CheapShow - Ep 291: The Heat Is On

Episode Date: July 22, 2022

If Paul and Eli thought last week’s woodland adventure was hot, then this week is going to be a very unpleasant surprise! As temperatures rise throughout the UK, the Cheap Chaps decide to forge onwards and record an episode on one of the hottest days on record. This, as it turns out, is not a good idea. With energy running low and drenched in sweat, Eli suddenly as a great idea… Let’s call Juicy Jeremy and see if he can deliver some cool, refreshing “sody-pops”. Luckily, he is in the area and stops by with some fizzy drinks and maybe acting a little bit “suss”. What will they discover this week? You can expect confectionary flavoured waters, a new trendy special edition Coca Cola, something super sweet, something super sour and something… utterly gross. Find out what that drink was AND ALSO find out what’s in that new room in the far corner of the podcast that contains a certain tier of CheapShow characters. You’ll be glad you did! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-291-the-heat-is-on Tickets for LIVE SHOW on August 13th: Episode 300 Live www.harrowarts.com/whats-on/event/cheapshow-300-live For Information on travel and accommodation for CS300 www.thecheapshow.co.uk/cheapshow-300-show-info And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Art Work: www.instagram.com/spunk__rock www.redbubble.com/people/spunkrock/shop www.etsy.com/uk/shop/spunkrock

Usually on Cheap Show we do a cold open, but not today because it's fucking hot. This is a hot open. Hot open. Hot open everyone, it's a hot open. We are recording this on the hottest day, certainly of the year, but will it be of all time? I don't know. It won't be because it keeps getting hotter every year, Paul. That's how global warming works. Well, welcome to the fun factory that is Cheap Show. We've got a hot one for you today, but we're going to cool it down with some lovely...

Don't point at me and raise your arms. Because I know that means you want to say di-di-di-di-di or whatever. No. And I'm not having it. This is going to be... What do you mean di-di-di-di-di or whatever? What does that mean? I want to just say one more thing before...

I've got some updates for last week's episode. Can we save it for after the credits then? You can do it then. Because, mate, this is a hot day I want to get through this lickety lickety split I have a little song you know I was working on

I know but right now we're just going to go into the credits I'm going to do the credits now the hot take thing I'm going to do the credits now I know but let's do the credits now

credits now fine credits now right credits now it's the hot opening I hate you and your fucking noodle posse people love noodles

it's just a fact of cheap show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept cheap show off-brand off-brand It's the price of shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show. And I go and I nuzzle. It's Cheap Show. It's the economy comedy podcast filmed on the hottest day of the year.

We've got our windows open. So we're going to apologize for any background noise that you hear in this episode or awkward edits to take out the sounds of bikes ambulances police cars or people sawing bricks

in half there could be some of that Paul also I'm hoping for some kind of confrontation between I don't know

some amusing junkies you want a confrontation between two amusing junkies I'm sorry I'm sorry are you the kind of guy who watches bum fights online. I don't.

No. You are. Admit it. It'd be cool if we could hear a bum fight now. No, it would not. I'm going to disagree with you wholeheartedly.

I would not like to hear. You were the one taking the piss out of that ill woman who was doing funny swimmy through the world movements. I didn't.

All I said was that she lost her own little world. It was like It Follows. She was coming towards us waving her arms. It wasn't like that. It was world. It was like It Follows. She was coming towards us, waving her arms. It wasn't like that. It was like Hereditary or It Follows. Not like any of those horror films. A little update from last week, Paul.

You sent me this. Coldfall. Remember, I couldn't find what it meant. Yeah, because you didn't bother to use the internet properly. I just, at that time, couldn't. Twat. Get on with this. I'm bored.

A minute in. Coldfall came from coalfall because they used to use that forest in ancient times for charcoal. Used to cut down the trees and burn them. Like charcoal, coal falls from the tree.

It's a theory. I don't know if that's true. It's better than what we had on the day which was nothing. Fuck all. It was just me basically doing bad bond gags. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed our wacky day

out in the woods last week. We had a lot of fun making it. We did have a lot of fun, but on a day like this, seriously, we'd probably become a cropper. We couldn't have done this today. It was 37 degrees.

I don't think we would have done a Walkabout episode on a day like this. Well, we probably would have. In my heart. Our next one, I want to be in the snow. That'd be great to have a walkabout.

I want to crunch and crumble in the snow with you today. We should do some winter walks. Have we done that before? No, not properly. The worst we can call it was when we did the... No, what's his name? The Bernard Cribbins thing.

What? Why did that make you laugh? Because you're foreshadowing who's going to turn up later in this episode. I know. You can't help it. I can't. And also, you're conflating. Dangerous Davies.

You're conflating a real... Oh, no, they're both fictional characters. Yes, of course. Strictly speaking. So... Anything else? Wait, you've thrown me off. So the windows are open, so apologies for the noise.

The windows are open. We're getting a breeze through. It's a hot day. Hot day. Very hot. Tickets are on sale for the live show. They're going out quick, though. You've got to get your hands on them.

Lickety split. Is that true? Or are you just trying to get people to buy? Ashen's did a little advert for us. We've had a little bit of a bump since then. Oh, excellent. That's lovely. So thank you, Mr. Stuart Ashen.

I did want to mention one thing, because we didn't put it in the episode last week. But if you, as we say, want to bring any merch from the various stores online, we'll sign it on the night of the live show, right? And as of last week, we've had an exclusive new piece of art

made by an artist friend of mine called Spunkrock, which is great. That's not their actual name, though. It's their artist, Nom de Pleur. Is that how you say it? Nom de Plume. Plume. I once fell on a railing,

and now I'm Nom de Plume. What do you mean? You've lost me plums. Has he got a plume up your quim? No. I've got a quim. Right. Here, rub my quim with your plume.

Shut up. Oh! Oh! Oh! Calm down. So, I want to distract people's attention to that piece of art, because it's amazing. And if you want to get it on a T-shirt or a canvas or a print, you can go to Spunk Rock on Instagram, Redbubble, or Etsy.

All the information will be on our website, but also the metadata for this episode. When you look in your app, they'll have links to those shops there if you want to get any of that art and it's fantastic so you know please do and also there's tony's special 300 art as well again amazing piece of art get it on a t-shirt bring it along we'll sign it uh get it from their bubble sites red bubble sites and we will we will program ourselves to get it on our website dot com dot com dot com you see that is what happens when i leave it naturally for you to stop speaking paul that is what happens that was bad

i have two things to say go on because you went on for so fucking long it's they're they're meaningless see if you can make sense of this it reminds me of It's got a Big Trouble in Little China feel What does? Exactly! Because you didn't give me a chance To respond naturally to you The artwork by Spunk Rock Oh yes

Yeah Eli is coherent Eli does make sense If you let him fucking talk With some regularity You know that whole confrontation You were so fucking eager To get your fucking head around

What? How about you get your head around my fist? Blow him up your quom? We calmed Tosspot. Oh, come on. I'm working on that. Today, you look like a stack of beanbags. Big shaft of beanbags.

I don't like your tone. You look like a bag of multicoloured beanbags in a stack. Why have you decided to attack me? The other point I wanted to make about merch, yeah? Don't you remember you were going to order me a cheap show t-shirt yeah remember when I said I've decided which one

oh good well I'm fine I asked you to do this like a week ago no we said I was going to tell you today no you didn't there's the bricks

there's the bricks here we go sawing that brick in half this is kind of like an out and about episode in many respects isn't it I want the

it came down to two for me the Keith the detailed Keith I like that for me the Keith the detailed Keith I like that one or the Cheap Eats Express yes I want the Cheap Eats Express please

I'll get that one on black you know the one I mean and would you like me to sign it for you no you shouldn't do no bring it to the live show

mate and I'll sign it for you shut up promise you right so let's crack on with this week's episode oh it's a hot day Eli I wish we had a friend who had drinks.

Oh, you know what we do? Just get right in there. Get right in. Who has... We really need an emergency soda delivery. I'm eager. I'm right in there. We need...

I don't know. He's probably on a lunch break or something, and now he's back on the floor. I don't know. He's chopping his bricks. Oh, do you know what this... It's all right. We're good now.

