BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 187 - A Cult of What?!
Episode Date: November 2, 2022Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie chat: Brazil, RnB, Taylor Swift, Lula, cults of personality, Male Events, coffee chains being shit. Correspondence from Frank, whose girlfriend's anus betrayed her, Amy s...hows us a pathetic Daily Mail headline and Phil's notion of the limited internet. Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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It's Budpod 187.
187 Brazilian Socialist Heaven.
Congratulations to the new president of Brazil.
Lula.
Lula. Lula Oblongata. Lula.
What's his full name? Luis...
Is that his surname? Oblongata?
No, no, it isn't.
Medulla Oblongata.
That's what I'm thinking of.
That's part of the brain, isn't it?
His name is Luis Ignacio Lula da Silva.
Oh, wow.
It was close.
I just looked at the results.
Yeah, super close.
50.9% to Lula. 49.1% to Jair Bolsonaro.
Them's Brexit numbers, baby.
It's tighter than Brexit.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
And he's already disappointed me.
But this is how enormous Brazil is.
Lula's share of the vote is 50.9 to 49.1 and he got 2 million more votes
that's crazy it's too big it's so big massive i was just seeing like yeah lula's lula's vote
60 million fuck bra, Brazil is big.
Jesus.
His share of the vote is like basically the population of the UK.
And he barely scraped half.
That's nuts.
Also, I've just seen that invalid slash null votes is like another 6 million.
Yeah.
Is that 6 million people who just can't tick a box?
Is that 6 million people just scrolling the word cunt across the the paper saying fuck you i think it's spoiling yeah it's most i think it's mostly
spoiled ballots in it it's gotta be it's gotta be because especially in ukp they're pretty
they're pretty open to accepting votes right like if you circle it they'll be like uh fine if you put like a line through the box
and also like candidates can argue at least in sort of local elections oh no yeah yeah yeah
those are local yeah can like representatives from parties here in uk they can they can argue
contested ballots so they can say look the line is actually closer to our box so they're probably
saying they're voting for us.
And representatives from the Labour Party,
Conservative Party can argue to
whoever's adjudicating.
Which I think is really fun.
Yeah, and I think is correct and amusing.
It's a very reality show.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Do you want to know the spicy,
not even spicy, just the Lula tweet i was going to do and then was decided i was too exhausted to bother engaging with reality
oh bud pod exclusive yes what was it i do it all the time i try and do a tweet i go like i should
tweet about this and then i just go why and then i don't tweet um so this is this is the time when you understand my life this is when
you have my brain yeah but why would i tweet this yeah but that's i'm just talking about like it's
like some opinion or something whereas if it's like trying to sell tickets for i don't know phil
my soho show january the 30th to february the 4th i'll tweet about that all day long um okay right so if it's an opinion
you you hold your horses not even deliberate it's just exhausted you just go well why am i feeding
it's like it's like throwing a drop of piss into the ocean you know into the opinion machine
yeah yeah anyway what was it yeah so um basically lula is one of those guys who's like far left
enough that he thinks ukraine kind of NATO's fault.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is the thing why I've stayed my own enthusiasm.
But yeah, go on.
It basically is.
I was going to quote tweet a quote that like quote.
So tweet that was quoting something Lula said about Ukraine, basically blaming NATO.
And I was going to quote tweet it and be like finally a left-wing
firebrand to help us fight fascism in europe oh yeah yeah i know and um i i i couldn't allow
myself to be too enthusiastic because um because of how happy uh corbin nut's here are about it. That should always be cause for some concern.
Like if
you saw a really cheerful
Dracula.
Yeah, like,
why? What have you done? What's happened?
What's
happened? Who have you killed?
I like the idea of seeing Dracula
going,
blah, blah, blah, like having a great day, and you go, what have you killed i like the idea of yeah seeing dracula going like having a great day and you go what have you done
what's happened what have you done you're you're he's walking down like the cobbled street of a transylvanian village and you're leaning out one of the sort of upper windows like the wooden door
flaps you know yeah yeah what are you like down into the street what
are you what are you done what are you done but i mean but you have to consider you know lula was
up against a man who a covid obsessed with denier climate change denier oh yeah and and brazil has what the largest land-based carbon sink in the world
in the amazon for amazon jungle or whatever so get that hippie in charge of that forest
yeah basically fair enough if you're gonna have to have a slightly nutty nut case
or just a slightly fruity fruity brain man it going to have to be the guy who cares about the woods,
if it's Brazil.
