BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 299 - Chad Kong

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

The guys kick off the new year diving into which Harry Potter character Phil despises the most, unveiling the BudPod approach to solving global political problems, and, of course, a fresh dose of Tat Attack! KOJI xCatch Pierre's show 'Must We?' at the Soho Theatre in March 2025! Tickets available now hereWatch Phil's brand new Netflix special 'Wang In There Baby' now!We have brand new BudPod MERCH!!Patrons get 20% discount on all merch!https://visualanticsapparel.com/collections/budpod-podcastDon’t forget to like, subscribe and follow us on socials @budpodofficialKoji x Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

More than 125,000 podcasts trust Acast to connect them with their audience. Your brand can speak to your perfect audience too by advertising with Acast. We're home to the biggest names in podcasting, reaching millions of engaged listeners who can only be accessed through Acast. From true crime to comedy, finance to fitness, your next customer's favorite podcast is an Acast show. Your audience is already here. Speak to them with Acast. Visit go.acast.com slash ads to get started today. More than 125,000 podcasts trust Acast to connect them with their audience. Your brand can speak to your perfect audience too by advertising with Acast.

We're home to the biggest names in podcasting, reaching millions of engaged listeners who can only be accessed through Acast. From true crime to comedy, finance to fitness, your next customer's favorite podcast is an Acast show. Your audience is already here. Speak to them with Acast. Visit go.acast.com slash ads to get started today. It's Bud Pod 299.

299. Ooh, time, time. We're calling time on 2024. We're calling time on the third century of Bud Pod episodes. Yes. Yeah. I thought you were about to say the third century of the millennium and I was about to go, uh. You know, you know, there's no, it has been, it's been 300 years since we last spoke.

It's like those memes that are designed to fuck with you. They go, I can't believe it's been 15 years since 2017. Right. Why did they do that? Just cause you go, what? And you go, Oh no, it hasn't. Right. Yeah.

Cause it makes you go, it can't. And then you go, no, it isn't. What? No, it's been eight. But because those are so often accurate, there's that horror. Do you think as a species, we notice the passage of time near the beginning of a century less than the passage of time at the end of a century? I mean, years, because when you start, we started the 21st century like, ooh, the start, it's all new, the start. And then at 2024, you're like, oh, it's still the start. And you go, oh yeah, but it's still 15 years since 2009.

That was 15 years ago. You go, what, really? Whereas I feel like at the end of the 20th century, At the end of the 20th century, we felt time pass more. Each decade was a more distinct period of time. The 80s was the 80s, the 70s was the 70s, the 90s was the 90s. But the noughties, the teens, the 2020s, no identity. I think the noughties have more of an identity

than any of the other options because they were the last not internet time. They were the crossover, that was a crossover decade. That was what, that's why. There's still a charming naivety about the digital, the coming digital world. Yes, yeah, like people in charge were like the people in charge during the 1960s in England,

where they were like sort of Victorian World War II veterans who were trying to comprehend the Beatles and the effect of the pill. Yes. Oh, what? And like, that's what everyone in charge of the country was like in the noughties when it comes to the internet. Yeah.

There's some sort of the Facebook where the people send messages or post pictures of their dinner. It'll never catch on. Maybe all the flashback scenes in the movie. All those news items about children have started text messaging each other. Here's our handy guide to the abbreviations. Oh, you know, all that. Exactly, yeah. It was pathetic. You might see your son or daughter type you are instead of you're, but don't worry, they

haven't had an aneurysm. This is merely the parlance of the youth today. They have to shorten their messages because of course, networks charge a penny a letter. They did remember when you had to keep your character limit down, every text. What the fuck was that? That's like telegrams. Like we were tweeting directly at each other.

That's how telegrams used to work. They would charge you per letter. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Or like when it had to be explained that the abbreviations were, because obviously to get the letter Q, you have to tap a button four times.

Oh, yeah, right. Wait for it to solidly accept, start tapping the next letter. Like someone on a ship in World War I doing fucking Morse code. That's why Gen Z are all nostalgic for like 2004 now. Yeah. They go, oh, I wish I had been a My Chemical Romance fan.

But like just before Bebo. Just before YouTube even. I miss Bebo. I think also the last time life was good was when Bebo was around. That's the last time the world worked. I hated Bebo. Oh, well's the last time the world worked. I hated Bebo. Oh, well it sounds like someone was a fucking loser. Cause I loved Bebo.

Why did you love Bebo? I didn't actually. I was going to say, this is the least on brand thing you've ever said. I loved Bebo. I loved Facebook. In like 2008, at university and college, Facebook was genuinely like a college-wide notice board and you could, I just post, playing pool with Chris in the bar. I post that on my Facebook status. It's psychotic to write that down. It is mad. That is one of the things that the old people said back then that has stuck actually as a critique.

Like, why? Susan is having dinner with Mary. Posting pictures of your dinner. Who cares? Yeah, actually, no, you were right about that. People have stopped doing that. Sometimes there might be a photo on Instagram, but only if it's a fabulous meal.

Other than that, no one's doing that anymore. Yeah, they were right. They did, that did fade away. Now, Pierre. Yes. It's been, as the Americans say, a minute since we last spoke. Yuck. How was Christmas? How was New Year? How was your Christmas? How was your poo smear? How was my crappy poo smear? How's your crappy poo smear?

I went back to the island, back to the isle for the ancient rights. In time for the sacrifice? In time for the sacrifice. The ancient rights enacted there. I should say for the ancient rights there enacted. Ah. Yeah. It was good.