He's put his tool down. Has he? He's put his big tool down. You can see from here. He's put his tool down. Has he? He's put his big tool down. You can see from here that he's put his tool down. I can see it. So if a couple of homeless people do decide to have a big row

over a wrap of heroin, we'll have, we could commentate. No, we won't commentate. Oh, you know what I once saw was a lady taking a wee behind a car, not even behind a car.

She just pulled her pants down. I could see directly down onto her. How long did you watch it for before you decided to slope it? Yeah, great. I can see her quam.

Shut up. Nab, nab on the plumb. Sorry. Is that it? Anyway, we're calling our friend. It's so hot today. I'll set you up again. It's so hot, Eli. I would love to get my hands on some nice drinks.

You know what? I've got nothing in. I didn't prepare for this. It wasn't like incessant news stories about how hot it was going to be. I just ignored all of those. I ignored all that too. I've got nothing. I've got no soft drinks to offer you.

And they said it's dangerous to have booze on a day like this. I know. We can't have booze. We shouldn't have booze. We're not going to have any booze. I've got that mellow corn. If we wanted some booze. You do want it. I know, we can't have booze. So we shouldn't have booze. We're not going to have any booze. I've got that mellow corn. If we wanted some booze, you do want it. I can see.

Anyway, we've got no soda. What are we going to do? Well, oh. I'm going to call Juicy. Call Juicy Jeremy, see if he's in the area. Oh, does Juicy Jeremy do a service? Doesn't he do like an app called Deliver Juice or something? Yes.

Didn't we use it once before as a gag? And I'm vaguely remembering it now. It's called Juicer. Juicer. Let's use Juicer right now. I'll order it on the app. Okay. Oh, oh it says do i want to go to chat mode i can speak to speak to an operator now yeah let's talk to an operative because we don't know what we want yet it's going easier probably i'm going through okay hello juicy jeremy's soda pop emporium ohicy Jeremy. Oh, how can I help you, sir? My name is Paul Gannon. I run the very successful Cheap Show podcast.

Oh, my boy, my little boy. We were wondering if you could... Oh, Paul, hello, Paul. I was wondering if you could... Is that Eli there? Yes, he's in the background. Oh. Being suspiciously silent.

How... Is he feeling good? How are you feeling? I'm all right, Juicy Jeremy. How are you feeling, Paul, my boy? Well, I'm alright, but it's very hot. There's a very high-pitched noise where you are. Yeah, it's a man with a

saw cutting bricks up to make a driveway. Never mind. How can I help you, my boy, today? I've got sody pops. I'll send you some sody pops. Shut up. Shut up. Yes, I'm hot and I want some drinks. Can you bring some drinks that are maybe on your most interesting menu these days? You know what, Paul, my boy?

For you, I sure can. I've got all sorts of soda pops for you. And you know what? Yeah? It's such a hot and sweltering day. It's such a whole... It's hotter than a cat in a hot tin roof today. I'm tired of this.

It's hotter than a fried egg once you just cooked it. Fucking hell. Jesus, Rhett. I'll tell you what I'll do for my boys, my favourite boys. Yeah, you're going to come round and drop some drinks off. I'll jump in the Jallapy. All right. I'll put the sodas in the back of my old Jallapy and I'll come over.

Oh, no, you don't have to come out of your way. Just send one of your little delivery guys or something. No, no, no, I don't mind. I got a little delivery of my own to make at the dump before. Oh, you're going to stop by the old dump then for a bit? I've got to stop to make. I've got to take care of something. So you'll be about, what, 15 minutes?

Oh, yeah, I should be. A quarter of an hour. Alright, well then we'll just kick back and we'll wait for you then. Oh, you're going to love these sodas for you. And how's that business with the gills on your back? Is that all cleared up now? No, it's just teeth now. You got teeth? Just a row of teeth. Oh.

Like coming out like a kind of, like a lizard's spine almost. Oh. I mean, it's nice. Very interesting. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Mostly molars. You got molars. Yeah.

Got molars on me back. Right. I'll jump in the jalape. Hot weather's not good for us, Eli. I'll jump. FYI. I'll tell you what I'll do. This drill's doing

my fucking head in now as well. The thing is, as I'm editing this in the future, I'm thinking I could cut it out but then I lose the jokes of us mentioning it so now I've got to leave it in.

It's terrible. This is a bad end. Weren't we going to close that window over? Well, we're long past that now. I'm still here, by the way. You can go. I'll see you presently. I'm closing the app.

Boop. He's gone now, Eli. So you can talk. Let's begin the episode, all right? Yeah, haven't we yet? Well, we've got to wait 15 minutes, and then when he comes, we can start recording again. All right?

So let's just take a break. So people know what's happening now with the episode? Yeah, we're going to have some drinks. It's an episode about drinks, everyone. We're going to taste some very interesting... Oh, here he goes again. We give them too much time to get in with their drill. This is going to go on forever now.

It's going to be all the way through the episode. Is that acceptable? I mean... Should I just shout out the window something rude? No, you can't stop them from doing it. So I'll say, I'm Eli Silverman and you're a horrible bunch of fucking noisy cunts.

Come at me. Come at me. And then I'll leave. And then what? This is the flat number and the address. You think they'll come and beat me up?

Yeah. And I'll laugh. They wouldn't do that. I'll laugh. So I'll lean out the window and go, Hello Eli. Podcast Maverick.

You sound more and more like Zippy out of Rainbow every time you do that It's always been Zippy Has it? It's always been Zippy If I pulled back the curtain Let's stop this segment

Before they get the drill Going again Too late It's two drills Oh no it's the same one It just goes No they've got two drills They've got two now

Two drills Right Well we'll wait for Jeremy We'll stop now And wait for Juicy Jeremy To arrive Yes I hope his jallopy

Hasn't got all that weird stuff on it Like before But bye everyone stop this segment right I'm checking the app and it looks like he's literally

around the corner I'm so thirsty Paul I need these sodas yeah is he almost here no he's outside that means the door shouldn't ring any minute

oh there it is alright go get it go get it bring him in if he wants to come in if he doesn, go get it. Go get it. Bring him in. If he wants to come in. If he doesn't want it, it's fine. He might want to pop in. All right, okay.

See if he wants to pop in. Oh, I'm looking forward to this. Oh, hello. Oh, hello, boys. The boys. Paul, great to see you. Hello, Juicy Jeremy. Thanks for popping by.

It's so good to see you, you little fella, too. You little fella, you. You little fella, Eli. Oh, I got the sodas. Should I put them down here? Yes, please. That would be lovely. Such a big and varied basket of different soda pops for you today.

Well, we can't thank you enough. Say what? So, you are going to love these soda pops. Oh, it looks like a nice selection. As always, I have to have the scores from you boys. You can wait around if you want while we go through. You know, that thing I had to take care of at the dump. Oh, on the way in, did you not?

I didn't manage to get it all completely taken care of. Okay. So I need just another five minutes up in the dump. It's just up the road. And I'll go there and I'll take care of that business once and for all. Okay. And then I can come back. Take me five minutes up in the dump. It's just up the road. And I'll go there and I'll take care of that business once and for all. And then I can come back. Take me five minutes.

How long will you boys need? Well, we're going to be a while, so don't rush. Don't rush it. Oh, I'll just sit in my Jallapy. You know what I got? You've got AC on in there as well. I've got a bumper book

of old-timey crossword puzzles. Oh, nice. And they have great... The answers are old-timey words that I know. Like things like Jallapy. Yeah. You're not going to say anything racist, are you, Mr. Silverman?

And there's clues that are like a McGrounder. And we used to go up on the McGrounder all the time. That's what we called it. Poppycock. And Don Tootin. Fluff Willows. And Fanny Me Lightleys. And that's where language disappeared.

Right, so you can go then. We'll get on with the drinks. All sorts of old-timey answers. We've had enough of this. Roll on. I'm hot. Let's get through this. Seriously, get through this.

