BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 245 - Buchverfulstandigungsfreude!

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

More Miserables chat, Saltburn, sensationalism, Bollies Are The New Dong, Riddley Walker. Correspondence from Paul regarding his sexy mug theft, tat from Julia, people who get shocked (save the shock for slurs!), Lycett's prank and his new Christmas ham, quick one from Jessica (Jassica?) and her AI podcast name suggestions! (POO CITY!) Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 245. 245. Who scored 5? Who scored 5? This is my impression of a really bad referee. Wait, who scored 5? Or like a really sleepy football fan. Yeah, right, waking up.

Waking up after a very exciting game. Very fun game. Annoyed they'd missed such a good game. Oh, who scored 5? Someone just waking up. a very exciting game very fun game annoyed they'd miss such a good game oh what who's got five someone just waking up five nil who's got five yeah because they don't know yet no they don't they just don't know yeah that's good i like that um what are your dreams Christmas, my dreams, my dreams for Christmas, peace on mild. A love for everyone. And no more burps. Guys doesn't like burps is disgusting. No more. Hey, burping. Yeah guy doesn't like burps. His things are disgusting. I hate burping. Yeah, this song becomes mainly about how much

this singer really doesn't like burping. It is so gross. Why can't people just fart? But then I'm like the anti he hates burping, but I

hate slurping. I hate slurping And he slurps He slurps during my burps The jerk I think we've been I think we've still not fully recovered from watching Les Mis I think we live in a more Les Mis-y world now Someone

Oh god Someone who's friends with Luke and the guy who played Javert Uh huh Fuck I can't remember his name We're like Twitter friends Oh And real life friends Are we real God. Someone who's friends with Luke and the guy who played Javert. Uh-huh. Fuck, I can't remember his name. We're like Twitter friends. Oh. And real life friends. Are we real?

Anyway, I'm sorry if you're listening to this, and I know you are, because I know you're a listener. I've gone completely blank. But tagged both on Twitter, saying like, good to hear about Luke and this guy. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And I clicked at the guy who plays Javert's Twitter profile. Doesn't look like him at all. This is it. Crazy transformation. Yeah, there's a lot about Luke and this guy. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And I clicked at the guy who plays Javert's Twitter profile. Doesn't look like him at all. This is it.

Crazy transformation. Yeah, there's a lot of makeup on these people. Also, there's makeup, plus you're quite far away when there's a stage reduction. And then when you see the person, especially like... We were quite far back. With the headshots that actors get are always idealistic, make them look the fittest they will ever look. And also like the headshots are always like modern.

Oh, that person really? Completely different. But the the headshot he had like a scraggly beard and he looked like an indie sort of guy not like a clean-shaven french sort of proto-fascist yes so it wasn't just not the same interesting oh god who's telling us about um yeah i don't think we've recovered and i went from seeing that to seeing fucking tina turner so it's just been constant uh i'm going to see a musical tonight yeah what are you watching tonight i'm going to see little big things little big things and what is that it's like a big thing that can be little i guess i don't even get it it's about it's about this artist who became paralyzed. Well, not paralyzed from the shoulders down. And had to use a wheelchair but continued doing his art. Let me see what his name was.

Because this combines my two new interests, musicals and art. Those are your two new interests, musicals and art. Those are your two new interests. You're becoming a man of letters. A man of letters, a man of cultures. You were a man of engine, of machine, for so long, Philip. Henry Fraser. Oh, yeah. One of the artists. Do you know this person?

The name rings a bell, but those are two pretty common names. This this uplifting and colorful new musical is a life-affirming reminder about the transformative power of family and how sometimes it really is little things which matter the most too many adjectives i don't like being life-affirmed in general i so i'm a bit worried about that i don't like uplifting stories so i'm a bit worried about that. But I think the staging is meant to be really good. It was Aaron Sidwell, sorry. The Twitter mutual friend? The actor, yes. Okay, excellent.

Everyone's favorite Aaron Sidwell. And he was tagging in not just Luke Kempner, the quadruple threat, but also Stu Clark, who was the Javert. But look, that's what he looks like. Oh, yeah. He doesn't look like an indie man. I think that's

mostly to do with how much a beard changes a man's face. Yeah, a lot. A lot. He looks a bit more Javert-y there. Yes, there we go. This is Javert we know and love to hate. It's everyone's favorite bread obsessive. Javert. He stole a chunk of bread half a century ago, and I will not let it, I will not let it go.

