CheapShow - Ep 299: Almost Everything All At Once

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

There is a loose tradition on CheapShow that when it’s the week of Paul’s Birthday, he decides to do as little as possible to get the episode out with as little editing as possible too. He also likes to drink. A lot. This puts Eli in a bit of a bind. He’s going to have to put up with all of Paul’s s*** and make sure that as many CheapShow segments fit into one hour as possible. So, hold on tight as the Cheap Chaps race through an Off Brand/Brand Off, a Sauce Report, a Soda Jerk taste test, a Cheap Eats treat, a Froth Shop candy, a Gannon’s Golden Games and a Paul’s Page Turner too! Is it possible? Is it even a good idea to cram in this much into sixty minutes? Well, you’re about to find out… Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-299-almost-everything-all-at-once And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And you can follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow https://www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow-tony/shop

Can we start this now then, please? Are you doing your voice now? No, I just want to start this podcast after sitting there and watching you thumb type a text message. What's wrong with thumb typing? It takes fucking forever. I will go. Like I've said before we started recording, Paul. It's like watching a monkey press a button on a wall for a banana.

Right now, do you want to fucking see who's more dexterous? I will go up against you. How? I'm sure there's some exist. My pianist's magician's fingers against your wall sausage fucking... go up against you a test how I'm sure there's some exist pianists magicians fingers against your

wool sausage fucking they may look like wool sausages but these are dexterous they look like Prince Charles' hands they do not don't say that

your hands look like worse versions of Prince Charles' they absolutely do not and trotter hooks do you know what I will fucking own you on any test of dexterity

alright manual dexterity here's a test of dexterity then Eli for you yeah what month is it any test of dexterity alright manual dexterity here's a text of dexterity then Eli for you yeah what month is it it is mental dexterity

September September what week are we in what numbered week what do you mean what numbered week we're in the third week great so what does that mean

have a think what does that mean the third week in September what happened in the third week of September that I might have had an interest in Ghostbusters?

No, you failed the mental dexterity test. The answer is it's my birthday week. Oh, that's not mental dexterity. Look what that means. Paul's bought booze.

Oh, fucking hell. What have you got there? I've got Moth Mojito. Rum, mint, lime, soda, dreaming. That's the same brand that I tested the other night. We tested the margarita the other night. So, mate.

Happy birthday. You're going to have a tough show, mate, because I'm going to be in a right rum punchy mood. Fucking hell. Mmm. Mmm. What's that, a mojito? Yeah.

Is it minty? Yeah, it's nice. Is it an artificial minty taste you're getting there? Yes, it's nice. So, here's the conceit behind this week's episode Eli has to tie a balloon there you go you bet you can't do that

I'll fucking do it quicker than you listen we played the sock game identifying things with our hands and pulling them out fast and oh

I seem to remember I seem to remember I'm utterly destroying you at that listen here's the conceit behind this week's episode, right? It's my birthday.

I don't want to edit all this fucking week. Is your birthday today? Wednesday. I don't want to edit this week. I didn't forget it then, did I? You will, though. I'm just pre-empting your forgetfulness because you didn't think ahead.

You didn't think to bring anything for today knowing it's the third week of September. What was I meant to bring? A present. You're impossible to buy presents for. In seven years. You're impossible to buy for. I'm actually not.

The gesture's always what it is for me. Well, Wednesday's Wednesday then, isn't it? Yeah, but I won't see you on Wednesday. You'll see what I got you on Wednesday. I won't see you on Wednesday. I've got something very special. See you next Tuesday, more like. You haven't got anything special,

because you never do. Seven years, not once, have you ever remembered to get me anything on my birthday, ever. That's not true. And half the reason why sometimes I don't get you stuff is because you fuck off to Florida.

So you're never around for a podcast episode on your birthday. So these week episodes are Paul's lazy, Paul drinky drink, Paul have fun, Paul put Eli through the ringer and I don't want to edit. So this episode is going to be in real time, following the credits. Everything happens in real time and we're going to do

a little bit of everything. We're going to do a platter, a cheap pizza, candy shop, a page turner, hot sauce, noodle kitchen, soda jerk. Soda jerk? Off brand, brand off.

What's the soda? The jerky soda nom nom nom drink. I've got it. It's sorted. What do you mean? Oh yeah, that, yeah. Oh yeah,

and then a Gannon's Golden Gaze. Oh, you know what else I've got? What? I've got that Vietnamese Red Bull, the Sting. You can throw that in if we're quick.

Can we throw that in? Taste it? If we're quick, we can throw it in. Okay. It's Paul's birthday show and it's happening in real time, and it's happening. Oh, it's coming. Eli, it's coming.

Yes, what's coming? The noise. No, don't. Do your favourite one. Do the favourite one. It's my birthday show. Do your favourite one. You would cry too if it happened to you.

Do your favourite one. What's my favourite one? A kissy kissy. Yeah, you love that. I can't believe. I'm looking at a man's wobbly face. This is what my life has come down to. I'm trying to see my other wobbly face. The one with the wide smile. I don't know what he means.

I don't know what that means. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. It's the Price of Shite. Paul Gannon.

Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheap Show And I go and I nuzzle Start the clock, an hour, to do a whole world of Cheap Show Is that all we've got? Go now, time has started, there we go Oh, aren't you doing it in ten minute segments? No, we're just going to roll through it Oh, I don't know what I'm doing now,

Paul. It's real time. I don't know what's going on now. It's like the episode 24. Oh, I'm having... Oh, I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That's it. We've wasted a minute doing that. Right, so... What's first?

What's first on the agenda, Paul? Hot sauce. Oh, sauce report. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Wait. Do-do-do. Another type of sauce report. Do-do-do-do-do-do. It's time for a sauce report.

And another sauce report. And another sauce report. It's another fucking sauce report. Oh, you can get me stalled. Another one. Hot retort. I'm just saying shit now. Hot retort. Hot retort I'm just saying shit now hot retort

hot retort on the source report now this may well be what is this this is only only

I'm going to drink while you're talking shit do you have any more of those what else have you got in there I've got loads but they're all for daddy no daddy Paul got it all for Eli.

This is a two-man marriage. I think Daddy Eli did it. Yeah, but the wife's got a drinking problem because she can't put up with her husband. Oh, you've got a triple pack of Desperados. That's your favourite. What else have you got? Is that a gin and tonic?

Gin and tonic, a Bombay Sapphire. Oh, that's decent, yeah. How is the Mojito, honestly? Because I... For a tinned. It's not bad for a tinned one. It's not bad for a tinned one. Do you know what's annoying about those moth?

I don't like the word moth in association with something that I'm drinking. No. Because it makes me think of powdery moths going in my mouth. And it's just the word moth doesn't really work outside of the animal. It's like, oh, you've got a nice fluffy moth. I mean, you know, you can't see these. You know what? That does work.

Look, it's on the side where it says let's go someplace else oh fuck off yeah and what did nice with ice what did the margarita say it said

oh the most beautiful mind or something you've got the most beautiful eyes and it's the way what they list the ingredients and then they've got an extra word what was the one

the one on the margarita was dance this one says dreaming dreaming oh wait there soulful juicy bittersweet it's hot an extra word. What was the one? The one on the margarita was dance. This one says dreaming. Dreaming. Oh, wait there. Soulful, juicy, bittersweet. It's hot. Havana's rain.

It's lazy, poolside dreaming. Goes with fresh cuisine. Wants to see your wild side. Cha-cha-cha. Can you taste any rum notes? Because I think mojitos have rum in,

don't they? This one, I mean, it's probably there. I don't really have the palate for it. What's the source, Mr.'t they? This one, I mean, it's probably there. I don't really have the palate for it. What's the sauce, Mr. Silverman? This is... 57 minutes left.

Spring roll dipping sauce. Mild. Right, good. Why are you taking forever to get in there with your fucking stupid sausage hands? Fuck off! Come on. You've got a hand like a rack of sticky barbecue ribs.

I'm just trying to see the best before. This is by a brand called Suri. Talk into the mic as well. Suri? Suri. What is soap? Suri. Suri, what is hot sauce?

No, not Suri. Hot sauce? Here's a sauce that is hot. You are tiring me out. Well, come on then. Do something. It's a high energy episode. Stop shouting at me.

I'm just trying to see the best before. For our both our sakes. It didn't stop you two fucking weeks ago when you maybe eat that rotted muck. This is Thailand. No, it's not. This is Great Britain. How dare you? I don't have spoons for this sauce. Let's have. No, it's not. This is Great Britain. How dare you?

I don't have spoons for this sauce. Let's have a minute's silence for the Queen. No, I wouldn't go there, Paul. Let's have a minute's silence for the Queen. No talk of bumming her anymore. Look, mate, I'm not going to say it was directly related to her death,

but I think I tied her out somewhat. Oh, God! You destroyed her. Oh, the queen can die happy now. Oh, no. Is that what it was? I have a bowel full of arse. She achieved the greatest orgasm of her life.

She did. And then it was like, that's it. That's my reign over. I'm out now. I'm out. Tap out. Tap out. Okay.

Now, how are we going to taste this without a spoon? Oh, I thought you brought a spoon. Can I grab a spoon? Yes. Oh, no. Just use the lid. I'll use the lid. You pour it straight in your mouth, and I'll use the lid of that.

What are we talking about now? I'll use the lid of that orange juice. Right. Which I brought today. I've got to get up. This is not professional. Now, I feel that this is probably very similar to a sweet chilli. Right, come on.