That's the rule.
That's my view on it.
But yeah, Bolsonaro just loved getting COVID.
He had it like five times.
Yeah, this is like the running joke about him, right?
He's like, he can now return to his real passion
of being in hospital with COVID.
He's leaving politics to spend more time with COVID, yeah.
Yeah.
And, I mean, you know, it's part of a positive general trend
of the dulling of, you know, populism.
Well, I mean, but then, you know, far-right populism. Lula is know, um, populism. Yeah.
Well,
I mean,
but then,
you know,
far right populism,
Lula is still a kind of populism.
It was just,
this election was one populism against another,
but fortunately the,
the lesser evil of the two populist ones won.
In general,
I'm,
I'm always a little,
if,
if, if like they show videos of the guy giving a speech and there are people like
crying in it in the crowd i'm always a bit like i'm not sure about this
if they're like crying with passion and like they're moved so much by this guy it's like
this seems there's something a bit they seem to like this personality a lot.
It's almost like it's a cult of his personality.
Now hold on, slow down, Phil.
Can you have a personality-led cult?
Is there a phrase for this? The only political movement I trust
is when the guy or gal on the podium
is making a speech
and the people in the crowd
are at most yawning.
Then I'm like,
okay, this person is probably
the right one for the job.
My favorite one is
the person is making the speech,
the politician,
and people's reaction is,
okay, yeah, all right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Okay.
Fine, yeah.
Fine, yes.
I suppose you're right.
Or I will accept.
You can't jail a dream.
You can't imprison an idea.
And people are crying.
I'm like, oh, fuck, no.
I don't love this. I'm like, oh, fuck, no. I don't love
this. I'm not 100% on board
with this.
The crying I will accept
is
the closer it
is to your first election as a country,
the more tears you're allowed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nice. There's like a ratio. So if you already
had like 100 elections and then this crying, then I'm much more worried than if it's election number two
yeah um and i also make an i also make an exception for um obama i was about to say
the the exception i make for obama is the crying that is like
watching a speech in a rapt way and then every now and then
sort of wiping your eye discreetly yes yes yes exactly yeah that's a good one um i've been
thinking about obama quite a lot but not literally because my partner has been blasting the new taylor
swift songs phil oh yeah does she sing about Obama?
No.
So in terms of like, you know,
people who listen to this podcast will know that I like to sing meaningless songs.
But have you seen around the place the lyrics
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me,
whatever it is, here I am.
What's it called?
Fuck's sake.
Well, no, Pierre, because i'm i'm single
so i i don't hear any taylor swift at all
it's me hi i'm the problem it's me right that's the phrase from the lyrics it's like a trend on
tiktok it's people sort of going oh it's me hi i'm the problem it's me but also the problem
can refer to oh i'm i'm the one trying to pay and lose change.
He, he, he, you know.
Right, right, right, right, right.
But I've been walking around the, yeah?
Yeah, it's fun.
It's a fun meme.
It's a fun meme.
I've been walking around the flat singing, it's me, hi, I'm Obama, it's me.
In a sort of bad approximation of his voice and his incredibly stilted intonation.
How does the tune go for this?
It's me.
Hi, I'm the problem.
It's me.
I can't do it.
I can't sing.
I'm going to give up immediately in the middle of that.
Can we legally play that little snippet?
No, surely not.
Swift will be right up our asses.
Oh, she'll own this album as well, right?
Because she had to re-record all her previous albums to own them.
To free herself.
To free herself from her curse.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, the thing about not having a girlfriend, Pierre,
is you just hear a lot less pop.
You don't notice it until people start talking about
the new Lana Del Rey or whatever,
and you go, oh yeah, I'm single,
so I would never hear that.
I've been exposed to so much more pop and R&B, Phil.
So much more aware of popular music.
Yep.
Ladies love little rhythm and blues.