I will not let it go I'm Javert Murder someone if you like I'm too busy with the bread man I'm Javert I love carbs I am French I will tie you to a bench Those are some of his lyrics

Those are some of his songs We should be more Aaron is a celebrity pod bud you know Of course. Because EastEnders and Doctors. Wow, and Aaron listened to the bud pod before we saw him play Javert.

No, no, Aaron's not Javert. Aaron's the guy who tagged Javert. Oh, Aaron tagged Javert. He knows Luke and Javert socially. From the Actors Club, darling. Where they all go to have cocktails. The new type of drink. The lovies. All the lovies laughing it up in their mansions in the middle of Soho.

Over there with their huge BBC contracts. BBC. Their BBC West End contracts. Something about all those stories about like the two people in history who've ever got lots of money from the BBC has convinced people who read the Daily Mail that the BBC pays well. It's literally Gary Lineker.

It's Gary Lineker and Jonathan Ross. About. Yeah, that's pretty much it. And they've just gone, well, everyone who says anything on TV gets a million pounds. It's a disgrace, actually. It's like tennis.

The top three people are paid extremely well and then everyone else is just slogging it. I'd say comedy is... I was listening to a podcast interview with... It's not Ronnie O'Sullivan. It's the other successful snooker player. Already too niche for me. Yeah. But it was a podcast about mental health. Oh, yeah. As opposed to about snooker. Oh too niche for me yeah um but it was a podcast about

mental health oh yeah as opposed to about snooker oh no did he have mental health he had mental health oh no i hope he recovered from his mental health if he's he's he's doing okay now okay but he did have mental health for a bit this is how people before people start saying that we're diminishing a serious thing this is how people talk about mental health now people i've literally heard people say he had mental health yeah he had mental health what are you talking about what does that mean but this guy did he did have some it's like saying someone had a broken leg by saying that he had leg uh yeah he had he had leg condition not even that yeah he had no he had leg he had leg he had health yeah he had leg condition. Not even that. No, he had leg. He had leg. He had health. Yeah, he had leg health.

He had leg. My grandfather had to go into hospital because he had health. Yeah, he died of health. He died of body. Yeah, he body died. But this guy was describing what it was like to be an up-and-coming snooker player as you build your career. Yeah. And it sounded like stand-up. Rightand-coming snooker player as you build your career. Yeah. And it sounded like stand-up.

Right, right. Traveling around in the car. Dreams above pubs. Weird pubs. Yeah, exactly. You get some weird fans early on. Like there's people who have been doing it for ages but never quite managed to make a breakthrough. Nice pun.

Oh. Very good. We'll see that on the BBC. You won't see that on the BBC. We won't see that. Yeah. You won't see that on the BBC And of course having mental health The snooker fact I know Which I'm not going to check Because I like it too much

Is that Snooker became a TV thing Because when David Animal Man Attenborough David Animal Man Attenborough By God That's David Attenborough. Attenborough was... David Animal Man Attenborough. By God, that's David Attenborough's music. Animal Man.

Signs for Animal Man. I'm going to put this chair through your forehead. When he was head of the BBC, and colour TV was just coming through is he that old he's really fucking old he's pretty old and color tv was just starting uh coming through and snooker was chosen as a thing to show off color tv because it all these different balls and they could finally be comprehensible comprehensible yeah you can finally you can finally make sense of snooker on on screen that's my snooker fact and And please, no one check it.

Your fact is like a... That's something I have to say at the end of all my facts these days. Please don't check that. And please, no one check it. Okay. And coming up next on the show. It's a funny way. Imagine it's like one of the journalists on the Today program said,

And please, no one check that as though they've gone well that'll that'll cover it that's that problem solved that's really funny of course and this is the first man to ever achieve such a thing in the world please no one check it no one has ever done this please no one check it no one has ever done this please no one check it or saying it as though it's just like an aside no one has ever done this in the world please no one check it

I'm Phil Wang it's the kind of thing they say when you can tell they're moving from one page to the next and then and please no one check that in Sudan earlier today yeah And then, and please no one check that in Sudan early today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was the largest of its kind ever discovered.

Please no one check that in Sudan today. Please no one check that. Yeah, that's good. Or like following it with, please don't check that the time is 12.34 and here's the news please no one check that and enlighten you yeah yeah yeah every news broadcast ends with an appeal to the audience to not

check anything that they've said also the please is really funny they're not even saying don't check that please don't check that you'll make me look really bad it'll be really embarrassing it'll be really bad so i'm admitting it's not true i know i clearly know it's not true because i'm kind of begging you why have you said it then don't say that yeah just say something else It's as bad as saying that's a lie And it's the biggest of its kind ever discovered

That's not true And now with the weather That's like the way little kids lie I'm not lying but I need another gummy bear Or whatever You need to work on their rhetoric That's good Oh I've been watching so many movies.

