CheapShow - Ep 273: CheapShow TV 2022 Part Two

Episode Date: March 18, 2022

Coming Up, This Week on CheapShow TV Saturday: Pop Knob with Johnny Banter Discover the latest hot, edgy, young musical stars of tomorrow with hyper trendy host, Johnny Banter. Wow, it’s the coolest pop show on telly! Sunday: Fat Sow and Mr Drop-Bear’s Insult Hour It’s the TV event of the decade as two of the internet’s favourite insult wizards generate more foul thoughts to members of the Great British Public Main Feature: It’s time for the final showdown, as Team Bifftavious faces off against Team Ethi Gum, but only one of them can win. Paul leads the teams in another round of The Generation Game and then through a whole episode of Family Fortunes! It’s retrotellytastic! Who will reign victorious? Find out in Part One of CheapShow TV Teaser: The Great British Squish Off We close the programming for the day with an exclusive clip of the second series of the mega hit “Great British Squish Off”. Will Madam Ladyplops and Squishy Jim retain the crown from a new batch of competitors? See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-273-cheapshow-tv-2022-part-two And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid And our other good chums… @Octav1usKing @mrbiffo @EthanDLawrence Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

I know, I know. I told them that, but would they listen? They're thick as shit, the both of them, I tell you. That's why Pat Sharp refused to come back for these episodes. He told me they wanted to pay him in instant noodles. Can you imagine? I'm only doing this because I need the money. What there is of it.

I certainly don't trust him. That little one smells like dog shit and garlic, and the taller one apparently likes to have full-on sex with handp... Oh, sorry about that. The program ended a little earlier than expected. Well, there will be more from Adolf Manson next week on Colts, Crazes and Cocktails, where he'll be making a Jonestown julep.

Sounds delicious. After the break, we return to part two of the Cheap Show TV Board Game Game Show special. lady liberty on a chipler and no darn chicken left you catch my drift drifter the two-fingered chocolate bar with caramel and wafer passes the triply overhead manifold sprocket big english boy do you catch my drift drift now granted it is small but it has huge power you will be amazed i know exactly where you're coming from listen and learn lovely careful Careful. Mini Cheddars.

Or are they? Before our next programme, let's see what's coming up next week on Cheap Show TV. On Saturday night, Johnny Banter is back with a brand new series of Pop Knob, featuring unusual and edgy hit new music from all over the UK. Who will Johnny discover this week, and are you cool enough to find out? Hello, I'm Johnny Banter. Welcome to Pop Knob. We've got some great acts for you on the show tonight Coming up later

Coco Bobo XO Nobo, but first with their debut single. It's top boss mob Let me in Let my knob in you I've got a wiki meters And it's ready for you On Sunday night, it's the crossover you've all been looking forward to. For the first time ever on national TV, acerbic insult wizards Fat Sal and Mr. Dropbear unleash their witty and cruel barbs to members of the great British public

in the Fat Sal and Mr. Dropbear's Insult Hour. Hello, yes, my name's Paul. I've come a long way and I'm really excited. I'm really looking forward to being sorted by you both. So, yeah, take it away. Shut up! You smell like an abandoned envelope factory. Yeah, you're like a cat covered in knees.

Yeah, you're like a pine cone that's been up someone's bum. You're like a black bean bag full of coffee filters. You're like a damp raisin. You're like an ice cream made of body parts that have fallen off. You smell like freckles. You've got a face that looks like it's fallen off some wallpaper. Just fuck off! And that's all to come next week on Cheap Show TV.

Now, though, we return to the board game game show special. It all got very heated last week, and the stakes are higher than ever as we reach the thrilling conclusion. It's Team Bifftavius versus Team Ethigum. Who's going to win? Who's going to lose? Let's find out right now shall we yes we're back it is is Cheap Show 2022 TV. With me, Eli. With me, Ethan.

With me, Octavius. And with me, Mr. Biffo. And with me, Mr. Me. And we're playing Generation Game at the moment. And the stakes are absolutely... Only just. ...hotting up. But only just.

Now, we did do in Pointless. The first show was Pointless we won you won that one so that's one for you you could take the second you could take the second Biff Tavius has got yeah Biff Tavius

how was everyone's week by the way that we were away yeah how was those seven days how is everyone week yeah I feel bad I thought you were asking

if we were weak no I was asking how everyone's week was because we've been away for a week oh yeah I did all the things right so yes we're back oh and we're sighting and so we're going into if we were weak. No, I was asking how everyone's week was because we've been away for a week. Oh, yeah. I did all the things.

Right. So, yes, we're back. Oh, we're sighting. And so we're going into the Generation Game Part 2 and this is the, what is it, the conveyor belt round? What do they call it on the show?

Conveyor belt. The Memoration Game. Life is the name of the game And I want to play the game with you Life can be terribly tame If you don't play the game with two And I want to play the game with you Yahoo! Cops. And I want to play the game with you.

Yahoo! Cops. In the TV show, the winning couple sat behind the conveyor belt and items would go along and then they'd have to recall those and whatever they recalled, they won, I seem to remember. There was always a cuddly toy. Cuddly toy and everyone cheered. And what else was on there? A Tees Made usually was in there.

Paul, can I stop you there? Yeah. You like Tees Mades, don't you? I'd love to own one. Why do you always say that and then you always eschew them when you see them in real life? What do you mean?

I don't know. What do you mean eschew them? Like what? Like a vagrant child in Victorian London. That's me! I'm a vagrant child! No, that's different.

That was last week. Cut it. I've been with you. We've seen a vagrant child no we've seen a what we've seen a Tees Made yeah

reasonably priced yeah and I've said to you don't you want a Tees Made I've got an eye on a particular one I want that's why and not these whatever ones

that look like you know 70s designs brown leaves painted on them but if you have a Tees Made you want a 70s one surely maybe you're right

maybe you vote my eyes to the truth you want the kitsch retro aesthetic. How do they get the milk in? Is there some kind of over-dose or something? That would work. A proboscis. There's no milk spout. Just comes out.

Milk proboscis. You have to have a separate milk jug nearby to tip in the milk. We are milk proboscis. Right, that's it. That's all you've got. We are the milk producers. Murderer. That's all you've got. We are the milk producers. Murderer. That's rubbish.

I thought that Tees Mades could lactate or something. I didn't think that you had to actually. You have to add it to yourself. They can if you get one of the organic ones that they do, that are grown. And they are organic. Yeah. Yeah.