Why do ladies love the rhythm and blues so much?
You ask a lady what she likes, she'll say,
I like a little rhythm, but I need that blue note.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if you just try and play blues, they'll say, where's the rhythm?
Girls be like, I woke up this morning.
They love that rhythm and they love that blues.
That's a good point.
Are there female blues artists?
Or are they always rhythm and blues?
That's true.
Because you get some artists like...
But they tend to be sort of pitched more as almost like sort of...
I don't think of it as blues.
I think of it as like sad jazz singing. maybe that's a kind of weird sexism no i think you're about right so you think
of so i think of someone like um julie london you know now you think you love me what a billy
holiday billy holiday yeah yeah but again those are more like jazz standards yeah i guess you
could get kind of bluesy i think the main reason is just like if you're as this as this podcast is
very thoroughly covered to be a blues musician you need quite a sort of gross name and i think
it's not as a lady is never going to be like you know if you're a blues singer you're a guy you're called like lead belly or mud mouth but if if you're a lady you know yeah what would they kind of call
a lady like i found some phil i found some yeah i've googled it i've done the google
oh blues lady blues singers yeah a lot of them are like jazz what we would think of as mainly
jazz singers so billy holidays on there and stuff but like in terms of good blues names
memphis mini memphis mini that's good that's good uh big mama thornton that's good that's good stuff
you can't have a big mama if you're a guy. Yeah, so right, so the female blues singers,
their names go down the sort of homely kind of...
Sippy Wallace.
Yeah, that must be Mississippi, right?
So theirs is mainly geographic, their names, it seems,
the lady blues singers.
Or about if you're a mama and how big a mama you are.
Do you ever get like little mama Sarah
The little seem to be more
On the hip hop side of music don't they
Yeah mumble rap
Mumble rap
People with fucking eye tattoos
Yeah yeah yeah right yeah
So hip hop has the littles
Blues has the bigs
boy you're too little for the blues
um okay that's interesting though i'd never quite realized before how much if you ever see
a lady sort of singing a sad slow song that if it was a guy, it would be blues.
You'd go, ah, jazz.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Get a shot of rhythm and blues with just a little rock and roll on the side.
Girls love that song.
Get a shot of rhythm and blues.
They love it.
And I've been listening to Taylor Swift's lyrics.
They're quite dramatically emo.
Right, yeah.
They've become more emo as she's gotten older, right?
Which is normally, I don't know if that's normally the direction,
but I'm interested to see it.
I'm interested to see someone.
Isn't she like our age? Taylor Swift? Yeah. I think she to see it. I'm interested to see someone. Isn't she like our age?
Taylor Swift?
Yeah.
I think she's slightly younger.
She's 32, baby.
Really?
Yeah, man.
I'm exactly as old as Ms. Taylor Swift.
Yes, you are.
She's December 89.
She's older than me
Yeah
By a month
You show your eldest some respect
Wow
Grandma Swift
What the hell
Other names
Nils Scherberg
Why is her name Nils Scherberg
What
What
Why would that be an other name
On the run On the Run.
On the Run in Norway.
I'm on the Run.
That must be why she did that whole album about Scandinavian murder.
Oh, it's like a pseudonym.
Nils Scherberg.
Why does she have the pseudonym Nils Sjöberg?
All the songs she wrote is Nils Sjöberg.
What a weird pseudonym to choose.
What a kooky gal.
I wrote under the name Nils Sjöberg
because those are the two most popular names of Swedish males.
I wrote this song called This Is What You Came For that Rihanna ended up singing and nobody knew for a while.
You kooky bitch.
But why?
Why be a sneaky fake?
That's strange.
That's strange Do you think maybe that it has to be fake
Because if she writes something that's too different
From being
All swifty then everyone goes
All the people with cigars and braces
Are like ah you're ruining your reputation
Here kid
Yeah maybe maybe she's about like
Brand control
Brand control to Major Tom
Yes
Do guys have so you know ladies i kind of envy ladies because you know
they get to wear pretty wigs they get to wear pretty wigs and go to tea parties
and there were lovely summer dresses um yeah but also because there's such a sort of sense of occasion when a taylor swift album comes out or a lana del rey album comes out it becomes this
sort of shared cultural experience among women of our generation and and younger but is there an equivalent for men?
