Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - Chart Music #47 (Part 1): 25th December 1977 – The Last Supper Of Showaddywaddy

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

#47: 25th December 1977 – The Last Supper Of ShowaddywaddyA sort-of-festive episode of the podcast which asks: Jesus, why do we always leave this to the last minute instead of doing it in August like everyone else?It’s the arse-end of the year, and you know what that means, Pop-Crazed Youngsters: another ram of our hands into the Quality Street tin of a Xmas TOTP. This year, it’s 1977, which means that Noel Edmonds has taken one of his suits that all look the same out of the wardrobe – but this year he’s joined by Kid Jensen, in full Stylistics clobber. No trifle-related interplay this year, then, but it’s quadruple overtime for the Top Of The Pops Orchestra, who have stashed a dozen or so Party Sevens under their chairs to keep them going, and Team ATVland (combined age: 19) are sulking that they can’t hook their Binatone Pong to the telly, moaning that their Ricochet Racers isn’t much cop, and leafing through the 1978 Starsky and Hutch annual and dreaming of chocolate pancakes respectively. There were some astonishing singles that came out in ’77, but musicwise, and bar a couple of exceptions, this is your Nana’s Top Of The Pops. Showaddywaddy pretend to have a futuristic buffet. Some kids are bussed into White City to wave a tassel on a stick (or just the stick). David Soul’s head floats in space. Johnny Mathis pops up again. You can hear Kenny Rogers’ arse as he lowers it onto a wicker bar stool. And oh God, it’s Manhattan Transfer. But here come Abba, Space, Denice Williams, Hot Chocolate, and the return of Floyd Flipper as a fruity Santa! Oh, and there’s Paul McCartney’s Living Shortbread Tin and Bing Crosby. It’s a massive, sixteen-song evisceration, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, done with the care and attention you’ve come to expect from the little elves of Chart Music.Neil Kulkarni and Taylor Parkes join Al Needham for a long, hard stare at the winners circle of 1977, complete with such tangents as the Showaddywaddy Hanky Code, Lobbing It Out on Channel 4, assuming French is just English you don’t know yet, the gang war between Brighouse and Rastrick, Space Crumpet, when it’s time to finally let go of the Radio Times Xmas issue, and a chance to see someone from Chart Music looking like a massive potato on telly very soon. Merry Swearing!Video Playlist |  Subscribe |  Facebook  | TwitterSubscribe to us on iTunes here. Support us on Patreon here.This podcast is a member of the Great Big Owl family. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull-Apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks for the small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. The following podcast is a member of the Great Big Owl family. This will certainly have an adult theme and might well contain strong scenes of sex or violence, which could be quite graphic. It may also contain some very explicit language,

which will frequently mean sexual swear words. Friday the 22nd of November, please look around us. All commercialised. All commercialised. All commercialised. You can't... Christmas from one thing. Nowhere. Yeah, it has. Must have done.

There's no meaning to it at all now. What do you like listening to? Erm... Chart music. Chart music. Chart music. Chart music. Hey-o! You pop-crazed youngsters, and welcome to a sort of festive episode of Chart Music, the podcast that gets its hand right down the back of the settee on a random episode of Top of the Pops.

I'm your host, Al Needham, and my little elves today are Neil Kulkarni and Taylor Parks. Morning Al, it's a wonderful life. Yes, isn't it? It's the most wonderful time of the year here at Chart Music. Boys, the pop things and the interesting things, that's what I want to hear about. Hmm, neither to be honest with you um but a small bit of good news for me um which is we need this kind of good news um at the moment um i've got a new job sort of i'm course leader of like a music journalism course in birmingham yes um however this has accompanying worries with it obviously i'm going to be working two and a half days a week in birmingham and as an accent

sponge um this worries me immensely as did to be honest with you learning that i'm going to be doing three and a half hours with uh or several hours rather discussing this episode of top the pots with taylor yim yam parks but yes we shall see if if in benny kulkarni if in future episodes i do be saying a podcast miss diane yeah well this has to be watched obviously so if in future episodes i'm getting a bit yim yummy tell me um because i don't know why those people um nothing against my brummie brethren um but i saw a clip actually a few weeks ago of a couple of people from Walsall, from Tipton actually. It was on this morning. Did you see it? It was two old dears who were about 100 odd years old. And Philip Schofield was asking them, you know, the usual secret to their long life.

And they came up with a black country delicacy, which I'd never heard of before. One of them said, yeah, well, what we like is sausage sandwich. And, you know, it sounds normal. It emerges that they like uncooked sausages. No! They split the sausage open, and then they spread the sausage meat on toast.

I mean, it was just fucking gross. And you would have thought food poisoning would be involved. So just mashed up pig on toast like it's, I mean it was just fucking gross and you would have thought food poisoning would be involved. So just mashed up pig on toast. Yes basically because sausages aren't cured are they? So yeah so I don't want to be partaking in any black country delicacies or the accident in any way the place is full of brummies though

a lot of people will probably think I already have a brummie accent, I don't, I have a commentary accent which is an accent exceedingly rare, as our football song says, and I'd like to keep it that way, please. So I need that monitored in the new year. Well, I don't think there's going to be a rush of people copying it. So it'll be like when Manchester was really big and everyone was going, hello, all right, hello.

People from fucking Basinstone. Taylor, spread, all right, hello. People from fucking Basingstown. Taylor, spread the good news, brother. I was thinking back, right, as soon as I knew I was going to be on It's A Christmas Chart music, I was thinking back, what are the most pop and interesting things I've done this year? And I thought the most pop and interesting thing that happened to me this year was probably when my cat, to protect her identity, let's call her ATV eyes, jumped in through the cat flap with a live mouse in her mouth,

brought it over to me, put it on the floor at my feet, and then just walked off. Like unbelievable lack of responsibility for the consequences of her own actions um i like to spend the rest of the night hunting it in my front room i was just sat there trying to relax and suddenly there's this rodent scurrying around totally unharmed um she's very old and creaky my cat um but extremely disased. And I think feeling somewhat out of its element. And then I tracked it down. It was hiding in the bookshelf between a pile of books and a pile of DVDs,

just peeping out, looking petrified. So I had to slowly slide all the books and DVDs off that shelf. And eventually just the mouse is left there, exposed, shivering. And looking, let's be honest here, absolutely beautiful. And I'm standing there with a broom and I've opened the front door. And for a split second, we catch each other's eyes. And I know that he respects me and I respect him. And then I jab the broom at him.

