Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - #29: January 22nd 1976 - Here's A Song About A Naughty Lady

Episode Date: August 15, 2018

The latest episode of the podcast which asks: if Midge Ure had become lead singer of the Sex Pistols, would we all still be wearing flares?  This episode, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, was foraged from the very dustbin of History, being one from early 1976 which missed out on the BBC4 treatment. And, as we very quickly discover, huge chunks of it should have stayed there. Diddy Fucking David Hamilton wears a nasty Christmas-present jumper. Barbara Dickson warms up for her season on the Two Ronnies. Smokie - again! - dispatch another throat full of phlegm upon The Kids. Slik - AGAIN! - deliver the stalkiest wedding song ever. And Sailor encourage the youth to bang on the side of their Dad's drinks cabinet. As we all know, however, there is no such thing as a rubbish Top Of The Pops. Osibisa get properly togged up. Pans People pull one of their greatest performances out of their Quality Street Wrapper-panted arses, and the Number One has been there for so long it's practically the national anthem by now. Al Needham is joined by Sarah Bee and David Stubbs for a furtle amongst the jumble sale of early '76, veering off to browse through the Music Star Annual of that year, whether calling someone a 'Lady' is acceptable these days, hitting your brother with a golf club for a tin of peaches, a giveaway of David's new book Mars By 1980, infant school bus trips to Africa, and the importance of not having a Cheepy. WE SWEAR LIKE BOGGERS.    [audio http://traffic.libsyn.com/chartmusic/29-January_22nd_1976_-_Heres_A_Song_About_A_Naughty_Lady.mp3] Download  |  Video Playlist |  Subscribe  |  Facebook  |  Twitter Subscribe to us on iTunes here. Support us on Patreon here.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull-Apart, only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks for the small coffee, all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. What do you like listening to? Um... Chart music.

Chart music. Chart music Chart music Hey up you pop crazy youngsters And welcome to the latest episode of Chart Music The podcast that plunges its fist right up the cow's arse Up you pop-crazed youngsters and welcome to the latest episode of Chart Music, the podcast that plunges its fist right up the cow's arse. That is a random episode atop of the pop's armpit deep. I'm your host, Al Needham, but hey, enough about me.

Let me introduce you to the quack quack to my oops. Those people are Sarah B. Here I am. And my good friend David Stubbs. Hello, me dears. How are we? How do you do? Well, lovely, thanks.

That's a great, actually, it's a wonderfully topical contemporary reference there, the arm deep up the cow's arse, because it was very much the era 76 of James Herriot, of course. Yes, it was, yes. So that's, yes, that's a very redolent image, actually. Yeah, yeah. The first time you got to see a bit of fisting on national television. Absolutely. Well, you got enough of that at home. So anything pop and interesting happening in your lives, my dear?

I just got back from Margate where I was seeing Orbital at Dreamland. Lovely. Techno heroes in a beautiful kind of vintage fairground setting. Oh, forget your Costa Brava, eh? Absolutely bang up, mate. Yeah, lovely. David, your book. That's right, yeah.

It's out, isn't it? Described this morning by the Sunday Times as wise and humane. Oh. Well, it's called Mars by 1980, and then subtitled The Story of Electronic Music, which perhaps is a little bit presumptuous because it's more of a sort of kind of subjective and personal account. I mean, you can't get in every aspect of the story of electronic music into a book, even a book that's about 135,000 words, you know, so there's lots left out.

Orchestral manoeuvres in the dark, obviously. But yeah, it's really sort of taking in the sort of the full sweep of electronic music going right back to the days of people like the you know the futurists and the art of noises manifesto and kind of examining you know various things like the kind of utopianism of early electronic music the subsequent resistance to it you know why it didn't take off more at certain points like in the late 60s for example um and um yeah and then coming right up to the present day you know when you've got this kind when you've got the almost like ironic dominance and ubiquity of electronic music you know with things like electronic dance music um and you know in a sense there's a sort of element of lament for the 20th century and the

sort of the great sort of hopes and expectations that people had generally um and you know this idea that we're kind of in the 21st century we're sort of living in a post-space age really and um um you know just wondering if there's any way that that kind of sort of early pioneering spirit could be recaptured in any way perhaps yeah i've actually got a copy of that book right here right in front of me david thank you very much nice one chunky fucker in it it is he is a chunky fucker indeed. And it's got some lovely pictures. Everyone.

Oh yeah. There was, yeah, actually there's some pictures and I think they did a lovely job on the cover. I have to, you know, commend them for that. Definitely. Yeah.

It's very nice. And the reason I've got this, uh, this, this, this copy is because I am going to give it away to one of our lovely Patreon members, uh,

in due time. Um, let's say middle of August. If you were, if you, if you're a Patreon member by then I'll do a random draw and some lucky pop crazy youngster is going to get a copy of this book. And I promise I won't leave through it and,

you know, you know, bend any corners or anything like that or read it while I'm having me tea and get bean stains on it and everything. So David, by the time this episode comes out, the book will be in the shops, in all good booksellers, as I say. Yeah, that's right.

And some of the crap ones too, no doubt. Yeah, definitely. And I do believe you're going on a tour, aren't you? Yeah, a bit of a mini tour. We'll be looking at various places, including Bristol. Your own Nottingham, of course. So perhaps we can be looking. I might pop along there and see you, David, if I'm not doing that. Nice one, nice one, yeah.

It'd be nice, wouldn't it? I'll be going up to Sheffield as well for the Synth Fest and doing something there. Do you have any dates, David? Is there anything hard and concrete? Actually, no, no, not at this, not absolutely, no. I think October 6th is the Synth Fest. But as for the, there'll be some time in August, will the Nottingham and Bristol dates. They're not absolutely no I think October 6th is the synth fest but as for the there'll be some time in August

will the Nottingham and Bristol dates they're not absolutely confirmed yet right well as soon as you know something we'll let the Pop Crazy Youngsters

know your chance to meet someone from Chart Music everyone absolutely I might put together a special prize for the first person

who comes up to you at one of these and shouts BOMBADOG absolutely yeah BOMBADOG I think this is what's going to happen with this show it's going to be a bit like the Tracy Ullman for the first person who comes up to you at one of these and shouts, Bummer Dog! Absolutely. But yeah, Bummer Dog. I think this is what's going to happen with this show.

It's going to be a bit like the Tracy Ullman show, wasn't it? And then what's actually going to emerge and become the kind of, you know, the true thing is Bummer Dog. And we'll be like the Tracy Ullman element. Yeah. And Bummer Dog will be the kind of... All the fucking hard work that we put into this.

And it'll just be about a sex dog from 40 years ago. Bummer Dog will be emerging like The Simpsons, leaving us behind. Yeah, just FYI, everyone, if anyone comes up to me in public and yells Bummer Dog at me, I shall call the police. Actually, no, I won't.

I'll probably just laugh awkwardly and go, oh, you listened to the thing. Oh, that's nice. Would you wear that on a... Would you wear it on a T-shirt? So before we we go any further it's time once more to drop a little mention to the latest batch of people who have took chart music to their breasts since we last spoke those people are tim thornton miles jackson michael pryor donald sutar paul whitelaw david benton david Oh, we are the rain. You are the sun.

And now we've made a rainbow. Aren't they mint and skill, everyone? Aren't they just absolute darlings? They do. Tell you what, what though I must remark and you know no value judgment here at all little bit of a sausage fest isn't it our Patreon I must say

I'm just wondering where the I think the next woman to come on board should get I don't know maybe I'll come up with something to you know I think they should get a special message along the lines of float on by the floaters, by the male population of Chonky.

Yeah, that would be nice. Yeah, that would be appropriate. We'll sort out something special for the ladies and Sarah can decide it because we'll get it wrong. Yeah, that sounds fair. Maybe some bomber dog pants. How's about that? A bomber dog. Oh, no, no.

No, a bomber dog thong, I was going to say. No, you got me thinking. A bummer dong. A range of chart music sex toys. Oh, Christ. You see, you can take the boy out of porn, can't you? But you cannot take the porn out of the boy. Oh, can you imagine a...

I don't know. No. No, let's not. No, no, no. Although this is a thing. On the internet of old, there imagine a i don't know it no no that's not no no although this this is the thing this on the internet of old there was i don't know um it was uh in some it was probably in like the beta newsletter or something and they were like have do you realize that there is an entire um small industry online of uh people who make sex who make dildos out of um sort of um animal oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's like, you know, kind of dolphin ones and whatever else. And yeah, just the mad alien shapes that they come in. And it's like, would you like one of these? Well, you've come to the right place. I'm thinking of some kind of rubber vagina with Dave Lee Travers' face. No, that's not fair. Someone go for that, Sarah. It's not fair on vaginas, Alan. You know it. No, that's not fair. Someone would go for that, Sarah. It's not fair on vaginas, Alan. You know it.

No, I know. Just put that thought from your head right now. So let's move very quickly away from this subject and just remind you that we are a total independent podcast. We don't waste your time with adverts. We put loads of time into this and effort. And, you know, the only thing we get from it, apart from your love,

is the money that is given to us out of the kindness of the hearts of the true pop craze youngsters. So if you would like to join them, the address is www.patreon.com. Actually, fuck the address. Send us the fucking money now

if you can spare it obviously this episode pop craze youngsters takes us all the way back to January the 22nd 1976 a year that has been on the minds of a lot of people at the moment due to the fucking hot weather

Sarah beneath your perfume and makeup you're just a baby in disguise uh you were born after uh this date so david um weather of 1976 compared to the weather we've just had who wins oh 1976 to be honest um it was um it was pretty glorious and it didn't come with a sort of ominous foreboding of global warming and what have you which her present perhaps does it was just

yeah it was absolutely within that age it was prolonged it was excellent it was mainly Elton Don and Kiki Dee were mainly number one so I do remember it for that also we got to look after my dad's boss, Mr. Fred Dover. He had an enormous house in Stalybridge, and they went off on holiday for three weeks,

and we house-sat for them, and we got to experience how the other half lived. You know, an enormous garden with a swing in it, two great Danes, colossal great Danes, we had to look after. They'd have given Bomber Dog a run for his money, I can tell you. And, yeah, and just enormous gardens.

Did you and your brothers race them or ride on them or something? No, no, no, we wouldn't have dared, really. They were terrifying creatures. But, yeah, and, you know, just all the trappings of luxury. For instance, they had a device in their fridge that you could pour orange squash out of directly from the fridge. And it was just like, you know, just the splendor in which some people live. And we availed of it for three weeks.

That's like Space 1999. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. What will they think of next? So I do remember it kind of quite vividly for that, you know, and just living graciously for like three of those very, very um three weeks of that very very hot summer um yeah yeah it was now frankly it it was it was a lot better really uh danny baker tells a story um in his book about that summer and um just like they went out off to the pub and um you know an afternoon and they were just sort of like drinking nicely you know getting the lagers in

copiously. And the pub landlord says, look, chaps, you look like you're spending enough money. There's a tap over there and a hose. Why don't you go and play around with it? And they did, and it was one of the happiest afternoons of his life, just sort of, like, turning on this cold tap, and they're just hosing each other down in various different ways.

And, you know, talk about... He made his own fun in them days, didn't he? He really did make his own fun. Sarah. Hello. Obviously obviously you weren't around you you're approaching this pretty much cold aren't you this episode so if i were to say to you the music of 1976 what would you say back to me i would say easy listening stodgy rock those are kind of the two quite sort of um slightly drab and uh mundane uh you know the the rock and the soft place between between you know that sort of held up those are the two sort of pillars of of of this year i would say um of course you know and uh you know punk was was obviously um you know about to about to blow a big hole in both of them.

But of course, looking this up, the Pistols signed to EMI in November, put out their first single, Anarchy in the UK, November 26th. And then the infamous Today appearance was December. So it wasn't right until the end of this year December 2nd We're miles away from it from the standpoint of this episode aren't we?

What have you got in your collection that's from 1976? Songs in the Key of Life I discovered came out in 76 so that would be I don't know if that's the best album of the year but it's getting on for it, isn't it? It's up there, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

So I'd have to say out of stuff that I still listen to and stuff. But yeah, it's kind of, it's not exactly a fallow year, but you can, you know, looking back at it now, you can see that it's obviously kind of calm before the storm time, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, the day after this episode went out uh station to station by david bowie came out yeah i mean there's a lot of things going on but um as for the charts it is a bit it's a bit stodgy isn't it there's a lot of waiting we've

gone way past glam nothing's replaced it sort of getting some dancey music in but it's not officially disco time yet and punk is just from the standpoint of this episode you can't see punk coming no no you know we do still see 1976 as a time when lots of things were going off in the background but on on the center stage it's a bit rubbish and pantomime there. So as a barometer of what was going on in January of 1976, I have got something that would be lying about in a lot of people's houses by this time. You know, it's still in January. The Music Star Annual 1976. So just leafing through that, the cover, which of course tells you who the big players are

the main image is Noddy Holder dressed up as a flowery wizard then the Bay City Rollers, David Essex, the Osmonds, the Rubets and Kenny

that's really weird because all those people because they were all well past their particular peak at that point The Rubets and Kenne. That's really weird because all those people were... Isn't it? Yeah, because they were all well past their particular peak at that point. You know, it's really... Definitely, yeah. Particularly the Osmonds. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the Osmonds.

I mean, the Bay City Rollers, they've just come off their biggest year ever, but they're going to go downhill pretty quickly, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's strange. They're definitely kind of reaching for the tried and over familiar there. Right at the beginning on the inner cover, it's got a really grotesque photo of

Noddy Holder in full mutton chops, like sticking his tongue out. He looks really fucking obscene. He's got a feature called David in Deutschland with suitably Teutonic font. They get a few slide digs

in at our at our german friends david essex says that he likes being in germany because he never gets bothered by fans and then he says but just after our photo man took his shots david was proved wrong around the corner a mad crowd of german essex fans appeared, all giving war cries and bombing towards us at a tremendous rate. Terrible, man. Don't mention the war, music star. There's a little kind of like word search game called Guide Jimbo to the Goodies.

Little Jimmy Osmond loves his grub, and at our last music star party, he found himself much too far away from it. So, meeting lots of stars on the way, Jimbo forged his way to the food. Starting out at the top right hand corner and moving one square at a time. Can you work out

who he met? And it's got this kind of like word searching thing that you go to and right at the end is a big pile of sandwiches and loads of bottles of pop and cakes and crisps and everything. Wow. Fat shaming. Fat shaming little Jimmy Osmond.

Oh, and there's also, I want to show you a photo. Hang on a minute. Oh. There's a feature called Alvin Down Under, which features Alvin Stardust in Australia. I'm going to send you a picture now. Say what you see. Oh. Ah.

Sarah, describe that amazing image please okay we have um alvin stardust posing heroically in uh i want to say well they're not cut off denims they are actually just standard jeans rolled right the fuck up so he's look at the thickness on those turnips man it's like he's got you know like I'll tell you what that looks like it looks like you know the things they put on horse like race horses knees to yeah blinkers no not knee blinkers no just like knee pad they put like fleece

oh yeah it's like that and he's sort of he's caught in the move of sort of turning around to kind of go hi there I didn't see you there and the waves are crashing very dramatically behind him and he's barefoot perched on a sort of turning around to kind of go, hi there, I didn't see you there. And the waves are crashing very dramatically behind him and he's barefoot, perched on a sort of slimy rock. And pale as fuck.

And just pale as fuck. Well, you know, we've got to represent for the fish bellies, you know. But yeah, and the hair is... He looks like Biffa Bacon's dad on a beach, doesn't he? Definitely Biffa Bacon, yeah, yeah. Those turnips, I mean, you can tell those little flares, they're massive, aren't they? Around his knees.

He's got good legs, I've got to admit. He's slightly dad bod towards the top. But yeah, good calves. Yeah, he is, isn't he? But that's fine. That's how people used to, you know, that's how people would look in the 70s and nobody would complain about it

because not everybody was expected to be ripped to fuck like they are now. Oh, no, actually, it's going back again, isn't it? I know the whole dad bod thing is nonsense, but it's kind of... There's something, there's a bit of a healthy correction happening there, a bit more kind of body positivity. Anyway, this is, you know,

it's an arresting image of Alvin Stardust on a rock. Beauty and the Beach, Alvin calls this shot. He's not far wrong though, is he? Here he stands above the rolling surf and wonders whether to dive in and impress the girls. When he was told it was a 550-foot drop, he decided not to bother. And he said to him,

Jump off that. You must be out of your tiny minds. I'm going to send you another Alvin pic now. I just want you to tell me straight away who he looks like. Who does that look like? Oh, fuck. Fred West. Robbie fucking Williams.

Doesn't it? Yeah. Shocking, Doesn't it? Yeah. Shocking, isn't it? Yeah, now you say that. Yeah, I don't know what that says about me that my immediate thought was Fred West, but sorry, Alvin. Sorry, Robbie as well, I guess.

Here's Alvin facing a dangerous herd of stampeding bush babies. Notice the look of sheer panic on his face and the fist clenched, ready to fend off the ferocious bushy-tailed beasties. What I'm distracted by here is the fact that they've put a space before the

exclamation mark. Don't do that, I'm sorry, I'm subbing you, the 70s. It's not right. One more thing from this amazing annual, and let me tell you now, Pulp Crazy Youngsters, if you do see music star annuals in the charity shops buy the fuckers straight away they are fucking amazing there's

a feature called what is a fan and it's a selection of letters well supposedly from people saying how mentalist they are about pop music there's one here from jocelyn in birmingham that says i'm a real fan there's no doubt about it. When Top of the Pops comes on, I guard the telly like the crown jewels. I stand watching the rest of the family like a hawk. And if any of them dare tamper with the box, I pounce on them and beat their brains out with a rolled up pop mag or try to. The only trouble is I'm so busy making sure it stays on that I hardly ever see the programme myself. When I go to school the next day and everyone says, wasn't so and so

great, all I can remember is that it was the one that was on when I got our Ronnie and a half Nelson under the table. Good old Jocelyn. And Ronnie, what a cunt you are, wanting to put on fucking Emmerdale. What the fuck was wrong with you? That's ridiculous.

Not even Amos really could compensate for that. Yeah. God. I just love the days when people, you know, the wrestling days of Britain, when people, everyone knew what a half Nelson was. Radio 1 News. So, in the news this week, Concorde makes its debut commercial flight from Heathrow to Bahrain.