James Bond?
We don't even care that much about James Bond.
Is there music that comes around?
It's when there's a new Call of Duty out.
Yeah but
maybe.
Is it just fucking FIFA every year?
Yeah. You're right though about the
Taylor Swift thing because like
i get the same feeling from seeing all the every every like almost basically every woman on my
twitter timeline tweeting taylor swift lyrics without context and like how what a fucking
massive deal it is i get the same feeling when i when i read that it's like diwali or like hanukkah
it's like it's like a whole separate religious system
where this is the biggest deal ever.
I get the same feeling where I feel like I'm going to click
like an article called The World in Pictures
and it's like all around the world people celebrate.
Taylor Swift Day.
Taylor Swift Day.
And like pictures of people dressed in big robes
doing a parade through an Italian square, you know.
Yeah. Where you go You know. Yeah.
Where you go, wow.
Yeah.
Wow, we should try and visit.
Instead of being covered by, like, tomatoes,
it's just lots of, like, Taylor Swift CDs
just throwing at each other.
Yeah, they burn a big effigy
labeled Neil Schubert.
But do men have a kind of
regular shared cultural moment like this?
Sports? I think... I guess football, but even that is not so much anymore. have a kind of regular shared cultural moment like this?
Sport, I guess football, but even that
is not so much anymore. It doesn't capture
it doesn't seem to capture
as wide a pool of men
as Taylor Swift does women.
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, we're
disconnected from the
if mainstream
British masculinity was like a
glowing avatar tree,
our head chords are not plugged in, are they?
Yeah, yeah.
Because we don't like the football.
Oh, you and I specifically aren't plugged in, you mean?
Yeah.
Right, right.
I think if we liked football, we'd be like, oh, World Cup for sure.
There's a surprising statistic of, you know, it's actually a surprisingly small proportion of the country
that actually is interested in football but the the cultural hold their heads over the country is
um outweighs how popular it actually is yeah so i don't think we're actually we're not actually
that rare you and i among do you know we're not rare, but we're just not in power.
Do you know what it is for you and me?
For people like you and me,
it's the new Adam Curtis.
Right, yeah, that's true.
The kind of WhatsApp groups we're in,
Adam Curtis drops a new absolute
stunner.
Oh, the latest...
Big old documentary.
Yeah.
Who is Audio Louis Theroux again?
John Ronson, the latest John Ronson podcast series
or something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
John Ronson, Adam Curtis,
Call of Duty
FIFA
Bond film
kind of
I'm trying to think
what else do men like
like
a superhero film or like action
yeah
even like that Marvel now is just like
it's as much gals as guys at this point
are into it
much to the fury of the involuntary
celibates
what's the most incel-y hobby
you can imagine that if some guy was like, I like this, and you go, oh.
Oh, I mean, it has to be anime-related for me.
Oh, yeah.
Anime is, I think anime is the most.
Okay, an anime where all the main characters are girls.
To be really into that anime is like
Sailor Moon or something. That is the most
incel-y thing I can imagine.
Yeah, well
what is it about
anime? What is it, Phil?
I suppose
it portrays an idealized
cutesy version
of
femininity.
Yeah.
A sort of rather sort of placid image of femininity.
It pushes it into the realms of the unreal.
It is also a Western aesthetic,
but sort of a Western aesthetic of femininity, but projected onto an East Asian sort of pliability, right?
That's why incelli guys like East Asia
because there's the image of East Asian women
being more traditional in that sense, right?
And so anime is a combination of both like a Western,
the Western aesthetic that they're surrounded by,
but pasted onto the East Asian demure woman
that they fantasize about.
So it's a combination of their deepest desires.
And big laser guns.
And big swords.
Big swords. Big swords.
Big swords for the man who likes to collect.
Oh, speaking of animes, I went to...
Does this count as an anime?
It probably doesn't.
Studio Ghibli an anime?
Did I say that I want to see Totoro
live? My neighbor Totoro?
No, I don't think you said this.
Oh, it's so good. You have
to go. I won't spoil it, but it's
magical, I have to say.
