BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 287 - The Importance of Adidas Clothing

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

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What is, what's that glance? Ooh, ooh, what's the chance of falling in love with you? It's Bud Pod 287. 287. You hate Eben. Pierre hates Eben more of a flow guy. Oh, I hate to ebb. You hate to ebb. I love to flow. That is a, gotta be a t-shirt somewhere.

Hate to ebb, love to flow. Like with a number. Yeah. Hate to ebb, love to flow. People are like, huh? Are you a fisherman? Is this like a tidal thing? Because yeah, an ebb is like, shh, and then comes back, right?

I think the ebb is on the way in. Heb and flow, but a... Heb and then flow. Well, flow is the tide going out. I thought flow was like a river going, I thought the flow had to go into one direction consistently. But the phrase is always like... The ebb and flow of...

The ebb and flow of life, like tied in, tied out, right? Yeah, exactly, but I've never understood it because flow doesn't, I thought flow to me is a continuous movement. But while it's flowing it is. Hmm. Yes. And you can't step in the same river twice, Philip.

Yeah. Yeah. But does a river ebb, I guess it ebbs along the side and flows downstream. Is that what they're trying to say? If a river is like this, it can ebb sideways and flow lengthways. Maybe, maybe that's what they're talking about. Maybe that's what ebbing is all about. Ebbing is the sides.

It's also a town in Missouri. Is it a fictional town, Ebbing, Missouri? The three billboards in Ebbing, Missouri? Three billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri. Yeah, that town only ever feels like it's moving, but always recedes at the same spot. Nice. Thanks.

Very romantic. Imagine if it was real and you live there. Is Ebbing Missouri real? It's fictional. It's a good name for a fictional town. It's a great name for a fictional town. If it was real, you'd be there like, it's not all about fucking crime. You'd be so annoyed if you're like a proud resident of Ebbing. Yeah.

Like the peach de- stoner was invented here. So you know there's always some little invention or some guy. Speaking of flow and progress, yeah I was just recounting to you a tale of last night. Now that I'm Captain Pax. Now that I'm... Now that you're Gregory Pax. Now that I'm... Now that you're Gregory Pax? Now that I'm Mrs. Peckman. So funny to go straight for Mrs. Peckman.

Well, I thought about saying Peckman, but then that doesn't sound like Peckman. You're right. You just think, oh yeah, Peckman, yeah. But Mrs. Peckman, you go Mrs. Peckman. That's true. Anyway, I had to make that split second decision, Pierre, and I'm standing by my choice. I think you're right. I think there's no court in the land that would convict you. I was on my way to a gig last night

and I felt a bit of peckish and instead of- Classic Peckman. Peckman. Wow, yeah, pecks of all kinds going on. And instead of getting a sandwich or clisps, I got myself a protein bar. Yeah, a grenade. A grenade.

Because it's for men. It has to be a bomb. Because it explodes in your tum tum. It's a big explosion of protein. And it doesn't matter that the flavour I chose was peanut butter and jelly. It's still manly because it's a bomb. It's still a grenade. It's a sweet berry bomb. I like the vanilla raspberry grenade.

Salted caramel grenade. I like the... Because they have different flavours of grenade protein bar and I like the presumption. In fact, the men need to eat something called grenade, but they have a preference on what sweet flavour it is. Yeah, what lovely pudding they're having. I want this lovely, I want to have raspberry ripple machine gunned into my mouth. Yeah, that's right.

I want to be bayonetted by toffee. Because really, they should all be beef jerky flavour. Beef jerky flavour grenades for men. But they aren't. Which is plain, just way. It's like lemon cheesecake. Grenades! It's, um, you're dining in the general's mess on the front lines.

Lemon cheesecake, grenade! It's what the butlers have to say Every now and then where grenade will come through the window and you'll have to leap beneath the table As the dessert trolley is devastated by the explosion Takes most of the impact on metal in the dessert trolley. Yeah. Yeah, the dessert trolley looks mad Absolutely blown to bits. Shrapnel everywhere. Shrapnel in the dessert trolley is nice nice title for something. Yes, it's the new song from My Chemical Romance. I panic at the disco. Shrapnel in the dessert trolley. Yeah, Shrapnel in the dessert trolley. So I had my peel protein bar and it set me up for the gig. I had a nice gig and then on the way back, to be fair to myself, I did get a triple

cheeseburger and four chicken tenders. Oh you didn't mention that does this? Yeah in buffalo sauce. Oh real nice. But I will maintain a lot of protein, a lot of protein. A lot of protein. People are saying there's not a lot of protein there is. And I asked for no fries because I know fries are the real killer. But out of some muscle memory, the guy behind the counter threw in a bag of fries and handed me the whole thing. And I, Pierre, didn't eat the fries. I ate the burger, I ate the chick choc, and I threw a bag of fries into the bin.