Have you seen Salt Burn? No, I saw your friend and mine, producer, comedy writer extraordinaire, Katie Story. She tweeted or posted somewhere about watching it through her fingers. Oh, yeah. But I wasn't sure why. And I forgot to message her and ask. Oh, it's extremely tense and dark. Is it dark?

Yeah, and twisted. Frightening? It's a psychological thriller, I guess. Oh, okay. So it's not spooky. It's not ghosts. It's not spooky. No.

But it portrays, if anything, the scariest monster of all. Man. Yeah. Not him. It's him. Oh, no. I hate man. I'm afraid he's in it.

I hate man. Not the man. Man. No, not the man. I hate the man, but that's because it I hate man Not the man Man No not the man I hate the man But that's because he's trying to tell me what to bloody do all the time Man Okay Man is all

Man is everyone Even the woman is man Even woman is man It's really good It's really good It's really really good Really dark and twisted And yay

I'm like Were you distressed? Did you watch it through your fingers? No No There are a couple of kind of gross bits a couple of kind of visceral bits okay um kind of there are a couple of set pieces that are probably there more for shock value than anything else but i like a bit of shock value yeah i like seeing something that i've not seen before on a movie, and I think that is reason enough to put it in. Yeah, like a talking shoe. Yeah, like a talking shoe. Never seen that.

Or something just sort of depraved and offensive. I don't, maybe this is actually a spicy take, but I don't buy the criticism of gratuitous. I don't see why gratuitous is seen as necessarily a bad thing if something is gratuitously violent or gratuitously sexual the fact of it being gratuitous is in a way

earning its right to be there because well if it's gratuitous it means it stands out it means it hasn't been done it means that it stayed in your mind but have you seen Horrifier? I think it's called Horrifier or terrifier or something that's really like i think we've discussed it before where i guess i guess one of those horror movies where i go this is porn for someone oh yes no i have seen clips of that it's really awful for me yeah for me that's like i guess what i'm

saying is maybe my my my threshold for gratuitous is much higher than i don't like people pearl clutching over like well the trouble is something gratuitous when it really wasn't for gratuitous is much higher than... I don't like people pearl-clutching over something gratuitous when it really wasn't that gratuitous. Normally when people say something's gratuitous, they're saying it because they write for The Telegraph. Right, yeah. Or The Daily Mail or The Times. That's not fair.

I don't think it's fair. The Guardian says it as well. I mean, Independence is probably the whiniest fucking one of all of them at this point. It's basically someone saying, I'm a prude. Yes, exactly. You don't like prudes? I don't like prudes, and I don't like people who dismiss

the value of extremity. Yes, or novelty. I think there are a couple of scenes in Saltburn that you could say are just gratuitous and serve little purpose other than for me to go, whoa, whoa, oh my God, what?

And I think that's good. I think there's value in that. I like that. That's part of art. Yeah, I think so. Okay. I think there's no reason to... People like to demonize shock. Is it basically sort of...

I don't see why you should. ...sexy, frightening brideshead revisited yes okay although i don't know what brideshead revisited revisited is i've never read it never seen any depiction of it i only know it as a reference i don't know what it is i have no idea what it is a book and then a tv show evelyn war yes i believe so um basically a not rich fancy boy goes to oxford and makes best friends with a rich-fancy. Okay, well, in that case, it's incredibly like Price I Revisited. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so it's that, but with, like, you can see balls. Maybe. Ah, I knew there'd be balls in it. I think balls are the new... Penis?

Balls are the new dick? Balls are the new dick. You heard it here first this Christmas balls are the new dick I'm not sure you do see balls I don't spoil it for anyone but I'm not sure you do

well maybe maybe for quick I think that they're the latest thing to put in films that people very rarely put in sometimes you'll see some dong flopping about

right but actual just ball for a period there it was like a stamp of a cool new show or cool movie if it had a girl weeing a girl sat down weeing yeah her pants by her ankles i was like oh this this movie doesn't this movie isn't this is not your dad she's weeing she's i think she's weird but it kind of was a way to say This girl's weird

She's crazy She wees It's in Orange is the New Black Yeah Orange is the New Black I feel like it's in Fleabag It feels like a thing that would be in Fleabag If it's not it's spiritual It's in things like girls

Yeah weeing Not to say that they shouldn't be in there By all means Go for it. By all means. By all means. By all means, madam, don't let us stop you. But I did notice it suddenly became the stamp of, like, this is a cool female-led show.