A-chup me. Do you ever heard of a-chup me? A-chup me willow. As Daniel Bedingfield once said, I've got to get through this. So, bye. Okay, so I'll come back. Bye. How long do you need? Half an hour. Okay, I'll come back bye how long do you need half an hour okay i'll come back i need

the scores bye okay i'll let myself we get we all get it bye jump back in the old jalopy got it juicy jeremy they're leaving the flat to jump back into his juicy jalopy don't stop doing like grand man granddad behavior is that it? Just like half pretending to be a crab is old man movement. Oh, what a charming fella he is. What a charming fella. And he's helped you with your funny problem there as well, you know.

Right. So shall we just finally roll on and get these drinks drunk? What a selection he's made. What a selection. Now, we'll reveal them can by can rather than reveal all now. I'll pull out the first can then, shall I? Let's get our first one done, shall we? And this is, what have we got today?

This is Wonder Farm. That's the company. Bird's Nest brand white fungus. Wait, what does that even... This is a... You just said a bunch of words that have no relation to each other. Wonder Farm. What does it say?

Wonder Farm. Wonder Farm. Bird's Nest white fungus. That sounds like a doctor's complaint. What's wrong with me, doctor? Crusty curtain fungus. What's wrong with me, doctor? Well, you've got Wonder Farm Bird's Nest White Fungus.

How do I get rid of that? Oh, there's no cure for that. Not even leeches? No. Oh, well, that's old-timey, isn't it? You'll have that pus coming down your legs all the rest of your life. Rolling, a rolling pus. Doctor, my penis

looks like a melting arctic roll. That's a very terrible plum. It looks like someone's half-squeezed a cream horn. A charming little logo with a windmill, old-timey windmill. I don't know why that keeps coming up. This is Vietnamese, Paul. Right, so what kind of drink

is it I'm drinking? Can you guess where I picked it up? In a Vietnamese drink shop. Which one though? I don't know. The one that sells the stubby Red Bull. Right, of course. The one you're in the pocket for. Stubby Vietnamese Red Bulls, which are fucking great. We're not sponsored by Red Bull. I just need to point that out. They wouldn't want to, nor

would we. This must be some kind of traditional Vietnamese drink. What kind of drink base drink is it? I have no idea. I haven't opened it yet. Okay, so this is a voyage of discovery

for both you and me. We should use the ice with these. I'm pre-chilling our glass. But we shouldn't have ice with this drink, I think, just because we want to use the ice

for the other soft drinks. No, no. We could keep it in this tin. Yeah, do that. He's putting in our new cheap show cocktail shaker that we used in the Twitch feed that he's just chopped off the floor and spilled all the ice drinks. No, no. We could keep it in this tin. Yeah, do that. Right, he's putting in our new cheap show cocktail shaker

that we used in the Twitch feed that he's just chopped on the floor and spilled all the ice everywhere. Because guess what, ladies and gentlemen? He's a fat-handed toad of a man.

Oh, no! Oh, mate. Do you know how horrible it is to, on the hottest day of the year, watch a man spill ice? There's going to be all pubis on it

and everything. Don't get it from the carpet. Take it from the floorboards. I'm going to have to get more ice. There's going to be all pubis on it and everything. Don't get it from the carpet. Take it from the floorboards. I'm going to have to get more ice. We'll taste this and I'm going to have more ice. Have you got more ice? Yeah. Well, then we're all right.

Yeah, that's what I mean. I've got big... We've got two big bags of it, mate. Right, we've got two big bags of ice. Well, we've got one big bag now. Well, we have one big bag now. You have to translate because you're not on mic. That was the end of that bag. Well. That was the end of that bag.

Well, that was the end of that bag. And now he's just put his knee right on some ice. You dozy off-wit. Shut up! You fucking boxing-gloved-handed meat monster. Shut up, fucking boxing-gloved-handed. I'm getting so fat now that there's only one thing. You rhino-trotted beast.

Right. Come on. Right, good. Yes, now pour the other glass ice into that without spilling it. Or shall I do it? Do you want to just save that one? Is water going to drink out of then? We need two glasses, don't we?

No, just put that in there. Oh God, this is so protracted. You got your glass? Yes, that one. So we're going to have the bird spunk fungus farm drink. I want to make it clear to everyone,

there is no, no, it says white fungus and that is the only word, that word white, that you are assuming that this is spunky and something. And fungus.

What has spunk got to do with fungus? No, but it looks a bit like it, doesn't it, when it rests on the top of the toilet water? Too much detail there, Paul. Even for me. When you mix oil and water.

I don't spunk into the toilet bowl. Who does that? I've done it. It's not the gracious way to go, but it's efficient. That level of detail. It's efficient, isn't it? No stress, no mess. That's really grimmed me out. You've just got to make sure you pinch the tip as it comes out but it's efficient just the detail that level of detail it's efficient isn't it oh god no stress

that's really grimmed me out you've just got to make sure you pinch the tip as it comes out so it doesn't just go on the backboard of your toilet seat

happy days are here again right I'm opening the white fungus right open it you pour yours first so I don't have to have any in my glass oh no he's sniffing it

very cardboardy huff right strange it's ortho earthy but but it's not as sweet. No. Now, describe the fluid. Discus, it is. Oh, it just looks a little bit like clear.

It's got blobs in, I presume? Yeah. All right, I want less than that. Have you seen that? It really looks like spunk. It looks like every glass in your bedroom right now. It looks like spunk so badly. Flo now. It looks like smoke so badly. Floaters.

It's floaters in the hall of mystery. It's my toilet water drink. I'm going to pour my own. No. I'm not having that much in it. You don't have to drink it all. I'll pour it in. All right.

Do you know what I mean? Do you? A little bit. Just so you can taste it properly. That's it. That's it. Well, it's not, you know. Oh, mate.

This smells like stagnant water it's kind of cardboardy yeah i'm not i'm smelling sugar i can't smell i'm smelling a bit of sugar there i bet it's a bit of candied something so what this is it's like a like a type of drink that they have in the east like tapioca balls yeah they're like lumpy drinks it's a lumpy drink it has the popularity of bubble tea is nice to see, but I can't fathom it. This is like that, isn't it? This is a sort of

fungus bubble tea sort of thing, I think. Hello, doctor. You need to take a photo of it as well. You've got fungus bubble tea, mate. That's what you've got. Massive taste of it all over your balls.

I'll taste some. And how's that gone for you? Taste it. You have to taste it. Why do I have to taste it now that you've made those horrible fucking noises? You taste it, it's fine.

It's not that bad. It's quite bad. Oh, what is that? I need some notes from you here, Paul. Here's one. No, okay, so I'm getting sweet,

like, almost like a sweetness sweet. Yeah, artificial sweetness. And it's got like, it's slightly thicker than water. Yes, so it kind of, the word is gloopy. It sloops over the tongue. Yeah, it sweetness. And it's got like, it's slightly thicker than water. Yes, so it kind of...

The word is gloopy. It sloops over the tongue. Yeah, it's gloopy. It's very gloopy. And the gloopy bits aren't the worst thing about it. It's got a very watery, plankton-y kind of sweetness. Yes, there's a sort of vegetative flavour, which is the mushroom, isn't it?

It's sort of woody almost. Do you know what I mean? A vegetable woody. Hasn't given me a woody. But do you know what I mean about the end flavour? The flavour of the actual mushroom is sort of vegetal and earthy almost. You know what I mean? A vegetable woody. Hasn't given me a woody. But you know what I mean about the end flavour? The flavour of the actual mushroom is sort of vegetal and earthy almost.

You know what I'm getting at? That's what I mean about the cardboardiness. But it has looked like someone has just fucking goffed their lube into your drink. And it really is the texture

of someone who's goffed some lube into your drink. Goffed some lube! To be honest, I'd rather drink a shot of... Goff some lube. Oh, mate.

Oh, fucking hell. It's terrible blue balls. I'm just going to nip into the lube, goff my lube into the fucking sink. Fucking goff my lube. Oh, you know when you goff all the floats on the surface and it looks like white fungus water? What, did you get in the Viet Namese shop?

Right, how are you rating this? I've goffed my lube all up the wall. This is a D minus for me. No, you need to... Juicy Jeremy told me we need marks out of five. We need to write them down. Tell me back.

