BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 223 - Community

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

the lads talk ketchup song, Conrad, communities real and imagined, self-education and David Hockney, we hear about Andrew's brush mystery and Charlie's dentist and fasting tat Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 2-2-3 2-2-3-4-5-5-6 Oh, that was set up for you That was pre-made Thank you What song is that from? It's a pre-Fly for White guy 1-2-3-4-5-5-6

Yeah Yeah Awesome Why does he... It's a great song Why would that be in English? It's a great song one two three four five five six one two one two three four five five six yeah you're right it doesn't quite have the same rhythm to it why does he say five twice aside from making it scan i think he's just scanning yeah yeah because you can't say one two three four five six seven yeah exactly it fucks it all up i mean you kind of do it was a very different vibe i think um if you're willing to just put all your lyrics in spanish and make it an electronic enough song you're gonna have some

sort of european banger on your hands oh absolutely big time i mean um the lost ketchup song is it like is it just the lyrics of macarena or something i said yeah yeah yeah yeah i yeah. I said a hey. Yeah, I said a hey. I always thought it was I said a hey. I said a hey. Ha, de hey. Is that what it is?

No, it's I said a hey. It's a Spanish word. Oh, oh. I said a hey can be broken. Because A-S-E-R-E-J-E. I said a hey. I said a hey. word oh can be broken because a s e r e j e which can be broken down into the spanish phrase meaning let's be heretical let's be heretical that's how catholic spain is but back in the day spanish heretics were going i said hey running from the spanish inquisition yeah it's the funnest song that you sing right before they break down the door and kill your whole

family it's funny the song is a tribute to the lives lost in the Spanish Inquisition. This is what people don't know about Las Ketchup. Spain is so Catholic that whenever someone wants to have any fun at all, they say, let's get a heretical. Let's get a heretical. Just like a monk who's finally snapped. Just leaping onto a bench. Let's get a heretical. Lifts his robes up up flops his dong around

do they wear pants under there? I wouldn't underwear? big robes, the monks um um I think yeah but like those old like breaches like white breaches yeah Like white breaches.

Yeah, sort of. You can't tell if they're pants or pant above pant. Okay, so this... Oh, well, this is interesting. I've got an article here. The real meaning behind the Ketchup song. In brackets, Asereje. Revealed, and it's a shocker.

And the website I'm on Pierre, funnily enough, is thesouthafrican.com oh, okay another country where it's quite dangerous to say let's get heretical but from a protestant point of view really

so Buzzfeed reported that a Twitter thread spilled the by at kqf, spilled the, by at KQF, spilled the beans on the meaning behind the awesome tune. Spilled the beans? Spilled the beans. Is this spilling the beans?

Isn't it just a translation? Isn't it just, it's not spilling the beans to just tell me something. It's like the way that papers and like, clickbaity websites now use the word revealed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah let me spill the beans to you on how to cook chicken no just tell me most populous countries in the world revealed yeah yeah yeah it's revealed i think tom holland reveals reason why he accepted to

to be spider-man and it's like he's always liked the comics and it seemed like fun and there was often a lot of yeah loads of money you go wow what a reveal i could never have imagined i hate journalism english oh it's the worst english after advertising english journalism english i think is yeah i yeah i i i i um uh scoffing and munching it's like no they were just eating sandwiches scoffing and politicians the diplomats like if biden visits the uk it'll be like the president and the prime minister will be scoffing quails eggs at the reception and

quaffing quaffing champagne. Quaffing champagne. He goes, they're just drinking it. Just shut the fuck up. It makes me so angry. It really triggers such a, like, fucking completely involuntary autistic rage. I just go, don't talk like that.

It's very much a reserve of the, reserve of the more populist papers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This undertone whenever reporting about people of it's all right for some. Yeah, it's all right for some. That's the language they use. It's all right for some. Coughing, scoffing.

As though like... But then they'll do it even... Lovies. They'll do it even as like the prime minister was seen munching crisps and you go what do you okay what's he supposed to eat what do you how's he supposed to eat it swallow them whole do you want him to swallow them whole munching like a seagull it's like reading the fucking bino i hate it so much this bino english and it infantilizes the public and and you're right there

is that tone of like oh well oh maybe i'd be prime minister if i know there was free campaign shut up it is it is it is very pathetic it's like the same people get annoyed when they're like the prime minister uses a private jet and it like, he's in charge of the fucking country. Yeah, or when a cabinet minister's in first class on the train. It's like, yeah, I don't want some fucking rugby fans throwing their notes out the window. Yeah. Because they're nerds. Exactly.