This is a slightly alternative. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're admitting about the weeing. We're admitting that we do wee. Yeah. And maybe for guys it's going to be like well we're going to start admitting we got balls yeah we're going to start showing you what's under the peen

yeah the balls everyone's a fan of the peen this the peen is the front facing member of of the dick and balls behind every good peen is a your peen your dick is the harry styles of the one direction of your dick and balls right everyone knows the penis but they don't really want to look at the other ones no and they don't like to remember them no they don't it makes things too messy they go oh yeah oh yeah um yes okay that's my that's my spicy take for the main part balls of the new day balls of the new day for filmmakers that's my prediction people are going to start you're going to start bollies yeah yeah i think you might do yeah yeah yeah it'll be a way of being like this is this is vivid without being technically pornographic because it's not an erection yeah you're not allowed to have a hard show a hard dong yeah but bollies yeah what's wrong with that yeah

get some bollies in there have a scene where spider-man has his bollies out spider balls spider balls um uh yeah it's uh yeah but uh solban it's um it's um really really fun film really fun uh because it's by emerald fennel who made promising young woman oh yeah i i uh i recommend a book called Ridley Walker, sort of post-apocalyptic sci-fi book. Oh, yes, you were just saying. Which is great. It's so good.

I loved it. It's from 1980, and really you can see its fingerprints all over Mad Max, all over any post-apocalyptic fiction that happened after 1980. Yeah. It won the Nebula Award

for best sci-fi book in the world. Oh, nice. It was very noteworthy at the time. Okay, I need to watch that. I need to read that. You need to watch that book with your eyes so then the words can become sounds in your head. There needs to be a German word

for that particularly fervent passion you get about a book you've liked and finished. You don't really have it with anything else. You really like the movie, you don't really say you don't have that sense of connection to it. I think it's because you spend more time with it and

because it all happened in your head so close and in your voice you feel so close to it. I'm going to suggest a word. I'm going to make one up. Okay, great. Excellent excellent because i had that with uh hangover square by patrick hamilton which is such a good book and i have it about any book really that i'm reading and if it's a non-fiction book i get quite what's the word evangelical about the subject i'll tell everyone you god this is such an interesting topic we've got to talk more

about this maybe it's also part of the excitement of telling people you've read a book. That's it. I think that's a big part of it, is showing off to people that you've read a book. Okay, how about this? Buch für Vollständigungsfreude. Is Freude joy? Yeah. Okay.

It's book completion joy. Oh, that's very good. What is it again? Buch für Vollständigungsfreude oh that's too hard for me what will it say hang on I'll make it say it out loud Buchvervollständigungsfreude I'll put that near the microphone

hang on Buchvervollständigungsfreude Buchvervollständigungsfreude Buchvervollständigungsfreude Buchvervollständigungsfreude Buchvervoll Buchvervollständigungsfreude. Buchvervollständigungsfreude. Buchvervoll. Buchvervoll. Buchvervoll.

Buchvervoll. Ständigung. Ständigung. Freude. Freude. Buchvervollständigungsfreude. Buchvervollständigungsfreude. Ja, sehr gut.

Ja, lustig. Grazie. Ich habe Buchvervollständigungsfreude mit deinem Buch. Yeah, sehr gut. Ja, lustig. Grazie. Ich habe Buchvervollständigungsfreude mit deinem Buch. I mean, it sounds very believable. It's good. I think German people listening are like, we're adding it. We're adding it. We're putting it in.

Scribble into a big book. I like to think that guys in charge of the German dictionary are very strict about grammatical sense, but very open to just new compound words. Yes, for sure. But I think that's why you have that blocky... We're adding it! We're doing it! The whole point of having that blocky grammar is to be

able to add words. Yeah, felicitazione! Well done, we're doing it! I find that the language, aside from German, I think is more similar to German, is actually Mandarin. I think they're very similar because they're blocks. You just add it together. Yeah, put the blocks together. Do you know book?

It comes from the German Buch, which originally meant Bach, because people wrote on tree bark. Yeah, Bach. So when you're reading a book, you're reading a Bach. What if I read a book while listening to Bach? Ah, that would be back on back on back freuder back on back freuder back on back freuder the joy of reading a book while listening to bach in the bath in the bath

while dressed like uh bart simpson well that would be terrifying to just see someone dressed as a Simpsons character lying in a bath. Oh, especially if it's like really convincing, really good. Really horrible. Like good makeup and like the eyes are bulging. It's only when people try and make the Simpsons 3D that how disgusting they are really becomes apparent. It's really horrible. It's really unpleasant. It's really frightening.

