CheapShow - Ep 282: Gannon's Second Golden Quest Part Two

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

This week is the “thrilling” conclusion to Gannon’s Second Golden Quest! Okay, maybe not “thrilling” but it’s definitely the finale to this drawn-out disaster! Last week, Eli failed his first challenge and lost out on £3, can he salvage his reputation by successfully completing the next three tests of skill and cognitive ability? The answer will probably not surprise you. As the cheap chaps head deeper into the woods, they are re-joined by Sir Salty Freshone and The Quest Master who continue to be obsessed with nappies for men and whatever the hell “chocca” is! Finally, Paul can’t seem to go 30 minutes without having an accident, will he even live through his own quest? Find out in Part Two of this mystical walkabout adventure! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-282-gannon-s-second-golden-quest-pt2 Tickets for LIVE SHOW on August 13th: Episode 300 Live https://harrowarts.com/whats-on/event/cheapshow-300-live For Information on travel and accommodation for CS300 https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/cheapshow-300-show-info And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment - That would be nice Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Ah, welcome back, fair traveller, for part two of Ganon's golden quest. Ah, yes, that's right. Salty fresh one John III, fresh one of John. That's me. I'm the knight in this tale and tell you what my chain mail panties packed so tight with wadded bog roll forget branded products I'll just get a good wadge on with a big wadge of toilet paper

you know what that's enough for a cold open let's get back to the journey where Paul and Eli continue their magical quest yes lots of incidents and remember keep it wadged on in your chainmail panties. Clanky clanky panty panty. I can smell

dog Todd here too. I've got to get out of here. It's fresh dog Todd. Oh, everywhere is Todd based. Let's get out of here. Roll the clip, roll the episode. Seven minutes and we haven't started yet. So the first game is called Mover and Shaker. Oh, yeah. And the line up...

That's what we promised not to do with my dick. Line up three cups on a table... Oh, yeah, three cups.... Line up three cups on a table with a dice in each cup. Ensure none of the dice are showing six facing up. You have 30 seconds to shake the cups so that the dice in all three cups show a six. You see? I'm going to put a dice in each cup and you've got to shake them so they all face up saying six and you have 30 seconds which I presume is the egg timer to do it all right so let me just set this up okay that's one two and two right mr. Silverman the the dice are set in the cups there's a two a one and a two in

each one you've got to shake them so that they all faced with six facing up all right and you'll got 30 seconds starting now he's shaking the cups delicately. He's trying to get them. He's rocking them. How you doing it? You've got about five seconds. Oh, can you do it? It's hard. He's got it. Ah, he's gone for two. He's double shaking it. That's a good strategy. Come on. Come on, get them. What's that one? Is that a six? No. Yeah, you got one six. Oh, you got two sixes. Sorry, I take it back. Should have said yeah you got one six we've got two sixes sorry i take it back should have said when you got a six mate so i know it's an audio podcast yeah and and if you don't i jogged it on the way down that's it time's out mate i'm gonna give you it i'm gonna give you

it but the time just ran out as you shouted and bellowed so that's one game you have successfully passed well done this thrilling stuff. Right. Right, stick it all in there. Next game. Here we go. Oh, here's a tough one. Right. Place four dice in a cup. I've kept these simple.

There's loads of games where you can throw cups and bounce things, and we don't really have the space and the wind. It's windy for it as well. Yeah. So I've tried to keep the games for this thing practical for what we've got set up. What happened there is I got the six on the last mug, Paul, on the last Dixie Cup, and then as I was putting it down carefully onto the surface, my elbow bounced off the edge of the bench there.

Knocked it. Fucking terrible. That was caught on video, though. Very sensitive. It's a hard game, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. The minute you picked up two at the same time is, I think, was when you went to top skill zone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's basically, I was trying to sort of manipulate it and watch what side it was on. That's not the way to do it. You're basically just rolling it. So you try and get, yeah, but you eventually you're going to get it about one in six times. So you have to, it's about rolling it a lot. Right.

Place four dice in a cup using only chopsticks. You have 30 seconds to transfer the dice out of the cup and back in again. What do you mean back in again? So you take them out and then put them back in. One, two, three, four. Oh, all in a row. One, two, three, four. We need a flat surface

for them to rest on. It's unfair. What I will do is I'll hold the cup for you. No, no, don't hold the cup. Just keep it steady. Right. And then I need

another three dice. Just one more dice. Six, he said. No, it says four. Does it? Four dice, yeah. You're still thinking of the number six from the last game. Have you got the eggy woofter?

Eggy woofer is here. 30 seconds, Mr Silverman, to take out six dice from a cup and then put them back in, and your time starts now. Right, he's got one. He's very good at this. Can you hold the... Yes, here we go. It's very windy.

He's picked out the third one already. The fourth one's out, and now back in they go. And I think you're about halfway through on the timer, so you're doing really well. Come on, Mr Silverman. Two dice in, three dice in. Can he do the fourth one in time? Easily.

He makes a mockery of the challenge of this. Well done, Mr Silverman. That's two games. You've already won, but do you want to go for the third one? I'd like to do the third challenge just to see, yeah. All right, we'll do the third challenge. It is quite fun, this. So I'm just going to make this clear right now.

So far, you've won £10. £10, Mr Silverman. From Gannon's bank account of misery. That sounds great, yeah. Also, when this show episode finishes, can you borrow, can I lend 20 quid off you, mate? Yeah. Right, next game.

What's the third and final game? Now, this is just for love just for the love of it this is for the love of it let me get out

I've gained the I've done oh okay first quest nice one I didn't do very well at all with the you struggled

but you know you've made it back and to be honest it was a low key game that one you didn't lose much you lost three pound which would have been

six if you win the double prize at the end but for now I wonder what this is going to involve the blue balls maybe no no balls for this one on reflection i thought was it being a windy day i don't want to be chasing balls around the field you don't want to be doing that no i don't want to be doing that so this game is called high dive high dive place a cup face down on the floor then grab three other cups you have 30 seconds to drop the cups one at a

time from waist height so that they form a stack on the floor so you're going to drop the cups on top of each other from the waist height so they just so they do that well that's the problem in it where's the floor as well well i'll tell you what put it on there and you can stand on the desk so we need to put one on already and then i'll give you need to give you one more cup hang on so you got 30 seconds mr silverman right to drop a cup from waist height, from your belt down. No, that's too low. It has to be from waist down on top of there. You have to do it in three times in 30 seconds. Ready? And your time, the final challenge, this is just for fun.

Your time starts now. No, he's dropped that one off. That one's gone. That isn't going on. No, and that one's failed as well. One of them's gone. That isn't going on. No, and that one's failed as well. One of them's gone. No. Come on, keep trying. No, he can't do it. No. Oh, I've knocked the thing over.

Oh, no. This is a shit show, Mr. Silverman. No, now you're just throwing cups at a desk. Three. No, just stop jumping around like a twat. Stop it. You've failed. You're a failed man. Stop. Now, don't just shake your dick at the camera.

And he's off. He's gone. Fuck it, I won already. I'm glad we didn't start. I'm glad we didn't start because that was an absolute shit show. Too difficult. Absolute nightmare. Too difficult with the breeze, that one.

But that's, you know, that's fair enough. But well done, Mr. Silverman. That's two out of the three games. You've won yourself £10. Can you double it in the finale later on? I'm hoping, and so is Sir Salty Fresh One and his whole league of tenor men. Oh, Mr Silverman, I grant you your first chocker token.

