CheapShow - Ep 285: 2 True 4 Real

Episode Date: June 10, 2022

It’s all fun and games until things get “too real” for Paul and Eli this week. What begins as a simple party game soon turns into a sober and devastatingly reflective experience. It’s a Gannon’s Golden Game from hell and no one gets out with their dignity intact. Think of it like a body swap film but with none of the hi-jinks and joy. Luckily, the rest of the show isn’t as awkward. It’s time to take a trip to the past as Paul pulls out another excuse to talk about “Look-In” magazines when he happens upon an annual celebrating the best of the 1970s pop culture landscape. Oh, what fun! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-285-2-true-4-real Tickets for LIVE SHOW on August 13th: Episode 300 Live https://harrowarts.com/whats-on/event/cheapshow-300-live For Information on travel and accommodation for CS300 https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/cheapshow-300-show-info And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

What have I got for you? Well, why did you try and guess? What's in store in the show? Will I be making a mess? It's not so bad. Eli's got the shit. He's fucked off his face. I'm not fucked off my face.

You look it. I've had a very busy... What's the matter you? Why are you looking so sad? Start, let's start. No. Why are you looking so sad? Why you got a fat face?

You're an ugly cunt. You squat little shit. Great shit great so just start with an insult yeah yeah yeah uh open up on your vag great i thought you know i do differences i try and block that uh open up on your vag no what's the matter no you know what? Let's not. Why you got a legs? Why have you got a legs? You come round here. Stop saying come round here. I'm going to put, I'm going to literally make this

into a swear bank situation now. Open up at your vag. Every time you say come round here, go round there. Click. It goes in the, you owe me a quid. Click what?

Click, you owe me a pound. I don't owe you shit. Well, you do. Well, how do I owe you a pound? Because you will owe me a pound for. Click what? Click, you owe me a pound. I don't owe you shit. Well, you do. Well, how do I owe you a pound? Because you will owe me a pound for every time you say click. No. When I say click? No, when you say come round here, go round there.

Anything on that ilk. I'm going to smash you in that face. Oh, what's the matter, Paul? Hey, why you look so sad? Because you've ruined my mood. Welcome to fucking cheap show. Yeah, no, it's the matter, Paul? Hey, why you look so sad? Because you've ruined my mood. Welcome to fucking cheap show. Yeah, no, it's not good this week, everyone. We haven't started yet.

Well, we've done a cold opening. It's not been cold. It's been shit. It's been fine. It's been hot, hot Todd. It's been hot Todd on the wall of a porcelain sink, porcelain toilet. Hot Todd, jumping frogs. I've a squirter.

Is that better? Is that better? Is it? Oh, I stuff up at your vag. Sure, that's it. Alright. Welcome to the show.

Blah, blah, blah. I don't know why people listen to us. Stop talking when I'm about to end the show. End the link. End the show.

Let's end the show. Fuck this. Bye. I'm out of here. show. End the show. Let's end the show. Bye. Bye. Fuck this. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show

you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Off-brand, brand, off-brand, brand, off-brand. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap Show. It's the Price of Shite Paul Gannon

Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And I go and I nuzzle No, we're back We're just kidding with you On a Friday or whatever day you listen to this, really. I guess I shouldn't say Friday.

It's been the Queen's Jubilee. Did I tell you, by the way? What, that you banned the Queen? Well, got a letter. Oh, that's nice. Your services have been recognised. So do you know why she wasn't at the party at the palace and at the Derby thing or whatever, the horsey thing?

You know why? Why? I was up inside the Queen the whole time. That's why they had to put a hologram in her coach because she was too busy being knobbed by me. In all seriousness. I gave her a hot crown. How can they put a hologram in there

and then expect us to think that she's still alive when they do it next year? How can they put a hologram in there and people willingly wave to it? Wave to the hologram. It's like waving to basil brush actually would be that would be actually more of a thing they're all going to be holograms basically the cabinet's going to be all those abba robots and like that's it and the queen how is it she's going to be the dancing queen we've reached that point right in it's gonna be roy alberson t Tupac Shakur they'll be the ministers for health

and justice Royal Orbison not Royal Orbison Tupac oh Royal Orbison yeah Tupac the gorillas

the band gorillas yes they'll be there what are the famous all the ghosts from the haunted mansion ride all of them

they're all going to be there Pepper's Ghost Pepper's Ghost including Pepper's Ghost which is a good callback isn't it yes

what's this podcast hello this is Cheap Show. Hello. It's the economy comedy podcast where Eli and I say hello, Eli. Hello, Eli. We go through the bargain bins, the charity shops,

and pound lounges of this fair country and go, What's the matter, you? Why are you so cheap? You can come in my mouth. The food. The food can come in my mouth. I've stuffed up at your vag.

Your gob's full of plums. Your vag is a thatched. Your vag is a thatched. You have a nice thatch on your vag. Right, well, you need to get all of this out of your system. You have matted hair. Oh, all upon your vag. Oh, any way I see it.

Oh, I say to myself, oh, that's a nice vag. That's a lovely weft. You've got a matted vag. Right. What is coming up on this show?

I'm not nearly done, Paul. We are exploiting my love of looking magazines for a third time on this fucking podcast where we're going to be looking through another looking annual. It's a compilation, the best of the 70s junior TV times. I've highlighted a few pages,

but we won't get through it all because there's quite a lot of stuff in this. Paul, do you think it's a Paul's Page Turners? It is. You can join today. You can join today. It's Paul's Page Turners. Don't go away. Pick up a book and turn to a page. Then get a work for a minimal wage. You gotta do it.

You gotta do it. Now the weft and the wharf on the matted vag. You just have to pick one song for the vag And today it's Shut Up In Your Face by Joel Dolce You've got to keep to that I have to pick one song for the vag Yes, you've got to pick out one song for the vagina

We're not going into that book yet So leave it, put it down I just have one question Put it down I'm putting it down I'll let you have one question But this can't eat into the actual content section of the show Now this is a modern day

Reproduction Sort of reproduction It's like a compilation Do you think they've edited it question but this can't eat into the actual now this is a modern day um reproduction reproduction it's like a compilation do you think they've edited it to try and find all the most sort of what denoncify you mean like gary glitter snip they must have snipped out yeah they must have done that i mean i think there's one or two instances of glitter that were in that book there's glitter incidents there's a there's a there's a couple of splashes of glitter in there i think well it's funny isn't glitter is like hated now? I don't know why. Because it gets everywhere.

Well, his glitter. Not Gary Glitter. Oh, glitter. The stuff, glitter. Yeah, well, people hate that and Gary Glitter. Because, you know, it gets in children's hair. Yes. I can't watch it out.

Good, good. That was good, Paul. I'm sorry. Well done. Lovely comedy link there. The done. Lovely comedy link there. The mind of the comedy linker. Yeah. So we're doing that.

And then we're going to end with a Gannon's Golden Game. It's a Paul Gannon, Paul's page turner, Gannon's Golden Games today. Where we've got a little game called Hot Seat. Hot Seat? Who will be in the hot seat? Who will be in the hot seat? It will be you and I. We'll both be in the hot seat.

Mate, I'll be honest. It's basically a Mr. and Mrs. game. You're meant to play it with like three or more, but there's only two of us. We can only play two of us. So it's just one of those games where you've got to pretend to be me and I've got to pretend to be you

and answer questions. How about this for a spring... Tales from the Dance Floor. Oh, have you got one? I will allow it. Now, go. A young lady comes up to me. She goes, can you play something?

And I said, can you... I think this might need a kind of background music of like you know cha-cha-cha-cha-cha or no one of those working industry kind of uh background music you know anyway so she comes up and she asked for she asked for something. Come on, kid, the music doesn't work. Otherwise, this music would sound like a prick. You do sound like a prick. Come on, come on. I won't do it with music.

Anyway, she came over and she asked for something... He was a get-down rap attack. Sorry. She comes over. Comes round here. No, she doesn't come round here. I didn't say it. You give me a quid. Comes over is not round here.

I said, and variations on. So, one pound... What do you mean? Almost every sentence in English is a variation of come round here. Well, that's two comments you've said now. I'm not paying this. Two pounds. I hope you're tracking this at home.

You'll have to come round here to pick up those money. Keep going, Mr Moneybags. You're doing Breakfast Club, aren't you? Three pounds. What's the Breakfast Club? I mean, I know the film. There's that bit where he gets detention, and he keeps giving him more and more detention.

Oh, I don't remember it. You said the line from it there. Good. I haven't seen it. Certainly said the line from it there. Good. I haven't seen it. Certainly not in a long time. You've not seen The Breakfast Club? I don't think I've even seen it all in one go. I think I've seen chunks of it in bits.

It's not my cup of tea. I used to love that film. Talk about your dance floor story. Anyway, she comes over. I didn't have what she wanted. And then she said, what about Amy Winestone? Amy Winestone? She asked for Amy Winestone.

It's funny because they had an Amy Winestone special. Sometimes they do specials where they do... Wait, what's her name now? Because you're just called her Weinstein. Amy Win... I'm doing it now, aren't I? Amy Winstone. Winehouse.

Winehouse. So they do specials where they do one artist, like the Rolling Stones, David Bowie. Like a theme night. Yeah, just for the sort of one... Yeah, segment. One gig, yeah. Whenever they do Winestone, you just realise that she had two albums.

The first album wasn't very good. She's only got about three songs that are any good. One of them was a cover of... Was the Zutons cover. Yeah, Valerie. Valerie, which they end with. Is that the story over in terms of your... Well, you've ruined it.

You've ruined everything. How have I ruined it? You've ruined my life. How have I ruined your life? I could have been someone. You could have? I could have been in... Go on. Let me just say life? I could have been someone. You could have. I could have. I could have been in...

Go on. All the things... Let me just say this. I could have been in... When did we meet? What age were you when we first met? I could have been in Idiot's Advance or something like that. See, question.

Something reputable. Question, right? How old were you when we met? Roughly. Have a guess. It's been about what? It's been a while, right? I can't remember when we met.

Probably around 2008. 2008? All right. 2009, I think. Let's when we met. Probably around 2008. 2008? All right. 2009, I think. Let's just say 2008. Split the difference. Right. How old were you in 2008?

