CheapShow - Ep 11: Live @ Liverpool Comedy Festival

Episode Date: September 30, 2015

Special Guest: Gav Cross from Funny Lookin' Podcast Against Liverpool's concerns, Paul & Eli travel up to the home of The Beatles and "Calm Down, Calm Down" to deliver another liver edition of the show as part of the Liverpool Comedy Festival! They are joined by the host of Funny Lookin Pod for an evening of bargain basement treasures and bargain basement gags! Witness Eli behold the greatest ashtray ever known to man! Gav is asked to choose between a back full of cocks or a vagina in the head. Paul discovers a good way to save money is to invest in a "Family Cloth" for the toilet. The boys go off on a sex toy tangent... ...and Paul then has to explain what a Dominator is to his mother, who is in the audience... and likes to get involved! And we all learn far too much as a result! To celebrate International Podcast Day, CheapShow releases its very latest live show. So listen, enjoy, download, subscribe to "CheapShow" Follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow or @elisnoid You can follow Gav Cross and find out more about his podcast "Funny Lookin Pod" by following him on @funnylookingpod or @GavCross Visit our lovely website for more podcasts www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, join us on Facebook - just look for "The CheapShow"! If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Share, Comment... all that jazz! Subscribe to us on Stitcher or iTunes and get fortnightly geeky fun WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material THANKS again to The Liverpool Comedy Festival (www.liverpoolcomedyfestival.com) @LpoolComedyFest

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Eli Sutherland, I'm in Liverpool, what am I doing you ask? I'm doing my show, it's called Cheat Show, it's a great show, here's the other host of the show, Paul Gallant! Hello, welcome to the Cheap Journey Economy Comedy Podcast. For your ears, I am the Paul Gallen. Welcome to the show. Hello! So, we are in Liverpool, doing the Liverpool Comedy Festival. Is this downtown? I don't know. Is this downtown Liverpool?

It's uptown, so... So, just for clarification, you can't call me tonight, because I'm on home turf. A Scouts twat. Justrch twat ysgafn. Ymgyrch ymgyrch ymgyrch yn gyffredinol yn llwyr. Ac os oeddwn i'n hynod o rhasist neu'n ddysgrifol tuag at bobl o'r adeilad hwn. Ydych chi'n bosi? O, chi'n ddysg bach bach. O, sut yn y gwaith?

Rwy'n iawn, ie. Coach yma. Sut oedd hynny? Roedd yn iawn. Roedd gen i fy nghael i'w gosod y tuag. Roedd nhw wedi gwneud stop amgylch sylfaenol yng Nghymru ac roedd yn dweud, rydym yn rhoi mwy o Roedd yn iawn. Roedd gen i fy ngheirio ar ben fy hun, am fri. Roeddent wedi gwneud stop heb ystod ymlaen yn Llanfans a dywedodd, byddwn yn rhoi mwy o bobl i mewn. Beth?

Felly, meddwl, mae rhywun yn bwyta pi yn sicr yn mynd i'w gosod ar ben fy hun. Ac fe wnaeth, na. Nid oedd hynny wedi digwydd i mi. Yn ôl wyth diwrnod oedden i Edinburgh ar gyfer coach ystod ystod ystod ystod. Roedd ychydig o bobl yn sefydlu ar fy nes i gyda'r cas o'r ffartiau. Ac mae pob un yn snotio fel bwyd Cymdeithasol. Roedd yn rhywb yn rhyfeddol. Yn siarad am rhaid?

Yn iawn, roedd yn iawn. Roedd yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn.

Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn.

Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. Yn iawn. I would have... You can't just fart. Yeah, but they would sign up with everyone, so you'd just be sitting there and every now and then you'd go... Oh, that's terrible. And you can't do anything. You can't say anything. Actually, there was

a mad person on the coast. Hooray! Tell us about the mad person. This lady with her grown-up son, and she... Everything that he said to her, she'd go, never mind.

Never mind. Yes! Never mind. Never mind. Yes. Alms cut. Never mind. Like that. Right. She just kept saying that. Everything. Oh. Never mind. She was, yeah. So what you're confusing for Matt was just concern and imagination. No, it was like weird. Never mind. Yes. She kept saying yes. You'd say, do you want a donut? Yes. Never mind. What kind of donut do you want? Never mind. Yes!

She must be good in bed then. Never mind. Whatever. Whatever. Carry on. By the way, my mum's in the audience tonight. It's going to get blue, mum. It's going to get blue. What do you want from me? It's my basis. Everyone who knows me knows me. The bar is here and I start

digging for comedy. The only person I know who managed to swear in a best man speech. I merely... When expressly told not to. I merely said... And then he'd gone on for too long already. And then he went, I fucking love you. And everyone went, ooh.

Yeah, you fucked that wedding up big time. Wow, thanks for that. It went alright, I thought. You turning up dressed like Miami Vice. That's good. No, it wasn't. It's a wedding. You had a suit on and a bright blue vest underneath.

Yeah, rocking the look. No, that's not good. You look like... Like the guy at Miami Vice. Yeah, that's not cool. I couldn't think of a better analogy. Oh, that's not cool, is it? If it was 1986, yes.

But it wasn't. It was the modern day. It was the modern day. It was the modern day. So anyway, we introduce ourselves in a manner that I think gets across the best way of describing ourselves to you. So, Eli, you can start today. Describe to the audience who already know me what you think about me. Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Cannon, a man of contradictions. Here is a man who's a huge, perhaps the world's number one Top Gear fan.

He doesn't drive. He doesn't drive. I'm not even a Top Gear fan. Here is a man who's a huge, perhaps the world's number one Top Gear fan. He doesn't drive. He doesn't drive. I'm not even a Top Gear fan. Look, here is a man who is a hedonist, but he doesn't drink. Here is a man who's been known to dry his balls with a convection heater. That's what. You told me it was your system, your early morning system. You took me through it.

You said, have a, and come out, then lay the towel down, stick the convection light on, like on the side of the bed, with the fruit, the low-hanging fruit. Right low, so the convection, that's what convection means, doesn't it? It goes from bottom to top. So it's like, you've got this, oh, I was quite impressed. You're aroused by the sound of it, according to your tone. Bull Gannon! Mae'n fel, mae gennych chi'r... O, roeddwn i'n eithaf ymwybodol. Rydych chi'n ymwneud â'r sŵn oedd yn fynd yn ystod eich ton. Bwlgannon!

Iawn, mae gen i rhywbeth arbennig i chi. Dwi wedi penderfynu, yn hytrach na dweud gwych geiriau i ddisgrifio rhywun, dwi'n meddwl y byddaf yn defnyddio'r celf cerddoriaeth i ymuno â'r emosiynnau rwy'n meddwl pan dwi'n meddwl am chi. Iawn. Felly gadewch i mi ddod o hyd i'r celfpwyd o gael. Yn ymlaen, ydyw? I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker, and it looks really good when I can look around. Dwi'n siwr mai dyma'r un gwirioneddol. Gadewch i mi geisio eto.

Yr un hwn rwy'n credu yw'n ymwneud â chi. Ie? O, nid. Wai, dwi'n gwneud hynny. Dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n gwybod. Dwi wedi dod o hyd i'r un gwaith.'ll do it. Right, no. Sorry, that's not right. I found the right one. Here we go. Ready? This is you. Eli Silverman. A dark cloud of human emotion.

And floating lonely. Through a despicable box of hate. He wakes up in the morning. Sees his cigarettes and empty tins of booze. And falls back to sleep crying One day He'll make a difference But not today

Today he'll sleep until Noon Have a split And cry himself to a Slow Death Eli Silverman Suicide note in a suit.

There you go. Eli Silverman. Thanks, Paul. I appreciate the effort, man. Sorry, I might have found that more amusing than anyone else in the room. No, I think you demonstrably did find it more amusing than everyone else, apart from me. Yeah, well... I'm a glutton for punishment. Yeah, I thought it was quite moving. Dwi'n meddwl y byddaf wedi gweld hynny yn fwy amus na phob un arall yn ystafell. Dwi'n meddwl bod e'n debygol o'r gwirionedd. Yn ystafell i mi, dwi'n ddwylo'n gyflawni.

Yn ystafell i mi, dwi'n meddwl bod hynny'n symud. Dwi'n hoffi'r peth y dywedwch, dwi'n symud drwy fwc ysbytol. Dwi ddim yn gwybod beth dw i'n ei wneud. Mae'r amharu yn fy mhrofiad gorau. Yn ystafell i mi, mae'n fwy amus. Yn ystafell i mi, mae'n fwy parhau â'r sgwrs. Felly, gadewch i ni ddod i'r sgwrs. Beth ydych chi wedi cael yn gyntaf?

Beth ydych chi wedi cael yn gyntaf? Wel, dwi'n meddwl y byddwl i wneud anegddoedd. Ydych chi eisiau anegddoedd am y llyfren? Neu, a ydych chi eisiau stori fy coach ar y cyfeiriad? Gadewch i ni gadw'r sioe. Iawn, iawn. Felly, ar y cyfeiriad, coach Lady Driver, iawn. Llyfr, Ledy. Wel, roeddwn i'n teimlo ei fod yn rhywfaint agresif pasif.

Felly, beth oedd yn digwydd? Fe wnaethon nhw, chi'n gwybod, roeddwn i'n cymryd eich ticet, maen nhw'n ei gwerthu, ac maen nhw'n cymryd eich ticet. Roedd fy'n ymdrechol iawn. Roedd hi'n ymdrechol iawn. Felly, beth ddigwyddodd? Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i...

Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... Roeddwn i'n mynd i... gwrando ar y cyfeiriad i gael eich seifiau yn seiliedig ac i gael eich cerdd yn seiliedig, roedd yr un sy'n dod allan yn... Ac roedd Emma yn sgwyddo ar y codr oherwydd nad oeddent yn gallu clywed hi. Felly roedd hi'n mynd i ddweud, Mae hyn yn bwysig iawn, mae'n rhaid i chi wrando. Ac wedyn rydych chi'n clywed hi'n dweud,

Iawn, wel, gollwch i chi yna. Ac fe wnaeth hi ddod yn ôl i'r car ac roedd y co-gynhyrch yn dweud... Roeddwn i'n gallu gweld yr hyn a oedd yn ei ddweud i'r co-gynhyrch. Roedd yn dweud, dylai i chi ddynnu'n ddifrifol. Roedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. Doedd yn ddifrifol. She goes, I'm going to apologise. I'm sorry, I'm not a professional, I'm not a professional, I'm not a professional!