They're really frightening. They are really frightening. It's true yeah there's something disgusting about them yeah and when they're surrounded by their own colorful colleagues it's it's sort of fine why is it scarier it's much scarier to encounter something that is humanoid but has some exaggerated feature than to encounter like just a big blob alien uncanny valley yeah that's it. The theory is that because it makes it feel like a corpse or it's close to us but warped,

which implies death or disease or problems or accidents or violence. Where if it's different enough, it just becomes an animal. Yeah, exactly. You go, well, that's just a blob. Yeah. And I think maybe the Simpsons' perfectly circular, enormous eyes are suggestive of shock or fury. Ah, yeah.

Because when would your person's eyes look like that? It gives me the heebs. Yucky. Shall we go early to correspondence? Oh, yes, because I'm catching up to you. Like Father Christmas, we have bulging sacks. Big old sacks, which you can show on movies now. Hint, hint.

Yes. Anyone from HBO listening? Yeah, if you want to make balls the movie. sex which you can which you can show on movies now hint hint yes anyone from hbo listening yeah if you want to make balls the movie yeah no i want to make a show called balls like girls but it's just about guys they're nuts hanging out their zips as they go about their day i'm now i'm not watching girls for the first time it's really good it's really good You can see why it was a defining A defining show Okay here we go Correspondence

Okay So We have A message correspondence. Okay. Um, so, we have a message from dingle dongle do Paul. Paul, tell us all. That's good.

Thank you. You mentioned mugs that can't be shared with builders in a podcast. Oh, yeah. What was your non-shareable mug? Well, it was the one that I broke. The one from... Yeah, you fucked it up. From the V&A.

Beautiful bone china one. And it broke... It wasn't just handle, was it? It was a serious... Yeah, it was completely fucked. I just pawed at it because I was tired. I think I was a bit hungover. That's right.

And your fingers just stop activating when you're hungover. You just pour at things. Just flippers. And it reminded me of this story, he says. Oh, yeah. When my wife and I had just started going out, we decided to keep our first Christ's Mass presence relatively low budget. Okay, yep.

Knowing her weird sense of humor, I set up an impromptu boudoir selfie session. Oh. That's funny. Sexy. With a carefully placed cactus hiding my horrible shame. Wow, very damning about your own dick and bees. Yeah, your own dongle and bongles.

And then had the photograph printed on a mug. Oh, that's cute. That is funny. But not just any mug, Phil. And then had the photograph printed on a mug. Oh, that's cute. That is funny. But not just any mug, Phil. This was one of those fancy thermochromic mugs that just looks black until you fill it with hot water. Ah, and the colors change. Whereupon the image of my pale, modestly hairy self would be revealed.

Oh, so the cactus would melt away. No, no, just the whole image, I think. Oh, okay. So it's just a black mug. Oh, okay. Until you use it, and then in white, he appears. Yeah. I was at work several days after I had ordered it when I got an email saying it had been delivered to my porch.

Mm-hmm. Whereas, yet when I came home, it was nowhere to be seen. Uh-oh. I slowly realized the gravity of the situation. At the time, I lived in an absolute bin bags neighbourhood on a street that was frequented by enterprising young criminals. Someone

had stolen my mug. While this was an absolute ball-egg, I couldn't help imagining the two possible scenarios. One, seeing the criminal themselves using the mug and seeing my large-nippled self appear to judge their wicked ways like a ghost is he saying his nipples are large yes large nippled yeah but just appearing on the mug you you stole me am i wrong to assume that a street-based mug thief would be

homophobic phil in my head they have that flaw to. I feel like in this day and age, probably not, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I think they probably have their workshop so they have to go to as well. Yeah, street thieves. Yeah. We try to be inclusive street thieves.

Yeah. Yeah. Two, with it being a week before Christmas, the criminal re-gifting the mug to a sensible, older, plain mug-loving relative. And then having to explain what the hell was going on. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah.

Grandma, no. The thought of this was more than enough to make up for the hassle, and I always smiled extra hard at the local ne'er-do-wells in the hope that they would recognize me. That's funny. I mean, the way to make them recognize you would be to get naked. Put a cactus on your balls. Recognize me now, boys! Some dodgy little fucker

kind of cycling past you and you smile really hard. And the guy goes, you're that naked man on my mug! Your nipples! Your nipples, man. And they, using their mugger's knife, cut your shirt open to reveal it. And they go, just as I thought.