It was busy. Like my sisters, families and them were all there. So it was like Christmas day was sort of 16 people. Yeah. Three of, five of them children. Beautiful. Of various ages. Running around the pitter patter of Nevelian feet? Yeah, lots of running and shouting and leaping. The pit-a-patter thump-a-dump-a of Nevelian feet. The clobber-a-bobber-a. And then New Year's Eve was at my, well, it was my girlfriend's family's sort of place. They were having a kind of thing up North. Nice. Although up North was actually slightly further South than the Isle

of Man. So I should say down South. How about that? Yes. And I, I, I, I won't tell the whole story because I've done enough of that for now. We'll see. The story will come out eventually, but I actually got, I got engaged to marry me and she said yes. Wow. Amazing. How about that? Congratulations. Thank you. I purchased a woman. I keep saying that and she, my fiance does not like it. Obviously she didn't like her price. She said, what was it like? At least three goats. I mean, I think it was three goats.

She said like, how did you organize the ring? What happened? I said, well, I went in and, you know, she said, but what did you say to them? I said, I said, I want to purchase a woman. And they said, very good. Did she really ask you for the details of? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I think women are sometimes astonished by the idea of a man going into a jewelry shop

and organizing something else. Yes, that's right. They can't believe it's happened. That's the first miracle before you even get to what the jewelry is for. Yeah, that's right. They're sort of amazed that a man would go into a jewelry shop, organize something... Unaccompanied. Unaccompanied. On his own recognizance. And also like do well at having taste. Mmm, yes.

I think it's, I think unless your boyfriend or husband's job explicitly involves his sense of taste. I think it's almost like your duty to discuss him as though he has like no taste at all. Yeah. Cause it's in the same way that if you're a comedian, like if you were in me, like if, I remember an interview with John Oliver where John Oliver had gone on some show and the interviewer had said, what does your wife think you're funny? And he was like, oh no, no, no, no. And it was all very funny.

And afterwards she was like, I do think you're funny. I think you're really funny. He was like, you don't understand. You can't, you can't say that. Right. Does your wife think you're funny? Oh yeah. She loves it. She is a chuckling and a chortling all day. I'm great and she agrees. You can't do that comedically or like it's not the way the conversation has been pre-programmed in society, right? Yeah. And I think that's true for men being described by their partners as having no taste. Or a bit like, you know, like, like he would be able to choose the flower arrangements. And it's like, I think I could. Yeah. Not eat. He has a color wheel.

It's like Homer Simpson. It's like, I chose flower. I didn't choose flowers. I chose rockets. You know, there are guys who would do that. Like that's the whole plot behind. What's that? That fucking show where it's like, we'll pay for your wedding, but your husband has to organize it. What is that? Bride fuck. Bride. Wedding ruin. Don't tell the bride. Don't tell the bride.

So they say like, we'll, we'll pay like, it's like a huge amount of funding you get for your wedding. Yeah. But the husband has to organize it. And you're doing that, right? That's, that's your plan for your wedding? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, you should. That show.

But then for the sake of the show, they want you to get rockets instead of flowers. And like the whole wedding's football themed, and your wife has to dress as a goalie. There are some really egregious examples of that kind of thing happening, which is good for TV, but obviously devastating for whatever relationship is supposed to happen.

Well, congratulations, Pierre. whatever relationship is supposed to happen. Well, congratulations Pierre. A bird has been married off. A bird has been promised. A bird has been swore. Yeah. Well, yeah. Married off to unite two powerhouses. Yeah, diplomatic.

Phil has sold me to a French Duke. That's great though. You'll soon be Mr. Piano Veli. That's true. It's about time. Yeah. I got some goddamn respect around here. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, how exciting. Have fun. It is cool though. You have to look at gems. Yeah, you enjoyed that part? Yeah, but you feel like a villain. Oh yeah. Do you get a little eyepiece?

They give you a little eyepiece. They have a magnifying glass with its own light inside it. Oh, beautiful. And you can put that over it and hold it up with some little tweezers. Yeah. And go, yeah, it's very fine. Very fine.

Did you find that you were sort of making stuff up to sound like you knew what you were talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very shiny. Good fire. Good fire, what's the fire? Fire is how sparkly it is. It's called the fire? I think it's called fire, yeah.

Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if a diamond's very twinkly, it's got a good fire to it. Yes, I believe, but it's also how you cut it. Right, oh yeah, how the light refracts and bounces off and everything. And did you get to make observations about its purity? Uh, they, you, they had sort of charts and stuff. There's ways of measuring all this stuff. There's also a good bit where they sort of empty out a little pouch

onto a sort of bit of bays, green bays. Bays? Yeah, bays. The material, that fluffy green material. I love that material. That's on like a- Only classy ass shit is ever put on that material. Card playing tables.

Yeah. Snooki tables. Phil's sofa does feel a bit like bays. It's velvet. It's velvets. Velvets, yeah, I got this sofa so I could lay my jewels down on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, they emptied out a little sack, a little pouch. Beautiful. And that's where you're picking them up from with the tweezers and eyeballing them. Wow. Yeah, it's cool. That's neat. You should go and just fake being like a shmush millionaire. Oh yeah.

