CheapShow - Ep 294: Tat Hunt: Pinner
Episode Date: August 12, 2022A few years ago, Paul and Eli did a “Tat Hunt” episode that challenged them to go to a certain part of London, investigate its charity shops and put their discoveries to the ultimate Price of Shit...e test! Obviously, as it’s been a few years, they thought they would do it again, but this time in Pinner. You know, that place just outside of North West London? No? It doesn’t matter, as the cheap chaps will be doing all the research for you! What will the find in Pinner’s charity shop offerings? Will Paul find something amazing? Will Eli even bother to make an effort? Who will win in the Price of Shite Face Off? It’s a high stakes edition of the podcast. Ok. Maybe not “high” stakes, but Paul is determined to win and Eli is determined to pocket the £10 budget. Typical. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-294-tat-hunt-pinner Tickets for LIVE SHOW on August 13th: Episode 300 Live www.harrowarts.com/whats-on/event/cheapshow-300-live For Information on travel and accommodation for CS300 www.thecheapshow.co.uk/cheapshow-300-show-info And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at thecheapshow@gmail.com And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! www.cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urin…-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Art Work: www.instagram.com/spunk__rock www.redbubble.com/people/spunkrock/shop www.etsy.com/uk/shop/spunkrock
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Good morrow to you, Cheap Show listener.
I'm Paul Gannon.
I'm Eli Silverman.
Daytime, happy time, all the time.
Eli Silverman.
It's the Happy Time podcast with me, Paul Gannon and Eli Silverman.
Daytime, time today, time.
And as you can tell, we're outside.
But this is not a walkabout episode.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not.
It's not.
It is.
It's our Tat Hunt's not. It is. It's our Tat Hunt part two.
Tat Hunt.
Yeah, when we did East Finchley,
where half the episode was in East Finchley looking at the shops
and then the other half was us doing a price of shite,
we're doing that again because it's easy for me to edit.
Yes, because we have the live show coming up at the end of this week
and we're both feeling a bit squeaky, squeaky bum bum time, aren't we?
My bum is squeaking like a house full of mouses. It's like... I mean, bum is squeaking like a house full of mouses.
I mean, that didn't sound like
a house full of mouses. What about this?
That's exactly what I was thinking. Especially the laugh
at the end.
I was in McDonald's very early in the morning
on Sunday.
On Sunday.
And this Irish guy, because they've changed my local
mcdonald's the drive-thru um yeah they did it yeah but what it means is they've hidden everything
so you can't see them all you know trying to pack your your order it's all behind it's all
away all it is this little sort of kiosk opening where they just appear, you know, now.
So they don't get abuse, probably.
But I'm there, sitting there waiting.
I've ordered.
I've got my ticket.
And this Irish guy goes, oh, this is like hell.
Isn't this like hell?
I'm here queuing.
Can you do it in the accent?
Oh.
So I'm really there with you.
OK.
He went, Oh, where is he?
OK, well, all right, I'll take that back.
Drop that.
OK.
Drop that.
Isn't this like hell, he was saying.
I'm here, I'm queuing for pretend meat in the middle of London.
I'm from Ireland. Isn't't this like hell and everyone around
him just listened to him say that a few times you know and then we were just like no no it's not no
what about you know being in a fucking school in the ukraine that's being bombed a bit more like
hell mate you know what i mean like you're you're waiting for some food you're not queuing he's like
queuing for the pretend spanish stack it's all he's waiting for you food. You're not queuing. He's like, queuing for... It's a fucking Spanish stack.
It's all he's waiting for.
You know what I mean?
You're going to get a fucking Spanish stack, you twat.
Well, anyway...
It's the middle of the day, morning, you know what I mean?
In days gone by, do you think you can get hot food, you know,
to go in the middle of the night in hell?
I don't think you can.
Well, that's a wonderful anecdote and one for the ages.
Unless it's delivered from Satan's butt straight into your mouth. Well, that's a wonderful anecdote and one for the ages. Unless it's delivered from Satan's butt
straight into your mouth.
Well, that's more Burger King, isn't it?
Right, anyway, it's our Tat Hunt
part two from Pinner. Come join
us. Come and join us.
Hot Satan loaf straight down the gullet.
I hate you
and your fucking noodle posse.
People love noodles.
It's just a fact of cheap show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept.
Cheap show.
Off, round, round, off, off, round,, brand-off Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap
Cheap Show
It's the price of shite
Paul Gannon
Eli Silverman.
Welcome to Cheap Show.
And a go and a nuzzle.
Hello, welcome to Cheap Show.
Yes, we are out and about.
It's a tat hunt, so half of this episode is going to be me and Eli looking for tat,
and the second half, we're recording tomorrow in the house of mash and eggs.
We'll be doing a price of shite, shite off.
With the tat that we've purchased today on the Tat Hunt section of the podcast.
Thank you, Mr Silverman.
So we are doing our Tat Hunts in Pinner.
And I've pulled up some facts.
Pinner is a suburb of London in Harrow.
It's 12 miles northwest of Charing Cross,
close to the border of Hillingdon in the historic county of Middlesex.
Its population as of 2011 was 31,000.
It's funny, I always wonder how they can count how many people actually live here or anywhere.
I don't know how they do it, maybe there's some kind of census.
I know, but what if you're like, you know, you've got a holiday home and you're only here after a year.
You're lucky then, aren't you?
I might be underperforming slightly today.
Boy, howdy.
There's a river over there.
There's a river.
We're in a park right now before we go on our tat hunt shop.
Originally a medieval hamlet,
the St John the Baptist Church is 14th century.
That's up the road, by the way.
Oh, can we look at that?
We can have a look at it.
I'd love to.
Other parts of the village include a Tudor building or two.
And the new High Street is mainly 18th century buildings,
while Bridge Street has more of an urban feel with chain stores.
We're facing a road called Red Lion Parade here,
which is the High Street, essentially, isn't it?
Yes, yes.
And there are one two three four
charity shops in this area but one is closed the oxfam is closed today i mean oxfam is usually the
least interesting because it's been so corporatized recently isn't it i'll tell you what is good it's
the oxfam book and book and record shops they're exemplary yeah that's where i got my uh jilted
john album a few weeks ago when we were going shopping. Have you listened to that yet? Yeah, it's all right.
It's all right.
Good, Nick.
It's decent, Nick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A few marks, but it looks OK.
It looks quite...
On my shitty player, it worked fine.
It looked quite clean.
Yeah.
Yeah, so, yeah, Oxfam, generally, just their normal charity shops,
they're full of, like, new produce, like, you know, like sort of nuts and stuff.
It's mostly Moomin bookmarks and badges and stuff. Yeah, that's what I mean. I mean, which is fine because it makes people buy them because they're like, you know, like sort of nuts and stuff. It's mostly Moomin bookmarks and badges and stuff.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
I mean, which is fine because it makes people buying
because they like Moomins,
but it's a weird mix of old and new in there.
I think it kind of defeats the whole sort of ethos, in a way,
of a charity shop where you're recycling, essentially, stuff.
You're not causing more stuff to be manufactured.
Do you know what I mean?
That kind of rubs me up the wrong way.
Rubs my...
Rubs your nubs.
Rubs my nubs up.
Oh, in popular culture,
Edward Lear made a reference to pinner
in more nonsense pictures, rhymes and botany.
He wrote,
There was an old person of pinner,
as thin as a lathe, if not thinner.
They dressed him in white and rolled him up tight,
that elastic old person of Pinner.
It's Limerick, isn't it?
Yeah.
Did he do...
And HG Wells mentioned Pinner in The War of the Worlds.
There's a surgeon living in Stanmore,
a few hours away from Pinner,
and was on the front line of the Martian advance.
Something like that. I'd have to read that again.
Did Edward Lear write the one where it says,
when called by a panther, don't anther?
I mean, maybe.
I don't know, my Lear.
Don't anther, Paul.
Don't anther the panther.
Because he's dangerous.
I think that's what's being implied there.
Right.
The panther might get you if you anther it.
Yeah.
What about this, another variation?
When skewed by a deer, don't antler.
British dark comedy spy thriller Killing Eve, season three,
has a line that says, are you from Pinner?
So there's the reference there.
There's lots of references.
The Great British Railway Journeys, starring fuckface Michael Portillo,
also did an episode of Amersham to Regent's Park,
where Michael Portillo in Pinner...
What did he do?
He finds out about Victorian domestic goddess
called Isabella Beaton
and whips up a pint of her fanciest ice cream.
Beaton was the...
Cookbook lady.
One of the earliest cookbooks cookbooks wasn't it in the
victorian era yeah i think mrs beaton's old country cookbook or whatever it's called do
lots of things with like marmite in and stuff or like beef beef tea oh here's something here's
something chuckle vision the kids tv show was filmed in Pinner. Oh, mate, I was looking for the real pop cultural touchstone.
I've got another one.
BBC sitcom May to December was set in Pinner.
I don't recall May to December.
May to December was a sitcom about an old man,
I think he was a lawyer, who dates a young woman,
May to December relationship.
You see what I'm saying? That's what it was about.
And the difficulties of being an old man, having
sex and stuff with a woman half
your age. This was from a different era.
Was this from the 70s or something?
80s? 89 to
94 it ran. Because I can see all sorts of problems
with the kind of patriarchal
sort of nature of that
relationship. True, but I guarantee
any edges of that concept
were shaved right the fuck off by scriptwriters.
Oh, and finally, My Hero, the sitcom, was set in Pinner as well.
That's more recent, isn't it?
That is 2000 to 2006.
Ardalan O'Hanlon plays a superhero.
Remember that?
Oh, I do recall that.
Doggy dirt.
That's fucking shit.
What a great idea for a sitcom, absolutely ruined by acting, writing and direction.
Yeah.
Well, I'd learn handling.
I'd learn handling.
I'd learn handling.
It's quite early in the day for me.
It is for me as well.
Anyway, there's Sir John Bieterman's 1973 film Metroland.
Ooh, I'd love to see that.
That is a pin of fur that they have here on the high street
and he filmed it for that, whatever Metro landed.
