CheapShow - Ep 289: Platter Spectacular

Episode Date: July 8, 2022

Who likes the Silverman’s Platter segment of the podcast? You’d better, because it ain’t a segment this week, it’s a whole ruddy episode! Paul and Eli take a deep dive into the shallow end of novelty pop records and there is a lot to get through. If you ever wondered what a radio show would be like if it was hosted by the Cheap Chaps, then it would probably sound like this. Packed with weird music, chock full of idiotic tangents and more than its fair share of salty language. So basically, the same old, same old, but with a bit more music than usual. If you ever wanted to know more about unsettling Heinz mascots from the 70s, whatever “gummage” is, the delicate art of the “answer song” and what exactly a “poo chant” is, then you are going to get answers you deserve, and instantly regret hearing. Ready to listen? Not half, pop pickers! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-289-platter-spectacular Tickets for LIVE SHOW on August 13th: Episode 300 Live https://harrowarts.com/whats-on/event/cheapshow-300-live For Information on travel and accommodation for CS300 https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/cheapshow-300-show-info And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Art Work: www.instagram.com/spunk__rock www.redbubble.com/people/spunkrock/shop www.etsy.com/uk/shop/spunkrock

and ending the show tonight that was the george barker band with close the window lassie you won't get out that way it's one of my favourite old standard hits. Well, time is pushing on now, and as I look at the clock on the wall, I can see it's nearly time to head to the news and say tatty-bye for another week. We've got the Eli and Paul show coming up next, two sprightly

young lads. And I think they've come for me, so it's time for me to go. I'll head over to the news now. Here we go. It's time for the On The Hour News on Cheap Show Radio. Hello and welcome to the News on Cheap Show Radio with me, Henry McGivins. Chodney sighting in Loughborough. He's been seen going round, coming round.

If you see Chodney anywhere round the Borough or round here or even in a spod off, take your Chodney helmet and get your poultices all tightly, all bound up, and make sure you get the tenor men watched up in there in other news richard brandoff and jimmy biscuits continue to be on the run they are known to be posing as ambulance drivers so make sure you check the drivers when you have an emergency and that's the news thank you very much and now on cheap show radio it's time for the platter spectacular with silverman

and gannon hello it's me pa Paul Gannon, and I'm joined by my Cheap Show Radio co-host Eli Silverman here, hi everybody, how are you Paul? I'm absolutely fantastic, and welcome everyone to our brand new show on Cheap Show Radio, Splatter Spectacular Try and get it out in one go It's that big a cock, is it? You can one go. It's that big a cock, is it? You can roll with it. It's that big a cock, is it?

Yes. It's that. Try and get it out in one go. It's that big a cock, is it? Was your response to that. I mean, I'm trying here. You're very trying. Every single week you're trying.

You just make the same jokes. It's like you're a dad. You make the same jokes. I don't make the same jokes. No, you're right. You don't the same jokes. It's like you're a dad and you're not a dad. You make the same jokes. I don't make the same jokes. No, you're right. You don't do any jokes ever. You just say Chodney or Boroff or Chutney or Pultis. Chutney's a good one. Or

Jingjang McScrivens and his pickle waters. Jamato Spoktatos. Not Spoktatos. Don't say Spoktatos around me. Anyway, hello, welcome to a slightly different episode of the podcast this week. We're going to attempt to fake doing a radio show. It hasn't been going well, Paul. It's just loose.

It's just loose. It's just a loose concept. You make yourself more work. You're always on about trying to get the edit down, and then you're like, you know, trying to coach me. Oh, I'm sorry I care. Oh, I'm sorry I care about entertaining the audience and you. I'm sorry I try and mix it up. I'm sorry I try and give the audience and you. I'm sorry I try and mix it up.

I'm sorry I try and give something a little bit different every week rather than the same old two fucking white guys talking about shit on a weekly basis podcast. Is that who we are? Of which this industry is rife with. Is that what you're saying? I'm in danger of pulling us back to the mainstream? I?

You are, yeah. I, Eli Chodney Silverman Borough. Is that going to be on your gravestone? Because if not, it is now. Chapney Sparrow was a guy.

He lived in a tree. Chapney Sparrow was a guy. He's got a vial of wee. Chapney Sparrow was a man and he drank his piss. Chapney Sparrow

was a boke and he smells of piss now because he's been drinking his own piss. Oh my God, you fucking can never stick to the landing when you do a rhyme. my God, you fucking can never stick to the landing when you do a rhyme.

Stick to the landing? I'll stick to a landing. You know how? I'll make a glue poultice and then I'll double dunk like a Derry Lee finger. I'll come down. Hiring, fucking. I'll come down with a big gluey skid mark

on the big rubbery gluey skid mark on the landing strip. He's coming down. landing strip he's coming down he's come down now, what's going on? I landed it I landed it Paul, I landed it I landed it Paul

you stupid fucking guttering full of wank, guttering full of wank, yes bit foreshadowing guys, you creative dull, pretentious ridiculous what repulsive

I'm not repulsive they're gonna call me fat countdown to being called fat and ugly five four three it's all you've got

two one you big chugger fuck you fuck you do the fucking homework you fucked me off you wouldn't even join

chapney sparrow I don't care. I'm not endorsing this anymore. Chapney Sparrow. No. He was a guy. No, he wasn't. He came in a tree.

Boingy, boingy, boing. Stop it. Seriously. Stop it. Let's do a podcast. Let's do a podcast, Paul. I think that's what they're all waiting for us to do.

Four minutes of this. Paul, I've given you an opportunity to do the housework. I'm just doing it. The housework is simple. The tickets are still on sale for the live show. They're selling very well. So if you do want to come along, get them quick. Details on our website, thecheapshotco.uk

or go to harrowarts.com and look for Cheap Show there. Get your tickets. We're going to get badges made. Only on sale at the live show. Limited numbers. It's the news owl coming in. It sounds like Paul Daniels. Paul Daniels, the news owl.

Not a lot. He wouldn't be called Paul Daniels. He'd be called Beak Daniels or Wing Daniels or Flying Daniels. Paul Flangers. Flying Daniels. Flying Daniels, the news owl. The magician news owl. Flying Daniels. Flying Daniels. The magician owl. The magician news owl. Hoo-hoo!

Not a lot. Go on, not a lot. Not a lot of money is needed to pay for a ticket for Cheap Show. Hoo-hoo! You do. You've got a nice strain of bird-based characters coming along, Paul. I have to say. Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum.

Oh, bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum- Tarquin! Tarquin! Balls to Picasso! Balls to Picasso. That's what he said. He's a new favourite in the land

of Ganon characters. Now, if I could just do a slight reprise of the Chapney Sparrow motif. Hey, you've got an option.

You can either do that now or you can do your Tales from the Dance Floor. Ah, Tales from the Dance Floor. You can't do both. Oh, fine.

I don't give a shit about Chapney Sparrow. Welcome to the Cheap Show podcast, the economy comedy podcast with me and Eli going for the bargains charity shops and powerlands of great britain that's that done do your fucking repetitive maudlin story that everyone is tired of crying i am use words right use words right i am crying the story's not maudlin you are no the concept is maudlin i'm looking at what fucking maudlin means. It means weepy.

Self-pitying. Yeah, my stories aren't self-pitying. I know, it goes up to me. I say, can I have dance degree? And I tell, fuck off.

It's funny you say that. But anyway. Go on. Is it because this story is completely rote? Hello, everybody. I'm Eli Silverman. Oh, it's rote o'clock.

Must be time for Tales from the Dance Floor. It's the fucking Groundhog Day of segments. I'm Eli Silverman, co-host of Cheap Show and a very important part of the whole Cheap Show Firmament. I do a little bit. You might not know.

Nothing firm about your... I have a segment. It's one of the favourite segments. And in fact, it's one of the only segments that has its own spin-off segment, which is just as popular, if not more so than the original segment. So, I mean, that's saying something.

