BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 296 - The Decolonisation Song

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, it's Mitch from Side Note Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and BAM! Instant

inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Ho, ho, ho! Merry Budmas! That's right, it's Christmas and we are Philippe here from Bud Pod. We want to announce that we have merch available for you to buy and it makes a wonderful Christmas present, I would say, for the special pod but in your life. Which might even be you. You can buy yourself gifts. Life hack.

Do it yourself. Order by December the 15th for it to arrive in time for the big festive day. Christmas. Christmas. The link is in the bio. What isn't, go on there and get yourself some lovely merch. There's jumpers, there's t-shirts. And if you want to discount on this merch,

you'll have to sign up to the Patreon, where you get extra content in addition to merely discounts on tat. Check it out. Enjoy. Much love. Merry Budmas. Merry Budmas. It's Budpod 296.

296. How are my pics? How is my, how's my wiki feed doing? Oh yeah. How is the Rotten Tomatoes campaign going? Oh yeah. So we started at 4.3 and then we launched the campaign and you helped my feed get up to 4.63 stars on WikiFeed.

You made them a third of a star more sexy. It was good progress. It's the right direction of travel. Let's just see if there has been any more movement in my score. Oh, Felipe's browser is not letting him see the filth. So we're still on the same 4.62. 4.62 still. We can, I think we should try and aim for a number before the new year.

I've plateaued. Just more. Just more. Just any four piles take 4.64 at this point. Just bigger, bigger. Maybe you Piles take 4.64 at this point. It just bigger, bigger. Maybe you need to put more feed picks up. More feed pick, this is how they get you. Yeah. One gets, one gets doxed up there without your consent.

And at first you're upset, but then you think, well, why isn't my score higher? And then you're sucked in. Now you're trying to cater to them. That's. Now. I'm willingly offering up delicious feet pics They're trying to get to 4.9 My feet, oh, I don't know. I think they I think you have to it's a bit too desperate Isn't it to just do your own wiki feed you have to be sniped like Phil? No, this is all just car con Which is more embarrassing to write your own Wikipedia to write your own wiki feed You have to be sniped like Phil. No, no, this is all just con.

Which is more embarrassing, to write your own Wikipedia or to write your own Wikipedia? Wikipedia. Yeah, I think, yeah, because you're putting your feet up. You're wrong already anyway. If you write your own Wikipedia at least, then there's a chance that you can say, well, I like this and I want to be part of the community

and I hope to be recognized for my fabulous feet. My fabulous trotters with his trotters up. You remember? Remember Danny Dyer talking about David Cameron after Brexit? He found their niece with his trotters up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then as the camera goes to someone else, it goes, twat. Twat. Yeah, I, yeah. And then as the camera goes to someone else, it goes, twit. Twit! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. Which is like the good version of that kind of completely

wanky fucking, oh, wank puffins. Arse banja. Cockwamble. Cockwamble. Wombology. Awful, awful, awful. Yeah. But yes, no, Danny Dyer has not bought into wombo-logy. Thank goodness. That's as close as he ever got. Outswares are good enough as they are. Fuck, twat, piss, shit, cunt. Yeah. Don't try and make swearing middle class. Don't ass badger this. Don't cheesefanny that. But even cheesefanny, it doesn't have the, there's a disgustingness to it that I respect that phrase.

Right, yeah, thank you. They just came off the top of my. Well, that's it, because you're not Tweet. That's right, yes, thank you. I'm not Tweet. I'm not Tweet, I'm not nice. I want everyone to know this. But Tweeness is, the British mindset of Tweeness is,

well, I have to do something through the kind of wind in the willows. For like Mrs. Tiggy Winkle, the fucking hedgehog, Winnie the Pooh, like little animals being nice in the woods having tea is the main lens through which all else must flow. It's also fucking... Narnia, all of it. Animals in the woods being nice and having tea. It's everything. It's also like fucking... not the Grand Budapest Hotel, the great Marigold fucking hotel, Jim Broadbent fucking. British films.

We're British, I'm a dim yore, I'm a quiet, but we've got a little edge in us. We'll say cock but we'll soften it with one ball. I'll fight back, but only after you've already ruined a lovely birthday tea or something. It's vile and I'm glad it's dead now, basically. I think it's done best when the Americans do it. Americans say cockombo? No, when Americans try to do tough British tweeners, because it's Alfred Pennyworth. Right, yes.

Because it's that thing of like, it's still a bit tween British and like, oh a butler and a posh butler and a waistcoat with white gloves on. But then the actual violence and toughness is American level. Yes, yes, yes. It's not Hugh Grant pushing someone else into a bit of a puddle.