Which is a Thai-style sauce as well. But I think this is designed for dipping your spring rolls in. Do you like to dip your spring rolls, Paul? You know I do. You do. I like to dip them. I just plop them in. Just a fluff.

A fluff. I love it. I love a spring roll. I love a spring roll. I'm going to try and drink all of this in an hour. Here we go. Oh, God. You're going to be out of order.

Now, Huff Report. The Huff Report. Come on. I can't find... Oh, very garlicky. Yeah. More garlic. Oh, baby.

That's got a real fermented sort of... It's got carrots in. Did you establish that the cell used by date was solid? I can't see it. Is it on the lid? I'm going to hand I'm going to hand it to you but careful

oh god it could be you can't see it it's usually printed isn't it faintly with black popper dot it's not there though

was it on this popper dot writing it's not on the it was sealed you're right I can't see fucking nothing it's you know what it's a really

I'll just have a little sip. What's the smell like? What's the Huff report on that? It smells a little bit onion-y, a little bit garlicky, a little bit tangy sweet. Maybe I'll just put it on my finger. Don't.

I need to fucking drink that. You're putting your filthy pianist finger in there. Oh. It's a little bit like a ketchup. It feels ketchupy. Sweet, yeah. And a nice mouthfeel. Is that what your ketchupy mouthfeel? That's quite nice, actually. I reckon that would be nice

on a burger or something, you know? It's versatile. I mean, they say it's just for dipping spring rolls, but you could definitely use that. Snoop, Snoop, peanuts are we. In all sorts of sauce environments. What a sauce environment? A food environment where a sauce is prevalent.

Where sauces thrive. So anywhere. Like anywhere in the kitchen where sauces congregate and thrive, Paul. Alleyways. No. Like a collection of them all hang out in an alleyway. No. Those are dangerous as you walk past them.

Dangerous sauces. Yeah. You're walking past them and they're like giving you the evil eye. You just want to go home. You took a short cut, but now you've got to go

past these hot sauces and they look bad. They do. Oh, I'm not going to go through the hot sauce part of town ever again, Eli. Now, this has carrots and turnip in.

Turnip? Yeah, I think what they do is basically just a classic Thai sweet chilli. This has been going on for seven minutes. I'm almost at the tasting point, okay, Paul? Just let me have a few words. Taste now.

Let me have a few words and we'll wrap this up, okay? All right, we've got to keep going. Ding, ding, ding, dong, ding. Let me have a few words of this sauce. Now, I think it's very much like a classic Thai sweet chilli. Fuck me. Do you like that sauce? Yeah, Paul, you like that sauce.

But they've added... Bored of this. I think they've added... Already. To turn it into a spring roll dipping sauce, Paul, they've added some crunch. They've added some texture. And that, it comes in the form of little carrot and turnip sticks.

You ruined the pace of this podcast with your... I'm about to taste the sauce. Am I allowed to have a... I've had your dirty finger... Performance opinions. This dirty, finger dirty finger polluted sauce yes this one did touch my dick today

you put your finger oh did it when I was holding my willy for peeing oh that's fucking great and then I didn't wash it you put your filthy pianist finger

in the nozzle of my sauce bowl my slender digits slipped inside your sauce pipe right yeah it's alright innit very nice

it's a nice not too sweet sweet enough very similar just to a to a bosh mojito

done to a sweet chilli sauce gin and tonic bloody hell take it easy mate wow

oh that's a swerve yeah after a mojito it's a swerve it's like brushing your teeth and then drinking orange juice what a swerve yeah tonic's a real

it's got juniper in hasn't it oh is that Bombay Sapphire yeah I had yesterday in Bristol I drank some Bombay Sapphire yeah I had yesterday in Bristol I drank some Bombay Sapphire Premier good

which was quite nice actually good which is good good listen just do the fucking pod by yourself

I haven't mate you fucking are today can we wrap this up then now I haven't I've tasted the sauce it's a very nice sauce next let's keep the palate

a flopping with the cheap eat that you've brought as well that's it that's the sauce. It's a very nice sauce. Next, let's keep the palate aflopping with the cheap eat that you've brought as well. That's it. That's the Sauce Report over. Thank you for listening to the Sauce Report. Next, it is cheap eats and Eli's brought the cheap eat this time. And what is it, Mr. Silverman? Bonkers banana spray. Now, this is a ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, double segment feature.

This is a scissoring segment As we like to say when two collide So this is also a candy store segment As well as a cheap eat Well you've never had a segment called candy store you fucking moron What is it the old candy shop The froth shop you twat Can't you remember anything about your life Or this your life's work

It's 300 episodes as of next week And as of now I barely want to remember any of them, let alone the ones I'm trying to... The plan is I make so many of these that I forget them. This is a novelty confectionery product, Paul, which is a banana flavoured spray. Now, here's the thing. For the mouth. So it's like a spray drink? It's a spray for your mouth.

Yes, it's banana spray. And it comes in a very plasticky sort of peeled banana segment and then you've got the actual banana sitting in the banana peeled plasticky segment

and it's got a fucking crazy banana in sunglasses yeah he looks like a wacky banana he's bonkers Paul cock-a-bonkers cock-a-bonkers

yeah how about that twibbub twibbub wibby wibby twibb about that? Twibble, twibble! Wibby, wibby! Twibble! Ten minutes in. Twibby, twibby!

Wow, we've almost done two segments. I do like how the banana is the bottle of the drink, and yet, aesthetically, it works. You know, it hides the spout in the banana peel segment. These are turning up in shops all over North London. I mean, mate, landfill, though, innit? It's pure landfill. It's earth-killing landfill fodder. It's terrible.

It's a terrible thing, but they don't stop making it. If they make them, we have to taste them. And I think it's going to be awful tasting as well. Don't stop making a load of bullshit. Don't stop killing the earth's resources. It really has a lot of plastic in it because there's a sort of wrapper. A pointless wrapper. I suppose you could reuse this as a sort of plastic in it because there's a sort of wrapper. A pointless wrapper. I suppose you could reuse this as

a sort of breath mint banana. You have it in your car. You've been drinking all night and you're driving and the police pull you over and you thought, I've got some bonkers banana spray in my mouth. That's all you've got. Sir, you smell of vodka and that bonkers banana spray. What is

an alcoholic banana drink? There must be one, right? Well, you had banana daiquiri, but that's not's yeah that's one of those a daiquiri is a very basic cocktail yeah rum sugar and lime juice but then the daiquiri took on this whole thing in the in the 70s and 80s right where they just do stupid really sugary mango daiquiri i think a bang banana daiquiri is sort of legit and i think they use banana puree in it with rum and lime. So you don't get, like, it's not like a Midori where there's, like, a banana... There's definitely banana liqueurs.

I bet there's several, yes. There has to be, right? Yeah. In fact... So you could get drunk on that, and then spray your mouth with that, and then defeat the purpose of drinking the banana daiquiri. There's banana rum liqueurs and stuff.

Yeah, it's a big one. But you've got an aversion to the it's not an aversion so much as I just don't like the flavour of fake banana it's already coming off it

I've just ooh because isn't it the story where it's like the banana flavour that you have in sweets and ice cream or whatever is based on the

quote unquote original banana flavour and not the one that exists now that's been mass produced and deformed over the years in production what are you trying to say like there's a banana flavor that this stems from these fake flavors stem from but that banana flavor doesn't exist anymore because of the manufacturing of bananas around the world means they've changed so what are you

saying what banana flavor have we got now i don't know you don't know what you're saying sometimes the banana flavoring is more traditional in the original banana flavour as opposed to real bananas now not tasting like bananas stop saying bananas bananas we've really went

into a world of incomprehensibility I don't know what you're trying to say about I'm Lady Bananas right can I get the piano out

fuck off Lady Bananas Lady Lady Bananas. Right. Can I get the piano out? Fuck off, Lady Bananas. Lady, Lady Bananas, sitting in your bed. Got a hairy muffkin and a fizzy head. Oh, Lady Bananas. Stick it in my puddin'. I'll so spread my legs. Oh, you'll squeeze your cum out and I'll take the dregs. Oh, Lady Bananas.

Drippy drips upon my little chinny. What a bike, Lady Bananas. Oh, Lady Bananas. Drippy drips upon my little chinny. What a bike, Lady Bananas. I'm Lady Bananas. And I sound just like all the Paul Gallagher's characters. Are you ready?

Can we have a moment of decorum? Yeah. Were you confusing it with the... Dick or rum? I'll have rum, please. You are.

You've found too much rum already. I'll have dick then. Dick or rum. I'll have dick. You'll never have dick for me. That's for sure. Or already. I'll have dick then. Dick or rum. You'll never have dick for me. That's for sure. Or rum. I'll give you rum. What if you run the rum

down the length of your cock into my mouth so I don't touch your penis with my lips but I do drink the rum. Please, please. I know it's your birthday and everything,

but please. Were you getting confused with castorum? I don't care. Taste that now. Which is the raspberry flavour Which used to come from the glands of Come on, drink the banana drink

I'm going to Mate, you fucking Totally rude Do you want a desperado, mate? I don't, I don't fancy it I was drinking all weekend I did a DJ gig at the top of the gherkin pool. Tales from the dance floor.

Was it good? Yeah. Great. Tales from the dance floor. It was almost vertiginous up there. How, you know, because it's basically it's a... Vertiginous? Explain word.