Is it like live live, like puppets and
costumes? Yeah, live live live.
Gee,
that's impressive. How the hell
did they pull that off
well you'll have to go and find
there's still bits I don't understand how they did it
there's still like there's one scene
how did they do that yeah yeah yeah
ooh
that is impressive
there's also a member of the cast who was at
university with us which I didn't realize
beg pardon
and then she came on stage and was like,
oh, wait a second.
Yeah, pretty cool.
Who's that?
Can you say their name?
Well, yeah, she's in the cast. Her name's
Ami, Ami Jones.
Oh, I didn't know she was in that.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, very cool.
She's very good in it.
That's fucking sick.
Okay, I should try and go see that.
Have I done anything cultural lately?
Yeah, Pierre.
Why didn't you do something
cultural for once?
You fucking asshole.
I don't think I have.
I think... We went to Acosta yesterday together.
We did.
We sat in Acosta.
That's pretty cultural to keep an eye on how Acosta's doing.
All those chain coffee shops have really declined in estimation, haven't they?
They're just...
They're sort of psychologically now, they're so crap.
They are crap.
I feel like Acosta's always been a bit meh.
You know it's the oldest.
Costa's the first one to ever be in the UK.
Ooh, that's interesting.
Yeah, now that you say that,
that sort of makes sense to me,
with its bizarre car scheme.
But this sums up Costa.
I went in to meet up with you yesterday,
and I went to the counter to order my coffee,
and they said,
can I get a long black?
And he went, is an Americano okay?
We don't do long black.
And it's just like, come on, mate.
Your whole, this shop's whole thing is coffee
and you can't figure out coffee with an Americano
with less water.
You can't do that.
The whole point of your of this business
i'm not having a go at this guy it's like i'm having a go at costa right the whole point of
your business is that you sell coffee and long blacks and flat whites have been around for what
12 years at this point and you haven't sat sat someone down at the board meeting to go
oh yeah let's let's let's say you can have an Americano with less water. It's like fucking hell, man.
I mean, I understand if you're a cinema.
And you're like, oh, we don't really do...
You can have an Americano?
Yeah, fine, Americano and popcorn, whatever.
I'm living the dream, I can't complain.
But you go to a coffee shop.
You should have the type variations of coffee I haven't heard of.
But I guess this proves your point. We are now all,
especially in London,
we're all so far down
the coffee rabbit hole.
Yeah, man. To go to a cafe that can't
do a long black.
It's akin to being sent to war,
Pierre.
I'm always amazed at Costa Coffee
and Cafe Nero and even Starbucks.
Am I missing one?
Pret?
Pret's different.
Yeah, Pret is different and it knows it's different.
Costa Coffee, Cafe Nero, Starbucks.
I'm amazed that these enormous corporations have got this like fucking french
patisserie cupboard of of delights each drier and crumblier than the last and cold cold the day is
long it's like they've tried to make it cold like you turn up first thing in the morning and it's
already cold it's like wow did you prepare this to be cold from last has this been chilling
overnight it's like a good white wine this fucking dry scone and again it'd be fine if you were like
if you if this was a theater or a museum where the refreshments are an afterthought but it is
the whole purpose of the business is to sell these things the whole point is to sell them
and it's like this this random slice of whatever type of cake you've pretended to be able to sell
me now tastes like you found it it these yeah the food here looks like someone forgot about the food
and just ran to the shops just now yeah and it And it wasn't a mainstream shop. It was like one of those
shops where actually the main thing they sell
is jelly beans and cigarettes.
But for some reason, there's loads of
fucking weird cakes with Turkish labelling
in the back. And like
lots and lots of different types of
Heinz ketchup. There's like more different types
of ketchup than in the big supermarkets.
Yeah, exactly.
Chipotle Heinz ketchup. I didn't even know they made these yeah and and like the zed and heinz has got to cross through
the zed and you're like is that what yeah yeah but as i said it's amazing that they just go we
sell coffee and cake and you sort of want to go no well yeah i walked into a cafe in the london
bridge station the other day um and i i ordered the coffee and i handed them my cafe nero loyalty
card and he and he went he just looked at and looked at me with a shocked face and said this
is a costas and nobody said that's cafe nero and then i said oh where am i i think i said where am
i and and he went yeah and he went this is a costas and i had to make an effort not to go fuck
because i've already ordered my coffee
that's that story is is such a great illustration of your immediate, like money regret on a tiny level,
tiny scale.