And suddenly we're locked into the eternal struggle, man versus mouse. the broom at him and suddenly we're locked into the eternal struggle, man versus mouse. Which in reality looks like a ridiculous silent movie chase with me swinging a broom around like an idiot and Jerry

zigzagging around the floor. Finally got him out into the hallway and instead of turning left towards freedom he turns right towards a pile of my shoes. So I swing the broom. Bang. Shoes flying everywhere. Mouse tries to head for the kitchen.

No, no, no. Bang, bang. Finally dispatch him over the threshold with a perfect golf shot. And he's free. At which point he turns around and sprints back into the flat. He's like, no, no, no. I want to be where Broom Man and that fucking giant monster is. And this is where I slightly lost my composure

and just started shouting, fuck off, you're not welcome. And wildly swinging the broom until eventually he shunted back out again and I slammed the door. And I look at my phone and I realised this whole process has taken four and a half hours.

Oh, man. it would have been quicker to teach the mouse english and persuade him to leave so i take a deep breath lean the broom up against the wall go to the bathroom to wash my hands uh and pass uh atv eyes who's sat on a cushion staring at me and as I go past no word of a lie she looks right at me and yawns and still I feed her and still I love her and this is why I've failed in life

and she's succeeded so yeah at least your cat left it alive my one does kill him so I don't have to do any of these mammy two-shoes type shenanigans. But I do get, yeah, a dead mouse deposited on my fucking pillow sometimes.

It's deeply unpleasant. Oh, no, not on the pillow. She's so fucking proud. Oh, man, that's... It's grotesque, mate. It's grotesque. And if anyone wants a cat, by the way, I don't want mine no more.

She will fit in a jiffy bag. A dress, you know, just send it in. Well, I've got a bit of news. Oh, yes? And it's pop, and it's quite interesting. I'm going to be on the story of Top of the Pops 1989. Oh, my fucking God. Yes.

On what channel, Al? On what? It's going to be on BBC4 on Friday, January the 3rd. Oh, my God. At half past eight. And it's the standard thing they do on BBC4. When they start a New Year's run of Top of the Pops, they do an hour-long documentary where they interview the hit makers

and the movers and the shakers of that year and they asked uh they asked taylor and he couldn't do it so uh he asked me fucking brilliant yes christmas telly's just got a billion percent better that's great i'm not gonna lie i'm shitting myself about it i'm gonna warn the pop craze youngsters now if you think i sound rough as assholes uh wait until you see me you are not going to look at me and go oh was he in soul to soul that bloke and it's awful man because you know i've done quite a lot of telly and uh i mean you know it's nice to be asked and everything it's a minor brag to uh to say that oh you know by the way i'm on

telly tonight on Facebook and everything. But every time I'm on, I fucking hate watching myself. I just sit there. Well, I don't even sit there. I'm just hunched on the fucking settee like a poisoned rat. Just going, oh, fucking hell, look at the state of that cunt. Look how he's owning his mouth. I don't think you're alone.

But it's like politics isn't it like anyone who wants power should be kept away from it anyone who yes is totally comfortable with seeing themselves on television should not be allowed anywhere near the screen i've done loads of sex stuff obviously because you know i'm a sex person and uh i've done loads of sex stuff yeah it's my mate's brother used to say that you know when the when the big spate of sex documentaries

kicked off in the like late 90s turn of the century you know I was about I was doing me doing me sexy bits and bobs

for women's mags and all that kind of stuff so I got called on to them quite a lot I used to do my head in every time I'd come back to Nottingham the big kids from my old

school would come up to me and go oh fucking hell need them i saw you on sex and shopping and i go yeah yeah yeah that's what i did he says yeah it was fucking terrible i was sitting there having a massive wank and then you popped up and i'd be like nodding and going oh yeah yeah okay yeah sorry about that but also thinking you're having a wank to sex and shopping. What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, this was pre-internet film for everyone. But, yeah, it's just horrible, man. You just sit there and you just go, oh, man, why did I wear that?

Telly's just a way of finding out how shit you look in your favourite clothes. The camera doesn't lie, does it? I mean, I'm glad that every single telly appearance I ever filmed didn't make it onto telly, in a sense. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, I did a couple of talking head things, I seem to recall, way back when. But they never made it.

They never made it to screen, thank God. Because I know what I'd be doing. I'd be sat there going, you shifty-eyed looking bastard. You're terrible. And the one that did work out or was going to work out was Ditched by Charlie Brooker. Yeah, I hold that grudge to this day.

But I did do a bit for Scream White, but he ditched it. Right. So, yeah, but I was, you know, it was one of those things where I told everyone, watch this tonight, I'm going to be on it. And then, you know, straight after,

where the fuck were you? Oh, mate. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, yeah hopefully never again because imagine you sat in your house with a massive table full of like cakes and i know i know a lot of empty chairs with a big banner that says neil's watching party yeah well that's nothing. I was on Farmers Weekly talking about comparative milk yields of Cumbria versus Northumberland. I hope no one ever tracks that down and drags it up on YouTube. No, I could never watch it with anyone else, you know,

every time I've been on telly. I mean, when it's on, you just think, why am I doing this? Yeah. And then as soon as someone rings up and says, do you want to say, oh, yeah, I'll do that. I mean, when it's on, you just think, why am I doing this? And then as soon as someone rings up and says do you want to tell? Oh yeah, I'll do that. I mean, this is a man who got his cock out on Channel 4 once.