And I was thinking, that's even the cleverest thing, a bitter way of apologising, or she just didn't get the fact that the microphone wasn't working. Did he, by the way, did you ever find out why you were special? I think that's plainly obvious to all who know me. Why? Do you mean why? Because you look like a... Because I look like the lucky bar kid who's been touched up by a science teacher.

There, go on. You took the words right out of my mouth. I don't know about you then, that's fine. That's my anecdotes really, that's all I've got. A round of applause for that. At this point we're going to get our guest on. The guest we have on tonight was here only a few nights ago I seem to believe, doing his own podcast recording. And his name is Gab, so ladies and gentlemen welcome on stage Gav from Funny Looking Pod. So welcome to the show Gav. Thank you very much Paul. Thank you for having me.

Just you know just here to help. It's all about the community isn't it? It is about giving and taking. That's a nice thing about being on Dorothy like people want to help'r North. O, ie. O ble ydych chi? O'r South. Mae hynny'n dda am fod o'r South. Fythnos! Y pwynt yw... Twad. Ie.

Mae'r cymhleth yn pob lle. Iawn. Felly sut ydyn nhw'n mynd ar ddiweddaraf? Roedd yn dda. Roeddwn i'n gweld hynny ar Periscope. Oedd e'n multimedia extravaganza. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi bod yno. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi bod yn y ddynion lle roeddech chi. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi gweld hynny ar Periscope. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi gwrando live ar Sabrika.

Efallai y byddwch chi wedi ffomio fi ar. Ac roeddwn i'n gweld y ffomio'r ffôn. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi gwrando ar Periscope. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi gwrando live ar Sabrika. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi gwrando live ar Sabrika. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi gwrando live ar Sabrika. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi gwrando live ar Sabrika. Efallai y byddwch chi wedi gwrando live ar Sabrika. Efallai y by Periscope. You could have listened live on Sabrika. You could have phoned me up and I would have just held the phone out. You could have listened to it. I thought you needed it. It could have been out, but it's just stood out there. You would have heard most of it.

It was very loud. It's good fun. It's good fun. So good. And so if anyone's listening, where can they go to listen to that podcast? If you just go to funnylooking.co.uk, that's the website. But it's, I don't know what I'm going to do with it. I'll put it out. Because I've got two podcasts it's I don't know what I'm going to do with it I'll put it out because I've got two podcasts

so I'll put it out somewhere on the internet yeah somewhere on the internet for free alright well because you're our guest

we're going to do a little bit of an interview with you first two quick questions just to kind of get an idea of what you're like so question number one is like this

you're well experienced after podcasting you've had a few comedians on your stage and in your time you've managed to mix comedy and technology to put together a fantastic fantastic podcast package and stage and in your time you've managed to mix comedy and technology to put together

a fantastic, fantastic podcast package. And with that in mind, what I wanted to ask you is would you rather have a vagina on your forehead or a row of dicks down your spine like a dinosaur? Oh, right, okay. Well, they both have their pluses and their minuses, don't they? They do. If I had to pick... You have to pick what?

Straight away, I'd go for the dinosaur reveal. I mean, if you imagine that. Because it is like Jurassic Park. You go there and you just go, bang, pop. And there it is, just the spine. Imagine that, imagine that. And so the opportunities... I mean, everyone in this room could have a piece of me.

No, that's the scariest thought. It'd be like a banana boat in New York. You'd all be invited because it's all about community. Yeah, it is. So definitely the spine of... Yn fath fel bwyd banana yn New York. Byddwch chi'n cael cyflwyniad oherwydd mae'n ymwneud â chymuned. Ie, mae hynny. Felly yn sicr yn y sbino o... Eli, fagina ar eich gorff? O, rwy'n ei fod yn teimlo. Ie, pam na? Mae'r holl ffynion ar eich ôl.

Rwy'n cael cwestiwn. Rwy'n ymateb â cwestiwn. Ydym ni wedi cael synhwyso cyfan yn y fagina yma? Rydych chi wedi cael cynnwys cynnwys cyfan ar y fagina neu'r penises. Ac gall y penises fod yn ffynion yn ffynion yn ffynionig pan fyddwn i'n ffynnedig neu'n ffynnedig. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen.

Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen.

Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddoedd o'r rest o fy mhen. Dwi'n meddwl am y llwyddo, a'r rheswm hwn ei hun, byddaf yn mynd i fynd am faginau'r gorff. Iawn. Dwi'n meddwl mai dyna'n ddewis dda. Dwi'n meddwl fy mod i'n gwneud ychydig o beth i'r dyn i ddynu'r dyn i'r dyn. Dwi ddim wedi meddwl am ddynu hat, neu claf, neu bandana. Gadewch i mi feddwl am y cysylltiadau bosibl. Byddai'n debyg i'r dynion fod yn fwydig. Ydych chi'n gwybod mai dyna'r hyn mae'r slwgau mêl yn ei wneud?

Beth? Mae'r slwgau mêl yn cael peinus a faginau. Ac maen nhw'n ffeithio am y llaw i... Ymdrech. What? Sea slugs have a penis and a vagina. And they fight for the right to... Party. They do. Well, should I just start a sentence and you just fucking finish it? Like some kind of weird topper. Like a weird guy in school, like Tom Bellringer,

who couldn't stand to fucking let someone finish a sentence. And he'd always touch you as well. Eli, Eli, Eli, Eli. And play with your buttons. That's what you were like, Tom Bellringer. Felly, felly, gofyn i chi'r cwestiwn. Ie. Ie, y slwgs,

maen nhw'n ysgwyd â'u penusau llygaid am y hawdd i... Pardu. Dwi ddim yn gallu helpu nawr. Y hawdd i gael sâd. Gyda'r faginau ôl sydd ganddyn nhw. Felly, pan fyddant yn gwneud hynny. Ac yna, rydych chi'n gwneud hynny...

Na, rydych chi... Felly, nid yw'n gwneud... Nid yw'n gwneud caginau yn ôl. Felly pan maen nhw'n cael eu cymryd. Ac yna rydych chi'n cael y rhain... Felly, na, rydych chi... Felly, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna Mae'r cwestiwn hwnnw wedi'i ddweud yn seiliedig ar y biologaeth. Nid wyf wedi cael y ddoddau i hynny. Dwi wedi mynd ar y ddienestri. Ie, ac mae hynny'n ei gael o'r ddau. Ie, ac fe wnes i ddodd y ddau o'r ddynion. Yn amlwg, fe wnes i'r ddau o'r ddynion. Fe wnes i hynny ar y ddienestri. Y ddynion Stegosaurus.

Beth oeddech chi'n ceisio amdano? Nid oedd yn bwysig beth oeddwn i'n ceisio amdano. Yw hynny'n eich beth bach? Sbynepenis.com Dyn'r bach dynaswrd. Ie, dyma'r fetis sex newydd rydyn ni'n mynd i'w wneud ymlaen y flwyddyn nesaf. Byddwn ni'n ei wneud. 3D printer, yn prynu dons, yn y dŷch. Bydd eich ardal gwych yn y fan honno.

Allwn ni fynd trwy'r cwrs? Yn ystod y pwynt cyfnodol? Mae'n ddewch... Nid yw'r cwmni yn wir. Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n ddewch.

Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n ddewch. Mae'n's a imaginary one. It's a convincing-looking prop. It's a book on its side. It doesn't even know what the intent is. So you'd go for... Dick back.

Why? It's completely unwieldy. Think of the chafing. Think of the clothing options. If you've got a denim jacket on, that's going to hurt. Are you circumcised or not? You haven't gone into enough detail. The point is, I'd like to think outside the box. I'm not thinking about sexual things.

I'm thinking, I'm at a party, everyone's got a coat, they don't know where to put it. Everyone's got to hang a coat off my back. How are you maintaining an erection when you're a coatstaff? I can do that, mate. Don't you worry. All night long, those coats will be saved from dirty floors. You'd be a real party piece, wouldn't you? Or you'd be hanging umbrellas off it. Dwi'n teimlo'n ddiddorol o Ron Jeremy. Ydych chi'n gwybod? Ron Jeremy? Ie, pob ddewis. Yn ffylio ei hun. Ie, roeddwn i'n ei alw'n ysgol.

Yn ei biograff, roedd yn mynd am y mor anoddol oedd. Roedd yn mynd am yr holl ffermio yn y 70au yn L.A. Ac mae pawb arall yn cael mwyn, yn drin, yn sgwm, yn gwneud sgwm, yn gwneud sgwm, yn gwneud sgwm, yn gwneud sgwm, yn gwneud sgwm, yn gwneudraffiaeth, mae'n mynd am sut anoddol oedd yn mynd i'r parthiau yn y 70au yn L.A.

ac mae pawb arall yn cael hwyl, yn drin, yn sgwmwys, yn cael cyfrifoedd neu beth bynnag ac mae'n ffric, mae'n rhaid bod yn y corno, yn ymlaen i'w hynny, i bawb fynd i'r gorff wel, allai'n dweud na? na allai'n dweud na na allai'n dweud na na allai'n dweud na hei John! Ron! Ron! Ron! Rhaid i chi ddod i'r parthi! O, byddwn i'n hoffi! I couldn't say no. Hey, John. Yeah, at the beginning. Ron, come to the party. Oh, I'd love to.

Before I come, is there any reason why you want me there? No. Just come, Ron. Just come. And just sit in the corner and suck it. It's not going to work. I think he did.

I think he did not want to do it. But then by the end of the night, badgering. You know, you've got the fucking chief executive of Time Warner badgering you to fillet yourself. You're going to do it, aren't you? You would. I wouldn't even be here if I could do it. You know, you'd be in Hollywood yw'r Prif Weithredwr o Tyne Warner yn eich cymryd i'ch llyfru. Byddwch yn gwneud hynny, ydy'n i? Byddwch. Byddwn i ddim yn bod yma os byddwn i ddim yn gwneud hynny. Byddwch chi'n bod yn Hollywood,

yn llyfru eich hun yn LAPads. Iawn, mae'n ddrwg. Felly, byddwn i'n ddiddorol i wneud y cymryd. Yn ystod y cymryd, os byddwch chi'n cael y faginau ar y gorff, ac yn ystod y cymryd, byddwch yn rhoi'r penises ar eich ôl. Ddwy. Mae llawer o bobl yn mynd i... Mae llawer o amstensiwn fel hyn. Efallai y byddan nhw'n ceisio'r opsiwn tair.