But at least now- And saying, oh gosh, sorry. At least now Hugh Grant's like really nasty. Yeah, well that's what I've always wanted from him. But he's made up for it. Real nastiness. He's a nasty, nasty man. I wanna watch a version of Bridget Jones

where he just stabs the guy. When they fight through that restaurant bit, he just picks up a steak knife and fucking murders him. They're filming a new one, but is it with new Hugh Grant though, Felipe? No, I like new, cruel Hugh Grant though, Felipe. No, I like new cruel Hugh Grant. Crazy Hugh. Speaking of films, I've been watching the Harry Potter films. Yeah?

Yeah, because I watched them. Have you seen them already? I think I watched the first two when they came out when I was a kid and I thought, this sucks. I don't care about magic. I'm annoyed that everyone likes this. Yeah, okay. Did you read the books? No, no.

Oh yeah, that's definitely, I can't imagine what it's like to watch those films having not read the books. I don't, yeah. It's like Marvel movies, they're constantly introducing characters and you're supposed to go, and you just go, Mrs. Grindelbumble.

Yeah, it works all right. And I'm watching them now, I think they're great. I think they're really good. Yeah? And further to our conversation about Wicked, they look fantastic. Chamber of Secrets, the match up of the computer graphics and the picture quality is perfect.

Yes. It all looks real. And there's a lot of practical stuff. There's a lot of props and so it looks really good. It looks so much, so Chamber of Secrets from 2002, what was it? Yeah. It looks better than Wicked 2024.

Yeah, yeah. Cause of the resolution thing you were saying. And just the amount of like physical props and sets. And it just looks, it just looks like real. Yeah. It's great. And probably like by the second movie that kids have learned how to act.

More so. I think. More so than the first one where it is like a school play. I'm convinced that Daniel Radcliffe's drama school was seven movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Daniel Radcliffe got to learn how to act over the course of seven enormous films. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rupert Grint from the beginning is fantastic. He's so good. Really? Yeah, he's amazing. He's really funny. He's really expressive. He's like, it's a classic, it's a classic comedic, British comedic performance.

Yes. And then- Whoa, there's a lot, he's good at faces. His eyes are great. His brow, his brow work. Oh, you gotta watch the brow work. His brow work is amazing. We love brow.

We love Grint. We love Grint. We love, we love wints. We love, we love the Weasley. We love the Weasley. Red hair. They say, run Weasley. They say they can't afford nice clothes to sweaters. Poor Ron. Tatty Ron they call him. Tatty Ron. Hermione. Muggle. Hermione. They say mudblood, Hermione. You're not supposed to say it in there. You say mudblood, they say,

hey, you can't say that, but I don't know. This someone's gotta have bothered to dub Voldemort as Trump. Someone out there is gonna get a fucking 10 million view TikTok. The boy who lived. They call him the boy who lived. I lived. People don't say this enough.

I live. Nobody talks about my live, but I live. We live, but the boy who lived, they call him. And sad Snape. That's what I call him. Serverous, service Snape. So you think Grint had good brow work? Really good brow work from, yeah. And they dot. Emma Watson, I think just happens to be like Hermione already. Yeah, she's like, she must have been to the people casting Hermione, what Schwarzenegger was when

they were making Conan the Barbarian. Just like a kind of, thank God you exist. Oh, you already exist. Thank God you're here. Yeah. How could we have ever created this without you arriving like this? Draco Malfoy is fantastic. I didn't realize just how Nazi the Malfoys are. They are like magic Nazis. Yeah, they're just like openly. They're openly... And everyone's reaction is like, magic eugenicists. They're rude, aren't they? Everyone's reaction is just like, yeah, they are rude.

Aren't they? It's a real shame. Anyway, go to school with them for seven years, I suppose. He tries to get, yeah. Yeah. And then we share a movie. He like basically admits to trying to get muggle children killed. And, and, and Dumbledore just like, Oh, well, I think you learned your lesson by failing. No house points for you. No house points for you. Demerit, actually. Yeah. Demerit for that one.

You have earned an official frown. I frown with that. I hope this is enough. And I'm sorry to most listeners, this is like watching a toddler learn to walk, going through the what doesn't make sense in Harry Potter. But so at the end of the first movie, when they defeat Voldemort V1 with love, and- Doctor Who ending.