We won't remember what we gave him. I'd never give anything a zero unless I'm drinking paint. So that's a one. I did not like that either. It's not satisfying. I can...

I know culturally it's a different vibe. But for me, there's too much going on that pushes me away from it. I'll just give one last breakdown. The texture is weird and sort of lumpy, goopy. It's like...

Slightly slimy? Like glue paste or something, that kind of texture. Watery, gloopy. Did you take a photo of the floaters? I've done a photo of the floaters. And then you've got this artificial sweetness at top, and then a kind of the floaters? I've done a photo of the floaters. And then you've got this artificial sweetness at top, and then a kind of very subtle, almost not very strong, kind of fungal, woody, earthy taste at the end.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like foresty. Yeah, a bit foresty at the end, yeah. Okay, I will give it half a point. I'm going to come down to you and give you half a point. Well, that means mine's gone up to one, has it? Hello, I am half a point.

And I arrive when someone only gets half a point. And then I say, good day to you. And then I leave. I'm glad that's over with. Goodbye. You'll never hear of me again. We really won't as well. Wow, what an interesting brief character.

Put that on your cheap show wiki. Right, so let's go on to the next drink. Right? No, but hang on. Yeah? Yeah, let's go on to the next drink. no but hang on oh yeah yeah yeah let's go on to the next drink drink drink well that was fucking shit that was awful next well at least we got out of the way yes that i i purposely front loaded that one because i did not want to end on that note

did you top load it i think we top loaded it yeah dancing in the moonlight that was the one hit and that's a cover in it yes it was a sort of 70s disco sort of yeah isn't it although i'm getting confused midnight at the oasis that's midnight at the oasis that's uh maria mariah more more midnight at the oasis what's she called maria i don't remember now i don't remember nor do i remember who redid it in the in the 90 And then now we did Top Loader. Has Todd in the Shadows done a... Which is Dancing in the Moonlight,

which is a cover, right? It is a cover, Dancing in the Moonlight. Yes, but has Todd in the Shadows done a one-hit Wonderland about that? He did. No, you get what you give. And that's a different band, isn't it? That's...

You got a music in you. The Second Prophets, they call it or something. New Radicals. New Radicals. There we go. Join us next week on Cheap Show Radio. We'll half remember our playlist.

Now, the next drink on our agenda today. We've got to get through them. The ices are melting. The glasses are cooling. The heat is arising. Let's get the next drink on.

You're starting to sound like GC Jeremy yourself then. Oh, hello, boys. Shut up. I'm Thirsty Philip. Oh, no. And I like drinks. Not an alternative character.

Oh, boys. I'm just looking for my I like drinks. Not an alternative character. Oh, boys. I'm just looking for my good friend and chum, Juicy Jeremy. Well, he's not here at the moment. What was your name again? Shucks. That upsets me. Oh, Thirsty Philip. Oh, I see.

Thirsty Phil. Yeah. Yeah, that's what my friends call me. You're not my friend yet. Good. Could you just wait with all the other secondary characters? They hang out and there's a... He asked me to come by and help him lift some heavy things.

He was trying to get rid of. Okay, Phil, that's great. If you could wait with the other secondary characters in the... Over there. It's a kind of man den, sort of bat cave sort of thing. There's a guy over there called Arthur Point. Shall I stand next to him? Yeah.

Okay, bye-bye, boys. And, you know, the club is run by adolescent Sasquatch, who, you know, so maybe you see him. Oh, yeah, come on in. Yeah, go in. We're hanging out in here. We're having a party in the hot pool. They're all hanging out there.

We're having a pool party. Join us. Can't come John there if you like pirates. I want to join their party. They're cool. Mate. The second, the pretend characters are the same. Captain Blue Balls is a top-tier character now.

He's not in there. I know, I'm just saying, don't you put Balls is a top tier character now. He's not in there. I know, I'm just saying, don't you put him in there. It's copy characters. It's the copy character. Oh yeah, the reply characters. Right.

So what is the next drink? Sorry, we keep derailing this. I was enjoying that. That was all. Red Bull coffee. Oh, interesting. Now,

where'd you get this from? I bought this from that place in Dalston where they have all the great variations. They have all different... But there's no Red Bull coffee in existence already, like you can get in a Tesco's or something.

There's never been a release like this, as far as you know. Now, this is what... It's quite interesting to me. I think this is a trend within energy drinks, and I believe Monster Espresso I remember seeing years ago. Oh, God, that sounds horrible. So Monster have done cold brew and espresso. Right. So I think this is Red Bull responding to that, basically.

But just don't. And of course, Coke famously did a coffee one. Do you remember? Yeah, that was horrible as well. That was horrible. Everything's horrible. If it's just cold coffee, if it is just a cold coffee.

Like a Starbucks takeaway cup thing. Then I can accept that. Do you know what I mean? It's just a cold coffee. But if it's just a cold coffee like a Starbucks takeaway cup thing then I can accept that do you know what I mean it's just a cold coffee but if it's a syrup thing are they yeah are they mixing a Red Bull flavour

with a coffee flavour we're just about to find out we're just going to have to find out right now now should we save the ice for the future drinks I think we should save them for the future drinks

I think they're going to need them for the last lot so I don't think we're going to need we're not going to need ice for this one I don't think fine I'll get it cracked open right so it's cracked open. He's pouring it out now into his glass.

Oh, what's the snuff? Quite a vanilla-y, coffee-y, like an artificial coffee huff. And remember, snuff is for drinks, huff is for crisps. Oh, and it looks like Coke. Oh, okay. It's carbonated, like Red Bull, but it looks exactly like Coca-Cola. I did not expect that, doesn't it? We actually didn't expect that, did we?

Oh, there's a very sweet coffee artificial sort of coffee flavor that coffee flavor that you get in revels that artificial does doesn't it taste smell just like yeah it is it is that coffee filling in a bag of revels this might be okay see we're gonna find out oh that's just nothing but sweet though really extremely sweet it's got coffee notes at the back but up front it's just really sweet. Really sweet. But in that sugar way, not in an artificial way. No, it's in that Coke made with real sugar. I like this. Not Coke made with whatever.

I think I may have got this actually in the Vietnamese store as well, because it's got Vietnamese on the back. You're in the fucking pocket of Red Bull. Stop it. Stop pimping them. I think I did get it there, actually. There are other energy drinks available. This is good.

I like this. I don't know where I stand on this. I don't hate it. I think it's fine but I think it's maybe too sweet for me. It's very sweet with that artificial

coffee flavour. There's no real coffee flavour there. Do you know what I mean? No, but that's all at the back. It's that caramel that sort of, you know,

like a revel. That's the only way I can describe it. It's like a Pepsi at the front and a revel at the back which is a sex act. So, there you go.

There is your Red Bull coffee. I'm kind of... It's not a huge miss, is it? If it was generous, I'd say it was a three, but only just. Maybe 2.5. Well, what do you want?

Three or 2.5? I'm going to go 2.5. I don't love it, but there's nothing to hate about it. It's just too sweet. I can't... I don't find it refreshing. If that was colder,

I could down one of those. Colder, yeah. Honestly, I could. I could go the whole way. I think being considerably colder would help. Yeah, which is hard on a day like this to get that. But the carbonation wasn't too bad. It had a bit of fizz. A little bit, but that went real quick.

That went quick as well. And then you're just left with the syrup. On a normal Red Bull, the fizz goes pretty quick as well. Yeah, but you don't mind with that for some reason. I don't know why there's a difference. I see what you mean, yeah. So you're going to go through... It's an acceptable loss.

2.5? It's an acceptable loss. 2.5? It's an acceptable loss. Halfway? 2.5? 2.5. I think if you're interested in this as a drink, it's certainly worth... I'm going to pump mine up to 3.25 for that. 3.25?