Byddaf. Ac maen nhw'n gallu ffynnu ar gyfer y rhan i'r part. Yna, slwgau seiliedig. Ie. Pwy fydd eisiau bod yn slwg seiliedig? Dydyw i'n dad. Dydw i ddim yn dweud dydyw i. Yn ôl, os oedd fy dad yn gallu gwneud hynny, byddai'n ddim yn bodoli yma hefyd.

Byddwn i ddim yn bodoli yma os oeddwn i wedi gwneud hynny. Iawn. Felly, Eli, eich cwestiwn. Felly, yn ymddangos yn ddiddorol. Felly, beth yw'r math o... right so Eli your question so funny funny looking so what's the kind of what's the format on that you know very kind of you

it's like a forced advertisement for myself two podcasts one where I talk to nice people comedy people funny people and I ask them nice things and I listen and then I and so it's just you it's just me talking to them how flexible is this format would there be room for another and then I would post it. So it's just you? It's just me talking to them.

How flexible is this format? Would there be room for another host maybe? My other podcast is Sunday Nights on Spree at the 9pm and I've had co-hosts over the internet. Everyone's welcome. It's a community. So I could

be involved. You could be very involved. No, no, no. Always looking. Hands across the podcast. Do you know what? He beats me. No, don't beat him!

What? He strats me down and he forces me to do this podcast. I don't like it. I don't want to do it. Can I be in for the technique? Funny looking. You can come along. We'll nurture you, support you, get you through.

It'll be difficult to begin with but afterwards you'll come out a better person thank you blam no blam I'm out of here

so what's the next section of the show the next section of the show is I found so basically Ash is usually

our third presenter he has money saving ideas and I found five tonight to talk about so I went to a website top five odd ways

to save money okay one it's not Paul's alright calm down number one I went to a website, they had top 5 odd ways to save money. OK. One sec. One! It's not balls, are you? Alright, calm down. Number one. Share with your neighbour, they suggest.

Share your wifi, Netflix account, meals and toilet. And they also say, but only flush once a day. Remember to ask your neighbour's permission first. So you just want to go round to their house and they're out and they... Is he serious? They've got three blind next door. They've only got two blind hours. yn cyfnod cyfnod cyfnod. Felly mae'n ddigon dymun i fynd i'r tŷ a'i ddod i'r tŷ. Ydych yn bwysig? Mae 3 yn ystod. Mae gennym 2 yn ystod. 3 yn ystod. Llyf, hyfryd, ffyrdd, el o'r vera. Ydych chi eisiau mynd i'r tŷ? Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Felly, mae'n dymun i fynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Felly, mae'n dymun i fynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ.

Felly, mae'n dymun i fynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Felly, mae'n dymun i fynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Felly, mae'n dymun i fynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Felly, mae'n dymun i fynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Felly, mae'n dymun i fynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd i'r tŷ. Felly, mae'n dymun i fynd i'r tŷ. Ydych chi'n mynd Oh, where are we on the flashing rotor? Oh, I can see. It's been a while. Yeah, but that's what they're saying. That's ridiculous. Internet, Wi-Fi, Netflix.

I can imagine sharing that. You could do that, yeah. That's a good idea. Meals? Okay, you could go, oh, let's invite Billy Bob over. How? That's... You see, they're your neighbours.

They're not your family. They're your neighbours. So that's the whole point. I don't know. Is it theft? If you share in your Netflix account, or... Is that thieving? Is that...? Is it theft? Have you shared in your Netflix account? Is that thieving?

I'm a father. I try to bring my kids up proper. But this is why... Who said yes? Me. Is it theft? You wouldn't use knock-off Netflix, would you? No, no, but the thought is that you're asking for... Your mum has got a moral core and a sense.

When it suits her, I've noticed. Yeah, anyway. So, no, I'm guessing they would say get permission first. So you go next door, hey Mr and Mrs Smith, would you, not your family obviously,

why don't you just check it out, Mr and Mrs, I don't know, Johnson. Johnson. Do you need permission from Netflix though? No.

You're renting from Netflix. No, because the idea is you go, Mr and Mrs Johnson, do you like Netflix? How about you give me £2.50 a month and I'll put £2.50 in, and we can share Netflix.

And I'll find out what you want. Because you can have up to three devices, can't you? Yeah. On one account. Yeah. See, that's fine. But I draw the line at sharing a toilet. Oh, I don't know about that.

What about this whole myth, putting a brick in it? I sometimes have done. Boom. I like, oh, what? I saw it on a tube a couple of years ago, wasn't it? Mae'n ddifrifol. Dwi weithiau yn gwneud hynny. Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd!

Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd!

Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! Yn ffwrdd! flushing less yeah every time but I think that's only for those old style sort of Victorian crappers

where they you know have you ever I mean you don't see them much these days but if you go and you have

a proper old school toilet they flush like a motherfucker it's like Niagara

it's like Jesus how's anyone meant to sleep from that thrilling I find them I can just

stare into the void and just keep flushing I do miss a chain above your head. Yeah. That was lovely. It's very satisfying. Yeah. And it was like a cheap B-day as well, wasn't it? Because you get the thrust and you get the

washer back. Well, I'm usually standing up at this point. Anyway, here's the humour level. Toilets and sex. Do you know... Do you know that toilets in Florida, in the States, very different. How different? Extremely different. Like, shockingly so. I need more details than just adjectives. Basically, because

the water table is so shallow. Basically, everything's on sea level. There is no basements in Florida. You can't dig down because it's all underwater. Okay. Right. So, there's not much pressure, you know, flushing down.

So, basically, there's just a big whirlpool that goes on for about ten minutes. Chop it all up. And if you're one of these people who likes to examine the fibre content, you know, like Germans. I wouldn't run them. No, it's true. What, Germans step into the toilet? Why do you think toilets in Europe have a little shelf for a book?

No, the shelf in the toilet. Do they? Yeah. I've never noticed that. Yeah, for examination, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. You can aim a stool onto the ledge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And look back at it with fond memories. And then they go, Heinz! Heinz! Yeah, I ate Heinz. Beans, 57 varieties. Jurgen!

Jurgen! Yeah. Some kind of colour chart. Yeah. They literally do. They love it there. I'm feeling very healthy today. They're too affluent. I always think that we have this racist view, back

in the 80s and 90s, oh, the Europeans, you have to stand over a hole, all of that business. But I'm sure if you come from Japan, where they've got heated seats and buttons and moves, they must come and think we are medieval. Polished porcelain.

That's it. The technology you've got is a light switch. That's it. They must come and think we are just peasants. The one time I ever used a bidet, it was when we were on holiday in Spain when we were like 14, I think it was. And I used a bidet. I didn't know what it was.

You drank from it. No. First of all, I didn't read it. And then I figured out it had a tap and not flush. So like, ooh, I'll wash my bottom, right? Roedd hynny'n dda. A dywedwch chi ei fod wedi'i ddrys? Nid o. Yn gyntaf, roeddwn i'n ei ddefnyddio. Ac wedyn, fe wnes i ddysgu bod y tâp wedi'i llwys. Felly roeddwn i'n meddwl, o, mae'n dda i mi ddychryn y tâp, iawn? Wel, dyna'r cymuned. Ie, fe wnes i'i ddysgu ac yn ymlaen i'r tâp hwyl. Nid oedd yn sylweddoli y byddai'n ddigon modderol y tebyg.

Ac fe wnes i ddysgu fy rhan bach o'r rhan i'r rhan. Nid oes pwysig, mae'n cael ei ddysgu yn y bwysig. Ydych chi'n arbennig? Ie, mae'n debyg. Yn unrhyw fath, dyna... Yn ymlaen i'r bwysig, mae'r tâp hwyl wedi'i ddysgu. Yn ymlaen i'r bwysig, mae'n ddigon modderol y tâp hwyl. Yn ymlaen i'r bwysig, mae'n ddigon modderol y tâp hwyl.

Yn ymlaen i'r bwysig, mae'n ddigon modderol y tâp hwyl. Yn ymlaen i'r bwysig, mae'n ddigon modderol y t to dry it off right after. You're an expert at that. Yeah, apparently. Anyway, that's... We're the old suit since the Queen of the Pembrokes. Come on, Michael. That never happened. I'm loving this show. This is my green piece. Can I just say it? I'm loving this show.

Timeless. Timeless moments. We're going to move on. We're moving on. We're moving on. Right, the next one. When was the last time you sued a Pembroke? We're moving on now.

That's his nickname for the rest of the show. Right, so... Sudafed ring piece. Money saving idea number two. Leave everything in your house in the exact same place so you can find them in the middle of the night without having to turn your light on. That's not too bad.

But... Unusual. What it's not taking into account is you may have been watching several videos on YouTube with ten most terrifying... Night... Nightmares of all time. And you get freaked out. Yeah. Why are you freaked out? Mae gen i ddwy fideo ar YouTube, 10 o'r pethau pwysicaf mwyaf o'r amser, ac mi wnaethon ni fynd yn ffrindio. Ie. Ie, fynd yn ffrindio.

Yn y dyfodol? Ie. Ie. Yn meddwl bod un o'r pethau mascau anhygoel hynny. Na, ti ddim. Dwi. Ti ddim. Dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... Dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi'n cael... dwi''ch ben. Dwi'n hoffi un bach. Awn. Roeddwn i'n meddwl... Awn, rwy'n meddwl.

Mae hynny'n ddiddorol. Roeddwn i'n meddwl y byddai fy nghymerodd yn dod i ddynnu fi fel zombi. Ond yn gyntaf, mae gennych chi gymerodd, felly gadewch i ni ddechrau yno. Beth? Roeddwn i wedi cael fy nghymerodd yn y clas. Dywch chi ddim yn edrych ar hyn nawr. Beth sydd wedi digwydd? Mae'n edrych fel...