Ever told you that story? The sudden silence would suggest not. They were doing a documentary about mad Americans who do all this crazy shit to make their cocks bigger while at the same time damaging their cocks so they can't get a bonk on anyone and they wanted uh you know they got in touch with me because i'd written bits and bobs about that

very subject says oh do you want to come on and um coat these twats down he's like yeah yeah i'm more than happy to do that oh by the way everyone we're interviewing, we're getting a shot of them with their cock out. And I said, well, you know, I'll think about that. Really fucking worried, mate. But I thought, oh, sorry, I'll do it anyway. You know, I'm going to get paid and all that kind of stuff. But at the time, I'd just moved back to Nottingham, and I was in between houses, so I was crashing around my mum's.

So absolutely no fucking way they're coming round. That's not going to happen. So I had a chat with a couple of mates they said look i'm doing this thing for channel four and they're all channel four oh yeah they're bringing a camera crew over oh yeah all filming in our house oh yeah definitely and i said yeah well look i've got to be in the house on my own because there's a chance of some cock out action. And they said, oh, yeah, no worries, no worries, no worries. Did the filming with them and everything. And right at the end, I thought, oh, they haven't said anything about getting me cock out. And then they said, oh, by the way, can you get your cock out?

It's really important that, you know, everyone does it. And I said, fucking hell, what are you going to see in this shot? Just your cock. And I thought, oh, well, you know, hasn't got my name written on it. How much more? You know, I'm really concerned about this. You know, £100 extra might, you know, do it.

So they said, yeah, no worries, no worries. Got my cock out. They filmed it. And I said to them, yeah, yeah, they did it. And they said, oh, did you get your cock out? And I said, yeah said to him uh yeah yeah they did it and said oh did you get your cock out and said yeah yeah yeah of course i did you know and they said uh where was you standing when they filmed you and i said oh just in front of the fireplace and they said what that fireplace that everyone comments on when they ever come in this house i was like oh oh shit well never mind there it is it's done now so yeah i had a

very interesting evening uh watching channel four uh seeing my cock on a teller and i knew it was mine straight away as well and the worst thing was there was a montage of cocks and mine was right at the end so he obviously thought oh this is the punchline cock you know what i mean a man has to look himself in the face every now and then but don't look yourself in the we obviously thought, oh, this is the punchline cock. You know what I mean? A man has to look himself in the face every now and then, but don't look yourself in the cock ever, because I just looked at it and just went, fucking hell, mate, I've got a really baggy scrotum.

I've got an absolute fucking bagpuss of a scrotum. They didn't do, like, a split screen with your face, though, did they? No. No, okay. No, but I knew. Yeah, you knew. But, you know, I've shown my cock to the population of great britain that's very brave of you well well i just thought get it out of the way in one go really it saves time in the end doesn't it so yeah story of top of the pops 1989 all past date friday january the 3rd bbc4 and after saying all this now i bet they've cut me out of it but if they haven't you know i want to let the rest of team chart music know that they were with me in

spirit mainly because i nicked all your best lines in previous episodes of chart music and i'm also a bit worried that i'm going to be the new david in that abba documentary because i did say some complimentary things about stone roses and then the remaining 95 of that conversation was about what a load of cat shit they were so yeah yeah could be a new hate figure on twitter but you know you may cope me down but always remember i've been on the story of top of the pubs more than you have so because it's this time of year and because chart music never lets down the pop-crazy youngsters,

we're doing another festive edition, aren't we? Mm-hmm. Looks like it. Because it's so late in the year and I'm recording this just after I've edited the previous one, the notes might be a bit patchy. So we're not going to do any Patreon shout-outs

or a top 10 because I just haven't had time to organise it. So I just want to say that this episode is a thank you to everybody who has put a penny in the old man's G string this year. It's been massively appreciated. And this episode is dedicated to you, the Pop Craze Patreons, and also to the people who've listened to us throughout 2019.

Thank you. We've rewarded you by not doing what proper Christmas shows do and get it all finished by October. No! It's mid-December. I hope you like our new direction with Great

Big Owl. But if you want the old school full length fist right up to the elbow episodes without adverts, you know what you've got to do. Drop a little dollar down that G string, www.patreon.com slash chart music. So, you having a good Christmas? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Fucking loving it. Spent quite a lot of time watching an old Top of the Pops the last week. Yes. Yeah. It was festive with my sheaf of papers and notes oh yeah it's a nice idea christmas and i used to like it a lot when i had the luxury of sentimentality um but it is a hard time when for one reason or 20 you're you're trapped outside the fairy lit room

and yet you can't pull your face away from the window because every every force that the twin worlds of culture and commerce can summon is pressing against the back of your head and propping your eyes open clockwork orange style so it's not me being a miserable bastard although i am a miserable bastard but like most miserable bastards but you are miserable but i would love a chance to be soft and carefree once in a while. But yeah, Christmas in my house is a little bit like Mother's Day in a borstal. Well, I say my house. That's a figure of speech.

Obviously, I don't own a house, but you know. So yeah, Merry Christmas, everyone. As we've already established in the past two years uh me and taylor and we're not that down with christmas and um someone like simon will pull us up on it and uh be full of the christmas spirit neil that's your job this year well yeah i've participated in some christmas rituals already i've um i've been up the attic to get the decorations down um always Always a high point. But I seem to recall getting my dad,

when he was going up the same ladder to the same attic to get the Christmas decorations down, I seem to recall him getting more help from the kids. Really? Yeah, I'd stand next to the ladder, I'd help him a little bit, and then I'd help out decorating. My kids haven't helped bugger all.

I've been up the attic, it's like a lonely, solitary experience up a ladder wobbling. Looking at my past up there in big black bin liners full of CDs and tapes that never get played. You know? And yeah, brought them down.

I sort of, I've done the thing of getting the trees out and up and then I'm leaving it to my daughters. But they're showing a singular lack of interest in decorating. The main thing is though this year year I'm not fucking doing Christmas dinner get in I've booked a pub

not booked a pub but I've booked a table at a pub and it's at that nice price of about 40 quid a head whereby I can think if this is shite that's not that painful but if it's good

brilliant and no washing up entailed as well. Departed from Christmas tradition in one sense this year. It's a bit of an earthquake moment for me in as much as I haven't and have no plans to buy the Christmas Radio Times. It's superfluous now. I don't need it.

