Chambers of the Occult - Old News Nonsense Vol. 6

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

Buckle up for this "Old News Nonsense" with our guest Sabina as she joins us for some truly questionable headlines that’ll make you say, “What were they thinking?” We’ve got ticking bombs that go boom? Thongs that leave little to the imagination, and superstitions you’ll want to sneeze away!Ever wondered what to do with your lactose intolerance? We’ve got the tips. Add in a monkey who takes "kidnapping" way too literally, a lion hunt that turns into a wild goose chase, and some celery bondage that’s definitely not in the food pyramid. This and more! Join us for the nonsense you didn’t know you needed in your life. Send us a text

Chambers of the occult may contain content that might not be suitable for all listeners. Listener discretion is advised. Old news nonsense. Volume six? Yeah. Six. Yeah. And we have a guest. Hi, I'm Sabina.

She's back again. Yeah, if you haven't checked out my episode about the sausage king, great story. I have to say. Great story. You guys got to listen to it. Our last episode we just put out. And have to say. Great story. You guys gotta listen to it. Our last episode we just put out. And I'm Jay. And I'm Kai.

Hello. And have we got some stories for you? Some silly old stories, as always, for these episodes. Yeah. Because we always had a f flare for the dramatics. Yeah, I would definitely say so. Well, I don't know, grab your popcorn, grab your cherry Coke Zero, because that's currently what I'm drinking. Let's go. Uh, it's actually my mom, my mom recently or for a while now has like only drank diet

Coke and that's the only soda we've had in the fridge and so I've like gotten used to the taste of like zero sugar sodas. That's your normal. I was like ooh, cherry Coke Zero and it's actually really good. I don't know. Nice. We'll have to check it out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My beverage of choice is a iced coffee from Duncan. Yes, it is. 45pm. We're going for it. No, no, no. I respect the hell out of that. Yeah. Thank you. Wow.

I feel like I should go get a shot of vodka or something. Because I'm sitting down with water. You know, I usually have like three drinks, and I always say one's for the mind, one's for the body, one's for the soul. And I think that's kind of... Oh, yeah. We've got it covered there.

Okay. I agree. We've got the trifecta, so. Yeah. Cool. All right. All right, well, I'll start us off with some stories. And my first clipping,

it's from the Contra Costa Times newspaper. It's from Walnut Creek, California. It was published on Monday, July 21st, 1958. So this one says, ticking bomb proves to be a silly prank. Oh no. Okay. Oh no. That's okay. Um, a fake bomb planted in the men's restroom of Oakey's drive-in at 1823 Main Street looked like the real thing to Walnut Creek police officer R.L. Cornell when he answered an anonymous call early Sunday morning.

The bomb, although ticking away and sounding like a real-time bomb, was found to be made of wooden sticks fashioned to stimulate sticks of dynamite. Okay, I'm sure you'll tell us, but I'm like, were they like colored in? Yeah, what? I'm honestly not sure. I mean, this isn't the longest newspaper article. I imagine they probably were like stained like Red ish because when I imagine dynamite I think of like like a red yeah You know like a bundle of like red so they probably died them or something. Yeah, I just I think it's really funny that this one was planted in a

restroom Men's restroom, of drive-in. Yeah, that's the last place I want to see a bomb. Are you kidding me? Like you're walking in. You're like, do I risk it? Do I have enough time? You're like, oh, I really have to go, but like...

Do I drop a bomb or do I... Oh, someone's getting used to it. There's going to be two bombs in this bathroom. Do I drop a bomb or do I? There's going to be two bombs in this bathroom. Anyway, according to Cornell, the police officer, he went to Hokie's drive in after he received a report from the Contra Costa Sheriff's Department reporting they had received a call saying a bomb had been planted in the drive-ins restroom Cornell found the hidden device under some papers in the wastebasket Placed it in his patrol car and raced to the outskirts of Walnut Creek with a bomb ticking loudly beside him

What a brave man 58 okay, no bomb squad at that point, I guess. No. Just like, by hand? That's crazy. Yeah. He was like, he's like, oh shit, oh shit, he grabbed it. He was like, I'll sacrifice myself.

He drove as far as he could. He wanted to be a hero so bad. He got, I mean, he got to be. He ended up in the movie first, so good. Yeah. Imagine the relief he felt though, when like, it just He got handed up in the paper, so good for him. Imagine the relief he felt though, when like it just didn't blow up and like he realized it wasn't an actual bomb.

That's crazy. But I can imagine like you're driving with the bomb and you just keep hearing a tick and then you're like, it's gonna go off. Like you've accepted your fate at this point, at least I would have, so. Anyway. Like you've accepted your fate at this point, at least I would have. So yeah. Cordell placed it cautiously beside Ignacio Valley Road and waited until a de-arming expert

from the Port Chicago Naval Base arrived and took the device apart. Second class petty officer M.W. Dahmer performed his hazardous duty only to discover a dud. The package was made up of short pieces of wood taped to the outside of a three-inch cylinder with black electrical tape. The cylinder contained an unclassified piece of electrical equipment and a timing device. Police suspect that the fake bomb was planted by juveniles. Yeah. I would imagine. Those juveniles, man. Such a nuisance.

