Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - #60: April 7th 1983 – We Need To Talk About Kevin Rowland

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

The latest episode of the podcast which asks; is the tie clip the least Rock accessory?Remember the last Xmas episode? When 1983 revealed itself to be not as catshit as we thought it was? Well, in this episode your hosts – who at the time this episode went out were staring out of the window at the glorious panorama of Barry, writing plays about Jesus getting The Chair and electing to have a Tefal Man haircut, respectively - have a tentative sniff of a regular episode from that year, and what unfolded knocked us bandy. No word of a lie, Pop-Crazed Youngsters; this is possibly, pound-for-pound, the best episode of The Pops we’ve encountered so far. If you’ve come here for the coat-downs, you’re going to be massively disappointed. Musicwise, Phwoorrrr. Simon Bates and Peter Powell are joined by the actual Kids From Fame, who have taken time out from smashing up dressing rooms and screaming at each other to stand there in the TOTP studio for some severe cross-platform brand synergisation. Dexys make their first appearance on Chart Music. Culture Club hijack a plane. Some Zoo Wankers dressed as the Bisto Kids get in the way of JoBoxers. Dee Snyder electrifies tomorrow morning’s playground and upsets your Dad. Tracie, the Everygirl of 1983, puts on her white shoes. Lots of Scottish people wear Millets shirts. And Nick Heyward remembers to mime.Simon Price and Neil Kulkarni join Al Needham around the arse of 1983 and proceed to give it a severe tonguing, breaking off to discuss such matters as record shops adopting vagrants, more details about Simon chancing across Ian Asbury getting his Wolfchild out in a Birmingham car park, the Tracey Invasion of the UK, breaking up inter-school gang wars through the power of Darnce, and an outstanding lie about sharks. And swearing!Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull Apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks for the small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Hello, I'm Tom, and I make a podcast where I log in to celebrities' Amazon accounts. It's called... What a brilliant idea for a pod. There's no original pods out there anymore, but this genuinely is. Thanks, Ben Bailey-Smith. Anyway. It's called... What a brilliant idea for a pod. There's no original pods out there anymore, but this genuinely is. Thanks, Ben Bailey-Smith.

Anyway, it's called... This is good, isn't it? It's clever, this podcast. You should do more. Thanks, Kerry Godleyman. It's called... This is such a great idea, by the way. What great podcast.

Shafiq Korsandi, you're too kind. The podcast is called... It's biographical. You can get all sorts of information out of people. This is a very good idea. Thank you, Nick Helm. It's called My Mate Bought a Toaster. I'm going to listen to this podcast.

Thanks, Alex Swann. Can you tell your friends? The following podcast is a member of the Great Big Owl family. This will certainly have an adult theme and might well contain strong scenes of sex or violence, which could be quite graphic. It may also contain some very explicit language, which will frequently mean sexual swear words

what do you like to listen to? ummm... chart music oh chart music It's Friday evening. It's about 40 minutes to 8. It's July the 25th, 2003, and it's all going off on the telly.

Sunita has told Dev to fuck off and is moving out of the flat. Archie Shuckleworth has proposed to Audrey Roberts and Fiz Brown has called Tracy Barlow a massive slag in the Rovers' return for convincing Roy Cropper that he'd shagged her and is about to give her an absolute panning. Oh, and Top of the Pops is on the other side. Hey up, you pop-crazed youngsters, and welcome to the denouement of episode 61 of Chart Music.

I'm Al Needham, they're Simon Price and Sarah B, and we're going right in. There's some blind, super furry animals there. Do you reckon they could start a trend? Nah, maybe not. Okay, next up, a club anthem that's been filling up the dance floors all over the place. Created by an Italian record producer, this tune has made the hard hat the essential fashion accessory of this summer.

Don't know about the rest of the outfit, but maybe I could try one on for size. Here's the next big show. With vocals from The Biz, This is Benny Vanassi. Push me, and then just touch me, till I can get my satisfaction. Push me, and then just touch me,

till I can get my satisfaction. Satisfaction. Bonin, holding aloft one of the orangutan's wigs walks in front of the kids who we actually see for the first time they look pretty rubbish all combat trousers and band t-shirts she says something i couldn't quite catch then picks up a bob the builder helmet as she introduces a club anthem from italy that's been filling up the dance floors across the country,

Satisfaction, by Benny Benassi, featuring The Biz. Born in Reggio Emilia, Italy in 1967, Marco Benassi started DJing with his cousin in the late 80s, before moving into production in the 90s, working with post-Saturday Night Wigfield and assorted Italio Dansax. In 2001, he started putting out singles under the name of KMC, gaining moderate club success, and when he put this out under his own name in the summer of 2002, it got to number 80 in May of this year. But when he was put out again by the ministry of sand with a new video

featuring assorted lad mag models being all erotic with power tools which got extensive play on music video stations it soared into the chart this week straight in at number two and here on the top of the pop stage is an attempt to recreate the video in a health and safety pre watershed style and fashion this is well fucking men and motors isn't it or or tits and tires as we used to call it back in the day fucking hell i i mean uh what to say about this i mean as as this podcast token woman i i feel i should go first on this and and you know yes to be to be serious and you know to this this is fucking hilarious i mean it's it's not actually it's not funny it's it's not really sexy it's not anything the track itself let us let's get that out of the way. The track itself is not a very good dance track.

Basically, what it's for, we're now in the era, this is peak super club that we're at now. Yes. And this record has been produced for super clubs. Everything has been cranked up. And, you know, there's kind of nothing wrong with the sound palette itself. It's just that it's been given the aural equivalent of a very big boob job. Yes.

To make it sound big rather. It doesn't matter how good it is. It just sounds big. Yes. And it's kind of borrowing from a sort of a lineage of dirtiness and the sort of throbbing gristle kind of style. And I think it's meant to evoke a sort of Pavlovian dribble response. Yes. But it's just got the production values

of like flabby stadium rock, you know. It's essentially two speak and spell machines having phone sex, isn't it? Basically. Or the robot bar staff that Cynthia's having a workplace liaison. Yes. Why didn't they work that into the video?

Oh my God, yeah. Would have brought a few punters into my club as well. Yeah, the general would have approved. Yeah, he'd be slapping his arse or somebody else's with glee. I mean, that's actually, this was Apple's voice synthesis program, Macintosh. Right. Benny Benassi was very fond of it.

He used it all the time. It also appears on Fitter Happier by Radiohead. Flaming Lips used it on Yoshimi it all the time uh it's also appears on fitter happier by radiohead flaming lips used it on uh yoshimi battles the pink robot so you know afex twin used it a lot outcast marilyn manson it's also the voice of the autopilot in wall-e which is and i don't know if anyone's seen uh the mitchells versus the machines which is extremely funny that's uh that's the robot vacuum cleaners in that so it's it's you know, it's standard. It's very sort of shorthand for robot voice. And the weird thing about this is that it's robotic without being futurist at all.

It's sort of deliberately dead-eyed and flat, but not in that sexy way, not in that kind of shiny way. Yeah, it's music non-stop by Kraftwerk, but shit. But bad, yeah. It's not a good track. The thing is that if you want this sort of sound, but good, then you want...