Also, it's easier for you and me to work in first class on trains. And we're clowns. This guy's in charge of the Ministry of Defense. We don't have any secrets in our bag. Well, maybe my recipe's for sticky chicken. Phil Wang reveals sticky chicken recipe. Phil Wang reveals sticky chicken recipe, and you won't believe how much soy sauce he uses

and then you read the article and it's just a normal amount of soy sauce but I did believe it and they go oh well at least you clicked it I just add a bit of dark soy as well that's the unbelievable revealed Phil Wang reveals all okay so back to

Acerje apparently the song is about a guy named Diego who was high on something. If the lyrics in the first verse are anything to go by. Well, are they? Those lyrics in the first verse are... Yeah, they're just lyrics, aren't they? With the moon in his pupils

and leftover contraband in his blue suit. Oh. Okay. Okay, the moon in his pupils. So maybe his pupils are dilated and leftover contraband in his suit. As soon as Diego gets to a pet club, he asks his DJ friend to play his favourite song at midnight.

Very romantic. Which turns out to be Rapper's Delight by the Sugarhill Gang. What? Diego can't remember the name and tries to sing the American hit in his drugged up state instead. Oh, that's a... I said, hey, huh?

Yeah. I said, hey, hip hop to the rhythm of the boogity beat. Oh! That's what it is! Yeah. It's a drugged-up Spaniard trying to remember the Sugarhill Street Gang lyrics. Oh!

Wow. Well, I quite like this. I like this i like this so yeah there's holes there's something kind of um um what's who's the author um heart of darkness conrad there's something conradian about this song it's the song is about someone trying to recount something to someone else. Much like in Heart of Darkness is about a man recounting his time in Belgian Congo. Yeah. Two people on a boat. This is a song about a drugged up guy at a party trying to recount a song he can't quite remember the name of to a DJ. And in a second language. Ah, presumably in a second language. This is good.

I like the song a lot more now. I said, hey. Ha. De hey. I had it to the head of the city. No matter how many food and squid did it be. We'll get another book. Did it be?

Yeah. But set to a different rhythm. We misjudged you, Last Ketchup. Oh, man. I do sometimes regret not studying english only because i could have written like a thesis on how the last how the catch-up song is the heart of darkness for our time you need that shit up they need it up yeah that's it instead you had to do loads of sums i tell you what i regret not doing a degree in english even though i did do an arts degree just because of the amount of reading you have to do i i feel like i would be way more across my classics like great novels of the 20th century like yeah i'd be much more aware of of i have such a foggy

understanding of like the bloomsbury group and like all these like titans of literature and if you do a degree in english you just are made to know this stuff yeah but i think you get up too deep into i mean we know english graduates and they're not the best what am i trying to say here they aren't the most they're not always the most rational people they're not always the clearest thinkers they're they've gone in too deep i think i think i think studying an english literature degree is akin to taking a lot of acid in your youth yes you had some you had some great

insights insights revealed to you insights revealed you had some great insights revealed to you that maybe other people won't get but it's broken your brain a bit it's broken your brain a little bit I think that's yeah yeah, I like that.

That's true. They're sort of like warlocks. Yeah, you've done something to yourself. Like, you see farther than most, you know, like a seer. S-E-E-R. Yeah, it's like, yeah, you can understand Ulysses, but you vote like a fucking lunatic so you know you know a little bit you know bit of column a bit of column b yeah you go into a lot of tackles emotions first yeah and that's

nice yes two emotions yeah a double emotion tackle yeah yeah yeah you're going in double emotions right into the shins yeah that's really good that's really good i i i think to be honest i think the best part this is when i start sounding like fucking rishi sunak is i think the hard sciences should be the only university degrees um because the best bits of the soft degrees you can learn yourself later on to an extent no one's ever taught them look i've sort of to an extent caught up on a bit of history on a bit of literature no one's learned like physics on their own i mean einstein did but that's why he's a genius no one's like gone off and just like become an engine and become a doctor on their own

you know what i mean the trouble is that you need you need the books that the self-taught people like you use to exist in the first place this is a very good counterpoint because this is a very good counterpoint i i remember some lecturers in my niche old degree who they did something quite clever. They took us through the basis for an argument that they already knew to be incorrect. Your professors took you through the basis of argument they already knew to be

they already knew to be incorrect. Did you already know it to be incorrect? No. So they said here is the argument for the Picts. Yes, the Picts, the people who used to live in Scotland. Yeah. So they go, here's the argument for the Picts not being an Indo-European group. Like, here's the argument for the Pictish language and the Pictish people to be this fucking weird exception like the Basques.