Just say, I'm interested in buying a hundred diamonds just so they have to show you them off. One hundred of your fireiest diamonds, please. And they'll go, of course. And then you could spend maybe half an hour chatting to them and looking at diamonds and then you just leave you're under no obligation. And then you go, um, I'll think about it. I'll come back for sure. No, I going to go look at other places and I'll come back. Sure. No, I going to go look at other places and I'll come back. I'm real. I'm for real, but I'm leaving now.

My top hat just turns into a bunch of rats. They realize that your suit is just painted on and you're just wearing a sort of booty shorts. Yeah. And your, your monocle is,le is like the bottom of a coat can. Yeah. You can't even see through it. Just digging a ring of blood around my eye socket. And I'm like adjusting it to get a closer look. Yeah. Well, that's very exciting, Pierre. Yeah. A very, very, very happy time. What a wonderful way to kick off the year.

Yes, and now after the long stress of planning and hiding an expensive ring and a big important event, like proposing, now comes the relaxing period of planning an expensive event. Everyone's favorite part. Yes, all you ever hear is that wedding planning is great and brilliant. And fun and fairly priced.

And fairly priced and that venues will not completely fist you to death. What would happen if you just lied to the venue and said it's a birthday party? It's a wedding themed birthday. Yeah. I know people who've done stuff like that and they'd save like 10 grand. Really? And the venue at the end is just like, oh, you got us. I guess, yeah. I don't know.

Is it illegal to lie to a country club? I don't know because like, there's no legal reason for them to charge more for a wedding. No. So if they ever tried to, what would they do? I guess they could, what they could claim is that it's technically a different market.

Yo, yo, yo. yo. But then it's still the same supply. If you book it for a birthday, you're still depleting that availability from a supply that could be a wedding. And you're saying to them, I still need tables and like food and there's a bar and you know, there is just a premium of like, fuck you. It's the same with funerals. There's no reason for funerals to cost that much. Right. Yeah. But premium of like, fuck you. It's the same with funerals. There's no reason for funerals to cost that much. Right, yeah. But it's like, well, fine, you put them in the ground.

Yeah, you dig it then. Do you dig it? Do you, can you dig it? Literally? That's our motto here at Cunt Funeral Homes. What a great Undertaker's slogan. Can you dig it? If not, then call London and Sons.

Yeah. Well, my- If not and you can't, yeah. That's wonderful news, Pierre. My big news is that I have finally, with my girlfriend, watched all the Harry Potter's. I've watched them all now. I've finally seen them all.

And my main takeaway from eight hours, not eight hours, more than eight hours, eight movies of Harry Potter. So probably what, for 15 hours? 14, 15 hours? More than that, because each one is two, two and a half hours. Oh, really? Yeah, they're long as movies. So more than 16 hours of Harry Potter. Okay. 20 hours of Harry Potter.

My main takeaway is I fucking hate Dobby. And when, when Dobby died, I punched the air. I went, yes. And I jumped into, I jumped out. The knife flies through the portal and stabs stupid fucking Dobby in his stupid fucking back or whatever. And I just got out of my chair and went, yes! You reacted like- I hate the house elves, they're disgusting. A winning goal in the cup final. You were like, up out of your chair, pint everywhere. Swinging my Lucius Malfoy's scarf around my head. Yeah, we got him. We got him. Rattle spinning round and round. Yeah. God,

I was happy when Dobby died. Fucking hated that little guy. Yeah. Um, he was a gross character. He was gross when he was indentured to the Malfoys. And then when he got free, he got kind of cocky. He got a little bit cocky. He got a bit of an attitude to him. He got a bit big for his sock, I guess. And he kind of got a bit arrogant and I didn't like that. And I was glad when he died. I was very happy.

But do you know that, because there's a real place where they filmed his death and his burial. It's on a beach. It's on a beach. And people go there. They buried him on a beach, which I think I said this to you the other day. He's kind of his body, his corpse is going to pop out. Yeah. The wind's just going to blow the sand off and some children are going to stumble across the most disgusting thing, because they're not wizards, the most disgusting rat boy they've ever seen. Like a rat boy, a decomposing rat boy. Krabs will have had his eyes. There'll be an eyeless Dobby skull just staring at the seven year old.

What is it, darling? Oh, I'm sure it's a, oh! The scale of the cover up. They call the police. The wizards are gonna have to come and men in black those people. Yeah, yeah. They're just going, oh, fuck, another,

another gob, are they elves? Goblins, house elves. House elves. Another elf corpse has surfaced. Yeah. Scared the shit out of some locals. Let's go wipe their memory, which has side effects, by the way. Okay, so they shit out of some locals. Let's go wipe their memory, which has side effects by the way.

Okay. So they bury him on a beach. They bury Dobby on a beach. Because he's just going to be bobbing out to sea with seagulls flying all over him. Yeah. He's going to be like an abandoned pile of chips and like Brighton just like back to bed. Yeah.

The girls are just going to take a bit off his ear, little bits off his ears, his pointy ears. And you can see his head sort of being jerked as they pull at his ears. Pull the cartilage off his fucking skull. Good, nice, peaceful, dignified death for Dobby then. The hero Dobby. The hero of his people. Being taught to bits by sea birds

on some desolate fucking Scottish beach. Welsh. Is it Wales? Ah, okay. It's in Wales. It's in Wales? Yeah. Okay, where in Wales?

Pembrokeshire. Oh. Pembrokeshire in Wales. Pembrokeshire. Freshwater West Beach. Freshwater West Beach.. Freshwater West Beach. Freshwater West Beach. But Freshwater West Beach.

