CheapShow - Ep 275: The Sloshed Family Silverman

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

For a few weeks in March, Eli escaped the UK to visit his family in Florida and Paul thought it would be a great idea to give him a portable recording device. You know, so Eli could record his adventures in America. Turns out it was a terrible idea. Rather than record his thoughts and observations, he decided to record barely audible interactions with his family over the course of 2 rowdy days. Paul is not impressed. This week, find out what happens when The Family Silverman taste test some American junk food whilst drinking to excess, all the while Paul fumes in response to each pointless recording. In between the segments, there are some stories to tell and cheap eats to suffer through, particularly Eli’s obsession with sausages and packets of Takis. To say Paul isn’t impressed is putting it lightly. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-275-sloshed-family-silverman And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Why don't you understand it? Why don't I understand what? Why don't you understand me? I mean, that's a really fucking big, deep question. Have you started? He's done your started voice. You have fucking started. What can I see?

Orangutan. Hippopotamus. Deer. Half deer, half foxes, because it hasn't gone properly. Oh, no. Right, so just just for clarification no no paul one minute please what have i got here i'm trying to tell people bears eli can see bears lions and tigers and bears oh my eli for the cold open get out the way what

are you playing with this is what seems to be an original 1974 fisher prize pocket camera comprising of two toys yeah one is like a make everything go far away thing yeah it's like a fake like you're about a meter and a half further away i'm waving but the other thing is uh what do you call this it's like a kind of view mastery kind of thing isn't it built-in view master i mean it's a day in the zoo. It's a mono-ocular experience. Monkey, Paul, monkey. Yes. That's been coming up quite a lot lately, hasn't it?

I wonder if different ones had different pictures in. Pony! Do you think? Pony pussy. That's all you've got. Do you remember that, though? Do I remember pony pussy? No, I don't.

The guy who was into zoo affiliates said, and I just thought, I want that pony pussy. Pony pussy. Pussy. Right. said and i just thought i want that lady pussy pony pussy pussy right as a justification for why he wants to fuck horses basically no i'm glad a child's toy from the 70s inspired you to think of a i do think whenever i see the word pony i think pussy do yeah yeah and there's two little girls really loaded statement to say out loud. Rhino saucerous. Rhino sausage.

Rhino sausages. Hello, everybody. I'm Eli Silverman. He gave me a right rhino sausages. That's your machine going off. Has it gone? It's gone on. Oh, well, we're fucked then, aren't we?

Great, let's start the show. No, I haven't plugged it in. No, plug it in then. I have to go get a lead. Great, do it while the credits are on. I tried to say hello to everyone just now. You wouldn't have fucking had it. No, but to everyone just now you wouldn't fucking have it no little hand gestures micromanaging me i haven't gone through every one of these animals yet oh there's a family there's a family paul at the end have you seen it's a fake it's a fake and there's no writing they're holding balloons and some of those balloons are those ones which the outside layer is transparent and then there's a balloon

animal sitting inside oh my god a balloon animal tell me just just tell me you know what i'm talking about i know what you're talking about and what you're talking about is fucking tedious sea lions see lions whale all right how do they have a whale at the zoo that's not fair right i mean that's not humane i'm just gonna start the show all right i tried to do you mind if i just start the show hello everyone i'm eli silverman this is cheap show you said it was all about me this week oh i did so hello everybody great to be back in britain i'm off to stab my meters with a cocktail stick cocktail soon as can be vagina tail right i don't know just fuck off hello welcome these days welcome to Cheap Show. These days. Hello. I've said it, Eli. Welcome to Cheap Show.

I said it about fucking half a minute ago. No, I'm saying it now. And when I say it, I play the credits. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. You've ruined this. You always say that. Because it's always true. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse.

People love noodles. noodle posse. Off-brand, brand-off, off-brand, brand-off Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap Cheap Show It's the price of shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheap Show And I go and I nuzzle It's that time of the week again where you settle down with Cheap Show

and we amuse you Do we though? Do we? Do I even amuse me? Anyway, there are more animals to go in this Can we stop with your Fisher-Price toy camera? There's quite a lot of animals in there. Yeah, you get your money's worth, don't you? The stickers there, Paul?

Yeah, original sticker, a little bit manky. It does look shop-soiled to some degree. It's seen life. Most of these would have had... The sticker is intact. All the stickers on the flash unit on the top are intact. There's no massive discolouration on the plastic body of this toy. But luckily...

And the rope looks a bit manky, but it's still all there. Everything is still there. Yeah, but think how many children have had their grubby hands and mouths all over it at some point and chewing it. To me, that adds provenance to it. It's riddled with germs, that, and you're just handling it willy-nilly. point and chewing it. To me, that adds provenance to it. It's riddled with germs, that, and you're just handling it willy-nilly. I can take it.

No, you can't. I like it. Give it a clean, please, because it looks mucky. I will give it a clean. Clean. You give it a clean. You give it a penis.

Yeah, of course you would. Everything at some point ends up on the end of your dick. No, it doesn't. I don't put a lot of stuff, apart from those, when I was very young, those scissors, but that's it. I'm not following that up listen i refuse to we have

we discussed it this week on sheep show we're doing a fantastic report because eli went to see family in florida and um i did a little travel i gave him a little travel a chance to make a travelogue by giving him a hand recorder and he could report and we're going to listen back to your report and comment upon it thusly. Have you, that good, well described there. Paul, have you actually checked that there's actual, the noise of people speaking on these?

I've checked one track on it and you were like, hello, I'm Paulie, hello Paul, I'm Eli, and I'm in Florida, it's a very... Well, get ready for a lot more of that. It's a very barmy am I part of this or is it just I've been roller skating

I didn't say I've been roller skating you said you were like skating or skateboarding you said something oh yeah electric scootering yeah you were electric scooting

so that's we've got to look forward to that so so there are some files on there we're going to go through them and just see what piss poor excuse for a travelogue you've managed to...

No, I think there'll be some eye-opening moments, Paul. Yeah? No. It's just me claiming that I'm going to be doing some food testing and they're not really getting around to it until I was fucking pissed. Right, good. So that's what I'm looking forward to. And of course, along the way, you've got some little treats you've bought from your time in America.

I've got the bag. Listen to this scrummage. Now, is there anything it's a genuine walmart bag yeah i'd love to go to walmart walmart oh i've got some treats for you in here paul yeah good is anything you want to get out the way right now and it's oh what should we start with a little i thought we'd start with a moose boosh yeah well what have you got for us this is exciting hang on wait there this needs some kind of fanfare or something, doesn't it? Like, Eli's travelogue. Eli reports from America.

Hello. So, hang on, here we go. I'll give you a proper big... Are you going to do some kind of improvisation? This is not going to work. That's knit. That's knit. What's that?

Danger Mouse or something Is it Knight Rider? It's Knight Rider Such a prick I'll do a fucking fanfare, yeah? Stop it You don't want to come on to the theme from Knight Rider? I do not want to come on to the theme from Knight Rider Alright, I've got another one there for you

Here we go. That's Dallas, isn't it? Dallas? What's that one? A-Team. Oh, yeah. The work of Mike Post. We're going to have an amuse-fouche

of a turkey-flavoured Slim Jim. I haven't given you... I don't want it, Paul, because you are floundering. And then you come in. I didn't want to say that anything. Introduce and set it all up. Like a Michael Palin travelogue. You've said, it's Eli Silverman.

Okay. Ready? So I'm going to do you a nice fanfare now. Here we go. Fa-fa-fa. Fa-fa-fa. Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa. Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa. Ha-cha-cha-cha. Hello everyone, I'm Eli Silverman.

I recently travelled to Southern Florida to visit family. They have a... Oh dear. It's very stale, isn't it? Oh dear, are you like fucking Bruce Forsythe? Oh dear, they try. Don't fucking try and roll your eyes verbally at the audience, okay? I'm not fucking having it.

He was a big bully, I reckon, Brucey. These are Tarkies. Remember Tarkies? Just got to go straight from Bruce Abuse. Bruce Abuse. He can take it. There's a show he should have done. That's what every show was at the end of the day.

Come on, everybody. Let's get loose. It's time for an episode of Bruce Abuse. Now, I've got this man chained to a chair. String him up. And I'm going to waterboard him. Higher. Tighter.

Noose tighter. Tighter. In this one, we put Margaret in a nice Iron Maiden. We like to torture you to torture you nice. And the audience, I want you to bet on how long it takes before she dies. Here we go. Is this going to be 10 minutes before she dies? Will she give up her secrets or will she die on stage tonight?

Clean it up. Clean it up. Get it cleaned up. Get it off. Get it cleaned up. Get the clean all the blood out. And don't forget, we've got our tortured ladies. They like to cut and i bust a nut

over my lovely assistants bring them on who taught you how to talk to write this down this is fucking gold bruises abuse talkies yes sum up talkies uh hyper flavored weirdly colored uh dorito style snacks yes. Yes, they are. They're sourness. Sourness is their thing. That's the selling point. That's what differentiates them. Yeah, I guess it is sour. It's funny because it's very intense.

Tart, that limey sort of flavour. Yeah, I like to say tart, don't I? You hate it when I say it because you say you have a poor... Tarkies I'm very interested in because I had that shitting blue thunder incident, which people might have heard of. Yeah, we call it the Blue Lagoon. The Costa Blue Lagoon experience.

The Crouching Costa Blue... The Blue Poo... Ploon. Ploon. It was terrible. Intense. But I love Takis. Takis.

Blue Lagoon. Apparently you call them Takis. Okay. I've been calling them Takis. I guess it's just a kind of accent thing, isn't it? I laughed at when I went out there and I said, I want to try all the new flavours of Tak a kind of accent thing, isn't it? I was laughed at when I went out there and I said, I want to try all the new flavours of tackies.

They were like, ha ha ha, tackies. I had that when I lived in America. I had lots of people I knew come up to me and say, say bucket. And I'd say, bucket. And they would go, oh, okay, how quaint. Say bus. Bus. Yeah.

I don't dance for you. I don't get that. I was once asked by a man in America if Ireland still had a problem with potatoes. Yeah, but he's just being offensive on purpose. No, I think he was generally inquisitive. No, you still get people sometimes saying, you know, do you still have shillings and pence and stuff?

Now, Takis are a crisp of corn chip. Yes. Now, the only flavours I've seen in this country, Paul, were Fuego, which is just their standard one, lime and chilli flavour. Right. And then you've got Blue Heat.

That's the one that led to the incident. Didn't we have Blue Heat? And we had Zombie Nitro, but those were sent to us kindly. Yes, that's true. And they were great. But I tried, there were two other flavours out there, common out there that I saw. Yeah they were great. But I tried, there were two other flavours out there, common out there, that I saw. Yeah.

Guacamole. Ooh! Really nice. Not as intense on the first bite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd like those. Ooh, I would like that. Unfortunately, I didn't take that. Fair enough.

It's all right. And there's one, they do a fajita flavour, I think. Okay. Which is nice. A spiced mincemeat flavour. Yeah, yeah. Which I didn't get round to trying. God, because I ate so much.

Anyway, they also make slim jim things so this is as this is weird as if pepperami you could buy a special doritos flavor pepperami imagine that yeah so the question is what is taki right or taki and what i'm saying is now that you've conferred converted to a sausage right does that mean taki is associated with a flavour? Yeah, no, look, it says Fuego. These are Taki Fuego. That's the flavour, Fuego.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Which is chilli and lime. It's like, how do I express this? It's like, are the brand now being associated via their flavour rather than the corn chip it's based on? It must be, yeah. It's a whole flavour profile as a brand, which is that tartness.