Causing vertigo. Oh, okay. It was like, it's like a viewing platform room where the party was in. Wow. Like it's panoramic. And it's the very tip of the gherkin. If you imagine where the party was in. Wow. It's panoramic. And it's the very tip of the Gherkin. If you imagine the Gherkin building. Yeah.

Where the cum spunks are. You had a good time on the tip of the Gherkin, did you? It was Saturday night. But it's all glass. It's all those diamond-shaped planes. And you could see everything. And I was almost getting a bit like... Because I sometimes get vertigo on bridges and stuff when it's wobbly.

I had vertigo last week when I looked over the side of that bridge. It's that weird feeling where your brain suddenly kind of goes whoa like it kind of goes big and small. That is. It's that dizzy feeling. Spray the banana in your mouth. You can also get vertigo when you're with COVID or when you're withdrawing from

antidepressants I found. Oh there you go. Are you ready for the spray? Yes. Antidepressants, I found. Are you ready for the spray? Yes. Are you all ready for this? Are you ready?

You ready to get sprayed? Oh dear. There's a lot more sour. Really? They've tried to balance it. Sour banana? Yeah. It's like a sour, sweet banana. Bonkers banana by Rose.

It's not just a pure banana. Oh, it's strawberry and banana, it says here. Ah, that's what I'm getting. That's that tartness of the strawberry. Why has it not got a strawberry character in sunglasses? No, it's just got a banana going. Why is it a banana? This has not been thought through, this product.

I'm going to test this now. Here we go. But you know. Oh, that's weird. You're looking for the strawberry now. You can taste it now. I know it's there. That's what the sour component is.

That is the sour, isn't it? Oh, God. You don't like it? Can I have another spray, please? God, he's... There's a cloud of fucking banana mist around your mouth.

Oh, my God. I'm a chaser. It's not very pleasant. I put like 12 squirts in. I know. Right, well, then that's that. What do you think of that? Five out of ten. Oh, yeah, I'll give it a 3 That was terrible It's not sweet enough

Are you all ready for this? Right so we've done What is the point of that? That is a world killing piece of shit You could use it as a 43 minutes past And we've done Banana

And we've done hot sauce You could use it as a vibrator substitute Couldn't you? And we've done Tales from the Dance Floor. That's three segments. It's very phallic. You can get that up your... You've got one, two, three,

four more to go. Right. Eli, should we do the Noodle Kitchen now so we can guarantee it stays in the episode? All right. So here's the thing.

We're going to do Noodle Kitchen now, live. Eli, tell us what we're making. I'll get the recorder ready because we're going to... I'm going to crossfade this. I'm going to do this, do that.

This was a noodle I don't know if you remember Paul we had some very interesting noodles sent to us recently which we tasted a few of we tasted the king of hell fiery

sort of one in a tray and it was hot that was bloody hot it was bloody hot it was bloody bloody hot bloody bloody hot it was bloody bloody bloody bloody hot bally hot

it was bally bally bally bally bally bally bally hot so what's this one this is It was bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody hot. Bloody hot. It was bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody hot. So what's this one? This is, it's hard to tell because it's in Japanese, but it says at the top, it has a warning triangle, and it says the spiciest ramen in the world. They all say that, though. G&B Company seems to be the manufacturer,

and then it says above the actual title, which is in Japanese. Yeah. It says The Devil of Fire. The Devil of Fire. So this could be even hotter. I don't know. But I'm prepared to give it a go. It has quite a nice bit of artwork with a skull pepper sort of design on the cover there, Paul.

We tried that mr mayo noodle was in this batch do you remember that mr mayo mayo mayo yes i do remember that oh god stop singing please my meatus is wide and it wants a bomb hole. Mail. Meet us. Meet us. Meet us. Meet us. Feed scrubs and it wants to come home.

Right, can we get on with this then? Because now we're going to go live too. Okay. Country Urban Noodle Kitchen. Come with me, Paul. It's going live. Do you want to come with me now? Right now?

Into the Country Urban Noodle Kitchen. Here we go. Have you stopped recording on that? I'm going to keep recording on that. Okay see you in a minute guys. We're going to the other recording now and we're going to have some noodles in the country urban noodle kitchen with me Eli Silverman. Right okay we're on mic two now.

Mic two we're on, we're on, we're on. Right so we're heading into the kitchen. This is happening live. I've already pre-boiled the kettle, but I'm boiling it again for you. I presume this is just a boil-in-the-bag thing. What do you mean, boil-in-the-bag? Of course it's not boil-in-the-bag. You know what I mean. You're a complete chaos merchant with your mouth garbage all the time.

I'm going to get my booze. Here we go. I'm going to get my booze. I'm getting my booze. How about go. I'm going to get my booze. I'm getting my booze. My birthday. No one remembers my birthday ever. No one ever does and he doesn't ever remember my birthday and we've been we've known each other for 15 years or whatever.

Never once got me a birthday present. How about that? What a cunt. I've got my booze so I'm ready to go. Now I can see Paul, I can see it's all in Japanese unfortunately, but I can see it says there 550ml, so I'm assuming that's how much water we need. Yeah, that's probably right isn't it then? Yeah. Luckily I've got this pork kettle thing.

Pork kettle? No, it's this pork kettle thing that I use for my pour over coffee. You stink of booze. Kiss me. You're drinking during the day. Don't. I'd kiss me. I will never.

Sad, you know, Eli. What is? Denying my love. He could take it. Imagine if we became true lovers. How could we be lovers if we can't be friends? Can you help me to make this noodle? Yeah, how would you like me to help?

Standing around drinking fucking G&T and singing stupid shit. This is my secret plan, to just be a naughty boy today. £5.50 I need to measure out. £5.50. £5.50. That's £300. Alright, £300. You can do me a favour by turning the cooker on.

Cooker on. Hey baby, do you want some good times, my sweet little love? I'll turn you on. That's 300, 400, 500. So you need 50. Right. It's a little bit over, but there'll be... It's on a medium heat right now.

Get it on top. Get it on high. This is... Oh, fuck's sake. Oh, shut up. Oh, shut up, babies. Makes a change for the drug deals. Come on.

Let's get a little bit over the limit. But there will be some... Marginal, though, isn't it? It's marginal. It'll boil off. Marginal. It'll boil off the extra few millilitres. It's marginal. Now, let's see how many packs.

You've got a prediction how many packs this will be it's going to be like one of my favorite rappers eli two packs two pack that's right sitting on that gag for years you've made that gag you haven't been sitting on it yes you make it i'm trying to forget a lot about this podcast did i mention that oh look it's got a foil. Oh, it does. So it's going to be nice and fresh. Double foiled. It's double foiled. That's probably because the chilli gets out and you can kill people. Yeah. It's bloody. This might

be even hotter. Look, it's got a little warning on the actual this is. It fucking does. It's all powered. It's one sachet. Simple noodle, one sachet and that's where the magic is. So boil it, mix it., simple noodle, one sachet, and that's where the magic is. So boil it, mix it. Boil it, and then we'll take it back through for the tasting.

Water's bubbling. I wonder how many minutes it wants me to do on this. How often does it usually? It's like two or three, isn't it? Well, no, with these larger ones, with the thicker noodles and more water, it's more like five. That's going to need five, I think. All right, well, it's 24 minutes past now, so at 29 you can pull it out. OK. And you can take the noodle out as well.

Then you can sponk directly into my nose. And then we could have gay sex, couldn't we? I don't mind what kind of sex we have. Or even straight sex with each other. I mean, two straight men can have sex, can't they? I don't want to talk about this. I'm lonely as a child walking in the park,

walking in the dark, a stranger in the night. You're not going to help. What are we to do? I don't want this frivolity in the country urban noodle test lab kitchen, Paul. This is like, honestly,

perfunctory to me. All of this. Oh, this is perfunctory to me It's all of this Oh this is perfunctory Could you stop getting in the way You big drunk twat You're going to be unmanageable By the end of this recording Good

Are you going to try and finish All three desperados as well Nah that might be a bit excessive But I'm definitely going to drink one more And this gin and tonic's going down Tickety tonk It is now The taste

Sensation is Juniper jungle Are you doing so timely and this gin and tonic's going down tickety-tonk. It is now. The taste sensation is... Juniper jungle with all of your friends. Are you timing the noodles? I said, didn't I? It went in at 24 minutes past. Right, shall we get the powder in the... Oh, this is going to be... I just have a feeling...

It's going to be hot fuck. I haven't even considered the heat yet. There's a little devil man on the package. With the two times spicy and those type of noodles, you get a liquid pack with those Koreans. This is all powder.

One large powder. What do you think that means? It's the Scoville. I reckon that's 150 million Scovilles, is it? Really? 150 million would be... 6 million was that one we had the other time. That's not 150 million. We need to do a translation On this

Yeah I can't be arsed Alright Well it might have fish in And then that would be The end of the recording As your fucking throat swells up If I have a little bit

I'll probably be alright Yeah you'll be okay You're lucky that you don't Have a really severe What do you think that number is 14.444 That might be the million Scovilles 14 million.

That's excessive. Is it? I don't know. That seems excessive to me. It's a mystery. It's a mystery. It's a mystery. Who was that? Toyah Wilcox, isn't it?

It's a mystery. Toyah Wilcox. It's a mystery. Look at the orange. Don't sniff too hard. Oh, God. That's very dry. It's a very dry heat.

Ooh, it's got seaweed-y. You know what I mean? That's so kombu. Wow, look, there's just a load of it. Yeah. Well, I think, look, there's bits of desiccated spring onion in there, so I think we should put this in, actually, whilst it's cooking. In with the water?

