Chapo Trap House - 909 - A Real Hero feat. Pendejo Time (2/17/25)

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

Jake and Thomas return to look at the latest news of Elon’s bizarrely begotten offspring. Plus the jewish guy who shot two Israeli guys because he thought they were Palestinians, Millei’s rug pull, and Bari Weiss’ Free Press asks what exactly makes an American hero (and why does it take place in dive bar bathrooms). Subscribe to Pendejo Time: https://www.patreon.com/pendejotime

I think there is some truth to the idea that men daydream about doing like karate to enemies, you know, like Yeah, like sometimes I'll find myself thinking like, you know damn if push came to shove I wouldn't die immediately with piss in my pants I would go John wick mode on various assailants and then I'm like, well, what the fuck like then I stopped I said, what the fuck are you doing? You have a job You have you have to be doing something basically any public space I'm in I'm calculating in my head what it would take for me to be chow Yun fat from hard-boiled oh yeah what if I said two 45s right now how would I would I slide

down this banister like how would I dive across this table and how many people could I kill into I run a 12-minute mile and I can do the raid to my boss? Those are those there are like two genres of thought that you have like in a public space One is like this is sort of it's the same thing as like background radiation in the universe it fills up 80 to 90 percent of the space yeah, and that's, what's the worst thing I could do right now? Yeah. You know, like, like, like, like, like kicking away a blind man's cane, like pouring a coffee on a baby, like grabbing a cop's gun, things like that.

Before I just absurdly antisocial things. And then the, like the 10% of active thought. And this is what, when people, when the scientific discovery of the limitless pill was made and people initially got that idea that we don't really use 10% of our brains and the limitless pill unlocks the other 90%, the 90% are those antisocial thoughts. Then the 10% of the brain you're actively using

is things like, you know, if there was a mass shooting right now, would this be the moment that I find out that I have bullet time ability? Yeah, yes. Yeah, you remember that two years of jujitsu I took 10 years ago? Yeah, I think what I would do is I would hip toss

the fucking dysgenic Nazi FBI victim, and then I would, you know, go neon belly and I would put them in an armbar and I wouldn't get immediately turned to soup by like a groiper or whatever the fuck. You guys ever like enter a room and just immediately clock how many women are in here that I could save from danger? That was a huge genre of thought for me. And would they be grateful? Like what if if my ex-girlfriend was here?

What if I saved her from like masked assailants or like a hostage situation? Yeah, I think that's like, I think that's kind of like the partisan divide. The liberal fantasy is like a situation where your ex-girlfriend or women in general like feel bad for you and visit you in the hospital. Mm.

Whereas like apolit political conservative is like you help women in a way that damages your body. But yes, but like you you took out way more people than, you know, hurt you. I'm happy that there's now a political movement for guys who just want to be the shooter. They don't want to stop. Yeah, they don't want to stop the shooter. They just want to be the guy that takes the women out completely. And they were they were they had they were a nomadic Ronin type people for a long time, and now they are in Doge, I guess. Yeah, they kind of.

Well, that is that is killing waste and corruption. Yes, that is it. That's like the retirement plan for like the Trump program. Yeah, that you do the Trump thing for however many years and then you get bored and you're like, I love Trump, everyone's trying to stop Trump, I should kill Trump. And then you die trying to do that and trouble Bring me problems and pay the price All I got to do is help trouble at you as you may have already deduced. Joining Felix and I today are the Pendejo Time boys, Jake and Thomas. Jake, Thomas, welcome back to the program. Hello. Thanks for having us.

Thank you. It's been another busy week in the news and I'd like to let you kick things off here. This is sort of a good hook to something we were talking about on our most recent show. We're talking about Elon Musk's brood and his sort of the fact that he's like, he's not, he's not fucking these women. He's using ID IVF IDF. He's using the idea of IDF insemination. He's using the IDF insemination squad to like gene edit his 13 male children, or actually 12. But there's a new one. There's a new one this week. And it involves it involves a woman named

Ashley St. Clara. Now, I got to ask Jake Thomas or Felix, were any of you familiar with this woman before this week? Yes, she had she used to post like a racy kind of softcore stuff under a name sex laptop. And that was her like username. Like, you know how a lot of these people were either failed musicians or failed comedians or failed actors, then that went to bullshit. So they just got involved in like saying brown people belong in a hole somewhere. Her thing was she was like a, I don't know if you'd call it one of those like tumblr type soft core aesthetic Yeah, aesthetic nude posters. And then she like pivoted into doing like joking about doing like BBC, like,

you know, mixed porno. And then that didn't go too well. And now she's like, there used to be batting cages in Atlanta. Now it's just Tennessee and fucking pancakes. And that's like her new. Yeah. She had one of those accounts that you would see in like 2014 or 2015 where all the pictures are in black and white.

Yeah. And it's like very, who is that girl that, Edie Sedgwick imitation photo style. But then you read the post and it's like, someone had the worst parents ever. Someone had a sad child. Someone had the worst parents ever. You know, someone had a sad job. Someone had a fucked up childhood. But then, yeah, there were this is very much a product of the time.

That's sort of like BBC style posting. But they were I always thought it was broadcasting corporation. Yeah. Actually, actually, St. Clair literally sees style. Sorry, sorry. Go ahead. Good. She like what I always thought was so, I don't know, funny, not funny, but like, I guess like telling was that they would like,

use the name Tyrone for a black guy. Like no black guy has been named Tyrone since like the first time that starter jackets were cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're more likely to meet a white Tyrone that fought the Korean War than you are to meet like an under 70 black Tyrone. Yeah. Yeah. She literally said, Oh, I want a Tyrone to fill me up or whatever. And then like she didn't. Clip that. clip that. She became it. What's interesting about her is like she was that's, you know, she was sex laptop and she did that thing. But instead of becoming like the typical politicization path for those types is like they become like a Milo type, like a a like the avant garde of the right. But she became like a Babylon be like Zionist, like the O'Conn lady,

which is, I think, way more interesting. Well, I thought it was cool, too, that like we can get into the IVF thing later because I'm also fascinated by that. But like, how does that even work? He just I guess, dude, OK, first of all, I guess we'll just do it now. I thought he was using his fame and power to knock these women down. And I'm for that. He's mailing his loads to their house through like FedEx priorities.

So he, out of anyone who isn't an entertainer or athlete, out of any of, any of that shit tier celebrity, he has more of an opportunity to bust raw in these women who had the worst parents and worst childhoods ever. He could fuck all of them. He could have, he could not raw seconds per day and anyone else alive in his tier of celebrity. And instead he's like, you know, my favorite part of when I have sex is it's the NDA negotiation process.

Yeah. Let's go straight to the part. That's like signing up for Obamacare in 2013. Just like him throwing the Romans was a sign of autism. Him just like mailing ropes to fucking clout chasing right-winger girls houses is because he's on the fucking spectrum. Well, you know, I always wanted to be a father and I don't particularly particularly what I think about being a father. It's mostly what's interesting to me is just mailing come to girls houses He says hello to them by paying them $20,000

Like it Something I've been thinking about a lot recently is the idea of like a pervasive sense of extreme passivity in American society. And that is sort of like a marker of permanent adolescence and immaturity. Extreme passivity is like, it's a huge marker of like, sort of like young adult malaise, because it is a deep insecurity that your self-perception of your talents and abilities and charm and personality, if you proactively bring them out there, that it's either going to fall

short or it's not going to be what you imagined it to be like or otherwise will be a disappointment and nothing near what you built up in your mind. So you wait for the world to come to you. And it's interesting that, yeah, the most powerful man in America is doing this incredibly proactive thing of having 700 billion kids, but in the most passive way possible. Giving these women $50,000

so they feel obligated to say hi to him. And he's like, can you have my kid? No, we're not gonna have sex at all. In fact, it will be less like sex than anything you've ever had. Ghosting a woman after you mail her, her, your cum to put in her vagina is, I'm not going to lie. Boss move to just be like, cause all of her replies, you've seen her like, Hey, Elon, we've been trying to reach out to you.

