Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - Chart Music #45: August 2nd 1979 - Treat Dad To Joan Collins For Xmas

Episode Date: November 8, 2019

The latest episode of the podcast which asks: who would win in a stage-show spaceship fight between Earth Wind and Fire, ELO and Funkadelic?It's the final furlong of the Critics' Choice series, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, and Our Simon has dragged us back to the dawn of the Eighventies and pulled out a ridiculously bountiful episode with so much to talk about, making this our BIGGEST EPISODE EVER. It's the middle of the Summer Holiday Of Our Extreme Content, your panel have spent their downtime crying tears of laughter at the sight of nudists in supermarkets on telly, avoiding the Punk House, and having a break from the draconian private school system respectively, but are all clustered around the telly to see what Peter Powell has up his sleeve this Thursday eve, only to discover that he's not wearing any.But so what? Because musicwise, this could well be the greatest episode of TOTP we've come across so far, and a solid case for '79 being even better than '81. The Dooleys are gotten out of the way early doors. Sham 69 have their end-of-term party. Olympic Runners get mithered by Some Bird. The weediest-looking lead singer in Pop history sings with his teeth. There's an actual naked woman playing a cello in a massive pram. Abba slap it about in a disco. Ron Mael stares at us. Legs & Co have a sultry mornge on some sand. And we see the debut performances of The Specials and BA Cunterson.Simon Price and Neil Kulkarni join Al Needham as they just switch off their television set and go and do something less boring instead, veering off on such tangents as pulling your trackie bottoms up around your neck and running at girls, integrity-free reviewing jobs, your chance to have your achievements in the Welsh music scene recognised at last, wearing the wrong-coloured laces in your Docs, having a wazz on a Pop star's back door, and Exciting News For All Listeners. Swearing!Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | TwitterSubscribe to us on iTunes here. Support us on Patreon here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon pull-apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks for the small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Welcome to All Rather Mysterious, the podcast that aims to unlock the mysteries of the past with the key of fact. My name is John Rain. My name is Ele key of fact. My name is John Rain. My name is Eleanor Morton. My name is David Reed. Please join us as we present to you mysteries that have baffled the world.

You had any noises? What about a door creaking? No, you don't have to do that. That weird ka-dunk that lights going off makes for some reason in films. All Rather Mysterious. that likes going off makes for some reason in films. All rather mysterious. The following podcast is a member of the Great Big Owl family.

This will certainly have an adult theme and might well contain strong scenes of sex or violence, which could be quite graphic. It may also contain some very explicit language, which will frequently mean sexual swear words. What do you Hey up you pop crazy youngsters and welcome to the final part of Chart Music 58. I'm your host Al Needham, they're David Stubbs and Taylor Parks and oh dear we have put some right shit on your shoulders in this episode haven't we? Fucking hell, Gilbert O'Sullivan's erotic buffet,

Nolan tentacle porn, and the unedifying sights of DLT going full PLP, as in Pepe Le Pew. There's still a little bit more to go, so come on, let's gird our loins and dip our hands back into the shit bucket

that is this episode of Top of the Pops. Hello, Matthew. Hello. Are you well? I'm surviving, thank you, yes. Now, I want a close-up of your face on there, because everyone's got to look at it, because you are actually starting with Doctor Who as his new assistant this coming Saturday, right?

That's right, yes. Are you going to play some sort of monster, or are you a normal human person? Well, I come from another planet, but I look fairly normal. Well, you look as normal as I do, which doesn't say a lot, really. You've got a record you're holding in your hand there, which is not the Doctor Who theme. Certainly is, yeah. On close-up on camera three, I don't believe it. That's superb.

Well, Matthew, we wish you all the best. We'll all be glued to our sets to see exactly who you disintegrate and such like. Thank you for joining us on Top of the Pops. You can even go over and shake hands with the girls because you're too small to kiss them. Leave that to me. Right, I want you all very carefully to have a look at this.

APPLAUSE Travis, sporting an expression like a lion achieving climax, has his arm round the throat of a young lad why is the 18 year old actor matthew waterhouse who is about to take on the role of adrick the new assistant to doctor who this saturday on bbc one oh taylor you that must have excited you i told you there'd be more for the loser massive coming up didn't i it Adric with DLT's arm clamped around his neck. An equal opportunity Space Invader, if nothing else. At least this time Adric has been trapped, restrained and tormented by a bearded evildoer. He's managed not to get a hard-on.

Another in-joke for the loser massive there, which I don't expect anybody else to get. Right, explain. It's not funny even you explain a joke, Al. What, he got a bunk on during filming? No, honestly, it's a Doctor Who in-joke that if I explain it to you will not seem funny in the slightest. You'll be drummed out of the secret society, won't you?

But this is quite the clash of worlds. Like, look, for anyone who doesn't know, Adric was an alien dweeb stroke twink introduced to Doctor Who by the new producer, supposedly in an attempt to connect directly with the young male audience who were clearly semi-correctly perceived as annoying sulky immature effectively sexless little brats who were good at maths and very very bad at. It would be wrong to say that Matthew Waterhouse was the worst actor ever to appear in Doctor Who

because that's a bar set so low it's located somewhere in the mantle of the earth. But he might possibly be the worst actor ever to appear as a regular character in the series provided you don't count sylvester mccoy as an actor and why would you um but probably the most entertaining thing about adrick is studying the contrasting ways in which the two doctors that he worked with visibly express their real-life irritation at having to share a set with him.

Tom Baker, who by this point is three-quarters gin, won't even look at him, even when he's supposed to. And when he speaks, Tom just continues to stare off set and makes an expression like he's just caught a whiff of decomposing fish tom's taking it out now whereas peter davison being a very professional character actor tries to channel some of this annoyance into his character so it's actually the doctor who's getting the hump but there's no mistaking the visible and immediate shift up and down in his enthusiasm as he switches between scenes with a usually skilled and well-respected guest star uh and then back to the misery of the tardis with

this whining incompetent anyway spoiler, spoiler alert, in the end, Adric gets blown up in a spaceship, crashing into prehistoric Earth and wiping out the dinosaurs because, tediously, in Doctor Who, nothing that's ever happened in the history of the world doesn't turn out to be the product of alien interference. And all his companions in the TARDIS, when he dies, go, oh, no. And then in the next episode, they're like, oh, look,

there goes Concord again. Many reports of young fans cheering his death and slightly ashamed to say that I was one of them. Oh, Taylor. Oh, can you imagine Travis as Doctor Who? Oh, God. Groping a Cyberman. Initially, with this encounter, I thought

that he'd mistaken the geezer for a girl, actually, and then had to kind of, you know, he got his hand around it and realised, fucking hell, and had to sort of find out a bit about him and you know, as his top of the pops wants, improvise something i love at the end as well he says well you can't kiss because you're too small to kiss the girls

that's for me it's like yeah to me also too gay as it happened but these are the days these are the days before most of us realized that almost everyone who's ever been involved with Doctor Who is gay. Or stop to wonder why that might be. I mean, we were loathe to admit it back in the day, but it's possible that the show may be a little camp. After enquiring whether he's going to be a monster or normal looking, he then encourages the lad to shill something else, the new single of the Doctor Who themed tune, available in the shops now on BBC Records.

He then tells us to look at something he doesn't even bother to mention by name, Enola Gay by Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark. Formed in Wirral in 1978, Orchestral Maneures in the Dark was the brainchild of Paul Humphries and Andy McCluskey, who had known each other since junior school and went on to arse about in various bands in the Merseyside area, forming a distaste for rockism and a love of boffinisation. After recruiting a TIAC reel-to-reel tape machine which they called Winston,

they made their debut gig at Eric's in Liverpool one month into their career, supporting Joy Division. Not only did it help them land a one-shot single deal with Factory Records, their debut single Electricity, but they were also approached by someone in the audience who invited them to support him on their next tour, Gary Newman. Although Electricity failed to chart, it put them right at the front of the burgeoning synth-pop movement and helped them land a deal with Din Disc, and their next single, Red Frame White Light, got to number 67 in February of this year, and their next single, Messages, got to number 13 for two weeks in June. This is the follow-up and the only single cut from their second LP, Organisation, which comes out tomorrow.