Now, are we allowed to do 2.5? Mate, it's our show. We can do whatever the fuck we want. Is it? Yeah, have you not noticed? No. I can say go on this whole extended sort of... I have this guy who stands behind me when I edit

and he tells me exactly what to do. What does look like i don't really see his face when i turn he's not there but when i think he's there when i'm when i'm facing the computer he's there but when i turn he's not there what does his voice what does his voice sound like it sounds like kind of like the rolling of thunder right good i'm good i'm glad we've uh broached and i smell like i smell this kind of like you smell like sulfur like a sulfur like a burning

like a burning forest kind of smell yeah does he offer you a bag of dicks no nothing like that he's just always there

and he just tells me what to edit right I think his name's Brian right are we ready for the next the next

yes Brian no he's talking to you now, is he? Yeah, right. Oh, he's gone. Stop inventing things. He's gone. Stop making stuff up. We're made to be drinking.

Weird. Right. That's the end of the segment. Next, we've got a little special effect. It's easy for me to edit. Put the special effect in, mate. Now, which one would you like? Actually, I'll let you have a choice.

What choice do I have? You've got, like like the cash till. Police car. It's hot in the city. It is hot in the city. It's hot in the city tonight. It seriously is. Got the cash register.

They've got the ATM machine giving out money. The casino machine doing a payout. The spinning coin. Let's have the payout. You want the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, kind of sound. Are you going to just

inspire me? No, no, I'll definitely put it in for you right now. Oh, now I'm really fucking torn. No, I will put it in because I like the flow of it. Okay, good. Here is Eli's choice

of sound effect. And now it's time for our third drink. Now, funnily enough, this is hot, hot off the press on a hot, hot day. Because someone sent us a picture of it. Was it Channel 84? Sent us a picture of this. And it's another one of those Coke things.

What's it called? The Coke... Have we been sent a picture of this already? Yes. I didn't notice that because this is the first one I've seen. I surprised you, didn't I? Because a few weeks ago, we did the Coca-Cola intergalactic flavour, which didn't do much for us.

We can say that. Oh, it was terrible. Terrible. So this is their whole bid to do a sort of digital takeover of the meta space. It's something like that because the whole brand of this is called Coca-Cola Creations. So I get the idea is every few months or so they're going to roll out a new limited edition flavoured Coke based on a pop artist

or trend or something meta space. Some kind of collaboration. Someone gets paid. Some creative gets paid a lot. And I'm presuming like the other one, you can scan this and see a virtual concert by Marshmello who I believe is a dance act. Oh, that's his music. It's dance.

Yeah, it's like EDM, isn't it? He's the man who wears a big Marshmello head on his head. That's a big trend in recent years for dance acts to have a big head on. Like Daft Punk. They started it, I guess. Who's that? Is it Mouse? Yeah.

Yeah. Uber Mouse. I don't know who did it first. Super Mouse. I guess the first person to do it was Frank Sidebottom, when you think about it. Yes, but he wasn't... It was a different genre, wasn't it? So, yes.

No, so, I was in Tesco. I was on the way in. I'd seen that tweet. It was in the back of my head it? So, yes. So, I was in Tesco's on the way in. I'd seen that tweet. It was in the back of my head. I thought, oh, it'll be weeks before we see that. Went to get a meal deal. Oh, look. It's Coca-Cola Zero Sugar, the Artist Marshmallows Limited Edition.

Creations, no calorie, watermelon, strawberry-flavoured Coca-Cola. Which seems strange, that you have an artist called Marshmallow, and then you don't do a Marshmallow flavoured Coke. Well, maybe he sat down in the meeting and went, oh, the idea I've got

because of Marshmallow is maybe vanilla. And they went, well, we did that. Vanilla Coke's a thing, yeah. We did that. Maybe that's right, yeah. What else have you got?

I don't know, like brown sugar, maybe something like, I don't know, like Candy Rock. We're thinking watermelon and strawberry. Because we've just been developing this chemical. And would you like to put

your name on this one and make the tin white this time? But do you know what I mean? There's a sort of sloppiness about not matching the flavour to anything that's relevant. I mean, maybe Marshmallow really wanted to try a watermelon-strawberry flavoured Coke. But do you know what I mean?

There's a sort of sloppiness about the whole presentation with this. I thought the same with the Cosmic as well. There was no connection. No, but the idea is you drink the drink, you scan the barcode, you go to the website, you see the virtual concert in augmented reality, and then you go, I look forward to the next one, even though this drink was a bit piss.

This will be awful. It's about engagement, isn't it? You're engaging with your website. Yes, but you're trying to make your brand of sugar water into a sort of social media entity. Strictly speaking, they are doing the right thing. They're reaching out to an audience

who aren't familiar with TV or radio and where are they going to go? Online, websites, their smartphones. Weird. It's sinister. It's not sinister. It's just the way that

we're old men and this is just the way of the world and you know what? It's not for us to say what the younger generation can do to express themselves. Yeah, but that's not what this is. Anyway, I walked past the Coca-Cola clothing store

the other day in Covent Garden. I didn't know there was one. Yeah, they do. Just branded clothes with Coke on it. People walking out, buying a Coca-Cola jumper. If it's a T-shirt of the 90s Cherry Coke logo, I'm tempted. You'd wear that, yeah.

I like that weird aesthetic. No, it's all very much sort of modern. Just lots of red shit. And the logo on this special edition is all drippy. Drippy. And he looks like the top of a spray can, though, doesn't he? I hadn't even thought about that. He does.

Maybe it's a graffiti artist. No, I don't think. I don't know. We're just showing our age right now. Marshmallow definitely a music thing. Yes, because I've seen him do sets and things at festivals. So we've got to open it. I don't have high hopes

and you've expressed that this is sugar free we should say as well. Yeah, so I've already got that against it. But the sniff is I actually quite like it. It smells like piney.

No, it smells of pine. No, to me this smells like Blackpool Rock. Oh, and has a yeah, and has a boiled sweet. Right. Do you know what I mean?

There's a lemony piney. No, there is. It's a lighter, fresher smelling. Oh, and there's a bit of vanilla in there. That smells a lot better than the Cosmic stuff already. Nice fizz to it. Nice and brown. Nice brown drink.

You usually don't like strawberry-flavoured things. We're going to find out. Or watermelon, especially watermelon. It's not that I hate them, I'm just not fond of them. I recently bought a shitload of Hi-Chew strawberry candy because Tesco was selling for 50p a pack. Yeah, because it's Hi-Chew. Yeah, everything. We love Hi-Chew strawberry candy because the Tesco's were selling for 50p a pack. Yeah, because it's Hi-Chew. Yeah, everything.

We love Hi-Chew. It looks identical to the Red Bull coffee, doesn't it? Just giving it a snuff. Coke-flavoured, Coke-coloured, rather. Down the hatch.

To me, that tastes like Diet Coke that someone has poured some floor cleaner into. I would definitely agree with you on that. You know what I mean?

I wasn't too fussed by it at the beginning. I thought the first gulp was quite nice. The smell is much better than the taste. It's very much like Diet Coke but there's an added

piney sort of artificial... Well, weirdly, I can't taste the watermelon but the strawberry seems to be a lot more vanilla-y. Yeah. But it's too sweetener flavoured.

It's got that sweetener tang that I fucking hate. Yeah, not good. Not good. And a real letdown from the smell which was quite pleasant in comparison to the taste,

wasn't it? Yeah, it just tastes weak. It tastes weak, but then there's an artificial pine. It just reminds me of pine cleaner. There's no watermelon there at all. And watermelon is very peach. It's quite noticeable. There's zero watermelon, you're right.

And there's a little bit of strawberry in there. But it's a very vanilla-y strawberry. The only way I get the strawberries is when I lick my lips afterwards or there's a bit of redness. You go, oh, yeah. Background strawberry, yeah. But there's no coconut vanilla-y strawberry. The only way I get the strawberries when I lick my lips afterwards or there's a bit of redness in them, you go, oh yeah. It's a sort of background strawberry, yeah. But there's no Coke notes there either as well. Mainly there's a Diet Coke sort of artificiality on the sweeteners that comes first

and then I've got a pine, a sort of cleaning fluid finish. You know what I mean? Plainly. Yeah, pledge. Yeah, there's a pledgeness to it. Pine pledge, not lemon pledge, pine pledge.