Yeah. Really? Yeah, that's what you do. How many minutes have we got? Let's have a look. 27, so two minutes left. What the... Two minutes left. We put it in at 24. It's now 27. And you said five minutes. So it's been three minutes, has it not? Right, I'm putting the powder in.

He's putting the powder in. It's a very rich, orangey-brown. Orangey-brown, yeah. It looks like a good quality noodle. You could almost say it's like a kind of golden-brown texture like summer. That's not how that song goes. I'm engorged and a fat comer. It

all comes out thick as a cloud. This is the low point, man. I like to come... You're so terrible. I'd like to shout out loud. Mate, honestly, I'm just mentally checking out of this episode. You mentally checked out several years ago from your own fucking

career. That's also true. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Right, are we there? They're looking pretty good. Yeah, they're looking pretty good. Do you drain it? No. It's a soup? Yes. are you sure it wouldn't say 550 ml if it if you just had to cook it in water and then drain the water it because it's specific about how much liquid it's definitely a ramen and a ramen is always

served in soup okay yeah so this i can tell you like no noodles who am i who am i to say i do know a thing or two about noodles. Who am I to judge? That's what they so have been told. My noodle knowledge is so right. When it comes to us. Smell the kombu. That is kombu seaweed. Yeah.

You can see the flecks of black. What's kombu seaweed? It's that thick green seaweed if you sometimes see it in miso soup. You know that stuff? Oh, okay, yeah. It was the thing that caused Momofuku Ando

to discover umami. Oh, well, there you go. A fact as well. Okay, we're ready. I'm going to serve this up. Serving it up into a bowl. Shall we take it back into the... Yeah, we're going to take it back into the...

The kitchen's free now. Yeah, now I need to go in the living room for a sec. Well, we're going to be on recording still, so you're going to have to deal with that. Oh, it's going to have to be all right with us. Now, just give me one second. That's Rogan the flatmate there. This is live.

It's exciting stuff. I'll put the noodle on the table. Put the noodle on the table. Right, we're going to go back to the recording session in a moment. Oh, Christ, it's already 27 minutes in. All right, okay, we're going to go back to mic number two. Eli's flatmate has entered the room, mic bat expert himself.

I'm actually looking for a... What's he looking for? A Smiths album. A Smiths album. I was looking for a Smiths album, then I found the Smiths album, and heaven knows I'm miserable now The Queen is dead

Long live the Quim Yeah, that's topical, isn't it? Yeah, it is We've talked about the Queen Is this on now? It's still on, we're still recording I want to work Mike back We've got half an hour left in this episode

Has he put his womble suit on And released a sort of morning video? No, he's just actually looking for... Remember you're a morning. Remember you're a morning. He could do... The Queen is dead by the... That was all over social media as soon as it happened.

Jack and I got a bump in the fucking digital charts as a result. No, definitely did. What a load of fucking shit. You know like Elton John, when Diana passed, he did a candle and he reworked one of his earlier hits. No, it definitely did. What a load of fucking shit. You know like Elton John when Diana passed, he did a candle, he reworked one of his earlier hits. Yeah, he did. Couldn't Mike Batt do

Bright Eyes? Why? Bright Liz, burning like fire. Something like that. She's in hell. She's in hell. Is that what Bright Eyes is about?

No, I'm just saying you can't say Bright Liz burning like fire. Well, they are going to burn her, aren't they? Are they? Are they cremating the Queen? No, she's lying in state and then they i don't know what they do she looks so fucking vulnerable she's catholic isn't she yeah they're gonna they'll grease her up wax her up

and then close the door eat the noodle all right oh Mike Bat resident says let's do it okay now have a huff on that see if it's what it was giving out there we go has smell let's have a smell first Paul

it's a good looking noodle it doesn't smell particularly enraging well maybe it's not maybe they're just lying maybe it's just quite spicy it actually smells quite nice yeah it looks nice

I'm kind of hungry kind of like almost tomatoey or something yeah well it's kombu kombu is a very umami. It'll have an umami. It's nicely coloured, the noodles.

They're nice, juicy, thick noodles. Yeah. And you've got a whole spoonful of it. I've got a spoonful of noodle. Dare I sip some of this broth? I want to see what your reaction is see how hot it is okay it's him

uh oh uh oh ready uh oh oh no is it milk milky time I'm gonna take a bite now

oh oh oh that has an instant oh I put a fucking make oh that's hot oh baby

oh baby that's hot it's still quite. Oh, baby, that's hot. It's still quite pleasantly flavoured, though. Quite nice. Which is problematic. Oh. Oh. Is that as hot as... Oh.

Oh, it's quite tasty, though. It's tasty, but oh. I like the taste of that better than the King of Hell one we tried. Yeah, the King of Hell one we tried. Yeah, the King of Hell one was kind of like all heat and very little flavour. This is more flavour, but it is packing a serious punch. I feel like I'm melting. That is salty.

I feel like I'm pushing all of my moisture to the surface of my skin right now. I can actually get down with this. It's not that. I can get down with it. Get down, get down, get down, get down. Oh, I'd recommend that. I'd recommend that. If you're really into hot stuff, that's more bearable for me than the Samyang two-time spicy.

That's more bearable than the Samyang two-time spicy. It's building, but it's... It does build. I reckon after two or three big mouthfuls, it would be impossible. Oh, this is my third mouthful I'm going for. Oh, he's going in for number three. It is tasty.

That's the thing. As long as it's tasty, be as hot as you like. Oh, he's enjoying this. That is a nice noodle. It's a nice noodle. That is nice. It's very hot,

but for me, it's just before punishment level. It's just riding the punishment level. You know what I mean? It's edging it, isn't it? It's edging the punishment. But it's very tasty. Oh, that's good.

I wonder what that... It's tasty, tasty, very, very tasty. It's also fucking hot. It is hot, but it's good. I'm going to have... I'm enjoying it. I'm getting an endorphin release and it's not too much pain.

Paul, I'm enjoying this noodle. I've got a sweat on. Yeah, it's good stuff, man. But whereas the King of Hell was just pain immediately this is like this is nuanced it's a bit more nuanced a bit more nuanced uh you could have to have it with something else i think to break up that like a nice bit of um like meat in a kind of like something else in it like some veg maybe or something but yeah that is reaching pain point now for me right well, well I'll tell you what. I will eat it. I want to finish this. Put it down. I'd like to

finish this now. I'd like to finish you off. I've been edging you for a while and I want to finish you off on my birthday. Oh, that's nice but I'm going to need a drink of water, Paul, so. Well, stop, because we can go into our next segment, which is both a soda jerk and an off-brand brand off.

I need to clean my palate. Well, go get some water then and I'll set up the off-brand brand off. I need to clean my palate. Well, go get some water then and I'll set up the off-brand brand off while you're doing that because we've got, hang on, 27 minutes left on the clock. Just saying. Time is a ticky-tocking.

Right. So, after the live show, which you'll hear next week, eh? How about that? We met Rhiannon, who's been a long time fan hello riannon she came all the way down from the isle of sky hawkeye the new and she gave us two bottles of something i'm gonna get them now i'm so sorry so a little while ago iron brew changed its recipe to have less sugar

in or something like that and so as a result the new iron brew hasn't gone down particularly well with the hardcore faithful we've mentioned this on the podcast in the past we've also talked about iron brew in detail in our show's history maybe look that up as it stands Rhiannon gave us a bottle of current iron brew the one you can get on any shop shelf in Scotland or indeed the rest of the country. But also, she gave us a old iron brew, 1901, very special vintage, old and unimproved. So I'm guessing that this is the quote-unquote original taste of iron brew

before they stuck a load of chemical shit in it. It says, taste the first ever iron brew recipe. Brewed just like we used to in 1901. So that means what they forced kids to make it and they all died in the machinery made from girders

it's brilliantly sweet and caffeine free oh god my mouth is on fire Paul hide on it I've done too much of that shut up

my mouth hurts shut up but it's shut up fucking milk drinking prick I'm drinking booze I up! But it's... Shut up. Fucking milk-drinking prick. I'm drinking booze, I'm hard. But it's still that taste you can't describe because there's nothing like it.

Not back then, not now, not ever. So what we're going to do is... Taste compare them. Yeah, close the door. You've got milk on your beard. It looks like you've got a cum stash. Got milk. You've got a bakark beard. It looks like you've got a cum stash. Got milk. You've got a bakarky beard on.

Right. I might have destroyed my mouth. You flew too close to the sun there, mate. Didn't you? Flew too close to the sun. I'm really... But my whole mouth is really burning. Is it really burning

because you had four mouthfuls on it because you couldn't put it down? My lips are really burning. Yeah. Hot for me. Hot for teacher. Close the door and stop panting like you're doing a porn Yeah. Hot for me. Hot for teacher. Close the door and stop panting like you're doing a porn film. I can't.

I might. I've got two glasses. You're going to need a mask or something to put on so you don't see which iron brew you're going to get. I'll just pour my tea shot up. No, because then I have to look at your fucking tummy. Oh, no! I don't want to see your tum. Yeah, you'll see. I don to look at your fucking tummy. Oh, no! I don't want to see your tum.

I don't want to see that tum. That fucking... You've got the tummy of a fucking cleft-chinned whale. It's fine, but it's a horrible image. I don't care. My mouth fucking hurts. I'm not going to be able to do this taste test. I just took a picture. I do not share to be able to do this taste test. I just took a picture.