Have you got a segment? That's spin-off. Tales from the Shop Floor is a spin-off of Tales from the original segment. So, I mean, that's saying something. Have you got a segment? Tales from the Shop Floor is a spin-off of Tales from the Dance Floor. Oh! Oh! It's like the veil's fallen from your eyes. No, you're confusing us being too lazy to come up with a new title for a segment. It's a spin-off. No, it's not really. It's a spin-off.

Tell you why it's not. Because the Tales from the Shop Floor stuff is always interesting and there's variety. Sometimes there's lots of stuff going on. Yours is the recursive nature of your boring existence. Doesn't mean there's not a spin-off. Formed into a trite narrative

that I've become very bored of. I'm just putting it out there. All right, so I'll do... I'll tell you what. If this story doesn't register with me... I have two tales from the dance floor. All right, if both of them don't register with me,

we're never doing this again what do you mean register with you I don't have to what like a fucking job or something get some emotion out of me like you're a fucking site manager

get me to have a give me a laugh with the pens in your pocket and a big white overcoat and I have to come and register with you I have to come and register my presence

in this place with you what have I got some kind of card now you have another choice you can either carry on talking or we can just drop the segment. There's nobody else

here. It's just me. I'm the only one who has to talk apart from you. Yeah, but you're saying nothing, so go on.

I'm not saying nothing. You are. I'm saying stuff about the... I'm just saying. You can either carry on getting to the segment right now or we stop

this segment. It's not a segment. Get in. Get in gear, mate. Don't click every trip. Get in. Start your story. I will not be harassed by you. Start your story now. Come on. Tick tock. segment you it's not a segment you get in get in gear mate don't click every trip get in start your story i will not be harassed by your story now come on tick tock fucking hell mate come on hello everyone i'm eli silverman we've heard that cheap show we don't know why we're doing all this segment

is tiring it's an important segment of the whole show i think i'm breaking him ladies and gentlemen i think he's near tears it's where i tell you about things that have happened to me when I've been DJing. And I was DJing this weekend, Paul. Yes. So I'm DJing. Some guy comes along

and he's... This segment peaked five years ago. And he's waving at me from down below the stage. He's waving, yeah. And he keeps going, and they seem to think you can hear them.

It's like a very loud club. That's one annoying. That's a little bugbear of mine. People think you can hear them when they're five foot away with loud music playing in the dark. Yeah. You know?

So I'm like, come up, come up here. Come up here, mate. I'm gesturating. Onto stage. I'm gesturising. Come on stage. Come round here, I'm saying. Come round here?

Yeah, I literally come. Of course you are. Come around. Come round here, I'm saying. Come round here? Yeah. Of course you are. Come around and come up here, basically. Yeah. Not round here, but up and around. If anyone needs to amend the bingo thing to add come round here to it, please do. What number would it be? Oh, the cheap show bingo. Yeah.

Anyway, so... Look at the eyes. The dead eyes of you. Come on. The dead eyes. Come on. Come on what? Tell your story. All right. So you. Come on. The dead eyes. Come on. Come on what? Tell your story.

All right. So he comes up. He comes round here. He does. To your desk. And he goes, can you play? And he says something. And then I didn't catch the title.

Something like sizzle by Lady Gaga is what I caught. Okay, right. Whatever. All I caught was Lady Gaga. I went, no, can't do it. Sorry. And he literally looks at me and goes, that's all you had to say.

That's all you had to say. And it's like, I did just say no. He's like, no, it was all you had to say. And then he storms off and keeps dancing. Prick. Anyway. That's the first story, is it? Yes.

Right, great. The second story. That almost did less than nothing for me. That washed over me. Did it not register? Where do you feel this register? In the seat of your nuggets? No.

Yeah? In my heart, in my soul. In your soul? Yeah. I don't believe in the soul, Paul. Engage in me. I don't believe the soul is real. You don't.

So what, am I trying to engage in something I don't even believe exists? Yes. Oh, is that what I'm fucking doing? Like your sex life. That's a cheap shot. Do you want to call me fat? Come on, just get out of the way. So far, the only person who's called you

fat is you. No, you called me a chubber. I called you a chungus. Anyway, the other day, I'm DJing at a different place and this girl asked for ABBA and I was quite proud of myself. Can you play some ABBA, please?

And I did the dual gesture of vomiting. Right. And cutting the throat at the same time with the hand. So she comes up to you and goes, can I have ABBA? And you just start going. And then I went, oh, no. You like that touch, yeah?

Is that registered with you? And how did she walk away? No, they asked about 8 million more times. Good. Her and her boyfriend. And he was literally at the end of the night. I could see him standing just out on the dance floor with his hands in the prayer sign,

you know, the pleading sign. Yeah, praying for ABBA. Any ABBA? Yeah, any ABBA. You should have picked the worst song they've ever released. I don't actually own any. And you know, do you know what? We're not anti-ABBA here.

I'm not anti-ABBA. That's not what I want to get across. But I'm in a place called the Blues Kitchen, which is about funk, blues and soul. And they're not going to play a lot of late 70s, early 80s pop disco. I'm not allowed to play ABBA, especially something like Dancing Queen, which is hugely mainstream, sort of wedding tune.

It's like I played Shaggy's It Wasn't Me or something. It's like that level of faux pas in that place. Well, that's the segment over with and I can tell you right now it's never coming back. Well. Never coming back.

I won't come back. Here's the box. Lid on. No, you're not in charge of that. Here's me digging. You're not in charge of that. Dig a little hole in the ground. If anybody has enjoyed

a little dig a hole in the ground. Oh, I'm putting the box in. It's just big enough. Here it goes. Pat, pat, pat with the soil. Listen. Patty, patty, pat. And then I'm going to build

a nice big supermarket on it. It doesn't matter what you do. Here we go. Pat, pat, pat with the soil. Listen, this whole... Patty, patty, pat. And then I'm going to build a nice big supermarket on it. It doesn't matter what you do. Here we go. Oh, bring it in, Mr... What supermarket is it? Mr Tesco's. Oh, Tesco's, right. Yeah, I've got a Tesco's deal on.

You're building a Tesco's on the grave of that segment. Is that what you're doing? Here we go. Tesco's Metro. I don't think you've got... Because they're everywhere. I don't think you've got the authority. Too late now.

Beep, beep, beep, beep. You need planning permission. Here comes the cement truck. Why is it going ding dong, ding dong? He's building a shop. It sounds like some kind of... Is that the drill? Why are they drilling?

Oh, look, they've discovered my segment. Oh, my segment's come back to life like some zombie. Oh, it's devouring. Get the Ghostbusters. Oh, I've caught it. I've put it in a trap. Oh, now the segment's in a ghost trap, and it's in my ecto-containment unit

where it will hang out with the trapped dead for an eternity. The end. Mr. Silverman, thank you. It was good, but 300 episodes almost, and we're done. Move on. No one's interested in your life. That's not true, Paul. That's not true.

They wrote songs for the urine vision about a whole song. We have to wrap this segment up. Open up the Tesco's now. We can't be here when they open the shop. And also, we're doing this whole segment is dedicated to records, music, and it goes. That segment totally goes with what we're trying to do with the show today. Wonderful.

And it helped. One door closed. You what we're trying to do with the show today. Wonderful. And it helped. One door closed. You were totally cynical the whole fucking way through. Like you are with everything that excites me. Everything that I enjoy. Honestly. He's going to call me fat and see it in his eyes. He's smiling with his eyes.

He likes it when I'm close to breaking. Yeah. That's what you like. I'm going to snap you one day. No, you're not. What do you mean? Like a twig. Snap.