A Conservative MP complains in Parliament that immigrants are being taught how to swear in language courses in Oldham. Iceland threaten to break off diplomatic communications with the UK over fishing rights after a British trawler collides with an Icelandic patrol boat? Juventus make an offer for Johan Cruyff? The judge in the obscenity trial for the book Inside Linda Lovelace

responds to a description of oral sex by stating oh this is all too technical for me but the big news this week for me is that a load of Chelsea scumbags put a brick through me non-Oz window after a Forest game

which just misses my head and lands on the board of the haunted house board game I was playing but cunts sorry Chelsea I still hate you every time you get knocked out

of the Champions League I laugh that thing about the immigrants being taught how to swear that's brilliant isn't it that's how you that's how you know swear, that's brilliant, isn't it? That's how you learn them. We are a sweary nation.

How can you learn to live here without understanding our profanity? Tradition. It's our heritage. Yeah, I mean, God, if you arrive in this country for the first time and you don't know the language, the first thing you need to know is when to call someone a twat and when to call someone a cunt. Yeah, absolutely.

That's just base level knowledge. Yeah. It's mind your language for real. So on the cover of The Enemy this week, a lad in a cowboy shirt looking into a guitar-shaped mirror with a granddad looking back at him with the caption, Is your fave rave rock star old enough to be your father? Is rock and roll an old man's game?

We name the aged men. On the cover of the TV Times, John Junkin, Barry Cryer and Timbrook Taylor for the new series of the radio-based comedy show El Ocheke. The number one LP is A Night at the Opera by Queen. Over in America, the number one single is I Write the Songs by Barry Manilow.

And the number one LP in America is Gratitude by Earth, Wind and Fire. So, David, what were you doing in January of 1976? It was a strange time, 1976. I mean, you know, what I was hinting at with that Danny Baker story early on is that there was just bugger all to do in the 70s. People just don't realise it. You had cold water taps, you know.

Yeah, you got a tap and that was about it, really. You know, if you were lucky, extremely lucky, you know, you had an orange squash dispenser. But I was talking to my partner the other day and it was quite interesting, you know you had an orange squash dispenser but um yeah i was talking to my partner um the other day and it was quite instantly you know about how i used to um run around the block you know they haven't in the state where i was and collect car numbers you know i have a little notebook and pen and like i go past all of the um you know that's that every little cul-de-sac outside driveways or whatever and i just write down the numbers of each car and then put them in a book and then go home. How many cars were in your area?

Well, I mean, I'd say like three or something. No, there must have been about 48. I mean, if you spread out as far as Gascogne Avenue, you know, that number would increase to about, you know, 53 or 54. And, of course, it was a great excitement if somebody new moved into the area. And they'd be like, oh, there's, you know, think voxel victor um you know right that that one down i love how you're saying like oh no it was probably about exactly 50 you know exactly how many cars there were to this day it would

be a number like that yeah it would be a very exact number whatever it is of that nature but i was telling her this and she's just a jaw just dropped you know what she just considered the absolute mentalism of this pursuit you know and she said, so George has dropped, you know, what you just consider the absolute mentalism of this pursuit. You know, and she said, you were obviously autistic. You're obviously autistic. And then that argument was like, no, it was the 70s. That was all, you know, and of course, sure enough, I put this up on Facebook, put this out to this kind of, you know,

the high mind, and it turns out everybody else is doing a similar sort of thing. You know, so this argument is like autism 70s autism 70s um it really was that was i also i kept a diary actually at the beginning of um january 19th january 19th i got a new little diary and i decided just to sort of write down every little detail of like you know got up had breakfast um went collect car numbers you know lunch went collect more car numbers every little detail of little detail of my day. And I think about February or March, I decided that all this

was too little information. So I started indicating in the diary when I went to the toilet. So if it was a piss, there'd be like literally a little slash. And then if it was a number two,

I'd put a sort of, right, a thick dot, you know, sort of, and if it'd been a particularly large poo, then the dot would sort of be duly enlarged. And I wish I still had this diary. But, you know, sort of, and if it had been a particularly large poo, then the dot would sort of be duly enlarged.

And I wish I still had this diary. You're like a young Kenneth Williams, David. Absolutely. You know, but, you know, this is how you had to fill your days. Because, you know. And your toilet. None of these smartphones, that's for sure. You know, I mean, you know, you couldn't, like, you know,

everybody stares at their phone these days. Staring at your phone meant going into the hallway, I mean, you know, you couldn't, like, you know, everybody stares at their phone these days. Staring at your phone meant going into the hallway and like, you know, looking, staring at a green thing by the umbrella stand, you know. So just very different times. Other than sort of filling in my diary, I would have been, let me think, I would have been in third year at school. I was just beginning to kind of sag off a bit. I'd been a kind of like academic sort of, you know,

absolutely model of like academia in the first couple of years, but I was starting beginning to kind of sag off a bit. I'd been a kind of like academic sort of, you know, absolutely model of like academia in the first couple of years, but I was starting to get... A keynote, in other words. Yeah, yeah. But then, I don't know, I was just starting to slacken off a bit. You know, the school tie was beginning to loosen a bit. They'd start to introduce the subjunctive in French, you know, we'd have to learn about that.

And I just thought, oh, sod this, the bloody subjunctive. Just... And, yeah. in the French, you know, we'd have to learn about that. And I just thought, I'll sub this, the bloody subjunctive just, um, and yeah. And, um, yeah, it was,

it was, it was a sort of a hiatus of a time really. I was listening to music, but the thing that really changed me listening was later that year when I got, um, a cassette recorder for, um, as a Christmas present. That,

that, that really changed my life actually. Um, but at this point, um, I was still living off my previous Christmas present of Christmas 1975, which was Crossfire. Do you remember that with the ball bearings?

Oh, fucking hell, you had Crossfire? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So fingers were permanently blistered from firing that little gun. So, yeah, there was a certain amount of Crossfire going on, definitely. And, yeah, that was it, really. It was a case of just waiting for something to happen. I think I was kind of experiencing the sort of, like, genuine ennui or whatever, and disillusionment that led to sort of both punk and, in its own way,

thatcherism as well, I suppose. You know, society just seemed to be in a state of just, you know, torpor. Music-wise? Just beginning to sort of develop a sort of nascent consciousness, I suppose, about music, even prior to having a cassette recorder. But, you know, there's things I listened to. You know, I would have listened to Stevie Wonder. It wasn't very discriminating.

I mean, Paul Nicholas often gets a bad rap on this show, especially of his reggae prognoses. But do you know what? I was a keen fan of Paul Nicholas, so to say, at the time. I was. I can't, you know, I'm not proud of it. What does a fan of Paul Nicholas entail? Particularly amongst a young lad?

Well, I mean, as a young lad, I didn't go stalking him or writing him letters or anything like that. But I certainly followed his commercial progress with great interest. And, you know, my ears would prick up. You know. But I certainly followed his commercial progress with great interest. I would listen to a lot of Radio 1 occasionally. My dad used to sort of, he worked for a firm that designed shutters for the backs of lorries and what have you. And he would actually have to go out touring to places like Sheffield and Doncaster. And sometimes, if it was a school holiday, I would go out with him to all these places. And I'd sit in the car parks of these horrible light industrial estates and listen to the radio, listen to Radio 1. So I soaked up a lot of Radio 1 at that point.

From Tony Blackburn and Arnold the Dog right through to, you know, David Hamilton and two rock albums in the afternoon. A very, you know, yeah, but, you know, very, very general taste, but it was kind of, I was beginning to sort of develop a sort of nascent musical consciousness. I was beginning to kind of listen to music in a bit more of an attentive sort of way. Yeah, so I was, round about this time, I was seven

and I was in the final year of infant school. And at the time, I was absolutely massively into World War II. This was around the time that World at War was being repeated on Sunday tea times, which is fucking mental when you think about it now, because, you know, there were pretty no holds barred about the Holocaust and all that kind of stuff. So, you know, around about Sunday tea time, where you're having your your tinned salmon sandwiches you basically got to see a lot of dead bodies and because i was british i thought it was great you know i i just felt that i really missed out on a really good war and uh you know dad's army uh battle comic uh commando attain our thought Fart Mum. All these things telling me that this war

was a bit of a laugh. Whether you were in it and out there fighting or being a tum and having a good laugh in an Anderson shelter. I went through a state of strong war consciousness, but not Holocaust consciousness, because what they actually did

with World at War is the episodes concerning genocide and concentration camps, they didn't broadcast them in peak hours. They had to put... They came out at 11, 11.30 at night. They had to put them on live because it was too distressing for, you know, mainstream TV hours. So I think

Holocaust consciousness, I think a lot of people actually came in 1978 when they had that series. I think it was called Holocaust, wasn't it? An American-made series. So, you know, that's what really woke me up to the full extent of the actual Holocaust. So, no, I had this kind of, like yourself, I had this kind of lovely innocent time, you know,

about World War II where it was kind of, you know, it was basically kind of, you know, giving the Hun a bit of a biffing and, you know, fighting them on the beaches and what have you. But... Yeah, making some Japanese lad go, aye! Yeah, absolutely. Yes, yes, making some Japanese lad go, aye. Yeah,

absolutely. Yes. Yes. Of course. Yeah. Before I die, I want to make a Japanese person go, aye.

Not in a, not in a killing them way, but I don't know, giving them a bit of a scare or something. Give them a bit of a tickle. And it's not expected. Yes. You see guys,

this is, this is why we have Brexit, isn't it? Is there's, you know, an entire generation of people going, do you know what war? That was a bit of a lark, you know, powdered egg.

I mean, the books I was reading at the time was The Silver Sword and The Machine Gunners. And when I'd done all the war books in school, I started looking for other things to read. And in the paper shop one afternoon, I found this book by Sven Hassel, who I knew nothing about but it had SS men on the front

and on the back sort of the blurb for the story began in big type with the letters they licked the walls of suicide and I thought oh this will be good so I bought it for about 80p or something and took it home and

started reading it. And my mum caught me reading it and she went absolutely fucking mental. Dragged me the full length of the estate over to the paper shop. Gave them the hugest bollocking ever and I got my money back. But I was really pissed off, man. It looked like a good book, that did.

Did you never finish it then? No, never. I only got to the first page. So you didn't actually get to any Wall licking Wall licking That's a fascinating Turn of phrase isn't it It's fantastic isn't it

That's a fucking band name waiting to happen isn't it I was reading the Billy Bunter Novels of all things actually I was obsessed with them He licked the Tunk basket of suicide Bunter novels of all things actually at that point. I was obsessed with them. I don't know why they were completely out of print. He licked the tuck basket of suicide. Yeah, exactly. You've got that. I'm reading about the fat owl of Greyfriars.

Yeah, highly problematic. They were very good in a certain respect, but they were well, you know, there was obviously, I mean to what fat shaving, I mean pretty much a constant theme of the Billy Bunter books. Also, there's a character called Hari Ramsit Jiam Singh as well,

the Nabob of Bani for, or Inky for short, and who spoke his kind of rather convoluted version of English, you know, much to the merriment of the other members of the Famous Five. Yeah, so a touch problematic, but, you know. Yeah, I was reading the Just William books at the time as well, because this was around the time that the TV show was on with Bonnie Langford. Yeah, that's right. That's where Bonnie Langford got her break.

The story about the nasties, where William and his chums are about Ickler and think, oh, let's have a go at that. What do they do? Oh, they kind of like walk about with something that looks like two bendy snakes, and they bother Jews. So they make this banner out of two snakes

and they go in the local sweet shop and demand that the Jewish owner gives them a load of toffees and he pretty much tells them to fuck off. Oh, dearie me. Yes, yes. Yeah. Different times. Yes, yes.

So what was on telly that day? Well, BBC One starts the day with schools programmes, then Bob Hoskins, Rosemary Leach and Martin Shaw and the adult literary show On The Move, followed by Trumpton, You And Me, the 607080 show with Roy Hood, Play School, The Wombles, Jackanory with guest star Jeremy Brett,

John Noakes and Leslie Judd work a shift at the biggest chip shop in the world in Blue Peter, John Craven's news round, You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown, Paddington, The News, Nationwide and of course, Tomorrow's World. BBC Two begins with Play School at 11 and then closes down for seven hours before a quick blast of the Open University. And then there's Aventure, an Italian language course. They're just about to start Newsday with Robin Day, Ludovic Kennedy and Kenneth Kendall. Oh, what a power trio they are.

ITV has run schools programs, The Laughing Policeman with Derek Giler and the Bow Street Puppets Hickory House, Some Blather About Cats in Perfect Pets First Report with Robert Key then Crown Court, Jan Lehman in Women Only, the drama series Couples, the law series Justice, General Hospital

then The Romper Room, Spider-Man, Ace in Concert in the music Show, the Geordie Scene, the News, Regional News in Your Area, Crossroads, and they're currently halfway through the Six Million Dollar Man episode, The Return of the

Bionic Woman. Oh, some decent shit in there, isn't it, David? Oh yeah, absolutely, yeah, that's spring back in there. Alright then, Pop Craze youngsters, it's time to David? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's pretty miraculous. Alright then, pop-crazed youngsters, it's time to go way back to January of 1976. Don't forget, we

may coat down your favourite band or artist, but we never forget, they've been on Top of the Pops more than we have. Hello, and welcome to Top of the Pops. Born David Pilditch in Manchester in 1938, David Hamilton started his broadcasting career in 1959 in West Germany for the British Forces Network. In 1960 he divided his time between Hanover and Manchester where he became the envisioned continuity announcer for ABC TV which helped the ITV franchises for the North and Midlands at weekends. Then in 1962 he landed his first gig with the BBC on the Light programme as the host of The Beat Show

In 1967 he joined the brand new Radio 1 as the host of Family Favourites the request show which linked up members of the armed forces with their families and became the co-host of the ABC show Doddy's Music Box with Ken Dodd who gave him the nickname Diddy David. When ABC TV folded in 1968, he jumped ship to the new London franchise, Thames TV, working as a continuity presenter and also hosting shows such as Miss TV Times, the TV Times Gala Awards, Assorted Circus Broadcasts and the World Disco Dancing Championships. In 1973 he became the most listened to DJ in the country when he hosted an afternoon

show which would broadcast on both Radio 1 and 2 and he stayed there until 1977 when Radios 1 and 2 split for good and Hamilton was moved to radio 2, where he stayed until 1988, when he quit due to their, his words, geriatric music policy. Right on. Before we discuss Did It, I have a confession to make. Because about 10 years ago, I fucked up David Hamilton's search engine optimisation. Oh, mate. 10 years ago, when I was writing Hamilton's search engine optimisation. Mate.

10 years ago, when I was writing me erotic award-winning male sex blog, I made mention of the fact that David Hamilton made a guest appearance on the video Electric Blue Volume 1 and then received the following email from his manager, which was entitled, Diddy fucking David Hamilton. It reads, Hi there. We will be most grateful if you can remove the link from your blog site

to David Hamilton's site, or indeed the word fucking as it's appearing in the searches. Many thanks indeed for your help. Regards, blah, blah, blah. So yeah, for some bizarre reason, every time you typed in David Hamilton it would come up as Diddy fucking David Hamilton

and did he fucking like it no he fucking didn't obviously I made the change straight away but I left it for an hour or two so I could tell all my mates so they could have a look and it was probably bumped it up a bit more so I'd like to take this opportunity once again to apologize to diddy fucking david

hamilton so david did it yeah i think it's interesting that you make the point that it came out simultaneously on radios one and two because that would have made a big difference then in terms of the signal it would get you know because it was when it's just radio one it was am it was a very very it was very fuzzy out of a transistor radio or any kind of radio, car radio. But the Radio 2 signal had a lot more clarity. So that would have definitely given him a leg up, really, over your Tony Blackburns, whoever. But he was always seen as more of a Radio 2 man than a Radio 1 man.

Yeah, yeah. And we're talking about Radio two in the old money which was nothing like the radio two of today no it was it was vince hill and people like that and yeah pericomo yeah yeah no it was with us run with us yeah we're going to change the world and all that shit sing something simple and stuff like that no yeah jimmy young yeah jimmy young of course yeah yeah yeah david ham Hamilton's essentially Jimmy Younger, isn't he? Yes,

yes, he is actually. Yeah. Yeah. He's actually 38 by the time this episode went out. And this is actually, I do believe it's his first ever gig on Top of the Pops. Really?

Yeah. Yes, actually, you're probably right. I think him being the face of Top of the Pops kind of told you what the music was like at this time, I feel. Definitely, yeah. Yes, he is very kind of...

You can sense that he is a sort of a safe pair of hands. I mean, I'm sure you'll correct me here, but I'm not really aware of any particularly kind of grotesque stories surrounding David Hamilton. No. I mean, certainly not me. I don't think... He just seems to...

I imagine he just sort of... It was cocoa in the shipping forecast when he got back home. Yes. It is. I mean, I think the most grotesque thing I think about David Hamilton is that comb-over that he's got,

which is... Yeah, it's terrible, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Probably kept in place by Falcon Hairspray or something. It's a bit of a stylish Arthur Scargill job, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. I mean, he has a sort of nondescript slickness about him,

doesn't he, I think, in this bit of his show. But there's definitely... But, you know, he is a bit of a kind of a blank in many ways. And, yes, I think it is pretty apt that he is, you know, putting his presentation at this particular time. You know, there's no sort is pretty apt that he is um you know putting you know that he's presenting show this particular time you know there's no sort of false pizzazz really you know top of the boxes what top of the pops is at this point yeah he wasn't on it for very long and you just can't see him kind of like presenting the buzzcocks or or anything like that can you

a year or so down the line absolutely yeah yeah sarah you um were you a stranger to mr hamilton yeah i mean he's still going to he's still broadcasting today no i wasn't familiar with uh his uh his work at all so so your initial reaction to him um yeah he's a bit it's funny you do get this was a particularly sort of 70s thing i'm not sure you get it anymore which is the sort of youngish curmudgeon, you know. It's like people, you know, when you were, like being 38 in 76 was not the same as what being 38 is now, you know.

And that is a sort of, you would kind of lean into the, you know, by then you were well into, if you were a bloke, you would have to be considering, you know, how you would be as a grandfather. And you were sort were well into the uncle phase, bedded right into the kindly uncle thing so yeah, it's a little

bit, yeah, and whenever you go, oh he was 38 and it's like, really, wow it's not that he especially looked older than that, just kind of acted older than that but yeah, he was alright he was, because I was um it's terrible isn't it that um the standard now is always like how how creepy are they and if they the longer

they continue to not be actively creepy the better you're kind of like yeah he's not yeah he's all right not too creepy there's you know just the kind of standard slight oiliness that was required of any sort of male presenter at the time, I think. Unctuous. Yeah, I think that's right. Yes, he is a little bit creepy in places, but that was kind of mandatory at the time. Slightly oleaginous.