I do not share it. I've got to share it. If we get £100 million, I'll share it. Paul, you're not allowed to share that. Am I not? I'm in charge of the show. I do what I want. Paul, please don't share that.

Fix the microphone and I won't share it. Please don't share that. All right, but put the microphone up and I won't share it. I do this to fix it. Look. I know. Fix the microphone and I won't share it. There's no trust. Honestly, I can't do the podcast anymore. You keep on but put the microphone up and I won't share it. I do this to fix it. Look. I know, fix the microphone and I won't share it. There's no trust.

I honestly, I can't do the podcast anymore. You keep on talking with the microphone at the wrong height, so I am going to release it unless you do as I say, as you can and say. I can't. If I can't trust you not to share that, that's like revenge porn or whatever, Paul. I want to see you delete that.

It's more like bum fights, isn't it? I want to see you delete that photo in front of me. I might well use it for myself, might I? No, I want to see that. I'm not going to continue with this unless you delete that in front of me now. You might well use it for myself, might I? No, I want to see that. I'm not going to continue with this unless you delete that in front of me now. You're not going to continue what with this podcast? Yeah.

Fine. I'm going to carry on drinking. I'm going into your phone. Okay, I'll delete it. You'll click the timer. I'll see you delete it. Look, here we go. Look, I'm deleting it.

Here we go. Where's the photograph? Right, there it is. Oh, my God. Delete it. Delete it my God. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete.

Move to bin. Done. Gone. Happy? Restore. No. I haven't done it. Look, see?

It's right there. Sadly for you, ladies and gentlemen, I will have to delete that from the record. Honestly, that will ruin my reputation as a looker. Fuck off, will it? Right. We're going to try both iron brews now. Thanks for deleting that, Paul. Honestly, that will ruin my reputation as a looker. Fuck off, will it? Right, we're going to try both iron brews now. Thanks for deleting that, Paul. Well, no. There are fans clamouring for it.

Well, they're going to hack into my phone and reinstall the footage and backdate the hard drive. Listen, I'm sorry to be vain or whatever or embarrassed about my body. Call me Mr. Vain. Call me insane. Insane.

Come on. Put your t-shirt over your face so I can use a different one because you're just taking another shot. I'm like, yeah,

I was definitely going to do that. Fuck that. Right. So, we have the old iron brew and the new iron brew. Now,

is the, oh, do you think, now, the famous example of when this happened before was with Coke. The Coke and Pepsi wars, which led to Coke bringing out a new Coke.

Well, that's what this is. The 1901 is their quote-unquote original Iron Brew flavour. But do you think... Because there was an uproar and people stopped piling original Iron Brew and selling it on eBay and stuff. But do you think... Oh, dear.

He's on his first bottle of Desperado, guys. So drink number three. Now, do you think what happened with Coke will happen with iron brew? With Coke, new Coke just disappeared after a couple of years and the original became... Yeah.

Classic, they used to call it when it first came out didn't they do you think classic iron brew is going to overtake no that's the whole point

why do you think that that's why they've made this 1901 to make it a limited edition thing that they can sell in limited quantities which they don't have

to put too much effort in and the bulk of it still goes into the original iron brew yeah but that's what Coke did that's exactly what happened with Coke

they said we'll do Coke classic we'll do Coke classic and they phased out new Coke. Yeah, but they're going to phase out new eyebrows. No, they won't. They won't. No, they won't.

That's why this one's in a glass bottle and it's got a different sticker on it. It's like a luxury product. That's what classic Coke was when they brought that out. It could happen. It just became normal Coke again. Watch this space, is what I'm saying. Watch this space.

Watch that space. Don't do that. He's giving me double birds and double Vs. That face space is what I'm saying. Watch this space. Watch that space. Don't do that. He's giving me double birds and double Vs. That face, that face, fucking that space as well.

Now he's doing the fist up the arse thing. My space. So you put a shirt on and yeah, then I can do these drinks. Yes. Calm down,

you aggy and violent. I'm keeping the energy up because I hate listening back to this podcast and it's just Eli going, well, in 1972, Ross McPherson, why did you do this thing?

Ross McPherson? You don't even know who that is. I don't know who that is. Because it's no one. It's someone you've made up. It doesn't matter. You know what's going to go, you know what's poking out for me

about this podcast so far? My winky woo. Your complete inability to describe that thing that you didn't even know about banana flavour. Which, honestly, still plagued me now

what you fucking meant. Right. You put your fucking T-shirt on. I have my blindfold on. You're going to have to redirect my mouth to the mic if it goes... You've got two...

I'm pouring the iron brews now so you don't know, Eli, which one is which. I like iron brew and I think I... We're fans of it on the pod. Yeah. But the original is much nicer.

I think, I haven't had a good record recently on Brand Off Brand Off Paul. I couldn't get the Aero, and I couldn't get the one before that I couldn't get either. The thing is, with this one, all I'm asking you to do, really, is see if you can tell there's any noticeable difference between the old and new, right? The old flavour

and the new. Yeah, I can tell you if I tell the difference and I'll tell you which is which as well. That's what we do. Why do you always try and simplify it? There's more usually, isn't there? There's like three or four different things. Okay, there's only two here. Yeah, I see what you mean. So it's an easier thing but therefore I'm asking you not so much to make a difficult decision. I'm more asking you to see if there is an obvious flavour, which one's

better. Yeah, but I still need to identify which is which as well. Yeah, so here's the first one. Reach your hand out. There you go, you got it. Okay. All right, he's having a snuff. This is drink Iron Brew number one. That's got a class for me.

It has a classic Iron Brew. Iron Brew stench. Yeah. The stank is on point. What is that stench? Let me have a little sniff as well. It's kind of fruity, slightly vanillary. Yeah.

Slightly fruity, but in a kind of, I don't know what that fruit is like. It's the Iron Brew. It's the flavour of Iron Brew. Because Iron Brew, when we did it on this show. Chewing gum. Fake chewing gum. Yes, it has that, definitely.

Like a Wrigley's... Believe it or not. A juicy fruit. Wrigley's juicy fruit. It's a bit reminiscent of, isn't it, as well? Ripley's juicy fruit. Yeah. Wrigley's juicy fruit.

Wrigley's believe it or not, and Ripley's juicy fruit. But when we did a little bit of a deep dive into iron brew, we found that it was much older than both of us expected. It goes back to the early 20th century, doesn't it? It was literally an iron brew and then they changed the name

to iron brew for the Scottish thing to separate it up from the American design or whatever. But iron brew still exists as a sort of generic, like cola,

like a generic sort of... It's why you can get iron brew, sticky sweets or chewy candies. It's a generic sort of flavour profile thing you can get iron brew sticky sweets or chewy candies it's a generic sort of flavour profile thing that isn't copyrighted

yeah so have a sip of that it's your first one just from the smell I think this is going to be the 1901 okay we'll have a sniff oh 1901 I get it

that's when it came out yes good Christ he's having a sup on the glass what are your notes what are your flavour notes

nice yeah nice he says yeah it's got that feel of real sugar yeah yeah oh all right that's nice just tastes like enjoying it lovely that's a nice soda it's a nice iron brew is often like forgotten about because it kind of be it can be refreshing you put some ice in it nice if it's cold it needs to be cold can be sickly and i'm getting that on the third sip i'm thinking thinking, oh, that is very sweet. I call that the Pepsi effect.

Yeah. Give us the glass back there. I don't know, though. Depending on... There could be some artificiality there. Well, how about I get you the second one then? Yeah. Put that one down in case you want to retest it

and sample them or whatever. Do you want me to take it off? Am I near the table? No. Oh, God. I'm just taking it off you then. Thank you, if you could. And here is drink number two.

All right, careful. All right. Drink number two. He's having a snuff of this. And the reaction is a little bit nonplussed at the moment. That is just orangey, much orangier than the first one. Less amplitude, less going on with the smell almost. Okay. But more... less going on with the smell almost. Okay.

But more... Less going on. More orange, more just one note, which is I'm getting a sort of orange. There's the orange oil sort of smell, you know? Like an orange peel smell from this one. Okay. Rather than the Wrigley's.

Maybe that was the... Go on, what do you think it is? I've got to taste it. You've got to taste it now. Forget the Mike Back expert that's just flown into the room again. I've got to taste it you've got to taste it now forget the mic back expert that's just flown into the room again I've got a question no we haven't got a question

what I've interrupted your flow yeah we're still recording I just have to taste this sorry and we're doing it real time so now you're in the episode you're so in this episode

yeah just taste it okay you're getting annoyed fucking do it right he's testing this one and what's he thinking? What's his taste flavour notes?

Usually I'd cut all this fucking shit out, but this is a real-time episode. I can't tell. Really? Can I have the other one? Yeah. This is number one. I'm giving you it now.

Right, he's testing. That's number one. And number two. It's a tough one, this, isn't it? Is it? I don't know. I think number one is the 1901, and number two is the modern equivalent.

Eli, you are wrong. It's the other way around. The first one is the uh current uh traditional iron brew pop and the second one you had is the iron brew 1901 a very special vintage yeah it's oh now you're changing your mind to agree with yourself all of a sudden it's got less it's less strong less strong the 1901 in what way in what ways is it less strong it's less sweet less sweet and now I'm now I'm thinking

now I know the first one does have a kind of sweeter than sugar the way that those sweeteners can be do you know what I mean they boost the flavour

almost they're super sweet but having said that I think I might prefer the new one you do prefer the new one

to the 1901 yeah I think so oh dear it's not the result I wanted to hear and I'm sure a lot of our listeners are going to be disappointed the new one. You do prefer the new one to the 1901? Yeah, I think so. Oh dear. It's not the result I wanted to hear and I'm sure a lot of our listeners are going to be disappointed. I'm sorry everybody

but I do think that's nicer actually. Well, I'm not here to judge. Only you are. It's flatter. The old stuff is more subdued. Really?