I was 30, around. 30? No, I was 20. We didn't meet then. You must have been in your 30s. No, I was. Yeah. So maybe...

Yes, I was 34. 34. So you're telling me... In 2009. Before we met and you were 34, you still hadn't become someone. I'm just saying. I'm just wondering because you've had all that time.

I know. I know. Listen, I know, you know, it comes naturally. It sounds, seems like it comes naturally

to me to say bum bum or willy willy wanky. You think that would have gotten you hot material in 34? What do you mean got me hot material? I don't even know

what you're fucking talking about. You couldn't get away with that. You refer to the overground as the overland and you've been doing it for months. We're not talking about me right now. We're talking about how you fell to be anything by 34. And now that you're part of a small something. A small thing?

You begrudge me. Like my numbers? You begrudge me. And here's the thing, I am a gift to you. I walked into your life like like a holy spirit and you fucking needed it and you came to me and you said paul save my career i did not save my life and i grabbed i crafted this podcast around your strength is this the one where everyone stops listening because it's just i stopped listening to me just now i know

that's a bad thing when you stop listening to yourself. I'm just saying you should be grateful for me. I am. I am, Paul. I was just trying

to make funnies. Now, it's time for you to make the deal complete by one blowy, two handjob, three bumming round the back hole,

four come round here. Four pound now, everyone. And also... All I'm saying, come round here, come round here, come round here. Four pound now, everyone. And also... All I'm saying, come round here. Come round here. Come round here. Seven pounds. Right, we're picking number two today.

I want you to shake the hands of Mr. Knobbers to seal the deal. I'll spit on his head. Shake that. Shake Knobbers. Hello, Mr. Knobbers. It's great to meet you. Hello.

It's very good what you can do. Is that called metastriloquy? You throw your voice onto the meters. Can we do the book, honestly? Yeah, we're going off topic. Look, we haven't got much for you this week. We really don't. Have you noticed that?

We need to find a way to end this segment. You never. You're having real struggle. I'll tell you what, I'll improvise a song, okay? Yeah, close us out

with a segment with a song before we kick into the looking stuff. Go on. Nee, nee, nee,

nee, nee, nee, nee, nee, nee, nee, I am Mr.

Pie in my hair. Where is it? It comes. I've got nothing at all. I've got one for you. I've got nothing. Na na na na. Na na na na. Hey hey.

The Georgie. How about that? Georgie. You like that, don't you? You do. There we go. That's our out. Oh, bye. Looking Magazine. We've talked about it a lot on the podcast. Just go back and look for Looking. It's Looking. When did it stop?

Did you used to get it? It stopped in the... Again, we've talked about this before, but it stopped in the mid-90s, basically. Oh, but this is from the 70s, this compilation. This annual is a collection of those early 70s, first-out-the-door-looking magazines when it was literally called the Junior TV Times

because TV Times was a thing you could buy and this was the kids' version of it. Oh, and it came in inside the big, grown-up TV Times. No. It was inserted. It wasn't. It was a separate publication. Oh.

And I think it was fortnightly at first. Why is it called Look In? I don't No. It was inserted. It wasn't. It was within the pages. Oh. And I think it was fortnightly at first. Why is it called Look In? I don't know. It's strange. So you can look in it for your programming. But that's like

calling your magazine Open Up. Read page. No, gynecologists call that Open Up. A proctologist. Deep Dive. Today on the

Bum Doctors podcast called Deep Dive we'll be looking into claggers No but you know what I mean it's a bit meaningless it's like calling your shop come in and buy

I'm sure there is one I bet there's a shop out there called come in and buy I bet you there's one shop in the world called come in and buy I bet there isn't It's like calling your restaurant

eat here Here we go Oh there is eat what's there eat that didn't work though eat there eat here come round here no eight quid eight quid you know what paul yeah a certain fucking quest master from a few weeks ago still hasn't fucking coughed up the 10 quid

for my chocker or i think you just say come around here more times, we'll call it quits. Come round here, come round here. Fine. Right. So the Looking magazine ran from 1971 to 1994. So that's quite a good innings. Considering the BBC, when they released their magazines, never lasted all that long, a couple of years each, and then they would all die out. So this was the ITV one? The commercial channels in the UK, yeah.

But did they ever have BBC things in Looking? No. But then you had IT BBC things in looking? No. But then you had ITV things in the TV Times, the Radio Times, didn't you? Well, eventually, because the Radio Times originally was the BBC magazine. And then there was TV Times for ITV and Channel 4 channels. But then at some point,

I think in the late 80s, early 90s, a law passed, which means they could... They could list each other's... And then they did. And that's why Radio Times went drastically downhill in quality that's my opinion it became much more tabloidy much more well they had to pack more listings in and so the articles became less substantial but they used to be good at articles in the radio times well it was more that it meant more when it was dedicated to the bbc they could go into more depth yeah focus on smaller programs i guess yeah

but uh you know as that all opens out you lose a lot of that focus do you think that condition where people can't picture things in their head whatever they call that aphasia or you think that's real yeah i don't understand i don't we can't can you it's like it's like trying to imagine what it's like to be blind and you can't because you don't know what it's like to be completely blind it's not like you don't it's not like you see black you don't i don't know but how can you have any kind of visual cortex and not be able to these are questions we will never know for sure because we have never lived a minute and also why does it only come up in the last few years if this was something that actually yeah but that doesn't mean it didn't exist before someone gave a name to it yeah but something so fundamental no but isn't it the whole point they only realized

it was a thing reasonably recently? Yeah, but why? I don't know. This is not a psychologist podcast. What you're... Brain fucking stuff. What you're saying is I want to talk about generations of people.

Let's be proud of her. And you're talking about fucking brain issues. Brain issues. Briss shoes. Briss shoes. We all fall down. Spunky tissues.

Briss shoes. No, they're called jissues. Jissues. Oh, that's a nasty word, isn't it? Don't go down the side of a bed, love. It's packed with jissues. Oh, sopping jissues. Oh, the jissues have all crusted up.

Soggy jissues. Just break through the outer level of the jissues. Like a cactus. Spiky and old on the outside, but if you snap them, you can suck the other stuff from the tissues. Like a cactus. Spiky and odd on the outside but if you snap them you can suffer the other stuff from the inside.

You can survive in the desert. The tissue of life. What are you talking about? Brain stuff. I just want to make one final point on that, Paul. Yeah.

And what people are claiming then that for generations throughout history people have not been able to have any kind of vision inside picture things, which is what they claim. Yes. Ash has that.

Don't shake your head. I'm so doubtful. Yeah, just because you can't fathom it doesn't mean it's not a thing. I don't understand what you can't understand about that. I think it's about how they report to themselves. How they report to themselves. Yes. Fucking educate yourself, mate.

You've got to sound like Joe Rogan at this point. You're sounding like Joe Rogan. Right, so let's have a look through and pick out... Do we have to talk about Leslie Crowther? No. I've turned off. All I was going to say was Leslie Crowther had a comic strip and I didn't realise Leslie Crowther was popular enough

to have his own wacky comic strip. Is he Crowder or Crowther? Crowther. You said Crowder before. Leslie Crowther, that would. He said Crowder before. Leslie Crowder, that would be a very specific job. Yeah?

Just go around people called Leslie's house and sort of... Gather them round. Yeah? Just get up close. Yeah, yeah. Crowder. Or get into one house.

It's weird. It's like in this comic strip he's late for something and auditioning and it ends up being a boxing match. He's not a comic. He's not like a superhero.

I don't understand. Did he have a sitcom or something? I do not know. I only know him because he presented The Price is Right, right? And Stars Near Eyes. That's a bit of a connection to our show, I guess. Price of Shite. The Price is Right, yeah.

Come on down. Yeah. That is Strike It Lucky every single fucking time. It was similar, though, wasn't it? I think it says more about the success of that theme. It was brilliant. That theme was one of the best in all of Game Show. The best bit, though, wasn't it? I think it says more about the success of that theme. It was brilliant. That theme was one of the best in all

of Game Show. The best bit though is not the main thing. It's like the bit where it goes bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. But what was the music

in Price of Shite? Not Price of Shite. The Price is Right. It didn't really have one. When he'd come on down. Yeah, but it had this da, da, da, da, da. Oh, right. It wasn't a distinct sort of tune.'d come on down. Yeah, but it had this... Oh, right.

It wasn't a distinct sort of tune. No, it was like a Las Vegas-y show tunes kind of energy thing. Basically, Price is Right didn't really have a theme. It had like an orchestral kind of score running throughout the show. Seriously, I downloaded an audio track of music from the American Price is Right. And it was like 90 minutes of different types of music you know like the special games and the the yodel bit yeah yeah the cliffhanger game so let's crack on with looking early page here junior showtime which was a kid's talent show and the only reason i bring it up and we have to talk about it a little bit is because one of the

pictures here is two kids in blackface doing uh see junior show doing a sort of minstrel show yeah they are doing a minstrel show and there's joe brown in the middle who's probably having to sing with him and it's all innocent fun joe brown is that uh brit rock and roll guy right yeah i don't get joe brown but i thought he was part of a prog thing and then became a kind of one man show himself and then that. But no, he's always been a... He was rock and roll. Skiffily kind of thing, wasn't it?

Yeah, early Brit rock. What was that song he was famous for? Yes, I got it on 7-Inch. It was called Joe Brown and the Brothers and it was the swagger or something. But he turned up in everything. You know what I mean? He was always there being a company guy. I never knew about him at all.

I don't remember him at all. He was much more, obviously, as a face in the 70s when I think he was going, quote-unquote, mainstream and trying to do the variety shows. And I think he was like... Yeah, light entertainment. Because he was all like, here's money, I'm Jeff Brand.

He was Cockney, yeah. He was a professional Cockney then? I mean, as much as you could be. Was he born within the sound of bow bells? That's the question. Now, what's interesting to me about this, Paul, is you said this is a reprint. This has been edited.

So how has this offensive material crept in? Or are they trying to show... Well, I mean, look, it's one thing to censor the past and not put this in at all. But honestly, I just think they put this in because I honestly think they thought, oh, different time, you know, different time. Just look back at all. But honestly, I just think they put this in because I honestly think they thought, oh, different time. You know, different time.

