Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - Chart Music #49 (Part 4): January 7th 1982 - Yellow Hurll

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

The latest episode of the podcast which asks: would you treat YOUR kids to a day out at Flick Colby's Zoo?We're returning to one of our favourite years for music television discussion, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, but if you think it's another Eighventies splurge, think on; that era is not only officially dead, but its corpse is being gleefully stepped upon by assorted Pineapple dance studio chaff. Peter Powell - when he's not doing the Running Man - takes us through a chart which is coming out of hibernation after the Xmas truce, and what a battered selection box it turns out to be.Musicwise, hmm: Zoo have their coming-out party, which involves a BDSM Cossack Human Centipede. Alton Edwards overdoes it with the Jheri Curl activator and fucks up his expensive jacket. There's an appalling video of Foreigner in 'action'. The pace picks up with Meat Loaf and Cher copping off with each other and the introduction of Romo Ralph Wiggum, but then The Mobiles forget to top themselves up. Shakatak. A bodybuilder with an eyepatch for pants makes an accidental Nazi salute at Peter Powell. Vangelis self-isolates with nine synths. The Number One Single reminds us how good things used to be. The Zoo Wankers desecrating Madness shows us how bad things are going to get.Sarah Bee and Neil Kulkarni join Al Needham for an extensive tear-down of the first week of the Eighties Proper, veering off on such tangents as regional ITV, the humbling of Communism in Sneinton Market, mysterious greasy stains on bus windows, how 50% of Chart Music bonded over the Bummer's Conga in Bristol in 1995, and why hiding cock photos under your housemate's pillow isn't the done thing. Probably even more swearing than usual.Video Playlist |  Subscribe |  Facebook | Twitter |  Look at our Wiki, it's MINTSubscribe to us on iTunes here. Support us on Patreon here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The following podcast is a member of the Great Big Owl family. This will certainly have an adult theme and might well contain strong scenes of sex or violence, which could be quite graphic. It may also contain some very explicit language, which will frequently mean sexual swear words. What do you like to listen to? Um... Chart music. Chart to? Chart music. Chart music.

Hey up, you pop-crazy youngsters, and welcome to the final part of Chart Music number 49. I'm your host Al Needham under heavy manners in Nottingham and I'm linking up with Sarah B in London. Yo! And Neil Kulkarni in Coventry. Hello Chucky Bab. How are we Ducky's? Apparently going the slightly mental judging by my hysterical introduction there hello hi al how are you hey i'm fine dog absolutely fine are we uh are we exercising we had our um one day's um we had our

one exercise bit yeah i can't mate i can't go out it's it's so tense out there or it's actually it's tense in some places not nearly tense enough in others at the that's at the time of recording people are mostly oblivious and honestly i'm like crisscrossing the road to try to keep my distance from people they're strolling along so i'm getting loads of exercise when when i have been out i've kind of got i've taken so many more steps than i would do normally because of like just just scooting out of the way of people. You know, it's very weird. Just suddenly behaving completely differently in a space and looking at people. Like, you know, because I was out with my bloke

and he was sort of slightly ahead of me and there was a bloke with a tiny toddler that suddenly swerved and started making a beeline for Matt. I'm like, ah! You're basically playing Frogger, aren't you, Sarah? Basically, yeah. And yeah, we should point out that um the weather i'm i've always thought that the british weather had its own evil sentience and i feel like that's being proved now because you know this happens and there's it's like everyone stay in your homes and the sun

comes right the way out yes and goes ah tempty temp come on out. Making wanker signs at us. Yeah. Now's when we need all that fucking rain. But I've had sort of, in as much as I've had a good gossip with my elderly neighbour over the back fence about new neighbours, about everything. It was a nice little 10-minute chat. But that doesn't really count as exercise.

But it's fresh air, what the hell? And I didn't have a fag in my when i was doing it so it counts yeah good lad wow yeah it does yeah you're on lockdown with the youth damn aren't you no god man yeah and look look if i was a kid right and and i'd been sent home from school and and i knew that we wouldn't be attending for several months i would not be fucking emailing my teacher looking for things to do. For fuck's sake. You know, for all intents and purposes, we're on a massive snow day for a long, long time. Exploit that opportunity.

People want to do Skype meetings, Zoom meetings. I get that they want routines going on, but I'm very much of the, all of this could be sorted out with an email. Absolutely fine with just being left the fuck alone, thanks. We are discovering at this point, aren't we? Like all of these things that could actually have been done online anyway. And all these things, all these meetings that were so important. And now it's like, oh no, we'll just do an email. It's taken a global pandemic for work to have its bullshit sorted out in that way.

To leap into this century, really. It's been forced alone. It's odd. I should point out, though, that there was a huge kind of slew of, you know, understandably, people going, use this time to make a thing, write the novel, do the thing. Yeah, and yes, however, it's also okay if you do fuck all because, you know, this is a really intense time.

People are, you know, a lot of creative people are also very anxious people. And it's like, give yourself a break. Anyone who's listened to this who's feeling a bit like, yes, I can write the novel now. I literally started on a novel. And am I going to finish it this time? Fuck no.

Because I actually, my head is so full of other stuff. I mean, I'll get some of it done, but I'm not going to, you know, it's not going to finish it this time? Fuck no. Because I actually, my head is so full of other stuff. I mean, I'll get some of it done, but I'm not going to, you know, it's not going to be. And here you go, thump, you know, massive doorstop of a thing. It's like, behold, my meister work that I wrote during this extremely anxious time. You know, it's like, it's all right if you don't create a damn thing, except an amazing sandwich out of all the crap in your cupboards. Like, that's fine. I am telling you.

Yeah, and kids can do that. They don't have to do meetings. Well, I mean, as far as exercise goes, the other night, I found myself on like the busiest main road in Nottingham and it was empty. I got my iPod on and, you know, I just started doing the running power right down the middle of the road all the way to the off-license. So liberating. And also, if there was anyone about, I didn't notice,

but if there was anyone coming towards me, they'd be getting the fuck away pretty sharpish. So we're into the final stretch of this episode of Top of the Box. Come on, let's not fuck about. We can do this. Yeah. George! George!