Yeah. No! More one note, more one orangey. So I think they've done a good job in updating and you know they've obviously taken some time some care to actually um update that yeah oh i'm so disappointed that i couldn't tell the difference though i thought i should have thought about it for a minute yeah maybe but they just rushed in with well we're

doing a rushed episode aren't we we are so everyone. Eli's a shit cunt. Next. Excuse me! Eli. I'm just going to write that down, by the way. Right, Mike Batman has a... Mike Batman. It's a cunt.

The markers. Yeah, I've got them on my table. Right. Can you just give me one second? One second, no. We're going to keep on going.

We've got 40 minutes left of this episode. We're doing it real time. Well, get it ready. Get it out the sink. It's all ready to go. I need the marker to do this. Right, I'm just going to cross off.

Soda off brand iron brew. That's done. And Eli was talking about how I have to bring back brand off. You've got to bring back brand off. Well, we've forgotten about that now because the Mike Platt expert has actually thrown that thought off kilter. So I'm just going to crack on what we're going to do next. I don't really want to do platter.

Fuck Eli and his platter. That's it? We're going to do... No, we're doing... Close the door. Christ. I'm sorry I let everyone down. We're doing a Ganon's Golden Games.

What did you think of those two? You know what? When I tasted them both, Iron Brew has the stronger flavour profile. The modern bottle. It does. It's stronger, isn't it? stronger flavour profile. The original, the modern bottle. It does. It's stronger, isn't it? If I say plastic and glass,

that probably breaks it up. The plastic Iron Brew had a stronger profile. But I think you can taste the lack of artificiality in the original. Yes. And it's just a little bit more syrupy.

The original is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I did a bit of a sick in my mouth. Yeah, but definitely, because it's not a diet version. It's just a new version, isn't it? It's just with the real sugars in and the thing. Yeah.

It's nice. I liked it. Rhiannon, thank you very much for bringing that. Thank you very much. I like both of them. But I guess I'm not a big iron brew drinker. Do you know what I mean? And I guess if you're used to one.

Yeah. But for me, the new, the plastic still tastes pretty good still. Do you know what I mean? And I guess if you're used to one. Yeah. But for me, the new, the plastic still tastes pretty good still. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Both are fine. Both good.

But I mean, not that different. Noticeably different. But I do know some people who can't drink the new Iron Brew who were fans of Iron Brew because they're allergic to the aspartame. Oh, right.

Yeah. Well, there's a product for them now. There's a product for them. The 1901 is here for you. But I'm generally quite impressed. Fair enough. With how they recreated it. And it's got a good flavour, the new stuff, the plastic stuff.

Anyway. So it's a Ganon's Golden Games now. Oh, I'll do the thing. Go on, quick. Hey, where are you going? This is Ganon. He's got games. What are you going to do with him?

He's got a golden game. Oh, he's got games what's he going to do with them he's got games he's got games he's got games here I am here I am a cheerio a cheerio cannon's golden

cannon's golden where is he he's coming round he's got games he's got games he's got games he's coming round he's got games

he's got games I kept it quick for you there. I've run out of fucking things to say to you. You've run out of things to say. You clocked out from this episode before you started and you've run out of things to say. Well, I haven't run out of things to say to you, Paul. And one of the things I want to say to you is,

what is... Today, it came in the box from Chris last week of all the Japanese snacks and things like that. Lovely. There's a few toys in. Are there still any of those left?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to go back to those after 300. Mate, I finished off those seafood chocolate biscuits. Seafood animals. Yeah, the animal chocolate biscuits. Fucking hell.

Nice. They were really good. Proper nice. They were proper, proper good. Proper nice. Unlike the Katsu fucking fish cake artificial hand-flavored Katsu stick. Fanny Tongue's meat stick

or whatever it was called. This is called Dolly Battle. Dolly Battle. Because they're little dollies. Yeah, and they're having a battle. It's basically a Rock'em Sock'em Robots. A little mini Rock'em Sock'em Robots. Paul, I'm looking over and the whole sort of pink with the dots design of one of them is reminding me of a certain thing.

A penis. Mr. Blobby. Oh, yeah. Yeah? You're getting it. You're getting a Mr. Blobby vibe off one of them. I also am getting a penis vibe off them as well. You get a penis vibe off everything.

Yeah, I do. Excluding. Excluding your penis. Excluding. Excluding. Excluding. In my penis. My penis. Ensconced inside my penis.

So what does it say on the back? One, press the button to hit your opponent. Two, the first to fly off wins. Eh? The first to fly off. No, it's got it wrong. Oh, the first to fly off loses. So you press these little buttons at the back

and these little knobbly head men hit each other with their hammers. With their coloured hammers. And then eventually one of their heads pops off. I'm just going to have a little go. No, don't. Oi! It popped off.

We're meant to go against each other, you twats. How is that a Ganon's Golden Game? It's not a game if you just... That's Ganon's Golden Demonstration. It's Ganon's birthday golden game demonstration game birthday. Fine, I'll just sit here rubbing my nub nubs. Go on then, I'll watch it.

I'm not... You fucking touched it for a second. I saw it. You reached down. I want it more. It's my birthday. I wanted to play a game

but you've ruined it for me now. Do you want to play my... It's like Thumb Wars this actually. Do you want to have a go? Can we have a go, please? Who do you want to be? Do you want to be pink tip or yellow tip, man?

I'll be the Mr Blobby. The pink tip. Who has polka dots on his thing be the Mr. Blobby. The pink tip. Who has polka dots on his thing, very reminiscent of Blobby. I'm going off mic. Right, here we go. Oh, shit. Right, you've just got to whack it. Why don't we hold it in the air?

Don't we put it on the table? No, because it'll bang if we put it on the table. Fucking hell, you can't do anything properly. This is stupid. Ready, three, two, one. Yay, I win You did win That's a piece of shit

That's terrible Best out of three It's not got much fucking skill or strategy or anything You know what it is? It's because your fat thumbs can't fucking press down on it hard enough Because there's so much squodge on your thumb Before it hits muscle or bone Oh, fuck off

There's no fucking way that it will make any Paul You have trouble with touch screen phone faces. You have a problem with language? Yes, you fucking do. Do you bibble? I'm boppily bibble.

You mangle it. Now, Paul, before... One, two, three. Oh, that was a draw. All right, best of three. This is the last one. Well, then it'll be

a draw overall if I win this one. No, if I win this one no if you if I win this one you win but if I win it's a draw then we'll do golden goal

okay I'll say I'll count it down this time three two one it's a draw no I'm gonna concede

I think you won that I think my yellow tip popped off before your pink tip popped off and I know a popped off pink tip when I see one.

Well, we've drawn then overall. No, you won. You got the best of three. No, you won. You got best of three. Because it was me win, and then a draw, and then you won.

Okay, we drew then. It's go and goal. Let's do one more then. All right. My yellow tip won't go back on. Don't break it. All right, now it's on. This is a nice little thing, this.

It's a nice little doodad. It's not exactly fun, though, is it? I mean, you'd play with it once, but the design is quite pleasing. You want to count it? Three, two, one. You came straight off. Yeah.

I win. Yeah, I came straight off. It's Gannis Golden Games. It's Gannis Golden Games. I popped his knob right off. It's Gannis Golden Games. And I've come now I should have thought

of something much better than that you never do you never think of anything else mate there's only seven minutes left we've got to do the

record nah fuck that what do you mean nah fuck that because I want to do this I still want to do this

we've got to do the platters hello Paul and Eli I don't know if you ever covered the joke shot by post in the cheap show back catalogue at

any point, but I think you get a kick out of it on Paul's page turners, and we do. Love the show. Keep it up. John Hickman. Thank you, John. This is a, I think, late 80s.

I'm going to narrow this down to 88, 89. Really? Yeah. It seems earlier. No, because the act's featured in it. Because there's adverts for pop stars, and some of them are like Jason Donovan, Kyman Ogue,

and that wouldn't have kicked off until 88, 89 at all. Stop checking your phone. Don't be unprofessional. Don't be unprofessional. Don't be unprofessional. He says, after fucking that banana outburst. Don't be unprofessional.

He says, drinking the worst possible drink. Don't be unprofessional. Desperado. Desperado. Have you seen they do energy, boozy energy drinks? I'm not drinking that shit. Mate, that's a great... is drinking the worst possible drink. Don't be unprofessional. Desperado. I want to... Have you seen they do energy, boozy energy drinks? I'm not drinking that shit.

Mate, that's a great... You know what we need to test as well? What? Lucas Aid are doing big can energy drinks a la Monster. We need to taste them. Yeah, they're popping up everywhere. That sounds horrible to me.

I know, but we need to taste them. Monster is horrible to me. I hate Monster. How many different types of Monster are there? I don't even... I don't care because... Right, there's so many of them. Because Monster is horrible to me. I hate Monster. How many different types of Monster are there? I don't even, I don't care because, right, there's so many of them. It's like Mav and Jew. It's like, what is that brand anymore? When it's any old muck.