That's where he opines about the whole of this part of London, doesn't he?
This suburban hinterland.
It says the film celebrates suburban life in the area of the northwest of London
that grew up near the 20th century around the Metropolitan Railway,
which you can hear now.
This is a train that's full of the people coming
in into a church over the steeple yeah I don't know if it is that but it sounds
like it I'd love to see that well it's probably on YouTube in it anyway that's
where we are today and we're gonna land yeah but here's the rules I've got we
have a budget of 10 pound each right and with that 10 pounds we must find three
items and those three items can be anything
you like but uh we're going to buy them right now and then uh see play the price of shite tomorrow
okay so here's your 10 pound oh real money now he has handed missed this to me it's not like that
pretend 10 pounds from the quest which we're still smarting about everybody i forgot all about that
on purpose as well um so that's your 10 pounds can
i ask you something paul yeah what kind of items are you going to go for i don't know what you look
what you're looking for what you got your eyes open for what you're in the market for what you're
working with today i want a little bit of a doodad a little piece of useless yeah doodad useless thing
a piece of ephemera i want maybe a book or a cd or and then a board game because i know
there's one place that will have affordable board games and i might use this show as an excuse to
grab one oh excellent maybe i'll avoid getting a board game myself then well it doesn't matter
does it i'm looking for vinyls as always i'm quite into small crockery items all right and
if i if i see something really, truly atrocious,
I'd like to get that as well,
because there hasn't been enough atrocious stuff on the show recently.
No.
No, so we'll work on that.
So there's your £5.
Oh, before I go any further as well, I've got something for you.
Do you?
No, it's £5.
Oh, you've got Badge My Badge?
Yeah.
Yay!
Our Badges game, after the recording last week.
And I've posted them on Instagram and all that stuff since.
And if you want one, they're at the live show.
So you better come along and get them.
Hang on, let me get it out.
Is it going to be first come, first served?
It will be first come.
We don't want to cause a pin badge riot.
But one per customer.
Really?
And cash only.
OK.
Because I don't have one of those fancy machines.
Where the fuck is it?
Hang on, bear with me.
I did bring it.
I've just got to find the fucking thing.
Shut up.
Here we go. Hang on. He's having a scr did bring it, I've just got to find the fucking thing. Shut up. Here we go.
Hang on.
He's having a scrummage.
Scrummage over.
The scrummage is over.
Eli, here is the badge.
What do you think?
Give us your opinion.
It's very good.
I do like it.
Designed by Tony, the Cheap Show logo artist.
These are made badges specifically for this live show.
Did you see Tony's drawing on Twitter today of us in the woods?
That was good as well.
We need more pictures of us in the woods in general.
That was the moment in which we discovered
that we'd lost the Lego Muppet thing, wasn't it?
You can see he's captured that moment
when I'm looking at you with reproachful eyes.
It's a highlight of the episode.
This is really lovely actually the colors really
work the line work it's just like a nice thing it's nice nicely detailed but not too small yeah
um it's sort of in the medium size pin badge overall um i can't help but focus on the weird
upper lip thing that's going on with me though which is which is a defect i mean we can it is
it was a slight defect but it means all these badges are rare because if we redo them we're
going to fix that but i like it it means that they're unique to the live show it doesn't you
can read it as a sort of top of my mustache yeah it doesn't totally no not no not at all i don't
think if even i had told you you would have noticed really no i would have brought it up
actually i would have thought um that was how it was supposed to be.
Right.
So, we're going to start on our little adventure then,
because we've got to get to Biffo's to film some stuff in a minute,
so we've got to get that shit done now as well.
And we're recording a digi-episode.
Yes.
I've brought special outfit to play golf in.
Oh, God.
I've brought my golfing jockstrap also i was thinking do you think
before i'd be up for making a little bit interesting i'm talking about 10p a point
a wager yeah on the golf it's the ultimate wagering game mate yeah i like this idea we
could do a white man can't jump on him where we play the first few old shit yeah because i'm
pretty good i'm all right actually because i used to do it with my dad back in the day. Yeah, golfers do
pitch and putt and stuff.
Let's hustle Biffo, man.
Let's fucking hustle him.
Let's do it.
Now we'll fucking
hustle him.
So yeah, we'll play
the first few holes badly
and he'll be like,
and then we'll say,
let's make it interesting.
And then we'll double,
oh, just make it
interesting after that.
So we're not even in
danger of losing anything.
No, not at the start.
We're not fucking stupid.
And then it'll be like, at the end of the day, he owes us £8,000.
Anyway, so let's crack on.
There were two charity shops next to each other,
and that's Bernardo's and I can't remember what the other one is.
I think it's an RSPCA.
But we're going to go there first and report back afterwards what we've got.
Because we're not going to hide the items,
we're just going to hide the prices, all right?
Absolutely.
I'm in this game for between and glory.
And it's a lovely day.
The sun is out.
The weather's warm.
It's glorious.
We're just going to crack on.
Come join us.
On our tat hunt too.
That'll do.
That's more of the professional side of you coming out.
I'm glad to see it.
I'm glad to see it.
Don't shake your head at me.
That's okay.
I'm glad to see it.
Don't do noise see it fuck's sake
right
stage one is done
we have
been inside
our first two charity shops
the RSPCA
and the Barnardo's
I took one
you took the other
then we tapped out
and swapped
how did you find it?
The joke is, it's on the high street, mate.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
How did I find it?
Oh, it's on the high street, mate.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Just do it properly or I'll fucking kill you.
You won't, though.
I'll kill you.
You won't kill me.
Put your body parts in one bin in every county in this land.
All of them?
And then move them around?
I don't understand.
I haven't figured that all yet.
Anyway, so, how did you find it, Eli?
Well, you just walk up the high street
and it's just there on your right, Paul.
Nicely delivered.
Thank you.
It's, um, Barnardo's had some nice crime fiction,
picked up a Ross MacDonald novel, and...
That's for yourself, right?
That is for myself. How many items have you got so far? Two. a Ross Macdonald novel and that's for yourself right?
that is for myself how many items
have you got so far?
two
and I've got two items
so we've got
one more shop
we're going to go to
the St Luke's
which is my favourite
shopping pin
it's got a lot of vinyl
yeah?
not a lot
but I found some
interesting stuff there
every now and then
it's not like that one
up the road
remember the one
where that is
nothing but vinyl
yes
so it's more
it's like the
North London Hospice
of this part of the,
of,
yeah,
which was,
where I live,
the North London Hospices
are the most funky.
So they're most likely
to have something
curious.
Old and funky and curious,
yeah.
When I was in the RSPCA though,
this man came in with a bag
and the one was like,
well,
we're not taking any more
donations today.
No,
they didn't
yeah no
they must have a load of
no well this guy
that was going around
he goes oh I've got a bag
and she goes
oh we're not taking it
and he went
fuck no one's taking it
no one's taking my stuff today
she went oh sorry
come back you know
later in the week
and he went
I've got some good stuff in here
and she went
oh like what
and he went
oh it's mostly undies and socks
and then he was like
getting them out because they were like like, pre-packaged.
They hadn't been out of the bag.
They were, like, obviously something he knew.
A new?
Yeah.
But, like, still.
But why is he?
It's like, don't go, oh, mate, I've got a bag full of cool shit, and then pull out pants.
There must be some recycling places where you can just put, you know, put them in there.
Yeah, I don't think they're even allowed to accept undies and stuff.
Well, if they're sealed, they can accept them.
You're not going to find a turd in a sealed pair.
No, but you could be a dirty fucking rotten pervert
and you get a brand new pack out and you get them and you surgically...
You get a laminating machine.
Yeah, you surgically get them out of the pack.
Cross here, right?
You do a dirty big cum in each one
and then you iron them flat and you fold them back in.
How many could you make a day like that, though?
Well, I'd spend three days, one day a come. One day a come and do three packs?
As a noisy bike man, you fucking...
I hate people on bikes, I'm just going to go say it. There's no need to ride something that noisy.
No, it's a terrible thing really.
So anyway, yeah, I come in and then I can go, oh look, I've got this unused pack of M&F sparkle
pants. What about body wipe wipes?
I think they're harder to get out of the pack,
wipe your arse and put them back in.
What about if you just drink so much water that your poo is very liquid?
No, it's a very good question, Eli.
Yeah, what does happen?
Why am I so useless?
I used to be funny and stuff, and now I'm just terrible.
I just witter on about
nothing for minutes and then
And that's the Cheap Show podcast
over forever because once
you've realised the Rosetta Stone behind
how this show works, it breaks it.
It is nice up in Pinner.
No, it's lovely round here.
Yeah.
Before we get on the bus, I'll take you up the
high street which is kind of all Tudor-y and stuff,
and where I got that cocktail on tap.
It was a terrible cocktail on tap.
It was a fine cocktail.
Oh, you said it was fine.
Fine, terrible cocktail.
It wasn't objectionable.
Passion fruit martini.
Oh, look, we're coming up on St Luke's now.
We can have a little look in the mirror.
This is the St Luke's.
This is my favourite one.
Look in the window.
200 quid for the Beatles' 20 golden hits.
200 quid.
Shit, is that even... That's not worth that.
That's rare. I've never seen that record before.
It's got a big scratch on it.
I've never seen that record before.
Well, there's some high-ticket price items in the window here at St Luke's.
I saw a 1970s Lego City set in here, complete.
You know, it was like that was going for 200 as well.
Really? Yeah, they must, you know, look it up.
One pint Mason drugs.
This is where I saw those James Bond cars,
which I've pocketed for a future guest,
who, if they listen to this,
hello, John, we'll get you on the show soon.
Yeah, because I thought usually when they do find
sort of high-price, high-value items, they put them on the show soon. Yeah, because I thought usually when they do find sort of high-price,
high-value items,
they put them on the website.
I don't know what...
That's what Oxfam do, anyway.
Maybe St Luke's don't have that.
I know some pages do have an eBay page.
Some shops have an eBay page.
Maybe these guys don't, or I don't know.
They also move stock around,
so this might go somewhere else
where it'll be bought.