And then what will you do? You'll have visiting hours, tapping on the glass. No, I'll hang you above the window and I'll put a big sign up saying penny a smack and I'll make a thousand pounds a day. Penny a smack. Good callback to that weird game. Should we just get on with this fucking episode? I'm happy

to, Paul. Right, we are doing a kind of music heavy episode. We're going to do a lot of platters today, so let's just get through them. Our first one, Eli, would you like to introduce it, please? Oh, we're going to listen to that first. That's the one we thought you'd decide. Now, this is, funnily enough, one of my DJ staples at the

Blues Kitchen, Paul, is Bee Bumble and the Bees. Is that what it's called? Bee Bumble and the Bees? Bee Bumble and the Stingers. Oh! Bee Bumble and the Stingers. There was a different, is it the same group? Yeah. But they're called Bee Bumble and the Bees? Bee Bumble and the Stingers. Oh. Bee Bumble and the Stingers. There was a different, is it the same group? Yeah. But they're called

Bee Bumble and the Bees when they did Rocker. No, they're not. Yes, they are. Just introduce that one because we're not talking about that one yet. Well, the first record

in a very similar genre is one I picked up the other day when we went on a little charity shop hunt around your ways, Paul, up in Harrow. And it is a sort of rock and roll version

of In the Hall of the Mountain King. Update. They've always been called Bee Bumble and the Stingers and never had the name Bee Bumble and the Bees ever. And they did Nutrucker. Yes. Okay, fine. But this is what, sorry?

In the Hall of the Mountain King by Nero and the Gladiators. And it goes a little something like this. I'll say that for us. Like, where is this king's pad? © BF-WATCH TV 2021 Right, so what was so good about that song? It's a piece of classical music by Grieg. This is the interesting thing, isn't it, about this song and the other one we're going to talk to. They take a classical piece of music

and they make it pop as almost as if to say this music was the pop of its time. Yes, and I think it was a big fad in novelty And they make it pop as almost as if to say this music was the pop of its time. Yes. And I think it was a big fad in novelty because it comes from an era. This one, the Nero and the Gladiators one is from 63. Okay. First published 63.

It's on Decca, made in England. And you can hear from the voices at the beginning of that record that they're Brits, can't you? Because they go, oh, something up the mountain king. What do they say what do they say no he goes oh I don't know what's the mountain

up the mountain something like that something like that come round here you know one day you'll get locked into it mentally and the whole of you

in this episode will just be you saying oh Chodney come round here like in a catatonic state Chodney come round here no it won't be you just need to are you trying to say I'm going to go mad again I'm just saying you saying, oh, Chodney, come round here, like in a catatonic state. Chodney, come round here. No, it won't be. You just need to... Are you trying to say I'm going to go mad again?

I'm just saying you might want to start coming up with new, tiring, boring, false words to come up with. Chadney? That's a bit too close to Chodney. Sla-parpa. We can work with Sla-parpa. Sla-parpa. What about this?

What about this? Plodicles. Plodicles. That could be a segment. Yeah. See, I'm open to stuff. Are you open to my plodicles? Yesicles that could be a segment yeah see i'm open to stuff are you open to my plodicles yes i accept stuff from you you can dunk your dairy lee plodicles right on my fucking my plodicles my poultice my fucking brazilian style narrow poultice strip yeah rubberized

mankini poultice it's rubberized all tacky down the sides. Yeah. A tack, a tack, a tack like that. Oh, and the patron saint is Plodicus. Ha ha, Plodicles. Get it right. I Plodicles. No, I am Plodicles. I am Plodicles. No, that goes, doesn't it?

Because Nero, he was in Roman, wasn't he? He was, yeah. But what I'm trying to get at is it was a big, it was a big sort of thing that novelty records were because it's at the height

of the sort of novelty era as well as being at the height of the instrumental pop pop music used to be instrumental and i think after that period it never was again i mean there might have been the odd instrumental hit but it wasn't when we were growing up because they front loaded it with with the instruments so you know it's an instrument focused pop genre because like you know electric guitars were reasonably new and things like that so they they were front-loading that sound. Then when the vocalists came back in and blues and things started to come up

and rock and roll and it all kind of melded, then that music went out of fashion simply because it was more about the artist. No, but it was a period. It was like we discussed. There was a period. It's the surf period, right? Yeah.

Where tequila comes out by the champs. Yeah. Very famous. Where it was a fad of instrumental rock and roll being in the charts, being what people wanted to hear. But that wasn't based on a piece of classical music though, was it, Tequila?

No, but there was a lot of records like this. That was a big sort of novelty gimmick, is to turn a famous piece of classical into a rock and roll record. And you know what? Here's the other thing as well. It kind of changes with the era because of the genre of music. So rock and roll music comes in, instrumental what? Here's the other thing as well. It kind of changes with the era because of the genre of music.

So rock and roll music comes in, instrumental, electric guitar, all that kind of stuff. You start seeing things and then the Bumblebee thing we'll talk about in a minute. But also,

you head over to Miko and like him taking the Star Wars theme and turning it into disco or... It's related, absolutely. You're right. It's related to that. And then,

if you want to push it, you can say in the 90s when they had the... What do they call it? The Tots TV rave, whatever it was. They called it Toy Box Rave or something. It was like, Charlie says, and they used those tunes. They used the kids TV.

No, but that's different. But yes, it's similar. It's taking a piece of popular culture that was separate from pop music and sort of putting it through the pop machine and this is the early examples of it because these are sort of they always pick things like that in the hall of the mountain king so everyone will have know that piece of music because it's famous from fantasia and so on do you see what i mean music is just for dance clubs it's just to put on i think yeah because what year was it early 60s 63 yeah which i think is the height

it's just before the Beatles come in is the height of surf and instrumental rock and roll right as a thing when was Telstar

I think Telstar was late 50s early 60s 61 I think okay it's the era of the shadows when the shadows were dominant

on the British block charts and they used to do that walking around with a guitar that's what guitar music was known as, instrumental. Do you know what I mean? And it was pretty... Because the instrument was the king, almost.

Or the player of the instrument was the star, rather than the vocals. Which came out of the sort of blues, you're right, came out of the sort of influence of blues. But it's funny, because we said in the show when we were doing that trivia game, there was like the people at Decca, why they turned down the Beatles

they said it sounds like the Shadows too much like the Shadows guitar music's on its way out but that's what I said to you what did they think was coming in then girl groups

you still have the girl group Diana Ross and the yeah you've got the early Motown girl groups coming through in like 64 and I guess they weren't guitar heavy bands

no you're right do you know that the Beatles did a version early on of please mr postman yes that's a girl group yeah so the whole girl group thing is getting crystallized and a lot of people think that the beatles a lot of their early success is because they're like a girl group they're the structure of the songs i see the way they sing them is yeah similar to that girl group sort of format do you see what i mean yeah yeah no i see that i think they probably thought the people of deca probably thought you're gonna get yeah sort of format. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I see that. So I think they probably thought, the people at Decca probably thought

you were going to get, yeah, sort of teeny bopper girl group things being a big thing. But I like that. It's got some nice surf style guitar on the Nero. It has got that shadowy, twangy thing going on. The twangy guitar, really well done. It's very...

It's quite tight. The drums are quite robust. If anything, it sounds kind of like hollow in a weird way. It sounds like it's recording too big a space. I like the reverb. I like it. It escapes from the song.

I like the sound of that record. I was really pleased. It's kind of haunting. Picked it up for nothing. I mean, it's not in great nick. No, it's not in great nick. It's a real novelty. But that's British, but it's definitely in the same genre as what we're going to listen to now.

Shall I introduce this next track? Sure. So let's play the next track. It's by B Bumble and the Stingers and it's called Nut Rocker. Thank you. Now that's in my box to DJ with. That's in your Stone Cold Classics box. In a sort of rock and roll set, if people are dancing already, then they will go for that

because it's propulsive. I fucking love it. It's stompy and it throbs. It's the same shtick though as the Nero and the Gladiators record, isn't it? Their schtick is they've taken a popular piece of classical music. In that case, it's the Nutcracker Suite. Is that right?