Whoa. The strength it takes. You might be you might be benching more, Phil, but the real strength is whatever it took to lift those fries into the bin. That's his real strength deep down, deep down. Oh, I did. Although, in all honesty, I did try one and they were cold. So I thought it was easier than that. That had been really good and hot. that would have been the real test.

But still, I threw away a bag of fries. I think that's something. It is something. It's a feeling that you'll remember forever, I think. I will remember forever the feeling of just smushing half a cake into a bin. For reasons that I cannot remember, I had a cake. Okay, all to yourself. In my in my flat. No one else was helping me eat it. I don't even remember what year this was. I just have the visual. And it was

just sitting there, half a cake. And I just thought, this is going to kill me. This cake is going to be the death of me. I just smushed it into the bin. And you know when the bin is like a bit full, but you know there's too much paper or hollow things. So you have to smush it down. You're right to do so. I really smushed it into the bin is like a bit full, but you know there's too much like paper or hollow things. Yeah. So you have to smush it down. You're right to do so. Right. Yes. Really smushed it into the bin. Ah, because at first I thought, wow, this cake was so big that even half of it had to be smushed into a bin. But it's because the bin was full. It was still on one of those kind of weird shiny... The cardboard platform. Yeah, cardboard platform. And I used that for the base with my hand. Right. And just hand to smush it into the bin.

It was like the bin was a clown's face. And I smushed the cake into it and I felt very powerful. In control of my life. It's pathetic how strong a man feels like smushing food. Or just like crushing food. I think it's not all James Ackerman, isn't it? How strong you feel when you have a crisp butter and you crunch the crisps. You feel so strong, even though it's incredibly easy.

Well, can I recommend smushing half a cake into a bin like a clown's face? Can I just recommend that for a psychological boost? It is interesting how psychologically effective that is. I remember back when I smoked a little. I wasn't a big smoker, but I smoked a little and I would get sometimes a pack of cigarettes. And I found that I had periods of getting off it and then regressing and getting off. But I found the times when I was off it for the longest, when it was easiest to stop for a protracted period of time was not when I'd finished a pack and gone no more. It was when I had half a pack left and I threw it away. And I said no and I threw,

you have to throw some away. You can't finish it and go no more. You have, you need the psychological experience of throwing it away. That's it. You know? You need to feel like you're in that movie scene where the guy just unscrews all his bottles and pours them in the sink. I'm sobering up. I'm never going to catch this killer drunk. The movie I thought of was The Aviator and this bottle's a piss. I know that was not what you're going for, but I was picturing a guy throwing my bottle to piss.

No more piss. I've got to stop drinking piss. No more piss. I've got to stop drinking piss. No more piss. Beer. That's where it is. That's what the piss used to be. I've got to go back to the sauce. The sauce of the piss beer. I can't, I can't be drinking all this piss and solve these crimes. No, no, no. It's never gonna ever gonna take me seriously as a detective. If I, you know, stink of piss and keep sipping piss. Which in fairness is true, I wouldn't trust that detective. I'd either trust him not at all or loads.

If you smell the piss? If I saw him drinking his own wee, I'd be like, he's either the best detective ever because he's got these weird habits like on TV or he's fucking mental and I'm going to jail for no reason. Yeah. Yeah, but you need the visual of throwing away your voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People need ritual. Even if you're an atheist, you need ritual. It's true.

And the ritual sacrifice of an object is powerful. You're taking the thing that has power over you and you're killing it. Ah, that's it. This is in control of me. Oh no, wait, look what's getting smushed in the bin. Right. What else in life do you think you need to... Smush into the bin. Sacrifice for the Aztec god that is your own health or mental well-being. If I was strong enough, I I throw my phone into a volcano.

That's true. Help the ultimate sacrifice. We line up all our phones on a long guillotine and just chop off the top third. Like dominos. You know those viral videos where it's like 10,000 dominos all in an amazing pattern. Yeah.

But it's just phones falling into a volcano. Just like, boop, boop, boop, boop. But only one hour on the edge of the gate. They're like synchronized divers Diving into the volcano if they see sideways Yes, of course. I'll be sick. We should all sacrifice our phones. We don't share square. Yeah, just throwing tomatoes at our phones Look at all of us like we've all got like one big yellow tooth covered in mud. Witch!