Kernkraft 400 Zombie Nation did this much better in 1999. Right. Just had a lot more going on with it, just interesting little details and much more sort of punch and more ideas. Yeah. And I don't know if you could really dance to that either, but this is for, like, girls to pose to pose to and you know recreate the fucking video and men to punish the air and look

at the girls yeah and also um uh silver screen shower scene by felix de house cat that was 2001 right that's how you do this right anyway so the tits um yes to the tits some of the models in the video were doing an encore as there obviously wasn't a sunday sport road show event on that night and benny hides behind a newspaper as he tries to whip up some mystique about himself but when he puts the paper down to reveal himself the camera's too busy zooming in on the arses and we we never really see him again so that's him out of the way is that actually him or is that the biz who is the is there even is that is the biz a sort of gestalt entity of the bloke and the woman who basically have the same voice but different

yeah the biz are the man and woman the latter of which looks well fucking sarah palin which was oh god very disconcerting they're the singers he calls in every now and again and they really fuck me off because you know if you're talking about the biz, there's only one the biz, the late and the great biz market. Oh, yeah. So they can fuck off. So that's them dealt with. So, yeah, to the arses, everyone. Fucking, I mean, it is insane seeing that, like,

doesn't this give you whiplash seeing this on Top of the Pops? I mean, is this the kind of latter-day Top of the Pops equivalent of daddisfaction? Oh, yeah. Daddisfaction. Daddisfaction. It's laddisfaction isn't it it is laddisfaction i mean as we all know whenever there's a discussion about pants people and legs and co people including ourselves from time to time always say that oh dance troops on top of the pops they just wouldn't fly at any time since the mid 80s but you know as soon as the dance acts came in in the late 80s and especially during this time you know who do they almost always get in

a dance troupe yeah i mean we're going to see three of them on this episode so you just wonder why didn't they bring back a dance troupe for top of the pops does this count as dance this is dance in the broadest oiliest sense of the term, isn't it? Yes. These are models who have been doused in oil and put in some pants and given a tool belt apiece. Basted is the word, isn't it? They have been thoroughly basted.

They are oven-ready women. And there's a bit, you can't really count it as dancing they do the in the one sort of bit that counts as this very monotonous track this and the one bit of sort of that's meant to be like a drop is like it sort of double it goes double time and so it's like and then they they do a little yeah they they sort of pretend to be drilling and everyone goes all right i mean they're at fucking hell you don't really see the crowd again but it's like there are young men in that crowd baying like hounds it's a bit queasy isn't it it's not the yellow hurl area but they're all balloons in that audience just just in their

trousers on the stage as well mate oh god i'm sorry but it reduces you in very you can just feel your brain kind of reducing down in some ways yeah you kind of can't blame them if there's men hooting at this that's the reaction that was meant to be elicited but it is yes you can see that the camera is a little bit there's a bit of hesitation there it's sort of a horny catholic in a strip club camera sort of looking and looking away and looking and looking away oh no oh please forgive me please forgive me yeah the camera made its excuses and left yeah this shit's still going on isn't it i mean as a former smut peddler i could see this coming a mile off all this bollocks after i finished my shift at

the wank factory and i was waiting for me train to get back home i'd always nip into wh smith and have a look at the top shelf yeah i just wanted to know who was buying the fucking shit i was helping to pump out and you'd see mr suit come in and his eyes would go right across the top shelf at razzle and escort and mayfair and penthouse but then he'd see a couple of shelves down, Maxim's got a 16-page laundry special, and he'd always buy that. That was the beginning of the end for wank mags in this country because nobody ever went broke

underestimating the sexual cowardice of British men. That's the sort of Alka-Pops of... Coward porn. You know what you want, and you've settled for that and by this point it was it was embedded in the in the british male psyche yeah i mean it's a weird sort of thing isn't it when you see this which is european you know this is italian so you have to take off a few points of of you know of of outrage for like european sex standards you know he'd have done this on the italian version of crackerjack and no one would have battled yeah exactly

it doesn't have enough it thinks it's got a sort of tongue-in-cheek sort of humor about it you know but i don't think it like it wouldn't get on eurotrash it's almost too slick and again too too oily to get on eurotrash but you can't just imagine antoine decaux and just kind of going you know they're thrilling they're willing and they've come here to do some drilling but not quite you know i think they probably would have turned it down for not quite being silly enough see when i saw this on the list i wondered how the hell they were going to make it work on cowey's top of the pops because he's anti-video you know and let's face it if ever a song was all about the video it's you know it's satisfaction by benny benassi but they

basically get around it by completely recreating the video like it's a school play in sunderland basically so i'm sure he approved he probably loved it on that on that basis yeah they they kind of like rub the fannies against some brooms and they they've got chainsaws and stuff there but they just hold them up near the end don't turn them on of course it's all a bit hills angels that's what i thought yes massively so it's not it's not so much pans people are legs and co it is hills angels it's that kind of comedy aspect to it benny hill benassi yes because you've got the vocalist ones are dressed as the building site foreman and forewoman so they get to wear clothes but yes the rest of the dress the rest of them are

the basted sexy ladies from the videos in their hot pants and bikinis and high viz and their hard hats and boots and they're wielding the power tools and yes the broomsticks for fuck's sake yeah and there's a moment where some extreme ass shaking happens as if they're as if they're pre-empting the number one record a bit of a um which is which is cheeky literally um so it's it's ah but not though but there is a crucial difference which i will which i will get to it is you're right it's quite a throwback to see a dance-based performance like this on a more modern totp it is like flick colby never retired no but yeah you're right that when when dance records happen what else you're going to do and this does tend to be the way maybe not as extremely sexualized as this one but but still i've got a lot more time for the record than you

two and what it comes down to i think the thing that uh sarah said that chimed most with me was comparing it to felix the house cat because this song is arguably electro clash's biggest hit because it has a lot of electro clash tropes that pounding beat it doesn't have any funk to it it's just that cold dispassionate vocal put through that robotic voice synthesizer you know the mackintalk that you compare to two speaking spell machines having phone sex um yeah the the female vocal is very flying lizards or miss kitten yes and the two vocalists even have a robotic way of moving so for me as you know i was very much an

electro clash aficionado at the time. This isn't a million miles from Fisher Spooner or adult to one of those groups, but it is all about the visuals. This, the song that you can't separate the song from the visuals in this case, the whole package is shameless sexploitation. But for me, it's a fucking solid platinum banger.

And I'm surprised that you guys don't like it. You say it's dead-eyed and flat. Yeah, it is. And that's kind of what I like about it because I was into that kind of thing. It just doesn't do it. Yeah, I love this sort of thing. I just don't love this, I guess. Maybe it's because I'm a humorless bin.

I don't know. But it is, like, so inextricable from the video. You know, I went and watched the video. And it is fucking outrageous. And like I said, it's funny without being humor the video you know i went and watched the video and it is fucking outrageous and and like i said it's funny without being humorous you know but it's like you know because all the the names of the equipment like flash up on the screen and it's like orbital sander minimal dust opera and then it's like there's a bit about it minimal dust operation with disposable bag and part of my brain just goes is that we are to you disposable bags is it but it's there is a

whole there's a whole kind of sub-genre of of this type of electro house dance around this time which kind of lasted for a good couple of years where the videos were made so that when you heard the music it would evoke the video yes so it's almost like the music was almost secondary to its video because and that's what it's supposed to do to your brain and it usually meant sexy women in their smalls doing sex things in absurd circumstances like often it would be really sort of pedestrian summer night club chum music but with you know a video that had women in their pants like in an office or a laboratory or a gym or notably in a white void pretending to be a marching band

What was that? That was, do you remember this was Alex Gordino Destination Calabria which had the Crystal Waters sample which is actually quite a banger, this is like 2005 this is way in the future and it's hysterical, the absolute top most of this was Perfect Exceder by Mason featuring Princess future and it's it's hysterical the absolute top most of this was um

perfect tuxedo by mason featuring princess superstar it's absolutely amazing um video has three women but it really sends up that whole thing and just puts a lid on it puts an end to it right and the video has three women like made up to such a grotesque degree with like three sets of eyelashes each and they're like bouncing on gym balls and spanking each other and and it's great but i think credit is due to benny benaski for like bringing electro house kind of into the mainstream and paving the way for stuff like justice and digitalism who i love very much so you know fair enough it's just that it doesn't hit the spot for me yeah i mean the video just reminds me of when i used to work in a factory in Ucknell in 1990

and one bloke on the bench next to me he had a calendar that had been handed out by a local engineering firm and it featured models trying to be erotic with lathes and I remember him pointing at that month's picture which was some woman squatting by a lathe with her undercarriage out and licking the starting knob and just saying oh all local lasses there mint it great that's what i got from from that video and this performance

i can confirm by the way that you can dance to kun kraft 400 by zombie nation uh because it's a wales thing do you know about this no basically um what happened was in one of wales's qualifying games for Euro 2016, which Welsh people never go on about, the away fans were kind of kettled in the stadium in Belgium. They were doing that thing of sending the home supporters out of the stadium first so that they don't end up mixing on the streets and kicking off or anything like that. So the Wales fans are just locked there in the stadium, nothing to do.