Them and their bombs. Kids need to stay inside, play some games or something. In my day, we didn't leave fake bombs in bathrooms. In my day, they were real. In my day, we left a different kind of bomb. Um, yeah. I wonder if this was a plan thing by the kids or if they were just like, hey, you know, it would be funny.

You know what we should do? Dude, all those things with like, dynamite. Dude, like, dude. That sounds like a bomb, doesn't it? Like, I wonder how they did the take an electronic device? Just electrical equipment and a timing. Like, maybe I imagine like a, like they took apart like a digital watch or something or like I don't know Yeah Maybe anyway, maybe like a kitchen timer or something true actually, you know

Yeah I'm like trying to think why you would do this. And I can think of like either you got fired from the place or your friends dropped it there to fuck with you. Maybe they're trying to get the day off work. No, seriously. But then why would you hide it in the like trash can of the bathroom? Yeah, that's true though. It's also hidden.

Maybe they were like, oh, this's true though. It's also hidden. Maybe they were like, oh, this isn't good enough, and they tossed it, and then it like actually worked. They tried to sit there with a bomb, nobody even noticed it, and they're like, ah, what the fuck. Okay, I'll go home. They gave up. Yeah.

And they hear this in the news and like, oh shit, like it actually worked. It worked! And they hear this in the news and like oh shit like it worked Anyway, um ticking bomb is fake. I Think I think that would be a really fun thing to do except don't Because I don't want to get arrested Yeah Well, what have we got next? I have three, well, yeah, obviously three stories. And I am going to take us to Florida.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Always good things. Great stories. And this is an article from, let me tell you where, from the Orlando Sentinel from Orlando, Florida on February 20th, 1975. Okay.

And the title of this newspaper clip being says, Thong Arrives in Orlando. I'm listening. Yeah, I'm ready. And it says, just who in central Florida dares to braise their dairy age, their ear, may soon be revealed as the thong. As the thong is added to the swimwear stock

at Ivy's this week. In case you missed the hullabaloo, it's- Great word. We should start using it again. Love it. It's been making the thong an almost, is that what it is? Oh, almost totally no back approach

to brevity in swimwear. It's the latest design from Rudy Gurevich who shocked folks a few years back with his chopless bathing suit. The thong comes in both one and two P shapes, offering a modesty cover up front with a square yoked bodice, and almost completely cut out back. It costs about $26 for the bikini, $30 for the tank suit. Fine, you say, for the exhibitionist on some distant sandy shore, but in central Florida.

Why not ask- That's the bid. I know, right? Yeah. Why not ask Jerry Newman? I have this merchandise manager from central Florida. It may not be New York City, but he maintains we do have forward thinking people here. And the thong is a forward-thinking statement. We're giving them an opportunity to take a look and decide for themselves if they like it.

You know, I think that's a very, very diplomatic way. Let them decide for themselves. It continues by saying, "'The thong,' says sales promotion director, Judy Brown, is one more step in the nearly bare fashion direction. It's a step in the new fashion direction? Yeah, in the bare fashion direction. Methodically, she takes them off last summer's string bikini, Calvin Klein's monokini, a

bikini bottom with a buttonless cardigan jacket, Seambur's tank suit made from beige-tone fabric, as sheer as pantyhose, and now, gran rich thong. I think we'll sell it, says Mrs. Brown. But definitely to someone who has an uninhibited attitude about fashion. The string, she reminds us, brought gaps, oh, brought gasps and shocked reactions when it was first shown last year. But now, walk on any public beach and you'll see it accepted just as any other fact of life. As

with the string, Mr. Brown predicts, there will be, they will be bought by men among the first of the thong purchasers. When the string was first sold, half the customers were men who bought it as a joke for their wife or as a nifty form of flattery. After all, if a man thinks he looks good in that spirit, that's a compliment. One of both, yes. 8.57 PM. What? compliment.

8.57pm guys. Siri wanted to get involved. Yeah, yeah. She's got thoughts on thongs. Yeah, definitely. Because it continues by saying, the thong is in for everyone, notes Mr. Brown. To because it continues by saying the thong isn't for everyone notes mr. Brown To wear it. Well, you need an almost perfectly shaped body. Oh Wow high body standards, yeah

And it continues by saying and there are a few other considerations as well Before donning the suit in public, one should have an overall tan, which may require a serious campaign in the privacy of home. Yep. Sun tan lotion is a must for initial sunnings. And body lotion will help to keep the skin soft and smooth all over. Certainly, the thong wearers will have to carry a towel or something else to sit on when at the beach. She adds, the sand could be uncomfortable. Girl, you're at the beach. Yeah, like why are you worrying about that?

Yeah, so this is Florida's claim to the thong arrives. Scandalous. I know, they are so fashion forward. Good. Like you know they really are forward thinking. Yeah. Except for like the whole like um you know body standards part of that yeah. But I guess it is Florida so so, you know, they're trying their best over there. You know, I'll give them credit. At least in 1975. OK, yeah, then they're they're like doing a good thing. So, Karen, take us off Sabina.