I've got rid of Sky. I've kind of only got a Now TV box or whatever. So it's irrelevant. So that little ritual of tearing out the holiday section in the middle and throwing it into the bin with disgust is not happening this year. I might just buy it just to do that, but it is a fiver of pot, so I don't know. But, yeah, changing Christmases, no radio times in my house. For the first time in my lifetime, I think. Fucking hell, end of an era.

They still have on Radio Times like a Victorian-style painting of upper-middle-class children in a drawing room. And on the TV times, it's like Simon Cowell dressed as Santa. Really weird. Radio Times and MePod took ways a long, long time ago. Right. Which is a shame

because I spent quite a bit of time going through the Radio Times for this episode and still the Proustian rush there. Yeah, with the old ones. But I mean, it's dizzying now, the Radio Times,

especially at Christmas because it includes all the blue-in satellite channels and all the other channels, all the digital channels, and you can't really find what you're looking for. Plus, there's a great way of finding out what's on telly these days. You turn the telly on. Yes. So it's just irrelevant.

But, yeah, I'm not saying I'm shedding a tear over it not being part of a house, but things feel different this year because it's not here. Yeah. being part of a house but things feel different this year because it's not here yeah well it's those those same cultural processes that are putting all of us out of work they do make our lives easier and more streamlined so pod crazy youngsters this episode takes us all the way back to December 25th, 1977. Oh, Taylor, we did Christmas Day 1976 last year, didn't we? Yeah. What kind of changes have been wrought in pop land in 1977? Well, 1977, who can forget 1977?

We all mourn the loss of Alia Al Hussein, Queen of Jordan the Kentucky Fried Movie set the world rocking with laughter and Oscar Romero became the fourth Archbishop of San Salvador. Oh man, the fucking

street party we had for that Remarkable times, indelible memories but for me, 1977 was all about being five. So from my own personal memory, everything seems amazing because it was my first awakening to culture

and custom and human stupidity. It's the age where you become aware of what's going on around you. And of course, you watch it's the age where you become aware of what's going on around you um and of course you watch it back now it's a bit tatty isn't it really oh yes in the 1976 christmas episode there was at least some forced jollity um whereas this time uh it's all filmed in the top of the pop studio without an audience introducing pre-filmed clips, most of which were shot in the same studio,

probably a different time on the same day, also without an audience. And then the BBC is dubbed the usual wash of Top of the Pops candor plause over all the transitions. And it gives it a genuinely eerie feel, which is very wintry and cut off, which is sort of appropriate for Christmas. And I think probably going on the memories of older people,

quite appropriate for 1977. I think all that make your own fun festivity had sort of gone a bit quiet by this point. I would have been really keyed up for this episode but no spoilers or anything um i would have been probably hugely disappointed with it um as as a viewing experience as a five-year-old but being five is so important and so different than being four i think it's it's it's the real start of memories and it's the real start of genuinely remembering things like what you got for Christmas and stuff like that. Yeah.

Starts happening at this age when I was five as well, just like Taylor. Yeah, so many of the songs that appear on this episode are among the first pop songs that I was really aware of. Yeah. For better or for worse. So they seem slightly more interesting to me than they really are perhaps because it feels like they've got something to do with me and

I've reached that age where I'm starting to lose interest in things that aren't about me now I've noticed there's a lot like a lot of slightly sociopathic things creeping in uh as I get older I've started getting quite soppy about animals right which is you know you've got to watch that because you start getting like that about animals and next thing you know you're the next hitler you know i've seen it happen um but it's you know but it's something you have to keep a check on because it can turn you into quite the reactionary uh and if you do keep a check on it, though, it does make life increasingly frustrating as you melt into irrelevance.

But, yeah. Merry Christmas, everyone. Of course, we're in the era, like last year, that the BBC would run Top of the Pops over two consecutive days because there was so much pop amazingness uh to be had as always with the christmas day top of the pops we are looking at the winner's circle of the year everything we see in this episode either got to number one or number two so you know a lot of popular stuff here and

as we go through it we'll be saying why the fuck was this in particular so popular, I think. When you compare this to the other Christmas Day episodes, it's not as zigzaggy as the others. No, it's pretty, it's traditional, and it presents a very sort of official, I mean, like you say, it's purely numerically driven, which one sold the most, and consequently, it's an extremely traditional view of 1977 music, and consequently, an authentic view of what of 1977 music and consequently an authentic view

of what was actually bubbling around the likes of my head, you know, age five. It's an authentic view of really what was just massively popular in that year. Come on, let's rip these presents open. All of television history is contained in the Box of Delights. I've climbed up Nelson's column once before. These are small. And put it down in front of Bagpights. I've climbed up Nelson's column once before. These are small. And put it down in front of Bagpuss. I'm Julia Rayside.

Join me and my guests as we dip into our favourite TV memories. Suppose I mustn't hesitate bashing my head like this. You can't tell me what to do. You ain't my mother. I love it when a plan comes together. Come and tell us what yours are too. We've all been told we can't discuss nominations. It's a bit of car air. Shut up.

With a novel on the top. I think I like you, Lovejoy. Find us on Twitter at Fox Delights Pod. And listen wherever you get your podcasts. Radio 1 News. In the news today, well, Charlie Chaplin has just died in Switzerland at the age of 88. Djibouti and Vietnam are let into the United Nations. Saturday Night Fever is at its world premiere in New York and Star Wars is about to be released in the UK in two days' time.

And Star Wars is about to be released in the UK in two days' time. Elvis Costello has been invited onto Saturday Night Live in America after the Sex Pistols were refused a visa, sings Radio Radio instead of Less Than Zero without telling anyone, and is banned from the show until 1989. Oh, Elvis. Make sure you don't say anything else While you're out there mate Nottingham Forest Batterman United

4-0 at Old Trafford to stay top Of the first division for Christmas Yes thank you Santa Dennis Healy the Chancellor of the Exchequer Appears in the Nationwide pantomime on BBC1 With Norman St. John Stevers and Cyril Smith.