And over the tannoy, the DJ in the stadium played Kerncraft 400. And everyone just started singing along. And there was like a massive disco in the stands. And that just became a Wales thing then. All Wales games, particularly away games, that just happens. Just one of those kind of let's all have a disco moments.

And that's one of my main memories of following Wales away, particularly in France in 2016. The other thing I was going to say about this song is it's well man-to-man featuring man parish. Yes. And that got me wondering, Al, have you ever stripped to this song or was it the wrong era? It was the wrong era and I wouldn't anyway on principle.

I did wonder if, because they've got one of those little, I don't know what they're called, the little polyester stripy road hut thing on the stage. They've done the set out as if it's roadworks. Spared no expense. No. Just nipped out and kind of plundered a roadworks. If they'd had any balls balls they would have had somebody

hidden in there yeah like benny benassi himself where you know who burst out at the end wearing nothing but some strategically smeared road grease yes and maybe nothing but a hard hat between himself and an urgent parliamentary session on the future of the bbc i did appreciate the triangular road sign behind them. Did you notice that? No. Yeah, it's a bridge with two humps. I see what they did there. Oh, of course it is.

Fucking hell. It's like tits. Yes. And arses. And arses as well. Oh, God, it's a feast of... But it did occur to me as well that it does indicate how far we've come in terms of beauty standards because while there are still enclaves of this like this the look of of these lab mag models is not too

far removed from what you now get which is women who kind of take an instagram filtered shot and take it into a plastic surgeon and go that make me look like that yeah it's not that it's a kind of the classic thing with big lips and cat eyes and tiny noses and big tits. But, you know, there's also like every other type of body and figure and everything now. So, you know, there's been some progress. This is not like the only thing that you're allowed to dribble over. Yeah. And what a shame that Benny Benassi didn't put up a follow-up single,

which was a cover version of the Birdseye steakhouse advert oh it's chips it's chips that would have been something um i have one more thing to say about this which is say it apart from on the youtube comments one of the somebody said watching this video as a kid felt like a crime which seems but no the one the last thing is have you do you know of the satisfaction challenge of 2018 no well uh 2017 so this was kind of pre-tick tock some russian cadets at the ulyanov institute of civil aviation filmed a parody video of themselves in their pants doing maintenance tasks um i say their pants are stuffed pants army hats leather belts and big boots and they are ironing twerking mopping and eating

bananas it's the gayest most subversive thing ever it's amazing it's amazing and obviously the institute was quite upset about this and read them for filth and threatened to expel the men of russian military must not twerk yes and it caused for filth and threatened to expel the men of russian military must not work yes and it caused a massive upset and there were headlines like row over cavorting russian air cadets all those and then loads of other people over those russians loads of other people made their own videos in solidarity yes as and like some pensioners in petersburg and ukrainian swimmers welders and so it was awesome so if nothing else that's benny benassi's contribution to our times is is that yeah there was a piece in the new yorker arguing

that the parody video was a show of solidarity with oppressed lgbtq people in russia and certainly you know the russian establishment were as you say furious about it so i guess they read the signs and you know what a brilliant thing to do i think we've got to put that on the video playlist. Yes. I did wonder if this, not this performance, the video, the iconic video, I did wonder if there was any sort of a nod in there to Quentin Tarantino's Chicks Who Love Guns bit. Do you remember that?

Yeah. From Jackie Brown. It's quite early on inie brown where um samuel l jackson is is uh showing off to robert de niro about how about his gun knowledge through the medium of a like a video that he's got of some some girls in bikinis like firing guns and um you only see a tiny bit of it in in the film but they they spent you know a day making a short that is in there and it's really funny it like it goes on for so for so long and it's really uncomfortable because it's like oh christ and then it's funny and then it isn't funny anymore and then it's funny again and i don't think

that maybe if benny benassi had just maybe if they just fixed on the one woman with the one implement and just gone all the way through that would have been brilliant actually wonder what david thinks about this video because you know it is einstein norbarten isn't it with more attractive people doing it einstein norxbarten oh very good it's tna at b and q. So the following week, Satisfaction dropped two places to number four, but would spend five weeks in the top 20, a massive accomplishment by 2003. The follow-up, No Matter What You Do,

only got to number 40 in February of 2004, but it would have a chart renaissance in 2011 when he collaborated with Chris Brown on Beautiful People, which got to number four for two weeks in May of that year, and Cinema with Gary Go, which got to number 20 in August of that year. Meanwhile, the video developed a life of its own when it was parodied by some middle-aged blokes in Denmark, some grannies in Belgium to demonstrate against gender pay equality,

some squaddies in Britain, and yes, most famously in Russia a few years after that, with the Russian air cadet dormitory, which was yeah. It's so good. Welcome to All Rather Mysterious, the podcast that aims to unlock the mysteries of the past with the key of fact. My name is John Rain. My name is Eleanor Morton.

My name is David Reed. Please join us as we present to you mysteries that have baffled the world. You had any noises? What about a door creaking? You don't have to do this. That weird ka-dunk that lights going off makes for some reason in films. All rather mysterious. I have to see they're wearing their protective clothing there.

A big thanks to Benny Benassi and The Biz. Now a young group who are taking on the mantle of Liverpool's best band. Now, we've seen many Merseyside legends come and go, but these guys are carrying on their city's musical tradition. The new heroes of the wild North West. This is The Coral. Cotton, turning away from a strip of monitors on the back of the main stage while the piano play for the next act stares on blankly while chewing gum, tells us that loads of bands from Merseyside have come and gone, and here's one

more, The Coral with Pass It On. Formed in Hoy Lake in 1996, Hive started out as a school band who changed their name to The Coral when they started playing local gigs. A few years later, they ran into Alan Wills, who was intrigued by a gig poster which featured Ian Skelly's grandfather's head exploding and offered to start up a label, which became Deltasonic, and make them his first signing. They put out their debut single, Shadows Fall, in July of 2001, followed by two EPs, none of which made the charts. But then they teamed up with Ian Brodie for their fourth release, Goodbye, which put them over the top and got them to number 21 in July. And their debut self-titled LP was nominated for the Mercury Prize one day after its release and entered the charts at number five in August. This is the follow-up to don't think you're the first

which got to number 10 in march of this year it's the second track from their name this is the first radio ad you can smell the new cinnabon pull apart only at wendy's it's ooey gooey and just five bucks for the small coffee all day long taxes Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Next LP, Magic and Medicine, which comes out next Monday, and it's slammed into the charts this week at number five. So, chaps, by 2003, we're, you know, supposedly in post-Britpop times, but it's a good time to be a band like the

choral isn't it still because if a band like this came out in the mid 80s they'd be happy with a page and melody maker and about 20 seconds in the indie section of the chart show but you know a band like this can sell a few records and get straight into the top 10 yeah i mean obviously we've had oasis and their whole kind of beatles comparisons and there's also been things like cars to literally from liverpool finn cotton is plugging them into that heritage she's introducing them as being part of that scouse tradition yeah i guess ready and the dreamers liverpool express yeah i mean implicitly back to the Beatles. Arcade. They're actually what's disparagingly known as woollybacks, aren't they?