Despite it being banned on Swap Shop, it entered the top 40 at number 35 a fortnight ago and appearance on Top of the Pops helped it to soar 17 places to number 18 and this week it's slithered up six places to number 12 and here's a repeat of that studio performance oh many things to unpack here chaps i think that swap shop band is is 50 to do with the song being about bombing folk and 50 because because Noel Edmonds didn't want to say gay on Swamp Shop. I was going to say this record significantly ups the already quite large number of times

the word gay has been heard on this book, which I think is good because it does act as a counterweight to the display of toxic heterosexuality, which kind of dominates the episode. So, yeah, who knew? OMD's first gig supporting Geordie Vision. Tough gig. You know, you've got to jolly the crowd up for them,

haven't you? Yeah. And also, there was always this kind of clash culturally between Liverpool bands and Mancunian bands, and Mancunian bands always had very laconic names like The Fall, Magazine, The Passage, andunian bands always had very laconic names, like The Fall, Magazine, The Passage. And Liverpoolian bands always had very extravagant, long-winded names, you know, like Hamby and The Dance and Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark

or whatever, you know, for instance. Dalek, I Love You. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my favourite. But I suppose, in a sense, what they do have in common is they're both coming, both Joy Division and OMD. It's not about america anymore they're products of europe um and or you know europe influenced stuff you know there's stuff

to come from obviously from kraut rock and cabri voltaire throbbing whistle thomas lear robert rentland the normal even gary newman and now this particular distillation it's now i mean a band like orchestral we lived in the dark confirmed that Kraftwerk are the new fact of pop life, as is, of course, the huge, great shadow of nuclear war. And, yeah, there's various things, you know, in play in here, I guess. You know, like you say, with Enola Gay, so there's that sort of effeetness is ironically referenced. The fact that, as I said earlier on, I mean,

I, like a great many people, was absolutely shitting myself about nuclear war. It was on everybody's mind if you were a teenager. I mean, you know, CND's membership went up tenfold around this time. Oddly enough, it was a track I learnt to dance to, probably, such

as my dancing ever was, as Ilona Gay, because it's nice. It's got these little kind of right angles, and right angle again, shuffle, shuffle, right angle, you know, so, yeah. You know when Andy McCluskey's your dance teacher, it's not a good... Well, maybe not, maybe not,

but, you know, it laid a foundation. Is that the section you cut out of your book? Yes. Yes. Yeah, I didn't mention it in the book. Exactly. Yeah, that might be a bit too self-indulgent. Yeah, because, you know, it is time for the rock expert to explain himself,

because you are, David, the author of Mars by 1980. Yeah. The definitive story of electronic music, as said by me just then. Yes, that's right, yes. You paid OMD as much attention in that book as you did to that Pogues album you reviewed. Yeah. So, yes's come and explain yourself because virtually every synth act that sprouted up in the early 80s in interviews they

go to great lengths to praise omd for demonstrating that this sort of music was chart worthy and it was going to be around for a while yeah so i think you know from that point of view you know they were definitely important, and I suppose in the book I was probably concentrating on previous pioneers and innovators like your Edgar Varese's and Stockhausen's or whatever. Probably didn't give them enough attention, but I had a word count.

The beginning of the book starts with an apology for all the kind of people that don't really get a proper mention, including Jean-Michel Jarre, although to be honest, in his case, I don't really have many regrets about that, to be honest. And also, I think I wanted to kind of privilege people that hadn't enjoyed a lot of chart success or whatever. I mean, you know, there's a constant tendency today

to equate pop success with validation. Yeah. And then you kind of explain backwards, you know. So I wanted perhaps to focus on people like Suicide, who never got remotely near the charts or whatever, and give them a bit of the old lion's share or whatever. I did sort of talk a lot about Depeche Mode, I guess, because I was just fascinated by how a group like Depeche Mode,

who Paul Morley once described them very provocatively to annoy the Iron Maiden fans as hard groups like Depeche Mode. But in a sense, there was a hardness about them. There wasn't actually a durability, an unlikely durability about them. Yeah. But, yeah, but generally, I suppose, yeah, I didn't probably give OMD the attention they might have merited, actually. But that's the case with quite a few bands around this time.

And especially since they did teach me to dance. Yes. Yeah, that's right, David. Talk up your expanded second volume. Well, this is it, yes. I was crying out for an expanded volume. Jive Bunny as well, mate. Yes, I know, yeah.

I actually went slightly mad, actually, with the book. Anytime I'd hear anything electronic, I'd think why isn't that in the book? Shit. He was playing Mario Kart one day, and I was thinking, why haven't I mentioned the Mario Kart tunes? I mean, that's significant, isn't it? Why aren't they in there?

Definitely. But OMD, you know, I mean, by 1980, for lads like me, we'd had Gary Newman, who was a bit rockier. Then all of a sudden, OMD come out, and they're a pop band. And you forget how weird this sounded coming out of the radio. Yeah. Just this weird Casio shit going on.

That's right, yeah. Because this is a time that you could prick about on those Casios in W.H. Smith. Yeah, yeah. And not get very far on them. But it's like, oh, fucking hell, look what this can do. Yeah.

And I suppose the thing about me at that point is I was 18 and I was already listening to, you know, the Stockhousers and the Stun Rars or whatever. So perhaps, you know, although I enjoyed dancing to them, I perhaps never didn't quite see what you say, you know, the sense of the originality, that this was actually unprecedented in the context of pop. Well, my problem here, I mean,

aside from the fact that this actual version of the song takes second place in my brain to the version that comes into my head whenever i hear mention of the footballer idrissa gay sure this day that oh yes the thin and icy sound of this record is all very nice but once dare has been released what's the use of it it's you put this next to open your heart or something and it's like putting you were made for me by freddie and the dreamers next to i want to hold your hand it's like they're both doing the same newfangled northern thing but one of them is the sun and the other is a warm baked bean you know the similarities are superficial and the difference is significant and i also have never

understood andy mccluskey out of omd which is not to say that i find him intriguing i just i don't understand what he thinks he's playing at why does he perform like that um it makes no sense why does the bass line of this record do absolutely nothing it's like sid vicious on bass or something what's he playing and the singing is abominable too and he's there bopping away as if he loses money every time someone thinks he's cool i mean what's his game i don't understand it what are they doing they've got the school jumpers and the you can do the cube haircut and it's it's like he thinks that unusual automatically means original or interesting. Whereas, in fact, unusual can just be the result of really bad, incoherent artistic choices made by people with no vision, which might just be what's happened here.

Do you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Well, I suppose in a way that OMD are kind of, you know, pointing ahead, you know, towards the 80s and electro pop, but also very much of their time. And, you know, and what you're talking about, that dancing, everything was kind of quirky and jerky and a bit Leonard Lovitchy and a bit Elvis Costello-y. That was just sort of the element of the time, really.

And they don't really escape it, I guess, in this. I guess. But it's very striking. I mean, even after watching a lot of early 80s pop acts perform, the sheer cuntiness of his performance is like, I don't even know what it's meant to suggest. or a sex god or a love-lorn sensitive type or just, you know, an energetic, fun-time party person. But you watch this, carry on. You can't even guess. Do you know what I mean?

What it is, it's like he looks like he might end up filing for a living or, on the other hand, in two years, you might see him hammering on a cockpit door, shouting something incomprehensible. It's like he combines the dreariest aspects of sanity and madness. And is there anything worse than being weird but boring? I don't think so. Do you think it would be better if it stood stock still?