And he's just not like he'll post 15 times a day about like, you know, FBI crime statistics. But there's a lady who like apparently had his IVF baby. She can't get a text back. Thomas, you got to look on your face like you're like, yeah. I mean, a lot of us were doing stuff like this during the pandemic anyway. I mean, doesn't this I mean, like I've seen speculation about this, but like, doesn't be like the nature of these conceptions. Doesn't this introduce the possibility that like his dick is fucked up and mangled in

some way that is that was floated on true and on. Yeah. Also, as Alia Banks said that Grimes told that to her that he had like a penile implant that went awry. Dr. Miami did it. He's the one that tweeted it tweeted about Elon's penis. It was like, we've just installed what's called what we're calling the Tesla Model D. Have you seen this? These these tweets, there were screenshots of them going around after Ashley St. Clair mentioned the whole baby thing. Apparently, it was like four or five years ago, but it's like just got, you know, it's probably fake. But if you buy the true and on

Azalea Banks story, apparently Dr. Miami put like a penile injection in his shit, I guess for it to be rock solid 24-7 while he builds fucking space lasers. And I guess it went awry. Maybe his dick don't work. I mean like it's a certain type. I heard rumors of that though, like I heard rumors of that, though. Like, I heard rumors of that going back a few years. Yeah. But I'd heard it was a robotic implant.

Maybe. Like, the sex workers would be like, yeah, yeah, it's a thing. You just have to act like it's cool. Like a winter soldier arm? Like a fucking... I think what he probably had was it was like a button or something like a beeping mechanism like from, you know, from 2001 or something. I think he just had a little red button in there maybe.

I like it. He's like Jetstream Sam from Metal Gear Rising Revengeance where everyone thinks he's like this crazy cyborg because his personality is so bad, but it's just all natural mental molestation by his insane father. It's all natural, but he just has one cybernetic part. I would love to, yeah. I would love to be the richest man in the world and then I have a metal four inch penis.

I mean, it's truly the one thing money can't buy. If like, if you've been cursed by God I mean, it's it's it's I mean, it's true. It's truly the one thing money can't buy. If like if you've been if you've been cursed by God with a bad dick, there's really nothing that anyone can do for you. Well, I guess it's not surprising, but all these other women that he did this to kind of had their own thing going on, like Grimes and a couple of one of the other, you know, Google, AI person. But fucking Ashley St. Claire, people were sharing screenshots of her

fucking neck deep in his replies. Like the last four years, with the meme that's like go to horny jail, bonk, and then like, yo, what's up, Elon? Jake, I saw one of the worst posts I've ever seen, and it was this guy who called it, and this was like a year ago, and it was a photo of Ashley St. Clair in Musk and and she was looking at him sort of adoringly or

whatever and the put in the the comment that this guy left said was me think she will be accepting his seed sometime soon but what I mean is like it's a type right Harvey Weinstein no penis and he brought it off of Epstein egg shaped penis. Elon Musk, robot dick. It doesn't work. And now he is, like you said, sending frozen, frozen ropes through the mail to have only male children. But I do I do want to talk about the New York Post wrote this.

Yeah, they've got to. I just want to dive into this story a little bit. Right here. The conservative influencer who claims to have given birth to Elon Musk's 13th child revealed to The Post how she was driven to lead a life of secrecy after a whirlwind romance with the billionaire ex owner. A whirlwind romance. In an exclusive sit down from her glitzy Manhattan pad Saturday, Ashley St. Clair, 26, described the 53 year old Tesla and SpaceX mogul

as funny and down to earth, but claimed that he wanted to keep their baby secret for everybody's safety. Dude, how absolutely gone do you have to be? Like ketamine or like megalomania or whatever to like, first of all, throw the shittiest Romans of all time. It's a bad salute, but he made it look like shit. And if we do the timeline right, that baby may have very well been like one month old. He's ignoring those texts,

he's railing fucking big old gator tail lines of cat at the thing. And his mind, he's like, I'm not gonna text this lady back, but what I am gonna do is I'm gonna throw out the old fucking seagull At the goddamn president and this lady can figure out this fucking baby one way or another but I'm gonna get these like What happens a detail that I liked when I said it gave an interview in her glitzy Manhattan condo or whatever Is it in the New York Post?

There's there's like some of course there are like sort of glamour shots of her in it, including one where her toes are quite visible. But in my favorite one, there's one where she didn't see that one. Where did you see that? My favorite picture that accompanies the piece is it says, she's like sitting at a table in front of these big windows, and she's got a chessboard set up on there's nothing else on the table, but a chessboard. And like, people who have the chessboard out like that, like that that that that's a sign of a certain personality

But many people have pointed this out if you look closely at the chessboard The Knights and bishops are in each other's spots like she's placed the pieces Incorrectly, so that's smooth but to return to the to the piece here. It says Musk has he has not yet acknowledged the allegations and reps did not respond to multiple requests for the comment by the post He has made numerous unrelated posts on X since his alleged lover made the announcement However, again there I don't even know if they're lovers right we were waiting for Elon to publicly acknowledge his parental role with Ashley and unwarranted speculation and Ashley trust Elon

Between a man a woman and the mailman. Yeah. And like also someone pointed out, well, I think and again, a speculation or whatever, but like if the if if he only is producing by like male children, then are they doing some sort of like CRISPR gene editing like hard, I guess what you'd call genetic or zygote science, I'm not a fucking baby doctor, to ensure, like how many loads are these women getting in the male and then putting in their bodies

and then the doctor's like, this one's gonna be a girl. I believe with IVF you can select for gender. Okay, okay Yeah, I think that's maybe why he's only conceiving children through IVF It's cuz he doesn't want to pollute the world with more females Shout out Delaney on Twitter for reminding me one of his kids name is techno mechanicus and that fucking sucks ass That's really bad. And really, like even XAI 112, like okay, but Techno Mechanicus, it's like, you know that old Family Guy bit

where Peter's at the addiction center and he's like, one of these kids is gonna be Hollywood kid and then who's paying for the rehab center, huh? Who's paying for, like I wonder if that's his plan. Is one of them is gonna be the bad guy from Looper, like the fucking kid with telepathy that explodes people? And that's who's going to take up his mantle for this weird technocratic autocracy he's building

or trying to build or whatever. And he's just using weird, profoundly mentally ill women to produce these men for him. I think like the more pertinent thing with why he's doing this is, um, I mean, it's like, it's like clearly whatever happened with him and his father, Errol, clearly something is going on here. And he, he has some complex about both like outbreeding his father and only creating males and doing it completely removed from any sexuality or really any physical element at all.

Definitely one of the most mentally molested people ever. Ever. I mean like what are the other aspects about his worldview is that he's like he's very he's very like Pro people having children because he's worried about population collapse And he's worried about under the underpopulation of the planet which would seem to be at cross purposes with only producing male children because like if you were concerned about the like the population collapse wouldn't only having female children be setting up humanity better in the future. Cause like if 99% of men on planet earth died tomorrow, like the future of the species would be pretty well assured.

But if the opposite were true, we would go extinct within a generation or so. One of my favorite movies is children of men. And I'm imagining like that movie, but everybody's like either completely functionally illiterate or like a gripper shut in and Like Clive Owen is just having he's trying to get to his buddy's place in the woods to get like canned food and water And he just opens the door instead of this like sage weed smoking old philosopher It's just like the most fucking pale this genetic blue light poisoning guy in the world And he's just like showing him fucking like soy jack Chad memes and you know, Clive Owen just puts a gun in his mouth and the movie just fucking ends.

Sorry, I can't go to work today. Music Graper died at the age of 18. Yeah, exactly. Like, you know, like what? I don't know if people always talk about his worldview and like this is why he does XYZ like he population collapse or like some weird thing. I don't know if he has a worldview so much as he completely operates out of spite. Like he hated the fact that there was an entire social network

that mostly spent their time calling him a fucking weird loser. And, you know, I don't know if people memory hold the fact that like eight years ago, he was one of those weird Silicon Valley, like, Har Krishna, Indian, esoteric, hippie-dippie dudes. Like he was obsessed with like, you know, karmic debt and like, you know, all, we're all one, we're all one species, that weird Silicon Valley type empty liberal progressivism. He got laughed out of those communities for whatever reason and then, and in turn embraced whatever he's doing now. But it's all about it's it's spite.

You know what I mean? I saw his dick. Yeah, they probably saw his weird fucked up penis. Just to return to the post for a second. It says here at the time, she didn't particularly have much interest in Elon other than his acquisition of Twitter. She first became aware of the billionaire thanks to her gay best friend who frequently asked her to watch videos of must space X rocket launches.