Yes. Of course, David Hamilton in one of his best moments is in the film Porridge, which actually came out in 1979. Well, he doesn't appear in that, and that's the whole point. He's meant to be, you know,

he's supposed to be Diddy David Hamilton's coming up. He was supposed to be part of the Celebrity Eleven. That's right, yes. And of course, you know, all the big celebs, including led by Diddy David Hamilton, you know, they let the scene down and he's replaced by the weatherman from Anglia TV. That's right, yes. Much to the disappointment of Fletcher and Co.

Yes, actually, I remember him most vividly for that, actually. His treacherous non-appearance in the Celebrity 11 in Slave Prison. He's more of a presenter than a pop person, and he'd be just as happy doing a, I don't know, a fishing show or something like that. Oh, definitely. I mean, he's that sort of professional, you know, and he'd be just as happy doing a i don't know a fishing show or something like

that oh definitely i mean he's he's that sort of professional you know and he seemed to only kind of have one mode i think just one one setting really kind of across the board he's that guy wherever he goes you know um so he did a um a wacky kids show in 1978 called uh you can't be serious with uh dexter fletcher who I was like Dexter Fletcher who was a child you know like how I think he's like

some sort of strange time travelling like was he in Oliver Twist in the 60s like how old is Dexter Fletcher how old is Dexter Fletcher so yes and it was like

a sort of you know zany a zany kids show and he was there kind of doing a zany bit but it just it was sort of painfully un-zany and he was there kind of doing a zany bit. But it was sort of painfully un-zany, really.

He was just kind of, you know, just quite a sort of hopelessly kind of stayed presence, I think. But like I said, not too creepy, so he's okay with me. Did it. Shot from the neck up in a red V-neck jumper, a massive white condor collars which threatened to hang out on the television set plunges us straight into the top 30 and as always we've got some splendid photos to accompany this rundown haven't we any any particular

favorites from anyone the first one is uh uh the wing and a prayer the wing and a prayer five and drum core who we know such thing they did a really manky disco version of baby face um but yeah The first one is The Wing and a Prayer. The Wing and a Prayer 5 and Drum Corps. Ooh, we know such thing. They did a really manky disco version of Babyface. But yeah, The Wing and a Prayer is a woman in glorious kind of shiny disco 70s makeup and a big sort of false nose and glasses, like a kind of Groucho Marx.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's completely deadpan and just kind of looking in this sultry way through these ridiculous glasses like yeah there's there's an arresting image i like this yeah where the fuck did they get that from and why but that's i don't want i don't want to know nobody nobody write in and tell us i don't i don't actually want to know no by the time you get into the top 10 you've got billy howard just looks like a kind of a passport photo that he's like yeah oh god billy billy we've got to we've got to send in a picture to top of the pop so i know and that's like all he's you know he's dressed like stan out of on the

buses yeah he's got that big roll neck thing going on and it's too low down as well so like his name kind of goes there's like space at the top where his head you know and then like his name his name kind of covers half his face when it comes up the picture composition is fucking awful isn't it so bad in the rundown i mean it is a bit like as it is often the case of top of the pops you know when you go out to go to the kind of you know the fairground attraction and they've got the um you know the prizes are always enormous great teddy bears and things like that and like mini cars and stuff like that and what you actually get when you hook the duck is you know a sort of like six inch by three inch piece of crap um there's no like that you know it's almost like this rundown i mean it's Simon, David Essex the Walker Brothers, Roxy Music

Laurel and Hardy and then I thought none of whom will be appearing on the show tonight here's what you could have wanted it's like Bully's Prize Board isn't it? there is a slight sense of foreboding who's it going to be

because the format here giving everything away up front up to and including the number one yes it just shows how things have changed now that you are you know audiences have to be there has to be a tease for everything you know what's going to happen now come back you know come back after the break or you'll never know and this is just like yeah we're going to tell you what the number one is it's like god don't aren't you worried that people are going to switch off and go about their business? Yeah, because at this time, I wasn't aware of the music press

or the new chart run down in Next Day's Papers. So for me, top of the pops, it was the first time I got to see the charts. And yeah, spoiler alert. You could look away, though. What they should have done is they announced a footy thing. It's like, oh, okay, right. So this was a thing you would... Well, that's what I always used to do.

Look away now. Yeah. When he got down to the top three, I would always look away. The other pictorial highlights that I noticed were Roxy Music have suddenly got a couple of models draped about them. Crispy and Co. sitting on a wall looking like disaffected youths. Sheer Elegance live up to their name once again with massive polka dot shirts under happy shopper burberry waistcoats elo opposing

as if they're in a football team for vagrants and yes billy howard proper stan butler out of on the bus's job there and like you said sarah yeah i mean the the pitch composition is fucking awful because they would just slap numbers and words over people's faces well what could you do though i mean you know you just have to work with what you have terrible imagine if you're in a band and you're in top of the pops for the first time and your face is obscured by number 32 or something well number 22 yeah well especially if yeah it's like that would then be, you know, what people in the future would see, and that was all that would be left of you to show to future generations

is your face with a sort of, you know, but with your tentative smile obscured by a great big neon green W. And there's a lot of old stuff in the charts, isn't there? What's a Laurel and Hardy doing there oh that was Trailer of the Lonesome Pine which was nearly the Christmas number one oh blimey Chubby Checker

Let's Twist Again and the Twist double A side Small Faces Ichiku Park while there was not a lot happening there was a very retrograde in each of the year actually I think this was the year

it was a big year for the Beatles actually a lot of different issues and the films all being on tell this was the year, it was a big year for the Beatles, actually, a lot of different issues and the films all being on telly. So the Beatles were very much a big thing. It's just a sort of pause in time. I mean, it's just like the history, you know, the velocity of like the kind of rock and pop

of its beginnings sort of run down a bit. And it's just beginning point where we can start to look back to the kind of the beginnings, you know, your Elvis's, your Everly's and what have you. So there's definitely a very retrograde, almost sort of post-modern type mood

about pop at this time. People are just really waiting around for the next thing to happen. And will that next thing happen on this episode? Find out, Pop Craze Youngsters. I've got the fight, I've got the place You've got the figure, you've got the fight Let's get together, two of us, so we're a class of five We pitch immediately into the first song, Glass of Champagne, by Sailor.

Formed in London in 1973 by George Kajanas, a Norwegian composer and guitarist in the folk rock band Ekleksion, Sailor were originally put together to perform a musical theatre concept Kajanas had devised about his formative years in Paris. After being signed to Epic Records a year later they recorded their debut LP which incorporated pub piano, street organ and synthesizers which inspired them to create a machine called the Nickelodeon a wooden contraption which linked up two upright pianos, two synths, two mini organs, and two glockenspiels. The first three singles all failed to chart,

but the fourth, this one from their second LP, Trouble, entered the top 40 in mid-December of 1975, and it's now in its second week at number two. So, David, let's talk about this Nickelodeon. Do you mention it in your book? I don't, no. Oh, for fuck's sake. I failed to mention it.

No, I mentioned it. I know, yes, yes, yet another omission. You know, it's a little bit, you know, with this book, it's a bit like, remember the episode in Blackadder, where, you know, with Robbie Coltrane as Dr. Johnson, and he says, yes, I have completed my dictionary. Yes, it contains every single word in my mother tongue. And, you know, Blackadder saystrane as Dr. Johnson, and says, yes, I have completed my dictionary. Yes, it contains every single word in our mother tongue. And Ronat, you know, says,

in which case I offer you my heartiest contrafubularities. And there are many, this is one such contrafubularity. That is, Nickelodeon ought to be in a book by Job. It's the most distinctive thing about, obviously, Saylor. In other respects, for me, Saylor pretty much sum up this period of 1976 actually um everything about them it was a strange sort of time in music there seemed to be a lot of theater folk who were kind of making music you know a lot of sort of slightly

wacky extras it was a time of rock follies and things like that of course and essentially this kind of a lot of crossover between julie covington's and people like that a lot of crossover between and julie covington's and people like that a lot of crossover between pop and music musicals and the theatre and the same that those sorts of people seem to be kind of really infesting the charts um in a big way and there is something slightly kind of irritatingly sort of wacky and extra you know about the way they conduct themselves on stage the semiotics you know are all over the place in terms of the way they're kind of dressing. It is a bit sort of, you know, kind of sort of secondhand furniture shop, very sort of postmodern, big caps or whatever and stuff like that.

And it's strange, you know, and they're sort of pitched somewhere between Roxy Music's Virginia Plain and Lieutenant Pigeon, I suppose. You know, it's hard to say really. And I mean, there's strong echoes, actually, of Virginia Plain. I've not really noticed this before

in lots of ways about this particular piece. It's a bit more Golden Virginia than Virginia Plain, isn't it? Yeah, more the sort of, you know, the really dried up stale bits of Golden Virginia and the kind of the seam of the packet, you know. So David, where is electronic music round about 1976? Who's doing it? How much of it is getting into the charts? Well, I mean, you've got things like Magic Fly by Space,

you know, came out at this time. And they were almost like prototypes for Daft Punk. Kraftwerk obviously had already got Autobahn under their belt. And that had been kind of the first great incursion. And I think in 75, I think it was, they were on Tomorrow's World, but they were just doing, I think at this stage,

they would be doing Radioactivity, the album, which I don't think yielded any hits as such. So it really was beginning to happen. And there was, I mean, in the sort of subcurrent of things, I think 76 was, I mean, David Bowie, I think,

would have been sort of going through his kind of Berlin period. And that suddenly kind of, all this kind of Teutonic stuff, which might seem like wacky, novel, ridiculous or whatever, is suddenly taken very, very seriously. All of a sudden, once David Bowie gives it his whole blessing. So that's a kind of very sort of nascent stage. I think it's around this time that John Savage would have written this piece called A New Music with a K on the end of music, you know, and it's around this time that John Savage would have written this piece called New Music with a K on the end of music,

you know, and there's various things that are beginning to come together. People like even Carrie Voltaire and Throbbing Ristle are just beginning to sort of stir as well.

So, yeah, but it's, I mean, it is odd, actually, because I think, you know, to actually hear this little kind of burst of synth,

you know, in the middle of this song, you know, that would still have been quite a novel and quite another thing. Similar, I suppose, to Virginia Plain. Bands were starting to dabble a little bit, weren't they?

In a previous chart music, the sweet Fox on the Run, that's quite synth there. Yeah, yeah. They're gradually becoming more accessible, these instruments. It's really only in the late 70s where these synths really come down in price and really become kind of accessible you know you get a similar you know a bit similar since have their kind of freddie laker revolution

type revolution you know and everything comes down to present suddenly and they're perfect instruments for punk really and post-punk so um yeah but at this stage they are it is it's still a bit of a novelty a bit of a quirk and that was the trouble with a lot of synths music at the time it didn't really it wasn't really taken seriously because it was just this like sort of it felt like this little add-on really rather than an instrument that was actually going to fundamentally transform the nature of pop music yeah because i mean here's a prime example how synths are being treated in early 1976 and they've they've kind of like disguised it under a load of wood and antique nonsense so yeah um it's like they've invented steampunk i was just it was exactly that it's very very steampunky in fact yeah yeah and it's also like those tellies that you could win on

uh sail of the century that looked like ornate uh antique cabinets that opened up to reveal a teller it's that age where you don't show off your technology yeah it's got to be disguised i mean even up to the early 80s you know i remember having a um an atari and that had fake wood inlay all over it indeed yeah yes imagine the um i just feel sorry for the crew like you might you know imagine that that like for their kind of half-assed conceptual thing you know and they've all got their different costumes and they've got the they've got the nickelodeon like imagine that the what you that completely pointless endeavor and how many people have kind of um you know strained back muscles trying to kind of hoik it you know and like how you how you have to take it apart and put it back together somewhere else.

But for no good reason. It's a really, it's, you know, why is this? There's quite an exciting... It looks good on the telly. Does it? Yeah. It looks... Well, yeah, 1976, you'd be looking at it going,

oh, what is that? What's going on? Why is he hitting it on the side? Because one of them steps off, there's like a bass drum embedded into the front of it and he makes a point of going off and giving it a good old thump every now and then. Twice, twice.

At least, and kind of with much ceremony and kind of getting up and going, oh, I'm going to do a thing. Oh, what am I doing? I'm hitting a bass drum. It's part of this kind of monstrous thing that shouldn't be that we've seen fit absolutely foist upon your eyes i think sarah sarah gets it right there for what reason i mean it seems to be

i'm sure that they kind of applied themselves in all kinds of ways in terms of songwriting in terms of building these machines and picking up the costumes but at heart there's just something utterly whimsical about the whole enterprise of a group like sailor i i love absurdity i love um i love the ridiculous i love um i love the ridiculous i love things that don't have an explanation that come out of nowhere but you've got to do that right you can't just go here's you can just see when there kind of isn't the intelligence behind it to to all the kind of confidence to really pull it off they're just sort of capering about they've just sort of got some yeah it's quite a sort of immature um oh god i sound god

i sound so awful don't know it's like yeah it's like i couldn't come up with a concept better than this but also i i know that so i'm not going to try and also i'm going to leave you know i'm going to keep synths and glockenspiels separate you know if uh i don't i don't think they are i don't think they're meant to be glued together and have a bass drum stuck on them but there's actually quite an exciting um there's quite an exciting the the um the first shot is it's kind of you're sort of in the belly of of the piano you can see that the hammer's kind of you know just uh you know almost hammering your eyeballs and then it pulls out and it's like oh look there's a um you know and then it just gets worse and worse the camera kind of pulls out to reveal the full horror but uh it's a good yeah

it's it's a nice you know it's a nice opening shot i do like um you know an exciting kind of instrument close-up on uh to start top of the pops off with it's always a it's always a good way yeah but the flaw i see in this is that if you are into this song it's going to inspire a lot of the pop craze youngsters to start miming on their dad's drinks cabinet and and then you know thumping the side of it and you know breaking loads of glasses and stuff like that campari flying left and right you know all those tumblers fucking saved up from the garage doesn't be a

thinking about but the thing is about the technology David if we bang on about mid 70s technology it was supposed to be fucking massive that was the thing wasn't it? It was Tangerine Dream in particular

they had stacks and stacks of the stuff yes and it it was i mean in tangerine dream you know in particular they had stacks and stacks of the stuff yes and it was supposed to be kind of cathedral like and an awesome spectra in a spectacle and son and lumiere and all that you know big light shows or whatever which is why it also had to be fucking massive to make it work as well i think this is where crackbook were very mischievous you know when they eventually kind of make a point of reducing you know the things inside you know like the pocket calculator size you know, when they eventually kind of make a point of reducing, you know, the things inside, you know, like the pocket calculator size, you know, in the 1980s. They understand that, you know,

that they're being kind of subversive even in the world of synth pop, you know, like that. You know, everything is little, you know, they're deliberately kind of being kind of emasculating and sort of taking away all that kind of sort of spectacle of pomp and power. But yes, certainly in the mid-70s, there was this real sense of,

behold, the ultimate behemoth. But there's a difference, though, between, you know, between like a... You see, now I've... You know, like when you know how to pronounce a thing properly, but it makes you sound like a twat. David, how would you pronounce, you know,

the sort of large modular synths with its four letters, the middle... Moog. Moog. its four letters Moog Moog I just wanted you to go first because I, you know, it's like of course there's a great difference between a Moog and this abomination

anyway there is so I would repeat that but just in my own voice you can't just bolt one thing onto another thing. Do you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of when Homer Simpson becomes a conceptual artist because he got in a rage and failed to put a barbecue together properly and it's just this kind of horrible tangled mess in some concrete.

That's what this is. Oh, yes, I have down here that it's the piano being robustly pummeled by apparently Ken Dodd's jolly nephew. Yes. They're so bloody jolly. It's annoying. It's that irritating quirkiness and it crops up again a lot in the kind of the new wave era, just after punk, you know, and it's this like sort of stripy trousers and people wearing coloured rimmed spectacles and stuff like that. Yeah. And it's just, you know, that kind of wacky, spiky, quirky, pre-Colin Hunt type sort of zaniness.

Also, I must point out, and this is something that I've noticed that I noticed throughout this episode, everyone looks in the camera, and I will come back to this, but these guys are kind of, you know, staring into the camera going, watch me, watch me, I'm going to do a thing, here I go. And one way or another, everyone has obviously been told look in the camera and it's quite unnerving because some of them will will sort of you know you can you can feel you are being uh you know you're being made love to through the camera it's like no i don't want to be made

love to don't do that so yeah told to look into the camera by who though, Sarah, the, uh, the, the floor managers or their, I don't know, their managers, you know, the band managers. I don't know. Put yourself over. This is just what this is.

Uh, go on, love, put yourself over. Um, but this is, this is obviously, this is the,

the, you know, Derriga in 1976 is like, yeah, connect, connect, connect with the youth. And you can see how uncomfortable some of them are.

Anyway, sailor clearly are, are not uncomfortable with this they are quite happy to i'm surprised none of them actually leap up and kind of grab the camera by by its cheeks and give it a little shake you know yes let's talk a little bit about what they're wearing because i'm very disappointed the band's called sailor only one of them's really bothered, hasn't it? George, the lead singer. And I must say that somewhere in Bushair, a 17-year-old Simon Le Bon is looking at this performance

and going, hmm, interesting look. Doesn't he look like Simon Le Bon? Yeah, yeah. It's a bit rough on him. Sort of early, 1882 Simon Le Bon. Yeah, yeah. It's a bit rough on that. Sort of early 1882, Simon Le Bon. Elements of some of Dexie's worst excesses, actually, as well.

There's kind of a selection of sort of jaunty caps, which... Yeah, one of the Nickelodeon players is full-on Chas and Dave. The other one looks like he's going to the Oval to watch a bit of cricket. And the drummer's just not bothered at all.

There's a bit of shades of the man from Del Monte in your man. Definitely. The guy who's really happy to be hitting a drum a couple of times on telly. Yeah, it's so... I've just got... I'm just looking at my notes here this is so jaunty i hate it sorry yeah that's that's pretty much the opinion i had when this when this song came out i mean the the thing i really didn't like about this song was it was going on about having a glass

of champagne and i'd had my first glass of champagne that Christmas and it was shit. I fucking hated it. I'd sooner have the froth off me dad's pint. Champagne was just like really crap alpine pop. Well, I don't know what, maybe you were given something that, maybe it wasn't proper champagne. It doesn't sound like it was.