Yeah, absolutely. And remained silent. That would have been better if it stood stock still? Yeah, absolutely. And remained silent. That would have been perfect. Because the thing is with OMD, they're really early performances. He could have been doing anything. I mean, he's obviously copped a lick or two from Ian Curtis's stagecraft. But whenever you saw them on the telly at first, your eyes were immediately drawn to the fucking reel-to-reel tape player.

Yeah. It's like, look what they've done. They haven't got a drummer, they've got that, and they're doing it and they're getting away with it. Fucking hell. I mean, people say that

it's a long-running joke. This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull Apart, only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull Apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. You know, whenever they do the retrospective documentary talking head things from the early 80s, oh, you've got to mention Andy McCluskey being the worst dancer. But that's because it's fucking true. Yeah. I have had fantasies about Andy McCluskey and Roland Orzabal getting married and being at their wedding and just wondering what the first dance would look like.

Can you imagine that, fucker? I can see your point about, you know, Roland Orzabal. Yeah, his particular upper body antics. Oh, it'd be glorious. Yeah. I mean, in this case, he's got a bass in front of him, and it's almost as if the rest of the band have gone, look, just give him this.

This will curb the worst of the excesses. But I don't know. I don't know how to feel about this. It's clearly a decent song, and it's interesting that, you know, someone's done a jaunty song about dropping a nuclear weapon on some Japanese folk. But I never got on with OMD at the time. And I still find myself struggling to get over

with that initial hatred. To me, they were the sort of band that were liked by older boys who wanted racing bikes and cameras for Christmas. You know what I mean? Yeah. My mate at the time, Gormy Dornay, Mark Dorn, he was well into OMD, and this is where my dislike of him stands. Because he was just playing them all the fucking time,

going on about them all the time. He was the one, I believe I mentioned him in a previous Chant Music, he was the one who had OMD printed on the back of an Arrington, which really offended me. The lettering of the D was a bit disjointed, so it looked like he got Omo on the back of his Arrington. Ill-advised. And I put it around the school playground

that it was actually supposed to be Homo, but the H had fallen off, and I got thumped for that. So, yeah. So I started putting around the joke, who likes OMD? Only Mark Dorn. Think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Very good, very good. That fucking shot, mate. But this can happen, and this can affect, you know, having a lifelong sort of adverse effect on your appreciation of a band. And, I mean, Simon's always getting at me about ELO, but, I mean, I constantly thought it was my brother.

I mean, he was always trying to play out of the blue on the family record player when I was trying to play him in Faust. And so, you know, it's things like this that can kind of affect your opinion of a band for the rest of your life, really. Yeah. You know, you'll never forget, you know,

old Mark Dawn, he's going to be like a shadow, like the shadow of nuclear war. He's going to be like a shadow, like the shadow of nuclear war. He's going to be a giant shadow of your appreciation of animalism. I'm a bit distressed by this idea that Andy McCluskey being perceived as such a terrible dancer, given that it was him that set me on the road. This could possibly explain 30 years of embarrassment, I suppose, of me on the dance floor.

You know, I've set on completely the wrong path. Taylor, you're always going on about kick-starting new movies. Let's do a remake of Dirty Dancing with Andy McCluskey and David. Yeah, and Roller Doors a Bolt and what's his name, Out of the Fine Young Cannibals. Yes. But look, we're talking all about Andy McCluskey here. Come on, let's talk about the other members of OMD.

I've forgotten that there were these two other blokes in OMD as well. In fact, I forgot about them while they were actually on screen. Yes. Grey v-neck jumpers. The other keyboard player, who isn't the one that you think of as being in OMD, looks like a civil service whistleblower found dead in his greenhouse. And the drummer looks like he's just a bit annoyed

that he's had to put down Mini Munchman for a couple of minutes. I say, OMD, fuck them. That's what I say. I would rather listen to Stu Francis than OMD fuck them that's what I say I would rather listen to Stu Francis than OMD at least he could crush a grape which I reckon is

probably beyond these failed milk monitors my flatmate Ricky Cleaner I mentioned before, he used to put photos of cocks under his pillow he knew mal who was the drummer in orchestral maneuvers in the dark and when we were going through our period of sitting at home getting caned watching uh top of the pops on uk gold every time omd would pop up

and he'd piss himself at what mal was wearing that week There was one period where he had this kind of like black netting over him, like a jumper made out of black netting. And yeah, he pissed himself for a good 10 minutes. So yeah, good on you, Mal. I remember Smash It's printing a joke that I think someone sent in to the letters page. Right. What do you call a man vacuuming his front room

at three in the morning with a bird of prey on either shoulder? Hawk Kestrel man hoovers in the dark. And I can honestly say I've had more joy out of that joke than the lifetime's work of OMD, who somehow own houses and can replace their shoes as soon as holes appear in the soles

it's a funny old world I won't miss it I'm still a little bit stunned and subdued by the idea that for 30 or 40 years I was dancing the wrong way So the following week Enola Gay jumped four places to number eight, then dropped one place to number nine,

then nipped up to number eight one more time, but no further. It would go on to be a number one single in Italy and Spain, despite, or possibly because of, the fact it was temporarily banned on certain continental radio stations due to the gay bit the follow-up souvenir the problem went no no it's all right it's not gay it's about killing loads of people well that's all right then the follow-up souvenir did even better getting to number three in september of 1981 sparking off a run of three top five singles on the bounce and they'd have 12 more top 40 hits

until they split up for the first time in 1996 but two years later on the advice of Cole Bartos of Kraftwerk McCluskey put together a group to showcase the songs he couldn't use for OMD and they grew up to be Atomic Kitten who would have 13 top 10 singles and 3 number 1's between 1990 and 2005. Yes, Kraftwerk is to blame for Kerry Katona.

Didn't fucking hear that mention during the tributes for Florian Schneider last year, did you? We'll see you next time. to lose All this kissing you Is never ever gonna fade away Richard and Rebel Gonna make your lives better today.

If you'll subscribe to our podcast. You know, it's all about how to get the most out of your partner. And we're partners. So we know all about it. It's good. Get it wherever you want to get it when you go and get it from your podcast place. Richard and Greta. You know.

You know. That's a no again for you there. And it was from orchestral manoeuvres and art number 12. I've got one of the legs here. It's Pauline. She's bigger than she looks, I'm telling you. This is disco, our little motor show theme. Travis, back amongst the kids, now has his hairy paw clinched around the waist of a new victim.

Pauline, out of Legs & Co. After mocking her size, he introduces her and her mates, cavorting to D-I-S-C-O by Otter One. Yeah, the worst bit about that bit with Pauline, well, no, the worst bit is when Travis says, I've got one of the legs here, as he also wrote in a taunting letter to police. And then when he releases her from his grip as he dances away he goes he he he and does a little point like he was looking at a cartoon mouse which yes which pauline shrugs off with the weary air of someone working in a klaxon factory who just doesn't hear the klaxons anymore.

Formed in France in 1979 by the Franco-Belgian production team of Daniel Van Gaard and Jean Clouguerre, who had previously worked with Sheila of Sheila B Devotion fame, Nana Muscora, Sasha Distel, Petula Clark, and was currently mastermising the rise of the Gibson Brothers, Ottawa were a duo formed as a French response to Boney M. With the Caribbean-born Patrick Jean-Baptiste and Annette L. Teese miming to some session singers. Originally recorded in French when it was put out in 1979 with the English version on the B-side,

it ripped through the Euro charts, becoming a top five hit in Austria, Belgium, Germany, the Netherlands, Norway and Switzerland. And after it made its way to the continental countries in the summer of 1980, it was released over here, entering the top 40 at number 28 at the end of september then soaring 20 places to number eight and this week sees its third week at number two held off for the first two weeks by don't stand so close to me by the police it's been on top of the pops three weeks on the bounce now it was the outro music the week before and the week before that but instead of going to the video which they played a month ago here come l e g x and co they are l lovely ladies they are e ever so elegant. They are G, gyraceous. They are S, super saucy. They are cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo haven't they yeah yeah i i mean travis at this point it's just getting worse and worse he honestly

needs taken out with some sort of blow dart full of anti-testosterone sedative of some sort yes just atrocious really the groping and poor old legs and cow i always thought there was an understanding normally that they get to perform at a remove that they're not within groping distance and i feel that like that has been breached on this particular sordid occasion. Definitely. There's a sort of do-not-touch thing that has been grossly breached. So I do feel for them.