What do you have for follow up songs? So we're going to be. The headline for this is Sneezing at Superstition. This is from the Green Recorder from Green, Iowa from Wednesday, April 25th, 1923. All right. So, Lord Carnivon, who had dreaded mosquitoes all his adult life and had often taken long trips to get away from their presence was bitten by one at last soon after he had completed this year's excavation at King Tut's tomb. So an infection followed, then pneumonia, and he died. So straight away, a priest of Egypt saw his opportunity. He announced that

Carnivon had been a victim of the curse of the ancient pharaohs. Wait! Sabina! What's up? What's his name? Carnivon? Yes! I have covered this man before. You know him? Wait, what? Remember how there was someone that said that they were immune to the mummy's curse? Oh, yeah. Have you done this story? That was a- No, no, no, no.

No, not this one. I think this is the origin of that story. Okay, yeah, because- So you were telling us like the origin of it. This is the backstory a little bit. Like you're like the prequel. I'm, yeah, I'm the epilogue. Oh my God. Keep going.

What? So this priest says, if prayers had been regularly said to Isis and or Isis each morning before Carnivon had begun work, the curse would have been lifted. The priest said there would have been lifted. The priest said there would be other deaths. All the unprayed for desecrators of the tomb, he said, would come under the curse. He noticed that Howard Carter, who had been Lord Carnivon's first assistant, had a cold. He said, I lost my place. Uh-oh. Where'd we go? Okay. Where am I? You're good.

There we go. He, oh no, I lost it again. Okay, okay, okay. He noticed that Howard Carter, who had been Lord Carnivans first assistant, had a cold. He said Carter would be the next victim. Carter laughed at the prophet priest, took a little something for his stomach's sake and for his cold, sneezed, got well, and went ahead with his business. So he spoiled a superstition and a possible front page story. Really the best way to deal with superstition, if you can't laugh at it, is to sneeze at it. Wow.

That's all. I love this. So if you're cursed... I can't believe you got the prequel. There you go. The lore. Thank you. You're like Mr. Carnivon and I was just like, wait, that's like a very particular like last name. And then you also mentioned like a mummy and a curse.

And like, yeah, pretty niche thing there yeah because what I covered was that pretty much is immune to like a the mummy's curse so this is the prequel to it there you go if you're cursed just take some cold medicine and sneeze that should fix you right up yeah you're good yeah the Yeah, the sneezing is the most crucial part. Yes. Yeah clear clear it out That's what I'll do for like any superstition from now on I'll just like go on my way you're set What okay, what do you guys do when you get hiccups? Like what do you do to stop your hiccups? I hold my breath. Yeah, sometimes I just let it happen, honestly.

Fair. Someone's given up. I think it was my grandma or something when I was little. I don't know where I learned it, but like every time I get hiccups, I take like exactly like 10 gulps of water, like small gulps of water in succession. And without fail, it always makes my hiccups go away. So I don't know. 10 gulps and a sneeze.

And a sneeze, exactly. I'll try that next time. Same, we'll give you an update if by any time. Yeah, let me know. Any listeners out there too, next time you get hiccups, try taking 10 gulps of water This is a hiccup challenge Write in send us some fan mail send us a text maybe we'll cover it

Throw you guys into a special episode Speaking of you know cures and remedies, actually, my article is titled, Nine Ways to Lick Lactose Intolerance. Okay. This is supposed to be by The Times in Hammond, Indiana, Sunday, March 8th of 1992. You're going to say something, Jay? I was going to say, so this is for Sabina. Yes. Okay. I am self-proclaimed lactose sensitive, but yeah, it's still, it's an issue. No, I would agree. Yeah. I mean, I'm a lactose

lover, unfortunately, but I'm very not tolerant of it. Oh really? Born to be lactose intolerant for some reason. I mean, I have a bunch of lactate pills at my house, or like the tablets, but I just forget to take them out with me a lot of the time. Yeah, I just raw dog it, hope for the best. Yeah, honestly same.

Like sometimes I'll just bite straight into the block of cheese and like it Yeah, really won't matter Anyway Do you blow it up when you drink a glass of milk? Do you have intestinal rumblings after eating ice cream? Does cheese give you the runs? If you answered yes to these questions, you probably have lactose intolerance. That is, your small intestine doesn't produce enough lactase, the enzyme you need to digest lactose,

the natural sugar found in dairy products. Never fear, it's not dangerous. Nor are you alone in your intolerance. The majority of people get some degree of lactose intolerance by the time they're 20, according to Chicago gastroenterologist Seymour Sabe-son? MD. All right. I know the majority of people.

I feel like it's such a funny thing that, like us humans, we eat so much dairy when we were never intended to. No. I think that's what lactose intolerance is, is like we're eating things meant for a baby cow, you know? Exactly. Of course that's gonna happen. We are eating like a nutritional supplement made for a different species than us and we're like oh we can't process it, no way.