Yeah.
I've never heard of...
A whole harrods set of six crystal glasses.
Look at that lovely old Harrods cardboard box.
£28.
Very swish.
Right, well, I'll tell you what, then.
Let's go in, have a little nosy.
You stay on your side of the shop.
Look at that...
That's a really crap nutcracker.
It seems like it's really awkward and labour-intensive.
Because, look, it's a donut with a screw in it
so you put the nut in it and then you screw it in.
It's a lot of work, especially for a walnut.
It's going to pop out. You could put other things
in there that you want to compress.
Like your nut end.
Yeah, you beat me to it.
You could put it on your bum hole, put a nut
in it, depending on what you're into.
Someone could shove a nut up your bum.
I'll tell you what it looks like. Rick and Morty
the Flumbus or whatever it's called.
Yes.
The Flumbus is sex
nut crusher.
Right about now.
Oh, there's a long cane Betty
lip gloss, body mist and hand lotion.
Only three pounds.
Right, so we can avoid each other's eyes
in here. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll give you a head start. You go in, right, I'll give you two minutes
and then I'll come in. Right, he's off, he's going in. You go round the other door.
Right, so here we go, this is the last start. There's a doodle crate here, five pound.
Don't know what that is, it's probably like a loot crate thing.
Or a child's half-size violin.
Don't know why you'd have a child that was half-size.
Do-de-do- half-size do it no I
should stop it's not I'm not funny without Eli talking to myself on the
high street oh she's looking at me weird I should just stop I'm just gonna stop
we'll see out the back of her st. Luke's I think I've already caught me eye on my
third and final item what will it? Find out later in the show.
Oh, look, there's necklaces.
I need to wrap up.
Stop.
Just stop.
Just stop.
Here he is.
Here he comes.
Nope, he's not going to the main door.
He's now gone past it.
What's he doing?
What is he doing?
Did you not know where the door was?
I was looking for you. I thought you were going to buy something.
I did, and I have, and I've gone, and I've left.
Where did you do that? How? I've been at the till for the whole time.
Mate, I've got this game down pat.
All right. Very, very impressive, that.
You'd be a number ten, mate, if you weren't a number five or whatever the phrase is.
It really has that out-of-town, lots of items which you'd just expect to be snapped up if they were more central by people.
You know, you obviously don't get that high a density of people
checking the shops regularly around here, you know.
And that's where you find the gold, mate.
Mate, I just bought a King Crimson 7-inch.
Stool, pigeon, ha-cha-cha-cha.
That's Kid Creole.
Ha-ha-ha, trick. I knew that. I knew that.
Do you know that there was a whole craze of holding record covers to your face?
Yeah.
To make it look like...
There was that classic one, which is that weird distorted face.
Yeah.
That's King Crimson.
Really?
Robert Fripp was the main member.
Oh, this is our bus stop, mate.
This is where we're going to get the bus to Biffo's.
Robert Fripp was the main member, the guitarist.
And... Bill Bruford left Yes to join King Crimson
He left Yes to join King Crimson
Yeah, Harrow will, but yeah, that's where we're going
20th century schizoid man
How rude
Shut up, here's our busty H12
You shut up
So have you got free items then?
Oh, I might do
Yes
And you did it within the £10 budget?
Absolutely.
Any change, by the way, mate, you can keep and have on sweets?
I don't have any change because I was buying stuff for myself as well.
But you've got the receipts?
I've got the receipts, so don't worry.
All right, hang on.
Here's the bus.
We need to get on this bus, so let's just do that.
The price tags are still on all my items, so there you go.
Yeah, mine are probably still on mine as well.
Make sure we're going to deal with that before tomorrow.
All right, well then, let's get on this bus.
This is the bus.
This is the bus.
Go on.
Let's go ahead.
Can't get behind.
Wallet out.
Going upstairs.
Ow.
OK.
All right, see you later.
8, 5, 2, stand by station. Right, we're going up and we're off on the bus.
I can smell bud.
What did you buy?
I'm not telling you.
Since we've now decided to keep it a secret.
There's a heavy odour.
The sweetest bud, my friend.
Of that icky sticky up here in the bus.
Got the AC on, that's nice at least.
Blowing it around.
So you'll like this area.
It's all like little parochial villages and townlets.
It's all mock Tudor, pseudo Tudor.'s all mock Tudor. Pseudo-Tudor.
Pseudo-Tudor.
Pseudo-Tudor.
So this
is going to hatch in, basically.
I'll show you this.
Oh, yeah. King Crimson.
So this must be
this is a 70s, because that album
came out in 69, the Face album
or whatever.
But then they've put this this must have been something from 76 which is where this island one is from right
look at this lovely condition untouched um but they often what they often do these kind of groups
is if they have a sort of something that might bother the charts,
you know, 15 years after their late 60s sort of bits, they'll stick something from, you know...
Which is not uncommon in the late 70s, early 80s.
To stick one of your popular old tunes on the B-side of your new tune, sort of thing.
I'm always surprised when I get a Now album or a hit six or whatever,
and one of the tracks is always like,
Yeah, there's a elm park court
that's very striking isn't it with green and white buildings
very early 20th century i think you can see where the copper roof's all gone
green over the oxidization over the years so it gives it this kind of like
asian looking kind of like no it definitely has a sort of
faux chinese sort of and the gate is very much with a sloping tiled roof.
Really interesting, that is.
It's almost sort of Art Deco, isn't it?
Or is that Deco?
It's a little...
Well, I don't know.
It's kind of Deco.
It's Deco adjacent.
Because, see, the balconies have this weird kind of wooden...
Yes.
Slatting.
Green slatting.
Very attractive.
I am green slatting and I bring death.
Yes, but King Crimson... Here's a little fact about them. They had a lyric writer. very attractive I am Green Slatting and I bring death erm yes
but King Crimson
here's a little fact
about them
they had a lyric writer
so
they would just
come up with the music
and then some other
blogger would do
the lyrics
a bit like
Bernie Taupin
or whatever
did Taupin actually
do music
or did he just
do words
I think he just
did the lyrics
he went here
to a bunch of lyrics
Elton John
it's a strange thing
isn't it
anyway
he or Elton John
here's some lyrics
he'd make a song
this guy wrote lyrics
for a lot of
King Crimson stuff.
Guess what he ended up doing in the 80s?
Playweight.
No.
Bucks Fizz.
Band of Make Believe or whatever it's called.
He did that as well.
Hey, close your eyes, Superman.
That's quite catchy, isn't it?
You know what?
Bucks Fizz are responsible for at least two or three good pieces of 80s tunage.
Really?
You're making your mind up.
Okay but maybe that's maybe that's this guy. Let's see if he's credited here.
I mean I presume he would be if he's written it. Oh there's lots of writers there but look at the
quality of that. Look at the sheen. Charlie Sheen. Another interesting thing. This is the kind of mini platters then on the bus.
On the TK label.
Bus platter.
TK is a disco label out of Miami.
God, I've lost interest now.
It's funny how you can kill my interest and enthusiasm.
Enthusiasm.
It's called Blend, this group is called.
So I'm just going to pick this up automatically.
I haven't actually checked the quality.
I'm hoping this is some kind of boogie stormer.
What's the B side, A side?
Boogie motion, A side. So that sounds like a dance number.
That man who pulled his finger out, isn't that a boogie motion?
Is he behind us now?
No. He's not on the bus, mate. We're alright.
Was there a bit of this boogie that was sort of hard and then with a bridge of wetness climbing off it like a big tail?
It all felt gelatinous.
Gelatinous?
Gelatinous. Gelatinous.
Gelatinous.
He's the guy who destroys the world in Marvel.
I am gelatinous.
The big jelly monster.
Gipswick close, yeah.
Ooh, I've got a touch of the Gipswick on my nose.
All right, we're one of us in public, mate.
Calm down.
So here we go.
We're going around the nice bend, the country lane now.
It's very, very suburban, isn't it?
It's this pinner. We're leaving pinner and we're going back into nice bend, the country lane now. It's very, very suburban, isn't it? Is this Pinner?
We're leaving Pinner and we're going back into Harrow?
Yes.
We're going the long way round, basically.
OK.
We'll still get there in time for 2.30, I think.
Oh, yeah, no, we definitely will, but this is more the scenic route.
Nice.
Loads of pseudo-tudo.
Oh, old sign.
London, 13 and a half miles.
Yeah, that's how far out of London we are.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
He's seen an alleyway.
I've seen a well-long alleyway.
We've got to come up here and go down that alleyway one time.
Don't say it like that in public, loud, on a bus in front of people.
You've got to have sex to walk down the alleyway.
I want sex.
I know, you constantly want sex. It's tiresome.
I don't think you'd be
that good anyway so i don't know why this is your ploy now trying to say oh you wouldn't be very
good in bed believe me if i spoke to you really wise paul if my willy did the speaky
around your bum bum is this all coming from the same man who was called the traitor in bed once
only because i didn't come.
There you go.
I'm not out of it.
I'm going to call...
Imagine if I called you a traitor.
You'd be heartbroken.
Here's the dentist I went to when I had that massive pain in my mouth a year or so ago.
Any good?
He was very nice.
Because I hate dentists because I literally freak out.
They were reasonable and they assured you.
He was very professional and he was very gentle inside my mouth,
which is what I asked him to be,
because I don't like it when people just jab inside there.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
Don't you hate it when people just jab inside your mouth?
Depends what kind of mood I'm in and how many shandies I've had.
Two shandies, good mood.
Yeah, I like it then.
And look, there's Heathrow on the way.
M4, you can go that way. I can go that way. I can go that way. Oh, I like it in. Look, there's Heathrow on the way, M4.
You can go that way.
I can go that way.
I can go that way.
Oh, he comes through the air con again.
Lovely, lovely little back routes here.
Yeah.
Now, if I was going the opposite way,
I could come the H14 way to here,
change buses and get to Pinner that way.
We're entering Hatch End now.
Where we're doing our live show.
We'll probably go past the venue, actually, right now.
Oh, I know now.