Should we go? Well, the water's not very fresh anymore. It's got decomposing Dobby in it. Yeah, Dobby's rib cage is bobbing around in the fucking... Horrible. Yuck. But a lot of Harry Potter fans go there and place a sock in memory of Dobby. There's a real grave they've built there for Dobby, R.I.P. Dobby.

Who's built it? Some people. A landowner? I would charge a tenner a sock. You and me both. We both know it's not. Yeah, I can't imagine the wealthiest possible man in his seventies embracing this. No one invested in anything has built the Dobby grave. No one invested in this country.

No one with any assets in the UK built the Dobby grave. No. Someone from Arizona came over and built the Dobby grave. And the locals have asked, can you fuckers stop putting socks here because the girls are choking on the socks. Dobby's revenge. The revenge of Dobby of course. They pulled all the bits off his skeleton and now he's... You pecked Dobby's ears? Dobby chokes you. All these girls coughing up well meaning socks. Disgusting. This is the problem with, remember there was that trend for a while where everyone was letting off those lanterns?

Oh, with the little fires in them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're just killing cows. What? The cows are catching fire? No, no. Like all these tiny Hindenburgs flying into cows. Before it's pasteurized, milk is very flammable. And it's like when a car explodes in a film, like a big barrel. Once you see like flames looking out of the udders, you have to run. If you shoot the udders twice, flames start coming out.

And if they go upside down, like in Grand Theft Auto 3, they just catch fire and they explode. You have to run. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's why cow tipping is illegal. No, they would crash eventually, but obviously in the middle of nowhere, because they're just drifting off. But like in a hedge or something and cows would come and eat the paper and the wire and would have a, you know,

their four stomachs would be filled with fucking coat hangers and paper and bits of candle. Because people were just letting them off into the sky and going, well, off they go to heaven, I suppose. It's like when people, they could set fire to buildings and shit as well. Like if they land while they're still burning. Yeah. Yeah. I imagine it's like a medieval weapon you've set off. It's like something in the Mongols would use. Yeah. There is a Japanese village. I've been playing go to Tsushima. How did you tell? There's a Kievan story. Kevin isn't a Kiev, Kiev. Oh, not some guy called Kevin. I thought Kevin, Kevin story.

Kevin stories is about that. Um, she's a queen of the, of the Kievan Russ, like the people who set up Kiev. And she asked for tribute from a city, like give me your, like so many doves or whatever. And she tied flaming brands to the doves feet and released them and they all flew home. But like back to the thatched roofs of the city they'd been given to her.

So she burned down their whole city that way. Wow. Well, what did she put on their feet? They're called? A flaming brand, like a long piece of string that's on fire at the end. They wouldn't stay lit for that long. They've got like a candle, like it's, it's covered in oil or whatever fat. Really? There's the wind. Yeah. Wow. That's impressive. So the story goes. So should we go to the Dobby grave

and we should do a Bud Pod trip to the Dobby grave, a Bud Pod trip to the Dobby grave to smash it with hammers. Can you desecrate a grave where there's nobody? Where they never what? And there never was, yeah. An elf grave? Can you desecrate a fictional grave? We, well, we'll find out in the next episode. Episode 300.

We celebrate 300 episodes of Bud Pod by smashing Dobby's grave with hammers. We celebrate 300 episodes of Bud Pod by smashing Dobby's grave with hammers. If we told people that, they'd go, Oh, was it like they were really building up to it? No, no, no. It's just something else. Literally just the episode before. It occurred to them the week before and they just did it for no, it had no relevance. But it's about the podcast is about Harry Potter. No, no, no.

Sometimes I mentioned it's about graves or tourism or like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not understanding. It came up. It just came up. It occurred to them. Yeah, let's do it. It depends on private property, right? Well, it can't be if it's still standing this grave.

It feels like mostly like there's been a few stories where like the council have come and just immediately painted over like a Banksy and stuff. So I can't believe that some rural Welsh council didn't immediately just come in and go, we're not having a fucking Dobby grave. Well, if it's a decent enough tourist attraction, maybe they're like, yeah, it pays for itself. Or if the council was filled with people who think that sort of thing is nice. Charming. Oh, that's interesting. They might've said.

An English council would bulldoze over this. Yes. So we won't. Also apparently people, Harry Potter fans, mark the date of Dumbledore's death. Come on. By putting up little lights over their heads. What? the date of Dumbledore's death. Come on. By putting up little lights over their heads. What? Because in the film, when Dumbledore dies, all the wizards,

they do a little light on their wand and they raise their wands like they're at a rock concert. Like they're watching U2. Yeah. Like someone's about to play Freebird. Yeah. And apparently the more diehard fans also do that because there is a real date on the year.

Fuck off. Um, but where do they, what did you got? Not a job among them. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I'm going to bet not a job among them. But where do they do that? Do they go, do they just take a selfie of them doing it in the garden in the dark? They must gather somewhere. Where would they? Well, they used to cause a security problem at King's Cross. Oh yeah. At the start of term.

Oh. Like at the start of term for Harry Potter, they would be in an announcement like, the train to Hogwarts, do-le-do. Oh, the King's Cross would do a little announcement. Yeah, they would indulge it for a while. But then like, it started causing like dangerous overcrowding. Because none of them were there to take a train. They're just standing in the middle of the concourse.