Just look back at that page and think, oh, what a different time it was when you could black up your kids and get them to sing Oh Mama or something with Joe Brown. Mammy, yeah. Yeah, the most important of the Junior Showtime production are the young stars.

So it's talking about, it's basically behind the scene. Jeff Cohen invites you to meet the compers.'s just not good it's not good joe brown les does joe brown look happy enough to be performing with these i'll be honest look at that picture of joe brown and just off the face of it do you think he's not a little bit uncomfortable he does seem a bit uh perturbed that face in this picture yeah that is the face of a man who was told it's just a five five-minute little song with some singers. He doesn't like it. I'll do it.

Then they came in, saw them all blacked up and went, oh, fuck now. Yeah, very much so. There's Ken Dodd. Ken Dodd doing, I think, like a Mexican song. Oh, there's Les Dawson. Yeah. I love Les Dawson.

We all love Les Dawson. Everyone loves Les Dawson, don't they? Everyone loves Les Dawson. One day, we'll have to find an excuse to talk about Les Dawson properly. We might have mentioned him briefly talking about Blankety Bl love it but we've never really talked about did he release an album of his songs or anything like that or musical i think he must have had i've never seen one but he must have had some records everyone at the time had records out didn't they of anyone i would have surprised if he didn't we need to look into it he was very musical wasn't he that was the

great thing about him it's like he was obviously a very talented pianist but every time he was behind a piano he would play it poorly on purpose but you forget how hard it is to do that and make it work yeah jerry marsden lionel blair lionel blair he he was around for so long wasn't he yeah on everything he was an absolute titan bobby bennett lionel blair was an absolute titan of um light entertainment lionel blair tell you what's fun staying up all night on lsd and then an old old episode of bloody give us a clue comes on with lionel blair and you lose your shit how do you lose your shit because he's hilarious because you stop thinking he's giving you secret codes yeah he's hilarious it's like what he's really doing is i don't't know, fried green tomatoes

at the Whistle Stop Cafe, but you're going, Lionel Blunt is speaking to me. He's asking me to kill. He's asking me to kill. No, but I did watch an edition of like, what's that?

The Maori show. Not Maori. Maury. Yeah, the Maury show. And I was on acid and I had this weird hallucination where all their eyes

were like, they had no eyes and they were all flies. I could see flies buzzing around inside their dark skulls. Dark skulls. Are you sure that just wasn't the usual episode?

Because it sounds like it might have not been too different from reality. It was like the flies buzzing around. There's no eyes and just flies buzzing around in their heads. At least it was her

and not Jerry Springfield. What's his name? Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer. What's happened to? Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer. What's happened to him? He's still around. Do you remember he did that film? He did a film in the late 90s.

It's called Ringmaster. He's an absolute hacky piece of crap. Here's my favourite page. Meet Roger Moore. Because Roger Moore, by the time this article was printed, wasn't Bond yet. He wasn't Bond yet.

No. This is interesting. He was the saint. He had just finished being the saint he was about to start The Persuaders with Tony Curtis oh did he do

The Persuaders with Tony Curtis yes oh that's what The Persuaders was they were like playboy crime solvers do you know what

the other link between The Persuaders and James Bond is apart from Roger Moore er the director should I tell you yeah go on

do you know who's the guy who did the Bond theme? John Barry. Barry also did the Persuaders theme. I've got it on 7-inch. Oh, is it any good?

Yeah, it's really good. I imagine it's kind of a Jason X, fuck it up, Jonathan King Department X kind of thing. It's good. Perhaps you could

put some in now. I haven't, by the way. So this is really interesting. I love the way they frame this so jeff cohen i think is one of the main article makers for looking magazine in the early days and it says go and interview roger moore the editor said we've had a lot of letters from looking readers asking all sorts of questions about him and i want the answers oh it sounds like though he's not really keen i was more than pleased to do that after all it's not every day you get the chance to meet the star of Ivanhoe, Maverick and The Saint.

Not Bond yet at all. What's Ivanhoe? Wasn't it a period drama? Right. You know, Master and Commander. What's Maverick? I mean, there's the Maverick, the Western. With the guy who played McLeod?

With the guy from the Rockford Files. Right. Anyway, him. He might have been in the original TV series of... Maverick. I had to read that. Recalling your role in Ivanhoe, did you enjoy the part? Of course. It took me back to my childhood.

It was a great fun riding horses, firing bows and arrows and sword fighting. I'm James Bond. Paul, your face is drooping on one side. Is it strokey stroke time? Oh, yes, it is. I'll get Mr. Nubbin out and you can shake his head with a spat handshake. A spat what? A spat handshake.

What's happening right now? A spat handshake. I said, how are you having a stroke? I want to give you a spat handshake. Fucking hell. This is my favourite part of the whole interview. I just want to read this bit out because it's just... I put this on Twitter, but I like this.

While rehearsing for the Saints series, did you ever knock anyone out by mistake? He goes, no. On screen it looks better if you swing your arm when punching. But if you really want to knock a man out, you do this. A lightening fist lanced out towards my solar plexus and it stopped inches before landing home. I sighed with relief. I was glad that Roger disliked violence.

Do you do your own stunt work? I did for the saint. I'd fall down a flight of 40 steps, but I'd draw the line at 45, or falling off a horse. It's very dangerous to fall off a horse. It is. You ask Christopher Reeve. I can't. He's dead now.

We'll get a Ouija board out we can speak to christopher reeve or just how redundant we could fake it just use a speaking spell it's fine how redundant would it be to actually be able to contact the spirit of the deceased christopher reeve and then ask him if it's dangerous to fall off a horse did it hurt yeah i mean it's quite obvious just a quick thing in here sign of the times comic strip on the buses the sitcom about

dirty old men who you know man the bus London buses and it's basically an excuse to just go it's like you fucking niggas

isn't one of the plots is that they're getting female drivers for the first time I think that's in the movie mutiny on the buses and then they literally they mutiny

because women are working. Is that what they do? And they sabotage them. And these are our heroes. Yeah, and they sabotage them. It's the thing. It's like even Carry On Cabbie that had this very similar plot about female cab drivers ruining their...

Oh, did it? Dealt with it differently and better. Okay. To some extent gave far more urgency and power to the female characters than that. Whereas in the movie, Mutiny on the Buses, it's like they all wear pink, they're all picked on, they're abused.

Some of them start crying at the end of their shifts and they're all, whack, whack, whack, whack, oh, get your fingers in. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Horrible. Isn't there a carry-on film? Hiya, you butler.

Isn't there a carry-on film where it's kind of anti-union? Yeah, carry your convenience. Oh, is that it? Basically, yeah. It's like, here's an audience for all the working classes tounion. Yeah, carry your convenience. Oh, is that it? Basically, yeah. It's like, here's an audience for all the working classes to enjoy. Well, we tell them from our upper middle class ways how unions are a waste of time, foolish,

and make everyone into little Hitlers, don't they? We need to get rid of them, don't we? And we'll do it in the confines of a toilet factory. I mean, I fucking love count your convenience. It's a toilet factory one. Yeah, the whole plot is the company's suffering and uh they want to move into b days but that's very un-british b days never caught on over here did they no not really that bam culture we like a dirty ass in this country don't we well good old british dirty ass in this country we love it we just don't want

to squirt our asses after we shit no one invades our great British arses we like them stinky we like them encrusted and we like them skiddies we like our British skiddies don't we in our pants

did you leave a skiddy on the Queen's pants the other day no stop here's a page I wanted to signify because we need to

look for this Magpie the ITV version of Blue Peter which no one remembers well some some people do i know there was no tis was they released a song apparently on vinyl they released a theme tune for magpie but i've never seen it in the wild have you i never have i'll be quite interested so yeah he's got a full band to re-record it and they took a cowbell and it was available at 50p it's

called twice a week oh that's the b-side is called twice a week b-bell and it was available at 50p. It's called Twice a Week. Oh, that's the B-side. It's called Twice a Week. B-side. And it's on the Decca label. There's a code here as well, which is interesting. F13256. A code for what? Discogs.

Could you find it with that code? Yeah. Why can't we just listen to it on YouTube? That's what I'm asking you to do. Do you know what the name of the magpie magpie was? John. Quite a good name. You'd like it.

Philip. Right up your street. Murgatroyd. Murgatroyd. Good name. Murg magpie was? John. Quite a good name. You'd like it. Philip. Right up your street. Murgatroyd. Murgatroyd. Murgatroyd's memories. I like that name. Murgatroyd. Funny name, that.

Have you found it yet? No, what's it called? Magpie theme. Magpie theme. Magpie theme. Better than a nightmare, more like a dream. Magpie theme. The magpie theme.

Open up your arse, queen, filling you with cream. The creamy queen dream. Magpie TV theme. TV studio version. Is it more than three minutes? Spencer Davis Group did a version of Magpie's children's TV theme. Did they?

Yeah. Oh. Magpie, Spencer Davis Group. Put that one on. See what that's like. 1 for sorrow, 2 for joy 3 for a girl, 4 for a boy 5 for silver, 6 for gold 7 for a secret never to be told

8 to wish and 9 to kiss 10 is a bird you must not miss 1 for sorrow, 2 for joy 3 for a girl and 4 for a boy Pretty cool. It's all right, that version. I think their song is much better than the... What was the Blue Peter thing? Well, it was just the Sailor's Hornpipe.

It was a sea shanty sort of thing. It's called the Sailor's Hornpipe. Oh, yeah? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da I'd love to get hold of that because I quite like the song. It's proper 70s TV theme magic, isn't it? TV themes back then were class because they could have easily been done by Fleetwood Mac. If your kid's TV theme could have been done by Fleetwood Mac... Did Fleetwood Mac do any of them? No, but I'm imagining. If it sounds like a pop tune that you would listen to outside...

