Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - #55 (Part 4): 23.12.1982 – Hygge Pop

Episode Date: December 20, 2020

Al Needham, David Stubbs and Neil Kulkarni watch aghast as Pop Santa curls one off into their stockings, as we reach the appalling dénouement of this episode of The Pops. It’s a full-on Nana takeover, as we submit to the sickening one-two punch of Emo duckling whinge and the West Midlands version of the Red Shoe Diaries…        Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull-Apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks for the small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Heavy Pencil. An actor of my experience, you just get run dry. A podcast sitcom with Anna Crilly and Tony Gardner. I played Edmund Gelder and he played Fanny Snatch. The Observer called it a lovely thing.

Wonderfully funny, pitched perfectly, produced with a light touch. I'm not having any more of this. I need you to pull me off immediately. Heavy Pencil from Great Big Owl. The following podcast is a member of the Great Big Owl family. This will certainly have an adult theme and might well contain strong scenes of sex or violence, which could be quite graphic. It may also contain some very explicit language,

which will frequently mean sexual swear words. What do you like to listen to? Um... Ch Chart music. Chart music. It's Thursday night. It's about five to eight. It's December the 23rd, 1982. And this episode of Top of the Pops is...

It's not vintage, is it? There is some fucking dog shit on this episode. Bloody hell, man. Oh, come on, Neil. You're ruining Christmas for that. Genuinely, I was thinking, is this a vindictive act, basically? You just thought... No, man, man. Oh, come on, Neil. You're ruining Christmas for that. I genuinely was thinking, is this a vindictive act, basically? You just thought...

No, man, no. We've got to cover everything. I think you found... Do you think this might be the worst episode Chart Music's ever covered? Music-wise. Oh, no. Come on, man.

We've done ones from the 90s. That's true. The 1982 is a horror. Yeah, but come on, chaps. We're not done yet. Surely this is where the quality kicks in. Well, we'll see then that

ABBA's last hit of 1982 will be their first hit of 1983. We left the chart at number 21. Let's go back and see who's at number 20. And still at number 20, it's Bucks Fizz and You Can't Stand the Heat. At 19, Sing Along a Santa from Santa Claus and the Christmas Tree. At 18, it's Buffalo Gals from Malcolm McLaren. At 17, Let's Get This Straight from Dexy's Midnight Runners.

At 16, it's get this straight from Dexy's Midnight Runners. At 16, it's him from Ultravox. Chalamar with Friends is number 15. At 14, Dionne Warwick and all the love in the world. At 13, Young Guns go for it from Wham! The Human Leaguer at number 12

with Mirror Man. Up 10 places for Cliff Richard and Little Town. And every Christmas chart has at least one unusual surprise hit. And this year's surprise hit comes from a fellow you've probably seen on TV lots of times in the past. His name is Keith Harris and here he is with

Orville's Song. I wish I could fly way up to the sky, but I can't. You can? I can't. Okay, let's go. You guys have probably, yeah, probably got more on this because you're more contemporary with Keith Harris and Orville. Fuck off.

It's all the sort of hurt you more. Kid with a freshly mixed bag of normal people and zoo wankers with Keith Harrison Orville. Fuck off. It's all just sort of hurt you more. Kid, with a freshly mixed bag of normal people and zoo wankers, predicts that ABBA's last hit of 1982 will be their first hit

of 1983, while a girl in the audience waves a sheet of paper with 9-11 on it. What the fuck was that about? The future. And she travelled back in time to give a warning to people. Fucking bad time and place to do it, if so.

I know. I don't think the CIA was monitoring Top of the Pops in 1982. Worst episode of Quantum Leap ever. It actually says 9-11 turbocharged funk. A reference to Porsches. See, this is the danger of live performances. People promoting their shit. He then throws us into the middle section of the charts

and then warns us that the obligatory novelty single is imminent. Well, the first one in any case. It's Orville's Song Keith Harris and Orville born in Lindhurst Hampshire in 1947 Keith Harris was the son of a ventriloquist who learned at his father's feet forming a double act with him as a child at the age of 14 he launched a solo career went round the variety cabaret and panto circuits, and went through a string of homemade puppets as he started to become a TV regular in the early 70s. Round about this time, while he was working with the Black and White Minstrels in a theatre in Bristol, he chanced upon some green fur in the dressing room and used it to create Orville,

an emo duckling named after a Wright brother, which became his favourite thing to shove his hand up as he rose to the top. By 1982, Harris is firmly established as a regular on the BBC, and while appearing at a summer season in Scarborough that year, he was signed to the BBC for his own television show, with a deal on the side with bbc records so he approached a fellow cast member none other than bobby crush a six-time winner of opportunity knocks and the recipient of the variety club's best new artist of 1972 award, which was presented to him by Lord Mountbatten in front of a beaming Huey Green

and asked him to knock out a song for Orville. This is that song, and it's also the lead cut from the LP At the End of the Rainbow, which also features covers of The Ugly Duckling, I Can Sing a Rainbow, Where Is Love, and You've Got a friend and party fairs too

seen as harris is launching his tv show on new year's eve he's been all over bbc one this month to promote the single it's entered the chart last week at number 55 and this week it soared 22 places to number 33 and here they are surrounded by nice little kids for some more heartwarming cross-platform brand synergization oh dear me esophagus warming you're near the target group for this at the time aren't you must have been massively excited at the sight of a of an artist like keith harris crossing over well i mean i suspect as a kid i might have sympathized with orville but cuddles changed everything and made it okay to hate yes i hate that dog i do like the way that kid yensen because of his uh canadian accent the way he says orville is kind of like horrible and it almost sounds like he's saying horrible song. Quite right.

Bobby Crush needs shooting for writing this. He admitted it himself, didn't he, Bobby Crush? A bit sort of past the sick bucket is how he described this song. And Cuddles at least made me laugh. But I've got to be honest, even at the age of 10, this

self-pity as fuck always pissed me off um with i mean with regards to ventriloquism local pride means that i was very much more a nookie bear kid um right and it was a very big age for ventriloquist you know lord charles spit the dog etc um yes but there were so many gags about this and cuddles made it okay to hate him i mean i remember kenny Everett doing a little routine about this, where, you know, I think Orville sings, I wish I could fly, and Kenny Everett boots him up the arse. And as did Three of a Kind, I seem to recall as well.