Lots of movement. George! Cambodia from Kim Wilde and 18 flashback imagination and 17 still there the tweets and the birdie song and 16 my own way from Duran Duran and 15 spirits in the material world the police and 14 young Turks Rod Stewart and 13 it's rock and roll from

status quo and 12 waiting for a girl like you, Foreigner. At 11, Wedding Bells, Gottlieb and Cream. And at 10, I Could Be Happy, Alt of Images. And at 9 this week, we welcome Top Pop Studio, John Anderson and Vangelis. Number 9, Superb Single, I'll Find My Way Home. Superb single I'll find my way home

You asked me where to begin Am I so lost in my sin You asked me where to begin How? Who we saw dancing on his own at the end of Easier Said Than Done is suddenly surrounded by zoo wankers who appear to have teleported right across the studio, including a new zoo wanker in a green jumpsuit

who looks like the world's most effeminate Ghostbuster. Oh, man. Every time you look around, there's always one more zoo wanker who hasn't caught your attention. Then you can't stop looking at them. Desperate for those future appearances. Yeah. Show off bastards.

Woo! Lots of movement, he declares, and he's not lying. He then piles into the chart from number 20 to number 10 before introducing us to a superb single, I'll Find My Way Home by John and Vangelis. Formed in 1979, John and Vangelis were John Anderson, who had just left Yes after 11 years, and Evangelos Papathanassou, formerly of the Greek psychedelic band Aphrodite's Child with Demis Roussos, who was currently best known for the soundtrack of Chariots of Fire and had just finished the original soundtrack for Blade Runner. They had known each other since 1974,

when Vangelis was mooted as a replacement for Rick Wakeman in Yes, and although that never came off, Anderson made guest appearances on three Vangelis LPs in the 1970s. They immediately hit pay dirt when their debut single I Hear You Now got to number eight in February of 1980 but the follow-up The Friends of Mr Cairo failed to chart. This is the follow-up which entered the charts in mid-December. It bided its time during the Christmas break at number 10 and this week it slipped up one place to number 9 and here they are in the studio the audience are kind of really not doing

themselves any favours here because we do finally get to see them but unfortunately this isn't really a danceable song it's a pranceable song in this weird kind of waltz like time signature that really precludes any proper dancing. And also it's so fucking weedy that even the audience's somewhat dismal swaying doesn't really look right.

This is actually one of those rare numbers where it would have actually benefited from forcing Zoo to come up with some kind of routine for this. Yes. Rather sort of mimsy, folky, proggy, synthy song. Yes. Yeah, let's see. See you now. And it's astonishing, really. I mean, this is the same year he's working on the Blade Runner soundtrack,

Vangelis. You know, kind of, it shows what synths can do, that soundtrack. And yet this song is really just an old sounding cat stevens type number a folky number um given a few proggy lyrics and and and played with since and it's yes i've been singing it all week i will admit that it's a catchy number i've been whistling it but um it it it's not exactly suitable for top of the pops to Anderson's credit he looks like he's he's ridden the kind of Aventis crossover pretty well um despite this is a recurrent figure in this episode clearly despite looking like um Bob from Rita Sue and Bob too I thought I were great

and I also really do quite like the strange cutaway in the instrumental section where it cuts away to sort of various stills of John and Vangelis in the studio crafting the magic having fun in the studio

it's a slideshow, it's a middle aged slideshow it's an innovation that I like what I have never seen before. With the keyboards forming a sort of paddock around them. Barrier. In which to frolic. I counted nine keyboards there. With this kind of thick, heavy blue, overloid border. It's like the intro to Bagpuss

but for kind of yes yes but you know this is what happens I know it's a catchy number but this is what happens when

proggers write pop music they kind of come down to it from their promontory of musical smugness to kind of deign

to give us a simple tune that hasn't got 54 different chords in it and you invariably get this kind of nursery rhyme to give us a simple tune that hasn't got 54 different chords in it yeah and you invariably get this kind of nursery rhyme type shit because they slightly look down on pop um and and really when we think about sort of where the eight is it going to go pretty soon that mindset of kind of simplifying what they want to do in a sense and making these nursery rhyme type shit pop songs. Yes.

We'd see that reach full fruition soon with the likes of Howard Jones and Nick Kershaw. At the moment, we haven't got new farts pointing the way. We've got these old farts pointing the way. But this song, catchy though it is, does kind of point towards an aspect of the 80s which is going to get increasingly vexing and annoying in coming years that that use of synths to craft these kind of sappy nursery

rhyme type pop songs often written by those with a with a prog mindset like howard jones i mean van galis he is a radio to georgio maroda isn't it yes he's the anti-Giorgio if you will all that talent all that technology but no flash or excitement and uh you know the fact that he's pretending to do all the synthy stuff on a white piano that no mate and he's wearing not only a sweater but I had to peer at this because I was like okay so that's a sweater and is that a scarf that matches the sweater in a sort of sweater set or is it like a scarf printed onto the sweater in a sort of sweater set or is it like a scarf printed onto the sweater? And it's an actual scarf.

It's a scarf. It's an extra garment. It looks like he got it for Christmas off his aunt. Yes, it's red. And his mum's going, you make sure you wear this, Evangelis. Spent all autumn knitting that. But yeah, it's the never-starting story, is this. And I think the Moroda comparison is quite apposite, if I may say so.

But yeah, I mean, the Blade Runner soundtrack is just a magnificent work. It's fucking incredible. I mean, I love the movie, but I mean, the soundtrack is almost better than the film that it soundtracks. It's fucking incredible. I mean, I love the movie, but the soundtrack is almost better than the film that it soundtracks. It's... But I mean, it's a sort of malfunctioning water feature of a song. There's a sort of dribbliness to it,

the kind of vocals, but everything's dribbling sort of as if over a suburban rockery. And I don't like John Anderson's voice. He's enunciating too much. Yes, as he always does. It's very Eurovision. Well, I say that.

I mean, obviously Eurovision is an extremely broad church, but this is a bit sort of cinq points. Yeah. How many points is it in Eurovision? I can't remember. Is it deux that is the... Deux. Deux that is the big one.