Oh, god. What? Do they mean pejoratively gay? Is that like Trump? Yeah, woke really is over if they're yeah. Yeah. Her gay ass friend who makes her watch rocket launch videos. It's like this is in the New York Times.

New York Post. This is the New York Post. OK, OK. I guess they've been doing that since Alexander Hamilton, you know, started the paper. And at one point he said, are you ever in San Francisco or Austin? And I said, I am in Austin in Texas, a good amount for work, St. Clair continued, adding that you worked for the Babylon Bee, a conservative satirical website at the time.

Yeah, that's a job that you really need to travel a lot for. Yeah. You're writing fucking clickbait articles for my mom specifically. Did it ever say how they met? Was it like a fucking, I guess it doesn't matter. I don't know, that was the one thing I missed. She says that he slid into her DMs. She says, Musk was very funny.

He was smart. He was very down to earth. It started with ex-interactions, and he slid into my DMs. I think it was a meme, she recalled. It really is the everything app. Dude, what if you're able to eventually send your loads through there? Felix, I'm sure you were doing a little bit of that.

Mostly just the two. Well, yeah, I mean like, everyone who was, you know, time to take accountability here. Yeah. Everyone who was DMing the sex laptop type ladies in 2015. Me. Right. Right.

Right. You know, we also, awkwardly, you know, what do those types of women request? Videos of you jacking off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and everyone around my age in 2015 was awkwardly setting up their iPhone 3, 4C? Yeah, yeah. 5C with the small blue one on their Xbox One.

While doing that. And that really was like, that was sort of the version. Who is the guy who he did sort of like proto animation with those, you know, he did the first moving picture with that picture of the horse galloping. Oh yeah. That sort of like that sending videos of you jacking off over Twitter DMs in 360P.

That is to, you know, you to transcontinental load delivery. What that is to major motion pictures today. So I really, I would consider myself a DW Griffith, the Elon Musk, Steven Spielberg. It says here, Musk allegedly provided her provided her with a lavish apartment in the financial district where rent for a two bedroom consort to nearly $40,000, according to Street Easy, and a hefty security detail, but no romance, St. Claire claimed, quote, I was completely isolated during my pregnancy. Every part of my career and everything I used

to do, I couldn't do anymore. I was told not to tell anyone, claimed. Text viewed by the Post between St. Clair and Jared Burchill, Musk's money manager, appeared to show that she complied with the billionaire's wish to be left off the birth certificate and to preserve privacy, security, and confidentiality. It's like, yeah, sure, I'd love to, I'd love to say or I'd love to give you my seed, but please leave me off the birth certificate.

He's like- You know, for security reasons. He's like the equivalent to a Civil War reenactor, but for a deadbeat dad. Yeah, I was about to say- He's still giving her like millions of dollars and paying for her to live in a $15,000 a month fucking apartment and doing all this shit and all the embarrassment in all of the negotiation and the drama of like everyone knowing about this and him publicly picking his favorite woman he mailed his load to in Siobhan, the top of the mom bracket publicly. But he never, he didn't even touch her.

He just loves the idea of being a deadbeat dad so much that he he he's doing the National Guard equivalent He's stealing we're we'll get the mom dead like my dad You know what I mean like you should just come in a lady and then move two towns over It's just classic like I'm a truck driver. I don't really got too much else to do so. I think I'm just gonna move 50 square miles each and I'll be all good He's fucking creating this like it's ballsy to fucking. Yeah, mail your load and then be like, all right, we're going to put you up somewhere nice.

Don't text me. Don't call me. Don't put my name on the birth certificate. Don't reach out to me. What is that? What is that old joke? I think it was like Red Fox or was it a movie where it's like, I don't pay them to fuck. I pay them to leave. Mm hmm. But he's doing he's he's literally he's doing that without any physical contact Yeah, I don't impregnate them to have kit. I impregnate them to abandon them. I don't get it

Do you think it's fucking weird like a side effect of that? I think we talked about it last episode We did together of like everything in your life is optimized like a computer You know what I mean? Like these guys love optimization last episode we did together of like, everything in your life is optimized like a computer. You know what I mean? Like these guys love optimization down to the second. Every like the minutia granular day to day parts of their lives are all like, I mean not Elon, like he just fuckin' posts and like does ket

and fuckin' hangs out, whatever. But like maybe in his mind this is the most efficient way to procreate is to fucking yeah I mean, I do think if you have 13 kids and none of them are like even Jewish or something like remotely Cool. I do think that is a Nazi Be mixed in some like Girls from Hawaii or something and it's like you're just like not mixed but it's like you know something going,

these are like all, it was 13 white kids with like different women. Did you see, Grimes was like posting replies to the videos of X and Elon during that big speech he was giving with Trump and somebody was like replied and tagged her and was like you know, what do you think about, you know, your son being like used like this? And she was like, less I, I wish that Elon wouldn't do this. And I've told

him not to, but what can you do? Sigh. And I was like, are you really replying less I to a video of your son in a room with like five different pedophiles? to a video of your son in a room with like five different pedophiles. Like, oh, this side. I mean, like, there's nothing she can do. Isn't she the mother of this kid? I mean, I mean, like, presumably there. I don't know. I mean, maybe

maybe Ilan owns the family courts, too. But like, I mean, doesn't she have custody of this kid? Like, can she just have some say in what happens? Musk, at the end of the day, is a men's rights champion, you know what I mean? Like a father's rights, you know, so maybe he just. I like that he just has this one kid that he just sort of has like a backpack. He's just like, ah, I take this around, I feed it.

He's gonna be great. That one, like, I don't know if that's his most favorite or least favorite kid, because he doesn't, he doesn't like new activities with the other kids. The ones he made with Siobhan, the top of the mom's bracket, um, he's the, they're the only ones he he's like, you know, heart emoji too. Uh, the nicest thing he's ever said to his kids.

But with X he's also using him as a Kevlar vest. Yes, for sure. Last episode I said that he's doing the dead zone 24 seven with that fucking kid. Also using him as a Kevlar vest. Yes for sure last episode I said that he's doing the dead zone 24 7 with that fucking kid I bought I buy the whole human shield thing because I feel like we saw way more of X after Luigi, you know sent Brian Johnson to Valhalla That was I feel like you got to see way more of X like on his shoulder or like he's carrying them literally in front of his stomach. Yeah. Like, like, like that is one that is a weird way to carry a kid. I mean,

like in general and he's like waving with the fucking MAGA hat and his Occupy Mars shirt. Wearing an Occupy Mars t shirt with a like a fucking Dylan Clybold duster, by the way, is an insane fit. Yeah, I think I have to say, look, I am. I don't support gunning anyone down much less a public figure. Of course. But if you are the type of guy who guns people down, you've got to be so mad about him, you know, just using the X

human shield, because for, you because for a gunman, that type of center mass, it's probably like playing golden eye in real life. You just lock on directly. Just one more detail from the post here. She says here, some Musk obsessed fans apparently began speculating that she had given birth to the Tesla CEO's baby and began harassing her, both online and on the streets, she said. There was a cohort of very violent stalkers who started threatening my toddler. They would send me photos of him with blood and that I would witness his blood-spattering death and saying I was Elon's horror, she claimed, fighting back tears as she referred to her older child from a previous relationship.

Almost every relationship in my life would be bastardized and disingenuous because I couldn't tell them what was going on. My son had never taken a walk outside. In five months I have never been able to take my baby for a walk. I was terrified someone would see I had the baby and it would get out. Oh okay like how different does he look from any other baby? Like five months to a kid just inside a house? Like, yeah, that's terrible. Maybe he already has it. Maybe he was born with a robot penis in a poxom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like this would be inhumane to do to a fucking husky. She's doing it to a human being. Like, look, look, you know? For this kid, for this kid, I feel the way that, you know, scumbag basketball recruiters felt towards a 13-year-old LeBron. That's how the FBI division that recruits school shooters feels towards this kid. He's already getting offers from disparate girlfriends in daycare. Yeah. But like, look, I would say here, though, that like, obviously, like, you may not agree with her politically, but like, look, all families are different. And like, certainly

children don't need to be the target of like, hateful victory. All I'm just gonna read the last paragraph of this piece. The mother of two authored the 2021 children's book, elephants are not birds, the story of an elephant named Kevin who likes to sing and then is The mother of two authored the 2021 children's book, Elephants Are Not Birds, the story of an elephant named Kevin who likes to sing and then is convinced by a vulture named Culture that he warbles so well he must actually be a bird. The book was first published under a conservative publishing house, Brave Books,

with St. Clair describing the story as an unapologetic rebuke of transgender acceptance. She was later to self-tapped by the self-described woke free beer company, conservative dads ultra right to appear in the company's real women of America 2024 calendar, which was released in December 2023. That's how I, you know, that calendar caused a huge fracas online in my community, in the Graper community. I remember that. What were you gonna say, Thomas? Oh, nothing, nothing, nothing I've already said to her personally.