It is you. Your calling card. The nipples. In the end, I emailed the mug company and they found the story so funny, they sent me a second mug for free. Oh, that's nice. Picture and color changing video attached my wife loved it so much she demanded i make her a new version the following christmas we try to put them away when guests are around but often forget oh well she hasn't

koji paul yeah that's a that's a funny like oh sorry did i leave that out again did you see that oh how embarrassing what did you think it's funny can you see oh let me see because it's white on black it does look like sort of a pornographic photo from 1911 oh wow it is quite vivid it's pretty close up and he's sort of splayed on a sofa yeah it's very boudoir with a with a small well i don't embarrass our man here, but with a house cactus held where his penis and balls ought to be. And what of his nipples? But to give you an idea of its essence, having the penis and balls covered takes very little away from the sexuality of the image. It's still very, very vivid. I'm aroused.

Yeah. I've got to deal with that now. We're on a quick break now for us both to go whack off over Paul's mug. Some tat from Julia. Julia! Very cool-ia. Very cool-ia. Julia says,

Hello, jobby boys. Hello. I'm approaching the poopcast from every direction at the moment, listening to the new ones as they come out, but also trying to catch up on old ones. It is rotting my brain. Is this the Tarantino method? What do we call it?

There's someone else who's sort of... Oh. It's like a pincer movement. Yeah. Oh, what did we call it? I don't remember. Sandwiching? No, it's not sandwich. Sandwiching? Sandwich board?

No. No, that's not it. But it's funny to see with exclamation marks. It's rotting my brain. Thanks. I've attached a piece of cyber tat. Oh, wow. Okay, great.

Cyber tat. Robot tat. It's tat for the robots. Live, compute, love. Tat from the future. I'm not sure it's allowed, but if Phil can guess the second part of this deranged couplet, Robots. Live, compute, love. Ted from the future. I'm not sure it's allowed, but if Phil can guess the second part of this deranged couplet,

I will most certainly poop myself with shock and delight. Wow, okay. So, it is a very... Stretching. Yeah, stretch it out. It's a very dark sort of photo of just a lady's face. It's not relevant. Okay. Just to show like a lady.

Okay. And then in white text i'll quickly flash it to you there you can see on the dark image in white text it says not all girls are made of sugar and everything nice some are made of get ready blank blank blank blank yeah blank blank and blank just too many Blank. Blank, blank. Blank. Yeah. Blank, blank, and blank. Just too many things.

That's my first criticism of this tat. Long list of things. Okay. Also, it should be sugar, spice, and everything nice. What does it say? Sugar and everything nice? Yeah. You missed out spice.

So they are made of spice. Well, they had a lot of space to make up for in the second half of that tat. Sugar and everything nice. Some girls are made from... Darkness? Poison? One of them is dark blank. Dark thoughts?

Dark impulses? That would be funny. Some of them have dark impulses dark matter no you're thinking too abstract it's it's it's very literal and nonsensical oh gosh oh made from um it's got nothing to do with personal qualities whatsoever i have no idea why they've included it oh gosh okay with dark oh man dark chocolate i was about to say chocolate yeah i don't know why that's there so it's what is this food i guess well i like dark chocolate there's bitter food instead of something sweet and nice yeah but you know come on i was just trying to say dark chocolate's not

nice yeah um some uh not all girls are made of sugar and everything nice some are made of blank dark chocolate blank coffee no it's the only food. Whiskey. The only food is dark chocolate in there. Oh, okay. The only consumable anything is... Oh, made from... It's a very random...

Fears? The last one is to do with fear. Shock. Screams. No, no, no. To do with fear. Yeah, screams is to do with fear. Yeah, but I'm not saying necessarily

of fear okay okay you have to remember no these are complementary this whole list is very complimentary isn't it complimentary yeah but it's complimentary for like a dark twisted girl um i think the dark chocolate here is more just like i'm not shallow right okay pictures you're thinking of. Courage. Courage. So some are made of blank, dark chocolate, blank, blank, blank, and courage. Strength?

No. Blank, blank is hyphenated? No. It's an Americanism, though. Oh, God. I think this is true. Cuss words. Oh, God. I think this is too much. Cuss words. Oh, fuck. Cuss words. Like saying fuck. Swearing.