That's so weird. As many as 30 million and all Americans may have some degree of lactose intolerance, but you can have your ice cream and eat it too. Here's how. Take the tolerance test. Since most everyone's degree of tolerance is different, you'll want to find out how much of a good thing you can have before you stop enjoying it Says Theodore Bayless MD a gastroenterologist at Johns Hopkins University Okay, the obvious thing to do is decrease the amount of milk and dairy products you eat until your symptoms go away. Okay. Okay Next one is don't forget your calcium

Milk products are a major source of calcium Baylessailiff says. Most people should get the calcium equivalent of two glasses of milk a day. Ooh. Ooh, yeah. I think I'm lacking. Mm-mm. You're lacking in the lactose. Yeah.

And I'm thinking, I'm lacking the- I'm having what you're not having. You're drinking the milk for us, right? We're drinking four glasses. Yeah. So you're drinking six a day.. You're drinking four glasses. Yeah. You're drinking six a day. I like to fill up my cheeks. Substitutes like Tums or sardines with bones

or spinach or broccoli and calcium supplements are an option he says. Yes. Yum. So he just said to drink two glasses of milk glasses of milk, but then he also goes on to say, never drink milk alone. Some people find their symptoms disappear if they take their dairy products with meals. Ah. Interesting. Now, this next one's kind of funny. He says, inoculate yourself. It may be worth trying to take just a small amount of milk products each day, gradually increasing the dose to build up your tolerance, Bayla suggests.

Back off if your symptoms reappear. I don't think that's how it works. Like micro dosing lactose. Just a little bit more milk in your coffee every day. It's so funny. Add your own lactase. Several companies make lactase enzyme and add it to milk or you can buy it in liquid form and add it to yourself.

Lactaid ink makes tablets you can take when you eat lactose containing foods. Try buttermilk. Buttermilk should be pretty much tolerable, says Naresh Jain, MD, a gastroenterologist in private practice in Niagara Falls, New York. And despite its name, buttermilk has less fat and less cholesterol than even 2% milk. And cheese, too. Cheese has less lactose in it than milk, Jain says. Hard cheeses are best, Bayless says, because they're fermented the most. But you're good, Jay. Yeah.

You mean I'm not eating enough? Well, maybe it's not as... It said lactase. It didn't say calcium. It said lactase. Eat more soft cheeses, see what happens. Yeah. Okay. But also, know that acidophilus milk doesn't help. I don't know what that is. Although acidophilus organisms are highly beneficial for digestion, they colonize the large intestine,

says Boston pediatric gastroenterologist Jeffrey Biller. Lactose digestion occurs in the small intestine, so acidophilus whizzes right on Biller lactose digestion occurs in the small intestines so acidophilus whizzes right on by the lactose. Beware the fillers. Lactose is a common filler in many kinds of medication and nutritional supplements. Read labels carefully and ask your pharmacist if your medication has a lactose filler. Oh yeah those are some lactose remedies, I guess Good to know Yeah, I

Really enjoy how many doctors they got for this like yeah I think I think there's like research from four different doctors in this small little article They four different doctors in this small little article. They needed the throws. They really did. They called them the big guns for this one. They're like, we're going to have all the resources. The lactose league. No. New superhero movie. I could honestly see that being like like a kid's like superhero. Yeah the milkman Okay, like telling them about like, you know consuming like their daily glass of milk Deputies I'm gonna stop. No, no, this is good. This is good content

Hot mess sketch. Yes. I like them. I like them all. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. We'll make something. Anyway, take it London, England. And this is an older, older newspaper. Oh, okay.

From the Illustrated Police News, et cetera. London, Greater London, England, Saturday, July 9th, 1870. Ooh. Damn. What a time time ago. And I kind of wish I was alive back then to just see this one incident that happened. Because it says a child stolen by a monkey.

What? How did this child get stolen? Well, it starts by saying a local paper reports of a somewhat remarkable case of perloining a child, which occurred in the small village of, I don't know if that's an A or an O, but I'm going to say Manx Bridge in Summertshire on Monday last. It appears that Mr. Judecote, a gentleman of independent means, has for a long time past kept a large monkey who had been accustomed to range over his master's garden and grounds as to the as the creature was esteemed harmless and use a sporting phrase quote was warned to be free from vice and quote on Monday last can't trust the monkey Go ahead. You can't trust the monkey. No.

Monkeys kind of scare me. Like, they're cute, but it feels like they're like literally like one brain cell away from being like fully functioning humans. Slightly uncanny valley. No, seriously. Yeah. I love them at the zoo. Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah, when they're secure. Exactly. And it continues by saying, Mr. Hemingway, neighbor of Mr. Judekot, will walk in in her garden, was surprised and horrified at beholding. I don't know if this is the monkey's name, but it says Hulch. It's the name, Hulch.

Hulch. Hulch Smash. Please no. In this case, it's Hulch Steel. It says, Hulch, Mr. Judkot's monkey, suddenly snatched her baby from the arms of the youngest sister Clara, who as a special favor had been permitted to take charge of the infant. The monkey, gibbering and chattering, rushed off with its price and gained the roof of an outhouse with very little difficulty. So at this point, your child is held by a monkey on a rooftop.

