connor. I wouldto this boy into my home and defend him against all insurgents. What do you mean you'd fight for him? Who would you fight?

What would you fight? What would you fight? Why do you need to fight for Connor? You call me anytime? Anytime I rock up to your place? In my bronco, in the back, I've got a shovel. I've got a gun, I've got a sack. I've got a baseball that. I got zip ties, whatever you fucking want, Connor. You're my grandson now, Connor. And I'm coming to the dead of night to find your enemies with a swift justice, Connor. You're my boy. you're my grandboy. I hope his parents are killed and I have an opportunity to raise him as my own.

I will be your Alfred. Connor, I will batman you. I will train you in the ways of the shadow. And in time you shall have your revenge, Connor. I will be a combination Alfred Razalgul. I will shape you into the perfect warrior, Connor. I may seem unkind, but I will harden you like steel. I would take you as a grandson any day. That's not on the cards.

In what circumstance does that happen to a person? Hey, we need you to be step-grandson. Step-this man? Step-grandpa? What a fine, fine young man you have. Does he currently have a godfather? Or godfather-like figure in his life? I would fight for him any day.

Would you like to send him down to Iowa occasionally so I could tell him some kind of rambling stories from my childhood. And teach him some good homespun Iowa values. If you're getting bullied, just let me know I bury all kinds of secrets out in the Iowa cornfields. What a man. Connor, what a fucking dork. Connor learned some great lessons about himself and doing what's right. Like, if you give money back, you can get a new grandpa. More grandparents to the average person now.

Just cost you $2,000. I love that he learned a lesson about himself, like his Galadrille passing the test. I did it. I gave the $2,000 back to him and the BIM overalls. I will diminish now and return to Moorhead. You offer it to me freely. Quote, be nice to everyone and give back. We didn't work hard for the money. He did. You don't know that for a fact. It was his money. He said, you don't know that. Yeah. Finally I can rebury it with the rest of my stolen Nazi gold.

Oh, that's just, such a beautiful country full of beautiful people who give you the shirt off their back if they were wearing one but they're not because they wear a go-for-alls with no shirts. That's the way. And it does remind you, you know, that we all have limited time with our grandparents. We all have a limited time, go out, give them a sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm sm. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, know, that we all have limited time with our grandparents. We all have a limited time. Go out, give them a smooch, because remember, most people only have two grandparents. Yeah. Some are lucky enough to have three, four or five, depending on how many fat knots of money you've caught from the lake.

Wait, wait. Hold on. I'm just saying maybe he could acquire more if he keeps up this kind of attitude. Yeah. That is true. Yeah. And also yes, four. Four grandparents would make sense to start with with it. Anyway, at some point, however many grandparents you have, you will be saying RIP. It's time for the Ripping Report. I'm itching for another edition of the Ripping Report. So what I've trying to try and been... What I've been trying to do... What I've trying to do lately, um, when we do a Ripping Report is try and find some stories of miraculous survival as well

to sort of counterbalance how, you know, awfully grim. Is this like, for another segment? No, it's just, you know, to like, make it so that. Yeah, well, we start with the tragic ones, then we go into the miracles so you don't feel quite as bad. I couldn't find any this week so it's just tragedies. Oh cool. Here we go. A 63 year old man in Allen County, Indiana died of exangination in a horse-drawn farming accident. Oh like he was exanginated. He was possibly drawn, maybe maybe it's sanguinated just mean your blood came out? All his blood went.

Well, your blood came out. His blood's gone. You were drained of all of your blood. Yeah. They provided no further details as to what happened. It was just a horse-drawn farming accident. That sounds yakky. Exanguinated.

Uh, Muldo, this farmer has been drained of all his blood. Never hear of the farm monster? Ever heard of the plow demon? And finally, a 33-year-old woman who was sitting in the stands at the Union County West End Fair watching a tractor pool died of her injuries when a quote engine malfunction caused a piece of tractor engine to fly off and hit her in the neck. Oh! That's a one thing you didn't want to happen at the tractor pull at the Union County West End Fair. Yeah, you never think it's gonna happen to you at the tractor pool. That's a real final destination style death.

Yeah, it's so fucking unlikely. It's so crazy. You're not going to the Union County West End Fair tractor pool thinking this could be my last. No. We talked about one of these ages ago, I'm pretty sure on the podcast, but about that the woman who died during a gender reveal Because they tried to do it as like one of those exploding ones And a bit of shrapnel like the grandma that was there died because a bit of shrapnel later from the gender reveal where you like

Yeah, it's just it's very unlikely. It's it's really got to have you asking yourself the question Was the explosion necessary? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, gender reveal is kind of dumb. And we're the first people to say that, by the way. Yeah. Not good.