So these are going to be meat sticks that are going to be hyper-flavoured. Yes, with chilli and lime. That's the Fuego. Fuego Taki is a chilli and lime. Now I think this is going to have a horrible texture and an intense up-front flavour followed by a kind of... Why don't you give it a bit of a huff? And I open the envelope,

peel back the envelope. I'm going to try and get the fresh huff blown. I might give it a little... No, just give it to me to open. I might blow across it. No, give me I'm going to try and get the fresh huff blow I might give it a little no just give it to me to open I might blow across it no give me it I might try and do it remotely from here

blow across the lips it won't don't blow across the lips in my direction alright you sports sport no it's not sports sport if I want to get the pop off come on that would have been great

a huff little deliver the huff on my breath huff kiss yes here we go I'm opening this I'm pulling apart the lips

right now and putting my nose in. You can see photos of all this on the website. I'm putting my Parsons nose in. Parsons nose. Oh, interesting. Hand me one of those. You can definitely smell the Slim Jim.

And it's got the kind of lime notes at the end of the hoof. All right. Yes, the Slim Jim is more. I'm handing you one of these. They look like little cigars. And they are little red sausages. There'll be pictures of all these things on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk

Oh, Eli's already bitten into them. There we go. Meat stick. Oh, God. Is it splitting time? No, but it's not fun. I like them. I really like them. Very dry. I don't know. I think it's

again, like most things, that's the texture. I don't like the flavours. Fine. Oh, man. The residual flavour in the mouth is actually quite nice. You feel the heat, nice little freshness of the lime. The flavours are all there. I just don't know if I like the texture.

Yeah, it's a bit dry and fibrous, sort of weird. Yeah, it feels like what it is. The texture of a pepperoni is better, don't you think? It's mush mystery meat, isn't it? It's kind of a mystery meat feel. Mushy mystery meat. I fucking love those. If you're not going to finish that.

No, you can have that. You can have my sausage. Okay, should we get on with the... Let's get on with it. All right, let's take a quick break while Eli finishes off his sausage in front of me. And I'm going to make some notes about Bruce abuse because that's a winner.

Oh, fuck off. Which is the button? Which is that one? I could easily polish off all of those Takis with meat sticks. Can we just save some time? Do you want to just eat them all right now? I really do. Eat them all right now, and then we'll carry on with the podcast.

Listen, don't fucking shame me, yeah? I just said they're tasty, yeah? That's what this show used to be about. They're tasty. You didn't even give it a fucking mark. I mean, subjectively, I'm't even give it a fucking mark. I mean, subjectively, I'm going to give it a two out of five.

But, you know, objectively, I'd probably be a lot kinder to it and say three and a half, four. They aren't actually Slim Jim's branded, those. Although you do get those as well. So what company make this?

They've added their Tarky Magic to other brands. This is Cattleman's Cut. CC. Cattleman's Cut. It's a little lasso. It's a very cow. It's the tip of a man's penis. Show them the Cattleman's Cut. CC. Cattleman's Cut. It's a little lasso. It's a very cow. The tip of a man's penis. Show him the Cattleman's Cut.

It doesn't work. Was it a sex act then? Went back to her place and gave her the Cattleman's Cut. No, that doesn't sound good. No, it doesn't sound good. It sounds very bad. What about if it was a big business thing? So I went in and I made the deal and I gave him the old Cattleman Cut. And what would

that be in business terms, Paul? Shats on his mouth and wanked him off onto my belly. Wanked him off? He wanked him off, did you? Onto my belly. I'm not finding any of this. I'm not really working with it. None of this is hitting for me, Paul.

So here's what we're doing. We're going to listen to the clips. Cattleman's cut! All right, what are we doing? Get off. I want to look in the magic Fisher Price. Yes, but just, there you go. When you press the button,

the little foil flash thing goes round the top. I like it. That still works. Swans. There's so many. How many are there? Flamingo. Penguins.

Great. Geese. Peacock. Parrot. Crocodile. We're back now. A trip to the zoo. Yeah, there we're back now

1973 Fisher Price Toys Would you play the clips, please? East, Orient New York Tiger Zebra It was funnier when I was doing it

And then he said giraffes This was funnier when I did it I'm looking through the lens now I'm just doing all the things you did Because I wanted to join in I know, but it's a repetition now, isn't it? Oh, you look much smaller through this Oh wait, you don't it's just a tiny boy right here we go so let's just get crack on i gave you a hand recorder i can continue i gave you the hand recorder to go

to america you gave me a hand hand recorder one-handed hand recorder i gave you a cuttleman's cut cattle cattleman's cut cat A cuttleman's cut. And you're going to fuck that eventually. You know what, though? Cuttleman's cut works a lot better. That sounds more like a fisherman's meal, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. It's totally like a foamy haddock.

What would you like here at our lovely seaside pub in Devon? Ah, we got some haddock foam. Oh, nice. It's freshly strained and frothed up. Oh, we like that. I'll dump it on your cuttleman's cut. Oh, yeah. It's freshly strained. Oh, lovely. And frothed up. Oh, I like that. I'll dump it on your Cottleman's Cut. Oh, yeah. I've never had a Cottleman's Cut before.

That sounds really nice. Oh, no. They don't call it now. With all this PC, they call it a Cottleperson's Cut. Oh, da-da-do-de-da-do. There we go. Piss awful. Right.

Can you play the clip? I've lost the will. Here's the first clip. Right. So, did you manage to work this okay? Wasn't too difficult? yeah uh it was fine what i found difficult was the uh motivation and impetus to start so like everything you do in life over halfway through my holiday before i picked it up right good well there's the background this is very let's just find what this first

story everybody uh yeah well you know i did make an effort didn't i and she fucking blown it once again here we go hello this is eli silverman i'm currently in boca raton in florida in the united states and uh it's been a lovely break here um just about to go for a cycle ride and this beautiful barmy well more more than barmy it's it's about 30 degrees um yeah so just a little uh little intro to um what's going to be going on i have got so much exotic american junk slash snack food to try i'm just looking through here. I don't know if you can hear that, but there's a huge amount of things to try, and what I thought I'd do is get all the fam-a-lam round

America way, and we can taste as many of them as we possibly can in a short space of time. So there's that to look forward to. Hope this segment works spunk stop eating stop eating sausage take them away from me they're moorish just no because you'll only end up super moorish stop eating sausage can i just say that first clip so i wanted to preface this by saying i've not listened to these clips in advance so I don't know what you're about to say. All I do know is what you said there

is what you've just said now on the show. So you've repeated yourself, even to the point where you both, in both timelines got your bag out and gave it a shuffle to prove you bought stuff. It's the same bag. It's the same bag. Meanwhile you're giggling at yourself

And eating sausage Rolling on your back like an otter I'm sorry man It was hot out there You heard from the clip I had no energy Poor motivation What were you going for a cycle ride you said as well

Yeah Lovely I borrowed my brother-in-law's bicycle Did you chodney borrow Chodney borrow a bicycle There's a big park near there. It's the National Park of Bogota. It's nice to cycle around.

It's a big artificial lake. Yeah, it's lovely. But isn't it a little bit artificial? It's all where my sister's house is. It's right at the edge of the Everglades, which in Florida, you get a certain way in from the coast. Yeah. East coast.

Yeah. And it just turns into the swamp it's like so there's like and the road that goes through that is known as

alligator alley yeah oh because you get gators on the road and stuff you've got to be careful because they'll snap at you did you ever see any

when you're out there yeah I saw one yeah yeah do you look at you I was more interested in the crows I think I mentioned

the crows later on I look forward to the fucking crows. Shall we just find out what the next clip is then? Yeah, let's listen to it. Let's fire off this gold. Hello. Back again.

Here at... What's this called? South County Regional Park. I'm in South County Regional Park in Boca Raton. We're on a little cycle ride. I may have mentioned that earlier. I'm here with my sister lucienne marielle do you want to say something hi and isaac silverman my brother fresh and blood now are you two going to

be taking part in the grand tasting that we're doing later of all the funny stuff that jenny has bought for me to taste they have confirmed that i don't know what else to do i'm finding that this whole sort of doing a podcast whilst here extremely difficult. I'll let you guys know that. Might be the copious amounts of alcohol you've been drinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't peel back the curtain. Thank you. But there will be a section where we taste...

I've actually come across two flavours of Taki that aren't available in the UK yet. Guacamole and... What's the other one? Taco flavour? No. Fiesta. Fiesta. What's salsa fiestaiat what's that like no blue I had they all know about my incident with the blue turkeys you might be able to hear the wildlife out here is beautiful we've got some Ravens I think they are American North American Ravens those two

they've got iridescent blue feathers around the throat. Anyway, see you guys later. Why are you so catastrophically shit? It really is possibly my lowest point as a professional. Why can't you just talk? Because I have nothing to say. This is what this whole thing made me realise, Paul. I need you.

I need you. I need you for the magic. Oh, yeah. Cheap show. I need you to be funny. You've got your family, don't you? I know, but I'm struggling so badly there. You're just talking.

And also, I just repeated exactly what I just said at the beginning of the show. You're fucking obsessed with takis now. I'm telling everyone about takis. I'm going to have another sausage.

Mate, stop eating sausage. No, I want one. Just stop eating sausage. I want one, Paul. All right, well then, at least eat it while we're doing the clip. Anything else in that clip?

There's fucking nothing in any of the clips so far. It's really quite embarrassing sitting here and listening to this with you good it should be here's the next clip i can't wait for this goal to continue hi i'm in the kitchen now with jenny silverman my other sister hello now jenny yes you brought that's the two cats you can hear. They've got the, can you? We're trying to record here, Jenny. Okay, sorry.

What's up? I just wanted you to say, you've brought a lot of items in the bag, which I haven't looked at all of them. One is something you referred to as a walnut sausage, which on closer inspection is blatantly some Turkish delight. It's Turkish delight. It's not. There's no Turkish delight in it. It's a walnut casing with some nuts in it. Casing?

Casing. Anyway, what else have we got to look forward to? We have, oh boy, we have some watermelon jerky, which sounds pretty interesting. I don't think I've tried that before. Delicious. I forgot to mention before, I've got Taki branded Slim Jims. Oh, you do?

For those of you of a British persuasion, this is basically a Taki flavored pepperami. Sorry, you're gonna have a thing with the cats. Lots to look forward to, guys. Stay tuned. Thanks, Jenny. Right, okay, guys. Fucking obsessed with Takis. lots to look forward to guys stay tuned thanks Jenny right okay guys I'm fucking obsessed

with tackies I'm gonna have another one now stop it they're all gone mate yeah I know good I'm glad they're all gone I'm glad we can get

through the sausage part of this show I had to eat all of those those are the are amazing I mentioned them in that clip yeah all the fucking time

it's like a child with a brand new toy at Christmas. Any predictions about what might go down? I don't know. It looks like you might mention tackies a few more times today. Possibly. And, you know, you might mention, I don't know. That accent your sister's got is interesting. Because it sounds more Australian.

Can you hear the English in it? No, to me it sounded Australian. Because you go tacky. Listen, get your dirty get my sister's voice out of your filthy mouth yeah

well they all obviously grew up here stop talking and eating sausage I could edit this out if you just want to

finish the sausage off and don't snot as well fuck me I'm sorry go away get out he's got he's i've sent him out to clean his fucking filthy face up check my phone now oh that sounds good uh plus monday's pretty good right i shall check um The calendar when I can later And see when the first good Monday is

Huzzah! Oh, why have we contacted Stuart? Oh, why are we asking him for a free month? Why are you doing it when I talk? I'm sorry Oh, those tackies are quite intense Shut up, if you fucking say tacky one more time today in this episode Stop talking about tackies

Or I'll fist your gooch You Stop talking about tackies or I'll fist your gooch. You'll fist my gooch? I'll fist your gooch. How? It's not a hole. A gooch is a solid thing. I know where the gooch is.

Well, where will the fist go? Mate, right in it. I'm going to fist. How could it? It's not a hole. It's not a hole. You're talking about punching my gooch.