It's muck. Muck. So this is Joke Shop by Post. This is a magazine that you would get sent to order pranks and jokes. You know, like fake poos and things. And this magazine is full of them by a company called Match Right. The funny business. Ooh.

The bargain place for lots of fun. Hello, Joker. Hello. Welcome to Britain's number one collection. Write down jokes and novelties required on easy-to-use order forms. We will send you a catalogue with your goodies. Here's my favourite bit of the whole mag, though. Let me just go to it on that page.

What does it say? There's a whole thing about it. It's like it turns it into a pyramid scheme where it effectively says... Oh, yeah, this is what it says. You sell it onto your friends. You buy a bunch and then sell it to them. Do a friend a favour.

Send us names of your friends so we can send them a catalogue, too. There's space on the form to fill out and give them their information. Well, that's not exactly an MLM because if it said, you need to buy a load of stock and then recruit others, you know.

It is, but it's kind of like Avon. It's like, oh yeah, I've put my name, I've put Gary down and Steve in because I think they'd love this. Yeah, I'm not saying it's a totally sort of legit and sort of morally astute thing to do, but it's not exactly a pyramid scheme. No, well, all right, fair enough.

Free gift. Spot the mistake. Somewhere in this catalogue, we have made a deliberate mistake. Tell us what it is, and we will send you a free gift. Oh, I wonder what that is. I don't know. It's probably like a spelling mistake. But that's, I mean...

What do you think is it? Have a look at the magazine and pick out something you'd like. Because I like all this shit. This is the stuff you can get in like men's kind or you know home and bargain these days oh I see it is late 80s because you've got

a smiley face thing here acid which is reminiscent of that so it must be 88, 89 yeah it's definitely 89

this kind of joke shop stuff it's definitely 89 because there's a Batman pin in there as well because that's the summer of 89 so yeah

and there's a portable water squirt portable phone which is a mobile phone yeah obviously that was just coming through

when phones were as big as your fucking forearm just coming through but these kind of joke shop items go way back

to the 60s right oh yeah blackface soap and you know whatever itching powder and a chewing gum

kaleidoscope I used to have Wrigley's remember you used to have like legit Wrigley's wrapper but it had a little mousetrap you know, whatever. Itching powder. And the chewing gum. Kaleidoscope black eye. I used to have Wrigley's. Remember you'd have like legit Wrigley's wrapper but it had a little mousetrap contraption in. They have them in there.

The finger snappers. Finger snappers. Chewing gum finger snappers. And the squirty one as well. You know where you squirt the water at them when they... Did you mention the ice cube with a fly in it?

Yeah, that's in there. I mean, I bet all the classics are in there. I used to love them. I loved them too. Remember stink bombs? Yeah. They were glass. I used to love them. I loved them too. Remember stink bombs? Yeah. They were glass.

I got into trouble because I smashed a load of them up in the boys' toilets once at school. Did you? Yeah, yeah. And I was told off, not because of the smell, but because of the glass. It's terrible. Yeah, it is terrible. They don't do those anymore, do they? Also, a friend of mine at school tried to break one and eat it, because he used to smack the tip off.

Oh, wow. Yeah, he was violently sick all over himself like you know like when you see like a chemical reaction happen where you put a droplet something in and it foams up it was like he took a drink and then the sick came out almost yeah yeah yeah oh my word like a baby sick i wonder when they were finally completely banned are they banned are they in here i don't know i haven't had a proper look there's a few things in there that i'm confused by, like hairy hand horror glove. It's like, what are you going to do with that? Are you going to just walk around with a crap horror glove?

Fagin's finger. What's Fagin's finger? I've got a terrible case of it. Fagin's finger. I was putting it on my arse. I gave my girlfriend the Fagin's finger last night. Got to pick a pocket or two, boy. You got to pick a pocket or two.

He does look, it's a little, little Jewish stereotype. Typical Fagin. Is it? In a hat with a beard and a big hooked nose. Christ, great stuff.

This is great. No, that's not. I mean, that particular thing is actually horrible. That's not great. Pituated stereotype.

Just the whole, I'm transported back to a world of pure imagination. You know what I love about it though? There was some guy whose job it was to sit down look at the list of items that were on sale and make

tiny little drawings and animations or cartoon strips about them, you know? Each one had a little story. And also, some of them are quite kinky. In there there's like handcuffs and French maid outfit. Is there? Yeah, there's a French maid outfit underneath Elephant Man outfit. What? Which isn't

like John Merrick. It's like literally just big ears and a trunk. Well, that's not Elephant Man, there's a French maid outfit underneath elephant man outfit. What? Which isn't like John Merrick. It's like literally just big ears and a trunk. Well, that's not elephant man. That's elephant. No, it's the elephant man. That's what they call it because it's an elephant and a man. Not the elephant man. Cigarette burn.

Fake cigarette burn. Yeah. Did you ever use these genuinely? Did you ever get like a cracked glass sticker that you could put on a window? I think I did the, I once did the black face soap. Oh, dear. On someone. Did you? Which is dirty. I should explain to people who don't know. on a window I think I did the I once did the black face soap oh dear on someone did you

which is dirty I should explain to people who don't know it's got nothing to do with blacking up or anything I mean it kind of does though

no it's soap which has sort of a pocket of like dye in it or something yeah of sooty dye or something

so you go to wash your hands or your face and you get it kind of does mate there's pick something fun we're running out of time

plate lifters we've got 40 seconds left that's how you fucking want to end this really that's how you want to end this there's lots of things we could have gone

there's fun badges 30 seconds left my bum's imperfect it's got a hole in it my god that is actually a really good one to end on

no poll tax yeah so that's 89 definitely it's funny this is for kids and it on. No poll tax. Yeah, so that's 89, definitely. It's funny. This is for kids and it's got no poll tax there. Yeah, because the kid's going to have no fucking clue what that is. That's funny, isn't it? It's got a bit of a subversive, counter-cultural edge to it. Yeah, but in the same way, like, it has where's the beef or whatever.

It's nonsensical. No poll tax. You can get a badge that says no poll. No polltus. What does it say? No polltus badge. It doesn't. Don't use the sacred word of polltus in vain. What about a prank polltus that poultice. What does it say? No poultice badge. Don't use the sacred word of poultice in vain. What about a prank poultice that you put in and it foams up and makes you blow his plan?

I'm afraid we're going to have to stop talking about this now, Paul, because we're out of time. Is it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, we're out of time. That's the episode over. You know what, Eli? We'll come back to this magazine, I think. We can definitely mine some more complete nonsense out of this. We'll come back to this.

But right now, as of right now, the show is over! It's over! And that's the end of Cheap Show this week. Paul, I'm just getting a... Yeah? I'm just getting a... What? An idea to do something shit? No, no, no. It looks like, in your eyes, it looks like you've got an idea to do something shit right now.

I'm just going to let him in, okay? Yeah, go on. Oh, dear, you knocked over your fucking fat-handed twat, Mc, no. It looks like, in your eyes, it looks like you've got an idea to do something shit right now. I'm just going to let him in, okay? Yeah, go on. Oh, dear, you knocked over your fucking fat-handed twat, my bill. Oh, shit. Right, right, where is he? Right, where are you? Right, just sit here, shall I?

Hey, Brandoff, it's my birthday. Right, Paul. Can I piss in your face? I'm about to pick with you, Ruff Ruff. Can I piss in your face? I've got a bone to pick with you. Can I piss in your face? No. I've got a bone to pick with you, right? Yeah, it's a big bone. Right, you did a...

I'm off, Brandoff. That's my segment. Yeah. I need payment and I need... Mate, you're not on the books anymore. Ruff, ruff. You're not on the books anymore. Right, I'm off.

You'll just be warning. I'm watching you. Whenever you use copyright material. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Also, out of interest, just so you know, Carol got in touch with us the other day saying she was looking for a job, and we've hired her.

To do what? Piss on your seats? Piss on upholstery? Piss on the curtains? She's doing admin. Piss in chairs? Piss standing on chairs? No piss.

Piss all over? Piss, piss, piss, piss, piss, piss, piss. Because she's piss all over. No, she's doing the admin for the CCC club. Fine, what she does in her free time is fine, as long as she's drinking a lot of water. Yeah, she's looking after Andre Brandovsky. As long as she's eating asparagus three times a morning.

No, she's not. She's now eating lots of roughage because Andrei Brandovsky likes scat. Who's this Brandovsky? Brandovsky is part of the CCC group. What's in there? It looks like Fort Knox in there. Yeah, we can't go in. There's all the knock-off characters in there.

There's a bloody great gate and there's some kind of guard. He looks like he's armed. You know what? Also, I just want to put a pin in this because this has nothing to do with episode 300. So, fuck off. Right, well, just watch it, you.

You need to get someone to look at that. I mean, you know, it's your own podcast. I mean, I know. I've had my troubles with you. I don't know what's going on in there. Brandovsky, he's... If you give me a kiss right now, I'll pay you double what we usually used to pay

for a Brandov segment. Richard Brandov doesn't do that. You know? What if I give you a kiss? Give me a little kiss on my birthday. Give me a little kiss on my birthday. I'll be in touch. I can't deal with this.

Give me a little kiss on my birthday. All right, Richard, yes. And I'll pay you double for Brandoff. I'm off. Rough, rough. I'll pay you treble. You're desperate. I know you and Jimmy Biscuits are living in Squalor.

We are not. I know you're living in Squalor. I did the dishes. No, you're not. I did the dishes this morning. Jimmy had a little sweep up. As a result, I know for a fact... We're arts criminals, I'll have you know.