Who wrote that? It is. I'll tell you what. Let's go into Mr. Wikipedia. So B-Bumble and the Stingers were an American instrumental ensemble in the early 60s, specialising in rock and roll and arrangements of classical melodies. Yeah, the whole thing was that. Bumble Boogie reached number 21 in the US

and Nut Rocker reached number one in the UK singles chart in 1962. There you go, yeah. Talk about an early American record that crossed over. I can see why. That's a fucking stomping track. Yeah, and people seem to go for it. They know the refrain. It's like one ofping track. Yeah. And people seem to go for it. They know the refrain from, you know, it's like one of those pieces of music

that is lodged in your head from an early age. You don't even know where it's from. It's so widely spread, you know what I mean? The recordings were all made by session musicians at Rendezvous Records in Los Angeles. But when the recordings became successful, they had to put a group together. And it was formed, led by a guy called R.C. Gamble,

who called himself Billy Bumble for the sake of this tour. Yes, it's so novelty, isn't it? In 1959, Earl Palmer, Rennie Hall and Plass Johnson, all African-American musicians from Louisiana, were in a house band at Rendezvous Records. According to Palmer, the three friends always talked about how they could make some money and not have to leave the studio. So one day did a rock version of In The Mood, and that single was credited to the ernie fields orchestra which became a hit

reaching number four in the us in 1960 off the basis of that they went ahead and made bumble boogie what's bumble boogie based on well i'm presuming it's i mean i'm gonna flight the bumble bee there you go i've got a little little little little i've got again it all makes sense doesn't it I have a copy of that as well actually Thank you. It reached number seven, that, funnily enough, in the charts. Ernie Freeman recorded another track, and it got to number 21 on the Billboard charts in June 1961. Because the session musicians all had studio commitments, a team band from Oklahoma, who had no part in the recordings,

were recruited to handle promotion and public appearances. I bet they were terrible. Their names were given as Fred Richards, Don Orr and B Bumble, a pseudonym for R.C. Gamble, the guy we mentioned at the top of the show. Then they released Nut Rocker, the one we played at the start, and that was based on Tchaikovsky's ballet,

The Nutcracker. There you go. And I love it. That was released in 1962 in February, went to number 23 and number one in the UK. The UK was a huge hit here. Perhaps The Nutcracker Suite was more of a more of a tradition over here than it was in america maybe that's why it was bigger maybe it's actually just

the tune resonated more with dance halls in the uk there is a lot of a lot of people doing kind of rock and roll versions of other stuff because i also picked up this record by the rattles the other day which was like a rock and roll version of uh zippity doodah oh wow i actually would like to hear that. I've got it. I'll play it for you later. But that's in a similar vein, isn't it? They were groping around for any kind of popular material, which they could do in the new teen.

Because they probably just thought that rock and roll as a style was just a fad. Well, this is what it says here. Because this next track, this single we found at a charity shop, is Beebumble and the Stingers. And it's called Apple Knocker, right? And it was released off the success of the back of Nut Rocker

off the Nut Rocker and this one was based on Rossini's William Tell Overture and famously William Tell got the apple shot from his head

that's why it's called Apple let's play a little bit of that now ¶¶ ¶¶ It's quite a clever title, isn't it? So they did Apple Knocker. However, that record, nor the next release, Dawn Cracker, which is based on Morning Mood from Pia Gint by gint by greece another one i don't know that Ah, and we come full circle

because Nero and the Gladiators in the Hall of the Mountain King is by Greek. Oh, how funny. Yeah, I do love it as a subgenre. Then the label went out of business and then they all kind of split up

and did other little bits and bobs. Which label went out of business? Rendezvous Records or whatever. The one that you picked up is on Stateside, which I think is probably a... That sounds like a kind of British arm of an American label to sell stuff that was Stateside. That is Stateside, yeah. think is probably a... That sounds like a kind of British arm of an American label

to sell stuff that was Stateside. That is Stateside. Yeah, a lot of the early Motown. Funny, we were talking about the girl group stuff. I've got early Supremes on Stateside. A version of Nut Rocker was recorded in 1972 by...

Who do you think? Gary Glitter. The Sweet. Mud. That would actually be cool if it was Sweet or the Mud. But no, Emerson, Lake and Palmer. Wow.

It was a progged up version. I want to hear that. The original version was reissued at the same time and again made the UK charts and reached 19. You see, it must be in people's minds.

That must be why it works as a DJ record. It's been used in films such as Butcher Boy, The Young Poisoner's Handbook and Big Mama's House. There you go. That's it.

We found it. We found the connection why it works when I DJ. Big Mama's House. Because people remember Big Mama's House. Yes. Not that it's actually a really good piece of boogie woogie rock and roll. found it we found the connection why it works when i dj because people people remember big mama's house yes not that it's actually a really good piece of boogie woogie rock and roll i mean it works like that anyway well it's the type of thing you start moving to because it's just it's really

fast isn't it because that apple rock is fine but it doesn't have it doesn't have the punch of doesn't have the have the the dance ability by any but i love it you're right i like it as a genre as well there's something kind of cool when it's really adapted well from one style to another. And again, proves that they were still writing quote unquote pop song tunes. Yes.

And it's a whole, it's a whole sub-genre of the novelty genre in itself, isn't it? It's literally, classical rock and roll cover. Yeah. Populist.

And you just reinvent it with new instruments or whatever. I'm just like Moog. Moog did all of this as well. And then the Moog records are related as well. But it's, yeah so wonderful next track then and i believe we're doing something a little bit different a little bit weird this might need a little bit more of an introduction because uh we're doing uh what we're going to do is we're going to do a little

introduction and then we're going to talk about it afterwards. But Eli, what have you got? Now, this is a series, an educational record, Paul. We have covered stuff by this publisher before on this show. You have? It's the Open University. Because the Open University used to release courses or weird modules on vinyl. These are for children. And the other one was for children as well. No, that's not for children.

That's for parents to do to children. It's parent training sort of stuff yeah but it's parent training them to sing pointless folky songs to their kids well there was three records i found i think the one we covered on this segment years ago was like uh folk songs for children or something wasn't it something like that, yeah. Paul is a dirty boy. Paul comes around here. Wipers, dirty bot, bot. Oh, poor waddles along. What is Paul thinking? Paul's got an empty head.

Oh, the candle burning. The flies are barzing. The candle burns the fly's wings inside. Sits in daddy's suitcase. I like it. Sits in daddy's suitcase. Pretends it's a bus anyway

that had some sort of stand out weirdness unsettling folk I think that was folk songs for kids because there's a thing

about folk where there's a little bit of a kind of this is a weird feeling it's slightly kind of it's spooky almost it has that folk horror sort of vibe

very early 70s that's why I love that other record so what are we about to listen to so when I saw these in the charity oh yeah sorry cool these are a series different series from the but the same publisher like i say the open university yeah um and this is a series called the first years of life like i say it's for parents with very young children and it's basically a record telling you how to sing and encourage children to sing and be creative and yes and

now there are three of these and we plowed through them when the other week didn't we and it only when we got to um disc three singing for your child side one songs for lucy that's what it kind of struck pay pay dirt there so what i'm going to do is i'm going to play a selection of clips from that side right now this is a guy called apparently mike moran a folk singer that they hired to do this. He sings to his child. Have a listen to these pretty brilliantly choice little segments. Enjoy. I don't think that our children are especially interested

in finely crafted tunes and lines that scan or very clever rhymes. They're more interested in what the song is about. And I think that we're in a unique position to sing songs which will interest our children because only we know what they're really interested in. So I'll put down my guitar and I'd like to sing you a few things that I know my own daughter would be interested in. Her name is Lucy and she's nearly two

years old. She's terribly fond of eating, so sometimes I ask her what she'd like to eat. What would Lucy like for breakfast? What would Lucy like to eat? A cup of tea and a piece of toast And please, Daddy, could I have an egg? When I'm singing these songs, if I feel very energetic, I do some actions. Great swinging gestures for the swing song and the appropriate gestures for the horse. And the train always goes wiggle-woggle, so Lucy goes wiggle-woggle on my knee.