Mae'n ffrindio yn Cymru! Mae'n ffrindio yn Cymru! Mae'n ffrindio yn y clas! A wnaethoch chi glywed hynny, Paul? Mae'n dechrau fel mwpeth 30 oed sydd wedi gweld diwrnodau gwell. Cameron's Britain, that's what happens. Yeah, that's right, it's Cameron. The squeeze bill cars, have you heard of that, Paul? Muppet, you're like a 30-year-old muppet that's seen better days. Well, at least you've got a few years off my age there. Oh, thank you. Right, next one.

Top tip number three. Eat dog food. One man says he preferred dry dog food than canned. It goes well with milk, almost like cereal, he said. That's not a real money saving tip. Well, that's not a real money saving tip. That's not a real tip. But then again, when you think of some of the sausages and what goes into that one,

reclaimed chicken and stuff. You just don't know. Maybe the meat content, 60%. I mean, who knows what that meat is, but I used to eat some really dodgy meats as a kid. Oh yeah, because that was the way, a lot of school dinners were probably made of 80% cow'r nos o gwrs. Yr hyn a ddodd i fy sandwich yn y 80au, mae'n debyg yn y bwydau dog.

Wel, mae'n debyg. Mae Gwinnau'n well na phwynau i'r rhan fwyaf o'r ddodd i'r isle. Mae'n dda. Y peth yw, mae'n dda. Yn ystod amser, roeddwn i mewn lle ddwylo, dwylo, sgur, mewn lle mentol. Beth fyddai'n ei ddangos? Mae'n debyg. Yr un math o fwyd. Y ffocs dol. Beth fyddai'n ei ddangos? Roedd yn rhyw fath o fwc. Fwc anodd? Ychydig o ddifrifol. Ychydig o ddifrifol.

Roeddwn i'n ddifrifol. Roeddwn i wedi colli swydd, ac roedd pob peth yn anodd. Roeddwn i'n ffrind o'r ffordd. Roedd y cymeriadwr yn dod i fyny i fyny yn fy mhobl. Roeddwn i'n mynd i fynd i'r drwyddi. Roeddwn i'n siarad, ac roeddwn i'n mynd i fynd i'r ffwrdd. Yn un diwrnod, roeddem yn mynd i'r drwyddi. Roeddwn i'n meddwl, and pick me up at my house. And just go for a drive and we talk and he'd get me out of the house. And then one day, we were driving back and I was like, oh, before we go,

I need to buy some cat food. And he didn't know I had a cat at that time, right? And so he goes, why? And I was like, because, you know, I'm a bit depressed and I'm broke and so it's a lot cheaper to eat cat food than it is to just buy normal food. And I started to go on about, yeah,

so I warm it up in the microwave and you can put it on some pasta and it's fine. i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod i ddod Yeah, a gullible twat. Yes. But he believed it. And he still, to this day, when I bring it up, goes, yeah, you exploited me. You exploited my emotions. I was a good friend to you. And when you were down and you told me you ate cat food, I was like, yeah, but I got a free meal. Well, perhaps you should have said to him, perhaps you should have said to him,

hey, Joe, don't offer one of your friends a lift home and then take him to someone's flat, bone that woman upstairs whilst some woman tries to tell you she's won blowjob competitions as a sort of overture to lovemaking. Yeah, this happened to Eli and Joe. They were out one night, met some girls, and then eventually... We didn't meet some girls. He met some girls. I said, can I have a lift home? He said, yes, I'm giving these two a lift as well.

Yeah, I saw it. So he stopped at her flat, and then he bones her, and expects me to wait around in the middle of Hackney, whilst her ginormous friend tries to convince me she's won blowjob competitions. As if that's going to...

Oh, you've won competitions. Yeah, that's fair enough. Now you've pointed that out. When was that, this morning? The London I left in 1989 has really changed. It really has. I'll never forgive Joe for that. Joe also said, when he was having sex with her,

because he said, I was doing it doggy style, and yet a cat was biting my ankles. And I was like, you had a cat? And the cat escaped from its box and was biting his ankles. The cat had a broken lip. Yeah. And it was wailing the whole time as well. It was a nightmare. That whole evening was one of the worst in my whole life. No, Joe. Yr ysgol oedd ganddo llyfn gwroed. Ie. Ac roedd yn fwyaf yn fwyaf yn ymwneud â'r holl amser hefyd. Roedd yn ystod y llawr. Roedd yn un o'r pethau gorau o fy mhroed.

Do, Joe. Do. Bad Joe. Beth yw'r tip nesaf? Iawn, iawn. Oherwydd nawr rydym yn dod i'r gofnod o'r goffaith, gadewch i ni symud yn dda. Iawn.

Tip nr 4. Dynnu'r dynnu. Edrych yn y binnau y tu hwnt o'r storau a'r cafe'r ysgol i edrych am bwyd. Ac roedd gen i fideo am hyn. Mae un dyn sy'n gwneud llawer o fideo YouTube am sut mae'r ffrig yn cael ei ddynu. Fe wnaethon nhw ddod o'r bwyd o'r bwyd a dywedodd, dyma'n debyg fod yn iawn i'w ddynu. Yna, rydych chi'n gweld ei dynu. Ni ydych chi'n gweld beth fydd yn digwydd y dydd nesaf, a'i bod yn rhaid i'w ddysgu os mae angen i'w ddynu. Wel, mae'r amrywiaeth o ddynion yn ystod y llaw,

ond maen nhw'n eu gwneud yn Ffrancaidd nawr i gynnal eu gwaith ddim yn ei angen. Ond roedd yna ffyniad am ffyniadau a sut maen nhw'n gynnal gwaith sy'n edrych yn esthetig yn ei glir. Felly er ei fod yn deffawn, mae'n dal i fod yn ddwylo. Maen nhw'n gallu gwneud gwaith sy'n ddwylo, ac maen nhw'n edrych yn anodd. Felly maen nhw'n agor y ffyniad yna, y ffyniad pobl yn Soho. Ac mae'r holl ffrwyth yn edrych fel peinysau, yn y bôn. So they opened up that one supermarket, didn't they? The people's supermarket in Soho. And just all of the fruit looks like penises, basically. What? Yeah. Where's Esther Ramsey? That says more about you when you're going into a supermarket and you go, penises.

Penises. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh to give you the alcoholic sad tram with a box of Disperse. All right, what's the next tip? Last one. Stop using toilet paper. Dun, dun, dun! You haven't heard what the alternative option is. Instead, use a family cloth. Right?

Oh, God. This is what they say, which is a shared rag that, once used, can be placed in a bucket of water with a dash of bleach. Rinse and repeat. Pseudocrem? Pseudocrem. Well, let's say you wipe the bottom. Put it in a bucket of disinfectant.

Oh, no. I would have to be... There's all sorts of stuff I'd do before I even considered that. Listen, how can that be the same? Who's got the bucket? Your neighbour or you? Well, that's all sorts of stuff I'd do before I even considered that. Listen, how can that be the same? Who's got the bucket? Your neighbour or you? That's another question. If you're sharing it with your neighbour,

sharing the bucket. There's one massive communal toilet cloth trough in the middle. You have it in the front garden or something. The city rag. I do think, you know, that when you look at all these Roman movies and all the Romans are just sitting there together. Obviously, it's a very communal thing.

There's something in it, and they didn't do too bad. A shared dump, pass the sponge. Did they have a sponge on a stick or something? Yeah, it was a sponge on a stick. And then a tap to rinse it or whatever. I don't know about that. Because eventually you can't... If it's vinegar, there you go.

That has a bleach-like property, doesn't it? Wouldn't help if you had a sore ring, though, would it? There you go. You both bought bleach-like property. Wouldn't help if you had a sore ring though, would it? There you go. You both bought that. All your business was done. You, you, you. Well, there was toilet paper. This is getting tragic now.

We're going to be like, yeah, I know. It's like the way we used to live on BBC Two. Well, we'ven dda. Wel, rydym ni i gyd wedi dysgu rhywbeth. Rydym ni i gyd wedi dod at y pwynt hwnnw, ond mae'n dda. Mae'r holl bethau yma yn roi'r cyfrif yn gyffredinol ac mae hynny ddim yn llwyr yn dda. Felly, yn fater, os ydych chi wedi mynd i'r Chibby ac wedi cael chibs a chyffyrdd o ddwylliant, oherwydd mae'n cael ei ddynu â fineg, mae'n llwyr yn ymgymryd â'r clem. Dyma'r tipiau, ond dwi ddim yn credu bod Cymru'n cael ychydig o ddiffygion.

Dwi ddim yn gwybod. Mae hynny'n fwy fel, chi'n gwybod. Mae rhywbeth yn ymwneud â hynny, oherwydd os ydych yn mynd i Greia, ni allwch chi ddynnu popeth. Felly rydych chi'n rhywbeth fwy. Ni allwch chi dynnu popeth mewn Greia. Ni allwch chi dynnu unrhyw gwaith papur, ni allwch chi dynnu unrhyw beth rydych chi wedi'i ddynnu neu wedi'i ffrwng. Oherwydd mae'r pwyllgorau dŵr yn mor fyr, felly mae'n rhaid i chi fod yn fawr iawn gyda'r hyn rydych chi'n ei ddefnyddio. The water pipes are so narrow, so you have to be very sparse with what you use. Use a little bin. Because you know someone's going to change that bin because you're staying in a little resort.

You're a bit more circumspect about it. There's something in it. I'm never going on holiday again. I like my toilet. I want my toilet. You can have your toilet. Thank you. All right.

I love your toilet. What's the next section then? Well, the next section is your section. It's the price of shite. Oh! Do the jingle. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite.

It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. And that's right. So what is the price of shite, Eli? The price of shite is a section. It's a game that we play where we buy three items, and then my co-host, Mr. Gannon, and our guest, Gavin today, will guess the price. And you in the audience can all have a little guess as well of my three items of shite.

And I think you'll agree I've got some proper shite today. So where did you get your shite from today? I've got various charity storesau gwirioneddol. I un stori gwirioneddol o hardwyr. Yr un o'r storïau sy'n gwerthu popeth. Fel Cwcware. Mae'n un arbennig. Rydyn ni'n mynd i gael y cwcware'r diwethaf.