Is that what you're talking about? I'm going to put a knuckle duster. When you say fist, it means popping into an orifice it doesn't necessarily

yes it does it doesn't or clutching yeah well are you going to clutch my perineum I'm going to clutch your goops that's not what you meant

I'm going to clutch it clutch my perineum ayayayaya I come over no stop it I will start it I'm going to go for the next clip now

can we do the next clip come over the mountain I can't take it it's so terrible. Yes, it is. But I need to see where this lovely journey travelogue goes because I can't wait for the accompanying fucking novel you write to go along with this journey.

I'm sure you'll be threatening Michael Palin's book sales in no time at all. Play this clip and then we'll taste something else. All right, here we go. Okay, hello. It's the evening of the day and here I am. All right, here we go. Okay, hello. It's the evening of the day, and here I am.

There may not be a food tasting in the format that I promised everyone so far, and that's mainly because my sister, Jennifer Silverman, has been pounding the martinis already. They can't hear you, so here's my other sister, Lulu. You may have heard her earlier. Lulu, did you have anything? I will taste whatever nasty food you want. Give me.

Boiled peanuts? I hate boiled... No, come here. I want to tell you about... I fucking hate boiled peanuts. Good. Insights into the Silverman family here. Jen? I will be trying everything.

Have you been hammering the martini? I've had one. Thank you. I'm going to have a martini, everybody. Have a second one. And then we'll maybe eat some fucking peanuts. I don't know. You know, it's been onerous.

I'm sorry, everyone, doing this podcast while I'm out here. It's very hot. It's very hot. See you later. I think the tension's building quite nicely there. It's like an audio play there's some undercurrents

there's some themes no it's more like a Beckett play where lots of things are said but nothing actually happens yeah it's like that it has that quality

all you do is mention tackies and how your whole family seem to have a massive drinking problem no she had one martini as she said she's smashing

the martinis pounding them she has been pounding them yeah as she said. She's smashing the martinis. Pounding them. She has been pounding them. Yeah, of course she has. There's a case study in these recordings if we dig deeper. Oh God, it gets really bad. Why does your sister hate boiled peanuts? Have you ever had boiled peanuts?

Well, they're shit. They're soggy peanuts, essentially. Yeah. They're wet peanuts. Yeah, why would you want that? Why is it a thing? I think it's like a southern southern American thing

the deep south sort of thing so maybe it's just because your sister doesn't have that connection in terms of her ancestry that's why she doesn't like them yeah no she doesn't like them

because they're fucking disgusting well I mean maybe that what are you trying to say you've got nothing to say have you ever had like grits and whatever it is I like grits there's nothing to it

and their gravy has no flavour it's like oatmeal yeah it's horrible but they're all accustomed to it listen that their gravy has no flavour. It's like oatmeal. Yeah, it's horrible. But they're all accustomed to it. Listen, that's not the type of food. Whereas I think it's dirt food. I had some fantastic meals in South Florida.

That was, honestly, there's this Mexican restaurant, Los Picados, which last time I was out there was just operating out of a Chevron gas stop. Yeah. And now we went back. It's got its own takeout restaurant. Did it on the last day. My God.

He had like six or seven different sauce pots. Chaplin's chilies. It's different. No, it's so much better. This is good food, mate. All right. It's different pots of sauce.

Wow. Right. Including one which had a taco. You dipped it in a kind of greasy gravy and a kind of greasy gravy. Delicious.

Like a dip. You know, you have those dips, sandwich dips. Have one of those. And instead kind of greasy gravy, delicious, like a dip. You know, you have those dips, sandwich dips, have one of those. And instead of guacamole, they make this crema, this avocado crema, they call it. Oh, yeah. They do call it that. And it's very dry and salty. And creamy.

And creamy. Creamy, salty crema. With the avocado taste. But can you imagine that? It's fucking gorgeous. Anyway, that was the second best meal I had. Shall we wrap this segment up with some food? What do you mean?

Just do another taste test now. Is that all the one-minute ones? Now they get longer. The next one's going to be a bit longer. Then we go back to your 50-second thoughts about nothing. I've got something here, Paul, which I haven't seen in this country before. Right.

This is a Reese's potato chips big cup. What? Ah, you've poked up a bit of interest. I was going to say, oh, we see Reese's cups. You've seen all sorts of Reese's products here, don't you? Yeah. Because you get those chocolate bars. You've seen their sort of Snickers, their bar thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like those. I like them too. What are they called? Big Nutter or something? Big Spooge. Big Nut Spooge. And we get the cups and also I've seen they have the, don't they have sort of drops or something? I don't know. Anyway, this is a big cup. Oh. But it has potato chips in it.

So it's still... A picture of a crinkle cut potato chip there. Is it still peanut butter? Is that still like one of the guiding... Milk chocolate and peanut butter stuffed with potato chips. Oh, okay. This could work.

I'm actually getting an appetite for it. It all depends on how much of a crunch there is to it. Jenny got this for me as well, but I thought I will save this one in particular. Yeah. On the last day i was trying to cut down on luggage and a lot of things were left there yeah that's fair enough i had that problem when i went it smells like a normal reese's peanut butter cup oh it looks like it as well would you want to bite into that and yeah i'll bite into a chunk at one side okay so he's handing me the big nut cup or whatever it's called you can see pictures of the wrapper for this on the website.

Oh, it's solid chocos. Here we go. I'm taking a bite. What do you think of that? It's a peanut butter cup, but it's got a bit of a crunch to it. Salty crunch. It's fine. It's not like revolutionary or different, but it's a nice little add.

But it works. It's an added texture, which I think actually probably makes it a bit more palatable. It's the salt that really sets it off for me. It's similar to flips or something. Yeah. Which I think actually probably makes it a bit more palatable. It's the salt that really sets it off for me. It's similar to flips or something. Yeah. That salt or salted caramel.

And the crisp. Have I mentioned this before? What? They should just call salted caramel caramel. You never just get caramel in anything anymore, do you?

Apart from caramel bars. And when they make up things like Snickers. Yeah, I didn't like those caramel Snickers. Did you like those? Uh, yeah. Really?

Yeah. I prefer normal Snickers. Well, whatever Did you like those? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. I prefer normal Snickers. Well, whatever. So what's your grade for the nothing special? I would say a four. I like it. A solid four. Now, let's see how Pista and more...

No, we're going to take a little break now. Are we? Why? Come on, Paul. I'm enjoying this. I know, but the problem is I'm not. Come on. I'm trying to drum up the enjoyment to it.

But every time you talk on these clips, it's like, I got nothing to say. I like chackies. I didn't say chackies for the last two clips. True. Come on, let's do another couple. All right, then let's take a little break, and then we'll come back.

For fuck's sake. This is the worst day of my life. I refuse to believe that. You just put the whole fucking cake in your mouth. You piggy-wig, pig-fuck pig face. Why? You greedy, fucking cake in your mouth. You piggy wig, pig fuck, pig face. You greedy, snouty.

Yes. And then you just pop the whole fucking thing in your gob. You oinking cunt. I'm not oinking. You fucking trottery bastard.

Oh, now I'm in a bad mood. So we're back listening to Eli's travelogue and you know so far it's basically broken promises lies and tacky obsession i think it might get a bit more fruity as the uh now explain fruity drunk everyone on these recordings will be more drunk yeah we've we've reached the turning point what's your sister like when she gets drunk? Everyone's very charming when they get drunk. I just get the impression we all get a bit rowdy and violent.

It doesn't. Like you're throwing shot glasses across. Spoiler, sizzler. Yeah. There is some performance of some Guns N' Roses material coming up. Right to the end. Yeah, but we can't play it if it's copyright, can we?

Well, if someone sings, you can do that. Oh, we'll see. Oh, fuck off. Do you mean fuck off? You're right, if someone sings, you can do that. Oh, we'll see. Oh, fuck off. Do you mean fuck off? With your corporate pencil, you bean counter. Yeah. You dirty bean flicker. No, I'm a bean flicker.

No, pot licker. I'm the lyrical flicker. Oh, trembler. Should I try something like that? So you'd say this all for the arse end of the holiday, right? The last couple of days, and then start recording. This is the last night. Did we miss anythingse end of the holiday right the last couple of days and then start recording the last night did we miss anything all of this is from the last night now yeah so you're away it's about the tasting i've set it up we're doing a tasting that was the

format we don't know nothing happened in the preceding days to these recordings i just had a lovely time i tried to tell you about it for a walk we went thrifting yeah why didn't you take the recorder to that? And go around. This is my big thrift item, which we got in World of Thrift in Lake Worth. Why didn't you record any of this going around that? Because I was living my life, Paul. I was living out there. Yeah, but you're making content for the beautiful listeners of this podcast.

They will enjoy this. And that's the kind of shit I want. We're making content now. Look at this. Are we, though? Is this. We're making content now. Look at this. Are we though? Is this content? I don't know. Look at this though that I got in World of Thrift.

It's a clock. It's a 70s clock. It's by a company called Sunbeam Electric. Illinois, is it? Chicago. And there's a patent number and it's 120 volts, AC only. How much do you think that was? And it works. I plugged it in. It all works. Everything works. and there's a patent number and it's 120 volts, AC only, 126 minutes running time. I plugged it in.

It all works. Everything works. Does it have any alarm? It has an alarm clock, yeah. See that there? Lovely mechanism. Pull out mechanism. Oh, it's got a knob

you can pull out the back. It's nice that. It's reasonably unremarkable but it does have a certain aesthetic quality. I can see that you're feeling. It has a 70s airport scene in a disaster film vibe to it, doesn't it? I love that vibe. It's got a certain aesthetic quality. I can see that you're appealing. It has a 70s airport scene in a disaster film vibe to it, doesn't it?

I love that vibe. It's got a slight, you could attach this to some fake sticks of dynamite and it would look like a bomb for that as well. Yes. I like wood finish. It's got that wood finish. Fake wood finish. I love it.

And the stand is very sort of functional and stylish. Do you think that'll ever come back into style? The wood finish of everything? No, that's so 70s. I love this. I want a wood finish smartphone. How much do you think this was? This is what I mean.

How much do you think I could get for that in a trendy sort of antique store? I'm going to say that was 75 cents. Two dollars it was. Oh, okay. Fair enough. And it works. I could sell that in a shop,

like a fancy shop in London. One of those antique kind of things. For 20 quid easily. Do enough. And it works. I could sell that in a shop, like a fancy shop in London. One of those antique kind of things. For 20 quid, easily. Do you think? Easily. We'll do an image scan of it and see if you can find anything. As a thought. It works as well.

As a thought. I like it. Now, World of Thrift, I'll give you some photos, is this huge charity shop. It's not even a charity shop. It's just a big warehouse. It must have started life as a supermarket. There's literally aisles and aisles of clothes with all the other stuff around the outside oh i can see that it has its own toilets which i used right because i had a fucking urgent need a tacky shit yeah basically yeah and i went in there and every time i go to

the states there's some incident with people walking in while i'm shitting or something i must have discussed this on the podcast before well let's go into a pub once since you're so happy i was in a pub one of those american pubs once and i went in took a shit and somebody came in and went who's blowing their ass out in here it's none of your business no it's none of your fucking business to be fair you leave an impression when it comes to using public toilets so yeah if someone takes are you allowed to take a shit as a as? Yes, of course you are. Am I allowed to go and take a shit if it's a convenience that is given to me? Am I right? I don't need some guy going,

who's this goddamn asshole blowing his ass out all over the place? Yeah, because all of your shit smell like a sobbing demon. It's just the worst fucking thing imaginable. My shit smells like a sobbing demon? Yeah, the dark sulfur sadness of a fucking bowel movement from Beowzybub's rectum. Anyway. Your shit really do stink bad.

I'm in this place, world of thrift. Worse than average. And so if you go in and bespoil an environment with your gut stench, then yeah, a man has a right to sound off about it. No, he doesn't. He does. No, he absolutely doesn't. It's just because you're British and you don't like being held accountable for your stool.