From the Wirral. Woollybacks meaning people who aren't quite from Liverpool. Plastic scousers is another term. So yeah, as you say, the coral from Hoy Lake on the Wirral. And they're on the corner, because the Wirral's like a rectangle that sticks out. And they're from the corner that's closer to Deeside. Deeside there is again um as as the crow flies hoy lake is as close to wales as it is to liverpool right and it's um it's a moderately posh seaside town it's got the royal liverpool golf course there where the open has been held and mike rutherford our genesis went to boarding school there and that's not where the

coral went they went to hilbra high school where james bond daniel craig and the cyclist chris boardman also went fact fancy so what i'm saying is it's not it's not the mean streets of toxteth you know what i mean no so they're definitely woolly backs not scousers as such and it's good to clarify that because you know if people say um somebody from sunderland is a geordie you know get very heads up about it. So yes, Half Man, Half Biscuit, who are from Baird and Ed, because it's impossible to say that word in any other accent, wrote a song called Rock and Roll is Full of Bad Wolves. And it's about bands who turn up on Soccer AM professing to be into footy. And but they don't know anything about it.

And it did cross my mind that it might be about the choral because they have been on soccer am a lot um but it turns out nigel blackwell actually wrote it about a band from south end who've never heard of roots hall so that's more likely to be the horrors or something like that um by the way when you google bad wool um you just find loads of stuff slagging off UKIP's Paul Nuttall Paul Nuttall is a bad wool Which really made me laugh Anyway It got me thinking, who are the good wolves?

So Halfman Offbiscuit themselves Obviously, Boo Radleys are from Wallasey Pete Burns from Port Sunlight, Paul Heaton's From Bromborough, OMD Are from the outskirts of Hoy Lake We're getting closer Cliff Williams from ACDC grew up in Hoy Lake.

On the downside, you've got that tedious, sexist twat, Miles Kane. I would say the choral are good wolves. On the whole, they were a best-case scenario version of capital T-S-O-T, this sort of thing. Northern guitar-based indie rock of the noughties. At their best, they almost had an SFA thing going on, actually. Dreaming of You was brilliant, I thought. In the Morning has got that twinkly daytime radio feel

like Dancing in the Moonlight, but top-loaded, which I like, despite myself. I know, I know. I'm sorry, I'm going to... It's your favourite track on Cooking, isn't it, Simon? Yeah, yeah, on cooking, the Jamie Oliver compilation. Oh, my God, yeah. And the Chorals' first album, the South Island one, really good.

It's got elements of sea shanties and Hispanic folk mixed in there with all the more predictable 60s psychedelia. And, oh, by the way, I sat with The Coral at an awards ceremony once. For some reason, the NME Awards, for some reason I was stuck on the same table as them. But, you know, they were nice guys. They kept leaving the table in ones and twos and coming back with a certain chaotic energy about them.

There were fucking loads of them. At one point, I think there were seven members of the choral. But I've been skating around talking about this actual song because it's very slight, I think. I was stunned to learn that this is their biggest hit. I mean, why? I can only put it down to this certain kind of mathematical momentum of their rise because their first five singles went

180, 21, 13, 10 and 5. And the album, as you say, got to number one that this is from. And it's as if the whole thing had just been decided by forces bigger than us. It was just sort of all heading that way. Because this song, yeah, I couldn't have sung it if you pointed a gun at my head. There is a certain Scousy thing to them in that James Skelly has exactly the same haircut as Lee Mathers from the Lars. And I even did a compare and contrast.

I found the Lars on top of the Pops. And, you know, Lee from the Lars is wearing a round neck jumper and baggy jeans exactly the same as James Skelly. The only difference is one of them's got a tambourine, one of them's got a guitar. By this time, if you're the lead singer of a lancashire band you've got to have a tambourine with you that's the law have a tambourine exactly yeah yeah yeah and i i thought well okay maybe i'm missing something here so i looked in the lyrics and it goes every day i recognize what's deceased and what's alive but don't repeat what i just said

until gold has turned to lead. Then all the tales will be told whilst you and I are in the cold. But don't think this is the end, because it's just begun, my friend. And when it's done and all this is gone, just find the feeling, pass it on. So, I don't know, I mean, it's just a vague... I mean, there's that reverse alchemy thing of gold turning to lead, but it's just a sort of vague,'s that reverse alchemy thing of gold turning to lead but it's just a sort of vague very vague feeling of everything going wrong um somebody i don't know if you ever go on the website song meanings but somebody on there reckoned it's about stds

which made me laugh pass it on but um i prefer i prefer to interpret it you know there's that child childish way of uh whispering a rumor in school as they pass it on. You know, like Darren Grimes had a crafty wank in class, pass it on, that kind of thing. Oh, man. The thing about that is that, obviously, there were NME cover stars this week, and I think this was a thing that the NME did.

They were always trying to nail down the next big songwriting guitar genius and slap them on the cover as quick as they could and go, this down the next big songwriting guitar genius and slap them on the cover as quick as they could and go, this is your next big song, until people kind of caught on to it, I think, and went, really? But that was definitely a thing, and I think it may not have done them any favours. No. It's nice, this. It's inoffensive.

Yeah, it's pleasant enough, isn't it? It's kind of a, it's a bit of a nothing tune. Weirdly, I think the chorus is pleasant and the verse really grated on me for some reason. And the fact that there's no bridge as well. It's like, just put a bridge in there. It's missing your bridge, mate. But, you know, they don't have to put a bridge in,

but it just seemed a bit... Or a tunnel, at least. It's just something. It kind of goes back to that whole sound arising from place. Yeah. And they have definitely turned towards Liverpool and kind of lent into that. But it's not completely lazy.

Obviously, there's a million bands that have come from there that have completely coasted on that. If you come from somewhere that has such a heritage, you kind of don't have to be good. You just have to be confident. You just have to go, yeah, and wait for somebody to go, yeah, that sound is what we want on our label right now. And they are shooting for timelessness as well.

That's the thing, is that it does sound kind of slightly out of time. It doesn't sound distinctively 2003, but it isn't like a really wincy throwback either. No. Dreaming of You, which is better than this, definitely. Pete Doherty claims to have written that and sold it to them for, I don't know, a dreaming of you which is better than this definitely um pete doherty claims to have written that and sold it to them for i don't know a bag of something a massive breakfast i've been to that cafe it's really good he wasn't there at the time unfortunately yes it

is a nice it is a nice gaff and they have proper sauce you didn't do the challenge i did not i did not undertake the pete doherty challenges i guess it is now called. Listen to a baby's shambles single without throwing up your breakfast. Oh, I'll tell you what, though. I bet that was a fucking cheat, though. Because, you know, Pete Doherty, he's got like an Alaskan Malamute or a Husky, a large dog. Right. And I'm sure you could just pass half the bacon under the table to the dog. The thing that this reminded me most of, actually, is Dodgy.

Right. Who were, you know, the kind of Britpop-adjacent dorks who were extremely uncool, but actually pretty good at songwriting. They're more like that than Cast, which is better. The presentation of it is a step down from Super Furry Animals, isn't it? They've got the video screens up again, but it's like really thin transmissions of their video for this song. You know when someone films something for the news and they've got the phone cameras upward yeah the orientation's wrong

yeah yeah and you're just there saturday going oh you stupid cunt turn your phone round yeah yeah what the fuck is wrong with you i do give them credit because they are um as i'm sure you're going to mention they're still going and um yeah i was slightly surprised but quite quite pleased to find um and they were quite freaked out by how big they got, how quickly, which obviously is the experience of a lot of artists. And it's got to be a huge head fuck. It's going to be really difficult. And James Skelly said that what they couldn't deal with

was how other people project their idea of you onto you, and then that's who you are and so then you have to sort of go back and reclaim who you think you are and so they sort of did that and their most recent album is a double they just put a fair deal to them they just put out a double album about an imaginary decaying seaside resort and it's very soft and very gentle psychedelia

it sounds like people who used to smoke a lot of weed but then knocked it on the head because it was making them go a bit wrong yeah and i respect the fact that they are still they are still at it and they're doing it on their own terms well i mean a band like this in 2003 if they can get about i don't know 10 000 people to go out and buy their new single at the same time they're in the top 10 yeah and you know if you've just been on the cover of the enemy that's going to be easy to get, isn't it? And then within that world, you're suddenly a big deal and you're potentially a festival headliner.