They're literally organic, and they grow on a big placenta in a field. They have nipples, and the milk goes directly into the mug, which is also made of flesh. You can milk it, haven't you? Yeah, you have to milk it. You don't want to do that first thing in the morning, though, do you? You don't want to be milking anything.

I like to milk stuff first thing in the morning. Yeah, I was literally timing that gag out. I was like, who's going to go with that first there was a lot of body horror in these yeah there was it was very

Kronbergian wasn't it Kronberg Kronberg Kronberg Kronberg have you ever seen one of those

they sunk the Titanic didn't they it was like a big mound of crows in the sea they sat on one end of the boat and they just

tipped down the Titanic hit with feathers everywhere and the thing about Kronberg is most of it's underwater yeah The tongue's like, just tip-tongue. The tongue's like, here! All feathers everywhere. Oh, my God. And the thing about Crowberg is most of it's underwater. Yeah.

You don't see all of it. The beaks. Oh, massive beaks. Jesus Christ. I feel like I'm trapped in a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Yeah. I am, aren't I? And that is the highest brow comment that has ever been made. Right.

So, it is part two. We're going into the memory game round. Currently, I believe Team E-Thigh Gum is ahead by 1.6. And Team Bifftavious is on 5. 5 points. Now, all you've got to do is i'm going to shuffle these it's all right it's all right yeah yeah there's learning lines and stuff so it's all memory in it good on the learning lines how's yours octavius rubbish i've got the attention span of a goldfish

so joys of adhd yeah did you see they taught goldfish to play underwater basketball I have that recently I did see that yeah it's good it nudges it into it it's really good Paul have you seen that it makes sense though shut up yeah

yeah exactly we're just having a little chat sorry we're just having a nice little chinwag the only person not in this podcast

is me right now I feel left out everyone's having fun sorry and everyone's berating me because I don't know rules. You don't know rules. Doggy Daddy.

Hey, I am Doggy Daddy. He's our Doggy Daddy. Who was? Did you look Doggy Doggy? Doggy Daddy up. Douglas Doggy. Douglas Daddy Doggy. Reminds me of Doggy, who was the ex-murderer person

who used to run the little night garage when I went to university. Great anecdote. One of your best. Did you say he was a murderer? Yeah. That was the rumour. Oh, so it's all right then.

That is a strong rumour. That he was quite a character, you know? Yeah, they often are, aren't they? Quite intimidating. Murderers. He's a lad, Dougie. His name was. He's a bit of a lad.

Jack the Ripper was a lad. You're going first. You two are going first in this because you're ahead. Alright? So I'm going to open the flaps on the board and you'll see eight items. You'll see them as fast as I can

get them in and out of the little slots at the back. I'm going to use a technique here, Ethan, known as building a memory palace. The beetroot is on the left-hand side by the pencils, and the pencils are leaning up against daddy fish cakes. I'll let you in on this, if you like. No, I'm not interested, because I zone out.

I was going to say, if you've got a method, go for it. I'll remain quiet and use a method also. So hopefully between us, between us, we'll... Do you want to focus on the first half of me, on the second or no let's just do it both what we just have to name do we name it yeah well i'm gonna close the doors at the end open the doors show you eight cards yeah close the doors and then i'm gonna give you 20 seconds to name as many of them as you can all right okay yep yep it's eight to find

do you want to do more do you want to do 10 well what's the fucking rules i'm just saying you're the fucking guy he's meant to do the fucking thing! You didn't get Brucey going, I don't care! I don't really care anymore! Alright, check it out! I'm going to have to eat more cows, otherwise. To produce all the amniotic fluid. Here it comes, here it comes!

Oh my neck egg! Neck egg is coming out! Oh look at that. My neck is produced as an amniotic egg. I'm going to lay next. Shut up. Before I just lock the door and burn this place down. Nice to neck-worm you.

Why are you so Amused by that Oh Just saying Having fun Come on Let's open Here we go Ten cards

Ten items The doors are opening Now I open When you see them Call them out to the listeners At home To see what they see First up we've got

right what is that a tea set yeah tea set roller skates Ted cuddly toy

tea set it sounds like a drone that's that's a that's a the noise that's a go kart

go kart cassette a reel to reel tape player. Two watches. Oh, no. A toboggan. A crab.

Lobster. Boxing gloves. Aeroplane. Toy aeroplane. Put an entire aeroplane on the... A racing car. Close the doors, there are ten items. Ready? Hang on, let me just get my clock sorted.

20 seconds, remember. What was it, a crab? A tank full of crabs. Was it boxing gloves or a crab? Crabs on a plane. I'd watch that. Have you? No, it would be good. Good film. Ready? Better than snakes. Recall as many of those ten. Have you? No, it would be good. Ready? Recall as many of those ten items as you can in 20 seconds starting now.

There's a tea set, a toboggan, boxing gloves, a plane, a go-kart racing car. Go-kart, yeah. And a racing car as well there was. Tea set. You say tea set. There's a teddy bear. Five seconds, three items left.

Shit. Roller skates. Roller skates, roller skates. I'll let you have that one. Roller skates. The ones you didn't get were watches and radio cassette. Oh, yeah. There you go.

Very well done. My memory palace was fucking completely demolished. I've been burgled. All I could think of was crabs everywhere. Michael Fagan had broken in and stolen them.

Was it Michael Fagan who sat on the Queen's bed? Oh, that? Yeah. Did you know it wasn't actually a crime? Really? Yeah, there's funny

trespass crimes. Oh. So if you... I saw it on a YouTube video the other day, Paul. If you see a sign in Britain saying trespassers will be prosecuted... No. Are you encouraging people around the country to trespass?

No, but there's no law of trespass. That's not the way the law is... So we could all go and sit in the Queen's bedroom? We could, yeah. We'll be fine. Because he wasn't prosecuted, was he? They arrested him, but he got let out. No, but I think it's because of this sort of weird loophole

that his lawyers said, look, it's not actually illegal because he wasn't threatening her. I bet they've closed that loophole now. Yeah, they changed it after that. She was like, no, keep it in. I love a salty sailor. Right.

Was he a sailor? No. What was his background? I don't know, because I only know his background from the Crown, you know, the TV series. Oh, yes.

They did feature that. They did a recreation of that. Yeah, they did a whole episode around it, which his whole thing was that he was unemployed and was angry at the government and the Queen. Ready? Right, your memory game. Can you see it all right?

No, I'm relying on Octav's very much here. I can see your flaps. Ten items. Here we go. I might need the flaps a bit closer. I'm just going to get it ready. Put the first two items in. Here we go. Biffo needs the flaps. There we go.