Pra-pra-pra-prong. Pra-pra-pra-prong. Oh, I've got a chocker token. Now, at the end, you will give these chocker tokens to the quest lord, and he will give you the money. Paul, it's all right. You don't have to really give me the money. I know I will give him the money, because that way I stand supreme morally. And, you know, you can treat yourself with sweets, can't you?

I've already bought some very rare Chew-Its that we found up in High Barnet Station near there. Lemon. Sour lemon Chew-It extremes I've never seen before. I've only ever seen the apple ones. I didn't think

others existed. Right. And also classic cola flavoured Chew-Its. Great. Would you like a lemon one? Yes I would.

They're bloody lush. Have you had one already? I've had two. Oh they're nice. Yeah they're really nice. I'm going to open this and impromptu cheap eats everyone.

It's because you need to keep the energy up because we've got to walk into the unknown up there. We are going to walk into the unknown next. We don't know where they're heading. Talk that way, I've got to show you on the camera. Are they going to end up in cockfosters? Maybe.

I've just spat on them. Right, this segment ends. Ends, I've dropped my cards. They're worth 30 quid, mate. I've got to pick them up. Oh blimey! Do-do-do-do-do-do-dog-tod report. Eli, you're on the scene. What have you seen?

There seems to be some white dog poo, Paul, which is a strange... which makes me think maybe we've fallen into some type of time loop. And also, just to report, we were sitting there doing the second quest. Just doing a bit of stuff, yeah. The second challenge of the quest. And a fire engine pulled up by the side of the park.

And two firemen have gotten out and are sort of prowling around and then two fire women with squirters like a proton pack with squirter tongue like a it looks like an insecticide sort of like a spray

mate he's coming at us, they're following us and he's looking at us what's going on, have we gone back to the 80s white dog Todd, fascist Tory government They're following us and he's looking at us. What's going on? Have we gone back to the 80s? White dog, Todd, fascist Tory government, fuel shortages, power shortages. Maybe we have gone back to the 80s. They're looking at us, though, and it's like, what are we doing?

What would firemen and women in the woods be doing with a squirter? And why do you need the firemen? I just don't understand. We're in the woods, Paul. You'll be pleased to see. Now, this is where I think Cheap Show thrives, in the woods. We're in the woods again. Yeah. Nice. First, this is the densest bit of wood we've been in on the walk so far. It's all very been pastury, hasn't it, so far?

Very pastury, yes. But now we're in the woods. This is like Highgate Wood. I mean, it's a wood. Yeah, I like this. We're literally into the unknown, though, Paul. Are we going into the interior here? Is this the first time we've done a proper walk episode

where we don't know where we're going or when we're going to stop? Yes, I think it is. I like it. I like the danger. I found a path. Look, there's a path up here. This is quite thick woodland. Weaving in and around the woods now.

It is quite thick. It got from nothing to quite thick. I think we in around the woods now. And it is quite thick. It got from nothing to quite thick. I think we've lost the firemen and the squirty girls. Yeah, firemen and the squirty girls coming to a nightclub near you. Or be a marsh, a nice marsh on the foot. What could they be doing? Fireproofing the common? I don't know.

Maybe they're tapping water for their van, the fireman van. I don't know. Look at how the little for their van, the fireman van. I don't know. Look at how the little light catches that little space. Isn't that lovely? Oh, this is quite a magical little woodlet, isn't it? I'll just get a photo of you there. Oh, yeah, I'll stand in the light, and you take a little picture of me in this wonderful glade.

I'm overawed with magic. I'm going to stand. Right, here we go. Pictures on our website, as ever, thecheapshow.co.uk. And we are making a video with this, so patrons get early access to this. Ooh, look, some kids have done some scary graffiti there. There's like a giant wicker man. I'm posing, by the way.

Do I look sexy? Yeah, what's that? There's a picture of like... It's like a burned thing. Mate, I don't think you should take a picture just in case you take the evil image home. Look, those two faces, the top two, don't look that scary, but that one there...

The sad one at the bottom. The sad one is screaming at the bottom. It's the triangular. It looks a bit like me, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Actually, it actually... I will take a picture of this fact. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Oreo! Stop pulling your stupid hair out. Ah! Ah! Ow.

Right, here we go. Three, two, one. Yeah, perfect. I think that captures the... Let's see. Look at that captures the... Let's see. Let's try again. Look at that. Captures the misery perfectly.

Oh, let's... Shall we have a little sit down here? I feel like this is the perfect place for... The other challenge? No, just... We haven't even reached the proper woods yet. We've only just tipped... We've only just pulled the foreskin back, mate. There's a whole shaft to get down to.

I think we need to have a look at the map and think about what we're going to do. I can have a look at it right now. Hang on, let's do it. Shall we have a look at it right now. Hang on. Let's do it. Shall we have a little pause here? We'll sit on one of these logs. And make plans.

Yeah. Okay. We're going to make plans. Right. Join us as we get ready and prepare for our third challenge. Eli's doing all right. He's got £10 in the bank. Nice.

Yeah. Where should we sit? Yeah. Right up there. Right. See you in a bit, boys and girls ladies and gentle spools spools god fuck me it's the juicy fruit in my mouth I've still got too much saliva yeah let's yeah this out yeah this log's good right see you in a bit oh we're lost in the woods everyone and we don't like it really in the thick of it aren't we i think we're in the deepest darkest wood this podcast has ever experienced i wouldn't want to be here in the not in the dark in the nod in the dark i wouldn't want to be in the nuddy in the dark in here nuddy in the nud in the billy bollocks we're going around the side of some houses someone's burning wood that's a bit too intense oh very, very intense. Someone's having a nice...

I mean... They're not having a barbecue. No, no, no. They're chimneys. They must be trying to warm their big houses. It's all posh around here with their big houses. Isn't it? With their big houses and their posh trees.

I have a question. Yeah. Where are we going? What's going on? Where are we in this quest? Do I need to call the knight in? So it's a fresh one, John Water. This is his journey. It is his journey.

I'm the quest master. Just fucking go up the road and stop going on. I'm Josh one, fresh one, Josh one. I thought your name was James. You keep changing it. Your character is inconsistent this year, Silverman. The only thing you've kept on is the tenement thing.

You're ongoing yearly obsession. You're like seasonal obsession with men wearing pants that allow them to urinate because they're at a certain age where they can't control their bladder. I know. I'm sorry, everyone. You won't be laughing when you're in one. And, mate, you're getting closer to that day than you think. You're closer to a tenner day than you think.

I hope I'm there for your first day of wearing tenner's gentleman's wet catch pants or something. I will let you know. So, this is nice, isn't it? Nice path through the woods here. Look at this little path that we're going down. It's all windy. This is the most, I'm going to say it, magical walk we've done yet, I think.

Yeah, I feel good. I've had a drink and a few naughty smokes and I'll be honest, Eli, I am fucking randy. And you are going to get it. You're going to get it. I'm not going to get it, everyone. He's joking.

You're going to... I don't want you to intimidate me. All that nubbing talk before was just me dropping seeds into your brain of how this can end tonight. Imagine Gannon's golden shower quest. How about that? Would you like that? I wouldn't. I can't breathe.

All the smoke. It is thick. It's thick. But there's houses and stuff, see? This is property. It's weird, actually. On one side of us, there's like magical forests. On the other side, posh houses.

Posh houses. We're skirting. We're trying to get to the other side of the houses. Because you said you knew what was going on. Well, no, it just gets deeper. Because along that other side... We're going deeper into the forest. When are we going to do challenge number three of the quest?

When we get a little bit deeper. Into what? Where are we? Into these woods. Into these historic, magical historic magical woods yes the quest you'll find it the deeper you dive i'm the knight of the josh round table and just like that boys and girls eli's inspiration dissipated i've got a little miniature bottle of aviator gin perhaps that will revive my merriment

yes well don't get too drunk because the last challenge is going to need all your faculties and it is going to be it's quite uncomfortable for you to enjoy oh the electric shocks i'm looking forward to that oh yeah this is going to test everything that you've ever thought look at this look at just look at where we are isn't't this great? We're walking through the thicket in a wood. Wilson thicket. I mean, we've still got all these fences. Beware the dog. In the Midnight Bower by Wilson thicket. Yeah, there you go.

Thank you. We've made that work. Look, we're in the thick of it now. Look at these woods. Land of a thousand trees. By Wilson thicket. And there we go. Blip.

Eli turned off. Right, well, let's just go for a little bit of a deeper And there we go. Blip. Eli turned off. Right, well, let's just go for a little bit of a deeper walk, and we'll find a spot for the third quest challenge, all right? You're doing well. Mustang Woody. I'm going home. You've ruined it. Mustang Woody.

You're not going home. You don't know the way home. What other songs did I am lost? Mustang Sally. We are actually lost, basically. In the Midnight Hour, Mustang Sally, Miniskirt Mini, he did Hey Jude, Hey Wood.

Right, you know what? No. We peaked. We peaked several. My whole life peaked about 20 years ago. That's depressing if true. Right, let's find another space. I think I'm getting a lot of fly and cobweb action yes i also feel not all a walk in the park this no it's a walk in the wood oh this is beautiful this walk yeah it's a

very nice wood definitely but i just i'm concerned that we might end up by some a road with no you know means we might have to dig into the old coffers and get an Uber out of there. Get a National Express coach home. Right, that's going to check the map, and then we're going to try and find a spot for the third adventure. So join us in a minute for that. Not a minute, it's like a couple of seconds. Also, it's not an adventure.

Can we get right what we're going to call it? I've had an adventure. I went on a magic swing. Challenge. We played a challenge. We got chased by fire people. That's very bizarre. If anyone knows anything about that.

We saw a haunted tree with a painting on it of Eli's face. Remember the cheeky monkey we saw at the beginning of the journey? And I think that monkey was signifying the monk and Hadley. Hey, and the nuns. And the nuns. Mate, this has been a magical adventure. It's all getting a bit shining with the two fire ladies. Yeah.

It was all a bit weird and mirrored. Come play with us, Elaine Paul. Forever and ever. Let us squirt our insecticide at you. Look, it's opening up, this forest. And it's not opening up. You know what I mean? It is.

It's widening. The girth is spreading. The forest is opening up. It's wooden thighs. On girth is spreading. The forest is opening up its wooden thighs. On and on and on and on. We're going deeper. It could be like seven miles this way or something, Paul. We need to check the map. We'll check the map. Let's not go too far. Let's check the map.

There's still houses and shit there. We're still not too far away from humanity. Going down this path then? Right, well, let's find a place. Right, you broke me down. Come on, mate. Right, we've been walking now for ten minutes. We've just come out of the main wood and we're crossing the

train line now. And there's another fire brigade which is making us feel really uneasy. Is there some kind of emergency on the park? This is Great Bridge. This used to be... Wait, there's an RSPCA van. Do you think it's like a wild animal, like a werewolf?

They were looking for some kind of animal, weren't they? Did they have poison to subdue it, those girls? Can I just say, if that is true, don't you think they would have said something like, excuse me, gentlemen, have you seen a great big dog with fangs and claws? Are we going? We have to go this way. You have to go past it, yeah. Take a picture. Yeah, you take a picture. So we're crossing the railway. Where's this line? Is this, I mean I know it heads into London which probably means Liverpool Street but

is this heading towards Norwich or something? Weren't they tube trains? No. There's a major path there, we completely didn't even make the major pathway which is good. I like that walk through the woods. Lovely. I liked it. This is the footpath we're on, it's Games Road. All right, that's right, we're going this way. All right, well, I hope they let us through. Well, if they don't, I'll say, do you know where we are?

We're making a podcast, sir, and you'll be stopping our listeners from having enjoyment as we go into the next neck of the woods. Quite literally a different neck of the woods. We're in a different neck of the woods. Oh, no. What if they've got drug dogs and they find us they have a dog there oh it's a train i'm frightened like more than i

ever been frightened in my life before i thought that was a drug dog it's just a lady just a lady with a nice dog i don't know what's going on oh there's mysteries. Mysteries. Right. So now we're in the part of the wood where it gets bigger. That fine man had his ladder out. Maybe he had to get someone out. Maybe someone fell over and he got choked on a tree.

Maybe there was a cat or a dog because the RSPCA stuck up a tree in the woods or something. Look, someone died by that tree. Oh, God. There's flowers on that tree. This is all very strange. I don't like it. It's gotten dark, this story. Why does our stories go dark these days?

Oh, why does our stories go dark these days? Why is there another swing bridge? Shall I have a go on this swing as well? You can, but I don't know. It's very high up. It's just a big rope with a knob on the end. And now it's got two. Oh, hey, here's our fifth dog of the episode. Oh, it's having a good old time back there hello you see ya he's a love i want one of them dogs okay get out of the way you got eerie swings

fuck me that didn't work at all for you did it i haven't got the upper body strength you haven't got the upper arm body strength to hold on shall i Shall I have a go? You'll hurt yourself. All right. Hang on, I just want to take a picture of you holding it. Bear with me. Oh, that's quite a nice action shot, actually, that. Oh, that's a nice action shot, that. It's hard.

I don't care about your penis. Hold this. It's pretty gnarly, man. Honestly, you'll hurt yourself. You'll break your leg. Just hold this. He told me just before when we were going through the woods, and I said, where are you going? You're working on Instinct, boy, I said to him. And then he said, I'm feeling my man come out.

So now he's doing something very foolhardy. Honestly, be careful, Paul, really. Three, two... He's coming. He's swinging. No! You're going into the tree, mate! Oh! He went slamming in. Ladies and gentlemen, he slammed the tree so hard.

I knew he was going to... The first part of the swing was nice. He had nice... He was holding on. I tried to tell you i tried to tell you it's gnarly are you is anything broken paul you slammed that trunk man you slammed that trunk i did i forgot mate i honestly has a tag on it weirdly i honestly forgot that when you swing out, you're much higher off than where you jump from. Oh, I've got a caterpillar on me off the tree. Oh, I hope he fixes himself.

All right, good luck. Oh, God. All right, well, one more, Eli. So I've filmed this one. It's all over. All right, let me just get the camera out. All right, don, one more, Eli. So I'll film this one. It's all over. All right, let me just get the camera out. All right, don't do anything. Here we go.

No, it's all right. Right, recording. Eli's going to do a big swing now. Here we go. Good luck, Mr. Silverman. I went much higher up. Oh, he's off. Oh, scary times.

He dropped off. but a wise decision right let's move on to the next location we need to do this third quest thing yeah fuck me this is going to be a long one all right we need to find a place and get that third quest out of the way bro we're gonna do it now all right babe all right mate yeah oh so we found one of the lakes it's exciting we're crossing a little bridge and we're just going to find a little place to do our third challenge and wasn't it lovely isn't this just lovely i'm very tired and that chunky kit kat has done very little to rally the troops you know oh it's got this way well we're in how far we've come i think we've come like two and a bit miles

we probably want more than that we went off the piste so this is probably like uh three miles yeah so we'll just go deeper in That would be a nice place to go, but there's a random strange bloke. Yeah, so we'll just go deeper in. Deeper in the woods. We have to go deeper for the challenges. No, we need to go up to the hinterlands up there, the open lands. Yeah, but we can go around, can't we? We'll find a mysterious spot to do some magical quest carrying.

Yeah, so let's shut up. Appreciate that we're in a lovely part of the world. There's a lovely lake of the world there's a lovely lake everyone's fishing and chilling the sun's out relaxing so let's just relax you sound like an elmer leonard novel and then the blue skies turn to gray and all that my anxiety went away with my coffee in my hand I'm sitting in the sand Looking like a chicken That's how he does it, isn't he?

You sound like a Steven Seagal blues record now. I'm Steven Seagal Holy cow I'm Steven Seagal What was that one he had? Smell the alligator or something? Do the alligator's twist or something. Right, let's find a fucking spot and do this next fucking challenge.

Fuck this show. So, Paul, the quest today here in beautiful Hadley Wood, I mean, I think we've both... Agree. We've been blown away by the natural beauty here on the hinterlands of London. Yes. It really is lovely here. Absolutely, absolutely tip-top.

So I know there's no Spodney or Chove Off or Obligal McFranty's heart. You know. Spirigew Montivafar. Spirigew. We've used lots of normal words this week. And I'm about to tuck in, because I think we both deserve this, Paul.

Yes. To some aviation gin. Why is it called aviation gin? Is it used for planes? Look, that's nice, the A on the back. I like the ribbed nature of it. Is it glass or plastic? No, that's plastic. It's a miniature, I should say. It's a miniature. We're not opening a big 75 proper sized gin bottle here. No, no, we're not. They had it on the BA flight I took. That's why they have it on planes. Fair enough. Branding. But it is its own gin. It's not even London Dry. It's its own type of gin.

Right. So you're going to have some gin. Great. Smell this gin. The thing is, I don't like this gin. You know why? It's not very juniper forward. It's much more to me, has a sort of licoricey.

See what you think. Like a kind of ouzo. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it is. Are you getting that? It's not just me. I mean, it's gin. Are you getting the juniper as well? me. I mean it's gin but I do agree that there's a it's very paraffin-y. I don't know how to explain it. Ethanol. You're getting the whole

ethanol. Yeah well it is actually higher than some other gins. It's 42 ABV. Right pull a little shot in. It's been a long journey. It's been a long adventure and so we're going to have just a little snifter of fun. Oh you're just going to pour the whole thing out, fair enough. I'm mixing it with the mystery Fanta. Oh, ooh. I don't want to drink just straight gin. No, fair enough, but mixing it with a Fanta is a good plan. Oh, maybe I'll have a little taste of it.

Oh, it's all right. I don't like that at all. Oh, I think that's all right. Try it with the Fanta while I get the thing. Oh, Eli, it is time for mission number three. Oh, should I, should I,. It is time for mission number three. Oh, should I... Should I... Mission.

Mission quest number three. It is... Shall I get the knight then? He's does... Quickly. Hello. Hi. I'm back again.

It's time for your third mission. Jesse fresh. Jesse fresh. Anyway. Fucking hell. I've got your third challenge. Does it involve a reward of tenor men packs? No, you can win five pounds in this challenge.

What is this pound? Can I exchange them in the land of the... And we're done. Right. Eli, we're doing... Can I exchange them for tenor... I'm on to the ladies' ones now. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

Because it's a... I'm actually on to the ladies ones now. Ladies tenners. Great. I stuffed them. Do you want it? Do you know what the clanking is, young man? Shut up.

Do you know what it is? This episode is already longer than I expected. It's my metal underwear. It's already longer than I expected. It's specially built to hold huge pads. Get to the end of this now. Wadges of tenner ladies, tenner men. I don't care.

So if that's all right, let's just do it. I'll go off-brand on my men's sanitary products. I stuff them into my metal panties. Eli, just outside of the podcast for a minute, outside of the quest. Are you... I'll rip your legs off and I'll cave your head in with them. Oh, that's nice. I'll literally use your own boots to stomp your face in. Oh, that's nice.

All right, goodbye, Josh One, forever. And I'll see you later. Paul, you know the rules. Yeah, I do. I'm going to pour some your face in. Oh that's nice. Alright, goodbye Josh one forever. And I'll see you later. Paul you know the rules. Yeah I do. I'm going to pour some of this in here. He's pouring the Fanta in. Nice. It looks like the colour of the Ghostbusters too slime. Does it? Yeah it does actually. That's the kind of pink.

He's drinking it. How was it with the Fanta in? He's got the jibblies. Right. Eli. It's time for a price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of... It's the fucking price of...

It's the fucking price of shite. Alfresco edition. Cha-cha-cha. Right, it's very simple, this. In this bag, I've got five items. A little report on how that gin went with the Fanta. Is it fine? That was a deeply, deeply unpleasant experience.

Bitterness. And that kind of bitterness that we picked up on in the Fanta kind of just amplified the horrible bitterness of that gin. I hate that gin. I always have. I hate that gin. I always have. I hate that, Doc. I thought it was all right. Right, Eli, we're playing the Price of Shite.

Lovely. To win this challenge, Eli, it's very simple. Very simple. We don't need petwings. We don't need notepads, paper. It's very simple. I'm going to show you five items. And each item, Eli, I'll tell you right now, is a pound apart from one.

One of these items did not cost a pound. Okay. And you will have to tell me which one you think is. That's it. That's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. How many could I get for that? One and five pound.

Oh, five quid. Which could make your total 15. And you're going to give it to me? Yeah. And if you win the next one challenge, the final challenge, you will win the price of that and double it. So that's 30 quid max? Yeah, because the other one was a fiver.

So that means you could win 40 quid today. I could get a kebab on the way home. You could. I could treat myself. You could. I could do all the time. I could treat you now if you want, princess. Shut up, don't call me princess are you ready

i'm ready i think this is going to be easy all you got to do is spot the turkey in the bar and can i guess the price of the one that isn't a quid or do i know what price i'll tell you what if you pick it out if you pick it out i'll let you then have a bonus between if you can guess the price all right but you have to get it right first see that good bit of negotiation double you you of a twin count. Let that be a lesson to you. First item. I hope that big Labrador doesn't...

The dogs. The dogs of Hadley. He's handed me top trumps. They're not even top trumps. No, they're knock-off top-ups. Oh, it's got the sticker on for a quid. Well, there's a Brucey bonus for you, Mr. Silverman. Take the stickers off.

I have done. I just forgot. I didn't see that one. I'm going to take the sticker off. Well, at least you know that one. That's the joker in the pack, Mr. Silverman. That's a Brucey bonus. That's a quiz.

This is a knock-off Trump's brand. It's called Ace Trump's, not Top. I've never heard of them. Never. Have you heard of them? Never. And this is Space Race. Play and collect, it says.

Carter Mundy, but that's a big company. Is it? Yeah, they make playing cards, Carter Mundy. Oh, I don't know. But it's not the top Trump brand. I guess the game itself is different enough, is it? No, it doesn't look that different at all. Here's a thing, and here's its stats.

But the stats are, you've got scientific value. It's all space stuff. So there's SIRTF, Space Telescope, launched in 2002. Yeah. Scientific value, but then it's just got it's out of four yeah whatever there's just five it's out of five it doesn't give you a number it just gives you a number of costing million pounds 211 for that there's one of these numbers yeah and there's the mia space station there's a few space rockets and stuff that's if you're into that you know

it's nice the cards are quite cheap quality apollo 11. Yeah. Costing millions of pounds. £5,614 million. Yeah. That's crazy. That would be... That's big money today. Big money. I guess they've adjusted that. Yeah.

I guess. That's £5 billion. That's what it is. Neil Armstrong there. It's the dark side of the moon. Most reissued album of all time, I think. As we discovered while we were sitting on a log. You know what?

I like playing cards. Just the tactile feel of them they're not the quality cards though are they no these are very slim you don't get many and um it's a cheap sort of plasticky case they come in but i also have you seen like modern day top trumps they've got this huge amount of plastic around like these horrible clamshell weird holsters i hate those more plastic yeah no point put them in cardboard you know what i mean i like it with a nice cardboard cover packet cards keep it simple next item that was a quid is there another quid sticker on this no they've all i've checked them all i just missed that one oh i actually want this you can have it if you want mr silverman this is a cooking alarm timer thing i think it's 60 60 seconds. Made by Zenka. 60 seconds or minutes?

I think it's minutes. Oh, it goes all the way up to 60, yeah. So it must be minutes. So I'm going to put it on for one minute. And it's counting down. I'll put it next to the mic. Satisfying. Why did it make that ting ting?

Because it's got a bell in. Yeah, but hasn't got that all the way down. So you shook it. You shook it. No, that's what I mean. If you shake it. It should be counting. You see what I mean? Oh, yeah. So just let it...

It's going to go off. In a minute, yeah. So, I tell you what. It's just an egg timer. It's a white plastic little timer. It's quite nice. I like it. I would use that.

Zenka. Zenka, it's a nice thing. It has a lovely build. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I just... It's a cooking... It's handy, you know, when you want to cook pasta.

Can I just put it... If I push it, will it go off? I mean, I don't know. You could just leave it, see if it goes off, because I've got the next item. Next one is this. It's a rainbow eraser. It's just a big rainbow eraser, a huge chunky one. It's a big chunky.

It's a big chunky rainbow. That looks like an eraser. Yeah, it's an eraser. That looks like a chunky rainbow. It's a chunky eraser. It's as simple as that. It's as simple chunky rainbow. That looks like an eraser. Yeah, it's an eraser. That looks like a chunky rainbow. It's a chunky razor. It's as simple as that. It's as simple. Right, next.

Oh, and he's handed me something delicate. It looks like an egg cup or a goblet. It looks like a small goblet when it's still in the paper. It's wrapped in newspaper. It's a nice little thing. It's a goblet. It's a little glass goblet. It's adorable, ladies and gentlemen. It's a little sort of cut glass goblet, isn't it? What would you drink out of that, though? I think that's a goblet. It's a little glass goblet. It's adorable, ladies and gentlemen. It's a little sort of cut glass goblet, isn't it?

What would you drink out of that, though? Port. I think that's a port glass. Is it? Yeah, I believe so. Port's very sweet, isn't it? And it's usually higher ABV as well, so you only want a little glass,

a little sweet wine glass. We've never had port on Cheap Show. I don't care for it. We should have it at Christmas. Should we have a Christmas port? Do you like port? I don't think I've had it in years to have a real good idea of it. It's wine, and it gives me you like port? I don't think I've had it in years to have a real

good idea of it. and it gives me all of the horrible effects that wine normally gives me which is a sort of kind of soporific effect,

a sort of sleepy drunk, you know, a sort of messy sleepy drunk and I don't like that. I like the hard spirits hitting your

belly, you know, hard cold vodka hitting your belly. I got scared and thought there was a dog but it was my bag.

Sorry. We haven't mentioned, you know what we haven't mentioned is the second fire engine. You haven't got scared. I thought there was a dog, but it was my bag. Sorry. We haven't mentioned, you know what we haven't mentioned is the second fire engine. Yeah, we mentioned it. They were there, weren't they? They brought a ladder out.

What were they doing? This has been a walk of doubles. Fell out of a tree. Yes, you did. You slammed into that tree. Anyway, that's that item. That's your fourth, and now it's on to the fifth item.

Well, the one that's standing out to me that would be more expensive is the goblet so far Paul I have to say do I know if it's more expensive or less expensive I'm not gonna tell you next item is what mr. silver this is an exciting item thank you nice one for saving this to last you say the best to last pursuit candle-powered tin boats blam by shilling I think they're famous company I don't know any shilling I think you just lift it i don't know shilling oh you can just lift it out that's just because the plastics come off you can just slide it out oh like that from the

bottom yeah and that's exactly what it is it's a small tin boat that you can power on the water when was this made i don't know i've got a feeling it's like a 90s toy you think it's a reissue it's no it's definitely not this is from the 50s's definitely not. This is from the 50s. No, this is not 50s. This is really nice. This is not 50s. The original, I reckon, was probably made then. Not for children.

Adult supervision required. Use as opened flame. I think I used to have one of these. I had a similar one that I used baking soda, but it was more like a submarine type thing. I used to have one of these. Look, he goes in there. Yeah.

What does he do? Well, you put a little candle. See the little candles here? Wow. You put like one and then you use the pipette to fill the engine full of water. So you fill those two pipes with water with a pipette and then for some reason when you put the candle in there it heats the pipes and propels it. It pushes the steam out there yeah that's what it is. That must be what it is. But this looks like it's not evenly there then. I've fixed it a bit. I honestly have no idea how old it is. That is really nice. It's in perfect nick. I don't think it's that old because look, 50s wouldn't have bags like this. No, but what I'm saying is I think the original toy. Oh, it's based on an original toy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Much

earlier. Definitely could be, you know, 100 years old, couldn't it? Look, I like a pick that. The Age of Steam. It works on steam, you know, so. So, you know. And the little boy sits in there. Does this have a date on it at all? I think I've found our odd one out.

Oh, look, originally it was £10 basically, £9.95. Yeah, so this is the one that isn't a quid. That's my guess. Right. I think the Schilling candle powered pursuit candle powered tin boat yeah

is the one that is not a quid now I'm just going to go through them again you've got your glass goblet you've got your tin boat you've got your egg timer you've got your eraser and you've got your top trumps ace trumps

ace trumps which one is not one pound now that you've seen them all it's definitely pursuit the candle-powered tin boat are you gonna are you locking that in I need you to confirm before you get all arsey I'm gonna get a cage of road ah fuck you anyway what a rip-off I just think I can't imagine I want you to commit to a price I can't imagine I think that was like 250 all right and all these others i can imagine being a quid all right there's a big air on that one i think it's one of yours even though

the shilling knew i'm going to bring the question because i don't know here i come oh i was giving chocker to the man in the woods why do you always give chocolate to people because he liked it he went come here questmaster he got he got down in his knees i got my chocopot out and then i poured my heart warm chocca down his mouth and then and he loved it and he gave me 300 british pounds and it was your spunk is that what we believe to be the case with you no more questions so the answer, which one did you pick? I wasn't here. I was giving chocker. It was the Pursuit candle-powered boat.

I can reveal to you, Eli, you're wrong. It was a pound. The item. Where? It was a pound from the North London Hospice in Muswell Hill. All of this stuff comes from Muswell Hill. That came from the same place the one pound timer i think was it one pound as well one pound timer uh next was the goblet that

was a pound from the rspca shop in muzzle hill the ace and the cassette uh the ace and the rubber which one i'm gonna let you have another little guess just for fun because you've already lost but just for fun out of the ace top trumps and the eraser. Those were more. Those were more than a quid. All right. No, you're wrong. They were a quid, the ace trumps.

And that was two. No, that was 75p. I don't even get to guess that. No, because you got it wrong. Oh, no. You don't win five pounds. Oh, but you could double it if you win the next one. I've still got 10 pounds.

You've still got 10. And you could win 10 in the next and walk away with 20. Where are we going then? Well, we'll just have a little cigarette and a drink, because I want me next Desperado. You've still got £10. You've still got £10 and you could win £10 in the next and walk away with £20. Where are we going then? Well, we'll just have a little cigarette and a drink because I want my next Desperado.

But Eli, would you like any of the prizes from the Price is Right today? I would like... Would you like the egg timer? Yes. Would you like the boat?

You know what? I'm going to be mature about this and say I don't really have space for that. But I will make a video. I want to test this. I want to test it in my bath. So I'm going to make a video in my bath. How about really have space. But I will make a video. I want to test this. I want to test it in my bath.

So I'm going to make a video in my bath. How about that, OnlyFans? I used to have one of those, and I hadn't thought of those in years, but they do work as well. Nice steam-powered little tin boat. Right, so you don't want the ace in the cup? No, thank you. No, all good?

In that case, let's have a little rest because we have the big finale coming up now, the big end battle. I can't wait. We're going to go into the woods somewhere dark pimsbrook we're going down pimsbrook that's where we're getting out we're going to find a dark place in the woods for the next last final challenge yeah what do we have to do because it's it's serious mate this one's serious and you can't be seen in public doing it electric shocks really do i have to put my finger in something no do i have to put my hand i'll tell you all

i don't want the quest master the I'll just tell you right now. The quest master will tell you. I'll refuse to do it. Fine. And then you'll let our audience down. You horrible cunts. Right, let's have a chill out. Hey, I'm going to go give chocker to that dog.

Don't give chocker to a dog. Oh, look at this. We're going deep into the dark forest for the last challenge, Mr Silverman. Deep dark. Oh, nimble and nimble in the wood. The pastry way makes way for cheers. Uncle Paul and Uncle Eli are very drunk and we're up to no good but hey hey what speak of yourself the crows they harken the crows they harken to our final destination the quest the quest is closing this quest into the dark wood mr silverwell i've

got no energy i've got nothing i've left. Well, can we do it here then, please? Let's go over here. I want it to be dark and scary for the last challenge. Are you going to electrocute me in some way? Is that what's happening? Shall I get the knight character? I'm Joshua Fresh One. Hello. Mate, no. We're just going to stop.

If you can't be arsed and you're just going to be a fanny about it, then we're not going to do it, alright? Joshua Fresh One, knight of the realm. Yes. Yes, Doctor, Doctor. Is it time for my final quest? Because I'm exhausted. It is time for the last Chucky Chuck time. Oh,

I'm glad I remembered the word Chockers for this week. Right, we're going to go deep into the wood and find a place to set up for the last challenge. Oh, it's gotten darker, Eli. The trees are becoming like spectres, haunting us on our way down the road.

Please electrocute me for the possibility of 20 quid. That's what he's playing. That's what you're playing for. I am the quest master. Come on, then. Come on, then. Come on, then. Let's find a place to stop and do our little last game. No, no, there's a little way up here I want to go.

Where are we going? Shh, it's time. Bom-da-da-jum. Bom-da-da-jum-ba-jum-ba-bum-ba-ba-jum. I didn't feel this. Bom-ba-ba-jum-ba-jum-ba-bum-ba-ba-jum. Bom-ba-ba-jum-ba-jum-ba. Bom-ba-ba-jum-ba-jum-ba-bum-ba-ba-jum. Can we stop?

There's bugs flying on my face. Right, I think he will be fine by this big tree. Right, let's get ready and let's set up for the final challenge. Oh, fuck, I've hurt my leg. You deserve that for being so bad at it. Oh, I've hurt myself quite a lot today, Daddy. Let's set up. Oh, I've hurt myself quite a lot today, Daddy. Let's set up.

Oh, that got me. That got me. Ah, fuck, ow. Right. Ow. Everything's spiky on the ground. Here we are, Paul. We're at the end of the quest. Sit down properly on there.

I'm not sitting on the floor here. It's filth. It's not. It's earthy and you've got nice jeans on. You've just told me the floor is prickly. Yeah, it is prickly. I've got everything in my arse. I'm going to put my arse right onto the prickles, am I? Yes.

No, I'm not. I'm squatting for this. Right. Here we are, Paul, in Hadleywood. Because you're not close enough to the mic. What do you mean? You're not close enough to the mic what do you mean you're not close enough to the mic here we are in hadley woods uh for the last quest uh of this question it's been our longest quest so far probably it's been our most epic adventure ever mr silver and this is the last and final challenge of the day. We've had some laughs, we've had some slightly unnerving experiences with fire service.

And also, some highlights for me were when you hurt yourself, Paul. I know, I'm glad it's not serious, but when you slammed that tree. It was good, wasn't it? There is some there. There's some there. You really didn't want to dump all of those pieces. Oh, fucking... Oh!

Everything's prickling in me. You shouldn't have dumped the pieces onto the floor. It's fine. Explain what this mission challenge is. I know. I'm not in the readying character yet. No, not the character. Please.

I've dropped the knight. Hello! Quest pool, do the work. Thank you, quest master. Right, so, for our final challenge today, you will be playing Perfection to Perfection. Do the work. Thank you, Questmaster. Right, so for our final challenge today, you will be playing Perfection to Perfection. It's the simple game we all remember.

I don't remember this at all. The game is you get a timer right there. A timer. You see it? And you time it all the way. I think it's 60 seconds. You have 60 seconds to put these. All of them.

All of them in. All of them in the holes. Where are they meant to be? Right, okay. See? Right? But here's the thing you press it down the tray yeah and if the time runs out it fires it everywhere and you're never going to find them you're going to have an incomplete set because it will break it will go amongst this bracken and leaf well we'll just be careful it all flies off however i've added a

wrinkle to this for a lark i've brought my ball look i can see my bollock bulge because you're gonna yeah they can actually oh no your bollocks in full view oh no can you you have to delete that i'm not gonna delete your bollocks mate now speak into the mic when you can't i have to sit here just get let's just do this quest for fuck's sake wait we're not finished yet because i have what could i win no this price item cost me £5, right? Nice. So you can add £5 to the 10 you've already won. I've literally got Holly and the Ivy going up my bum.

I have got all sorts invading every piece of me. Right, so I've got them all here and I'll hand them out to you. I'll hold the rest. What are those? They're all going in. You'll hold them out for me? I will, I'll hold them out for you like that when the time is right. But there are 25 shapes in the grid to fill before the time runs out

and ejects it everywhere. Now, Eli, it's up to you. Yes. You can walk away today with this £10 and maybe if you win this, £5. You can win £15. But if you want to double your prizes, I need to attach this TENS machine to your back to give you a TENS machine electric shock

I'm not doing that as we do it now I don't know about you but I think that's what the audience wants I can wire it up for you I'm not doing that you don't want me to wire this electric shock machine up to you

so you can play it for a laugh I thought it was some kind of zinger that you were talking about no this is a TENS machine and that is very much an intimate place for me, my lower back, and I do not wish to be shocked there, no. Are you sure? Yes, I'll take the fifth possibility of the 15 quid.

I'm sorry. Look at that. He's missed out on this. He could have been having electric shocks, but no. Baby Eli wants to fail the quest. Listen, that's not fair. That's intrusive and weird, Paul. Can I jack you off then while you do it?

Can I rub your nubbin until the tub comes out is that what you think people want to hear mate I'll be honest let me be honest we've recorded far more

than I thought already we've walked far more than I thought already don't talk to me about this I don't know where we're going next I know and we've got this

final challenge right this is weird let's just get this done and wrap this fucking episode up and maybe you can walk away with 15 pounds.

Yes, I'm fine. I'm happy with that to avoid having the electrodes literally attached to my back. Great. In that case, let's begin, okay? So I'm going to set the timer to 60 seconds. Ready? Yeah.

Oh, I like the action on this. This is a lovely looking set. I like it. There we go. And when you're ready, Eli, you just need to put all 25 of these shapes into the grid before it pops up and casts it everywhere. Okay. You can walk away with five pound today added to your ten. Will it do it anyway though when it gets to that point? No,

you can press stop and stop it beforehand. Ah. Ah. So if you stop it. Do I have that chance to? Yeah. See? see see put it down all the way back all the way back okay and I'll hold the rest you can take from my hand at first if you want

but on your marks are you ready for the oh no the holly are you ready for the final challenge oh my think of that it's poking me in the arse

instead of the tens machine then how about it's the poly pokings poly pokings poly pokings what do you mean the Polly Pokings? I don't know.

I meant to say Polly, but then Polly came out. Polly Pokings. My first girlfriend. Is it? I dated a girl called Polly once. Did you? Yeah, it ended terribly. How did yours end?

It wasn't fantastic, but it was... Well, there's your lesson. Don't date a Polly. Anyway. Ready? The time. Oh, you've really put me off. Polly's behind you Ready? The time. Oh, you've really put me off. Polly's behind you.

Oh, stop. You can start the timer if you want. I can do it. You start it, please. Ready? Ready, Eli? Okay. Your final challenge.

I'm ready to take the challenge. In five, four, three, two, one. Begin. And he goes in. He puts the first one in, a crescent moon, followed by a hexagon. No, it's not that one. He needs to speed these things up

because this is going to run out of time quickly. How much time have we lost so far? I don't know, about 10 seconds. He's not doing very well. There's lots to do still, and he's only put one or two pieces in. Time is running out quickly, quickly. He's got another little paraboloid

shape but is it that one yes it goes in next is a square nice and simple and it goes across now easy it's a time thing but it looks like we're running out of time at least halfway out of the door we are done and i don't think he's on half the grid oh my god it's thrilling he put another cross in as the shapes begin to fill, it will be more easier for him to fill in the remaining shapes as the choices become more limited due to his success. But no, he's got running out of time now.

I'm thrilled. I don't know when it's going to go off, but there's some in my hand now. He's now reached into my hand and he's pulling out the shapes. He's got two S's there, but they're the opposite of each other. So he's trying to separate.

Ah! Fucking hell! The time is over. i'm so sorry mr silverman but you did not pass this challenge let me come in move out of the way move out of the way hello questmaster you have done very well not as well as last year what 12 pound 50 but you will be walking away today with the grand prize of £10. Oh, well, at least I won some money. Have you got it on you?

I'll get it out of the bank later on the way home, providing the bank machine is open. Do you take goblin cards? Uh, ha-ha, yes, I do. In that case, have some chocker. Oh, chocker, chocker, chocker. Well, that's all we've got time for. No, we'll do one last bit, but you were very slow with that. It's the first time I've ever played it, to be honest,

and I've had a bit of that aviation gin. Yeah, and we've all had a smoke and some gin and some beers as well. And we've been walking around as well. And we've been walking around in the sun. And look, long story short, we've turned this into a shit show right towards the end. It's all prickly on my butt butt as well on my butt i am actually getting slightly concerned that we're not going to get out of the woods before the the sun go down the midnight hour well we're going to

wait till the midnight hour we've got to go down the pims brook yeah we do that's how we're going to end this we should end at the pims brook gate as an exit from this park and this is reality joins the dolly's bro Brook at some point or something. Does it? You tedious wank of shaft. It's hard, ladies and gentlemen. I don't think I could have done it. You try it. I challenge you. I challenge

the quest master. I set you your own quest. I'm Tenor Lady Nightman. You want me to have a go at this then? Yeah. Alright, I'll tell you what, then I'll have a go at this. And if I win, what do I get? You just get props. No, what do I get?

I'm giving you a tenor. What do I get? I'll give you... What do I get? All right, don't do it. I don't care. Right, so just because I've now... As you've put the money on the table, you've bottled it.

I'm not putting money on the table. I'm just saying you couldn't get... I don't know, what do you want to do? I could do... I'll have a go at this. if i do what if i do what do i get well done what do i get well done paul i don't want a well done paul from you on the back it doesn't mean nothing to me i just say yeah well done mate yeah can we go now i mean you're just he's already taking the pizza away he's gutless what a shitty gutless cunt. It's up to you, mate. It's up to you.

I don't want to do it because I'm not going to be drunk. I'll pull them out quickly. I'm pulling them out. I've been pulling them out. I tell you what, while we pull out some odd shapes from the board. Out they come. They're coming out now, Paul. All of them coming out.

Well, that's the finale of the episode. Last challenge was a failure. What a letdown. What a massive letdown that was. Are you ashamed of yourself this episode? How little effort you put in? I put in effort. Did you?

Did I lose the quests overall? How many? Yeah, I lost. You lost. You only won one, which is then stark opposite to what you did last time. One of the four? Yeah.

Wow. You got the second one with the cups and the dice and the stuff. Oh, he's putting it in its hole. There you go. It's a nice set, though. It's a fun game. It's a fun game. The thing is, it's more of a skill that you would learn.

You'd get better and better at it, you'd lose its appeal after a while. Sort of in between a toy and a game, isn't it really? Yeah, it's a bit more of a toy than a game but you took on the challenge and you tried but unfortunately for you, this quest is over. Is this like a famous 60s thing or something? Yeah. It's like a buckaroo.

It used to be an MB game but this is an off-brand version of it. Oh, I see. So it's like a Chad Valley-type version of it or whatever it is. Yeah, so you think it was invented by that guy? You've got the book about him. No, I don't know who invented this. I know nothing about this.

I just know it's here. Right. Eli, you have failed the challenge. I know, I'm sorry, but still tenor, though. So you must leave this wood. I'm leaving the wood, yeah. And never come back, for you tenner, though. So you must leave this wood. I'm leaving the wood, yeah. And never come back. For you are a poor man.

I've got a tenner richer than I was, I mean. Nah, I'm not giving you that. You're not now. You're now not giving it to me. Is that what's up? I'll give you it. All right, come on. Nah, I'll give you it.

You're me best mate. Will Paul, though. Can I ask that? Will Paul. Will you tell Paul that I'm... Paul, yeah what Paul come over here what

you have to give Eli ten quid I'm not giving him ten quid oh mate I'm sorry which of you promised me the ten quid I promised you it no you both did

so so what you want twenty quid no well ten just I just want you to say do what you say you would you'll get ten pounds before we separate today, all right?

All right. That I will give you out of my own bank account. We can record it when you hand it over. Yes, all right. But let's, in all honesty, get the fuck out of this wood now. Oh, I've got a worm on me. Oh, God. I hate the woods.

I know. Let's get out of here. It's prickly. Let's get out of here. It's prickly. The quest is over. The quest is over. Let us leave the wood.

The quest is over. Let us leave the wood. The quest is over. Let us leave the wood. I'm covered in fucking things. Oh, we didn't eat the things. We're going to have to eat them. I don't care about the things. We're going to eat these. Come on, you need sustenance before you get out of the wood.

That's not the truth. Now, Paul. Quickly, quickly, three seconds. Paul, get ready to leave. I can't when we're recording, can I? Put perfection away. I can't when we're recording. I wanted away. I can't when we're recording. I wanted to electrocute you and you ruined it for me.

Now, I picked these up. These are very special things. These are Filipino... ...tarkey rip-offs, from what I can see. They've got a tarkey-shaped crisp packet, Paul, and they're corn tubes. And they're... Just fucking open them. It's fucking rigmarole.

Are you going into the... If you spill my fucking tattoos. Nice off. Oh, they're more like hula hoops. But they're corn hula hoops. I don't like them. Oh, they're barbecue flavour. They're alright.

Are they? Fine. Mmm. Not salty enough. No, not salty enough. I'll have another one. Right, that's that segment over. Bye.

Can we get out of the fucking wood? It tastes like potato. I bet they're potato I'm frightened and I want to get out the wood I've hurt my arm I've hurt my leg did you hear something screaming

yeah I did just now yeah I'm like a bit of bird though I'm frightened and it's getting dark those tattoos are a bit under flavoured but quite nice

it builds it's got some spice but they're quite weak overall what a poor snack they're not like a turkey at all are they no not at all right right I'm going to have to pack up and get out of these fucking woods But they're quite weak overall. What a poor snack. They're not like a turkey at all, are they? No, not at all.

Right. Right. I'm going to have to pack up and get out of these fucking woods. Yes. Be gone. You are banished from these woods. Forever. All right. Stand up. Record when he's standing up. No, because I'm going to hurt myself. Do you want a hand?

No, because I'm going to put my hand on a tree. Get off me! We're late, we're lost in the woods. We're trying to find the Pimsbroke Trail to get out. Look at these. It's almost as if the woods are trying to confuse us. Can you look at your phone, please? No, it's more magical when we get lost. But the woods, we go left and it looks right, and we go right when we go left.

I'm sorry, can I just apologise to Tat to tattoos for saying that they were some kind of Taki clone they're their own thing and they're very nice sweet in that way that there's Chris from that part of the world are but very spicy in a building spice and a really delicious flavor and texture like a bubbly and most you know what it's closest to shut off of Roysters you remember Roysters Chris the bubbly ones it was closest to that like up. A Roysters. Do you remember Roysters, Chris? The bubbly ones? It was closest to that. Like a sweet, spicy Roysters in a tube, if you can imagine that, Paul.

If you can imagine that. And they're good. We're lost in the woods, and I don't care about tattoos. Get out your phone. You get out your phone. I'll find out. You do it. I'll find out.

You do it. I'm sick of being Daddy Map Man. We're lost in the woods, and we don't know where we're going and I'm frightened and everything's biting me and I'm covered in shit and I've got stuff in my shoes. You've had a lovely time, haven't you? I've had a lovely time. I've had a lovely day.

We both have, Paul. I think it's just that way, you know, the path. There's a little clearing. Let me just double check. The green, the woods are finally clearing out. It's all dark and foreboding. Where are we? Oh, we're all the way up there. Yeah, see, we're not that far away. We're right there where finally clearing out. It's all dark and foreboding. Where are we? Oh, we're all the way up there.

Yeah, see, we're not that far away. We're right there where we came out. Keep going that way and we should hit it again. Yeah, all right, we're going to go to the gate and we'll finally escape these haunted mystic woods. Who are? I'm back. I've got sore balls, et cetera.

Bye-bye. You shouldn't have brought him back I shouldn't have not then he's a prestige character he's a prestige now long we've can't come long John no I mean a bit more time with him all right let's get out of these woods I still think it's that way right there all right right well report when we get to the gate leaving the woods the mysterious woods the mysterious woods. Right.

We've made our way out. Those tattoos get a strong full half. Shut up about the fucking tattoos, you dirty bastard. You've got nothing, though. You've got nothing, do you? I'm all out. Listen, let me talk for a second. Here we are at the end. At Pimsbrook Trail.

The Pimsbrook is something I've wandered about and I've wandered by myself in little journeys and sojourns. I'm mentally exhausted for this. And a whole trance of little private something I've wandered about and I've wandered by myself in little journeys and sojourns. I'm mentally exhausted. And a whole trance of little private walks I've made. How dare you touch me. Okay. He's got his hand on me.

I'd like to tweak your bingo wings as well now. On my arse. On your arse, eh? On your arse. We're going down Pimsbroke Trail and that's the end of the quest, which I failed. There's a gate there. I may have failed the quest, but I hope I won a place in your hearts and all the listeners' hearts. I hope, yes.

If nothing else, we've entertained you today, even though Eli's been a big fucking wide failure of a wretched... Although, tell her about the dog, about me moves. Oh, yeah, there's a dog now, a big wet dog called Holly. Yeah, big wet black dog called Holly. Which ran ahead of us,

picked up this big stick that was like across the whole pathway. It was a great big stick. And ran at us pretty fast. Very fast speed. And I was ahead of you, and she came past me first, so you didn't have a good sort of sight on her. No.

But she came, and then you kind of twisted your whole body to avoid getting caught by the stick. I fucking matrixed it. You matrixed that out. I fucking matrixed it. So, yeah, and Eli enjoyed that incredibly. He was laughing and laughing. It was fun and games.

So here we are. We're at the crossroads where we kind of got halfway, and now we're out. This is the London Loop. We're back on the London Loop here. So we are one and a half miles away from Hadley, two miles away from High Barnet to our left. Trent Park we should do one day.

That's meant to be a huge park as well. Okay. Yeah. Cock Fosters? I don't think that's a park. That's just a place you can get to. So we're going to end by going down

the Pimsbrook Trail and end up at High Barnet Station. Is that High Barnet? Is that where it's at? No, it's that way at the end. Once we get to it, we find a road

and we go to the High Barnet train station. We might be able to get a bus there. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. Yes. Yes, it is time for me

to go back to the netherworld and prepare another challenge. If you are... Oh, look, and here comes the knight. Hello, I'm Fresh Run John. I've just come from... Have you not even put any effort into the voice now? Your sub-Brandoff voice?

Hello, I'm Fresh Run John. I haven't been paying attention because I've been hoarding nappies. Would you like to come to the netherworld with me and have sweet chocker? Yes, that's not good. Let's get our chock on. Hear the clanking of the panties. Bye-bye, Paul and Eli. The little panties.

We're off to get our chock on. Chocks away. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right, and that's where we must leave you for this way longer than we expected. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Way more tiring. Blah, blah, blah, blah, tiring. Blah, blah, blah. We've been walking for seven hours.

No, we haven't. It's been seven hours. It's seven o'clock. I need to go home because we're filming Digi tomorrow. We've got to get up. Seven hours? Yes. It's not over yet, are we? We've recorded.

I don't know how long we've even recorded, but it's a lot. It goes all the way down. We're not recording anymore now. This is it. We're going through that magic gate and the episode's over. Okay. Goodbye. Let's go through the magic gate.

Here we go. Walking through the magic. I'll take a photo of you. Take a picture of me going through that magic gate and the episode's over okay let's go through the magic gate here we go walking through the magic take a picture of me going through the magic gate here i am i'm exiting here's me opening the gate all right here we go and i'm closing bye bye everyone and see you next week on everyone's favorite podcast called cheap show cheap show bye favourite podcast called Cheap Show. Cheap Show. Bye. Bye. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Which way now? I don't know. Oh, that way. There's a road. I'm not doing that shit no more. Let's go home. How are we going to get home from here?

I don't know. Let's just go home. What's this road? Yes. This road isn't on the map. I don't care. We're on a road. Are we going to walk down the road now? Yes. The show's over, the magic's over. Let's walk down the Pimsbrook Trail down here.

Oh, God. Mate, no, this episode's over. Bye, everyone. Say goodbye and I want to press stop. Yeah, fine. Goodbye, everyone. We still have to... We still have to do some walking. We still have to go through the Pimsbrook Trail. Oh, God. Bye, everyone. BLEURGH. Bye everyone.