Yes. And then it just can spiral. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But the problem is you've got to keep it up. I think they kind of just went, no, we're not going to do that. We're going to do the other thing. Yeah.

I'm sure a lot of people would be better off for doing that because you have to resist a lot of pressure because then once other people are counting on you to make them money it's very difficult but luckily for them they're an indie band on an actual indie label so they've got the best of both worlds they're calling the shots

they are playing the Shine On Weekender in November by the way along with the likes of just check this out see if this makes your brain twang at all Glass Vegas, Pigeon Detectives Cast Republica, Dub Pistols

Ned's Atomic Dustbin Goldie Lookin' Chain Bentley Rhythm Ace Peter Hook and his amazing Peter Hook band Sunscream what was their thing? I don't know, Black Grape, Alison Limerick. Oh, look, a woman.

Oh, no, Republica is two women. 808 State and The Farm. I would go and watch Las Vegas and Goldilocks and Chain out of those, but very little else. I would go and see 808 State and maybe The Coral. I'd go and see The Coral. Yeah. So the following week, Pass It On dropped 11 places to number 16.

The follow-up, Secret Kiss, only got to number 25 in October of this year, and they'd have to wait until 2005 for their next and last top 10 hit when In The Morning got to number 6 in May of that year. But they only had one more top 40 hit in them, even though they're still going, and their most recent LP, Coral Island, got to number two in May of this year.

Hey, I'm Wiers, and here is this week's official Top The Pops Top 20. 20's Escalade, Full No More. 19, Delta Goodrum, Lost Without You. Pump It Up's at 18, Joe Budden. 17's Can't Get It Back from Mystique. 21 questions at 16 from 50 Cent. 15's Madonna, Hollywood. New at 14, Jane's Addiction, Just Because.

New again at 13, Golden Retriever from the Super Furry Animals. Ignition Remix at 12 from R. Kelly. Eminem's at 11, Business. At 10, Fly on the Wings of Love from XTM and DJ Shucky. 9's The Fast Food Song from the Fast Food Rockers. Javine's at 8, Real Things. New at 7, Invisible from D-Side. 6 is Feel Good Time from Pink featuring William Orbit.

5's A New Entry, Pass It On from The Coral. 4's Bring Me to Life from Evanescence. Wayne One's at three, No Letting Go. And the highest new entry at number two goes to Benny Badassi Presents The Biz and Satisfaction. And don't forget to check out the new chart this Sunday with me on Radio One. That was the chart.

That was top of the pops. I'm Liz Bonham. I'm Fern Coulson. Do you know, I don't think I can remember a time when this lady wasn't at number one. I know. A big well done to the booty-shaking Beyonce Knowles. See ya. You ready?

Sing it y'all! After a ridiculously fast top 20 rundown from Wes Butters ended in a plug for his chart rundown on Sunday, Carton and Bonny muse upon the longevity of this week's number one and they do some appallingly workman-like arse-shaking as the camera zooms in on a repeat of the Top of the Pops performance of this week's number one, Crazy in Love by Beyonce. Born in Houston in 1981, Beyonce Knowles began her music career at the age of seven when she won a school talent contest singing Imagine by John Lennon and beating out contestants twice her age.

A year later, she auditioned with her schoolmate Kelly Rowland for a spot on a local group called Girls' Time, and they both landed the gig, playing around the Houston talent show area and eventually being entered in Star Search, the American talent show, which also broadcasts the first nationwide appearances of britney spears backstreet boys justin timberlake christina aguilera tiffner and osha although they didn't win they kept going and in 1995 beyonce's dad packed in his job to manage the group trimming it down to four and getting them support slots for assorted female r&b groups and a year later they landed a record deal with columbia and changed their name to

destiny's child they made the first dent on the uk charts in 1998 when no no no enter the chart at number five sparking a run of eight top 10 hits over here including number ones with independent woman in december of 2000 and survivor in april of 2001 round about the same time it was announced that destiny's child would have a break so the three remaining members could embark on solo careers and dabble in films and whatnot with noel's becoming the most successful of the trio this is the follow-up to work it out which got to number seven in july of 2002 it's the lead-off single from her debut lp dangerously in love which came out last month and leans hard on a sample of the 1970 chai light single are you my woman and includes some rap from her knock-off Jay-Z,

repaying the favour she did on his last single, O3 Bonnie and Clyde. It entered the chart at number one two weeks ago. This is its third week upon the summit of Mount Pop and here's the repeat of her performance on the main stage earlier this month. That chart countdown from Wes Butters, when he goes at the start

higher i'm wes i mean i'm just thinking who the fuck because i yeah i didn't know he was um turns out yeah wes butters um who was presenting the chart on radio one at that point and um obviously he's missing a trick by not having a jingle that goes everyone knows it's butters that's me apparently um where the wife comes from and when the wife comes from which is croydon and the 90s um butters means ugly or disgusting so he must have had a tough time in the public eye i can only imagine um but the thing that struck me about the countdown because you see tiny little video clips almost sort sort of gif-length clips of each song. Only three of them are not Top of the Pops footage,

which was Jane's Addiction, something called XTM, which is a dance thing I'd never heard of, as a cartoony video, and R. Kelly, which, you know, all things considered, it's for the best that he wasn't in the studio. Otherwise, we probably wouldn't be talking about this episode.

But yeah, I just thought that, the fact that 17 out of 20 are from this sort of Ikea Top of the Pops footage, just goes to show how well Kawi's system is working at this point. It's just, it's on a roll, isn't it? They've just got this constant production line of content. So, yeah.

And they're massive stars as well. You know, you've got Madonna in there and Eminem and, you know, all right, S Club 8. But, you know, proper big stars like 50 Cent and so on and Pink. And, yeah, clearly, Cowie's whole thing is, it's a machine that's well-oiled by this point, I would say. But it does make it, like I said before, it does make it all quite samey. And it's quite self-congratulatory as well, isn't it? It's like, look at all the people we've had.

It's like, yeah, yeah, we know. Yeah, they're sort of trying to co-opt pop. It's like, this is the one, your one-stop pop shop. And, you know, just it's a bit samey. But this fucking song, Jesus. I mean, it's a toss-up between this and Hey Y'all for the best single of the century so far, I contend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's this. toss up between this and hey y'all for the best single of the century so far i contend yeah yeah yeah i i think it's this um and i mean this is it's it's an important moment as well really just

in in all kinds of ways um which you know for one of those you know you look up the story of it and it's one of those things that almost didn't happen hungover producer was instructed to just knock it out in a couple of hours and uh yeah yeah um and know, she wasn't keen on the horns in the first instance because no one else was doing it. You know, it seemed a little bit too retro. It's like, no, that was absolutely the right call. But obviously we have to mention the choreography because the thing is that since the dawn of pop culture in,

I don't know, let's say 1957, arses had been shaken left to right, to and fro. And as of 2003, when Beyonce dropped the video of Crazy in Love and performed it about the place, the world understood that it was possible for arses to go up and down. It was the birth of arse longitude. She single-handedly ushered in the arthropocene. This is an announcement of a lot of things. This is a real watershed.

And it's incredible, really, that it is pre the watershed on Top of the Pops. It's so far beyond any sort of stab at sexiness that has happened in this episode thus far. And it's it's an important it's a real declaration that this is going to be the most important pop star of her generation. And you can see that now. This is the track that we'll remember when we're old and we think about these things. This is it. You brought us around to the subject of arses, Sarah. So you've got to get it. You've got to get, Sarah, so let's get it out of the way. Oh, you've got to get it, yeah, let's get it out of the way. There was a lot more gratuitous arse shots

in the Benny Bernassi thing. And Beyonce's got jeans on, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. She could have sackcloth on and it'd still be, my God, look at that woman. Yeah, fucking hell. You're also getting arse shots in the Star Bar, let's not forget.