Right. He was omnipresent, Orville. Yes. On Cracker Jack for what felt like a fucking decade. And it's odd that the Keith Harris show runs show runs until 1990 i mean that's crazy and he's really no better than john thompson's cheeky monkey on on on no me no you i i did find by the way the sacrifices we make for the pop craze youngsters um i did you know curiously following up research on this i did i did realize that there's a german version of this done by a different puppet duo um klebe

klebe yeah and caroline the cow yes germany's own ventriloquist duo i did find hundreds of their songs on spotify did i trawl through all of them to find the german version of this and check translations i'm sorry pop craze youngsters i didn't because you know another squeaky voice puppet that was just annoying and and even as a kid yes i was the target demographic but he's ultimately yeah this is ultimately an emo duet as you you've indicated. And Orville is such a monstrously self-regarding, self-piteous cunt that, you know, even when Harris... He isn't! Well, even when Keith Harris assures

the viridescent fat fuck that he loves him, he needs to establish, you know, how much he loves him. For fuck's sake, grow up up you incontinent chartreuse shithead i never got on with the keith harris even as a kid like you say you know target demographic because he wasn't funny he was just pathetic i was just going to say i mean you know is it just a sort of seasonal descendant to mawkishness or is this is he always blabbing on like this no because when he was introduced, he was, Keith Harris was still doing things

like the Good Old Days and the Black and White Menstrual Show and, you know, all that kind of stuff. You know, family entertainment, but, you know, with adults in mind. Rather like Pixar. But Orville is the duck that laid the golden egg, if you will.

Because of him, he's, Keith Harris is now walking onto Cracker Jack and Rolf on Saturday OK, whenever he feels like it. And, you know, he's now a children's entertainer and in the mind of the BBC, he's going to propel them right through the 80s with his hand-up thing. And Orville was just, you know,

he was the orphan and all that kind of stuff but there was there was an element of piss taking on the part of the duck uh but by this point now that Keith Harris has been kicked up to the uh to the Cracker Jack league it's gone properly mawkish it might be something about green puppets I mean I also hate robbing the frogs halfway up the stairs you know oh god Neil you animal well i mean i do look don't get me wrong there's two examples of ventriloquism that i do get along with one would be eric morcombe's giant puppet oggy and the other one would be you know any murderous puppet from a horror movie like you go from dead of night you know yeah the dead of night but i think it needs

mentioning there's lots of repulsive things about this performance beyond the song. Harris's suit is the colour of feces and just as repellent. Yeah, the leather jacket, shirt and tie combination. This is it. It's real Topshopman 82, definitely, is that. Yeah. You know, I've got to admit, by this point in this episode of Top of the Parts, I'd be looking at the watch, I'd be thinking, or the clock rather,

and I'd be thinking, you know, fuck me, I'd be able to tell by now, this is near the end of this episode. Yeah, and you know what the number one's going to be. This is it, and I'd be hopping mad. Yeah. I would just be thinking, thank God it's Christmas Eve tomorrow. Yes. You know? It's just not getting any better this episode, is it?

Yeah, I think the balance is unjust. It's like one of those episodes of Question Time where they've got like like, four Tories and a kind of maverick journalist who's another Tory or whatever, you know, softening labour. It feels like that, really. David, if chart music has taught us anything in 2020,

and it has, the main thing is that we now know that songs about ducklings in distress start you roaring, so I have to ask, you OK, hon? Yeah, no, yeah, I mean, this is it, you know. about ducklings in distress start you roaring so i have to ask you okay hon yeah no yeah i yeah i mean this is it you know i mean i perhaps you know you you despise the duck you know i perhaps was you know my easily um perhaps easily touched heartstrings were plucked in places uh but no i held it together you know yeah so I mean Keith Harris

has got his Brexit perm as Simon calls it the brown leather jacket and matching trousers with the white shirt and the red tie and he's thankfully they've got some actual kids for him to work with instead of zoo wankers

but the zoo wankers are still there aren't they you can't keep them out of it and they're kind of like swaying from side to side right behind us instead of zoo wankers. But the zoo wankers are still there, aren't they? You can't keep them out of it. And they're kind of like swaying from side to side. Right behind us. Behind him and in front of him. And it's like the zoo wankers are just standing over the kids and trying to muscle in on them. And it's just wrong.

It is wrong. I'm just saying, I'm just glad that there wasn't Twitter in 1982 because somebody would have got 3.6K likes for talking about the little black kid and having political correctness shoved down their throat. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yeah, right next.

Right next to him as well, yes. The kids do well, to be fair. They look entranced. I mean, you're going to be excited sat next to a puppet. Yeah, I mean, they're basically quite often staring at Harris's mouth and, you know, twigging um you know because this is a live performance isn't it actual life it isn't oh yeah he's got a laguerre in it completely um the only pleasant thing this gave me was that that year you know i got a um you know rhubarb and custard that uh yes yeah i

got a rhubarb uh i don't know why i've got a pajama you know pajama cases and custard? Yes. Yeah, I got a rhubarb. I don't know why. I got a pajama. You know pajama cases, which I don't think exist anymore. I got a rhubarb pajama case, which was the same green colour as this Orville the Duck. So it gave me that pleasant memory.

But other than that, no, God almighty. It's interesting. I wonder who bought it. I wonder if it was bought for kids. I don't think the kids would have actually wanted it. Or was it bought by grandmas? No, Noville's a television star.

Of course some kids are going to want it, but very, very young kids. Extremely young. I think it was probably bought by grandmas for grandchildren, but really for themselves to listen to, basically. Together. Pinching their little cheeks as they kind of, you know, sit along with it.

You'd automatically assume that parents are bi for their young kids, but this is 82, but parents didn't do that shit. They didn't pander to the kids like that. You know, it's like, I've put fish fingers in your mouth. What more do you fucking want from me? Beyond that, if your parents buy you this record, I think they're saying something about you yeah grow the fuck up yeah exactly so i'd take it as a hostile gesture if i'd have received this

um yeah but it's very much for little kids i mean at the age of 10 there was a cutoff point you know i mean it's like this isn't for me i'm better than this i'm 10 i'm in double figures now this is baby as shit even though it might have tugged at my heartstrings a little bit here and there but oh you're absolutely right in that orville wasn't completely maudlin and mawkish on the actual shows he had a way of occasionally puncturing keith harris's sort of self-regard in a sense yes so that was part of his shtick but on wax yeah he was he was always sappy as shit like this obviously he's on bbc records so you know the bbc looks after its own so he gets straight on to top of the pops but

fucking hell they left it a bit late in the year to release this didn't they if it's only just got into the charts in the mid 30s on the last week before christmas someone at the bbc's fucked up there yeah released earlier. Could have got to number one. What a different world it would be. Yes, yes. So, two weeks later, Orville's song soared 25 places to number eight, and a week later, it got to number four, its highest position.