Yes. On their own. With no connection to any of the other languages yeah yeah yeah and that was the predominant theory about the picts generally till the sort of late 70s i think and so they took us through it and i was like wow this is very convincing and then they went okay now that you know that all the arguments for why here are all the subsequent detonations against that okay whereas if they just taught us the detonations against it we would never have taken the original theory seriously and learned their arguments

right and right and so if it had been self-study i could have just come across some book by one of the academics who still believes that and i think there are still a couple and i would have just gone oh the pics are non-indo-european they're not related to anything and then i would have stopped reading about the pics and started reading about the Romans. Yeah, that's a very good point. Because I basically do kind of believe whatever the last article I read or book said. That's the thing.

They were trying to train us out of it by just relentlessly going, the cube is blue. And you go, the cube is blue. They go, no, it isn't. Behold! And it's red. And you go, ah!

And they just did that like a thousand times and it breaks your mind and it makes you the worst kind of person which is me which is whenever whenever someone says an answer to something that is either interesting or exciting or simple i immediately go that's probably wrong that's very good but do you think it has contributed to your overall excessive cynicism about things? I mean, if you do think you have an excessive cynicism about things. I mean, I think I do to an extent. I think I do to an extent. I think it's made me less fun at parties. This is it.

This is it. Because the people that people like are the people who don't have critical assessment faculty yeah yeah the people but people popular people people just go along with it because they haven't learned to doubt everything yeah they just go cool man yeah wow that's amazing yeah yeah and so the other person goes wow he thinks my theory about the moon is amazing because he does oh yeah or you'd someone tells someone a story about a time they went to uh malawi and and helped out some school yeah that's amazing you're an amazing person so nice whereas i'll go did that help on balance i think it sounds like it didn't help on balance i think it sounds like it's a bad idea

do you stay in touch with them is there any way of checking if the money is being spent on what you thought it was? Did you learn any of their names? Did you learn any of the language? Did you find this opportunity through some sort of agency? What exactly? Were you teaching to fish or giving fish? What were you doing? Yeah, well, neither.

It feels like you gave one bad fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you understand that the reason everyone in those countries you've been to is so kind and generous is because there's no state support system yeah they have to look after each other but as a matter of survival yeah they'll fucking die it's the same way like in johannesburg like oh your neighbors always check in on you and it's like yeah because someone might have shot you in the fucking head this is something that i always meant to turn into a bit of stand-up i never got around to and never was able to is that

i never want to be part of community because nothing nothing good ever happens to a community yeah communities only ever have to pull together and find a community really pull to yeah the community's really pulled together here i was like well I don't want to be part of a community. Because communities always have to pull together to save each other from something. I don't want that. You're always going, ugh, ugh. You're like slapping the wet community hands off your shoulders. Ugh, ah.

Yeah, I don't want to be part of it. Community is always reeling. The community is reeling from something. I don't want to be reeling. This is really good Seinfeld stuff. I don't want to be in a community because nothing good ever happens they're always reeling they pull together they're reeling they have to have a spokesman yeah community spokesman said um or they have to raise funds or yeah it's never um the community got sucked off last week

they all lined up and got sucked off and given a free cake what a great day in the community that's it because and this is the sad truth as people become prosperous they have less need for community that's why communities break down that's why wealthy cities don't have a sense of community because community is less necessary yeah that's the truth of the matter yeah that's why middle-class urban people don't have they wish they had a sense of community but they don't have one because oh man i'm so glad too wealthy i'm so glad i don't know any of my fucking neighbors well this is it the only time i got to know my neighbors my last flat building

was during the pandemic when we all joined like as to help each other yeah we never did really but we all joined a whatsapp group and but but that's the only time we've ever got to know each other was in a desperate global catastrophe yeah i get to know my neighbors if there is a zombie apocalypse yeah then i i'll figure not a minute sooner because i accidentally got had a chat with someone who lived in my building right that's such a london thing to say i i didn't want to i accidentally had a conversation with someone who lives near me yeah exactly yeah and now all that's added to my life

is there's someone who if i see them coming in or out of the building when i'm coming in or out i have to make a face oh the kind of face hello we sniff out the nose and the smile. Hello. We live here. We live here, don't we? Little nod? Do you do a little nod? Yeah, a little nod. Oh, hello. Fancy seeing you.