Yeah, and so it is a solid Deuce, Saint-Poix for me. Yeah. Well, I hated this song because it was on the radio all the fucking time. And as soon as it started, you knew you were in for a long haul. Yeah, yeah.

You know, it was like being on a train journey and knowing there's a big tunnel coming up. Yeah, yeah. And you're going to have to sit there for the next five minutes not being able to read your comic and a reminder as well that technology isn't technology isn't necessarily salvation i mean this is essentially like synths are exciting right in the early 80s since they're kind of exciting because of the noises that they make but if they're welded to just be kind of a weedy folk song which is essentially what this is. You know, this is no different than

a kind of, I don't know, a Cat Stevens cast-off if you like. It's a negligible song. Cat Shit Stevens, if you will. Cat Shit Stevens, quite. You know, you can't polish a turd, can you? You can cover it with loads of glittery synthy stuff, but it's still basically a rather ploddy, dull

folk song that would be best in the hands of an early 70s balladeer that I could safely ignore rather than you know being at the heart of Top of the Pops like this yes um yeah but at least Vangelis is sitting down we don't have to look at his arse true well he has you know for all his faults the man has dignity yes dignity always yes yeah and of course no zoo wankers for this as mentioned we do see the back of the crumb

but we do see that copper again and he's got his arms up in the air in a reverie in a what in a what Al in a what

reverie so I just wanted to hear you say it again thank you reverie carry on but what can you do to this record no I mean I said you could prance to it but you can't really

even do that to be fair can you do the hobby horse to it should have got romo ralph wiggum back i just give him a stick give him one of them sticks with an anchor chief tied on the end and make him do some uh interpretive dance to. Kind of like looking round for a road sign. Yeah. He could have done a heartbreakingly poignant tableau to this. He really could. So the following week, I'll find my way home, inched up one place to number eight,

and the week after that would get to number six, its highest position. The follow-up, and when the night comes, only got to number 87 in May of 1983, and they never bothered the top 40 again. Although one track on the Friends of Mr Cairo, State of Independence, was picked up by Donna Summer, who took it to number 14 in November of this year. The duo were put on hold in 1983 when Anderson joined the reformed Yes, and Vangelis concentrated on theatre and ballet work and the occasional solo LP,

but they reunited in 1991 for the LP Page of Life. Why? Page of Life. Fucking hell. State of Independence, though, I have to represent for that. It is a... Yeah, it's a corker yes

it is a stately thing oh can you imagine if Vangelis had done I Feel Love wow it'd be such a different world wouldn't it imagine what's happening

in the timeline where that happens that's a different history and it'll probably be a fucking whole history as well yeah but I bet I bet things would be better now but they would have been

you know I don't know. It's a stupid thing to think about, but, you know. No, if I feel love doesn't happen with Giorgio Moroder, then the 80s don't happen. Not our 80s. Yeah. Quite a big chunk of the 90s don't as well, so yeah.

Yeah. Somehow I'll find my way home Somehow I'll find my way home Somehow I'll find my way home Brilliant. Anyone who listens to my radio show will know I've played it every single day for about five weeks. Don and Vangelis, and I'll find my way home. That's the number nine. What's the number eight? I've played it every single day for about five weeks. John and Vangelis, and I'll find my way home.

That's at number nine. What's at number eight? At number eight, it's Dollar and Mirror Mirror. At seven, Get Down On It from Cool And The Gang. At six, Daddy's Home, Cliff Richard. At five, One Of Us and ABBA. At four, It Must Be Love from Madness. At three, Ant Rap from Adam and the Ants. At two, The Land of Make Believe from Bucks Fizz.

And this week at number one, in Top of the Pops studio, on Top of the Pops, The Human League and Don't You Want Me. Thank you, Artie. Thank you. Pal, surrounded by the kids, breaks down the rest of the charts from number 8, finishing off with this week's number 1 single, Don't You Want Me, by The Human League. We've covered The League in Chart Music's 11 and 39, and this, their 9th single, is the follow-up to Open Your Heart, which got to number 6 for two weeks in October of 1981. Open Your Heart, which got to number six for two weeks in October of 1981. It's also the fourth single from the LP Dare,

which kicked off a row between the band, who thought it was the weakest track on the album, and felt another LP track as a single would be a rip-off, and Virgin Records, who were convinced it would be a nailed-on hit. After the label agreed to issue the single with a banned poster and fork out for a decent video, the league relented and it was put out at the end of November. It immediately crashed into the charts

at number 9 at the beginning of December then soared to number 1 the week after, keeping Daddy's Home by Cliff Richard off the Christmas number 1 slot. And here it is in its fifth week atop the summit of Mount Pop. And here's a clip of one of their previous appearances. This really is the swan song of the Aventus, isn't it?

Both the song and the performance. This appearance is just imperious. And it almost makes the entire episode worthwhile. You know, just like a great pop single can make the whole chart rundown worthwhile. You know, I've said sort of previously how

in 81, you know, Non-Stop A Right Cabaret just came into my world and shattered my world. But close behind it in late 81 and early 82 was dare um and it's a completely different thing in a sense where non-stopping right cabaret suggested all kinds of dark alleys and other lives dare sort of only suggested itself if you like it was really holistic and sort of self-contained and And although I preferred Love Action, Sound of the Crowd,

kind of end of Human League, this was music that was clearly, it was too good to be played by traditional musicians. There was always a sense with the Human League that they both used their equipment amazingly, but they were also used by the equipment as well. So it's all about the little tiny details in this music, the drums and the little tiny details in this music the drums and and the the little synth

details martin russian recalls working with with johnny harris the band arranger and learning arrangement the ability to leave space so in any human league song in the in the dare era it's not just one kind of earworm there's like a dozen little different hooks that you can sing to per song sort of often happening at the same time and getting there home and putting it on because it was definitely an at-home listening experience yeah or if you're lucky walk around with your or yeah or yeah i were copper it was like a test disc for your music centre, you know, for your stereo, because your ears just felt lavished, and it had this sort of simultaneous, gorgeous clockwork feel, thanks to the programming.