I mean, it's not... I mean, and I think that's obviously a sap their will a little bit, I suppose. But the outfits, the tartan skirts, or whatever, the kilts, what's that all about? It's... I mean, it's an invidious task that they've been, you know, set.

I mean, you know, for Legs & Co, it's a life of invidiousness, I suppose, in lots of ways. But it's not one of the greats, definitely. I mean, Otawan, it's the sort of thing my mum used to dance to this at her keep fit class in the 50s. And I think that's kind of the record. It is really. I mean, it's the ultimate schlagerification of disco. It's very Shape Up and Dance with Peter Powell, isn't it? Oh, yeah, very much so.

But there's something slightly arbitrary about the Legs & Co costumes there. I mean, you know, the line dancing boots. Or maybe they are slightly appropriate. Maybe there is a sense of this is disco as line dancing, I suppose. They're wearing kind of like white boob tubes, tartan skirts and white cowboy boots, which is known nowadays as the porn outfit, isn't it? Yeah, it's just brazzers, isn't it?

Yeah. But this whole thing is Legs & Co finally reduced to being the mute attractive women who stand near new cars at motor shows, it's their inevitable creeping fate it's painful to see

it's awful, they're underneath some bunting and they're surrounded by men in cars the whole thing looks like the ceremonial opening of a dogging event in the festival of Brexit, doesn't it? That is the awful moment when you realise that these cars aren't unoccupied. You see the arm outstretched, caressed around the side of the car door,

and you realise, fucking hell, they've got blokes in these things. Yeah, making the headlights on the TR7 go up and down as well, man. Oh, it's so fucking sinister it's like chucking out time at the local dance school isn't it it's awful but it just gives it this weird eerie effect of a kind of close-up driving legs and co event you know up close and creepy it's it's it's awful i really feel for the girls on this one. Yeah. And the fact that they've got all the cars there means they've got about the length of a plank to dance in. Yeah.

So there's nothing they can do but proto line dancing. Yeah. And I mean, this routine, I think it's been choreographed in a bit of a rush in that they're just doing mad Lizzie moves. And by the end, they're reduced to pairing off

and wagging their fingers at each other in time with the music, which is, it's like the secret Flick Colby signal for I've run out of dance moves and it's already Tuesday. You know, it's like blinking our eyes in Morse code while delivering the hostage message, you know. But maybe we shouldn't be too harsh, because this is still what a lot of Italian primetime television looks like today, except with less boxy cars,

and women who don't look like they could possibly have been spawned by anything so lumpy and imperfect as a human being. So considering that this fiasco is further in time from where we are now than it is from World War II in the opposite direction, maybe it's not worth that much of a grouse. But I don't know. It's all formative though, wasn't it? You know, that's the thing.

I'm actually feeling sorry for the cars at this point. I think they're beginning to feel as immobilised and humiliated as some of the women, as if they're kind of mutely saying, look, if we could auto-ignite, if we could self-propel, we'd be rooming the fuck out of here. Yeah, it's just a shame one of them isn't Christy. But I like this song, right? I know it's not very good. I know it's just a shame one of them isn't Christy. But I like this song, right?

I know it's not very good. I know it's not very good. It's not a weighty groove. But there are thousands of worse records than this which still exist, right? And when I was eight, I thought it was catchy. And I was intrigued. Oh, come on.

Who doesn't like the spell out bit? Who does not like the bit where it goes, she is de-dyspeptic. She is I, still infectious. She is S, super squashy. She is C, cylindrical. She is O, which it does stand for, right? O does stand for O.

Yes. And there aren't any other words that begin with no wonder this was a big holiday hit because once again like baltimora and tarzan boy there's a bit where you could just go oh yeah yeah which is you know that's that's gold for a song like this it's true but i mean if you can get some twats in union jack shorts to hold both their pints up while you're singing it then you're on to a winner aren't you yeah i know they've arrived a bit late with this sound and it's all just a bit it's all a bit invicta plastics but it serves more of a purpose than inola gay because at least some people have had a good time while it was

playing including me when i was eight at receptions for various doomed family weddings you know hepped up on cheese footballs i got nice memories of this song you know right and if nothing else you can't help but be intrigued by the fact that this group is called Ottawan, as in a person or thing native to Ottawa, Canada. Yeah. Because how many other groups on this show genuinely have something about them that makes you think, what? I didn't see that coming. Yeah. I mean, it's not much.

It's like calling your disco band Brumme. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that grants them free entry to the hall of rock and roll greats, but in a cavernous NCP car park, stewarded by Dave Lee Travis on heat, it's something wholesome to cling to. Well, it's actually the most wholesome element of this performance.

It's certainly the least sinful aspect of it. That's true. So the following week, DISCO dropped one place to number three. This was nearly a number one. Fucking hell. And slowly descended down the charts, still remaining in the top 40 a month later. The follow-up, You're OK, only got to number 56 in December of this year,

but just when we thought we'd seen the back of them, they responded with, Hands Up, Give Me Your Heart, which got to number three for two weeks in September of 1981. DISCO finished the year as the fifth best-selling single of 1980 one behind Super Trooper by ABBA and one ahead of The Tide Is High by Blonde it would have a second life when N. Trans did a landfill rap version that got to number 11 in April of 1997 and a third life when Chico Slimani took it to number 24 in August of 2006.

Chico is the only pop star whose house I've been in. Is there a story attack? I did an article for the Daily Mirror before he was on X Factor or whatever. When he and somebody else called Mac Attack were lap dancers. And they had a lap dancing night at Caesars called Lap Attack and I was a trainee lap dancer for the night went around Chico's house and he showed me the ropes so he got he had some ropes did you just look at them or did you get to experience I wasn't as successful as I was as it was apper. When I was a male stripper, you could get away on your chutzpah and you have a go-ness.

But being a lap dancer for women, you had to essentially be a brick shithouse. But the problem was that they gave me an officer in a gentleman outfit. And I just looked like a fucking Skegness deck chair attendant. Not a good look. And there appears to be two official Ottowans still in existence. One based in Dusseldorf, the other in St. Petersburg. And, of course, Daniel Vanguard is best known today as being the dad of one of Daft Punk.

That's right, yeah. I just imagine Ottowan would have just long ago bought the little private Mauritian island, you know, next door to Trio, you know, the geezers did da, da, da. Which is one of the top five best selling ever singles or something like that. Probably why we don't hear an awful lot of them these days. Oh, she's delightful, incredible, and sensational. That's been very special. Especially top of the top disco, which was performed to Ottawa and amongst all the cars. Talking of cars, there are lots of cars, of course, at Birmingham for the Motor Show this year.

And you're at the show as well there, aren't you? Yeah. Just showing yourself around generally generally and yourself. Yeah. Oh, they get all the best ladies at the motor show but we pinched a few for tonight. Now I think we'll have a look at the charts from number 10 upwards. George Benson,

Love Times Love. Excellent record. Goes up 11 places to this week's number 10. We could have had George Benson. Yeah. Excellent record. Just not for kids. Only footballers. Yes. From 14 to number nine, it's the Curtain Song from the Nolans.