At the phone. A massive iPhone. Witchcraft! I don't know if I mentioned this on the podcast, how old I felt. I talked to someone at the Fringe who I think is a friend of Bella Hull, excellent comedian, friend of the part. Friend of of the part friend of the part friend of the part her friend was there who was

Like this must it must be like ten years younger than me or something, but when went to the same college. Oh, yeah And it was complete coincidence. Mm-hmm. And I was like, oh, yeah, I remember that library when I was there Everyone would always be in that library all day on Facebook. Oh yeah. But I said on Facebook on their laptops. Yeah. And she was like, on their laptops. And like that was her, like, this is a fucking old guy. She was like, wow, browser Facebook.

I was like, fuck yeah, shit, I'm old. Dude, browser Facebook was where it was at. Do you remember when it was pages where you couldn't see any one's content without clicking to their page? Right, you just had your wall. My own wall. That's all I look at. I've got a little wall I run. I've got a little wall. If you want to see my wall, you've got to come over here. You've got to visit it and sellotape your message to it. Boop, boop, boop. Like a wall. Like the blank wall of your house. Man, oh man. And then if you'd logged on, that was just all you saw. And if you're like, I wonder what you'd logged on, that was just all you saw.

And if you're like, I wonder what Bill is up to, you have to type in Bill, go to his fucking house. And it turned out that's all we needed. That was the best version. That was better because you would only find out that Bill didn't believe in vaccines if you actually looked for it. Yeah, you'd have to look at his wall,

see if he'd put a crazy post on a brick on his wall. Papered up some mad statistics he's made up. Yeah. No, that was the beginning of the end of everyone's mental health. Man, I loved that Facebook, man. I lived my whole life on that old laptop, Facebook browser, Facebook. I did everything on there and it felt like very small. It felt like everyone was on it.

I mean, everyone was on it, but I mean, it felt like people actually were paying attention. I remember like being... They would check in and comment on there. And it felt like everyone was on it. I mean, it felt like people were actually paying attention. I remember like being... They would check in and comment on everything. Yeah. Well, in Kings in Cambridge, I remember just needing like a stick of glue late at night for a project. And I just put on my wall, I just put on something. Must have been a wall, maybe something a bit more public by that point. Does anyone have a stick of glue? By then, a statuses were coming.

Oh yeah. I think it was statuses. Does anyone in Kings have a glue stick? And a friend was like, yeah, I'll meet you outside the Jefferson room. I don't know. And when I met him, got a user stick. It was so handy. It was like a telepathy simulator.

Yeah, it was. And then gradually it just degenerated into the fucking pig trough it is today. It's absolute labyrinth of aunts and uncles. All my statuses were so specific. They're all about just which engineer I was playing pool with. I was like, just having played a bit of pool with Chris in the bar and people understood what that meant. Incomprehensible looking back.

People understood what that meant. In a thousand years, it would just be such gibberish. It's impossible to figure out the context for any of this. But yeah, that's what I realized. I'm old. These people are phones only. A laptop is where you fill in your CV or something. Apparently it's Shugi.

It's millennial to carry a wallet at all. Is it Shugi or Chuugi? Oh, it's Shugi, it's millennial to carry a wallet at all. Is it Shugi or Chugi? So it's Chugi. Oh, Shugi. Chugi. Oh, that's Chugi. Maybe I'm making, I mean, this is the Chugi-est thing possible. It's not even know how to say it. I'm softening the CH too much.

Chugi. Chugi. Shugi in France. Because you can say, you can soften a CH. Right. You can harden an SH. You can say church, but you don't say church. So it's choo-gee to have a wallet. Man, I love my wallet. I always have my wallet.

But I never need it. I never need it. But if I don't have that pressure... It's like carrying around a scroll from the king. I'm allowed to buy things. If I don't have that little pressure on my right hip, I feel scared. I'm like, I'm not going to be able to get home. I'm not going to be able to eat. I'm not going to.

And I never need it. No. Never ever ever. Although on the rare occasion that a taxi driver only takes cash and people are like, oh my God, he only takes cash. I can go, worry not, for I am Chugi. You can be like some guy in an old one of those Wall Street movies, Cash is King.

Start dishing it out. Yeah, yeah, that's nice. Yeah. In the UK, I guess you do need it for your ID. What do you know what do the kids bring carry their ID in? Just on their, oh, it's in the phone case. The kids put their ID in the phone case. Yes. We put a little driver's license in the phone case.