But it also felt propulsive, and like it was being played by humans. And crucial to that was the mix of voices. Phil just always sounded Mardy. You know, he always sounded mardy you know he always sounded mardy ass but just so much better than nearly everyone else who was singing to synth music at the time he just had this control yes better than everyone anyone else i mean think about it better than better than simon the bomb um better than dave gayen and way better than tonyley. There's sort of no cheese or weediness to Phil's voice, just power and what sounds like proper anguish.

I would argue that vocally, Phil Oakey has much less in common with his contemporaries than he does to 60s singers. Even if the bulk of the lyrics on Dare are kind of positive and pop orientated. And, you know, in interviews at the time, Phil Oakey was kind of rejecting bohemianism. It was all about professionalism and kind of entertainment.

You can tell that by this period, in contrast to early Human League, that ABBA have become, you know, just as important to Human League as Eno and Bowie and everyone else. And, yeah, this performance is just imperious. And it's also the kind of performance and the period really where, in which Joanne and Suzanne become just so, so important to what Human League are doing.

And the video and the song rely on a certain ambiguity. Are these characters that Human League league is singing about or is this a projection into the future in a sense of a phil the svengali kind of hiring the girls for the band and that the video was similarly meta had really high production values just like the record so you know it's just a perfect irresist package, a whole record in which the story is contained and it's satisfying for exactly that reason. And it's full of portrayal of that kind of abandoned, wretched Svengali figure as the star is born,

Judy Garland version, naturally. Like I say, in terms of human league singles, I'd rather hear Mirror Man. I'd rather hear Love Action. I'd rather hear mirror man i'd rather hear love action i'd rather hear sound of the crowd but this is just mammoth and and for anyone who's ever dj'd will know that that this like common eileen or tainted love it just still wallops any uk dance floor definitely and it's just one of the greatest uk number one singles ever. I don't think anyone other than Phil Oakey has got that look that I love so much. That look of fantastic eyeliner, fantastic lippy, but being utterly fucking hench as well.

I don't think anyone got it as right as Phil Oakey. Yeah. I don't know what I can add to that. Frame that. Cut, print, that. I don't know what I can add to that. That is, that's frame that cut print that.

Um, I mean, yeah, they are, they, they are totally in control of their vehicle here, aren't they? I mean, it's just,

yeah, it is a joy to see. It's always a joy to see someone who is in command of themselves and their persona and their, their whole, their whole deal. And the machine, the machinery just turning perfectly before your eyes and ears it's just it's it's fucking great um and it's one of those it's one of those songs that is just

you know that everybody knows and has almost been worn down a bit by time and familiarity but will never be truly sullied you know it matters not you know how many kind of drunken hen night caterwauls it's put through you know nothing yes in fact it's probably only enhanced by that because that is like you say it's it's done for filler that's part of the collective experience that uh now as i'm saying this, you know, fucking hell, everything just has this weight about it right now, doesn't it? It's like, oh, imagine a Phil Dunn's floor. When are we going to, you know,

I looked at the day when we're going to get on one of those again. Looking through the top 10, Cliff Richard's got his hand on his face. I'm like, oh, mate. We get different opinions about this record in a sense, because when those, we all know how this record. Some people don't appreciate it. Who? Some people think it's cheesy you know i mean dickheads where are they let's get them who can fuck off if you hear the opening portion of this record if you hear that that drum pattern and that sort of jittering um synth pattern as well you're there

you're on that dance floor no matter who you are yeah i think sarah's absolutely right that nobody here is not being themselves that's the weird thing it's such a glistening perfect record and yet nobody's not being themselves phil is completely being himself yes and the girls as well susan actually sings in a sense not off key but it's not some sort of falsely strident thing that that matches the peerlessness of the music in a way it fits because everyone's being themselves both the musicians but the singers themselves susan and joanne as well are all just part of this thing whilst not sort of inflating themselves in a sense it's a really realistic yet majestic record well if you put aside craft work you know as we've

already discussed all the absolute greatest synth records are the ones that bring out the humanity of the people performing it yeah the women here are you know obviously they are pushing against a degree of uh disdain which would have applied anyway but especially did because uh this was like the second or was it the third incarnation of the human league and it's like oh you got some girls you got some dolly birds in of you and it is quite a bit um a bit scared um but yeah they've that the way that she sings that verse um suzanne is it's very sort of northern and shanty and birdie yeah i was working as a waitress in it's like it's loud and it comes right from you know um and and then she sort of does it you know and then she sort of sweetens it up a bit

i still love you is is she softens it a bit but yeah and then in the court i mean i've yeah so even though familiar as this is you know when you sit down to analyze it for for such a thing as a podcast you notice some things like um just the kind of edge of malevolence and that but it's it's kind of a it's quite a the a pathetic sort of whinge really it's a pathetic male whinge but delivered in this very powerful way by a handsome man in a full face of beautiful makeup and lippy which is just kind of such a delicious combination you know and it's kind of a yeah a guy just boom you know just like you'll you'll be you know you will regret this because uh because i'm entitled to that you know it's oh i don't know you look back at it from from somewhere like here and you just the stench of kind of entitlement is is is real

joanne is is doing the chorus and sort of just just sort of um cleaves very sort of closely do it to phil's vocal line and like now just thinking of it in that way it just sounds like she's sort of mocking him and just saying back to him what he you know um which is also great just everything about this is great and so clever so right isn't it i mean one of the startling things as i was already mentioned is that this you know the band didn't even think this was going to be a single yeah you know the fourth single and only the single on the suggestion of the the record company and i think what that reflects really is is just how much hostility the girls faced in their initial entrance into human

league um not just from sort of your spotty male fans of early human league but also you know um female fans of human league as well really resented the kind of introduction of the girls um and i'm wondering if the band sort of knowing that this song could be interpreted as being about um the hiring of the girls into the bands whether they just wanted to kind of head off that inevitable hostility that this record would face. But it's staggering to think that this could have just been an album track