And the flaps are open. Rocking horse. The record player. How does he fit all this in his throat? Yeah. Oh, a cassette recorder. Walkman. No, it's not a walkman.

It's pre-walkman. You're pre-walkman. Oh, what's that? A mushroom? No. What the fuck? It's a lamp. A lamp.

Castanets. Sandals. No, what? No, they're frying pans. Frying pans. No, they're tennis rackets. No, they're not. Bloody hell.

Drum kit? No, camera. I can't really see. Frying pans. No, they're tennis rackets. No, they're not. Bloody hell. Drum kit? No, camera. I can't really see. TV. Duck. Rabbit. Power drill. Yeah, drill.

Cock. A what? Cock. A cock? Please. Cock, please. Abacus. I don't know what that is.

Is that a spanner set? What is that? It could be anything. Set of cutlery. Alan Key set. Oh, it's cutlery. Same thing. The doors are closed.

The doors are closed. His throat hole's open still. I don't want to get into the void. You have 20 seconds to remember as many of those 10 items as you can

starting now. Rocking Horse TV. TV 10 items as you can. Starting now. Rocking horse. TV. Cutlery set. Power drill. Cassette recorder. Oh, yeah. Tennis rackets.

Four left. Fuck it. 10 seconds. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Yeah, sorry.

Next. Three left. Fuck. Drill Fuck Drill Drill That's it So You only got

One Two Seven Seven You could pick it up a bit more And not say only got You could say well done You got

I think about that That was pretty good Considering we've both got ADHD Yeah So at the end of that round What didn't we get? You didn't get the record player,

the lamp and the camera. Those are the ones you missed. Those are probably the highest ticketed prices. So at the end of that, the final scores for Generation Game are I've won this one.

Ethi Gum. Ethi Gum. You got 12 points. game. Yay! I've won this one. Ethicum! Ethicum! Ethicum! You got 12 points. Biff Tavius got 13. Hang on! Yeah, you won.

They were a point behind! There's no way back for them out there! Go into that round. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. They were a point behind going into that round and got less than us. How have they scored on, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. They were a point behind going into that round and got less than us.

How have they scored more? Hold on a fucking second. He's just trying to punish us. Why don't you just spank me if you want it that bad? Can I be honest? What happened was

I nudged it when I was picking up so I don't know what the scores are at all. So if you'd like to give me the official scores right now, Eli, I'll take them as red because I trust you.

Well, we got eight in that one and we started with six. So we've got 14. 14 and they have... 13. And they dropped another point. They started with five and they dropped another point. So five plus seven. This is bullshit.

You can't tell us we won and then take it away from us. That's cruel. That's really cruel. I'm a very fragile woman. I can't cope with that. Oh, isn't it? Unfortunately, they are right. You did lose that

because it was five and they were ahead by one and you got seven. So five and seven is... Do you know what? I don't feel good about this. I don't feel good about this victory because Paul has fucked it yet again. And now it's our fault. Now I feel bad. You should feel bad.

Well, I shouldn't. Chin up, chin up. Everybody's got to happy smile. Wear it, share it. Even if Oprah wants to, I'll let a little sparkle in. The right side looking at the right side.

Chin, chin, chin. Suck a bag of dicks, Paul. What? You've won. But now for that comment. I feel bad. I feel bad now. Now for that commenter, maybe. I'll give it to these. It won't be very competitive in the final game if it's not tied. Everybody likes a happy face.

Win! Yeah! Let a little sun shine in. You'll be on the bright side and I'll be on the bright side. Chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin-Chin He'll be on the right side And I'll be on the bright side Up with the chinny chin Chinny chin Chinny chinny chin Chinny chinny chin Chin chin Right and that's the end of generation game

Can we move the foam cubes And the red ball off the table Because they're making me hungry Yes It looks like cheese and a cherry tomato We'll see you after the break For our third and final game With Cheap Show TV 2022

Hooray What? Monkey game with cheap show TV 2022 hooray what monkey I hate this show low C a full-strength beer. It can help slimming or weight control, only as part of a controlled diet. What? They were like two dumplings With half a pound of chipolatas

I couldn't draw or paint And my piano woke up me mum What I need to go far is proper hands for starters. She said exercise all round with a diet that's sound and a bit of diddly dum. And she went, di-di-diddly dum, diddly dum-a-di-do. Bi-diddly-um-a-dum-a, wakin' on your bits. Diddly-i-di-diddly-i-di-di-dum-a-di-do. What's diddly-um-a-dum-a?

Hinesville's Brits. Diddly-dum-a-diddly-dum-a-diddly-dum-a-diddly-dum-a-diddly-dum-a-wakin' on your bits. Di-dum-a-diddly-do-di-dum-a-did-di-do. Woof, diddly-woof, woof. Now that's what I call a pair of hands. It's time to play for family fortune. Just before we do, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to everyone. I got a bit heated in the last game. You were quite aggressive. It was

noted. So, Mr Biffo, I'm sorry. Octavius, I'm sorry. Eli, I'm sorry. Paul. No, you know where this is going. I said I'm sorry. I was about to say I'm sorry. Don't interrupt me when I'm apologising to you. Now that he's taken this opportunity. Is this sincere?

It feels like crap. It is for getting heated, and I apologise. Now that he's taken this opportunity, I think you need to be the big fella, the big man, Paul, and just apologise generally for everything. To me, an apology in general. Just a general apology.

Hello, my name is Paul Gannon. In 1978, I was born, and ever since then, I've made mistakes every day. Seems to be one ongoing mistake. My life feels like a rotting parchment of promises. A rotting parchment of promises. Floating down river towards the waterfall of my demise and on the way I desperately grasp out for attention and love and hope.

Like a leaf. But unfortunately the current's too strong and as I get swept away I'm drowning. I'm drowning. I'm drowning. Monkey on a raft down a river parchment. Is this what you do

with someone's confession and being honest and opening up? You just spat a load of shit going on about you. Great, so I apologise and I put my... Yeah, I was like,

you know what? I'm never emoting ever again on this podcast. I don't know why I layer myself bare. Shall we start the whole thing again? I mean, next week or something? Part of me just wants to cry.

Self-bare. Family fortunes everyone! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Ba-ba-ba-bum-bum-bum Pull! Pull! Yeah. Eh-eh! That's the one. No, we're not doing that. That's Teletubbies. Eh-eh! That's Teletubbies.

Eh-eh! Eh-eh! No, we're not doing that. That's Teletubbies. That's Teletubbies. Out of all the episodes you could have come back to, you came back on this one, Octavius. I'm sorry. Sorry. But, you know, my heart does go out to you. You're very brave. What happened to that Teletubbies?