That must be the solution. Clever children. It is mad we don't have digital ID yet. We have everything on our phones. We can pay, we have credit cards. But if you lose your passport, you might as well kill yourself. I hope you like writing letters of apology to the king so you can get a new scroll. It's mad that you go abroad and if you lose this tiny little book, little book with all

your stamps, all your little stamp collection, your little travel diary. It's like a little, it's a cute travel diary and also a biometric identification card. And if you lose it, I guess you live in Mauritius prison now, or whatever. No one knows who you are because you lost your stamps. That's it. You lost your little book with your picture and the date of birth and your address. You could literally tell people all that information, but they won't believe you because you're a liar. You can't keep hold of a little book, so you must be a liar. You're a careless liar. Nathanael Moczko Yeah, but you can buy a Lamborghini with your phone.

Mason Suellentrop With your face. Nathanael Moczko Yes, with your face and your phone. Mason Suellentrop As long as your face looks the same. Nathanael Moczko You don't even need the face. If you know a series of digits, you can buy a Lamborghini with your phone. But if you can't even remember numbers, you just need to go, baa, at your own phone, and then now you have a car. He's fucking mad.

Why can't we have passport on our phone? Why? Because clearly- Because it's infinitely replicable when it's digital. I think you can just snapshot it and... Well, just, I don't know... But they have ways of verifying other information. If they can verify that it's your credit card, why can't they verify that it's your passport?

I suppose it's the cost of upgrading versus the benefit. Yeah. Whereas paper is actually cheaper than silicon, right? And they'd have to upgrade all the readers in the world to be contactless. But how good would that be? Enjoy watching every airport do that. Enjoy going through every airport forever. Yeah.

When you're watching how many fucking dopes can't use the biometric gates. But this would be easier because it's just like going through the, getting on the tube just to, you know. They'd fuck it up. They would find a way to fuck it up. Old people fucking doing the E-gates, wearing a full hood. Wearing a fucking Groucho mask glasses, with a big nose and a star.

And a balaclava. This is on my traveling disguises. Oh, why isn't it working? A balaclava, smoking a cigar. I'm only closing my eyes and looking to the side, why isn't it working? I'm wearing a balaclava, smoking a cigar. I'm only closing my eyes and looking to the side. Why isn't it working? I'm just, I'm not waiting enough for it to scan and I'm turning around and pulling a face at my old husband.

Why is it not working? I'm not looking at it. I'm putting in my passport and taking it out straight away before it's read it. Yeah, I'm putting it in closed. Cause I'm fucking mad, mad idiot. And I can't figure this out. Oh, it fills me with fury. Stand on the little painted feet.

I'm trapped though. I say that I say I would chuck my phone into a volcano, but I'm trapped or a hypocrite in the sense that I benefit or have I'm currently benefiting as we speak from the new world. We have a podcast, you know, we have lovely fans and it's all thanks to the horrible phones. Yeah. And you have reels. And the reels. We used to have, we used to have podcasts on the laptop.

You saw? Back when I was a boy, you had a podcast on a laptop and that's how you listen. Your podcast on a laptop. Yeah. Did you listen on a laptop? you had a podcast on a laptop and that's how you listen. You had podcasts on a laptop. Yeah. Did you listen to them on a laptop? I would download podcasts on my iTunes. Yeah. And listen to them on my laptop through my headphones.

Cause it was 2005. So it's still, that's not entirely down to the phones, but it's made it easier. We've reached you lovely people. You've reached us. That's right. Um, because the only reason I bemoan the phones, maybe Phil, maybe the only reason I bemoan the phone is because I have a kind of inherent faith that in the old media world, I'd have found a niche.

Yes, right. That have been allowed in the magazine. Right. Maybe not. Maybe not. Why are you saying that you're surprised the phones have worked for you? I'm not surprised anything works. But I suppose what I mean is maybe I should be thinking of this the other way around and

thinking, well, thank God for phones, because the established media would never let me on. But with phones, I can be like Andy Dufresne. And I can take a little tunnel out of the prison of anonymity and through the poo pipe of phones, out into the rainy freedom of online media. I think I am in the opposite situation. I was, I'm part of maybe the last generation to benefit from benefit from the old ways. Here's a radio. I'll put this to you. Yeah. I, this is, could be a good claim for you. Oh yeah.

You were the last guy embraced by old media. Yes. You're the youngest old media guy. Among, yeah, among there. Yeah. Then, but there might be a couple, but younger than me. Rob Bryiden show? 2011?

2011. I was 21. Rob Briden show. Rob Briden show. And then Apollo, Have I Gotten Used For You, Taskmaster. Who's younger than you? Well, someone like Maisie Adam has done very well out of The Old Ways. That's true.

The Old Ways. The Old Ways still work in some parts of this land. She's built for the old ways. Yeah. Her style, her, you know, her skills are very much built for the old way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's benefited very rightly from it. She's very good. That's true. She's maybe the one. But I think it kind of flips.