As Nils pointed out, it also became a hit in West Germany when Kleber, the Fatherland's top ventriloquist, rewrote the lyrics, teamed up with Caroline the cow with a K and put out the sex education song Vauxcommenty Babies here in 1980. I bet you love that, David. If you make someone a bit German german david definitely great no no no my favorite german appropriation actually was um 1996 three lions yes after germany beat england in the semi-finals and then three lines was a hit in germany got to about number 14 i just thought talk about carrying away the spoils that's fantastic follow-up, the disturbingly titled Will You Still Love Me In The Morning,

failed to chart. And after their cover of White Christmas got to number 40 in the first week of 1986, Harrison Orville parted company with BBC Records. However, in 1991, they teamed up with George Peckham, better known as the lacquer cutter and master engineer, Porker, for a white label rave version of Orville's song called I Wish I Could Fly, which went... Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehe hehehe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he Headline in the Dublin Evening Herald.

Dateline October 2nd, 1992. Orville the Ecstasy Duck. Television ventriloquist Keith Harris has denied that a new record by his puppet character Orville the Duck is being used to promote the rave drug ecstasy. The 45-year-old entertainer is starring at rave parties with Orville to promote an Acid House remix of the 10-year-old hit I Wish I Could Fly. In the new version, Orville chants

I wish I could fly, I wish I could fly and repeats the letter E, slang for ecstasy. Harris, who is currently appearing in Blackpool, said, I know some people are going to say it's all to do with ecstasy, but honestly, it's not. All the kids at the raves love it. I'm not promoting the use of drugs. I just go out there and waggle my duck

The record was taken off British radio playlists And Harris and Orville were banned from making an appearance in Stoke-on-Trent Good lord But the song was cleaned up and put out again in 2002 Where it got to number 83 in April of that year Alas, Keith Harris died in 2015 and soon after his agent confirmed that Orville was retiring

and would never appear in public again. Because round about that time when that remix came out, he was doing the student union circuit in a show called Duck Off. A very common trajectory, wasn't it for yeah 80s yeah kids tv oh man i wouldn't have liked that when i was at university and if harley air came out started talking about shagging and drugs and that wouldn't that wouldn't have sat right with me

you've kind of intrigued me though al not to hear that rave tune but the follow-up single will you still love me in the morning i mean yes it's that song between keith harris and orville yes yeah jesus christ it's not as sinister as i put it you know he's he's talking him in that night right right right and reading him a story and orville being the fucking needy cunt that he always was. Basically wants to know, you're going to give me some crisps in the morning and wipe my arse and all that shit. He's a whiny little fuck, isn't he?

He is. He's giving that validation all the time. Yeah. Your broken heart. Thank you. Because I've got a broken heart sometimes. I know, but you know I'm going to help you mend it. You will, won't you?

Of course I will. Because you love me, don't you? Well, we all love you. We all love him, don't we? Yes! Thank you. There you are. How much do you love me? How much?

Yes. Oh, this much. As much as that? As much? Yes. Oh, this much. As much as that? As much as that. My broken heart. Yeah! Woo! This is the first radio ad you can smell.

The new Cinnabon Pull Apart, only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Hello, I'm Justin. And I'm Lucy. And together we are the hosts of Plenty Questions. It's a very straightforward general knowledge quiz.

We ask you 20 questions, one after the other, five-second gap in between, and you shout the answers out. And then you tweet us to let us know how you got on. See if you can get 20 out of 20. No-one has so far, but that's because we haven't started doing it yet. But we will. And there's also going to be some fiendish brain teasers, so join us for Plenty Questions.

Plenty Questions. Just outside the top 30, Keith Harris and the BBC's version of E.T. That was Orville and Orville's song. Right, let's see if we can make it right to the very top of our Christmas chart. Here's the hit list. The Jam are at number 10 with Beat Surrender.

At 9, it's Lionel Richie and Truly. At number 8, the best years of our lives from Modern Romance. A big leap from David Essex up to number seven with A Winter's Tale. At six, You Can't Hurry Love, Phil Collins. Still at number five, Madness and Our House.

At four, Time, Clock of the Heart from Culture Club. David Bowie with Bing Crosby. At number three, with The Little Drummer Boy. At number two, The Shaky EP with Shaken Stevens. And this year's Christmas number one is from Rene and Renato. And here they are with Save Your Life. Save your love, my darling, save your love. For summer nights with moon and stars above.

And if I don't want to see you, the reddest rose I always bring you. Save your love for Rome and for me. on my end for a meal. Kid, whilst being seemingly frotted by the purple zoo wanker, manages to run down the top ten. That was awful, wasn't it? It's grotesque. Singularly grotesque. The zoo wankers, they're told to be excited all

the time, and it's like, we've seen what's just been, we know what's coming next. Excitement's not the fucking thing you need to convey yeah yeah yeah by then i would have i would have really hated that guy and i would have been saying things like i think he smells yeah kid finally manages to run down the top 10 settling upon the number one single of the week save your love by renee and renato fucking hell born in biera italy in 1940 renato palari was the former member of the local church choir who went on to enroll in a school for professional waiters

and then started a career in various high-end international restaurants. By the early 70s, he had settled in Sutton Coldfield, dividing his time between wielding one of their massive Parmesan mills and bringing opera to the wheel-tappers-and-shunters circuit. And in 1975, he finished second place in that year's M&B and Birmingham Male Talent Contest, a tournament held in West Midlands pubs, which was judged by Don McLean, not that one, the other one,

Ray Graydon of Aston Villa, and Bill Maynard. A year later, he appeared on the ATV talent show New Faces, where he was told by one of the panel that a tenor like Renato could never be a star. The judge who spat in his face? Noel Edmonds. Bastard.