Fleetwood Mac didn't want to do anything. They didn't even want a tour when they were booked for a tour in the States. They wanted to fuck each other a lot, though, and they'd write songs about it passively, aggressively. They certainly did. Oh, look, there's Mark Bolan. Yeah. One of the questions they asked him at the end of this interview is, if you could live your life again,

I'm presuming this was done before his death, would you change anything? And he goes, maybe I'd change a few business decisions, but personally, I'm enjoying life as it is. No worries for me. Oh, that's nice, isn't it? He likes get it on out of all of his songs best

get it on bang a gong yeah it's a bit sort of exclusionary though isn't it saying bang a gong you'd have to be upper middle class

to have a gong in your house wouldn't you like a dinner gong I bet you didn't have a gong we did have a gong you had a fucking gong yeah what and they would go

bong and it'd be like dinner time we'd all come down from our bedrooms are you joking silently and we'd all go into the living room and silently come down from our bedrooms. Are you joking? Silently. And we'd all go into the living room and silently eat food.

And then when everything was eaten, my dad would bang the gong one more. We'd all go back to our rooms and silently read until bedtime at seven o'clock exactly in the evening. And then what would happen? And then the robes come out. The robes? And then usually, like, we have a lamb and we sacrifice it. You have a lamb? Yeah. And we just cut its throat.

You get it. Every night. Every night. You have lamb for dinner every day, then? Here's another thing in the magazine I wanted to show you, because I've never heard of a magazine having this before. Sweets. Looking sweets.

They have their own sweets. Black Beauty, one is called. Yeah. What's that like? Do you think that's like a blackjack? There's no other information. I reckon the Black Beauty

is probably licorice or aniseed flavoured. It's funny you've got the Partridge Family suite, Elephant Boy which I've never heard of the TV show Elephant Boy.

There was a show called Elephant Boy. Yes. What part of him was like an elephant? His nose? That's the troubling bit isn't it?

His fucking willy. Is it? He had a willy that he could fucking pick stuff up with. Maybe that's why this suite's a big, long suck. Big trunk. Yeah, a big, long suck.

Like, twist your knob end right back and scratch your bumhole with the end of your knob, like a trunk would. Barker and Dobson were the sweet factory people who made these suites. There's a World of Sport, A Partridge Family, Elephant Boy, and Black Beauty suites. Are they real?

Yeah, it has existed. But they probably didn't were they probably i couldn't tell you what they were just as assorted sweets so one might have been it might have been a minty chew sounds like a bit of a marketing tie-in i bet those were sweets that already existed within the barker and hobbs range yeah and they just put special wrappers on probably like black beauty might have been a dark toffee kind of thing i think the black beauty is more likely to be a blackjack, a sort of licorice or aniseed sweet, personally.

Yeah, here's an update. Remember years ago on Cheap Show in the early days we did Danny the Dragon? Yes. It's featured in here. Oh, really?

Yeah. Saturday morning special. If you're among the 400,000 children who go to the special Saturday morning shows that many cinemas run for young audiences, then you'll have seen

Jack Wilde's screen debut in Danny the Dragon. It was made by the Children's Film Foundation as a 10-part serial for Saturday morning audiences. Oh, it wasn't a film. It was a series. But I remember seeing it all in one go. Maybe you did because you came later

in the whole evolution of the children. Did you used to go to those Saturday morning screens? Yeah, but they were in our school. They weren't in a cinema. I remember we'd go to the school and they put a projector up and a screen. On a Saturday? Yeah, but they were in our school. They weren't in a cinema. I remember we'd go to the school and they put a projector up and a screen. On a Saturday?

Yeah. In the morning? How lovely. It would be all stuff like that. That would be great, wouldn't it? Yeah. It's weird thinking back that schools did that

because I don't think schools do anything like that now. Of course. Well, why would you? Everyone can watch everything on their bloody phone. Special film shows for children were pioneered by Granada TV

as long ago as 1927 when it was known as granada cinemas later j arthur rank set up a special department within the rank organization to make films just for kids then in 1951 all branches of the british film industry agreed to finance the children's film foundation the cff that's gone completely now yeah but it's quite but they were quite poor some of those films weren't they that they made yeah but the idea of making stories just for kids for the cinema great is a really cool idea in some respects but yeah you don't need it it's part of the whole disappeared world of you know that type of entertainment yeah today the cff has

produced nearly 100 feature films 30 ser serials and many, many shorts. Amongst the CFF's discoveries, like Jack Wilde, who I presume is a little child actor who was known in Danny the Dragon initially, are Francesca Anis, Michael Crawford, Susan George, Olivia Hussey and Carol White. And J. Arthur Rank became slang for wank. Have a J. Arthur. Ooh, I'm about to have a J Arthur. Where's the teacher for this Saturday morning cinema school? Oh, he's having a J Arthur round the back in a dog's mouth.

Come on. Why in a dog's mouth? What is it like in your mind? There's all these dogs performing acts on people in your mind, aren't there? Here's Bruce Willis. Not Bruce Willis. Not Bruce Willis. Bruce Forsythe. Why do they say Bruce Willis?

Bruce Willis' generation game. The two Bruce's in your life. Yeah, Bruce Willis and Bruce Forsythe. The crossover we never got. Look, he's advertising Weetabix. He's got a great big box. Oh, look at him. That's prime Brucey, isn't it?

Join me in the family game. What's the family game? The family game. No, that's the generation game. Family game. So remember the family game was a knockoff he did just for this Weetabix promotion. Probably.

Kids, you can do well in the Weetabix family game, so can your mum and dad. It's a game all your family can play and it's a great chance for you to win some family's prizes. Oh, you can win a speedboat, a train, sets, dolls, bicycles, watches, electric guitars, sewing machines cut off television car tape recorder high fry unit a cinema camera a motor boat a boat a food mixer

transistor radio records and plus many many more so ask your mum to pick up a special Weetabix today then you can get cracking I'm just going to'm here. I'm here.

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I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

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I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. Hey, brick mouth. Knob nose. Hey, you fucking big load of dick splat. Come on, mate, you ready? You want to do a pop quiz?

You fucking twix. You stupid bounty bastard. Hey. Fuckity snickety woo. Do you want to do a pop quiz, you ugly cunt? Stop! What is this with this today? I haven't said nothing bad about you.

Dan McCafferty had a hit with his single Out of Time. Can you name the artist who released the original version and first had a hit with it 10 years ago from 1971? Rolling Stones. No. Is that how many have we got? 20, is that right? Yeah, there's 20 questions. Give me a clue.

I don't know. The answer is Chris Farlow. Chris Farlow. Of course, I knew that. Two. Talking of Dan McCafferty, do you know which band... Who the fuck is Dan McCafferty? I don't know.

Do you know which band he sings with their latest Top 20 hit? What's the Top 20 hit called? My White Bicycle. So what band did he sing with who sang My White Bicycle? Which is also re-released as Neil from The Young Ones on his album. Well, My White Bicycle was by Tomorrow. Which is Virgil's dad's band. Do you want me to say what this says here?

No. Queen? No. Nazareth? Yes. Thank you. See? Blam!

Can you name the artist you had a hit with? Motor Biking. Is it a band or artist? It's an artist. You're not going to get it. Chris Spedding. Oh, well done. Well done.

Okay, don't fucking test me on this shit. I'm testing you. This is fun, this, to ask you questions from a 1972 looking annual. That was good, wasn't it? Well remembered, Eli. Thank you, yes. Disco Tex is an amazing person.

Do you know his nationality and another of his names? Disco Tex, is amazing person. Do you know his nationality and another of his names? Disco Tex, is he... He had another name and he... Like a normal name. I mean, looking at it, not really. I don't think you're going to get this. Is he like Argentinian or something like that?

He's from Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico, right. And his other name is Sir Monty Rock III. Sir Monty Rock III, of course. Which is, to be honest, a fucking great name. If you rock up to a club and you say, hello, I'm Sir Monty Rock III, they'll be like, how many pairs of tits

would you like to come on tonight, sir? And you go, all of them. That's what I'd say. That'd be on my rider. Right, anagram. No, I don't want to do that. Nine, lovely Luan Peters sings with the group The 5000 Volts, who had a big hit

with I'm On Fire. Luann is, however, better known as an actress can you name the top Granada TV series she once appeared in? What's she called? Luann Peters.

Crossroads? Good guess, but wrong. Coronation Street. Oh, that one. I always get those confused. I knew it was... Hang on, let's find... Do you know which star

was planning to live next door to Elton John in Beverly Hills until his house burned down before he even moved in? That's an interesting one. Who wanted to live next door to Elton John in Beverly Hills before his house burned down before he could move in? Why would he want to live? Is it just because he wanted to, I guess, for some reason?

Is he a musician? Yes, he's definitely a musician. And I'll give you another little clue. Maybe they wanted to play golf together. Tarby. No, why would Tarby live in fucking Beverly Hills? Oh, Alice Cooper. Is correct.

I'll do you one more. I'm getting good at this, isn't it? I'll do one more. Because I knew Alice Cooper was a big golfer. LaBelle, the all-girl trio, had a hit with Lady Marmalade. They certainly did. Do you know what LaBelle used to be called? This is a bit of a trick question.

Why? Well, when I tell you the answer, it'll be blatantly obvious. The LaBelles. Oh, Patty and the Belles. Patty and the... No, just her real name. Patty LaBelle. Yeah, it's correct. Fantastic singer. Last question. Our last question. We'll wrap this up. The average white band now live in America,

but they weren't born there. Do you know which country they hailed from? Scotland. Is correct. Well done. Your 70s pop knowledge is quite superb. Not bad.

I'm really enjoying that. Are there any more questions? No, that's it really. Let's just wrap this up. Benny Hill page is a Benny Hill cartoon strip. Now, when we were

growing up, Paul we was very much in the midst of the alternative comedy sort of revolution, you might call it, in this country, didn't we? And one of their big hated figures was Benny Hill

because of his perceived sexism. And he always used to have bits in his shows... I think he was less that they hated him, but it was more like he was an easy target for them to say, here's what's wrong with British comedy. I know, but he was a brilliant clown and physical comedian. Originally. Some of it was brilliant, I thought.

His, like, 60s work, when he worked, because I think he bounced from ITV to BBC to ITV, I think it was something like that, was quite good. Interesting songs, this, that, and the other. It was kind of like when his success made him lazy, I think. So by the time he gets to the 80s and, like... It's just chasing the big-breasted women all around him.