I think if you benefit from the old ways, the phones are disadvantaged to you. And if you didn't benefit from the old ways, the phones are an advantage to you. They kind of flip everything. They're a terrible democratizing disruption. Because some of the biggest acts now, I've done really well off Instagram and TikTok, and we're really struggling with the old ways. And the fellas and ladies who did very well, the old ways are now trying to catch up on the phones and it just doesn't translate. It doesn't work because you need the commitment to it and someone who is used to benefiting and used to things working out in the old way. You're just not going to apply that effort.

You're also used to the division of labor because you go, well, I'm the old way. You're not going to apply that effort. You're also used to the division of labor. Because you go, well, I'm the funny guy. And so there'll be a producer out there somewhere and a camera guy and a studio guy. And when they all do their jobs, I do my job. They do all of their jobs. And then the part where I'm funny is the only bit I should be concerned with. And they'll be annoyed if I start fiddling around on the camera asking them how to... It's none of my business. Yeah. Whereas when you do it on the phone, you do it all. That's right. So it's all your business. You are the camera guy now. You are the producer. You are the set designer. And if you're not used to doing all the work, you go, my life is fine. That's honestly it. You go, my life

is actually fine. Fuck this. Yeah. The don't want to do this. Yeah. Yeah. The old ways. The old ways. Yeah. The old gods. It is. It's titans and gods. The old gods.

I'm of the titans. Yeah. The titans still thrive in some parts of this land. Rob Brydon, David Mitchell. Yeah, that's right. Great looming giant of Lemac. Quick, quick's right. Great looming giant of Lee Mack. Quick, quick like lightning. Yeah, enormous as a titan, fast as lightning.

Very quick. Yes. And I think some of the, yeah, some of the nineties comedians that the UK had would be good old gods. Yeah. There's something beguiling and sinister about them. Julian Clary is towering above you. Julian Clary is a sort of Loki figure. Yeah. Trixie little camp man.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really good. But you're on tour now? Yes, I'm on tour actually, because we're pre-recording this earlier than we normally do, PodBuds. Last night night I met some of you beautiful people at my Oxford tour show at the old fire station in Oxford. It was a great show and I got signed a book for Johnny afterwards who was very nice and I met a few other people who discussed the book in the show afterwards who were pod buds. Thank you very much for coming out tonight. So it's too late for you listening to this is caution.

And then actually this comes on on Wednesday. If you're listening to this on the day it comes out tonight. I'm in Birmingham, Birmingham, England, Birmingham, England, where Ozzy Osbourne is from. Wow. Yeah. I love that guy's daughter. Kelly Osborne. The first Osborne.

The first Osborne. Birmingham Glee is tonight and then Coventry, the Warwick Arts Centre, Swindon Arts Centre. Actually this is a good point. Swindon Arts Centre, Friday the 11th of October. That's selling okay. York, the evening show sold out. We added a 5pm matinee, but there's still tickets for that. Nice.

I guess not a matinee if it's 5pm, but you know what I mean. An early show. Yeah. What venue in York? It is at at 41 Monk Gate. Wow. I don't know about the Monks Gate. The Monks Gate. The Monks have let you in. Only the very mightiest were passed through the gate of monks. Only

the most pious. Yes, yes, yes. The most observant or at the very least the most medieval illiterate. And the Newcastle Stand on the 13th as well. Beautiful room. Love the Newcastle Stand. So nice. So wide. Very wide. Wide. It was a real proper comedy club. The Red Sea, that room. Yeah, so great. Huge. People eating little baskets of fries like in America. Like America. Beautiful. USA. Yes, so do come and see me on tour.

Pianovelli.com details on my website. I'm trying to wrestle up a fucking graphic for my Instagram. But I just keep putting it off. This is division of labor again. Yeah, yeah. You shouldn't have to do this. Graphics. So if you are listening to this, you are probably aware that I'm trapped in what Ed Gamble called a hell rhythm, where I have to tour the last year's show after doing a new show at the Fringe. Because you're so like you two legs behind your Edinburgh by a

year. To fix that this tour. I'm doing two halves of 4550 minutes. And it's two shows, Phil. Two for one. Two for it's two for one. So I'm doing the first half as it were is my 2023 show. And the second half is my show from this year's fringe. Unless you are in New York, Newcastle, Glasgow, Salford or Bristol. Then they get one show. Then they get last year's show as planned.

But it's still very good. It's still a very good show. It's just because there's only time for one hour. I think that's fair enough. In these venues So unless you're in York and Newcastle Glasgow Salford or Bristol you are getting two shows for one Pretty good and it's your only chance to see the show that I just did really unless you come to London or those places when I Go back there and then the two shows are so thematically consistent. You won't even notice Yeah, you want they're all part of what you might call the autism trilogy.