Do you say hello? No, I just sort of go... I nod like a geisha. With the black teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that's a traditional thing? They put black all over the teeth terrifying like being seduced by a sleep paralysis demon i am i give him a nod and it's like i don't know what i'm saying with the nod like fancy

seeing you here in the building we both live in obviously like yeah and we don't and i don't want to become friends with any of my neighbors because if you're a stand-up comedian and you meet someone new all that happens is people go oh oh well i have to come to one of your shows and you go uh yeah you won't though yeah you won't or even worse you will either you'll either you'll keep saying that and you'll never come and you'll keep asking me annoying questions like what time is it when is it and it's like google it i'm googleable i i i know i'm not famous but i am i am selling my tickets on the internet you know i'm not selling them out of my hat like a fucking victorian magician like just google it and and then they do come and then they have an opinion on it and then no no no no not not next door phil that's what annoyed me so much about the gusto boxes being

stolen that time because i was gonna have to figure out which of my neighbors was a fucking criminal and that's in a way getting to know them and i don't want that either i just want them to leave me alone like an old well there's a devastating there's a devastating statistic of um the safety of a neighborhood is directly proportional to um how many of the neighbors you know the name of so like the safety of a neighborhood that goes up the more people know each other's names what which is essentially yeah yeah so the safest neighborhoods are the ones with a good sense of community unfortunately what about the ones where it's just a bunch of oligarchs living in mansions with gates and guards i mean to an extent i suppose they're less likely to steal from each other because they have they don't need they'd have enough

yeah they can afford their own gusto boxes but if i've learned anything from video games then you're at great risk of being agent 47 yeah exactly did i i don't tell you when i accidentally ended up in um i think like a milliner's compound in sicily no i don't i don, should I even talk about this? Was this when you were a secret agent and you had to try and get those documents while he was having a massage? Because he was having a massage, he couldn't see you. So you could be the massage therapist for a bit. Yeah. And he gets a massage and he walks around and he gets another massage again.

Weirdly. He gets a massage. He walks to the window. He puts his hand on his hips and says a bunch of stuff. And then he just gets another massage and the masseur doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with that now swimming around in the sea in in in sicily because i'm in fucking white lotus and and it's me and an ex and we were we found a little spot, and we swam around for a bit, and we beached ourselves. We emerged from the water on a different part of land, and we found they were walking among houses.

And then we found that we were walled in. We couldn't get out. And we just swam into some gated community. Oh, right. Yeah. And then we had to finagle the security guard door to get out. I felt like an accidental spy. And it did feel like Hitman.

Like, will I get away before... What sound effect did they have in Hitman? It wasn't... That was Solid Snake. Yeah. I don't know. What was the Hitman sound effect? Yeah have in hitman it wasn't that was solid snake yeah i don't know what was the hitman sound effect yeah i'm not sure but okay so there was a moment where you were were you at least dressed in sort of colorful shorts yeah wet yeah but then that's tangibly like you look like a tourist you know yeah or even that i live there to be honest or the bit to asian maybe i don't know too many east asians living in sicily yeah why why are they rich chinese people moving to italy

maybe not well not sicily because it's too poor it'd be too poor for them yeah they'll go to milan or rome or that's true they don't have any probably wouldn't even go to siena that's true but that's interesting isn isn't it? Sorry, Florence, I mean. They don't have the same sort of villa-based fantasies as a stereotypical rich Brit might have. Yeah, yeah. I mean, more and more we'll be going to Taormina now because of White Lotus.

