BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 149 - Iron Bellies

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

Ostriches and saving private ryan, food poisoning and masks, rice wrappers, death cults, partygate, dogs and cats being rescued from kabul. Featuring: Phil’s personal trainer song and correspondence from Michelle (Spanish baby)Pierre’s stand up special! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzKlHB43UG8 Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys, quick message from me, Pierre. I keep forgetting to advertise this in the podcast. My stand-up special has now been released on YouTube for free, over an hour of free stand-up, real highlights of mine. So go to search Pierre Novelli on YouTube, it's called Quiet Ones. And I'd really appreciate it if you guys could give it a watch. It's Budpod 149 149 Budpod rhyme Wow I can't believe we've been doing 14

For so long and me not realising Sort of rhymes with Budpod 149 149 the Budpod rhyme one four nine the bud poured rhyme the 149th bud poured rhyme actually i don't know how long i've been doing these ridiculous rhymes yeah it's it's a natural feature yeah like a glacier um but it's become meta now that's good it has become meta it's it's we're into the post-modernist age of the Bud Pod rhyme. We're going to deconstruct it.

Speaking of deconstruction, we are in person. Maybe that is reconstruction. I guess deconstructing the podcast is actually how we've been doing it, of recording it separately and then putting it together. Yeah, we've been doing a sort of Heston Blumenthal. We separate out the elements of what makes people's idea of a podcast and then you know you would be dipped into uh liquid nitrogen yep and i would be turned into a moose the animal or like both a moose moose a moose moose you'd be turned first into a moose

animal and then blended into a thick cream yes a moose moose a moose boosh i would eat a moose moose moose boosh And then blend it into a thick cream. Yes, a mousse mousse, a mousse bouche. I would eat a mousse mousse, a mousse bouche. And a mousse mousse, a mousse bouche. Have you ever eaten mousse? I've eaten reindeer. Oh, sorry kids, no presents this year. Pierre got angry. You'll have to find a different glowing nose to follow to safety this year, Nick.

I haven't eaten reindeer, I don't think. I think I probably said on the pod the most exotic meat I've had is crocodile. Crocodile, yeah. I've had crocodile. I've had ostrich. Ostrich burgers were a big deal in Malaysia for a bit. Trendy. Yeah, yeah. Ostrich burgers were a thing for a while. I don a bit trendy yeah yeah yeah ostrich burgers were a

thing for a while i don't know why it's very lean meat it's essentially turkey isn't it in leanness terms big tall turkey it's a giant tall turkey made of anger yeah and kicks they seem horrible but a lot of birds flightless birds seem very aggressive and horrible they're just pissed off they can't fly they live it they've yeah, they're furious because they can perceive. And they're watching all like the other birds flying, like sparrows and stuff. And they see their wings and their stupid feathers and they go, ah, fuck.

They're sort of the tanks of the bird world. Big ground birds. They need to be sort of aggressive because everything else on the ground is so much meaner. Yeah, yeah. They've got the power, but they don't on the ground is so much meaner. Yeah, yeah. They've got the power but they don't have the maneuverability. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's fair. Would you...

Also, if you want to take them down, you have to shoot at their treads. That's the weak point. Yeah, you could in an action movie where someone climbs on top of an ostrich, opens its mouth, and drops a grenade. That's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah, yeah. Does that happen in Saving Private Ryan or is it a band of brothers thing i'm thinking of i think so probably ryan definitely happens it feels like this sort of thing that would happen

in saving isn't it weird that like the most realistic war movie we got like there was loads of war movies in the 50s 60s a couple in the 70s and then nothing really about world war ii cinematically until suddenly saving private ryan and it was just everyone even i remember as like however young i was when it came out 10 or something it was everyone was like it's the most realistic thing ever and it's omaha beach and yeah d-day d-day d-day i, I guess they didn't have the technology for it for a long time. Yeah, I suppose so. But yeah, it's funny that like after all that time, it was something, it was still fictional. They still sort of made up this whole thing about some guy called Ryan.

What do you mean? Well, that didn't happen. Yeah, I know that. You know. Yeah. They still didn't choose like a real, it's not like D-day was short of of heroic stories they could have focused on that's why band of brothers was you know based

on the real the real deeds and experiences of the 101st i still need to watch that i've never seen band of brothers it's great yeah yeah the pacific one i kind of was a bit more ambivalent about but the original one is pretty mind-blowing. Crazy cast as well. Ross is in it. Ross from Friends is in the first couple of episodes. Oh, okay. Yeah, great, great, great. Yeah, I'll watch that.

That'll be enjoyable. I like Dunkirk for WWII moves. I love Dunkirk. Very tense. I love how you never saw a German. Yeah, they were like a horror movie. Yeah, they were like Jaws, basically. They just had the music playing when they turned up.

Yeah. The growls of their engines. It was really good. We're going to need a bigger expeditionary force. That was the catchphrase. We're going to need a bigger member of One Direction. the catchphrase we're going to need a we're going to need a bigger member of one direction also the the the score uses this uh illusion this audio illusion call it's like the ever is like infinite scale yeah so because it sounds like the the note is going

it sounds like it's getting higher and higher it's actually just looping but to the to the ear it sounds like it's just getting higher and higher and higher. So it just builds this tension. Endless. This endless tension. It was very tense. It was very tense. My grandfather was there.