Like in,
in you reaching for your Costa coffee or cafe Nero loyalty card,
I can easily imagine you letting a random 10 pound note blow past.
Well, it's not, yeah, well, that's not my 10 pounds peter that 10 pounds is not owed to me what is owed to me is a little stamp on my little card okay that is owed to me yeah yeah exactly Yeah, exactly.
Do you know what else is owed to you, Phil?
Yeah?
Some correspondence, my friend.
Yes, pay this debt.
Pay this debt to me. Ring letters.
Keep emails.
Email.
Phone calls.
Tweet decks.
Your sister.
Keep a five-year-old.
To keep a five-year-old.
Letters.
Correspondence Alright, let's see
Let me find it
So I can read it
Correspondence
In my eyes
Is that new Taylor Swift as well?
Yeah
It's a classic
It's a Neil Sherberg classic
I will say this about Taylor Swift's albums
I think her covers are extremely ugly
Is this part of the culture?
Ooh
Because she is like a little pretty doll woman
It is cooler to be ugly on the cover
Is that true?
Oh maybe Maybe Let me have a look at
the cover i quite like 1989 that's quite a good album cover it's a polaroid yeah the others are
ugly reputation is such an ugly cover reputation yeah um i need to
I need to and then her original cover
which is just called Taylor Swift
where she really does look like a little doll woman
yeah
I mean it looks like the cover of a magazine
your sister subscribed to when you were 14
where it's called something like ponies and fringes oh yeah or like you know
tiger babe or you know um teen beat something like this teen beat teen beat
tea and beat
I beat it as a teen
yeah oh yeah
of course
I'm trying to
determine
if we've read this
before
okay so
Frank gets in touch
Frank
what's that stank it's frank's correspondence that's good um
i don't think we've read this uh so excuse me frank says dear fill me up and pierre at the mess
oh i like pierre at the mess i like it yeah it This is a story that has been graciously
And prestigiously passed on by my girlfriend's
Anus
Okay
By passed on
Does Frank mean that
His girlfriend's anus
Politely turned it down?
I'm all right.
I'm all right.
Thanks, Frank.
Like turning down a roll?
Yeah, yeah.
It's not really for me, this correspondence thing, Frank.
Her bumhole said, I couldn't do it justice.
Maybe what he means is that Frank was asleep next to his girlfriend,
and while she was asleep, his anus quickly went,
Psst, hey.
I have a story to tell.
Gather round.
I have a tale for you.
Come, while she slumbers.
You would betray your master?
I would.
So, Frank says, I'm a founding father,
and she has become well used to me listening to your tales of civil shites.
It's not a long story,
but one that nonetheless should not be wiped from the database.
Very good.
On a day when she was set to return to her home It's not a long story, but one that nonetheless should not be wiped from the database. Very good. Hmm.
On a day when she was set to return to her home after visiting her family home in Hampshire,
she was accosted by the obstacle of her father occupying the only bathroom in their house.
Oh, dear.
Hmm.
Having neither the time nor the sphincter control To hop from foot to foot or clench
She made the executive decision
To pass her rusty water
Into a plastic bag
I hate rusty water
That makes me sick
Into a plastic bag
No
Yeah
Great musician though, Rusty Water
Rusty Water, yes of course
Babadabano
Woke up this morning
Shat in a bag
A bloopy dooblow
A niche moment to address in one's family home, yes
Having to leave immediately
The decision was made to load up her motor vehicle with a plastic bag containing her dirty leaving.
Oof.
The fear of her parents discovering it in a bin amongst the Waitrose labels being out of the question.
Very true.
Oh, man.
It was disposed of at a service station on the A27, and if anything, she's the best person to drive around with a bag of shit in the car since
Prince Andrew gave his girlfriend a driving lesson
in the Pizza Express car park.
His girlfriend
gave him a driving lesson? I don't understand.