Rydyn ni'n mynd i gael e'r cwcware. Rydyn ni ddim yn bwyta bwyd ddodd-cat yn hytrach na pate. Nid ydym yn bwyta h yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig. Dwi ddim yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig. Dwi ddim yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig. Dwi ddim yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwysig yn bwys small animals. Small? Okay. We'll give you a guess. Small animals. Now, it's a bit ingenuous because it says small animals. You'd think it would have small fish,

small bugs, small amoebas. They're all small. It's just rodents. Hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs. Yeah, but that doesn't cover all small animals, does it? What else do you want in there? It's just rodents. Hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs. Yeah. But that doesn't cover all small animals, does it? What else do you want in there? I'd like geckos.

Yeah. Lady birds. That's not an animal. No, it kind of is. Hairless voles. What is it then, Paul? It's. It's.

Yeah. Shut up. Nature's lovely gift. I'm just going to make a little... That's a very good condition book, by the way. So I'm just going to... Covering the price. I'll cover the price over because I didn't get access to it in a row. But you're creating it and you've ruined the value.

Well, you can adjust for that. Now, you've got lots of sweet little animals in here. Oh, look, it's a lovely dramatic shot of a rat running along a tree trunk. That sounds like a euphemism. You've got harvest mice. Look, brilliantly posed, some of these. That is literally on a bit of wheat there.

So you think, ooh, this is good for the kids. This is great. This is brilliant. Until you get to the nightmare page. That's terrifying. Look at that! It's a mole and he's attacking the worm. Look at his dirty soil-filled paws. He's clawing at that worm. That literally looks like you, Saturday night, after a club night, eating a kebab. What, a worm kebab? That's what kids want. And look at the tooth. Look at the tooth on that kind of naked mole Dyna beth roedd plant yn ei ddweud. A edrychwch ar y llawr! Edrychwch ar y llawr o'r math o rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai.

Dwi'n meddwl... O, mae ganddyn nhw ganddyn nhw. Dyma chi! Ganddyn nhw a'u gyn. Dyna'u gwadrion a'u hynod o beth. Iawn. Gwylion. Gwych. Mae popeth yn yma, pan nad yw'n fud, dwi'n meddwl.

Ar y peth hwn, gadewch i ni geisio try and guess the price. So, Gav, how much do you think? Put down your mum's guess. 10p? 10p. Anything else from the audience? 50p. 50p, good. Right, so power, 50p.

40p. Sorry? 40. 40p. Let's do an average of all that. So what would an average of 50, 30, 20 be? 40. It'd be about 25. Letn ychydig o 25.

Gadewch i ni ddweud bod y cyfnod o 25. 35. 35. Mae gennych chi'r calwlad? Mae gennych chi'r calwlad? Nid oes pwysig, rwy'n cymryd cyfnod. Nid ydych chi, ond rydw i. Rydw i'n cymryd cyfnod Paul Gannon. Ydych chi'n ffrind? Byddwch chi'n mynd i ysgrifennu y pwysau penodol eich ffrind? 35p yw'r peth rwy wedi'i ysgrifennu. Ac mae'n ymlaen yn y golau, felly dydw i ddim yn gallu ei ddod i ffwrdd nawr. I written, and it's in black ink, so I can't take it off now. Okay, now let's get down to it.

Gannon? I'm going to say that was 75p. I'm writing 75p. Charity shop. It was a charity shop. They don't deal in fives. It's round numbers. It's tens.

I'm going 50p. 50p for Gannon. Okay, good. Now, are we ready for our second item? Yes. Or items. My mum said 10p. My mum's not enjoying this. I used to da. Nawr, ydych chi'n barod i'r item ail? Ie. O, itemau. Roedd fy mam yn dweud 10p.

Rwy'n mynd i... Roedd fy mam yn dweud 10p. Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i...

Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i...

Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... Rwy'n mynd i... And for the benefit of the listeners, the atmosphere in the room turns against the host towards his mother. You know when we're doing the 27 hour podcast thing? His mum phoned up and pretended she was an old lady. No, she didn't. She said she was a 35 year old grandmother with four kids. She pretended she was someone other than what she was. And Paul fell for it. Four kids. Okay. She pretended she was someone other than what she was. Yeah.

And Paul fell for it. What kind of thing? Your own mum. Your own mother. You don't think. You're in your own little world. You don't perceive. I've been awake for 27 hours.

Is that because you didn't recognise your mum on the phone? Does he call very often? Once a week? No, he doesn't call very often. How often a month? How dare you? That's a lie. That's what it is. It wasn't recognition, was it?

Oh, it's awful. I was at court, he didn't even recognise me. She did a voice. Do the voice again. Oh, no, I can't do the voice. Oh, no, I can't do it now. I'm not in character. Oh, you're not in character, yeah. Don't force her to perform. God, you're so mean. Anyway.

Right, so 50p for Gav, 75p and the audience gets 35. And that's the book of small animals. Now, we've got a pear for the second one. Ooh, we don't get anything for a pear. It's a pear of Naughty Dusters! Ooh! And they're in their wrappers. Look, they're Fox Fresh. Let's get the man wrapped. Ooh. Ooh, smell it. Look, they're box fresh. Let's get the man wrapped. Oh.

Oh, smell it. It's got that smell. It's alzheimer's powder. No, it doesn't. It smells like when you go into Home and Bargain and you go near the kind of shelving where they keep their stuff. Yeah, that's how new they are. Oh, that's...

Oh, that's... What? I like that smell. For people listening at home, he is sniffing a hair when you come off on a stick. Look at those! What are they for?

They're shedding a bit. Are they for cleaning laptops? They're obviously doing completely the opposite job. They're actually providing dust to the environment. They are? Look at that. You shake it. Oh, well, they're cheap.

What do you want? I mean, there you go. That's my... Oh, God, it's going up my nose. Look at that. It's dusted. It's worked. And for our listeners at home, one is a sort of day-glow pink, and the other is the Colour Oh, myn, mae'n mynd i fy ngwt. Mae'n ddustio. I'n ffyrdd, mae'r un yn ffyrdd o ffyn, a'r arall yn ffyrdd o fyl.

A oeddech chi'n ei gael ar gyfer arall neu gyda'r gwaith? Cwestiwn da. Arall neu gyda'r gwaith? Gyda'r gwaith. Felly, un prys i'r ddau. Fe ddweudwn 2.50p. Mae'n dda. Mae'n ddustio. A oes unrhyw un arall yn meddwl gwahanol? 4. Straight in. All right. The novelty dusters. Anyone else think different? 40p for the two.

40p. What are they? They're dusters. We've established that. Yeah, but what would you dust with them? Keyboards, testicles, and bald men. Oh, you shine your boots and then you finish it off.

They're not boots. Boots. Oh, boots. Sorry. You don't know all from Ambo. You don't say both. It's all boots. Boots. Boobs.

Or pox. You know, maybe a kookaboo. Fragrant. They're very fragrant. Would anyone like to smell off Muff? Muff, you want to smell Eli's Muff? It's not my Muff. Sniff it, Muff.

It's a duster. Right, not two dust No more two dusters. Two dusters. Right, so, audience, what did you say? And then we said 40p for two there, gentlemen there. So let's just say 40p for that one, right? 40p. What was the shop?

What was the shop again? This shop was RMVF, Raise My Voice Foundation. It's a charity shop. Did you go in and go, I'd like some dusters, please! And they go, we can't help you, your voice is already raised. Good. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol.

Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol.

Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs, mae'n ddiddorol. Yn y sgwrs And who would purchase these? Apart from someone who was doing it for some kind of price. Yeah.

A ruse. Right, so, audience have said 40p. My mum says 50p. Gav, what do you think? 30p. 30p. As I stridently write it down with a leg loft. Paul?

And I'm... I'm going to go with my mum and say 50p. Are you allowed to do... I'm allowed to? I'm going to give it... Alright, 45p. Alright, I'm going to say 50p. Are you allowed to do... I'm allowed to? Only a bit. Alright. 45p. Alright. I'm going to say 45p because my mum's got a patio.

Okay. Alright. Last item. Now, this is a real doozy, people. Now, this I bought new. Yeah. Okay, so let that inform your guess. This is from the hardware shop.

This was from the hardware shop. Right. And it is a novelty ashtray emblazoned with pictures of ladies in bikinis riding Harleys through the sky. Rock and roll! Oh, yeah. Look at the action on this sweet little bitch. Boom.

It flips up. It flips up. It's got a little cigarette rest. That's amazing. It comes out on a spring. You know? And you could... You could rest a cigarette? You could fit at least 60 butts in there.

It's got some dimension. And also, the lid itself has also got another little picture of the sexy, sexy ladies riding motorcycles through the sky. Where did you buy that from? I bought it from a hardware store. Yeah, in Soho, with a red light over the door. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol.

Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol.

Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol.

Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. I like that. That's a good one. A summer butch. You see, I'm a very reconstructive man of the 21st century. I do have a hankering over a nice nudie pen. Remember those? Well, you tend to look like that.

This is exactly what it reminds me of. Yeah. But they're not nude. They are actually... And there's no action. There's no deep, deep nude.

They've got class because they're wearing bikinis. I think the whole thing has loads of class. It's got a spring action. It's not a pound shirt. Not just class. This is refinement. £1.75.

£1.75? That's extraordinary. £1.75p. Come on, Dave. Come on. Who said £2.50? Dave said £2.50, yeah? What?

£3.50. All of these items. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda.

Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda.? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy?

Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? Yn ystod 99p, a ydych chi eisiau gwneud y ddwy? And £199 for that. £199 for that. £99p. I don't think he's shopping in Kensington. And what? £199 for the ashtray? Yeah. Right. That's good.

The audience had £350 London price. I'm writing that down. It's important. And I'm going to say £1.50 for that. Okay. £1.50. Right, so that's all. Are we ready?ny. Iawn. £1.50. Iawn, felly mae hynny'n dda. Ydym yn barod? Iawn, felly gallwn ni nawr wneud y cwmni. Nawr, y cwmni Cydnwys, Llyfrgell Cynulliad Cymru, Cynulliad Cynulliad, mewn pecyn bach gwych.

Mae'n rhaid i mi fynd i'r prifoedd yn un o'r tro diwethaf. Gwmni Gwmni Gwmni. Gwmni Gwmni. Gwmni Gwmni. Gwmni Gwmni. Gawth yn dweud 50p, rwy'n dweud 75p, a'r cynulleidfa wedi dod â 35p. A dywedodd fy mab 50p. Beth yw'r prifoedd? 75p, the audience eventually somehow came up with 35p, and my mum said 50p. What's the price?