Autism begins, the dark autism, and autism rising. And autism rising. Dawn of the planet of the autism, the planet of autism, return of the planet of autism. Yes, it's all very consistent thematically. I didn't mean to write an autism trilogy, but here we are. I have. consistent thematically. I didn't mean to write an autism trilogy, but here we are. I have. So yeah, do come see me on tour. It'd be always good to have pod buds in the audience wherever possible. Yes, they're always the finest audience members. They're what I call a force multiplier. What do you mean? So in sort of military terms, a force multiplier is something that has a disproportionate effect on your sort of power versus the enemy. Like a machine gun is a force multiplier. Because you only need one guy with a

machine gun to do what 50 guys with bolt action rifles could Yeah. Okay. So it's like a force multiplier. Yeah. A tank, a tank. Yes. A plane, a big bomb, special forces, highly trained weirdos. Force multiplier. Yeah. Nice one. And that's, that's who the pod buds are. The pod buds are like the SAS comedy SAS. There's a comedy, the CSAS. They break into the venue. They break everyone else's necks and they sit down and they laugh. They laugh enough to make up for the people they killed. They rappel in from the roof. They throw laughing gas around like the Joker's minions. Yeah, nice.

Everyone laughs even more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's them. Secret Service. CSAS. Well, speaking of this, we should do some correspondence. We should. Working in the trades is intense.

It can be stressful and painful. Some guys use drugs and alcohol to cope. But when we ask for help or we see someone struggling with addiction, our silence speaks volumes. See how you can help or get help at Canada.ca slash ease the burden. A message from the government of Canada. Monopoly Double Play is back in McDonald's and it's easy to get into the win. First, you peel on pack.

This is me winning a universal theme park vacation. Then again in app. And me in a new Chevrolet Equinox RS. There are millions of prizes, including a chance to win cash every minute in the app. Cash doesn't make any noise, but it's awesome. Get into the game with Monopoly DoublePlay at McDonald's. While supplies last one in five chances

to win GameCube prizes at outset, chances to win DoublePlay prizes based on time of code entry and drop prizes based on number of entries in each drop see rules in app Ring letters emails Correspondence we have a message from James from NZ. Kiwi James. Kiwi James. Kiwi James. Kiwi James.

I don't want to go Australian. Kiwi James. See we've changed. See we've changed. See we've changed, James. Decolonization. Yeah. It's funny to say, see, we've changed, but not refer to what that is. That's always true of everyone.

Everyone's changing. Yeah, exactly. Dear peas in a pod, thank you for a wonderful Bud Pod live. Ah! Our pleasure. Did Kiwi James come in person? Nice. Yes. Kiwi James was there. And if you wished you were there, you just have to sign up to Patreon

and then you can listen to slash watch it. You can watch on video. Fucking video. The audio of the future. It's out now. Now, you crazy cats. It's out right fucking now. So if you missed it live, you couldn couldn't make it to Lester Square. Well. And a super fun show.

We had Reese James. Very funny man. Funny guy. Funny guy. Very funny. Funny guy. Some people say that. Some say it's funnier than me.

I don't know. I don't know. But he's definitely funny. Dear, thank you very much for your support of life. So many blue shirts in the audience. I had to Google it this morning It's the color of autism. Is it true? I like blue. I like but that's cuz I'm a man More men wear is blue pretty much dark blue

Do you think it would be weird in the past for them to realize that pretty much everyone's trousers are blue now like fucking? Homer Simpson just cuz of denim. I Everyone has blue legs. I read E.H. Gombrich's Brief History of the World. And it's a really beautifully put together summary of the main historical threads. It's an interesting book. It was pre Nazi Germany. And he was just asked one day, he's more famous for writing the story of art, which is the greatest

art history book. He was asked to write a history book for kids that told them all the history, and he had like a month to do it. And he just went to the library every day and he condensed it all into like this short, really readable book that just tells you all the world history up to that point. And it's really good. But then at the end, he starts talking about suits and clothes and he starts just bemoaning the loss of our great clothes and he starts saying how terrible it is everyone dresses the same now. And we all wear these trousers and these suit jackets. And it used to be so interesting and so different. And, and, yeah.

And, and, and then I think the step from that was like people going, we used to wear suits. Yeah. Used to be everyone wore like these beautiful ties and now we just wear jeans and soft trousers. Yeah. I, um, I think skinny jeans now are so alien to my eyes. I saw some guys on the train the other day wearing like seven years ago, skinny jeans. Like that level of skinny. They look like

medieval page boys. They look like they're really from a different time. But they look like they're wearing stockings. Yeah right. Because it's perfectly on their calves. Like they're wearing blue denim stockings. They look like they should be walking along to music that in like slippers to music that's like...