Dunkirk. For the premiere? Yep. They let him play himself. Incongruously. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, he was there. And made it, obviously.

Yeah. Lucky him. Yeah. Isn't that mad? If there'd been like one stray bullet, one piece of shrapnel, there'd be no Bud Pod. There would be no Bud Pod. And that would be what came up at the end of the movie.

Yeah. We lost a lot of vital equipment and very good men that day and... And Bud Pod. And Bud Pod. And no one would know what it meant. But they'd nod solemnly. They'd know. We can feel what that means.

We feel like that would have been a high quality podcast. Restrictions, I think... high quality podcast whatever that is um restrictions i think we're recording this slightly uh ahead of when we normally do listeners and i think restrictions have ended today masks yeah plan b is gone today there's no more plan b no more plan b the nation is being raw dogs with covid there's no masks or contraception or plan b or anything everyone is just having to have their take their covert neat that's right from today take it like men little um sort of uh people in like nice little uniforms with trays of shots of covert yeah uh free samples yeah yeah you look do a little shot of covid and get it done now i i guess that's kind of what the vaccine was right just a little shot of covid get it done just

a taster a little preview uh yesterday i tried to go on on the train ride in london without my mask oh yeah i i i managed one one not leg but one portion one station to one before I turned a change before I had to change trains I managed like one part of the journey with a mask on before I just

the I'm so socially programmed now to have it on but I couldn't resist I couldn't resist not having it on yeah your own hands put it on you like shaking

yeah while you were going like no no like like your mind had been taken over trying to wean myself off is tfl has tfl agreed like no more masks no sadiq is still like you still have to wear your mask but yeah at this point i mean it's still you know an astonishingly large proportion of people on tfl are wearing the mask it's still like my eye 70 80 to be honest now that we've worn them for so long it now feels like a choice to let people breathe into my mouth

yes yes you're now opting out yeah exactly yes it feels like i'm sort of going time to let people sneeze and a bit of it go in my mouth. Time to do that. Especially on the tube when it's busy. You just sort of think, people's breath is very close to my breath and I don't like that. Transmission on trains apparently is really, really rare. Even in Tokyo, which is famously packed,

they've not been able to trace hardly any COVID cases. What about colds and flus, though? Other stuff, I mean. I'm not worried about COVID. I just mean people's gross fucking snot. Yeah. Cooties. Cooties, too?

Yeah. The big C. The C word, yeah. Cooties. There's some amazing statistic that normally every year the USA has like 5 million flu deaths. And then in the year where it was even half lockdown, like half the hillbilly states weren't even bothering, it got down to like 10,000 or something. Really? Like nothing.

Like this huge reduction in flu deaths. Obviously, loads of those deaths have been replaced by COVID deaths. But even then. Even like taking that into account. Just this massive reduction in people getting flu. But that's why everyone. I mean people we know. Have been getting the mega flu haven't they?

Yeah we've also known some people. Who had like two years worth of flu at once. They consolidated their yearly flu. Into one unmanageable lump sum. Enormous shitting vomiting burst of flu do you think people would sign up for that if you said you can have all the diarrhea you're ever gonna have in your life now now one weekend one weekend one crazy weekend one crazy book a hotel don't don't do this at home yeah go find a hotel and do it there find a german sex club and get this done with yeah find a sort of cattle grate just be hosed down for 24 hours above that

but it's once it's done, it's done. Yeah. Here's a question for you. Do you reckon you can get a lifetime's worth of diarrhea done in a weekend? I reckon it's a week at least. Yeah. Yeah, what are the calculations on this? It depends on...

Although I haven't had, and touch wood, I haven't had diarrhea for ages. I have to say. Really? Yeah. Because you don't drink any water. I drink so much water. I carry a water bottle around. I drink loads of water.

If anything, you're begging for it. Yeah. I'm teasing it. I'm like, come on, body, give me some di-di. But I haven't had diarrhea in so long. Some people seem to have it basically constantly. I have a very strong like I've only realized this as I've got older

and also I mean especially thanks to the kind of emails we get a lot of people seem to essentially have some kind of mild to moderate food poisoning twice a year. Yeah, that's something I realized that I think I have an iron belly because of Malaysia. Yeah. But why do I have one? I think it might be genetic,

because my mum has basically never had food poisoning in her life. Twice ever, kind of thing. I think I've had once in my life. Yeah. I'm similar. Like once or twice I can think of. So rare. But there are people out there who just, you know.

Maybe in South Africa. I mean, you know, maybe. Just eating raw beef all the time. Well, yeah, I mean, for Malaysia, you know, you eat in such dirty places sometimes. Yeah. That I think you just, I'm sure you pick up some kind of immunity to it. Because I just, I can eat dirty food. And, like, I might have, like have runny shit for three seconds at night and then it's done.