So I'm in World of Thrift, yeah? Yes. And I'm looking at the records. Nice records there. I've got this whole bunch, but then the urgency is overtaking me. Oh, no. And I spot that the loo's there

and I don't really want to take the records into the loo with me. Can't take it to the shitter. So I put them at the back. Yeah. And then I get into the shitter. Yeah. And whilst I'm in the shitter, right,

I've done my business main business yeah good and then i'm standing up for a little tinkle afterwards has this ever happened to you i think as you age yeah as you age you get to separate church and state yeah so you've you you're telling me you know what i mean yeah yes so i'm doing the after piss stand up but some of it starts hammering on the fucking door. And I've let off obviously. You know it's smelly in there.

Yeah it's not great. And he starts hammering and I'm like what the fuck is going on every time I'm in the States. There's a toilet problem. You have a toilet

invader. And then he fucking opens the door because it's one of those terrible locks you see where they have a little button in the middle of the handle.

Yeah. You know those ones. I know exactly what you mean yeah. And they're terrible. And then he walks in and I'm like yes I am in here as I was

saying. And they sort of it wasn't a confrontation. Why did he bang then? Do you know what I mean? Oh, is it locked? Yeah, bang, bang, bang. Oh, there is someone in there. Well done, mate.

Well fucking done. And you're sitting there with your pants around your ankles. Yeah, and have a whiff of that. Have a whiff of that, get your nose around my fucking... There's someone in here. My fucking protest. Someone's been in here, mate. So what is it here? Turkey shit. I will be in here. My fucking protester. Someone's been in here, mate. So what is in here?

Turkey shit. I will be in here for a while after I've gone. So I went back out after this incident. Yeah. And there was a man with his daughter

looking through the records where I'd put them. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good ones. And he was taking out ones I'd chosen.

He's looking. He's checking the... There's a lot of that out there. Oh, shit. World of Thrift is such a mad, mad, huge amount of stuff in there you see people are literally like doing it to sell it online basically yeah yeah and going through these professional pickers basically you know and there's a real sort of subculture which i love out there which you don't see in

london no and you know i'm sure it must exist yeah but not the same kind of not to that scale yeah it's great i love it it's like the same kind of quantity. Not to that scale. Yeah, it's great. I love it. It's like a different experience of charity shop shopping. And I got that light. You totally undervalued that at 75 cents. I thought you were going to surprise me

by saying it was 50 cents. So I thought I was... Two bucks, man. That's like a pound 50 away. And it works, as I say. It works. It's got a sticker on it.

Does it make a little... Yeah, it's a lovely thing. That's all right. I love this. It compliments my... Shithole of a room. Yes. got a sticker on it. Does it make a little tick, tick, tick? Yeah. It's a lovely thing. That's all right. I love this. It compliments my... Shithole of a room. Yes.

No, my space age. Do you remember that space age clock I got? Yeah. It's all along with the... I like mid-century clocks. Anyway, here's the next fucking clip. Anyway, come back out. And then I got the records at the end of the day.

That's all I'm saying. Come on, let's just say it. Good. Congratulations. I preferred the story about the shit than the records but you know I like the fact that you closed

the story up. You pinched it up. Let's have another listen. Here's your next clip. Some of this might not be broadcastable because it might be too embarrassing

but we'll get there. Mate, we've put out worse. No, come on. Not about your family. Not about your family. Play it. I'll decide. Alright, okay.

We'll decide. Here we go. Hello again everyone. It's Eli Silverman here. We've got everyone assembled now who's going to do the food tasting uh jenny picked out some particular things she wanted to do the bourbon sausages the so-called hazelnut sausage which is turkish delight um what else watermelon jer Cajun boiled peanuts in a can. And we're going to try the salted egg lays. Oh, yeah, did you find those?

I gave them to you. I'll go find those. My brother Isaac Silverman is here. Hello there. How's it going, everyone? And he's holding Cherry, which is a cat. Here's Sol Silverman. Hi.

And Emma Silverman. Long time listener. First time participant. I was going to say, probably the biggest actual Cheap Show fan, Emma, there. So thanks, Emma, for some real support.

It's nice. Lulu? I said, what are you trying to say, bitch? Fine. Fine. Good. I'll go get some stuff out then.'ll taste it I mean Emma okay later we'll get them out later then when should we do it when people have arrived? And then... Do it now.

I'm going to set out nibbles. You're going to set out nibbles out here? Is this the nibbles table? Is that what you're trying to say? Yeah, where should we do it inside? So where should we do this? We can do this out here. We can do it over there. Can we do it there?

Let's do it everywhere. Well, why don't you... Emma, you said you didn't want to take part in this. Everyone heard her saying her and Sully wanted to be silent audience. But I'm feeling it now. I'm feeling it. At some point, we're going to eat a ball of peanut or something. Okay, see you later.

Bye. Say bye, everyone. Bye. Jessie J. Jessie J, she had that hit. She's a minor British pop star of about five years ago. Why am I sweating? Because it's 70 degrees.

I live in Britain. It's not 70 degrees. It's 80 degrees or something. It's 78. Bye, everyone. I'm sweating. It's warming up, isn't it, Paul? Admit it.

You're all gobshite idiots. What do you mean? Don't. Listen, there'll be retribution if you say that. Whatever. Get your bloody sister show. Get it out. Like you're at a strip show.

And they've got bloody. I'm in fun. Your brother, Isaac. You know what's interesting? He sounds like the positive version of you. Yeah. In a lot of ways he is. Because you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, fuck my life.

And then you hear him go, hi, buddy. Hello. How are you doing? It's like a chipper. It's like the upbeat version of you doing? It's like a chipper. It's like the upbeat version of you. Yeah, he's a positive guy. Why can't I do a podcast with them?

Really? No. I missed you. I'm sure they're all lovely. Look, it's warming up a bit there, isn't it? I thought they'd all have more American accents. I didn't realise they still have. I know, but in my head, I just thought they were all... They all have the twang.

But they do sort of... If you listen, they're speaking in an American dialect, aren't they? The words. Yeah, they've got the affectations and stuff, but it's still noticeably like... British, yeah.

British. You don't lose it. I was just surprised. I thought it would be you going... And then it'd be like... No, they're not Americans. It's my little Billy brother. There's some Americans turning up because we have... It's a party. There's a party happening. So you either thought it'll be like, hey, it's my little... No, they're not Americans. It's my little Billy brother. There's some Americans turning up

because we have... It's a party. There's a party happening. So you thought it would be appropriate to start and record during a party? Yeah, because I... Yes. How is this going to pan out?

There'll be drunkenness and there will be, as we said, a musical performance, hopefully, of the equipment I held out. Oh, God. And also the watermelon jerky

tasting to come up. There is that. Right, well, let's find out then. Is there anything else in the bag? Will you have a look while we play this next clip? Okay, sure. They're in the fridge. I put the Lagunitas in the fridge in the garage.

It's a microphone, yes. I'm not singing. No, I'm making a podcast. Oscar, you want to say hello hello senorita not yet no apparently oscar here has a impeccable axel rose impression it might come out later but the reason i'm recording this bit is we've got we've got the final list of stuff we're going to try uh we've got some salted egg flavored lays lays, Thai lays, which we've had on the show before. They're just a bit slimy. That yolk, that's the yolk. It's red

because that's what they process the eggs and it becomes, the yolk becomes, it's delicious. They put it in ramen as well. It's like a tea stained egg. It's a salted egg and it has a red yolk because it becomes all gooey and liquid and that is what's going to be smeared on these crisps essentially. Then we have some prawn flavoured Thai crisps. We've got the organic watermelon jerky, we've got low-raised bacon curls, microwave pork rinds original. We've got Amur, which we tried some of their stuff before and it is lowest of the low armor vienna sausage bourbon bbq flavored sauce hang on i'll just come over here to you emma emma didn't want to be involved with this at all in a speaking role

everyone so let me tell you where they can be found. The dollar store, the dollar general, the gas station, Walmart, Wawa, and Wawa. Okay. And also we have these. There's no Wawa in the UK. Wawa is a petrol station. A fancy petrol station. And we've got peanut patch Cajun boiled peanuts, station we've got and we've got peanut patch cajun boiled peanuts which honestly look like some kind of cosmic horror nightmare pukey jelly bean thing with it looks like look at that that's the photo

and the photo looks like it's going to devour you and turn you into slime so we'll be back we're going to we're going to prepare these chicharrones the the pork rinds and then we're going to have a little tasting session so please join us yeah i forgot about the chicharrones the pork rinds and then we're going to have a little tasting session so please join us yeah I forgot about the chicharrones mate yeah these are like pork scratchings but you have to heat them up in their own bag in the microwave imagine that imagine the

smell come off them we're not going to spoil it well not quite yet but there's something you got that we're going to use for a Patreon video which is the very idea of turned my stomach which was what sorry the uh carton of muck oh yes that was in jenny's bag yeah it's uh instant hash browns yeah we're going to do that they're not the american style hash browns it's more of a loose sort of slop yeah a loose slot slop slop so so for all these clips of you i've basically been you and your family saying you're about to do something

and then stopping before you do anything. I know, but eventually we do it and it's not that great. So, I mean, enjoy it. Enjoy the ride. I love,

I love the tension. I love the Bergman-esque tension of it all. Bergman, you know, who did you mention? Pinter. A lot of great names associated with this. It's just like those works.

Yes. Yeah. Now, these are Dunkaroos, Paul. Oh, we're going to do a little one of those. Right, cool. Look at of great names associated with this. Yeah, it's just like those works. Yes. Yeah. Now, these are Dunkaroos, Paul. Oh, we're going to do a little one of those. Right, cool. Look at these Dunkaroos, mate. Let's have a look.

Let's have a look. I'm looking at the Dunkaroos. Apparently, these got a real cult following. So Dunkaroos, vanilla cookies and chocolate frosting. So it's like a kind

of choc dip. Yeah. And it's by Betty Crocker. Have you heard of them? They're quite a big brand, aren't they? Yeah, because they have loads of Betty Crocker stuff in the UK for like cake mixes and brownies.

My sister handed this to me on the last day and said, these, you've got to try these. Well, I'm going to try them right now. I'm peeling back the foil. I can see this appeals to you more than the turkey sausages did. Well, because it's not like processed mystery meat followed by an incredibly intense smell and taste. Right, I'm doing it carefully.

He's peeling back the dunker. Oh, there's already been a split in the dunker. Oh, try not, because we need to take a photo. I know, that's why I'm doing it carefully. He's peeling back the dunker. Oh, there's already been a split in the dunker. Oh, try not, because we need to take a photo. I know, that's why I'm doing it as carefully as I can. I'll be able to find a picture of it on there. Oh, they're only tiny little dunkeroo biscuits. Oh, are they? I thought they'd be bigger, but they're tiny little.

I'll show you in a second. I'm just peeling back. Peel it back. Listen to this. Try and get it in one piece. Listen to this foil. Oh, actually, there's quite a few biscuits and a little pot. A little pot at the end.

Oh. Like chopsticks, were they called? Oh. He pulls into this. This is pure, hot, frosted, chalky action. Yes. So the little biscuits, look. See a little Dunkaroo biscuit?

Yeah, they're not really that useful for dunking, are they? What kind of biscuit is it? You want something more long and paddle-shaped, really. I guess it's just a cookie, so whatever. A little cookie, little pot of cookies, and a little, like... A little brown pot of chalk, which looks very much like Eli's tacky shit just a cookie, so whatever. It's a little cookie, little pot of cookies, and a little brown pot of chocolate, which looks very much like Eli's tacky shit adventures. Oh, shut up.

I'm going to do a little dip. Give it here. But this looks just like the frosting you'd get with a Betty Crocker cake mix. Oh, I see. Right, here we go. I'm eating it now. Oh no, these are little custard creams, mate. No, they're not. They're not. Oh, they're lovely for what they are. The cookie tastes nice. The icing's exactly what you expect.