Yeah they're holding a lute and there's a feather in their cap. They should be carrying a big platter with a goose on towards the king in a tapestry. Fucking mad. Leggings. Yeah, it's crazy. It's amazing we ever squeezed into those. They look like jeggings. Amazing that there'd be a frightening bloke in the pub wearing fucking page boy leggings. Bizarre.

Anyway, no wonder my wardrobe is all green and blue. Welcome to the club indeed. All the best, James. Thank you, James. That was a good is all green and blue. Welcome to the club indeed. All the best, James. Thank you, James. That was a good observation. Green and blue. Yeah, I think. It's literally what you're wearing now.

I'm wearing blue. You're wearing a green t-shirt and blue jeans. I sometimes realize- You're on a green couch. I sometimes realize I'm wearing blue trainers, blue denim trousers, a blue t-shirt, and a blue shacket on stage. But the audience never noticed or cared

when I pointed it out. Cause it's blue, people don't notice blue. Yeah, well I always think it must be the first thing they think when I come out. And I've tried to joke about it, I go, I'm a little blue boy. And you can see people going, what? What?

Oh yeah, I guess. Yeah, I suppose he is. And I go, really, this isn't mad to you that I'm entirely dressed in blue. Like I'm in, I'm part of like a fucking musical about the rainbow. In general audiences don't care what you're wearing. If I found this, they do care if they can see your keys or your phone through

your pet or trouser pocket though. Yes. I never have anything. My that's incredibly distracting. I don't have my phone on stage. I have my wallet on my board. My Chewy wallet is not on stage. Um, yeah, they just think, they think they don't care.

So consciously they do. Though they're the dogs. They'll go, no, they don't care subconsciously they do though. They're the dogs together go no, I Don't notice anything. Yes, you do This is from Claire Claire What's what a scare? To hear from Claire. This is TAT from Claire. This is TAT. Here we go. This is horrible Wow, we Here we go. This is horrible.

Wowee. Well, and also another plug for our Bud Pod live to watch on the Patreon is we did our first ever tat off. And a tat off. A tat off with Reece. It was great because the tat was up on a screen behind you and Reece.

And we couldn't see it. So the audience could see the answer. Yeah. Yeah, and their reactions are wonderful. Just it would appear and they'd read through it and they'd go, oh, oh no. Yeah, they would really discuss that reactions are wonderful. Just it would appear and they'd read through it and they go, Oh, Oh no. And recently I would get close and they go, Oh, Oh, we'd be way off. And they go, Oh, I won't point my guy. Just went, come on. It's that kind of energy. I could see people getting visibly angry in their chairs. Because you're so close, but so far you just couldn't. You were just circling it. It was like something from a great clown show.

Is this the button? Like touching something next to the button. Oh, man. So this is from Claire. Found this monstrosity at a hotel. I won't say the rest of the message because it is a spoiler. It is a tea towel, I'm going to say. Fairly un-soft looking cloth. Okay, slightly rigid cloth.

Yeah. It's not a bathroom towel. Yeah, gotcha. And it's sort of, I'm going to say, it's the color of a sort of German army uniform from World War II. It's sort of greenish gray and written in black. In quite a stern font, like it's a serifed font, you know? Okay. Like Times New Roman style font written along the one border of this cloth. Yep. Is for wiping away sources, comma, spills and now in italics suddenly and blank blank. For wiping away sources, spills.

Suddenly we're in italics and blank blank. And sexy juices. I mean that's what it seems to be implying. It's pretty fucking gross. Oh and, and. If you get this I'll be amazed because it's so creepy. It's such a creepy phrasing. And and love fluids.

It's not explicit. It's implicit. Right. So it's very, it's, it's very like, let's just say, right. So it's not going like and cum blood. You know, it's not like just, it's not just something horrible. Okay. It's very like, and you know, wink, wink. It reminds me of those Do Not Disturb signs in hotels that it's like, we're both a little busy right now. Just say fucking. Just write fucking on the doorknob, you creeps. It's that tone.

Okay. as spills and fun nights and exciting soirees and good dates. But it's still something that you could wipe away kind of. Oh, so it's still physical? It's not as abstract as like for wiping away nighttime. Okay. Something. Yeah. It's a religious element to it. Oh.

And for wiping away the Holy Ghost. And for wiping away... Gosh. It's a religious way of describing the kind of thing we're talking about. Oh, oh, and for wiping away ecstasy. Oh no, good thinking though. More negative tone than that. Oh, and wiping away your sins. Yeah, yeah, well, other sins.