That's it. It's gone. Get it done. My body found the one bit of food poisoning. Diarrhea. I just diarrhea that bit out. But the rest is fine. It secured it in almost like a kind of Kinder Egg pot.

That's the culprit, officer. We got him. Didn't let him run riot for one day. Whereas some people we know, and the public generally, judging by, again, our emails, a slightly stale sandwich. And it's goodbye.

I once gave a girlfriend food poisoning. I'm pretty sure I did it. I cooked some, like, rice and aubergines delicious and then she started shitting and vomiting for 24 hours and i was absolutely fine and i'd eaten more if anything you were like a poisoner yeah but i was fine i was completely fine was it old rice look this is the elephant in the room it was was fried rice, which has to be done with day-old cold refrigerated rice. That's how you make fried rice.

Yes, yeah. I never, ever, ever heard this thing of don't reheat rice until I came to the UK. It's very much a terrified white people thing. I've never, ever heard it. But now I'm worried that that's what happened to her. Growing up, people spoke about old rice sometimes around me

as if it was a plate of freshly warmed AIDS to the level of terror and like, watch out for the, oh, I don't know. Like they talk about it as if it was as dangerous

as sort of like anonymous, constant, unprotected sex in a big club or the fear the judgment it makes sense i've seen people bin perfectly good rice phil bin it yeah and and like in asian countries you have you have cold rice lying there all like all day and warm yeah warmer if anything i mean it makes sense because rice has as far as all the carbohydrates goes the largest surface area to

mass ratio but there's something like it's some kind of bacteria that's on the surface of like uncooked rice or something and it's something that is avoided i think if you wash your rice before you cook it which of course you should do oh yeah i always thought washing rice before cooking was more about removing excess excess starch yeah i think there's something bacterial about it though i don't know i think think there's something bacterial about it, though. I don't know. I think maybe it's something to do if you don't do the rice properly. I don't think that's right.

Because you wash the rice, what, you pour water into it, you shake it about, and while the bacteria's like, okay, now that I'm covered in water, which I famously hate, I'm going to leave. It doesn't really make sense to me. I don't know. You freak it out. I have no idea. well but you cook the rice that's going to kill the bacteria well you think but you you have to wash the the you know

soil off your vegetables it can't be safe to boil shit and eat it you know what i mean there has to be something that's a good experiment i reckon surely it is no my no my head is telling me that it is but my heart is telling my mind's telling me no as i'm looking stirring a pot of boiling shit tell me tell me yes i i think it is about leaving it cold afterwards that's that's that's the way in the bakery. Something develops and then it just evades when it's fried. I mean, you should put it in the fridge as soon... Well, not as soon as possible.

Once it's like room temperature. But then you're frying it in oil and that should kill it as well. Yeah, but you have to make sure you fry it thoroughly. So I do make sure I do that now. Press out the clumps and get all the grains heated up and cooked. Nice and done.

Nice and done. Nice and done. I made myself fried rice the other day with and cooked through. Nice and done. Nice and done. Nice and done. I made myself a fried rice the other day with day-old rice. Delish. And then you know what? I came back after a weekend, reheated in the microwave the fried rice I'd made from day-old refrigerated rice. Delicious.

Didn't shit myself. Don't try it at home, folks. Unless you're me. Unless you're me or me Iron bellied boys I do think it's something you pick up But to make up for it Chinese people are quite lactose intolerant

Yes that's where you guys Get your quotient of diarrhea from Everyone gets the same amount of diarrhea It's just placed in different areas That's the beautiful thing about the human race God gives everyone The same amount of diarrhea it's just placed in different areas yeah that's a beautiful thing about the human race yeah everyone god gives everyone the same amount of diarrhea but you have to figure out where it is yeah it's in different areas of your life it's hiding yeah yeah yeah yeah with yeah with white people it's rice and spice although milk is coming up in china now that's a big boom market for milk Is it? China And there's Australia makes

A ton of money Selling Milk powder to China Because there was A contaminated batch Yeah Of milk powder A few years ago in China

And even though they've sorted it now It was full of like lead Or something insane Something Something communist Was in there And They love putting lead in things.

They just love putting contaminants and stuff. But the trust is gone now. So still now Chinese people are importing milk solution from Australia. And the Aussies are bloody racking it in. I remember I was reading... It was a book. It was like the history of the Communist Party in 100 years, or the 100th anniversary of the Communist Party, the Chinese Communist Party, history in 10 lives. And it mentioned that scandal.

And apparently, like, until that scandal, there wasn't a body, that's job was to check things. Like the equivalent of a food, an FDA? FDA or, yeah. FDA, HA or whatever. There just wasn't one. Really? Yeah. It was just assumed that like, well, quality control is done by, you know, a lot of these

things are kind of state-owned anyway. The market will sort this. That's what they thought, the communists. The communist party thought, the invisible hand of the markets treated us pretty well so far with regards to the whole poisonous food thing. And there was the thing with toys as well Like lead paint on toys That was some big scandal

Crazy There was a contaminated batch of These rabbit sweets These rabbit milk sweets that were huge in Malaysia Which I had lots of as a kid They're big in South Africa Wrapped in rice paper White rabbits, yeah I grew up eating those.

