CheapShow - Ep 1: Brian Wecht Lowers His Standards

Episode Date: June 12, 2015

Special Guest: Brian Wecht (Ninja Sex Party, Starbomb) The Cheap Show is HERE! A show that mixes stand up, chat show and game show and celebrates the very best of the very worst... The UK's economy comedy podcast …Paul asks the mega mind of guest Brian Wecht @bwecht possibly the most stupid question ever Ash forces the team stuff their mouths full of cream crackers and make a mess Brian discovers the joy of the Stylophone Paul performs a magic trick in this week’s "Price of Shite" game Ash has his Paul Daniel’s anecdote sensibly censored! Cheap Eats is an American Food “special” Who will win? Timmy Mallet and Dusty Bin in a pop music face off? Eli forces his pickled sausage down your throat… …and Virgil Howe, from Little Barrie, eats what Paul won’t. ...And see if you can listen to the moment we go from Stereo FM to MONO AM... (Sorry) It's like the old episodes, but new! So listen, enjoy, download, subscribe to "The Geekatorium" Follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow or @elisnoid @ashfrith or follow our guest Brian Wecht at www.ninjasexparty.com or @bwecht If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] @thecheapshowpod And if you have to, join us on Facebook - just look for "The Geekatorium" or "The Cheap Show"! If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, share, comment... all that jazz! Subscribe to us on Stitcher or iTunes and get fortnightly fun WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to London's fragrant Camden Town. This is Cheap Show. My name's Eli Silverman and here's your other host, it's Paul Gannon. So, hello, welcome to the show. I am Paul Gannon. I'm Ash Frith. I'm Eli Silverman, hello. So, yes, it's a show of games and chat and talk and fun. Our guest tonight comes from all the way from America. Ooh, I know, it's exciting.

He now lives over here. Some of you might be aware of his work as the silent death machine himself, Ninja Brian from Ninja Sex Party. Or others may be aware of his role as being an amazing physicist. I know. But suffice to say, he only goes by one real name. And round of applause to it because it's Brian Wecht, everybody! On he comes. Right, so.

Hey, everybody. Hello. How are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm well. Thank you for coming on to the show today. Thanks for having me. How's life been treating you? On he comes. It's a lady girl. That's right. It's a lady girl baby. Baby girl. I remember the lady girl baby. She's got a personality now. Good. Yeah.

And how are you finding it? Feisty? Yeah. Rebellious? You need to squash that soon? No, I'm trying to. Trying to squash it as soon as you can. Well, we like to get our guests to come in and relax,

and we have a little questionnaire for them that we like to get them involved in, and just find out a little bit more about you. So, Eli, are we ready for the Brian interview? Yes. All right, cool. I'll do the first question. Now, I've researched this because of the physicist stuff.

Great. So I need your advice on this. Now, I've had to write this down because I didn't want to get it wrong. So here's the question. Okay. It's a bit of a long one. So basically it's why does time seem to move forward, okay? The space dimensions are interchangeable, but time is distinct because it seems to move in only, as we all know, one direction.

Time doesn't run backwards, and a theory of everything would need to explain this discrepancy between the mathematical symmetry of time and the physical asymmetry of time. But with all that in mind, that if time can be preventing unfolding in and of itself, and you have to sacrifice something to prevent it, what would you rather lose, your penis or your tongue? So it's just the last part that I'm answering, right? What would you rather lose, your penis or your tongue? I think I could...

Let's go with penis. Penis. You think you could go for the rest of your life happily without the penis? I don't know about happy.

I mean, you're not saying I'm going to be happy with one of these options. Oh, you might have to be. It might be that, you know, you're

going to have to come to terms with the fact that you will be penisless in a penisful world. Half the world is not penisful. Is it?

Yeah. I have a daughter. Right. It's quite penisful in here penisful world? Half the world is not penisful. Is it? Yeah. I have a daughter. Right. It's quite penisful in here tonight, though, eh? Indeed it is. Right. I see what you're getting at. I like food. I'd rather be able to eat for the rest of my life. Oh, of course I haven't even thought about the food element of the tongue. I just thought about talking. No, no, no. What would you rather lose? Oh, that's a good point. I didn't even think about talking.

You see, this is already a deeper topic than just we thought. That's right. So start with one of the big unsolved mysteries of theoretical physics, the era to talk. Oh, that's a good point. I didn't even think about talking. Yeah. You see, this is already a deeper topic than just we thought. That's right. So start with one of the big unsolved mysteries of theoretical physics, the arrow of time, and you turn it into a dick joke. Yeah, quite expertly, I thought, as well. Yeah, it was really well done. I thought I'd get a bit of a swathe into it.

You're a professional. Yeah, thank you. So you're going to go with penis. I'm going to go with penis. Eli, what would you say, penis or tongue? I don't think I've ever asked you. What would I rather lose? What would you rather do without?

I have to lose it happily. It's just part of the... Yeah, you have to smilingly give it up. You have to put it on a chopping block, grinning the whole time. I think I'd have to go for penis as well. Wow. Right.

Do you not get much use out of your penis? No, I'm a fucking tramp. Right, good. And Ash, Ash, what would you rather lose in that instance? I've got no use for a penis. Right.

I've procreated. You've done it. Oh, yeah, because you've both had kids. How old's yours? Seven. Oh, my God. Terrifying. It's amazing.

I've got no control. So you'll happily get rid of the penis. You will happily. I don't want to do it again. All right, good. I made that mistake. It's unanimous. It's unanimous.

Well, I was going to go with my tongue. Why? I'd rather live as a mute sex machine. It's really that simple. I'd be the mysterious guy in the bar who never speaks and points at his penis the whole time to prove it still exists. That'd be your whole way of communicating. Yeah.

Via your penis. You know those guys who have the big arrow signs and they spin them to direct people to the shops? Yeah. I'd have one of those guys directly standing next to me directly pointing

a spinning arrow at my junk. Classic. So how would a conversation go? Oh, hello. There wouldn't be a conversation. I've got no tongue. No, the person

who's talking to you comes in. Hello. Hello, Paul. Wouldn't you keep one of those little pads you could write on? Oh. Do it again. Hello, Paul. Hello. Hello, Paul. Wouldn't you keep one of those little pads you could write on? Oh, do it again.

Hello, Paul. Hello. That's not... Hello, Eli. Sexy time. You couldn't do that without a tongue. That's bullshit. You just wanted to do your stupid voice.

Yeah, I did. That didn't work, did it? No. No. Can I ask, would it still be your... Penis. Penis. I'd get more stitched on. I'd make like a kind of dangly belt. No. Would it still be your penis? I'd get more stitched on. I'd make a kind of dangly belt of penises.

I don't know if this is going to work out for me. No? So you're saying... I think you've made a bad decision. Right. I agree with that. I think this is just a dumb idea. Right, okay, good.