Other sins. Yeah, of course. For wiping away sauces, spills, and other sins. Bloody hell. Ugh, what? You're wanking in the kitchen. Is that cum in the kitchen? Not anymore.

Now it's on this towel. Ugh. Did you use the kitchen cloth as a cum towel? I'm just wiping up some tomato sauce here and it's crusty. Well, it did say other sins. Who's been wiping up come with a kitchen towel? What's that? He fucking poisoned us. It's disgusting. Come on, this towel, yeah? Yes? Yeah, look at that.

Look at the italics. How saucy is that? The Wapping Way Saucer Spills and other sins. It also implies that spilling some sauce while you're making bolognese is like coming on the countertop level. It's a sin. It's disgusting.

It's equivalent. And other sins. What? Oh, Timmy, you've spilled milk in the living room. You might as well have just come everywhere. You might as well have just fucked someone here on the floor in a way that created mess. What? Yeah. Think about that. Next time you spill your little juice. Mommy. Claire says, found this monstrosity at a hotel. Oh, a hotel too. It is one of those sexy hotels. On tour, Paul the Tour, he...

Paul the Tour. But Paul the Tour's observation on this is in my head forever now. That some hotels are sex hotels. Some hotels are sex hotels, and you can tell. He's taught me the science to look for. Yep. Because he's like one of those guys in a ancient Greek play with white eyes. He's got sort of cursed sight and now he's passed that to me.

Yeah. Cause he can always point out when we're all down for breakfast, he'd be like, it's always like the women are always like huns. Yes. They're like very hun gals and the guys are always quite sort of Gary bloke. And they come down to breakfast in their fucking jogging, like, jogging trousers and... They come down in their comfies and their jog in their shell suits or whatever. But the thing that...

And they look like shit. But they've all got unshowered hair. Oh, this dirty, ugly. And then they're eating beans and sausages. And you're like, they haven't washed, haven't showered yet. So they've got, he's got cum on his dick. He's got other sins on his dick. It's when Paul pointed out that they've got visibly unshowered hair. And I was like, fuck you, Paul. And they've definitely just porked each other before they've come visibly unshowered hair. And I was like, fuck you, Paul. And they've definitely just porked each other

before they've come down for breakfast. Yeah, all these just cummy dicks just floating past, just floating past the scrambled eggs. All these cummy dicks separated by like just a dirty. Thinest bit of Adidas fabric between the cummy dicks and the eggs. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Philippe's gonna spit.

He's gonna spit his water. All these cummied, it's horrible. Floating past the eggs. Floating past the eggs. Unrestrained, no boxes, no time. Yeah, probably no boxes, just joggers. Just joggers, man. Just absorbent furry fabric between the

Cummy Dick and the Eggs. Cummy Dick and Eggs sounds like an old Victorian dish. Before I went out to solve this mystery, Mr. Watson and I dined on Cummy Dick and Eggs. Fuck me. That's so funny. Once he pointed it out, it was like we'd both looked around and realized that everyone else in the restaurant was dead. Yeah. Oh, you're right. It was everywhere. Or was that bit in John Wick where he realizes everyone's an assassin? Everyone in the park is a cummy dick. They're also walking towards him. Yeah. Yeah, cummy dicks in the pants, in the joggers, and also the yoga pants.

Yeah. Just ladies just in the yoga pants. Unwashed hair. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Eating beans and sausages. Yeah, this like heavy farty food. Ugh, I hate it. I'm just thinking about it and that was horrible.

It's like I'm back there. It's definitely part of what informed your orcish hate it. I think about it, just thinking about it now is horrible. It's like I'm back there. It's definitely part of what informed your orcish hate stance. Oh, that the English are orcs. Yes, yes. It's definitely part of this trauma. I believe it is part of this trauma. This trauma has created in you, Philipp. So funny.

Well, speaking of finishing... Speaking of other sins... Yeah, we're out of time. Yeah, it's time for the hotel breakfast of the Patreon. Oh, fuck! Yeah, okay. That's the other thing about signing up to Patreon. You get to hear me improvise a crazy story at the beginning. It is improvised. Oh, you can tell it's improvised a crazy story at the beginning. It is improvised.

Oh, you can tell it's improvised. And Phil really has screws his eyes shut really hard and concentrates a lot. I have to enter a disgusting mind palace. Watch my special on Netflix. Go see Pierre on tour. Love you lots. Bye! Bye! Our silence speaks volumes. See how you can help, or get help, at Canada.ca slash ease the burden.

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