and that we would have never got to see the video and never got to see the Rover, the brilliant car that's in that video as well. And these things that are just such a big part of our memories of pop might have just never happened. It's staggering to think that but it's also just amazing that they didn't consider this a single but as a track it just makes the weediness of the rest of synth pop so apparent at the time much like soft sell had done the year before um because this is just a great walloping song and and phil invariably is is key to putting a song across

with that crucial mix of lippy eyeliner and just fucking henchness that he always got so absolutely dead on. Staggering to think it could have been an album track. Thank God it wasn't. Yeah, I know. And if this isn't the swan song of the 80s, then it's definitely the last in the line

of massive number ones from Cynthia Weirdos, for want of a better word. Yeah, for me, there's a big drop-off after this. And I don't mean in terms of human league singles. I just mean in terms of 80s number ones. This is the last kind of really, truly great 80s number one that we're going to have for a while. I mean, already in the 80s

we've had we've had ghost town we've had tainted love but after this I mean genuinely as a pop listener myself the next number one to really truly tremendously excite me would probably have been uh there's nothing now until Frankie I mean I know we've got adamant, we've got ABC and other things coming up this year. But this to me is a real, real high point. And yeah, sort of, it's one of the greatest number ones of all time. Better than Come and Eileen. Come and Eileen is not a great song and not the best of two Rye A. This is just one of the greats, one of the great number ones ever.

Bit harsh on René and Renato but I'll let it touch now all of television history is contained in the box of delights I've climbed up Nelson Scotland once before these are small and put it down in front of Bagpuss I'm Julia Rayside join me and my guests

as we dip into our favourite TV memories suppose I wasn't here today bashing my head like this you can't tell me what to do, you ain't my mother! I love when a plan comes together. Come and tell us what yours are too. We've all been told we can't discuss nominations. It's a bit car-ish. Shut up.

With a novel on the top. I think I like you Lovejoy. Find us on Twitter at Box Delights Pod and listen wherever you get your podcasts. This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull Apart, only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th.

Terms and conditions apply. As already mentioned, this is... Looking back at this, this is obviously, as already mentioned, this is, looking back at this, this is obviously a repeat performance. And it's a chance to have a look at the top of the pop. So I would already be missing this far into this episode. Here's that band. Here's those people who have changed your life this week. Yeah, yeah. And here they are.

And you can get, you can see all of them doing their thing and you can obviously the crowd are into it. It's like being at a gig, but a really good gig where there's no leads going everywhere

and you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is, this is the top of the pops I grew up with and I'm already sad to see it disappear you could just imagine what Zoo would do with oh Jesus Christ Neil I mean they wouldn't pay any respect whatsoever because they hate pop music and they'd just do their usual jolly brassy

happy steps um because I'd never recall Zoo in any way emotionally reflecting a song in their dancing no or paying attention or caring about what the lyrics to the song are so you can imagine never recall Zoo in any way emotionally reflecting a song in their dancing. No. Or paying attention or caring about what the lyrics to the song are. So you can imagine they would have just stomped all over this with their big idiot boots. With wild faces. So this appearance, like you say, it's a beautiful reminder of what Top of the Pops used to do so well and aren't really going to do much anymore. Let singers sing.

You know, let bands band. They would have been there cutting it all up without a doubt. So it's a heartbreakingly poignant reminder of what Top of the Pops was best at this performance. This is an oral 80s night poster, isn't it? It is, yeah. But, you know, sometimes

when you want to encapsulate an era, it is usually the best stuff that gets put up there. So yeah, fuck it. Definitely a high point of the 80s. And like most high points, it kind of, it's dazzle kind of obliterates the shade, if you like. So you kind of forget how crap a lot of the 80s were

because of records like this. This is a high point from one of those two or three years in which the 80s were just astonishing. You know, pop being made by real people, in a sense, that you could walk past in the street, you could imagine doing that, walking past Filoki. You might be a bit scared, but you would. And he'd be still part of this astonishing record.

This is definitely a high point record of the 80s. So the following week don't you want me was finally relieved of its duties at number one dropping one place to make way for land of make-believe by bucks fizz but they still pitched up on that week's top of the pops when the pop craze youngsters were traumatized by the sight of being boiled. A re-release by EMI, which has entered the top 40 at number 19, being Dance 2 by Dave Lee Travis. The official follow-up, Mirror Man, got to number two for three weeks in November and December of 1982,

held off number one by I Don't Wanna Dance by Eddie Grant and beat Surrender by The Jam. And in the summer of 1982, Don't You Want Me spent three weeks at number one in America and is considered the flagship record of the second British invasion. Oh, don't you want me, baby

Don't you want me Oh, don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me, oh? Don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me, oh? Don't you want me, oh? That's the number one single from Human League, Don't You Want Me, number one for two years now, and their album Dare is the number one as well

So a great time for them and a great time for us I hope you too will do it all again next week for another edition of top of the pulse till then here's madness It must be loved good night now Even more kids are allowed to stand next to Powell, making him look like someone trapped in a bus shelter when Grange Hill has kicked out, as he points out that the Human League have been number one for two years and Dare is the UK's number one LP. He then invites us back next week and introduces it must be love by madness we've covered madness many a time and off and this

their 10th single is the follow-up to shut up which got to number seven in october of 1981 it's a cover of the labby sifri single which got to number 14 in January of 1972 and became part of the band's live repertoire when keyboard player Mike Barson would play it at soundchecks and eventually became part of their encores at gigs. When it was heard by Dave Robinson, the owner of Stiff Records, he insisted that the band put it out as a single but they were dead against putting out cover versions only relenting when he told them he would give them the label if it didn't make the top five when it entered the chart at the beginning of december at number 24 the video which featured

a cameo of sifri on violin and the band dressing up as undertakers and putting the fun in funeral was played in full on top of the pops causing jimmy saville to tell the pop craze youngsters afterwards not to play electric guitars in swimming pools which set off a bit of tabloid nonsense this time the bbc have opted not to play an edited video and as sugs is currently out of the country on his honeymoon they've elected to have the single which has nipped up two places this week from number six to number four, to the relief of stiff records,

Dance 2 by the Kids, and the Zoo Wankers. Wow, fucking hell. This fucking song. And the minute you hear the opening, your heart just lifts, doesn't it? It does, but my heart sinks as well because they're not there.