I guess, like, you know, we've pretty much, you know, did a crash course on it, like, where do you think she goes from here? Does she join the harem? You know what I mean? Like, the kind of forgotten women that they're real, now they're just kind of like Elon's brood mares. Well I don't know I mean I think this and Elon Musk and his his you know sort of novel strategy for family formation is leading to a kind of I

don't want to say a schism on the right but there is but there are sort of two camps of like one is like the more traditional conservative you know ideology which says that like the nuclear family is the only sort form of family or childbearing that should be accepted and that like, you know, what what Elon and Ashley say because you know like of what I saw like Ashley St. Clair a lot of her humor was just shitting on single moms and apparently she's got a kid from another relationship and whatever but like I think what's on what's unsaid here is that like as long as the guy knocking

you up is rich enough Oh, yeah Provide for the kids then like they don't really have a problem with single motherhood provided that you're white But like them yeah, it only matters if you just hate poor people not so much like like families that are non-traditional Yeah, like if you like the big thing about the single mom hatred on like, you know, it is just if the kid is mom hatred on like, you know, is just if the kid is mixed. If you are a single mother to a white kid, that kid might grow up to be the new bedroom pop star in like 15 years. Maybe he'll be Alex G or, you know, Kurt Cobain or something cool, Elliot Smith. But I guess if you're like a mixed kid, you're a parent to a mixed kid, a single mother, then you're kind of just cannon fodder for whatever you know what I mean

Who knows I'm sure sure her career will be fine Like maybe she'll get to be the White House press secretary for a couple weeks. You know pray the baby I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. All right, so to move on from Elon Musk and his seed, I do want to mention this next story, which I got to say outside the murderous hatred involved in it is one of the funniest stories I've seen in a couple of weeks. That is the shooting incident that

happened in Miami over the weekend, where I don't know how to describe this, like an insane American Jewish guy, licked off 17 shots at a father and son in a car in Miami, because he thought they were Palestinians. And when the police arrested them, he said, yes, I shot them because they were Palestinians and I killed them. Well, the story doesn't end there because the father and son, thank God, are not dead. They were merely injured in this hail of bullets. But both of them were Israelis visiting from Israel, who then took to social media to discredit of their attack that it was an anti-Smitic attack and quote death to Arabs

so I mean I don't know like this is a story that really sums up a lot of sort of our current moment and a really Grim and I have to say humorous way. Yeah, they did they did a freelance Gideon. I Was gonna say the most Jewish shooting of all time is to send 17 shots to two people and then not kill them and then have the two guys you tried to shoot being more annoying somehow. The most Jewish mass shooting of all time. It is incredible, too, because I love that there's a great like a mirror fat angle to it. We're even you know Everyone is equally stupid now Jews are no longer. We no longer are predestined to be lawyers

We're as stupid as it were as stupid as Thomas Crooks Yeah, you know stupid everyone is because this guy is like go Israel. I love Israel. I love Israel so much I'm gonna kill any Palestinian I see wait What are Mizrahi who has been making the most advances in racism in the last 30 years? I've never heard of them. They must be fucking Arab He just saw a white BMW and open fire. He didn't even know It's I there's probably like, you know, if I was a smarter person The windows weren't even cracked. There's probably like, you know, if I was a smarter person, I would probably be able to like, tease out some actual point here. But like, it seems like, you know, no pun intended on the nose

to be like a fucking, you know, hardcore Zionist, you know, psychopathic piece of shit. And then be like, ah, my natural enemy, a guy that looks like my natural enemy. And then the natural enemy is you. It's two versions of you. And you're like, I'm the superior race involved in this crime. And the guys that I shot are also incidentally the master race too. Like it's so convoluted and contrived that you're like, you don't realize what point you're like not making here, I guess, if that makes sense. Yeah, and then for the guys who got shot,

completely because this guy who had never left Boca Raton thought that they were Palestinians, like this thing he could just, he could see anyone and be like, boom, Palestinian. They are like, this is why we have to kill Kyrie Irving. He made this happen. Well, I guess the last thing I'll say about this is that like, showing the climate now where we hear nonstop about like how afraid people are in college campuses and like, you know, like the climate of anti-Semitism everywhere in this country.

If you tell you that the only people who've gotten shot or killed because of this are Palestinians in America, or at least people who thought some guy thought were Palestinians. So I don't know, maybe we could pass some laws to protect them. Yeah, just just completely snapping and going on a race motivated crime spree. And instead of shooting two Mexican guys, I just shoot two like poodle haired zoomers with spray tans. They're like, like Pendejo time didn't work out. I'm going to fucking and then they're just then they immediately go on Instagram

later like, dude, I just got straight up. Hey, crime. And they're just wearing the like big text like Junebug Maga hat where the text is like What so did that like those guys lived like are they do you think they'll start some sort of like go fund me or something Probably I hope so. Yeah Coincidentally, we're also doing a new fundraiser live show in Florida It is really funny to live next to Tel Aviv

and you're like, I'm going to Miami. Yeah, sister cities for sure, man. I had like a biological reaction to Miami. I really, I think I disproved Zionism there because it's, you know, as the closest American city to Tel Aviv, I like got the, um, the English sweating disease, you know, the famous medieval disease that like killed millions. I was just, it was horrible for me. The worst place I've ever been.

That was one of the first places that I was exposed to those clubs that are like 23 hour clubs. So they close at 6 a.m. and then they open again at 7. They basically like pressure wash the floors for an hour and you know like spray it with you know like the kind of Persian mall kiosk cologne or whatever the hell. And I remember being like I was in Florida visiting some friends and somebody was telling me like, yeah, you'll like drive past to go to work and you'll see people like, you know, halter tot, like guys in the fucking Zara for men, skin tight suits,

the Persian, the Iranian, like King suits Felix from like 2019, those guys with like huge jaws and like the skin tight. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, yeah. You see those guys and they're waiting to get into the club and it's like 830 in the morning and the clubs have no windows and they just go, go, go for like 15, 16 hours. I guess like that's what your life is if you're like the henchman to a kidnapper. Yeah, yeah. If your boss is like the shake from Taken, that's what your hours are. Felix, you had the sweating sickness in Miami. When we met there, yeah,

like as it is like sort of spiritual, Miami is spiritually connected with Israel. I had a version of Jerusalem syndrome in Miami, but instead of thinking I was a character from the Bible, I just thought I was in Bad Bunny's entourage. Yeah, like I can't like I mean doing cocaine all day and having like $80,000 in credit card debt and like watching Jocko Willink videos like literally 24-7 and like, you know David Goggins in yourself into buying a cyber truck is Really if the best-case scenario for this country is it all becomes Miami inside 15 years like it's all scams There's really no genuine like commerce anymore

it's just like don't get left holding the bag take as much from the bag as humanly possible after you let it go and Or you know and then everywhere else that isn't that is just Salt Lake City. Well, I think I was going to say like like a version of that would just be to like to expand Utah to all 50 states. So it's like we don't really have any commerce or industry, but what we do have is 320 million citizens all buying each other's multi-level marketing scheme. So that way it's like it never crashes. OK, it is. It's interesting. You said that the idea like the idea of like just permanently making it so that everything in the economy is like, just don't be the last guy.