What are you saying? I was given a permaine. A baby shower or something. Who knows? Yeah, glass of permain. That would have been a far more suitable title. The thing is, it doesn't sound like, if you were played this song and you said,

what drink does it make you think of? Champagne would not be at the top of the list. It would be, you know, it would be more like some sort of cordial. Apple ties. Yeah. Something like this. I mean, people think punk is coming to sort of like get,

you know, as the antithesis of prog and stuff like that. But in a way, you know, punk is coming to sort of drive this sort of thing out. I mean, the thing about something like this is it lacks rage and misery and alienation. It is just a bunch of, like I say, theatre folk just capering about and showing off and having far too good a time.

Yeah. Yeah. I have to... Here's a detail that I feel I should point out. theatre folk just capering about and showing off and having far too good a time yeah yeah um i have to um here's a here's a detail that i feel i should point out the set is incredible obviously that's nothing to do with them but they've got this fantastic um kind of pyramid of lights behind them and then these sort of great big orange sort of uh i don't know what they're made of but they're kind of big dramatic stalactites um sticking sticking down towards their heads sort of, I don't know what they're made of, but they're kind of big, dramatic stalactites sticking down towards their heads, sort of looming over them like kind of,

I don't know, I suppose they look a bit like bombs, don't they? But anyway, they're great. So hats off to the set designer, whoever that was. Well done. So the following week, Glass of Champagne dropped three places to number five. The follow-up, Girls Girls would get to number seven in April of this year but they'd only have one more chart hit before splitting up in 1979. Drummer Stephen Serpel went on to become a chemistry teacher,

Nickelodeon operator Ian Marsh married Dee Dee out of Pan's People and formed the electronic group Data with George Kajanas and keyboardist Phil Pickett co-wrote It's a Miracle and Karma Chameleon with Boy George and the original Nickelodeon was thrown off a hotel roof by a disgruntled roadie in 1978

but when the band reformed in 1991 there have been seven much lighter versions of it. They threw it off the roof I hope they kind of warned people first you can just imagine the headline Seven Dead in Nickelodeon Horror

Yes Let's get together A two of a sober And a glass of champagne Let's get together Hey! Fabulous. Number two in the BBC Top 30, that's Sailor and a Glass of Champagne. Let's also raise a toast to this young lady, first of our new entries on the programme today,

and for the first time at number 22 this week, the lovely Barbara Dixon, her version of an old song called answer me And tell me how the King's illusion Presents my sweetheart Diddy, still only seen from the neck up, responds to what he's just seen by shouting, Hey! And then, like the Linkmaster he is,

asks us all to charge our glasses for a lovely woman, Barbara Dixon and her song Answer Me. Lovely lady, I think you'll find. Lovely lady. It's always ladies and, yeah. Thank you. It's a lovely young lady. You wouldn't call a woman a woman, would you?

It'd be a lady. Sorry, yeah. Born in Dunfermline in 1947, Barbara Dixon began a singing career in the folk clubs of Fife in the mid-60s, released her first single in 1968 and clubs of Fife in the mid-60s, released her first single in 1968, and after a spell in a duo, released her first solo LP in 1970.

In the early 70s, she played a folk club in Liverpool and got chatting with the organiser, a teaching student called Willie Russell, who showed her the first draft of a script he'd written about the Beatles called John, Paul, George, Ringo and Bert and invited her to perform the music. After the show ran for a year in the West End and won the Best Musical in the 1974 Evening Standard Awards, she was signed by co-producer Robert Stigwood to his record label RSO. This song, her first on the new label, is a cover of the 1952 single Mutterlein,

which was recorded by Frankie Lane a year later under the title Answer Me, Oh Lord Above, which was then banned by the BBC when religious groups complained that he was mithering God about why his girlfriend had dumped him. So when the lyrics were rewritten to Answer me my love it became a number one in america for nat king cole a number one over here for david whitfield and then a week later a number one again for frankie lane for eight weeks and at one point both versions of that song were the number one and number two singles in the uk chart fucking out And it's this week's highest new entry at number 22. Where do we start with this, me dears? Yeah, Sarah, did he describe her as a lady rather than woman?

Does that bother you? Does it offend you when you're described as a lady? It's just, it is an old-fashioned term that is now, it has a certain amount of baggage. I don't think of myself as a lady. I will occasionally use it in a sort of slightly ironic way, but I try even not to do that because I think it's just a bit of a relic, isn't it, of terminology.

It's not as bad as female. You can't say out nowadays, can you, David? You can't, then. I think it's really weird. No, apparently I can't say out. I'm just starting to, I'm just getting my, I'm just getting onto this and then it's like

hmm let's see what let's see what the men think of this yeah you've had 15 seconds you've had 15 seconds now come on

yeah let the lady have her say David yep fucking hell yeah ladies there's always you know

it kind of wears you down after a bit in an episode of Top of the Pops from this era as you know the lady oh these are the ladies aren't they lovely all the lovely ladies and their legs and they're lovely oh look oh look at the lovely ladies aren't they lovely um it's not it's a little bit um it gets on your tits doesn't it it it does it does get on my tits yes al um so the thing is it's not as bad as it's not quite

as bad as female as uh as we had uh you know in um yeah our chart show 28 uh we had uh i had to chastise montel jordan for his use of females yeah it's it's just i don't because there isn't really an equivalent that would have a sort of a slight it's a slightly diminutive or or kind of it's a slightly smallening way to refer to somebody and there isn't a male equivalent. You know, if it's ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen doesn't have the same implications at all. It doesn't have, you know, so

anyway, sorry, I'm done now, carry on. It's a palaver, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, it's obviously when people say lady in that case, it implies a kind of old-fashioned gallantry, but coming from people whose views on women are otherwise probably quite reconstructed. It's a slightly awkward linguistic thing, really,

because the word woman can sometimes have its own sort of baggage insofar as it's used in a very pejorative way. A lovely young woman is, yeah, it depends on how you put it. It could have that, or it could be pejorative. You know, woman, will you just shut up? You know, when people say woman in that kind of harsh way. So it's awkward. It's as if the English language actually lacks a kind of truly adequate word, really,

because lady has sort of got all that kind of, like you said, that old world sort of condescension and sort of, you know, faux high regard. But woman can sometimes seem a bit harsh. And, of course, female is just, you know, yeah, so it's a bit difficult. This is pretty much the conversation that NWA had when they were starting their career wasn't it i'm sure yeah probably had a really big discussion about oh how best do we can't use that word we can't use that word let's let's try this word it's now let's raise a glass of champagne to this fine ass young bitch yes no i know i i understand it is it's a it's a it's a minefield and a tightrope

and all of those things but i mean there's nothing wrong with it as with anything else it's not the words themselves it's it's it's the what they've kind of been infused with and what they've uh collected along the way and how they've become um sort of bent into shape or bent out of shape so um yeah it's it's a yeah it's an's an archaism, but it's not the most offensive thing. It's just, like I said, it's just a bit of a fossil. So, yeah, because I'm trying to think of Janice Long describing, I don't know, Ryan Paris as a lovely gentleman.

But she just wouldn't, would she? No, no. Gentleman is quite often, quite often it's used in the context of asians whatever you know or or or black people sometimes if people want to sort of seem exaggeratedly unprejudiced and say and then yes and then they have a nice talk with an asian gentleman um quite often yeah they're using there's that context sometimes yeah i would say that barbara dixon is maybe sort of in the 70s somebody's idea of a lady or whatever somebody with a certain kind of sort of class and grace and not one of

these um not one of these strumpets that you get of course and um you know hot pants or anything like that no so um i mean barbara dixon she would have um i mean you're saying you know two ronnie's it always used to kind of irk me or whatever you'd be kind of guffawing away at the two ronnie's or you had the same tips like it's tommy cooper show where they'd be interrupted by you know but you'd be guffawing away you know they've got you know piggy malone and charlie farley and going to paris and sort of traveling down la ruda remarks you know and i mean all these kind of you know punish sort of glory um but it was like no no you can't no no, no, let's not have too much of this laughter. You know, we can't just go all the way through the comedy.

Let's calm it down now. We have to have a calm down, we have to have a nice sensible, you know, we have to sort of like, you know, sort of gather yourself up from the aisle and sit sensibly and listen to some nice songwriting. It was almost like, you know, that a function, you know, seemed to be to kind of, you know, let's not get too carried away. Let's have too much fun.

Yeah. It's like when the Rolling Stones played that slow blues jam in Altamont. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's just like, why not just keep up the velocity? Why not just keep, have the comedy running right through? You know, it's just this kind of mandatory sort of mumsy sensibleness, you know, and it's all the floral dresses and shaking the vac and gravy and neck curtains and the arches and Kay's catalogue and, you know, cups of tea and, you know, tidy up now. Tidy up.

It's time for Barbara Dixon. I'll tell you what, though. I do think you can describe. I think it's a fair description to say that Barbara Dixon is indeed lovely. I thought she is. She is lovely. She's got this amazing giant hair. She's got this giant sort of poof of hair.

And incredibly... It's a bit Bieber-ish, isn't it? A little bit. But she's got, you know, very shiny red lipstick, which, you know, most women would admire as something that is quite hard to achieve. Red lipstick for some reason. I don't know why this is, and I've probably said before, but red lipstick is really difficult to apply and keep straight and everything so i haven't bothered even trying for

years yeah well it goes on your teeth and like it's because it's so bright and there's the like any if you if you stray outside the lines whatsoever it you can really see it you know from from space so yeah um and and she's got you know her very she's got beautiful telly teeth as well very like white shiny teeth and yeah and like I said is

nice flowery dress nice flowery dress and very good posture as well at the piano yeah she looks to me like a really really nice teacher

who you have a bit of a cry with on your last day of leaving infant school yeah that's you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah, absolutely.

And she's very, and again, doing the staring straight down the camera thing, but not in a way that I minded. I didn't feel, you know, I was quite happy to have this level of intimacy with Barbara Dixon at this point. Yeah. Yeah, extremely confident.

And again, David, you know, you talked about theatre folk. Here's one of them pretty much. It's not the same kind of theatre, though, is it? No, but this is how she got to the dance, isn't it, really? By doing stuff in a play. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure that she's an exceptionally nice person.

I'm, you know, I'm absolutely certain of it. Absolutely certain of it. And I would feel like an absolute heel if I ever had met her and I'd said all of this and made her kind of disdainful. Did you not like the song David? Well I mean the thing is it's like it's a very capable performance but again it has that kind of thing

everything she hits right notes whatever but there's no real sort of soulful kind of content or inflection about it there's no sort of strangeness or allure about it it's just very sort of sensibly and capably put together you know like no sort of strangeness or allure about it it's just very sort of sensibly incapably put together you know like a piece of mfi furniture or something i sort of easy it's an easy listening with a little tang of country there's a little lap slide

in there which and i am a big fan of the lap slide i have to say um it always used to i used to find it uh it's like oh no this means country music run away but actually I've grown to love it it's so mournful like it doesn't matter there's something about the instrument it doesn't matter if you're even when you're doing a kind of jaunty bit on it it still sounds like oh god sad things I have it's really like it makes

you think of Brokeback Mountain oh no the pain and angst of you know, the country life. This song to me is sophisticated girly folk, isn't it? It's like, you know, a few years ago she'd be wearing a peasant dress and sitting in a club doing some Joni Mitchell. Now she's a little bit more older and wiser.

Yeah. And it's all right, but it is a total Radio 2 song. David Hamilton introducing this. We're just whacked around the face with Radio 2 now, aren't we? Yeah, yeah. And I'm sure in terms of the sequencing, you know, after all that kind of happy-go-lucky capering in the first one, once again, you know, let's calm things down a bit.

Yeah. Keep calm and listen to Barbara Dixon. bit you know yeah keep calm and listen to barbara dixon my mate worked with her on uh band of gold in uh in the mid 90s and he told me that she is the absolute loveliest woman he's ever worked with yeah she was very keen to stress to him uh the fattening properties of bread she was pretty ahead of her time considering it was the mid 90 Yeah. Anti-gluten and all that. Yeah. But yeah, really nice woman. Oh, bless her.

So the following week, Answer Me jumped eight places to number 13, would then drop to number 17 the next week, but would shoot up to number nine the week after, its highest position. The follow-up, a cover of the Impressions song People Get Ready, position. The follow-up, a cover of the Impressions song People Get Ready, failed to chart, but she would close out 1976 as the permanent

musical guest on the fifth season of The Two Ronnies. She was on every single episode, David. Wow, yeah, yeah. Patti Boulay got no fucking luck in that time. And she'd worked with Andrew Lloyd Webber on the concept album Evita as Juan Peron's bit on the side

resulting in another suitcase in another hall getting to number 11 in March of 1977 Answer me now Answer me now Answer me now sunshine in our lives, right? And here's the sunshine sound of OCB, sir, and Sunshine Day. Everybody, do what you're doing So I will bring a sunshine day Did it! Finally flanked by two ladies, one black, one white,

who both look as if they've come straight from the typing pool, declares that we all need a little sunshine in our lives. Oh, David, you don't know the fucking half of what's coming to you, mate. He introduces Sunshine Day by Osy bisa formed in london in 1969 by a collective of african and caribbean musicians ossy bisa got their name from the fancy word for high life they spent the early 70s recording six lps becoming a regular on festival circuits all over the world but they never troubled the charts in the uk until this single taken from the 1975 lp welcome home was put out and it's a new entry this week at number 23 now first question africans in the charts

really didn't get any in the 70s. Yeah. Why's that? It's, you know, reggae, or something pre-reggae or reggae like it used to be. It's always been kind of a factor. And even this, I mean, it's not really, it's not exactly Afrobeat, is it? It's not Felicuti. I mean, you know, if you actually listen to it musically, I mean, this could be Barbara Dixon doing an upbeat number. I mean, you know, it's actually sort of, it doesn't, you know,

obviously in terms of like, you know, the shirts, you know, and across the top, I mean, it's got a kind of afternoon. So I don't even feel like this counts.

And maybe, because I think fundamentally, it was just a sort of, in terms of like a kind of rhythm to have to kind of digest and get to grips with, you know, it was perhaps just simply sort of not, you know, pop friendly,

you know, in the way that reggae, also another, an alternative rhythm to get to grips with, was. So, yeah. Because the African influence didn't really come in until the early 80s with the likes of Adam and the Ants and Type Fit and all that kind of stuff. Baltimorea.

Yeah. With their electronic elephants. Well, yeah, they took the Burundi beat. I mean, Joni Mitchell had actually done that by this point as well. Of course she had, yes. He said the Summer Lawns. Yeah, that's right. It wasn't like there weren't any African people about

because when I was at infant school in Ice and Green a year or so before, we got took out on a school trip to an African centre and there was loads of African people there with muumus and they showed us a straw hut and they showed us a few pictures of elephants and they let us have a go on some bongos. And then we all did some African dancing. And I thought, oh, this is fucking brilliant.

These people, you know. And we got on the bus back and, you know, it wasn't a coach. It was just a regular bus. And we're all sat on the top deck. And we see these African blokes with the muumus walking across the street. And it's like, oh, we're waving at them and everything. They totally ignored us and went straight into the pub. I think a little part of me actually thought we'd actually taken a bus to Africa.

Now I've come to think of it. Oh, that's wonderful. It wasn't too far away. Yeah, I mean, you've got to remember that we were just, you know, it's 76, we're still only, you know, there hadn't been black people in the UK until 1973 with Errol Brown and Hot Chocolate, so we're still getting used to

black people, you know, and I think that, yeah, well, yes, yes, yes, fair enough, fair enough. But it's, yeah, so, I mean, if it's Afrobeat, it's Afrobeat homeopathically watered down, you know, this track. It's got, you know, across the top, you know,

and it's got a sense of that kind of otherness, but not at the kind of rhythmical level. Yeah, it sounds a bit more like war to me. Sarah, this do anything for you? Well, it's definitely the best thing so far by Miles, but that's not necessarily saying much. But, yeah, I enjoyed it to the point where far by, by, by miles, but that's not necessarily saying, uh, saying much, but yeah, I enjoyed it.

Um, to the point, uh, where, oh yeah. So there's a lot of, uh, there's an awful lot of mugging going on,

but with like such gusto and glee, um, on the part of the, the keyboard player is, is, is just making, uh, making some amazing faces.

And the drummer is sort of start doing the thing, standing up and going, Hey, look, here I am. And you know, there's loads of mugging but the kind of which I approve. Yes.

Some good outfits as well, isn't there? Fantastic outfits. The main dude is sporting a sort of magnificent black and gold cape or possibly poncho or both. I think it might actually be a sort of poncho cape hybrid and it's you know, with this incredible gold embroidery on it

and just looks absolutely boss. Yeah, no, I enjoyed it. The keyboard player's the star, though, isn't it? Yeah. What a shirt. Yeah. It's sort of some yellowy, psychedelic thing. And he's got black and white checkered boots as well.

I didn't notice that. Wow, that's... Yeah, they were nice. They were really bringing it.. Wow, that's... Yeah, they were nice. They were really bringing it. You see, that's how you, you know, if you're going to... Of course, you're going to dress up because you're going on the telly. You know, that is how you do it. So I was...

Yeah, I was a little bit aggrieved when this was cut short because I was expecting the full performance. Cut very short, wasn't it? It was cut very short. I was a little bit like, why have you done that? Is there an agenda at play here? You know, immediately your suspicion is kind of right.

And I'm sure it was just a sort of formatting thing, but it was a little bit like, are you being careful not to scare people off with this kind of... One or two songs get cut very short in this episode. We'll find out at the end, won't we? Yeah. Actually, David,

African music was in the charts in Zaire. Yes, of course, which is around the Ali-Forman fight, you know, and I think... Because, I mean, by 75, Muhammad Ali was just this kind of dominant global celebrity. There was another song song wasn't there Ali

the black superman the black superman yes it was all over the place he was advertising bird's eye burgers he was doing some bizarre this bizarre fight with this Japanese wrestler they had this bout and it was supposed to be rearranged

and it was just a farce it was supposed to have been scripted and they just departed from the script completely and it was supposed to be rearranged. And it was just a farce. And, you know, it was supposed to have been scripted and they just departed from the script completely and it was an absolute farce. It was declared a draw at the end. Why, Noki just laid on the floor and kicked him. That's right, yeah, in terror, yeah. Rubbish.