Oh my God, what do you do? Mr. Hemingway was driven to the utmost extremity of despair. And she vainly strove to repossess herself of her last born. She beheld to her infinite horror, the monkey passed over the roof of the house until he had his bur- until he and his burden were both lost at sight. Oh no. Yeah.

They're gone. The anxious mother at once hashed to the- hastened to the house of the name of her neighbor, Mr. Jude, who appeared to be as much troubled as herself at the unlook for her disaster. His man, his manservants were dispatched in every direction in search of hulks, who was, however, too weary to allow his hiding place to be discovered. In the meantime, the parents of the child were kept in a consistent state of anxiety and trepidation. It was impossible to say what had befallen the child. The day passed over without any news of either Hulch or the infant. And it was by the mere chance that both the fugitives were discovered by some farm laborers in an adjacent wood towards eight o'clock

of the evening. At this time, Hulch seemed to be tired of his companion, who he had purposely resigned to the farm servants. The delight of the parents upon regaining their child may be more readily imagined than described. Yeah. I like how the monkey was like, I'm done. Here you go. Uh huh.

Yeah. It's like, oh. I'm good now. like, I'm done. Here you go. Uh huh. Yeah. It's like, oh. I'm good now. Yeah, I'm bored. What's great though, it says there's an illustration to it. So I'm sending that to each and one of you right now. And I just think it's amazing. And it's a scary monkey, not gonna lie. I'm picturing like the court drawings they do.

Oh my god. That is a scary monkey, yeah. I'm picturing like the court drawings they do He's a scary monkey yeah You were spot-on with the court drawings Whoa, I'll never I'll never God. So folks, please don't have pet monkeys. Whoa. I'll never, I'll never. Noted. Yeah. God. So, okay.

That literally looks, that is the scariest monkey I've ever seen. Yeah, that's horrible. And the child. Yeah, that poor child. When earlier Kai, when you were talking about how monkeys are kind of uncanny valley, I was picturing the toy monkey from Toy Story, you know? That one freaks me out so bad, but this drawing is worse. This monkey looks like a monster in this drawing.

I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what they were aiming for. Oh, totally. And the poor child looks like in shock, like what's happening? So funny. If you're listening, go ahead and take a look at the Instagram. It's already showing that crazy monkey on it. Good. Lovely.

Yeah, so Sabina. All right. What are you telling us about? I found one that I thought was kind of funny, but it's like super short. So I'm going to do like a double feature here. They both kind of relate. Okay. Also, I just want to say it's funny how like newspaper articles at like a certain point were so like, it was just talking about rich people. Like, oh, so-and-so went to so-and-so's dinner, you know? And it's like, that's the news. That's the news.

Yeah. So on that note, this is from the Ford County Press on April 6, 1934. They're in Guelph, Illinois. This is Easter guest at Cullum. So Mr. and Mrs. Joe Roth were dinner guests at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Jess Hag of Cullum Easter Sunday. The dinner served by Mrs. Hag

was in keeping with April Fool's Day or the 1st of April, if you didn't know. Okay. Yeah, by the way. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, fun fact. Is that coming from you or the first of April, if you didn't know. Okay. Yeah, by the way. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fun fact. Is that coming from you or the article? A little bit of both. It says, with April Fool's Day or the first of April.

Okay. Sorry, guys. In case you don't celebrate April Fool's Day. Yeah, right. So, dessert was served first, the cake was made of popcorn, coffee was served in wine glasses and various other derivations from the usual manner in serving a dinner were experienced. The day was thoroughly enjoyed by all present. The end." That's the whole article.

Okay. Love it. So, the next one is from St. Cloud Times in St. Cloud, Minnesota on April 1st, 1958. The headline is, Psychologist Says Days for Knitwits. April Fool's Day is a day set aside not for wits, but for knitwits, says Dr. Herman Harvey. Dr. Harvey, a psychology professor at University of California says it's the day of quote, the annual outing for untalented, infirm and indigent humorists, end quote. So he's a hater, I would say. I feel like my guess is

like someone pranked him really bad and he never recovered from it. You know? Yeah. He's just like scared for the rest of his life. This is his villain origin story. It is. Yeah.

So it continues. The day is perpetuated, he says, quote, by and for people who can't maintain an adequate standard of quality for good intellectual wit, and quote, is the only day they are allowed to indulge themselves in what they think is funny and be assured that no one will criticize them for their abysmal efforts. Oh, oh, it's really calling everyone out. Yeah. And that's the article. Sir, who hurt you?

No, literally, like, he's so mad He's like you guys all suck it's like guys not funny like no like That wasn't funny Embarrassing me Can't take a joke. Literally. It's not funny. Guys, come on. Yeah, so if you like April Fools, you're a nitwit according to Dr. Harvey.

You know Dr. Harvey? What year was this? This was 1958. Okay, you know what Dr. Harvey? Grow up. Yeah. Literally, learn to enjoy April Fool's Day, okay? Seriously. Or April 1st, if you didn't know.