Although he didn't win, the TV appearance spurred him on to ramp up his pursuit of a musical career, and he eventually turned professional in 1978, falling into the orbit of Johnny Edward, the former guitarist of David Bowie's band The Manish Boys, but more importantly,

the creator and the voice of Meckle Mickey. And in 1982, the owner of the independent label Hollywood Records. For the label's second release, he pulled out a song he'd written in the mid-70s, which, in his own words, was written as a joke to give the fingers to Save All Your Kisses For Me

and all those other songs that made me want to chew the carpet. And he offered it to Pagliare, who was currently doing a summer season at Great Yarmouth with the double act Barry Cheese and Mike Onion. Obviously, they needed a lady for Renato to pitch woo at, so Pagliari suggested someone he had worked with during a summer season in Margit the year before, Hilary Lester, a 22-year-old session singer who was working in another group at the time who was given a suitable onomatopoeic name this is their debut single which came out on the 1st of october and was immediately picked up and

played to death by the kingmaker of christmas number ones terry wogan which got it into the charts at number 54 at the end of the month two later, it entered the top 40 at number 38, then soared 14 places to 24, which necessitated the putting together of a video for Top of the Pops, which helped it soar once again to number nine. And last week, it knocked Beat Surrender by the jam off the summit of Popo, Montana, making it the first ever independent

single to get to number one. This is its second week at the top, the Christmas number one of 1982, and here is that video again. Fucking hell, the tangled web of pop. Indeed.

The first ever independent number one, Who knew? Did Ian Curtis die for this? You don't hear this played at your fucking indie discos, do you? Next to fucking Step On and Love Will Tear Us Apart. Where do we even begin with this

faggot bruschetta of a record? Well, I think we have to start with the video, don't we, really? Oh, God, yes. I mean, it's one of the greatest artefacts of the age. Yes, it really is. An attempt at kind of lush, swoonsome, operatic romance, but it just comes across like a slightly melancholy weekend

at a nice big country pub in the Sandwell and Dudley area. This is what the West Midlands thinks is opulent in 1982. He can't... That's the odd thing. He's got this Italian background, but he cannot hide his brumminess. No, he can't. Whether it's his revolting assortment

of faintly too tight knitwear, the way he paws at the pillow after she's gone oh the way they're both a kind of blubbery snotty mess at the airfield which i swear down looks like cove airport um no matter how hard they try to lush it up in a sense it all looks very very stetchford very lee hall very celly oak very cradley. Yes. And he just comes across, rather than some sort of operatic Caruso-style dreamboat, he's just a Randy Waiter-esque Trattoria, isn't he, really? He is. He is.

You could see him in Crossroads, couldn't you? Oh, without a doubt. As the happy-go-lucky Waito who's in a blood feud with Chewie McPhee. We have to go through the video scene by scene because it is fucking remarkable. I mean,

the overall effect is like a romantic ISIS hostage video, isn't it? So we start with Renato in a blue v-neck jumper and a white shirt

which makes him look like he's wearing the 1978 Scotland World Cup shirt and grey slacks to go with with his foot up on a ridiculously ornate fountain. Then we see Rene and Renato,

who's now changed into a powder blue V-neck jumper, like, dossing about in the Arboretum. And Rene, she just looks like she's been kidnapped and buckling under the weight of Stockholm Syndrome. You know, he's bellowing at her romantically and she just stares blankly at him and then looks off in the distance and then slumps her head onto his shoulders

as if she's just given up and wants it over with as soon as possible. I mean, I think it really does need pointing out here, Al, that, yeah, it's not Renee, is it? It is not Renee. It is not Renee. Because the actual Renee, Hilary, refused to do the video it's been put about that she didn't want to be famous and she was overcome with the success of the single and

right she was extremely shy but another factor is she's in another band at the time and trying to get out of it so she's yeah contractual obligations is denying her a place in this video. So they've just got this woman and put a really stupidly long blonde wig on her. Yeah, it's odd, that use, because it's very much like Alan's wife in the boating video. Yes, it's exactly what it is. I mean, they might expect some farmers to throw a cow on Renato from the balcony at some point, don't you? To be honest with you, though, yeah, they could have used a mannequin but but it's not the original video though is it i mean it is the original video but there's this really strange moment that i'm sure you noticed yeah are we are we not at that point yet out in your description of the video because you know that the famous scene

when uh you know he's singing the serenade. The balcony scene. The balcony scene. The iconic balcony scene. The iconic balcony scene. But soft, what light through yonder window breaks. Yeah, it does look like it. It's that woman pretending to be Renee, who doesn't mind the song. No, she doesn't, no. There's a lot of skillful turning her face away

from the camera when it's her bit. But there's other times when she's just there and her mouth ain't moving yeah it's like what's the point of that it's breaking the romantic spell that they've spent so long skillfully crafting i feel this is it and another thing that breaks the romantic spell somewhat at least on this version of the video yes she's upstairs in this window yes of presumably this m&b pub actually where through 11 is getting served downstairs and you know the famous bit where it throws the yes rose up to her the reddest rose that he's been longing to bring her let's remember now it's a poignant moment in the original it says but here for some reason yeah this happens what the fuck is that about

who's done that it's a bizarre moment I mean I like that moment because it I think it's a back room it's a top of the pot back room boys oh absolutely

it's a little prank definitely I think it's fantastic the editing suite yeah it's up there with definitely it i think it's fantastic the editing suite yeah yeah it's up there with the double taking pigeon in moonraker it's that good um i suspect added by one of the battering boys yeah in a drunken christmas moment it's probably been a while since he's sabotage i call it it's been a while since he might have made i don't know that those brilliant you remember those snooker montages

at the end of every tournament yeah they're probably you know just running a bit dry after doing one of those and they've added it it makes an already

amazing video better I think many arses have been photocopied that drunken afternoon and then decided to go out to the going to the suite and then

add a bit of long whistle yeah when he's all topped out in his evening wear, doesn't he look like Big Bill Wurbenick? He does look like him. On his fucking beta blockers.