Rod Stewart slips on some flowers thrown on stage at a gig in the Cow Palace in San Francisco, smashes his face on a drumstool and breaks several teeth, and then him and his band cause a riot on a British Airways plane home by smearing jam, butter and honey on the interior and starting a food fight. Cut.

Wankers. Another contemporary band have been pilloried by the establishment for their outrageous opinions. Headline in the Daily Mirror this week, Who are Wurzel's Get a Mangling? by Geoffrey Lakeman. It reads, Ooh-ah, those singing Wurzels' names stinks down on the farm. The rustic group from the West Country are giving people the wrong idea about farm workers.

Some people who listen to the Wurzels think we go round in corduroy trousers and red spotted handkerchiefs muttering, who are, said farm workers leader Alf Warren yesterday. We're not all simple minded cider swigging yokels with straw in our hair. Alf, 58, of Winkley, Devon,

has a practical objection to the Wurzel's image. As North Devon organiser for the Farm Workers' Union, he says that the image damages their chances of getting good pay rises. One of the Wurzel's big hits

was about a combine harvester, but Alf said, a man driving one of those is in charge of £8,000 worth of machinery. Another of their records was farmer Bill's cowman, and Alf complained, It's all very well making jokes about dung, but cows are worth hundreds of pounds each. but cows are worth hundreds of pounds each. The Wurzel's manager, John Miles, said last night, the boys act is a bit tongue-in-cheek.

They really do admire country folk. Who are? No, he didn't say who are. He should have done, though. Fucking farmers, they're always moaning, man. rural filth on the cover of the enemy this week ian jury and dave vanian on the cover of the tv times harry seacombe bonnie langford and georgia mildred carol singing oh isn't that nice yeah lovely radio times has an illustration of a village uh that looks from a distance like a massive Christmas tree.

It's very nice. Yeah. The number one LP at the moment, Disco Fever by various artists. The top five at the moment is all compilations and greatest hits. The highest new LP is Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols at number six. Over in America, the number one single,

How Deep Is Your Love, by the Bee Gees, and the number one LP in America, is Simple Dreams, by Linda Ronstadt. Oh, and the big news this week, of course, Santa's been. So, dear boys, what were you doing on Christmasmas day 1977 what did he bring you he bought me um i reckon it was matchbox cars a lot of them because i was just obsessed with matchbox cars just used to always nag and pester my parents to get them and i think i also got a track that year

a matchbox streak race track with oh yeah Oh, yes, I had one of them. The one with the loop that didn't really work. I think one of my cars was an American police car, which was very useful, especially useful in Bath playtime to hone my excellent American accent because all my cars had voices, inevitably. I was into machinery quite a bit at that age, at age five. I think I had a Tonka toy as well. You know, I had five-to-plane wallpaper, for Christ's sake. I never had Meccano. I love my Lego. That was the year I deeply, deeply coveted and was envious of my cousin's

Eagle Lander from Space 1999. That was a choice toy, that was what the hell I was happy with my Matchbox cars massively happy with my Matchbox street racetrack and this I didn't really I wasn't really into games at that age because this is obviously pre-Astro Wars and all of that but I never had a Tin Can Alley or a Crossfire. Crossfire always struck me as looking dangerous to be honest with you and I still probably rather childishly wanted a frog chorus but you start clinging to childhood when you know it's going don't you and you know i was i was five time was getting on so i knew i knew time was passing but yeah it was all about the cars all about the cars because whenever i went to coventry's finest toy shop at the time which is a place called

barn biz which are actually thousands in fact a whole generation of country people misremember that place as being called barnabiz because of the popularity of barnaby the bear at the time it was actually called barn biz and um that's that's that's the mandela effect it's so called after the the way that everybody thinks they remember nelson mandela dying in prison in the 1980s. You've heard about this. It's another way for modern people to, rather than face the fact that they're fucking pig ignorant. No, it can't be that.

There must be some other explanation. Oh, yeah. Rather than me being pig ignorant and having no idea about history, we must be living in a parallel universe. That's much more likely the thing is the thing is with the barnabas barnabas thing that is verifiable via photos there's a deeper coventry mystery that starts coming into play uh around about 1977 that i still don't know the answer to and i if i was ever asked to make a documentary film it would be

to solve this mystery and that is that there is a round circular cafe in Coventry that is still there and I am convinced and several of my friends are convinced that it rotated that it spanned very very slowly I don't need to hear explanations or questions about how did the doors work or anything like that i remember being sat in there and it moving now loads of people do remember this but also loads of people say it never moved um to the point where i can't remember if i dreamt it or whether that time that i actually saw into its inner workings and saw big clockworky things was just was just a dream um and it was just actually a janitor's closet or something but just was just one massive cog and one little one. Yeah, it's probably a dream.

But I distinctly remember sitting in this circular cafe and it revolving. But, you know, as a five-year-old, you could potentially imagine that, I guess. And loads of people do remember this distinctly. But loads of other people say, no, never revolved, you're talking out your arse so I need to make a film

or perhaps a podcast about this, about whether it did revolve, the circular cafe in Coventry and if any of the Pop Craze youngsters are from Cov I would be intrigued to know their opinions and memories as to whether this cafe revolved or not You can see how it would be a big draw

like a 360 degree view of the lower precinct yeah but it's the thing is it's uh you if you go in there now and you walk to the the the center yeah the stem disc you should if it ever revolved you will see a line in the floor um like if you go into what used to be the revolving restaurant in the post office tower uh as i still call it yes on one of the days or something you'll see there's a massive great line in the floor where the the outer bit that used to revolve is obviously not part of the same thing as the central yeah yeah so there's like a there's still a uh a tiny gap in the floor so if that's not there you would dream

and it's gonna look it's a cafe narrow now but i really want to pursue it to the top i want to get the council house i want to see blueprints i want to know taylor yeah Yeah. Christmas Day 1977. Tell me all. Well, having just said it's the age where you can suddenly remember things. I can't remember. But I think it might have been the year we got one of those bina-tone tennis. Oh, yes. Pong games. Maybe not.

