CheapShow - Ep 315: Charity Shop Showcase

Episode Date: January 13, 2023

Every now and then it’s good to change things up and break free from the old routine, and Paul is excited to do that this week, because he has a brand-new segment to show off. He’s called it the ���Charity Shop Showcase” and allows them the chance to talk about charity shop items that may not fit into the show’s usual fun and games. Eli admits it’s a strong new segment, but the merriment won’t last long. There’s also some brand-new sodas to try out and this week it’s an international affair with drinks from Denmark, China and Russia. Which one will be top of the pops? Finally, it’s time to tackle a bugbear of Paul’s (one of MANY this episode) as CheapShow takes on the “Bread” board game. A game based on a 1980s BBC sitcom that you will soon discover Paul has some major problems with. Will the game kill Paul and Eli’s faith in humanity? Spoilers: Yes. Happy New Year! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-315-charity-shop-showcase And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! WATCH OUR EPIC 300 Live Show on YouTube Video Edition: youtu.be/Yf5Q3WVR4tl MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, the wacky, fun, weekly adventure where Eli and I go through the parking bins, the charity shops and Poundlands of Great Britain for a wacky, wacky, fun-filled show with characters and wit and joy. Too real. Too real for real. Welcome to the podcast. Too, no. My name is Paul Gannon I'm sorry

and with me as always is my girlfriend Eli Silverman Paul yeah something has just occurred to me please that might lift you from this malaise

that you're projecting I've got a malaise mate I've got a hard malaise Hellman's male malaise projecting? I've got a malaise, mate. I've got a hard malaise. Hellman's male malaise is what I've got. Ah, okay. But what's the thing that will lift me

from my malaise right now? Hellman's malaise. That's it? So my idea... No, no, no. My idea is what you'd cheer me up. It should do.

No, something just occurred to me. Heinz baked depression. Something just occurred to me.z baked depression something just occurred to me doesn't it's nothing to do with mental health this bit

okay stroganoff I'll strog you off no if I say stroganoff like that what do you want to what do you feel the need to say

okay I'll do it again stroganoff hot beef no tell me what you want me to say then because I don't know I like hot beef

okay I'm not saying I didn't like it. I just wondered if you were looking for something specific. I am. All right. Okay. But hot beef is a good interim measure. It is.

I thought so. In any context. Yeah. Stroganoff. Hot gravy. I don't know. I don't know what you want. I think we're going to have to be starting.

I'll tell you what. Let me start again. Let's start the whole thing again. Let's say it to you. Let's start this episode again. Let don't know what you want. I think we're going to have to be starting. Let me start again. Let's start the whole thing again. Let's say it to you. Let's start this episode again. Let me say it to you, and you give me what you want. Ready? Okay.

Stroganoff. I don't like Mondays. Stroganoff. I don't like Mondays. Stroganoff. I don't like Mondays. I'm going to put it in a oven and render it down, down. The whole way down.

Oh, I hate the Boomtown Rats. Have I mentioned that before? Boomtown Rats? Yeah. Boomtown Twats more like, hey. Bob Geldof. Bob Fuckoff more like. Fuckoff, Bob Fuckoff.

Bob Stroganoff more like. Bob my Stroganoff right off you know what you're right it has helped somewhat Stroganoff I don't like Mondays has helped you

yeah what's the other Boomtown Rat songs we could sing there are none there are none no but that's the paradox of the Boomtown

the Boomtown Rats there are no other songs and yet there are isn't it Rat Trap or something which is another one Rat Race Rat Race.

Rat Race. Okay, I don't know that one. Off the top of my head, I can't think of what that is. No, because it's shit. There are several thousand singles. There was a period in about 83 where they were literally putting a single out every two seconds or so. And look how they connected with the culture overall. Pure charity shop silt.

It washes in, it builds up in charity shops. It's like if you take a load of shit and you pan it like you would for gold. It always... There's crap left. It stays in the grill, doesn't it?

If you picked up your average charity shop in Britain today... Yeah, and shook it. Shook it down. Big sieve. Yeah. Big seven-man sieve.