No way. I brought them into school once, right? And I bought them from... And they had Chinese on them. Yeah. Wow. And I bought them from a South African shop. And I brought them into school once.

And some of the guys at school were from Hong Kong. And they looked at me like I'd come in with a picture of their mum. Is this border? Were they borders? They were borders, yeah. They're like, where did you get that? I've never seen them so serious in their're live where did you get that you aren't allowed that how did you find that here in the barbarian west wow they were in south africa

yeah i used to love them because you could just eat the wrapper and it made me incredibly um the rest of my life i would intermittently try and eat similar wrappers that were not edible in other sweets because I was right once it really spoils you with regards to wrappers yeah there was a time where I could eat these I grew up thinking a much larger proportion of wrappers in my life were going to be edible

that's why we have such strong stomachs it's just lined with Mars bars wrappers we're like goats just eating all these fucking Quality Street wrappers. I thought it was a sort of translucent jelly. I've never got food poisoning, but I've also not absorbed any nutrients for 12 years. I also crinkle when I do sit-ups.

And I'm more conductible than I used to be. Yeah, when I do sit-ups, it sounds like someone's looking for crisps in a packet. But yeah, those are contaminated back to those rabbit sweets. And the person responsible, let's just say, is no longer with us. Let's just say that they've gone somewhere to think about what they've done. somewhere to think about what they've done. Isn't it crazy that Beijing is hosting the Winter Olympics while just

kidnapping people? They're not selling tickets. You can't go because of COVID. Because they're still pursuing zero COVID. Yeah. Which is bad. It is eccentric. And it does

seem a bit like they're pursuing zero COVID in that kind of really zealous way that the person who covered the house in shit but won't admit to it is like, oh awful thing to do we have to clean all of this up, every last bit

even the shit inside your colon we've got to get rid of that. We'd better all get rid of it just in case Yeah exactly I'm aching all over Cause a man came over to my house And made me exercise He made me bend over

And touch my little toes And I couldn't do it so I cried. He whipped me with another band. He said are you not a man? I said I'm trying. He said do a press up now. I said I'm tired. He said I don't care Cause I'm a personal trainer I'm a personal trainer It's an absolute no-brainer That I'm gonna make you hurt a lot Yeah Well, wherever that milk sweet guy is,

he's hanging out with the bat that started all this. No one can find. He's just chained up somewhere with an officer interrogating him. Who sent you? They're going through the bats Social media In case it liked something From like the CIA or something

I don't know From the CIA bats Even Australia's given up on zero COVID Yeah, and they're nuts I didn't think two years I didn't think when this started two years ago That eventually I would be Glad That our government Was I didn't think when this started two years ago that eventually I would be glad that our

government was a little bit of a death cult yeah we are now in a much better place than even fucking New Zealand you know the ideal would have been if we'd had an instantaneous

zero COVID attitude and then gradually become the death cult yeah that, the ideal would have been if we'd had an instantaneous zero COVID attitude and then gradually become the death cult. Yeah, that's the ideal. Yeah. We didn't quite do that. No. We went death cult, death cult, death cult, death cult, half zero COVID, half zero COVID, half zero COVID, zero COVID, zero COVID, zero COVID, death cult cult deluxe half price off all food death cult plus death cult plus zero covid zero covid zero covid no christmas zero covid death cult death cult zero covid death cult so we've arrived at it like we've started our way and we've been mostly

death cult but we may as often fall sweden death cult the whole time i mean for sweden to go heavy metal death cult was so perfect yeah mean for sweden to go heavy metal death cult was so perfect yeah it fits their music preferences exactly but then like there's a great article on the times uh website that says what would have happened if we did nothing yeah and it analyzes all the data from sweden and and countries like new zealand that did zero covid and and we still would have been worse off if we'd done nothing because the difficult thing with sweden is that it's a small country where everyone follows sensible advice anyway very importantly a lot of people live on their own loads of people live on their own loads of people are spread out

there's only like three cities and they're barely cities by even a british definition they're not and they aren't international travel And they aren't international travel hubs. They aren't international travel hubs. They're not densely populated. And they have an aging population, but it's not quite as incredibly fucking old as ours. Oh, right. Although that might just be like a kind of splitting hairs thing. But yeah, basically...

And I'm pretty sure Sweden, like Germany, just already had the attitude of having much more emergency care beds available. Yes, we have quite a few. We have the lowest per capita. Our attitude is like, you know when Indiana Jones just gets under the slamming door, just gets his hat?

Imagine if instead Indiana Jones was labeled the NHS and the NHS was just grabbing a coughing old person. And that's our attitude every winter. It's like, we want just as many beds as we can get away with before you have to call in the Red Cross. Whereas the continent, or especially like Germany, Sweden, or these sensible, vaguely Nordic, Germanic countries, it's like double that.