Yeah, nice things. But I think, once again with these, there's too many cookies and not enough dip because you really want to get a proper scoop on, don't you, for the flavour. Also, what were the cabri ones? Choc Dippers. They were more biscuity, weren't they?

Choc Dip was like a cup, wasn't it? Yes, but you had little biscuit paddles, which were better for dunking. Well, they're just like breadsticks, basically. Cookie biscuit, like rich tea biscuits, but in a kind of finger form. Well, they're just like breadsticks, basically. Cookie biscuit. Like, rich tea biscuits put in a kind of finger form. I love that. Because I like the dryness.

Those are too sweet. I think I prefer a choc dip, is what I'm saying. In fact, that's what it is, isn't it? A choc dip stick biscuit was just a Cadbury's finger without the chocolate coating. Yes. And we all love a finger around here, don't we? Anyway, that's quite nice. Quite nice.

You know what? Another four. Another four for you. Let's see how pissed we are. This is the last clip of this segment before we get into the meaty, over two minutes long material.

Oh no, oh no. Here we go. Let's see how this pans out. Oh, I just had deja vu with that. That's strange. Literally that whole what you said

and what I said and me picking that up was exactly what I imagined. Well, we've been doing this five years now, Paul. Oh yeah, it's just repetitive nonsense. Yes.

God, same shit, different week. Come on. Okay, we're talking pickles now. I don't know what's going to happen with the food tasting. I mean, it might not ever happen. Honestly, I'm two martinis down now. Is it happening?

Yeah. All right, it might be happening. But we've got some Grillo's pickles. These are fresh pickles, very similar in style to the pickles you can buy from Jewish purveyors in North London, which are called fresh, but they're big, they're chunkier. These Grillo's are just spheres. Now Emma just wants to record for prosperity the crunch of the Grillo pickle, so here we

go. Good crunch, everyone. See you soon for more great Eli in America action on Cheap Show. Anyone? Nothing. Nothing. Fucking what a load of shit. He's got the real vibe of a sort of

end of the pier this is like I'm losing it doesn't it this is like the first draft of Abigail's party yeah before it had all the refinements and drama put in

can I just say though those pickles were fucking amazing Paul also considering your sister didn't want to be on the podcast she's been on the podcast that's not my sister that's Emma

oh sorry which one's Emma she's married to my brother who you said you liked yeah Emma honestly is someone who has enjoyed our podcast

whereas the rest of them said they'd listen but don't really Emma just between you and me if you're listening you biting that pickle oh dear

oh no I'm just going to say it did have a good crunch to it yeah did you hear the crunch there she did it purposely sexually I think no she did

she did she knows I'm listening don't you Emma she's a married woman. Oh, that's never stopped. She's married to my brother. Get your... Get my sister-in-law's face out of your dirty mind.

Get your face out of my dirty mind. I don't even know what she looks like. Sound of her mouth out of your mouth. Sound of her face out of my mouth. Thanks, Emma. Yeah, no, thank you. Right, let's take a little quick break then. Are we having a break?

What do you mean? Well, I'm just going to put a little... Put a noise effect in. There might be something else in the bag. Yeah, but let's save it for the next segment

because we've got all the stuff coming up. There is something else in the bag. Well, the travelogue continues and we're on to our first clip of substance. And by that I mean

this is a clip that is five minutes long. It's longer than just a minute and then it's just you and your sister leading me on. Right, so... substance and by that I mean this is a clip that is five minutes is longer than just a minute and then it's just you and your sister leading me on right no she's not my sister for one thing it's all in my head now I've got this thing going on in my head let me just say those grillos pickles were like the best honestly some of the best I've ever had why even why do you make them so good what what they use it's the breed of cucumber they use, Paul. They use a very pale, the flesh is almost white of this cucumber.

And if you can imagine an almost black green on the more crunchy rind, it's the rind of this species of cucumber. The flesh is pale, but the rind is... It's really dark and crunchy. Do you know what I mean? And it's like, I don't know if you've had those pickles before, that they sell the sort of fresher ones. I think they call them fresh cucumbers. They call that they sell, the sort of fresher ones. I think they call them

fresh cucumbers. Yeah. They call them fresh cucumbers in the sort of Jewish grocers. But these are thinner and they've got garlic and black pepper in the sort of brine,

basically. And it hasn't, the pickle hasn't, the pickling effect of the water hasn't totally penetrated the flesh. That's why it has that crunch still.

It's trying to penetrate the flesh, eh? It hasn't, that's why it it has that crunch still. Sorry, penetrate the flesh, eh? That's why it still has that crunch. With that zing of raw garlic. Next clip now. Next clip, it's long, and I'm tired of this pickle tickle talk. And we also had Bubby's, of course.

Bubby's is the famous Canadian pickle manufacturer you can get out there, which is 10 bucks for a jar of their chips, what they call bread and butter chip pickles, which are just slices, sandwich slices. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, you'd love those, mate. But I'm telling you,

these grillos gave bubbies a run for their money this time. Can I play the clip now? Because I'm actually genuinely bored of... Grillos gave bubbies a run for their monies. I'm not interested in more pickles. All grillos give the bubbies a run for their monies. Play the clip then, you cunt. You don't like porn cocktail?

Right, hang on. Hello, everyone. Hello. I don't know porn cocktails? Right, hang on. Hello, everyone. Hello. I don't know if we're going to get the... Hello. I'm three martinis in. How many martinis in am I? About three.

Right. We're going to have these Thai salted egg crisps, even though we've done them on the podcast before. Right. Jenny, do you want to have the huff on that? Do you want to be first on the huff report? Get your nose right in there. Get the pump out.

Get the huff pump up there. What's your thoughts? Savory. Smells like celery. They smell like... Twits it. Disgusting. They smell like...

What was that thing with the Marmite? Marmite crisps? Twiglets. Does anyone else want to have a smell? Charlotte's here. She's going to have a smell. Didn't like those. She didn't like those.

Sully, let's have that one more time so everyone can hear you. It smells like fish. Thank you. There's definitely a Marmite tinge to that smell. Thank you. It's very remnant. Emma, the only true fan of the actual podcast here, so. I wanted to listen to it.

It's not for you because you're too young. Twiglets, right, Em? Twiglets. I'm getting Holland and Barrett. Oh. It smells of famous British health food store chain Holland and Barrett. Oscar, would you want to smell these crisps for me? Poon-tang. Oscar's raised the level of the discourse. Poon-tang. Smells like poon-tang, apparently. So let's taste it. It's tasting time. Let me... No, he's... Twiglets, right?

Oh, that's all right. It's Twiglets. Can I taste one, please? It's potato wheat. These are salted egg-flavoured crisps. Have a smell. Have a smell. I'm at Malway.

Do you want to smell AB here? Thoughts? Any thoughts? None. No, I just tried one. They're not, they're very, they don't taste like anything. Okay. Nothing.

Anyone just hands up who's got a thought about these, please. Solly? What? There's a spit out action. Please take that elsewhere, Emma, because we don't want... It tastes really bad, but I kind of want to eat some more. Here you go. Isaac? It doesn't taste like egg, I have to say that. It's a very...

It's a savoury kind of flavour. It's reminiscent of chicken. Would you say umami? Yes, umami. It has an umami flavour. I think they're quite nice. Wait, is that a mic? Yeah. A podcast. A podcast. Right. Sorry, is that a mic? Yeah. I'm a podcast. Sorry, I should have said.

I should have said. I need you to sign an NDA. Alright, what am I signing for? Nothing, that's fine. On the first note, it's poppadom. And then on the back note, it's a bit fishy. Alright, thank you. Alright, everyone, calm down. On the first note is poppadom and then on the back note is a bit fishy. All right. Thank you All right, everyone calm down

Alright this is it this is it I don't think I can actually face tasting this but Oscar's gonna try them and he's the one who said they smell like poontang. What do they taste like? He's not enjoying that. He's got a real bad face on. Like a cartoon, kind of, like... Like Moana from the sea, I don't know. Okay, he tastes very fishy, he's saying, I think. So I think the consensus... He's gonna try one. He's gonna try.

AB will try it and then I'm gonna stop, okay? Because salted egg this is. AB will try it and then I'm gonna stop, okay? Salted egg this is. AB, any thoughts? I mean it tastes pretty awful. Okay, it's awful. I think, consensus is fish, fart, egg, umami. Dom's on the front and what?

What did you say, the back? Fish on the back. No, food things. Food things. All right. We'll be back with the microwave pork rinds. So I know what this episode is going to be called. What?

The Pissed Family Silverman. Well, look. Not everyone's drinking. The children aren't. I'd hope not. You know. Although they were into it. I like that.

Seeing the young'uns approach to our process. Saul, my nephew, who's the child you heard there. Yeah. He's got the Eli Silverman soundboard on his phone. Does he go around school going, I've got a big vagina or whatever, yeah. He must be so popular at school. I don't know if he uses it at school, but... My uncle says this professionally.

I don't know why he speaks like that, though. He's the only one with an American accent there, apart from my other relatives with an American accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Puntang, great stuff. Well, you know, he's new to podcasting. Yeah, true. Troubling.

I knew it was going to be troubling. Did those crisps taste like that then? They tasted of... Great stuff. Wait till you hear his Axl Rose. Oh, is it him doing it? Why don't you like him? I don't know.

Come on. He's bringing the tone down of this high class podcast. Now, there's a minute clip here, and then we're going to... No, let's do the sausage now. Look at this. That's a big sausage. Look at that. Fuck me, it's the biggest Slim Jim I've seen, original.

And look who's inspired by. Oh, yeah. It's Rat Macho Randy Savage or something, isn't it? Yeah. For some reason. Is he still alive? No, is he? I don't know.

Is this sausage made from him? It's a Randy Savage branded Slim Jim, isn't it? It's Savage. Unleash your Savage. It's meaty. It's a big pepper army, people. Into the spicy meat, juicy taste. I'm going to eat the whole of that as well, aren't I?

Well, yeah, probably. There's another one in here as well. It's a smoked snack stick. Smoked snack stick. Smoked snack stick. It's going to eat the whole of that as well, aren't I? Well, yeah, probably. It's a smoked snack stick. Smoked snack stick. Smoked snack stick. It's hard to say that. Hang on. Three times bigger

than the original. Slim Jim Savage. So meaty, it's savage size. Still doesn't really give you a lot of information because there's no such thing as meaty flavour.

I'm going to open this up. I've only got one more thing. We're going to need some scissors to get into this. No, you're not. Give it to me. Does it have a... Give it to me! Does it have a flap to pull?

Yes, it does have a flap. I'll find it then. I can operate the flap perfectly well. I've got it. I've got the flap open. You have a chunk of one end because it's quite long. I can go from the other end and we can...

A nice meaty odour. It's almost cheesy. Have a sniff. Oh, it is almost cheesy it's got a weird cheese not gonna be great paul just get your gums around it god it looks like it looks like play-doh it's really kind of fake processed yeah oh right i'm gonna take a bite from the one end this great it's about the size of a forearm it's a big sausage stick it's bigger than my wrist to my elbow it's about it's about a little bit bigger than that. Right, here we go.

I was going to do a dick joke there, but then I missed the opportunity. Big dicks. Come on. I've got them. Have a chunk of that. Oh, fuck. I hate the texture of this.

Do you want a... Meat shouldn't... Do you want a Smitty Bowl? No. Dry. Very dry. Fibrous. Crumbly.

I don't think meat products should crumble in the mouth. The flavour's not too bad but it's surprising how little flavour there is I certainly wouldn't call it savage it's very very salty yeah it's very salty

salty savage ooh look it is what it is right what are you doing have you just got a bag of sausages in there because I've just seen

another one peak out didn't you just come back with a bag of sausages it was? Because I've just seen another one peak out. Didn't you just come back with a bag of sausages? It was a lot of meat products, yes. Mate, it's fucking appalling. I've got one more sausage. I don't have it now. I'd like to see

everything that you've got distilled down to a jar of salt just to see how much salt is in this. Let's have the last clip. No, then. Hang on. This is clip 12.