It's good to know that my sexy Mute Man character, it's not going to work out. You could give it a try. I'm going to give it a try. No? Oh, I'll give it a try. I'd like to see what happens, personally. All right.

Should we put it to a vote? I'd just like to see you trying to talk with your penis. Some say I often do. If you have to buy a pint of milk, you just thwop it out. Yeah. That's Paul speak. I whip it out, and I go, half pint, please. And you can't talk, Paul.

You've got no tongue. No, because there's a note on the end of it. It's on with elastic band, and I kind of go, and the little old lady at the shop rolls it off, undoes it, and reads it. It says, milk, please. Dad says hi. Is it time for my question now?

Yeah, go on. Use your question. I completely lost the thread. now? Yeah, go on, use your question. I completely lost the thread. All right, okay, good. Your next question, your next question. Okay, so you're in a ninja sex party. That's right. And they're doing really well, aren't they?

Yeah, we're doing well. Yeah? So are you touring? We are not touring at the moment, but we're talking about it. You're talking about touring where? Probably mostly in the States, but we'd look at some dates over here.

And sort of what type of venues, size venues would you be? You're talking about touring where? Probably mostly in the States, but we'd look at some dates over here. And sort of what type of venues, size venues would you be? Anything that would have us at the moment. And how many people are in the band? How many members? Two. Two? And do you, I mean, could that be supplemented with... With a...

Is there something you want to ask me? No, no, I'm just curious What are you getting? I'm not getting anything I mean, we are looking for a backing band if that's what you're talking about Yeah, but that's sort of like second Sorry, are you?

Those people wouldn't actually be in the band No, no But do you actually know his work? Have you heard of the stuff? You know what it's like, right? Yeah, it's brilliant Yeah? Absolutely brilliant

Thank you It's your question. Great question. Okay, so you're good at music. Thank you. And the problem I have with music is I can't feel emotions. And what I'd like you to do is try

and inspire me through music right now with music. And I've got you something so you can play. Don't you worry, I've not left you landed. Do you need help? I like this bit of the show where I get to look at Paul's fucking... Mate, you need some work on your glutes.

This is not what I signed on. So, I've got you a musical instrument. It is a stylophone. You know what that is? I thought you were good at music. I'm amazing at music. But okay, it's a little... Do I get to keep this? No.

Wow. Tension. All right. So you can have a little play on that just to get used to it. I'm going to set this mic down. Yeah, yeah. That's fine. He's just going to have a little play of it now.

How is that Rolf Harris? Did he have a branded play of it now. How is that Rolf Harris? Did he have a branded one? Oh, did he? Did Rolf Harris have a branded one? You're always bringing up bad things, aren't you? I didn't know in this case I was going to bring up the spirits. Well, no, he's not dead. But the odious shadow of once beloved Rolf Harris.

It's not like he got the market on this kind of stuff anyway. I was listening to the radio the other day. Some guy used to do a Rolf Harrisris impersonation did he was on uh and obviously he doesn't do it anymore obviously not no i can't imagine this would work and he was like i feel like rolf harris has taken it away from me it's like oh yeah what rolf as well as being a pedo what what a bastard to you what a bastard he was you've ruined my. And also, he was on Stars in Their Eyes as Rolf Harris, this guy. Oh, God. And after the show was really popular, he wrote to Rolf Harris.

Right. Saying, hey, Rolf, I'm doing you or whatever. Do you want to come and say hello or something? Yeah. Right. And Rolf never got back to him. And this guy on the radio said the other day, and I could tell then there was something wrong with Rolf.

Only then in that conversation. Right, good to know. So, have you gotten to grips with it? Alright, so I'll throw you an emotion. Yeah. Right. So what I'm...

Yeah, well, I would like, first of all, fear. Is that coming through? Yeah. Okay. Right. So what... Give me an emotion and I try to convey it. Yeah. I would like, first of all, fear. I'm suitably frightened by that. That's nice.

So what have you got? What emotion would you like? Inclusion. That's not an emotion What's happened? I was being included in the song. What's happened to our podcast? Indeed, what has happened to it?

I've lost my voice. I don't know if you've noticed. I have noticed. It's all those screamy, screamy times you've been having. Rock and roll. Fun fair. Funfair. Funfair. That sounds like Obladi Oblidar.

It does. That's it. Plagiarism. He's just doing Obladi Oblidar. And that to me is a faux pas. I was impressed. You were impressed? Yeah.

All right. Yeah, go on. End it. Boom. Hey. Do you want it though? Yeah. All right. You can end it. Boom! Hey! Do you want it, though? All right, you can have it. Yay! I'm moving house.

I need to get rid of a lot of shit. So, congratulations. That's your prize. Do you have any more questions, then? Can I be in Ninja Sex Party, please? No. Oh. Fucking interview's over.

All right, good. In that case, we're going to hand over to Ash, and you can now take over with your section. What are you up to tonight? I've got a game that I'd like to

play, if that's okay. Yeah, go for it. Everyone's up for it. Go for it. I think that Paul and Eli,

I think you should be mainly taking part, I think, and then we can do it. So basically,

what the game is, you've all you've all know that jacob's crackers are incredibly difficult to eat aren't they sometimes yes so i thought we were dry they certainly are so i thought like if you stuff one of these each into your mouth taking it in turns i've then i've written some uh some categories and you can you've got to try and describe what's on the post-it note right to uh your team member. Yeah, and then we have to guess what it is. Oh, fair enough.

Yeah, are we happy with that? Whilst I'm eating a cracker. Yeah. Well, you've got, each time you do a new one, you've got to put another cracker in your mouth

and you've got to be chewing the whole time. Oh, shit. So, how many have you got? So, is it one at a time or? Well,

let's give you, how long do you want? A minute? A minute. Yeah. That seems fair. A minute seems fair. Yeah,

yeah, okay. No drinking. No. No, go on. Yeah, yeah. All right, fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. No drinking. No. No. Go on. Yeah, yeah. All right.

So I'm going to work this. Well, I will wait. So who wants to go first, Paul or Eli? All right. I'll go. I'll go. Okay. So I'll give you the categories.

The categories are they are people. People. They are sort of existential feelings. Okay. They are films. existential feelings. Okay. They are films. Right. Or they are things. I'm going to go with films.

It might be the only one I do well at. So I've got to get through as many of these. Yeah, and you've got to act them. You can't say anything that's obviously on the card. You're a team. Right, so you've got to guess how many. Do we take turns? No, you do your minute.

I'll time you, and then you... And we'll see how many you get out of those. So I'm trying to guess the name of the film that he's hinting. Okay. And I'm not looking at the post-it. All right, okay. And I've got to put a new one in my mouth every time I get a new card. Yeah, so start with one in your mouth.

Oh, shit. All right, say when then. The whole one? I'm not looking. The whole one. And you've got to be chewing the whole time. I'm going to be sick. You must be sick.