Are you all right? They're not Teletubbies! What's his name? Mr. Tumnus. The computer. No, that's Mr. Chips from Catchphrase. No, Mr. Babbage. Who's Mr. Babbage?

Mr. Tumnus is from Lion Ridge in the wardrobe. He's a satyr. And they used to come through the wardrobe and he'd go... No, Mr. Babbage is what they used to call their screen on, I think, on Family Fortune. Back in the day. Charles Babbage invented the computer and Family Fortune first started. It was all high tech.

That was his actual phone. Is that real? I believe they called the screen Mr. Babbage. All right, well then. Yeah, Max Bygroves, who did the original, who was the original host. Was he? Yeah, Max Bygroves. I'll tell you a story.

I didn't know. I didn a story. I didn't know how to laugh. And everybody. Many marks. Babbage. You make him sound like Doggy Daddy. Doggy Daddy's real.

No, Doggy Daddy. No, that's not. Doggy Daddy's not real. He's a cartoon character. He's a real cartoon character. He's a real cartoon, he's an oxymoron. Hello, I'm oxymoron.

Hello. Hello. I've got zits. I've got zits and I'm dumb. Oh, my God. I ruin everything. You do. You're ruining this.

That's for sure. Right. We're playing Family Fortunes. In America, it's known as... Family feuds. Family fe sure. Right, we're playing Family Fortune that America is known as Family Feuds. Family Feuds, yes indeed. And in Argentina,

El El El El El El El El

El El El El El El El El

El El El El El El El El

El El El El El El El El

El El El El El El El El

El El El El El El El El

El El El El El El El El

El El El El El El El Now, why do you think they decided not to call it feuds in this country? Because it's a bit aggy.

Is that why? I think the idea of family fortunes is a bit more aspirational, isn't it? You could win fortunes as opposed to families at war. Yeah. It's softer, isn't it? Softer, yeah. Pleasant. More gentle.

Nice. Yeah, like this is going to be, guys. Yeah, it's going to be lovely, this. I'm not going to get heated this time. I'm a bit weirded out. It still feels like a's going to be lovely, this. I'm not going to get heated this time. And, you know... I'm a bit weirded out. It still feels like a trap. It's not a trap. I'm wrapping us.

I could hear the words coming out of my head during the generation game, and I felt bad. Okay. It's nice to have so much... It's freaking me out. Yeah, I don't know. It feels like every now and then

he's going to twist a knife and there's going to be a... It feels like there's going to be, yeah, some sort of power to this. Edward Norton in that primal fear. I don't like the lack of trust in the room. You've cultivated it. I've been truthful and honest.

Oh, what an atmosphere. I love a podcast with a happy atmosphere. Impregnate my neck in some way. Sorry, I'm sorry. It had to come up. It had to come up, didn't it? Neck pregnancy is the theme today. Max Bygraves also had one.

Had a neck pregnancy. Had a neck throat thing that came out of his throat. Was it his pink toothbrush? Yeah, his pink toothbrush. That's not how neck vaginas work. They don't have anything protruding. No, it's just face vaginas. Why are you talking about face vaginas

still? I thought they were neck ovaries. In my head, it's like a kind of big fleshy tube that comes out of the throat and that lays things. The psychological lays. Like the queen from

Aliens. That's the oviposter, isn't it? Yeah, a throat ovipositor. That's what Bruce Forsyth and Max Bygraves have got. Paul has face vaginas. Yes. Just to clear it all up. So they don't have periods then? Well, Paul might.

Yeah, Paul might. Every month, my face just bleeds. Yes. Paul's bleeding blood down my face. Do you think you could use can you use like an acne medication

like oxy on a face vagina call back anyone why don't we ask the oxymoron hello hello

oxymoron can you use like oxy on some face vaginas I don't fucking know stupid as fat at least this character is consistent Oxy-moron, can you use, like, Oxy on some face vaginas? I don't fucking know. Stupid as fuck. At least this character's consistent. Point A, point B, character work.

Right, we are playing Family 4. Let's get this bloody started. you know it two families against each other. Survey 100 people. Top answers. Can you get the top answer and fill the whole board to win it and get the points? It's kind of that simple. We've got two families joining us today. And we've got the... Biftavious family.

Biftavious family. And Daddy Biftavious, how are you? Daddy Biftavious. What's wrong with you? I don't know Daddy Biff Tavius How are you? I haven't got anything

I just wanted Well that's a relief I was going to say I was a soldier again You can be a soldier I'm a soldier Oh good And how many battles

Have you seen? Nine Nine battles Can I ask the soldier a question? No What's your favourite battle? Battle of Nine battles? Can I ask the soldier a question? No. What's your favourite battle? Battle of the Bulge. Can I have the question?

Can I ask it? Can you ask him, who taught you to solder? Who taught you to solder? Captain Soldering Iron. Are you happy with your answer? Yes. Thank you.

Are you going to come to this family now? No, we've got Octavius. Bif-tavius. Tius. Bif-tavius. Tavius Bif-tavius. What's wrong with that? Don't mock the name of the families. It's a perfectly good fucking name, Paul. It just sounds like a Roman centurion.

That's all. Octavius Bif-tavius. Yes. Hello. You all right? What do you do for a living? I'm a necromancer. That's good.

That's good. Did that start with a necrophilia? That was where you were going originally, wasn't it? Yes, but then it started to take a very dark turn. It was necrophilia. And then I brought it back. You did the right thing. I'm a necromancer.

Well, there's a big difference between a necromancer and a neck. A neck romance. Oh, yes. Which is difference between a necromancer and a neck. A neck. Oh, yes. She's someone who impregnates a lady's neck. I am whatever you want me to be. No, you don't want to be a neck romancer. Yes, I do. I'm a neck romancer.

Anthea Redfern was a neck romancer. That was Bruce Forsythe's first wife. Oh, great. Oh, I know what's going on. That's the family one family two is the Ethigh Gump family hello

it's grandad Ethigh Gump hello do you remember the voice are we the same family yeah if you want do you want to be a different family yeah alright who are you then

I'm grandad the grandad family can you ask us a question or something? All right. Where have you been on holiday? Well, a horse farm.

Necromancer. Sandy horse farm. Where are you? It was nice, wasn't it? Oh, it was lovely, that. Yeah. That's a horse's... Who's this in relation to you?

This is... Go on. Who's this? Your grandad. Who's that? It's my neck child. Your Ethan neck child? Yeah, I came out of his neck like...