Yes. Without an appearance and without a video which was what Madness were all about for me as a kid I loved the videos I would have been heartbroken it doesn't feel right does it I mean truth be told it must be love perhaps at that age I didn't realise

just what a beautiful amazing song that is I would have been disappointed with its lack of nuttiness if you like and you know also there was this thing in coventry definitely that madness were kind of you know down to civic pride to a certain extent an awful lot of older two-tone fans in coventry were determined to stay loyal to the cov stuff and madness will kind of look down a bit on a bit as as interlopers yeah outsiders pop too pop. But any kid is just going to love Madness,

especially on the run of singles that they're on. You know, we've got Driving In My Car, we've got House Of Fun coming up, Haven't Waved, just that cardiac arrest, I think.

I mean, you know, like I say, at that age, It Must Be Love wouldn't have been one of my faves, but what an astonishing run of singles this band was on.

And yeah, gutted that it's Zoo dancing to them. Well, yeah, because we start with the kids, some of whom have been given flags to wave. And, you know, we're getting that school disco vibe that's beloved of chart music. But then, sadly, it gives way to Attack of the Zoo wankers.

I've got in my notes here, good Lord, what are they all doing? Because it's the return of the strong men. Flexing. Yes, they're back. It's like he's... This is not a song that you do a pose down to. It really isn't.

It doesn't make any sense at all. No. It's like I'm looking at a man with... I'm trying to enjoy this song that I love very, very much and I have to look at a man in a white leather studded collar with big fucking studded... The kind of slightly health and safety wrongness studded collar and matching cuffs.

And he's undulating his shoulders and other parts of himself and I don't want to see it. Well, Zoo's performance would be understandable you know if if they were czechoslovakian and didn't speak english and didn't know what any of the lyrics were and just decided to throw a load of crazy crap at this thing yes as it is they have no excuse why is this going on to this record and you know this is the predominant question whenever we're confronted with zoo performances. Why? Why are you doing this?

Why must you enrage me so? Yes. With your idiot joy. And that there is a way to dance to madness that everyone knows. And everyone knows how to do it, you know. Nutty dancing. This is fucking knobhead dancing.

This is proper hands on the shoulders, hands on the hips. Disco shuffling about. It's basically the sign language of woo, isn't it? There is this kind of odd memory in my head, but I definitely recall Dancing to Madness

with Pricey and Taylor. I'd love to see Taylor doing that. It was one of the first times I'd ever met those guys. We were asked to do Bristol Sound City, which is kind of like a week-long music festival in Bristol. the first times i'd ever met those guys we were asked to um do um bristol sound city which was kind of like a week-long music festival in bristol right and i'd never really met music journalists before i'd kind of like been in the office period like really really infrequently and i just found them that other writers like hugely intimidating basically because i was a fan boy and i was kind

of you know i still had that sort of layer of of fear if you like, of these people I've been reading for so long. I mean, I've been reading Pricey and Taylor for so long by the time that I joined the Melody Maker. And, you know, but meeting them in Bristol that week, I rapidly realised that, yeah, not all music journalists are massively intimidating. And not all of them. I mean, it was like meeting our mates because the way that we could talk with each other and the way that we could talk about music but more importantly i remember that moment when we were in a nightclub and yeah madness tune came on and it wasn't all shrinking wall violets just kind of talking about what we were hearing we were immediately like come on we've got a fucking dance to this and we nutty boys stepped onto the dance floor as it were the bummers conga as david calls it um but yeah i mean look if me

pricey and taylor drunk could manage to get the dancing right to madness um back in 1995 um surely zoo you know professional bloody dancers could get it right but as the as this footage shows no they could well here we go in the actual thing you see romo ralph wiggum yeah he's doing the fucking nutty dance not very well but he knows and the zoo wankers you just see them they are absolutely clueless yeah they don't know pop yeah they don't listen to it they don't care about it they presumably have a bar across the middle of their sort of uh wall in their living room and they just practice plies and fucking moves and and you know pirouettes they're completely detached from pop i never got that feel

from legs and cohen pans people you got the feeling especially because they used to actually sing along to some of the songs that they used to be dancing to that was a really telling moment in old episodes you're not going to get any of that with Zoo. They ultimately might as well not have the music playing and just have a metronome ticking the time for them to do their nonsense. Or Flick Colby banging a stick

on the floor. Well, quite, yeah. And of course, you know, we get to see Powell chatting up a Zoo wanker in a Doric chitin. Yes, got to say Doric chitin again. And then they end up doing a bit of proper knees up Mother Browning. So, you know, he's in the

right postcode. But when Peter Powell's a better interpretive dancer than you, then you've got no right to be a professional dancer. Shame he's not doing the running man again though. That was good. The horsing man yes um neil um important question were you in the middle of of the the nutty boys when when you

nutty boy that's what i was trying to think of early when you did the nut i certainly wasn't just thinking in in order of height i may well have dreamt it but why the fuck am i dreaming about that um i may well dream it tonight me taylor and simon that that that week we really fostered oh that fostered a bond we weren't beating drums out in the forest but um no it was it was the first time i'd met other journalists and they weren't scary in a sense they weren't intimidating do you know i mean they were just we could chat shit and we did chat a lot of shit that week it was a lovely lovely week but I do remember yeah Nutty Boy dancing to Madness

because I rapidly knew that these people would be my friends because they were the kind of people who if a tune came on they were like fucking hell we've got to dance you know Shrinking War Violets or anything like that we would dance to it it was good I do love this song very much it makes me there's an innocence

about it that is so disarming. And it makes me messed up every time. Yeah. Every time. Madness have that. Madness have that ability to, I mean, they were never a funny band per se, if you like. The videos were funny, but they have this ability to cheer you along,

joy you along, but also break your heart. They can put things in the middle of an ostensibly simple song like Our House or something that really gets to your heart. And this one is a really good song about relationships. Unfortunately, yeah, we've got to watch fucking Zoo. So the following week,