As a result, I know you're desperate for cash, so give me kissy, kissy, kissy. You wouldn't. You never pay me anyway. Ruff, ruff. I wouldn't... Listen, just tell Carol to keep on the asparagus, okay? All right, well, she's on right now the all-brand diet

and she's laying some heavy cable. I know that for a fact. That's fine. If she poos in her own time, as long as she saves the wee-brand diet, and she's laying some heavy cable. I know that for a fact. That's fine. If she poos in her own time, as long as she saves the wee-wee for my cars. All right, okay. I'm going. Bye, Brandoff.

Bye-bye, Ruff Ruff. Ruff Ruff, Brandoff. Ruff. Is it this way? Ruff Ruff. Yes, you know where it is. Look at it. Ruff.

Ruff Ruff. Oh, dear. Bye, then. Right, well, I've... Oh, he is gone. So... He's all right, isn't he? Yeah.

Richard Brandoff. So, look... But, Paul, you should tell him if you're going to do a Brandoff-Ruff brand, because, you Oh, he is gone So He's alright, isn't he? Yeah Richard Brandoff So look But Paul, you should tell him If you're going to do a Brandoff Off-brand Because, you know, he always Not really He's not on the books anymore

So it doesn't What do you mean he's not on the books? He's not on the books What books? He's not legally Part of Cheap Show anymore He's on the run He shouldn't be here

Him and Jimmy Biscuit's Living in a fucking hovel In Denmark I think they're just down the road It's not Denmark It is Denmark They say it's Denmark For tax purposes

Yeah, but they don't also do any of that It's just around the road, man They're just down the road That It's not Denmark. It is Denmark. They say it's Denmark for tax purposes. Yeah, but they don't also do any of that. It's just around the road, man. They're just down the road. That's why he just pops on you. They're living in a tent on the roundabout. I know for a fact I've seen them. I've heard Jimmy Biscuits go in. I don't like the noise like that.

He doesn't deal with noise very well, does he? But he does piss on the top of the tent so Brandov can sleep at night. I don't think so. Because he hears the tipper, tipper, tapper, tipper, tapper of the piddle on the tent on the canvas pond piddle on tent. Pond piddle on tent, Eli.

How about that, Fred Tenton? Pond piddle on tent. Oh, it's episode 300 next week, Paul. It is. You know what? Have you been reading that book about becoming a ghost? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's good.

Yeah, that's a plot point that I thought I'd put more effort into and it just didn't work out. How's that been going, reading that? Do you think you're an expert now? Well, okay, so's good. Yeah, that's a plot point that I thought I'd put more effort into, and it just didn't work out. How's that been going, reading that? Do you think you're an expert now? Well, okay, so I've done the rituals. I've done the sacrifices. What did you sacrifice?

As far as I'm aware. You don't need to know about this. Your dignity every week on this show. You are correct. So, yeah, I've been doing that. And basically, all I've discovered is, if the worst happened to me, I can been doing that. And basically, all I've discovered is, if the worst happened to me, I can upload myself into an electronic system

and then become part of that system. I see. Like a kind of ghost, almost. In the machine. A ghost in the machine, so to speak. So to speak. So to speak. If you will.

And that's going to be a plot point. It certainly is. Look, anyway, look. Let's wrap this up. Let's wrap this up. plot point it certainly is look anyway look let's let's let's let's let's wrap this up let's wrap this up okay next week is episode 300 we recorded it a few weeks ago in harrow art center it was a wonderful and beautiful event for us both a real lot of fun a lot of fun we've also just looked oh i've seen, the live show footage. Just a quick note, we did have three cameras, Eli, and someone sat right in front of the third.

So as a result, the live show comes from two camera angles, but actually perfectly fine. I don't think it looked too bad. No, not at all. So here's the plan. Well filmed. If you're a patron, patreon.com forward slash cheap show for all the goodies and extras,

you will get, as of this episode's release is it yeah wait no next friday this friday this friday yeah this friday you'll get patrons access to the live show on youtube the video yeah they're gonna get a link to the episode of this show yeah as a video they're gonna get it but next week on the 23rd when that comes out you're getting the podcast version flashback to the banana thing stop it bananas when the episode is released on the 23rd episode 300 in the evening 8 p.m uk time the video will be released publicly to everyone and we'll be doing it as a premiere so i'll be in the chat room i don't know if you will be in there because i don't know if you'll be djing or off to DJing on Friday night probably

alright because it's 8pm till 10pm on YouTube well can I be on the chat room on my phone if you can access it yeah you can of course I'll do that as I'm on the move I will definitely be

on the premiere chat room whatever it is from 8pm on the 23rd of September when episode 300 goes out and I just want to say again we said it a lot, but thank you to everyone who came.

I know it was a massive ball lake with the heat wave and the rail strike, but to see an almost packed house. It was fantastic. And they all got into it. And the show went beautifully. Moments before we started, we were both very worried, very sort of just kind of,

we were kind of resigned to maybe it being a bit of underwhelming uh turnout but it was not at all it was not at all it was it went off like fire kindling yeah no it was a beautiful event and it kind of i i couldn't express it on the night because you know everything's happening and my brain's trying to keep the show on keep going and all and being like producer mode or whatever yeah but like i i can't explain just how wonderful it was to have that many people there at our show watching us do our thing and I honestly

think 300 is a podcast. Great. You're going to love it but if you want to watch it on YouTube that's the way to go because it's such a

great fucking laugh. Okay. That's it. So join us. My Twitter is Eli Snorri. Join us next week for episode 300.

A mammoth epic live show that you can listen to with your ears or watch with your eyes on the 23rd in the evening at 8pm UK time. And we'll be there in the chat room to have a chat as well. Join us. Eli Snorid, which is spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And the podcast's Twitter address is at thecheapshowpod. And I'm at Paul Gannon Show. And look, hey, everything else, everything.

Patreon, merchandise merchandise links to events magazines and Tony's merch spunk rocks 300 specific artwork which was cool which is fucking beautiful I'm getting a t-shirt of that next week it's all on our website the cheap show.co.uk there'll be links to the live show there for next week as well there'll be links

to everything it's you on stop shop for all cheap show stuff basically yeah I'm excited and I hope you enjoy next week as well. There'll be links to everything. It's your one-stop shop for all cheap show stuff, basically. Yeah. I'm excited and I hope you enjoy next week's show because we're very proud of it.

Don't fucking roll your eyes, you pig-faced cunts. I'm trying to fucking... Pig-faced cunts? You trotter-faced bastard. And now I'm trotter-faced? Yeah. The trotter's migrating

from my hands to my face, is it? You snout-faced swine. I don't have a snout. You do. I do not. You troll, is it? You snout-faced swine. I don't have a snout. You do. I do not. You troll, bulbous-nosed bell-head.

Paul? I'm trying to be all sincere. It's fine. And you're rolling your eye because you just won't shut up. You've been going on and on and on.

Get all sentimental when you're pissed. Now, knob off. In all seriousness, Paul, I want a fucking dexterity showdown. All right, how that works?

I don't know. I'll look into it. Alright, can you do this? Can you do the Spock sign? Yeah. No, you can't! Yes, I can. Can you do that? Quickly, though. Can you do that? Like this? Like this? Like that? Fingers. Can you do it this quickly, though? Looks like not. Oh, it looks like a pig trying to scratch at a door to try and get in.

It's like... Right, we'll do dexterity fucking test. How are we going to do it,ity. How are we going to do it then? How are we going to do it? How are you going to turn... Cards and chips and stuff. Oh, cards and chips, something that you do anyway because of your poker nights. Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, so let's do something that, you know, I don't know, something that... This is doing the Spock thing. How about we do a magic trick? A magic trick that involves dexterity and palming and finger work, eh?

How about that? Oh, my finger work's good. That's not a lie, I've heard from all your ex-girlfriends. Oh, you talk to them. You call up my ex-girlfriends and go, what's he like with his fingers? I talk to both of them. Yeah.

And they both went, it was like being fingered by a bunch of fucking ribs. Oh, I don't know what that meant. Weird. Can we go now? I'm going to think of something better. No, you won't. It's like being fingered

by a pack of sausages yeah it's like being fingered by a bouncy castle that's probably the best that's the one I'm going to go with I'm going to carry on

drinking it's my birthday it's not your birthday today it is not my birthday by the time this goes out it'll have been passed on Wednesday

okay well happy birthday for them Paul thank you you've got to get me something nice I'll try yeah yes you're hard to buy for you're Are you going to get me something nice? I'll try. Yeah? Yes.

You're hard to buy for. You're not. Just buy me a load of weed and I'll be happy. Get it yourself. Join us next week. It's episode 300. It's the big one. We've got loads of guests.

It's a wacky show. Bing, bong, bing, bong. It's fun time. I've got to stop this. Please stop. Can't you just have some dignity and just say, thank you.

300 next week. It's Cheap Show time again then. And thanks for joining us this time on Cheap Show. Join Eli Silverman. That's Paul Gannon. Let's do that. I've got fingers of a pig,

apparently. No, I'm not going to do that as well. I've got fucking funky pig finger. I'm going to keep it simple. Here we go. Join us next week for episode 300 where Eli and I

will be joined by a cast of stars for our illustrious live show recorded at the Harrow Arts Centre. Please join us. A big event. I thank you. Thanks everybody. Goodbye. Bye everybody. You pig fingered fuck. Fuck off. you