That's her joke about Prince Andrew
being a bag of diarrhea. Oh,
fair enough. Yes. Keep on
gently molesting yourself, Frankie. Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Thank you, Frankie. That's quite bold.
Thanks, Frankie. Thanks, Frankie. It was like she was
kidnapping. It's like she was kidnapping a
bag of shit. Yeah, disposing
of a body in a service station.
Do you think she threw the bag
in a bin or, like, emptied the contents
into a toilet in the service
station? Ooh.
That's, oh, that's tough.
Well, what would you do?
you gotta go bag in a bin don't you?
bag in a bin yeah
yeah
I just feel like it should be sent
it should be set free
where it belongs
into the sewage system
but then Phil
you're holding a still
stained but empty plastic bag yeah and
that's just going in the bin anyway in it you're right and there's you're right in the bin it goes
but also the bag has no spout
i'm a little bag short and
no it does here are my handles here is and spout. No, it does. Here are my handles.
Here is my spout.
You could sort of try and fashion a spout
through the momentum of the diarrhea leaving the bag,
but... Well, you can
fold... With any bag, you can fold
it to create a sort of spout,
right? But I'm picturing
an off-license
bag, to be honest.
Ah, yes. It's too soft, isn't it?
It's not going to hold the shape.
No, you're quite right.
It's just too soft, Phil.
Into the bin it goes.
You're right, you're right.
When you're right, you're right.
Thank you.
When you're right, you're right is a very funny thing to...
That acts too soft for the diarrhea to be poured. When you're right, you're right is a very funny thing to That actually suffered the diarrhea to be poured
When you're right, you're right
So we've been sent a little
screenshot from
Amy
Amy
Don't blame me for loving
your correspondence
She just says Amy, don't blame me for loving your correspondence.
She just says,
I came across a Daily Mail headline today that sounds exactly like you two made it up.
See attached.
So it is,
it's a screenshot of a story about Phil,
our alma mater.
Oh, Cambridge University.
L'Université du Cambridge.
L'Université du Cambridge.
The headline is,
Woke Cambridge University
Lovies.
Yes, good start.
Any article or person that uses
the word lovys is fucking mental.
It's unhinged.
Yep.
Yep.
Some unreasonable shit is about to get printed.
It's a more subtle version of someone beginning a speech with,
The time of democracy is over.
It's the verbal equivalent of a political party that comes with a uniform
loveys these loveys and you go what do you mean one actor
do you think the daily mail had like a massive editors meeting where they were like okay
are we gonna are we gonna aggressively call these kids loveys? Because they're still students and we hate them too.
What do these loveys do?
Woke Cambridge University loveys warns audiences.
So they've got the grammar wrong there.
Yeah, they have.
Warns audiences that pantomime of Rapunzel by Cambridge Footlights
contains kidnap scenes and homophobia, sexism, drugs, and alcohol abuse.
Hmm.
Well, we did the...
Well, I wrote one of the pantomimes while we were at university.
Yeah.
Is it the Footlights pantomime they're talking about?
Yes.
It's a photo of the ADC
theatre. It's entirely a student
production that the national newspaper
is talking about. Very pathetic.
Here we go. What Cambridge loveys
warns... Oh yeah, how have they missed that
grammatical mistake? What Cambridge
University loveys warns audience terrible.
Really embarrassing.
These people aren't stupid. The people who write
the Daily Mail, they aren't stupid.
No, they're clever in a very sinister way generally
They went to Cambridge, a lot of them
Yeah
They're all generally quite
They all read the Guardian
But they write for the Daily Mail
Right, right
Yeah, I mean
I mean it doesn't seem
it is embarrassing for a grown up newspaper to be reporting
on
the experiments
of students you know the social experiments
of students
it can be a bit silly and a bit unreasonable
from time to time but
we were
You're learning, ain't you?
You're figuring shit out
What I find strange is like
It feels like
This kind of news
Especially the Mail Online
The reason it's being made into news
Is to give angry old people
Something to talk about and that's it
yeah and it seems harmless kind of because they go oh it's just you know you know it's just an
article and you go yeah but it's like the drip drip drip of this every day turns someone's like
nice old dad from nice old dad who goes but young people, into like a frothing maniac.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
It's like a Japanese drip torture, you know?