It was dreadful, it was dreadful. Big Daddy had never done that. He'd have stood his ground. But that was a strange thing. So African Nurse, if it did come in, it was sort of via Muhammad Ali and the kind of... And white singers.

Yeah, yeah. So the following week, Sunshine Day jumped six places to number 17, its highest position. The follow-up, Dance the Body Music got to number 31 in June of this year, but it was their last chart hit.

But they are still in existence and will celebrate their 50th anniversary next year. Nice. Good on them. Do what you do. Smile will bring us sunshine. Let's go. Great sunshine, San Marcos, OCDC.

Here are a bunch of boys from Scotland who look as though they could have a future number one. Slick by name, slick by nature. This is Forever and Ever. Didde, alone once more, introduces us to a band from Scotland who could have a future number one, according to him. That band are Slick and that song is Forever and Ever. We've already discussed Slick in Chart Music number 18 and this is their first single to break the charts after their debut release, The Boogiest Band in Town, failed to chart.

It's a cover of a song written by Bill Martin and Phil Coulter who penned Remember, Sha-la-la-la-la, Shang-a-lang, Summer Love Sensation and Saturday Night for the Bay City Rollers and appeared on the band Kenny's 1975 LP The Sound of Super K. It was originally offered to the Rollers as a follow-up to Give a Little Love, but they knocked it back as they were looking for something more progressive and ever, leading Coulter and Martin to part company with the Rollers and look for a new band to groom and produce. However, just like the Rollers, the backing for Forever and Ever has been recorded by session musicians, and the lead singer, Mijur, is already starting to doubt the wisdom of knocking back the offer to front a new band from London called the Sex Pistols the previous year.

However, after entering the charts at number 39 last week, it soared 27 places to number 12. Now, first thing we need to talk about, the Sex Pistols led by Midge Orr. Can you actually see that? Oh, my God. I mean, punk just wouldn't have happened, would it? I mean, that would have been...

What an alternative... I actually once wrote a book called January 1975. It's never published. I just found part of the manuscript for it the other day. Imagine this is alternative history of punk and Thatcherism that never happened. And I think that if Midge Ewer had led the Sex Pistols

then I think punk might well not have happened. That's a horrifying thought. What would he have called himself? Midgey Minje or something like that. Midge Mucky. Or Man Ewer or something.

I know Ewer but what am i oh my god that's what a thought i mean he's kind of just a perennial bandwagon jumper wasn't he i mean first of all you know slick the base city rollers bandwagon then the rich kids you know and he's kind of the punk thing and then of course you know ultravox up to john vox left you know, in his kind of punk thing. And then, of course, you know, Ultravox, after John Vox left, you know, coming in and doing the kind of soup bottle. Yeah, and the Thin Lizzy before that for a bit. Yeah, yeah. It's, um, yeah, but there's always a certain ewerness about everything that he's kind of involved in. And, you know, and this

is, this is, and this is Bay City without the role, really, isn't it? It's got, like, just plods, like a sort of very late John Lennon track, you know, in this kind of, um, but it is interesting, the only interesting thingon track, you know, in this kind of... The only interesting thing is actually, he is actually looking quite kind of modernistic and sort of in the way that he looks. And people were beginning to get away from the kind of...

I mean, some of the colours could still take your eyes out, but sort of trousers are beginning to get a bit tapered, hair is just getting that bit shorter. And it's just people are still, you know, it's all pre-punk, but it's very much sort of post-glam, post sort of spangly, flares you know in terms of the look certainly in britain at any at any rate um it's kind of basic city rollers isn't it i guess very good but yeah it's um hey that's what i'm here for um yeah it's just the the kind of I know I always put things through this filter of creepiness, but it's a bit creepy. Just put, you know, this is sort of the intro to this,

and obviously it being an old song, it is a bit of a throwback. Just kind of bong, these kind of very portentous bells, and it's like, hang on, what's the... Described by Taylor in an earlier episode as monk rock but i know but what's his what's his game though again staring directly into the camera in a way that is that is faintly unsettling and and saying as it was in the beginning so it must be in the end don't let a lover become just a friend it's like ah yeah you know that that's what are you gonna and then you know he doesn't quite follow through on this but it is it you know like there's so many songs that seem to be romantic and then when you actually

take a second look at them they're just about stalkers going i'm gonna stalk you yeah you're getting stalked there's nothing you can do about it yeah and this is quite you know the lyrics of this are quite quite disturbing it's kind of like you know love will last forever or else yes it's very much the male gaze isn't it and quite literally in this respect well i mean mid you mid you're not not an especially threatening man but uh i suppose but of course men don't have to be sort of physically sometimes the most dangerous ones are actually quite they they look quite inoffensive at first glance and then it's like but but it's like they will not you know well i'm leaving now i i don't think so so um so yeah sorry you see how how do you're just getting insight into how kind of depressing it is to be to be a lady sometimes but you know you have to hand it to midget that like you said there is this kind of

naked opportunism of just kind of you know trying one thing and then another before settling on something, which I kind of, you know, I have a degree of respect for that. It's, you know, he's kind of trying to find his oeuvre. And I quite like the, yes, just the sheer intensity. He's there kind of hugging his guitar neck against his face. And, you know, but yeah, it is men. It sounds like, you know, men giving other men romantic advice generally never ends well.

I mean, this is an obvious attempt by Phil Coulter and Bill Martin to create the new rollers. At this point in time, it's looking very successful, isn't it? Why didn't it work? Two words, Al. Jolly rotten. Is it because Midure is no Les McEwan? Yeah, I think this is it. It's this Uranus, as I say, that just comes back.

I mean, it seems to have... Although it kind of worked, obviously, with Ultravox. You know, maybe that kind of sort of sullen intensity was more suited to synth pop. But no, I think if it's... You know, there was never a slick mania. You're not going to kind of, you know, have jazz cartoons about sort of, you know,

slick concerts and sort of like teedy-bottlers and police grumbling to each other and the helmets are askew and what have you. I mean, it's just yeah, it's just going to happen. It's just the buzz just isn't there. I mean, their look, the look they've gone for is old school

kind of like late 50s, early 60s baseball shirts. And, you know, they're supposed to be this kind of like Hell's Kitchen street gang or something like that. Well, you know, how can young teenage girls make an old school baseball shirt? Yeah, yeah. You know, how hard

is that going to be in comparison to getting the mum to put a little bit of tartan down the trouser legs yeah they look like time travelers from a kevin costner movie actually don't they it's uh it's very odd yeah it's uh it's also a little bit uh you know harking back to uh chart music 28 again which was uh where we had the friends theme i'll be there for you and i said this is a kind of like the Friends theme in hell. It's like if Friends was set in, you know, in an apartment owned by Satan, this is how it would, you know, it's just quite a creepy, romantic tune.

And it's essentially glam rock slowed right down, isn't it? If you put this on your record player and turned it up to 78, you'd have a pretty decent Wombles B-side. It's got that... That kind of thing. If you turned it down to 33 or even 17, do you remember the 17 setting that was exclusively for raw recordings? We had 16 and a half, I think.

Or something like that, yeah. There or thereabouts, yeah. I mean, then you'd have a sort of very decent joy division b-side maybe yes oh damn you 45 rpm so is there anything else to say about this at this point um i'm getting uh i'm wondering when the first person to mouth help me into the camera is going to be these people just looking so uncomfortable help me into the camera is going to be people just looking so uncomfortable, like look into the camera, do it. Yeah, are they blinking in Morse code or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the following week forever and ever rocketed 10 places to number two, stayed there for two weeks and then knocked Mamama Mia by Abba off the top spot and stayed there for a week before being usurped by December 63 by the Four Seasons. See kids it does get better. The follow up Requiem got to number 24 in May of this year. Their

only other hit which Taylor pretty much murdered in a previous episode of Chalk Music. I dedicate to you all my love, my whole life to you. I love you. That was slick and forever and ever. Here are some young ladies I've admired many times in my little armchair at home. I've admired their grace and beauty of movement. And I can promise you that in the flesh,

they're even lovelier. Pans people dancing to this week to Paul Davison's Midnight Rider. Crumpet time, eh? Oh, yes. Did it? Points out that he's been sitting at home and lusting after pans people for years now and he's finally got to meet them in the flesh oh it's disgusting now he's made it to top of the

pops he can confirm that they're just as lovely as you think they are as he introduces them dancing to midnight rider by paul donaldson born in jamaica year, sorry about that, Paul Davidson was a white reggae singer and harmonica player who specialised in session work and whose only previous release was an LP loaded with Beatles covers. Then in 1975, he recorded this version of the 1973 Allman Brothers song, which was recorded in Harry J Studios the previous year and produced by Pluto Shervington. After selling steadily in UK specialist reggae shops, it's crossed over into the charts and it's leapt up this week from number 25 to number 10

and Pan's people are on hand to emote to it. And oh my, what a performance this is. Blimey. Where do we we start who wants to start with this sarah the three main moves here as uh as you will observe are the horsey horsey um the yes horsey horsey don't you stop the choo-choo train and uh of course that old standard the money maker oh and sorry and also kind of garnished with a little Cowboy Six shooter as well, as is appropriate. Obviously, there's, you know, the Pans people really had to, you know, it was kind of abstract signage, wasn't it? It was instead of, you know, if you didn't have somebody signing, you would have Pans people to kind of give you, you know, give the hearing impaired a flavour of the lyrics of the song.

If only they did that now. That'd be fucking brilliant. Like on Jeremy Kyle. Have you ever seen Jeremy Kyle with someone in the corner signing it? It's fucking brilliant. Oh, no, it's so good. They have to sort of sign out, you used a Toffee Crisp rapper as a Johnny and stuff like that.

You can see that. It's amazing. And they love it as well. Imagine that being your job it would be fucking amazing I'd be very you know

I can't imagine how hard it is but just amazing there's a woman as well at the moment I've seen clips of who kind of signs at hip hop shows did we talk about this last time

no we didn't no but but yeah she's fucking amazing oh she's superb yeah I've seen her do public anime and just

yeah I mean they have you know there are this is a thing now that is happening at sort of pop shows as well,

but yeah, pop and hip hop. And I think there's this one woman who does it and, oh, it's so good

and you just watch her because she's getting so into it. And the really ironic thing is the only Public Enemy song that she can't do any signing to because it's an instrumental

is Terminator X talks with his hands. Ah. Ah. Feel the irony. The irony irony um but yeah so fans people good lord i i say this as a yes i don't think yeah obviously i kind of curled my lip a bit it's like oh i've been admiring these ladies from the comfort of my armchair and i was like yes did he come on um. From his little armchair. You know, just sitting there with a glass of something. I could just see him in this tiny little armchair

with his legs all splayed out and his arms hanging over the side. Possibly not hanging over the side, actually. However, I did also myself on this occasion enjoy their, what did he say, their grace and beautiful movement. And my heterosexuality slid another few points what am I going to say they're fucking hot and they've got

tiny they've got tiny starry pants on and kind of sequin tops and cowboy hats and they're essentially the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders made out of quality street rappers aren't they yes they are yeah exactly and so that's the thing is i do have to and i'd love to unwrap them but i have to you know i i do have to i can i can sit

here and go how disgusting and you objectify women all the time um but then i also have to acknowledge that women are sexy and i i like looking at them and so i understand that you know it must be quite difficult for men to have to to to have to kind of reign reign in the drool and go well you can't do that these are human beings etc but that's the point this is the clearly the point of pan's people i just can't believe that i i can't believe how how sexy this, like how they were, you know. You could just have it. So what time was this going out? You know, half seven or eight or whatever.

This would have been about quarter to eight. It's rude. It's rude. I mean, I can't imagine what it must be like, you know, for a sort of, you know, this is just kind of it launched a thousand kind of sexual awakenings. Yeah. I mean, you've mentioned a lot of their dance moves, Sarah. I want to chuck in that we get a lot of arse work.

A lot of arse work. A lot of furtive looking about for the hellhows on their trail. And yes, the pretend pony riding was immaculate. The horsey horsey, as I'm now going to call it forever, does give me a little bit... There's something about that that squicks me out slightly because it's that childishness. It's whenever you get that sort of, like,

women kind of doing a sort of kid move always makes you go, hmm. But, you know, in a way that just a a simple ass shake doesn't because that's an appropriate adult thing so i think there's there's a little there's a few kind of you know things being wired together that probably shouldn't be in in that you know and because it's not yeah but um but yeah they they do obviously they do it very well i don't want to pick out individuals but dd the face on her is fucking brilliant. You can always tell when they're dancing to a song they like

and she is just gurning ecstatic. So she got married to Ken Dodd's silly nephew? Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous isn't it? What is it about men punching so far above their weight?

He would have had to get on it? No, that's not fair actually That's really not fair but come on Do you think he offered to lock on his organ or something? Yeah Very good, very good. I mean I've talked in the past about the kind of sexless

sexism as it were about Japan's people. There is something kind of as if they are observing, You know, they're kind of blatantly objectified. They're condescended to, they're leered at or whatever. But the actual routines of us have actually been a sort of raunchinessness. You know, there's a raunchinessness about them as if they have to observe a strict

BBC code about the kind of movements that they're allowed to make. But this definitely is distinctly raunchier than some of their previous performances. I mean, this is not Get Down. David, you like. We're a long way from Get Down, Gilbert O'Sullivan here,

and the literal interpretations. I mean, they are definitely a little bit... In this performance, they are really kind of pushing it a little bit. And yeah, they are kind of enjoying themselves. It's funny, that bit when David Hamilton says, I can promise you that in their flesh, they're even lovelier.

I mean, yes, my toes curled like yours did. I don't know what you think, though. Everything about, whenever you see Pan's people, whether it's an interview or whatever, it's one of those retro shows, whatever, I Heart 1974 or whatever, they do seem like genuinely lovely people. I had to put up with all of that kind of,

that awful sort of leering condescension throughout their career. Probably, you know, and it's probably pretty hard work being a Pans person or whatever, you know, those quick sort of turnarounds. Flip Colby was probably not. I can imagine having been a bit of a martinet. I don't know, maybe that's not fair. I'm sure that they extract a lot of fun from it

and are very proud and pleased about what they do, but they seem like really nice people. If you're going to sort of go and have a drink with something, like with, you know, you'd much rather it be with of all the people involved and say top of the pops you would much rather it be a drink with the former pans people than say a bunch of the old djs of that era and what a kind of twisted lecherous sort of horrible embittered you know it's the simon bates it's the noel edmonds whatever you know who would you rather have a drink with? The mail house or Pans people,

and it's Pans people by just such a massively long story. Yeah, and as I have wanged on about before, you can't necessarily, it can be quite patronising to assume exploitation or assume discomfort on the part. It's like, that was a job. It's better than stacking shelves, and they probably look back on it with pride. Yeah, I'm sure it was an incredibly hard job

but they're kind of yeah and they ended up just being this kind of institution but one odd thing what a strange thing when you think about it it's like yeah we're just going to have some women caper about now I suppose it's quite a standard

thing you know women dancing and being nice to look at. But it does look, now I never get over it, like how kind of odd it looks in the middle of everything else on top of the pops. The song. I fucking love this song, man. It might just be my favourite song that I've heard on chart music so far. I've had this in my life for

fucking decades my next door neighbor john flynn i've talked about him before i'll talk about him again he was a a doler even in the mid 70s but he also had a mobile disco on the side he had a uh he had a white transit van with uh with john flynn's mobile disco on it and i think i've mentioned this before but for years and years and years i assume he just went out in his van with a turntable in the passenger seat and all these people were being thrown about in the back of the transit van while they were trying to dance and being hit in the head with a glitter ball um during the summer and even when it wasn't the summer and it wasn't raining, he would get his sound system out and blast non-stop Judge Dredd and reggae.

He fucking loved his reggae. So all the kids would be hanging around over the bars of the choppers and everything, just pissing themselves laughing up with a cock and, you know, Big Seven and all that kind of stuff. The other thing about John Flynn was, while he was doing this mobile disco thing and everything, he was also knocking off the woman next door. And we knew absolutely nothing about it until they had a big falling out. And one day he got his sound system out

and he just played records and got the microphone in and broadcast to the entire estate what him and her had been getting up to. I miss this. I miss this because I was around my non-ars, he was joining the school oddities, but the repercussions her son who was in the arm air came back off leave and they had this amazing

fucking series of fights in the street oh god it was glorious, it was just proper old school bundling of the highest quality and uh yeah that you could see the whole street just looking out the windows with you know with packets of crisps in their hands and there was one bloke who actually got his tea out and put it on the window ledge and was eating it while he was watching this fight it was fucking brilliant that's kind of a great british tradition that been lost now, isn't it?

Because, you know, if you see a fight... You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I'm just trying to think, like, have I seen something like that in my lifetime, which is sort of a fight that you're not really worried is going to turn nasty. But it's, you know... I did see a woman just a few years ago. I saw a woman and a bloke having a blazing row

and the woman picked up and wielded a bin at him. Wow. Like an empty bin, but still she was going to, you know. Wheelie bin, obviously. Like a sort of a large trash can, you know. So not like an entire wheelie bin, but like a big, you know, like a big black kind of trash can. Yeah.

And kind of held it over her head and I thought she was going to wang it at him and she didn't, but I was really impressed with it. I almost went up and was like, actually, I checked that she was okay because then,

you know, it's like, what's going on here? But I think she probably would have won to be honest. Kind of ended badly for Ode Flinner. He got a terminal, he just went bacher

and he ended up with a terminal illness and the last time anyone saw him he went to the local garage and he bought every single bunch of flowers in it, must have cost him a fortune and he went round to all the women on the street and knocked on the door gave them a bunch of flowers and said

I'm really sorry if I was ever any trouble to you while I lived round here Oh my god, are you kidding? What? Fuck, so he went and atoned for everything he'd ever done, he just tried any trouble to you while I lived round here. Oh, my God. Oh, are you kidding? What? Beautiful. No. Yeah. Fuck.

So he went in like a tone for everything he'd ever done. He just tried to... Man, a lot... Why would you tell us this? Oh, my God. Well, because it's the rich tapestry of life, and that song's reminded me of it. So, you know. Yeah.