And then, last thing at night, perhaps when she's already in bed, you could sing about some of the people that she's met during the day or just mention the names of some of her friends, like this. David, Diana, Laura, Natasha, Granny, and Grandpa, and Mummy, and Daddy, and so on to sleep. Another time when it's useful to have a little song is when your child's sitting on the potty, especially if she's there for a little while. You could chant something like this to help her on. if she's there for a little while,

you could chant something like this to help her on. Come on, poo! Come on, poo! Poo coming. Poo coming. So, yes, it's right. You've just got to sing to your child and just say things like wiggle woo, wiggle woo, Lucy likes a wiggle woo.

Yes, so it's quite simple to write songs for your child. It's quite simple. They don't give two shits. You just look at anything in the room and go Lucy is a lamp Lucy goes round Lucy, Lucy pillow Lucy, Lucy pillow

And then when you're having dinner, you can just make up songs about anything. Sweet corn goes in Lucy's mouth Sweet corn goes in Lucy anything. Sweet corn goes in Lucy's mouth. Sweet corn goes in Lucy's mouth. Sweet corn goes in Lucy's mouth. And a wiggle, woggle, woo. A wiggle, woggle, woo. A wiggle.

You could say, I have gone to the e-shop. I have gone to the e-shop. Why are you saying Jamaican all of a sudden? It's weird. A wiggle, woggle, woo. And I have got mashed potatoes on my corduroy. on to the eShop. Why are you saying Jamaican all of a sudden? It's weird. A wee gulwoglu and I have got mashed potatoes on my corduroy.

Do you think one day Lucy was just at the dinner table and you went, Shut up, Dad! Father, enough! Yeah, the bit about the egg cracks me up.

Oh, the breakfast bit. Lucy, would you like an egg? Lucy wants an egg. Yeah, she does. No fucking shit she wants an egg. She wants a fucking... Talking of shit, why would you sit at a child, stare at it and Yeah, she does. No fucking shit she wants an egg. She wants a fucking...

Why would you sit at a child, stare at it and go, pool coming, here comes the pool. He says to... To chant. No, chant it to encourage her along. Come on, pool. Mate, can I just say, if you were sitting on the toilet and I was staring at you while you were having a poo,

and I was like, pool coming, pool coming, here comes the pool I'll be like it's not coming now, proper stage fright. It's gone right back up the pipe. It swam back up like a fucking brown trout up the Thames I can feel it swimming in my lungs fuck me

I've never wanted to shit less in my life, I've got a weird corduroy. When does he stop doing this? ...folk singer in the bloody loo with me, telling me to poo. It's the way he pronounces it, poo. I'll give him credit. He didn't say dropping or, you know, something like...

He was like, poo. Lucy's done the runny stuff, runny stuff, runny stuff. I don't know why you've got weird accents. You're just waving at it out of weird accents. Lucy, I done the runny stuff. I don't know why you've got weird accents. You're just waving at it out of weird accents. Lucy, I done done Ronny stuff. But when does it stop? When does he stop singing? Because is she going to be...

You know when it stops? What? When it's, here comes the asswipe. Here comes the asswipe. It's not. It's when she's 16 in her bedroom and outside the door while she's, you know, making out with her boyfriend. Do you want me to sing the pool song?

No, the boyfriend's, you know, having a kiss and a cuddle. And dad's outside the door going, Lucy's got her tits out. Lucy's got, Bobby's got his fingers in. Bobby's got his fingers in. Fingers in calming, fingers in calming. Dingle dangle do. I hope Lucy's washed them off. I hope. Daddy washed him off I hope

Daddy wants to wash it Anyway Disturbing stuff But I think he's not Bobby emptied his balls But he has There's something about There's something that gets

My nostalgia up With these records You know that Paul Because they're quaint They've got that bagpuss Thing going on And they've got that sound To them

Do you know what I mean Yes that bagpuss That quality Of Because I won't leave it in the episode but there's bits where he does like acoustic stuff too it's quite nicely recorded as well isn't it i mean the sound quality of the record yes good it's all right for what it is it's what it is it's strangely ephemeral because how much you're going to get out of it how how you know it's almost but it's like the nanny state it's when they thought that they you should sort of it's there's almost something kind of classist about it isn't it i don't know about you know i'm getting out trying to say people from like lesser backgrounds this is how you bring up a kid child or i disagree there's something a little bit uh patronizing in tone

i disagree because i think you're looking at it from a point of view of like now back then in the what was that, 70s? Yeah, early 70s. No, late 70s this one, 77. You look at the culture of what kids' TV was like in the 70s, and it is kind of quaint. It is kind of quaint and finger-mouncing. Yeah, whimsical.

Whimsical, you know. Magic, in a lot of ways. Yeah. Magical. It has that quality. It has more folk influences. Much more. Across the board. Even things like Ivor the Engine and all those kind of shows have a gentle kind of quiet leak. It has more folk influences. Much more. Across the board.

Even things like Ivor the Engine and all those kind of shows have a gentle kind of quiet... Folkiness, definitely. Folkiness, which I think goes back to storytelling. Grimm's Fairy Tales, it's kind of an extension of that. I think it's a shame that that's been lost in culture, in children's culture in this day and age. Obviously, we don't know what kids' shows are like, but... They're not like that.

They're much more sort of algorithm-led, sort of... Well, they're brighter. For young kids, they're sort of... The kids like them better, because they've found sort of the... Almost the scientific formula now for what actually they've got... Engages kids.

They've got findings from, like, neurological studies on kids. Yeah. And the people who make the programmes know. It's like Teddy Tubby's is the first of that new generation of just stuff that... It's got no interest to adults. But what gets me...

And it's almost like this stuff adults. But what gets me... And it's almost like this stuff from the 70s, like bagpipes and stuff. Yeah. It almost could appeal across the board to some extent. Yeah, because it was just

part of a different time of storytelling. But I think if you showed it to a child now of that age group, they'd find it extremely boring because they're used to the hard stuff, so to speak.

Yeah. It really is sort of designed scientifically to appeal to their brain. But that is the nature of just generational growth and and change isn't it though so it was more acceptable back then because that was the traditional type of story like jack and aury it has exactly those quieter but you did put your finger on it when you say there was more connected to a sort of folk thing but there was more folk stuff all the hippies were all folky it was all that's all a

bleed off of that yeah it's all a bleed off of that hippie movement and flower power and all that stuff. So I like that record. Yeah, no, it makes sense. It's a lovely thing, but it micro-dates it. We haven't said whether these are platters or splatters. What we usually do, listener,

is when we talk about these records... We could sum it up at the end, couldn't we? As a big finale, we could sum it up. Okay, shall we wait then? Yeah. And we'll give it one of two grades, either a platter or a splatter. If it's a platter, it means we like it on the whole,

and if it's a splatter, it means we don't like it. Sometimes what we like to do is we like to just make songs about the things we see. Is it a platter or a splatter? Is it a platter or a splatter? Is it a platter or a splatter? Splatter, splatter, splatter.atter splatter splatter splatter splatter splatter Lucy don't come in in daddy's shed Lucy don't come in daddy's shed get out of daddy's shed

anyway should we go on to the next track yes uh this one if you watch the seventh birthday twitch stream you saw given to us by comedian and friend of the show Tom Mayhew and we're going to tackle it now it is called oh let's get this right, the, well, it's called I'm the Noodle Doodle Man. It's a flexi disc and it stars, why, John Pertwee singing a song for Heinz. And it sounds, unfortunately, a lot like this. I'm the Noodle Doodle Man.

Yes, the Noodle Doodle Man. I take spaghetti and I doodle cars and boats and stars and threes and lots and lots of shapes like these. I'm the Noodle Doodle Man. Noodle doodles come, of course, in the Heinz tomato sauce, your love, my recipe for snacks or lunch or tea. Heinz Noodle Doodles, yum, yum, yum. Food's never been such fun.