Alright, so your time starts now. Okay. It is all me. It is all me Samuel L. Jackson. Jurassic Park. No, I'm... It goes through all my food. Back to the Future Part 2.

Top Gun. The Fly. Did you just say the word summer? Wet Hot American Summer. Teen Wolf. Bridge Over the River Kwai. Jaws. Deep Blue Sea.

Lake Placid. Snakes on a Plane. Deep Blue Sea. Lake Placid. Snakes on a plane. Thank you for saying that. Do it, do it, do it, do it. Sharknado. Sharknado.

High Noon. Die Hard. The Last Boy Scout. Braveheart. David Bowie, Aladdin Sane. The Wire. Omar from The Wire. Reservoir Dogs.

Get Shorty. The Presidio. He's got a scar. He's got a scar. Scarface? This podcast has just got weird. Ghostbusters. Jaws.

Jaws part three. In 3D. Jaws 3 in 3D. Right, so I've got to beat that then, do I? That was pretty good. I'll easily do this. So, I reset that. I gave you two minutes because I was...

Oh, poor. Eli, right. I think I did two minutes there. Yeah, I think that's right. Oh, sorry, audience. Look at the fucking mess. It's not usually this bad, okay? I'd just like to say that.

Right. Eli, you have... I feel bright. I'm sorry I was spitting all over you. Existential thoughts. Oh, God, that was the most... Or things. I'll go for people, please.

Okay. Right, I'm going to time. Start at the bottom. Okay. Oh, right. Brian's the most... People or things. I'll go for people, please. Okay. All right, I'm going to time. Start at the bottom. Okay. Oh, right, Brian's on time. All right. I want to let you know that I had... Who am I?

These were written... You've written these. No, a seven-year-old and my girlfriend actually did the writing. Have you got a minute on the clock? I gave them two minutes because it was funny. Right, okay, so it's two minutes. Two minutes, and what do I have to... Oh, yeah, there you go.

Beep-bop, beep-bop. What do I have to... Oh, yeah, there you go. Beep bop, beep bop. What do I have to beat? What's the score to three? Three to beat. Ready? I'm going to fucking do you. Ooh, all right, okay. One in, one in.

I'm a singer. I'm a singer. It's hard, isn't it? Don't show him the card, you knob. Mama, mama, mama. I'm a singer. He's a singer, he's a singer. He's a singer. He's a bit of a dickhead.

He's from another decade. He's a dickhead. He's a dickhead. He's a dickhead. Fuck it. Oh, he gives up. He's passed. He's passed.

He's passed. What a defeat. He's passed. Another thing's got to go in. Unbelievable. A singer who's a dickhead. Next one. Eat it.

It's got to be straight. Yeah, a part unbelievable a singer who's a dickhead next one eat it it's got to be straight yeah Virgil knows straight in we are we're a minute in already and oh you've said oh no Ray Parker Jr Bill Murray no it's like listen to Charlie The other... He's in Ghostbusters. He's in Ghostbusters.

Bill Murray. No. It's like listen to Charlie... Ray Parker Jr., I say. No, no, no, no, no. It's like listen to Charlie Brown's teacher talk. Dan Aykroyd. Egon was played by Ivan...

The other one. Oh, he's eating... Ernie Hudson. Ernie Hudson. The other one. Ernie Hudson. Right, next one. So he's got one. How, he's eating. Ernie Hudson. Ernie Hudson. The other one. Ernie Hudson. All right, next one. So he's got one.

How long have I got? We've got to get two more. Oh, quick, 40 seconds. Ash is looking at the back because he can't see. Oh, you can do it. Get the figure with it. Will Smith. Who was it?

Will Smith? Yeah, yeah. Oh, she's got two. Come on. Will Smith. Who was it? Will Smith? Yeah, yeah. Oh, she's got two. Come on. 20 seconds. How can you do this? She married Will. Married Will.

A royal. Married a royal? Yeah. Oh, no. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Look at me. I don't want to help. I think I know.

Kate Middleton. Come on. No. Ah, good. Okay. Look at me. I don't want to help. I think I know. Kate Middleton. Come on. No. No. Ah, good. Okay. That's a draw. It's a terrible draw. Can we, for the sake of my sanity and the stage, not do a tie-break game?

No, no, no. Is that all right? Because it's... Well, that was a success. I refuse to believe otherwise. I enjoyed that. Right. The next part of the show is the game we like to call the Price of Shite.

It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. Oh, it's the fucking Price of Shite. And that's right. Got a jingle. Good. So this part of the game, one of us each week goes to a charity shop.

We buy a lot of stuff. And then the team here have to guess how much the items were and the winner gets a prize. So are we ready for Price of Shite this week? You're all playing? You're all in. Right. Right, here we go. Are you ready for

the Price of Shite? All these things I've found in a charity shop. What's the first item? Produce the first piece of shite. The first item is the Keep on Humming party game. God, you're so bad at buying the items. Why? That's really good. It's a game where you have to hum.

And the great thing about this game is you don't have to have cream fucking crackers in your mouth to do it. All right? Just so you know. That's not a piece of shite. That's a game. So I got it from the charity shop. And you have these cards and you have to hum. Let me hum.

Let me give you a guess, right, which songs are these. So who's going to get this, right? Is it the Crazy Frog? No, it's not. That's... Old reference from the 90s. Don't do any more. No.

No. Not in the air tonight. It was Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight. How dare you? All right. Okay. All right. Okay.

All right. Next one. All right. See if you guys can get this. All right. I'm going to hum a song and you've got to guess what this song is. This is the worst price of shy ever. It feels like we just did this game.

Yeah. It does. We'll do one more. Thank you, Brian. We'll do one more. Thriller. There we go. Good'll do one more. Thank you, Brian. We'll do one more. Thriller. There we go. Good.

So, right. So, with that in mind, how much do you think the Keep on Humming game bought in a cat age charity shop is worth? Can I ask a clarification on the rules? Yes, you can. Is this who's ever closest without going over? Basically, yes. Okay.

No. You can't go over. It's just who's ever closest. Whoever's closest. Oh, yeah. Whoever's closest gets the point. Because that changes the strategy, yes. No. You can go over. It's just who's closest. Oh, yeah. Whoever's closest gets the point. So that changes the strategy. Yeah.

Okay. So, Han, what did you want to... Eli, you're first. You know what? I'm finding it difficult to muster any interest because your selection of shite is lackluster! But I will do it

for the sake of the show. I'll give it a go, okay? Okay. I'm going to say it's a second-hand item, is it? Yes, I imagine it's a second-hand item. And you say it was the Cat AIDS place. Cat AIDS charity shop in East Hinchin. Neutering prevents AIDS in cats.

That's the one. Is that true? Yeah. Neutering does prevent AIDS in cats, yeah. And I learned that by buying this game. There was a shop up there, and that was the slogan. But then they took it down because I think it's quite a well-to-do area.