The power of music. In terms of mass brawls, the only one I ever saw, and it was at Melody Maker, and the offices at Melody Maker were on High Hope and offices at Shaftesbury Theatre. And very nearby was St Mungo's, which is like, you know, where a lot of homeless people,

whatever, you know, stay. And there was a sort of traffic island directly opposite the window. And I hesitate to tell, it's almost like chortling at the homeless, but there was this mass brawl that broke out that lasted fully an hour and everybody just sort of like put down late and stop what they were doing is and and just went out to the window and just we just watched in awe it was like a kind of mobile moving brogillian spectacle of just like

you know i mean no one was really hurting each other you know it's all that kind of you know people just wailing value but it went on for an hour you know it subsided and then it kind of like picked up again and there were kind of individual micro fighting going on the whole time and it was and it was just a mag i wish i truly wish i'd been able to record it because it was just the most magnificent it wasn't it's awesome spectacle people kind of making up and like you know best pal and they start fighting again. I, you know, it's, you know, we should have had a whip round and gone around and give them a tenner. Yeah.

That was pretty mean, actually, not to, you know, because it was just an afternoon's magnificent entertainment. Yeah, I feel really bad about it. Yeah, why don't we, we should have had a whip round, you know, and gone out and paid them. So, yeah, I feel bad about that, actually, but it was magnificent. My definition of a good mass brawl is that when you see the video footage of it, if it goes really well to the theme tune to Pop Black, then it's up there. Yeah, yeah. Seriously, Pop Black is the best mass brawl music ever. Try it out, kids.

Go on. Find some video of people fighting and then open up another tab and put on the theme tune to Pop Black. Splendid Evening's Entertainment, that is. This is the mother of all digressions, this one. It is, but fuck it, that's what we do. But this is one song he played all the time

and I fucking loved it then. I love it now. Yeah. I hate the original. Willie Nelson did a cover and I hate that as well. This has got no right to be as brilliant as it is, but it just fucking is. Yeah, that's great.

Yeah. I, you know what? I, I, I was listening to charts pretty closely at the time and yet this, this completely passed me by at the time. So it's actually a revelation this Glenn Campbell

meets Bob Marley thing it was yeah it does work because I actually had to go back and listen to it twice because you know

who can listen to their record with that marvellous display of crumpet yes totty but no I'm just glad they hadn't

really proper notes in it but it's yeah it's definitely a standout tune in what has so far been a bit of a lacklustre musical selection, definitely. Oh, it's the highlight of the show by a long chalk. The thing that really fucks me off, it gets cut short again right through that guitar solo that I fucking love because this was I think this was around the time that Bob Marley had got was he called Junior Marvin the American guitarist to do a few

rock licks over his tunes and that and it just works but this this is better than anything Bob Marley was doing in that style you know with the rock licks and it's yeah it's fucking amazing.

I do believe it's one of the greatest pop reggae songs ever. Fair. And of course the other thing, the other thing, great thing about it, it reminds me of the wrestler, the Midnight Rider, who was Dusty Rhodes, who was banned

from working in his federation for, I don't know, branding someone or doing something naughty. And he came back as a midnight rider and he just had the same ridiculous southern accent and he was still a big fat fucker, but he just had a mask over him. And everyone else, all the baddies were going,

oh, that's Dusty Rhodes, that's Dusty Rhodes. And he's like, no, he's the Midnight Rider. He can't be. How can it be Dusty Rhodes? He's got a mask on. So yeah, that makes me love this song even more as well. So yes, well done, everybody involved in this record. And a special well done to Pant People.

Superior arsework, ladies. They are, yeah. The other thing, of course, is they're doing it under a blood moon, which is quite apt. It's the only fucking blood moon we got to see that fucking weekend wasn't it? So the following week Midnight Rider dropped

down to number 12. Stupid British cunts. And the follow up a reggae cover of Glen Campbell's Rhinestone Cowboy failed to chart and yeah not as good at all, to be honest. However, he earned enough money from the record to open up his own studio in Kingston. And a week later, Midnight Rider became the first ever number one single in the first ever UK reggae chart. You never loved me

But them broken dreams Got to leave This is a song about a naughty lady, an evil woman, and it comes to you from the Electric Light Orchestra. Hey woman, you got the blues Cos you ain't got no one else to do As we crash immediately into the next song, Dede tells us that it's about a naughty lady,

an evil woman, and it comes to you from the Electric Light Orchestra. Sarah, stepping back. Naughty lady would be a better title. There really should be a song called Naughty Lady, shouldn't there? There must be. There must be. Probably an instrumental or something.

I love that he makes that, that's like the equivalent, you know, it's like a naughty lady and or an evil woman. Like, you know, they're quite, I think. It's like, was he sat at home watching the news about Myra Hindley and going, oh, she's a naughty lady. But yeah, I mean, God. Beverly Alex killed all those kids. What a naughty lady.

Yeah, what a slightly misbegotten strumpet. Yeah, it's, I don't hate ELO. I think that's sort of the musical equivalent of a Werther's original. It's like they're quite, you know, there's just... Hello, Simon. There's a slightly stuffy but, you know, creamy, comforting sound that they have. Yeah, my first thing that I noticed about this,

is the cellist sitting on a sort of snazzy shooting stick? I think he is, you know. I'm slightly worried about the kind of health and safety implications of this because, you know, you're going to, like, how many, you know, what kind of feat of concentration is that trying to, you know. Couldn't they get him a chair? Did he want a chair? He's a cellist.

He spent years, you know learning this this this complex instrument and and honing a craft get him a fucking stool to sit on for christ's sakes he shouldn't have to i mean it is a metal thing and it does look like a stool but it's a really weird it's a shooting stick it's like when you know when you're at school and you lean back and you and your mates see how far you can lean back without falling over and banging your head. It's that kind of thing, isn't it? But yes, Jeff Lynn, as you pointed out, not wearing his shades. The thing is, there is a picture of a dog on the internet

that looks like Jeff Lynn. So now whenever I see Jeff Lynn, I just always think of that lovely, some sort of poodle cross like everything is now. In double denim. Yeah with in double denim yeah in double denim yeah um so yeah i don't um i don't hate this like there are some bands who i don't hate and it's partly because um i i enjoy like the spitting fury of other people who really hate them and it's just like i don't mind it i'm afraid talking of which

david right yeah um first of all i mean it's the sequencing is interesting you know you can just imagine something like my granddad you know seven days jankers whatever sitting through sant pan's people whatever and stirred in all kind of unfamiliar disconcerted ways you know as they really push back the envelope of raunch. With their arses. This comes up. Yeah, exactly. And then the next thing, you know, we're back down into the world of the evil woman. And I'm going, yeah, that's right. Bloody strumpets, a lot of them. Down to their knickers.

There's a sort of, you know, it's almost some sort of, like, counter-reaction to misogyny, you know, after this kind of, after having been kind of, you know, led astray at the loins, you know, by the previous ones. So it's an interesting bit of sequence in there, you know. I mean, it has to be evil woman in this. It's the trouble with the word woman, isn't it?

This is a classic example of woman and pejorative. It was, you know, if Cliff Richard recorded Devil Lady, it wouldn't have had the same impact. Yeah, me and Pricey are often having kind of, we often exchange words about ELO because, you know, he thinks they are, you know, a banger machine, as it were. And I'm not really, you know, apart from the fact that the drummer's a Tory,

Bev Vevan, never endeared me to them. But it was also, to be honest, it was the subs wars in the 70s, the late 70s. My brother was a big ELO fan and was only one record player. And I wanted to put on like Stevie Wonder, I wanted to put on Faust and Sun Ra. And he was always kind of coming in.

He was bloody out of the blue by ELO. So I think I kind of built up a resent from that. I mean, it was a very competitive household was ours. I mean, my two younger brothers, my God. I mean, you know, this is the sort of things that would happen on a daily basis. You know, like one time they're coming in from school and they both got the coach back from the conference school and the boston spa and and they both knew there was a tin of peaches waiting for them in the larder and they both desperately want that tin of peaches

so they come like like you know like sort of coming rushing around the corner you know like neck and neck you know and struggling the door you know like piling into the kitchen my brother nick manages to get the tin of peaches first, right? My brother Tony is having none of it, so he grabs a golf club, whacks it around the head with it. Fuck! It's just one of those cartoon things where, you know, like Bottom, where these extraordinary acts of violence have no consequences.

The tussle for the peaches goes on. That was the kind of rivalry you know like you know yeah the space and that's like that's what it's going to be in tesco's when brexit kicks in everyone absolutely i remember 1980 exactly and 1980 one time and i was just about to watch alan wells um in the in the olympics 200 meters and my brother was back and slow for his paper round and he was ringing at the door you know the race was about to start

he's like fuck off he should have got here earlier and he's ringing because he's desperate to see it as well and then there's a false start you know

so we're going to go and open the door and he says why didn't you open the door waxley punches me full in the face I punch him

fucking full in the face and we sit down that's the last fist fight I've had basically you know full punched in the face you know

that's uh we get on great now. We all get on great. We're lovely, lovely lads. Yeah, sound it. But the ELO wars were, you know, they were pretty bitter and, you know, borderline violent. So, you know, I'm afraid that probably sort of does tarnish my view of them. Also, that John Lennon once said,

and I think they said that John Lennon once said about the Beatles, he said if the Beatles had carried on, they'd be like ELO. And I think Jeff Lindt took it as a compliment. But I always read it as him saying, that's why we knocked it on the head. We didn't want to end up like that. Well, seeing as Simon's not here, I'm going to tech up for him

because this song's fucking brilliant, to my mind. Yeah, I like this. And I'm not the world's biggest ELO head at all, but I do love this song. And I think I would have loved it more if i'd have seen a video or pants people being a bit evil yeah yeah also that that's what it needed it didn't need puffy eye jeff and his trampy mates there's there's a fun that sitting on sticks it needed it needed

it needed satanic pants people action i think and also there's a really pleasing dissonance between the concept of an evil woman and the way that this kind of very mild mannered way in which she's an evil woman it's so sweet and it's like

you do wonder how it probably doesn't take a lot of evil to make them go, oh, oh, no, she's not very nice. You know, she's probably not that evil. She hid me sunglasses again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no, this is a good tune.

I'm just checking the lyrics to see what evil she gets up to. Yeah, where is she? So on the spectrum, on the spectrum between naughty lady and evil woman. You destroyed all the virtues that the lord gave you good god that basically skanked him for his money you know buying her shoes and all that kind of stuff she doesn't owe him anything now he's got no money she's fucked off you destroyed all the virtues the lord gave you that sounds like gladstone dressing down a prostitute doesn't it yes yes it really does doesn't it come is a bit, you know, hey, why don't you put, you know, I've bought you, I've got you a nice steak dinner. Now, why don't you put out?

Yeah. Gullible man. That's what the song should be, isn't it? So the following week, Evil Woman jumped four places to number 10, its highest position. The follow-up, Knight Rider, failed to chart and they'd have to wait until the end of the year for their next big hit,

Living Thing. That's another banger, that is. That's the Electric Light Orchestra. Imagine if they got together with 5,000 volts, what a record that would be. Actually, here's David Ruffin and a clip from the American version of Soul Train and Walk Away From Love. It's not that I don't love you You know how much I do And it's not that I found someone

To take the place of you Did it? Surrounded by two women with wavy blonde hair And matching denim waistcoats Make some crappy electricity related joke Before introducing a clip from the American version of Soul Train, as opposed to the Albanian version or the Welsh one. It's Walk Away From Love by David Ruffin. Born in Wynott, Mississippi in 1941, David Ruffin was a member of a family gospel group

before he left home at the age of 15 and moved to Arkansas and started singing with the Soul Sturrs and the Dixie Hummingbirds. A year later he joined his brother Jimmy in Detroit working for Ford and recording for local labels until he moved in with Barry Gordy's dad and helped to build Hitsville USA, the Motown headquarters. In 1964 he became a member of the Temptations originally as a backing singer but when Smokey Robinson was contracted as a songwriter he put Ruff in front and center for the single My Girl which got to number one in America in March of 1965. After that he became the official face of the Temptations but by 1967 he'd developed a cocaine habit, started missing gigs, demanded that he should get a name credit a la Diana Ross and the Supremes, started to hassle

Motown for a full accounting of their finances and demanded his own fur-lined limo so he could travel alone to gigs. After he skipped a concert in 1968 to watch a performance by his latest girlfriend, Dean Martin's daughter, Ruffin was sacked by the band but he would still turn up at gigs, jump up on stage, take the mic from his replacement Dennis Edwards and steal the show. This led to him being reinstated to the group but when he didn't bother to show up for his comeback gig, they knobbed him off for good. This led to a round of suing and counter-suing between Ruffin and Motown, which led to him staying on the label and beginning a solo career in 1969,

which led to him becoming a regular fixture on the US R&B charts, but he had no luck at all in the UK until now. This single, the follow-up to Superstar, Remember How You Got Where You Are, which did nothing here in 1975, was produced by Van McCoy, who got to number three with Do The Hustle in July of last year, has got to number nine in America, and has become his first number one on the US R&B charts.

And it's a new entry this week at number 29. And we're treated to a clip of him performing it on Soul Train, the American version. Yeah. I mean, my heart leapt, you know, when I saw it was going to be a Soul Train clip. I mean, Windows became widely available on YouTube, and I just gobbled them up.

It's just the sort of magnificent contrast between the audiences at the top of the pops, so just all these kind of sad, red-faced little you know, sort of drones who've been busting under sufferance, you know, just kind of move with this kind of Mogadon resentment. And then you've just got the

moves busted by everybody in the crowd at Soul Train. It's magnificent. I may be wrong, but is that, may or may not be, is that Jodie Watley down at the front as well? Could well be. She was one of the greats. Yeah, and she started very young dancing on Soul Train. Yes. She might

just be in there at the front, or somebody who looks very similar to how she would have looked at that time, definitely. And, you know, dancing particularly finely. David Ruffin, I mean, you know, yeah, yeah magnificent voice but what a tit of a man yeah i was going that's a that's a hell of a story arc isn't it the um you know that's some of the most cocaine stuff i've ever heard that that kind of uh that that kind of like you know

the fur-lined limo and and the cocaine and the grabbing the microphone off your replacement and and the more cocaine that's just you know yeah how much more cocaine could that be um but yeah and you wouldn't you wouldn't necessarily think to look at him either he's kind of you know he looks he looks like a real pro up there but yeah there is something about soul train isn't there when you see that and it does it does illustrate the difference between um between us and us in america in terms of kind of just the commitment to production and the ease with which you know that the the just the lack of awkwardness really about like here's a guy you know we're going to put someone on a stage we're

going to have some people dancing we're going to move the camera around in this very there's a very leisurely way that the camera moves and just kind of takes in the scene and uh it's just it on the face of it it's not that different to top of the pops but there's just this kind of qualitative um difference that you know they they might as well be on different planets yeah and it's not even at all black americans are better at dancing than white british people because there's some you know there's some white lads in that soul train audience as well and they're a lot better than our lot. I think the great thing about it is that the audience at Soul Train, they

understand that they're a key part of the show and they're kind of the stars. But I mean, you know, Top of the Pops audiences at a certain point, perhaps in the early 80s, got a bit kind of deely-boppery. You know, you get these kind of annoying, wacky extroverts that kind of crop up on the show. But there's none of that. You know, they're just being stars. You know, it's qualitative, as Sarah said.

You know, they understand that, you know, they've got a vital role in the show and they're doing it. Yeah, but there isn't the kind of the mugging or the trying to break out of it. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. None of that. And trying to get attention. It's like they understand that they've got... And that's the thing is like people kind of don't understand.

If you have a minor role and you accept that you're actually more likely to be noticed than if you, you know, sort of try to try to sort of push the boundaries of that. Build up your part. Yeah. Yeah. So,

I mean, before we get into the song, we've got, we've got to mention the introduction that Diddy gives off because we finally see what's on his jumper. It's been fucking bothering me all episode. He's got summer on that jumper. And I had no idea what it was.

Sarah, you spotted it immediately, didn't you? Yeah, I was puzzling over this myself. I thought it was a very jolly sort of cherry red jumper that he has on. It looks like, you know, like the knitting machines you used to get, like brother knitting machines? Yes. Yeah on it looks like you know like the knitting machines you used to get like brother knitting machines yes that were yeah it looks like it's been made well i'm knowing nothing about knitting but it has that kind of slightly uh kind of that slightly odd look where it's not like hand knitted but it's you can't quite tell what it is this is almost sort of eight bit kind of pixelated thing and it's like there's a white c-fax isn't it yeah yeah and

so there's a white bit and a black bit but you couldn't quite see the camera wouldn't quite like and i thought it's a face you know i thought it was like a victorian miniature either that or kind of his his his sweater is actually haunted i was like you know he's being there's the kind of the spirit of the wrestler spirit of you know mrs lc botheringotherington is kind of clinging to his chest and somehow telling him what to say about ladies. Like the Camais logo or something. Yeah, it looked like that. And then I realised, it's quite boring really,

but I realised by this point that actually it is a lady, but it's all the ladies. It's a lady with a parasol. It's a kind of Art Deco, I think it's a sort of art deco, sort of Renny McIntosh kind of image. I don't know why though. No, I've got no idea either. It's not very... It looks like

an unwanted Christmas present that he's got to wear. Yeah. Like his mum's had a go at him. She said, if you don't wear Auntie May's jumper on top of the pop she'll never speak to you again. She won't see another Christmas, you know. Yes. She's jumper on top of the pop, she'll never speak to you again. She won't see another Christmas, you know. Yes, yes. Yeah, she'll cut you out of her will, David.

Yeah, so maybe, you know, but it is just like that. That's quite a peculiar garment. It's not, you know, it's just a slightly odd thing to have on it. It's too small. Like, if you're going to do that you have to kind of go yeah go properly dramatic go home yeah but yeah it's it's a lady sort of with a pat it's probably a yeah it's a parasol um which i have to say um i've discovered in recent weeks um the uh i don't understand why the parasol has not caught on in the same way that the umbrella has um which is yeah yeah because

it's just an umbrella for when it's really hot and And, of course, we're not used to the heat. And it's really good to carry around a shade. And it is also chic. So, you know. Yes. So maybe that's a message that, you know, subliminally, it's like I want the ladies to not suffer from heat exhaustion or sunburn. Yes, from this heat wave we're going to have. Yeah, consider the parasol yeah

see he knew he knew i suspect that it's worn out absolute cluelessness myself but um yeah yeah you're probably right fair enough um but uh anyway the song i was just going to say just before that it may not be relevant to this particular track but just the the two women i mean it happens twice isn't it there's two women sort of flanking him but he can't do that horrible thing like putting his arms around or linking arms of them so it's very strange the way they kind of flank him at either side as if they're like a couple of members female members of the um stasi who are about to kind of you know after the intro is done they're going to escort him off for indefinite detention or something it's a very

strange maybe they've got an a board up at the front of the stage saying, have your photo taken with the ditty. 20p or something. Yeah, yeah. But the song? It's lovely. It's effortless. Yeah.