Oh, without a doubt. But, you know, I don't know. The thing is with this original woman, not original woman in the video, the original woman on the record, you know, she's not american is she no so it it struck me listening to this as well that you know her faint dolly isms on the record because she's putting in a right american accent on it that's yes sort of i'm not saying this record is racist but the way he rolls his r's i know he was a singing waiter back in italy yeah and what what

an arse he has um but because he has his jumper pulled down over his fat arse doesn't it to try and hide it it's that look that tony green wore on bullseye right through to the early 90s so yeah you know he caught on amongst men of that age and bulk yeah but i find a lot he's italian so he can't exactly accuse him of being racist but i actually find his his accent on this song parodic of italian accents i mean i'm sure he's aiming for some kind of pavarotti slash i mean it's sort of don't forget yulio iglesias had a big hit 81 didn't he late 81 begin le begin so you know that kind of european touch but or at the very least he's aiming for that just one cornetto kind of gentle ribbing of things but he's taking it

beyond that here this is like mind your language type shit the way he sings this song it's giovanni capello for mind your language it's exaggerated for a very specific audience it's no accident that this record sort of its biggest markets in a way it's a hit in quite a few places but it gets the biggest hit i'd say what here the netherlands and yeah um scandinavia um you know cold countries where we have a team understanding of mediterranean culture so in a sense this provides the you know our level of understanding of Mediterranean culture at this point is pretty much, you know, at the level of the Dolmio puppets, basically. So this is going to be convincing for people. And Figaro by the Brotherhood of Man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've not long checked out of Elle's Bells in Carry On Abroad. Well, quite, yeah. When it comes to European relations. I imagine, like, you know, Alison Stedman's, you know, in Abigail's Party, you know, she'd have been well into this, you know, I do like a bit of continental eroticism, I age, you know, and sobbing into a chilled Beaujolais.

Isn't it a pity he's so fat? It does make you think, who bought this? Yeah. What people bought this? It's your fucking non-R again, isn't it, ruining it ruining everything this is it she's bought orville for the kids and now she's she's gonna treat herself with a nice big spicy i mean i'm convinced that no one bought this because they thought it was trash or corny or shit no the people who bought this are really i mean it's that it's that great mass of people that we keep coming back to on Shark Music. Those massive people who aren't exactly music fans,

but they'll kind of periodically raise their head like cattle to any tune that ticks certain nursery rhyme simplicities. And as a tune, it does all the things you want it to do if you're a person who doesn't really want music to be good. You just want it to be done, you know? So it has that faint tranquilizing effect i think couples probably bought it as well i can picture couples for whom buying this record would have been a genuinely romantic thing to do if you bought this single

and you you are actually single i mean what the fuck imagine if your mom and dad had this in the house though fucking hell oh yeah oh they're listening to Rene and Rinaldi again. They're going to have sex. Oh! Yeah, every time it gets turned up a bit loud, you know what that means. Yes. Oh, yes.

Deary me. Anyway, let's rejoin the star-crossed lovers on the balcony. Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry. Because, you know, the money shot's coming up, isn't it? That scene where they're lying in bed. Well, no, they have a bit of a dance first, don't they? Yeah, yeah.

And then it fades into the two of them lying in bed. So they've obviously had it off. And they're kind of like lying on the front facing each other as if they've been shot by the mafia. Or he's doing a Justin Lee Collins where she has to face him at all times. And then she disappears and he strokes that pillar. Poignant, isn't it? Very poignant.

And then obviously Henry Kissinger's got involved because we see Renato in an outstanding air crew jumper with cream piping, putting her on a private plane, possibly at Coventry Airport. I think so. She's crying now and he waves her off and then it ends. It looks like a hostage exchange of some sort, doesn't it? But it's all gone wrong, like you say, Stockholm Syndrome.

She doesn't want to go back to it. And he's probably going back to the radiators to see how Terry Waits is getting on. This got to number one. I know. You know, we've just wanged on about ABBA going into decline and saying, ah, this is it. You know, the 70s are finally dead.

The 80s are finally beginning. Here's the 70s reaching a dead hand from the fucking grave, isn't it? Absolutely, yeah. This is the last hurrah for the new faces opportunity knocks derrick hobson huey green contingent yeah i i certainly read that in the writing of this which i think was written a few years before it's recording yeah it was definitely an attempt in a sense to not take the piss but um kind of, not even parody, but kind of be an answer in a sense to the brotherhood of mans and all of these people that were appearing at the time.

So it does, yeah, absolutely feel like a relic, which I suspect is probably part of its appeal. In the dangerously sexy and exciting world of early 80s pop, this is a return to something, isn't it? It's a return to something dependably shit yes but everyone was already taking the piss out of it that's the thing oh yeah immediately spoofs everything immediately i mean i think some of the appeal by the way we keep talking about his appearance but i think his his size might have been part of the appeal of this record to some

people a pop star who looked like a totally uncool person, basically. Yeah. You know, obviously mates with Ron Atkinson eventually. He's got that local legend look about him. Yeah,

he sang Nessun Dorma in the changing room at halftime of a Aston Villa game when they were getting battered. And Ron Atkinson said, you go out and show that much passion

on the pitch. It's just mad. If you fucking lose the next game, Renato's coming back and singing his lesser-known songs at you. It's nuts, everything you've read out, Al. I mean, the whole Metal Mickey thing, you know? Metal Mickey?

That's insane. And actually, the weird thing is, the cod reggae vibes of Silicone Chip is better than this record. Yes. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, I've forgotten about that. Oh, yeah, and the dub version on the B-side. It's than this record yes that's fucking crazy yeah i've forgotten about that oh yeah and the dub version on the b side it's a crazy record that the thing is people would have bought this genuinely thinking a lot of people thought they actually sort of represent

the touch of class and it's a cut above all ephemeral sort of synthy dross like soft sell this is a song that not the jam's last single off number one and influenced paul weller you know he probably looked at this and went oh european okay yeah that's where i'm going next could be i mean to be fair right i don't resent the success of this record at all i don't resent it's a great story it is a waiter from sutton coalfield becomes number one that's a heartwarming christmas story right there isn't it we can accept that but we can also point out the crucial thing this record is entirely without merit yeah it's a horrible it's horrible man and this this is the beginning i mean opera becomes a thing in popular british culture in the 80s and i fucking hate

opera imagine though being able to sing and then choosing to sing like that. It's just Europeans bellowing at you. Oh, an Italian man shouting at me. Oh, that's classe. Oh, I'm just going to sit here and cry while I'm listening to it. Yeah. It's gruesome. There's only one other thing I'd like to say about this, Al, by the way.

The drummer. The drummer on this record is Clem Cattini from the Tornadoes. Of course it is, yes. You know? So you just need to point it out. This is another one of the supposed... I'm dubious about the whole Clem Cattini thing that he played on more number ones than anyone else.