Yeah, so no one wants to see the word cat aids outside their boutique pop-up store. Too real. They didn't want to look at cat aids in the face. Just how much? £1.50. £1.50. Ash, how much do you think?

I'm going £2. £2, bold choice. And finally, Brian? I'm going to say £ Two pounds. Bold choice. And finally, Brian? I'm going to say three pounds. Three pounds. Okay. We'll come back to that. We'll come back to that.

Remember your prices. Next one. You're going to love it. It is an inflatable unicorn for cats. What? You can't not want a cat unicorn horn that you inflate and put on a cat's head. There you go. It's a real item that I bought in a shop about cat aids.

I need to remember that. So there you go. Have a quick look at that. This is awesome. Basically, you inflate it, and then against its own will, you apply elastic band around its head and put a horn on it. I'm just going to stop everything now. Where did you buy this?

Cat aid shop. Not that you don't go there to buy cat now. Where did you buy this? Cat Aid shop. You don't go there to buy Cat Aid. It's a charity shop. Someone told me you can get that in the store Urban Outfitters. That. Well, what I'm thinking is someone bought that at Urban Outfitters and went, It's a piece of shit. I'm going to give it to the charity shop.

I'll give it to the Cat Aid. And look, he's doing a theme, isn't he? He's doing a theme with his giving. Ooh. Ooh. I've got all this stuff to give it to the charity shop. I'll give it to the cat aids. Yeah. And look, he's doing a theme, isn't he? He's doing a theme with his giving. Ooh. Ooh. I've got all this stuff to give away. The price tag from Urban Outfitters is on here. Yeah, it's not that price.

I'll tell you that. Originally, eight pounds. Retails for eight pounds. Eight pounds that are originally sold for. Now, how much do you think I got that for? It's unbelievable how much these people, these fucking hipsters, will pay for that. Yeah. Did you see the back?

Isn't it? No. Cats love it and there's an extremely angry looking cat that is true i put that on my cat he was not happy in fact he did that whole thing where he crouched as low as he could in the corner of the house and just put his hand over his head yeah it's kind of sad so prices eli start with you again how much do you think that costs mark Mark down from £8. £8. I'm going to go for £2.

£2. Ash, how much do you think that's going to cost? No more than 50 pence. And finally, Brian. I'll say a pound. Anyone in the audience want to hazard a guess? How much do you think the cat thing might be? £5 for Virgil. Crazy talk.

Six pounds for the even crazier talking chap. Everyone's talking crazy. I don't know. 150. So you're agreeing with Eli. That's what I said. All right. Let's get that here.

Oh, actually, that's a good question. Can we agree with each other? No. Great. I actually want that not to be a thing. You can agree with the all handsome and beautiful audience tonight. And finally, this is a to be a thing. You can agree with the all-handsome and beautiful audience tonight. And finally, this is a multi-part thing. I got this from a charity shop, not the cat one.

So what this is like? This is from another charity shop. This is like Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1. This is exactly that. It's multi-part. Classic reference. You're going to love this. That was lame, that film. It is the Paul Daniels TV magic show set

It's a little collection Of 1970s Magic tricks From TV You won't know these guys Paul Daniels I was so into this guy As a kid

I don't know how he made it Over to the Seriously I had his VHS These are a collection Of vintage Vintage magic tricks Can I tell my

Paul Daniels story as long as it then has some instrumental music when it goes out live yeah you can definitely talk about it and I will definitely

edit the live listen sent out so Paul Daniels I will only tell the three people who care I did a gig and Paul Daniels

was on and it was a tremendous gig and there was lots of connection this game. Not good at all. But what I will do... What a jerk.

Yeah. To prove that this works, I'll do one of the magic tricks right now. Right, this is the cup and balls. We're not going to work on the podcast, admittedly, but to the audience that these tricks do work, I'll do one now. It is the amazing cup and balls trick, right?

Cup my balls. Cup and balls, not cup your balls. Here we go. Suck my cup. I won't do that. Three balls. Suck my cup. Three balls.

What? What? Whoa! Dark magics tonight. So there you go. It's a Paul Daniels trick Okay now that is the price of shite So what are we going to try and guess Collective

I'll tell you this They all came at the same price So let's just say for example this was a penny Then the other three were a penny as well So what do you want me to guess The whole price for all four items It has to be a multiple of four. That's the hint.

One pound for each or one pound for all? You live in a gorgeous, beautiful world of realities that I can't possibly fathom, but I like your muster and I wish to agree with it. I like your muster. I was going to say must and then that didn't seem out, so I extended it

to muster. Either way... to say must and then that didn't seem out, so I extended it to muster. Either way... Oh no, don't you worry about that. No, it doesn't say one pound. It just says the number. This one? No, it says thirteen, but the three looks like a pound. It did look like one pound. Classic UK mistake.

Yeah, you fell into our trap. Right. Four items. All cost the fell into our trap. Right. Four items. All cost the same, but cumulative price, please. For Paul Daniel's magic trick set. Three pounds. Three pounds for Mr. Silverman. One pound.

One pound for Ash. And finally, two pounds for Brian. Right. Remember your scores. We're going to count them all up now and see who is the victorious winner. Okay, so let's go back to the first piece of shite. Which is the keep on humming. Great. I said 150.

I said two, didn't I? I said three. The price is one pound. Oh! I'm feeling it! I'm feeling it! I'm feeling the sex! I'm feeling the sex! Don't feel anything like that, please.

Right, next one. The inflatable unicorn horn. Oh, I'm really feeling it. How much did you think it was? I said... You said 150 again? You said 150, yeah. I said 150.

I said 50 pence. And I said one. The answer is 50 pence. Oh, he one. The answer is 50 pence. Oh, he's spot on. He's spot on. So that's a point. A point. And Brian hadn't.

Sorry. No. I've tried. I've tried to make some rational rules in this game. But Paul won't. Paul's little mind can't handle it. Only one rule. One rule at a time.

You're the kind of guy. You're like an adult Norton Crosses player, aren't you? Yeah, that's the worst analogy I've ever heard. Right, and finally, the magic set. How much for the Paul Daniels four-part? Let me just break it down for you. You're getting the magic cup and balls trick. You're getting the rope magic illusion.

You're getting the incredible magic draw. You're getting the incredible magic draw. And you're also getting the spot the ball. I don't know what that is. It's right there. Yeah, but it's a trick. So how much? I said three. Three pound. Ash said a pound. And I said two. The answer

is two pound. What the fuck? It's 50p for all of those. So, yeah. So you've all got a point each. So here's what we're going to do. Bonus. Actually, that's handy.

I've got a bonus round. Oh, that will. Very quick bonus round to see who is victorious. Right? It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. And that's right.