Little did he know that it would only grow from there. I know. Poor dude. He's rolling in his grave. He's hating listening to this. His grave is getting pranked. His fist is clenched right now in the afterlife. He's like, he's like, he posted that.

He probably thought it would never be seen ever again, but like 75 years later, some people on computers are like talking about it. He's like like what the fuck is this world? What's going on? Yeah, just what you thought people would forget about you hated April Fools. Wrong. You made history man. You're on the wrong side of it Cool so For I have a I just have a short little one for my last one, but it's from the Evening Journal Wilmington, Delaware, January 21st, 1892. Alright.

This is called All the Way from Dover. It says, Dave Warden, James B. Tucker of the Newcastle County Jail, was greatly surprised to receive a large box from Dover yesterday. Heavy express charges were attached and as the warden forked over the money, he began to feel anxious about the contents. A number of friends gathered around when he opened the box and everybody laughed but the warden when they saw that in the box was a live opossum weighing 20 pounds.

Okay. Get me. I love opossums. They're so cute. They are. I'll see some around my apartment sometimes and I just, it makes me very happy. Yeah. I don't think Warden Tucker would agree though, because um, what did he do? It ends off by saying, he has decided to fatten the animal and invite his Newcastle friends to

an opossum dinner. No, ew. No, taste like not in a good way like, but like, No, I would taste like not in a good way like oh yeah, but like Just curious. I don't know. Why do you want to eat in a possum? The question I have is would he tell his friends that it's a possum. He's like do you like this steak? Oh from a cow. I'm I feel like you Actually, I don't know. Well, I mean his I guess his friends already knew it wasn't a possum because people watched him open the box Yeah, fair. Yeah, I don't know. Well, I guess his friends already knew it wasn't a possum, because people watched him open the box. Oh, fair. Yeah. I don't know.

It's probably exciting for them, you know? Yeah. It was like years and years ago that I read a Reddit post somebody made. Kind of gross warning, but not really. But this guy, he got in a motorcycle accident, and so he had to get like the lower like part of his leg like amputated. And so like from probably around like his calf down, like middle calf or something. And he said that he asked the doctor if he could keep like his foot that was amputated.

And the doctor was like, uh, sure. So he took it home and then he invited a bunch of his friends over Oh, yes. Yes. Yes have tacos Yeah with his leg meat. I think I remember this yeah, and like all of his friends knew and Oh my god, I don't know. They said it tasted like like like really gaming like gaming like a veal or something Yeah, see it's where like we have that like me like a veal or something. Yeah Where like we have that like there's no laws against like there's like cannibalism is

illegal But like I don't know Yeah, I don't know And it's not like self-harm because it was an accident and it's not like... No, exactly. Yeah. I think that's best case scenario for cannibalism. If you guys had an opportunity, like a scenario like that, would you try the meat? I think I would.

Yes. Honestly. I think I would too. And then whenever... Honestly, yeah. No, go ahead. Like honestly, them being like made into tacos, I feel like makes it more palatable. Yeah, it's like well seasoned, I guess.

Yeah. One's in. Anyway, what were you going to say, Savina? I was going to say like, have you ever done like icebreakers where they're like, tell us a fun fact about yourself and you blank on everything? I feel like that would be my go-to. Yeah. That you've tried human meat or, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

Depending on the occasion. The crowd, the group. Yeah, you're like, yeah, I ate part of my friend's leg. And now the person who's like, I have three dogs is like, fuck. I'm scared of you now. Yeah. That was my short little opossum story. Nice. Thank you. Is it me? James. James.

Oh, it's- Yeah, I was also thinking as like, yes. Just yes. Yes. So this is from Arizona Republic and it's from Phoenix, Arizona from December 7th, 1983. It's a little shorter, but I was, we'll get into it as well. So I don't know if it's like a review or like an ad, but it's for a book. It's for a cookbook. Okay. And how to season human meat.

Sorry. We need it. Did you read this article already? No. This is called the erotic Baker cookbook. What? Oh. By Karen Dyer and Petrika Brown. Publishers, $6.95.

And it says, in 1977, Karen Dyer and Petrika Brown opened the erotic Baker, a bakery specialized in X rated sweets. What? The venture was, what does that mean? Yeah. Tell us more. The venture was so successful that they had opened two more shops and a mail order business.

The cookbook is styled to be an orgy of delights with 100 unexpurgated explicit recipes. They aim at the adventurous, lecherous and just plain fun loving with their X rated recipes. Recipes include celery and bondage, peel me a grape salad, Mary Widow's cake, and some that cannot be mentioned in a family newspaper. Okay. That's the newspaper article. Is in a family newspaper. Okay.

That's the newspaper article. Is this a family newspaper? I got curious and I bought the book. Oh, you found it. Okay. Yes, I did. So I decided to bookmark a few because the newspaper would not tell us

what those titles were. Yeah. Okay. And for appetizers, I don't know if I can say, I mean, we give a content word. Yeah, we can say it. You're not a family-friendly newspaper. Not at all. Okay. So it says here's the per- so I'm going to read you the description and you try to guess what the name of this dish is called. Okay. Okay. So this is for an appetizer and it says, here's a perfect example of using everyday

things with imagination and fantasy. Take a round pita, cut it in half, open it slightly and just look at it. Oh, you've got it. And it's perfect for stuffing with anything you like. Well, anything. We like to keep it simple and healthy. It's erotic looking all by itself, so make an easy lunch out of it. Oh, I've got some ideas. I just don't know if I want to put words to them. I was going to say something. I don't know if I should. I think you might be right, Sabina.