I'm the Noodle Doodle Man. Yes, the Noodle Doodle Man. With a doodling mind and shapes of every kind. A triangle for a start. Then a ladder and a heart. A pussycat, a bowler hat, in Heinz tomato sauce, of course. A diamond and a mouse. Here's a horse shoe and a house.

I give you all the shapes I can. I'm the Noodle Doodle Man Now, not to be ungrateful to Tom for buying that, it's a lovely little thing. The Flexi, and it's got the lovely cover, paper bag cover with the Noodle Doodle Man himself. But that record is fucking aggravating. What works as a 30, 40 second advert becomes intolerable.

Absolutely intolerable. And it has the gall to have a fucking key change at the very end as well. How dare you? His Noodle Doodle Man voice just starts to grate about fucking you know about 20 seconds in you're right my best impression of uh john pertwee god he's just getting a paycheck there well ah right ah oh he did it for no money no he did it for the love of noodles. He did. He did it for the love of fucking noodle doodles.

Oh, fuck off, did he? First of all, let's explain what the whole thing was. Was he the Doctor Who, Pertwee? Yes. And he was also Wurzel Gummidge? Yes. All right, what was your thoughts on Gummidge? Can we get there later?

I want to just talk about what we're talking about first. As long as we're coming round to Gummidge. We're going to come round to Gummidge in no time at all, all right? But just wait your hurry. Wait my my hurry i'll wait your hurry mate in the late 70s heinz in the uk released a thing called noodle doodles which were spaghetti shapes that came in like what i'm just i'm amazed shaking your head as if these aren't facts no i'm not disagreeing i'm shaking my head at the existence of those they're essentially a fucking sauce based Lucky Charms

or they're just shapes Round Trees Randoms it is the mini pasta and tomato sauce all different shapes and do you know what

I was thinking when I listened to the record because he names a lot of the shapes on the record of course and one of them is it could be a horse it could be a boat

a horse shoe he said and do you know what that made me think of Paul that thing I saw where some woman said I have to scrape out this waxy stuff out of he said. Yeah. And do you know what that made me think of, Paul? That thing I saw where some woman said, I have to scrape out this waxy stuff out of the horse's foreskin. Of course you thought of that.

You can't think of Black Beauty riding stridently across a field to bold, passionate music. All I can think of... You think of this fucking mucus coming out of a... A big waxy chunkus. Coming out of a big horse's cock. Fucking foreskin. Coming out like a squeed zit. Infected foreskin full of fucking yellow chungus wax.

But in a more, less disgusting and more general point I'm trying to make, I think, Paul. Yes. It's strange to have a horse's shoe in your food. Do you know what I mean? But again, this goes back to the 70s taste. Kids like boats and balls and horseshoes and planes and the moon. But they've got several shapes and it's almost like little collections. It's like a charm bracelet

or something, isn't it? It's weird. It's just food for kids, isn't it? I definitely had them. You know what's related to that product? Alphabetti spaghetti. Yeah, it's from the same genus.

I bet there were letters and numbers in the Noodle Doodle. No, just shapes. Just shapes? Yes. But there were shapes, horseshoes, triangles, squares. That was it.

Yeah, and this was an advertisement campaign, an animated campaign where you saw a kind of noodley man sing about the things you could turn into. Fair enough. But it was surprisingly popular. There was so much merch for this. There was puzzles and card games, and obviously this single that was released.

He's the Noodle Oodle Man. Well, I don't think this was a proper single. Was this a send-away item or something? It seems weird to want to buy this to make it go to the top of the charts.

No, it's definitely ephemera that came with something if not send-away because it's a flexi. That's the clue there. 1976. The clue is it's a flexi.

And it's got a B-side which is rare. If they released it as a novelty tie-in record then it would be on a normal record. Do you see what I mean? They would have actually

published it on a normal piece of vinyl. And the B-side's different. It's called The Noodle Doodle Man Goes to the Moon or On the Moon. I thought the A-side

was intolerable and shit. You were right. The B-side's even worse, isn't it? Let's play a little bit of that now. Okay. The Noodle Doodle Man

decided one fine June to be the very first Doodle Man to doodle on the moon. He made himself a rocket ship and as he left on his lunar trip he shouted, now we'll have some fun. Five, four, three, two, one. And we have left off. Oh, what fun. Oh, what sport.

I'm the very first doodle-naught. Travelling up at a furious pace. That man on the moon. Watch his face when I doodle. space that man on the moon watch his face when i doodle i mean i was hoping for more sci-fi noises you know i you didn't hear any aliens you didn't hear any outer space noises no clangor whistles clangor whistles exactly do you know what i mean you'd want that but you want the sci-fi no they lazy they tossed that off the second that is the very very very, very...

What's the word I'm looking for? It's like the clearest example of... What do you mean you've got to do a B-side? I know. A B-side? But he really probably thought he didn't have to do one because it's a flexi. And flexis, it's unusual to get a double-sided flexi like that, isn't it?

Very rare. Very rare indeed. Which is why you have to give it its own envelope because you can't just stick it in the cover of a magazine. These are the ones that damage quickest. Yeah. Yeah. The double-sided ones.

So John Pertwee in this country is well known for being the third Doctor, the action Doctor. So Pertwee I never knew as, did he do gummage after the Doctor then? Have we come round to gummage yet? He did the gummage after the Doctor. But one quick thing, he's released a few albums. He was a singer. He was a singer.

He was in like Oliver. He played, you know, he played Fagin in Oliver. Of course he did. Typically. But also he released an album called John Pertwee and Friends Sings the Beatles. Oh. And I really have to see what that is now. I want to find that.

Yeah. I'd like to hear that. It's probably like that. I find his voice annoying. That's only in that. But I find his voice annoying. That's only in that. That's his spotty voice. He also did Spotty from Super Ted. And that's that.

Of course. Super Ted. Something like that. I used to watch Super Ted. We all love Super Ted. Banana Man. Banana Man. The great British heroes.

Why is there no fucking Justice League with Super Ted, Danger Mouse, Banana Man? Wow. This must not be an original idea. Someone must have thought of this. It's probably impossible. They're all owned by different people. Yeah, exactly. So it's never going to happen. But come on, imagine it. They should. They should do it for the sake of the British film industry. You can't just have three. You've got Banana Man, Super Ted.

Definitely. Who else? What did we just say? Super Gran. Super Gran goes in there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else? This is good, this shit. Have we had Danger Mouse already? Danger Mouse, yeah. We said Danger Mouse.

That's the first is Danger Mouse. Danger Mouse. I'm losing track. Danger Mouse, Super Ted, Super Gran, Banana Man. That's it so far. The Quatro. We need one more though. Call them the Quatro after that drink.

Umbongo group. No, we're not going to call them the Umbongo heroes. Now, Paul, one thing that has just occurred to me, yeah? Pertwee plays Wurzel Gummidge. Yes, let's get to Wurzel Gummidge then, because you're so fucking hard on that. Now, it's funny you should say that, Paul, because... Did you get funny feelings from Aunt Sally?

No. Yes, but... You know, they didn't get on. They weren't lovers. Did you stroke it and go... Do you know Aunt... Did your little Willie do... Do you know Aunt Sally wasn't...

They weren't lovers. Did your little willy do a little... It didn't do a little wee-wee, no. Did your little willy do a little... No, it didn't.

Belly. No. Confusing. Funnily enough, Paul, you know I brought that horseshoe and the horse foreskin stuff. Yeah.

That's actually known as... It's funny, I found this out. It's not funny. You found it out. I found it out. You found it out. You know what that stuff is called? the infected wax of waxy stuff that comes out of a horse's yes go on no it's called gummage gummage it's actually called gummage horse gummage

that's why he's called wurzel gummage yeah he's the scarecrow is named after rancid horse spunk yes because they get that a lot wearing scarecrows they use it to mold the straw together because he's got waxy qualities oh he's out in the field getting some Wurzel gummage going. Do you know whale ambergris? It's almost like a horse ambergris that they use. You can't sell that. You couldn't get much for that. It smells real bad.