Oh, God. I think it was a horse what cut my neck, Greg. A horse came out of his neck. I'm the offspring of Eli's neck in a horse. Have you seen that new ad? No. Have you seen that ad? The Lloyd's ad with the woman

and this horse is giving her the fucking stink eye looming over her and it like says with you wherever you go or whatever fucking thing and the horse is like fucking do one stalking horse it's a stalking horse i don't like that that's a phrase isn't it stalking horse is it i've never heard that that's the phrase the stalking horse in politics you sometimes use the stalking horse candidate it's like if someone sometimes used, the stalking horse candidate. It's like if someone, which is quite boring, but if someone is kind of

in a weakened position, like the Prime Minister, there'll be various candidates, and there'll be the stalking horse candidate that's kind of coming up secretly from the outside. I've never heard that expression. I think it was like Trojan horse, wasn't it? What's that horse that isn't really a horse, but it's a fairy of some sort? A kelpie.

That's when you ride it, you get stuck to it, and you can't get horse, but it's a fairy of some sort? A kelpie. A kelpie. That's when you ride it, you get stuck to it, and you can't get off, and it drowns you into the water and then eats you. Is that made of kelp? Could be. Maybe. Maybe it might be. It's a Scottish demon.

Apparently it's a Scottish demon. Scottish demon. Let's play the game. So we've got the two families. So who wants to go first on the buzzer? Do you want to go, Eli? All right, I'll go. All right, cool.

And who's on this team wants to go first for the buzzer round? Jesus Christ. The sunlight. Do you want to close the door? I might. Close the door then, Grandad. How many grandads are there on this game? It's grandads as far as I can see.

You are an official OG. Original grandad as far as I can see. You are. You're an official OG. Original grandad. You're an OG. An OG? Original grandad. An old grandad. Yeah.

Murder. Right, I'm turning this on. Now, when I turn this on, it's, you know, it's doing its own thing so we can't fuck about too much or it might turn itself off. So,

I'm turning it on now and there's some sound effects which are nice and exciting but I've got my little answers and here, I'll be monitoring all the scores. So, well, that's the and there's some sound effects which are nice and exciting. But I've got my little answers and here I'll be monitoring all the scores. So well that's the thing it's the buzzer isn't it?

We just have to follow the instructions given to us by the robot overlord. What's going to happen is we're going to start the first round and I'll answer a question I'll tell you how many

answers are available and then you buzz in. Okay. Sorry? Apology accepted. Which one of your team wants to go on the button first? My arm isn't long enough.

It doesn't matter. You can come off from behind the mic for a bit. It's fine. I can do my own buzzer. He has to go next. So you're both going to have to do it at some point. You can come away from it. And then once you've buzzed in, you can sit down.

You come away from it. Do I have to be able to see the screen? No. You can't see it from here. You don't need to see the screen. You just need to hit the buzzer. That's all you need to do. Right.

I'm turning it on now. Here we go. Let's play Family Fortunes. Right, here we go. How do we start this? Start. Let's play Single Money. Now, there's text scrolls across this,

so I'll be reading the questions out slowly. Right, here we go. Single Money. Name a famous racehorse. Who does it say? This doesn't work. No, it doesn't work, Paul. Paul.

Paul. It doesn't work. This game doesn't work. Paul. It's not working. It worked. It just didn't tell me who the family was that buzzed in. I don't know why it did that.

Right, so give us an answer. Name a famous racehorse. Seabiscuit. Seabiscuit. Sit in your chair. I'm trying. The brother of D-Biscuit. Wrong.

It's not here listed. So, Eli, you don't have to buzz anything. You've got to remember, this is probably an old machine. Red Rum. Red Rum. It's going to be top answer. Top answer. 54 points.

Boom. Do you want to play or pass? I think we'll play. All right, sit down. Here we go. Family B is playing. So you've got red rum. We have to choose our horses.

Let's not play. You've got four more. It's too late now. You've committed. It's too late now. You can't name any of them. Tell us choose other horses. Let's not play. You've got four more. It's too late now. No, you've come in. It's too late now. You can't name any others. Tell us about these horses. I literally have no other horses.

Name us a famous racehorse. Sugar. That's the only other one. That's the only other one. Correct. 23 points there. Okay, Eli, your go. You've got the top two answers there, Red Room and Sugar.

You've got three more, which I think you're not going to get. But to be honest, I don't think you're going to get it either. Shergar, me. I used to work for Lab Books. Congratulations. You actually did. Yeah, good. I might know some.

Soggy Biscuit? Soggy Biscuit. It would be. Wrong. Ethan? Tiger Roll. Tiger Roll. Funnily enough, not there. There we go. One more answer. When you. Funnily enough, not there.

There we go. One more answer. When you say funnily enough, that's a famous resource. Is it? Yeah, but I thought you were just talking about real tiger bread. No, because I would have said that, Paul. Tiger bread's different from tiger roll. Yeah, everyone knows that.

No, it's not. It's nice. I really love your tiger roll. Anyway, Eli, you've got one go left. You've got one question. You two stop thinking about what you're going to say. I am thinking. I don't know any other horses.

Red Room, Shergar, there are three more answers on the board. Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed. No. Right, okay. Your go. You can steal. There are three answers available on the board.

You could steal this. Red Room, Shergar, your top two. There are three below. Horse. Horse. Horse man. I didn't think. Why is the horse going up again? That's just weird. There are three below. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse man. I didn't think, why is the horse going up again?

That's just weird. I just realised that now. What? It's a horse and ball show, this podcast. Horse and neck fanny. What? What?

How about... The themes. There's a horse theme. Baguette. Baguette. No. Unfortunately, the points go to

Team Family B Yes Right Put your fingers on the buzzer Mr Biffo Ethan Right, okay Here we go, next question Name

Name a sportsman That wears A Helmet Ethan Name a sportsman that wears a helmet. Ethan. That was definitely Ethan. No, it was family B. Yeah.

That's that. That's family B. No, we're family B. A, B. Oh, I apologise then. Do you remember the sides? I can't see that side. So that shoe up is family A then, did it?

It's family B, it says. All right, well then go on then. Well, no, family B is this side. So yeah. No, we're family B. It literally says family B here. We're pressing a button. It says family B.

It's broken. Your machine's broken. Do you not understand the laws of physics? It's because the problem is if that's A and B, my buttons are B and A. So I'm looking at B and A from this side. Paul! Paul!

You're shit. Come on, it was them. Go on, it was you. Go on. Name a sportsman that wears a helmet. Motivation driver. Top answer. Nice.