And there's like a 70 hour queue to take the picture of what the fucking trolley coming out the wall. Yeah. And eventually King's Cross were like, okay, enough. It's still there though, the trolley. Yeah, yeah, but they're not that announcement. Oh, okay, okay. If you're not, the whole day, it being a thing,

just they were like, no, this has become insane. No, yeah. People can't get their train because you fucking nerds are waiting for an announcement. The world's been ruined by nerds. The world has been ruined by nerds. We were too nice to them in the 20 teens and now we're paying the price. I understand that part of the joy is the lack of self-restraint. Like you're expressing your sheer joy and your love of Harry Potter by not restraining yourself from going to a station and being in the way.

But I think restraint is what has kept people tolerating nerds in the long term. Ah, yes. Because a nerd unrestrained is very annoying. It's like how every ecosystem needs its predators. Otherwise the whole place gets overrun with fucking rabbits or whatever. Rabbits are cute. We want to be nicer rabbits, but you gotta bite the head off the occasional rabbit.

You gotta eat the occasional rabbit. There's gotta be a nerdy commemoration that is not in the way, that through its self-discipline and self-restraint has gone on for a long time. Well Comic Con, because they're like, well, this is the building we'll be in. We'll rent a building. We won't bother anyone else. We'll be in here. Don't get us wrong.

There'll be a day when you feel like you're losing your mind because you've seen 17 anime characters on the tube. And that will be weird. But they also want to get out of the tube. They're going in a different direction. They're commuting too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's true. They're commuting to anime job. You'll realize what's happened after you've seen your seventh Sailor Moon. And you think it can't, this can't be what's happening. Is this a sex thing or is it comic on? Yeah, well that's exactly. Yeah. They, for a lot of, it has to be said for a lot of the anime costumes, you think it's not not a sex thing. Yeah. It's this sex has entered the equation here at some point. It's both. Yeah. Let's be real about this. There is a little bit like, is there a more restrained one? Like, oh, you know, Jane Austen people leave a fucking rose on them.

Well, there's May the 4th. Oh yeah. The people are annoying about, but only within the confines of like Twitter. And now Twitter is dead. So people don't chat about May the 4th so much anymore. It is dead. It's increasing. It people don't try to make the fourth so much anymore. It is dead. It's increasing. It's just gibberish.

It's unusable. Twitter now is like being on a big WhatsApp group chat with the third right, but also all the kids at school who always had to see the nurse. You know, there's always kids at school who are like, sir, can I see the nurse again? And when you need to see it, and then they're the other side school who are like, sir, can I see the nurse again? And why do you need to sit there?

The other side of Twitter. Yeah. It's Nazis and kids who always had to see the nurse. And just sport. Just like blokes tweeting about sport. And I just can't stand it. I spent a while, like a year or two ago, because you can see what Twitter thinks you're interested in.

You go into your own settings and I unticked everything to do football and stuff. So I've said to it, I'm not interested in football. I'm not interested in the premier league. I'm not interested in the champions league. I'm not interested in Arsenal. I'm not interested in Chelsea. But then it'll start showing me like football shit again. I'll be like, what the fuck? I don't care. And then I'll click not interested in this and I'll go, are you not interested in, you know, give me a name of a football manager, Felipe. Yeah. Like a Pepe Guardiola.

Pepe Guardiola. And it'll be like, Oh, we're showing you this because we think you're interested in Pep Guardiola. And it's like, how could I be interested in him if I'm not interested in football? Maybe you should like his lovely bald paint. But this is it. There should be an umbrella of football where I just go, anything in that, don't fucking show it to me.

Leave me alone. Leave me alone. I'm not convinced that Twitter doesn't care. That stuff isn't even going into their equations anymore. No, I'm like a child on a car journey with their own wheel in the back. Because I look at my Twitter and then sometimes I'll glance at what you're looking at Twitter and sometimes I'll glance at what my girlfriend's looking at on Twitter and we're all getting the same stuff.

Yeah. I don't actually think there's that much on there anymore. I think everyone's just getting the same stuff now. Yeah. And have you seen how much of all of the replies are blue tick AI? Yeah. Oh, AI. Yeah.

They're all AI generated because you can see from the replies that they're not specifically relating to anything. Yeah. It's like that amazing, who's the guy who does Dalton Wilcox, Andy? Andy, Andy, fuck's sake.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Anyway, there's a guy called Andy something who does a character called, he's an improviser. Dalton Wilcox is a character that he does. Can you, Andy Daley. Andy Daly. Andy Daly is an improvising comedy genius who I love.

And he's got a great bit that someone filmed at some sort of convention or festival where it's a standup comedian performing without any specifics. And he's just going, oh, look at this room. That's pretty great, isn't it? The designers probably had a big meeting and said, let's make a lot of,

so it's like, no, there's no nouns. Yeah, nothing specific at all. But that's what all the replies are like on Twitter, boosting these posts. Yeah, and a lot of repetition, a lot of the repeated tweets or like slight variations on the same. Or AI summaries of the tweet that you can tell they've gotten an AI to read it.

Yeah, right. So it'll be a completely fictional tweet about like a stupid situation someone's made up for like a meme, you know, and the tweet, the reply, let's say that's like a meme, like, I don't know. Someone did a funny, a really funny one the other day about Donald Trump talking about robots. And then someone was riffing on it about like,

Donald Trump talking about the robots in Interstellar. Yeah. It's like, we love Lars, don't we? Like big square guy, big square, rectangle. Like making fun of Trump's speech patterns. And then all these AI replies are like, yes, it's interesting that Donald Trump is talking more about robotics or robotics. It's really vague, like not understanding. And that'll be the first hundred replies. Have you seen Instagram has now got AI profiles and that's not a person? Have you seen Instagram has now got AI profiles and that's not a person? No, no, no.