You know, there's becoming this White Lotus effect for tourism. Like, once White Lotus does a series in your place, like, the prices just shoot up because it becomes full next next holiday season yeah it must be this insane first series was hawaii and then and the next series is going to be thailand oh yeah i mean if you were smart a chain of hotels should just get together and pay for the show to be made. Yeah, in their location. Briefly going back to the subject of my continued humanities self-education. Yes, yes. On Friday... On Saturday, I went to this basically like show of David Hockney.

A David Hockney show at the Lightroom. Oh, nice, yes. Basically, it's this underground room where the walls and ceiling and ground have just projections on them all the time. And it's sort of this 50-minute display of David Hockney's story and David Hockney, his paintings and his art.

For those who don't know, David hockney is an english artist his famous famous painting is the guy swimming in the swing pool yes and there's a guy looking down at him from outside the swing yeah it's great yes he's brilliant he's so so good the overall the show didn't work the show didn't work very well when i tried to make you part of the painting like it would it would cover the whole place in the painting and then, like, the floor would look like

the painting and it didn't feel like you were in the painting. Yeah. What was good was when they just used the walls as, like,

gallery walls and projected his art and all. There's a brilliant bit where they basically describe perspective to you and, like,

in a voiceover, he tells you what perspective means. Oh. And they show you and like in a voiceover he tells you what perspective means oh and and they show you like examples of different types of perspective in art and like in 15 seconds i understood perspective oh wow yeah and and the vanishing point in paintings and yes i know about vanishing point which yeah which is basically kind of how would you describe as the point at which perspective emanates from so yes so the lines all all you know the geometric lines all focus on this point the best way to describe it is if you imagine in those bits in wily coyote

where you're looking down a desert road yes and the desert highway disappears onto the horizon and it's so far away that either side of the road might as well meet in a sort of triangle almost yes that's right they touch the point on the horizon where they just become nothing so you could draw that as a triangle coming out of a line that's right and the whole painting sort of converges on a point as it were and there's a story david hockney tells in it where he's driving through a tunnel and it's completely empty ahead of him so for miles he can see the light at the end of the tunnel yeah and and so that is the vanishing point of his of his vision and as he's driving towards it he starts panicking because he realizes he's about

to go into the vanishing point and it's going to explode oh and and he drives through the lighting you know and then everything explodes around yes and he realized he was driven he drew his first time he'd actually driven through the vanishing point oh which is a cool thought that's really nice yeah vanishing points are real fucker when you get it wrong and you realize that like you've drawn a chair with the wrong angles compared to it Well, it's funny you should bring that up, because as one experiment he painted a chair with a vanishing point outside the picture, so basically the artist has a vanishing point.

Yeah. And so the chair sort of expands in the opposite direction in the painting. Oh! With the front bit of the chair tapered, and then the out growing outwards. Is that one of his famous ones? I don't think so. I want to have a look at that. Well, I don't know enough about him to be dbh uh oh he's done quite a few chairs i think i see the one he means oh that is odd yeah so it's like it's the chairs of tapers

inwards towards the camera yeah and then goes away yeah oh he's done a few oh yeah yeah it's quite disconcerting that is odd because it kind of doesn't work with the back of the chair that's cool though that's interesting really cool experiment and this show also introduced me to his photography i don't photography really, but he does these collages of Polaroids, but over time so that, you know, there's a sense of movement in it. And like between two pictures, the perspectives shifted a little bit.

So there's this feeling of movement and of time passing. Oh, it's very good. It's really good. I think this is good. I think you must have had to do some drawing as an engineer yeah but our engineering drawings you always have like it's all like rulers and compasses and it's all very straight and yeah but the vanishing point is a part of that you know if you if you're trying to do a 3d diagram yeah yeah yeah yeah it's true

yeah yeah you can get those technical drawing uh sheets where it's all like triangles right yes you can yeah they also he also described isometric point of view yes which is what the old chinese paintings have on these long scrolls where the vanish you know they're all it's always other they're all the lines are parallel to each other across a scroll and the idea is that you're you're moving along with a painting uh-huh you know so it's like every time you move along the painting you your your vision of the painting your vision of the scene has moved on i should i want to check this out this sounds great it's good it's on loop. The loop's about 50 minutes. Yeah.

And I'd say like 40, I'd say 60% of it doesn't work and 40% of it's really good. That's pretty good ratio. Yeah. That's a pretty good ratio. Also, well, I might have to save this for the bonus part,

but there were little kids in there running around and a preview of my hot take for the bonus part is i think if you have small kids you don't get to enjoy adult culture for 15 years okay well we'll discuss that in the VIP area. But speaking of childish enjoyment, Phil, let's do some correspondence. Yes. Ring letters. Keep emails. Email. Phone call.