Maybe that was a year or two later. No, the right era. Yeah, around that time. And, you know, nowadays people say, oh, you know, kids, they don't know they're born, they're sitting there playing, you know, Red Dead Redemption 2. We were happy for hours just batting this white square around a black screen.

No, we weren't. It was as shit as it looked. It was, you've got about 10 minutes of like oh and then it's just it's just a square leaving a trail bouncing but you just what you do or what i would do is eventually set it up so the two uh quote bats were level and you could get it so that the thing was just going backwards and forwards like like boop, boop, boop, like a heart monitor. Yeah. Just leave it on.

See how long you could leave it on for. Sort of slightly hypnotise yourself, you know. That's what Simon did, but Simon was a bit more polyrhythmic with his. Of course. But the absolute worst thing to buy a kid on Christmas Day, because they're going to want to hook it up to the telly. Yeah, yeah. And deny their parents

the joy of the black and white minstrel show or whatever's on. And then, you know, you say, oh God, turn this shit off. I want to watch telly. And then there's roaring and blotting in there. You know, a time before portable televisions were a regular thing in the house. This was the year that I finally

cottoned on to the fact, at the age of fucking nine, that Santa actually didn't really exist. I had my suspicions. Oh, thank God none of us did that hack thing of going, what did you say? Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Oh, shit, yeah. Because me and my sister, the day before, we found a load of toys and stuff on top of me mum and dad's wardrobe. And even then we were going oh man but maybe santa's just dropped them off here beforehand you know just to save save the load and everything my sister actually who was seven you know would said to me mom when she come home oh santa's been already my mom went fucking men clutters oh mate yeah yeah but uh my main present that year was ricochet races spider-man and captain america ricochet races which was essentially a big gun that fired cars

just the ultimate 70s lad toy and uh fuck knows why i wanted it, because I hated Spider-Man. Just used to swing around thinking he was Summer. And I still hate him now, because he's either bragging on about being Spider-Man or he's on top of a building being all emo. It's like, fuck off. Or pointing at himself in a mirror. Yeah. Sorry. The problem was, it was a toy essentially made for american lads who lived in massive houses

with parquet floors because you're supposed to pull the trigger on the gun and the car would fire out and it would jump through a ramp with a spider web at the top of it but it certainly wasn't made for carpeted council houses in nottingham because it would go about five inches and then just get tangled up and uh I couldn't use it at Minan Oz where we were going for Christmas Day because she didn't want her skirting boards dented up. And the first time I took it outside, Captain America went straight down a fucking grate.

And you couldn't even fire matchbox cars in it. And then in the end, around about, I think, the second week in January, I got into a row with a lad next door, Fatty Flynn, and I fired Spider-Man at his head and got done. So fuck Marvel is what I'm saying. I think it was the advert. The advert made it look really good because, you know,

the theme tune was, Ricochet Racers, keep going. And it was a lie. Ricochet Racers go for about five inches and then get tangled up on your on your mom's carpet well it was i think you were suckered by i mean because these were peak years of american cultural imperialism when it comes to toys really because i remember i remember the batmobile and the bat boat being quite big christmas purchases this year as well so that that was in full swing wasn't it yeah? Yeah, and as for the day,

we were around me non-Oren Grandpas on the other side of town. And of course, fucking Top of the Pops is on at two o'clock. So your mam's been up since five o'clock in the morning sorting out Christmas dinner, wrestling with a fucking turkey and doing about 500 jobs at once. And when it's all ready, I'm just like,

oh, ma'am, I want to watch Top of the Pops. And so she'd kick off at me. Yeah, Christmas Day was very stressful. And it was all Top of the Pops' fault. I mean, I say that we didn't watch this episode of Top of the Pops, but there was a very good chance that we did for the simple fact that I know for a fact my dad and grandpa would go out to the pub

to get out the way and invariably come back an hour late so uh yeah we always used to have a bit of a late christmas dinner so there's an exceedingly good chance i'll be sitting there with me uh sister and me non-are and me man popping in every now and again stressing the fuck out bless her i mean nowadays of course you know they still run top of the Pops on Christmas Day, but because music's not important anymore, it's on at, what, 12 o'clock or something like that? Yeah, yeah.

Back in the day, they plonked it right in the middle of the early afternoon schedule, which, you know, just ruined it for loads of kids. I think the idea was, it'd be something to have on in the background on the telly while you're having your Christmas dinner. But you can't not look at Top of the Pops when it's on.

Well, no. I mean, it's a bad bit of scheduling that, really, isn't it? They should have either put it on sort of midday when mums and dads want kids out the fucking way so they can get the dinner sorted. Yes. Or, you know, much later in the Disney time slot, right about five, when you finish your Christmas dinner

and you can chill out and watch, yeah. Bad scheduling. And of course, as we always say for Christmas, Top of the Pops, it's a great way of getting the entire family to watch Top of the Pops and force them into your world for an hour or so. Yeah, but as we'll see, it isn't, is it? This episode

isn't quite that. No. So, as we do on Chart Music, it is time to rip open a crate or two and go digging about for an issue of a pop magazine from this very week and this time i've managed to pull out the december the 24th 1977 edition of melody. Shall we leaf through it, chaps? No. On the cover is a huge illustration by Miles Emerson, which features the major players of 1977

arsing about in the snow. It features a massive Johnny Rotten looming over a block of flats, looking down on everyone. Malcolm McLaren looking out from the top window of a derelict house, looking very smug. To his right, Jake Riviera is lying unconscious on the roof,

being tended to by two gnomes in Santa outfits. One says, I think he's frozen stiff. Underneath Malcolm, the Clash are leaning against some graffiti which reads, No Santa, No Turkey, No L. Think about it.

In the middle, Elvis Presley is transmogrifying into Elvis Costello. Underneath a broken Victorian streetlight, members of the Damned, the Stranglers and the Adverts are carol singing. Isn't that nice? Behind them, Paul Weller and Bruce Foxton

are jumping impossibly high into the air. In the bottom middle, Ian Durer, standing in a pile of empty beer cans. Behind him, Sid Vicious on his hands and knees, chasing a Santa gnome with a broken bottle in his hand. And in the foreground at bottom right, David Bowie is walking away from the scene, looking behind him disdainfully.