Tractipoles, though. Neaunner. Don't sit too close, though. Yeah. Sit in the upper part of the stands. Yeah. Boy, that was so depressing. It makes me want to go back to the lake with Denny and Connor. Let's do that right now in Lake Watch. Wow, that was slowless.

I feel like I'm in a Christopher Nolan movie. You didn't want to spend more time sort of mildly ruminating on the tragedy of being killed and attractable? No, because I don't... Look, I don't... I don't... They haven't got any gear for that. I do, but it's pretty mean.

Yeah, probably not going to do that then. It's like, uh, it's pretty mean. Yeah, probably not going to do that then. It's like a, it's like when cars come off the, a track that like, you know any of those things where all the people are sitting like really close to the track. Yeah, it's like cross-country rallies and stuff. Yeah, and there's just like a chain-link fence between them and like cars that routinely wreck each other. And I kind of can't help it when I see news about accidents of those things to say, well, pretty foreseeable. I don't know if you can say, buy the ticket, take the ride about going to a tractable

and getting struck in the neck by a bit of flying debris. I'm saying it. It's the official position to this podcast. Well, fair to go. Also, I did want to say that, they say engine malfunction in scare quotes, kind of, it seems like it's like more than that. Yeah. I guess a tractor exploding is malfunctioning. I suppose so. It was specifically, is this still my search history? No, it was an exhaust fan of some kind that just came flying off. Fuck I wish I could remember what it was. But yeah, it's really, really weird. Not great. Yeah. So you think it's really funny though? So you think it's really funny though? Well, I wouldn't have put it in the shelf. I didn't think it was fucking hilarious. Yeah. That's the kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind th kind th th th th th th th th th th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It was th. It was really, it was really, it was really, it was really, it was really, it was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, it was th th th th th th th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was the kind, it was the kind, it was really, it was really, it was really, it was really, it was really, it was really, it was really, it was the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind of the kind thi thi the kind thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the kind thi. It was really, it was really funny though, is that what you saying? Well, I wouldn't have put it in the show if I didn't think it was fucking hilarious.

That's the kind of stuff you can get here instead of the Edinburgh Fridge Festival. Yeah, this isn't woke comedy, it's rude comedy. That's just a list of dead people. What do you think now? Wokey's? Wow, that's so depressing that's so depressing that I'd rather go back to the lake with Denny and Connors. Yes, yeah. That's why we're here doing Lake Watch. This comes to us in the East Idaho News.

SUV pulled from river a year after drunk man drove it into water, police say. He's not still in it, right? No, he wasn't in the car. I don't believe. That this headline might sound kind of kind of boring, you're just like, oh, they took a while to remove a car out of the water. But if someone asked me to get an SUV out of a lake or whatever, I'd say, oh, I'm getting to it. Yeah, I got, oh, the show on man. Yeah, it doesn't really sound like a's time sensitive. Can I just drop everything? Seems like a lot of work. I'm waiting on a buddy of mine to call me back. He's, he borrowed my rope.

Yeah. He borrowed my rope and you know, nobody's lining up to front the money for another rope and no one's made clear, I can get like reimbursed if I buy a rope and keep the receipt or anything. I'm just trying to clear some stuff up, you know, before I jump on it. Yeah, and he's, he's in Japan right now. He's got those cheap jet flights. He's actually in Osaka. Oh, I've heard his way better than Tokyo and a lot of people just go to Tokyo, but Osaka has like much more history and the bars are the thir th....... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, he's thin, he's thi. thi. thin's th. th. th. th. th. th. He's th. He's in th. He's in th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thin. He's th. He's in th. He's in the. He's in theeean. He's in thean. He's in thean.that rope situation. So you know I'm gonna I'm gonna pencil in to check in with him when he gets

I mean obviously we'll want to hang out before that point like just I don't want him to think it's transactional. No you don't like you don't want first thing as soon as you golike. You need to get over here with my rope right now. Like how about a hay? How's your trip? Maybe hang out and get a drink? In which case I'm not going to like ask him to cut the rope around just to come and have a drink with me. You know, you know what? Everyone's fighting a battle that you know nothing about. Yes. So choose kindness. You can't rush greatness. Rome wasn't built in a date. You know? If you want a job done right, you've got to take your time. So three weeks, plus give a take.