No, I don't know. I think you might be right to me now So this is called and I am sorry ahead of time do it pussypita Wow, just straight to it. Yeah. Okay. Honestly, I thought it would be like something a little bit more like whimsical I know just straight up pussypita. Yeah It was gonna be like roast beef or something. Oh yeah no. No so this was an appetizer. Now we can move to like the main dishes which they call the mini fare. Okay. Um and I have a couple for that as well. Let's see the first one. So this is the description for this one says, so you've had your first fight or your second. And although you want to make up, you still feel that you should have a have the last word.

Well, now you can invite him or her to dinner and cook our special. Oh, this one's a little bit more playful than the other one. Okay. Any ideas? Um, honestly, this one, I'm not too sure. Okay, it's called Kiss My Pork Butt. Okay, that's kind of fun. Yeah.

Like, that's not like, I don't know, that's not like vulgar. I think that's just a funny little name. Yeah. Definitely. Another one here says serve the whole tongue on the platter. Tender, delicious, a teaser. Just watch who you point it at. Okay, this one sounds like it might be a little, a little out there. So I don't know. I'm not sure

So this one's called tongue teaser Okay. Oh, yeah, not too bad. Yeah, so it gives the whole recipe to all the ingredients like everything And then there's one section which I assume would be like maybe like breakfast and they call the breakfast section titillations. Okay so what I'm gathering from this is that for like some YouTube content we need to like make some like old-timey like dessert recipes yeah but we also need to make these recipes for a separate video. Yes rather than the descriptions I'll just read you some of the names so we can go But we also need to make these recipes for a separate video. Yes. Rather than reading the description, so I'll just read you some of the names so we can

go through it faster. There's one called Artichoke Striptease. Nice. There's one called Hot Hussie Taters. But taters Okay, this one is on the section that says Salacious salads and okay the salads it's Big boy banana with big salad Big boy banana with big girl pineapple salad. Big boy banana with what?

Big girl pineapple salad. Big boy banana. That's crazy. That's what you called me in high school. Oh my God. Oh my god. And then we get to the zerds and they call those the climax. Okay. Perfect.

So fitting. In the holiday spirit, they have Rudolph's balls. No. Another one they have, it's four letter words for the cunning linguists. That's funny. That's just a funny word play. So they have some good, like just cheeky ones. They have one called, a hard man is good to find cream puff. A hard man is good to find cream puff. A hard man is good to find cream puff.

Oh, I get it. Like a good man is hard to find. Yeah. Yeah. Hard. Yeah. Who made this book again? It is Karen Dyer and Patrika Brown.

Thank you guys. Karen Dyer. Thank you for your brilliance. Yeah. I mean, they were quite successful having two shops, two additional shops. Yeah. So, yeah, they have one called Lakerish Whips. That's funny. Yeah.

And then they have drinks as well. They have what they call Love Elixirs and they have French 69 and then Gay Grapefruit. Gay Grapefruit? Yes. That's the best one by far. And then the last one here is called Pussy Cafe. Okay. So good way to end it.

Perf. As the kids say. There's 158 pages. Wow. A lot of recipes. Better get cooking. Yeah. Better get cooking.

So yeah, listeners, if you want us to make some of these recipes on a YouTube channel, let us know Yeah, I think that would be really fun so I think we'll make them either way But it would be nice to know that you want us to see you want it. Yeah And a lot of them have like images to go with it as well nice Cool. I mean they sound good Yeah, like not like bad food and stuff. So's cool. Yeah it's kind of fun. Very nice. Well Sabina, K or two, what's up?

We are gonna end with New England's lion hunt becomes a wild goose chase. So this is from Evansville Press in Evansville, Indiana on Sunday, January 15 1939. Got it. All right. So the Glastonbury lion hunt bogged down in the drifted snow today. But game warden Charles Allhouse said he and his men will try again next Tuesday to track down the mysterious beast which has been killing dogs and scaring farmers hereabouts since the New England hurricane. By then, he hopes, the snow will have

become packed enough to hold a trail the warden's imported hound can follow. Farmers say the animal, which stalks through the woods making carcasses of dogs unlucky enough to pick up its trail is about three feet long and two feet tall tan colored long-tailed and shaggy of head. Sounds like a lion. That's so sad. I know. It does sound like a lion but yeah. Very unfortunate. So Al's house decided it must be a mountain lion or cougar, probably one of those that escaped from a wild animal farm near Manchester. Who has a wild animal farm?