Harry Potter's awarded a last minute 60 points for Gryffindor for saving the wizarding world for saving the earth from Hitler. And then in Chamber of Secrets in a class with Miriam Margulies about the screaming mandrakes. Yeah, her mind she's asked what a mandrake is Hermione answers what a mandrake is and Miriam Margulies goes excellent 10 points to Gryffindor. Yeah. So 10 points. I see where you're going. So 10, if you answer one correction,

Piece of trivia. One question correctly in class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 10 points. If you save the world. From Magic Hitler. 60 points. That's like you've answered six questions.

Six questions. Not even a full exam. That's not even a test. That's section one. You can get that done in one class. You get 60 points in one class. Do you think Hermione gets told like, you did so well in these exams, it's like you defeated Voldemort a hundred times. This is incredible. It's so, it's very inconsistent. What's interesting is that the first couple of films, you realize,

oh, J.K. Rowling was actually sure how this world worked. And she was just totally riffing. Cause you go on. Then I guess there's a tower with fucking troll in it. Yeah. Okay. All right. And you get out of that by saying, Oh, it's a big place. Very magical. And all the teachers are really powerful. But if there's a mystery, if there's a mystery, if there's a mystery happening in the magic castle, they might have to close the school because they can't figure it out. And they don't really try. They don't try at all. They seem very busy with marking.

It's like a satire on British education where it's like, well, of course, teachers these days are so busy doing paperwork, they can't even solve mysteries. It's a real shame. It's like the police. It's all the paperwork. We'd have got a hundred evil philosophers. So busy with bloody red tape. They can't even find where the chamber of secrets is. They can't even figure out how Moaning Myrtle died. Has no one cared about how she died for 50 years? There's no like true detective CSI fucking investigation into how. I might do a whole podcast series of just me watching the Harry Potter movies.

Just for the- I'd like to enjoy that. I would listen and ideally partake in it because I always enjoy the sheer tolerance they extend to having a whole section of the school dedicated to destroying itself. It's all, but that's the thing is if you're, if you're writing young adult fiction and it is for young adults, anyone, anyone who's like grownups can read those books too. And they go, yeah, but you know, come on. I can watch cartoons as well, but I'm not proud of it. Yeah.

I, it's a fun thing to enjoy a Mao-am, but I'm not putting on Instagram. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying, I'm not saying, uh, you know, this is how adults should be. No, enjoy our Mao-ams. No. And watch, uh, for children's movie, both first movies, two first movies, two and a half hours each. Yeah. Two and a half hours each. They were gambling though, because those kids are coming in like fucking... Like I saw the first two in the cinema. Yeah.

If you read the books, you're coming into that cinema fucking fizzing. Yeah. Like you're just so up for what, for the two and a half hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you never wanted to. Two and a half hours of a whole new IP. Mm-hmm. No. No. Can you imagine. You need the books. Is, is there a movie out for children now that's two and a half hours long? No way. That is embarrassingly for adults. Yes, it is. But

there's no children's movie that's two and a half hours long anymore. Not new IP anyway. That can't be. Can there? How long was the emoji film? Yeah, Felipe, how long was the emoji film? Imagine if he just knew. Just have to Google it, 91 minutes. Whoa, fucking hell. One hour, 26 minutes. One hour, 26 minutes for the emoji movie.

86 minutes. A beautiful runtime, I would say. Beautiful runtime. Beautiful runtime. I love that runtime. Probably the only good thing about the emoji movie. Imagine making a movie about emojis. So already it's a stupid movie and the main characters in the movie are the pictures that, you know, internet adult children used to express themselves

to each other. And imagine them going for like a three hour run, like Ben Hur, like this epic. Yeah. It's operatic in scope. It's like Game of Thrones. If there's so many like family emoji, like families and domains and this politics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You'll never guess what the twist is with the one eye open gasping emoji, afraid that one has a big twist. Yeah, it's just this epic fucking, yeah. A movie for people addicted to short-term rewards being longer than an hour. Yeah, I can't imagine it anymore.

I don't think it happened. Well, I mean, new IP doesn't happen anymore. There is no new IP. Although someone misunderstood, I should say someone on Twitter was saying, oh, Operation Vince Meat isn't new IP. Although someone misunderstood, I should say someone on Twitter was saying, Oh, Operation Mincemeat isn't new IP. It is. They thought, I think I worry about this. I know Operation Mincemeat in the West End, produced by our management and friends. Yeah. I know a lot of, I worry about it, even though it's a huge success. I know it's a big success.

It's going to Broadway now. Great. Well deserved. But I worry about how, even though it's a huge success. I know it's a big success. It's going to Broadway now. Great. Well deserved. But I worry about how many people confuse it for the movie. I was talking to a family friend and he was like, oh, I saw the movie with Michael McFadden. I didn't like it. I was like, it's not, it's nothing to do with the movie. The recent movie with McFadden that sunk without a trace. It predates that.