Gotta pull myself together. The lovely eggs. Down four places to number eight. Tweet, tweet, sweet people and the birds were singing. Oh, oh, oh. Pause, pause, we've got to talk about this sweet people

yeah and the birds were singing fucking hell yeah I have never heard that song completely passed

me by at the time how the fuck did that get into the top 10 yeah my client desires number four

yeah very popular with people too lazy to switch on the demo setting on their

Bonte B organ and listen to it with the demo setting on their Bonte Bjorgen and listen to it with the window open, which is basically what this is. They're Swiss, you know. Yeah. Godfather's a Swiss rock. You couldn't have had the Young Gods

without the sampladelic sound world of sweet people. They're collapsing the walls between art and life with their brave field recordings, definitely. It's only a shame that The Third Man They're collapsing the walls between art and life with their brave field recordings, definitely, yeah. It's only a shame that the third man wasn't made 31 years later and this record could have taken the place of the cuckoo clock in Orson Welles' speech. I've seen sweeter-looking people than the geezer on the left, I have to say. He is a Russell Grant with straightened hair.

Yes. I think doughy people was a more opposite title. with straightened hair. Yes. I think doughy people was a more opposite type. And one that in a few years' time is going to be an absolute classic is still at seven.

If you're looking for a way out, Odyssey. Oh, this fucking band. They're meant... Oh, yeah, yeah. He's very, very reverential about African-American women vocalists, isn't he?

A sort of reverence comes into his voice. He doesn't feel entitled to tread. We mean the vocalist, isn't he? A certain reverence comes into his voice. He doesn't feel entitled to tread. OK, you're on. That's Matchbox now. And when you ask about love, moving up four to number six. Oh, f***. People still have baggy trousers.

This is madness down to number five. Oh, why isn't this on fucking top of the pops? It's already been on eight times. See, look, he's not dancing like Andy McCluskey. Don't mind him. Up from five to number four, it's status quo. What's your proposal? Oh, he's doing the nose thing again.

This is what you get after a good group wank, wherever there's no, you know... The Police, ex-number one for a couple of weeks, group wank or whatever there is. No, you know. The police, ex number one for a couple of weeks now drops down to three with Don't Stand So Close To Me. The most embarrassing

moment of my life was when my mum caught me dancing to this in front of the mirror. As you were hanging limp over that drink in a bar in foreign parts this year, this is probably the record

you remember. It's number two from Ottawa. I went to Skegness Bottlings that year. Fell in the boating lake. And up from number nine last week to number one. Very special for Barbra Streisand because it's her first ever number one hit across the two sides of the Atlantic. Here it is, Woman in Love.

Life is a moment in space When the dream is gone It's a moment in space when the dream is gone. It's a lonelier place. We cut back to Travis with the two most bored-looking women in the universe on his arms as he incorrectly calls the last single disco again. He wangs on once more about how there are lots of cars in Birmingham and then asks the red-headed bald woman if she is going to be there. Yeah, she replies.

Just showing yourself around generally. And yourself, says Travis to the bald blonde woman. Yeah, she says. They get all the best ladies at the motor show, gushes Travis. He then brings this appallingly painful segment to an end

by running down the top ten. Fucking hell. The thing is, these ladies, again, are professionally tolerant, but we're not told who they are or what they do, only that they are just showing themselves around generally. But they take it very well. And it makes me think, we look askance at Dave Lee Travis sliming up to all these women, but what if they all loved it?

What if after this episode, ten of them went back to his place to suck on one toe each while he lay back on the bed with his hands behind his head smoking a cigar the size of a telegraph pump. No, a pipe. Accompanied by the excellent sound of the electric light orchestra. Don't underestimate

the unfairness and lack of logic in this life. I've been caught out that way myself. Those two women, they come off as Bodie and Doyle's girlfriends who get involved in heroin in an episode of The Professionals, don't they? Yeah. Just nothing about them.

Being on top of the pops means fuck all to them. It's just another gig they've got to turn up at. I like to think that those two years aren't evidence of dumb airheadedness or whatever, but a kind of calculated, open, nihilistic displays of passive aggression, the mood which has been accumulating throughout the show. But all chaps, it's a grim life being a model at the motor show. In an article from the Daily Mirror two days from now, headline, peril of car show hand rovers.

The menace of the hand rovers is driving models at the motor show to despair groping men are running their hands over the scantily clad beauties on the display stands and the worried models are having trouble escaping from their clutches one girl was forced to lock herself in a car when an admirer tried to hug her too closely and another slapped the face of an elderly man who was attempting a naughty maneuver the motor show maulers move into action when visitors pour onto the display stands under cover of a crowd they can let their hands stray with little fear of being arrested model kathy burnett 21 of harrigan said yesterday the groping has been really bad at times i had to hit one man over the head with one of our giveaway paper hats another girl 19 year old jackie baker of sheffield said i have had my legs grabbed and

been felt in other places several times it really is a menace but last night show organizer jerry kunz says some of these girls are wearing very sexy outfits and i suppose you have got to expect red-blooded males to try it on a bit occasionally. Bit of nominative determinism at play there. See, girls, it's your fault for being female and putting on the outfits we make you wear. Fucking amazing. That motor show preview with Noel Edmonds that we saw, fucking hell, it opens up after Noel's not been killed

by being dragged about by a helicopter. He's there amongst a display of some Mitsubishis. And there's models there, and they're essentially wearing plastic bra and pants with Mitsubishi logos over their tits and crotch. Fucking awful, man. After running down the top ten 10 he introduces this week's number one woman in love by barbara streisand born in new york city in 1942 barbara streisand

attempted to launch an acting career at the age of 16 when she did the rounds of broadway casting agencies but fell into singing when she won a talent competition at a gay club in Greenwich Village in 1960. Six months after being signed up to perform at the Bon Soir nightclub in Greenwich Village, she moved uptown to Blue Angel in Manhattan and made it to Broadway in 1962, appearing with Elliot Gould in I Can Get It For You Wholesale. A year later,

she transferred to television, appearing on The Tonight Show, The Mike Douglas Show and The Ed Sullivan Show, and opened for Liberace at the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas. She signed to Columbia Records in 1963, putting out what were essentially soundtracks of her TV specials, but she wouldn't make an impression on the UK charts until 1966, when second-hand Rose got to number 14 for two weeks in February of that year. But she'd have to wait five years for her next UK hit, when Stoney End got to number 27 in March of 1971. She spent much of the 70s as one of the highest earning actors in Hollywood with only intermittent chart success over here.

The Way We Were only getting to number 31 in 1974 and Evergreen getting to number 3 in 1977. But as the 70s tailed off, she switched back to recording, teaming up with Neil Diamond for You Don't Bring Me Flowers number 5 December 1978 and Donna Summer for Enough Is Enough number 3 December 1979. This single the follow-up to Kiss Me In The Rain which failed to chart over here is the lead cut from her new album guilty which came out last month it's been completely written and produced by barry gibb and even the cover has barry and bob having a bit of a furcle it's entered the chart at number 22 a fortnight ago then soared 13 places

to number nine and this week it soared again right to the top of pop mountain and here's a mash-up of the video and legs and co's performance from two weeks ago it's very strange video this is isn't it when i reacquainted myself with it i was convinced that the bbc had cobbled it together as it's essentially a cut and shut of film clips and stills but no apparently this is the official video and fucking hell what a shoddy mess it is it's bizarre just to sort of cobble together

bits of previous movies shall we go through it in order so we start off with photos of Bob and sexy lion Barret in a clinch then a close up of Barbara looking very pleased with herself. Then Barbara and Chris Christopherson

on horseback in A Star Is Born, looking like they're about to defend Afghanistan from the Soviet Union. Then there's a still of Barbara with Robert Redford. And then it cuts to Legs & Co. And I just assumed that the BBC had put this together at very short notice

and just went oh you know what fuck this we've got some legs and coat footage let's let's put that in but no it carries on with the footage of barbara in the bath with chris christopherson with no clothes on and he actually rubs her shoulder and obviously the bbc are going to have none of that then we go to the wedding scene in A Star Is Born, where there's some poor cow trying to give him a present, and she's left standing there for ages because they're too busy looking at each other, which I thought was fucking wrong and selfish of them. Yes, yes.