Yeah, you couldn't sell that. I've got some real money-making stuff for you. I've got horse fucking cock puss. And on Antiques Roadshow today, we're sitting down with Eli Silverman. What have you brought along with us today? I've got this huge chunk of fucking waxy horse pus from its cock. I can tell it's from 1976. It's a steed.

I think we can trace this back to Lord Ha Ha, the horse that won the Grand National. I didn't see that coming. The expert tasting a little bit. Now, how much did you get this for? Well, I wouldn't sell it. It's been in the family for years. I would never sell it. No, I couldn't do that.

Because this is worth £4.50 if you sold it at market today. Have you got three quid? I'll give it to you now. I'll give you three quid. I hate the smell of it. Here we go. It's been in my haul.

Here's three quid. Om, yom, yom, yom, yom. I don't know why that amuses me. The expert having a taste for fucking waxy discharge. Like ladling fucking globulets of it out of his throat. Anyway, that's the Noodle Doodle Man. Hang on. Also, one or two more points on that Noodle Doodle Man.

Yeah. It's too much of a lot to say. We've got a little bit of information to go on there. Yeah. Look at his hat. He's a doodle. He's a chef. He he yeah that ties into the food thing and interestingly the character was rebranded in the 80s to be more animated and it was uh drawn more vividly as as a chef more chef and they use yankee doodle as the tune to that doodle doodle late i remember that one

half animated half live action half model stuff it. I'll put a link on the website. You'll see a video from it. I'll put an advert up for those. All right, last track of this spectacular... Can I just say one last thing? No. One last thing about

the Noodle Dino. What I did enjoy was that whole novelty record, children's record trope of using sound effects. So they used a train or something and a thing on the first side. Well, thank you for that.

They should have had more of that on the flip, shouldn't they? I would have. I thought it'd be nothing but that. Sound effects on the flip. Just three minutes of non-stop collateral sound effects. I wanted him on the moon going, oh, I'm the Noodle Doodle Man on the moon.

And then he'd go, oh, I'm scared I'm floating away. Into the stars. Like a Bowie song. Yeah. I'm the Noodle Man in outer space. It sounds like early Bowie, doesn't it? It does a bit. I'm the noodle man in outer space. It sounds like early Bowie, doesn't it? It does a bit.

I'm the noodle doodle man and I come from a noodle doodle can on the moon and have a spoon and a tune in boon. Something like that. He lives with his mum. He's the noodle man in Croydon living out there. When he looks at the papers, don't come round here, daddy boy. Yeah, that's right. He came round there.

Right, the last track on this splatter spectacular. I wasn't even aware of it. I wasn't aware of it. That's the problem. Last track on the splatter spectacular. Now, this may sound very familiar, and it is,

but it isn't. Here is the next track. It's called Superstar by Linda Murdoch. No, Lydia Murdoch. Well better. Well, better. We made love in a mad embrace Now you say you don't know my face Superstar

You know just who you are You tell the world you don't even know me Who you are You tell the world you don't even know me A contradiction of the love you showed Superstar You know just who you are I'm Billie Jean and I'm mad as hell I'm a woman me a minute to figure out what was going on, but you said this was what they call a response song or an answer song or an answer record.

Yes, but it's also a copy record. It is. It's almost a spoof record as well. Because if you didn't notice, it was a response song to Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. Billie Jean famously is the girl who has it gets pregnant uh but uh he reckons it's not his he reckons it's not his so it's it's right for an answer from the female point of view isn't it and this is it this is billy jean singing isn't it saying what does she say she says i'm billy jean at some point yeah but what does she say an answer

record yeah but what does she say in the song does she say it is your kid yeah actually yes and soup the superstar of the title is obviously jacko michael jacko but i think at the time the sort of misogyny of that track if you like was sort of tempered in people's minds oh of billy jean yeah is it a misogynist song yeah he's basically saying fuck off you're you're you play about so i don't know if it's mine i don't know i you know i was just around you're just some other girl you know i mean at the time i was obsessed with that whole You play about, so I don't know if it's mine. I don't know. I was just cocksmithing around. You're just some other girl. You know, I mean, at the time,

I was obsessed with that whole album. Yeah. That album, Thriller, is deservedly, you know, the greatest seller of all time because it's got like three or four of like the most catchy songs of the whole year. Here's the thing though. On one LP.

My problem with Michael Jackson, outside of the great music, is that he's playing characters in his songs that I just don't fucking buy. Well, that's it a good point isn't it bad and beat it and it's like they're really good pop songs and they're really good but like I don't buy you as a fucking bad boy mate yeah not the bad boy from the wrong side of tracks what you're saying totally speaks to the point I was just trying to make I'm not like shitting on his music at all I'm just saying it was weird for me to have his character like when he's highly sexualized and you know he's doing that it's like it's kind of weird that you're expressing yourself

as this character on stage and in these songs when in your private kind of public life you're coming across as quite meek and held back and reserved yes but i think it helped him to not get more backlash for that song in particular billy j but this was this that music was right before his monkey phase fairground in his house kind of thing well and it's the record that made him from just a big pop star

to like the huge but he had solo hits before like big solo hits before that off the wall didn't he and stuff yeah but they weren't

they weren't that was just they weren't like no they weren't huge huge but they were thrillers when it went huge huge yeah what was the big track

what was the big one off can't stop till you get enough that's not even off that album isn't it no that's a standalone is it What was the big one off? That's not even off that album. Isn't it? No. It's a standalone. Is it?

That's not been on any album. I don't think it has. I don't know. I believe not. That's a great, that's a classic hook. But the tune, I've got like the seven minute,

12 inch version of it. Oh, the disco. He does get Tyson. On the Ghostbusters soundtrack. It gets Tyson. It has one of the versions of the Ghostbusters soundtrack has Disco Inferno on because a lot of the early versions.

Tramps. Yeah. Didn't have that on that soundtrack. It was only in a re-release in the last 20 years they stuck that on. But it was in the original film. It's in the film.

It's in the party scene with Lewis Tully. Great song. I like that song. However, the version they put on is the fucking 12 minute version of Disco Inferno

and fuck off. I mean, as you said, there were 12 minutes for one reason, to allow the DJ time to fucking get a blowjob, take coke or go for a slash.

And no one cared because everyone was off their faces anyway. On coke. Yeah. And booze and everything. Yeah. They used to do quaaludes and stuff.

It wasn't just the, everything was more quaalude to a dream. Paul. Fuck off. We're not fucking writing jokes for some kind of BBC impression show. Mock the week.

Things fucking people would say with an apple in their mouth. Oh, very well done, Hugh Dennis. But what if it wasn't an apple, but was a round sphere of horse gummage? And the next round is the input. What would people say? And here's the first one.

What would Obi-Wan Kenobi say if he was in a queue? Use the force. Now I mock the week as another fucking round. I fuck off. All right, fine. We're not here to talk about that or Michael Jackson. Anyway, answer songs. Answer songs.

We're getting back to it. So I'll just read this thing from Wikipedia which talks about it. Because I didn't know it was a thing properly. Well, if you think about it, it still lives to the present day. Like rappers and stuff. In rap, yeah. They call them diss tracks. Diss tracks in the hip-hop are sort of...

Yeah, call and response. But you looked it up. And funnily enough, they started back in the jazz age, right? It says here, An answer song response song or answer record is a song made in answer to a previous song normally by another artist the concept became widespread in blues and r&b in the songs recorded in the 1930s to the 1950s answer songs are also extremely popular in country music

in the 50s and 60s of course most often as a female response to an original hit by a male artist and that's what this is exactly like that they say the say the original Hound Dog song, sung by Big Mama Thornton, reached number one in 1953, and there were six Anza songs in response to that. One of them was Bearcat by Rufus Thompson, which reached number three. However, that led to a successful lawsuit for $35,000, which is said to have led

Sam Phillips of Sun Records to sell Elvis Presley's recording to RCA. Oh, that's one of... That's another one I play regularly in my hit rock and roll. Elvis' Hound Dog is a fantastic record. So Diss Tracks actually has a completely different entry here. It's a sub-genre of song type that is almost there from the beginning of recorded pop music, it seems.