75p. Oh, that goes spot on. On the nose. One point for me. On the beaver's nose. Easy now. One point for me, that's one. Right, next up we've got the fluorescent novelty dusters.

Oh, so in that case, Gav said 30p, I said 45, roedd fy mam yn dweud 99p. 50p i bob un. Y quid. Y quid? Y quid? Felly, ni fyddwn ni'n cael y pwynt hwnnw. Yn y bôn, fe wnes i'r rhain, fe wnes i'r rhain, a'r dyn yn y siop, a dywedodd, mae'n bwysig, dwi ddim yn gwybod, 50p? Felly, mae'n rhywbeth o rhywbeth o'r hyn. Ac nid yw'r rhain'n werthu. Felly, i'w gael arbennig, That's a sort of impromptu thing. And those are not worth it. Just for reference, we're doing this between him and me, so I get the point because I was closer than him to it. He said 35. What did I say? I just want to win. You said 30p.

I said 45, and that was close. You can have that. Are you talking to me? You can go on. The point is your mum has beaten you. No, not yet. I'm still... I don't want to downplay our guest's role here, but that's okay. This is the match-up.

We're all going to win. Okay? There's not going to be resonances and a ruined Christmas out of our battle. No, that's true. That's a good point. It's not... No. Where are you sleeping tonight?

In a caravan. In a caravan. Okay. Oh! Right, so, the last item, everybody. Now, this is really the one that everyone wants to get their hands on, and I'll be taking bids for it afterwards. It's the novelty ashtray.

Right. The ladies of the sky, right, in their harleys and bikinis. Right, I said, Gavin said £1.75, I said £1.50, the audience said £3.50, and my mum said £1.99p. £1.99?! £1.99. Oh, hang on a minute. No, no, no, that is what she said.

I said £1 because I've written over the fourth line, so that's fine. I'll give you that. Let's just take a moment to appreciate the sweet action on that thing one more time. Before I tell you, it was £2.49. So, audience win that one. That's your mum's closest, isn't it? No, I'm 240. Oh, no.

Me more? Oh, me more. No. So, it's two each. No. Two points each. She beat you. You beat him.

Yeah. Well done. I won something. You don't beat me. Paul's mum is the winner. Oh, she's not. Yay! And that's the price of shite.

And that's right. Thank you very much. Right, so we go on to the final part of the show now. Thank God. It's been dragging. Is this bit going to be rigged until your mum wins as well? No. No, this is not the game.

This is not the game. This is purely just a... This is a bit we call cheap eats, isn't it? It is, right. So what happens is, we do a thing called cheap eats Nid yw hwn yn gêm. Mae'n ymwneud â'r peth rydyn ni'n ei enwi'n ei enwi'n ddigon fach. Mae'n iawn. Felly, rydym yn gwneud y peth rydyn ni'n ei enwi'n ddigon fach pan fyddwn yn cael bwyd fach. Ac rydym yn gweld a oes unrhyw beth da o ran gwirionedd. Felly rydym wedi gwneud rhai pethau anodd yn ein amser, sy'n dechrau llwyddo'n ystod y rymus, fel pan roeddwn i'n cymryd bwyd bach. Roedd hynny'n dda. Roeddwn i'n ei hoffi. Bwyd bach yw bwyd, ond mae'n gwneud chi'n gêm. Mae'r peth arall rydyn ni wedi'i ddysgu yw ei fod yn gael ychydig o gêm gwych. Mae'n dweud wrthym. food, but it made you gag. The other thing we've discovered is he's got a very weak gag reflex.

Oh, God. Oh, God. This is going to be our most popular show ever. You're going to have to get your parents to every show now, Paul. Do you realise? I'm not going to win again. Anyway, so... It's like an austerity oedipus. Anyway, the point being is we do A dyna beth wyt ti'n sylweddoli? Dwi ddim yn gallu gael hynny eto. Dyna beth mae hynny'n dweud.

Mae'n fath o oesgeraeth oedipus. Yn unrhyw fath, rydyn ni'n gwneud sgwrs YouTube. Felly, y flwyddyn diwethaf, fe wnaethon ni ddarganfod hynny. Roedden ni'n testio os allwch chi ddweud yna oedd hynny. Hynny oedd hynny oedd hynny. Daddys neu brach ffyrddol. Roedd hynny'n fbrach ffyrddol. Roedd hynny'n fbrach ffyrddol.

Ond wnaethoch chi wybod? Oherwydd roedd gen i ymateb yma gyda fy ffrind ychydig o flynyddoedd yn ôl. Ac fe wnaethon nhw dweud, o, mae unrhy ond un hyn. Mae'n rhaid i chi gael hyn. Dwi ddim yn meddwl o un cynnyrch arall lle mae'r gwirionedd yn llawer gwell na phopeth arall. A dwi wedi dweud, siaradwch, nid yw hynny'n iawn. Mae'r daddys yn iawn. Oeddwn i'n anghywir? Oeddwn i'n anghywir, rwy'n dweud wrthych. Ond y gwirionedd Lidl oedd gwell na'r daddys. Lidl oedd gwell na'r daddys. Y daddys oedd llawer o fwys.

Roedd hi'n wirioneddol. Nid oedd yn hys was not pleasant. It was awful. But Heinz did win out. Although, the bottom line is, if you go to Lidl, then everything's a quid these days. Anyway, it was... It was pretty close, the Lidl one, pretty close. So if you've got a budget, you can buy the Lidl brand and it's just as fine. And you stick it on your dog food and then everyone's out. Go next door and have a brand and watch them break. Good.

So, what we're going to do today is we're going to do crisps. Because we all know the major brands, right? We all know Wotsits, you know? We all like Wotsit. I love the Wotsit. Yeah. Pickled Onion Monster Munch. Oh, the classics. These are more like snacks rather than crisps, aren't they, then?

Sure. The point is, is that I do a feature on my radio show called Desert Island Crisps, right? Where we talk about what crisps would you take to a desert island. Pickled Onion Monster Munch, so so far has been the most popular choice. It's a big brand. Packed lunch favourite. I would have thought beef, right? No. I like the beef.

No, no, no, no. Soft vinegar. You don't get soft vinegar Monster Munch. It's pickled onion. I don't like the left-right. Oh, yeah. Do you know what? Every time I put one of those in my mouth, I'm transported back to being taken swimming by my mum. Hi! Yr hyn rydych chi'n gwybod yw, bob tro rydw i'n rhoi un o'r rhain i fy mhawr, rydw i'n cael ei ddysgu i fy mhawr. O ie. Dwi'n ddigon ddifrifol.

Mae'n iawn os ydych chi'n cael rhywbeth yn fy mhwysleisio. Yn ffwrdd, dwi ddim yn ymddangos i'r ffwrdd. Dyna'r peth. Roedd y sioe yn mynd iawn hyd yn oed pan wnaethon nhw dynnu'r gwaith. Gwaith! Edrych ar fi! Beithio'n ddim! and okay, so they chucked the watchit out. The watchit's looking at me! No beef watchit! This ends here. Right, so we've got that, and of course, the frazzle. Oh dear. The great British frazzle, Chris. The bacon flavoured grasher. Yeah, yeah. So, we all know those crisps, we all adore them, we all like them, but will they pass the taste test? Because what I found in Lidl today was this.

Knock-off favourites. Knock-off favourite crisps. Cheese puffs. They're the worst, I take it. Look at, they obviously copied the style because the crisps are almost exactly the same. Look at that. Yeah. They're copying the style because the crisps are almost exactly the same. Look at that. Yeah. They're copying the brand, see? Monster Claws.

Yeah. Monster Claws. I thought they said Monster Clams. That would be better. Pickled Onion Monster Claws. Okay. I won't have it. This is false advertising.

Is this Maldi? Maldi, yeah. Get it right. Oh, there's an absolute... There's an outrage! Mae'n dda iawn i chi ddweud wrthym nawr. Mae'n amgylch amgylch. Yw'n ymddygiad? Yn ymddygiad, ie. Gwna'i ddweud yn iawn. O, mae hynny'n hollol... Mae'n ffwrdd! Mae'n ffwrdd! Mae'n ffwrdd!

Nid yw'n ddigon! Gwna'i ddweud yn iawn! Gwna'i ddweud yn iawn. Mae'n ffwrdd. Mae'n ffwrdd. A ydych chi'n cael cyfrifion yn ymddygiad, sir? Ydyn nhw? Nid.

Mae'n dechrau bod fel y ffrwch yn y restauriad gwreiddiol. Mae'n dechrau bod yn... Gwna'i ddweud yn iawn. Gwna'i ddweud yn iawn. Sut y gallant gael gwreiddiol? A, edrychwch, mae'r rhachau bach yn y same, mae'r pecyn yn debyg iawn, o'r amgylch o'r distan,

mae person gyda llawr o ddwy oed yn... O'r amgylch o'r distan! Wot? Dwi wedi cael hynny am amser. Roeddwch chi'n gwrando ar Robethius? Mae'n dda iawn. Felly beth rydyn ni'n mynd i'w wneud gyda chi ddwywn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn.

Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn.

Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn.

Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Felly, mae'n dda iawn. Right, so... I'm quite prepared to wear a blindfold. I could put some kind of harness on. What? If he's got the blindfold on... I'm happy with that. The point is that I'm not wearing any bondage gear on stage tonight. A chastity belt with one of those keys.

Oh, God. Do you know what I saw online? I mean, there's not like a... I don't need to... I've got a big... Have you got oldie soothecrem? Sorry. No, no. Ye oldie soothecrem. Little too. Mae gennych chi... a ydych chi wedi cael crem sood? Ydych chi wedi cael crem sood? Ychydig yn dda. Crem sood. Ydyn nhw. Efallai y byddwch chi'n ei galw.

Mae hynny'n wych. Bain! Gwaith cael. Roeddwn i'n mynd i'r lline. Roedd rhywun yn dweud, a ydych chi wedi clywed beth yw dominator? Ac roeddwn i'n dweud, nid wyf yn gwybod beth yw dominator. Roeddwn i'n edrych ar y lline. Ac yn y bôn, mae'r peth sy'n eich cymryd i'ch chid,

y straff o amgylch eich chyfn, sydd â chyfn mawr hynny. Felly pan fyddwch chi'n mynd i lawr a'r your head, that has a great big cock underneath it, so when you go down on a lady, you can still enter the... And that's a dominator. Anyway, Chris... 75p! 75p? What do you reckon, how much do you think that would cost, Mum? What? A dominator. No. And what do you do pay for a dominator?