It's nothing to do with the movie from the seventies or the fifties, the man who never was. It's nothing to do. It's an original musical based on the World War II operation. Go and see it, it's very good. Yeah, but we are so used now to these universes of IP that we assume it's all- We've trained the public to not expect anything new.

Yeah, yeah. And fair enough, because nothing is new. Yeah, except Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, which as far as I'm concerned was made yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For making a Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, which as far as I'm concerned was made yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Making Harry Potter series. Yes, and our friend, Brett Goldstein, he's young Hagrid, do you know this?

I saw this on Twitter, people were going, what is happening? Because the first time I ever met Brett was gigging with him and you at this university, do you remember, student union? Yeah. We drove out to, I don't fucking remember now. He gave us a lift. Like Southwest somewhere, some small university Southwest and lift. I remember where it was. It was the, wasn't it University of West Sussex? That sounds about right. Yeah. And it's like, it's like

up a hill. The student union's on like a kind of weird promontory. That's it. Yes. And with us glass walls and we just stood on a little platform. We stood on a platform with like daylight behind us. Yeah. Brett was hosting and he came and he gave us a lift. And then because I was new to gigging out of town, we got back and I didn't give him any money for petrol money. And so I ended up taking the tube the next day all the way to his house. The other side of London, give him 10 pounds.

Ah, fuck. I gave I drove one across and give break goals in 10 pounds to give young Hagrid young young angry at that point. Extra baby Hagrid and now and now break goals is baby Hagrid and Hercules. Hercules in the MCU. Yeah, yeah.

I want to know if he did that voice. I feel like I didn't need to give him the 10 pounds. In hindsight, no. It'd be funny though if at that stage where we're schlepping to fucking student unions together to die on our ass with fucking daylight behind us from big glass windows. You were just going, I'm actually, I'm not going to pay you, Brett. And you know what? In 20 years, you'll see why.

I'm not giving you any petrol money, Brett, because I believe in you. Yeah. I think you're going to be in a show about football. You're a Hagrid, Brett, I say. You're a Hagrid, Brett. You're a Hagrid, Brett, I see it. I see it in you, Hagrid.

Peeping out, and Hercules. You'll see. So it's now canon that Hagrid is ripped. Sexy Hagrid. It's finally happened. And not just on that one website I go to sometimes. Exactly, yeah. Sexy Hagrid dot net dot geocities. Not just on Deviantart anymore. Sexy Haggard has broken out of Deviantart. And he's canon. That's it.

He's punched his way through the flimsy walls of fan fiction to become tangible. It makes sense. Isolated, like a lonely, nice gardener. Misunderstood on the edge of the forest in his little lovely cottage. This could be something from the fucking holiday. It's... I mean, it's like a romance novel. Yeah. on the edge of the forest in his little lovely cottage. This could be something from the fucking holiday. It's, I mean, it's like, it's like a romance novel. Yeah.

The sexy ripped gardener. He's really tall and strong and misunderstood. Yes, he's been shunned by the school for various reasons. The school where all the stuff looked like fucking shit, to be frank. And it's because they're all like classic 80s got rid of sexy Hagrid because he's too hot and he made everyone feel bad.

Everyone in the school is too horny. If you told me in 2002, Phil, you know Chamber of Secrets, someone said, no, not yet. But if you'd have gone, this is culture. This is a new IP. This is the best we have to offer right now. I'd say fantastic. What do we have to offer in 22 years? In 22 years, young Phil, the groundskeeper will be sexy.

And that's how much culture will have developed. In 22 years. Yeah, culture will have developed so much that the groundskeeper will be sexy and will be really exploring details that no one now cares about at all outside of maybe Tumblr. Details that JK Rowling herself hasn't dreamed once, hasn't thought for a second. That's like in Star Wars why they have to keep making those books about like how Darth Vader's like chest breather works. Oh yeah. But because the props department was from 1971,

it's like three red buttons and one green one. And they're having to be like, okay, it looks crude, but actually it's just because one of these buttons converts any gas to oxygen. Like, but they're having to like rep such advanced modern technology into like buttons and levers and shit. And it turned out it was fine on us. Bleep, bleep, bleep. We went, no one cared. We bought it. Yeah, we just went technology. Great. Fine.