You know, 42, I think people say. Yeah. Because I'm not entirely sure he played on all those t-rex records that it's allegedly played on but right you know it's nuts isn't it it is crazy that he's got another number one hit single here he was a womble wasn't it i think yeah he was on the one but he was on loads of i mean he's not absolutely loads for tony christie and a womble get together this is what happens not the last time he'll get to number one actually because when the waiter amarillo gets reissued against the number one he does it again it is remarkable

the list of records that clem catini played on but this is by you know one of the worst i think i mean i'm happy that someone like ronaldo has been picked up and thrown into the spotlight but i wasn't impressed by what he was saying in the interviews at the time he was he was constantly moaning while his record was being played that romantic records like his weren't being played on the radio and it and it was all in his own words banga banga music and evy rock if only it was and then he started insisting that there should be a chart for ballads and romantic songs for the middle-aged and old people. So basically saying that the BBC should be doing

something for the oldens. We've agreed that this video is astonishing, but it could have been so much better. I mean, let's remember that this is the year that Donkey Kong came out across the arcades of the country. And we could have had René and Renato

as Princess Peach and Mario. And someone throwing barrels at him and him jumping over them. I can imagine how incredible that would have been. And then he goes off in a cart. Getting a green shell at the arse. That idea is now out there, Al.

You don't have to wait long for some fucker on the internet to make that a reality oh come on pop craze youngsters anything else to say about this well i mean once again i've elvis i've been a little bit subdued for this but again with the thought that he's what how old is he here 42 he's 42 yes so the age that i am you know 50 i could again technically biologically be his father I got to thinking 1982, me as a

58 year old then, with my fucking 42 year old son and I was just thinking of like, you know, the letter of congratulation I might have like written to him Yeah, so I don't know, it's something like you know Congratulations son Number one, eh? I'm not going to pretend Fucking hell. Yeah, so I don't know. It's something like, you know... Congratulations, son.

Number one, eh? I'm not going to pretend I always believed you could do it, because as far as I can make out, you've been doing fuck knows what for the last 25 years since you left home. But this, what you've done here, well, it's astonishing. I mean, it beggars belief, if I'm honest. I've watched you blossom into the shape that you've assumed. You're 42 years old, my son, but like

a cheese, a big, fat, round, hairy cheese boy have you matured. I'll try to keep in shape myself, you know. A little thing called pride, you might want to try it. You know, I show people photos of us together, and some people are amazed when I tell them, no, you're not my father,

I'm your father. Funny, eh? I had dreams of being a music star myself, believe it or not. I was considered a looker back in the day, back when I was sweet 16. But then the war came along, and then there was that liaison with the Italian waitress, your mother, during an air raid. And you, you know the rest. I can be honest with you, you weren't planned. You definitely weren't part of my plan. But if you think having to raise you robbed me of my late teenage years and put pay to any hopes I might have had of becoming a singer for a big band, well, try not to think about it.

I know I try not to. To think that it's you, you, who makes it and not me. Well, like I say, I try not to think about it. Congratulations. How did he do it? How did he pull someone like this Rene? No disrespect, son, but what's happened to standards in this country?

Old-fashioned standards. In my day, if an over-right warbler like you came on the stage stinking it up like that, they'd haunt you off the stage with a shepherd's crook and kick you down the stairs. Still, good luck to you, son. Not that you need it. Because you, son, with her, number one,

are clearly the beneficiary of an insane amount of luck. As your father, I just counsel you this, son. This is the beginning of your pop career. But it's also the end of it. Think more Lieutenant Pigeon than Tom Jones. That's all I'm saying. As they say, I hope you were nice to the people you met on the way up because

you were meeting them, minus Renner I should emphasise, on the way down. Soon. Yours, your loving father. Beautiful. 42. He's such a nice lad though, Renato. In his publicity shots,

he always had a pendant of his kids prominently displayed on his manly chest just to just to warn the ladies off yeah and yeah fuck you noel edmonds yeah proved wrong with this yeah yeah so save your love would spend four weeks at number one giving way to the youthful exuberance of you can't hurry love by phil collins in the middle of january it went on to sell 950 000 copies in the uk and would finish up as the 12th biggest selling single of 1982 one place above the model by craftwork and one below past the dutchie by Musical Youth. Fucking hell, people bought records like bastards in them days, didn't they?

The same week that it was deposed from the number one spot, Renee was finally coaxed out of her seclusion for an appearance on Live From Her Majesties, hosted by Jimmy Tarbuck, to perform Save Your Love and the follow-up single Just One More Kiss, but that only got to number 48 and no further. After three more flop singles, the most successful of which being Jesus Loves Us All, which got to number 100 in December of 1983, the duo split up in 1985. While Lester'd launched an unsuccessful solo career,

Pagliari opened a string of restaurants and enjoyed a career touring the European resort, hotel and cruise ship circuit until he passed away in 2009. Oh, man. What a shame he didn't team up with the drummer of the Stone Roses in the 90s. Hey, appropriately enough, it's part of Christmas. Wait a minute.

No, it's not. It's Renato. Congratulations on your success. Thank you. Thank you very much. And how are you going to spend your Christmas? Me and Renato for a change. We're going to have a night off. Well success. Thank you, thank you very much. And how are you going to spend your Christmas? Me and Renato for a change, we're going to have a night off. Well deserved.

Thank you, Renato, for dropping by. I hope you have a happy Christmas. Don't forget our Christmas Day Top of the Pop special, Saturday, 2 o'clock in the afternoon. We're going to leave you now with Modern Romance. Have a great weekend. Lots of love. See you soon.

We immediately whip back to the studio to find Kid with none other than Santa, who pulls his beard off to reveal none other than Renato. Fucking hell. Isn't he tiny? It's amazing, isn't it? Kid has to bend right over to get the mic up to his face. He's like a festive garden gnome kid sounds really disappointed by this but he asks what him and renee are up to on christmas day and renato responds me and renee for a change are going to have a night off

a night off from what dancing shagging from cranking out the greatest records of the age yes santa renato though fucking hell what's he doing does he creep into your bedroom at night and stroke your pillow and cry i'll tell you what he obviously spent the first of his royalties on a bit grecian 2000 doesn't his hair is distinctly darker than it is for uh yes the shades of gray in that video after shilling the christmas day episode kid introduces the last song of the night best years of our lives by modern romance we've already covered modern romance in chart music number 42 when they burst upon the national consciousness with everybody Salsa in the autumn of 1981, and this single is the follow-up to Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White, which got to number 15 in September

of this year. It's a very early lead cut from their next LP, Trick of the Light, which comes out in the new year, and is their first single featuring their new lead singer Michael J. Mullins, who has been promoted up from backing duties in the wake of the departure of Jeff Dean, who fancied a solo career. It entered the top 40 at number 32 five weeks ago, and as Christmas party season kicked into gear, stealthily scaled the chart. And thanks to assorted remixes, including a Christmas mix loaded with jingly frostings, has found itself one place up this week from number nine to number eight.