An SUV missing for months was recovered and pulled out of the Snake River in Idaho Falls on Tuesday. The Bonneville County Sheriff's aquatic rescue team found the GMC envoy under the water near the Veterans War Memorial on Memorial Drive shortly before noon. Quote, a guy looking for crayfish found a license plate on the SUV in the area about a week ago. He contacted us and we set up a dive today and found the vehicle." Says Idaho Falls Police Lieutenant Robert Lasher. Love that Idaho accent. That's beautiful. I like that these guys also waited a week. The police guy that has the rope. It's actually in Tokyo is in Osaka. Yeah a lot of people go to Tokyo, but it turns out a lot of the culture and stuff is really,

it's more happening in the- That is so true. Ben Nye tells East Idaho News.com, he was the diver who found the SUV. He tied a float to the vehicle so police could get a GPS location for their investigation. Lasher says officers learned an intoxicated man drove the SUV into the river about a year ago. He was able to get out of the water and walk home, but the next morning the man and his wife realized their vehicle was missing.

It's we're about to remain a mystery until now. Yes. My man, there's two possibilities here. Number one, he was so drunk that he does not remember any of this, although much more likely, number two. He remembers, and these are, oh I'm so, I'm very drunk. Really drunk. I don't remember where I parked it. He comes home, fish in one pocket, wallet that doesn't belong to him with $2,000 in it. There's a live fish flowing out of his pants at the bottom of his pant leg. The car? Huh? I thought you had the car yesterday. I think remember because we had the

car rost it we had actually swamped around because of the public holiday that's coming up in three weeks. I mean that's weird. That's weird, that's weird isn't it? I mean I've I've the the th. I've the the th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've the th. I've the th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th th thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. there's there's a there's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. I's a th. I's a th. I's a th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've thi. I've thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. th weeks. I mean that's weird, that's weird isn't it? I mean I've got my keys right here holding up as dripping keys. Like yeah, waking up in the morning, you're stealing soaking wet clothes. There is a trail of wet footprints from the door to the bed. And your wife's just like, oh, oh, someone looks a little poorly this morning. I tell you what I'll the the the the the the the the the the they's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they is is the the the the they is just just just just just just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just just was just was just was just looking they. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I's they. Oh, I's they. Oh, I's is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, soo. Oh, soo. Oh, soo. Oh, soo, soo, soo, somea, somea, somea, somea, somea, somea'er!! Oh, somea, somea, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, someau. Oh, someone looks a little poorly this morning. I tell you what, I'll make you some coffee. She's gone into the kitchen. She's making the coffee. She's looking at the window. She's like, huh.

It's not like he's parked in the driveway. It's on the street. It's very interesting because I did hear his keys jingling. I came back in last night. He's lying, like he's come home from his fateful drive. Just just waiting, just waiting for her to ask, hey, she comes back in the room, he's facing the other way, you know, staring at the wall. Yeah, eyes open though. She comes in with the coffee that she's probably prepared. Hey Greg, I'm just wondering. Squeezes his eyes closed as hard as he can. Where's the car? The car. I just um... The car? How... How... How... How... How... I got a cab last night, and it was a real cab too.

It wasn't an Uber, so I don't have a transaction of it on my phone. There's no record on my phone. I got a real cab that I paid for with cash. That I... that I got from my friend I didn't get it out of the ATM at the bar so that also is the record of that transaction my friend owed me he owed me forty dollars for that rope I bought him it's not a friend you know either no you don't know him he's he's gone back out of town he's gone back out of to''s off grid. He's one them Appalachian Mountain Men living off grid. I've seen them in a couple of YouTube videos in my recommendations.

He's gone to Japan. He's in Osaka. Did you know that it's a culture in Osaka? Yeah, everyone thinks you should go to Tokyo. Osaka actually is where it's happening. He's pulled the seaweed out of his hair. See, there was a a fire in Tokyo that actually burnt down a lot of the historical architecture, whereas Osaka still has a lot of that original culture there. Hmm.

It's coughing up crabs. So what about the car? He says. Like how did this fucking go? He wakes up in the morning, he's like, I don't have it. I don't have the car. I'm wet and I'm the the carless and I'm the carless and I'm the carless and I'm the carless and I'm the carless and I'm the carless and I'm the carless. I'm the carless. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that I'm that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. the th. I'll th. I'm thi. I'll the. I'm thea. I'll thea. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll thea. It's. It's. I'll thia. thiolea. It's tha. I don't have the car. I don't know where it is. I'm wet and I'm carless and you're carless and you're wet because I did try and spoon you because I was very drunk and I felt kind of sad about the car when I got out

and I climbed into bed. The way it is framed is so good which is that he did this and was able to get out of the water and walk home right. That's got to be a the the the the the the the the the the to be the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thin th. th. thin. the. I'm thin. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. t t te. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tot out of the water and walk home, right? That's got to be a long walk, squishing shoes. Wet socks. You wear. Don't know what time of year it was? About a year ago, the story's current... So summer. Okay, so he's not freezing to death or anything.