Like that, um, that famous story of like, if you own this like fucking vase, you go to hell and you can only sell it for a lower price than when you got it for. That's just the economy. That's also that's politics from here on out too yeah just don't be the last person holding the bag when the next you know you know taken for granted quality of life aspect or or economic reality or whatever in America falls just completely collapses and is never restored every year we select one citizen to give the fell for it again award

Yeah, we kill them people keep talking about this I think you guys kind of mentioned this and I think that Brace and Liz were kind of talking about it, too But like this idea I think it's wishful thinking that there's gonna be some rift There's gonna be some like thing that splits Elon world and Trump world, like that splits the Yarvan guys from like the traditional kind of Trump, Neocon guys. I don't think that's going to happen. I think everyone in that group truly believes that they're either building techno Miami or that they're building all 50 Salt Lake cities. Like they're either building this kind of like get rich quick

Protestant world or they're just building scam city and they'll just work along each side each other forever until the 2028 election where the Democrats choose John Fetterman and then lose, you know. Felix, what was your thing? I was thinking about your joke that you had a long time ago about the perfect American election where only 200,000 people vote, like the 200,000 voter election or whatever. Like, we're so close. I really think like, you know, that is the more likely case. And it's sort of like part and parcel with this. Another thing that I've been talking with people a lot

about in the past couple of weeks especially, part in parts with the politics defined by being the last person to hold the bag, at the same time, at the same time as we're stripping away everything that makes all these economic and quality of life realities living in America possible, that all the protections for those things, all these things that were like these guardrails in Trump won, where he just wasn't allowed to grab the wiring the first time. That none of those seem to be in place. It's so fucking perfect that it worked out this way that A, Biden was the guy through

his own selfishness and arrogance and shittiness who was left holding the bag to dupe the Democratic Party and that through he wasted the last bit of deep state magic on hiding his own senility, protecting Israel and Hunter Biden laptop bullshit. The last bits of magic could have been spent, you know, putting up bumpers and dooming Trump to a Trump one type presidency of like go backs and hitting the guard around getting scared by State Department guys. But they did the last bits of juice they had left. They spent it on stupid ass Joe. Yeah.

Who is the last guy holding the bag? It could not have worked out more perfectly for a more arrogant piece of shit. Well, in terms of being caught holding the bag, I just want another story here that I think is sort of a portend of things to come. And that's the the president of Argentina, Javier Millet, did a rug pull on his whole country and obliterated something like 280 million dollars of investments in a meme coin that he promoted on Instagram and then an hour later deleted. It's called Libra, I think. Libra. Yeah.

I saw this from the other gray zones right of it says Argentina's president, Javier Millet, has been accused of fraud and is likely to face impeachment charges after he promoted a sham cryptocurrency token, which allowed a handful of con artists to dupe crypto owners out of hundreds of millions of dollars in a single day. The scam is believed to be the first cryptocurrency rug pull to have been orchestrated with the help of a sitting president. You know, it may be the first, but I guarantee you it will not be the last.

So Trump did it, too, kind of. Right. Yeah, Trump. I don't think he like pulled the rug quite like this. Yeah, it definitely like went down from its peak, but it didn't just totally turn into nothing like this. Yeah. And I love Millay. like went down from its peak, but it didn't just totally turn into nothing like this. Yeah. I love Millay. He's the head of state for a real country.

Argentina, no matter what you say about them, they're a real country. A lot of people live there. They're on Wikipedia. You can look at it. He did the same thing that Hawk Tuah did, where he used to tweet 50 fucking times a day, all day every day and ever since this happened he deleted every mention of it and when I'm going to bed guys and hasn't posted since.

Beautiful. You're the president! Beautiful. I will feel like, I just saw an interview that he did on like an Argentine radio program and the like the interviewers were asking him like like okay like wait like did you invest in this? And he was like, Well, no, obviously, I didn't invest any of my own money. And they were

like, well, were you paid to endorse it? And he was like, of course, I charge for my opinions. So he was like, No, it wasn't a fraud. It was merely something that I didn't invest in and was paid to promote. There's a there was a one of those like crypto degen content creator white dudes from you know, dime a dozen type guy. And he's in his garage. And he he's like shredded to the gills and he throws a fucking rolex I'm coming to find you yeah you ruin my life

I'm fucking broke I'm gonna find you I'm gonna find you Dennis I'm gonna find you, Devs! I'm gonna find you! You rugged me! I have nothing! I have to sell my Rolex! I have to sell it! I have to sell all my shit! And I don't have anything! I gave you pieces of shit! You rugged me! You all rugged me, bro! And I'm gonna find you! I'm gonna find you! Yeah, and I was like, is this the first politically motivated assassination threat based off of a rug pulled like shit coin? Like we're entering new levels of politics completely. It's there's nothing you can write about or like reference history. Really, this is like this guy who decided to film this shirtless, by the way, to show off, you know, he's diced, he's he's looking good,

springs around the corner and he's like, my life's fucking over. I'm going to fucking kill you. And I'm like to fucking kill you. I'm like, that in and of itself is its own content economy. Content ecosystem is like, my life is over. I have to sell my Rolex. I've got to sell the Rolex. I've got to sell the BMW because I invested in... There's a token, by the way, guys, just a little offshoot. I can't say the word, but it's N-word, but token. And there's millions of dollars in this. It's, and the picture of it is the two gay guys kissing. And if you go on like Solana or any of the other ones,

you can invest in this. And it's a soft A butt token. It's actually kind of a cool community. I know it's like, it sounds bad, but once you get the discords and stuff, like a lot of people move past that pretty quick. Yeah. We killed Bretton Woods for this.

Yeah. We framed Nixon for this. James Engleton died for this shit. Do you remember, like, okay, so I like to think about this stuff, like 150 years ago in the halls of Harvard, right? Like future senators and governors at the turn of the century, right? These are young men and they're in the secret societies. They're scrolling bones and percellian and all this stuff. And it's, you know, they have the conversations like, well, how did

your father make his millions? So my father was a steel magnet. Oh, that's nice. My father trades gold in the Orient. And then 150 years later, same conversations. It was like, how'd your dad make his money? He was doing, he like killed the rail project in California in favor of us. I'm like, how did your dad make his money? Oh, a black guy butt token and a penis coin and rape token. That's how he, we were able to afford the Hampton house because my dad sold pictures of monkeys fucking each other and they were on the blockchain somehow.

If you go back just a little bit less or a little bit more, you get to like Gilded Age or right pre-Gilded Age period and you get guys like Jay Gold where they were just doing this, but for like 1892. Where it's like, I'm going to pretend that I own all the copper in the world. And by the time a telegram goes out that proves that I don't already have done this 30 step plan where, you know, I crashed the price of copper, or I'm going to, I'm going to pretend to sell a bridge to the ambassador, to the fucking, to the Austrian empire.

But those, those scams, it took a lot of work. All the guys who were in Ulysses S. Grant's cabinet, there was a lot of work that went into it. It was like a mission, one of the first three Mission Impossible movies. You couldn't follow it if you were a child. But now it's just like, you just do a pump and dump in front of everyone.

Well, I think that's like a, like if you build your entire personality, identity, and obviously political worldview off of like insane dumbasses like Murray Rothbard, and like, you know, these like, these guys that were like, kind of like three people, three of the worst guys you met on the computer believed in this shit like hardcore and cap stuff. And you're like, all right, that's fucking Tony. He's really good with computers and he's kind of funny, but he believes that you should be able to sell your kids kidney if you want.

And, you know, just don't listen to him. Now all those guys run like five different world governments. Your alternative is like Macron, who is addicted to having sex with old women, or Federman, or whatever. Those are your options. You were on something awful, Felix. Addicted to pie. Your option for political heads of state are the most annoying and cap forum guys from 2003, guys who are just, they love wearing suits and they love taking pictures of themselves

next to rented BMWs, or just hardworking salt of the earth mentally disabled losers. Those are who you get. If you want anything more than that, good luck pal. You know what I mean? Like, and I think me a doing this is just kind of par for course. Like it makes sense. Yeah. I did you see this? This is a I think this is sort of linked to all this. Did you see Ruben Gallego who like I guess he saw like, you know, John Fetterman wandering through the

Capitol building wearing a towel and thought I should be like that. He's he's the guy who you know, one of the few Democratic pickups this go around in the Senate. He the new senator for Arizona in 2024. He's you know, he's sort of taking like this very third way tact. And he said, well, we need like, you know, as Democrats, we're going to let you get a big ass truck and a job that makes you get rich. And it's like that's them meeting the moment.