Then we get some more photos of Barbara, and then we get Barbara on Ryan O'Neill's piano in What's Up, Doc, with an inevitable snog. Then it's back to snogging Chris Christopherson on the grass. The essential feeling you get from this is that Barbara Streisand's got you round her house. She's showing you a collection of slides and going, Oh, look at all the Hollywood man crumpets I've copped off with. She's essentially the female Hollywood version of Jack and Stan in the On the Buses trilogy

isn't she? She's getting stuck into the hunky crumpets of Tinseltown. The one thing I always admired about Barbara Streisand I mean, you know, was that she never got a nose job or anything like that. I always thought that was a gesture of defiance. But you kind of, as a kid, you kind of see everything that's all on telly or whatever. You're exposed

to so much. You just watch stuff whether you like it or not sometimes. But Barbara Streisandand's films tended completely to pass me by, really. So none of this evokes any particular memories for me. I remember more as a pop star, really, than as a film star, I guess. But, yeah, I mean, a gluten-free Top of the Pops wouldn't include this track, that's for sure. No, certainly not. Obviously, it's the give factor, you know, working its magic.

But, I mean, Bee Gees, when they're doing the disco thing, are the most thrilling thing. Some of the most thrilling music that's ever been made. But when they slow up, apart from things like How Deep Is Your Love, you know, it's usually this sort of treacle, really, isn't it? And I remember the fact is that I know this track so well, and that's the difference between of treacle, really, isn't it? And I remember the fact is I know this track so well, and that's the difference between then and now, really. Kids don't have to endure this sort of thing if they don't want to.

It's something they can expel instantly from their lives. I mean, Alicia, my daughter, she can just live in her own sort of Apple-curated bubble of music and tunes or whatever, and there's never going to be times in her life where she has to sit through some piece of mor build you know for people three or four times her age um but this is this was my fate you know this is the fate of anybody at this time i would have heard and had to endure this countless times it was as inescapable as DLT's Grope Dungeon basically and also it made me think about the fact that

at this point in 1980 there were probably people actively consuming and buying pop music and feeling invested and watching Top of the Pops or whatever and maybe even going back to the records that if they were alive now they would be almost 100 years old you know there was always you know I think it was still very much family show

at this at this particular point so you know stuff like this lived alongside you know the omds and people like that already this year we've had coward of the counter by kenny rogers yeah together we are beautiful by fern kinney what's another year by johnny logan and crying by don mclean as number ones and here's some more grown up shit to toss onto the pile why what's going on well according to this week's edition of music week in a talk on music industry demographics bill judd who was the business planning manager of emi has stated that the population decline in the uk throughout the 70s means that quote the kids who should have formed the market base in an 80s creative selling cycle have not been and are not being born which means there are fewer teenagers around in this decade to buy records or to form

a new creative pushing music as happened in the 60s and again in the 70s so yeah effectively the charts are shit because our parents didn't have enough uh unprotective sex and are still buying singles the bastards absolute sense he also said that if there is going to be a beatles of the 80s they're already about they've already been discovered he assumed that it was the police that was going to be their job to be the Beatles of the 80s yeah I always find it facile when people say things like the new Beatles or whatever there was only going to be one Beatles and that was the Beatles and that was their job at that particular time and that's not going to be you know replicated cyclically you know it doesn't

work like that well obviously it means that one band that's going to sell shit loads of records and keep them in Judy Zoot tour jackets who did actually have the biggest thing i think that don't stand to clip was actually the biggest selling single of this year i seem to think yes but there's a an upside to this semi takeover of the charts by old stuff for old people because as a kid you react to what you find and you make the best of it and you find something there to to uh stimulate the imagination right and it's funny that this song turned up on this episode because i was thinking about it really recently and i wanted to watch the video again because i remember it sticking in my head at the time and being on my mind right as I think I said before when you're about seven eight nine especially if you're an only child you can become

quite fascinated in quite an anxious way with the adult world right and trying to make sense of the adult world and whatever else this record was it certainly seemed to be a direct transmission from the adult world slightly mysterious and unnerving because you don't quite understand it as a kid and like every other disconnected fragment of the adult world that a kid might be able to observe in 1980 like bits bits of the newspaper, snippets from someone else's dad's Monty Python album, pages from porno mags that you found in a bush. The sketches that you didn't understand on Knock the Nine O'Clock News. Yes.

It was just combed through and studied, all these incomprehensible documents, you know, full of clues as to what was surely to come. As if it was like something you had to decode using whatever primitive knowledge that you'd gathered already and the sometimes misleading suggestions of your friends. So it's true that kids today are sealed in their own bubble of their own stuff i don't know if that's wholly positive i remember seeing this video yeah not necessarily definitely i was in this video full of men with muscles and bushy beards embracing

this woman who didn't look like a girl right all? All of it was coded adult, right? And the strange weariness and quivering emotion of the song. And what it reminded me of was going around the houses of my mates whose parents were all slightly younger and more modern than mine and observing bits of their relationships, almost all of which were heading for divorce, or else they'd already separated and got back together, you know, for the sake of the kids.

Looking at all of that, I'm thinking, fucking hell, this isn't top of the pops. Yeah. More than anything else, the weird sense that sex had happened in this house. Yeah. And maybe still did. The most confusing

and spellbinding thing of all barely real right like at that age sex was like paranormal activity right you never saw it or experienced it you barely even knew what it was but you heard about it all the time and it had this mysterious psychological power like just the thought of being in a building where it had happened was overwhelming yeah and mind expanding i felt like this when i was 18 then you add to that this concept of relationships right which is what this song is about adults having relationships not being boyfriend and girlfriend yeah you know having it off it's a relationship or a marriage this weird connection between adults who didn't seem to like each other very much or ever have any fun what was this what

people devote in their lives to misery and duty and missing out on everything right yeah and i never got a sense of that from my own parents because they never argued and they never gave any suggestion of having the slightest interest in sex so i was fascinated to observe this in other people's houses yeah try and work it all out all the rules and the logic of the adult world and the closest i ever got to an answer was what i found in this record in this video which yeah clearly from the title down is a song for and about grown adults with what they called sex lives there were no children in this room i mean you get a similar adult thing from late period abba records but abba at least seemed to acknowledge the presence of kids they were just very swedish in how open they were in our presence that made it less mysterious right this is after

bedtime the doors closed you know it's grown-ups time. Maybe someone is crying. And what came across as a feeling which didn't seem to make any sense to me at the time, which was, OK, this is about a combination of pride and emotional helplessness. Nobody singing for kids or teenagers ever carried themselves the way Streisand does on this record. It's like, as an adult, you're terrified and suffering, but you're opening yourself up to more of it and simultaneously holding your head up high. And the pride and the helplessness are codependent. And the pride and the helplessness are codependent. It seemed that the adult thing was not to change things or to run away, but to suffer and tough it out and wear that as a badge of honour.

A mark of being truly adult, because adults are the craziest people. And I never knew an adult well enough to ask them, people and I never knew an adult well enough to ask them why don't you just give up and leave walk away go and have some fun and fucking cheer up a bit so I never heard the answer which would have been well it's not that you don't it's that you can't and I'm really glad I never heard that because I would have given up on the spot. I'm a bit older than you by this time, so I didn't see any of that, Taylor, and just thought, oh, fucking hell, this is cat shit. Fucking hated this song.

Like David said, it was the fucking monolith that you had to endure if you wanted to watch Top of the Pops or listen to the radio or the Top 40 rundown at this time. And I can recall every time it came on the radio or on Top of the Pops listen to the radio or the top 40 rundown at this time and i can recall every time it came on the radio or on top of the pops just sitting there just praying that they'd fade out before the bit at the end where she goes proper nanomascora and just starts fucking howling it's a ride i fucking hated that bit yeah Yeah, I quite like it.