Yes. Cotton and Bonin doing a bit of comedy booty shaking there with a camera zooming in on them while they're letting us know it's been number one forever. Very poor. Yeah, it's a bit of a pro-am tournament, this, isn't it? Yes. Oh, bless them, though.

It's nice to see them getting into the spirit of the thing. But also going left to right still, because it takes a while for the world to catch up when something like this happens. Even if it's happening right in front of you. It's like they hadn't got the memo. It's so magnificent. It's like a whale breaching on, you know. Oh, my God.

Just the awe. You know, you don't get over it. I mean, there are four other women on the stage Legging and co-ing it But it might as well be me Simon, Taylor and Neil up there Doing the mud rocker Because it doesn't make a blind bit of difference You're not looking at them, you're looking at her

They're the backing arses But it's important, it would be too much if it was just her So it's good that they are there As a team Doing it together And she's sort of carried that idea through. They've been sort of tinkering with this over the years. I don't know if you've seen the Coachella performance from 2018.

She's got like 50 or 100 dancers and horn players. Wow. And just really messing with the format. They slow it down, they speed it up, throwing in samples and stuff. It's absolutely staggering. And it really shows her inventiveness and her desire to keep pushing it. but also then you can go right back to this and it's perfect it's just such a perfect thing and what i was saying before about music being made to kind of evoke the video so

the video becomes more important and this isn't like that but there's a perfect dovetail of the imagery from the video and and the choreography and the song the song would still be great without the video but it's just one of the big moments in mainstream pop culture, the whole thing. I saw Destiny's Child play Escape Park in Labrador Grove once. What? This was the Notting Hill Carnival of whatever year it was that I guess No, No, No by Destiny's Child was in the charts,

which I thought was amazing, by the way. It had this real kind of almost Paisley Park-ish psychedelic feel to it, No, No, No. And, yeah, I thought a lot of Destiny's Child stuff was just lovely. And they were there in this fucking skate park as part of the Notting Hill Carnival, and they were all wearing just sort of double denim outfits and doing a sort of PA on top of one of the kind of moundy bits of a skate park

and um at that point there was no real indication that this one Beyonce was going to go on to be this you know obvious massive star um except I guess if you knew what was going on behind the scenes and you knew that her dad was basically determining their career then you could have predicted it but just just to look, they were very much a group. But by this point, we're seeing on top of the pops, she is totally dominant. She is, you know, a world star on top of the fucking world. She's radiantly beautiful.

Yeah, she's got those silvery jeans on and the crop top. And we are getting a bit of Builder's Arse crack there at times, which would have been more appropriate for Benny Benassi. It's like she's hitting back at them for stealing her arse shaking thunder yes one thing that really impressed me she's in these massive stilettos right and she she drops she's in these massive stilettos dancing about and she drops to her knees for a bit of wailing and then she gets up again without using hands singing at the same time and it is live i'm pretty sure it's live because her vocal her vocals a bit off at times but not too bad you know she does a lot of ad-libbing towards the end

which is really thrilling yeah she's singing over backing tapes there's a bit during jay-z's bit where she just does this little grin at the camera and pokes her tongue out slightly like yeah i know i'm amazing and i'm smashing this you know know? Yes. Some rap, in this case, was provided by Jay-Z, and apparently it was written and recorded in ten minutes, and to my mind, it sounds like he was out having a shit for at least eight of them, because it's his usual tedious gibberish. You know, he's got loads of money, he's dead good,

he's a star like Ringo, he's mad, he's cut from a different cloth cloth his texture is the best fur like chinchilla etc etc oh i don't know i quite like the line stick bony but the pocket is fat like tony soprano yeah and i've been iller than chain smokers i quite like that he was the first big rapper that i didn't reckon when he came out it was around the time when hip hop had started devouring itself and he was just basically sampling old hip-hop tunes well he was sampling fucking annie wasn't he um yeah which i quite liked i like hard knock life but but i've been by this time he's one of the few rappers who can actually afford to clear samples so it's like

yeah he's no good there was a lot of kerfuffle around this time that when it was announced that he name-checked david beckham in a forthcoming tune and you know cue lots of discussion in the papers about how football was really seeping into the american consciousness but then it turned out he only mentioned it because of the rockefeller connection with victoria beckham and he was looking for something to rhyme with, every suit covers my rectum. So there we go. I mean, usually you get some rapping to pep up a single and make it funky,

but to my mind, this just gets in the way of everything. It's the wet tea towel of landfill rap thrown over the glorious chip pan fire of R&B. I don't know. It's like you're having a conversation with this brilliant woman and you you're really interested in her and then all of a sudden her fucking boyfriend doesn't like it and he has to stick his oar in and it's like no mate i'm not trying to cop off with your

girlfriend i just find her more interesting than you at the very least you could have said oh yeah you see her there this brilliant woman i'm going out with her yeah you know it doesn't take that long to rhyme beyonce with soon she's gonna be my fiancee fucking your rappers that i shit them it's supposed to be like i know it was a last minute addition and everything but that's not it's it's fucking rap you know isn't this the soul of spontaneity and you know it's like she's right there she's right there and he's not he's not bothered to turn up has he to be fair

I mean he does do an excellent hype job at the start most incredibly it's your girl B which is obviously what I want to hear when I come into a room

and wear massive heels yes next time we go out for a drink Sarah I'll make sure I get in the pub earlier and I'll shout that

as soon as I see you in the windows excellent and just make sure everyone is quiet as well earlier. And I'll shout that as soon as I see you in the windows. Excellent. And just make sure everyone is quiet as well. I won't have heels on. No, there will be by the time I'm finished. Don't worry about that. But yeah, so that's a good, you know, strong start there.

But then he's just kind of in the middle. It's like he just lapses into navel gazing, you know, about his own skills, which I am now calling into question. Yeah. You know. I'm surprised he didn't slag off d side as well yeah get another lick in on those poor lads i don't know i think it provides a little bit of a bridge and a little bit of kind of it builds up the anticipation for when she's

going to come back in because you know she's coming back here yeah so i think it has a function in the record that that bit of some rap in terms of what it's for in terms of him being able to clear samples because he can afford it sure um but he didn't produce this. That's what it's for. In terms of him being able to clear samples, because he can afford it, sure. But he didn't produce this, let's not forget. It's Rich Harrison, who, I mean, I've mentioned Pharrell and Timberland earlier on in this episode as being the two guys who are really running American pop,

particularly black American pop at this time. But Rich Harrison isn't one of those top guys. He did go on to produce One Thing by Amory, which is amazing. Oh, that's the other great tune at this time. But Rich Harrison isn't one of those top guys. He did go on to produce One Thing by Amory, which is amazing. Oh, that's the other great tune of this time. But this record, if he'd only done this in his career, who cares? Because it's just phenomenal.

It's one of those ones. I would also put Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie and Bad Romance by Lady Gaga in this category that I can just remember exactly where I was when I first heard it and I'm like fucking hell yeah you know what is this and it's not just a matter of lazily whacking a well-known sample over the top because the little bit of brass from that Chai Lights record it doesn't even dominate the Chai Lights record if you if you play that Chai Lights record

you're kind of disappointed that that bit of brass isn't happening all the way through it's just one little bit of it so that's a good find from the producer yeah i remember being slightly confused by the lyrics at the time because being a big liverpool fan i was convinced she was singing sammy whoopie is crazy right now um but she's actually going got me hoping you'll page me right now she's obsessed with pages because um bugaboo right bugaboo by destiny's child that's 1999 uh you make me want to throw my pager out the window right in 1999 you can imagine yeah pages were still a thing 2003 yeah she's going on about pages i it's weird yeah surely pages are gone by now but yeah well this is the 3g era isn't it yeah i think paramedics and stuff still doctors still had them but but, you know.