We bought in when we watched, uh, space hamlet with the dog man, we bought that Darth Vader suit worked. Those are our nicknames, space hamlet and the dog man. Those are our skateboarding names. Space Hamlet. The Dog Man. I'm the Dog Man for any avoidance of doubt. I think that's good. Those would be our, yeah, kind of duo nicknames. We're sort of gangsters. Space Hamlet and the Dog Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Dog Man's good. Those would be our kind of duo nicknames. We're sort of gangsters.

Space Hamlet and the Dog Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Dog Man's good. The Dog Man. We love Dog Man. We love Dog Man. We love Chewbacca! Errr! He says. Errr! We don't know what he's saying. Only Han can understand. Only Han Solo can understand. I'll be back, he says. I'll be back, he says. I'll be back Han Solo. Oh no, not snakes again.

He hates snakes Han Solo. I think he'd hate you. He hates snakes Han Solo. Ever since you've pointed out the thing where he just points at a random person in the crowd, couldn't stop noticing it. Oh really, yeah. It's such a weird little, it's like, and you little one.

It really is. It's quite creepy. It's like a grotto, he's like Santa. Yeah, it's very Father Christmas-y. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, and you little one. It really is. It's quite creepy. It's like a grotto. It's like Santa's. Yeah, it's very Father Christmasy. Yeah. Yeah, it's very Christmasy. Yeah, there's no original IP.

I was thinking about Gladiator again. Glatuator. Sorry. Even Glada. Gladiator 2. Even Glada. Gladiator 2, double thumbs up. Do you know that while you were here, can you clarify?

I've heard both that in gladiator times, the Caesar or whatever leader was around, would decide whether or not the person was killed at the end. Some people say thumb up meant kill him. Some people say thumb down meant kill him. As far as I'm aware, it was thumbs up as in, yeah, go for it, kill him. Right. Okay. Because you're giving the thumb to the person about to do the kill. That's right. Yeah. That it wouldn't make sense to do thumbs up to the defeated man. Yeah. It's okay, mate. All right. Off you pop. Get out, mate. Does he pointing out the exit? Don't worry about it. Yeah.

Fuck off. Before I change my mind. No, it's saying to the guy, yeah, yeah, go for it, chop off his fucking head. He was very boring. Yeah, right. Right. Right. He was very cowardly. Yeah. Like, no, no, no, don't do that. He's cool. He's a cool guy. Right. But it's too confusing. It's like the, um, um, the Tiffany problem, which I think we've discussed before. Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yes. Yeah. The problem with that movie. Oh, no, no. The name problem. We're like, Tiffany was a medieval name. Oh, sorry. I think the breakfast Tiffany's thing is people started going to Tiffany's a jewelry shop and trying to have breakfast. And they said, we don't serve breakfast. We're a jewelry shop. And eventually they had to start serving breakfast because

people wouldn't stop going to Tiffany's. That's really funny. Yeah. That's really, really funny. What would the Bud Pod equivalent to that be? We'd have to actually get a doctor to not recommend listening to the podcast because people kept, we'd have to get a doctor to not recommend listening to the podcast because people kept We'd have to get a doctor to say it's fine Yeah, both the Tiffany's thing you're doing so it was actually a name in medieval times like it pops up But you can't put it in anything medieval because we will go princess Tiffany oh She gonna fall in love with Prince Brad from the

Court the quarterback from the cast's football team. Fuck off. Princess Tiffany's not around. Is she at accessorize? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a cheerleader for medieval jousting. You fucking idiot. It doesn't matter if you're accurate if the majority of people don't know that you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does matter. What matters is result, effect, impact. Yeah. Like all those right wing people going, why is there a fucking Indian guy at Dunkirk or whatever? And it's like, because they were there and they all had to go, well, still

though, and just, you know, fucking completely swallow it. Yeah. Yeah. And finding gladiator tube, um, uh, the, the two, the two Weasley evil Caesar, mini Caesars, I don't know. The twins. The twins, yeah. They were actually North African. Yes, but then again, we're dealing in an era where like, it's North Africa. Everyone's just Mediterranean.

Everyone's like olive skin. It's North Africa before the Arab conquest. So they're not Arab. No, not Arab. I just meant- Sure, but like a lot of the North African cities were set colonies settled by like Phoenicians, like Northern Syrians basically and Greeks. So it's even saying North African.

It's like all those fucking smug people who like on St. George's day, because they think it winds up Brexit people and maybe it does. They go, St. George of England was from Turkey actually. So you love a Turkish man, but you feel silly now. And it's like, well, first of all, he was, he's Greek. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Turks hadn't conquered Greece at this point. You're just pointing out the fact that Turkey was, had to be created by an enormous force of foreign people coming in and conquering it and colonizing it. Right. It's also like when they say, oh, you know, Paddington's from Peru, but he's not

real bad. People don't know that. People don't know he's actually Paddington, not a real bear. People love Paddington, say he's from Peru, loves marmalade sandwich. He loves marmalade sandwich. I would like it if Paddington was from Peru and was either an incredibly devout Catholic or like a sort of Incan pagan. Christo. What's the name of the family that adopted him? The Smiths.