33. Do you want to play or pass? i think so yeah you want to go yeah all right okay good here we go right okay four more octavius name a sportsman that wears a helmet you were very confident with your hair we could do this but now i'm on the spot and i'm scared um a jockey good one confident with your hair we can do this. But now I'm on the spot and I'm scared. A jockey. Good one. Sorry. What the hell they do

though? It's not a top. It's not on the board. Get utterly fucked. Yes, they do. I know they do, but it's not on the board. Okay, the general

public are idiots. Yeah, general public from 2002 when this game came out. Literally idiots. So go on. Biffo, your go. Next one. public from 2002 when this game came out. Literally idiots. So go on, Biffo, your go. Next one. Name a sportsman that wears a helmet.

I was going to American Football Plan. Second top answer, 27 points. All right, next. Octavius, you've got three more to go. Name a sports person who wears a helmet. name a sports person who wears a helmet uh uh uh uh uh uh um a boxer oh dear

i know the o The Olympics they do. Well, I should have said an Olympic box. That's the problem. When I said motor racing driver, does that account for a motor racing cycle? No, it does have a separate thing for what you're about to say. Okay, then motor bike racing. There we go. Five.

Excellent. Motor bike racer man. When I grew up, I wanted to be a motor bike racer man. Yeah. Octavius to you now there are two left on the board who might wear a helmet

a formula one driver is that different no no that would be same as the other one so yeah no um oh are they going to

steal the points no they're not because they can they can not you two start thinking about what's something to steal love changes everything that's not going to help it's not a clue You used to start thinking about what's on the steel.

Love changes everything. That's not going to help. It's not a clue. I'm just singing. It's not going to help. Ice hockey person. Sorry, it's not there. So we hand it over to the other team.

Not all of them. Yeah, that's fair. That's a good point. Generally. What about BMXer? Come on. I'm going to need. That's fair. That's a good point. Ooh. Not generally. What about BMXer? Come on. I'm going to need to push you. Shut up.

I'm going to need to push you. I'm the bloody host. Skateboarder. Skateboarder. No, it's not. So it goes over to the 65 points. To the family Octavius. Right.

So are we sure we know who has the right points? Yes. Yeah. It's all good. Right. Fingers on buzzers. Yeah. It's all good. Right. Fingers on buzzers. Eli and Octavius again. Here we go.

Here is the next question. Name a famous brand of watch. Octavius. I know, but don't worry about that. Seriously, don't worry about it. It's still you. You still pressed it first. In my point, It's still you. You still pressed it first. In my point, it's fine.

Octavia's got it first. Go on. But we're Team B. What is the point of even doing anything if this is the fucking upshot? No, I know what's going on. Octavia's pressed it first. Oh, this is like one of those dreams I had. Like the one where Paul Sumymour'd you over?

Yeah, I like that dream. Right. Right, Rolex. Name a... Yeah, here we go. Rolex is correct. Right. Do you want to play or pass?

Do you want to try and get the other four on the board? Or do you want to pass it over to the other family? Apparently we're playing this one. Oh, you're playing it. Okay, good. Here we go. Last of the single money rounds. Biffo, name a type of watch.

Casio. What the fucking hell? Is that a nice thing? It's not there, though. There are four more popular answers than Casio. Right, a swatch. Swatch? Yeah.

Oh, it's a prize. It's double points. Oh, well done. Swatch? Yeah. Oh, it's a prize. It's double points. Oh, well done. You get 50 for that. Right. Yes, that was there, so you get extra points for that. So, Biffo, it's now up to you. Now, what do you think is a brand of watch?

Timex. Is correct. 17. There are two left on the board now. So you've got two and four, Octavius. And only one strike so far. It's hotting up. Hotting up.

Stop. Hotting up. Hotting up. You have to maintain a certain temperature if you do want the eggs to hatch in your neck. I wear a scarf. I have a scarf. I have a scarf. And you unravel it. Look, come on.

Two more watch manufacturing brands. What's the average temperature of the neck room? Stop putting off the other contestant. I'm so tempted to join in, though. I want to play. We can have egg chat between rounds. Yes. What's it called?

Tag or something? No conferring. You're on your own. We're not allowed to confer? No. But we're on the set. What's the point? What's the point inring. You're on your own. We're not allowed to confer? No. What's the point? Have you not seen Family Fortunes? Everyone's on their own in the team.

Until you swap over, then you can confer. Whoa! What did you say? What? I'm sorry, mumble. Calm down or you'll be apologising. I'm sorry, mumble. Don't get angry.

I'll give you a strike if you don't answer in the next five seconds. All right, I think tag Hugh. Tag Hugh. It doesn't matter.'s wrong right so it was the right thing okay i actually don't know any others um oh the annoying thing is you could we will the answers Seiko. You're still in. So I believe there's one more brand. Bastards! Octavius. What do you think it is? Come on, there's one more on the board.

Cloxy. Is it Watchmonster? Watchmonster. No, it's not Watchmonster. So it's handing over now to Team E5. Do you have any idea? There's one answer left on the board. Mr. Clocky. Do Siemens make watches?

Yes. Siemens. Wrong. The one answer missing from the board was Amiga. Amiga. Not Amiga, but Omega. Omega. So we're now on to double points round.

Ethan and Biffo, you're on your fingers on the buzzers. Am I? Right. Ready? Here we go. Name something you might expect to see a lot. Yeah, go on. What?

Names that you expect to see. What the fuck is that? A rope. Let's see what the board says, Mr. Babbage. Is there a rope? Oh, no. A bit of a premature. I'll read the rest of the question out to Team Ethigum.

Name something you would expect. Name something you would expect. No. Name something. Good guess, though. Rope was a good expect. No. Name something. Good guess, though. Robe was a good guess. Awesome. You're so close.

I wouldn't expect to see a robe. Right, ready? Name something you'd expect to see in Beverly Hills. Robe! Robe! You're not wrong. It's just not on the board. Celebrities.

Celebrities. It's the top on the board. Celebrities. Celebrities. It's the top answer. Yeah, well done. Thank you. Okay, so 74 points there, and your team is good to go. Ready? Oh, do we have a chance to swap it if we don't? Oh, sorry.

Yeah, sorry. I should have given you the option to play or pass. No, you've got to play now. Okay, fair enough. That's all right. That's on me. Okay. All right.

Name something you'd expect. Death. I can't see. Entropane. Eli. Eli, name something you'd expect to see in Beverly Hills. Come on. Those cunts who do Charlie Chaplin.

Triple Cs. Do you want me to put that cunt? What was a more general term for those cunts who do Charlie Chaplin? Street performers. No. Ethan, name something you might see or you expect to see, sorry, in Beverly Hills. Like cinemas slash theatres? No.