Calls. 20 decks. Your sister. Keep a streetcar. Calls. Make one. Ring letters. Correspondence.

We have heard from Andrew Andrew, this is a scam Andrew Dear Philly Del Pierre Philadelphia Ah May we May we

Being neither exceedingly Poor nor offensively rich I humbly offer up a squeezed middle story of poo-demption. That's quite Dickensian. I like that. Very good and lovely double meaning on squeezed middle. Having house-trained the three children before school age, I hoped never to have to deal with a poo-egression as their teenage years beckoned. Oh, wow. A teen poo.

A teen wolf. Yeah. Complaints began to surface from the older two regarding incidents of poo in the family bathroom wash basin. What? In the sink. One of the teens had been pooping in the sink.

Well, so there's three kids and the older two are complaining about some sort of poo incident to do with the family bathroom wash basin, e.g. sink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The youngest denied any involvement for a number of months, yet the nibs of poo continued to appear with regularity in the basin. What? Nibs.

What? Nibs. A nib? Like a Hershey's Kiss kiss or like a little dot like a pellet like a rabbit dropping or like a nib slightly slightly stuck to the basin i think like nib of a pen like a little oh i think like a nib almost like of um like little nibs you'd get on like a plant like like a like a bud or a right oh start of a twig yes yeah what was the what's the saying cut it off of the nib what's the nip it in the bud nip it in the bud okay nip it in the bud butted in the nip. Our minds raced with possible explanations for the pooey sink situation.

Bumhole-related sexual experimentation was an early leader in our rundown. Wow. Bumhole-related sexual experimentation. Well, they've got teenagers. Yeah? Could be. With unresolvable digestive issues

coming a close second. that's good two good theories there i i respect the detective work there yeah the guy who used to work on this case he wasn't a bad cop it wasn't a bad cop he just couldn't see it it was too close to it. It was too close to the poo nibs. It was, in fact, the issue of digestive discomfort that brought the issue to a head. Okay. On encountering a previously splattered toilet bowl and seat, I asked the youngest to come and clean up after himself. Okay, yeah, fair. His sullen attendance to this task was observed in order to ensure Compliance to cleanliness standards

The use of a flushable wipe Was a reasonable tactic for cleaning the seat And external bowl surfaces That's quite a shit he's done Wow The seat And external bowl This guy is absolutely

Yeah he's Catherine wheeled some poo out of his arse. Then, as expected, the toilet brush was employed to deal with below-rim splatter. Blimey. Blimey! The face you pulled at that phrasing was great. Real just like... Scrunching. Real like you're a juror in a difficult case a good number of nuggets and liquid poop had been dispatched from the bowl onto the toilet brush

and now at the hands of the youngest the brush made an unexpected diversion towards the basin okay okay okay okay try this again try this again sorry the brush oh i see i see so the theory is that one of the kids used the brush to clean up the toilet well now the guy's watching this happen oh i see he's supervising the kid cleaning up his insane toilet mess oh i see so now he sees the kid take the brush and start wandering over to the fucking basin with the brush. Right. Case closed. A parental intervention was needed. After a brief discussion, the cause of the offending poo in basin situation became clear.

The youngest child had taken it upon himself to make sure that the pooey toilet brush was carefully cleaned with hand soap in the basin after every streaky poo or toilet blocker occasion. That's sweet, but wrong. Yeah, his valiant but misplaced attempts to clean the toilet brush were undone by his carelessness to clean down the poo in the basin afterwards. His question was a fair one. Quote, how else do you clean the poo off the brush? It is a good question. And it's a good question because the

answer is so horrifying yeah you don't kid you don't the answer is insane and i remember thinking this when i was a teenager and thinking so there's just a fucking shit brush that we just live with it's disgusting it seems impossible it can't true. And have I told you this before? When I first moved into this place, I used the previous family's poo brushes for about two months. Oh, no. Oh, no. I imagine if I looked that up in a book of feng shui,

it would say some terrible things. Yeah, the pages are just red in that bit of a book of feng shui it would say some terrible things yeah the pages are just red yeah in that bit of the book like you should not even be reading these pages it's like they're so cursed yeah this face is going out of the page and like the font has doubled in size yeah blood coming out of the spine The entire previous family's poo energy Is in your house and you're swirling it around And it's travelling through your pipes Yeah, pretty bad

Pretty bad But I've gotten these new fancy Well, not fancy, but they're newfangled silicon guys Which are really good I guess the solution is to kind of You use the brush And then you kind of flush on the brush. That's what I do.