Oh, cuss words. The word is cuss words. Cuss words. Some are made of adventure. Yeah. Dark chocolate. Right. Intelligence. Cuss words. And courage. Oh, boy. Really repellent. Yeah. That's a real bit of words salad there really gross

cuss words I made a cuss words me also like you can't be made of cuss words if you're saying cuss words yeah fuck it let's just say the cunt word words like fuck put that in there girls are made of words like fuck actually

adventure dark chocolate I hate the term cuss words It's so prudish And purse lipped Yeah Don't use cuss words Just come on Shut up

Just go home I don't like people who are shocked by swearing I hate it it's the most tedious thing in the world It's embarrassing you're frightened of words Grow up Grow up shock is for slurs you can't make you can't make fun of young people by for being triggered by yeah these sensitive words oh because someone said jesus christ i'm shocked that someone called someone else a cunt but i'm not shocked by slurs yeah it should be the other way around save the shock for slurs.

That would be my keep calm and carry on poster. Yeah. It would be me dressed as a general pointing at the person saying, save that shock for slurs. It's also a good thing to shout at a cinema in our ever-expanding category. Yeah, yeah.

Someone behind us going, turn around, yeah. Oh, save that shock for slurs. Not even knowing if slurs are going to come up in the movie. No, no, no. Just in general. Just in general just in life yeah yeah like when when in the bit you're watching inglorious bastards and they're skinning one of the nazis scalping one of the nazis yeah i remember a lady behind me went

oh like that and i should have turned around and said, save the shock for slurs. Good rarely triumphs. Good rarely triumphs. So enjoy this. Yeah, enjoy this. Yeah. So save that shock for slurs. Good rarely triumphs.

Save the shock for slurs. What was the last week's fucking mnemonic? Mnemonic. Oh, bears, slutty, slutonic oh um bears slutty slutty dumb slutty dumb bears make good bread dumb slutty bears

make good bread dumb slutty bears make good bread make good bread dumb slutty bears make good bread right yeah yeah yeah yeah we go this way

we go this way like northeast southwest yeah a scout leader just like dumb slutty bears make good bread yeah we go this way you can eat that mass it's not poisonous Like north, east, south, west A scout leader just like Dumb city bears make a good player You can eat that mast, it's not poisonous

Okay So Shall we actually use this time We need to finally address the joe lysard episode oh yes yes he pranked everyone well yeah it's always he's up to something he's always up to something i don't want to linger on it we should we prank him back i don't should we pretend that i don't even know how doth one plank the plankster yeah yeah well at this point i think one has to assume

if joe lice is up to something it isn't what it initially seems well then the funniest thing he could do next is to do something really sincere that is so odd and seems so much like it's about something else and then it's just not he's gonna have to subvert his subversion right right so it ends up being what it is right yes i see yeah and maybe you have to lull people back into believing what you're doing yeah everyone gets into a kung fu stance and you go no that and you go no i'm just i'm selling a branded ham i'm selling joe lysett i really and i've worked really hard on it i have good relationship with the suppliers i picked the honey for the glaze it's a christmas thing it's going to

be affordable it's nice high quality yeah well responsibly sourced um i'm selling a ham selling ham and everyone's like okay so where can we buy this ham and eventually this would be a comment on i don't know animal welfare or something to do with saving the bees you said honey is this about bees and he's just like look i don't know why everyone's so upset is this a reference to list trust's pork market is this another list trust thing is it bees bbc bbc yeah bees bbc everyone ends up like charlie from always sunny just with the charts trying to figure out the corkboard and the strings yeah yeah yeah everyone's just so tense.

People go and buy the ham and they're opening it really, facing away from them in case snakes jump out. Wait a minute, there's just ham in here? How is this a prank? And he's just there like, I can't make this any clearer. It's just ham. It's just a good quality glazed ham. What's your favorite kind of ham?

I'm going to disappoint you with my answer. any clearer it's just ham it's just a good quality glazed ham what's your favorite kind of ham i'm going to disappoint you with my answer as i often do with food with food related um of ham or pork ham anything anything that can be described you know described as ham oh or or like um a charcuterie pork a charcutcuterie qualifying slice of pork. Oh, well, then it's probably like a salami or something. Okay. I don't know. My favorite ham would probably just be like,

the best ham is on the rare occasions when you get a sandwich or a pizza or something, and if there's ham on it, it's actually cut ham from a joint. Oh, yeah. And not formed ham from a big washing machine. Right, yeah. And they do use washing machines. Really, actually? If you're sitting at home,

Google how do they make ham into those perfect squares and it's like... Do they do the same for kebabs? Only the cheap ones. The good ones, they just spear cuts of meat onto the spear.

What's your favorite ham then? Yeah, the pink are the better. I just love that pink like sandwich ham. Just like cheap ass ham. Just like cheap-ass ham. Just like wafer thin. Just thin. Just ham that you can kind of peel up and go like that.