And they have a different funding system but yeah we still would have been screwed it would have overwhelmed the nhs yeah yeah that was yeah that was an important thing when it was when it was very bad it could have been much much worse all all the people very few people who who demand that we'd have done it like sweden um do i believe would not also be complaining loads if someone they knew died because of a busy hospital? You're saying the people who are saying we should have done it like Sweden

would be complaining loads if someone they knew died? Not all of them. A few of them, I believe. Real maniacs. Where they're just like, you say to them like, right, and if anyone from your family who severed an artery in an accident or had a heart attack or a stroke,

you'd be happy for them to die in a queue of taxis because there are no more ambulances for a hospital that has no beds for them. And there are very few people I believe when they go, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Live by the sword, die by the sword. Exactly, yeah.

And some of them I do believe. Real nutters, I do believe. I go, yeah, you're mad and you're that libertarian. But most of the people who say that, I just think, yeah, I think you'd be first in the queue to go, it's a disgrace and sue the hospital and try and tear it down brick by brick. So, yeah.

So if you're going to say that, you'd better be a real maniac. Yeah. But in the end, I'm glad we went more in the end we are better off for being a bit more death cult well we managed to turn the death cult switch back well we've dealt

with what we did and initially what we did was hilariously take old people into hospital give them covid and post them back to old folks homes like spies like fucking computer viruses. Just plugging it back into the system and just letting everyone die without consciously deciding to do that. Once we'd done that, we did the right stuff.

Yeah. And we'd got the vaccines earlier and da, da, da, da. I can't imagine how many annoying books there are going to be about this yeah not now but in what 10 years 5 depending yeah it's going to be interesting when this becomes interesting

because it's still not interesting no it's not it's the most monumentous thing that's happened in any of our lives and it's not interesting yeah it was never adrenaline filled like a war thing that's happened in any of our lives and it's not interesting. Yeah. Yeah. It was never adrenaline filled like a war. Mm-hmm. But even

after World War II there wasn't really a film about World War II for 15, 20 years. People didn't really give a shit. There were some but they were sort of they weren't gritty. Apart from The Longest Day. But even that wasn't

I've just had the longest day. That's me getting back to base camp. Me getting back to camp. Base at the end of a long day shooting the Germans. Oh god, I've had the longest day. What is interesting though, the endless parties.

Oh, old Bozo. Oh, party legend with his that guy's been to more parties in a year than i've been to in a normal year yeah in a covered year i was thinking that i was like wow this is a yeah this is a good 15 year old me would love a social life like they did. We're less sociable than a locked-down prime minister. Yeah. You can't keep a good party animal down. That's all this is going to prove. The birthday one really made me laugh.

Yeah. Constant parties, like two different parties, Wayne. One of them broke his kid's swing, and then another one they were using his slide. Really? In the Downing Street Number 10 garden, yeah. Those are two different parties. I don't understand how you think you could get away with it.

Because Number 10 is one of the most watched. I mean, they've gone away with it for much longer than you thought. But it's only watched by security. Yeah. Who are now going, you know, they were kind of doing that yeah now that they're being asked directly and have to say so but they weren't going to fucking say anything otherwise um amazing yeah just constant party time and obviously they were going to get caught eventually but the main thing is that either they were just civil servants following everyone's lead or a lot of i think a big part of the soul of of

their high ups and the conservative party at the moment especially is that well the rules are kind of for suckers you think that's what you get taught at public school i think we're certainly a private slash public school yeah i think you get taught that like, you know, well, Jenkins, we caught you trying to sneak out of the boarding house to go to the pub, right? But you're kind of in less trouble if you were sneaking out in a kind of clever way that involved Latin phrases. They sort of go, well, at least it showed spirit. You're still in trouble. But if you were an idiot about it, if you're about it then they sort of go well that's more offensive that you were trying to break the rules

in a way that's dumb and I suppose if you're Boris Johnson you've been breaking the rules and disrespecting everyone else your whole life and it got you to be Prime Minister of the United Kingdom to be a famous

celebrity author prime minister mayor of london constantly getting his dick sucked so you know think about that yeah so that'll teach you that'll teach you to lie and cheat that'll teach you to lie and cheat i hope you'll enjoy enjoy this punishing life yeah so why wouldn't you think uh Why wouldn't you think this is probably fine Yeah, but I think it teaches you that like Well, yeah, those are the rules But when the rules are silly, you can just disobey them And then when the teacher says

Why aren't you doing it? You can say, well, sir, it's silly And he'll go, I suppose it is quite silly, Jenkins Yeah Well, don't let it happen again Off to bed with you Yeah, but then when there are younger boys around You have to be the prefect

Yeah Make sure you go to bed with you yeah but then when there are younger boys around you have to be the prefect yeah you know make sure you go to bed on time the game is that you're trying to teach them that the rules are kind of arbitrary and pointless and there to be worked around that's a big part of it and it's it is actually quite a good life lesson it is practical terms that's why people pay for it yeah but it does mean that you end up with a bunch of absolute fucking scoundrels without you have the wrong attitude where they they from that they haven't taken the message here is you know like the what people say is the best about the british police like enforcement but not american style like yes i could arrest this man who's throwing up for being drunk or i could just move him on his way make sure he's on the right bus the good side of british policing as opposed to the kind of like if we were like

the germans or the americans of like well technically the offense has been made yeah so i have to yeah and i'm gonna fill in all these forms and spend all night doing it instead of patrolling for something worse yeah but then like this is the dark side of that Is that you've got a fucking like The home of the prime minister Is like this Like noise complaints from other houses Like creep it down Fucking party hub Soon I can number 11 just calling the police

They're at it again Dressed in like a wee willy winky With a night hat Yeah a candle on a plate. Come on in there, you crazy kids. Johnson! The Prime Minister of Sound. He's dressed like Dennis the Menace with a red and black striped top.