Have you seen that? I think completely, because I know there's been the occasional, like this is an AI model. No, no, no. Or a 3D model. Fully made up. Fictional. Horrible.

But as if it's real. Like it's like- Like AI influences. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like they've just gone balls to the wall on like upsetting people because it is. Let me see if I can find it. It is like two missed calls.

I hate seeing that. Horrible. Horrifying. Who is trying to call me? Someone older than me, no doubt. Oh, Metta's had to retract them. Just wait till you hear the fucking bio on this one because it's like the most inflammatory. Yeah. Proud black queer mama.

Wow. But it's a robot. Who made it? Facebook. Metta did. Why? Because they're road testing the idea of filling the internet with AI content they can control because it's influences they don't have to pay.

Wow. Oh, right. So then brands can just go to Met and say, can you get your AI influence to wear this shit? Could you get your fake proud black queer mama to recommend something that we think will be of interest to the demographic. And when that profile was up on Instagram, you couldn't mute it or block it or restrict it.

So they're going to make you look at fake robot people and their fake pictures of them taking their fake kids to school. This is horrible. It's over. It's over. It's all over. It's all over. Complete appropriation as well of like a whole identity. Step on our phones, let's throw our phones on the ground and step on them with our heels. I am getting to the point where I'm going to be like one of those people you see in

an engraving attacking a loom with a big hammer. Clothes should be woven by hand. Burning down a mill. Smashing up Dobby's grave. Therapist AI. What's that? It's an AI therapist that you talked to on Meta on Instagram. These AI profiles included Liv whose profile described her as a proud black queer mama of two and truth teller. You're a robot. Tea drinker. Tea drinker. Bit swery. Robot. Fake robot designed by Mark Zuckerberg to sell you shoes. I hope that's okay. Lol.

Awful. Carter, whose account handle was dating with Carter and he was a relationship coach. How did you guys meet? I got advice from a robot on Instagram. On how to love. A robot taught me how to love. A robot taught me what is love. Man, oh man.

Doesn't that make you feel sick and frightened? My only hope is that it marks the end point of social media and we can finally return to the forests where we belong. Yeah, that would be nice. But I don't think that's going to happen. No, we'll never get back to that. I think what's going to happen is we're going to limp into the worst of all worlds and just kind of stay in this limbo where nothing can be certain to be real.

The company released 28 personas in 2023 and all were shut down on Friday. That is funny. Wow. At least they're shutting them down. Oh my God. Can you imagine? This is the, I just, I hate any, any interview with all these AI Silicon Valley people. It's like having an interview with someone who just clearly doesn't

understand the human experience. And they're just saying things like, with enough AI and advanced robotics, I finally won't even have to hug my kids anymore. A robot will do it. And it's exactly the right amount of pounds per square inch of pressure. You go, well, you should just hug, you should just enjoy hugging your children. They go, well, like it's never occurred to them. There's all the discourse now about, um, all these fuckwits saying that AI can summarize classic works of literature in normal English for them because they find it too hard to read. Well, the tech bros, yeah. Because they've only ever done tech shit and they've tried to read a single Charles Dickens book and they've gone, what? And so they get a robot to go, Oliver Twist wasn't orphan.

It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. Look, this can't be right. That can't be right. Several graphs I've made prove that that's kind of hmm. You can't have both at the same time. Robot, can you tell me what this book is about? Robot, please. But you see, we were too nice to the nerds. We were too nice at the same time. Robot, can you tell me what this book is about? Robot, please. But you see, we were too nice to the nerds.

We were too nice to the nerds. hashtag Be Kind has destroyed the planet because it upset the natural order of things. Do you think, you know how like in Watchmen, the kind of way to save the world is to bring in this big alien monster? I was thinking about that alien monster recently. Were you? About how Elon Musk is going to be that big alien monster that's gonna bring the left and not so far right

in England together because he upset Nigel Farage. Yes. But that's not gonna happen. But I did think of him as a big squid alien. He's a candidate for being the squid alien. But maybe the squid alien would be like a really big bully. Oh yeah. So it's like King Kong,

but he's wearing one of those American varsity jackets that shows he's a jock. And you release him in California. Okay. So he goes around and he smushes all the nerds. He's a bully. A hubby bullies both the tech bro nerds and the far left nerds.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have to unite to destroy the giant Chad King Kong. Yeah. There's a Chad King Kong. Yeah. Chad King Kong. Yeah. Comes to the earth where we make him. We have to make him. You have to make him. Yeah.

That jacket's going to take ages to stitch together. That's a big jacket. Two Ks. Yeah. Right. Yeah. On his chest, right? Like his initials. Oh man, the jacket is going to take longer than the bioengineering. He's going to rip it day one.

It's going to be awful. We're going to need a lot of spares. Also, we're going to have to train King Kong by making him watch so much like UFC and like Rogan podcast. It'll be like those pictures of them locking chimps making him watch so much like UFC and like Rogan podcast. Mm. Yep. Yep. It'll be like those pictures of them locking chimps in for space program stuff. And like he's rattling on the cage and he's like,

these podcasts are three hours long, a pop. Who's listening to these? Okay. Like Coco the Gorilla, Chad King Kong signing, no more riffing. Like, please no more riffing. Like, please no more riffing. The first question he asked his human handler is what are nootropics? Kong want nootropics in food. Improve Kong's brain.