No, surprisingly not. Eli, so you're into The Last Strike. Start thinking about what you might see. I'm surprised by that. Yeah. Fucking roads and cars and palm trees. Palm in that was going to be mine he said three fucking things before he starts the palm trees i was just no i was mentally you went oh palm trees that is absolutely outrageous don't get angry don't get mad don't get mad. Don't get mad.

I'm not apologising for it. You got a gimme in the first episode. This is their gimme this episode. Now it's even. Now there's no complaints at all about the format. Eli. Yes. You said palm trees.

You got the thing. Ethan, it's your go. There are three more things left on the board. Just picture it. You go down Sunset Boulevard. I'm thinking like fancy cars like sports cars is correct two more answers on the board mr silverman what would you expect to see in beverly hills you got your second top and your fourth answer so we've had celebrities

name beverly hills in there it's hollywood isn't it it's different yeah it is that is different Those starts Handprints Things Handprints They're in Beverly Hills When they're in Hollywood Isn't it It's different Yeah it is That is different Beverly Hills didn't have that That's my help there Yeah go on

Come on I'm just visualising okay I don't want you to Fucking go to your Mind palace again Don't visualise Beverly Hills Oh I'm floating

No you don't What can I see Aquatic mind palace There's Marilyn Monroe This is Never do one of these Episodes again Charlie Chapman floating what can I see aquatic there's a man in the row this is never do one of these episodes

again Charlie Chapman there's a tour guide five tour tour tour guides tours that's good

that's good that was good to you here we go come on try rope again if you say rope enough times it's going to be right.

Something you expect to see in Beverly Hills. I keep thinking Whoopi Goldberg for some reason. We wouldn't expect to see it. I demand to see Whoopi Goldberg. I've answers left on the board. Like fake breasts like plastic surgery fake breasts

and plastic surgery that makes us surprised I suppose you would yeah you would in Beverly Hills they do all of that I was gonna say the Hollywood sign

but if you want to go for fake boobs I don't want to go on general don't stroke him I don't want to go for fake boobs like plastics

would that be a thing that you would see I'd expect to see that think less general and think more kind of landmark-y stuff I don't want to go and make boobs. Like, plastics. Would that be a thing? Things you see. I'll help you out a little bit. Think less general and think more kind of landmark-y stuff. Like the Hollywood sign. But not the Hollywood sign, because that's gone. Oh, is that gone? Yeah, that's gone. Did you say that?

No. You said signs and stuff, or someone said it. No one said that. No one has said the Hollywood sign. How is it gone? You're full of shit, mate. Mate, why don't you fuck off? Take all your fucking time mechanics with you.

Go on. We're in concordance. Go on. Like mansions. It's correct. Got it. Well done. Come on.

So the scores at the end of that. We're going to one last double money round, but it stands at £77 for Cuthbert team and £350 for you two. That was double money, that one. Right, next one. Final question. This is the double money one. Right, ready?

Eli, Octavius, name a sport where the competitors do not look athletic. Eli.

Dart. Good one. Top answer. Do you want to play or pass? You reckon we can do it? How many are there? There are four more to get now. Do you want to play or pass?

Do you want to hand it to them? Maybe steal? What's the size of the Greener Yorkshire? What do you think? Can we really do it? Can we do it? We you want to hand it to them? Maybe steal? What's the point of being a Yorkshire player? I can only really think of one. We're going to pass it. All right. Biffo, they've passed to you.

They've passed to you. So you now have to come up with four other sports competitors that do not look athletic. Sumo wrestler. Is correct. Second most popular answer, 54 points. There are three left on the board. I'm going to go out and say ahead in advance

that one of them I contest, but go on. Right, so three more. Octavius, what do you think? Name an athlete that doesn't look athletic. Think of sports that you might think, oh, you don't have to be rippling. I don't think of sports. I don't think of sports.

But I do think of sports. I don't think of sports. But I do think of athletic people quite a lot. Is gurning an athletic sport? It's not. I don't even know if it's a sport, though, either. There is competitive gurning. There used to be ferret legging. What's ferret legging? Trying to get as many ferrets as possible on your trousers?

It actually only just recently stopped being a thing. It's in Yorkshire. You put a ferret in your trousers and you just deal with it. So how can ferrets as possible on your trousers? No, it actually only just recently stopped being a thing. It's in Yorkshire. You put a ferret in your trousers and you just deal with it. So how can you compete? Is whoever keeps it in there the longest? Yeah, exactly.

Are the bottoms of the trouser legs tied up? Yeah, it's a little bit mean. Anyway, name a sport. Not ferret legging. Name a competitor

who doesn't look athletic. Ooh, golf. Is correct. Right, two more. That's probably changed a bit over the years. Two more on the board, Mr. Biffo. Your go. Slow things.

What sports do you think I could do that? Because, you know. None. Yeah, literally none. I'd be done even with ferret legging. Yeah, even darts. Oh, yeah. We've had darts.

Sumo wrestling. Darts, sumo wrestler, golf. There were two more. Snooker? Well, I did wonder about snooker. Let's just do it. Shall we? Snooker? Yeah. Good answer. Is it on the board?

It's not. That's a genuine surprise. Two strikes though. You've got two strikes left, so it's still good for you. Two more. Octavius. Oh, it's crazy. Who would be a sports person but look like shit? Bit of creative license with the question. That's how I take on the show.

All this Les Dennis chummy bullshit. I was surprised at golf. Yeah. Come on, fucking get a move on. Non-strenuous sports. day sports summer sports cro cro cro okay oh good answer but is it on the board no biffo one strike left but it's all up to you do you want to have a go for it but bowling bowl bowling i'll give you it and it's the double money score

bullshit what a load of crap but there is one more answer on the board and I'll be honest it's the one I find contentious I'll leave it at that Octavius

I think I know what it is one more on the board what do you think it is but if it's one yeah yeah it's probably like a race driver you want to say race driver

yeah give me race driver it's handed over to team piss and wind piss and wind what are you going to go with

look at the haunted look you gave me I just saw inside you this is going to be wrong I trust you you can talk you know you have a little debate about it it's a bit of. I trust you. You can talk.

You have a little debate about it. It's a bit of character. I trust you. You thought of anything else. I've got nothing, so I'm trusting you. Whisper, whisper, whisper. Because I haven't got anything. Because he says it's one.

He's giving us a little clue that it's one he didn't agree with. Yeah, I don't agree with it. Boxing is boxing. Yeah. Boxing. Boxing. Show me boxing. The answer was weightlifting.