OG pledge. Was the OG brand was... Just pledge. Oh yeah not lemon pledge pine pledge OG pledge was the OG brand was just pledge oh yeah lemon pledge they put the lemon on remember in the 90s lemon went into everything it was like

now your fairy liquid's got lemon now we can have tea with lemon in lemon lemon lemon lemon lemon Britain went mad for lemon for no reason I do like

washing up liquid lemon I like the smell my favourite is washing up liquid apple oh yeah that's a good one. Yeah, no, that's fucking good shit. I can just huff the snuff from that bottle.

I mean, there's a lot of bad stuff in the world, Paul, but we do live in an era of unprecedented different flavours of stuff. There's weight. Look at me in a land of pure imagination. Flavour. Right, I don't hate that, I'll be honest. I did not like it. But there's nothing going on there.

I prefer the Red Bull coffee to that. It's more real. I'm just going to go ahead and say this. I wish they weren't sugar-free. Because if they weren't sugar-free, that might be way more palatable. Yeah. If it had proper cane sugar rather than high fructose. Whatever that shit is.

Because that sweetener taste is like poison to me every time. Yeah. I did not care for that. I'm going to go two. Yeah, two. Really? I'll settle with two. I don't hate it. I don't think it's awful. Give the Red Bull going to go two. Yeah, two. Really? I'll settle with two. I don't hate it.

I don't think it's awful. Give the Red Bull coffee a higher grade. Yeah. Okay. Because it's more interesting, that, really. Okay, yeah. Really? Yeah.

I preferred the Red Bull coffee by a point and 0.25. Yeah. Are you getting all a bit of gaseous? I've got it. I've got a big bubble in my throat and it ain't coming out. Is it in your bum bum? No, it's not in my bum bum, is it? That just came out, sorry.

No, unfortunately, this bubble is. I want to burp, but I can't, and it really is beginning to affect my overall mood. Well, let's have a little sound effect. We'll have a little sound effect. Can I pick this one? Sure. What's my favourite one?

I want you to do a fucking job on yourself as the editor and fuck me over instead of playing a sound effect just play yourself going fuck off Paul now we can end hot damn summer

in the city back of my hands getting warm and gritty look girl looking for a kitty gonna look in every corner of the city till i'm wheezing at the butt stop gonna get your hair down take you up the bum stop

in the night it's a different world go out and find the girl come on come on you'll dance all night just fight the heat it'll be all right and girl don't you know it's a shame and the girl in the summer in the city In the summer In the city In the summer In the city Get out the way buddy I don't know how the song goes Paul Yeah

Can I just join in Yeah With our whole audience In congratulating you With coming up With one of the most Beautiful Renditions

Rendition Interpretation Of the song. And I think it will go down in the history of music, you know, like Jimmy Hendrix, his version of Dylan's all along the watchtower. Yeah.

That's what I was thinking of when I was composing this. I, I, I just, I think we should start this bit again. I think we should. It was really bad. I like it.

It's not the back of your hand getting gritty. It's the back of my neck. Back of my neck getting sweaty. Sweaty gritty. Sweaty gritty. Sweaty gritty. Sitting sweaty gritty. Sweaty gritty time.

That's my new fragrance. Sweaty gritty. Eli Silverman's Sweaty Gritty. Eli Silverman. Sweaty gritty. Yeah, I like it. Oulé for pon. Have I ever been to the sea?

Papa. Papa. She said, who is your name? Shut up, we've got some drinks. Le eau de toilette. Il a si vent. And it is literally

of the toilet, the water of the toilet. Sweaty gritty. It's shitty as well. Sweaty, shitty, sweaty gritty. Sweaty gritty. It's shitty as well. Sweaty, shitty, sweaty gritty. Oh, it's gritty, it's a shitty. Puh-hub, puff-em. You spray some on your slitty, you get some action.

Right, well, there you go. You had to ruin it. You spray this lovely shit. Should we start this again? Now, now I'm enjoying it. Right, okay. Shitty gritty slitty! We've got more drinks to do!

Jeremy's going to be back soon. He's going to want his scores. We've got this last batch and they're all on a theme because all these drinks are based upon the flavours of well-known confectionery, candy bars, sweets. We're starting in the UK! Alright, calm down.

Sorry, I'm interested. I'm lurching. Lurching around. Calm down. It's too hot to lurch. Yeing. Shut up. I'm on dad mode today.

You are on pure dad 100% mode. I do declare. He's dabbing his head with a dirty, dirty tea towel. Well, it's had my Chinese takeout mouthwipings on it. I've just stabbed my head with that. Can you smell some garlic? I can. Well, that's what that is.

I was hoist by my own baton. You certainly were. Now. I was trying to do, you know, like a southern lawyer. I do declare that my is clean. I don't know. Right. It's a short episode

this week, everyone. What's the word he's looking for? He's not defending his client. I do declare my client is not guilty. Is that really the best you could do? No.

Okay, no. Probably not. Actually, yeah. Now. Then. Now then. How about that then? Oh, guys and girls.

Eli, I can't believe you did a Jimmy Salchow joke. I didn't. That was not me. Everyone heard it was him. It was you, about that then? Aww, guys and girls. Eli, I can't believe you did a Jimmy Savile joke. I didn't. That was not me. Everyone heard it was him. It was you, didn't it? You said jingle jangle, jewellery, jewellery. I can't believe you today. Shut up for one moment, you knobjoy. Now, we've got two back... That was my favourite TV show

about an antiques collector, but he was only fascinated with dildos from history. Knobjoy! I'm sorry. Plaster cast, antique plaster cast phalluses, yeah? This one's a fake.

It snapped off when I stuck it right in my arse. Right. Good. Yeah, thank you. Nice image. Now, Ian McShane

with half a broken dildo hanging out of his arse. Maybe he could solve a mystery. If someone snapped the fucking dildo maybe he could be maybe he could like solve a solve a mystery because someone snapped the snaps off and then something comes out a letter falls out oh yeah or drugs yeah yeah they've been smuggling them in the dildos yeah yeah yeah tell you what fucking hell i've become a swear machine of a fucking dildo snapped off in my a-hole good now these products are made by barrett. I got these in Iceland. £1.50 for four.

These are spring-flavoured spring waters. So it's just water, flavoured water, but what's the flavours? Two of Barrett's favourite confectionery products from our childhood. Yes, the year. So Barrett make sweets, basically, and they're well-known for refreshers. Oh, for refreshers as well. So they're more traditional. like refreshers and oh for refreshers as well so they sort of traditional more traditional sweet sweet shop british sweet pick and mix kind of stuff yeah but they famously barrett did fruit salad and blackjacks which were this little

same format like a little chew it yeah format a little wrapped um fruit chew essentially and the blackjacks were aniseed flavor weren't they not Jacks were aniseed flavour, weren't they? Not licorice, aniseed. There's a slight difference. What could I have brought after the episode? High Chew Strawberry. Okay, good. Those are nice, aren't they? Shh, after.

50p only as well. 50p, we'll just get rid of them. Ching, ching, ching. Anyway, so... They were two quid about a year ago. At least something's going down. So Fruit Salad is kind of like a generic fruity chew. Fruity chew.

Tropical. And they're pink. And then we had blackjacks. Which were like licorice? No, I just said. They were an aniseed flavour. Oh, yes. Which is similar to licorice.

Yeah. But sweeter. I like blackjacks. I don't like the taste of licorice, but I do like the taste of aniseed. So I do like blackjacks. Blackjacks I find very very satisfactory over that whole family of flavours

like fennel yeah dill yeah all that stuff aniseed yeah star anise

star anus that was that Julie Garland film wasn't it a star anise a star is anus shut up I'm backing out of that

I'm leaving out of that. I'm leaving that on the table for you. I really don't like licorice. What is your feeling? I like licorice, but I like rope licorice. You like all of those flavours then. I don't like the soft licorice, salt licorice, but I do like the rope licorice, you know, the thick stuff that's very kind of... Yeah, I don't know the taste of licorice.