I know, you seem to be good at guessing all the other stuff. You can't do it King of Machiavelli. Oh god, I'm not going to accept that. Would you though? Would you though? You know what, on the subject, a good friend of mine admitted to me the other day, he had a dream that he'd write a follow up to Fifty Shades of Grey. Do you know what in his dream the book was called?

Go on. Dildo Landfill. Beth oedd e'n sylweddol? Rwy'n hoffi gwneud llyfr yn enw Dyldo Landfill. Ydych chi'n sylweddoli'n llinellu'r llyfrau ar hynny? Dyldo Landfill! Ie, felly, dyma'r hyn rydyn ni'n mynd i'w wneud. Bydd yn cael test gwyddonol. Rydyn ni'n gorfod cadw'r ffaith.

Felly bydd y cyhoedd yn gwybod pa crisps rydw i'n mynd i'r blaen. Rydw i'n gyffredinol. Ac rydw i'n ei roi i'ch maes. Ar ryw bwynt, byddwn yn cael ymwneud â sut y mae'r rhaglen wedi mynd i'r llyfrau. So the audience will know what crisps I'm going for. I'm excited. And I'll pop one into your mouth. At some point they'll have a rant about how frazzles have gone downhill, but I'm going to save that. Right, so where do you want to start? Do you want Monster Munch, Puffs or Frazzles? Let's do the Cheese Puffs first. Cheese Puffs, right.

So Monster, Cheese Puffs. I'm going off mic to do this. The audience will know what I'm putting in my mouth. But aren't the actual crisps themselves recognisably different? They're the same shape. I've done the research, mate. I'm all over this. Ready? So if the audience will know what you're getting in your mouth first, you won't. You don't give me your opinions on which ones

which until you've tasted both. Okay? Okay. Here we go. You won't because I'm doing it from behind. He likes it that way. Right? Here we go. Here is the first one. Gav, I am entering your mouth first. In it goes. Eli,

you are now about to get my cheesy puff in your mouth. Chew. Now, tell me about the flavours. How are you feeling? Well, it's got that... I'm underwhelmed. Basically, it's exactly what I was going to say, Gav. You beat me to it. The cheese just doesn't hit. Why don't you talk about amplitude, Eli, for a couple of fucking days, like we did last podcast?

It's like I'm just tuned on those things you get in packaging. It's just an unconvincing cheese flavour, isn't it? It's just not quite hitting the notes. What it didn't do was explode in both flavour and texture. I'm sorry I didn't explode in your mouth. Yeah, and also the texture was a bit... Cheesy explosion in my mouth. The texture didn't have that kind of melt

that you'd expect from a true Watsit, did it? It was too coarse. You didn't get the tongue clag. You didn't get that fizzy tongue clag that I'm expecting. My money is on that being the knock-off. I'll tell you that right now. I'd say that's the knock-off. That's an underwhelming Watsit pretender. If that's not the knock-off. I'll tell you that right now. I'll say that's the knock-off. That's an underwhelming watch.

If that's not the knock-off, I am going to burn down the factory. Yeah. Right. Here is the second option. Ready? This time, Eli, I'll be entering you from behind

and slipping my cheesy puff into your mouth. Thusly, here it comes. And, Gav, it's now time for you. There we go. That is unmistakably a watcher. There's no contest. That is a watcher. Bang. That's got the rounded amplitude. It has a head.

That does have amplitude. It's cheesy all over. Then it's got that soft, the clang. The clang is there. Density. I'm still getting hits around the mouth. And the way it all kind of coagulates from the top of your teeth. Just enjoying with the gum. So now that you've talked about it for a couple of minutes, which one did you think was the what's it and which one was the cheesy puff?

First one was what? Was the cheesy puff. And the second? Was the what's it. You're both right. Yes! Straight out the gate. Unmistakable. I know my corn-based maths.

Would anyone like a pack of cheesy pox? No, I wouldn't. Your mum's got taste. I have. It is, they're right in there. That's the main difference. That other one had no gum stick. No gum stick.

Right, are we ready for the next crisp? Mate, I'm going to ace this. Well, straight through. I think we're going to both ace this. Boom. Right, so, would you like the pickled onion or would you like the bacon this time? Where do you want to end on? What flavour do you want? Personally, I'd like to finish on the frazzle. Yeah, so would I.

I'll have you. We'll go with the pickled onion. Right, okay. So, here we go. And again, are these the same shape? I think so, yeah. If they're not, oh well. Well, it's good we don't get to see them. If he feeds them directly into our mouth, it's hard to... Straight in with a crunch. Are you ready?

Yeah. Eli, I'm gonna... I'm open. Here we go. It's big. Gav, here's yours Here we go That's monster mush I'm not sure It's a vague flavour Don't you think?

It doesn't have the burn But this is the thing This is the point I was going to make when we got into frazzles Because of the nanny state And because they've been forced over the years To reduce the salt and fat content of crisps, which is ridiculous. It's like saying, oh, reduce the meat content of this fucking steak or something, isn't it? It's a stupid thing to do. It's like,

don't eat crisps. It's like vegan cheese, isn't it? Why would you get pureed cashews and put that in a sandwich and go, it's like cheese? It's not. and put that in a sandwich and go, it's like cheese. It's not. What you would expect with a Monster Munch, though, is immediate gum disease and burn. Yes, like the citrusy sort of agony.

Well, I'm not getting that, but I agree. That wasn't present, but it's because of the nanny states because they've had to dilute the flavour. Stop talking about this as if it's a massive political situation. It is. It's not what they used to be. I had Monster Munch in the early 80s. The NHS isn't what it used to be.

We should be arguing about that with more vigour. I had Monster Munch in the early 80s and the pickled onion ones, you couldn't talk for a week after it. You couldn't do it, man. Your mouth, you know. You could feel each and every nodule on your tongue after it. Exploding! Right, are you ready for the second one then?

Yeah, right, here we go. Crisp just aren't what they used to be. Gav, you're going in first. Here we go, the pack is open. The crisp is on its way out, and it's in your mouth now. And, Eli, here's yours now. Now that's amusing. Ooh, are you thrown?

It's got more of the real what you expect, isn't it? But I know, for me, this is definitely a pretender to what Monster Munch used to be. There's an echo, there's a memory, there's a massive memory. Bear in mind, they did revamp the Monster Munch to make it brand new, old style. Remember, they made a big hoopla about making it old-fashioned again. Because they made it small, didn't they? They did, and then they made it big again. Well, the first one was bigger.

Genius, I know, right? Underwhelming flavour. The second one was down the road, a little bit down the road on the flavour. But it had more of that zing, though, didn't it? A little bit of zing, but it also was soft. It didn't have that crunch, that bite back. It wasn't digging into the roof of my mouth.

Mate, to me, it's obvious that the first one was true Monster Munch, but in its weird, diluted, present-day, crappy... It's disappointing. Not like it used to be. You don't know what you're missing, kind of way. You know? With your endless opportunities and digital lifestyles and friendships and getting out of the house.

And you think that was disappointing? Wait till we get on to the frazzles. friendships and getting out of the house. And you think that was disappointing. Wait till we get on to the frazzles. Mate, it's fine with you. Actually, I agree. What was crisp selection number one? That was the true Monster Munch. Monster Munch.

So-called true Monster Munch. And what was the second then? Was the knock-off. Knock-off, yeah. You are both correct. Yes. Ah! You're very proud of yourselves.

Boom. That's deeply sad, that is. Mate, I know my crisp. Genuinely over the moon. Both correct! You're very proud of yourselves! Boom! I know my Chris, genuinely over the moon! This is the most... Are we ready for the finale? Yeah, we're gonna ace this as well. Maybe we won't. But it's interesting to note that there was a bit more of the old fire in the knock-off, wasn't it?

Yes, it was stronger. It had a stronger... Wrapped up the flavour. Yes. That was interesting to know. And shut up. Right, so we're going to do the bacon ones, okay? Are we ready? I'm ready. Alright, here we go.

Give me the first bacon. I'm going to give it to Gav first this time. Gav, in your mouth. Eli, in your mouth now. I'm there. Tell us in your mouth. Eli, in your mouth now. I'm there. Christmas the Bucket Revolution. Christmas 1978. There's a bowl of peanuts I'm for the first time ever dry roasted.

There's some chocolate fingers on the side and some frazzles and next to it some chips. They've got the amplitude so wrong. Oh, they've got the amplitude wrong wrong on that. Oh, they've got the amplitude wrong. I'm getting this horrible barbecue

aftertaste here. It's nasty. It's nasty, cheap sort of fake barbecue flavour. That does not belong in a bacon flavour. It was.

It felt softer. It wasn't as bacon-y maybe. It's sweet. There's all this sweetness. I don't want sweetness. I want bacon flavour. That's an, maybe. It's sweet. There's all this sweetness. I don't want sweetness. I want bacon flavour.

That's an abomination. It's a sweet curd, maple bacon. You know what I mean? Right. That's the worst of the knock-off so far. That is awful. That's an awful, awful thing. It didn't feel thin enough.

No. It wasn't crispy enough. It just had this horrible sweetness to it. All right. Ready for the next one? Yes. This will be the real frazzle, but it will also be a disappointment. So here we go.

This is number two for you Gav, in it goes. It tastes exactly the same. More bovril-y. Yes. That's not bacon-y. It's not bacon-y at all. It must have been the first one. That's sugary. Yeah. Oh, this is... Does it give us the same crisp taste? Oh, aren't you a clever little fella?

Aren't you a little clever fella? Oh, look at you, so grown up. Yeah, it was. I gave him the same one again. Yeah, he did. No! Don't worry. I knew! Look at this!

This is an amplitude machine! My fucking mouth. Yeah, that tastes... Have! I knew! Look at this! This is an amplitude machine! My fucking mouth. Did you see that, everyone? Did you see how I owned balls? Now, this is why the rise of fascists. Nine people saw two honest men doing their best, and they sat there in silence.

Mine was just following orders. Right, anyway, regardless, the second one is... Let's have the real Chris. This is a Milgram test. Everyone sat there and watched potential humiliation. And gleefully, gleefully, not one said, Gav, stop. You're being fooled. You're part of the problem now, Gav.