Oh, it's true. But you could argue that you'd still have to have some kind of physique for it. You have to be absolutely athletic to weightlift. I'm not looking after shit. But it's about whether they look athletic. Anyway, the scores are. Because the problem with weightlifters. We're going to play big money with.

They don't look. We're just discussing this. I know, but we've got to play the game. It's good for the podcast Yeah Mate Come on The scores are

It's all a bit of colour Team Ethan Ethan Come on We've been doing this for seven 77 points Fuck

Octavius Biffo Team Is 588 points And you're through to big money Yes So one of you has to go out

into the kitchen room and put their fingers in their ears for the next round alright you can go out first yeah go on get out

right so Octavius in this round I'm going to quickly as quickly as I can because this will scroll slowly

so apologies for that in advance alright put your fingers in your ears. God. And you have to give me the first answer that pops into your head. So if I say,

name me a red... Yeah, I get it. Name something you'd find. Name something red. You just shout to that and if it's on here, I'll press it. Ready? And we're going to do five of these

as quickly as possible. Then he's going to come in. Here we go. Name a food that you really shouldn't eat before you kiss. Oh, before you kiss. Name a food you shouldn't eat before you kiss. Pizza.

Try again. Fuck. Garlic. Name a traditional playground game. Hide and seek. Name something a dentist would put in your mouth. Fucking hell. Well, illegally.

Is this a drill? You've got 15 seconds. A drill, a drill. Right. drill right name something you might look at through a telescope moon okay good we're done that's it you've got your answer 64 for garlic right that's top answer it was a top answer yeah name something all right this is the one I skipped by accident so you're gonna get the top answer? It was a top answer, yeah. Name something. All right, this is the one I skipped by accident, so you get the top answer by default now because it got it by accident.

Name something you might put in a cup of tea. I accidentally pressed milk by accident, but it was a top answer, so you still get it. So milk. Name a traditional playground game. You said hide and seek. I saw what you said. 28.

Nice. Name something that a dentist puts in your mouth you said drill also top answer 29 okay name something that you'd look for for a telescope moon 23 points all right cool should i go i try go fetch it go fetch the biffo it's time to do it so at the end of that you got what's the score for that does it say on there what the score is because Because I can't see shit on this panel. 191. That's alright, 191. You've got to get over 200 to win.

But unfortunately, Octavius has got 191, so you might struggle. Right? You're going to get the same five questions, got a little bit more time in case you repeat what she said or you're wrong get the same five questions got a little bit more time in case you repeat what she said or you're wrong right so cold out there here we go and i can get through this quicker this time as well because i've read them out it takes so long when you're on a timer

counting down i'm like name ah anyway are you ready here you're first i've got to do better no you just got to make make it get enough points you only have to get nine points all you got to do is get nine points you could and not repeat yeah all right okay ready here we go name a food that you wouldn't eat before you kiss someone garlic obviously try again chili try again fish onions fish is on there good we've got fish we're moving we're off to the races right onions rope mustard powder mustard salt uh no you've got it i just i keep pressing the button it doesn't oh i haven't got it yeah yeah so oh well why don't you me? Because I'm trying to get the button to work. Just bite the noise of your mouth. Yeah. Right.

Name something that you might put in a cup of tea. Sugar lump. No, sugar lump's good. Name a traditional playground game. Hopscotch. Had. Name something a dentist might put in your mouth. Finger.

Name something that you might see through a telescope. Alien, stars, planet. Right. Here we go. That's all of them. That's all of them. Right. Finger.

Rope. Right. You said said here it is you said food that you you really shouldn't have before you kiss someone you said fish you were right

four points there next four points for you four points there next question was name something you might put in a cup of tea you said sugar

survey says 26 name something that name something you might put in a cup of tea. You said sugar. Survey says 26. Name something that you might... 12 people said put their finger in their mouth for the dentist. I did. Stars was the top answer for that one. Name something you might look for at Telescope. Stars was the top answer.

Team Octavius Biffo Vision has won not only this game, but I believe all the games today on the show. We won Generation Games. We lost Generation Games. You what? We won Generation Games. It's 2-1. He remembers that. It's 2-1. It's 2-1 overall what we won Generation Games it's 2-1 it's 2-1

overall it's 2-1 overall it's 2-1 overall I tell you what Eli yes as a special victory I'm going to give you

your seven betwings right now and here we go betwing betwing betwing betwing betwing

betwing betwing seven betwings for Eli thank you as a little compilation Betwing, betwing, betwing, betwing, betwing. Seven betwings for Eli. Thank you. As a little compilation. It's only right. Compilation prize.

What's the word? Consolation. Consolation prize. And what do I get? Hand job. Oh, that's always you. Always. Wanking off.

Always. Just jealous. On your grave, it's going to say, do you want a hand Wanking off. Always. Just jealous. On your grave, it's going to say, do you want a handjob? Paul Gannon. My corpse hand reaching out of the ground. Withering over time. Just a skeletal hand.

A monumental one out of stone. I used to be able to get that in a few years ago. Now I can't manage. Right, anyway. Team Bif-tavius has won the show. Congratulations. There are no prizes, but you are joining the Cheap Show Hall of Fame as contest winners.

So thank you indeed. So that's all we've got time for on the show this week. Let's say goodbye to everyone on the show. Say goodbye, Eli. Goodbye. Say goodbye, Eli. Goodbye. Say goodbye, Ethan. Goodbye. Say goodbye, Octavius.

Goodbye. And say goodbye, Mr. Biffo. Goodbye, Mr. Biffo. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. That's it. Bye. Well, that was disappointing, wasn't it? Team Ethi-Gum got stitched up, if you ask me.

Oh, well. Maybe they'll do a better board game episode next time, if there is a next time. I know I'm not coming back if there is, sod that. Things couldn't be worse, Pippo. Only one parachute. Pray they could, Algy. There's only one Callard and Bowser toffee. Dash! Let the king decide. Heads. Heads it is. So it's the luscious, creamy Callard and Bowser for you, and the dreary

old silk for me. Double-headed coin. Dashed hand. That's Hamlet. Yes. to hold on to the trophy, but there is stiff competition. Yes? Oh yes, well we've got something we were quite excited to show you. I'll help you do this. So bear with me as I just hitch up my dress and drop my knickers to the ground and here we go. Here it comes. Oh right and now I, Squishy Jim, will squish it right in. And I have my special squishy boots on.

I love you. Never change, Lady Plop. I might have to change my knickers though. I'm so, so deeply traumatised. Is that it? That's it. That is it. Is that it? Please!