He tries to fucking like behead them. Yeah, Paddington they're just going. It's been a bad orange harvest. Yes, there's no marmalade. Which of your children do you want to kill to feed the marmalade tree? What's that bloody bear doing in the back garden? It's a pyramid of skulls that he's building. He's sat on it like a throne.

He's thrown, just lifts up his hat and there's just a decapitated head under there with a marmalade sandwich in its mouth. Oh dear. Oh bother is. Oh bother is when you need the poo. What does Paddington say? Just oh dear. I think he's just oh dear. Cockwamble probably.

Yeah. Bet Paddington calls people cockwambles. He's a little fucker like. I don't trust him for a second. Nothing about him adds up. He's like one of those, those true crime things where someone comes back and claims to be someone's long lost son and they don't even look like them. You're a bear in London.

You say you're from Peru and you eat marmalade and there's a lot going on. What's the truth? There's a lot going on. We don't trust this. Send them back. I say send back the talking bears that wear coats. Well, speaking of weird little creatures who eat jam. Ah, yes. Time for some of... Correspondent!

This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Krigsjank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. This is from Rob the librarian. Wow. Librarian. Are you scaring him? Are you scaring him? Are you scaring the people who come to the library?

Yeah, to keep them quiet. Yeah. Shh. Yeah. But from behind a book that they've just removed from the shelf, your face is just there. Yeah. A pre-shush. A pre-shush. Preemptive shushing.

Minority report shush. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before it's done. His eyes go white and he just goes shh. Someone comes in. Yeah. Because he knows they're going to make noise in about 10 minutes. Shush.

Greetings to the two peas's in a podcast. Ah, nice. Very nice. I'm still a relative noob to the podcast, but I've been diligently working towards my Pistorian accreditation. Oh, good. I started listening just as you were entering

the era of decolonization. Ah, yeah, historic moment. And due to the settings in my podcast app, I started listening to the backlog in reverse chronological order. So backwards. Yes, we're going backwards, yeah. While also listening to the most recent episodes when they plopped. I picture my journey through your podcast as if I am descending both sides of a hill at the same

time. If that particular hill was a graph with time on the X axis and level of colonization on the Y axis. Facing backwards, facing a hill, one more time. I'm descending both sides of a hill at the same time. If that particular hill was a graph with time on the X axis and level of colonization on the Y axis. Ah, yes, going up.

Yeah, right, right, right. So it's going back in time, increasing the purification. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I talk at peak and about episode six. Also, you're sort of approaching the podcast in the way, I think is the way Moorish see, traditionally have seen time, which is that you are facing the past. And some South American tribes as well, yeah.

You're facing the past because you can see it. Which makes more sense, you can see the past. What you can't see is the future. Yeah, the future is behind us because we don't know what the fuck's going on there. That's right. Yeah, it makes way more sense. Yeah, I think everyone should have to do

a sort of GCSE short course in anthropology of just stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of good stuff out there. I'm assuming it's a bell curve of sorts. I will confirm this when I have reviewed all the evidence and I'm truly a historian. Please. Yes. Let us know. It is a bell curve, but the peak is very early on. It's about episode six or something, isn't it? Of when the poo starts. Yeah.

Yes. But the poo gets more intense up to episode 51 than a deer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point. That's a good point. So yeah, it's, it's, it's not, yeah, it's, it is biased towards the early hundred. Yeah, that's true. And decolonization is relatively recent. So. We're only just beginning the descent. Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong about this. Yeah. We have to try and. The descent. Yeah, we'll have to try and... The descent. The descent.

All this time traveling and confusing chronology where all the callbacks are heard before the original reference. Yeah, it's like, it's like mementos. Yeah. Put me in mind of some sort of character. It just has tattoos of poo written all over his body. What does this mean? Yeah, or just like, like a black rubber fist instead of jacket just written on his arm.

Like, what? Yeah, gilded cage, question mark. And unironically saying, what does that mean? I still laugh sometimes at that person listening thinking, why don't they know this common phrase? So funny. All of this confusing chronology with a callback so before the original reference put me in mind of some sort of character. Let's call him Dr. Pooh.