And here they are in the studio giving it their special brand of shaking salsa. It's a very mild salsa, isn't it? If you're having Mexican night with a family and you don't want your kids mouths to get burned how common was this a band playing over the end because it to me it's to me that struck me as odd um having a band playing over the closing titles normally it's happened from time to time in 1982 right i see i see yeah i mean this is exactly the sort of band that michael ho wants on the new top of the pops isn't it absolutely i can just imagine him just sort of like get you know like just trying if he could you know just assembling everyone else on it's just like you you know

fucking fat bloke with a rose you with your hand up a duck you bearded cunt face this is what we wanted this is what we want i had to deal with your fucking eclectic shit all night you know yeah absolutely it's you know finally you know you've got the zoo wankers and the band in absolute sync for the first time all evening yeah i'm sure that yeah you've been just had modern romance on eight times it would have been happy with that yes that's a perfect yellow hurl era band because ultimately a band like this isn't going to pose any problems you know no they're not going to be odd they're not going to be weird they're ultimately an 80s re-rubber a kind of racy type band um yeah competent you know outfits

competent so yeah absolutely in a weird way so much musically going on at this period but in terms of what we're about to see in 83 and how comfortable things are going to get in a way um modern romance of the banter point that way yes we. We get the standard Top of the Pops end shot for the Yellow Hurl era, don't we? Loads of massive green and red flags with the Top of the Pops logo. Why is it as if pop has stormed the Reichstag? And there are the Zoo wankers doing their repetitive pieces.

Yeah. Woo! Party! Yay! I mean, really, the purpose of having them here, Zoo and modern romance in a sense, is to provide an up-party ending. I mean, Rene the purpose of having them here, Zoo and Modern Romance, in a sense, is to provide an up-party ending. I mean, Rene and Renato are not going to provide that, you know? No. But ultimately, I feel that Modern Romance are basically used here

to be the backdrop of that massive lettering trailer for the Xmas Day episode, the big names that come up and come up the screen. Yeah, because they throw up a caption for the Top of the Pops Christmas special, or, in a caption for the Top of the Pops Christmas special, or in this case, the Top of the Pops Christmas party. So there's Duran Duran, Aircut 100,

Cliff Richard, Shaking Stevens, Soft Cell, Musical Youth, Bugs Fizz, Dionne Warwick, Spandau Ballet, Captain Sensible,

Culture Club, and Dex's Midnight Runners there's a rich confection for Christmas Day watch your teeth nono but that would have provided reassurance to me as a young viewer that they hadn't completely forgotten that Top of the Pops could actually be good

so yeah I would have needed that at the end of this awful episode modern romance i i feel it was a big mistake them losing jeff dean because he had a mustache and if you're attempting salsa you need some good tashes going on and michael j mullins has been promoted up now they look like bucks fizz with no women but one bald man yeah yeah And who really needs that? I really despise modern romance at the time because I just thought that, like, you know, again, there's a sort of connection.

I mean, even people like Blue Rondo and the Turk that you had about this time, there's a sort of vague connection to a sort of zoot-suited era of, like, class and a dash of, like, South American influence and guys and dolls or whatever and trying to kind of recapture a certain sort of, know jazzy elegance of the past but this is just the groups like modern romance and yeah people like racy in their own way as well they're just the sort of harvest

restaurantification the agaduification of like something that's really really good and um yeah and it's ultimately yeah and it's what people want and it's just um yeah, and it's what people want. And it's just, you know, but there's more to life than a shit party. Well, early on in the chart rundown, we saw what we could have had maybe at this point. Kid Creole would have been a much better. Yeah, Kid Creole again. He's got that sort of panache and he's got that kind of strong connection. And this is, yeah, and this is just the sort of the dilute sort of ignorant version of all of that. We've been given Kid Creole and the cunts.

Exactly. Pretty much, yeah, yeah. Kid Creole and the cunts. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Kid Creole and the coca cunts, yeah. This is what Top of the Pops wants and this is what Top of the Pops gets at the end of the day. Yeah. And these are the bastards who won.

You know, that's the thing. Everything does tilt them on the romance way. Yes. You know, and all of that kind of sublime activity that you had in this year, from Kid Creole to Scruti to Soft Cell and Simple Minds and it just all falls drastically by the wayside.

Yeah, but I mean with Catch a Fire on earlier and this on now, what a great TED Talk it's been on the evolution of South American music. You look at this and you just think no wonder the fucking bouncers at Elton's Disco wanted to hit them with an ashtray. Fucking hell.

I'd join in with them. I'd get a few kicks in on the sly. So, two weeks later, best years of our lives. Isn't that a depressing title as well? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking hell. Two weeks later, best years of our lives jumped four places to number four

its highest position the follow-up high life got to number eight in march of 1983 and they bagged one more top 10 hit that year when they dropped the salsa routine for a more soulful approach taking walking in the rain to number seven in september but it would be their last shake of the charty maracas and they split up in 1985 mullins returned to the back of the stage making his first post-romance appearance on wogan in december of 1985 to duet with joni m. Then wrote songs for Samantha Fox, provided backing vocals for Cliff Richard on Mistletoe and Wine, and worked with George Harrison for the modern tracks on the LP

The Best of Dark Horse. That aggravates. How does that cunt get to meet Joni Mitchell? Yeah. And sing with her. That is so aggravating. And that, Pop Craze Youngsters, closes the book on this episode of Top of the Pops.

What's on telly afterwards? Well, BBC One kicks on with wildlife for all seasons with Robert Hardy narrating the sights of animals getting up to all sorts throughout the year. Then it's the nine o'clock news, then the final part of the second series of Tenko and they round off the night with Frank, then the final part of the second series of Tenko, and they round off the night with Frank Sinatra in Concert of the Americas from an amphitheatre in the Dominican Republic.