You flush on the brush. But the vile ones are the old original designs where they're all bristly because they just catch poop and hairs and they stay there. They're like you couldn't have designed a better device for holding

on to shit. It's so stupid. I guess the idea is that you put it away and it gets so dried that then the next time you shove it in a clean water bowl, it's flaking at this point. It's not sticking. But then you're shoving it straight into moisture. You're getting it wet straight away.

Yeah, but you scruble it around and it kind of... Oh, I hate this. I hate this. Stop it. You scruble it around and it disperses. It disperses. Horrible. Yeah.

But it's the hairs is the main thing. Like, the hairs get so matted on those. The hairs? Whereas with the newfangled silicon ones, they don't. Hang on, what hairs? Oh, you mean the bristle hairs? Yeah. Yeah. No, no on those. The hairs? Whereas with the newfangled silicon ones, they don't. Hang on, what hairs? Oh, you mean the bristle hairs? Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, no, the hairs. No, hairs that end up in the toilet. Hang on. That's real. What? What? What hairs are ending up in the toilet? Not many, but when the toilet brush catches every single one that falls in there, they build up.

Are you a cat? Stop it. There is hair. Sometimes hair falls in there you're a cat stop it there is hair sometimes hair falls in i guess so i've mainly been focusing on the fucking lump of dried shit i'm apparently keeping in my bathroom at the end of a stick it's pretty vile i i think that it's like that sometimes there's a stain that you should leave to dry and then sort of scrape off as opposed to like rubbing it when

it's still wet you know spread no you should always go wet you always have to go wet i think in otherwise it's not coming off yeah but if there's like ketchup on like uh on something oh sorry i'm thinking purely poo in the toilet bowl no no what i'm saying is like so like you spill ketchup on like a work surface. Yeah. It's kind of just as easy for it to dry and then like come off because it's dry. And I think that's what the intention is with the poop on the brush. I don't think there's, to be honest, I don't think there's any intention with the poop on the brush. I don't think the design has gone further than the brush wipes the poop off the toilet. I don't think any more thought has gone

into that design then everyone at big brush just cheered and the meeting was over it's one of the few times i i genuinely think we can put a man on the moon but we still have a brush covered in shit yeah it just seems wild yeah wild you were you were the guy at the brush meeting where you go back and then we have this brush that cleans the poo of the toilet. And everyone went, hey! It started like a Wolf of Wall Street partying in the office. And you were the one dork with a pile of paper he keeps dropping, going, excuse me, sir? There's a problem.

Quiet, you. You might want to take a look at this. Quiet, you. Can't you see we're celebrating? We finally solved it. Well, that's what I'm trying to talk to you about. Get out of here get out of here and you go and you drop the papers into a fan and they fly everywhere i think that's probably what happened um so andrew says his question was a fair one how else do you clean the poo off a brush and that is not a question i or anyone really has an answer to

yeah it's true yeah exonerated and now retrained we have a poo free family bathroom basin hoorah andrew hoorah hoorah is that the marines hoorah yeah that's marines that is the marines ooh yes hoorah thank you andrew thank you andrew Andrew Now who is the next Poopoo la la We've got a Massage from Charlie Which is short for Charlotte

Charlotte Um You A car butt. You got a butt of a car. Yeah. You got a butt of a car. Yeah.

Like a big old boot. It opens up. Okay, so... Press a button, your butt opens up. You can put suitcases in there. Nice. I don't know. Nice.

I'm just trying to get into my def jam uh def jam that's good so charlotte says to jean christophe and vera to jean christophe and vera yeah who's who uh i guess you're jean christophe and i'm vera oh well there's vera wang it's spelt with two r's but yeah vera wang oh yeah oh no Jean-Christophe Novelli and Vera Wang Right Who's Jean-Christophe Novelli He's a chef He's a chef

I think After coming across two online ads that called for your peer review Only hours apart I felt compelled to write in Reference number one Dentists do not recommend There is a Pierre lookalike Okay let's have a look at this

It's like a little movie Oh I've been shown this lookalike before From Emil Who is on Absolute Radio with me Yes I'm willing to accept it as a lookalike Although I would say I think that the guy looks astonishingly German.