What's the word? Fabric. So we've got a fruit salad flavoured still spring water. Yes. What kind of fascinates me about this is when these flavored waters came out a good 10 years ago must have been at least now yeah they were all very much on the health tip like you know zero sugar it was volvic or whatever you know natural spring water yeah but now it's just all sugar tax means we can't be asked so here's some sweetener shit

for you instead this is much more down market question is, how much will they taste like the snack, the confectionery that they claim to taste like? Just to cover all the bases on this, Paul, we have a fruit salad one, and we also have a Wham bar flavoured one. Well, I'll tell you what, I'll start with fruit salad, while you start with Wham, and then we'll swap, all right? I'm going to put this over some ice myself. Would you like some ice to pour this onto?

Yes, why not? Just a few knoblets. There we go. That'll do nicely. Right, I'm just going to unscrew the cap because it has a sippy tip. Whambars have changed their recipe. They used to be teeth pullingly tough. Remember, proper whambar.

And this is something here. What does it say that is the flavour of the fruit salad? It says raspberry and pineapple flavour still spring water, which is... I never knew that was the makeup of what fruit salad was meant to be. It does smell like it, to be fair. Giving it a hoof. Wham!

Do you know what flavor wham is? Raspberry. Oh, interesting. And this is what? Raspberry and pineapple. So you're going to have similar flavors. Yeah. Have a snuff of yours before you pour it out.

Because this one smells like fruit salad. I will say that for it. Ooh. What? What is that reminding me of? Raspberry? God, that's strong. Yeah, but it's really artificial tasting.

It says no artificial. So you are tasting the fruit salad one. Here we go. These are sugar-free, right? Which is not good. Have you tasted it now? It's unremarkable. Does it smell like fruit salad? It smells like it, but the taste

isn't really there. It's kind of weak. So is this. Yeah. Yeah, I've always found these flavoured waters disappointing. That's okay. It's not unpleasant, but I can't really look, if someone said what flavour snack bar, what flavoured confectionery bar this is, I would just say, I don't

know, fucking. Alright, shall we swap over then, see if there's any difference we can detect. I'm handing you the Wham Bar now. I'm handing you the fruit salad. God, that's such an artificial flavour. And it says there's no artificial flavours, but the smell is so artificially.

Does that smell like a Wham Bar? Kind of. Because you know Wham Bars had that popping candy kind of stuff in it. I can see where they're going with with the smell of it. It's just such an artificial

Like a very tart raspberry. Yeah, but it's very familiar and very artificial don't you think? It smells better than that. It does actually. It's that artificial pineapple I'm getting is the main note on this.

Yeah, but that flavour's lost. When you actually drink it. Yeah, I'm going to go in for the drink of this. So you're tasting the wham now. What do you think? It's almost the exact same flavour. Yeah, that's what I suspected would be the case. I'm going to go in for the drink of this. So you're tasting the Wham now, what do you think? It's almost the exact same flavour. Yeah, that's what I suspected

would be the case. I'm going to taste now the fruits. There's very little. I mean, I can taste the pineapple and it makes it worse. I think I prefer the Wham. What do you think? I don't know. I prefer the Wham because now smell this after tasting the Wham. It's much, that pineapple's jumping out now. The artificial pineapple. Yeah,

you're right. Without the ice, the ice I kind of think takes away some of the flavor yeah have a sip from the bottle i have a sip from this one they are very similar it's that raspberry tartness well that's the same thing it's the raspberry flavor in both of them that's just got something else as well the the fruit salad i'm gonna give that a two as well then frankly i wouldn. I wouldn't go out of my way for one of those. Do you know what I mean? Maybe one and a half. One and a half. There's nothing wrong with them, but they're just weak raspberry drinks, really, ultimately.

If you had to boil it down. Yeah. With the sweetener aftertaste like every fucking drink has here. Yeah, but it's not a real... To be fair to them, it's not like a really strong sweetener artificial drink. It's not as bad as the others we've had today. It's not as bad. But here's the thing.

So far, the Red Bull and Coke, which I'm not enamored with, still had that nice syrup. It had that sort of real sugar feel. It doesn't have that. If that had had a sweetener aftertaste, that would just be vile, I think.

A little update on the Red Bull coffee. I've discovered it is produced in Thailand for export only. Didn't you say that already? I think I sort of suggested it might be Vietnamese, but it's not. Oh, okay.

Well, now we know. So what are you going to give those drinks? I'm giving it one and a half. For both? Yeah. You're not going to distinguish between them? No. One and a half for both, really. Alright, so what we've got. Fruit salad. You give one and a half.

And I will give the fruit salad 1.5 as well. Alright, okay. Long way around to get to that fucking result. And then I'm going to give that a slightly different score oh which one

the wham one wham I thought it was nicer I have to say just a better flavour just a sort of more clear okay

I'm going to go 1.75 I mean it's marginal fine so on to our final drink then in the

candy bar to soda transformative drinking experience. We really have done a lot of soda, and I hope Jeremy's pleased. Well, we've done a lot of work for him today, so let's go and drink the last one. He's happy just sitting in his jallapy doing his crosswords. Oh, I can see. I saw him before.

He's out there, isn't he? He's talking to the man with the drill across the road, asking how fast it turns the drill and revolutions. He's a friendly chap. He asked if it could cut through bone and muscle as well. How did you hear all that from up here? Well, it was a while, wasn't it, while you were getting... You were out there talking to them.

No, I just listened from the window. Well, it doesn't really make sense. Well, the windows are open, remember, so... Yeah, it doesn't really make sense what you're saying there, does it? Of course it does. I think you're kind of over-egging the pudding. You've put an ostrich egg in this pudding. Fucking put an ostrich egg in your pudding.

Oh, ooh, I wish you would. Stop rubbing the mic. With your fucking face pudding. Oh, I wish you would. Stop rubbing the mic. Your fucking face rot. Oh, fuck off. Right. I'm tired now. Have you got some ice left in your thing? Yes.

All right, now, last drink. What do you know about Warheads? They're an American brand. They make super sour candies, usually boiled sweet type things, right? I think that's... Originally, I think they were hard, weren't they? Yes, Eli. They were hard. But they do make gummies as well. Probably, probably? I think that's... Originally, I think they were hard, weren't they? Yes, Eli.

They were hard. But they do make gummies as well. Probably. Probably. I couldn't say for sure, but why not? They may be sort of an extreme sort of brand. Yeah, I mean, they're not really, but they are sourer than most sweet.

I don't have much experience. To date, the sour... Don't they have an extreme sub-brand called Warhead Extreme? I think there is, yeah. I don't fucking know. But that's like saying King Supreme or something where it's like,

well, you've already said it's sour. How sour do you need it to be? King Supreme, everyone. Yeah, that's the point. I don't know what you're talking about. You're King. You can't be King Supreme. You're adding more and more to more titles.

Yeah. Meaningless further superlatives. Yes. That's what I'm saying. All right, King Supreme. So I'm just saying sour. I think it's quite extreme. It's like saying sour lemon. It's like, yeah. Yeah. It's saying, I think it's quite extreme. It's like saying, sour lemon.

It's like, yeah. Yeah. It's a tautology, is what you're saying. Yes, I'm very taut in my ology. Oh, you got an ology. Have a snuff of that. Do you remember that, Ed?

No. You got that ology. You do remember that. I'm choosing not to. It's Maureen Lipman. Yes. Who I will always remember as Maureen Camel Toe Lipman.

Maureen Creme. Yes. Who I will always remember as Maureen Camel Toe Lipman. Maureen Creme de Minge Lipman. Oh, nice. Creme de Minge. She said, oh, you got an ology. At least you got an ology. Oh, yeah. Okay, now I remember. Oh, it's a nice pink colour.

It's a very nice... Have you described what it is? Sour watermelon flavour. Warhead have now released a sour watermelon soft fizzy drink. It's part of a whole have you described what it is? Sour watermelon flavour. Warhead have now released a sour watermelon soft fizzy drink. It's part of a whole series.

I just grabbed this one can. It was at least, you know, like there was a strawberry, blueberry, it was a sour blueberry I believe as well.

It actually smells more like apple. Yeah. Not in a bad way, it just does. It's not a very strong huff on that is there?