She's a doctor of pop and of arse-shaking. It's great, though, because the horns actually sound like Beyonce coming towards you. Yes. That's what that means now. Like, here I fucking come in my heels. If she was a wrestler, that'd be her entrance music yeah yeah yeah it really like the smashing a glass for steve austin i think it is like it is one of

those kind of happy accents where everything just kind of came together in the most brilliant way if they'd intended that it wouldn't have worked but because they didn't it's just it's just naturally you know but um speaking of jay-z i mean i don't think much of it as itself but i can't imagine the track without it at this point so right but i wrote the guidebook for um you know those kind of big orchestra plays pop hits events that you have a lot of these days there's one of those at the royal albert hall and i wrote the guidebook for it oh yeah so just like a little bit on each and one of the tracks was um crazy enough i didn't go to the event actually, but kind of wish I had. I didn't put this, but it really amused me to think of putting,

you know, featuring her partner Jay-Z, a star in his own right. Wow. That would have been, yeah, I just thought, no, I'll just leave that out. I'll let him off this time. And the thing is, I heard Alicia Keys version of Empire State of Mind that hasn't got him on it and it's just not as good so I don't know what to do with that

you might think he's just splurging his lumpen fairly useless rap all over things but yeah maybe it's just what you're used to but when I heard the Alicia Keys track without him on it I thought meh I'm not saying there shouldn't be some rap on it, but just get a better rapper in.

Imagine Q-Tip on this. What would Q-Tip have done? Oh, well, there you go. Fucking hell. But Crazy in Love's just a fucking monster. It's a juggernaut, isn't it? It's just, it's one of those things, it cannot be resisted.

If you're in its path, you're fucked, you know. It bends you to its will. I mean, I can understand, especially after all these years, I can understand someone feeling they've heard it too many times, right? No, no right no no but if anyone said they didn't like this record i just wouldn't trust them it doesn't compute yeah for me you could not like yeah yeah there's something a bit off if if you don't feel any feelings for it at all not all of this stuff you know can stand up next

to this in but by any means i mean the sexual politics of single ladies don't even fucking start me on that I know people think very highly of her Lemonade album and stuff she's done some interesting stuff since but this just towers doesn't it it really does to my mind she's a one hit wonder

no she is to me because I've never heard anything else by her I couldn't sing you one note of any other song that she's done. Oh, High Court Needham. I could have another you in a minute. Was that her? Yes. Yeah, there you go then.

That's the other thing I know her about. But that's it. That's all I know about her. So just Crazy in Love and I could have another you in a minute. Yes. It doesn't matter what else she's done because she did this. I mean, yeah, she's gone on to do some very sort of, some very, talking about sexual politics, she's gone on to do some very sort of some very talking

about sexual politics she's there's she's gone on to to really delve into that you know where it's and it's really interesting in the kind of course of her career where it's like marriage is lovely and and men are great and then to go oh shit they uh they fuck you over and this is what i've got to say about it she's um she's very righteous she's um got to the position of power where she could like have 50 black panthers with her at the fucking super bowl and and pull that off yeah yeah and you know she's very she's very pro black lives matter and you know you don't have to be when you're that big you can you know you can sort of go well it's not for me to say or you can actually go fuck this and you can stake your claim in that way. Yeah, totally.

She's important in so many ways, and she's a good philanthropist, and she's done a lot of extremely interesting stuff, not all of which is, yeah, you're not going to throw on lemonade before you go out on a Friday night, but it just shows that she's got a kind of breadth and depth of interesting stuff going on. But yeah, it always comes back to this. This is just the greatest. Yeah. She's also responsible, inadvertently,

for one of my favourite bits of music writing ever, when she headlined Glastonbury in 2011 and Clive James, of all people, wrote a review of it. I mean, I guess he was writing a review of the TV coverage rather than the gig, but you know. And if I can just read out what he wrote. The whole deal is organized like D-Day but without the mistakes it's got everything except the kind of emotion we would get from Amy

Winehouse if she were organized to cross the road successfully Beyonce and Pathos are strangers Winehouse and Pathos are flatmates and you should see the kitchen i just enjoyed this so much like i teared up a bit watching this because she's so she's so blazingly brilliant and nothing and so beautiful and so sexy and nothing else in this episode even seems to belong to the same planet does it yeah i think beyonce may actually be where human evolution has peaked. I think it's all downhill from her. So the following week, Crazy in Love dropped to number two, usurped by Never Gonna Leave Your Side by Daniel Bedingfield. The follow-up, Baby Boy with Sean Paul, got to number two in October.

A year later, Destiny's Child reunited for the lp destiny fulfilled and then split up leading knolls to have 31 top 40 hits four of which would get to number one I'll be back. Will Beyonce make it four in a row? Or will Daniel Bedingfield triple eight? Or will the stereophonics be top of the pops? To find out and for the best of the rest of the charts, don't miss Top of the Pops, Friday, 7.30, BBC One. We do our very best to give accurate critiques

of what we've just seen, and that's what we're going to continue to do. We're just having a bit of slack by the fellow who did Fame Academy. We came off stage, and he said that we weren't quite there. But we are on top of the pub, so what's the scene up?

We go straight to a voiceover of Bonin and Cotton spoilering next week's episode and begging us to tune in next week. And then we go to a voiceover of Bonin and Cotton, spoilering next week's episode, and begging us to tune in next week. And then we go to a graphic of the word Inquest, and footage of Park and Grant walking out of the building, shilling Fame Academy again,

and then cutting to D-side flouncing down a corridor, telling us that they've just been slagged off by Parks, but they've just been on top of the Pops. So what does hes, but they've just been on top of the Pops. So what does he know? Yeah. They've been on top of the Pops more than he has.

So fuck off. Yeah, properly fuck off. This does remind me a little bit of the one time that I did a comment is free for The Guardian and the editor made me go into the comments and respond to the comments. And it was so difficult because, you know, the ones that were mean and I responded to them as, you know, and so I told them off.

And then the editor told me off for telling them off. But I had to, I was really put in this impossible position. And I didn't want to, I wanted to just say what I wanted to say and then fuck off and I was not allowed to. So it's like comment is free, but you can only be free once and then after that you've got to be super diplomatic comment ain't free there's a hefty fucking fee um and you know poor d side having to come on again it's like oh no we'll give them a right to reply and it's like oh poor lads you know because they're sort of going down the stairs there's one of them is sort of um doing this sort of like fake boxy boxy to the

camera yeah yeah and it's like they've been told to like laugh it off in a particular way and just like oh but it will be people will think you're great and it's like but they just it's like this is not what they signed up for at all no but i do love them for the fact that you know one of chart music's catchphrases has actually been made real for once they've been on top of the pops more than he has. They've manifested it. What's the tune on? If you're looking for anyone else, it's us. The tide is high

but I'm holding on What's up, Paulie? Get on up when we're down baby I've got you to kiss goodnight I've got you to understand Horrific. Sorry man.