It's like going round your mate's house and being alone in the living room and seeing the joy of sex on the bookshelf. And you rip it down from the shelf and open it up and it's just some drawings of some bloke with a beard just masturbating. It's like, oh, is that it then? Is that all there is?

I'll tell you what, though. The best thing about this record, I think, is not really the song,'s like, oh, is that it then? Is that all there is? I'll tell you what, though. The best thing about this record, I think, is not really the song, which is, yeah, it's not one of the stronger Bee Gees emissions. I think her singing is the best thing about this song. Right. Like, regardless of how lovely the sound of it is, I think that's where all the feeling is coming from.

I mean, it's a showbiz professional right she's like a pure broadway singer and yet somehow the voice is the one raw and wild element on this track you know those big notes are not to everyone's taste no but they have a a force and a desperation to them which may well be acting but it sounds completely genuine to me. As genuine as any confessional singer-songwriter doing their heart-rending ballad on stage for the 14th consecutive night.

It's only acting like that's acting. And I was genuinely astonished listening to this record for this for the first time in years to find that i've caught up with it and i quite like it and i'm not sure that that's a good thing. But like most of adult life, it's not a choice. Yeah. I can see what you mean, that it's an impeccable theatrical performance. But that's as much consolation to me or as much thrill or joy to me as the fact that the band don't play any bum notes, really.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bum notes, really. It's not real kids' issues, is it? is it no well you might prefer a disco material have you heard a version of shake me wake me when it's over no the four tops it's really good produced by rupert holmes i never heard this till the other week um i mean you think oh it's a disco cash in right yeah but it's actually it's from quite early on it It's 1975, I think. Right. And it's great. It's really tasteless and really campy,

but in a really exciting 70s way. It's all wah-wah and hi-hat and analogue synth. Just too much of everything in the mix. It's pretty good. It's pretty cokie, but it's pretty good. So Woman In Love spent two more weeks at number one eventually giving way to the tide is high by blonde the follow-up guilty a duet with barry the sexy lion got to number 34 in january of 1981 and bar a cover of elaine page's memory that also got to number 34 in April of 1982, she'd have to wait until 1988 for her next big UK

hit when she teamed up with Don Johnson and took Till I Loved You to number 16 in November of that year. I am a woman in love And I'd do anything To get you into my world And hold you in me I am a woman in love And I should be particularly pleasing for Barbara Spry's hand. She's number one now, both sides of the Atlantic, which is great. Well, I hope you'll join me tomorrow for breakfast on Radio 1,

and next week, Peter Powell, who himself has just got himself a new car he's proud of, will be doing top of the box. Till then, on behalf of the whole gang, we leave you with coffee and Casanova. Until next week, bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Travis, back with the kids, tells us once again that Woman In Love is number one here and in America

before telling us that peter powell who will be presenting next week has got a new car i'm doing that alan partridge shrug he then signs off with casanova by coffee formed in chicago in the mid 70s coffee consisted of leonora d bryant glenda hester and Elaine Sims. Originally a soul act, they scored a local hit with Your Loving Ain't As Good As Mine, but in 1977 they succumbed to the lure of disco and were signed to Delight Records, the home of Kool and the Gang and the Crown Heights Affair. This is the lead cut from their WLP, Slippin' and Dippin',

and a cover of the 1967 soul single by Ruby Andrews. It's currently number one in the Smash Hits disco chart, usurping Master Blaster by Stevie Wonder. It entered the big boys chart at number 29 at the beginning of the month, jumped 10 places to number 19, and helped by the twin powers of Legs and Co

got up to number 13. This week it stuck fast there at number 13, but it's still a perfectly serviceable bit of music to play out on this episode and it's not D.I. fucking S cunting C.O. First question chaps

have you seen the Legs & Co routine to this song? No. Fucking hell. They might as well have called the song Look at Our Knickers, Go On, Look At Them. But this song, mint and skill, I believe. An indication that dance music is more than capable of undergoing its own purging renaissance.

You know, less of the cheesiness, more of the funk. This is, or should be, post-disco. It's the perfectly appropriate piece of music to the relief that you almost feel surging through the studio that this awful ordeal is actually over. I mean, the way people are kind of getting down to it, it's like this surge of energy. It's as if the word has got round that DLT has left the building in the Vauxhall convertible that he's persuaded them to ride around until Monday. He's fucked off.

The old man has left. And now we can actually have some actual funk and fun. Yeah, although there's only 38 seconds of this on the original broadcast. Yeah. 38 fucking seconds. It's not right, is it? The best record on this show. Yeah. And this is the kind of song that fucking seconds! The best record on the show. And this is the kind of song that you need

to hear a bit more of it to let it seep into your system. Well, it's a groove, yeah. But no, we had to make room for DLT, fucking an exhaust pipe and gurney. Who needs this gently thrilling rhythm

when you could just have the grim up and down of Travis's fist on his own simian member, all angry and purple, with his sprawling jet black pubic forest glistening, everything all lubed up with Duckham's cue. That's what the people want. That's what the people want, even if they don't think so. Do you think he slept in the Vauxhall convertible alone that night? Not alone?

Wouldn't have thought so. Dave Lee Travis. Everyone's getting down. The facade of the fucking car segment, that's gone now. The 4B2 wankers are trying to cop on to some of the girls in the audience, but there's one lad who's come dressed up as the hoffmeister bear uh he's latched right onto sue and she's you know she's giving it back it's there's nothing sinister about it it's like hey you're dancing so am i let's dance

while looking at each other and there's also a bearded bloke in a soft leather jacket and shapeless cords who's sort of teacher dancing. Yes. Batting a balloon around as though he weren't one of the crew, shunted out onto the floor to make up the numbers. I thought his job was bringing a TR7 to the studio and making sure it didn't get scratched up by the youth. Yeah, it could well be, yeah.

Because you see a lot of them about. You see more old people than usual for an episode of top of the pops yeah it could be that couldn't it yeah yeah they've just opened the door and got out of the car and right at the end there's one lad who looks the absolute spit of jimmy purser and he did take a lot of re-watchers to establish that it probably wasn't yeah the fact that he didn't shout hello mom guess who's on the end of this episode of Top of the Pops then? That kind of swung it for me. Although that is a sort of archetypal face, isn't it, Jimmy Percy?

The big eyebrows and dog eyes. There's a lot of those walking around. But, yeah, mostly this is the spectacle of people trying to look like they're in a disco while hemmed in by two-door saloons. And they wear hats branded with the logos of the spark plug companies. Except the girls who are obviously models

who don't have to. But I mean, this is the only thing on this episode that you can dance to, really, isn't it? So they had to put it at the end. But it's great I always imagine a woozy George Best dancing to this with Miss Border

Television at like Flipper's nightclub Marbella you know and finding the lyrics hitting a little close to home yes either that or Chick Brodie when that dog jumped up at him. Another one for the teenagers there.

Sorry, I'm tired now. It's an indication that disco's going to transform. I mean, Shalimar have already been in the charts. The solar sound is kicking in. And British people are picking up on it. This kind of stuff is always going to be welcome in the charts throughout the early 80s. And good show to that, I say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the following week, Casanova dropped two places to number 15. The follow-up, Slip and Dip, only got to number 57 in December of this year, and they were never heard from again. And that closes the book on this episode of top of the pops what's on telly afterwards well bbc one kicks on with blankety blank featuring tim brooke taylor lorraine chase noel gordon larry grayson roy hood and sylvia simps what a fucking lineup that is who do you think's in the nutter seat? Oh, Timbo.

Yeah, yeah. It wouldn't be Noel, would it? It wouldn't be Arnole. No, no, no. They wouldn't put Larry Grayson there. Larry Grayson is a seat-wanner. That's followed by the first episode on the new and final series of Rings on Their Fingers, the sitcom starring Diane Keane and Martin Jarvis.