They don't work Kong. We've told you. Science behind them is flimsy at best. Kong want nootropics! But I think we're onto something. I think this is the only thing that can bring far left dweebs and far right dweebs together is a giant King Kong jock.

Not even far right dweebs, just libertarian dweebs. Cause all the Silicon Valley people are libertarian. Sure. They're so libertarian that they end up flirting with Nazis who are actually authoritarian. That's part of what makes them stupid as well. They've also never done history. So it's like all these people who are like saying like, Oh, Trump is the libertarian

candidate. We want him to ban the following seven things. You're libertarian. You shouldn't want the government to ban anything. Yes. It makes sense. The only way these people will see sense is at the mercy of Kong's fists. Of Chad Kong.

Chad Kong. There can't be any more hashtag be kind tolerance of all this nonsense. We just need to train Chad Kong to attack Silicon Valley AI morons, Nimbies. Anyone who's against nuclear power, Chad King Kong comes and stops on. Right, so Chad Kong is going to be owned by the UN. Yeah. And countries can rent Chad Kong whenever the politics are too divided. And Chad Kong will come to your country and provide a focal point of unity. Yeah. Chad Kong wearing a big blue helmet with UN written on the size of a car.

MP, even military police on the back of his helmet. But it just stands for massive primate. UN peacekeeper Chad Cole. Massive primate. And the political extremes of every nation he bullies come together to fight him off. Yes, because either we customise his bullying per country or we give him such a wide range of bullying targets that it works everywhere. Right. Yes. Hard to say, which would be simpler. Yeah. I think that would have to be some adjustments made per country, per continent. Cause in France, there'd be no point in smushing people who are anti nuclear power. They've got nuclear power plants. Exactly right. In France, it would be, yeah, between what the

center and the, oh no, it's not far left in it now, far left and, uh, and Le Pen. Yes, it's, it's sort of, the center's kind of gone now cause Macron, Macron sort of went mad and fucked it all up the wall. Chad Kong will fix that. Chad Kong v Macron. Who will win? If Macron can defeat Chad Kong, he'll win again. People who... That's what they said in The Economist. They said, Chad Kong presents a unique opportunity, it said. He said, France, is that a crossroads? France is at a crossroads and Chad Kong could point the way.

That's what the subtitle was. Chad Kong could knuckle the way to France's future. They had one of those crosshatched cartoons of like a little Macron with his arms behind his back dressed like Napoleon looking up at Chad Kong. Sort of colored in like watercolor colors. Beautiful two page article on the potential of Macron's revival. Speaking of giant dangerous apes, do we have any correspondence? 2% 2% 3% floor if the wife asks I'm working calm and keep drinking tea So this is from Jen Jen go on then go on then Jen Dear peen and filth. Oh, yes. Thank you. Mm-hmm pe penis. I guess so. I suppose it is.

And a general filth. Yeah. So yeah, penis and filth. Good detective show for us. Get me penis and filth. I'm Detective Penis. It'd be a very funny thing to say with a straight face. Give me your badge, penis. You're a loose cannon, penis. You're off the badge, penis. You're a loose cannon, penis. You're off the case, penis. Get penis on this. I'm a late comer to Bud Pod, so apologies if this tat has really been submitted.

Since discovering Bud Pod, I have cast aside all other podcasts. Wow, yes. You should, and they have to focus. Stop optimizing yourself with various business advice podcasts and just get all the wisdom you need from Bud Pod. Chad Kong. I can't believe Jen has forsaken all other false podcasts. Yes. Cast false idols into the sea.

Listen not. Listen to the one true pod. The one true pod. Not the golden calf of the rest is. Not the golden calf of the rest is. Including she says, I've cast that all the podcasts, including important educational podcasts that may further my career. Physicians do not recommend. In a bid to catch up with 200 plus episodes of poo wee and wanking.

Well, it's going to change, Jen, for you. It's going to be decolonized. So maybe then you'll have to start listening to diarrhea of a CEO again or whatever it was. So diarrhea of a CEO. Diarrhea of a P E O. A P B O. A P B O.

A P B O. Just smelly. Cause he's smelly. Diarrhea of a P B O. Yeah. That's what I think about you guy who hosts that was his name. Yeah. Jason Frank Lee.

Jason Frank Lee. That's why I think it's Jason Frank Lee. I think it's diarrhea of a P B O Jason Frankly. I think it's diarrhea of a PBO, Jason Frankly. How about that? That guy generally is a fuckhead though, who had a bunch of vaccine autism denial. Did he? Yeah, yeah. He went all weird.

I think my, have you seen that thing where all creatures eventually evolve into crabs? Steven Bartlett. Steven Bartlett, not Jason Frankly. I could have sworn it was Jason Frankly. A little bit of a swan as Jason Frankly. Maybe it's his new name. Lots of creatures just end up evolving into crabs. Right. Like there's lots of creatures that have evolved into crabs separately from each other. Okay.

So there's this idea that crabs represents this kind of almost- The ultimate form. Maybe, yeah. Or just like a very useful- Shape to be. Yeah. A really good shape. In the same, in the same, in that same sense, all podcasts are over risk of evolving slowly into just Joe Rogan. Yeah. Looking into news, what nature demands you run out of stuff to talk about

and you end up just going, well, let's, let's just, let's just embrace a few conspiracies. Sure. Yeah. Let's just go mad. Well, you won't hear any conspiracies here, except that Chad Kong is the only way to solve any political crisis. Chad Kong is the only way to convince people that nuclear power is good. I have attached an advert for possibly the worst personalised tat I have ever seen. Whilst being clearly disgusting, it also raises questions about the ethics and difficulties of attempting sexual congress on top of a big photo of Nana's face. Huh? Yeah. All the best for the new year, Koji-chan.