Oh, and in a strip down the left-hand side, the main news story, Talking Heads to Tour. They'll be playing 20 gigs in the UK in January, supported by Dire Straits. And also there's a picture of Graham Lewis, a 30-year-old local government officer from Middlesbrough, who has won a Fender Telecaster Deluxe and a Fender Twin Standard Amp in a Melody Maker competition? He's pictured brandishing them in a suit with massive flares, which is very off-trend for December 1977. Yeah, Fender Telecaster Deluxe, two humbuckers, that's not a real Telecaster. Oh, okay.

In the news, The Who described as an ageing beat group, playing impromptu gig at the Kilburn Gaumont as part of the filming for their forthcoming movie, The Kids Are Alright. Horselips have been arrested in Nuremberg

during a tour of Germany when they are accidentally mistaken for members of the Baader-Meinhof gang. Barcelona has just hosted Spain's first ever punk rock festival featuring local bands but sadly not lost punk rockers and is showing films of the Sex Pistols.

Talking of whom, the Pistols UK tour is dragging on beset with cancellations and mither. The gig at Wolverhampton was cancelled due to Johnny Rotten Tech in Badlair and the one at the Bamboo Club in Bristol was nixed when the club blew up last Sunday morning. And George Harrison has played his first gig in years when he pitched up at a small country pub near his home in Berkshire with a guitar. Oh, God. The features.

Well, Chris Welch nips up to Uxbridge to catch a rare gig on the Sex Pistols tour, which actually happened. He describes it as an extraordinary event, which will be long remembered where air old pistolians gather to reminisce and exchange antique safety pins. Meanwhile, Chris Brazier is dispatched to Wolverhampton to check out Glenn Matlock and the Rich Kids as they begin their tour and starts by telling us how shocked and appalled he and Caroline Coon were when Matlock told them that he really liked the Bay City Rollers after a gig at the 100 Club in the summer of 1976. In an interview after the gig, Matlock tells Brazier

that Johnny Rotten could be a right cunt at times. He knew right from the off that Sid Vicious was being groomed as his replacement and he didn't care because he wanted to leave anyway. Yeah. Ray Coleman gets to chip over to New York to talk to Herbie Hancock about his crossover to jazz funk, his new side job as a writer of advert jingles and his forthcoming acoustic tour with Chick Corea.

I'd love to know what adverts Herbie Hancock did. I thought you were going to tell us actually how. They're tasty, tasty, very, very tasty. I think that was one of his. Meanwhile, David Byrne tells the maker that him and Talking Heads are well up for their forthcoming tour of the UK as the

Brits get what they're going on about immediately while Americans have to go home and talk about it with their mates before they decide whether they like it or not. Yes. And Chris Brazier and Ray Coleman have an argument about the Clash gig at the Rainbow last week. Brazier contends that the Clash are speaking for, with,

and from working-class youth, and they're too important to be playing barns like the rainbow while Coleman says, believe me the searchers were better both of them rave on about Sham69 I think Chris Brazier very much has the

sense that this is his moment I tell you what in 40 years no one will forget the name of Chris Brazier. The fact that they're both rambling on about Sham 69 shows how 78 is going to go, isn't it? Yes. On the singles page, well, Chris Brazier is on reviewing duty,

and because it's Christmas week, it's a meagre crop. All the kids are saying to him, go on, Chris Brazier, tell it like it is. Singles of the Week are the French and German language versions of Heroes by David Bowie, which he describes as one of the most divine singles of this or any other year. The runner-up for Single of the week, on the other hand, Call Me Buona by Johnny G. Video playlist, everyone. However, it's a coat down for

it's gonna be a punk rock Christmas by the Ravers. It is hard to believe that anyone could conceive a single this crass and moronic, he says. Equally short shrift is given to the 12 Days of Christmas by Jasper Carrot. Man, that must hurt your two. Oh yeah, local hero. Topol and Najah Salaam's cover of Love Song, sung in Hebrew and Arabic in commemoration of the peace summit between Sadat and Begin, leaves Brazier undecided whether it's a nice idea or a cash-in.

Fucking hell, different times. High Rise Living by Chelsea, their comeback single after splitting up in the summer, is a crushing disappointment. after splitting up in the summer, is a crushing disappointment. Gene October swears that this is going to crash into the top 20, but there's not a smack addict's kid's chance at life of that happening, he says. And he was right. Yeah. What was he... Disappointment? What did he think it was going to sound like?

John Christie's Here's To Love is Radio One Fodder, a sloppy nostalgia love song sandwiched between strains of Auld Lang Syne, produced by Dave Clark, who always churned out bilge. And a review of Dreams of the Everyday Housewife by Glen Campbell consists of a quote from Catcher in the Rye and the words, Glen Campbell has one of the phoniest

gee your wonderful showbiz smiles and songs in the universe. It's so easy, isn't it, to tear things down but what's he offering as an alternative this Kulkarni of his day? You know? Thank God Mark Chapman didn't read that review.

In the LP section section the main review is given over to Don Juan's reckless daughter by Joni Mitchell and Michael Watts is not impressed with commendable adventure she has spread herself over four sides of this album but she has neither moved forward nor consolidated the success of Hadra or the hissing of summer lawns she is a magician but a Wrong.