I can see where it joins up, because we were down here the other day, aren't we? That's what I keep saying. We'll probably go past the venue, actually, right now. Oh, I know now. I can see where it joins up,
because we were down here the other day, aren't we?
That's what I keep saying.
We'll go past Hatch End Station.
Know your butt's roots, know your city.
It's that simple.
Yeah.
So, what are we doing now?
We're going to do some prep?
Yeah, what we're doing now is we're going to Biffo's.
Yeah, this is for tomorrow's recording.
This is part two.
This is the end of part one we're doing now, where we're heading to Biffo's. Yeah, this is for tomorrow's recording. This is part two. This is the end of part one we're doing now,
where we're heading to Biffo's to record bits for the live show
and then go on to do a bloody digitiser video.
I don't have time for this.
OK.
I don't have time for this.
Sea pebbles.
I often see pebbles.
Especially when I'm watching an episode of the sitcom Flintstones.
Paul, I say, I say, I say.
What do you say?
What food supplement would you take
if you had a problem with your eyesight?
Vitamin C.
How did you know?
Because it was a blatantly obvious gag.
I only thought of that the other day.
Come on, mate.
You only thought of a six-year-old's joke the other day.
Yeah.
Anyway, basically this is an episode now of bus tripping.
What's that thing?
Bus journey?
Night bus?
Oh, it's not night bussing.
It's day bussing.
It's not night bussing.
It's day bussing, baby.
No, we could do two podcasts.
Day bussing.
Lovely sunny thing.
Getting out and about.
Night bussing's where it gets hot.
No.
Sexy and dangerous. No, it doesn'tsing's where it gets hot. No. Sexy and dangerous.
Like Baywatch nights.
No. No.
Hollyoaks nights. Not night bussing
electric blue.
Yeah. Look, there's Hatch End Station
which will... Oh, yes,
and the Arts Centre's just on the other... This is giving me anxiety.
Yes, I've just
gone into a kind of freak-out
mode. Oh, dear.
Actually, I'll tell you what.
Let's just sign off and we'll come back to the action tomorrow
where we'll play our Price of Shine.
I think I've got some bangers.
I've got some stuff, you know.
Oh, poor old Eli.
Not making effort unless it's for himself to buy vinyl.
It's not about that.
I just struggle with certain things, okay?
Like buying,
anyway,
we'll see.
The betwings is what,
where the proof is in the betwings,
as they say.
When you were out and about,
did you happen to buy a small violin?
Because it would come in handy
right about now.
Why?
Because it's small.
Have you got the world's
smallest violinist in your pocket?
No, because it's...
Is that the world's
smallest violinist in your pocket
and you're just
pleased to see me?
What food supplement
do you need
to go swimming?
Vitamin C.
God.
Oh, there's the Arts Centre.
Oh, look,
Harrow Arts Centre.
Just think,
a week from now
it'll be on our past.
But for people listening,
it'll be in their future,
because they will get to listen to the event until September.
Yes.
It's all very complicated.
Are you sure?
Are you going to have a week off after the live show?
Yes.
You are?
Well, I'm going to have a week off when I put episode 300 out,
because that way I don't really need to do anything.
Oh, that week we don't have to, yes.
Okay, good.
That'll be my birthday week, I think, so I'm going to do Tossall.
What will I be up to for your birthday, Paul? Nothing., I think, so I'm going to do Tossall.
What'll be up now for your birthday, Paul?
Nothing.
You'll do some Lego?
No.
Watch Ghostbusters?
No, because last year we recorded the casino episode on my birthday, remember?
Oh, yeah.
That went on forever.
It did, and it broke me.
So, let's just sign off, say goodbye, and then we'll see you tomorrow.
Not you. You.
We'll finish it off tomorrow.
I'll finish him off tomorrow, Peter. You'll finish me off tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. We'll see you tomorrow. Not you. You. We'll finish it off tomorrow. I'll finish him off tomorrow, people.
You'll finish me off tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll see you then.
Bye.
And just like that, it's Tuesday
and we're in the house of pickles.
Yay, I did the mouth sounds.
Paul's thinking he's running into the ground
over these few episodes. He really is. I forgot the mouth sounds. Paul's thinking he's running into the ground over these few episodes.
He really is.
I forgot to mention yesterday.
Did I tell you about the man in the shop with the bogey?
No.
So, I was waiting for you outside St. Luke's, right?
Yeah.
Just minding my own beeswax.
See, you asked me how I managed to buy my thing and you didn't see me.
They have two tills there in different parts of the shop.
So, I went to the other one.
It's a double-fronted shop,
isn't it?
Double-fronted.
Top action.
Yeah, and Bernardo's was, in fact, as well.
Oh, was it?
Yeah.
No, it wasn't.
Two stores.
No, next door was...
It didn't have two tills.
Next door.
It had two rooms.
It's two...
Oh, okay, two segments.
That's what I mean by double-fronted.
Yeah, okay, all right.
Like, traditionally,
you might have had, like,
a bakery there and a jam shop
or, like, you know...
But, yeah, that would have been handy wouldn't it
a spudgy like
and then what would
be next to that
uh
Shake-O-Matic
Shake-O-Matic
yeah it's one of
those milkshake shops
I never saw those
you know you go in
you're like
I'll have a
Kinder Bueno
they had those
Kinder Bueno toothpaste
no not toothpaste
well I've seen that
on Twitter
Paul
are you
that was never in Britain
the Shake-O-Matic
sounds like something
from your LA day
no the one thing
called Shake-A-Way
that was a thing alright well-A-Way. That was a thing.
All right, well, name an English thing.
Oh, fuck off.
Come on, mate.
Don't come at me with that.
You're getting in the way of my story.
So I came out of the shop, right?
Two double-fronted shop.
Yes.
And as I'm trying to leave the shop,
there's a man just staring, an old guy,
just staring off into the distance.
And I was like, excuse me, can't get round, excuse me.
And he moved out the way. And as I moved
past, I kind of gave him that kind of look you give where he's like,
what's your problem? Fucking get the fuck out
of my way. I turned to give him a bit of Ganon
sass, right? And as I turned
around, he was just staring out
into nowhere with like half
his index finger up his nose, clawing
away whatever was inside and having
a real good ferret for it.
Well, sometimes it's crusted on quite hard.
You have to really give it some sort of foundational jiggle work.
He obviously got some purchase because he pulls out something
and it draws out with it a great big gooey bridge of snot
that just kind of loops for a bit.
Attached to the crusty bit.
Yeah, on his fingertips.
So there's a variant of of viscosity
yeah from like crusty down to like glue yeah and i think he was shocked by this what was the color
yeah i didn't really look that hard but i'm gonna go yellowish yeah like egg yolk yellow kind of
thing so he pulls it and then i think he's surprised because he drops it and then it drops
all down his chin and it's in his beard and he's rubbing his beard. Does the tongue ferret out?
Yeah, and I just remember thinking...
Does the tongue poke it out?
Ferreting for boobies?
Yeah, just kind of doing the old licking,
spitting, licking polish.
Anyway, that was what I saw.
And then you came out and I thought,
oh, that's much worse.
Thank you, Paul.
Thanks for that.
No, really.
So we're back in East Finchley now.
Oh, and another quick follow-up,
that Beatles album, 200 pounds.
We're back in East Finchley? We are back. No, we're not. We back in East Finchley now. Oh, and another quick follow-up. That Beatles album, 200 pounds. We're back in East Finchley?
We are back.
We're nowhere near East Finchley.
If this is the early signs of dementia,
this is going to really poison the taste of this podcast going forward.
We are nowhere near East Finchley.
We're back in our pie and mash and house, sausage house.
Sausage, egg, mash, ham.
Mash house.
The house of F-U-N-E-M.
F-U-N-E-X. F-U-N-E-X.
S-V-F-X.
I'm not doing it.
I refuse to.
So we're back in the house of adjacent breakfast foodstuffs.
Hey.
To go through the three items.
So what we're going to do is we're going to do three segments.
Segment one, I'm going to show you my three items.
Segment two, you get yours out.
Segment three, we price and we play the game.
This seems like a...
A way to break up the editing process for me tonight
to get through it quicker.
Yes, Eli, I've pulled back the beefy meat curtains.
Beefy meat curtains?
I've pulled back my beefy meat curtains
and I show you the inner workings of the podcast.
Hello, come with me as I take you on a journey
past the stinky beefy meat mid-courtesan.
I'm Francois Fourth Wall.
Hello.
The smell is a poisson.
No, it's a poisson.
It is like the smell of hop, despair, and tutti frutti crisps.
Tutti frutti.
Anyway, that's...
Tutti frutti crisps.
Was that a thing?
I don't know.
There was an ice cream flavoured crisp once.
There was, but I think that was just Monster Munch and a bad idea that's right monster munch thank you can i show you my
three items now paul in your hurry to i mean it's not that much of a four minutes in it's meant to
be a 10 minute segment chop up this thing that should be a thing of natural delight you've
neglected paul you've neglected to even mention what segment this is. And it's our foundational segment.
It's the price of shite, Paul.
Go on, do it then.
Yes.
Do it.
Yes.
Do it.
Lead us in.
It's the fucking price of shite.
It's the fucking price of shite.
It's the fucking price of shite.
It's the fucking price of shite.
Oh, that's right.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the price of shite.
Yes.
It's still going, are you?
Could I stop that now?
Please stop.
You will stop soon.
You're making me feel out of breath now, Paul.
Paul, please stop it.
Right.
And that's right.
That is right.
But we are playing in a slightly different way because, as you know,
we were out yesterday in Pinner.
Yes.
Miles and miles away from East Finchley.
Yeah.
And we both selected three items.
We're going to have a versus game of Price of Strike now.
Yes.
What are the rules?
So, I'm going to just show you my items.
You don't have to price them.
You're just going to have a look at them.
Take notes, if you like, but put them.
And then, when we get to the third round after the second round where you've done your bit.
This is what i mean you try and make it easier for yourself and you get to the third round after the first and second round of the way right the third round is where we'll actually price it and
what you'll have to do is you tell me what you think is the cheapest to the most expensive and
price it along the way if they match up directly with the price two twings. Two per twings for each one on the nose.