BBC Two finally get round to the last episode in the third series of Yes Minister, then it's the much-loved music show Christmas Special, which is just some classical ramble from goldsmiths college then it's god's frozen people a documentary about christianity in iceland the news on two and they finish off with ralph mctell therapy and the mcclaymans in triple bill a special concert featuring the best in traditional music and humour, it says in Radio Times. And probably not that therapy. Yeah, I was going to say.

ITV gets round to 10 minutes of news, then it's straight on to the Kingfisher, the Rex Harrison rom-com made for TV. Then it's Star Parade, and they close down at midnight. Channel 4 takes a look at the Pantanal in southwest Brazil, one of the most fertile wetlands in the world, in fragile earth. Then it's what the papers say

and they finish off with a three-hour 1969 Chinese movie, A Touch of Zen. Fucking hell, where's the Christmas television? That's it. Festive spirit, my ass. It's only December 23rd,

Neil, come on. but you know, the only festive spirit we're getting is this episode of Top of the Pops. Yes. And after that, you just want to cancel Christmas,

don't you? You feel very Cromwellian after this episode. So, me boys, what are we talking about in the playground tomorrow if we all broke into the school to meet up on the playground?

Yeah, well, in my case, you know, I'd have to sort of not only break into a school but organise, you know, a kind of reunion of my former schoolmates who were all at various colleges around the country. But, yeah, we'd stand there in the middle of the playground in a circle and I think that we'd kind of... Spit in. Yeah, and we'd pen a stiff letter, I think, to the director general about the low quality of the particular episode.

We'd point out that we understand that pop is a trade-off between the sublime and the ridiculous, but this was fucking ridiculous. A surplus of ridiculous. A surplus of ridiculous. I mean, yeah, we'd just be talking about how shit top of the pop was last night, and then running away from a mate of mine who, in 1982, his dad worked in a ball-bearing factory

and bought him home a massive ball-bearing. It fitted in his palm. Incredibly heavy. And he used to punch people in the stomach with that in his fist. He was a horrible little cunt. So, yeah, that's what I'd have been doing in the playground and he was a horrible little cunt so yeah that's what i'd have been doing in the playground running away from him moaning about last night's top of the pot oh man what a fucking waste of a massive ball bearing man surely you play rollerball with

it it was an awesome ball on your bikes just imagine the weight out do you remember when um maybe this happened to you in chemistry lessons when you'd be handed a jar of mercury not to drink it but just to be dazzled at a jar of mercury, not to drink it, but just to be dazzled at the weight of it. It was that heavy. It was amazing. And the little cunt, you just used to put it in his palm,

ball his fist up and thump people in the stomach. Oh, bad times, bad times. What are we buying on Boxing Day? The Maisonettes, Imagination and perhaps at a Push Abba. Yeah, Imagination and perhaps a push ABBA. Imagination, I think that's about it really. And what does this episode

tell us about December of 1982? I think it betrays the whole bloody spirit of 1982 yeah, I mean it's semiotically laden, there's no doubt about that, but it's sending out the wrong kind of wrong signals, it's almost I mean, but then's sending out the wrong kind of wrong signals it's almost

i mean but then again you know for me the dream of 82 was squashed in 1983 so i suppose in a sense it was yeah yeah so it was it was squashed it was drowned in like you know hair highlighter and you know the howard jonesification the nick kershawification of 1983 the dream was drowned i'm not sure it tells us a lot about december 82 but it delivers a timeless message about top of the pops yeah but you know top of the pops is responsible i'm sure for all of us for some of the most amazing moments you know but top of the pops giveth but it can also taketh away and this is one of those episodes it just saps half an hour of your time. And, you know, this is something that Top of the Pops can do,

especially towards Christmas, when its primary thing seems to basically be get your tat out, get your Xmas tat out. And that's what this episode's all about, really. Yeah. To me, this reveals the true meaning of christmas which is um fucking hell people like shit music this time of year santa's wiped his cock on our fucking pillow with this one hasn't it well it's yeah it's faintly nauseous which is

about right for christmas pop time was very very precious as neil points out you know and it was as precious as pocket money so so this was like losing your pocket money down the drain. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that, Pop Craze Youngsters, brings us to the end of another episode of Chart Music. All I need to do now is hit you off the usual promotional

flange, so I will. Website, www.chart-music.co.uk Facebook.com slash Chart Music Podcast Website, www.chart-music.co.uk. Facebook.com slash Chart Music Podcast. Interact with us on Twitter at Chart Music T-O-T-P. Check out this episode's video playlist and all the other stuff we throw up at bit.ly slash Chart Music Vids. Please put a penny in the old man's G-string. Patreon.com slash Chart Music vids, please put a penny in the old man's G string. Patreon.com

slash Chart Music. Merry Christmas, I suppose, Neil Kulkarni. Merry Christmas, Al. Thank God this unwiped arse of a year is over, David Stubbs. Absolutely. Roll on 2021. My name's Al Needham and how much do I love you

pop-craze youngsters this much? As much as that? As much as that. Chart music. GreatBigOwl.com It's an S-Pod thing. The podcast revisiting S Club seven's insane tv show yeah i can't imagine

anyone's binge watch this anyone who's not on drugs thank you for bringing this into my life it was honestly truly appalling guests helped me analyze the show in more detail than anyone ever asked for it feels weird to me to say the phrase sex object in a show that was aimed at six-year-olds. Do you think one of the problems with this show is that seven is too much? It's an S-pod thing from Great Big Owl. We're going to be back with the passage in just a moment. If you live in Cardiff and you're a movie fan, have a listen. On Sunday, December the 5th, Radio 1 is pleased to be staging a very special charity event

in association with the Variety Club of Great Britain. On that date at the ABC Queen Street Cardiff, I'll be introducing the first ever showing of the sensational movie, E.T. The Extraterrestrial. This unique sneak Radio 1 preview is being held entirely for charity at 10.30 in the morning at the ABC Queen Street Cardiff. And tickets are on sale there during normal box office hours from next Saturday, November the 27th. First Come First Served all seats at the one price of £2.50.

Some of the other DJs will be introducing showings of E.T. at Manchester, Belfast, Glasgow, Bristol and Birmingham on the same day. So listen out on Radio 1 for details of this first ever UK cinema showing of E.T., The Extraterrestrial. That takes place on Sunday morning, December the 5th, and my showing of E.T. is at the ABC Queen Street, Cardiff. Remember, you can book your tickets from this coming Saturday during normal cinema hours. Join us.

Phone home. Phone home. You up, pal.