The Minister of Sound. He's the Prime Minister of Sound. That's very good. That's a tweet, surely. Oh, maybe. Minister of Sound. I'll try it. People will just blank it.

That's funny, surely Minister of Sound I'll try it, people will just blank it That's funny Minister of Sound Do you think he can survive this? I think he's going to survive it more now that there are loads including a silly birthday one Interesting It's smoke, you can hide behind that One good big illegal one you can just keep going back to it

and the public will familiarize themselves with this one event right and they'll go yes what about the party yeah whereas people go what about all those parties the public are going which ones and you go well the first one they go no the other one with the swing and you go well what was and then by that point you really lost like 90 of the electorate my instinct is the opposite i feel like boris johnson's main um political insight that has done him so much benefit is that people have short memories yeah and you can do awful i mean this isn't anywhere close to the worst thing he's done yeah but people eventually forget because something else comes up but the next thing that comes up is another party yeah and it's the same thing that and and every week it's the same

thing it's a reminder every week and it gets worse and worse and worse and worse i feel like this is much harder to survive than but one big thing but i think people like obviously people who you know obey the rules properly and lost people and couldn't go to funerals and stuff, they all hate him forever, right? But what you need is like the general floating voter desire. It takes a lot of energy to nurse anger. Yes. Over months. Yeah.

And it's going to dissipate and it's going to get more and more tiring the more parties are added to the angry pile, you know? Probably more damaging is just what it conveys of like it's the competence factor right if it just if it makes him look silly and stupid and unable to keep his house in order yeah yeah and then the trouble is that like yeah no even if there's a confidence vote he might just survive yeah yeah and you know no one else will be like well we don't like him but we don't like him less than we don't like michael gove and rishi sunak because boris johnson as much as he's a scumbag he's our scumbag and he keeps promising us stuff yeah and he always delivers on his like bribes but do you think he'll get to the point where

he's thrown so many people under the bus that there aren't any left that he can offer anything to? Well, I mean, I think that's why the current cabinet is so low quality, because he's just had to constantly go through, like, he's picking people for their kind of, like, animal-like loyalty, as opposed to any ability. Right, yeah. And that's why you've got all these dopes bumping into each other

and forgetting where Kabul is and going on holiday and suggesting the channel be strung with a big net to stop migrants and stuff. It's like a cabinet of cartoon characters just going, whoa, honk, honk, like slipping over things. But they all, you know, at least publicly are loyal. But Liz Truss wants to be prime minister.

Oh, God, yeah. She's nibbling at his chubby ankles The cheese idiot Oh yeah Old Lady Cheese wants to be PM She seems like a very unpleasant person She's a rare She's a rare sort of

Minister Government She's Foreign Secretary But it's rare that, like a lot of these people you reckon are probably quite unpleasant But she's just openly, like a lot of these people you reckon are probably quite unpleasant. But she's just openly unpleasant all the time on public platforms. She'll go on BBC One and just say something that sounds essentially like, you're a cunt, I think you're a cunt, stop asking me cunt questions. How dare you demand that I explain myself.

I told you when she was on before me at um a hay festival right um yes the show in hay called how the light gets in the festival philosophy festival she was in the tent before me i drew a much bigger crowd as we said but there are people asking and they're sort of, you know, wet left-leaning festival goers who are annoying. Yeah. But also she is an idiot and unpleasant. Yeah. And there was one point where a lady, she had prepared questions to ask Liz Truss

and she got up and she read her questions off her notepad and Liz Truss just went, right, well, I see you've got your little notepad there. And she just was just so scathing. Yeah. And just openly rude in the way that you... You want to say to them, like, you know you need votes. Yeah, it's like she's done no media training.

Well, she's always... Yeah, and then people will be like, God, it's very fresh and raw, isn't it? I kind of like it. That's the thing. I like that she talks at everyone like they're a cunt because I like the honesty of it. i mean it's direct but then anyone who's a front runner at this point will get knifed by whatever rat is next yeah it'll be someone boring like ben wallace the

defense secretary who's just been being very quiet yeah quiet little spider yeah that's it that i love yeah that's the other the fucking dogs the the the animal airlift the animal airlift yeah where now it's basically been proven like that guy split from the foreign office and just was a whistleblower and basically just leaked everything saying yeah no it did happen and they did replace people and it did fuck everything up and it did risk soldiers lives so basically I don't know the story in full, but it looks like now Boris Johnson gave the green light. Yeah, he put pressure on his personal private secretary. To airlift out a guy called Penn Farthing.