I mean, it's weird because in this case, it's like a fictional character talking to a fictional character. Yes. And I guess there's some of that there, but in rap, it's deeply personal because character talking to a fictional character yes and i guess there's some of that there but like in rap it's deeply personal because they're named and yeah they talk about stuff in their each other's lives and stuff yeah but there is a there's gray areas aren't there because a lot of the songs that they talk about in that wikipedia article aren't what i would call answer songs and also this song when it comes in is literally copying that's the whole groove of uh billy jean do you

know what i mean and do you remember there was another copy record see a copy record was quite something quite specific in the r&b era in america because you had records that would only be able to penetrate local markets right all the markets were split up so one state over some guy who's enterprising could think this record is huge across the state line there I'll just get some singer to make a copy of it and I'll release it here you see what I mean and that went on all the time

the copy records, literal just a different but I don't know whether this one charted particularly high, I seem to remember this record from the time, see I don't at all, here's an interesting one as well. There was an EP in 1992 called Erasure-ish, right? And it was made by Bjorn again's answer to Erasure's previously made ABBA tribute,

ABBA-esque. So Bjorn again was a knockoff of ABBA and they did a thing called Erasure-esque to do a pastiche of Erasure's ABBA-esque album. I mean, this is getting so... It's getting a really fucking inception. On that sort of theme there was

do you remember Dred Zeppelin yes who used to just do all Zeppelin numbers but with Elvis singing them in reggae yeah that's

that's quite the same thing that's just weird in general but here's the one we were talking about before and I wanted to bring up on the podcast so

actor Danny Aiello who appeared in the Madonna video Papa Don't Preach in 86 as the titular papa in that video later that year he recorded a song called

Papa Wants The Best For You written by Artie Schrock because he's the papa and it says it's a representation of the father's point of view of the song weird fucking thing I feel like Danny Aiello might have had a sort of

coke or drink problem at the time do you know what I mean? no someone just said here's a way to make a bit of money, Danny. Why did he need the money so badly? He's doing okay.

Was he though? I'm not making assumptions about Danny Aiello but I think he probably was at a bit of a low ebb when he decided to do his own answer record to a video he'd been in.

And the thing is you can tell how noticeable it was by the fact that there's no link to that track in this Wikipedia article. It's just like that's dead media. Talking madonna don't you think people

have made answer records to some of her records i'm sure there must have been an answer to like a virgin al yankovic does this well i mean yeah but they're they're parodies they're not reply so that's what i mean about this blurry area in its pure form i think it has to be lyrics that are different but respond to the story told in the first song do you see what i mean right that for me it has to be that not just something where you're copying the style or you know it should be this is a response it's i'm billy jean and i am your girl you know i mean it's like the problem is that it leans too much on on the beats and familiar riff of the original song if it had been but not all answer songs do that yeah no well a

lot of them don't at all like a lot of them are just kind of topical or their emotional replies like they said uh love will tear us apart is a response to love will keep us together by nil sadaka right so that's that so it's that's very very different yeah very different so this is sort of isn't a pure answer record i'd say i'd say lyrically it is well it says here it is because yeah but for me it's a copy it's trying to also sell units on the back of it sounding a lot like Billie Jean

do you know what I mean and everyone loved it oh okay it was a hit peaking at number 14 in the UK in 1983 see I knew I remembered well she's an American pop singer

but this is the only thing she's known for so she might have been a backing singer or something yeah it's got that feel to it doesn't it yeah but answer records are fascinating

and if I find any more, we'll bring them in. Yeah. What could we do a replaced record to? If there was a song, we could reply to it. Yeah, but then we have

to make up a song and I'm exhausted from all that doing the news bit at the beginning. It sort of taxed me. It taxed you out, did it? It taxed me out.

All right, well, let's think of a song. Can we talk about Wurzel Gummidge? Response to Tub Thumping. I get back up and I have a glass of water. And then I go to bed early because it's work in the morning. I don't go out.

And you can put me down. Yeah. I get knocked down. I'm fucked. I'm fine with it. That's it, I'm out. I'm out. I'm fine with it.

I'm out of cold. I get knocked down. Thank you very much. I'm asleep now. Bye. Bye. I get knocked down. Oh, I have to go hospital.

It's quite serious, actually. But then, you know, I got knocked up until I got down again. And I squirted a baby out. No, I mean, that's jumping further along the line of that.

Nine months later, I squirted a baby out. You'll be screaming when your water breaks. You'll be screaming. She gets a positry. And she gets up and... I don't know where I'm going with this, mate.

I don't know either. I can't think of a way to end this. All I'm thinking about is scoffing huge, hot chunks, chunguses of horse gummage out of it. And that's all we've got time for. Well, it's about time for, to say goodbye, we're reaching the end of our Radio Cheap Show show today. But you know what we have to do, Paul?

We have to rank the splatters and the pataculas? We have to rank the splatters and the platters. We have to rank the splatters and the platters. There's platters spectacular. Let's do it after this jingle. And the beat goes on. Okay, Paul, we had four tunes on the show today, starting with The Hall of the Mountain King by Nero and the Gladiators. For you, platter or splatter?

I'm going to call that a platter. It's enjoyable to mine ears. I loved it, actually, and it's a proper platter for me. It's a platter. What a great start. Great mate. Don't do that. Fuck fuck you i'll do what i want after that we had some great folk music paul from mike mervan and his songs for lucy on the uh open university label well i'm gonna have to break your heart mate and say that that wasn't for me i'm gonna give that a splatter really a little bit too

creepy don't like daddy chanting songs it's like weird. I like the whole chanty, creepy, folk horror aspect of it with the nostalgia. So definitely, definitely a splatter from me. And it's a splatter from me. Okay, one splatter from you so far. Oh, dear. Let's see what's next. Then we had I'm the Noodle Doodle Man. Splatter.

Let's not fuck about. Piece of shit. Splatter. Splatter. I mean, lovely thing in terms of nice little bit of ephemera. Intolerable music. Intolerable music. Splatter for us.

Intolerable music. Daddy Brando. Can you see me now, daddy? Lastly, Paul. Yes. Keep the energy up. Platter Spectacular. Oh, we didn't do the Bumble one.

Platter Caracular. Bumble Apple Knocker. I'm also giving that a platter. For the other one we had was Apple Knocker. Is that right? Yeah, Bee Bumble and the Stingers. I'm giving that a platter caracular bumble apple knocker i'm also giving that a platter for the other one we had was apple knocker is that right bee bumble and the stingers i'm giving that a platter uh platter for me yeah i really like that stuff very good then lastly we had answer stroke copy record yes uh lydia murdoch with her answer song to michael jackson's billy jing now you're running out of energy mate finish your sentence superstar by lydia murcock murdoch i am going to have to

unfortunately give that a splatter. It doesn't register with me. It doesn't register in my soul. It's not unfortunate. It's a fucking piece of cynical shit. Didn't like it at all. Well, that's it. Well, a nice bumper crop of tracks.

Thank you for bringing along this week. Now, it's nearly time for us to go. But remember, if you want to get in touch with us, it's thecheapshow at gmail.com. Everything else you might want to know of us is on our website thecheapshow.co.uk links to pages merch videos all sorts of stuff and tickets for the live show come join us august 13th if you want to support this podcast on patreon and that would be lovely if you love it absolutely love that love that love that go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show but only give what you can if you can can i say my twitter

handle i'm sick of you talking at the cheap chip on at paul gannon's show and eli is eli snowy do you spell that eli s-n-o-i-d thank you very much and we'll see you next time on cheap show radio i'm off to get a lot of gummage out of my pipe eli bring forth the q-tip! Ooh, I'm gonna scoff your gummage.