After the 9 o'clock news, it's the eighth part of Mackenzie, the drama series about a builder in London from 1955 to 1974, followed by Question Time, featuring Roy Hattersley and Nigel Lawson, the news headlines, and they finish off with a repeat of Kojak,

where Telly Savalas pretends to be a bent copper in order to bust a narcotics ring bbc2 is 15 minutes into more fucking snooker then it's the latest in the series of bbc television shakespeare the taming of the shrew, featuring Susan Penn Halligan, John Byrd, John Cleese, Captain Peacock and Shuey McPhee. Fucking hell, what another line-up that is. That's more impressive than Blankety Blank. Crossroads just dominating television tonight. Yeah. After a 10-minute preview of the Ludovic Kennedy travelogue, Great Railway Journeys of the World,

it's Newsnight and highlights of the Snooker. ITV has just started Benny Hill and they follow that up with TVI looking at the people who are organising Ronald Reagan's presidential campaign. Then Arthur Daly's reunion drink with his old regiment ends up with his best mate, played byrian glover going a wall having it off with a prostitute played by georgina hale throwing his trousers out the window and losing them to the bin man natural air terry mccann is dispatched to sort it all out after the news at 10 it's a regional politics program and they close out the night with Lou Grant and what the papers say. So, boys, what are we talking about

in the playground tomorrow? Well, I don't think I would have quite had the sort of, I'd have been sexually, politically advanced enough to be kind of tutting about Dave Lee Travis's egregious between-song performance. Oh, it would have just washed over you, wouldn't it? Yeah, you know, that's just how it is.

Yeah, this is it. You know, there was that sort of fatalism about this sort of thing, really. And I'd have been bitterly disappointed at the chart rundown that what we didn't get to see. Yes. I think I would have been quietly resentful of this. I think I'd have been talking about what it would take to grow up to be like Daveave lee travis

and have all those lovely ladies around you hanging off your arm not realizing that the actual answer is narcissistic personality disorder pretty much the long straw to draw from the closed fist of mental illness in terms of your own happiness and your own progress through life. Hey, you might even end up President of the United States. Let the haters hate. Unfortunately most of us got the shit ones that end up with you shivering in a flat with a broken shower

fully aware of everything you've ever done wrong and unable to put it right. Quack, quack, oops. What are we buying on Saturday? Well, I would have bought Enola Gay by that fine band, Orchestra of Menus in the Dark. And that set me on my dancing path of many decades hence.

Good to see you didn't forget them when the time came to write a book about your journey through electronic music. Oh, I spent many sacrifices, murdered many babies, you know. And I've also bought the old Casanova. If that 38 seconds had managed to kind of seep into my consciousness, you know, if I hadn't just already switched over or

stormed out in disgust or whatever at this point, I would definitely have acquired that. Yeah. Nowadays, I'd be buying coffee. I mean, back then then as an 8 year old My favourite of these songs Will almost certainly have been Otter One

And you know when you look at it coldly What else here is honestly that much better And what does this episode tell us About October of 1980 It's yeah It's still the age of the Dark rafters I think there is

perhaps a sense that despite if you know there's a lot of quirkiness about and I think a lot of people thought that the implication of punk would just be a lot of new wave quirkiness whatever you know anything from Madness to Elvis Costello when it's or OMD

lots of like jerkiness and what people didn't really I don't think people, well, post-punk in terms of war and joy division never really got a sniff in the charts, but that next wave of like beginning with like Human League, which is just coming through, ABC, all that kind of stuff, when punk, you know, ex-punk goes pop and seeks to kind of infiltrate

and create a sort of idealised version of pop. That's not quite happening yet. So people like Gilbert O'Sullivan might think, OK, I'm in the clear here, you know. There hasn't been this sort of nuclear transformation of the landscape leaving me charred and obliterated. I'm still standing. Better way wrong, of course.

I think what it tells us about October 1980 is that it was not a safe place yeah i mean if it wasn't gleaming sweaty beard air and pipe breath zooming towards you it was a mid-priced rust bucket car with shitty brakes and no power steering, driven by someone not wearing a seatbelt. I don't know how any of us survived. This episode, it did exactly what it said on the tin. It's cat shit. It was cat shit then and it's cat shit now.

It just stands as a historical artefact that, you know, it would not surprise me if clips from this episode of top of the pops were being used in the bbc showing new presenters how to not interact with the general public yeah particularly the the female part of that general public yeah yeah yeah definitely also it's funny just from a musical point of view though having to endure an episode like this it's actually formative if you go on and become a music journalist or a rock critic or whatever because quite often a lot of the energy you get and a lot of the kind of invective you derive, it's

having had to endure things like this and it makes me wonder, if you live in a world where people don't actually have to endure awful music and bad music or mediocre music or even like Oasis or whatever if that maybe precludes or cuts off the idea of pop criticism, rock criticism as we used to know it, in which the negativity, the invective was something that you kind of bounced off in order to celebrate the positive and the relief that I had.

I do wonder if everybody's just sort of in their bubble of listening to stuff that actually, you know, really suits them. Then where are the future David Stubbses and Taylor Parks is going to come from, I ask myself. How will that world manage without us? Yes, a chilling thought. Yeah. And on that note, we've come to the end of the latest episode of Chart Music. So all that remains for me to do is the usual promotional flange. www.chart-music.co.uk

facebook.com slash chartmusicpodcast twitter at chartmusictotp Thank you, David Stubbs. Thank you. God bless you, Taylor Parks. Cheers, Al. It's been something that happened. My name's Al Needham and I am disco. Chart music. Great big owl.com Rock expert David Stubbs.

Rock expert David Stubbs. Hi, I'm David Stubbs. Rock expert David Stubbs. Rock expert David Stubbs. Rock expert David Stubbs. Rock expert David Stubbs. Bringing you a hell-blazing mix of hard rock and hard facts. We're looking back on the year 1980. I was in high school back then, in Kettering.

Back in 1980, a street kid like me had two choices. Either you were down with the Nolans or down with the Quo. Status Quo. Either you were in the mood for dancing or in the mood for rocking. I was heads down, down the line, all the way down, deeper and down with the Quo. But in a school like mine, that could spell danger. Oh sure, I got my head kicked in a few times, my ass kicked. I'm thinking of you, Joanne Greenwood from Class 4A. The Quoari never forgets.

Still, I battled through, sustained by the mighty licks of the Quo at their hard-driving finest. Who could forget the riff to Whatever You Want? Da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da. He's a rolling and rocking and rocking and rolling rock expert, David Stubbs. Status Quo. Formed in 1962 at Sedge Hill Comprehensive School, Catford, London. First smash hit, Pictures of Matchstick Men. Original catalog number 336979393T-G. That's 336979393T-G.

Except no alternative. Since then, they've gone quite literally from strength to strength. I saw their frontman one time, Mr Rossi, at the bar at London's Astoria nightclub. I called out to him. Hey, Paolo! He stared right through me. Asshole. Still, I never lost faith in the quo.

Even after they went disco with You're in the Navy Now. Rockin' and rollin', rollin' and rockin'. Rockin' and rollin', rollin' and rockin', rockin' and rollin' and rockin'! If you want to hear more from me, rock expert David Stubbs, subscribe to me on YouTube. Address, HTTPS, or colon,

slash, slash, www.youtube.com, slash, watch, question mark, V, equals, Q-K-L-E-H-dash-O-O-F-D, youtube.com slash watch question mark v equals q k l e h dash o o f d eight amps and t equals one three four s rock on quo and screw you joanne greenwood i'm mark haynes and for the last 32 years, I've been a fan of professional wrestling.

My friend Pete Donaldson from the Football Ramble, he hasn't. But in our podcast, Wrestle Me, the two of us subject the greatest spectacle in sports entertainment, WrestleMania, to the kind of rigorous scrutiny that ruins it entirely. GQ called Wrestle Me enrapturing. Shortlist said it's beautiful and it's a hit with common people too with well over 400 five-star reviews on iTunes.

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