The final thing is... A what? Top Trumps. Top Trumps. These are card games where each thing has stats and you measure the stats off against them. I don't know if you have anything similar to United. Like Magic the Gathering?

No, that's far sadder than that. That's saying something, unfortunately. So these are Top Trump's cards. They're a card game where people beat stats. And this one is UK comedians. So we've got Dara O'Brien, David Mitchell, Russell Howard,

who is a mum's favourite, it says on the card here, Russell Brand, Victoria Wood, all the great British comics, and Will Ferrell. Am I in there? Let me have a look.

What percentage of those people do you think I've heard of? Just say a name and I'll say yes or no. Dara O'Brien. Yes. David Mitchell. No.

Alan Carr. No. Stephen Fry. Yes. Jonathan Ross. No. Peter Kay. No.

You're lucky. Graham Norton. This is the best bit of the show. Tommy Cooper. No. Miranda Hart. Tommy Cooper?orton. This is the best bit of the show. Tommy Cooper. No. Miranda Hart. Tommy Cooper? No. He is one of the country. Give him that benefit. These guys are just thinking they're hearing

names full stop right now. Dame Edna Everidge. Yes, of course. Russell Howard. No. Frank Carson. No. Oh. Lee Mack. No. Michael McIntyre. Yes. Russell Brand. Yes. Victoria Wood. No. Ricky Gervais. Yes. Frankie Boy Brand. Yes. Victoria Wood. No. Ricky Gervais. Yes.

Frankie Boyle. Yes. Jack Whitehall. Is that Jack White? No. Okay. It's a skinnier, more horrible, less talented, spoiled version. Sounds great.

John Bishop. No. Paul Merton. Yes. David Walliams. No. James Corden. No.

Oh, wait, Corden, yes. Yeah. Lee Evans. No. Sasha Baron Cohen. Yes. Steve Coogan. Yes. Sarah Millicent. No. Oh, Corden, yes. Lee Evans. No. Sacha Baron Cohen. Yes. Steve Coogan. Yes.

Sarah Millicent. No. And Eli Silverman. No. There you go. You forgot Jimmy Carr. So what? Who's a no?

So we've ascertained how many of those Brian knows. Who should I know that I said no to? No, Frank Carson. Tommy Cooper. Who's that? He's an extremely famous comic, but he's a purposely shit magician. His whole shtick was. He was like 56.

He'd do bad magic tricks. But brilliant magic done badly, if that makes sense. A popular when? Up until the 80s when he died. He was kind of an old standard. Yeah, on stage. He died on stage. Oh, wow. Yeah,s when he died. He was kind of an old standard. Yeah, on stage. He died on stage. Oh, wow.

Yeah, we know how that feels. So, Top Trumps. How much do you think this set of Top Trumps comedy players is? Eli? £1.50. £1.50. £2. £2.

£25. The answer is 75p. So I think that means Brian is our winner tonight. Round of applause for Brian. Strictly speaking... Oh yeah, no, I got that. Who said about 50? Oh yeah, so I'm closer.

But you said 20p. I said 25p. So I'm 50 closer. You certainly are. What's he won, Paul? I think I won a stylophone. Yeah, he won that. You've won.

You've already won. Stylophone set. Great, I get to keep it. Thank you. You can play on that and annoy children and lurk in the park and make spooky effects. Great. That's what I've done with it, and I suggest you do the same. Right, round of applause for Brian winning that round.

Yay! What's up next? Oh, the verses, the vinyl verses that round. What's up next? Oh, the vinyl verses. You're going to be our judge for this, Brian. Okay. Eli and I like to go record hunting. We go for vinyl shops.

We look in little boxes for all kinds of rare vinyl. And we find the worst stuff we can possibly imagine to play in front of you guys. And what we're going to do tonight is we've picked two songs. And you guys have to decide. With Brian as your overall vote, you're going to be the overroading vote overriding vote sorry of which one is the worst so eli what have we got today we've got this unspeakable unspeakable abomination it's a cultural abomination del costa with hot. Now, some of you might be able to recognise this gentleman on the cover of Del Costa's Hot Hot Hot. Virgil?

No. It's Timmy Mallet. This is the bit where we decide which of these records is worse, and it's going to be hard. Because that is really unspeakable. You'll listen to a bit of it. It's really very poor. So what, this is Timmy Mallet's?

Not Timmy Mallet. The group is called Del Costa. It's in the 90s. He'd gone by then. I don't understand what he was thinking. And there's a bit of humour on the back of this. Del Costa, a profile. Name, Del Costa.

Do you have an embarrassing middle name? Sol. Brothers and sisters, Brava Costa and Rica Costa and Plenty Costa. Oh dear. Favourite food, paella without rice. Do you see what he's done there? Without rice. You can't have it without rice, can you? Paella?

Yeah. You don't say paella? Paella. Favorite drink, sangria from that bag thing that spills all over you instead of in your mouth. Hilarious. Okay, so up against Del Costa, we've got, look at this. Look at this guy. Dusty Bin by Ted Rogers.

Another TV show. Oh, I learned about Dusty Bin. No, no, from Paul actually at the Geekatorium. That is my gift. Yeah. I learned about Dusty Bin. Dusty Bin was the character and he didn't what you wanted to do in this game show was avoid

winning Dusty Bin. Let's do it. Let's play. Play a song. That's Dusty Bin. So which's do it. Let's play. Play the song. That's Dusty Binn. Yeah. So which of these is worse? Okay. Del Costa with Hot Hot Hot. Olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, olé, Back to the palm trees I'm going to see my girlfriend It was sunny down in the arms Okay, that was... We can all agree that was...

Bad. Truly abhorrent. You've enjoyed that, haven't you? In a way. This is Dusty Bin. Now that's some key work. He's on Dan Jolly and made out of tin. He's got face.

We all call him Dusty Ben. That's right. He's got a red nose and shiny cheeks. He knows all the answers like he never speaks. He's always dressed in a different disguise. See that twinkle in his eyes? I know the bad dreams. Paul, turn it off. Paul! So I lead the audience in deciding. Yeah, well, Brian, what do you think?

Just give us your thoughts and then tell us which you think is worse. You know, I actually, the backing band on this was reasonably sick. Like they were kind of nailing it. The lead vocals were terrible, but I thought musically the backing track on this was dead on. This was an abomination. This is a crime against humanity. The guy can't sing. The only thing cool about this was the kind of popcorn synth.

Yeah, I quite like that popcorn synth. Everything else about this was horrible. So for me, it's just an obvious choice that Dusty Ben, especially because this was a theme song, right? Well, it wasn't actually the theme music from the show. It was more of a sort of spin-off. Even worse. This is clearly the worst option, I think.

Okay, so we are saying Dusty Finn... Is anyone going to make a case for Hot Hot Hot being worse? I'd say it was worse because it was... You'd say that one was worse. Yeah, because this is just a bit of fun, you know? And it's got... It's just got a bit of fun. Oh, what are we going to fucking do?