My problem with it is that sometimes, if anything, don't process it enough. Interesting. Go on. I think if you're going to have processed ham, make it just perfect. Yeah, like a frankfurter. Yeah, yeah, yeahfurter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Pink foam. Best sausage. Hard pink foam. Salty pink foam makes me feel home. Put it in my mouth and I won't feel alone. Salty pink foam. There's dogs on the fire. There's lynx on the tree.

Yes. Hundreds of sausages waiting for me. Yeah. What I don't like is when it's perfectly square-formed ham, but there's still a darker bit and a lighter bit, and there's a slightly chewier bit. Right. And you go, well, are you going to process this or not?

Yeah, what was all this? You missed the spot. You missed the spot, gyre washing machine full of water. Yeah, yeah. Wet old machine. I love a spongy reformed meat. I like poloni. Poloni?

Mortadella. Morta what now? Mortadella. Oh, the pinky. The pink tubes. Yeah, I love them. That's lovely. Yeah, it's called poloni in South Africa.

And the closest thing to it is the mortadella you get here sometimes. Yummy. Is that a washing machine? Oh my God, yeah. I mean, we used to make fun of it as kids in South Africa. It was just like lung. Yum, yum, yum. Lung, lung, lung.

A tube of lung. Delish. Slice of lung, please. A quick one from Jessica. Jessica. Jessica or one from Jessica. Jessica. Jessica or Jessica? Jessica. Oh, I heard Jessica the first time.

Like Brassica. Jessica. I heard Jessica. I don't know what else to tell you. I'm saying Jessica. I was hearing Jessica. Jessica. Yeah, I was hearing Jessica.

Who's called Jessica? Well, that's why I had to check. I think it would have been more worrying if I just went Jessica, right. But I can almost not hear the difference when you say it. Really? Yeah. Jessica and Jessica. Yeah. Until you said the E one, I would have

just heard the E one. Interesting. This is Laurel and Yanny. Jessica, God bless her. Yeah. Thank you. Hi there, Gerard Podpardieu. Nice. Is that both of us? Okay.

Just pooping in with a quick one. Love the show. Brings me great joy. I was recently recommending your show to a friend, explaining to her that it's a great time had by all, with much hilarity of poop. We were talking about podcasts and both started thinking where the word came from.

She looked shocked. She looked it up to find out it was a combo from iPod and broadcast yeah that's what i always assumed yeah yeah in the meantime i'd also started typing podcast into google to find out but was met with a podcast name generator as a suggested search oh which sounded fun i should get out more the search brought up an ai podcast name generator where you can enter a sentence to summarize your podcast this ended with the below search and suggestions so she typed in a show about poop poo turds bum eggs here are the suggestions great so this is the what an ai thinks bud pod should be called yes yeah with the the the thing put to the ai being a show about poop, poo, turds, bum eggs. Yeah.

Pee Wee the podcast. Oh, yeah. Gutted, a show about poop, pee, turds, and bums. That's not bad. Gutted's not bad at all. Gutted's pretty good. That would be the... And what a British twist it's got to. It's a British AI.

Talk and shit. Talk and shit. Okay, yeah. Pants talk podcast Oh yeah Yeah Soaked in snot I beg your pardon

This is veered off Soaked in snot The prompt That was not in the prompt Snot was not mentioned in the prompt We never mention noses buddy Alright chat GPT Thank you Chat poopy tea Chat poopy tea PPT noses buddy alright chat GPT thank you

chat poopy tea chat poopy tea PPT chat PPT and the final one poop city I like poop city poop city is great

I would love poop city to be hosted by Ira Glass. Or one of those guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome. You're listening to another episode of Poop City. You're on Poop City. I'm Ira Glass, and this is Poop City.

You know, I was thinking the other day that... The other day I was talking to someone. Sometimes I'm brown enough. The thing about Poop City... And, you know, what's really interesting about this is that... Anyway, aren't we all living in Poop well um we should now move on to the private ai oh yes of the patreon yes we should um but thank you for listening yes thank you for listening everybody hope you're having a fun christmas time um when will this go out out? This will go out just before Budpod Live.

Ah, yes. So if you're hearing this, you have two days. There might still be tickets left. We don't know. We're recording this a bit in advance. But if there are any tickets left, on the 15th is Budpod Live at Bloomsbury Theatre in London.

You must come. You must come. Oh, we'll have to assume you hate us. And we'll be crying all through Christmas day Boo hoo hoo But otherwise Love you lots, bye bye, enjoy, see you soon Bye