However, let's just say it is the
cheapest item in that order, but it's not the
right price, you will be awarded one per twing
for being correct in its placement.
A per twing for each item
placed correctly in its placement. Yes.
And if you get not only the right
prices, but the right order,
I will nosh you off. No,
it's always noshing off as if that was
something i wanted as if that's something i craved maybe i do not from you paul love is contagious
you're singing a song now so to summarize you'll show me your three bits summarize summarize
summarize i won't guess yeah you're just going to make notes to go oh that's an interesting item
etc i will show you my three bits yes and you will to make notes and go oh that's an interesting item etc
I will show you my
three bits
yes
and you will likewise
make notes and say
oh that's an interesting
item
I will say
item of curio
and then
the score
then we do the guessing
yes
and the scoring
yes
in a third segment
yes
alright let's get on with it
right well I'm going to
take a break so I can
make this an easy edit
for me because when I
look at seven minutes
on the timeline
I don't cry
rather than looking at
45 minutes and going well that's my whole evening done paul honestly no one needs to know
showing you the meaty beef curtain behind the scenes action jack the fourth wall jack the fourth
wall that is my name i show you eli is wearing green t-shirt today it's uh it's actually sent
in from a cheapskate this is my my investigator T-shirt. Investigator T-shirt.
Has a crocodile wearing a Sherlock Holmes cosplay outfit.
And because of this new character,
I have elongated this segment unnecessarily.
See you after the sound effect.
We're back in the room,
and I've got my first item for you.
Would you like to see it, Mr. Silverman?
He's passing me a small sort of game box. Talk into the microphone, because it's an audio podcast. I'm not going to for that. Would you like to see it, Mr. Silverman? He's passing me a small sort of game box. Talk into the microphone
because it's an audio podcast.
I'm not going to for that. Fine.
Then I will just cut out all of your lines
and replace it with the sound of a crying
child. I'm just trying to be nice.
I'm just trying to be nice, Paul.
Can't you be nice for once? I am nice.
You're not. You're never nice. You're nice to me all day
long. And as soon as we press record.
That's because Paul Gannon podcast version is horrible. I don don't like him i know he is but me in real life
is absolutely charming and every mother loves me this is a game paul yes it's called haunted wood
yes oh i can see why this um appealed to me oh it's by it's distributed by fisher price but it
is by horsenberger or whatever it's called. What's the pinny called?
Horsenberger.
Isn't it?
Horsenberger.
What's the name of it?
Pretty soon, with the way the world's going, that's going to be the fucking...
Well, that's what birds I got in trouble for a few years ago.
Yeah, horse burgers, yeah.
No, it's Ravensburger, which is even nastier.
Yeah.
I wouldn't want to eat a raven.
They're nice.
They're lovely, clever birds.
Horses are clever as well.
Horses can count, can't they?
Yeah.
And they both make a great burger.
I don't think raven is very good meat.
This is a spooky children's dice game full of ghosts and goblins.
This looks cool.
I've never seen this.
It's like 1970s or something, I think.
Very 70s look to it.
Yes.
And it's also part jigsaw because you have to put the board together like a jigsaw piece.
Oh, I see.
You know what?
I haven't actually looked at it because I've been so busy for obvious fucking reasons that
I haven't actually looked in and peeked in.
This is really lovely, man.
Isn't it?
I love the design.
It cost me six quid.
The pictures on the board.
I'm only joking.
This is a really nice thing.
Isn't it?
This is probably the best thing
that either of us got.
It's got a nice artwork style,
which is kind of like
children's book of the period.
Yes.
And then it's quite simple.
You've just got one dice in there.
Maybe they were...
No, it's only a one dice game.
One dice?
Yeah.
Yeah, for kids.
And then you've got
little very standard
little wooden people characters.
Textbook.
Yeah, like, you know,
your standard Ludo Cluedo piece.
But all the effort
has gone into the,
like you say,
this luscious
children's sort of style,
children's book artwork
illustration style on there.
Pictures for this,
obviously, on the website,
thecheapshow.co.uk
on a page
dedicated to this episode.
Okay.
Well, that is a...
What a lovely thing.
I love Fisher Price.
We might play it
on a Patreon video.
Yeah.
Nice and simple.
I'll be up for that.
And you've got the...
Instructions.
That's very brief instructions.
It's basically...
It's a very simple game for kids, isn't it?
It's like two to six or whatever it is.
It looks like a sort of Snakes and Ladders variation.
Yeah, maybe.
Or there's a Goblin Go Back Five Spaces.
I bet it's that, yeah.
There's a ghost run away and fight for you.
Lovely, though.
Lovely.
Want to see the second item there?
No, I'm really impressed with that.
Next one. A bigger box a bigger bigger box this is another box cardboard box he's handed me spy gear ages
six and up laser trip wire yeah high-tech security system this is a toy this isn't for really for
no i don't think james bond or fucking jason bourne's going to use that but it's effectively
a series of lasers that you attach to tables
to make laser wire, and you can't trip it.
Like Entrapment with Catherine Zeta-Jones' bottom.
Yes, it contains three tripped wires units.
Okay, so it's mirrored infrared.
Yeah, it shows you there.
It's both a receiver and a laser.
Both has yes.
So you can triangulate
I guess between the three.
Do you think this works?
I don't know.
This seems to be
the type of thing
that would pack up
quite quickly.
Again another thing
we can do for the
top tier Patreon video.
Definitely.
This is quite neat isn't it?
We can do a Mission Impossible
thing can't we?
Now can I ask Paul?
Yeah you can ask me.
Paul.
I mean that's one of
those things you hate innit?
Excuse me can I ask a question?
Yes.
Here's my question.
You don't like that, so can I ask Paul?
I was just leading in.
I was going to go straight into the question.
That little thing that you complain about is nothing that you're doing right now.
Yeah, but I didn't wait for your permission.
You did.
I was going to lead straight in.
You interrupted me.
You give me that come hither eye look you give me.
Paul.
This is true.
He gives him a secret eye look when they are talking, ladies and gentlemen.
See, behind the fourth wall.
The beefy, beefy wall. The beefy walls.
I have them, all of the secrets.
Tell me. Tell me, Jean-Pierre
fourth wall. It is not
Jean-Pierre. François. François.
The fourth wall. Pardon moi.
Pardon moi, Grosso. Please tell me, François.
Oui. The fourth wall.
Oui. How is all the walls that you pull back
and you peel these walls and you move,
you break these walls,
why are they all made of the beef?
See how he goes from French to German
and then he goes to Italian or something at the end.
I'm a kind of middle European kind of person.
I go here, I go there, I look for...
Eli Silverman cannot retain a voice for very long,
ladies and gentlemen.
It is the way of the game.
Hey, how about you
shut the fuck up
about my fucking accent?
It is the same as life.
Life is the same as game.
Game is life.
Now, Francois,
answer my question.
Why are all your walls
made of the beef?
Well, it is because
I come from a beefy family.
And all we know is,
for instance,
let us take us this sausage.
I take a sausage
every Saturday night.
You think of the sausage as meat thing you put in mouth and enjoy.
And yet I do not see sausage.
I see the piggy it comes from.
I see how they strip back the meat from the bone, from the ligaments, from the crystal.
And I see the sausage.
That is how I see my fourth walls, like the butcher.
I am the butcher of the fantasy.
Wow.
Okay.
Thanks, Francois.
I'm off to drink coffee.
In the lobby, we've got a machine.
There is no lobby.
But make sure you don't go in the...
It is a small flat in Haringey, where they record from.
All of the secret rooms do not exist.
Francois, please.
Oh, mate, you're ruining it for me now.
Yeah.
Stop pulling back the fourth wall.
Paul and me are yet the same person
and yet the argument continues.
Why so many characters?
Now.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, so that's it.
Not much to say on the laser trip wire,
to be honest.
No, but again,
we'll use it in a video
and do a bit of spyware.
Nice second item there.
Right, okay.
Can I see my third item?
Third.
It's a set.
Oh.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Why are you so good at this game? I don't know, but I am. You are so good. My items are going to set. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Why are you so good at this game?
I don't know, but I am.
You are so good.
My items are going to pale.
Yeah.
We should have done mine first.
Yeah, we should have.
Oh, God.
Tell them what it is.
This is a set of three tin Jack Daniels branded black metal cups.
Tumblers, cups.
Yeah.
Lovely stuff.
Lovely.
Kind of matte.
Cups.
Tumblers, cups, yeah. Yeah, lovely stuff.
Lovely.
Kind of matte.
Got a real sort of nice quality matte black with the Jack Daniels logo twice on each one.
They've got a quality to them, though, don't they?
Nice solid build.
And like you say, the nice matte black finish.
Silver, the left silver on the inside.
Yeah.
Perfect for like if you're going to do a batch of sort of elevated Jack and Cokes.
Yeah.
Maybe use Gusto Coke.
Yeah, fancy pants.
Not Jack Daniels.
You could use that mellow corn.
But here's the thing.
Imagine how nice that's going to be once the ice is in there
and it frosts up and gets a little bit of that frost on the outside
like a cocktail shaker.
You could actually build it in this as well and give it a stir.
Very nice.
Very nice.
So they're the three items, Eli.
But the question is for later on,
how much are they from cheapest to most expensive?
That's the question I wanted to ask you, Paul.
Yeah.
Which I'm not asking whether I can ask.
No, no, that's fine.
I'm just saying I'm about to ask it.
I'm about to ask this question.
Well, then go ahead.
Whether you like me to or not,
I will be asking this next question, okay?
Yeah.
So, can I just ask?
You stuck to the £10 budget, did you?
Yes.
It was under £10.
All of it?
All of it.
We didn't have to spend the whole budget?
No.
So all we're going to know about each other is spending.
We didn't spend more than a tenner each.
That was the limit.
Okay.
So.
So just to recap, you've got the Haunted Wood Children's Game.
Yeah.
Distributed by Fisher Price, but made by Ravensburger.
Yeah.
In Germany.
You have the Spy Gear laser tripwire toy thing.