You know, we've got this character kids listen to that right yeah not on purpose but this was actually designed to actually be played in nightclubs

do you know what I mean well it was the 90s ooh but again musically I don't think it's terrible what's going on there I think we should do it again no

no no one we burn it listen play no play the first like 10 seconds of it and if you didn't if you didn't know anything about where this came from or who it was by tell me this isn't yeah this isn't okay cut it off after like i'll tell you when to cut it off there yeah right not terrible it was well produced wasn't it yeah i think that's true this it sounds like this guy just did everything himself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's super off-key. Yeah, I'm with you.

Yeah, he's not a singer, Ted Rogers. I think we agree this is worse. Yeah. Dusty Bin with Ted Rogers. Ted Rogers with Dusty Bin is the worst record. Great. Which one lost? Which one was the worst?

Dusty Bin. Yeah. Then congratulations, Dusty Bin, for being shit. Right. So, on to the final part of the show ooh and it's called Cheap Eats

and you've got Eli's brought the Cheap Eats tonight Cheap Eats is where we go to shops around the UK mostly London and pick up things

that we find that are unusual not brand name stuff and so tonight we're going to try a few foods out is that a Target bag certainly is

do you guys have Target here let's just let them. So when we started. So we go on cheap eat finds. We look for off-brand food. Yeah, where do we do that? Everywhere, don't we?

Not just in London, like you said. Not just in London, is it? No, sometimes we go around the world and have food. So what have you got? I've been to America. And I've bought some cheap eats from America. Because they love crap food out there, don't they? Do they? Brian, would you care to comment?

Yeah. Food sucks in America. Right. Okay, good. Because now we all know that British food is the best. We can now move on. No? All right.

Okay, I got confused. All right. What have you got today? Now, I was quite surprised at just how unspeakable some of the stuff you can buy out there is. Right. Where were you when you got that? I was in South Florida. Oh.

Let's start with something nice, though, yeah? Okay, thank you. Now, these are Funyuns Flamin' Hot Flavor. Ooh. Now, that's unusual, isn't it? Yeah. You guys have Funyuns here? Funyuns. We don't call them Funyuns here? Funyuns?

We don't call them Funyuns. They'd be called Bobby's Onion Rings. But essentially the same thing. That's a lot less fun. We do have Funyuns, but they're not branded as such, are they? They're like Bobby's Onion Rings. Bobby's Onion Rings. Yeah.

Like I just said. Yeah. Okay. You pulled that out of your mouth. Yes. Thank you. So, these, because there is a real fad out there for flavouring things with hot sauce. There were sort of gherkins, hot sauce flavoured gherkins.

Oh my God. So let's try them. Oh my God, yeah. I want to try some fiery onions. These are Funyuns. They're guaranteed fresh. That's the least I'd expect from food. These are Funyuns. They're guaranteed fresh. I'd like the least to expect from food. Until May the 5th.

And they are flaming hot. Look at this. Look at this for a weird, a weird colour. What's for Smith? Oh, it's kind of vinegary. Oh, let's have a try. I'm going to try.

Are we all trying these? A Funyun? What's happening? Get a Funyun. Oh, sorry. More Funyuns. a Funyun. Are we all trying these? Is that a Funyun? What's happening? Get a Funyun. Get a... Oh, sorry. Full Funyun. Full Funyun.

You just made them twice as fun. There you go. Grab the bag. Oh, it's very red. Can you see how red that is? That's red. I'm an American. I've never eaten a Funyun in my life, actually.

This is my first Funyun. Well, it's not a pure Funyun. It is a red hot Funyun. Anyone else care to try a red hot Funyun? Yeah, I's not a pure Funyun. It is a red hot Funyun. Anyone else care to try a red hot Funyun? Yeah, I gave a Funyun. I'm finding a trigger on this.

Oh, I like them. They're not bad. Yeah, they're basically onions. Yeah. Sorry, yeah, they were in transit. They've become less fun.

I like these. I actively like these. Good. I like them too. Ash, what do you think? I think it's too much. Too much hot? That's your reply to everything.

It's too much. Okay. So what is it, Brian? Describe the flavor. Yeah, it's spicy, but I like spicy food. I mean, the underlying flavor besides the spiciness is essentially non-existent, but the spiciness is there and quite present. It's quite kicky isn't it?

It's lingering. Yeah. Like surprisingly I want another one. Oh maybe he can have the whole bag. No. No not with a cracker

no I'm not doing this. Well what are your thoughts on them? I like them. I don't know if I can eat a whole bag in one sitting because they're quite hot.

But I would happily rate them I don't know I'm going to say that's a 7 out of 10 for me. Yeah I'd go for that. 7 out of 10 with me. Yeah, I go for it. That's fair.

7 out of 10 with me and Brian, yeah? 7 out of 10. Ash, what's your feeblest opinion? Oh, I did not enjoy it. I'd say a 4 out of 10. Oh! Do you like spicy food? Nope.

Ah, well, there you go. But 4 stars. Ash, we need to make sure these are vegetarian. Oh, I did. You did. Oh, yeah, because he doesn't eat anything with a face or tear ducts, I think is the rule. Yeah.

Right. Next. What's in your bag of Splendor? In my American bag of cheap eats, let's just go for one of the gross ones. Yeah. I didn't even know this was a thing. I'm going to, I wonder if I know. Okay.

I'm actually legitimately curious here. This is Big John's Red Hot... Oh, God. Pickled sausage. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. Those are sold in truck stops nationwide. So, next question, Eli. What are you doing at a truck stop?

That's our next question. That kind of preserved gross meat thing is very popular in the States. Yeah. I've never come across anything so obviously grotesque. And it says pickled sausage

just straight under pickled sausage it says made with chicken and pork artificially coloured. Oh, it's a chicken and pork.

You know what? I was happy to try that until you told me what was in it and now I'm a little bit... You guys serve hot dogs.

I mean, in the supermarket you can buy hot dogs in a jar. Yeah. Yes. And you have a jar. Yeah. Yes. And you have a problem with that. This is pickled, though, Brian.

This is pickled. This is a pickled sausage. That's a fair point. Well, Eli, may I try your pickled sausage? What? There's about 9,000 different products precisely like this thing in the States. Yes. And I've got another one in my bag.

So you can try this. Yes, I want to put your sausage in my mouth and give it a bite and taste it. Et cetera. I'm out on this one. Oh, is it full of juicy stuff? Oh, I can smell the... It's a pickled sausage. Okay, Paul.

Try the pickled sausage. Am I meant to eat the red plastic covering? Eat the whole thing. Looks like a dog's penis. It's got that... Oh! Watch out for the vinegar. How did you not expect that to happen?

It's pickled. I've never handled one before. I'm surprised. Of course it's got juice. I didn't... I didn't... Oh, my God. Eat it for the show.