Which, by the way, if your surname is Farthing, why are you naming your child something that sounds like Penny? Penn Farthing. I think it's a nickname. He was in the royal marines at some kind of hilarious banterous nickname oh okay in which case fair play is good funny stuff um who runs a dog sanctuary dog and cat sanctuary in kabul also by the way never mind if you don't if you if you in spite of all the evidence if you don't believe that it distracted from um

efforts to evacuate people who should have been evacuated if you don't believe that it distracted from efforts to evacuate people who should have been evacuated. If you don't believe it used up valuable resources. If you don't believe it put soldiers in danger. And if you don't believe it used up space where humans could have been put in. All of those things I think did happen based on all the evidence. And I encourage you to read the whistleblower's report. But even if you don't believe that, Phil, here's the best part. A bunch of different dog and cat charities run by other westerners

didn't get evacuated and are still there and are fine they're fine they're fine the taliban had bigger concerns it turns out they went after them there was one which i think was like a danish one or a u.s one or something where the taliban sent guards to help them out they were like oh do you need us to provide security now that we're in charge? And they were like, yeah. Fucking hell. They weren't,

everyone thought there was going to be this massacre and there wasn't. So in the end, not only was it a scandal and dangerous and unacceptable and incredibly insulting to our Afghan allies. To save dogs instead of interpreters.

Instead of interpreters who've been helping us for, you know, 20 years. It was not necessary. They were fine. He could have just stayed there feeding dogs. You know you fucked up when British people are annoyed you helped some doggy-woggies. I mean, and even then, it's like barely half of British people are annoyed.

The other half are going, no, it was a lovely thing. Brilliant and nothing bad came of it. Wonderful kiss. Just pathetic. lovely thing brilliant and nothing bad came of it wonderful kiss just pathetic really really made me angry at the time and now all the people just refusing to believe that it could be wrong to prioritize a fucking dog for an interpreter yeah unbelievable stuff. Ladies flinging their babies over barbed wire fences. Yeah. Like, let the Labrador through? Yeah, yeah.

Taliban guards beating them aside with sticks so that a bunch of dogs could parade through, being led by some fucking mado. What is this, Homeward Bound? Get them out of here! Fucking 101 Dalmatians Kabul adventure Ridiculous Let's do some correspondence

Okay Correspondence Correspondence Michelle gets in touch Michelle My girl You know the Beatles song? It goes into French and I never know it

I don't know that one It's lovely I love you, I love you, I love you They're a good band actually I don't know I don you, I love you. They're a good band, actually. I don't know. I don't think they'll make it. They haven't been very prolific for a while now.

Yeah. Lazy. So the subject line is, beware the Spanish seas. Oh, as in the bodies of water or the letters? Bodies of water. But it says dot, dot, dot. I don't know if that's cut off some of the... Anyway. Hello, you fill up my senses like a walk in the park.

And love is in Pierre. Lovely. I like that a lot. A lot of effort. A lot of effort. A long walk there. Love the show so much, I'm reaching the end of my third listen through. What?

Yeah. Wow. I'm impressed and afraid. Yes. Wow. Yeah. Michelle. It's like someone saying that they've managed to put their whole foot in their mouth.

Three times. Wow. Three times. But you mustn't. But well done. You're honestly the funniest people I can think of and what got me through some shitty lockdown time, so thank you. Thank you.

That's lovely. I listened to the donkey schlong postcard tat thing. Oh, yes, yeah. What was it? There's a postcard with a big donkey and there's a lady looking at this donkey's penis. She was like, wow. And it's like, enjoy the sights here in Marbella or something.

It was in Mexico. Mexico, that's right. Yeah. I think it was Mexico. And it was basically the joke was, look at this donkey's huge penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it reminded me to share a story with you.

My best mate slash flatmate at the time, I'll call him Lance. Lance. Lovely fake name. Lovely fake name. The name of a pokemon trainer i used to lance and i used to compete to send each other the most awful postcard from holiday lovely that's a lovely tradition tasteless artsy ones one so old it's yellowed in uh from the sun in the shop window plain ugly ones scenes of roundabouts etc don't tell you the time i bought some well tried to buy some

postcards in melbourne no um me me and my girlfriend of the time went to this like souvenir shop and just picked out a bunch of postcards and the sign said like 30 cents each yeah and we just we we held them up to the guy behind the shop in pan the counter and said how much for these and he was this middle aged man and he looked so sad he looked like he was like the most depressed guy I'd ever seen and he looked at us and he looked at the postcards

and he just went he just shook his head like sadly closed his eyes and just waved us away and he was like he didn't charge us for them he just said

let's have the fucking things yeah it was like he couldn't believe he was selling postcards yeah and we're like oh really he's like, you didn't charge us for them. He just said, let's have the fucking things. Yeah, it's like he couldn't believe you're selling postcards. Yeah. And we're like, oh, really? He's like... A family member... He didn't say a word. He just went...

A family member had just been killed by a postcard. That day. Weird. Yeah, very weird. Very disquieting behavior. So, Lance went on holiday to Spain And unusually I didn't get a card In the first week

But I did get a knock at my door Oh Police arrived What? Along if I think it means police arrived asking if they could

have a word. Ah. They'd intercepted a quote paedophilic image. What? On an item of post addressed to me.