Yeah, one of those beautiful Idaho summers, summer nights. Idaho summer nights. Idaho summer nights. Idaho summer days. That famous song. Time to be alive. So you know he's walking long walk home on an Idaho summer's night. Oh. And I feel like, you know, sometimes when you're pretty hammered and you're coming home from somewhere, but it's like takes a while to get home, you know, like maybe you're on the train or whatever, and like, you're no longer in a place

with some music playing, you're not getting any more drinks in you, there's no friends to laugh with, ha ha ha, just the cold silence of the train carriage and you do start to come together over time, you know? That is absolutely what is happening to this guy. He's feverishly trying to figure out what the fuck he is going to do about this for the entire walk home, right? Yeah. That slow, sober up is a horrible feeling as well. It's not good. Any that joy the the the joy the joy the joy the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th th th th th th th th f f f fluce th thi thi thi thi thiole thi thi thi thiole thiole thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi ti ti ti. train toge toge toge toge. toge. toge. toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge. toge. t as well. It's not good. Any that joy, any of that warmth you might have felt before, any of that optimism? And if he's like, if he were truly blackout drunk, and this is just an opinion, none of the

brain scientists out there get mad of me, if you're truly black out drunk, I don't think you're getting home from the lake to your house. You know, you're going to know that you're wet. I've done things truly staggeringly incredible while Blackout drunk the next day with no memory of them before. Not a good thing obviously, but I mean like, I think you'd be shocked at what you can do. What would Danny think have you heard you talking like that? Do you think he'd want you to be his grandson? Do you think he'd fight for you every day? You're like, I'm full up for grandsons.

You fight your own battle. City boy. This is just like the phrasing. Why, the man out of the water of Orcote. The man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man the man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. The man. the man. the man. the man. the man. the man. the man. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I. th. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to. I th. I to. I th. I to. I to. I to. He. He. He. I the. He. He. He's. I the. I th. I cote next morning, the man and his wife realized, both of them went, you know what, let's go to the farmers market. Let's go get some fresh local vegetables. The bagel guy will be there. We'll get some coffee and one of those ice teas you love so much.

And then they've both looked out the front and they've gone, uh-huh? Where is my GMC envoy? Did they report the car stolen? They must have. Because... You must, right? Like, because when they say, The car remained missing,

it's whereabouts a mystery. Normally, if you come out to the driveway with your wife and she says, hey, I don't, they, they, they, they, they, they're they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and. they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they they they, they they they they they they they they they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they, they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they, they're they, they the car remained missing. It's whereabouts a mystery. Normally, if you come out to the driveway with your wife and she says, hey I don't know where the car is and you immediately say, oh that's weird, I don't know where it is either. It seems like they might have reported it. My car has been stolen you would say, right? And if your husband you go, yes. Yeah. Yes. Yes, it has been stoved. Just slowly like building up to nodding. Little cogs turning.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kier boys. I like the way you think, you say.

Those damn kia boys got by a GMC envoy. Getting, getting a little, too happy about it.. That, that. That, that. That, that. That, that, I. that, I. that, I. that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it has, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It. It. It. It, th. It, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thooo. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th, starting to get like a little too happy about it. That's crazy that a car got stolen. Right, right. Right, I'm so mad that they took... That's fucked up. That's fucked up. And that I didn't do it.

Oh shit. Oh, shit. I'll run inside and call him a report it. How about that? That makes sense, right? That's what we would do if our car got stolen, which I think we both agree. It did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gorgeous, happiest he's ever been, all of a sudden. Oh wow. All right, I'll go put a couple of towels down on the bed. Start soaking some of the moisture out of that mattress, and I'll call the cops. That, oh, we don't have to talk about that right now.

We've got to deal with this stolen car situation. Worry about my wet pants. It's one of those sweet Idaho summer rain showers got me on the walk home and I had to walk because the car was stolen. Yes, it was the the the the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone. But my tow tow the tow tow tow and I had to walk because the car was stole. Yes, it was stolen before I left the bar. But my phone battery was flat so I had to walk home to tell you but then I was too sleepy and you looked very cute. You were so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. Because you work so hard. You deserve to stay asleep. You deserve that sleep.