Well, I'm intrigued. So it's called a Hug From Heaven personalized bedding set. Oh! Don't, wait, wait, wait. Is it your dead grandmother's face on your duvet? You bet. Your Bippy it is. Oh God. It's your dead man's face on your bedspread. And the bedspread color scheme I would describe as like a guy who's quite into doing acid and listening to the chemical brothers poster in 2007 bedroom wall. I don't have an image of that. Neon-y. Okay. It's sort of like, oh, this, this, my, my bedroom, my big

light in my room is actually a black light. Oh, okay. That's what the color scheme is to me. So it's the background is black and the swirly. And on top of that is like glowy blues and pinks. It's all black. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And on top of that is like glowy blues and pinks. Ghastly. Really gross, yeah, disgusting. Maybe Tron. Very Tron.

Very Tron-like. Very Tron, yes. Imagine if grandma, imagine if your grandma's death commemoration bedspread was Tron color themed. But the patterns are sort of almost like a Persian rug. So it's an awful combo from every angle. Vile.

So the pillow says a hug from heaven. And heaven is like blue and curly whirly. Right. A hug from heaven. I don't think my duvet hugs me, but that's beside, okay. That's just me maybe. And underneath a hug from heaven is a sort of heart shape window. Okay. And grandma's photos in the window, that's shaped like a heart. Yeah. There are neon butterflies around. I mean, it is a duvet is a hug. If your grandmother used to hug you by sort of lying flat on top of you.

Yeah. Or lying for eight hours, eight hours till you woke up. Or if you used to sit on your lying flat grandma when you got out of the shower and go on your phone for a bit long. If that's what hugs were. Yeah. Yeah, sure.

You used to sit on your grandmother wearing a towel. Wearing a towel. Just look at your phone and kind of tutting to yourself. But your hair sort of didn't quite dry from the air. Yes. It's dripping on your grandmother. So under the heart picture, it says Cindy. Cindy? Yeah. Yeah. It has a picture of a Nanod as an example. It says Cindy in pink and then in pink again, 1952 to 2024. Jesus Christ.

And then underneath now is the Tati slogan bit. Okay. So when you really miss me, hug this blanket tight. I'm sending you my blank and blank, blank and blank and blank. Wow. Okay. When, when, so what's the first line? When you really miss me, hug this blanket tight. I'm sending you my blank and blank. My blank and blank and blank. I'm sending you my hugs and kisses. I'll give you hug. Pazali, the phrase is, you've, I'll give you that. It's I'm sending you my blank and hug. Oh, so it's not, I'll give you that. It's, I'm sending you my blank and hug. Oh. So it's not, I'm sending you hugs.

My love and hug. My love and hug. You've got... That's so fucking weird. I'm sending you my love and what? And hug brackets one. Satan only lets me send one hug through a haunted duvet per annum. It has to be a black complete pitch blank duvet.

Evil neon duvet through this heart portal that the devil hath thraught upon it. Yeah. So I'm sending you my love and hug. My hug. My hug. Not my hugs. My love and hug and blank. Blank and blank and blank. No, no blank comma blank and blank. Is it a follow on list from love and hug? Okay. No. Blank comma blank and blank. Yeah. Yours, granny and granddad. No, it's just from from Granny. It's not a sign off.

Okay. Blank. It does. It is. Live love and love? No, but that's such a good guess. It is following on from this previous sentence. Okay.

I'm sending you my love and hug. I'll never get used to hearing that. It looks mad as well. I'll send you my love and hug. And then this bit's in all really curly, whly blue. Blank and blank and blank. Smile and laugh and love. Dream and adventure and play. It's more about when the hugs and sorry. Morning noon and night. Yeah, you've got it. Morning noon and night. Oh, you, you, you. I'm so when you really miss me, hug this blanket tight. I'm sending you my love and

hug. I should have remembered the rhyme. Of course. Morning, noon and night. A hug from heaven above grandma's dead face. But a duvet from hell. And then it emphasizes on the side of the advert, photo, name and year can be changed. Oh good. Thank you. Thank God. That's going to be my first question. Cindy 52 to 24. It doesn't have to be that. That was going to be my first question on the chat now. A hug from heaven. Look how disgusting that is. Do you recollect we did a good job? Wow, we it is. Yeah. Neon is right. It looks is a kind of art that sort of the the worst nightclub in a shitty town. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All the men in the nightclub are in their 40s and all the girls

are at best 17. It's a horrible nightclub. It's near the train station. Yep. Disgusting. Well, thank you, Jen. That was a fun one. Thank you, Jen. That was very nice.

Thank you for listening to this first Bud Pod of 2025. And thank you for listening to so many previous ones by focusing on it and getting rid of all other podcasts. Yes. Thanks, Jen. Morning, noon and night. We'll see you all soon for the monumental Bud Pod 300. But we'll see Patreons this Friday on the bonus pod of 299.

Everyone else, your newest resolution should be to join the Patreon. But until you do, see you next time. Bye. Yes. But until you do, see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. More than 125,000 podcasts trust Acast to connect them

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