He was repeating sketches. Someone did a documentary about it on YouTube where it was like, here's a really good sketch he did in, like, I don't know, 1961. And then here's him doing it again in 1970. He was repeating sketches. Someone did a documentary about it on YouTube where it was like, here's a really good sketch he did in like, I don't know, 1961. And then here's him doing it again in 1970.

Just did it again. And here's an even worse version in the 1990 series. And like he got- Did he have a series in the 1990s? I'm pretty sure because he went to America,

didn't he? Wow. Did like a Benny Hill in America couple of, which is exactly the same show with repeated sketches and just redone in America. Well, he was,

he did have international appeal because some of those, a lot of those sketches didn't have any dialogue in them. Americans fucking love weird shit like Benny Hill and Mr Bean. It's weird. I don't get it. It's pretty funny.

I thought Benny Hill was pretty funny. Obviously, the sexist stuff wasn't great. Benny Hill himself was a talented man. You can't take that away from him. What I think he became was a lazy person. Absolutely. Anyway. However, let's be honest.

Did you ever really Great theme tune. want to slap a person on the head? The Yackety Sax. Slap a person on the head and then run around in a circle

with everyone chasing you? Yes. Everyone wanted to do that. I mean, I still want to do that. I still want to do that. Now, I'm thinking for our live show, we recreate a Benny Hill

where, I don't know, I pull off someone's clothes in the audience and then hilariously everyone will chase me around. Should we get some little bald guy to come along so we can slap his head? Do we know anyone who's small and bald?

No, we don't. How about we just get a small baby that hasn't grown its hair yet? Oh, come on, man. Fucking whack it round the head and drag it on a string around the stage. Paul. What?

I ate that duck. What do you mean the duck? Turn it. No! There's loads to talk about with looking as ever. I'd just want to say, just before we sign off for this segment.

I'm going to find an excuse now to say for Chargy. No, I'm not going to say for Chargy. Or shut up of your vag. I'm not going to say shut up of your vag. Come on, surprise me.

Do something original that isn't to do with anything bodily. In my mind. Goodbye, everyone. That's the segment over, obviously. No, it's not.

In my mind, there is a place. That's bodily. It's in your mind, and it's in your head. No, that's the definition of not body, mind. It's the other thing that isn't the body is the obviously. No, it's not. In my mind, there is a place... That's bodily. It's in your mind and it's in your head. No, that's the definition of not body-mind. It's the other thing that isn't the body is the mind, isn't it? Yeah, but that is part...

It comes from your body. Your mind isn't there, is it? Hovering in front of you. Well, it's not located anywhere. Where is it? It's inside your head. No, what does that mean? In your cavern space of thought in your brain.

No, it's not. Oh, God. You're making me bilious. That's the body. Yeah. Yeah. So come on. I'm talking about the mind space.

Right. In my mind space palace. Which is still in your head. No, it's not. So what? It's hovering outside of you. It's not located anywhere. Outside of you.

So, yeah, but how do you have contact with it? Where does it generate from? Where is it coming from? I don't have the answer to this. You do. It's inside your head. It's not separate floating in a cloud in front. You do. It's inside your head. It's not separate floating in a cloud in front of you. It's not

inside your head. It's not located inside your head. Hello Eli, I'm your floating outside mind space. Your mind isn't inside your head. Your theory is falling apart. You are full of shit mate. You know what, on the other side, that is actually quite true. I am begging to drop some tods. Well, let's

have a little break. Snip it off more like. Let's have a little break. I am begging to drop some tods. Well, let's have a little break. Oh, snip it off more like. Let's have a little. I might need to crack out a hot tod. Yes. Sorry. I don't like to talk, you know, out. Careful.

Ladies and gentlemen. I don't like to peek behind the curtain. The other night, Paul was editing the podcast and he sent me recordings of his bum flatulence. Wait. No. Have you got them on your phone? Mate, am I deleting this ever? No.

So when I edit, ladies and gentlemen, sometimes I get it early in the morning. It's like two, three, something like that. And sometimes, you know, I just want to share my workload with Eli. And as a result, I send him lovely little presents like this. That's one.

That was the best one because that was the first one that came out of the pipe. That's a classic finish. But let me just go through the next one now. Hang on.

That was just a little quick one. This one also is a bit sad. He got that. And I'll just keep I'll end you with this one of my

favorites. Here we go. You'll end me with it. I can set them all off in one go. There we go. The one that started off my inspirational story. Oh.

So, what have you got to say, Eli? I just wanted to apologise to the listeners because we've both been... What was that before? The noise before? That was me breathing. I mean, not breathing. Me trying to get the phone down to my arse in time.

Yeah, rustling the phone about. Bye, everyone. Bye. That's the end of that segment. See you after the break. Bye. Bye. Where am I?

I'm in the dark. What shall I do with my time? I wish I had some kind of thing to do. It's Ganon's Golden Games. It's Ganon's Golden Games. Here I am in the dark. It's Ganon's Golden Games. Here I am in the dark.

That's sad. Well, wait for it. Then Ganon's Golden Games comes along. Ganon's Golden Games comes along. Ganon's Golden Games. It illuminates the darkness of my mind. I've got the flies buzzing around in my empty skull. They're buzzing around, they're buzzing around.

Shall we start again? Start this bit again. I would like to simply just stab you in the throat with a pen. Can we start again? No. You get one do of it. You get one mulligan per round. I'll just go back to the classic garden gnome.

Garden gnomes games. Is that what you want to do? It's time for garden gnomes games. Hello, I'm a little gnome. See, there we go. Oh, I'm sitting on a toadstool. Ooh, knobbly bits. Is that the gnome?

That's not a gnome. That's your penis. Yeah, I know. He looks like a gnome. He looks like a very, very ugly gnome. An angry gnome. With monkey pox. Right, so. Does he look like a Daily Mail a gnome. That's your penis. Yeah, I know. He looks like a gnome. He looks like a very, very ugly gnome. An angry gnome. With monkey pox. Right, so...

Does he look like a Daily Mail reading gnome who's just seen an article about immigration? Yeah, and he's furious. We are playing... And then he spits. Yes. He spits out a spunk. Yes, my little gnome, Nobby.

I just want to apologise again to everyone. I'm really not feeling it this week. Oh, hello! Oh, it's another episode where Eli's not feeling it again. Mondays, tell me why. I know why I don't like Mondays, because I have to fucking record with you.

That's why I don't like them. Oh, call me ugly then. Anyway, Ganon's golden game. If you're going to shout, at least go away from the microphone and do it. Better. I'm genuinely considering dropping this segment, just so I don't have to fucking go through this every time we do it.

Gannon's Golden Games. Thank you. What's the game in Gannon's Golden Games today, Gannon? Well, I went to the corner... The corner shop. I went to the shop around the corner from you. Brimful of Asher on the 45.

I got a brimful of Asher on the 45. Brimful of Asher on the 45. Gannon's Golden Games. You're turning this show into like the Harry Hill show.

Brimful of Asher on the 45 and you sound like Jimmy Savile as well doing it he's like Jimmy Savile doing a cover of

brimful of Asher now then now then no don't don't fucking lean into it on the 45 oh no

no no it's so hard not to do we're playing a game can we just get on with it Gannet's Golden Games and the game I got from the charity shop round the corner from you is called Hot Seat No, no, no. It's so hard not to do. We're playing a game. Can we just get on with it? Ganon's Golden Games. And the game I got from the charity shop around the corner from you

is called Hot Seat. Hot Seat. Now, originally, this is a party game for three or more players. We're going to play the two-player version. There is no... Reader, there is no two-player version. No, there isn't.

Reader, I married him. We're basically going to do an adaptation of the game rules to make it work. But effectively, it's Mr. and Mrs. There are a lot of... Well, explain Mr. and Mrs. A lot of people in this culture don't know's Mr. and Mrs. Well, explain Mr. and Mrs. A lot of people in this culture

don't know what Mr. and Mrs. is. Did it have the same title in America? Yeah, but did it have the same title? Was it called the Newlyweds game? It was called the Newlyweds game, wasn't it? In America. We've covered this before, yeah. Yeah, because we did Mr. and Mrs.

a very long time ago. We did it on one of our TV board game specials, did we? I can't remember. Have you got a board game of it? No, I haven't. I do. This is a card game and not a board game so this is more like you kind of um you know it looks you're going to see pictures on

our website thecheapshow.co.uk but it looks more like one of those cards against humanity kind of games yes you get a stack of cards and on them are questions and the idea is again we're playing an adapted version what's going to happen is you're going to go in that pile pull out five questions right it seems quite small how will i fit inside i'll go in it i'm going to happen is you're going to go in that pile pull out five questions right it seems quite small how will I fit inside I'll go in it I'm going to ignore that and move on you take five cards

from the stack and you will read them out loud and then I have to write down all at once yes then I have to write down five answers that I think you

will give to those cards in all honesty in all honesty in all honesty when I've written them down I will then become you in our adaptation of this game. Okay.

And then tell you what I think the answers are and you will correct me on that. In my voice. I'm going to do your voice. Your stupid voice. And then we will swap where you can do your I'm not going to do that.

Why not? I like it. Okay, I will. I like it. Mr. Daddy. Yeah. Mr. Hairy Big Bucks. Big Bucks.

Right, so should I get in the pack and pull out five cards now? The game's called Hot Seat. Hot Seat. I may as well just tell people just briefly what happens in the party version. Basically, in the party version,

the idea is if there's more than three of you, everyone writes down their answers. They're all shuffled and then question by question, they have to decide which of the answers is the person in the hot seat.

Right, so we're not playing the game at all, really. No. We know that the other person is the only possible person it could be. That game element would be lost. So how are we scoring

points on this? For everyone you get right and we'll give you a betwings. We'll do a crossover. If our answers match, okay. So who's going first?

What do you want to do? Do you want to go first or do you want I go first? What does it mean if I go first? It doesn't really mean anything. It just means, you know.