Yeah, what? Like, and then how are you going to just let your animals escape? Like, come on now. I literally just said don't have a monkey as a pet. That includes lions and any other thing that's exotic. When will we learn? You know? Never. No. No. We all have a person that's like, oh, but like I can tame them. Yeah, I'll figure it out. I'm special. Yeah, so apparently they escaped during a September

storm. So he imported a hound trained for cougar hunting in the Ozarks and recruited a score of sharpshooters. Yeah, like, they found a sharpshooters. So this was not going to bring the lion back alive. I don't think I think at that point, it's it's dogs or the lion. You know, exactly. So it's it's that like a wanted poster that says dead or dead or alive. Yeah. Seriously, doesn't matter. Yeah. So they hired all these people, right? They got their team, the dog, the dog quickly picked a percent and took the huntsman on a five mile wild goose chase. Then a report came that the beast was upsetting farmer Howard Tyron's household with blood curdling screams from the vantage of a thicket behind the cow barns, but he wasn't there

either. Huh. And that's the end. What? So I don't know if we found him. Oh, I mean, I feel like they hunt us out. There would have been some big update if they did find it. Yeah.

So damn, they brought in this whole team and it's never probably never caught the thing. He was like somewhere else tormenting someone else's farm. Yeah, whatever. As long as it's not our dogs, you know. Yeah, right. He won, you know, he became the king of the forest. Where was this posted again? This was in Indiana in 1935.

So the forests of Indiana? Are there forests in Indiana? Had a loose line for who knows how long. Yeah. Yeah, so guys, please don't start a wild animal farm. No, no. It never ends well. Also, is that not just a zoo? Like, what's the difference? Well, I feel like a zoo is probably supposed to have like... Like public visitation.

Yeah, and like an educational basis in a way. Like conservation type, or at least modern zoos hopefully. Yeah. I feel like a wild animal farm just purely to like- Collecting them. Collect them? Yeah. I don't know.

It's like, what's his name? Hearst of Hearst Castle? With his zebras? Yeah. And all of his animals that's his name? Hearst of Hearst Castle? With his zebras? Yeah, and all of his animals that he collected. Richard Hearst? I don't know whatever his name is. Something like that. My nemesis.

It's crazy. Go work in a zoo. Yeah. Or if you have the money to open up, you know, have your own like wild animal farm, maybe open up your own zoo. Yeah, I would love to like manage a zoo or like open one or something. Did you ever watch the movie? We bought a zoo. Yes.

I know I've never actually watched it. I don't think. I think I've only seen pieces of it. I should check it out. I've seen it once a while back. I don't remember a lot, but there's lions in it. Nice. Hell yeah. So if I ever had a zoo, I would make sure they were cappy bars.

Like there has to be. Let's go. Yeah. I went to the zoo here for the first time last year and I just stared at the candy bar enclosure for like half an hour, like 45 minutes straight just watching them. Yeah. It was so good. You should also have platypuses.

Yeah. Yeah. Aren't they like, there's something about them not being in a lot of zoos or something? They don't mate well under like conservation. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of funny because our last old news nonsense, all of my stories were about platypuses. Like it was a whole trilogy.

Yeah. And it was platypusery. Yeah, and the platypusery. Our new favorite one. That's insane. Yeah. And they look really nice. Yeah, and the platypusery. Our new favorite one. That's insane. Yeah.

And they look really nice. Platypusery? Yeah, like they're in closures. Okay. I just googled it. Only the San Diego Zoo Safari Park has platypuses outside of Australia.

Oh, really? That's good. Well, I gotta make a trip down to San Diego. There you go. I would need, if I had a zoo, it would absolutely have puffins. Oh, I love puffins. They're like so tiny and cute. But they're funny little beaks. What do you want? They are. I just want giraffes. Oh, beautiful. I love it. Giraffes and zebras, that's it. It's going to be a basic zoo.

Just giraffes and zebras. No, no. I mean like, those are a must. Like regular zoo animals. Yeah, like there can be other animals, but like giraffes and zebras are like gonna be there. Oh yeah. Nice. You know, like ideally I want like the whole like escape to the Madagascar. The whole cast.

Um, have you guys seen that video of the fucking orangutan in the zoo? Just like twirling his finger. Oh yes, yes, and there's a little point. That has changed my life. I just do that little hand motion all the time. I know. I love the TikToks that are like me and my boyfriend after watching that one orangutan video and it's just like pointing.

Yes. Literally. So good. Yeah, so we've got orangutan. What I mean is also like uncanny valley thing. All the like circling back. It's like how do they know to point at stuff like that? It's almost like it's sad. I don't want to think about it too much. Yeah, me neither. Me neither. Well, listeners, one last thing. Let us know what you guys would want in your zoo.

Comment down below. Comment down below. Send us a text. Go to Screek with us. Cool. So we will be back next week. And thank you for having me. Of course. You're always welcome. At the bottom of the show notes, folks, if you go, you're going to see a message that

says send us a text message. And that's how you can reach us if you don't want to write an email. It's a lot more direct. How cool. as a text message and that's how you can reach us if you don't want to write an email. It's a lot more direct. How cool. Awesome. Well, thank you everybody for being here. Thank you. Really good time. Yeah. Have a great night, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Until next time. See you. Bye. Thanks for watching!