High-tech security says on the box.
Yeah.
It's that thing.
It contains one spray bottle as well.
What would you do that?
To spray so you can see the wire.
So it looks like a...
Like entrapment.
Like a laser.
It comes with a free replica of Catherine Zeta-Jones' arse. Oh, is it laser? Yeah. three replica of Catherine Zeta-Jones' arse.
Oh, is it laser?
Stop talking about Catherine Zeta-Jones' arse.
That's the only thing people remember about entrapment.
That and they go, Sean Connery's too old for this.
The trip wire and the nice quality Jack Daniels metal cups.
They're like Dixie cups sort of style.
What you'd play beer pong with.
Haunted wood game.
That's my three items.
It's now time to hand over to Eli.
Let's see what Eli's got.
Eli, bring on your tat.
Eli, bring on your tat.
I've got the Pricadeur Shisho.
I've got the Pricadeur Shisho for you.
What's this now?
I've got three items of the Pricadeur Shisho for you.
Yeah.
I've got three items. Pricadeur Shisho. Is this Australian now? What is this three items for the Shisho for you. Yeah? I've got three items.
Prick out a Shisho. Is this Australia
now? What is this?
Can I ask Eli just to fucking
talk like Eli? Can you ask Eli?
Can I ask Eli? I am Eli. Yeah, can you ask Eli?
Alright, alright, hello, Eli?
Yeah?
See, when I do it, it's creatively
buoyant. But when you do it, it's like
a sinking ship of interest. You know what's fucking's creatively buoyant. But when you do it, it's like a sinking ship of interest.
You know what's fucking also creatively buoyant?
Turds.
Bobbing turds at the beach that people see you doing from above
and laugh at and point at you.
Well, it all comes back to you, doesn't it?
First item is a fucking Garfield mug.
Let's have a look.
Let me just check.
Oh, there is another fucking sneaky price tag.
Is it the same price as the one you bought it for?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, you better take it off.
Fucking bullshit.
Lucky I noticed that, eh?
So, what I'm gathering already is that Eli put almost no effort into this this week.
No, I took the price off.
Oh, you...
Oh, how dare you?
You fucking...
The amount of times in the past you've kept the price on with these fucking things
yeah you think you'd have learnt
from my mistakes
so you'd have the moral
higher ground at all times
I took the price off
and now you show me
the bottom of the cup
as you scrape it
so I can potentially
look at the price
no you can't
I could have
no you could not have
I could have
here
it's a fucking
Garfield birthday mug
it is from the period though
and it is in very good condition
so I'll have to say that for it.
Why are you looking at me like that?
I'm just fucking
thinking of ways to kill you.
Fuck off.
Right, it's the multicoloured cup.
It's got Garfield.
It's not his best position.
He's just on his back.
I like it though.
It's quite unusual
because you can't see his eyes.
He's just lying back
with his mouth open.
What's his expression meant to be like?
Upset?
Happy?
Laughing?
Let me see.
Is he laughing his arse off?
He's next to a birthday cake and then it says...
How old are you?
Weird.
Well, this is the problem with this.
It absolutely has no meaning.
It's trying to be generic, rather like the whole oeuvre of Garfield.
Oh, who made this?
United Feature Syndicate Incorporation.
It's nice that it has that original and has the date from 78.
Yeah.
That's an old mug.
No, that's just when the copyright
the character was made
in 78
it's not when the cup
was made
when do you think
this cup was made
I would say
mid 80s
could be
which is still
bloody old
and look it's got
that rim
look at the rim
on the mug
it's got a quality
build that you don't
find
it's a less generic
mug than you get
nowadays
I mean it's printed
on as good as it
could be
and it hasn't shown
anywhere over the years
that's what I mean
it's well preserved that it is it could be, and it hasn't shown anywhere over the years. That's what I mean.
It's well-preserved, that.
It is an unloved birthday present from someone.
Next item.
Just leave it there.
Shut up!
I want to look at Garfield!
There's nothing to see there.
He's crying.
Talking to the mic.
He's crying.
Shut up! Is this whole podcast like one big Hellraiser?
Is this like where
like Pinhead walks in
one day and goes
your pain has been delightful
have you seen my items
no
why
what's your next item
because I'm just about to get
what's this
my next item Paul
yeah
is Clive Barker's
The Hellbound Heart
classic novella
filmed as hellraiser
mate I'm telling you
it's my psychic powers
from that book I'm reading
about how to be a ghost and come back
from the dead and necromancy
and all that kind of stuff. I'm learning super tricks.
I reckon I'm getting powered up.
I mean, that is not actually the next item. It's just another
item I bought, which I thought might be
of some interest. Oh, so it's not the item on the Price is Right
game, but it's still... No, but it is in it, weirdly.
Yeah, I read that book years ago. I did buy it yesterday.
This copy, this edition.
Mate, so now I'm beginning to think this is
this whole podcast
is something within
that what's it called
the configuration box
what's it called
Le Marchand's box
that's what it must be
called in the book
but it's not called
that in the film
all I am expecting now
is Hellraiser to walk in
and promising to
tear my soul apart
I just bought that
because it's a very
nicely preserved copy
well it's not the
second item
so put it down
and give me the second item because I'm bored about talking about Garfield as well they slapped his face on everything it's a very nicely preserved copy. Well, it's not the second item, so put it down and give me the second item
because I'm bored about talking about Garfield as well.
They slapped his face on everything.
It's not special.
I'm not saying it's special.
I'm just saying it is strange
how you can't tell whether he's angry, crying,
he's full up, what's going on there.
There must have been a folder
full of generic Garfield poses
that people could just buy and slap on everything.
And I like the way it says,
how old are you?
So instead of sort of... No, it doesn't say that.
Read it again.
You are how old?
Yeah.
As if to say, you are how old?
Oh, is that what it is?
Yeah.
Like, you old fuck.
It's a birthday book.
I thought it was saying that because it doesn't mention a specific number,
so they can sell it to anyone who's having a birthday.
That probably counts as well.
But I think it's probably for people who are working in an office
and are in their mid to late 40s. I don't get what the joke is, though. There's no real joke. It's a birthday. That probably counts as well. But I think it's probably for people who are working in an office and are in their mid
to late 40s.
I don't get what the joke is though.
There's no real joke.
It's a birthday joke.
What's Garfield doing?
Why is he lying there?
He's laughing at your age.
Oh.
You see what I mean?
He's like,
you're how old?
What a fucking...
Fuck him.
You big prick.
And why would he laugh?
I hate Garfield.
That's why I don't think
it's true to the character.
What character?
Exactly.
The acerbic,
world-weary...
He's not, though's not he's not
of addictive there's only one thing about him he likes lasagna and hates that dog that's all it is
about a bit and wants to be left alone it's fucking twat yeah it's a twat item number two
please i'm gonna chuck it over for you now be careful it's it's fucking oh it's a underwhelming
porcelain wolf it's a small porcelain wolf underwhelming porcelain wolf. It's a small porcelain wolf.
Underwhelming porcelain wolf.
It sounds like a character who hangs out in men's loos.
Underwhelming porcelain wolf.
Yeah.
It's more like the worst Pokemon.
He can't say anything.
What is there to say?
It's got a glaze to it.
It's something that...
I think it's more of a fox.
More of an arctic fox sort of style.
It's certainly some kind of
lupine creature
can we agree on that
we both can agree on that
we both can agree on the
lupine features
now third item
alright alright
fair enough
so two porcelain items
here's the third
it's a vinyl
oh
it's KLF
last train to
Transcentral
which wasn't
last train to
Transcentral which was't their Last Train to Transcentral
Transcentral
Which was their follow up to
KLF
Uh huh
Uh huh
Wasn't it
Blue
Wasn't it
Yeah
Which was 3am internal
Is that right
I can't remember
Yeah
But this was their follow up
Which had a lot of that
That country singer
What did KLF stand for
Oh yeah
Justified an ancient
They did with her
Didn't they
With Dusty Springfield Not Dusty springfield right i've just cut a load of shit out of this episode because
eli just stared at his phone useless staring at it like a man trying to pick his nose in the doorway
of a charity shop oh trying to fucking weave it all in are they i do weave and weft but it was the
last time you weft you off the route i've with myft your wafter out? I've whiffed my wafter. Well, we've whiffed it.
You haven't wafted your wafter in ages.
I'll weft my wafter and I'll go back and forth.
I'll get the loam.
I'll get a great big loam on the loom.
Your wafter's waft.
I've got the waft going in and out of the loom.
And the loom comes back on the rack.
Whiffed it.
Eli.
Whiffed it.
Hallelujah.
It's raining.
Come.
Hallelujah. There's your adult parody parody can we get on with this so it's the kf i really want to know what that lady's name was it doesn't matter because i've cut the
whole bit out i've cut the whole bit out is it listed on the disc no it's not because this isn't
that song that you're thinking of this is last train to trans central oh that's because yes
like a train so let's get back to that.
God, I had to cut so much out.
The KLF,
Last Train to Trans Central.
A nice bit of,
I guess it's like early 90s dance music,
isn't it?
Yeah.
91.
It's sort of,
it's agitprop,
though, as well.
They were very much
sort of had a punk,
do-it-yourself vibe
as well, didn't they?
As well as being
sort of chart records.
I'll play a tiny bit
of it right now.
Okay, everybody,
lie down on the floor
and keep calm.
This is what PLF is about.
All so known
as the just-adopted
ancients of Moomoo.
For more known
as the Jams.
Jams. Yeah, it's that one.
And they were like, they would sort of cross over with the rave,
the underground rave culture of the time as well,
weren't they?
So the interesting...
What did the KLF stand for?
Did you find that out?
Fucking hell.
The KLF, also known as the Justified Ancients of Moo Moo.
Yeah.
The Jams.
All bound for Moo Moo land.
And the Time Lords.
Oh, the Doctor and the TARDIS.
That was them as well.
Christ.
It says here they pioneered Stadium House,
rave music with a pop rock production.
So like I say, it's sort of crossover.
Oh, it says here,
KLF stands for Copyright Liberation Front.