Right, here we go. Here's the second option. Close your eyes. Here comes the surprise. This is the real frazzle now. Not even mum. You don't know, do you? I think she tweeted.

Here we go. This is the real one. Eli first. What? That's a fathom. Gav, in it goes. Now that's nice. That's salty. Iom. Gav, in it goes. Now that's nice. That's salty.

I heard so many jokes. So many. It tastes a bit stronger. And it's more baking. It hasn't got that sweetness, that horrible, sickly... A bit more robust, maybe. Yeah. In the chew.

So Gav, I'm with you on all those points. Do we think that's definitely the real frazzle? I would go that one, yeah. So we're saying, but part of me thinks we've been done for a third bloody time. No, I will not do that. Thrice. No, it wasn't. That was the real frazzle.

Right, so. Frazzle for the fourth is what? Knock-off. Knock-off. And number two was the frazzle. Was a knock-off. And then number three. Get this.

You're not going to believe this. Unfortunately, you were both right. Yes! You were! We aced the whole test. Well, here's the question though.

We're in childhood picture of health. Here's the question. Out of the three knock-offs, the cheesy puffs, the frazzle type things, and the pickled onion things, are any of those decent alternatives?

I'd say the Malt-Terminus one. Well, I'll tell you what. I'd give them all to my kids. And then I'd buy myself the originals. Good plan. I'd definitely give them to my kids. All right, that's it. And the whole bag of whatever happened to the Malt-Mudge. I'd say the worst of the knock-offs, and also the worst on the whole panel, by far, was the one you made me two of, basically, yeah.

Was the knock-off frazzles. That had some sweetness. That's horrible. That's disgusting, you know? If you want a true taste of a frazzle, what you have to do now is go to bacon fry on the Walker's pub snack range. You know, they've got the triumvirate of pub snacks.

Fisherman's thing. Scampi fries. Scampi fries. Cheddars. Cheese moments. Cheese moments. There you go. And then you've got the bacon ones.

Yeah. And then the little green ones. What are you saying? They're the top ones? Well, they taste like what a frazzle should taste like. You don't think a frazzle tastes like a frazzle now? No, they've taken the salt right down. They've taken the fat right down.

They're getting browbeaten by the health lobby. But people on a budget, and you can't afford the exorbitant prices of Smiths, would you say these knockoffs would do? They would do. They would do, but the Frazzle one was a bit sick-making. I did have a little bit sick in my mouth. But we can all agree that the Monster Claw... Pretty good.

You know what's confusing about those? The font looks like knick-knacks. Oh, I love a scampi lemon knick-knack. There's nothing like a scampi lemon knick-knack. It's got a mini-ultima, isn't it? Yeah. Iampi lemon knick-knack. It's got to be the ultimate, hasn't it? Yeah. I'll have to take a word for it. I've never had a knick-knack.

It's in the top five. It's got to be one of them. What are your top three crisps, then? Okay. Okay. Okay. To end on, give us your top three crisps. Number one.

Yeah. Smiths. Walkers. What are they called? Walkers. I think Smiths are owned by Walkers now, aren't they? Yeah. No, Walkers is the other way around.

Oh, okay. Yeah, no. Walkers, cheese and onion. Okay. That's okay. Yeah, no. Walkers, cheese and onion. Okay. That's number one. Number two, walkers, salt and vinegar. Number three, beef-flavoured hula-hoop. Oh! Boom!

I didn't know about that. The only time we diverged on the entire journey. What's your number three, Duncan? Number three probably would be the scampi knick-knacks. Right. What's your number three, Dengar? Number three probably would be the scampi knick-knacks. Right. It's a good crisp. It's a solid crisp. It's a good choice. Number two, I'm going to go

vanilla here. Bear with me. Vanilla crisps. Ready salted. Just a crisp. You know a crisp. When you want a crisp, what more do you want? Number one, and this is a link to my childhood, and when I see them, and when I have them,

I experience joy. Worcester sauce walkers. Oh, lovely. Ah, there was knots in the room. Come on. There was a mmm. Ah, there was a oh yeah. room! Come on! There was a mmm! Ah, there was a oh yeah!

Those nasty days of yore! You know how you can transport yourself back to your childhood birthday parties? No. Simply take a Kit Kat, have a bite of that, and then put a ready salted crisp in. Yes, yes. Chocolate finger. You were transported back. Chocolate finger and a crisp.

Yeah. It's weird, isn't it? That just sort of, yeah. Paper plates. Want to of my top three? No, not really. Right. Let me do it. Oh, go on, do it. Right, one.

No, three to one. Three to one. Three to one. Three to one. Right, three is... I like... I'm not full of this. I had it and I lost it.

Why? Okay. Smith's squared crisps cheese flavour. A really good amplitude on the squared crisps. He's trying to appeal to... Dwi wedi cael hynny a mi wnes i'n llwyr. Smyth, chrisp gwirf, fflavwriaeth gwaith. Mae'r amlwg yn dda iawn. Mae'n ceisio'i ddynnu. Ond nid oedd yn chrisp iawn, fel yw'n ail-gwneud. Nid oedd yn chrisp iawn! Nid oedd yn chrisp iawn!

Nid oedd yn chrisp iawn! Nid oedd yn chrisp iawn! Mae'n ffwrdd â chrisp gwirf, ffwrdd â chrisp iawn. Mae'n ail-gwneud, ychydig o bwteto masg sydd wedi'i drys. Mae'n iawn, dwi'n dal i fynd â'r peth. It's a really constituted potato mash that's been dried out. That's fine, I'm still going with it. And number two? Number two is regular flavoured chipsticks. Because they're nice and... Regular flavoured chipsticks?

Yeah, you've got a real... They have the clag effect. They've got the clag effect. The clag effect is great. And also, weirdly, they're like the Tardis of crisps because they're quite a small bag, but you get loads of them. Oh, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom,

nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, It's the most passion Paul has said to me His mum's been in But no, it's the beef flavoured monster munch

That really cuts your heart through Did you ever have that point in childhood Where your brain was blown When you found out that beef flavoured crisps Were vegetarian And cheese and onion were not You have that moment You're like, this world I live in

Is one of confusion And darkness It is one of confusion and darkness. It's one of lies and moral turpitude. What is this? Because you've already been lied to. Absolutely a liar, mate. Like when I went vegetarian. Like it, I just said when I was wanting a scale extra, give me a moment. I went vegetarian when I was 15 and went, oh, I'll get you a special vegetarian mint.

Hey! And what she did was, she made everyone the same mint and then just waited 5 extra minutes to bring my bowl out to me and said oh it's a special mint and now we're all turned out alright absolutely my children can be anything they want to be

make any choice within the law there's going to be no moral judgement upon them but they must never be vegetarian be. Make any choice within the law. There's going to be no moral judgment upon them, but they must never be vegetarian. My daughter went vegetarian for an afternoon. I just said, come on. Well, I was vegetarian for like 17 years, I think. And then one Christmas I had some friends over and they were all going, lovely turkey. And I'm sitting there with a nut roast

and I began to cry. I was like, and I stopped, and I just, it was, I stopped at Christmas. You came home, and now the bacon box is in your mouth. Well, go on if you want. Bacon is the right alternative. Tell us the truth.

Truth. Truth. Tell us the truth. Not 17 years, seven and a half months. No, it wasn't. Bacon is the one

that all vegetarians go on about. Right. Isn't it? Bacon is what turns you back. Bacon, yeah. Because that is, what is that bacon

you never go back? Mate, bacon. Because that is... When it's about bacon, you never go back. Mate. Bacon. I was forced... Let's just consider bacon for a second. I was forced to be vegetarian. Really? Not forced.

I mean, I was a child. I mean, I was a baby. You were a child. Your dinner had no meat in it as a child. For my first nine years of life, my parents, as o'r clas, yn hyffyrdd. Ac fe wnaethon nhw fy nghymryd i fod yn macrobartig. Doedd gennych chi ddim dysgu i ddarllen hefyd? Oeddech chi'n 7 neu 8 a hanner? 8 a hanner, oherwydd yr ysgol ydych chi'n mynd.

Dwi'n darllen nawr. Ie, rwy'n gwybod. O, fel y gwelwch chi wrth ddarllen y paket, mae hynny oherwydd ychydig o'r ffont. Proofio. Ie, profiwch. Ddrych y ffont. I ddiwedd, darllen dramadig o'r ffôn fach gan Eli Silverman. Here we go, to end. The long-eared were-rabbit comes in the night and it attaches itself to your throat.

Sup, sup, sup on your blood all through the night. Then it gets its weasel's mates down. It doesn't say that, does it? Yeah, read it. Just a stream of consciousness. And here is Mr. Rodent. He's called Henry.

Can you see his five eyes and his big... Yeah, okay. Yeah, all right. Well, there we go. It's a good book, that. It's a bit unconventional, but good read. If we move into a finish, I do have a present for you. Oh!

Along the theme of it. Because I love, I genuinely love a Lidl. That's my favourite of it, Lidl and Oldie. Come on, Lidl, it's classier. My favourite Bond film. O! O! O! O! O! O! O! O! O!

O! O! O! O! O! coming in at I think about £1.40 for your coach journey home. It's a heart-shaped cookie! There you go. Thank you for having me. It's a heart-shaped ginger cookie with a ribbon so that you can wear it and just nibble on it

on the coach. You've had one of those, haven't you? You've had one of those. You've had those moments where, oh, he's using it for comic effects when I've got three at home and I love them. I love those ginger cookies. Let's touch hearts. Here we go.

Here we go. Oh, look at that. Can I take a picture of your mum? That's a bit weird, wasn't it? Is this going to end up on a database? Oh, yeah. There you go. There you go.

If anyone else wants to take family pictures, you know, that's all. That's all lovely. We'll have the pictures for the moment. Go on. Tweet it all out. Tweet it out. Here we go. Ready? Yo, yo, yo.

You're on Facebook tonight. You don't have to work the internet, Mum. You're lying to yourself. Shut up. And can we check your history? Yeah. What's your awful part? Dominator.

That's what it's going to be like. Oh, God. Anyway. Time to wrap up the show, Paul. It is time to wrap up the show. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Randall Porter, I'll take a guess,

and I'm Gav from the G-Box. We'll be back with another I'm Paul, and we'll be back with another Good night! Good night! Oh. Oh. We'll see you next time.