Just do it. I don't know. Preservatives. Other mysterious animals. Eat my pickled sausage now. Think of how many tests this had to go through. All right, I'm going to do this. Eat the sausage.

I'm building myself up mentally to putting it in my mouth. Are you going to eat it? I'll eat it. I don't care. That was... You can eat more than that. Yeah, Paul, that was... Take a legitimate bite.

Bite the tip off. I can't bite the tip off. Bite the tip off. Please don't make me bite the tip off. Now, I think you guys can agree, as the guest, I have the ultimate authority, right? I'd say so, Brian. Bite the fucking tip off.

Oh, I like fiery Brian. All right. Just... Do it. Don't. All right. Just do it. Don't think about it. Just do it. It's American style. There you go. I don't like it.

I'm just going to go out and say it right now. I don't like it. One, two, three. So. So. I enjoyed that about as much as anything I've ever enjoyed. Oh, no, I don't want any cream crackers. So, Paul, describe. Describe it. You know what?

It's not that it's... It's the texture that sets me off. It just tastes of vine vinegary wet meat you know it's just it's just the skin's really tough it feels like i'm eating through a plastic bag you are yeah kind of and then it doesn't even have the balls to have the color go all the way through to the middle so it just gets paler in the middle and it just looks like unlegitimately apart i just i don't like it i don't. Take it away. What would you give that out of... Anyone else want to try?

Anyone want to try a bite of that? Where's my Guinness? You try that, Virgil. Virgil's going to have a bite. We'll get your feedback. It's not my... Oh, he's got a big bite. Oh!

Frank! He don't like it, but he's doing it. Think of how many truck drivers are eating these every day. You know you have to eat it now. You've got to swallow it. Swallow it.

I had to swallow it. Swallow it. Down in one. Down in one. You do have to swallow it. Eat it. Oh. Yeah, it's well suspect.

So, hooray for the pickled sausage. I'm giving it one out of ten. Zero from Virgil. So, no one else wants to try the sausage? That's a it one out of ten. Zero from Virgil. So no one else wants to try the sausage? That's a shame. Oh dear. Yeah, the pickled squid was bad enough. Did the pickling flavour really come out?

The pickling spices? It really did. Like a hint of cloves or allspice? No, it was mostly just vinegar. It's like white wine vinegary kind of... I can't do it. Non-brewed condiment I think is what it is. What's next? No, it was mostly just vinegar. It's like white wine vinegary kind of... I can't do it. Non-brewed condiment is what it is. What's next? Right, a little break from the disgustingness, yeah? Oh, yeah.

And they've got all sorts of different chocolate bars out there. They do. And this is called... Is that a Watchamacallit? This is a Watchamacallit. Oh, these are good. I want to try a Watchamacallit. These are great. You can. Alright. Can I have your Watchamacallit? Yes.

What kind of chocolate is it? I'll open it. We'll have a look. All right. We're having a good look. I remember when this came out when I was a kid. How old were you when it was out first? 10-ish.

Oh, okay. Mid-80s. And I remember being super, super into them when they came out. Aren't they nice? Oh, yeah. You said they are. Well, look. 30 years ago, I thought they were amazing. But now, you're on to nice? Oh yeah, you said they are. Well, look, 30 years ago

I thought they were amazing. But now, you're on to finer things, aren't you? It says on the side, made with chocolate. Good. Peanut flavoured crisps.

Okay. Understand that they don't mean crisps in the way that... No, I mean like little bites. Oh, they mean like crisps. Like little biscuits. Like, ooh,

I'll have a little... A crispy peanut. I'll have a crisp. Yes. I'll have a peppermint crisp. Yes. I'll have a peppermint crisp. Yes. I'll have a truffled almond crisp. Something like that, yeah.

Yeah. Was that all the characters in your Downton Abbey spook? Yes, that's... I was just wondering... Please give me a job, I can do posh. Can I have a fucking poplar? Sorry. All right, I'm going to open it now.

Ooh. Ooh, is it a bit melty? It's a bit melty. This is a Hershey's thing, is this correct? Oh, the Dread Hershey. Is that right? New Bandar British Chocolate in America. Right.

I don't agree with that. It's got a very lovely, lovely chocolatey, peanutty smell. I predict that you will like this. I'm glad. Oh, right. I'm going to have a little nibble off the corner, all right?

It looks like a nice squashed Snickers bar. Gone, I don't blame him. I wouldn't, I'm hoping this cleanses my palate.

What a loser. Before the show, he introduced himself to me. His name is Virgil, is that right? I thought he said, hi, I'm Billy Joel. Ooh.

See? Yeah, I like it. see yeah I like right I like what do you like describe it's my chocolate slice which is rare

for American candy no offence no I agree with that I completely agree American candy is a little bit waxy but this one's nice it's delicate

it's got a nice crunchy flaky kind of peanutty biscuity flavoured bottom which I wholeheartedly adore and I want to have more it's a nice thing kind of peanutty, biscuity-flavoured bottom, which I wholeheartedly adore. And I want to have more.

It's a nice thing. Would you like a bite? Would anyone else? Well, we're going to check the ingredients. I'll have a check the ingredients. I'll have a bite in the meantime. Wait, it's got fructose, corn syrup, rice, vegetable oil, vegetable oil, more vegetable oil.

You're not going to get through that whole label. Peanut, palm, shea, sunflower, and sunflower oil. Is there milk? Yes, there's coconut milk and dairy milk. Compelling. But there's nothing in there that says, like, animal teeth or... All right, good. I rate that.

Can I rate that right now? Eight. Nice eight. Safe, dependable eight. Oh, he's snapping it because you just don't know what you've got. And he takes a bite. Ash takes a bite. What do you think? Salty. Salty? Yeah, it's got a bit of salt to it.

And you good self, Brian? I think that's quite nice. I think that's quite nice. I really haven't had one of these in 30 years. And a nice stroll down memory lane. Good, I'm going to give that eight. Anyone else want a bite of whatchamacallit? There's always enough. Here, I'll pass it over to eight. Anyone else want a bite of whatchamacallit? There's always enough.

Yeah, I'll pass it over to you. Just hand it to them. They can fight over it. They seem like pleasant ladies. So next time you denigrate American chocolate. Oh, I never denigrate it. I just think the chocolate bars

themselves tend to be not my cup of tea. Whereas I like some of the, I like Jolly Ranchers. And I like... That's not chocolate. No. That was where I was

spinning off this conversation into the I'm more of a gummies kind's not chocolate. No, that was where I was spinning off this conversation into the I'm more of a gummies kind of guy. Yes, Ash? Can I just tell you the ingredients for the sausage I've just looked at? Mechanically separated chicken. Yeah, that actually I've seen before. Pork hearts and salt. Vinegar is not on there.