In 1991, the KLF, an acronym for Copyright Liberation Front,
was the best-selling British act in the world.
Yeah, so they were very, quite political and sort of arty.
They burnt money, didn't they?
And they had a very famously very stupid thing.
Was it a million quid in cash they burnt?
One million, yeah.
It was done in an art duo consisting of Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cawty.
Yes.
They burnt cash in the amount of one million pounds sterling in a disused boathouse.
Yeah, it's silly.
Up in Scotland, I think it was.
Yeah.
It was like an island.
What was their biggest hit? All Bound for Moo Moo Land. That was their biggest one. Yeah, it's silly. Up in Scotland, I think it was. It was like an island. What was their biggest hit?
All Bound for Moo Moo Land.
That was their biggest one.
Yeah.
Who was the singer?
Why have you got this?
Tammy Wynette.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You didn't say Tammy Wynette.
What are you saying thank you for?
I was saying thank you for telling me
it was Tammy Wynette.
That was me.
That's not a competition all the time, Paul.
Actually, this is a competition right now, though, isn't it?
We're both here trying to learn stuff about KLF.
Well, what a waste of time.
Anyway, that's the end of Eli.
Which is your favourite of my items?
Let me think.
Non, non, non.
All shit.
No, KLF's all right, but it's...
Do you want it?
No, no.
You put no effort into any of these.
I did.
You went in first.
You bought all the good stuff.
I would have bought all of those.
You went into the shops first.
I wouldn't have bought that.
That's shit. Yeah? Your laser pointer thing is shit. Still better than... The other two items are very good. You bought all the good stuff. I would have bought all of those. You went into the shops first. I wouldn't have bought that. So you had the chance.
Yeah?
Your laser pointer thing is shit.
Still better than... The other two items are very good.
It's still better than any of those.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
That Garfield mug's good.
That laser tripwire brings fun.
That Garfield mug is a...
I'm just going to press stop on this segment now
because I'm bored of you.
Well...
And you've soured this experience for me now.
Well, bring Francois back from the coffee room.
No, he's gone now.
He hasn't gone.
He has, he's gone.
He was bound for Moo Moo Land.
He's painted beef-flavoured paint
all over the walls of the kitchen.
I can smell that it actually is
like a consomme of beef
or something that he's spread.
Hello, it is I,
surprise attack,
for I have got to say
I have not painted anything.
Eli is making a fictional situation happen
for drama.
Oh, Francois, you're always breaking the fourth wall, aren't you?
I must go now.
Although all that means is that Paul would stop doing this ridiculous accent.
Mate, you've been on fire with the characters.
There was fucking Colin the Nostalgist and now Francois the Fourth Wall.
Brilliant.
Do you want to hear my new one?
No.
No, I don't.
You can't possibly.
Hugo shit his neighbors. What does he do? Big poos. Do you want to hear my new one? No. No, I don't. You can't possibly... Hugo Shit, his name is.
What does he do?
Big poos?
Hello, I'm Hugo Shit.
What have you done?
You've blocked the loo, have you, with your big poo-poo?
I poo once every ten years.
Oh, it must be colossal.
And I pick one lucky toilet to clog.
This is actually quite good.
The cack fairies come out and they make you a wish pair fairy.
Oh.
And the more fairies you have,
the more wishes.
So,
would you like little boy
for me to cack into your toilet?
I think they've got your rides,
come.
Fucking,
fucking,
God,
get off you go.
Haha,
it is I,
Francois.
This is yet another character
that we'll never hear of again.
Yes.
Such as me. Ho, ho, so sweet. Bye, bye. Sois. Is this yet another character that we'll never hear of again? Such as me.
Ho-ho.
So sweet.
Bye-bye.
Let's stop this.
Okay, so...
It's time to play the game.
Okay, so we've...
It's time to play the game. Okay, so we've got... It's time to play the game.
Okay, so we've got three items each.
Yeah.
And this, just to summarise and recap, Paul...
Yeah.
This will be the scoring of the betwings.
Now, when we play the Price of Shite game here on the Cheap Show podcast...
Yeah.
Points are betwings.
Betwings are points.
Yes.
What are points?
What are points?
I'm sorry, is this not rhetorical?
No, it's like I'm doing a thing.
No, but you know the answer, don't you?
I want you to say it loud.
I want you to say it loud.
No, I'm not going to.
What are points?
Fucking hate you sometimes, you know.
You know, the essence of comedy is play.
He's taking his headphones off.
The essence of comedy is play.
People need to play together, Paul.
Can I play with you?
Maybe I'll let you. If you just do this call and response thing I'm trying to do.
Right.
Okay.
I'll play with Eli.
Now, we've both got three items and there's a certain way to score betwings.
Because on this game, on the Cheap Show podcast, when we play the prize of Shite, what are
the points are?
Betwings.
Thank you.
Points are betwings.
Thanks, Paul, for taking part.
No, my pleasure.
Thank you for allowing me to take part in this. Okay. Points are betwings. Thanks, Paul, for taking part. No, my pleasure. Thank you for allowing me to take part in this.
Okay.
Points mean betwings.
And this week, quite a few ways that we can both score betwings.
Now, you guess the price of each other's items.
If you guess it on the nose exactly right, you get two betwings for that.
If you're 25p, either way, on any item, you get one point.
One betwing there. either way on any item you get one point one between there
and
for each item
in the right order
of price
from cheapest
to most expensive
you get a between
for that as well
right
and what if they're all three
in the right order
would you get
extra between
you get one extra between
if you got them
in the right order
so
if you got
which is not going to happen
the exact right price
on every item,
you would score two
for each of those.
That would be six.
Yes.
Plus one for getting
each one in the right place.
Yes.
That's nine.
Plus one extra between.
For having the whole jackpot.
And that would be
ten betwings total.
There's potentially
ten on the table.
There's ten on the table
potentially.
Ten on the table potentially.
Yes.
Potentially.
Potentially ten.
Potentially ten.
Potentially ten betwings on the table. Which potentially potentially 10 potentially 10 potentially 10
which was the name
of a boy band
I tried to put together
in the 90s
potentially 10
potentially 10
but there's only 9 of us
potentially 10
I saw this advert
the other day
and it was for
crisps that's it
on the crisps
on Smith's crisps now
right
on Walker's rather
they say
you see potatoes
we see potential
right it's like fuck off Walker's you see potatoes. We see potential. It's like, fuck off, Walkers.
You see potatoes as well.
No, they see crisps.
You don't see potential, do you?
They just see crisps.
We see money.
We see potentially money.
You see potatoes.
We see crisps.
I hate that because they're fucking mixing their metaphor.
No one sees potential, do they?
Eli.
You perceive potential.
No one actually sees it.
And it just made me think that
vision is such a sort of overused...
He's mixing this iced latte
with his finger like a dirty boy.
Now he's licking his finger like a dirty boy.
Mix all the milk in the water.
What's up?
For the ASMR fans out there.
You don't actually...
Vision isn't overused as a metaphor.
Eli, can I impress upon you how bored I am of this conversation?
You're bored of everything about me.
Just get on with the game.
We've established the point system.
Right, who's guessing first?
We're going item by item, back and forth.
Is that how we do it?
Eli, just to give you credit
so I'm not bad boy Gannon today,
you did those points succinctly
and clearly I think we're all on the same page.
We're on the same page now. Thanks, Paul.
So I'm going to let you go and guess my ones first.
All three? Yeah, because I can just
tell you right now what mine are because while you were going on
and on about Smith's fucking walkers
promotional taglines, I actually just
wrote down my order and prices.
Like that.
Lickety splits.
I've got those written down already.
I have them on this piece of paper.
I did it before we started.
Lickety fucking split that.
All right, good.
I'll lick it and I'll split it.
Fingers.
Split and lick.
Oh, God.
Went down the road the other day giving the old spit and lick.
Oh, give me the old lickety split.
That's where the phrase came from,
mate,
lickety split.
No,
it means quickly.
Yeah.
Not the way I do it.
Yeah.
Oh,
he gave me the old lickety split
last night.
You lucky devil.
Oh,
it only took him three seconds.
Yeah.
Okay,
so,
what's your first item?
Here we go,
the Woodland Game.
It's up to you.
So,
I gave you it in this order.
Wood,
tripwire, cups.
But is that the order of the price?
Have I subverted expectation?
I think...
I'm going to lock these in as you go.
I think the spy gear was £4.
Spy, £4.
I think that was the most expensive item.
Spy, £4, okay.
There's the tripwire, spy gear.
Yes.
And then I think the haunted wood,
I want to say £1.75. Wood, spy gear. Yes. And then I think the haunted wood, I want to say £1.75.
Wood, £1.75.
Actually, go down to £1.25 for the wood.
£2.25.
And I think £2.
£2.25 for the...
£2.25.
No, nothing's going to be £2.25, is it?
That's the point.
Something will be £2.25 in the world somewhere.
No, when you say 25p, what you're doing is you're hedging your bets. Something will be £225 in the world somewhere. No when you say £25p
what you're doing
is you're hedging
your bets
you're trying to
get the safe
between
rather than
going for
the jackpot
where you go
on the 50s
because things
aren't usually
developed in 50s.
I'll say £2
for the Jack Daniels.
Okay Paul?
£2 for Jack Daniels
you say?
Yeah.
So that means
you're saying
cheapest is wood
the cheapest is
the haunted wood
children's game
then the Jack Daniels cups.
And the most expensive is the laser tripwire.
That's right.
And have you written down my prices?
I've locked it in.
Yep.
Okay.
Now it's time for you to guess.
Right.
I think the cheapest thing is that fucking crap dog.
I think that's 75p.
I'm not writing down crap dog.
He's the porcelain wolf.
All right.
Shit dog.
He's the underwhelming porcelain wolf.
Yes.
And he's hungry like the underwhelming porcelain Wolf. All right, shit dog. He's the Underwhelming Porcelain Wolf. Yes. And he's hungry like the Underwhelming Porcelain Wolf.
Okay.
So you're saying 75p for the Porcelain Wolf.
His name is Garfield and he likes to eat lasagna.