That's like, yeah, I feel like when Rubin said the Democrats were going to be a party that gets you a big ass truck. That's the Democrats trying to do the Trump thing. Like when he holds up the Bible and is like, you people love this, right? Yeah. But it's like, not even half as convincing or hateful. Yeah. It's insulting, but there's no like comedy or anything to it. And it's just like, in both instances, the person who's saying it like clearly sat down and thought like, what's the dumbest I should sound for these people? How dumb can I go before like subverbal? Well, but with like when Ruben

Gallego does it, it just so it's so naked, you know? Did you see the article that about them spit them? Soros and a bunch of liberal types got together and they're trying to figure out how to win the internet culture war and define their messaging and all this stupid shit. And I'm like, you guys, unless you're going to start a token called Shecoin or Hopecoin like hope coin like you're fucked like there's like like you you don't exist in the same world and so you can't participate in this battlefield because you don't it's not made for you there's no like you could probably try and be honest and like listen to people you know

you know or believe different things have answers for hard questions that people ask you about why they don't have health care or why do you support Israel or something like that. But they're never going to do that. So just to transition into to close out the reading series for today. We are all holding out for a hero. We're all we all want there to be some streetwise Hercules to hold us through the night. We were talking about at the beginning of the show about our, you know, fantasies of doing CQC and room clearing, but in the service of good. And I wanted to do this reading series is by Chris Arnod writing in the Barry Weiss Free Press. And the headline is, men want to be heroes now

Chris Arnott is a guy I mean like I mean I you know like obviously I'm gonna make fun of this piece But I always kind of fucked with Chris Arnott because he liked McDonald's and he was like out there repping repping the Golden Arches Mostly just by being like this is where real America's at but like he's this guy who sort of goes around like photographing people Or just he's one of these sort of I travel everywhere and just sort of like imbibe you know what real people are like he's he's like that's kind of his shit mm-hmm but this article is title and the article begins with one of these sort of man on the road type stories so this is all men want to be heroes in the free press and he says I traveled around the US for ten years and one of my most enduring memories is of being in a dive bar somewhere in Ohio when a room full

of guys were trying to break down a door it started because a woman got upset that her man had gone into the bathroom locked the door and that was a half an hour ago and he's not answering and sometimes he passes out on the toilet when he's had too much. She needed help. Too much heroin? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, he's doing fentanyl lady. I'm sorry. I hate to break it to you.

She needed help and for the next 20 minutes, every man in the bar gave it their best shot. Some running and throwing their shoulder against the door, some using pool cues as a crowbar, some trying to pick the lock. Each actor, when it was his time in the spotlight, entered with a swaggering bravado that soon collapsed in cartoonish ways. A humiliating slip and fall, a crushed finger, a yelp of pain. Finally, one of the guys managed to take the door off the frame using tools from his truck, revealing a real thin, spiky-haired man scrawled on the toilet who, when woken from his concoction of substances-induced sleep by his distraught woman, walked directly

to the bar with an oblivious grin and ordered another drink. He wasn't the main character of this story. The guy who succeeded in opening the door was the hero of the night, and he knew it. For the next two hours, he strutted around like the cat's meow. Beaming, he recounted the story of how he opened the door to everyone, including me. I probably heard it four times. Each time he told it, it got more impressive. And each time someone would buy him a drink.

The image sticks with me because it was both so comical and so telling. This was one of the diviest dive bars in the country with a diverse array of intoxicated, high and strung out customers. Every demographic was represented with the exception of the successful. And what I saw there was universal. So how many Ohioans does it take to open a bathroom door? Yeah. What do you make of this story of heroic exploits?

You know, first of all, I is darkly funny to, uh, write this article for, you know, in the page, the online pages of, you know, if the publication itself, its founder certainly did have a part in killing an actual real hero. Very much. But yeah, but, um, I don't know. I just like all of this stuff where you like mystify something like this.

This happens every day in most people's life that they help somebody do something, whether they are intimately acquainted with the person or not. And I get there is like some, there is some like kernel of truth in here, right? That like, I don't even think it's just gendered, but most people would want like some type of meaning and to feel like useful to other people, to feel useful to others and feel like the gravity of like a noticeable, noticeable helping hand that they lend everyone else and that there are, you know, precious few opportunities for that in the modern American economy. But it's just like, you know, precious few opportunities for that in the modern American economy. But it's just like, you know, people will say this and then it's like, okay, then how

do we do that? By listening to the guys in the McDonald's. What? How do we actually do it? Well, I mean, like there's a number of people here, he identifies as characters or heroes in this story. But I think the unspoken hero in this incident is of course the bartender who continued to serve the guy after he dragged out of his heroin induced stupor in a toilet. But no, I mean he goes on with some suggestions here and it says most of the kids the author spoke to were prettyeducated and a lot of them found meaning in talking about Homer and

Virgil, ancient poets who understood the importance of heroes. It reminded me of an article in The Nation I read earlier this year which is all about the dangers of epic poetry. The writer Orlando Reed argues that the ancient hero archetype is corrosive, bad, and unnecessary. An outdated concept of masculinity which promotes imperialism. I thought at the time this writer is simply wrong. I thought of that dive bar. So, Wiley Ulysses who went to his truck and removed a door from its hinges. You are the only person in history who will remember that article. The person that wrote it doesn't remember that. And are people in Ohio going, I would help the local guy

in my bathroom in my community. But the nation told me that heroes are gay. I wonder if there's like, like, I was going to ask Thomas, like we talk sometimes about the like the the kind of stupidity, like male loneliness, like stoicism, jujitsu world like on the show, and how kind of like maybe you're just lonely. Maybe that's it, you're just lonely.

But like it seems like one of those things where you're like, oh, all men wanna be heroes. I think all men just want to like have beer with like a guy they kind of like. That's very, that's like you wanna have a few beers with a group of guys that tolerate you and you tolerate them. But if you're denied that, because you got laid off at Amazon and you don't have any money,

then you think about all days and ways that you could save that guy from drinking a thousand Coors Banquets and smoking Fent in a handicaps stall. Like, what were you gonna say Thomas? I was gonna say if I had a loved one tell an entire bar that I'd fallen asleep with poop on my butt and that they needed to save me, I would do no rushing as soon as I woke up. As soon as that door gets broken down,

everybody in that bar is hitting the floor. There's no the less I would rather I would rather die of an overdose than be saved by a guy with tools from his truck if Bob the Builder comes to save me I'm not no thank you I'm good on that is trying to fuck your girlfriend. Yeah, that's true. He doesn't get tools out of his truck. Yeah He doesn't give a fuck about you're pooping you're you're shooting up and pooping. You know what I mean? You're like well I mean

I mean this is this echoes a famous scene from epic poetry when Aeneas carries his father out of the bathroom of Troy Yeah, well like what what is this? this is like one of those like it's a common topic of conversation that I find myself having with my friends. We'll talk about how kind of stupid the, what was it, the Gogginsification of the average American young male mind, where it's like you're alone out there in this world of dive bars and part-time jobs and scrolling on your phone and the only way to prove yourself is through feats of great strength. As if like you're the village retard everywhere you go.

Like you, like everybody is in there. Just to be clear, this is David Goggins not Walton Goggins. Yeah, David Goggins not Walton Goggins. You're like you, everybody isgins, not Walton Goggins. You're the, you're like, you, everybody. You're alone little boy. I got some tools in my truck, partner. Yeah, like, you and every guy in the bar are completely in their own heads, like, one day I'm going to save a man and I'm going to fuck his wife.

That is where every man is, I guess, mentally and emotionally. I think boys just want to have fun, but the article goes on, it says, every man is, I guess, mentally and emotionally. I think boys just want to have fun. But the article goes on, it says, The trouble is, this archetype is kind of at odds with the modern liberal project, which favors the individual over the community and preaches that each of us can create a bespoke identity like a tailor-made suit. Young people are supposed to break out of the mold instead of trying to follow in others' footsteps.

But from what I've observed in my years walking with cities from Phnom Penh, Cambodia to Buenos Aires, Argentina, the bulk of members of society choose to and would rather play a stock character. People want a role in life. The hero, the joker, the damsel in distress. So I don't know, like, have you guys considered this? Like if you had to be like, sort of like, if you were building a pod, like an adventuring party,

what stock character would you? Oh, yeah. Jewish liar. Yeah, just like Felix, like rolling the dice to like enter the cave and like rolls a three on dexterity and is like, Oh, well, the role wasn't official. It wasn't my real role. So I roll again and maybe I get, you know, like the like. Yeah. What role are you in the in the kind of world of D&D? Kind of. Are you the bard?