It Must Be Love dropped five places to number nine. There's the Zoo effect for you. And the follow up, Cardiac Arrest only got to number 14 for two weeks in march of 1982 snapping their streak of nine top 10 hits on the bounce but they roared back in may when house of thug got to number one for two weeks when the complete madness video came out later this year the band tacked on a warning by Lee Thompson at the beginning of the video, filmed at Camden Lock. In early 1992, nearly six years after the original band split up,

It Must Be Love was re-released in advance of the Greatest Hits compilation Divine Madness and amazingly got to number six in February of that year, leading to more re-releases and the Madstock Reformation. And 20 years later, Madness' performance in an episode of Later with Jules Holland was held up when Suggs was ordered to change out of the Jimmy Savile costume he was wearing. So as the show plays out, we're reminded that the BBC has just released Top of the Pops Volume 9,

featuring Rock This Town, Reward, Swords of a Thousand Men, It's a Mystery, Intuition and ten more tracks on Super Beeb Records, with Legs and Co slinking about on the cover. Oh, we miss you. They also shill their videocassettes Deep Purple, California Jam 1974, and Toya at the Rainbow for a mere £34.95 each. And that, me dears, closes the book on this episode of Top of the Pops. What's on telly afterwards?

Well, BBC One immediately pitches into the new series of Wildlife on One with the episode Ambush at Masai Mara, where David Attenborough follows a herd of wildebeests on their annual migration and uncharitably refuses to shout a warning at them when the lions pitch up the bastard. Then it's the penultimate episode of Seconds Out, the boxing sitcom starring Robert Lindsay, the Nine O'Clock News and a repeat of the first episode of the boxing sitcom starring Robert Lindsay, the 9 o'clock news and a repeat of the

first episode of the second series of Shoestring. Then there's highlights from the tennis, the news headlines and they round off the night with Now Get Out of That to Kish's Castle for Oxbridge Types, hosted by Bernard Falk. Or is it

Bernard Falk? I don't fucking know. I'm 13 BBC 2 pitches into 100 great paintings and tonight it's Goya's The Burial of the Sardine followed by part 3 of the sports documentary series Maestro which features

Tony Jacklin then it's Russell Harter who gives a free advert to a Scottish fabric company who has put on a big do in Munich. Followed by the final part of the documentary series Dancing Girls where two English dancers take a job in Las Vegas. Afternoon's night they finish the night with an old grey whistle test special on the doors. ITV hangs out Ryan's daughter all the way through the night, breaking off at nine for the news, and they finally get stuck into the Monte Carlo show,

starring David Essex, and sign off with what the papers say. So, me dears, what are we talking about in the playground tomorrow? I think I would have been talking about the meatloaf video, mainly. That would have totally detonated my young mind i'd mainly be talking about share to be in fact maybe i wouldn't be talking about share i'd just be thinking about share in the playground um the following morning with quite sort of confused and adult thoughts to be honest with you in my prepubescent mind but i would have been massively

thinking about that um i possibly also would have talked about humanly because even though they'd been at number one for a while it was always a joy just to see that so i've been talking about how good that was yeah the meatloaf video and like the possibility of uh one day that being my adult life that i could you know dance on a bar in a tiny skirt and look amazing and be a massive badass and perhaps also because I mean my sister seems to recall me

basically moaning more than I praised if you like even from a young age so I possibly would have also been starting to talk about how much I hate Zoo although it wasn't a fully developed hatred yet because they'd only just started of course i think i would have been talking about yeah my burgeoning dislike of this new dance troupe and how they were wrecking the program you definitely have now you've made up for it if you didn't if you know if you didn't have it then you definitely do now that that is a fact what are we buying on

saturday i would i i mean i would say obviously i was too little but i would say i would say the human league except that i probably wouldn't be cool enough so meat life and i'm okay with that as as an adult i'd be buying um madness league Pearl. I think in that order. Four corkers on this episode. And what does this episode tell us about January 1982? For me, it tells me that, it reminds me that I was born a bit too late. I would have been, if 1982 was my year zero, I'd probably be, you know, my life would probably be better than if I were, if 1984 was my year zero, I'd probably be, you know, my life would probably be better than if I were.

If 1984 was my, pity me for 1984 was my year zero. In terms of what this episode means about the early 80s and about 1982, look, 1982 is a good year. Don't get me wrong. There's still lots of people who are going to bring out fantastic records this year. The Associates in Japan and ABC are just the ones that spring to mind. still lots of people who are going to bring out fantastic records this year um the associates in japan and abc are just the ones that spring to mind but there is already the sense for me um that i detect in this episode um of a couple of things one the kind of the way that synths had previously been so looked down upon in a sense by proper musicians musicians, and had kind of been in the hands, if you like, of those non-musicians who were making amazing pop music,

and in the hands of the freaks and the dissidents and those people. There is a sense in this episode that that technology is now finding itself increasingly in the hands of your proggers and your bland popsters in a way and not your freaks foreshadowing really what's going to happen in 83 and 84 when that stuff synth music really does pass almost entirely into those people's hands so there's that on the musical front already foreshadowings of perhaps how bad 83 and 84 are going to get but yeah i don't want to overstress

that because 82 is still a great year i mean for for me it's just like oh my god i i really miss legs and co i really do you the thing about legs and co and pants people was you knew who they were that's it yeah and they had some sort of a personality to them and you could pick out a favorite for whatever reason and they knew their fucking place it was just like we're going to see them on one song um for top of the pops itself um we're in this kind of it's kind of this episode is very very definitive of 82 but also definitive of of how um certain elements of Top of the Pop still needed changing. I think by 82, we have MTV kind of on its way in America.