Show me on the camera. It's a little looping video of a dentist man. Oh, yeah. One more time. I almost got him at the beginning. He has your beard and your... He's got your beard and your hair, but that's about it.

And some blue peepers blue peepers bluer than a blue i'm gonna forward them to you so you can peruse them as well um yes yes i think that that's fair i will share it on my instagram story so if you check my instagram i'll i'll share um the picture and then the other one is reference number two. Hench women and their strangely animated spirit animals can help you to fast. Again, who made this? Who is the target audience? Why?

The real grandma caveman? So I've just sent that to you. You have a look. I don't know if you've seen this. I have seen it with men. This is the first one for women I've seen and it'll be an advert where it says intermittent fasting for seniors

and it's like a bunch of pictures of like quite skinny or fit looking physically fit looking women or men above a certain age and then like a kind of spirit animal next to them along with advice for the best way to intermittently fast for a

specific age group which is of course not how health works and it's not true no no it's complete nonsense also the ladies are all like ripped old ladies but they're quite clearly a.i.d they're a.i. ripped gilfs yeah hey um andrew andrew do you have the um a.i. Hey, Andrew, Andrew, do you have the AI-generated ripped gilfs for that advert for fasting? Yeah, I'll just send them over now. That's someone's day. Isn't that weird?

Oh, God, yeah. What a horrible thought. And Charlie goes on. Yeah, well, so each age group here has a different animal behind them. Age 45 to 50 has got a tiger. Of some kind. Age 60 to 60...

Actually, most of them have a tiger. Age 60 to 65 has a wolf behind her. But the oldest, age 65 plus, has a bear. A giant fat bear as well, which seems weird. A big old bear. Yeah. Grisly. I'm not sure what the animals are meant to...

Are these the fasting habits of the animals? If you're 65 plus and you're a gilf, what you're going to want to do is live like a bear. What you're going to want to do is get a load of m uh chrysalises and leaves and plug your anus with them so you don't need to shit while you're asleep for two months that's if you're an over woman a 65 year old woman so good luck with that um charlie says pierre your absolute radio success by which he means me being on absolute radio with with Frank Skinner and Emily Dean on Saturday mornings. Pierre, your absolute radio success has had worrying repercussions.

My mother, a huge Frank Skinner fan, was listening to the podcast of their show, of our other show. I mentioned that I, quote, knew you from a podcast with Phil Wang. My fatal mistake. with Phil Wang. My fatal mistake. This piqued her interest, and a few weeks later she told me she'd started listening to Bud Pod. No way. Oh, right, I said, not wanting to find out which episode she had heard.

Praying it wasn't Vagina Poosnake. She just muttered under her breath, Very intelligent boys. Dot, dot, dot. That's more sinister than saying I hated it. Yeah, it was disgusting. It was about poo brushes the whole time. Very intelligent boys.

Say exactly the sort of things I wish someone else would say. Really, Phil, it really feels like they're telling my story. it really feels like they're telling my story an ex-girlfriend's mum listened to an episode whimsically once and it was when me you and fern brady talked about her visiting that huge dildo warehouse and flopping all the dildos around and i was like wow you really picked the best one to go straight for the one about dildos did you well i hope you enjoyed it. Yeah, what can you do when it's in the public domain? Oh, well. Not much.

A short but sweet one from me. Bye, Charlie. Thank you, Charlie. Thanks, Charlie. Very kind of you to write in. Now it's time to go to the exclusive the what? Well, I guess maybe exclusive dildo factory because we didn't have the bonus pod when when phoenos on that's true yeah yeah very true that that would have been a wasted location so

yeah the exclusive dildo factory of the patreon nice yeah nice all right um so if you're a patron see you on friday otherwise see you next time see you next time buy tickets to see us live edmund fridge yes i'm on tour in the autumn in the UK Oh and here's an announcement I'm going to be on tour in Australia and New Zealand In November

So do keep an eye out for that Yes Very nice So I'll remind you all about that But otherwise see you next time Bye