What does it mean? I'm in the dark. I'll go first then, right? I'll pick five cards and I'm going to do it now. I'm going to shuffle a little bit too. I could give him

a riffle shuffle. No, we don't need a riffle shuffle. That is a riffle shuffle. It's not like we need to have them shuffle. That's a riffle shuffle what you're doing.

Is it? That's known as a riffle, yeah. Oh, well then I'm doing a riffle shuffle now. You're doing a long ways riffle. You always do it long ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby. I always do it long ways. Do you always? yeah, baby. I always do it long ways.

Do you always? I don't know. Don't you ever do it? I don't really think about it. I can do it like that. I find it easier to do it like that. Weird. For some reason,

I'm quicker when I do it like that. I like that. Vertical riffle. Yeah. Do you like my vertical riffle? I do. I will show you my vertical riffle in detail later.

And is it your cock? Yes. Yes. Right. One, two, 3, 4, 5 I'm just taking 5 from the top After giving them a riffle shuffle Which is not saying a little shuffle with a speech impediment

By the way Oh come on Right so you've got your pen and paper I've got pen and paper I'm going to read out the 5 questions right And I think what you would answer Yes I have to imagine

And then I will write down my answers So I can't change them last minute or lie You know what I mean Yes So I will also write them down So we have to be writing them down at the same time You can listen to all 5 first if you want And then I will write down my answers so I can't change them last minute or lie. You know what I mean? Yes. So I will also write them down. So we have to be writing them down at the same time. You can listen to all five first if you want, and then we can write them down

and then edit that bit out while we're just writing. How about that? Sure. All right. So here we go. Question one. What... Right, ready?

What would Paul say? What would Paul say? What would Paul say to these? What would Paul say? Because I'm in the hot seat. He's in the hot seat. With a monkey. See?

Classic. Classic. Right. Question one. What is something I enjoy that's not typical for my age group? I'm going to have to have a think about this. Okay, I'm just being honest. It's not what you'd say, it's what I'd say.

No, you have to imagine what I would say. I know, but I can't imagine what you would say. Well, then this isn't the game, is it? You're struggling to find anything to say, aren't you? Yeah,, it's what I'd say. No, you have to imagine what I would say. I know, but I can't imagine what you would say. Well, then this isn't the game, is it? You're struggling to find anything to say, aren't you? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. You might know me more than I know myself, and I could write this down next. It doesn't matter.

So think about what I would... I've written down my answer, Paul. Yeah, but it's got to be something you think I would say. Yeah. Right, I'm going to write down this one. Right, are you ready? I'm ready for my second question as Paul. Answer as Paul.

What do people wrongly assume about me? What do people wrongly assume about me? What do people wrongly assume about me? God, this is going to be terrible. Next. If I were to break a world record in the next five years, what would it be for? Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Right. Next one. If I purchased my own island, what would I name it? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. I mean, what would I name it? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. I mean, this is more of a boat name. Can we change to boat?

Yeah, let's change to boat, because I've actually got a really good one for the boat. Okay, yeah. All right, boat. I'm ready for the fifth. All right, fifth and final. Yeah. What could I give a lecture on at a local university?

Oh, what would I talk about, Mr. Silverman? Hmm. I've written my answer down. I've written that down as well. I'm not going to sit upon my answers, so I can't be accused of cheating. Who's I found? Oh, it's Poindexter. Poindexter.

Oh, it's a Brucey bonus appearance. Here he is. He's come back. He's been down at the Teddy Bear Club, as we mentioned last week. Yeah. With Briony Bear and Big Boy. Yeah, I was there with them. It was a nice evening.

Was Briony Boy Bear there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were all there. Big Boy, Ben Boy, Beg. Was Ban Egg, Ben Boy, Ben Boy Bear there as well? Yeah, he was there. Was Brisk Brian the Big Bollock Bear there? No, he couldn't come in the end

because he was out on a date with Banjo Twang Billy Bong Bear. Billy Bong. They're getting on famously. Billy Bong, yeah. Yeah, so I tell you what, give me Poindexter. Poindexter can sit on the answers, can't he?

He can sit on mine. He doesn't need to sit on yours because you're going to reveal them now. There he is. But I'm going to put them under so no one can accuse me of changing my answers.

Put them under Poindexter. Poindexter protects my secrets. Poindexter protects the patings and he also protects other things. He does indeed. So Poindexter, he's comfortable and ready and fucking stinks, mate. So, horrible aside but true. So now, Eli, you must become me and reveal the answers. I'll be the question master again.

Aren't we doing mine first? No, we'll swap now. Okay. Hello, Mr. Paul Gannon. Welcome to the hot seat. Fucking Paul. You said you weren't going to do Ich, it has.

Ich. I know, you did ask. I said I wanted to. Ich. I'm fucking Paul. Oh, the we're old, etc. You make me sound like a little old lady. Oh, I don't really know.

Oh, me back. Ich. You're right. Got it now. It's getting close. Right. Hello, I don't really know. Oh, me back. You're right. Got it now. It's getting close. Right. Hello, Paul. Hello. Hello. Where am I from now? I don't know. You're fucking out. I don't really know. You're fucking out.

Hello. Hello, Paul. Welcome to the hot seat. I shat myself. That's you. No, no. It's me, Paul. Welcome to the hot seat. Hello there. I shat myself. That's you. No, no. It's me, Paul. I couldn't go for a poo before because your flatmate went. He dropped one of his.

Mate, it was like a spoiled Sunday dinner. Trademark flat destroying depth charges. I could smell the bones in the chops. I can't explain it. So it's put me off. I had to literally swallow my pride, mate. Yeah, you know what I mean. You had to call the troops back from the front.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a last minute pull out. Come on then. Pull back. Okay, Paul. Here are the questions. Answer them as you think the questions. Okay. Answer them as you think is appropriate. All right. Question one.

What do people wrongly assume about Paul? About you? What do people wrongly assume about you? That wasn't the first question. What was the first question? Oh, what's something I enjoy in a typical group? Fucking hell. Oh, yeah, because the cards are out of order. Oh, you know.

So what's the thing? What is something you enjoy that is not typical for your age group? Fucking hell. Oh, yeah, because the cards were out of order. Oh, you know. So what's the thing? What is something you enjoy that is not typical for your age group? Oh, Christ. Oh, it's me Ghostbusters Lego. Oh, that's a good answer, that, actually, to be fair.

I put gummies and sweets because I like all the tasty sweets and stuff. All right. Well, all right. No worries there, Paul. Thanks for that. Thanks for that. All right. All right. Well, all right. No worries there, Paul. Thanks for that. All right.

The next one is, what do people wrongly assume about you, Mr. Gannon? Oh, they assume I'm a pushover. I'm not a fucking pushover. Eek. Eek. I'm strong. Eek. And I won't take shit from no one.

Oh, I'm tired. Do you think I'm a pushover? No, I said wrongly assume. Why would people wrongly assume I'm a pushover? Why would they assume? They're always trying to push you over and shit, aren't they? Do you think I'm a pushover? No, I said wrongly assume. Why would people wrongly assume I'm a pushover? Why would they assume? They're always trying to push you over and shit, aren't they? Do you think people exploit me? I don't like this game.

It's made me look inside. I think you've got a bit of a chip on your shoulder about people underestimating you or thinking that you won't question or fight back in situations. I know I'm being very general and vague, but... Oh, no, yes. You know what I mean? You hit the nail there, mate.

Ow. All right, good. There you go. This episode? You hit the nail there mate. Ow. Alright. Good. There you go. This episode can't go out. It's too true. No it's not.

Do you know what I put? What? I put people wrongly assume I have had much more professional success than I actually have.

Really? Yeah I think people listen to like some of the stuff I've done or do and go oh you must be you know this must be successful careers like

no I'm broke nearly all the time. Yeah. And everything's a struggle and no I've not found it easy broke nearly all the time and everything's a struggle and no, I've not found it easy and it's been hard and it's been tough

and I'm thankful of what I've got. The world today is a very different place than it was in decades past. Yes. That is a very astute observation. Even people at the top in very sort of high culture

type of arts struggle to make a living, like writers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And even if you're really well known and successful, it's very hard to make money because of the way that yeah yeah and even if you're really well known and successful it's very hard to make money

because of the way that the internet is sort of demonetised so I found out today that people think I'm a pushover and I'm a failure great moving on

next question that wasn't the question what do people think I am it was what do people wrongly assume about me yeah I know and that means people largely think

I'm a pushover they think you are but you're not is what I'm trying to say I am next question if I were to break a world record is that what it was hang on let's look at my answers largely think I'm a pushover. They think you are, but you're not. That's what I am. Next question. If I were to break a world record,

is that what it was? Hang on, let's look at my answers. Yes, it was. Yes. If I was to break a world record in the next five years, what would it be for? I'm really good at broadcasting, me, and I thought it would be

for the longest live stream. Paul says here, longest ghost hunt. Shit. I have wanted to do, like, the longest ghost hunt, like a stay awake for the longest possible. I got the longest bit, right? Yeah, no, you did. You got a kind of telethon thing going on, so it's close. Because we did that before, didn't we?

Was that before Cheap Show even started that we did that? Literally the year before. Next question. What would you call a boat? What would I call a boat? Your boat. And I said the nothing but travel. Oh, that's a good one. Nothing but travel. It's a good name for a boat, isn't it? Yeah, but I was going to call it instead the SOS Phantom,

which is French for Ghostbusters. Oh, fuck it all. Which is what I had thought of. How much Ghostbusters is popping up here now? Well, you're going to find out with the last question. What could I give a lecture on at the local university? Eek, ghost hunting. I'll give you a point for that.

But it's specifically paranormal TV shows I'll do a media course on teaching about the form and structure of those shows and how they repeat and do a lot of similar things

you know the mise en scene and the structure and the fakery alright that's what I would do I'll give you one point out of five then

I'll give you a point for that didn't do particularly well I reckon if I give you two off points out of two other questions that's a point in general so yeah I'll give you that

I'll give you a point one point one point overall right Eli we're having different questions now yeah you pick different questions shuffle and pick the questions. That's a point in general. So yeah, I'll give you that. I'll give you a point. One point. One point. Right, Eli. Are we having different questions now? Yeah, you pick different questions. Shuffle and pick five out of those.