Do you use your gift of gab? I guess Felix is the Jewish liar. I think I would probably be. I don't know. I would. Every man wants liar. I think I'm I would probably be I don't know. I would every man wants to be like I'm the I'm the Nord that goes fucking hard as hell on the Ville. Yeah, I'm I'm the sassiest Creedfall Hall. But I would probably be just yeah if you're if you're Felix if you're Jewish liar, I'm just alcoholic schizophrenic. I guess I'm like I'm probably like the mage that's like, I'm gonna conjure up a familiar. And it's just like a ghost of my dad.

And he just made him hang out and like, you know, smoke cigarettes. Thomas, you're probably the. Big breasted, beautiful sniper. I got the right one, my titties. I'm about to let it bang. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I like, you know, I guess I kind of agree with Chris here and that like, I don't really care what part I'm about to let it bang. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I guess I kind of agree with Chris here in that I don't really care what part I'm playing

in the story as long as I'm the hero, as long as I'm the main character. Yeah. Well, like, see, I'm the... What do you think that, like, you know, if men all day are thinking about different ways to save people, what goes on in women's heads? What are they thinking about? Shopping. Women, I mean, women are imagining much more What goes on in women's heads? What are they thinking about shopping? I mean women are imagining much more intricate scenario

Every woman's internal monologue is like a mini YA Extended universe. Okay. Okay based on their friends and enemies at their job. Yeah, There's the old cliche of like, you know, women will hold grudges for like 20 years and men, they just, you know, you save a heroin addict from the bathroom from shitting himself to death and then he's your best friend for the next 20 years or whatever the fuck, you know, he's, you're familiar. He's now, he's now a party member. He goes everywhere until he dies. Yeah. You save a lady and she's like, turns out she's this great partress or whatever the fuck Yeah, just save tugboat from fucking shitting himself to death from a Fentode and every time you get into a bar fight from here

On out he just materializes Summoned the guy Clock nine in the trunk and I got a bazooka also we can figure this fucking shit out easy stuff Yeah You can you can you can constantly you could call him on Easy stuff. Yeah, you can. You can. You can constantly. You can call him on the Kodak if you're like, but you're buying like a Samsung Galaxy off of Craigslist. He's an expert in that.

Dude, I'm not kidding that. I have one of those guys for real. Now that I think about it, his name is Chad. He builds rice burners for a living. And every time I've gone to do a Facebook marketplace deal, he shows up to my house somehow and Last one we did together. He wore a pair of you'll love this Felix He wore a pair of blown out true to life and one basketball shorts and the glock that he took with him kept falling out

Of the shorts on the floor of my car And I asked him I was like, what do you do? Why did you bring the glock dude? And he's like you got to bring one of these every time go do one of these you never know what, I was like, what are you? Why did you bring the Glock? Dude, he's like, you got to bring one of these every time you go do one of the you never know what people I was like, I'm buying this fucking truck from my buddy from like a nice Vietnamese, like old guy. He's like, you never know. They might want to get their get back. You know what I'm saying?

I was like, we were in traffic going to get the truck and Chad, like you want to hold it? And I was like, what the gun? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, Chad, I've held a gun. I've grew up. I've born in Texas. I've held a pistol. He's like, yeah, you can hold this one. I was like, Chad, it's

been on your balls for two hours. It's it's also a clock, like the most popular handgun in the world. Yeah. Ever seen one of these? I did hold it and I did dry fire it in the car. Just so you guys know. That's the best. It's polite. Yeah, you have to.

Yeah, I'm not sure I like anticipates where our conversation is going. And he closes out by saying, probably the expert on all of this was the sociologist Irving Goffman, who spent decades observing how people occupy cultural roles and basically concluded that when we are in public, we are basically all actors with a part to play. Like Shakespeare said, all the world is a stage. To put it another way, cultures are a bit like video games. They provide citizens with a limited array of characters to play, each with different strengths and weaknesses.

A successful society will accept a person's desire to play a role and do its best to encourage and promote healthy archetypes that ordinary people can inspire to fulfill. In Japan, it might be the dedicated crafts person. In England, the eccentric tinker. In France, the five-hour smoking alone pontificating on stuff he doesn't really understand at the café guy. Then he closes by saying, people are obsessed with the angry young man for Trump. But what good will come of dismissing these kids as sexist

and insisting that hero is an old fashioned idea? Oh, OK. Haven't we had enough of this article? What the fuck, man? Like, Chris Arnott, he thinks everybody is he one of those like writers that just thinks every man in America is Adam Lanza? Like he's just in his mind is just every guy is just this like profoundly lonely like fucking dude who does dance, dance revolution videos.

No, he's more of like, I actually like he did like a lot of like vote of journalism around like 2016 and he did. There was like some interesting stuff there just about like the types of communities and types of peoples and types of lives that like don't really get extensively documented in American media for sure. But like, I just this thing where you're like the liberal way of doing things where you say these guys are bad is not working. Well, yeah. Okay. They, yeah, they lost again.

Clearly. Even if they weren't even, they were just delivering a contentless campaign this last time in an effort to offend nobody, except people who were like against the ongoing genocide. Yeah. This is, this is just, it's not saying anything that I haven't read a billion fucking times before. Yeah, this is this is just it's not saying anything that I haven't read a billion fucking times before. Yeah, we don't love the lesson three says far better. That hero is an old fashioned

idea. Far better to celebrate men for wanting to save a trapped man in a bathroom or rush into a burning building. Who cares if they're all trying to do is get praise from a woman or a free drink. America would be a better place. And like, I don't think the bathroom story he told is as comparable to let's say running into a burning building to save someone's life. Yeah. And also, like, I just like, who are you arguing against? Like, is there is that Achilles is not exactly exactly. Like like is there like a figurehead for the Democratic like are they saying Jerry Connolly out there and he's like I have one day to live all I have to say is those guys in that bathroom should die do you do you do you like what are you arguing against you know that line from

true detective it's real like real intense moment and Russ Cole goes the world needs bad man keep out of bad men from the door. It's just that guy at the bathroom and he's like, the world needs fat men. We keep other fat men from the door. It's like, like, like everybody like trying to politicize what sounds like to me, just a dope ass Columbus Tuesday night is kind of just bizarre. Like if you were to go to a Pendejo time after party at a dive bar in Chicago, and then you were to like kind of take inventory of the room and try to be like, there are moral and political things happening in here. You're fucking sucking your own dick. Like any dive bar in America doesn't have to be like, I'm just trying to

think like, what are we like strip all of this of its gravitas and its pomp and circumstance, there was just a fucking tweaker in the bathroom. And a bunch of drunk idiots tried to kick the door and it didn't work. And then one guy had the bright idea to go, I have a Phillips head screwdriver, you guys heard of this? And then you know, open the door up and then you know, out he comes to go get another beer. I don't know. I mean, it's just like the the the the Homeric

epic, you know, it's it is hard to be a hero like that in the modern world. Because the fact of the matter is Poseidon is just not fucking with people the way he used to. And like, if you're gonna be Ulysses, you need to anger the gods in some way and then be like fucked with for 30 years before coming back home to it. Okay. And also, not for nothing, writing an article like this where it's like the liberal fucking perception of

men that they stopped doing in like 2020 when they coordinated Joe Biden is not working and it's bad and it's alienating people. It is like exactly the same as people who started saying retarded like two weeks ago. Yeah. Like it's like, I'm sorry. Yeah. I think the liberal world order is hollow and broken and completely discredited in the eyes of the world, obviously. But what about the conservative austerity program that's going to make it so the guy on the toilet will get his spine

harvested by a 17 year old who got fucked on Peter Thiel's casting couch. You fucking cunt. What about that? Felix, I'm sorry. But that's also happening. That fucking video that I like, I like shared and I was of the of the white guy and the coast of North Carolina getting stopped by ice and the white guys like, hey, the big guys in the boat. Yeah. They're like, just so happy to follow the rules. Yeah. And everybody in the replies and all the quotes were like, see, all you have to

do is comply and nothing bad will happen to you. And you made a point of just like even in the wildest dreams of these guys, hero moments, they just want their hair ruffled like like a fucking by like tim the tool man taylor they just want him to fucking tim allen to go good job champ good job champ you followed all the rules you don't even no one fantasizes about like at least in the groups of guys we're talking about no one actually fantasizes about changing the world and like making things better they just want one of the guys in charge to go, you followed all the rules perfectly.