75p for the Porcelain Wolf.
75p for the Porcelain Wolf.
Okay.
Next, I think it's the cup at a price of a hedging bet notion of 125.
125 for the Garfield mug.
And then finally, I'm going to say the KLF was the most expensive at £1.50.
KLF, last train to Trans Central.
Yes.
Aha, aha.
Bloop, bloop.
Did it go aha, aha? That's the way I like it. Aha, aha. Oh, yeah-huh, uh-huh. Bloop, bloop. Did it go uh-huh, uh-huh?
That's the way I like it.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Oh, yeah, yeah, it did do that.
Yeah, yeah.
You're forgetting all the kind of,
I don't know what you want to call it.
Yeah, yeah.
The kind of industrial kind of city sounds they're using.
They were pretty good for what they were, weren't they?
Not my cup of tea,
because I was a bit too young for them, I think,
when they came out,
and it was appealing to an older teenage crowd,
young adult.
Yes. You know, we all know KLF still, when they came out, and it was appealing to an older teenage crowd, young adult. But, you know,
we all know KLF still, so they
must have had some legacy. They were relatively
subversive, and also they developed, the one thing
we didn't mention is they developed the whole
ambient
house scene with their LP
Chill Out. Interesting. Well, I hope
you've learned something about the KLF today.
Right, so should we reveal our answers one by
one? I'll show you mine, you show me yours.
Okay.
Shall I go first?
Yeah.
The cheapest item in the game today.
I said it was the Haunted Wood game.
And you are correct.
Bang, that's a patwing there.
So you get a patwing for it being the cheapest item.
You said it was £1.25.
I can confirm it is £1.50.
Ooh, got my hedgy patwing, two patwings on that item.25. I can confirm it is £1.50. Ooh, got my hedgy between.
Two betweens on that item.
Yep.
Then?
Then you said the, what was it, cups.
Jack Daniels branded matte black tin cups.
And you said they were £2.
You were wrong.
The next item, they were the second most expensive.
No, sorry, they were the most expensive.
They were the most expensive, yeah.
They were £4.
So nothing there.
And then for the spy kit, you said...
Obviously I didn't get it in the right place.
No, but also you did not get the right price.
It was £3.
And what did I say?
£4.
And just to confirm, I wrote the scores down earlier.
Hand them over, let me just double check this.
Yeah, I can see that that's all in order there.
Thank you.
I likewise have the scores written down.
Good boy.
So you said...
I said dog, wolf.
The wolf.
The underwhelming porcelain wolf.
Yes.
You said 75p.
Yes.
And the cheapest item.
Yes.
It was the most expensive item.
And it was two pounds.
That's a fucking rip off.
It's a porcelain.
That's awful shit. God, he really objects to it. I really hate this. That's a fucking rip-off. It's a porcelain. That's awful shit.
God, he really objects to it.
I really hate this.
It's a nice little wolf.
You do have a gift, though.
You do manage to find the stuff that makes me the fucking most disappointed and angry.
He is an underwhelming porcelain wolf.
And he's a fox, probably, I think.
Anyway.
Next, the cup.
No points there.
Nothing.
Cup next.
£1.25, you said, for the Garfield Cup.
Yeah. You said it was the middle-priced item. It wasn't the middle you said, for the Garfield Cup. Yeah.
You said it was the middle-priced item.
It wasn't the middle price.
It was the cheapest.
Unbelievable.
At £1, so you do get one per twing there.
What a fucking outrage this game has become.
KLF.
KLF is going to rock you.
It was the middle-most, so I don't get anything for placement there.
But you said £1.50.
It was £1.50.
So that is two per twings.
So that means, Eli...
You win by one per twing.
I win by one per twing.
It's three, two.
But it's a Pyrrhic victory, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't you feel?
I'm actually fucked off with that Wolf's price.
A, because you were happy to spend on that.
But also, the idea that someone looked at that
for a few moments and went,
oh yeah, that's two quid.
It's like, what basis?
Well, that's it.
Do you know why?
I was trying to play the game well.
I looked at that and I thought, I wonder what price that is.
And I thought, that's not something that's more than you'd expect.
I understand that logic.
It's not like it cost seven pounds or something.
You know what I mean?
I'm not against you picking that for that reason.
I did it for a strategic reason.
I got it.
I did the same.
I thought you were going to get
tricked by the tripwire.
Funnily enough,
you were tripped up
by the tripwire.
I was, yeah.
We're both playing this game
to a high level.
Well, we've been at this
a while now, Mr. Silverman.
But well done.
Well done.
You did edge me there
and also you've got
more interesting items.
I'll edge you.
What does that mean?
It means when you wank
until you're about to come
but you don't
and you pull back
and then you build up to edge
and you get close to the edge
and then you reveal.
Is it a tantric thing?
Yes, you could say
a tantric energy thing.
I've never been to a chemsex party.
Well, I think they get all edgy,
don't they?
I'm just saying,
I think what I'm angry about
is the fact that someone
priced it as £2
when that reeks of
below a quid easily for me.
Mate,
we've had like beautiful things
for less than two quid.
It's the crazy world of charity shop pricing.
It's crazy.
Crazy mouth noise world.
It's the crazy mouth noise world of Arnold Brown.
Because, Paul, we should mention that we,
I think we did mention yesterday
when we saw it in the window,
shop window of St. Luke's in Pinner.
They had a Beatles LP for 200 quid.
Yes, which we mentioned at the top of the show.
We've already talked about this.
Oh, have we?
Yes.
Remember when I said at the beginning,
before we get into it,
I needed to go into the detail about the eBay,
proving once again that you do not listen to me.
I did listen.
I knew you'd said it,
but I thought you said it before.
I thought you said it before we started recording.
And you asked me a question about
if you can ask me a question.
Eli Silverman, hoist by your own petard much?
Yes, I like to hoist myself by my own petard.
I would like to edge your petard.
Edge it right off into my gaping, eager mouth.
Let's wrap this show up.
All right.
And that's the end of that.
Let's keep this simple.
The live show is tomorrow, if you're listening to this.
There is a rail strike on.
It fucking sucks.
I've updated the website for details about coaches
and alternative travel to the venue.
Is there alternative travel?
Coaches, bus routes, lots of the underground still working,
Uber, all those kind of things.
They're all on the fact sheet, which is on our website,
thecheapshow.co.uk
literally the first thing
on our website is
updated fact sheet
for episode live 300
also if you haven't
made your mind up
you can get tickets
on the day
also we're selling badges
oh I got my badge yesterday
£5
we're only accepting cash
because we don't have
one of those machines
so please bring a fiver
will you accept a check?
no
okay
nor will I accept
Google Pay
Apple Pay or fucking Magic Beans not doing it being a fiver. Will you accept a check? No. Okay. Nor will I accept Google Pay,
Apple Pay or fucking
Magic Beans.
Not doing it.
I want money in me hand.
Alright, fine.
Right, so
we're selling badges.
We've got Biffo,
Ashenz,
Ethan Lawrence,
Octavius King,
Ash Frith.
We're all going to be there.
It's going to be lots of fun.
We've already seen
some of the special segments
we've made
that Biffo has helped edit
and we're looking forward for you to seeing that.
So join us August 13th, Saturday night, if you can.
Harrow Arts Centre.
Go to our website or Harrow Arts website to buy tickets.
It's not too late.
And if you're a patron, you can get a discount.
Speaking of patrons, thank you, patrons, for supporting us.
Thank you.
As ever, you are beautiful people.
And if you want to help
support us
and join these beautiful people,
go to patreon.com
forward slash cheap show.
Give what you can,
but only if you can.
Thanks very much
for the support, everybody.
And then the usual shit,
email,
it's all on the website.
Just go to the website,
thecheapshow.co.uk.
It's that simple.
It's like a one-stop shop, Paul.
Yeah, it is a one-stop shop.
Everything's there.
All the links are there
to everything you need.
Our social media, our YouTube channel, Instagram, Facebook. It's's there all the links are there to everything you need our social media
our YouTube channel
Instagram
Facebook
it's all there
it's all there
thecheapshow.co.uk
and we're on Twitter
at thecheapshowpod
I'm at Paul Gannon's
show
Eli is
Eli Snoid
spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D
and also if you're
having trouble getting
to the venue and stuff
on Saturday
get in touch with us
on Twitter
we're retweeting people
who are offering lifts
and things like that
but as ever
don't go with someone
you don't know
blah blah blah stay safe safety is more important than you making the effort to come to the show but the show is going So we're retweeting people or offering lifts and things like that. But as ever, don't go with someone you don't know.
Blah, blah, blah.
Stay safe.
Safety is more important than you making the effort to come to the show.
But the show is going to be fucking great.
So those who do make it will have a night to remember.
Well, we're hoping it's going to be very great.
Even if it's mediocre.
The bar is going to be open all the way through the show and before and after.
We finish by 10 so people can get home safely if they need to and still meet us afterwards.
That's the plan.
We're very nervous.
As of right now, I've still got this fucking show to edit and finish planning the show the other thing is powerpoint slides together it's also going to be the peak of this second
heat wave of the year at 35 degrees so put some suntan lotion on bring a fan keep yourself cool
bring yourself hydrated yeah keep yourselves remember pops safety first hilarity last
which is often
how people view
our show
and with that
we've just been
joined right now
by our Mike Bat
expert
Rogan
any updates
on Mike Bat
Olivia Newton
John's dead
well that's not
Mike Bat is it
well I said
you're the article
Mike Bat article
there's a new
album coming out
or NFT
virtual online
experience
a multimedia sort of creation.
Superhero of some sort.
Sounds like a load of shit.
He's going to try and re-release his first album.
I think he should do some kind of Space Womble thing.
Like what?
Space Womble.
Womble 3000 or something.
Womble 2001.
Yeah.
No, Womble Neon X Genesis.
Something like that.
Can we wrap this show up, please?
Yeah, bye everybody.
Say bye, Rogan. Bye-bye. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. bald neon ex-genesis something like that can we wrap this show up please yeah bye everybody say
bye rogan bye everyone