No. Not an overwhelmingly strong huff. A nice Ghostbusters two slime pink colour again. I'm looking for a very tart sourness. How do you make a sour drink?

I mean, I know you can make... Citric acid. Yeah, but I'm saying in terms of fizz, you can't really do that because they work against each other. Do they? Yeah. Well, it's lost...

It's got some bubbles. Ooh. That is tart. Oh. That is tart, isn't it? I quite like that. It's weird. I think that tart comes from the fuzz it's given you. It's leaving like a fuzz in your mouth. Ooh, quite like that. It's weird. I think that tart comes from the fuzz it's given you.

It's leaving like a fuzz in your mouth. Oh, I like that. It's very lemony. If someone had said, oh, there's some fresh lemon juice in there or something, it's almost that tart, that level of tartness. It's like a softer. It's almost like it's got touches of orange in it or mandarin. You know one thing I'm not getting?

Watermelon. Yeah, at all. At all? Yeah, yeah. But it's the nicest drink we've had today. Easily, yeah. It's refreshing. It's got a decent flavour. It doesn't have a sweetener acetate. And it's the nicest drink we've had today easily yeah it's refreshing it's got a decent flavor and it's not no sickliness no sweetness shit no very nice and it has a it has a sour kind of like real lemonade feel yes that's exactly what i'm trying

to get at it's a sort of it's nice oh it's not world changing but it's it's nice enough i could do a whole can of that if i was thirsty put Put it that way. I think so, too. Easily. Ooh, I might try some... I might pick up the other ones, yeah. All right. Four. You've picked the number that I was thinking of. Yeah, four.

So, should I just get him out of the car, go out there and... Well, let's take a quick break and then we'll get him out of the car, all right? All right, sure. Play a sound effect. Hey, everybody, we're having lots of fun in the pool party. It's not a pool party. It's the pool party now. It's the pool party. It's the pool party now. It's the response character.

It's because of Drippy Bill or whatever his name is. Drippy Bill. Drippy Bill. There's a unleashed. There's tap. And there's the pool party in the room. Drippy Bill. He's never been invented.

Don't you all know Drippy Bill? He came in an episode. No. 203, I think it was. 203, my ass. No, that's what the title was. I have to write down these scores. Drippy Bill. I'm going to say four each. Four3, I think it was. 203, my ass. No, that's what the title was. I have to write down these scores. Drippy Bill.

What did we say? Four each. Four each, yeah. Well, you have fun in there. It's a hot day, so keep the windows open and keep drinking water. All right then, Mr. Paul.

It's a pleasure working with you boys. Thirsty Phil, my ass. And hey, Arthur Point. He shouldn't be in there, Paul. Arthur Point is just a shit character who's never coming back. Well, I care in there, Paul. Arthur Point is just a shit character who's never coming back. But I care every word of that. Arthur, I'm sorry, but you have to leave.

Leave the podcast. All right, then. I'll leave the podcast now, then, shall I? Your voice has fucking changed as well. I'm going to edit that bit out. Fuck off. Fuck off. Let's go get Juicy Jeremy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, come on in. Oh, hello, boys boys nice to see you come and take a sit take a seat there yeah oh i have a seat yeah just give me a second now stop doing old man dithering oh let me just get comfy eli move out the way for him. Just move down a bit. All right, sorry. You just sit there, Josie. Oh, let me just get comfy. Is that my friend over there? Who's that? My name's Thirsty Phil.

Oh, is that the time? I've got to go. Yeah, you go. I've got to go. Okay, I'm comfy now. Yeah, all right. So we've written our scores down. Here they are.

Oh, great. Did you enjoy the sodas today? You know what? Overall, it was a lot of fun. Ups and downs, but lots of fun. I just got this one crossword clue I was hoping you boys might want to help me with. Go on.

17 down. Yeah. It says a very... It says... Oh, please get this out. It says a damp opening please get this out. It says a damper opening on the side of a willow tree. I've got plum as the first

four letters. You're having a breakdown of your own shitness again. Another fucking week of Eli fucking soaking up the shit. Oh, if you can help me with that, just let me know. But anyway, oh, you've written down the scores for the Saudis.

That's great. Yeah, long story short, the Warheads was by far our favourite. Oh, you like that one, eh? Yeah, we'll get more of those in for your factory. That's what I'd say. Oh, I'll see what I can do. It's always great getting some feedback and just having a

little natter. Just don't do the fungus one. I'd take that out of your storage. Oh, you didn't like the fungus? Yeah, no, keep that off your shelves. Well, that was a bit more experimental, I have to say. Well, you're welcome to hang around while we do the wrap-up of the show if you want. Oh, I don't know. I've got to get back to

the factory, I think. You've got a bit of red dots all over you. Yeah, it's new so want. Oh, I don't know. I've got to get back to the factory, I think. You've got a bit of red dots all over you. Yeah, it's new sodium. Oh, all right. New sodium I've been working on. It's been quite explosive. Oh, all right.

Well, I'll let you go then, I guess. Oh, hang on. Quick question. Yeah? Remember the last time you were here at a falling out with Willy Wanker? What's he up to then? Because we've heard nothing

from him recently. Oh, I don't know. I haven't heard from him. Anyway, I've got to go. No, I haven't heard from him. I have not heard from him. Eli, you said yesterday you went round to your factory. I have not heard from that man for three weeks. Fine.

You want to talk about it more? Well, if you see him, just tell him we'd like to get in touch to do another segment with him. I'm not going to see him. All right. But I will. Yes, I will. No, that's fine. I will mention it to him. All right, bye. Can I get a ride home too alright Phil

come on you old whippersnapper you old cock-a-doodle-doop you old filly-felly-felly-daddy you know I've got those photos there

I got oh man I'm just gonna turn the key in my old McGrutney-chupney-manner bye everyone that was cheap show

this week oh come on Phil right bye everyone so uh admin Grotny Chopny Manor. Bye, everyone. That was Cheap Show this week. Oh, come on, Phil. Bye, everyone. So, Admin. Bye, boys. Go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk, for everything. There's links to videos, links to the numerous merch pages by Tony and Spunkrock, and also the magazine.

Please buy physical copies of the magazine because they are brilliant, and it supports Yven, and it's fantastic. So, fantastic so shout out to event because she does amazing work shout out also links to our patreon but also patreon.com forward slash cheap show if you want to help support this show that would be lovely give what you can but only if you can please uh we're on instagram we're on uh facebook uh but we're mostly chatty on Twitter. At thecheapshowpod, Eli is... Eli Snoid, spelt E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And I'm at PaulGannonShow. And email us if you want to email us, thecheapshow at gmail.com. The P.O. box is on our website front page

if you want to send us anything that you think will be fun for the podcast. And that's it. Live tickets are also on sale and a fact sheet about what you can do when you get to the live show and things about hotels and shit that's on our website thecheapshow.co.uk and that's this week's episode

on one of the hottest days of the year and I'm very sweaty did you see that guy who took a picture of a noodle with six sachets yeah you ever seen six before

I think I have but wow very interested in a high sachet count noodle. Well, that has to be an Eli Tesla noodle kitchen segment. It certainly does. If we get hold of one, I think the person did say they would send

one our way, so thank you very much. Well, God bless that person. Do your right royal duty and send it this way. Send noodles everybody. Send noodles. Send noodles. Yes, I've got that on a badge. Send noodles. I've got that on a badge. Yeah, have you got this on a badge. Send nudes. I've got that on a badge. Yeah, have you got this on a badge?

Fucking cunt. Can I do something with that whole quim plum thing? No. Please? I've got a quim plum. No, you have a quim and I have a plum. And I come over here. No, I'm Mr. Plum.

No, I have a plum. I am Mr. Plum. You are not Mr. Plum. I am Mr. Plum. You are not Mr. Plum. You have a quim. Then I am Mr. Quim. That's right. Actually, no. I'm not going to do this. Bye am Mr. Plum. You are not Mr. Plum. You have a quim. Oh, then I am Mr. Quim. That's right. Actually, no. I'm not. I'm doing this.

Bye, everyone. See you. Bye. Quim. Plum. Bye, everyone. Quim.