He's doing a ruffle shuffle. It's not a ruffle. A ruffle shuffle. See, that's how I'd riffle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Long ways. That's the long ways.

It's because you're stumpy, isn't it? Kind of sits in the hand better like a kind of baseball glove, isn't it? I can do it the other way, which I will do now, just to show you. Go on. Yeah, do it. Yeah, you find it a little bit more difficult for you, isn't it? Because of sits in the hand better like a kind of baseball glove, isn't it? I can do it the other way, which I will do now, just to show you. Go on. Yeah, do it. Yeah, you find it a little bit more difficult for you, isn't it?

Because it means more delicate hands are needed. Shame that. So just take five off the top, shall I? Wherever you want to take five from. Give you back those. Right. Now, I need... We're going to write these down, yeah?

Yeah, I'm going to write with me, Pad. Okay, now I'm going to be Eli for this. So Eli, begin the questions. Number one. Yes. What do I regret not doing? Do you want to say that into. Yes. What do I regret not doing? Do you want to say that into the microphone? What do I regret not doing?

What do I regret not doing? I think I know. I don't. Well, have a think. You've got to write something down. Like, for instance, just to inspire you, you regret not being better on this podcast. Do you ever think about that?

It could be better. And every week you let yourself down. Shut up. This game's getting too real with a number two and two E's for real. Too real. Okay, I've got an answer. Okay, cool.

Not what people want to hear, but... Question two. You do you... I do me. You do you, mate. I do do me. Question two. What short phrase can someone say to make me instantly like them?

Like them? Yeah. I can think of a thousand phrases right now that they could say to make you hate them. No, but that's not what we're asking. Like Gandalf, or you... Tiny man. Yeah, or you stub-fingered... Stub with the fingers!

Glove-mittened monster. Listen, I think we've put that to bed about me having stumpy, undexterous fingers when I beat you. I beat you in a dexterity game. You win one sock game and you think you're fucking Liberace on the piano, don't you?

Was Liberace known for having nice fingers? Yes. Really? Well, you had to play the piano, didn't you? No, you don't. And he had all those rings on. You don't have to have nice fingers to play the piano. Yeah, you do. What's question two again? I don't. And he had all those rings on. You don't have to have nice fingers to play the piano. Yeah, you do.

What's question two again? I don't know. Read it again. What could someone say to me to make me instantly like them? Okay. Too true. Too true. Too true.

It's too true. Okay, third question. Third question. Yes, please. And say it into the microphone so we can all hear it. What would I do for a hundred dollars? It's American, this, isn't it? Yeah.

Should we say a hundred pounds then? Yes, let's do that. What would I do for $100? It's American, this, isn't it? Yeah. Should we say £100 then? Yes, let's do that. What would I do for £100? But should we translate, say how many pounds $100 would be? No, just say £100. What would I do for about £75? No, what would you do for £100?

Keep it simple, stupid. What would I do for $100 that no one else in the room would do for $1,000? Wait, what would you do for $100? Which no one else would do for $1,000. Wait, what would you do for $100? Which no one else would do for $1,000. 10 times more, yeah. Right, got it. You're not going to get any of this.

No, I know. I already know I've lost by granting you a pity point. Thanks for the pity point, Paul. Yeah. Fourth question. Cheap shows one big fucking pity point to you, isn't it? Fourth question. Yeah.

Stop, man. Getting attacked this week. Come on. Too true. Too true. Who would I have the hardest time living with? Too true for real. Who would I have the hardest time living with?

In the world, like a celebrity or... That's all it says. I don't know. Maybe in the room. That's all it says. Okay. Right, okay. I've picked someone, but I don't think it's going to match yours because I've picked a

celebrity. Okay. Just FYI. And, well, I'm not going to change my answer. No, don't. That's not the game. Question five. And the last question.

What's the craziest thing I've done with a stranger this is terrible probably just how much did you pay for this this was a quid thank god it's fucking poor no it's not

it's badly written these aren't good no it's not nothing good about this it is there's nothing good about this well it's good write it down

who would you have sex with what was it saying it didn't say that what did it say it said what's the craziest thing you've done I've done with a stranger I craziest thing I've done with a stranger? I know this.

I've done with a stranger. Yeah, I know exactly what this is. Even if you fucking don't. I don't. I can't remember. What have I done? What have I done with a stranger? When I become you, you will know.

What have I done with a stranger? Vomited at the same time? Shed urinal water? Exchange fluids? Well, that's, I mean, that's obvious, but I haven't ever done that. I know, I know that.

Can't think of anything. Do you want another question instead? Yeah. What would be my famous last words? All right, I'm just going to put that as a Brucey bonus. Right. I know.

It's time for me to become you, I think, innit? You have to put your answers under Poindexter so you can't change them. And isn't that right, Poindexter? You're just right, Mr. Po? He does not have a voice. So how have you been, Mr. Poindexter?

Do you? And what do you dream about? Freedom. Yeah, he's sitting there. That wasn't his actual voice, everybody. It was an about? Freedom. Freedom. Yeah, he's sitting there. That wasn't his actual voice. Everybody. It was an artist's impression. Okay. Right.

I am now going to become Eli Silverman and answer those questions. Here we go. It's good, this, actually, because that book I got about ghosts. Also, I could do trans body meditation, which means I can absorb. Transcendental meditation. Transcendental meditation. Which doesn't mean that it's a different thing

yeah it does what are you talking about transmental dentitation transcendental dentitation yeah is that teeth something to do with teeth dentation

transmental dentation yeah transmental dentation yes that's what I'm doing and I'm going to absorb your spirit. Please send more content to Cheap Show.

We have a PO box. It's on our website. Fucking hell, man. Please send. Right, here we go. Oh, God. Oh, we go. Oh, God. Oh, fuck me. Oh, God. What is this fucking game?

What the hell is this shit? Hello, Eli. How much do you pay for this? Hello, Eli. Oh, fuck you. Now. Oh, what? What are all this?

Wait, I've got to be more wet-mouthed like you. What? Come on, pal. Fuck me off. I've got to go cards later. Oh, I feel rough. Oh God.

Right, firstly. I've been holding up all night. Firstly, Eli. Oh, it's so poor. Oh,

it's just so poor. Eli. Go, go, go. Eli. He's got to go. Eli.

He's on his, what's all that? He's got to go on his game. Very good. Now, it's the Eli and Eli show. Hello, Eli. He's all this, what's all that. He's got it to go on his game. Very good. Now, it's the Eli and Eli show. Hello, Eli. Hello. Here we go.

All right, okay. Ask me, whatever. What do I regret not doing, Eli? Well, you know, I was thinking about this. It's a tough thing. And I thought, oh. I thought I regret not sticking with acting and doing stand-up instead. I wish I stuck with acting more.

No. That's what I think. That's what I should have done. That's what I think I should have done. I don't. Because my stand-up was poor. Fuck it. It was good.

It was very poor. Written by other people, mostly. Doesn't matter. Oh. Fuck off. It doesn't matter. Lots of famous comedians have joke writers. It's not. Yeah. Ow. Fuck off. It doesn't matter. Lots of famous comedians have joke writers. It's not...

Yeah, yeah. They usually get their identity first, don't they? Wow. Fucking hell. What did you write? I wrote Kissing Zara. A moment at university. Fuck me.

Oh, God. A moment at university. Too true, too real. I had a terrible crush on her And Well I knew that The moment came up I didn't grab that moment

You know That perfect moment I never do that I'm a coward You never Romantic coward Romantic coward This is unnerving

Is this why you pull out Last minute No And spray away No I don't do that Never let it spray away I woke up this morning on my own again. It's tragic.

Are you ready? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Are you ready for your second question? Very touching. What was the second one? Something that people will say to make you happy. Something like that.

Yeah. What short phrase can someone say to make me instantly like them? Well, you know, I don't really look for compliments, really. I do as I will. I'm just a... I'm a maverick, Paul. I'm a maverick. Just reaching over to get my answers.

I'm a maverick. I'm under Paul Dexter. I like it when someone calls up to me and says, aren't you tall? I like sauce, was what phrase I went with. I like sauce. That's what I said, aren't you sauce? No, you did not.

You have no points and neither will you be scoring any. So, I'll be very surprised if you get a single point this round. Well, fuck it, whatever. Fix this game anyway. Fuck it. Okay, Eli, are you ready? Yeah, fuck me. What was your answer for the third card?

Oh, I'm going to lose bad. What was your answer for the third card? Something someone would do for £1 or something. What would I do? What would I do? Putting yourself in my shoes. Yeah. What would I do? No, that's not... For a hundred dollars. For Tartus.

You're enjoying this, aren't you? You're enjoying being me. Chutney! No one. Oh, Chutney Baroff is my name. Chutney Baroff is my game. Little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, in British money when you're travelling. That no one else in the room would do for 100, 1,000. Maybe because they wouldn't. Here's a little clue for you. Yeah.

Because they wouldn't be able to. Well, I've already written it down. What have you done? I wrote, I don't think anyone would want to sleep in my bed for 1,000 pounds. I'd go for 100. I have to. But no one's going to sleep in my bed. Why are you being so mean this week?

I don't want to sleep in your bed. I don't want you to sleep in my bed. No you being so mean this week I don't want to sleep in your bed I don't want you to sleep in my bed no but if I had to for whatever reason I don't know I'd give it a scrub you'd have to give it a scrape

get the tins out get the brass so out there is actually house of pickles report there is a jar of pickles in my room and there is a heavy fog now

you know one of those fogs you see in movies set in the rainforest where it just hovers It's funny how appropriate This is to my actual answer Yeah Because the thing that I would do

For a hundred dollars Yeah Which no one else in the room Would do for a thousand Paul Yeah Special ability I've got Yeah

Breathe with my arse That's true Breathe with my arse You should have thought of that Yeah You should have thought of that You'd do it for a hundred quid Yeah

I'll bear that in mind For the live show I'd have to be behind a curtain yeah the audience would have to be behind a curtain a big smell curtain

with protective goggles please wear a mask if you come to the show now what have we got four question four which was

who would I have the hardest time living with right well I was thinking about this in a fucking eight oh god I couldn't live with Cliff Richard I have the hardest time living with? Right, well, I was thinking about this. You know, I fucking hate... Oh, God. I couldn't live with Cliff Richard.