It makes it sound like Tommy Cooper, that does. Quarter Moon in a Tencent Town by Emmylou Harris is described as standard fare by Michael Oldfield, while Colin Irwin likes Running on Empte by Jackson Brown. It's a thumbs up for Rick Danko by Rick Danko and LaVon Helm and the RCO Allstars by LaVon Helm and the RCO Allstars, the new import LPs from members of the band in the wake of their split-up, and the two latest installations of Charlie's legendary Sun Performances compilation series,

this time featuring Warren Smith and Billy Lee Riley. And Robin Graydon mourns the demise of man and describes their sign-off LP All's Well That Ends Well as powerhouse rock all the way and a fitting

memento to a rocking band. On the gig page, and it is only a page because it's christmas week well david could have seen david essex at the dominion elvis costello and the pop group at the nashville status quo at louis shimodian lulu and mud at the Rainbow, Rick Wakeman at the Wembley Conference Centre or Sham69 at the Roxair, but probably didn't. Taylor could have seen the Steve Gibbons band at Barbarella's and be disappointed that it wasn't Steve's Gibbon band, of course. Yeah, precisely, yeah. Deaf School at Barbarella's,

the Ramones at the Birmingham Top Rank or Whirlwind at the Rainbow. Sounds about right. Yeah. Al would have had to have stayed in because there were no gigs in Nottingham that week and watched Fun in Acapulco with Elvis on BBC One, Elton John in The Muppets show on ATV and The Kinks Christmas Show on the old Grey Whistle Test on BBC Two. Simon would be similarly fucked as there are no listings in Wales so he'd have to make do with David's soul and friends including

Donna Summer on BBC One Golden Hits of the Monkeys on BBC One and Christmas with the Osmonds also on BBC One and Sarah could have nipped down to Ivanhoe's in Huddersfield on Christmas Day

for a Christmas party for the kids of striking firefighters put on by the Sex Pistols. Oh, Sarah would have won. Could I had a bit of trifle with Sid Vicious, played Flap the Fish with Malcolm. Just prior to being born. Yeah. In the letters page, well, the main topic of discussion is the musicians' union mooting the idea of charging band members a tenner each this year to play gigs. Mike Brown of Newbury claims that the biggest fee his six-piece band ever earned was £15 all in, and the new fee will kill off new bands and turn every venue into discos. kill off new bands and turn every venue into discos. After a Melody Maker feature on do's and don'ts for new bands,

which claimed that a telephone was more important than guitar strings, someone from the Group Phone Cooperative in London points out that it can take up to four months to get a new phone line installed and costs a packet. Fucking hell, different times. They then promote their service, which allows bands to share a phone line for book costs a packet fucking out different times they then promote their service which allows bands to share a phone line for bookings and whatnot and invites people to contact them so they can set up something similar in their hometown oh that do it yourself like it ms collins of colchester mourns the recent death of rassaan Roland Kirk while Malcolm Oliver of Dagenham

asks Melody Maker to compile a chart of the best and worst B sites in the top 30. And Bernard Welch of Harrow Weald says, thank God for Cliff. In this era

of violence and safety pins, how refreshing, indeed reassuring, it was to read the interview with Cliff Richard in Melody Maker. Thank God for singers and musicians, whether Christians or others who have not yet had the pleasure of meeting Christ, who, rather than grovelling in the gutter uttering pseudo street songs or issuing drivel in offensive packages, are committed to promoting only the best in music and entertainment. Who else will stand firm with Cliff in championing

the cause of real truth, beauty and excellence in today's charts. Who indeed? 48 pages, 15p. I never knew there was so much in it. I can't imagine who would have been reading Melody Maker in 1977 over the L.A. Yeah, they were kind of like third place in the rush for punk, were they? Yeah, yeah. And still being a little bit snarky about it, I feel.

Yeah, I think it was just Caroline Kuhn. Yeah. And everybody else was just like, lol, you're joking. There's a good six years left in Genesis yet. Yes. So, what was on telly this day? Well, BBC One start the day at 8.55am with Star Over Bethlehem, where seven countries are brought together by satellite to big up baby Jesus.

Then it's Playboard with Christopher Lillicrap, followed by Christmas Appeal by Michael Bentine, who wants us all to chip in a million quid to restore the west front of Wells Cathedral. Then it's over to All Saints Parish Church in Kingston-upon-Thames for Christmas worship. After the cartoon The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas, it's the 1944 film National Velvet, where Elizabeth Taylor wins the horse in a raffle and Mickey Rooney helps her to win the Grand National on it. Just before Top of the Pops, it's a second chance to see the 1976 Christmas special of Are You Being Served, where the male employees of Grace Brothers compete to be that year's store Santa. BBC Two don't even bother to start

until a quarter to one with Sing All Ye Faithful where four separate choirs hold a Church of England sound clash in St Mary's College in Strawberry Hill. Then it's News Review, the weekly news recap show for the deaf and hard of hearing

who takes the week off and goes to Switzerland with some kids instead. They're just about to start the World About Us, where David Attenborough looks at some American wolves, bears and eagles in The Predators. ITV kick off at 8.45 with a Christmas carol concert from Wells Cathedral again. And after a quarter of an hour of cartoons, it's Christmas Day Mass from the Church of Our Lady in St. Odwin's in Tynemouth. Then the National Children's Home in Bramhope has to put up with Jimmy Tarbuck for a merry morning with the assistance of Tina Charles and the wurzels spreading lies about

the honest farmhand no doubt after another 15 minutes of cartoons it's the 1972 film robinson crusoe and the tiger which is essentially robinson crusoe but with more tigers in it they're currently 10 minutes into William's worst Christmas. The hour long just William Christmas special. I'd have been up for that. But up against Top of the Pops. No fucking chance. Can I just say this repeated mention of Wells Cathedral.

And the million quid they need. I'm just going to leave this phrase here. People with empty stomachs beg to differ. I'd be proud to know them, to be honest with you. Sermon over at last. Way to ease in the new listeners there. Hey, no, man. No, we don't put the tip in, man.

We thrust it all in. All right, me dears. The first window of the Advent calendar has been opened. And we're going to leave it there. And we'll come to leave it there. And we'll come back here tomorrow to get stuck into this episode. But remember, if you're one of the Pop Craze Patreons and you're dobbing in $5, you're getting the whole lot in one go.

Om nom nom nom. So, I'll just say, Merry Christmas, Taylor Parks. Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho, Neil Kulkarni. Ho ho ho. I will see you in a bit. Chart music. GreatBigOwl.com Great Big Owl.

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Gooch, gooch, choo-choo. Remember that lovely one. And there's Smirshpod. Who do you eat first? I think we know. Well, I don't know if I'd want to eat Lazenby. Basically, look for Great Big Owl on your pod, what's it? Good idea. Have we got a sting? Owls don't sting.