How many more clips have we got? After this, we have two more. Right? So let's do this one now. Okay. God, I think I'm going to have a stroke after eating that fucking thing. I'm going to have to have a bit more.

You look like, like, Bugs Bunny if he had meat. It's like you've got this big cartoon sausage in your hand. And you're just chewing at it like Bugs Bunny's carrot. Sorry, I love it. I know.

But I didn't expect this to be such a sausage-heavy episode. I've got to put it away. You've got to put your sausage away, mate. There's too much sausage. I'll put it in the other room, Paul. No, just put it out the way. So you'd have to get up and make an effort to eat it. And because I know you're lazy, you won't.

So just stick it there. Put your sausage on the speaker. I need water. All right, you do that when i play this clip which is fine all right all right let's do that then hang on hang on hang on right we've got an update update on the egg crisps my brother-in-law search wants to wants to give his opinions but you had the smell search is that right all right it smelled it smells a little buttery. Okay, okay, great. Would you like to taste them now? You haven't got any allergies to egg or crisps or anything? No, no.

Just cat. Is that cat here? This is the furry muff which protects from extra noise on the mic. I am definitely not allergic to muff. I love muff actually. Go on, try it. Try it. Just one.

He's tasted the crisp everybody. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the crisp. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg.

He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the egg. He's got a little bit of a taste of the mic. I'm definitely not allergic to muff. I love muff actually. Go on, try it. He's tasted the crisp everybody. Any thoughts there Serge? I don't know, kind of bland. Everyone thinks they're bland and a bit fishy. With a little spice. Yeah. So not a big hit but coming up on the show we have the microwave pork rinds about to arrive. So, look out for that. Get ready for that. Get ready. Literally nothing happened in that club.

Well, someone tasted some crisps. And I don't want him on this podcast ever again. Who? Saul. Is that his name? Saul. Little Solly. No, who's the name of the guy who was just talking then?

Serge. Yeah, I don't want him on again. Why? You tell him I don't want him anywhere near this podcast. Why are you being nasty to my family now? I didn't like his attitude and he's been

nothing but taking away from each appearance he's had. That's his first appearance. They all sound the same to you. No, which one said Poon Tang? Not him. Right, then he gets a pass. It was Oscar who said Poon Tang.

Well, he's not allowed on the podcast again then. Well, he won't be on the podcast again because he doesn't live in that part of the country he was visiting. What about Emma? Is she going to be on the podcast again. Well, he won't be on the podcast again. All right. He doesn't live in that part of the country he was visiting. What about Emma?

Is she going to be on the podcast again? She can be. I could get to do a special recording for you. Yeah. Can she eat a pickle? No, Paul. Can I have a photograph of Emma holding a pickle and putting it against a microwave oven?

I can see what I can do. Are you willing to pay money? I can pay a little bit of money. Like a little kind of video. Let's say £300 and I'll get like 75 quid. Yeah, all right. You can take a cut.

I just want a shot. Just a picture. Fully clove. Tasteful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want the pickle in the palm of your hand. I just want to see it

with the microwave open and your hand half in as if to drop it onto the plate. Oh, actually, you're giving me a fucking semi now. Because I've just pictured

your mum doing it. I've just pictured your mum doing it. Yeah, but I want it to roll off the palm into the plate. Oh, actually, you're giving me a fucking semi now. Because I've just pictured your mum doing it. I've just pictured your mum doing it. Yeah, but I want it to roll off the palm into the microwave from the glass plate. My step-sister. Yeah, yeah. Sister-in-law.

So, yeah, I want, ideally... She's my sister-in-law. Yeah, to hold a pickle in her hand and just roll it onto a glass plate in the microwave. Fine. I'm sure we can do that. Yeah, all right.

But are you willing to pay? 300? Yes. All right, yeah. Shall we have another clip? I want to see... I'm going to go get that sausage. This is how boring this is to me.

Let's just take a little break because I've come over all stiff. Okay. That's brilliant. So you've got an erection. You shouldn't have eaten a pickle. Look. It's her fault. Don't.

I can see the game she's playing across the ocean. Oh, shut up! Ready, Paul? Yes, I am. There's a great deal more content coming up. Well, let's get straight into it, all right?

Not off. OK, there's still a lot of discussion now about the egg crisps, but I'm trying to move the discussion on to the main course of tonight's recording, which are low-raise bacon curls, microwave pork rinds, brackets, chicharrones, which is the Spanish name for pork skin. This is like microwave popcorn but it's

pork skin. Now I'm going to do the Huffra pork because I haven't even tried these crisps. I didn't try the crisps. Try the crisps. I'm going to do the Huffra. Sorry about this everyone. I'm going to potato eat. There's a potato. And I'm going to try these crisps. I really don't like those. They're kind of sweet with a sort of fishy, oily. Oh, there's some spice there as well. There's some spice. Oh, that makes it better actually, the spice at the end.

So did you have other thoughts about the egg crisps before we move on to the chicharron? As a matter of fact, I did. I had a bit of an aftertaste after a few moments. And what about your ear? Was there some issue with that? The spice was in my throat and then it traveled up to my left ear. Pretty poignant. Thank you. Poignant ear business with the crisps there. So I'm going to... Do you want to get the huff on these? You're not going to taste these because you're vegan. Is right emma so not anymore i ate the egg chip are they then

they're not vegan i know they've got egg on they've got egg on yeah my level of commitment wow smell those pork rinds we want to what's the reaction to the pork rinds pork ass right Pork arse? Right. Argh! Argh! Argh! Oh, they really are bad. They've got a real nappy finish.

Now you've got to start tasting these. Jenny, Jensen, Kid Jensen, we call her Kid Jensen. Oh, I don't know if I can try those. Okay, here goes. I'm going in. Alright, Jen's going in. Sol, you're veggie, you can't do this. You can smell it. Delicious.

What's your reaction there? Solly. Please. All right. It's just a noise from Solly there. My brother Isaac's going to... Just like bland pork smell. Great.

Great contribution. Anyone else want to smell some rinds? You sure? Let me try it. Now we're going to taste the rinds? You sure? Let me try it. Now we're going to taste the rinds. Those of us who eat the meat. Dollar store special, these ones. Emma bought these.

They're delicious. They're delicious. Mmm. Oh, they're like warm pork crackling. Those are dirty good, aren't they? Yeah. All right. Do you eat meat?

Oh, they're not good. Those are dirty good, aren't they? Yeah. All right. Do you eat meat? Uh, I'm a... Oh, they're not good. They're good at first, but then there's just a salty mulch. I can eat chicken hearts. I can eat chicken... Hearts? Chicken assholes. Chicken assholes?

Well, you don't want to waste any part of the chicken, I think. So the... Oh, yeah. Do you want to try one of these chicharrones? They're not that bad. They're not that bad. They don't smell good. It's like fine wine. It smells like ass.

It smells like ass. It smells like ass. I think. I mean, literally smells like ass. Yeah, it literally smells like someone's ass. Everyone cleans the palate. You got a good crunch. I think you can hear that.

Very crunchy, which is good. Airy. It's got a nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, Yeah, it literally smells like someone's ass. Everyone cleans the palate. You've got a good crunch. I think you can hear that. Very crunchy, which is good.

Airy. Warm. The warmth helped. And there's the assholes. Yeah, yeah. There's a big asshole finish on these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so we all agree.

We all agree they're fucking terrible. Thanks, Emma. Goodbye, and from America, there might be some more stuff with some Vienna sausages later, but unfortunately, goodbye, everybody. Say goodbye, everybody, please. Bye. Now, there were two more clips, yeah?

Three more. Wow, what happened in the last three clips? It's really heating up, Paul. all i noticed from these video audio clips is that you say hello nothing happens and everyone says goodbye i know it's it's kind of nice every episode's kind of like a pissed rainbow yeah it's got a vibe to it i didn't have a lot to work with in terms of content or uh you know talent talent skill yeah so the ability to you know i know you Talent, skill. Yeah. And the ability to, you know, I know you were trying. I was trying. You were trying.

And God loves a trier. He does. So that's important to, you know, me, that you made an effort to not record anything for most of the time. What was I meant to do? I'm on a road. Oh, I'm in a thrift store. Oh, I'm in a car park.

Yes. And we're going for a walk. Here's the things I see. Oh, there's a man with a kite. Oh, what going for a walk. Here's the things I see. Oh, there's a man with a kite. Oh, what delights I see. Here's some interesting... Here's a crocodile. What an interesting thing.

Have you heard of those little Transformer things? What's the Transformer brand that's come out? Transformers? No, the kids ones. Transformers. Have you seen these little things? I'll show you them. Show me one now before we play the next clip

and then I blow my brains out. Oh, he has to leave. Paul, I'll bring everything. Show me one now before we play the next clip and then I blow my brains out. Oh, he has to leave. Paul, I'll bring everything in. I promise. It's good to go. I've got it all in my bag. A bag full of sausages. Right, show me it now.

I don't know what these are at all, but these are small transforming things, is it? Yeah. It's a... What am I even looking at? It looks like a penguin. It's a baby's bottle. Baby's bottle. And they transform into a robot. Yeah, a little What am I even looking at? It looks like a penguin. It's a baby's bottle. Baby's bottle.

And they transform into a robot. Yeah. A little robot dog, I think. Okay. They're called Botbots or something. I have never heard of them. They're transformer bots for kids. But I can see...

They are transformer branded, and I think they've got a cartoon out as well. Oh, have they? Yeah. I can't make this up. It's got a nice weight to it, though, doesn't it? For like a little toy. It's surprisingly well made.

I'll say that for it. There's this little transistor radio there's a dog there's dog's ears yeah is it working it for you and uh little legs come out somehow i can't quite get it out emma got these for me she likes little small gachapon it's a gachapon style thing well i mean i don't know about that but you know it's definitely a um how do i get the legs out i can't get the doggies legs out i can get the legs out on that dog okay here's definitely a... How do I get the legs out? I can't get the doggie's legs out. I can get the legs out on that dog. Have a look at the other one. The other one is a... What is this meant to be?

It's a game console? No, it's like a transistor radio, isn't it? No, I think it's meant to be a game console because there's directional buttons on it. Well, I can't get the legs out of this dog. I just said that, didn't I? If these are for kids, they're fucking hard. I can't open them. Yeah, they're a bit tricky. That's what I mean. They're more Gashapon style, aren't they? I these are for kids, they're fucking hard. I can't open them. Yeah, they're a bit tricky. That's what I mean.

They're more Gashapon style, aren't they? How did I open this fucking shit? I think it's quite hard. Yeah, well, I just heard you. Emma talking again. Shut up. Don't listen. This could be an international incident.

Is it? Because I break up families. Oh, God. Cause discontent. I can't get this dog's legs out. I don't like these at all because I can't open them because children's toys are too difficult for my fingers. But they're lovely.

There'll be pictures of these on our website because they are, I think, well made and quite cute. I've got the dog's face open. Yeah, I know. I saw that. It's cute. I like that. I don't know what that transforms into. They do have a little piece of paper that goes with them. There's a whole bunch of them. Well, I'll take pictures of it for our website. Right, should we play the next clip then?

Yes. All right. This one's thankfully a lot shorter. How short is this one? This is three minutes. We've all said goodbye. I don't know where this could go. I think it's not good.

I just hope it's, you know, Emma holding pickles. She's not. She's gone home. Has she? I'm warning you. This show's over. She went home.

This show's over now. She's vegan. Oh, so she went home. Yeah, she got hungry. Oh, so she went home. Yeah, she got hungry. But, you know. What, they couldn't have any food there while they were there? Like a grape?