Each drip on the forehead just caves in your skull,
that micrometer.
And you go, oh, it's just a drip of water.
Yeah, sure, each individual drop of water
is just a drop of water,
but it's the drip feed of it.
It's the constant dripping
the constant
drip
crap
stop the dripping
something I'd shout from my bed at night
yes
yeah
yeah
I can't actually
yeah I can't imagine a worse
a worse torture for you
that yeah your intolerance of tiny sounds at night time a worse torture for you.
That, yeah, your intolerance of tiny sounds at night time is well known.
Well, that's, yeah, another brilliant piece of journalism by the Mail Online.
Another thing for, I don't know, a retired person to angrily chat to another retired person about in a regional Costa coffee,
not to be snobby, but that's where I encountered these subjects out in the wild.
So are these, are these like content warnings that the ADC has put out? Right, right, right.
Yeah. Which is in itself, look, I don't disagree that it's silly. I just don't understand why I'm reading it in a national newspaper. Yeah, same.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like kids play with blocks at school.
Yeah.
Why?
And you want to sort of go, and the kids were,
they were Putin's kids?
Is that why?
Yeah, yeah.
It's embarrassing.
The defense of this stuff always seems to be,
well, not all the news can be important or necessary.
And it's like, well, yeah, it should be, so just cancel all the other news.
Don't do it then.
I mean, newspapers are shorter.
Yeah, don't be like, well, we've
released a million albums this year, and
they're all terrible, but at least we have them.
No, that's not how this works.
Just release seven good ones i've started to think of putting stuff online pierre to to defend my my position that you sometimes make fun of i see the internet
not as like an infinite space but as a gallery. And in the gallery,
you can put up a piece of art
or you can drop litter on the floor.
When you post something that is of no value,
it's litter.
You're littering.
You're putting litter on the internet.
You're littering the internet.
And I don't litter.
I find your perception of the internet
as a limited space, like a desk.
Very funny.
But it is kind of.
It's not an infinite space
because we only have so much attention.
And I mean, you know,
I'm very much of the persuasion
that living a creative life
and working creatively
is as much about what you don't
make as what you do make and that's true but you're it's as much about what you
you're talking about just like doing a promotional tweet about your own ticket sales as if it's like
but you cannot hang a brown canvas in this room
well yeah no i'm not i tried to be you know um measured about it moderate about it
um only when it is necessary
i i like the the idea though of um you being really considerate towards twitter's we haven't
even talked about elon musk buying twitter he actually did it the crazy fucker he did it
this is a light
spicy take
as a taste of
what you can enjoy in our Patreon
episodes if you sign up to our Patreon
I don't see what the big deal is
people going oh this place
has turned into a hellscape now
I've not noticed any difference on Twitter
at all except people tweeting
about Elon Musk more.
What is going to happen?
I don't understand.
I think the worry is that
he'll let Donald Trump back on, basically,
seems to be the headline.
Hmm.
Yeah, that seems to be.
And, like,
But people are talking about something's already happened, and nothing to be. But people are talking about
like something's already happened
and nothing's happened.
Yeah.
But he's fired the entire board.
He's going full Napoleon.
It's interesting.
But yes, ultimately,
I hope whatever he does kills it
because I wish it was dead
and I wish it didn't exist.
Maybe that's why I'm quite philosophical about it
because deep down, I hope he destroys destroys twitter i hope he ends yeah i've been amazed by
the number of tweets from people who are like oh please tell me where the next place is that'll be
like this and it's like the next shit-filled fuckfire yeah it's like a guy fleeing from the Bastille into a smaller prison.
And going, ah, God, lovely.
Yeah.
Well, if you want more spiciness, do subscribe to our Patreon to hear our bonus episodes, which now come out on the Friday.
And as ever, check out me and Pierre's,
my and Pierre's live dates.
Yes.
Pierre at Zorro Theatre, me on tour
in the spring.
I'm in New York in December
3rd, if you're around.
Other than that, we'll see you next
week, or if you're a
Patreon, on Friday.
See you then.
Bye.
Bye.