It's, you know, it's just the grain of his voice. And there's also, what's kind of lovely, is that there's a slight added sort of patina, an added sense of grain just from the sort of, because it's 40 years ago. Yes. And yeah, and you know, that alone I think for me is a sort of pleasure of the song.

I mean, to me it's not a very memorable song at all, but it's sung nicely enough and it's one of those, I mean we're not in the disco era, but it's one of those smooth disco songs that just slipped in and slipped out of the charts and then just made one appearance on top of the pubs it was never heard of again it's that sound though that as soon as you hear that you know things are going to be okay isn't it it's like there's that kind of sweetness and melancholy

to it um that just makes you go you know just makes you go yeah so the following week walk away from love jumped seven places to number 19 and would get as high as number 10 the follow-up heavy love failed to chart here and he never bothered the uk charts again however he and former temptations bandmate eddie kendricks linked up with daryl hall and john oats to open the refurbished har Apollo in 1985, which led to the four of them doing a temptations medley at Live Aid. But the partnership split up later that year when Daryl Hall kicked off about Ruffin's cocaine habit. After a failed attempt to reunite the temptations in the late 80s, David Ruffin died in 1991 at the age of 50 after a cocaine overdose.

What a waste. Number 29, here on the chart this week, that is David Ruffin, I've walked away from love. If you come from Bradford in Yorkshire, good old Bradford, these are your local stars, national stars, international stars. The sound of Smokey. Something's been making me blue. Did it. On his own again. Pins the blame squarely on Bradford for the next act. Smokey and something's been making me blue.

We've already covered Smokey in chart music number 23. And this, their fourth single, is the follow-up to Don't Play That Rock and Roll at Me. Which got to number 8 in October of 1975. It's kind of thing Hilda Ogden would say to Stan or something if Eddie Yates had brought some Shawoddy Woddy albums back off the round. Like all their other singles, it's been written by Nicky Chin and Mike Chapman,

and it's the lead-off single from their forthcoming LP, Midnight Cafe. Like the last Smokey single we picked at, Something's Been Making Me Blue is not in the chart yet, but they're being waved straight through into Top of the Pops. Obviously someone's giving them a bit of a rub here, aren't they? And why? I can't explain it. The thing is that his, I think,

it's because his voice is got, it's almost a little bit Rod Stewart, almost a little bit Joe Cocker. Yes. But it just doesn't, and he's obviously kind of been told that and it's like, oh, he's sort of leaning right into it, but it just doesn't quite sit right in the ear, does it? It's like, I don't know,

there's an unpleasant texture to it. It's kind of like mildewed Velcro somehow. There's like a sort of scratchy, scratchy kind of, yeah like i don't know there's an unpleasant texture to it it's kind of like mildewed velcro somehow there's like a sort of scratchy scratchy kind of yeah i don't know because i like a i like a sort of fulsome you know throaty throaty voice but it's never but also it doesn't you know there's there's there's kind of times when he when he does that and then he goes into the sort of wheedle in between times and And it's just, it's not nice. And I don't think they've got any special pop chops either. So, yeah, no. David? No, I mean, it's just awful.

From your neck of the woods. Absolutely. I mean, and I hated it at the time. You know, the West Ride and West Yorkshire in the 1970s. I just could not wait to get out of the place. And something about Smokey sort of epitomises the sort of miserableness of West Yorkshire in the 70s at that time.

Yeah, it's so important about this singing. The idea of a throat full of phlegm, you know, it's grit and honesty. And it's just clearly a fucking throat. Good album, Mark. Yeah. You know, and it's just, there's something about them, they just bring me down,

every chord change just takes you down this kind of cobbled street of churlish tedium. I mean, and it's just the sort of pit pony. Where kids eat cheap beef burgers so they can afford Legionited tracksuits. Absolutely. This is it. It's the sort of the pit pony,

Billy Bremner sort of, violent misery of West Raleigh. It just sort of violent misery of like West Rhine-Urlaan just sort of exudes that somehow you know, despite there's something kind of innocuous about them, you know, at the same time there's a sort of ockuousness of these girls, just the kind of They're a bit ocky. Yeah, or well ocky

See that's not a northern thing but it does sound, because obviously it's a, you know it would be icky, I suppose. Or eck, oh, eck, oh, ecky thump. Yeah. But, you know, they are a bit ocky. I can hear it now, they're a bit ocky.

But, I mean, obviously I didn't grow up in West Yorkshire in the 70s. I grew up in West Yorkshire in the 80s, which I don't think was substantially better in a lot of ways. No, not fair. And, yeah, I totally, it doesn't. Yeah, sorry to any of the Pop Crazy youngsters listening in Yorkshire. I like you,

even though you hate me because I'm from Scabtown. I love going back to Yorkshire now. I love going back to Yorkshire. It's great now. It was,

you know, it's a different kind of place, different vibe. Yeah, no, we're talking about a very specific time

and a very specific place, I think. But yeah, it's, no, it's not. You got out of that world didn't you it's true look we've got enough culture wars on enough fronts let's not but god oh god listen to my

listen to my voice though like as soon as we start talking about it I just like my voice does a different thing and I have to like wrestle it back back south but no Bradford should not be so proud of And I have to like wrestle it back, back south. But no, Bradford, Bradford should not be so proud of Smokey. Bradford has more to recommend it than Smokey, I think, because he makes much of going Bradford, local stuff, you know,

local stars, local heroes, international. It's like, stop, stop now, did he? Stop it. Yeah. We're not. Yeah, I hate it when they do that because the implication is, oh, you know, this band, they actually come from somewhere like bradford and it sounds like they're afflicted it's like i don't know if it's just me but every time someone from someone famous from nottingham's mentioned they always say that they're from nottingham like torval and dean you know it was

always nottingham's jane torvald and Christopher Dean as if coming from Nottingham was such a hideous affliction that they struggled to overcome no but you don't and I think this is what he's doing here it's like I was saying before about patriotism though it's the same with if you are it's quite suspicious when you identify

really closely with where you're from in that way it doesn't often lead to anything good. It doesn't usually make for good art. I mean, it depends. Sometimes you can be very distinctively of a place and there's this kind of heady thing where you really communicate the essence of a place

to people who might not know it or to people who do know it. But there's a way of it. It's like the professional Yorkshireman thing, though, isn't it it's like smoky kind of doing doing that a bit and it's that you know that assumption that like well because we're from this place that means we're we're genuine and we're gritty and we've got this going for us and that going for us it's like well not necessarily why don't you oh they sing the mind, don't they? Ah! Yeah, that thing, you know. I'll say it now. I'll say this for them.

They do sing the mind. In quite an unpleasant way. None of us like Smokey. I would be interested to hear a robust defence of Smokey that I could then knock down. But, yeah. I mean, we're seeing a lot of the kids here aren't there and they're it's extremely school disco they're dancing to an undanceable song yeah it's quite a nothing song isn't it yeah i mean it wasn't until like

the early 80s when it was at the audience were actually allowed to just stand there and listen to the music i mean you you see it in you see it in some of the really slow songs, you know, like Lydia by Dean Friedman and all that kind of stuff. But anything that's got the slightest bit of a beat to it, I don't know if they're being forced to or it's just a Pavlovian reaction, but there's a lot of school disco swaying going on.

I don't mind a little bit of a school disco sway. It is quite, it is an awkward situation as we've, you know, and I'm sure, as I've probably said before, I think there'll be kids in that audience who have, you know, they're so excited to be there. And then as soon as they are there, it's like, oh my God, I'm actually going to be on telly. I'm not sure I like it.

Also, it's quite warm. All these people are a bit weird. The music's not loud enough or, you know, and I've got to do something. So it's, you know, I don't, it's got to do something. So I don't envy them, really. The following week, something's been making me blue. Entered the chart at number 43, entered the top 40 at number 30 the next week, and got as high as number 17.

The follow-up, Wild Wild Angels, failed to chart, but they roared back in October when I'll Meet You At Midnight got to number 11 in October of this year. Yes, I know it's making me blue and losing you Hey, that's Snarky, former record of the week of mine on Radio 1, so I got my fingers crossed it's going to be a hit. Song about a man with frostbite called Something's Been Making Me Blue.

Here's R&J Stone, currently standing at number 7 in the top 30, and a beautiful song called We Do It. Just when I think I'm getting tired of you again You turn right back and give her that special smile again Dede drops another shit joke and introduces a beautiful song called We Do It by R&J Stone. Born in Norwich in 1946, Russell Stone got his start in the music business at the age of 18 when he became a chorus boy with the Black and White Minstrels, before starting as a session singer and briefly joining the original incarnation of the Brotherhood of Man. After working with Henry Mancini and Giorgio Moroder, and working as a backing singer with Marvin Gaye,

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, he landed a job as a backing singer with Marvin Gaye, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, he landed a job as a backing singer for the world tour of the James Last Orchestra, where he met Joanne Williams, an American singer who had recently moved to London, and they later got married. After being introduced to his new wife's record collection and taking particular interest in the work of Ashford and Simpson, Stone wrote and demoed a string of songs after they were signed to rca they put out this single their debut and it's up this week from number 17 to number seven it's quite a dramatic uh beginning of a song isn't it for top of theops in this era. Russell's kind of standing there in glasses which can only be described as deirdre for men.

And he's standing alone as if he's waiting outside the carvery at the Crossroads Motel for his date, who may not be coming. And then at the end of the first verse, she ghosts in from the back of the stage with the longest microphone lead ever. Yeah, she sort of slinks out of the first verse, she ghosts in from the back of the stage with the longest microphone lead ever.

Yeah, she sort of slinks out of the shadows in this amazing, sort of plunging, long, white, diaphanous dress. Yes. And looking amazing and a very welcome kind of dramatic sight as well because he doesn't look like a pop star does he which is which which is fine not everybody does but she looks much more like he just looks like he's walked out of the stage of the comedians and onto top of the pops he looks to me like Carlos the Jackal in a very unconvincing disguise actually absolutely yes he does not really look in her league to be honest

but I mean actually the racial dynamic the racial mix there is you know and it's yes mixed race sure that maybe they've been kind of sort of you know paired together just to sort of the purpose of singing the song or whatever

but no yeah they were actually a couple and you know I mean that aspect of things is pretty cool it's um definitely there's there's kind of some interesting things going on here in terms of the uh the kind of the staging of it and and a lot of things about it a very sort of night at the palladium it's a very sort of traditional entertainment thing isn't it he's there in sort of a tux and whatnot and the way that they sort of sing to each other it's almost even at this point it's almost a bit of a throwback isn't it he's there in sort of a tux and whatnot and the way that they sort of sing to each other it's almost even at this point it's almost a bit of a throwback isn't it it's uh yeah um but um yeah and the the song itself is um i'd forgotten all about this song actually and then i i kind of and then i realized what it was and went oh oh god it's it goes on and

on and it's it's quite annoying and i was hoping actually because she's got her voices uh it's a bit diana ross but you know obviously as soon as you think of diana ross then it's you're going to come up short by comparison um is that quite sort of yeah quite quite a delicate voice you know um but it doesn't the the song i hate to use this phrase again but it's a bit of a nothing song isn't it I don't know I mean the thing is

yeah we have to point out that this is a mixed race couple he's white she's black not the kind of thing you see on Top of the Pops no in 1976

but what would it be like if it was the other way around if he was black and she was white would that be more of a problem? Yeah, racists would have more of a problem with that, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Racists and sexists, in fact, yeah. Yeah, indeed. All the guys, all those guys that we know and love. What about a month ago? It was the Christmas episode of Rising Damp, I believe. a bit a month ago. It was the Christmas episode of Rising Damp, I believe. Rigsby was, you know, was quite

up for one of Philip's friends and he assumed that she was a gift to him. Do you remember that episode? Philip said, oh, I've got something for you from Africa. And one of his friends turns up a black woman

and Rigsby assumes that that's his gift. You know, he bolts in and sees Philip and says, oh, thank you. Thank you very much. I can't believe you've done this for me. He says, oh, don't worry. I've got another 11 of them. So, yeah. So, you know, it was totally acceptable.

You could still be racist and still lust after black women. So this is all right. And we are two years away from the sitcom Mixed Blessings, remember. So, you know, this is still quite go-ahead. Yeah, definitely. And for some strange reason, I have this image of, like, a version of Abigail's Party in which these two are two extra guests. Somehow this might work.

But the fact that they go on there and, you know, that race actually wouldn't be kind of a big dominating factor. I don't know why I thought that. Maybe because there is something above and beyond the kind of go-aheadness, as you say. There is something rather quaintly 70s about them, even by 1976. You know, there's resonances of Matthias Rose and Formica and avocado vinaigrette and orange juice as a starter and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, the James Larson-ness of it, you know, that kind of kitsch element, that 70s kitsch element that's sort of really, really shining through.

The other quite go-ahead aspect is the fact that they do it. And, you know, even at my age, even at seven, I kind of twigged on to what they were going on about. I remember this being discussed on the playground. Have you heard that song called They Do It? And they sing it and they're doing it all the time all the time every night every day in every possible way daily and nightly and ever so rightly um ad infinitum um but that's the thing it's a very sexless song that's the thing it's there's an odd there's an extreme contrast there i feel between

what they're singing about between what they're singing about and how they're singing about it definitely it's really not sexy at all well I guess it's not supposed to be but it started to kind of get on my nerves after a while because it's just that kind of

it just doesn't add up they could be singing about stamp collecting really couldn't they it could work as an advert for B&Q or something like that well what are they talking about

well it could be you know this is an indefinite thing it could be anything we know though don't we it it the it are you getting enough of it

oh and the moon's back you might notice but this time it's silver yeah I like it I like a nice celestial nice celestial body in there, isn't it? And for Top of the Pops in the mid-70s, there's quite an expansive stage, isn't there? I don't know how they've done that.

They've had to do it on the floor or something. They've sort of shunted some things about and maybe got rid of a few of the kids, told a few of the kids to go outside and have a fag. Yeah, there's one or two still there just standing around not really knowing what to do bearing bearing witness to to the doing the doing of the it yeah yeah yeah anything else to say about this well basically basically the the point of this from from this perspective is it doesn't it's you know it's not really important what the the song is like the point that it's a the fact that it's a couple one of whom is black and the other is white

on top of the pops like this has got to be a good thing and the fact that it's, there's not a lot of ceremony about it, it's not been and Diddy hasn't kind of said anything awkward about it nobody feels awkward

can you imagine DLT oh god so that's you know and that's that's how things move on is when you present something as normal and you don't nobody makes a yes nobody makes a big fucking deal of it so the following week we do it stayed at number seven but the week after that it nipped up to number five its highest position the The follow-up, One Chance, failed to make the charts as did their next three singles. In 1979, Joanne Stone died from a brain tumour

and her husband took to alcohol but still stayed active backing the likes of Cliff Richard, Adamant and Twisted Sister. In 1983, he was offered a solo deal with Warner Brothers in Los Angeles, but he arrived at the airport drunk and bolted from the record company limo on his way to the offices. In 1992, he finally sought out for his alcoholism, cleaned up, retrained as a transpersonal psychotherapist,

and is still practicing today. And we do it. We got a lot of real love and a great perfection and we do it. What a lovely song. R.J. Stoner, We Do It. We do it every week. I do it tomorrow afternoon at 2 o'clock on Radio 1. We'll see you next week and we'll leave you with the number one song. See you for next week's Top of the Pops.

Goodbye. Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide You escape from reality Diddy goes on about doing it some more and signs off without even bothering to tell us what the number one single is. But he doesn't have to because it's the winter of

1975-76 so it could only be Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen formed in London in 1970 Queen of fucking Queen this single the follow up to Now I'm Here which got to number

11 in February of 1975, has its origins in a tune written by Freddie Mercury in the late 60s called The Cowboy Song, when he, Roger Taylor and Brian May were still in the band Smile. It was recorded in five separate studios in the autumn of 1975, and it took three weeks and over 180 overdubs to record with all members bar john deacon spending a reputed 10 to 12 hours recording the vocal parts when the band told emi they wanted to put it out as a lead-off single from their forthcoming lp and night at the opera they were told that at 5 minutes and 55 seconds it was too long, would never be played on radio and would

never be a hit. Mercury responded by slipping a reel-to-reel copy to his mate Kenny Everett on the condition that he wouldn't play it on his Capital Radio show Nudge Nudge Wink Wink. Everett responded by playing different segments of it over the course of a week and then played the full version 14 times in two days which forced the label's hand when pop craze Londoners started asking for it at record shops meanwhile their plugger Eric Hall passed a preview copy to Diddy David Hamilton saying monster monster this could be a. It was finally released on the last day of October in 1975 and entered the charts two weeks later, despite a review by Alan Jones of Melody Maker, which described the song as

a superficially impressive pastiche of incongruous musical styles which contrived to approximate the demented fury of the B Balham Amateur Operatic Society performing The Pirates of Penzance. A fortnight later it reached number one where it's been for nine weeks and like

every other week we're being treated to the video which was recorded in Elstree Studios at a cost of £4,500 which means we never got the chance to see pants people dancing to it. Oh, man, can you imagine? So anyway, talking about this song,

it's like doing a book review on the Bible, isn't it? I mean, it's always been here, particularly for you, Sarah. Sarah, can you remember a time when this song came into your life? No, it is one of those things. yeah it's um I was thinking about this that actually and it's like no it's just always been there it is just something that you grow up knowing is is a is an element in in the world you know and uh yeah it's yeah I I love it I've got to admit I was I've how many times

have I seen it and heard it? And, you know, um, and I was just sitting there with a, with a, with a big grin on my face, watching the video and just going, well, it just delight, it, it delights me every time I see it or hear it or think about it. It's, I'm just, I'm so happy to be alive at a time that Bohemian Rhapsody exists and not just because it annoys people. Because that's not, you know, I don't want anybody to think that that's how I live my life. Is just being a contrarian prick who is like, hmm, who doesn't, I'm going to like a thing that people hate. I really do genuinely adore it.

David, can you remember the first time you heard it? Oh, yes, yes, I can. Yeah, yeah. My colleague Andrew Mullerer or first of all colleague andrew muller described this as gale force rubbish and um it kind of has a point i mean it is you know it is obviously a and you know there's alan jones in the reviews pointed out it is actually a sort of piece of sort of um you know it has the sort of contours and the aspirations of sort of i don't know classical music or, but none of the sense. Having said that, look, at the time, I absolutely loved it.