Or an egg? She wanted a proper, decent meal, you know, and she went home and ate it. She doesn't drink anymore, either. The date's off. All right, I'm here with solly and emma and we're gonna they wanted to they want to try this trader joe's organic watermelon jerky so this is a meat substitute is it no it's a tasty treat apparently it's not even meant to taste like meat no no it's like a fruit roll-up type of thing so it's sweet rather than savory yeah what is the jerky element um it's chewy it's like a fruit roll-up type of thing. So it's sweet rather than savoury? Yeah. What is the jerky element? It's chewy.

It's chewy, it's chewy. All right, let's get the half on, come on. Sorry about the background noise, everyone. Come on. We've gone over to a place that's hopefully a bit quieter, but I don't know. And we're tasting this watermelon jerky. Trader Joe's. Run by Ald aldi aren't they yeah yeah they're

really good they're reasonably priced bougie food i like their sauces they've got great sauces sorry i'm just getting the impression you just want to eat some of this that you don't really want to review it for my podcast is that right yeah yeah all Yeah. It's hard. It's got a harsh sort of apple concentrate sort of smell. You know what I mean? Yeah, it smells like dried fruit. And preservatives.

Let's get a piece out of this. We'll be taking photos of all of this stuff. Oh my god. This is out of date, bro. Oh, thanks. She tells me now it's out of date. Alright, that's fucking horrible. Oh, I'm going to have to spit now.

I don't like this. What do you think, Emma? We've got the watermelon jerky. Everyone want to taste some of this? I'm here with my brother-in-law, AB. My niece, niece Ella. Niece Ella.

Um, I don't know. It looks weird. What is it? It looks red and white. It's fucking disgusting. And I've just been told it's out of date. It smells like shit. This is Ella's friend.

Yes, smells like a farm. She says it smells like a farm. It is Ella's friend. Yes, it smells like a farm. She says it smells like a farm. It just smells like shit. Taste it. You came over, you wanted to do this, you'll regret it. Okay. It's alright, that's the point. Ew. It's awful.

I'm going to have to go. Ew, ew, ew, ew, no. Spit it out. I finally got rid of it. I need to go spit it. It tastes a bag. Right, so what's up? Aby, have you tried some?

Not yet, but she did. It tastes like... Gianna. It tastes like pumpkin guts or something. Yeah. Yeah. right so what's up AB have you tried some yeah good good point nice point eloquently put pumpkin guys it tastes like dried apple flakes or something yeah yeah horrible have you tried it now don't taste a lot don't put a lot in your mouth it's disgusting horrible No, I like it. It's horrible. Why not just have a piece of watermelon? It's sticky. Kinda like a texture of a cotton candy almost.

It melts in your mouth. It's not a great product. Listen, it doesn't taste like ass, but it's a stale, old cracker type thing about being that. Are there any final thoughts anyone has on this fucking stupid, sorry, excuse my French, this jerky, watermelon jerky? Anyone? Lots of C.

Got nothing. Ella's got nothing. I don't even know what to say. You never, ever try it. Yeah. We didn't like it. Lots of C. Don't worry.

Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be tasting the Vienna sausages tomorrow when I'm a bit more sober. Thanks for listening, everyone. And thank you for taking part, everyone. So all interesting thoughts all around there, isn't there? It's really all going down there. Yeah, I like how there's a lot of sausage talk. There's a lot of meat talk.

There's a lot of booze talk. You know what? It's nice to have. It kind of puts into perspective just the skill and class we bring to these food evaluations. That just the common or garden people on the street just don't have the... Now you're calling my family common or garden people on the street. Earthy types. Earthy types.

You know, raw, good old fashioned... Oh, fuck off. I won't have this. I won't take it from you, Paul. Jim and John Doe, lovely people. Just Mr and Mrs Smith on the street. They just don't have the vocabulary of a Paul Gannon. Mr and Mrs Smith on the street.

You're talking like someone from a fucking documentary made in 1957. Just on the street today. Mr Smith, he won't worry about the economy, but it's creeping up on him. Oh, he's taken a good movement this morning, Mr Smith on he won't worry about the economy, but it's creeping up on him. Oh, he's taken a good movement this morning, Mr Smith on the street. He wipes his arse just like you or me. He's got dirty bowels, Mr Smith on the street.

Oh, his wife. Yeah. Oh, he's gone to the loo. Why does everything involve going to the loo with you? Today it's just been toilets and sausages it's over there the sausage

I know keep it over there 1954 stop it please we've got a lot to get through still I'm just trying to liven it up

because I think I've reached a sort of plateau of sort of not giving a shit from that last bit yeah no I noticed I thought I saw the energy

Dwayne Dwayne Dwindle Dwayne D Dwayne? Dwindle. Dwayne. Dwayne. Dwindle. Dwindle. Or Wayne.

Wayne and Dwindle. Dwayne. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I saw it Dwayne. That's nice. You've made a portmanteau word there, Paul. I think, yeah, and also it's a name. That's the problem with it.

Yeah. If it didn't sound like a name, it'd be more effective. Unless I say it Dwayned. Yes, it Dweigned on me. It dweigned on me. I thought I tore a puggy's gut. Right, let's just

take a quick break. Right, we're on to the last dregs of this fascinating travelogue that seems to have been taking place in mostly one location

on one night during your week in a bit state. That's how I decided to do it. Like a bottle episode, Paul. I thought it would have more sort of narrative... Clarity.

Cogency. Yeah. Cogency, if that's a word. So, Rob, give us a snapshot of the shops, the areas, the people. Rather than just unconnected clips of me going, oh, I'm here, I'm here. Do you see what I mean? I know there's bits that are just flagged,

but you've got a little sample of the voices, the voices of the Silvermans out there. So, what's coming up in this clip then, the last major clip? I think it's Oscar's performance of Sweet Child of Mine, mainly. So everyone is now, I'm going to presume, quite drunk and merry. Apart from my brother

Sergio, my brother-in-law who is in recovery. Okay, so he's not drinking. He's not drinking. Fair enough. Emma doesn't drink. But she's gone. All the main Silverman siblings have had a few, yes. Yeah, oh, what a familiar statement not drinking. Fair enough. Emma doesn't drink. But she's gone. All the main Silverman siblings have had a few, yes. Yeah, oh, what a familiar statement that is. Shut up. Shut your mouth. And if you've been affected by

anything you've heard on the podcast today, there will be a helpline. Listen, you know who's going to be affected? What? What? No, tell me. Tell me what's going to be affected. Is it my chances with Emma? No, that, oh, just stop going on about that. I just, I've got this microwave oven photo shoot in my head now i want maybe a pickle in one hand and a jerkin in the other and she's got like a kind of mary magdalene pose in front of the uh microwave and the microwave

is on but it's empty to think i don't want to do that that's dangerous you might cook the inside of the microwave for the show it's just for the picture well i'm not wasting a whole microwave oven just for this shoot you just turn it on doesn't matter you put it on for five seconds take a picture turn it off bing in fact if you want to go make a little video this is mr smith he owns a microwave after going for his morning ablutions here's emma every day she takes a pickle to the kitchen what's she doing today emma oh she's crunching the pickle down hard. Well, she's waiting for her husband to come home from a work day. So in the meantime, it's pickles in microwaves all day long.

Oh, look at her rolling it off. I'm just about to cum. Whoa. Well, that's an interesting statement. Oh, dear. Shall I play the clip right now and get us out of this? It was the narrator. Yeah, is it?

Was it the narrator? It was the narrator. Was it the narrator, though? That's the question. It's get us out of this. It was the narrator. Yeah, is it? Was it the narrator? It was the narrator. Was it the narrator, though? That's the question. It's the unreliable narrator. We're learning quite a lot psychologically today about all of you lot,

you miscreants. Just play the clip. Hello. Hi, this is Drunk Edition. We're not doing the tasting no more. Hi, everybody. You can still taste the eggy crisps. It's been several hours since we ate the eggy crisps. They're repeating. Oh, it's funny. You want to do a bit? No.

No, you fucking don't. Right, so let's just be... He wants one, he wants to do a freestyle right now. He looks real good today. Yeah, he looks real good today. Let me just try. Okay, my name is Oscar. Oscar. He's saying Jesus. Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. Oscar, stop. This is for his thing. Oh, is it? Is he recording? Oh right. Don't press the button, let me check the fucking thing. I don't know why he gave it to him! I don't know why he gave it to him! Seek of this life Seek of this life

Not that you care I'm not the only one I'm not the only one With those misfeelings I share With those misfeelings I share No, then I'm a hero What song is that? That was Oscar. Huh? Is that it?

Thank you, Oscar. No, this is my podcast. You will shut up. We're not having podcast patients on the podcast. Thank you, Oscar. That was good. I liked it. I personally enjoyed it.

Right. Has anyone got anything else to say? Right. Shall we eat some of those boiled peanuts? Cajun style. I'm getting a real bad feeling. Even thinking about it. That was Gone Some Roses, yeah. What song was that, Oscar?

That was, uh... Don't you cry tonight. I still love you, baby. Don't you cry tonight. Nice. Very nice. Very nice. That's my favourite. All right. Are we going to eat any? Who wants a barbecue Vienna sausage?

Please. We can do those. Reach behind you, Jenny. Or Lulu. Thank you. We need to taste, at least taste some of this shit, right? Pop that. I'll get the Huff Report, yeah?

We're not having it in a sandwich, we're just going to have a naked barbecue, bourbon barbecue. Give me the huff. What's the huff like, Lou? Is it turning your stomach? Oh, that's not good. It's not good. Jenny, are you going to eat one of these? You are actually going to do this. You were about to vomit a second ago. You were about to vomit, had ago you're about to vomit had to go to bed you had to escape you were telling me explicitly how you had to escape this situation and go to bed and or vomit alright so now you're gonna taste one of these dirt sausages Jenny's just had the half Jenny's just had the half Jenny can's just had the half. Jenny, can we get the fresh half report from you?

It's like off baked beans. Yeah, it's off baked beans. Very good. It's off baked beans. Very good. Very good, Lulu. Are you going to taste? Who's going to taste?

Who's going to be a hero? Who's going to come along and be a hero tonight? I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. Honestly, we're here with Eloise. Come along, be a hero tonight. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. It's fire.. Honey. Honestly, we're here with Eloise.

She's been enjoying my drinks, because I'm a fucking expert drinks maker. Isaac, can you shut up while she tastes the sausage for one second, please? It's like a mini peanut. It's like a young child's penis. Talk me through this. Talk me through this. It looks like a young child's penis. All me through this. Talk me through this. It looks like a young child's penis.

All right, good. I'm glad we got that. I'm glad we got that. That's good for the podcast. Everybody calm down, right? That looks like he's actually making her want to vomit. What's it like? She needs to spit.

She needs to spit. You need to spit. Have you got something to shit? It is. She needs to spit. She's to spit. You need to spit. Have you got something to shit? It is, she needs to spit. She's going to go over to the bin now. Yes, it got spat. Anyone else? No, good.

Jenny, Lulu, let's have it. It's not sausage consistency. It's like... Slimy. It's like... Mushy. It melts in your mouth. Yeah, it just degenerates.

It's puffy. Oh, God, it's so disgusting. Jenny, are you going to try it? Jenny. Right, this is it now. This is it now. Jenny, this is it now. You take a tiny bit, Jenny.

Take a tiny bit. Now, I need your reaction. It's all right. Oh, fucking hell. Good night, everyone. A masterpiece. You should all be fucking ashamed of yourselves. That was like listening to an outtake

from Barrymore's My Kind of People, USA edition. It's good, isn't it? Everyone, fuck, they're just toxic. You're just going to... It was. We were just by a swimming pool as well, talking about Barrymore. Great.

All of this took place very close to a swimming pool, just there. Yeah, good. Well, you know... It was a swimming pool. there. Yeah, good. Well, you know. It was a swimming pool. Just as disastrous an evening I think you'll agree. No, not quite.

Those sausages that were just being tasted Yeah. The barbecue Vienna's. Yeah. They were by a company called Armore and do you remember

on an early episode of this show, Paul? Oh, this rings a bell, doesn't it? Salted beef and it was this sort of dry... Pot. Was it a pot of it?