We have music videos really seen now as a promotional device by bands that all bands have to do, in a sense. So the argument for having a dance troupe at all, I would say has vanished now. In 77, 78, you know, with Legs and Co, in those 70s episodes, there's a reason. If the band can't appear and there's no video, there's a reason for having a dance troupe. By 82, I can't quite see or establish a reason

for there being a dance troupe in this show anymore. And it just looks horrifically dated. Yes, it does. It's not so much what Zoo were wearing that looks dated. You know, Zoo could not be more 1982. But even in 1982, I would have thought, what is the point of this? Why are we still having these dance troupes

when they could just go to a video? Exactly. So this kind of halfway house makes Top of the Pops really not look like it's confident in what it is or knows what it is anymore so it's it's sort of in between pop and a light entertainment show in a way it's indistinguishable from from other stuff on telly like the hot shoe show or something that has dance troops in get rid of that and just make it a proper a pop music show with performances and bands banding and singers singing and maybe videos videoing you know that was where pop was at at that time it wasn't really in this kind of

netherworld of dance troops i think what could have successfully killed off the dance troop idea would have been perhaps the hiring of hot gossip yes. Yes. As the dance troupe. And just a few nights of utterly inappropriate undulation and groin smelling would have been enough to get the dance troupe completely banished from Top of the Pops. But unfortunately, we linger on for a few more sad years with zoo wankers overpopulating the stage, shouldering out the kids,

misunderstanding pop music, looking down on it, and basically sustaining themselves but not really caring about the show so you know we're at a kind of peak musically in a sense in 82 early 82 yeah because pop is still vibrant exciting and thrilling but already there are signs of how the 80s might go and And there are already signs that Top of the Pops is going to have to adapt and change and move on and stop holding on to its 70s ideas, if you like, into the 80s, into the video age. It's going to have to compete with things at a much tougher level than it ever has before.

It's still our half hour of pop every week, but it's got to change. And and unfortunately zoo is just a sort of changing of the guard if you like the essential idea of a dance troupe is what needs to change well you say there's no room for dance troupes uh anymore neil in the early 80s but i've got to beg to differ there because you know the great tragedy of the era is that this is the time that les dawson has got the rolly pollies on for fuck's sake get them on top of the pops is that this is the time that Les Dawson has got the roly polies on. For fuck's sake get them on top of the pops and call them chip pans

people. That's what you need to do. Imagine elderly people dancing to the hits of Now. You'd watch that shit every fucking Thursday night until the end of time. Little Mo with a fright mask on dancing to Love Missile F-111

who's not going to want to watch that and that Pop Crazy Youngsters brings this episode of Chart Music to a close all that remains now is to do the usual promotional flange which is www.chart-music.co.uk

come and connect with us on Facebook baby facebook.com slash chart music podcast reach out to us on twitter at chart music t-o-t-p and shove that money right down the g-string patreon.com slash chart music and seriously we are even more grateful to the podcraz patrons than ever before uh i just want to give two special thanks to two special people. Doug Grant, you went over and above the call of duty just the other day for Chart Music. Thank you very much, sir.

Thank you. But also, I really need to thank Chris Oakley over in New Zealand, who out of the blue dropped a Chart Music wiki on us. Have you seen it? it's an amazing bit of work if you're new to the world of chart music and you need to know what I don't know white pyjama music is or something like that or any

one of the million things we just come out with like the old sailor you have to go to this and look at it and learn it and teach your children as well. Fuck what the schools are teaching them now. Get them to find out about bummer dog, I say. If you want to have a look at it, it's bit.ly, B-I-T dot L-Y slash chart music wicker, one word.

Oh, it's amazing. Chris, thank you, sir. Thanks, mate. So anyway, let's fuck off back to our shelters I think so we'll see you soon and yeah we are going to have a think about bunging out bonus content we are in talks we're conferencing and all that shit

aren't we at the minute we're going to try and do something because I mean fucking hell you know there's not much else we can do at the minute but talk shit about old top of the pops so until then I just want to say take care Neil Kulkarni stay safe Sarah B

my name's Al Needham and I've got the kind of arse that does more than shit music music music Chart music. GreatBigOwl.com Chart Music Theatre presents Ned's Atomic Dustbin's Brain Blood Volume, reviewed by Neil Kulkarni, read by Ace Batte.

Read by Ace Batte and share your shallowest thoughts. Play the Duke for two hours worth of shit. Sit there, mouthing the lyrics, looking at the door, trying to blend. Call Brown Ale, New Key Brown. Drink it out of plastic glasses. Pissed on two. Put Glory Box on to show how hip you are. Sit near to me and with every word of your cretinous jabber make me want to rip your face off. Vegetarians apart from fish.

Keep the spliff for too long. Hold it in too short. Bloat straight out, and dribble a duck's arse all over the roach. Then giggle for half an hour and fall asleep as it burns off in your hand, watching Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart,

Blues Brothers, Angel Heart, Lost Boys, With Nail and Fucking Eye, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Betty Blue, whatever fucking stewed movie that irritates the fuck out of all the decent sane people skipping

onto the dance floor for the poppies lean over into their mates faces and shout the words so everybody knows you know them hug everybody you meet like you haven't seen them for five years even when they've just come back from a piss nme reading mm when you like the cover do the sailor's hornpipe to the levelers have a zany quotes board in your communal kitchen sneer at townies ruin every pub you set foot in for nine months a year phone daddy for an extra grand and fax through your skid marked shreddies red witch drinking talk in cinemas as loud as possible laugh at all the most annoying moments. Think the people in Dogs in Space are cool and not the wretched sticks of shit they are.

Dennis Leary, fantasy football, Red Dwarf, Newman Baddiel laughing. Secret Jasper Carrot admiring. Clog up the aisles in supermarkets, individually levelling coffee granules. Daddy's working class. He owns British Steel. Louise Wenner wanking over Blockbuster's theme tune.

Dancing Lamarck Wiley, listening tie-checkered shirt round your waist, goatee beard. Attempting, waiting for your balls to drop. Say pants when annoyed Terry Pratchett reading. Vic and Bob quoting stupid, dense, thick, crass, Scottish, doltish, dumb, imbecile, dim, idiotic, asinine, fatuous, inane, gormless, nighed, mindless, brainless, daft, backsliding, pig cunt, bastard scab, insect bitch, shite-eating, monkey spunk, gorging face, arse-headed, sweaty, ring-pierced, fucking scum. Yeah, I'm talking to you, motherfucker.

Oh. You'll love it.