I was obviously really shocked and horrified. They'd seen the image but I wasn't allowed to. Oh my goodness. So I was left wondering what a story yeah they sat on our sofa one telling me all the details and the other peering around our room full

of velvet jesus statues lizards and a picture of a sexy pigeon with boobs among other knickknacks i mean it's not looking good no you're like um jeffrey dharma with all his heads in jars and stuff. Well, off a size you can see, I'm a perfectly normal person. I simply enjoy images that are exotic, perhaps. Yeah, it's not good. They asked me who Lance was. They'd seen the name on the card, and could I contact them?

I did explain I'm sure it was a joke gone wrong, but I had to call him. Gosh. A long conversation ensued between him and the police on my phone. Nice phone, Bill. Cheers, plod. With them explaining it had enraged public decency, and there had been a complaint. From the postman? Who's even seen it?

Apparently. I guess that's the thing about postcards, it's like, it's completely... They'll see it. It's essentially an open letter to the world. Yeah. I was genuinely shitting it, but the call ended, and they basically gave him a warning.

I then got a 30-minute lecture about the offence and about wasting police time. What? Which to me seemed a little unfair, based on the amount of my input into the incident. Exactly! For fuck's sake. Wasting police time.

Don't waste our time by being reported for crime. I don't know what happens when they put a helmet on. It's like it changes how their brains are wired. I mean, the British police, when they're good, they're good. But sometimes they do dumb shit. And then they left.

When Lance got home a week later, he showed me the photo he'd taken of the card. It was a cartoon. Right. Yes, not even a photo. Okay. A cartoon. It was a cartoon baby paddling in the sea with its mum.

Right. And it had a ridiculously huge dong. So it's a cartoon baby in the sea with its mum and it's got an enormous penis, right? Paddling away. The caption read, quote, Spain is good for baby. What does that mean? Exclamation mark.

What does that mean? Spain is good for baby. Why? In what way is it good? How has Spain influenced this baby penis? It's given it a big dick. How? Spain is good for baby.

As if that's the healthiest reaction to that sight. Wow. God, look at that baby. Spain has been good for baby. Spain has been good for baby Spain has been good for baby Maybe the mum's coming out in the surf You know like Bond And then suddenly realises that this enormous

Penis is trailing off her own baby She looks down and goes Spain's good for baby Can you imagine Reporting that to the police You see a picture a cartoon Of a baby with an enormous penis Can you imagine Reporting that to the police That is mad You see a picture A cartoon of a baby

With an enormous penis With it's mum paddling And the caption Spain is good for baby And you just think I'm gonna I'm going to call the police Oh my god

Why is it good for baby But it must have been someone Working in the post office It has to be yeah Yeah so a post office s to be yeah Maybe the postman Man He saw the new one Spain doesn't seem that good to be a baby for me

Spain is good for baby Spain is good for baby Who's that for How does that How would that even make sense in Spanish because presumably España es muy bueno para el niño

para el bebé the very sentiment doesn't make sense it's not like you can see how something's been lost in translation you can't show someone a picture of a baby with a huge dick with its mum and the caption Spain is good for baby, and go, it loses something. Sorry, in English there's no word for how you say a big baby.

Spain is good for baby, do you have this? Spain is good for baby? Do you have this phrase? The penis is very large. You know when a baby goes swimming with his mother and he's got

a big penis? You know when Spain is good for baby? Because of Spain? Because of Spain. Because of Spain. And he's good? And when something

is good like this? This is when we say Spain is... You mean bueno? Yes, bueno, but bueno in this specific way. How often does that come up? Not...

No, well, for us a lot. We are Spain. We're good for baby. God, Spain is good. Spain is good for baby. Spain is good for baby. Someone had to draw that and caption it. And go, well, I'll sell these And caption it And go Well I'll sell these

For sure Obviously I'll sell these He's a fly off the shelf Maybe a Spanish person Looks at it and goes Right Healthy swimming Penis

Health penis Penis big I remember this story From my childhood That's how my parents Used to make me go swimming Yeah You better go swimming if you want a huge penis thanks mom spain's good for baby yes son yes it is isn't that amazing that's amazing

incredible well spain is good for baby all in all an utterly nonsensical piece of tap madness i'd like to imagine a lady at the post office still washing out her eyes after making a complaint to the police who fair play to them somehow managed not to piss themselves laughing while telling me off. Anyway, Koji, love pods. Michelle. Thanks so much Michelle. Spain might be good for baby but Michelle's been good for bud pods. Yes.

We're going to go to Spain now. What's good for baby is good for bud pod. Yes, we're going to the Spain of the bonus pod. The Spain of the bonus pod. The Spain of the bonus pod. Yeah, bonus pod is good for baby. El Patreon. Patreon is good for baby.

Getting a Patreon subscription to Budpod is good for baby. Baby being you. Yes, so see you there. Adios. Muy bueno. Muchas gracias. And watch out for that baby. Watch out for that baby.

Bye. Bye. Muchas gracias. And watch out for that baby. Watch out for that baby. Bye. Bye. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors.

Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks.