CheapShow - Ep 284: Juicy Jubilee

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

We hope you’re thirsty this week, because Paul and Eli are going to be diving into a tiny treasure trove of fizzy drinks… Sadly, that means they’re going to get a visit from the Soda Jerk Master himself, Juicy Jeremy. He’s back with a collection of soft drinks to taste and test. There is even one drink from his jalopy that the cheap chaps have been desperately trying to get their hands on for a while, but will it live up to expectations? However, Juicy Jeremy hasn’t come alone as, unbeknownst to him, there is a certain animal fancying candy man who has a few treats of his own to offer. All this AND Paul’s got a shocking royal confession to get off his chest, it’s a proper fizzy and frothy episode! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-284-juicy-jubilee Tickets for LIVE SHOW on August 13th: Episode 300 Live https://harrowarts.com/whats-on/event/cheapshow-300-live For Information on travel and accommodation for CS300 https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/cheapshow-300-show-info And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

I bummed the queen last night. Oh, fuck off. You bummed the queen. Yeah. You cannot start like that. After giving me a big tailing off about nonsense words, like some kind of prescriptive linguistics Nazi, I've said it.

That's what people fucking want to listen to. It's the creation, the coinage of new verbiage. Okay, I tossed the coin last night got the queen's head right off listen don't talk about bumming the queen

I got a letter in the post she's going to croak or something I got a letter in the post saying congratulations Paul you've won a competition to bum the queen offer a jubilee

I wouldn't trust that necessarily because there's a lot of scams going about I went along to the Buckingham house palace Buckingham house. Palace.

Buckingham Palace. You know the famous place where she lives around the corner? Yes, I do, yes. You know, in Walthamstow there's a Buckingham house there and I got a letter saying meet the Queen.

So that's a bit unusual because I thought it would be Buckingham Palace. Was the Queen bearded? No, she wasn't. She was a it was a very dark room and I just heard a voice go

the Queen's over there. So I went over and I heard, hello, I'm the Queen. And then I heard some ruffling of clothing and things and they dropped down to the floor. She goes, I've presented the royal arse. Did an odour sort of immediately fill the air. Yeah.

Like a cross between a Lynx Africa and a bomb of violet sweets. Oh God. between Lynx Africa and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and was at the end, you know. Yeah. She came, she came jizzing. No, no, no, no, no. The queen isn't allowed to come. She's not allowed to come? She's not allowed to come otherwise she'd lose the crown. on the real though, on the real though, Paul, apparently she doesn't like garlic. Yeah.

Did you hear this? She wouldn't have it in the house. She wouldn't have garlic in the house. Yeah. Fuck off. Strange, because they're all stunk of garlic. So anyway,

I finished the job. You know, she goes, finish on the royal back. So I did. Yeah. And I pulled out and I said, job. She goes, finish on the royal back. So I did. And I pulled out. And I said, it was a pleasure, Mom, to bum you. I think we've lost all of our royalist fucking listenership.

If we have any royalist listeners, they have gone a long time ago. Anyway, I'm getting a call back next week because Prince Charles wants a bit of the action. You're going to bum Prince Charles in Hounslow, are you? Yeah. In the Duchy of Hounslow. I've been invited to fuck the whole royal family. So I'm going to commit to it because I love my country. Right.

That's it. Welcome to Cheap Show. No, fuck that. Welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome. I'm welcoming people in. Welcome to Cheap Show. Well done, Paul.

Well done, Paul. Thank you. Welcome to Cheap Show. With your bumming the Queen monologue. This will go down. It's going to go down in the annals of history. Annals of history. I'm having an anus horribilis.

She fucking did. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Chief Show. Go J! People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Cheap Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon.

Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. I'm not... Sorry. You introduce it, go on. Welcome to Cheap Show, blah, blah, blah.

You do it. I'm always doing it. And I don't want to be Big Daddy. Big Daddy Gannon. No. I want to be Big Daddy Eli. So Big Daddy Eli, introduce the show. Okay, thank you.

Imagine the music's just finished. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I'll cover my biscuits. Hello, everybody. It's Eli Silverman. It's Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast for your ears. And we've got all sorts of stuff on the show. For your ears.

For your ears. All sorts of stuff coming up on the show today. Oh, no, I just remembered. What? We've got Juicy Jeremy. Is that this week? I thought that wasn't for another while. Well, his lawyers, they're very nefarious.

I've brought like a book and game and stuff tonight. No, we've got to do soda. Fuck. It's part of the thing. And he stipulated that you had to be here to drink his soda. Yeah, I know. I'm getting used to that. I still get bottles sent to my house every week.

Do you have a sip? You know, the weird thing is, since I've been drinking it, I've been getting gills on my back. Yeah. Usable gills? Well, put it one way. I fell asleep in the bath the other day and I woke up underwater, but I'd been underwater for an hour at that point.

My word. And you were breathing. I'm just going to say. Well, don't knock it. That'd be useful for going on holiday and stuff. Well, I'm thinking I might enter the Olympics. No, they'd be able to see you. See your gills. You'd have to dress your gills up with

some makeup. No, that biffo feeding it food and trying to put chips in my gills. Don't put chips in there. Is that what he did to his goldfish? Did he not tell you that? No. I'm sure he's mentioned this on a video, but he went to see some, what are those flat manta ray fish, right? And he said he was given little food to feed them in. He's sticking in their gills! Well, because he didn't know where to put the food so he thought their little gills

flapping was a mouth he was trying to put like whatever it was like a he's suffocating them with putting no they were all right in the end but they were violated by biffo's kill violation ham handed food delivery think about it if you did want to like fuck a fish in the gills, you could, I mean. You could. I mean, I don't. You know, there's the whale shark. What about him?

It's the biggest fish. Yes, so the gills would be what? Big enough to get your cock in, I'm thinking. Five or six in. You could go down

Aqua, Scuba Bang, Scuba Gang Bang a fucking... Scuba Gang Bang. That's quite hard, quite easy to think of as a set of words,

but quite difficult to get out as a set of words but quite scuba gangbang i'm scuba bang gang junior and now it's time for the latest prog rock scene it's scuba gangbang it's gonna be more like a stomp, hasn't it? It's like... I got nothing. A fat fish. Right, let's just get this out of the way. So, yes, the tickets are still on sale for the live show. Join us on the 13th of August in Harrow at the Art Centre.

Harrow! If you've got any questions about coming along, if you're outside of London, then go to our website. There's a fact sheet. Thecheapshow go to our website. There's a fact sheet. Thecheapshow.co.uk. There is a fact sheet. There's a very helpful fact sheet. And you can get all the information you need to know.

People have been saying they've been finding places in Watford, which is not too far away. It's literally a hop, skip and a jump. 10, 15 minutes on the overland. So you can find cheaper. On the overground is the one. Whenever you say overland, I get this weird fantasy thing. Oh, yeah, it's Overground, isn't it? Oh, the Overland.

You always say that. They call it Overground, don't they? You always say Overland on the Overlands. I mean, it is Overland, most of it, because it's on stilts, isn't it? Trains on stilts. It's the Overground.

I know, but it's, you know. That's what it's called. But it's on the Overland. It's Overland. It's not. You always sound like a weird character from a Dungeons & Dragons novel. Come with me to the Overland,

young knight. Anyway. Nipples! Nips! Nipples! Tickets are on sale now. Squirters! Tickets are on sale now.

If you're a patron, you will get a discount as well with the little code that we've given you. You'll get cheap tickets and it'll be lots and lots and lots and lots of fun. It will be. We've got some lovely guests. Ethan Lawrence is confirmed.

Ash Frith's going to be there. Biffo Ashen's is going to be there too. Oh, yeah. We've got some lovely guests. Ethan Lawrence is confirmed. Ash Frith's going to be there. Biffo Ashen's is going to be there too. Oh, yeah. We're going to have some lovely surprises and lovely fun and games. And it's going to be a wonderful, wonderful big old show. We'd like you to be there.

Also, Eli, we turned seven this year. Cheap Show has been running since 2015? 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. Yeah, we are seven years old. I've been doing this in my 40s. That's what that means. Yeah, exclusively. And I've struggled in my 30s and 40s.

That's fucking depressing. Mate, don't look into the pond of our history because you will see filthy plankton. So seven years, though. I'm proud of us. I'm going to call it the seven-year twitch. Yeah, well, why not just not do it now because that's it that is the only reason it's gonna be the fucking name yeah no we are it's not gonna be anything special we're just gonna do a live twitch stream on saturday the 18th of june and that'll be on twitch there'll be links and

stuff ahead of time so keep an eye on us on our website, on our social media. But we're going to have Biffo there and we're going to have Ethan Lawrence coming back. In fact, it's basically our little family. It's the same people over and over again. And we'll probably get some videos like we did last time. Remember when we had Suze give us some videos

and things like that. So it'll be a collection of video clips and games and joy. So if you want to join us to celebrate our birthday, we will be doing a Twitch stream on the 18th of June, Saturday night, 8 till 10, I reckon.

You know what? I always find the most easy months to mix up. June. May, June, July. Yeah, because they all kind of flobble into each other. Why is May, though?

May's a totally different word, but May gets all fucking lost in the flow, you know? Yeah, I don't know. It's because you literally have made some big diarising mistakes in the last few weeks by just mixing up these? Yeah, I don't know. It's because you literally have made some big diarising mistakes in the last few weeks. I've done that, mixing up these fucking months. Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe it's our old age. Maybe. Maybe. This used to be my playground. And this used to be my scrummy. So, live show, 13th of August. Twitch stream birthday show.

18th of May. June. See, you fucked it. 18th of June. June. Because May you fucked it. 18th of June. June. Because May was a couple of weeks ago. It was the one before, wasn't it? Yeah, so we're not there for that.

No, we're still in May. It's the 31st of May today. Oh, yeah, it is. So tomorrow is June. Yes. It's hard. It's very hard. So join us for that.

And Patreon people will get to ask us exclusive questions, which we will answer on the Twitch stream. Now, will these questions be once in a lifetime? Once you've had your question, that's it? No more questions ever again? Yeah, we don't do that, because I never remember who sends the questions. Yeah, but...

So if you want to ask us a question about Cheap Show, you've got to become a patron and send the question to us. That's what we'll do, buddy boy. That's what we're doing on the 18th, is it? Yeah. I mean, apart from anything, we'll do a Ganon's Golden Games, we'll do a noodle thing,

we'll do a sauce thing. Oh, sauce! We'll do a bit of everything. Games we'll do a noodle thing we'll do a sauce thing we'll do a bit of everything the variety that you've come to expect from this little little scruffy little

podcast scruffy little scruffy little independent genius what do you do? my scabs broke your ball scabs have broke my ball scabs have broke

how do you get scabs on your balls? scuffling down the lane scuffling it's very drying what do you scuffle like a dog wipes its arse on the carpet? Basically, you've got to get some low coverage of the cobbles. And then you drag your chundly balls across the hard floor.

You have to. My line of work, you have to. What's your line of work that involves you dragging your balls across hard surfaces? Scrufflage. I scruffle. I go up and I do your drain boards. And I'll come round and... Oh, it's the scruffle man. That's what they call me. Yeah, scruffle, I go up and I do your drain boards and I'll come round and... Oh, it's the scruffle man.

That's what they call me, yeah, scruffle man. But one of the downfalls of doing it... Of being a scruffle man. It's all very bad seepage of your scabby nut cracks. Don't you have some creams you can put on? Crinkle, crinkle, nut sack, that's what they say. Oh, they say that when I come round, they can hear it. Who would hire a scruffle man?

Anyone needs a bit of scruffing done. Bit of scruffing done, you know. Why are all your characters, or a large percentage of them, based around a person who's skilled at a very pointless thing that usually involves some kind of onomatopoeia or some kind of weird... Listen, I don't only do scruffage and scruffage. I'll do...

No, you don't know. Right. So, when is Juicy Jeremy getting here, then? Oh, he's just out there. He's got his bottles and stuff. He's been setting up all day. I don't like doing this. He's been setting up all day. He's got his little, you know... He's got his little selection and stuff like that. Fizzing pots and little things. Should I just get him in? Yeah, all right. He's been setting up all day. He's got his little, you know, his little fizzy pots and little things. Should I just get him in?

Yeah, all right, let's start this off. Let's just get it done, contractually get it done and out the way, and then we can move on, all right? Jeremy! Jeremy! Yeah, just come up. We're up here. What's he got?

I told him, look, two, three items at the most. Yeah, three, max. Oh, he's on his way up now, Paul. I don't want him to come in. No, he's going to come on. Just be plain nice. We, three, max. Oh, he's on his way up now, Paul. I don't want him to come in. No, he's going to come on. Just be plain nice. We can get him out. You know, I know he's a bore

and he goes on about the old timey days and his car and stuff, but... I'll deal with it. Let's get this fucking sorted. Come in. Aha! Oh, boys! My boys! Oh, little boy boy! Oh, hello, Mr Juicy.

Oh, that's right, I'm JJ Juicy Jeremy. It's so great to be back in here doing the thing that I do love. So... Annette, do you know what that is? What is that, by the way? Oh, my boy, my boy, do you know what that is? I don't know, I've twice asked. Do you know what the little thing that I love to do is?

I mean... All night and all day. Jack off onto our catalogues. No, no, no. If I ain't thinking about it, I'm dreaming about it. And if I ain't dreaming about it, I'm doing it. I'm Juicy Jeremy. Oh, I got some sody pop for you.

You better believe it today, Paul. No, it's good. I look forward to these selections. So you make these, do you? Ah, some of them I make. Some are just sent to me. You just distribute. I'm known all over the world as a fine purveyor of the sody pops and syrups

and the little drinky poos. And you know what? It goes back in my family. They used to call my pappy Sarsaparilla Pepper. And he was a doctor. And he was... No, no, I'm enjoying all this new character development. And he was the biggest and greatest jerk

in the whole of West Michigan to Sydney, which is my town. So what did he invent then? Did he invent some kind of elixir? He invented all the big sodas. Did he? All of them? All the big sodas originating.

Coca-Cola was his? Yeah, he used to call it Coca-Coca. Oh, I don't like where this is going. What about Pepsi? He used to call that Poop-Poopsy. Right.

What about Dr. Pepper? I know where this is going, Dr. Pooper. Right, okay, moving on. He used to call that poop, poopsie. Right. What about Dr. Pepper? I know where this is going, Dr. Pooper. Right, okay, moving on. He used to stick that in his Dr. Pooper machine. What about Fanta? He used to call that fanny. God. God.

Fanny juice. That's how it is. No, I'm getting it. No, I get it. I get it. I regret it, but I get it. Anyway, you want to drink some sodas? I've got this soda.

Here's the thing, right? Usually when we come to visit your factory, the Willy Wanker, well, mate, you fucking, you're so pleased with your shit, aren't you? Look at you. You're so... You're so pleased with your shit,

low fruit picking content. I'm sorry. You should be. I'm okay. No, you're not. As a friend, you're not okay. Oh, anyway, Eli, you've been quiet.

Yeah, I just got something caught in my throat or something. Sorry, Paul. Is it bad comedy? Because it sounds like you've got a lot of bad comedy caught in your throat. No, I'll be fine. I think maybe if we drink some of Jeremy's soda. Oh, yeah, loosen it. Alright.

But no, actually, quick question, Juicy, before we get going. Usually we go to your soda jerk and I know there's some problems there with the property but are we expecting Willy Wanker today? No, I wish you wouldn't have mentioned the name. Why, what's wrong? Willy Wanker and you usually hand in hand. You share the factory space.

You know what I think? What? I think he fiddles with livestock. I mean, I don't know what gives you that idea. I found some destroyed chickens in my... Destroyed chickens? In the boot of my Jollipy. What?

They were very destroyed and slimy chickens in the boot of my Jollipy. What? They were very destroyed and slimy chickens in the boot of my Jollipy. How did you know this had got anything to do with Willy Wanker though? As far as I'm concerned that's casting aspersions. I told you what

I kicked him out I got the decree from the notary office and they brought it over the magistrate of the office and you legally evicted him from the premises and legally evicted him

from the premises of my jerk and soda factory Oh God. But he evicted him from the premises of my jerk and soda factory. Oh, God. But he's been seen in the distance. And sometimes at night, I hear the sound of a sheep or something. Two. Oh, no, early.

Here we go. Mate, just going forward, when you do characters, you give off a facial tick when I know you're going to collapse. And what you do is it's weird. It's like you wrinkle your nose. And it's this weird little thing where you kind of wrinkle your nose. And it's like there's a part of me that reads that as a, I don't know what's going to happen next in my brain.

And then you explode. Anyway, he's an asshole. And if you see him around. So he's gone. He's gone then. Well, his stuff is gone, yes. But he's definitely been in my car. My jalopy.

All right. Well, I tell you what. Me and Eli then will carry on with these drinks. Well, I have these for you. As usual, I would like a score from you, especially you, Paul. I know. Oh, why are you here? I've been enjoying the secret drinks you've been sending me.

I don't know what the flavours are. They're a weird mix of like sarsaparilla and medicine. There's a lot of wintergreen I'm working with at the moment. Either way, um, I've been getting these, like, a slight gilling on the back. Yeah, that will happen sometimes. Really, though? Should I be getting gills on my back?

And also, when I go to the toilet, my poo sings. I drop it into the toilet, i hear a that's my have you considered maybe that that's not poo well i don't know but ever since i've started drinking your drinks my my poo has a kind of smurf quality oh let me just write this down it's weird oh oh okay one last thing yeah one last thing um when i piss i whistle so when i piss you hear oh very interesting well thank you very much for this consultation can you can you stop sending me drinks for a little while though is that all right because i've been i just i'm just a bit worried about you know everything you can't

stop now i do need a fix of that special mix you need a fix of juicy jeremy's patented special mix. Alright, okay. With Wintergreen. Alright, well. Now, have you ever considered... Sorry, it's my back. My back did that then. Do you hear that? My back. You're breathing through your back. Anyway, fuck off, let's get on with the show. I do want the scores

and I'll come, I'm just going to go do my crossword. I do fill in the crossword. I know you like that, so I'll leave I'm just going to go do my crossword I do fill in the crossword I know you like that so I'll leave you to it I'm going to go do that I've got my old timey pencil

put the brass plate on it crack on and I'll just go over here with soda oh I have a little sit down oh just sit down me rest your ass oh

oh you're a fucking useless toss bag right we've got got some sodas To taste here Yeah we have three But let's do them one at a time

What have we got? Firstly I picked this up from the same Vietnamese grocer Yeah Where I picked up that Absolutely banging Vietnamese stubby Red Bull

Oh I know you like it I didn't dislike it But when you When you drop the fizz from a Red Bull, it gets really syrupy and kind of gets harder to drink. You know what? It's not just that there's no fizz in it.

Yeah. It's actually a thicker formulation as well. It reminds me of the syrup we used to get when I went behind a bar before you add the soda to it on the tap. Yeah. It's got that same kind of weird consistency. It does. Imagine, though, if you had a soda stream or something at home and you could make your own it was just like drinking sweet

copper i can't explain it it's got a metallic it has medicine it's much closer to the original way that it was sold and marketed yeah there's some kind of in thailand and vietnam well what is this then is this an energy drink it's hard to tell but it's called Sting Red Ginseng. Oh. Yes, so ginseng is a sort of... Well, it's used in energy drinks. It's a medicinal thing, isn't it? A medicinal herb. But this could just be a flavouring.

It's a ginseng root, isn't it? Yeah. I think ginseng is meant to be like, make your roots strong. Does it? Oh, is it used in like those blue pill fake knockoffs that you get in pubs? It is, yes. It's a herbal Viagra, I think, going way back. But this seems to have a scorpion.

Yeah. I mean, that would infer... It has a picture of a strawberry on it. I mean, that would infer there's a bite to this. Do you know what the taste of ginseng is like? I do. I happen to know what it is. It's slightly bitter.

Okay. It's bitter and a bit... Grassy? Yeah. I think I get notes of what you're getting at. It's a bit grassy and bitter. So it's get notes of what you're getting at. It's a bit grassy and bitter. So it's strawberry flavoured ginseng then? I think that's what I'm getting from this.

Let me see if there's any more information on the back. There'll be pictures of all the things we try on this episode on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Ah, from the makers of Pepsi. So it's obviously a big brand. Can I have a quick look? Yeah. It's a big brand ginseng soda.

You just wouldn't get a mainstream soft drink being a ginseng flavoured in this part of the world, would you? Yeah, no, not really. And how much was this? Under a quid. Berry blast flavour. And then it says something like... Yeah, it's a strawberry, yes. Four years old.

Maybe it's aged ginseng. Yeah, it says four years old. Red ginseng, four years old. Do you know what? Here's a little factoid for you, Paul. Yeah, it says four years old. Red ginseng, four years old. Do you know what?

Here's a little factoid for you, Paul. Growing up, our first cat, our first and only cat, was called ginseng. Really? I named it ginseng. Why? Because we used to have a terribly middle-class family. We had a health food shop, and we used to get these ginseng products, and they always had like a tiger on them.

Yeah, because it was a virility, wasn't it? That kind of thing. It's a symbol of virility. So I thought, that's a nice name for a cat. So if I drink this it was a virility, wasn't it? That kind of thing. It's a symbol of virility. So I thought, that's a nice name for a cat. So if I drink this, will I get a proper Bon Con? No,

I don't think you'd get a Bon Con. But it helps maintain the Bon Con. It's like you got the blood flow, good blood flow when you got a Bon Con. Have you ever tried one of those blue pills you get in a machine from the pub?

No, I have not. I have. Really? A long, mate, this is kind of pathetic, but a long time ago. Herbal Viagra from a pub toilet. That is the worst. A long time ago, I was visiting. I have. Really? Mate, this is kind of pathetic. A long time ago.

Herbal Viagra from a pub toilet. That is the worst. A long time ago. I was visiting friends in Brighton. You're probably bad for the heart, that stuff. Do you know what I mean? We bought some. Ephedra they use, which can make your heart go.

Yeah. We bought some, and then a mate of mine sniffed it like it was Coke. Oh, my God. He crushed a fucking pub toilet Viagra. Because it was one of those things you pop open. You know, the capsules that you pop. Oh, it's a gel cap. Yeah, and he sprinkled it and then snorted it.

That would have been quite roughly hewn. Just a note on that. Yeah. Not very happy with himself afterwards, vitally ill. I wouldn't recommend it. You know what? Because it's basically just herb. So it's probably just still got all the roughage

and leaf matter of that, you know what I mean? It's not going to be well made. No. It's not Viagra. Terrible, terrible. I've never had Viagra. And you just sick. Was he drunk already to begin with?

We were all wrecked. Yeah, so it's hard to tell. You might be vomiting anyway. It wasn't good. It's hard to tell what the actual effect of that is. He's probably, if you're pissed enough to try that, you're probably pissed enough to vomit. Do you know what I mean?

I think that was the same party where everyone was smoking and watching TV, and I was getting a handjob underneath the blanket. I'm out of there. From someone. Nice, nice memories. Now, shall we crack this open? Who was it?

Have you got a clean glass? I have a clean, clean glass. All right. I'm going to see what the half is like. Clean, clean glass. I'm getting quite a strong artificial strawberry flavour coming off this. Yeah? Immediately, as soon as I'm getting quite a strong artificial strawberry flavour coming off this.

Yeah? Immediately, as soon as I open the cap. Can I have a hoof, please? And pour yourself some. Oh yeah, I'll pour it while I'm here. Try not to kill the fizz. Try not to kill the fizz.

I'm not going to kill the fizz. Oh, it smells like a lollipop. Very much. That very sort of... It smells nice, but it smells like a strawberry lollipop. There's no smell of anything else. It all fizzed up a tree.

It's got a proper fizz on it. Look. You heard it pop. It's made by Pepsi. Yeah, but this is shit. Is it? You know what? Out of all the soft drinks, the cola soft drinks,

they're the ones that seem to go from fizz to flat. I tried because you know that Beard Meats Food guy? Yes. Who is a competitive eater. Yes. He liked a Pepsi Max cherry. Yeah. So I tried one the other day.

Yeah. It's pretty good. Is it? It avoids the other day. Yeah. It's pretty good. Is it? It avoids that artificial aftertaste. I don't know. I like it. I don't like Pepsi Max and I don't like Pepsi. But everyone raves about Cherry Pepsi Max.

It's good. You should try it. It seems to be a fucking thing Twitch streamers go on about as well a lot. It's weird. We should try it on this program as a service. You know what? We may as well, right? Anyway, I'm going to try this now.

Oh, that's very sweet. Incredibly sweet. That's that syrupy texture we've been going on about. Although it doesn't taste very fizzy. It feels like the froth was there and then it was gone. The fizz is completely gone. The fizz is gone. It's gone away.

Yeah, it's syrupy, isn't it? Can you taste any ginseng? No. It's like a mountain dewy isn't it almost? It tastes like someone's took a bunch of gummies and just melted them down to a liquid

and gone here have that. Weird. It's flavourful it's nice it doesn't taste artificial in the same way some drinks

have artificial No it tastes like real sugar doesn't it sort of thing. I bet that doesn't have asputanin. I mean we can't check because it's all in a different foreign language.

No it tastes like it's real sugar. But it's sort of closer to a Red Bull sort of texture. A little bit? Yeah, maybe. The fizz disappeared immediately. Really did. Yeah. Pour it again and try and have a quick scoff while there's fizz on it.

Get it before the bubbles go. Quick, quick, quick. It's in. Fizz. Oh, it's gone. The carbonation is poor, basically. But not unpleasant. I mean, it's very sweet on a really hot day.

If that was cold enough, and you had some ice, maybe, and you threw it in, and maybe it might make quite a nice mixer with something. Oh, definitely, with vodka or something. Something like that, you know. It's probably a good sipping, yeah. Juicy, we like that one, mate. Oh, just give me the score at the end.

I'm on a really hard one. Oh, you're crossword. And also this huge wooden log I'm sitting on. No, I know, I know, I know, I know. Oh, your crossword. No, I know, I know, I know, I know. Yeah? What's the clue? What's the clue? I don't know. Definitely not nonsense, though.

That's definitely like an actual word and stuff. Right, moving on to the next. This is going to be terrible. Yeah, I was worried because, first of all, it's blue, and I don't trust blue drinks, just in general. Yeah, and it's called Miami Blue 411. That's the name of this. Can I just read something out?

Blue bottle, it's got a kind of police badge thing on the top. Yeah, it's got a sort of police stroke military sort of vibe. And all it says is flavoured soft drink. Yeah, flavoured with what? Ingredients. Let's have a sort of police stroke military sort of vibe and all it says is flavored soft drink yeah flavored with what ingredients let's have a look at this yeah blah blah blah tropical fruit concentrate there you go and that's all it says it doesn't even suggest you know like some drinks that have a color they get like for instance that one sting and it's like ginseng and it's like red and there's a certain amount of connection you make between what it's selling and what it tastes like blue drink is basically what this is isn't it blue raspberry usually which is not blue raspberry i never understood that when you get a raspberry drink

it's blue it's like the it's like um when you get crisps and salt and vinegar's green it's got that kind of effect yeah do you want to just carry on doing your research oh yeah on what what the actual area code of miami is oh what I thought it was a police thing. The 411. We've got a 411 down the road. What does 411 mean? Don't know. Ask the computer?

Yeah. Police code 411. It's nothing, isn't it? Because this isn't an American product. It's a product made to look American and called Miami 411. Well, it says here here 411 in police code meaning for the force is explosion yeah it's the worst sentence i've ever fucking read on a website it's a flavor explosion in this page we provide for free the best and most opted 411 police code

details meaning an additional police codes and cop codes 411 in police code is one of the police code this is a bad website. Among hundreds, that is being used by cops nationwide and internationally. You may hear about it on scanners and on TV shows. Come on, get to the point.

411 in police code is usually being said or pronounced by the policeman or dispatcher letter by letter or digit by digit to make sure when it is being transmitted over the radio,

the correct message is being transmitted and doesn't create a confusion with the transmitted message. This is actually annoying me to read out no that's it's just it's not it doesn't mean anything it just means it's like roger that's what it's saying it's like something like that do you see what i mean police officers are using the communication formally with the dispatch the police is sending the officers according to the different events such as 411 and police code for explosion to make an

order of explosion you clicked on the wrong website i have no idea but it looks like a fucking magic elf's written this i think it's just like a cool sign thing it's got something to do with explosions maybe it's an explosive flavor i'm willing to bet that it is not no it's manufactured in like look where it's made it's made in where are they this is uk yeah but there's a there's an address for the actual company as well. Deansgate, Manchester. Yeah, there you go. The company's called...

Well, info at 411drink.com. Yeah. There was another one, a mango-flavoured one, which I tasted. Yeah. So I don't want to give anything away. Was that called 411? Yes. But it was called mango.

It was a mango-flavoured thing. This is just called Miami Blue. God, look at this. Contains colours which may have an adverse effect on activity or attention in children. Yeah, it's got the dirty. It's got the dirt. All right, well, I'm going to open this up.

Here we go. Very little fizz there, but we won't hold that against it. Oh, it smells of cheap shit bubblegum drink. Pour yourself some. Yeah, it's going to shit bubblegum drink. Pour yourself some. Yeah, it's going to be... Is the fizz going to be any better? There's some fizz there. Oh, look, the actual head that you get is blue as well.

You get a blue head. It's like that blue head you used to... Like Dr. Manhattan. Well, yeah, but it was also like that drink that the guy did on that How To Drink YouTube channel where he did the... Was it Twin Peaks? Oh, yes.

With the blue froth on the top. Yes. He used that stuff that makes Parma Violet taste like Parma Violet. He used a foamer. Violet Violetum or something they called it.

But it was an alcoholic drink, wasn't it? It was just the flavour of Parma Violet. It was a violet liqueur. Yeah, I love, quite nice that cocktail. Well, the nose on this

is pure, cheapest possible bubblegum. The cheap, the stuff I used to get in Yugoslavia, which you get these tubes of balls. And like, you do the whole tube. Oh, yeah.

You know that stuff. The little chewy bubbly gums. Yes. Do you know what stuff I mean? The kind of one you'd always find in the bottom of a screwball. It's the stickiest. If you explode a bubble on you, it's not coming out. That stuff is the cheapest.

Because it's made of fucking tar and glue. Yes, but it's great for blowing bubbles. I used to be able to do a bubble inside a bubble. Well, that was always my favourite part of a screwball. Could you ever do that? Yeah. Bullshit, man. I don't care.

We can't prove it. Listeners, who agrees with me? Paul just went, you just did that playground thing of not like, fuck you. No, I just did that co-presenter thing of mentally tuning out when you fucking go on about the shit things you're proud of being able to do. Between that and willingly sucking in air for your arsehole seems to be like you're fucking... It should be on your fucking CV, your spotlight CV. I can breathe with my arse.

Yeah. I'd be good for the role of a biscuit eater number seven. No, there's real people who do that for a living. No, but before we go, I mean, you know. Do you remember the screwball ice creams, which are like a raspberry ripple thing, but at the very bottom of the shuttlecock. It's the same type of bubblegum, isn't it? It's a bubblegum, and like a nice shuttlecock

kind of shape thing. I haven't had one of that in years. Although, it is quite a nostalgic smell because it's unleashed this whole torrent of memories in my mind. Hasn't it? But we don't drink drinks for memories, we drink drinks for drinking. It tastes nice, but it's not going to. Here we go. It's blue, it looks like mouthwash. the fizz is better fizz is better the finish i haven't been finished off

that badly since the queen sent me out this is weak really weak it's kind of got a watery end it's a bit tart it's got a bit of that sort of tart that acid that they put in coke you know what i don't get you make a drink right invent a drink, and you want it to sell. Miami blue. And you want to sell it, right? But with something like Coke, there's a cola. You know there's a cola. People give variations of a cola or a cherryade or whatever.

But when you just go, here's a blue drink, why would anyone want to buy that without knowing what the gist is? Even if they just said 411, bubblegum-flavoured soft drink, you'd think maybe, oh, I'll give that a go. But it's such a mystery. Why would anyone take a risk on it? I just think they're trying to sort of sell it on the marketing and the packaging. It looks like a sort of craft style or American imported drink.

But to me, I look at that and I think WKD. Yeah. Because it's got the shape of a can of WKD bottle. But you know what I'm getting at? They think this marketing is going to sort of make us think it's sort of a craft or a New York soda. You know, that kind of thing. That kind of like... But it's probably priced quite low.

Oh, God. It's probably priced lower. It's probably priced lower. Yeah, it just seems to be a weird thing to manufacture a drink with no... Any tasting notes on that? It's bubblegum with fish. Yeah, it's really watery. It's not unpleasant.

It's not that unpleasant. No, you're right. And maybe... It doesn't have a really strong artificial taste. The thing is, it's just a sort of weak sort of tropical fruit

sort of taste. No, but tropical to me would say there'd be more flavours, but that's just bubblegum. Yeah. And that's what my problem with the item is. Well, that's what bubblegum flavour is.

But that's what I'm saying. That's fine. It's like a juicy fruit flavour. But why not call it that'm saying. That's fine. It's like a juicy fruit. But why not call it that? You know what I mean? It's like, why bring out a bottle of something that has no... Call it Miami Blue, because then you associate that with chips or something. How do you set yourself up amongst the competition when you have a brand that doesn't have anything identifying?

I don't know what I'm buying, so I'm not going to buy your drink. At least the Sting one is like ginseng and berry. It's like, oh, all right. You prefer the Sting one is like ginseng and berry and it's like, oh, all right. You prefer the Sting one so far? Well, no. It's just like, if I was going to see those two side to side,

I'd probably pick the Sting one because I know what I'm getting. Yeah. I think the Sting one's nicer, personally. It's more to my taste. I like the sweeter. I wish the Sting had the fizz

of the 411. Yeah, the fizz disappeared, didn't it? Absolutely. Perhaps it was the way I opened it because it did kind of go pop. I want a cocktail.

Mix them. Give me them. Oh. I'm going to mix this up. This is something we should do more often, because I remember in school. Don't tell. Just fuck him. No, he doesn't.

He likes to keep it pure. I know, but I don't give a fuck, do I? Because he sends me drinks that gives me gills, so I don't care, do I? Look, you've got to stay on the course. But when I was in school, right, during lunch hour, when we all had our packed lunches out, we'd all take a little bit of each other's drinks and mix them together into one and create a new drink. And it tasted like Quattro.

And then that came up with two outcomes. Quattro. Quattro. Quattro. And you had two outcomes from that. One is you had a weird tasting drink that tasted of nothing. And two is everyone kept getting the flu because kids would give each other germs all the fucking time.

Now, you need first some of this Miami Blue. I'm going to pour a little bit one pot miami blue one part miami blue right and i'm gonna put one pot berry sting the berry sting in your knob look at this lovely purple color very dark deep purple very much a grape soda color now yeah mix isn't it now here we go oh it's very purple like it. That's actually not that bad. That's pretty fucking tasty, actually. Weird. You know what it tastes like now?

Like a blackberry drink. Yeah. Like a Ribena. Ribenary, yeah. Hello. It doesn't actually taste better than either of those. It tastes better than both of them. I mean, literally, it's better than them both put together.

That's so strange, isn't it? And I love that purple colour. Wow. Well. Oh, no. Shh. Hide it. Have you got one last one

for you. You'd better not be mixing those last two. No, no, we were just tasting them. We'll give you the results a little bit later. Because you can get some very adverse reactions and give you gil rot. You know what I mean? Well, I'll try not to. My boy, my boy. We just thought it'd be a bit of fun. My sweet boy.

Anyway, no, we're going to just carry on. Are you my boy still? Are you Juicy's on. Are you my boy still? Are you Juicy's boy? Are you my little boy? Eli. Are you? Have you got anything to do with this character right now, or are you just going to hope for the best at this point?

Oh, I'm just going to... No, no, step aside, Juicy. I want to speak to Eli about where this character is going to go in this next segment. I don't know. Because he's just saying my boy right now, and it's giving me fucking nothing. You know what I mean? It's giving me nothing. So if Eli could give me something,

maybe something comedic can come out of it. Oh, my boy. No. Now, poor my boy. Yeah. I do have one last very special soda

which I really want to get a detailed look at what you think about it. And you too, Eli. Thank you, Juicy. I just got it. It's in my jallapy. All right it. And you too, Eli. Thank you, JC. I just got it. It's in my Jallapy. All right.

Well, then we'll stay here while you do that. Do you know the Jallapy's been in the Jeremy family for two generations? My pappy, he went down the car wash one day. I haven't got time for this. Oh, I don't go get it. Yeah, thank you, Eli. I don't have time. Spread the character out.

Oh, boy. Be back in a second. He's opening up a bit, I think. He said he's been after... He's talking about his dad, I think. That's a good sign. No, I mean, it's great, but let's spread that out over a few episodes.

You don't have to all happen in one. Well, I can't control him, Paul. I mean... Hey. Hey, you. Can I come in? Fucking hell. Hello.

How do? Did you hear what was Going on here Good luck mate Where have you been You look like you haven't been Sleeping I was sleeping under the bridge

Right Were you in Juicy Jeremy's car Has he gone Has he fucking gone He's just gone out to the car To get something He'll probably be out there for ages Tinkering you know

I need a fix mate Have you got like a I don't know Have you got a pigeon We don't keep any livestock Around the You've got to have a pigeon? We don't keep any livestock around them. You've got some pigeons on your fucking windmill. I've got baby pigeons on my windmill who will never,

who will never, I've seen those pigeons, they'll never be the likes of you. Yeah, but they grow up so fast, don't they? You look at them and they're all, and then you fucking get their wings. They've flown away, they've grown up. Well, they'll come back for daddy, fucking wanker. It's all merging weirdly with the real pigeons in my life.

Listen, I've just... He's fucking kicked me out of my fucking place. I know. That's my fucking place, that. He just fucking rented it. It's my family that owns that land. The froth shop, yes? Yes.

Where you sell sweets. Where I sell me sweets and me distribution of said sweets. Okay, well, Willie... Which helps float me coffers so I can fuck animals, can't I? Right. So that's the end game. The end, the means is sweets.

The end is fucking animals. Fucking animals goes back two generations. My pappy used to fuck animals. Oh, yeah? What was his name? No, this is quite interesting. He never, you know. Well, he was from another country.

His name was Water. So Water Wanker used to fuck... So Water Wanker used to fucking... So Water Wanker used to fucking... He didn't do livestock. He was more of a zoo man. He went to zoos and... Back in that day, he could break into a zoo

fucking dead easy. But how did he support the family? I mean, with that. With candy. We still lived in the candy industry. So he sold sweets in the zoo, did he? Fucking hell. Talk about cock and bull story.

He's fucking animal. Did he sell animal crackers? Those are sweets. That's a biscuit. It's a chocolate biscuit. Yeah, but it doesn't fall under the remit of candy. We've got a very strict policy. So then his pappy before him.

What was he called? Hadda. Hadda Wanker. Oh, it is interesting but we do have a show to do he used to specify circus animals

so at the end of a he'd specify them he'd say that's a tiger for sure he'd specify that was a tiger and then he'd fucking

wall it right up that tiger's tail oh I tell you animals have been abused by my family year on year for at least a hundred years and I want to hold the proud tradition of animal fucking now I know Oh, I tell you. Animals have been abused by my family year on year for at least 100 years,

and I want to hold the proud tradition of animal fucking. Now, I know farms aren't as high class as a circus. You're a dangerous criminal. Or as classy as a zoo. You're a terrible abuser of animals. I'm not a terrible abuser. I'm a considerate abuser of animals. I don't...

Before... Look, back before that fucking cunt came round and fucking kicked me out of my house, I used to have a fucking happy business. Make the candy, sell the candy,

distribute the candy, fuck the animals. It was a perfect ecosystem. It was, yes. And then he gets involved with his froth in this and this and that

and his bloody soft drinks and his weird experiments. I've seen what he puts in those drinks. Well, couldn't you come to an arrangement with, I mean, wasn't that the arrangement you. Couldn't you come to an arrangement with that? I mean, wasn't that the arrangement you came to

where you were supplying some of your livestock? Do you know he puts the adrenal glands of children in that drink? Ah, that's... There is... Yeah, Paul had some issues. Yeah, is that what he's putting in it? Yeah, that's what your gills... That's why your back makes a slurpy noise, Paul.

That's just one of the fucking things. That must be why your back makes a slurpy noise, Paul. He also puts some weird fucking DNA stuff in. He's been messing around with sciences and stuff like that. DNA paste. I don't fucking know what he does. I just see him sitting there. Oh, hello, boys, he says. It fucking makes me sick. He judges me for fucking

animals when he's playing God. Well, maybe Willie, though, you're best off out of it. At least I believe in Christ our Lord and Saviour. He's a fucking godless, atheist, science scum. I did not know you were religious. I didn't know you were religious. Well, you don't ask, do you? No.

You don't ask and you don't tell. And I tell you, every time I'm in a pig, fucking holy Christ, I'm fucking religious. Right, so it's a certain sect of the church you go to that believes that animals and men should conjoin in conjugal joinage. I have a very specific religion. It's called, I'm a prod-a-skunk. that animals and men should conjoin in conjugal joinage. I have a very specific religion. It's called, I'm a prod-a-skunk.

Paul. Prod-that-skunk. No, I'm going to talk to Paul now. Yeah? Paul, please. Yeah? That was a bad pun. He reached there.

Now, can Willy Wanker have something to do in this scene? Because I find it very difficult. I can't make any promises. Look, I got it. Here we go. Look. Now, can Willy Wanker have something to do in this scene? Because I find it very difficult. I can't make any promises. Look, I got it. Here we go. Look, anyway, look. I've got some fucking candy here. I need me fix.

Go on, have a taste. I've got some candy for you. Yeah, because we've just had some juice, some soda. Yeah, don't give a fuck about that. You remember you used to come to me all the time for your lovely candy and sweets. Yeah, yeah. I've got some for you this week. It'll just bring me, it'll just give me a little bit of a fix to me. Okay, we'll eat and be judgmental about your sweets. Okay, Mr. Wanker? me, it'll just give me a little bit of a fix to my life. I'm still enjoying Mr Wanker's candy.

We'll eat and be judgmental about your sweets, okay Mr Wanker? Here we go. Here we go. Wait, mate, they're not from you, that's from last week's episode. This is candy and treats from Norway.

Yeah, Denmark. Have you just been sleeping in the podcast? And fucking just grabbing stuff? Look, the factory's been shut down. I don't get my distribution. I've got to get it where I can. So yeah, I popped by last week and I fucking picked up a few of your candies you didn't know.

Big fucking deal. That's how I get through. I've got you some fucking candy now. Willie, I think you should calm down. We'll taste these, okay? You promise me. But this isn't... We need to talk about this later because... For one thing, there's a security thing

of you spending the night here without us knowing. Go on. No, don't get the wrong idea. I'm just watching Bullseye. I'll see you later. Right, so... This is Clemming. So what have we got for...

To Clemming. What's Clemming? It sounds dirty. What is it? It's some kind of cake bar. Let's have a look at that. It's one of these... I actually haven't looked at these properly.

It's a treat from Norway. It looks like quite soft and... Medsuket ol kanel. Somewhat soft and squidgy. Shall we try that first? Open that one up. Yeah, let's open that first. It looks like a pastry wrap.

Cleaning sounds like a sort of technical term for, you know. It looks like, ooh, penis head buildup. Cinnamon-a-me-me. Cinnamon-a-me-me-me. It's cinnamon-a-me-me-me. Cinnamon-a-me-me-me-me. Cinnamon-a-me-me-me-me. Cinnamon-a-me.

It's like a cinnamon-a-me-me-me-me. Cinnamon-a-me. Cinnamon-a-me-me-me. It's just like a Cinnabon type product. Ah, that's nice. Oh, I reckon it's going to be like a Cinnamon Cinnamon Cinnamon It's just like a cinnamon type product Ah That's nice Oh I reckon this is going to be like a pan of cooking Break some off and eat it Yeah

Is there any There's goop There's goop There's goop I think that's the cinnamony goop Right And I'll try a bit of this Oh yeah that's definitely the smell of cinnamon coming off this

It's a baked cinnamon It looks like a pop tart It's a sort of Kind of isn't it Like a pancake It's a pocket It's some kind of packet of It's like a Pop-Tart. It's kind of, isn't it? Like a pancake. It's some kind of packet of... It's like a pancake or something.

But that looks pate-coloured, the stuff inside. It's sort of pink. Oh, that's nice, but really sweet. It's really bready, the outside. It's like a tortilla. The bready's nice. It offsets the sweetness somewhat. Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it?

But the filling is very sweet, sort of cinnamon and sugar. That's a strange thing. I'm struggling to find an analogue for anything. I can't think of one. No. It's weird. It's like a little bread roll filled with sweet cinnamon.

Very strange. I don't know what to make of that. It's nice. I'll see that for it. But it's a little rich. It'd be nice with a coffee or a cup of tea, wouldn't it? Oh, yeah, with a coffee.

Oh, with a coffee? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, with a coffee? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, with a coffee? He's ain't hint. Right. Have it with some blue-purple mixed water. Do I call me... Oh, no, I haven't. I've got some here.

What should we call this? This should be our... Well, what's it got? It's got Sting and... And 411. Foreskin. No, no, no. Foreskin drink.

Let's call it a Miami Scorpion. All right, I like that. A Miami Scorpion. Miami Scorpion. Yes. What booze could we put in this that wouldn't ruin the actual berry, berry flavour? Vodka is neutral, officially. Yeah, it would be.

It would be a vodka. You don't drink vodka, though. I don't mind it when it's mixed in with other stuff. I can't have it neat or just with one. You know what would work with this? Would work with this is something with a... Actually really like this. To the point where I'd probably go out and buy both

of those sepplis and mix them. Maybe cinnamon? Like a fireball taste or something? No. Cinnamon whiskey? Whiskey, maybe. Maybe. Or a rum. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, going back. Should I pick the next one? You pick... Alright, cool. So, this is called...

What do you think of the clenning? I don't know how we... I forgot how we rate these. I'll give that a B, a flat B. Yeah. It's nice. It's tasty. B minus, I think.

Nice with a cup of tea. These are called fruit strang, and I presume they are like a fruit roll-up kind of bar. Strang means string, doesn't it? So fruit string. So it's probably like a kind of pressed fruit. Oh, it's going to be nasty and raisiny. It's got a raisin and a blueberry on the front.

It's going to be wholesome, isn't it? And it looks like it's stuffing it into the packet's face. It's made by a company called Castus. Or Castus. Oh, yeah. It's got that fruit leather. It's a dirty fruit leather. It's giving me flashbacks of when I had to eat carob.

Carob? Carob. Oh, it looks like a toddington. It's a fruit leather. It's a pooey fruit leather. Let's try it. I hate it. I knew you would.

Oh, God. It's the raisin. It's that stewed fruit sort of flavour. Oh, God. Stewed fruit. And nasty texture. Oh, I hate it. It's like someone else has chewed an apple and then put it in your mouth. It's like someone else has chewed an apple

and then put it in your mouth. It's like someone's just like, yeah, like eating a fruit nut selection box and then spat it into your gobble. Didn't I tell you? I knew this would give me a dirty flashback. I thought this might... My parents ran a health food shop. That's a D. I do not

like that. I would be pissed off if that was in my lunch. Now let's have gomp. Ready to gobble some gomp? I would love to gobble some gomp. That's a D. I do not like that. I would be pissed off if that was in my lunch. Now let's have gomp. Ready to gobble some gomp? I would love to gobble some gomp. Oh, I'll put a gomp in your gob and you'll gobble a gomp for me. A little cardboard box with a cock on. Because we know you like to scoff hot dog cods.

I do. Now gobble a gomp. No, I don't. Where did they go along with that? You just went along with that. It's conditioning. I keep saying it, and then you're like scoffing them. So it's a little box with a cock on the front, a little rooster. A little rooster wearing blue sort of surgical gloves, disturbingly.

Yeah, why is that? I mean, I guess it's a type of little chicken. Do you think it's because he handles food? He handles food. On the back, he's still got the gloves on. He's farming. He's got a pitchfork. He's got a pitchfork on the back.

And dungarees. And a very fetching bandana hung round his neck. Does it say anything else on the thing about what it could be? He's naked on the front. If he's got those clothes

on in the back, that means he must have shame, which means he's fucking nude on the front. Always wearing a bodysuit. Oh, but he's got such a bulbous body that all the nutsack and the kowaka... Well, it's right at the back, isn't it? The kowaka's at the backer. Oh, but he's got such a bulbous body that the old nutsack

and the kawaka... Well, it's right at the back, isn't it, so you're not going to see anything. The kawaka's at the backer. The kawaka's at the backer with B.A. Baracus. I pity the fowl.

I pity the mix of urine and shit. I pity the fowl. Hard to open these gomps. Why are you having trouble opening a child's packet of sweets? We don't even know what kind of sweets they are. I mean... They sound round.

If it's a chicken on the front, do you think it's... It's chicken flavoured. They're going to be like little eggs. They're jelly beans. Are they little white ones? Are they little white ones? No, they are yellow ones and pink ones. Oh, because I thought they might have been egg-shaped.

And that could have been... No, they're much more jelly beans. They are jelly beans. Sorry, I just have a jelly bean. I'm going to have two of each. I've got... Alright. I'm going to try the yellow ones first. I'll also try the yellow ones. Oh, they're much more jelly beans. They are jelly beans. Sorry, I just have a jelly bean. I'm going to have two of each I've got. All right. I'm going to try the yellow ones first. I'll also try the yellow one then.

Oh, they're quite hard. Oh, they are quite tough. Not very sweet. A banana flavour, the yellow ones. A little bit, not too strong. Maybe pineapple flavour. Is it more pineapple? I think it's more pineapple.

Yeah, it's more citrusy than anything. I'm going to have the pink one. Oh, they've got like a palma violet almost, don't they? The pink ones. Like a floral. No, candy floss. What is that taste? I think it's just generic sugar flavour, to be the pink one. Oh, they've got like a palmer violet almost, don't they? The pink ones. Like a floral. No. Handy floss. What is that taste?

I think it's just generic sugar flavour, to be honest. Yeah. Oh, okay. They're all right. They're all right. Where do they come from? It says on the thing. It says it's a Norway, these.

Yeah, these are all Norwegian. Okay. So if you're ever in Norway, gobble a gump. I wouldn't. Next. What have you got next? Oh, well, these are going to be safe as houses. These are Haribo.

Haribo. Well, where are they from? Tropa fruit. Well, it's Sweden. Ohibo. Where are they from? Tropifruit. Well, it's Sweden. Oh, it's Sweden. No, no, sorry, Denmark. It says on these. We've got Denmark versus Norway.

But these are just Haribos. Basically, Tropifruit. Tropifruit, Hamer, Haribos. That's what it calls for kids and grown-ups love it so. The sweet, sweet taste of Haribo. Aren't Haribo German originally or something, I believe? Don't care. They just make nice sweets and I eat them.

They've got another one is Tolly, and then we have... What's the other one that's coming through now? Oh, we've... Frizzo or something. Lizzo? No, she sings songs. Frizzo. I'm going to take a little one of these.

These are all tropical fruit little mini gubbies. Tiny little things they are. What, have they got faces on or something? No, little shapes of fruits. I've got a banana. Oh, you've got a banana. A little berry. You don't want that, do you?

And an orange. There you go. You don't want a banana one, do you? I'm just going to dive straight in. Oh, I'm got a banana. Oh, you've got a banana. A little berry. You don't want that, do you? And an orange. There you go. You don't want a banana one, do you? I'm just gonna dive straight in. Oh, I'm tasting a banana one. Mmm. That doesn't... Oh, they're nice though, aren't they? Nice and soft. Nice texture. Not very flavourful. No, but they're... Mmm. Oh, the purple one's a nice passion fruit. Yeah, I know. Oh. They have distinct flavours though, from each other. Yeah. Not too overwhelming and strong. But you can't go wrong with these, really. Shapes are different. Oh, there's a white one. What's the white one? Coconut. I think it's pineapple, judging by the design.

Yeah, pineapple. That's definitely pineapple, yeah. Oh, yeah, those are nice. Got a wobbly worm or something, I don't know. The closest thing they're in texture to are jelly babies, aren't they? Because they've got that slightly harder outside. You're right, it's a jelly baby context... Contexture.

Consistuency. Contextuacy. You literally were telling me not to make up fucking words before the show at least i do it on accident don't say on accident that makes people angry is that what i just say yes oh fuck i didn't mean to say that on accident oh i said it again i said that on accident too oh i'm losing thousands of listeners every time you say it's gone very corporate it's gone very american well gee willikers me and eli will walk along the sidewalk to get some diapers two. Oh, I've done it again. We're losing thousands of listeners every time you say it. It's gone very corporate. It's gone very American. Well, gee willikers, me and Eli will walk along the sidewalk to get some diapers and take the elevator. Don't. Juicy

Jeremy's going to come back. He's a cunt. Now, I've got Fox. Oh, what a fox. Now, it makes me think item number four of a very famous British confectionery product. Fox's Glacier Mints. But these are not those. No. And they also do Fox's Fruity Mixers

or whatever as well. Yeah, they do do fruit ones but those are boiled sweets, aren't they? They're hard. Yeah, so are the Glacier Mints. They're boiled mint sweets. Yeah, and that's what I'm saying.

Fox do... I fucking love them. Do you? Yeah. Do you crunch them up halfway through? Yeah, you do. I like to suck the mint

but I like to chew the fruit. What's so funny about that? It's a sentence. Here's a... So what kind of thing is this? Norwegian lemon fox. It has pictures of lemon slices on. So it's probably a lemon chew it of some kind.

It looks like a lemon chew it of some kind. It looks like a big lemon chew it. How many were in the pack just the two? Only two. I'm having a tough time getting the fucking wrapper off. Yeah, it's all sticky sticky. Sticky vicky. It's like a big opal fruit.

It'd take a while to chew. I'll say that for him. I've had to cut all that out. But me and Eli have just been chewing like cows for the past five minutes. It's like a big opal fruit. It'd take a while to chew. I'll say that for him. I've had to cut all that out. But me and Eli have just been chewing like cows for the past five minutes. What's that? Nothing. It's nothing about cows. No, no, nothing about cows.

No, no, nothing. Just to go back to looking out the window with a sad face. God, that was, that was a lot. A lot of masticating going on. Yeah, a whole lot of masticating going on. Now, I was all right. Yeah, but very standard. I didn't. If you've tasted one chewy

lemon sweet, you've tasted them all, I think. Yeah, but I think that's a little bit worse than the usual. Yeah. It's a bit creamy. Yeah, like a lemon cream chew. It gives it a kind of banana or... I didn't think it was that bad. No, it's not bad, but I've had much more satisfying lemon chews in my time. Do you

have any more items? Do you? No. Then that's it. That's it. Well, what was your favourite? I'm going to discount the Haribo because you can't go wrong with Haribo and as a result, I'm probably going to go with the Cleaning. I'm going to go with the Cleaning. The Cleaning. Sounds like a horror film, doesn't it? Like some kind of elevated

horror. Go into the lab and you'll experience the Cleaning. You are only Cleaning the cleaning. You are only cleaning level one. You have gills. Oh, do you think I'm getting cleaned by him? You're getting the cleaning. Stop doing that. All right.

And what did we hate? Fruits Stang. I'm never going to be a fan of those. So they're on a losing battle. The cleaning was also the most interesting and maybe the most uniquely Norwegian. Yeah. Everything else is fine. It's a funny, bready, cinnamon sugar loaf thing.

Very strange. Are you done now with my candy? Can I come back? Yeah, fucking right. So here's the plan. You're going to have to help me get my factory back, right? You've had me candy. Oh, hi, guys.

Fuck, I'm getting under the couch. Fuck out of the way. Okay, boys. Yeah, I'm back with the soda. Fuck out of the way. Okay, boys. Yeah, I'm back with the soda. This is a really special one. No, well, give us two minutes. Eli and I are just naked and playing with each other. Oh, I don't want to see that.

I don't want to see your little willies. What's that? You fucking old amir? Oh, what? I'll look away. Just get under the couch and get out of the way now. I'll look away. My daddy looked at my Willy Wonka.

You can come in now, Willy Wonka. Oh, sorry. You can come in, Juicy Jeremy. What did you say? No, just come in. It's just that I'm confused. Sometimes I get... Because you and Willy Wonka used to hang out a lot.

I don't know, Paul. I just get confused. I'm sorry. Sometimes I think the dose is too strong that I'm giving you. What's that? What's that noise? Shut up. Shut up. Who's there?

Nothing. I think you're just getting a little bit. Can you smell? I can smell like manure, like a cow pad. Yeah, that's just because a truck just went past with manure in. Oh. I think it was something like that. I don't like that smell.

Fucking dumb shit. It reminds me of when my daddy pappied Dr. Pepper Johnson. Was that his name? No, it was not his name. Just going to put that out there. Sarsaparilla Pepper. I don't think it was any of those.

That was his name. That was his name. I remember he used to drive me through the countryside. Can we wrap this up? We were all looking for the botanicals. Can we wrap this up? Those herbs and botanicals

to put in a sodie. See, now this is a proud day for me. I've sourced this with my website, Juicy Jeremy's Juices and Sodias, dot com, w-w-dot. It's hard to find online, Matt, I'll be honest with you.

And this is, we've been waiting for it, here it is, I'm just going to present it to you. What's that? That sounded like a sheep. That sounded like a ram. No, I think

that's a gun. We live in a tough neighbourhood. You probably heard a gun. Well, now, here's Coca-Cola Intergalactic. Oh, we've been meaning to get hold of that for some time and it's been very elusive I'll just finish off My crossword

You finish off Your crossword Go over there And finish off My crossword Yeah go fucking Look at that You mental prick

What was that What was that I don't No I think it's the Who was that It's the TV next door Oh I'm getting the voices

I think I think Rogan Old Papi Sarsaparilla Is talking to me again No I think it's just He's telling me To make better soda No I think it's just... He's telling me to make better soda. No, I think it's just Rogan next door

watching Hail and Pace episodes. I think that's all it is. I'll do mine. Just go sit down. I'll go sit down. I'll go over here. Getting... You don't have to do all this.

I'm going to cut it out. So just whatever, mate. Shut up. Right, so we have finally got... Shut up. We have finally got our hands on Coca-Cola intergalactic flavor. Limited edition flavor. Here's what I found out.

One, there's a QR code on that which sends you to a website which asks you to scan the code so you can see a performance in augmented reality in your room from some act I've never heard of, but that's fine because I'm 43. Is it a K-pop act maybe or something like that? No, it's called like Anna Mix or something or Anna Love or Joy Mix. Joy Mix? I don't

know. Little Mix? No, Little Mix is a thing, but now I think Joy Mix is just like a bag of Haribo, so I don't know. So, the whole thing is that Coca-Cola are allegedly now going forward with a thing called Creations, where they're going to keep releasing limited edition experimental flavours.

Just like fucking walkers. Or like jammy dodgers or Jaffa Cakes. Everything's doing this. Everything's doing this. But, you know, it pisses me off

because it's like they're never going to invent the next... No, because they did it before with New Coke. The next whole category of soft drink, are they? They're never...

It's so gimmicky. It's just like they're not trying to make. Coca-Cola wept for there were no more colas to make. Exactly. You know?

They've been doing some weird stuff in recent years, like that mango, zero sugar mango one. Lime. The coffee one. Cream.

Remember the coffee one? Yeah, the mixers that they brought out, which I liked those, to be fair. I liked those. See, but I think they should be

doing stuff like that. Yeah, which had like a smoky be fair. I liked those. See, but I think they should be doing stuff like that. Yeah. Which had like a smoky cola for certain bourbons or a lime one for more kind of rum based And actually a bit more sort of a, yes.

And lean into the... But this is just so gimmicky. It's all augmented reality. The website. And so the flavour, I feel the flavour is going to be a letdown probably. Do you know what I mean?

Well, it's interesting because... It's not going to be like New Coke, where some people love it and they go mad for it. Shall I check out the website, just briefly then, about all this fucking intergalactic Coke? It's a limited edition flavour that's out of this world. So there's a load of bumf now about how astronauts...

Astronoids? That's not a word. It's a great new word, though. You're such a fucking hypocrite telling me not to do any nonsense. But I do it by accident. You just open your mouth and a chodney will roll out your tongue.

We set the original recipe back in 1886. Yeah, we know that. Wessopee. We were also... Fuck you. We were also the first to launch a soft drink into space when astronauts bought the Space Shuttle Challenger, cracked open the Coca-Cola space can on June 12th, 1985.

Okay. I wonder how carbonation worked in zero grav. Do you know? I bet it wasn't fizzy. Oh, good point. I don't know. They wouldn't... I don't know.

Funny, eh? Unless... Perhaps one of our listeners can help us with that. Did they have a fizzy can of Coke in space? They might have. Unless they put it in one of those pouches and squirted it into their gobbles. Well, gases definitely behave differently, don't they, in zero grav?

So they're saying this ushers in a new flavour twist to their Coke thing. And also the liquid taking on a brilliant reddish starlit hue, reminiscent of galaxies far away. I see. So this is the first of the limited edition flavour to be launched under the Coca-Cola Creations, a new platform that takes the iconic cola and lends it to new expressions driven by collaboration, creativity and cultural connections. Yeah, they're just trying, because they just sell sugar water. It just means they can stick a tiger on that, put ginseng in it and call it Coca-Cola Battle.

You think they'll do that? You don't know. Pepsi's got a ginseng one in there. That's what we tasted. New taste. When it comes to Coca-Cola Intergalacticactic the packaging is just as innovative as the liquid the one-of-a- kind intergalactic cans will provide people access to the first ever concert on a coca-cola can that's the thing with the qr code where it's an augmented reality so you can through your phone

you can watch a tiny little pop star come out and go here's my single that i'm using to do this brand thing and get loads of money and I'm not really here for it because I'm on a blue screen. Also, don't you feel this has a feeling of sort of a desperate bid to sort of be a tech platform, to be a tech company? Funny you mention that, because it says, Scanning the QR code will take Coca-Cola intergalactic drinkers to an augmented reality concert where cosmic viewers

will be able to watch one of music's latest stars performing three hits on a set like no other. Fans will also be able to watch one of music's latest stars performing three hits on a set like no other fans will also be able to interact with instagram filters asmr experiences and more asmr experiences but i thought that's dirty i tried that qr code with my phone it's a google pixel six it's reasonably brand new could i get it to work did not work could i fuck but they're definitely trying to get some of that tech boom dollar, aren't they? Yeah, but it doesn't say what that flavour is. No, it's irrelevant. It's pure marketing.

Our limited edition flavour is space-themed Coca-Cola that aims to bring some of the magic and mystery of everything we love about space to life. But doesn't space taste of... Beef. It's like someone said, what does space smell of? Seared burnt meat and metal. A succession of astronauts have described the smell as a rather pleasant metallic sensation.

Sweet-smelling welding fumes, burning metal. Yeah, so he told you, burning. Ozone and acrid smell. Walnut and brake pads, gunpowder, and even burnt almond cookie. How can they smell that if they're in a suit? They can't smell it. It's just the smell of the inside of their suit. It's that fucking astronaut food giving them bad guffs. Folks. They can't smell it. It's just the smell of the inside of their suit. They've been, it's that fucking,

well, astronaut food giving them bad guffs. Folks have said, think about it. Where do your guffs go in your space suit? Right up. Right into your nose, don't they?

You feed it back to yourself. They feed you your own guffs. It's the circle of guff. It says, some people say here it smells like a cross between hot metal and seared meat. That's exactly,

that's what I told you at the beginning of this bit. A lot of planets smell like farts, apparently. Because it's methane, isn't it? A lot of methane. So does this, that's what I told you at the beginning of this bit. A lot of planets smell like farts, apparently. Because it's methane, isn't it? A lot of methane. So does this mean that this is going to taste of meat? I don't think so. It will not. It won't. It'll taste of some kind of generic fruit.

Well, after weeks of talking about this, it is time for Eli Silverman and Paul Gannon, your favourite podcasters, to try the drink everyone's been talking about weeks ago on the internet now for you and this is intergalactic limited edition flavor coca-cola intergalactic limited edition coca-cola coca-cola flavor red bull format can it is it's in that slightly narrower than thou

tube tubey can well isn't it the kind of stock flavor for the cans that they have now you know they have the stubby ones now Now they have thin ones as well that are like 10p. They do, they do. But I'm wondering because you just read that blumpf. Blumpf. And it said unique cans. So I wonder if they're only putting it out in these smaller, thinner cans. Because maybe that works with their AR. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That must be it. Let's do it. You have to give it the hoof as well. It's just so much crap though. Do you know what I mean? Well, this is the thing, isn't it? It's like, rather than have one brand you try and sell, you create millions to try and spread. And also, rather than trying to make a really tasty soft drink,

it's a game. It's just a gimmick, and the flavour doesn't matter. Well, that's what happened with New Coke. And those Fanta... Did you ever find out what the Fanta flavour was that you guessed at? That's still new. They're still rolling out the clues week by week, so we'll do a catch- up on that, I think.

That smells like Pepsi to me. Really? To have us enough? Intergalactic limited edition Coca-Cola Intergalactic. Just smells like Coke. Has it? No. It has that Pepsi nose to it.

No, do you know what I mean? I'm going to tell you what I think it is now. When you smell it, see if you agree. Like popping candy. Do you see those popping candy kind of I'm going to pour some out because apparently the colour's meant to be good

is it going to be as good as my foreskin drink it's almost exactly the same colour as that sting slightly browner it's a little darker it's a purpley

reddy crimsony hue isn't it right here we go it really smells like Pepsi to me weirdly it's kind of that artificial sort of

cola flavour that fizz went away so quick here we go there that artificial sort of cola flavour. Well that fizz went away so quick. Yeah. Here we go. There's a sort of baking spice. Cookie.

Cookie dough sort of taste. That is not very good. Shit. Yeah. It's not even like awful. It's just a shit flavour. Oh it's awful.

That is really bad. I don't understand what it tastes like. It tastes like a fucking Diet Coke but worse. Doesn't it? I can taste that fucking aspartame. I can get the aspartame coming off tastes like a fucking diet coke but worse doesn't it I can taste that fucking aspartame or whatever the fuck the aspartame coming off it like a mile long mate

yeah I don't even want anymore but do you know what I mean at the front there's a kind of cookie bready almost sort of yeah it's like a kind of a pop tart kind of yes yeah exactly do you know I'm getting at that's the only difference and then the end is so artificial. The finish is so artificial and horrible, isn't it? And empty. Here's what it tastes like to me. I still think the popping candy flavour's in there somewhere. That flavour that popping candy generic has. But it's also got like a Chirpa Chups knock-off cola lollipop flavour.

Yeah. It's like it's a knock-off of its own drink. Yeah. That's what I mean about the Pepsi smell. And yet those cocktails are artificially almost like a panda smell. And yet those are really sort of artificially, almost like a panda pop. Yeah. Artificial cola sort of.

Those cola bottles that were mixers, I would happily drink them separate. The signature. Yeah. More of that, please, Coca-Cola. Yeah. Terrible. This is terrible.

Actually, that kind of gives me a kind of burning feeling. That's the acid that they put in to make it not sickly. Well, it's going to get added to the drink, so I'm going to add a bit more Sting. That's never going to be anyone's fuckingly. Well, it's going to get added to the drink, so I'm going to add a bit more Sting. That's never going to be anyone's fucking favourite. I've added Sting to it. Oh, he's doing all three together now. Do you know what?

I actually feel quite sick. No, go on. Do all three together. Right, I'm adding them all in. Oh, my word. So this is Coca-Cola Intergalactic Sting, not the Singer, because then I'd be drinking this for a day.

That is truly one of the worst soft drinks I've tasted in a long time. Firstly, from a branded company. We've tasted quite a lot. That is awful. 411. Here we go. God, they're so bad. Their zero sugar stuff is so bad, Coke, if you ask me.

Yeah, no. It's really awful. It's fucking awful shit. And then I'd rather pay the extra money for normal. Honestly, you'll be surprised when you taste the Pepsi Max Cherry, man. You'll be surprised. I'll give it Max Cherry, man. You'll be surprised. I'll give it a go for science. You will be.

Let me see what this is. This is the three drink mix. I'm going to give it a go. Weirdly, that flavor gets lost in this drink completely. So it just tastes like the other two. Yeah. Which is quite nice. Which is quite nice.

Yeah, because it's not much. It's just unpleasant sort of. Yeah, he's topping it up with the intergalactic. Let's see if I can add something more into it. It's not going to be anything because it's no flavor to the intergalactic. It's just the flavor can add something more into it. It's not going to be anything, because it's no flavour to the intergalactic. It's just the flavour of aspartame. No, it does nothing. Yeah.

It's not strong enough. In fact, if anything, intergalactic takes away from the kind of nice richness. It just neutralises it. Yeah, it's nasty. Well, if you'd like a recipe for my new drink, Foreskin, there's a website. Not mine, but there will be one with all my drinks on.

It's not called a Foreskin. I'm going to start my own soft drink cocktail club. It's called a Miami Scorpion. Is it? Yeah. Not a foreskin. Come on. 411 and sting.

Foresting. Foreskin. Foresting. Foresting. It's not funny. I had a foresting after the Queen last night. I tell you what, she's riddled with something. Oh, I give up.

Oh, anyway. Paul. Guess what I've been doing, Juicy Jeremy. What have you been doing? I've been mixing your drinks and making one big drink. Well, you're making your own bed there, my boy. And look, all the girls are going. Weirdly, drinking this has made the girls go away a little bit.

I can feel one less gill near my back. Oh, I need to. Oh, I'll go now. Eli, you make sure you do what I asked you to. I'm paying you good money. Okay, Juicy. What's that? Who's that?

Who's that it is? It's me. Fuck you. I want my business back, you prick. You, you ragabond. You rascal. You get away from me. You know what I'm going to do?

And you get away from my livestock. You know what I've got? What? I've got two pigs in the back of your jalopy and I'm going to fucking pork them to death. I'll fucking show you. I wondered what that smell was. I'd say if you don't give me my building back, I'm going to take your jalopy

the one that's been in your family for years and I'm going to run up a fucking lamppost. You prick. I'm fucking sick of this. You science bastard man. I'm going back to the jalopy. You can't catch me. Come here you fuck. God will be on my side. God loves you. Jesus Christ. I'm

coming to chicken. Oh those two eh. They're incorrigible. Aren't they wacky characters. They are incorrigible. And much better than our original stock of characters we've not touched on in a while. So we'll be dealing with that privately after this recording. So if you took all those drinks

separately i think the sting is yeah the sting is probably the most palatable i just wish it had more fizz yeah that's it i thought that was quite nice it soft drinks from that part of the world i think vietnam and around there they're sweeter just like when the jamaican soft drinks have that sort of more syrupy that more sort of sugar forward sort of uh texture. You know? Oh, I'm looking out the window, mate. They're fighting over getting into the car. Look at them. Fucking look at them. I don't know.

Jeremy, he's so... The pig's escaped. Fucking that pig's down the road now. That pig has got some kind of fucking device attached to his head. Yeah, I don't know what that is. It looks like a kind of... It looks like a soda stream. No, it looks like handlebars.

It's like they've put handlebars in a pig's head for some reason. There's also vials of fizzing liquid. I think Juicy Jeremy isn't being on the up and up with us. No, it's fucking Jalopy looks like a set from Breaking Bad. He's doing all sorts of stuff in there. I don't know. How are your gills? Are your gills...

Hang on, let me just... Yeah, they're still there. They're still there, but they're very... One of them's gone. One of them's closed up. Yeah. Oh, there, another one. Do you them's closed up yeah we'll do another one

do you want to touch it I'll do more than that I'll come around there and fuck my gills come on

let's stop the show get biffo on my gills get all biffo on me oh Paul feed me your

fish meat into my gills right let's wrap this up yeah I've generally got a ball of air in my fucking here well to my gills. Right, let's wrap this up. I've generally got a ball of air in my fucking ear. Well,

there was some carbonation left in those drinks. Oh, God. I want to burp, but I can't. Now I'm in actual kind of pain. You know what? From now on,

if we ever have Juicy Jeremy on, just one drink. You were like, no nonsense words, one drink, the sauce, don't slurp the sauce so much.

I'm whittling the edges off this fucking show. You're really complaining about everything. We're getting old, mate. It's going to be one drop of sauce, too. Podcasting's a young guy's game.

Is it? I don't know. Right, so that's the end. I can't do this. I'll do it. Can you do it? Because I'm generally, mate,

outside the podcast in an inside the podcast way. I'm really in a lot of pain. I've got a fucking big ball of out. Don't think do it. Can you do it? Because I'm generally, mate, outside the podcast in an inside the podcast way. I'm really in a lot of pain. I've got a fucking big ball of out. Don't think about it. Maybe I'm dying. No, you're not dying. You've just had some windy, trapped wind.

Here we go. Paul dies in a podcast. It's going to happen. You've just got some trapped wind. Yeah. Yeah. I'm dying. Don't.

Wrap it up. Thanks for listening, everyone. Let's see how much he remembers of the wrap-up. We've been doing seven years and almost 300 episodes so let's see how much he remembers and that's it thanks very much for listening guys we're here every week with cheap show uh doing all the stuff now we are active on the social meds and uh and you know fucking look at the website for the

struggle going on. You need to go to the website for all the images and links to our merch page Tony's merch page and the magazine and the and that is our website www Come on!

Oh god! I'll take over I'll take over from here right I've released the bubble in me throat right thecheapshow.co.uk

thecheapshow.co.uk is where you can go to for all the shit Eli poorly said a minute ago also we're on Instagram Facebook

Twitter at thecheapshowpod I'm at Paul Gannon's show and Eli is Eli Snoid you spell that E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And you can email us like a tell us from the shop floor, a little adventure. You can do all of that things, thecheapshowatgmail.com.

We have a PO address, which is in the metadata for this episode, but it's also on our website if you want to send us anything. And if you have sent us some intergalactic coke, thank you. I think I'm going to get like four boxes sometimes. It really is the worst thing ever. I would give that zero out of four. It was horrible. Yeah.

Worst. There was nothing nice about that. Worst. Worst thing ever. So that's the, that's the, that's the jalopy. Oh God.

That is the jalopy. Yeah. They're having a fist fight on the bonnet of the jalopy. This is getting out of hand. We're going to have to call the police. Because they're only going to come up back up here if they can't get away. They're not going to come. Well, I think fucking Willy Wanker's been hanging around here.

Anyway, this podcast has the lights kept on for it by our delicious and beautiful Patreon supporters. Thanks, Patreons. Who give what they can, but only if they can, to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. They get access to videos magazines behind the websites commentaries behind the website i don't know behind the scenes stuff extra videos videos podcasts galore extra podcast all sort of the magazines when they come out they get so much cool stuff you could be one of them if you want and help support this daft independent cute little podcast.

At least you've stopped saying let. Everything let. Let. Pod let. Pod let. Yeah, that was just that one episode. You didn't say pod let, did you? Eli let.

Pod let's quite good. Pod let. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So patreon.com forward slash cheap show. If you do become a patron, you will get money off your ticket if you come to the live show in August. Remember the Twitch stream birthday show? That's on the 18th of june oh there's something else i'm sure there is there's something else i'm forgetting a little email podcast p.o box you're you're learning how to be a ghost oh i didn't tell

you about that did i i mentioned that now snippet snippet i've got that book i was going to use for this week as well so i made it? It is How to Become a Ghost. What does that mean? It's a handy guide to preparing yourself for death and becoming a supernatural spirit. That sounds really weird. I've been reading it because apparently if you do the incantations and you do the meditation and things for a few weeks,

you can, if the worst happens, come back as a ghost. I wouldn't mess with that. That sounds like something. I found it in this charity shop. Why? So that's why you trust it, is it? come back as a ghost. I wouldn't mess with that. That sounds like something. I found it in this charity shop. Yeah, why? So that's why you trust it, is it? Well, it was one of those spooky little ones,

you know, with dusty shelves and antique shelf of books. I've just never seen a book. I couldn't find the author online. I can't find any. There's no ISBN code for it. It doesn't look good. So I'm going to...

I want to look into it. I'm finding it fascinating. Really? Yeah, apparently it's very easy. You've just got to do the meditation. I thought you had to have a very terrible end to become a ghost. You can. I mean,, apparently it's very easy. You've just got to do the meditation. I thought you had to have a very terrible end to

become a ghost. You can. I mean, that's one of the theories. But this book promises that if you die... You can be a

happy liver and a ghost in dire. Yeah, I'm just saying that I found it interesting that should the worst happen, I could potentially

live on in the afterlife. I just thought that was interesting. Just don't tell me about it. It's fucking weird. Well, we can't

do it in this week's show now anyway, so I'm just going to go home and read it myself. Okay, fine. Right. Bring,'t tell me about it. That's fucking weird. Well, we can't do it in this week's show now anyway, so I'm just going to go home and read it myself. Okay, fine. Right. Bring, bring, bring, bring. What's this?

Hello? Oh, yes, it's the Queen. I enjoyed my noobing last week, and I'd like to be noobed again. Oh, thank you, you bastard. Can I go round? Hey, look, I've got a mate who will do a podcast with Eli. Can we...

You're embarrassing me now. Can we give the old throne? The old throne? No, that's not what I'm Hey, look, I've got a mate who'll do a podcast with Eli. Can we... You're embarrassing me now. Can we give the old throne? The old throne? No, that's not what I'm suggesting, Paul. Can you double-team me? No, absolutely not. Yes, the Queen would love that. I would love to be spit-roasted by the cheap show boys.

Well, Mum, it'll be our pleasure for your royal jubilee... I'm not doing that. ...to fill you up. I want to do... I would like a go first please have you heard of gomp your majesty stop the show well that's all i've got i'll be in my caravan hang up on the queen now paul i'm in my caravan in in a business park just outside slough it's always sl. If you'd like to come.

Yes, your majesty. We'd very much love to, wouldn't we? No, I'm not going to do it with you. Oh, can't get it up for the queen, can you? No, I can't. Not if Paul's there with his fucking stallion. What about if I tell him to go away? Yeah, that's what I want.

Well, your majesty, I live to serve. And so if you would like to have Eli's gift, I will let you have him. Yes, please, your madge. I would love to service your vag, your madge. Well, come to my caravan at midnight tonight. Ah, it'll be dark then. Yes.

So I don't have to see your fucking stupid face. Goodbye, your madge. Goodbye, your majesty. Well, what a beautiful royal salute to the jubilee I think cheap show has given and

I tell you what mate she likes it when you tickle her knees when you fuck well I can't reach down that low well that's how we're ending

this week's episode I regret it it shouldn't have been brought up in the first place and some people will find it distasteful but you know what that's cheap show

that's us. That's... Eli, you're going to have to step in and stop me because I don't know how to end this episode. Goodbye everyone. Thanks for listening. Thank you for listening. See you next week. Bye. you