I was, you know, I was a pumped-up little boy in it. I thought it was, you know, and I thought it was absolutely tremendous and I would have not minded seeing week after week, especially on a slightly workaday edition like this. And I can sense that probably a lot of things were kind of cut down just to make room for the whole thing. And I would have, yeah, I just think you can't cut this short. Oh, definitely, yeah, because it is. After nine weeks, we still get the whole thing.

You can't cut this down mid-scaramouche, can you? You can't do that. It's got to be all the way through to the final gong. I mean, there's no other way of doing it. It's actually, you know, and it's quite clever in that respect. There's no fade out. It's got to be performed in full, and I wouldn't have minded that at all. I mean, it's

interesting looking at a game now and just trying to figure out how I would have, you know, I would have been about, let's think, 13, you know, when I first heard of this, and the things that would have impressed me would have been sort of slightly neo-glammy type things. Actually, they're just the slightly alien, androgynous look of

Freddie Mercury, which would have been very sort of intriguing, disquieting. Also, I had no idea about him being gay or anything like that. I always have this thing of all these Queen fans in Doncaster, you know, like, you're fucking saying Freddie Mercury's gay, right? You're a fucking free-er, you know.

He's just fucking killed a man! Exactly. You wouldn't fucking kill a man, now, would you? It's a fucking total sense. But also John Taylor, actually, especially when they're kind of unlit, you know, in that kind of sequence, he actually looks very sinister as well.

You know, and things like that would have definitely sort of peaked me, you know. And then, obviously, right at the end, the catharsis of, like, you know, when they do the kind of, you know, the full sort of onstage rock thing at the end, you know, it's like, you know, right, now finally they've got to the point. I mean, the first time I would have heard it would have been on Top of the Pops, and you just got smacked in the face by the song and the visuals as well, because this, you know, everybody says that this is the patient zero of the rock video as we know it nowadays and you know they say it was because they didn't want it

danced to by the likes of pan's people and they obviously didn't or felt they couldn't mime to it on things like top of the pops yeah it's quite an interesting one in that way isn't it it's uh it's it's got all these kind of fail safes like that built built into it and uh you know if you look at it now it's not the best example of a you know considering what what amazing things have been done with with the former it's not it's it's not the best pop video but yeah it's it's kind of yeah i don't i i don't think that it's, it doesn't delight me half as much as the song does. But of course it's, you know, it's great, it's appropriate. And there's the kind of live, you know, the live footage

and Freddie is there resplendent. Well, they all are actually, but in their kind of tight white satin. Although I think only Freddie is fully resplendent, I think. The others are just kind of wearing it, you know. But yeah, and the whole are just kind of wearing it you know but yeah and the whole the kind of amazing effects where their faces all kind of but you know there's suddenly an infinite

number of their faces along with the infinite number of of the stacked vocals yeah it's like oh look how many of them there are oh how have you done it it's a great point it has to be shown in full and also has to be shown with this video and there's no other way of doing it and it kind of felt like a sort of missive from the gods basically they do seem kind of godlike you know as if they sort of you know um sort of broadcasting from this from another

dimension you know really um had that feel about it you know it's the thing is with this just i i was thinking like imagine coming up with this like what kind of glorious sort of anarchic imagination to go right so now we're going to do it now the opera bit comes in and it's like that's that's so wonderful if you think about that and i know that we're all kind of we're all very accustomed to this now and and many of us just find it really really irritating especially because it is always played in full there's no getting away from it um you know and so i totally understand why it irks people but also if you just take a step back from it and go just what kind of a what kind of brain comes up with this and realizes it in this way that's so wonderful i mean freddie mccree you know was a true artist and a a true hedonist and

and a true darling and lots of other things and um you can't really fault him on you can't fault him in his imagination you can't fault him on his on his voice obviously which was which was really staggering but um just just the commit the commitment that it took to do this and and to just go that's a thing that could that could be done and you know how many millions of people just would have stopped short of that and gone actually i think this is a bit this is a bit much it's like no this is lots too much and i love it i mean it's i mean you know imagine having a band meeting and afterwards scratching the chins of it you think it matters it's complete nonsense no david it doesn't really matter it doesn't isn't that right not to me yeah that's that's

the other thing as well is that it's very glorious and and kind of daft and flailing and all over the shop but it also i also still find it quite moving because i remember hearing it as a kid and and you pick up that you know the the sort of the notes of angst and stuff and i know that it's all it's basically catched in in a in a very uh it's, it's all a very kind of grand, silly endeavour. But I still, you know, it still gets me every time, the kind of the very mournful piano towards the end. And, you know, it's like, oh, fucking hell. I will actually, you know, depending on what kind of a day it catches me on,

it is like, oh, oh, he's calling out for his mother. Oh, you know. But then, of of course but then you get like how many records can you say that have so many moods crammed into them yeah how many um so many meanings section is such a riot yeah i mean because people i don't people have picked the lyrics to this to death and the and the two main theories are you know the it's something to do it it's it's something to do it's partly to do with him trying to reveal his origins as a Parsi Indian with a Bismillah

or all that kind of stuff creeping Sharia hashtag but the other one of course is that another theory that's been trotted out is that this, the year it was written 1975 was also the year that he revealed to his girlfriend that he was having it was written 1975 was also the year that he revealed to his girlfriend that he was having a bit of man love on the side and the confessional nature of the song

has something to do with that but you know it's just about a bloke that's killed someone and is going to hell for it well it's about all it's about all of these things i would and possibly not you know it's it's uh it contains multitudes. The other thing is, of course, is that it's now kind of inextricably linked with kind of modern cinematic history as well because of Wayne's World. And to this, there is a Pavlovian thing that happens. I have to bob my head because it's such a perfect bit that they do in Wayne's World. It's like, that's what you do to that bit from a critical point of view it's indestructible i mean it'll never be brought down you know whatever people

say about it you know whoever invented the language it's never going to be a victim of some sort of revisionism it's never going to be laid low it's whatever you think of it is instructable it's always going to be up the only other time i've ever seen somebody sing it live my dad's local the charlie uh charles ii they used to have a pub singer in the uh in the late 80s uh on every monday night and bingo and everything and me and my mates used to go for the laugh and everything and one bloke came up and he got his tapes and and everything done and he went into bohemian rhapsody and you know it's quite a flamboyant song, and it's not the kind of song you usually sing

on a council estate pub in the late 80s. But everyone in the pub, no matter how old they were or who they were, just went fucking mental. And he nailed it. He nailed it. And you just see all your dad's mates just putting their knee up on the stage fucking doing some air guitar like Brian May

and I'm looking along and my dad's nodding along and everything and he turned around to me and he said, oh, Freddie Mercury's fucking great, isn't he? And I said, dad, you know, don't you? Because my dad was not the, he was not the most tolerant of men

and he said, what? I don't give a fuck he's a ginger beer. He's fucking great. Who gives a fuck? It's like, oh, nice one, Dad. Yeah, that's kind of how you get people on board, isn't it? My stepdad was a bit like that. My stepdad just kind of didn't really, didn't quite put it together.

I think he sort of knew, but kind of didn't really get his head around it. But then it's like you sit with it for long enough and you go, actually, they're just like everybody else. The thing was, Dad, who's your favourite artist, Dad? Little fucking Richard. The following week, Bohemian Rhapsody dropped to number three, toppled from the summit by Mamma Mia by ABBA, but it had already sold a

million copies by then and when it was re-released in december 1991 in the wake of freddie mercury's death as part of a double a side with those were the days of our lives it became the only single to become the christmas number one twice and eventually sold over two and a half million copies in the UK overall the third biggest selling single of all time in the UK after Candle in the Wind 97 and Do They Know It's Christmas over its nine-week run it kept Trail of the Lonesome Pine by Laurel and Arda I Believe in Father Christmas by Greg Lake Trail of the Lonesome Pine again. And Glass of Champagne off number one. So what's on television afterwards? Well BBC One follows up with Happy Ever After.

The original title of Terry in June, then When the Boat Comes In, the Nine O'Clock News, then Moira Anderson and Teshia O'Shea in the good old days from the famous Cities Varieties Theatre in Leeds, Andre Previn discusses the Waltz in Omnibus,

and it rounds off with Tonight, hosted by Sue Lawley. BBC Two is running worldwide, where we're treated to clips from foreign correspondents talking about what a shit-hole country England is behind our backs. Then the 1948 film All The King's Men, based on the life of Huey Long, the governor of Louisiana. Then a conversation with Gene Wilder on film night,

and they finish off with News Night. ITV is running this week, the news documentary show with Jonathan Dimblebear, then the last ever episode of the sitcom Love Thy Neighbour. Oh, racism is dead. Yeah. Have you ever seen episodes of Love Thy Neighbour, Sarah?

I don't think so. Probably just seen clips. No. I don't think I've ever. I wouldn't like sit and watch an entire episode I mean by this time they were mates weren't they David

and the racial slurs were terms of endearment it's strange actually years later the guy that plays, it's Jack isn't it Eddie Smith, I can't remember his name the actor, Jack Smith he was talking about it and he was kind of saying Smith, I can't remember his name, the actor. Jack Smethers. Jack Smethers, Clayton Booth. Yes, exactly, yeah. We've got to get there. He was talking about it, and he was kind of saying,

look, you know, and it's time, you know, we've got a good time doing it now, but obviously you couldn't broadcast that now, and it was kind of slightly apologetic for something, you know, about racism and people obviously laughing along with that. Then it took Rudolph Walker, you know, and he said, no, it's nonsense. It's got mad that you can't have

this sort of thing these days. It's great. What's up with it? It's very odd. There you go. I found it really fascinating that I was flicking through channels recently and saw that there was a film on, I think, film four or something, which was an old Western.

And it said, you know, in lieu of, you know, in the little description, it didn't say, you know, contains strong language or contains, you know, violence. It said contains racist attitudes. I was like, that's really interesting that there's kind of a content warning on it. That kind of describes every World War II film then, doesn't it? Yeah, exactly. It's like, why isn't this either you don't show the film

or you kind of show it or you put that content on, you know, a lot more stuff. I've got a DVD of the Droopy cartoons, the Tex Avery Droopy cartoons. And it starts off with an extensive warning about, you know, containing certain attitudes toward other races that we're not tolerated these days. And by golly, I mean, they're great cartoons, but by golly, I mean they're great cartoons but by golly, practically every 10 seconds there's something Well it's like Tom and Jerry isn't it? You can kind of get a special edition of that I hated it when they did that

When they changed the woman's voice Oh god, did they? Yeah, I think it was in the 90s, the Cartoon Network ran the Tom and Jerry cartoons and uh yeah the the woman was a was a bit sassier hmm yeah do you know what the weird thing about tom and jerry is because i um i i saw it um they were there was a projection of it in a pub that i went to recently

and um and i kind of realized you know at the age of you know 30 whatever that um like the woman i i was never i didn't know who she was and i realized like oh my god she's not his owner she's the help and i'd never i'd never twigged this isn't that weird you know what i mean it's like because you don't you don't when you're a kid you just kind of go i don't know but i i couldn't i thought there was something like there was something odd about i wondered why she was always cleaning and i thought she was just very house proud it's like nope she is the help yeah but she gets all the petticoats, doesn't she? Usually about

20 of them when she's jumping on a chair and pulling them up one after the other. Anyway, they show the Staffordshire Potteries in the 19th century drama series Clayhanger, News at Ten, the antique programme Trash or Treasure and a repeat of The

Protectors. So so me dears what are we talking about in the playground tomorrow I don't know I want to say R&J Stone but that's probably not something I'd bring up in the playground you know in case it revealed too much about my little friend's attitudes I don't know

I think at the time it's possible that although I think it's rubbish now that I might have been I mean don't you talk about the human rat city because it's been that, although I think it's rubbish now, that I might have been... I mean, don't even talk about the human rat-stick, because it's been around for weeks and weeks, so that's not really old news. It's practically the national anthem by now, isn't it? There's a phrase, and it was the worst thing you could have in my school

at this kind of age. The worst crime was to get overexcited about something, and it was called having a cheapie. So if I'd have gone, Hey, did you see Queen on telly last night? And they'd say, Oh, fucking hell, I'm having a cheapie so if i'd have gone hey did you see queen on telly last night and say oh fucking hell i'm having a cheapie did you ever have that cheapies it was just the worst thing you could have is to have a cheapie to get too excited about something that radio reveal to have to be too boyishly enthusiastic about something it was having a cheapie and it was a constant it was an accusation it's constantly hurled back and

forth in the playground wow he's having a cheapie playground. Wow. Who's having a cheapie? Look at him. Listen to who's having a cheapie. Fucking Queen, fucking Rhapsody. We're around four months. We're in bloody Yorkshire. Don't get so bloody excited. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I might have been actually quite intrigued by Slick because, poor as that song is, it does actually have a strong hint of the future about it, just superficially in the way that he's kind of dressing and everything like that. He's beginning to sort of, you know, he looks a little bit future about it, just superficially in the way that he's dressing and everything like that. He's beginning to, you know, he looks a little bit futuristic, actually, just there. It'd be nice, I mean, the David Ruffin thing, really because of Soul Train. I think the excitement of Soul Train,

and in 1976, America was a lot further away than it is now. You know, it was pre-Freddie Laker. It was a very, very remote place indeed, and anything American like that was dead exciting. In our playground, it would be, oh, did you hear about them two doing it? Were they doing it on top of the pups? Did they go off and do it?

Oh, they're doing it right now. I bet they're doing it now. I think the most philosophical conversation I ever had in that playground, when a mate of mine just turned around while we were playing football and he says, you don't know what goes off behind closed doors. Prince Charles could be having a wank right now. Just think about that.

Thank you, I am. And I nodded and then I thought, what's a wank? That's been a lifelong journey. Yes. And what are we buying on Saturday? Do you know what? I'd probably end up buying Bohemian Rhapsody because I've probably only just now saved up enough money to get it.

Yay. And again this is it. The conversation we had before about Two Tribes. Who the fuck is buying it in its ninth week of being number one? Just late adopters, I suppose. Was it just a rush of record tokens we just spunked on this song?

Yeah, probably, yeah, because that's the thing is you would, you'd buy, maybe it was just kind of large S on the part of people who just wanted their friends to have it. It's like, I'm going to buy Bohemian Rhapsody for everyone I know, even the people I hate. I'm going to'm gonna make them listen to it you know just kind of like the you know that that's something that the kind of um do you ever think about like the stupid stuff you do

if you won the lottery like you know buy a thousand copies of bohemian rhapsody and just distribute them and that'd be great can you imagine though if there was a 12 inch version of Bohemian Rhapsody an extended version oh it needs to happen somebody should do that and just put it on YouTube like Bohemian Rhapsody for 20 minutes oh I'm sure someone's done that I'm sure someone's done that

yeah and what does this episode tell us about January 1976 well we've got a long way to go before Lady is an anachronism. Yeah, it's a real downtime, actually. I think, you know, it's a pretty listless episode overall that just reveals, you know, there's a sense of, like, listlessness about Britain as a whole, actually.

And I always say when punk and Thatcherism, in a sense, I always think it's both sides of the same coin, you know, that Thatcherism was partly there to kind of dispel the sort of moribundness supposedly of, like, Britain under this kind of leftist, social, democratic sort of hegemony that had gone right back to the 60s, really, you know, without

counting the Edward Heath era. Yeah. Well, obviously Thatcherism was horrible, but Punk was wonderful. But in a sense, they were both something similar about, you know, I see them as two sides of the same coin, myself. But it's just that strange sort of time, post-glam,

but pre-all of that, when, and it's all a bit punchy, when everything's up for grabs, and there's all this kind of steampunk-y stuff, and daft costumes, and mixed and matched things, a mixed match of things without it really having any sense of purpose or direction. Sailor, like I said, you know, that summed

it up for me really. Sarah, do you feel you missed out by not being around? Not especially because, you know, out of this came Bohemian Rhapsody and we all have that forever. You know, you look at this thing and go, oh no wonder punk happened. But you look at it and and go, oh, no wonder punk happened. But you look at it and you just think,

oh, fucking hell, something has to happen. It doesn't matter what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and for a lot of people, you know, as we've discussed before, that thing was disco. It's a very down-tempo episode, isn't it? There's not a lot going on that's fast. And, you know, in the case of the reggae tune, that's that's fast um and you know in the case of the uh of the reggae tune that's absolutely fine but with everything else it is so fucking laid back and it's winter for fuck's sake

you can't even can't even blame this on a heat wave so yeah it's uh it's interesting we're still in firmly in 1975 aren't? The worst music year ever. Apparently. Oh, is that official now? Well, now I've said it, it is. Right. But anyway, that argument's for another day.

Because that, Pop Crazy Youngsters, is the end of this episode of Chart Music. All that remains for me to do now is to give you the usual fanny about where you can get hold of us and all that kind of me to do now is to give you the usual fanny about where you can get hold of us and all that kind of stuff so our website is www.chart-music.com you can get us on facebook.com slash chart music and you can reach out to us on twitter chart music t-o-t-p

and also lob us some dollar at patreon.com slash chart music thank Thank you very much, Sarah B. You're welcome. Ta ever so, David Stubbs. A pleasure as ever. My name's Al Needham, and I do it. I do it. Chart music. chart music Women they good for- Wait wait wait wait you

Tripped it We gon dedicate this to the pretty young ladies You know them pretty young ladies That wouldn't give us the play before the album this is for you ladies Wow ladies Wow ladies Wow I've got some lovely birds on the show Wow let's also raise a toast to this young lady fans people have something nice to do right now Wow I wouldn't mind a bit of physical contact like a peck on the cheek from our next lady though Wow this is a song about a naughty lady.

We're going into disco land right now. This lady by the name of Susan Cadigan. Here are some young ladies I've admired many times in my little armchair at home. One lady who must be counting her blessings today is a young lady who's been travelling around the world quite a bit. Wow. Ladies. Wow. Ladies.

Wow. Ladies. Wow. Naughty bit. Wow. Ladies. Wow. Ladies. Wow. Ladies. Wow. Naughty lady. Claw-a-la-la. See why there's a... ...grateful lot I'd like to say about legs and coat. And I can promise you that in the flesh they're even lovelier.

Wow. They'll probably bleep me out if I do. Claw-a-la-la. Ladies. Wow. Ladies. Wow. Ladies.

Wow. And she is just as lovely as you think she is, I tell ya. What'd you say about my mother, man?