No one even wants to be, no one even wants to be riding in Metal Gear Rising Revengeance, cutting the Metal Gear Ray in half, finally fucking his wife again after five years on the road. No one even wants to be that. They don't want to be John Wick. They just want David Goggins to go, you could have been a seal.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, like all the, I think all this hero worship and like, like a deference to authority, I mean, like to just like, I'm influenced by our, our nod thought now the stock role that most men occupy in American life is that of miserable coward. Yeah. So it's a well-cast part and there's just like honestly there's too many people playing it. So like that's why we need bathroom heroes to inspire us to do something better like

Aneas or Ulysses or Hector. Elon Musk, you have a great role model. If you're in the bathroom of a Columbus dive bar, don't smoke fentanyl, jack off into a tube and mail it to a woman you love. In fact, if you're in McDonald's and you hear a woman, oh my God, my boyfriend's trapped in the bathroom again for the seventh time this day, pull her aside and go, do you have a PO box? Do you have a way to store and receive cum? You know this thing that we've been doing

for a billion years where like I just fuck you and we produce another person? That's straight up old school. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna smoke a bunch of this awesome Chinese mystery powder and then I'm going to do is I'm going to smoke a bunch of this awesome Chinese mystery powder, and then I'm going to dump a load into a fucking Ziploc bag and mail it to you. And then if I'm lucky, some blue collar car, heart wearing fellow is going to

kick this door in and save me. And then I'm going to very proudly deliver my baggie to you. Maybe we'll produce the next quarterback. If we're lucky, that's the new American dream. I'm the guy who has to hold the flesh light while Elon's trying to come for whenever, whenever they're trying to collect like bullsperm do the reach around with the flesh light. Thomas, you're doing one of those like, uh, like discovery channel, dirty

jobs interviews with micro and he's like, you know, is this union? And you're like, nope. You're also playing with Elon's ass. What is that? I don't know. I'm just job security, I guess. Uh, yeah, Mike, Mike Rowe is like, I'm here with Thomas here. You know, he went to one of those, uh, liberal liberal colleges and got one

of those humanities degrees and And what happened, Thomas? How did you end up, uh, you know, how'd you end up doing this for a living? Well, I wanted to set up a live show at sovereign house and I ended up here. I don't know. Now, when you jack him off with the tube, does he speak to you? I mean, this is a union gig after all. So you've got to have some sort of, you know, worker worker protections. He liked it. We'll do it in the middle of a big warehouse and he'll play Nyan Cat over the loud speakers. It's really fun.

Thank you so much Thomas for funny. What an incredible life to live. Oh my god. All right. I think we should uh, we should uh, wrap it up there. should wrap it up there. Before we go, we've got two bonus bits of audio for you today. I'm gonna set them up for you. The first one, I'll set this up, like a month or so ago when we did our call-in show, one of the questions is about our favorite animals. And one of our answers included seals and because of the questions about our favorite animals and one of our industries included seals and because of the funny bases and noises they make. Well, a listener, a listener, a Chapa listener, who is basically a seal researcher at the McMurdo base in Antarctica or

was there at some point, sent us some originally recorded seal noises. This is from Rebecca B Recorded in Antarctica. These are original seal noises that I'd like to share with our audience now This is this is an audio experience. These are seals recorded in Antarctica and some of the noises they make. I kind of very good. I kind of wanted you to press play on that and just the Hawk to audio fucking come through the speakers. I mean, you probably has said Hawk to. Yeah, for sure. First. All right. this second one

Oh nice, that's like sci-fi. Yeah, yeah spaceship or something. Yeah, that was sound like Elon Musk's dick Yeah, it's fun. It's fucked up that you can't Felix you post a lot of you know cuddly and cute critters It's fucked up. You can't touch those things and like befriend them like it's completely against the rules or whatever like you You can if you like get a degree in like In zoo yeah, yeah You can like swim with the, one of the, me and my fiancee are visiting her friend in Florida and apparently you can swim in the clear springs with the manatees. They'll come up to you, it's not in the zoo area, it's natural, but you can't touch them. Every picture I see of a manatee just looks like an old friend.

So I would, you know, you can't ride them or anything or. I have a Texan's, I got a Southern man's spirit. So whenever I see a cute animal, my first instinct is to give it Budweiser Like when I see the videos of the manatees coming up to people and there's always a comment the most top comment is like Hey researcher here, please don't touch the manatee. I'm like, I didn't want to pet it I wanted to like funnel Budweiser into its mouth and be like This is one of the things I love brother. You can have this shit This is one of the things I love, brother. You can have this shit.

Well, I just want to say a special shout out and thank you again to Rebecca B for recording that in Antarctica and sending us some original Seal content that we're happy to share with you now. And then- Thank you so much, Rebecca. It really, and all the wonderful Seal images and videos. There's just nothing like seeing them in action.

It's awesome that you guys have Antarctica researcher listeners. Sometimes a listener will be like, I work at the loves truck stop in fucking a battle Arkansas and I saw a human leg in the toilet. It really is. It really is remarkable. Yeah. Like for like 10 years, two hours to three hours a week, I get on here and I go, I think there should be a program to make a Jewish guy who can play football.

And then like Marine biologists and surgeons and F 22 pilots are like, I've been enjoying your program for many years. Dude, Felix, this was like maybe six, seven months ago in our Discord channel. Some guy was like, I don't know, I was in there and he was like saying something. I guess we were like, maybe like mildly grossing each other back and forth. And someone was like, Hey, brother, why don't you tell Jake what you do for a living? And he was like, I don't want to go through this again, guys. And they're like, No, no, no, it's an awesome job, man. And he was like, I knew this was going to come up again. And he goes, he goes, I am a developer and a programmer. And I help, you know, like I work in geospace and somebody who's like, say the line Bart, they're like,

what do you do? What do you do? And he's like, I built JDAM software. And he was like, guys, I got out of, I got, had a degree from like a state college and like, you know, computer, whatever the fuck. And I just needed a job and they're like, you took the first one to knock the north of Grumman,

eh buddy? I was like, dude took the first one to knock the north of Grumman, a buddy. I was like, dude, there's a guy building fucking like killer robots who's just listening to me and Thomas go, I guess, hello, I guess. Hello. And I'm like, this this country's fucked. Just know that really it's like that is the weirdest thing about podcasts is that like, you know, I think musicians provide like the most emotional resonance possible in like a single person outside of like maybe athletes, right? Because there's nothing that can like touch the human soul and just articulate the inarticulable, like the things beyond words for most people like music. And so musicians are just so massive in the minds of others.

And then we like meet all these musicians that people like fucking love. And they're like, I just listened to your episode about stool transplants. Yeah, yeah. Shout out Ian Cohen who like wrote up about like my band's one of my band's albums and was like the only drummer who's also like in an emo band and got and it's like frequently on Chapo Trap House and like there

probably shouldn't be a second one of me. Like a 30 year old screamo drummer who also goes on like you know penis podcast. It's just one of the you know, whatever. All right. And then our last bit of bonus audio content for you is another Matt Christman stroke of genius. This is a poem he recorded about Elon Musk. And we're going to go out with another another Matt Christman stroke of genius stroke me stroke way. Here's Matt with a poem about Elon Musk. I will just share before we start this I think he's a little quiet here because the baby was currently napping while he was recording so that that gives the

tone of this piece. Let them eat carnage. There was no joy in a hot dog deck that day. In the fit of edifice wrecks he he stabbed his eyes out a fabled diner interview scrambled egg on your face The America vanishes it was radio silence But that's okay we gathered in the stadium and around the television with broken bodies on the stretchers and Celebrate halftime in visceral splendor. There stands Trump, regal and plangent as the dawn, behind musk lining up the pedos and fentanyl dealers, ready to exclaim, you're fired. Enoch Powell promises rivers of blood, dreams of American carnage.

The spectacle of fearsome acts goes down smooth Beautiful another one another bit another Mac Christmas banger. All right, that does it for us today Thanks again to Thomas and Jake from Pendejo time. Everybody, please like and subscribe to that podcast Thank you. Next time everybody. Bye. Bye. everybody.