BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - BudPod Classic #8 - The Horse's Criminal Baby

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

Every Monday we will be releasing a hilarious snippet of a 'Classic' episode of BudPod for you to enjoy and reminisce in.This week’s BudPod Classic takes us back to Episode 206 - 'Horse Hugs'. Release date: 22nd March, 2023Link to the full episode below -Apple PodcastsSpotifyEnjoy and KOJI ! X Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don't forget that Bud Pod Live is on as part of the Cheerful Eeriful podcast festival in October on the 12th. The pre-sale tickets are running out. There are only maybe a quarter of them left. So if you want some delicious pre-sale tickets at a lovely Bud Pod discount, you better get on it, because they're running out. Otherwise, we will see you in October at the Clapham Grand. it because they're running out. Otherwise we will see you in October at the Clapham Grand. I like those insane ads at the bottom of websites because I'm amazed. I would love to know who pays for them and who designed them because someone had to sit and graphic design them. They weren't just born. And somewhere out there is a guy who sat down and said to himself, okay, I want an ad that is, and this is a real one I've seen a few times. I want an ad that is a Photoshopped picture of Jeremy Clarkson to look like he's been beaten up. I want a big closeup on Jeremy Clarkson's

haggard face with like a black eye and like a big bruise on his chin and like a bus lip. And I want the caption to be something like a celebrity photos that will make you cry. And I want, I want this advert on every website, regional newspaper in the UK. I want it on all the like chortle like Archimedean's website. I want it on the paper in the UK. I want it on all the like, chortle, like, Archimedean's website. I want it on there. I want it. And I want it all over the fuck of the independent. I want the independent to be mainly this. I want people to not be able to read about the earthquake in Turkey because this is in

the way. I want it there. I want it any website that says powered by reach. Any of those weird little local papers. I want it there. I want it. Any website that says powered by reach. Any of those weird little local papers. I want it everywhere. I want it on GeoCities, forums. I want it to be what you accidentally click on when you're trying to illegally stream something. I had this advert come up on my chess when I went on chess.com to play chess. And when I finished the game.com to play chess.

And when I finished the game, it would pop up this, it was like, it was a horrible picture, but it said like, it was like a picture of like a baby. And it looked doctored, a baby, but instead of an eye, it had like a single black orb. Like, but then, but then like with sort of skin, you could see it like it had a lining of skin around it. So it was like coming out of a head and it was like, it's like beautiful, sorry, beautiful natural eye deformities or something. It was like, first of all, that's not beautiful at all. I'm still haunted by it. And it's not an eye deformity. This baby has like, has like a ball of onyx sticking in his forehead. What the fuck is this?

Why would anyone look at this? It's not right. It's not nice. This baby is one of the old gods. That's what this is. It's horrible. Wow. There's a lot of that. They'll sort of have these deformed or very strange pictures and

then the caption will be something like either, most beautiful this or it'll be like most shocking or... Yeah, it's really like freak show stuff. It's real bearded lady stuff and it's strange to juxtapose it with an otherwise now very sort of sensitive... Online culture. Online culture, yeah. Totally. That's right. is now very sort of sensitive online culture. Online culture, yeah, that's right. I saw one, someone shared it on their Instagram story and I saw it and it really made me laugh.

It was exactly what we're talking about. So it was a photo I've seen before and another sort of a caption. So on the left hand side of the photo, it was like a sort of, you know, a horse girl. A horse girl. You know, the girls who own and ride horses. I mean, in this genre of image production, it could be also literally a horse girl. Well, so it's an image that I've seen before, like I say say and it's of a sort of quite attractive horse girl And she's being like hugged by a horse like not really but the horse has got like its leg

One of its legs over the lady's shoulder and she's like hugging it So it looks like the horse is hugging the girl, right? So you can see why this has traveled all over the internet and then on the right hand side was a picture of sort of blurry picture of a ultrasound scan of a pregnancy. And the caption was, this pregnant woman's horse wouldn't stop hugging her. Right? So you go, hang on. Before I even look at the right hand side of the image, it's not a hug. A horse doesn't know what a hug is.