Sorry man, that messes with the D-side. Find out where they live. We cut back to Park and Grant sitting on a sofa watching pre-recorded footage of randoms outside Television Centre singing very badly and making absolute arses of themselves, which has obviously been collated by the camera crew so Park and Grant can have something

to sneer at. A regular feature of shows like this, isn't it? Look at these twats who think they're summer. Is Top of the Pop's self-esteem this low at this point? Yeah. This is so weak, isn't it? Yeah. The show ends with ken from d-side throwing punches at the camera and saying it's a sorry man that messes with the d-side while his bandmate

ken from d-side says we'll find out where he lives as the camera fades down and that pop craze youngsters closes the book on this episode of Top of the Pops and also closes the book on the reign of Chris Cowher because four days later the BBC recruited Andy Peters over the head of Cowher in a last ditch

attempt to shore up the ratings which caused Cowher to walk out and Peters to mind the shop in preparation for a massive relaunch in November. Article in The Guardian the following week, the BBC One controller Lorraine Hegeser even suggested yesterday that Top of the Pops' long-term future on the channel was not secure. It's on BBC One now, but BBC One has to appeal to all of the people some of the time. She conceded that a move to BBC Three was possible, but added, for the moment, it will stay

on BBC One. The thing is, are the charts as valid as they once were last friday's edition attracted get ready for this 2.8 million viewers far fewer than the 4.5 million who watched the program when it was relaunched in october 2001 the show has suffered from drastic changes in record buying habits in the first quarter of this year the sales of singles by number and value fell by 42 percent prompting crisis meetings in the bpi fucking hell that november relaunch will be covered at some point but not for a while because let's go back to the distant past yeah there's gonna have to be some severe loin girding before we tackle that one 18 years ago was way too recent this let's be honest i'm sorry al that sarah and i dragged you so close to the present but you know so what's on television

afterwards well bbc one kicks on with eastenders then it's the final episode of the second series of my family the robert lindsay zoe want to make a sitcom then it's Then it's the final episode of the second series of My Family, the Robert Lindsay Zoe Wanamaker sitcom. Then it's a repeat of the final episode of the third series of Alveda's Aimed Pet, the one where they reunited

after 16 years to relocate a transporter bridge to Arizona. After the news, it's the chat show Patrick Kilty Almost Live, followed by Close to the Edge, the first of three comedy specials featuring Jim Davidson.

2003, everyone. Fucking hell. Then it's boxing from the sports village in Norwich, the 2000 murder film Exposure, and they hand over to BBC News 24 at 5 to 3. BBC 2 hits us with The Flying Gardener, where Chris Beardshaw gets in a helicopter to look at someone's garden in Herefordshire because the BBC has that much money to piss up the wall.

Then they follow that up with Gardener's World, the documentary series Stalin Inside the Terror, Newsnight, Newsnight Review, world the documentary series stalin inside the terror news night news night review then the 2000 australian comedy film the wog boy about a greek australian who suddenly becomes famous and then they hand over to bbc learning zone at 3 a.m itv continues with tonight with trevor mcdonald a repeat of a Touch of Frost, where David Jason finds out if someone with Down syndrome has done a murder, then a repeat of The Undertaker docusope Don't Drop the Coffin,

ITV weekend news, the 1996 comedy film Joe's Apartment, highlights from today's action in the Tour de France, and all the usual nighttime ramble. Channel 4 has just started Grand Slam, the show hosted by James Richardson and Carol Vorderman, where two champions in other TV quizzes face off against each other. Then it's the first part of the grand final of the fourth Big Brother. Then it's Scrubs, then the final part of Big Brother.

After V. Graham Norton, it's the last in the present series of bow selector featuring craig david turning up to have the piss taken out of him and david sneddon then it's today at the test big brother's little brother and a repeat of tonight's big brother then some brazil. So, me dears, what are we talking about in an empty playground tomorrow because it's Saturday? If I was literally still at school, you know, if I was literally 13 or 14,

I'd be talking murder dolls because exciting and Benny Benassi because tits and arse. I went to a boys' school. As a grown-up, just wanging on about the genius of super Theory Animals, probably.

And Beyonce. Depending on what age I was, I suppose, I might be pondering the great artistry of Beyonce Knowles and the fact that there's nothing else that that woman was put here on this earth to do. What we're buying on Saturday. Crazy enough. Super Theory Animals and Beyonce and maybe Benny Benassi. And what does this episode tell us about July of 2003?

It's a load of arse. What it tells us is that some things never change from 1973 to 2003. If you want to stand out, either have tits and arse if you're women or wear a mad costume if you're a bunch of guys. I don't make the rules. Chris Cowie does. And what would you have done to rescue Top of the Pops? Or is it too late?

It would have been good to just go kind of back to basics in terms of get the best people who are going to do the most interesting stuff live. And then just the best videos. You know, the whole let's not have any videos anymore thing is death i think just like one or maybe two you know you don't even have to show the whole thing but just yeah that's been part of it for so long and i think it was a mistake to get rid of it so but yeah just get the best people in who not necessarily the you know the best singers or the best dancers or the people who can make their ass go a different way to how

asses have always gone but although obviously, ideally, that's what you want. Just the greatest range that you can display, which there is some of that in evidence here. But just really double down on that. I would scrap the star bar. Yes, I would allow more videos. And just have much more of the studio audience and much more of the presenters being in amongst it so that it feels like a party you've been invited to, not one that you haven't.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I came to this episode pretty much stone cold, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. If this was a new BBC One music show, you'd look at it and go, well, this is all right, actually. There's been some interesting bands and singers on and everything i'm coming away from it feeling i've got a handle on what's happening music wise at the moment but here's the problem it's not a music show it's top of the fucking pops yeah yeah the other thing of course is to uh keep a bit of suspense in it yes yeah i love the whizzy suspenseful countdown at the end you know there

was a period kind of you know in the 80s where they absolutely nailed that and it's like i don't know what you know stay tuned for some good stuff that you can trust us will be good yeah you know run with that like you're supposed to be able to trust there's a certain degree of like when you turn on top of the pops it's like you're going to have there'll be some stuff you like some stuff you don't like but it's all going to be worth watching. So like why spaff it all in the first, you know, they did it multiple times as well. Is that weird? It's like, you know, when people started to do documentaries

in that American style where after every advert, which is like every 20 minutes or something, there's a recap of everything you've just seen. And, you know, as if you're just coming into it for the first, it's like, don't fall for that. You know, it's all right to trust people to have an attention span. There was a series on Bravo about the band Towers of London, which I'm in briefly.

And yeah, every episode of that, I think an episode was like maybe 20 minutes long. I swear like 12 minutes of it was recap or throwing forward. And only about eight, if that, that's being generous, was actual programme. It took them fucking ages to get the whole series out because it was just inching along, you know what I mean? Yeah, it drives me mad.

Yeah, it's a bit like that. And that, pop craze youngsters, is the end of this episode of Chart Music. Time for me to do my usual promotional flange. www.chart-music.co.uk facebook.com slash chart music Reach us on Twitter at chartmusic, T-O-T-P money down the G-string.

patreon.com slash chart music. Ta very much, Simon Price. You're very welcome. God bless you, Sarah B. Oh, God bless me. My name's Al Needham, and I implore you to make sure you get all ranger doings. Chart music. GreatBigHour.com

Hi, I'm Scott Hancock, and I host From Queer to Eternity, a new podcast exploring what it means to be queer, where we have conversations like this. I look at younger generations and go, you can just Google this stuff. The fact that the only mention of queerness was don't get AIDS. If I'd been marrying a girl, that would not have happened. Maybe we can find a universality that we weren't aware of before. That's why this podcast is so great,

because actually, I guess we just don't think speak of this stuff, and yet it's part of our fabric. From Queer to Eternity, available to listen to now from the Great Big Owl Company. Hello, all you teddy guys and girls out there. Oh, welcome to the Tweenie chart countdown. Today you're going to hear all the Tweenie's favourite songs. And first on stage is Young Milo.

He's chosen this number as his favourite song because he likes to move and dance. Teasemare, and they just tempt me So I can get my, Darnisfaction. Bait me, and agitate me, until I get my, Darnisfaction. Darnisfaction. Corn, blah, blah. I get very excited for, blah, blah, blah.

Wow, naughty lady. Corn, blah, blah. There's a beautiful lot I'd like to say about lexicon i'm afraid uh And turn your drums on Until I get by Dinosaur Dinosaur Dinosaur Dinosaur Dinosaur Dinosaur Dinosaur Dinosaur

Dinosaur Here are some young ladies I've admired many times If you little armchair. I'm Jonathan.