Pork, I feel really worse from hearing the pork up. Right, Eli. Could you just wait one moment? I'm going to just check that Virgil's not vomiting. So finally, what are we going to end this bloody cheap eats section with? I dread to think. Well, Paul, I know you've got a great gag reflex. Oh, yeah.

It's the best. Can I feed him something? I would really like to feed him something. Wow, Brian. Yeah. Oh, that's a great idea. I've been in that situation before. I know how this works out. Unfortunately, I'd like to do that, but he knows

what it is. Oh, do I? Yeah. Oh, alright, well. It's pickled eggs. Yeah. Big John's pickled eggs. America's national pasta. What is it with Big John and his pickled things? Well, you're lucky I didn't get the pork knuckle. God almighty. What the fuck is a pork knuckle? Did you find that in Target, the pickled eggs?

Because I'd be surprised if Target said that. Walmart. That makes more sense. Walmart. Do you know the Target-Walmart difference? No. So Target basically positions itself kind of above Walmart in the trendiness. It's not a hip place, but it's slightly more posh than Walmart.

Walmart is like bottom of the barrel. Oh, I was going to say, is it like Asda? But Asda is owned by Walmart, isn't it? Yeah, I think that's right. So that would make Target Tesco? No. I'd say above Tesco? No. I'd say above Tesco.

Oh, above Sainsbury's. More like Sainsbury's. Oh, okay. I didn't know there was a Tesco. But they're not really supermarkets. They're not really supermarkets in the way that you... No, they're not. Because food is only one section of these huge warehouses. Although I know people, my mother-in-law does most of her grocery shopping at a Target.

Yeah. For example. Oh, I'm learning stuff. Which is sad, because I lived in America for a few years. I think I'd know more. But that was just all me on Rodeo Drive. Okay, so Ash, can you describe the pickled eggs to our listeners? Have you ever taken a football to the testes,

and it both looks and feels like that. Oh my God, it does. You know, like for a couple of days afterwards where they're a little bit swollen, they've gone luminous red. I'll tell you what that looks like. It looks like someone

who's warmed up for puppetry of the penis after their first show and they haven't quite loosened up the muscles yet. What kind of egg is that? Because that's not the size of an egg.

No, it's smaller. But maybe when you pickle it, it loses some of its volume. Maybe they're not chicken's eggs. Can we get him to just drink the fluid from the package? I'd rather drink the fluid than... He said, drink the fluid. Right, come on, let's do this, because... Mind out for the egg juice.

I'm only ever so slightly hungry. Oh, no, I got it on me! You got juice on him! There's egg juice on me! You can't get juice on hungry. Oh, no, I got it on me. You got juice on him. You got egg juice on me. You can't get juice on Ash. Oh, what? Why are they that colour? That's my question.

The blood. They're not red hot, right? The chick blood. There's been a motif. The sausage and the onions have all been the exact same red fire engine colour. Yeah, it's America, bro. Yeah.

Oh. Eat it. I don't know whether to eat this or study it for a while. I think if you bite into it and it's not red all the way through, I think you're going to die. You'll be able to study it more effectively if you take a cross-section. Oh, okay. I'm going to... How do I approach it?

The tip or the side? I just feel so sorry. Oh, you definitely want to go down the axis. I feel so sorry for the... Oh, you definitely want to go down the axis. I feel so sorry for the chicken that has the... Hey, ladies, I want to make sure

you go down the axis. This one. Right. Here we go. Three, two, one. What a noise. Ooh. Oh, look at it.

It actually looks like an egg. Yeah, show it to everyone. It's got a bit of yolk in there. He's chewing. Oh, he's chewing. He's chewing. He's chewing.

He's chewing. Tastes like a dog. Are the vinegar notes really coming out? Yeah. It's... I don't want to do this section anymore. I think now, as the guest, you have to eat the whole thing. No. No, guest, no rule, mate.

I'll taste it. I mean, No rule make. I'll taste it. I brought it. I'll taste it. There's a fight between the egg taste which I don't mind and the pickled taste which I don't mind. When the two come in my mouth Boom. No. When the two mix in my mouth

Thank you. When they both enter my mouth and mix up. Shut up! I'm trying to convalesce. Nice. Thank you. When I put the egg in my mouth and mix up. Shut up! I'm trying to compliment. Nice. Thank you. When I put the egg in my mouth and chew it. Nice. It's not nice. The two opposite flavours fight for supremacy. That is a truly, truly

horrendous. Isn't it? I mean I don't mind a boiled egg. What kind of wine would you pair that with? Red, dude. Look at the colour. Yeah, red. I don't mind a cold boiled egg. What kind of wine would you pair that with? Red, dude. Look at the colour. Yeah, red. I would go for a Chablette

or maybe a nice rosé pinot. A pinot grigiot. Yeah, a pinot grigiot. So that's that. Oh, that's truly disgusting. My fingers, my fingers smell bad. Let's just get that out of the way. And you've been high-fiving.

Sniff my fingers, Matt. Oh! Now, does the audience want to see outside? Who would like to sniff my thumb? Smell bad. Let's just get that out of the way. And you've been high-fiving. Sniff my fingers, Matt. Now, does the audience want to see outside the pickle game? Who would like to sniff my food? That's just vinegar. Yeah, it is just vinegar. But all the foods have dyed my fingertips red. Look at that. That's all due to the egg.

That's what you're claiming. Oh, thank God for good old British-Irish drink. Now, Paul, is it time to wrap the show up? Yes. I think there's another egg. No, there's is it time to wrap the show up? Yes. I think there's another egg. No, there's no more eggs.

No more eggs. Yay. Yay. Oh. America lives on these, too. Oh, it's in my teeth.

I keep biting new surprise food in my mouth. Welcome to America. I keep biting new surprise food in my mouth. Welcome to America. Surprise food in my mouth.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've been Paul Gannon, that's been Eli Silver, and that's Ash Frith, and our special guest tonight, Brian! Brian Wecht, everybody, from Ninja Sex Party, and Story Collider as well. That's right. Tell us about the website for that if you want to go to it. StoryCollider.org. And I believe the Ninja Sex Party is?

NinjaSexParty.com. And also, isn't it ButtSex.com? ButtSex.info will link you to our YouTube page. Which links it straight to it, which is a genius piece of marketing, and I applaud you. So yeah, go find Brian out on that kind of stuff. Our next live show is on April the 26th, Sunday, so the fourth Sunday of that. And you can follow us on Twitter. Go at The Cheap Show.

And you can follow our podcast on SoundCloud, Stitcher or iTunes. And if you want to get in touch with us, send us stuff, talk to us. Thegeekatorium at gmail.com is the one-stop shop you need to get in touch. And that's been our show for March. Hooray! Eli plays us out every single time. It's a song by Pierre Leloumihoumi called I Tried to Warn You. Mr. Music, will you play? © BF-WATCH TV 2021