Unbroken sleep, you know. You need your rest. You need your rest. That's why I didn't wake you up to tell you about the stolen car. Yes, we're all in a degree but the car was stolen and I did nothing wrong. And if you could sign an affidavit to that effect for the insurance company, it'd be great. You can be an accessory to the, I guess the thing that's happened to us. Yes, you know.

An accessory to the truth. Now, so the question for me is, when the police show up and say, sir, we found your car at the bottom of a leg. Do you think he then had to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, the to be like, the the the the tham, tham, tham, tham, tham, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th sir, we found your car at the bottom of a lake, do you think he then had to be like, damn, that's crazy. Hey, babe, the people who stole our car, that you remember. You remember the Ohio summer night I got caught in that rain? Guess what? Or? Or do you think maybe when the police turned up and said, sir, madam, we have some

difficult news about your GMC envoy, do you think that maybe in the moment the wife is like, this drunk motherfucker? Yeah, probably. This drunk motherfucker drove the car into the wife is like, this drunk motherfucker. Yeah, probably. This drunk mothfucker drove the car into the lake, came home soak and wet. This is my question at this point now is how did they, why we don't condone drink driving his podcast? Shouldn't have done this. Absolutely should be consequences for his actions.

Sorry, we don't condo drink driving on public roads. We do agree that it's fun. Why did he admit it at any point that what happened was because he was drink driving? Why didn't you say, oh, I had a single driver accident because it was one of those beautiful Idaho summer nights and a god damn raccoon ran out in front of GMC envoy and I swerved. I'm so lucky that both myself and the raccoon survived and then the car was in the lake and all the adrenaline I completely forgot where it was I was just such in a hurry to get home and spoon my wife. And she looked so cute when I got home. She looks so peaceful. She looks so peaceful.

Did you, like when, did the, is he gonna get charged for drinks driving? Because they can't prove that he was drunk. Because they can't prove it now. What's the statute of limitations on drink driving? Like they say it now in the article, which meansthat it's not libelous to say that he was drunk when he did it so obviously they must have some admission from him. I don't think an admission is gonna get you charged. Definitely not in Idaho. No, not everybody, the way things are in East Idaho. I suppose you could, I suppose you could theoretically get like at least hit with the bill for fishing it out. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that would seem reasonable. Yeah, yeah. Whereas like, this is kind of like when we have a story. We have a story about somebody like blowing up their own car and they got, and we were like what's the crime? Yeah, it was a crime.. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. theat thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I thi. I thi is thi is thi. I thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiia. I thia. thi. thi. they got and we were like what's the crime? Yeah, it was a crime. It was a crime. It was a crime. It was like doing an explosion in a public area. Yes. Whereas in this guy's case it was this was a much more kind of one-to-one this guy just kind of wrecked his car and nobody knew about it. You know? Yeah, I mean you probably shouldn't put cars in rivers. That's my personal opinion.

Ideally, no. But what if, what if they pulled it out, but by that point, there was a bunch of fish living in it or something, you know? What if it was their home and you were taking their home? Sorry, I'm looking at it, and like the top comment, and like the top comment is the the the the comment is comment is the the the the the th... the th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. the th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. that's, that's, that's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, tooooooooooooooooo. t comment... Did they charge you? Sorry, that, come on now. The top comment is from someone called Ralph Mouth, asking, so did you get a DUI? Five people have thumbs it up? Four people have thumbs it down.

Yes. Big no. Big no to DUIs. When I talk about shit like that in East Idaho. Okay? D-U-Is. We don't talk about shit like that in East Idaho, okay? She don't get you killed out here. Ralph Mouth? Ralph M-O-U-T-H.

M-O-M-O-T-H. Yes, Ralph Mouth. Yeah. And that's an episode of the podcast. Pointevisa, thank you so much for joining us. that helps keep this podcast going. 90% it keeps the podcast going. 10% it's just for the love of podcasting baby. That's true. Monster energy treat. But we enjoyed having you here on the bonus episodes more. It's where you belong. Yeah. You don't

like you more. No, it's not for you. Yeah. Yucky, yeah, it's exclusive. Oh, like what stuff's exclusive. That means it's just for some of us. Uh-huh. You're a VIP. Um, that's it. Have a lovely rest of your day.

Don't lose your car. Yeah. Keep your head on a swivel. If you do, do not tell you, you were drinking, raccoon, ran out in front of the damn car. Let her have a good day. You know I never want to hit a critter? I would never hit a critter with my GMC envoy. You know a very pro-critor, babe.

I tell you what? I cherish all of God's critters. Great and small. Great critters and small critters. I love them all. All right, that's it. Goodbye. to