Oh yeah. Navigating the podcast in his magical portaloo aka the Turdis. Nice. Very good. This doctor does recommend, yes. Anyway, that's enough scatological sci-fi. To celebrate decolonization and to wish you boys a Merry Christmas, I slunk off cap in hand to commune with our robot overlords and request that AI create a song to tell the tale of decolonization for generations to come. Yes. Here are the fruits of the robot's labor.

May they bring pleasure to your ears and may they look upon you kindly when they seize control. Now, I had said that this was a podcast first, but that's not true. We have had an AI song before about there's a reason we eat the meats we eat. Yes. Sent in by Listener Simon. Yes. And yes, he's got an excellent podcast of his own, of course.

Yes. Have we both been on? Yes. Cause we like video games. Perfect console. It's called Simon Parky's Perfect Console. And that was a great song. Yes, a Soviet marching song.

Soviet marching song with, there's a reason we eat the meats we eat from the tops of our head. But it had that weird little skip rhythm. There's a reason we eat the meats we eat. That's right. It was great. I highly recommend listening to that. There's a reason we eat the meats we eat.

So let's let's see what's happened here with this. Let's see. Let's play this. OK. Wow, it's country. Yeah. Wow. they'd say we gotta stop this poo-talking way. Shipping lucky Kentucky cool and slow. Cosy they'd shout keep jacking it yo. They tried to talk about loving life. Wow, it's a proper song. A poo-filled strife would pull them back. Oh Oh, Koji, they'd shout, keep jacking it. You're going to get it. This is very impressive. It's amazing.

Although they it does share a pattern close. You'll hear the truth. Their hearts are pure. Their words are smooth. They're just two guys trying to be free from the book. Talking tyranny. They're just two guys trying to be free from the poo. Talking, tear and knee, so raise a glass to Villanueva for their deconization year after year. May they find peace from the poo they fear and keep on jacking it for another year.

Wow, it's epic. Wow, wow, that's sensational. It's very, very good. And what's interesting is anytime you ask the AI to write a song or a poem, the final verse is like a summing up like, let's hear it for, or so raise a glass. Right, of course, in conclusion. Yeah, in conclusion, like the AI can't not do that. So when Adam, when Sam Campbell was on Adam Buxton recently, they did a, they got the AI to write a poem about ants.

And it was at the end of like, so let's hear it for the ants and all their hard work. So like, let's raise a glass. Like I bet you I could detect an AI poem from a hundred meters away because it's always got this like completely benign cheerful. So let's hear it for the, it's like those adverts where it's like, let's hear it for the poo wipers and the bum stripers and the cribbity gripers. All that shit. That was great.

Let's hear it for the Jamba Walk. So let's hear it for the Jamba Walk. So raise a glass. That's very good, though. The music quality and the singing quality is very high. It's so real. Yeah. I wonder how much prompt... Must require some specific prompting. Yeah, saying like, make sure to mention the doctors they recommend. That they are sort of enthralled talking about poo on their podcast.

Although there's so many websites where podcasts are auto transcribed that maybe the AI could even read a transcription of literally every episode we've ever done. Can you imagine? The robot. For all the listeners know, this could be robots saying this right now. So let's hear it for Burn Pod.

Yeah. The real film, Pierre, are sipping mojitos on a beach in the Bahamas. Yeah. Laughing. Had just been murdered by a Terminator. Rob the Librarian says, Merry Christmas and for the love of the baby Jesus, keep on jacking it. Much love and thank you for continuing to take

the brave stance of being anti-murder. Thank you, Rob. Yes, thank you, Rob. Not enough people thank us for our important work and our anti-murder advocacy. So it is nice to get a little kudos from time to time. We live in an era where a robot can make a pretty much perfect country song about some in jokes I have with my friend on the silly podcast I do, but I can't download an image

on my phone because there's no signal in the country. Yeah, there's a real mismatch. It's so weird. It's like living in an era. This is what it must be like to have been alive in like the 1780s or something, where it's like, no, we have steam trains and like telegram, or like 1800s. And like cars, the first couple of cars. But also like people just have rickets.

Everyone's just got bendy legs because they don't drink enough milk. And you go, fucking hell, what? And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah. These two things are happening at the same time, by the way. Yeah. Really? Yeah, please fix the signal. Elon Musk, all is forgiven if you come and fix London's phone signal. It's so bad. From one weird South African to another, Elon, please. Give us 5G, please. I'm bored on the train. From one South African artist to another. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We couldn't have more in common.