Let's just clear that up straight away. It's the same way that like when dogs put their paws over each other, it's a show of dominance. They're not hugging. They've just been trained to do it by little TikTok weirdos. It's not a hug. They don't know what a hug is. So okay.

Okay. So now we've established the horse is not hugging this woman. Wouldn't stop. What? What possible cunt is the horse? She's just sort of going and sort of trying to hug like this pregnant woman. She shouldn't be riding horses anyway. So I just get, what?

And the right-hand side image with this sort of ultrasound scan says, when the doctor saw her ultrasound, he called the police. A doctor called the police. That's when you know it's bad, Pierre. That's how you know it's bad. If the doctor gives you an examination and instead of telling you what they've seen, just goes, excuse me, and just picks up the phone and it's just, bup, bup, bup. This is what I thought was so great about it was that one of the emergency

services was having to call the other one instead of doing it, fixing the problem. The problem must be medical. And the doctor's like, nah, the police need to come and arrest this fetus or. Well, I guess if the police come across like someone severely hurt and injured, they call the ambulance. So maybe the doctor's like, well, how do you like it when I call you to mind? But also like, okay, whatever's wrong with the baby. A, I don't believe that the horse could sense it. Obviously.

And B, even if there is something that can be wrong with an unborn child, that a horse could sense, I don't see how the police, it's any of their business. I always thought the implication was that the horse had fathered the baby in some way. That's why it kept hugging it. Hugging the pregnant lady until the baby became part horse. I think you're supposed to either presume that the lady has been banging her horse, or you're supposed to presume that the horse knew that the woman was being criminally treated in some way. Or that the baby inside was a criminal.

Yeah. It's a criminal baby. And is that why? Did the doctor do an ultrasound? And then like on the ultrasound, the baby had like a flick knife and a bandana. On the ultrasound. And in his left hand was swinging like a bike chain. In the ultrasound, the baby, he just saw a watch and he's like, that looks like my watch.

And he's just gone. Hey, it's gone from his wrist. And the horse, the horse could sense this woman's baby is going to be a criminal. It just felt bad for her. I need to, I need to squeeze it out of her and trample it now. And she's just like, aw, I love you too, Aussie. I need to trample this criminal baby. I'm trying to squeeze it out, hold still, woman.

I love you too. This is a good thought experiment. Okay, you can travel back in time to kill baby Hitler, but you're a horse. How do you do it? You've traveled back in time to kill baby Hitler, but you're a horse. How do you do it? First of all, how do you get inside the Hitler house? Home, right? If you're a person, you can make up some story, you could befriend the parents, but you're a horse. How are you getting it? I guess the best course of action is to wait till Mr.

and Mrs. Hitler take the baby out and trample the pram. I like how you corrected yourself there. The Hitler house at home. Let's make this Hitler house a home. Let's make this Hitler house was the original name for Slytherin. But it has a little on the nose. Yeah, I guess, yeah, you have to wait till the till baby Hitler gets taken on a walk

and then try and be a sort of out of control horse. Yeah, in that sense, I think actually wouldn't be too hard. You would have to stake out. It's quite hard to stake a place out as a horse. Hard to fit in the police car. And very hard to handle the... It's also very hard to hold a newspaper up to your face with your eye holes in if you're a horse because you don't have binocular vision. Yeah, maybe, yeah, it's late 1800s so that's true actually. Horses hanging around less unusual. Excuse me.

That's true. That's true. But then I kinda, you know, Mr. and Mrs. Hillelm, I just see this horse standing outside in the dark, just like all fours, just standing under a solitary street lamp. Honey, the horse is still out there sharpening his hooves. This horse won't stop hugging me.

We need to call the police.