No. It was a little can of it. Yeah, you wrinkled. But there was no liquid in the... Yeah, it was a wrinkle, but there was no liquid. It was just this... No, no, I remember you eating it out of the tin with a little spoon. No, it wasn't liquid.

It was just these slices. No, I know. But that's how you were eating it. You were eating it with a thing. It was very salty, the salted beef. It was disgusting. Yeah, great. So it was more of the same.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't try that. Did anyone end up throwing up? No. I mean, Jenny did. I mean, that was a fucking shit show. salty the salted beef it was disgusting yeah great so it's more of the same yeah yeah did anyone end up throwing up no i mean jenny did but i mean that was a fucking shit show from from beginning to end it's a masterpiece of modern no just auto fiction almost you could call it right have you got a modern audio auto fiction play have you got one more snack and is it a sausage because it seems like that's the overall theme of this episode. Oh, that's where I'm going to fucking surprise you because it is not.

I'm handing it to him. This is the last of the American snacks for the day. Oh, what's this? Mexican candy. In fact, it's not American. It's Mexican. Azteca. Interesting.

Just looking at it, you know what it looks like? Those rainbow drops you get in the UK. But I think it is, in fact, a candied peanut. Oh, I bet these are quite nice. I'm going to have a little look. Do you like a candied peanut? I think it is in fact a candied peanut. Oh, I bet these are quite nice. I'm going to have a little look. Do you like a candied peanut? I do. I quite like a candied peanut.

What's the huff on there? Peanut. Actually, there's no real... There's no mystery to this. It's a candied peanut. Finished with something that isn't a sausage, Paul. So I've managed that.

No, we've gone from sausage to nuts. What do you think of those? I don't like them. They're fine, but... What's the coating? It's not chocolate. It's just a sugar of some kind.

They're just sugar-coated peanuts. Yeah, really. Rumpy sugar-coated peanuts. Yeah. Not much to it. Not much to it, but it's fine. So, that weekend, we did go down to Miami. Yeah.

And South Beach, where they were having spring break. Spring break, brah! And it was all a bit intense. Yeah, I know. You said, wasn't there a shooting or something the night before? There was a shooting the night before, just just there where we were staying that day. Then a curfew came back in the next night because I think they had big problems down there when they returned from lockdown. Because, of course, there was a mad curfew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all very overwhelming audio visually for me. I was out in the street trying to get Solly an ice cream with my brother. And we were walking down one of these streets there and it's just people people twerking off golf carts and like yeah and they

all these kit cars these kids were driving these kit cars you know these low riding sort of kit cars they look like dune buggies but like the batmobile sort of thing

you know what I mean like it's all a bit aggressive and full on and noisy and then the police you come across the police and they're like

on these massive harleys all sort of riding around in a big circle revving their engines sort of showing it sounds like fucking Borderlands

that video game yeah yeah and it had a sort of purgy feel as well like Grand Theft Auto but for realsies yeah it was all a bit weird and also

there's a head shop there and I bought some actual hemp oh yeah we talked about this but it was like shit hemp that was great Delta 8 which is an isomer of THC right and it's legal and I bought some actual hemp. Oh yeah, we talked about this but it was like, shit, hemp, that was great. Delta-8,

which is an isomer of THC. Right. And it's legal. It's a loophole thing there. You know, similarly the way that they used to be able to get spice and all these cannabis.

And also like magic mushrooms and stuff. Yeah. Because the law over there legislates against particular molecules. Oh right. They changed that in Britain.

State by state. Yeah, and. They changed that in Britain. Yeah, and it's different state by state. In Florida, you can have medical marijuana is legal. Yeah. Which means you can get a permit, but not recreational as it is in other states. But I was very surprised. I just walked into this head shop there in the middle of Ocean Drive in Miami.

Yeah. And I said, can I get some of this Delta 8? He went, yeah, there you go. And it's actual hemp. It's actual cannabis because you're allowed to sell cannabis, He went, yeah, there you go. And it's actual hemp, it's actual cannabis because you're allowed to sell cannabis, herbal cannabis, weed, whatever you want to call it, as long as it has less than 0.3%.

Cannaboids or whatever. No, THC. Okay. Delta 9, the main thing that gets you high. So then you said they sell you that, but then spray it with a booster. There's Delta 8, which is legal, which is sprayed onto this actual hemp.

So the taste and flavour is very much, very weedy. But can you just buy the spray then? And then spray on anything? Yeah, you can buy extracts and stuff, yeah. And you can spray it

on food or whatever. But it's very much in a grey area. I think it was only last year that it came to light and people are trying to get round the law by, you know, selling it.

Well... For me, it didn't have... It's not as strong. No. This is a chemical that is naturally occurring in cannabis. Yeah. But at such low levels, they have to extract it and then they spray it back on.

Weird. I'm a seasoned smoker, so it didn't really buzz me. But I could feel there was something there. It was more like a CBD sort of dose. More of a sort of relaxed chill. Which for some people is great. It's all they need. But I was just...

But we want more. I was just amazed how easy it was just to buy, basically, in a shop on the street. And they didn't have to show anything. Drug, pissed up bunch of bastards. Here's your last clip. I think this is the next day and I think I make a few apologies. I hope you do make a few apologies. Because you should apologise for all the content in this episode, full stop.

Do you want to do it now or should we save it until after this clip? What? The apology for this episode. I'm not going to apologise. You should. I think past Eli apologises. Let's see if you redeem it, all right? For 50 seconds?

I don't think I can manage to redeem that. No, not at all. Here we go. All right, guys. Guys, any more comments about the fucking sausages? No. It tasted all right. It tasted like baked beans.

It was not all right. It was not alright. It was not okay. Right, now we've got a song from Oscar. Take me down to the paradise city when the grass is green and the girls are bitter. I want to please take me home. Yeah! Yeah, well done.

Good. Short clip there. Good. And that's it. Was that it? That's all you've done. Good. Short clip there. And that's it. That's all you've done. That was all the clip. That's nothing left on the memory card. Sorry.

That's it. So the very final thoughts is one of your bloody relatives singing Paradise City. Yeah, I told you that was what it was leading to. And that's what we got. You got some info there about the sausages and turkeys. Well, first of all, you lied to me because I got excited because you said it was Sweet Child of Mine. And I would have liked to have heard that. Oh, yeah, it was Paradise City.

Sorry. What was the first song you were singing? Because I didn't recognise that. He says, I don't know. It's one of the other ones. It's one of the other ones. Bye, everyone. No, no.

Bye. Apologise. I want a proper apology. I did. You missed it. I missed it because it was so slight and forgettable. Did you see this little toy I got as well? No, I don't want to talk about toys.

Do you have anything redeeming to end this episode? I might have another sausage or something. Oh, I've got noodles, Paul. No, noodles. These will be coming up. This little sizzle reel for noodles. You've got ten seconds to go through it. Ten.

Oh, look at this. Nine. Meat shake. Eight. And shot. Seven. Six. I'm not.

Five. No, I will not work under these strictures. Three. I will not work under these. One. No. Noodle section's 4, 3, 2, 1. Noodle section's over. No, it's not. It is. It hasn't started. Do you have anything to redeem? What's that packet of crisps?

Palm sticks, hot and spicy. All right, give me them. They're not from America. Give me something to end this episode with. No, I'm going to talk about these noodles. I'll just cut it out. You did not give me a chance, Paul. You can talk about that all you want.

This is all about me. Just let me preview these noodles for the Test Lab cut it out. You did not give me a chance, Paul. You said in the beginning this is all about me. Just let me preview these noodles for the Test Lab kitchen, okay? go on.

These are interesting. Stop! I won't fucking do it. I'm not going to say goodbye today. You've insulted

my family. You've insulted me. I'll give you ten seconds to fucking do something else. Ten.

Go on. Nine. Eight. I apologize on behalf of Eli to fucking do something else. Ten. Come on. Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. No time at all. I'm pressing the button. I'm going to press the button. You can't fucking touch anything. I've got to do admin. Thecheapshot.co.uk.

Just go there. That's it. Just go there. I'm tired of Twitter. Giraffes. I'm tired of you. I'm tired of this. Lions.

I'm tired of giving you the benefit. Pomegranate. I've given you so many benefits of the doubts that I've run out of benefits. I think that was a nice, I think it was a nice audio trip to a different part of the world. I think all it showed is the seedy, dirty underbelly of your family's existence and the insidious. Fucking hell.

The insidious. Insidious what? Everyone was having a nice time. Deporched self-congratulations of alcohol and sin. Images in the head of microwaves and pickles. Oh, oh, suit you, sir. This is Mr Smith. He masturbates over his friend's sister-in-law. Oh, look, it's Eli Silverman.

He's here, he's taking a dump. Oh, look. Hello, Mr Silverman. Hello there. Oh, look, it's Paul. Mr Smith,'s here, he's taking a dump. Oh look. Hello Mr Silverman. Hello there. Oh look, it's Paul. Mr Smith, Paul. He's sitting down, isn't he? Oh look, he's got his wanger out. And he's dropped his trousers and he's sitting upon the toilet.

Oh, he's bleeding penis. And there he goes, good old British chubby good luck. Drippy drip drop, the blood drops down the floor. He's got a purple face on. Oh, he's got a purple helmet on. He's got a purple face on as he drops his guys into the toilet. Oh, he's spitting his purple helmet. He's shitting out the end of his penis. Looks like he's bleeding through his arse again

after having compacted Abel Fisher. He's bleeding diarrhoea out his metres, though. Oh, well, at least he's there. Oh, and who's this? It's Mr Paul. It's someone banging on the door. Oh, it's a big burly man. That's right.

He's a big friend of Mr Silverman. And it's time for poo play. Shut up. There he goes. Do the fucking admin. Rubman, and it's time for poo play. Shut up. There he goes. Do the fucking admin. Rubbing the poo poo on his lips like lipstick. All right, poo poo out meters. Hoo, blood, blood, blood.

This is a good, great way. What this episode? It's been a complete fucking shit show. Here's poor Mr. Smith. He's a loser. Look at him walking down the street, smoking a big cigarette. Ooh, and he's pooed out of his old... That's the best you've got.

That's the best you've got. That's the best you've got. Oh, the poo comes out the end of his... That's the best, right. Well, well played. Oh, good, I shit out of my dick. How great for you. I've been trying this. Yeah.

I've been trying to introduce that for the last minute and a half. I don't want you to introduce anything. I think that's where we need to go. Yeah? Poo-poo out dick hole. No, we don't need to do any new do-poo-poo-out-a-dick-hole stuff.

Oh. That's it. This episode's over. Can't we do the Twitter and everything? No, I'm actually... Do the proper admin. Come on. I'll tell you why.

Because next week we've got a lot of admin. So let's save it for that. Do we? Why? Live show information, hopefully, by then. All the stuff. I wanted to redo all that. So let's just say thecheapshow.co.uk. And from there, you'll find all the links to all the things.

Thank you to all my family out there for helping me make this show. Thank you to your family. Thank you. Particularly Emma, if you're listening. Photographed it. Just a simple photograph. I don't think that's funny. Of a pickle.

No, I don't think that's funny. Of a pickle in your palm. And you're just rolling it. I don't think that's funny. It's important that you roll it onto the glass tray of the microwave oven. This is Paul Smith. He lives in a house. And the pooper comes out and he takes his dick out.

Yeah, but you're making it sound like less like an old man from the 50s. Yeah, it's much sci-fi. He lives in the house of the future. It's in Blenheim. He lives in Blenheim in the house of the future. It sounds more like you're doing F1 racing. There he goes. He's going round the corner.

Oh, my God. He's got a pooper in his dick hole and it's coming out now. Yeah, good. Can we wrap this up now?hole and it's coming out now. Yeah, good. Can we wrap this up now? Yeah, wrap it up, mate. Bye, everyone. See you next week. Thanks for listening. Bye.