Could we? Elon! Well, imagine, imagine if, what would happen to our lives if Elon Musk tweeted great episode of Bud Pod this week? It would be both exciting and terrifying. What would it fucking unleash? It would be the life-changing equivalent of if like, I don't know, like clouds made a thumbs up

when you started talking. Just clouds went, yeah, well done. Everyone going, ah! Like it would just, it would change everything. It would be going, ah, like it would just change everything. It would be so, it would be almost more destructive than good. It would drive us mad. Probably. Yeah.

It would be like an ancient Greek thing. We'd end up like Jordan Peterson, we just eating beef, only beef. Well, you're halfway there. I'm halfway there already. I'm not, look, that's like a push for a guy who's already skiing. When people ask, what's Pierre's diet? We say, he's like a push for a guy who's already skiing. When people ask, what's Pierre's diet?

We say, he's maybe a half Peterson? Yeah, he's at 0.5 Petersons right now. All beef, no opioids. But we're going to get sweaty and taut and grey like Jordan Peterson. Just addled and ruined by years of too much online attention. We're going to start going onto like YouTube shows to do debates. Yes, debates with actual scientists.

Just debates with like a Twitch streamer. Just a young boy, just a young boy who's asked us to debate. Just tune in to my bloody debate with, and like the guy's name isn't his real name because he's famous for being a streamer. Yeah, right. So it'll be like, BongHit69 fucking Codmaster or whatever, like he's like the Call of Duty screen name is who I'm debating abortion with.

Someone who's famous for like- It doesn't work. It's a bloody disgrace. It doesn't work. What would you choose? No, the answer is no. What would you, what social issue would you become extremely odd about?

If Elon Musk tweeted about us and we became huge on X. We went mad from, like when, like in ancient Greek myths, we're like, if Zeus or Apollo blessed you, you'd go, they used to call epilepsy Apollo's touch. Ah. Apollo's blessing was the idea that he's. He, he, right. And the, the, the, the sort of outsize glory just drove you crazy.

Yeah. It had this deleterious effect on you. Too much manner for you. Yeah. What, what would become my pet cause if I were Peter sonified by Elon Musk's attention? Well, we can save that for the bonus part. Oh, up to you. Well, well, well, maybe we'll do one and then we'll save the other for the bonus one. Okay.

I think mine would be, I, it would be about 3D in movies. I'd say that's too much CGI in movies. It's making us all sick. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got full RFK, but about CGI, he's got the most frightening. He's trying to, he wants to ban diet coke in America. Have you seen how, how does that? You never go into America now? I've never seen anyone drink as much. I cook fucking worm in his brain. Now you ate him. Take my robot juice away.bo juice away. It tastes like the inside of a robot's mind.

It tastes like space station. I love it. I saw someone tweeting about that saying if he takes away, if he tries to take away Diet Coke, I'll make January the 6th look like a tea party. Just a bunch of twitching Diet Coke addicts fucking storming the Capitol demanding that they, I wonder. My other cause would be bring back Coca Cola life. The green coke that was made with the natural ingredients. It was good. Why did we stop it?

I somehow made it with natural sugar. You go, well, what's the other sugar? It was good. I was the only person who liked Coca Cola life. Bring it back. Okay. All right, what's the other sugar? I was the only person who liked Coca-Cola life. Bring it back. Okay. All right, that's good. Okay, well, patrons we'll see you on Friday

for some hot takes and some spicy stuff. There's only available on there. Do join the patron if you're not already one. Do remember we've got merch available for everyone to buy. Yes. The beautiful t-shirts and jumpers just in time for Christmas to make a wonderful gift for that podbud in your life. As might one of our books.

Yes, both of us have a book each. Do you know an autistic or a Malaysian? And if you know a Malaysian autistic, I mean... It's a twofer. ...fucking hell. Sort it out. Much love to everybody. See you next week.

Bye bye. Bye bye. Much love to everybody, see you next week, bye bye! The colonization, they'd say, we gotta stop this poo-talking way. Sippin' Lucky Kentucky, cool and slow. Cozy, they'd shout, keep jackin' it, yo. They tried to talk about love and life, but something deep, a poo-filled strife would pull them back Their minds would stray to the brown stuff, they couldn't stay away To colonization they'd say, we gotta stop this blue-talking way

Sippin' Lucky Kentucky, cool and slow Cozy they'd shout, keep jacking it your own But listen close, you'll hear the truth Their hearts are pure, their words are smooth They're just two guys trying to be free from the poo Talking tyranny, so raise a glass To Villain Pierre for their deconization year after year May they find peace from the poo they fear

And keep on jacking it for another year They'd say we gotta stop this poo-talkin' wave Sippin' Lucky Kentucky, cool and slow Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Krickschank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com.