His fucking tennis. Fucking music. Oh, God. I don't know. He'd probably be all right. He wouldn't like me. He wouldn't like me. Well...

To be honest, I wouldn't do the dishes. Well, then he probably wouldn't come into the communal areas. And then he'd all be like, oh, yeah, oh, oh, yeah. Okay, you know, yeah. It's just...

Doing to be uncool but oh you know you haven't done the dishes in a while he's a vegan isn't he we'd probably have separate fridges and stuff

yeah I'd be alright with Cliff you think he's better than people say yeah is he he's good his first single

pretty rocking wasn't it what was it and then he did Devil Woman which was good as well you can't go wrong with Devil Woman you can't all wired for sound

wired for sound both on the same album very good that's his sort of yacht rock phase his yacht rock he should have stuck with that a bit longer he should he was good at that You can't go wrong with Devil Woman. You can't. All wired for sound. Wired for sound. Both on the same album. Very good. That's his sort of yacht rock phase, isn't it? His yacht rock. He should have stuck with that a bit longer. He should. He was good at that.

And then he realised that just by being more religious, he can appeal to people ageing with him. Christmas number one. So he got obsessed with that, I think, didn't he? And he could have been doing Electrolica. He could have been doing all sorts by now. Electrolica? Yeah, he could have been doing Electrolica. Electrolica been doing all sorts by now. Electrolika? Yeah, he could have been doing Electrolika.

Electrolika music. Electrolika music. Electrolika music. Oh, fucking Electrolika music. Then Tartis. For Tartis, then Tartis. Who's the answer then? Who's the answer?

Who would I have the hardest time living with? I've put a tiger or any wild animal. Brookside tiger. Exactly. Big smelly fadani. He'd have a very hard time living with that. I'd care for the Brookside tiger. So, question five.

Yes. We had two questions. So, you said originally, what is it you don't remember doing with a stranger? I couldn't think of anything. I could think of it, but I'm not going to say it in the podcast. Just tell me outside the podcast. We did a load of garlic chopping board when you went round

to the stranger's house. Remember that? Oh, that was such a terrible night. Wow. Upstairs. Weird, loud.

You want a blowjob competition? Like, what's that? No, that wasn't... Anyway, that would have been my answer.

I say, I say, like, I can't help. But you're not going to leave that in the podcast? That would be heavily edited to at least impart what had happened, but without any details at all. Okay, but instead, we decided to answer...

Did you put anything down for that, by the way? No, at all? No. No, right. In that case, yeah, the last one was famous last words, wasn't it? What would be my famous last words? Eli? I've got two.

They're very similar. One would be, fuck my life. Or it would be, fuck last words? Eli? I've got two. They're very similar. One would be, fuck my life. Or it would be, fuck this. Just die. I've got... Chodney Boroff.

Oh. Easy point. You could have got there. I'd feel like that was a ringer. You got none and I won. I've got to leave Paul's body now. Chodney Wadney. Chodney Wadney.

Chodney Wadney. Chodney Wadney. Chodney Wadney. Oh my God, Paul. Oh. oh my god paul oh oh is he out of me the devil spirit himself well i didn't like that game even though we didn't play the what would the element you think the element where we have to guess who gave which answer would be more interesting yes yes i guess it would be or the most accurate you've got to be honest though, don't you? Yeah. And I mean, I succumbed there to the temptation

to sort of be funny or give a sort of, you know, the tiger answer, for example. Sometimes we got too true for real. Did you enjoy that?

Listening to the too true for real segment of this show. Too true for real. I'm definitely calling this episode too true for real. Too true for real.

It is now. I like that. It's got a ring to it. Too true for real. For real. That was what this episode was all about. Too true for real. And that was the game Hot Seat. It's alright. It is now. I like that. It's got a ring to it. Too true for real. For real. That was what this episode was all about. Too true for real.

And that was the game Hot Seat. It's alright. It's shit. Probably works better with a group. Gannon's fucking Gash Games.

This is when I realised this segment fails completely because it's a party game and we don't have any friends so we never get to play party games. There's Mickey Mouse over there.

Can you see him? He's humping the Snapple Bar. Mate, we've talked about Mickey Mouse a number of times on the show. Have we? In fact, what happens is when you can't think of a way to end the segment,

you look over and see Mickey Mouse. I'm seeing Poindexter. Oh, that's giving me an idea. What, you want to do a Mickey Mouse Poindexter three-way? I'm just going to put him a nasslage. He's putting him against the breast and the zip of the fabric. Velour. The velour tracksuit top that Eli's wearing is nustled.

Ooh. Nustled. Ooh. Poor Poindexter. Lovely Poindexter. I am getting super hard. Let's end the segment. This is the worst episode

we've ever done. No! Stop saying that! It's trite! I can't ever stop saying it! One day we'll go, this is the best episode we've ever done

and it'll be the most hated. It's already three years behind us. Is it? Yeah. What's our best episode? I don't know. One of those other ones. And I'm sorry for being fat and short and ugly

and having stumpy hands. Thank you. And ruining the podcast for you. Thank you. And making it hard to edit because of my bad habits, Paul. Thank you. Oh God, that to edit because of my bad habits, Paul. Thank you. Oh, God, that feels good.

Shut up. It does not. You're such a sociopath. And it felt genuine as well. You are such a sociopath. I'm a part-time sociopath. Sometimes I cry every day. And sometimes I can't.

I just can't. It don't come out. Right. Anyway, welcome to Cheap Show, the Too True For Real episode, where things at times got a bit too true for real. Welcome to Too True For Real.

That's our new spin-off podcast. Look what Poindexter's doing. Oh, he's nuzzling the nip. He's actually on the nip. He's suckling the tit. I hate you. Too True For Real. Let's wrap this up.

So, a couple of things, I guess. Yes, the live show, tickets still on sale. Join us in, just outside of London, Harrow Art Centre on August 18th. It's a Saturday night. If you're a patron, you'll get a discount. August 13th. See?

Yes, tickets are on sale. Tickets on sale for the 18th. I can't do this. Do you want me to say it? No. I'll say it fine. No, I will. I will fucking say it right't do this. Do you want me to say it? No. I'll say it. I'll say it fine. No, I will.

I will fucking say it right. I know exactly what you're going to say and I'll say it right, Paul. Tickets are on sale. Let me just get this. I'll do it right. The live show still.

Harrowarts.com where you can get tickets for Cheap Show Live which is August 13th. It certainly is, Paul. And we don't want to get all emotionally blackmailed but Paul, before we started recording today to get all emotionally blackmailed,

but Paul, before we started recording today, too true for real, said to me that it's going to break us if no one comes. Yeah, maybe. So don't want to do that. I don't want to make you feel bad if you don't come, but my mental health is based upon your attendance. And if you are having any issues with not being able to find accommodation because of the fucking Coldplay gig at Wembley Arena,

if you are finding it prohibitively expensive to find accommodation, Paul has put together a very useful fact sheet, which is on the website, is that right? Yes, it is. Of nearby stuff, which will be cheaper, but still be very easy to get to Harrow Arts Centre for. Yeah, there's some nice little facts in there. It's compiled with Mr. Biffo as well,

who learns a lot of stuff from doing Digitizer Live at the same venue. So our website, thecheapshow.co.uk, has links to all of this. It has links to the fact sheet. It has a link to getting the tickets from the Harrow Arts Centre. It's got videos. It's got merchandise links as well.

We're hopefully soon announcing a special episode 300 logo. That'd be nice just for that episode. Can you get it on a t-shirt? Yeah, if you get it on a t-shirt and bring it to the show, we'll sign it like we said. So that's going to be fun. So live show, August 13th, Saturday.

It is August 13th, isn't it? Yes. Fuck me, mate. You're getting confused with the 18th, which is later this month where we have a live stream. Yes.

To celebrate the seven-year Twitch. Yes. We're seven years old on June 18th. Can you believe that? Saturday, we'll be doing a Twitch stream. Cheap Show Etc. ETC.

Cheap Show Etc. It's how you can find us on Twitch. Join us. There'll be plenty of stuff on social media, like Facebook and Instagram and all this stuff to advertise it. But we're going to be there just chilling. And with guests. And we're going to have guests.

We're going to have, I think, Ethan Lawrence is going to be there. Ash Frith's going to be there. I'm going to question about his so-called, what's it called? Aphasia or whatever, where he can't see. Don't go Joe Rogan on me on here. He can't see in his head.

I'm not going Joe Rogan. A little bit. I'm not. I'm questioning. It's a bit like science denying kind of shit right now. I'm not denying science. I'm going to look into this. Good.

Learn. Develop your brain. So join us on twitch on saturday june 18th we're going to all be there in fact most of the people who will be there for the twitch will be there for the live show as well although i want to ask a few other people like octavius if octavius wants to come along that'd be nice the live show and now we're talking about the live show again not the stream back and forth anyway all the information is on our website for the twitch stream the live show in August our merch

videos an episode for this episode with pictures and videos if appropriate it's all there on Patreon and if you become

a lovely patron on Patreon then you get a discounted ticket have you said that? you do indeed for the live show you get a little code

and that will give you a discount on live tickets and it's going to be a wicked show patreon.com forward slash cheap show.com forward slash cheap show thank you

forward slash cheap show thank you patrons if you would like to support us please do that would be lovely helps keep the lights on

but if you do give only give what you can don't go crazy every little helps and also if you want to share this podcast or review on iTunes you know

that helps get us a little bit of exposure to to other people is there anything I'm forgetting you were doing Jimmy Savile

as a robot there you were you were doing robot Savile I was doing Dalek Savile at best Paul Paul

Paul can we just wrap this up too true for real too true for real at Cheap Show no at the Cheap Show pod I'm at Paul Gannon's show

and on Twitter, Eli is... Eli Snoid. And you spell that E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And we're on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook. And we've got our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Just join us. Join the family Cheap Show. Too true for real.

Too true for real. Put that in a T-shirt. You cunts. Night-night, everybody. Goodbye. Bye, everyone.