Seven-man sieve. Seven men shaking a sieve at the same time. Or women, of course. Or women. And we're equal opportunity employers on that. We're equal opportunity sievers. Seven-person sieve. the same time. Or women, of course. We're equal opportunity employers on that. We're equal opportunity sievers.

Seven person sieve. All that comes through right when you've shuffled out all the good bits, it all comes shifting, shooting through, powdery, coming through. Dangerously close to mulchy gibbage. It's not. It's nothing like

mulchy fibbage. And remember the man's name, the spirit's name. I know, I did say Gibbage, I know. Gibbage, that's a whole different thing. Maybe I'm Gibbage. No, you know what? Welcome to Cheap Show.

A little Jimmy Gibbage. Shut up. We can't call characters Jimmy anymore. That's the rule. Jimmy Gibbage, apart from Jimmy Gibbage. Jimmy Gibbage does have a ring to it though, doesn't it? Welcome to Cheap Show.

Yay! I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show.

Cheap Show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. So what, Paul, I ask? Sorry, yes, go on. What do we have coming up on the show this week? Today, we have a lovely selection of odds and ends that I have found, that we have found, in charity shops and bargain bins and pound lands, etc. As is our want, our deep want.

Our want is wide. Our hurting in the night want. Our want is wide. Our want is so hard and long and strong. Hey, darling, do you want this? Do you want my want? I want your want. Oh, it's like a glam thing.

Didn't they do one? Mud. No, it's banana-rama, isn't it? I want your back. Gotta get it through to you. I want your back. We've got everything going in this episode already. Yeah.

Paul doing the memory lane sing-along. And yet I'm dying inside. Are you really? Right, so we've got to do... Brick-a-brack here, bit of this and already. Yeah. Paul doing the memory lane And yet I'm dying inside. Are you really? So, right, so we've got, we're going to do Brick-a-brack here,

bit of this and that. A little bit of that. We've got some juicy drinks to get down our gullet. I know, I heard the car pull up before. You have bells and whistles,

isn't it, on that car? It's weird. It's like, week by week, it's coming across more like chitty-chitty bang-bang, isn't it? It's an It's weird. It's like week by week it's coming across more like chitty chitty bang bang

isn't it? It's an amazing looking thing. I mean there's some disturbing elements when you walk round to the rear of the vehicle. What's in the jars

is what I want to know. It's like some kind of pig sluicer back there. Pig sluicer? Yeah it's all gloopy. You shouldn't have a meat slicer as well.

Viscera and meat slicing. Weird. Do you reckon he's doing a sideline in butchery or something? Well there's no word from willy wanker who used to deal with livestock as we know i went past his house the other day mail piled up you could see it i looked through the uh the letterbox pile of mail well anyway as well when he pulled up he's got tubing he's bringing tubing into the podcast and um i'm gonna have to have a word with why is he bringing tubing i don't know he's he says he wants to do some draining we're not allowed to do

anything right so we've got that anyway we've got that and then we've got a slightly new kind of section kind of hey come on because sometimes we kind of we kind of fold our fines into games but what i wanted to do is just from now on have a segment called Charity Shop Showcase, where we buy something that just interests us for whatever reason. It doesn't fall into a game. It doesn't force us to guess the price. We just talk about it because it's interesting. It's an interesting item.

Well, you've all certainly put the gauntlet down for me to find items that fit that category in my ongoing deep want as i've discovered yeah the deep need to visit charity shops well we've done a charity shop the other day around the corner from here paul and someone coughed they coughed and coughed until the person who works there went you need to be wearing a mask and then no no i've got a cold but that's the thing he's literally doing it into my face the thing is i've got a cold now forget about covid for a second just cover your fucking mouth when you cough or you or you'll put you do the crook thing if you sneeze you know you put the why don't me to bring up bring up one of your why don't people socially understand that there's a contract where if you're part of a community if

you're part if you're out and about in the world, you have a certain amount of respect for other people. So if you are ill, but you have to get on with your day, do so. But if you cough, cover your fucking mouth. I don't understand why you can't do that. Why a fucking grown adult can't just go, and just cover their mouth ever so slightly. Yes, they might have a bit of spittle on their hand but we'll deal with that.

I'm sorry I brought up another one of your bugbears or piss boilers. It was like I was on a tube a few weeks ago and there was a guy just sniffing the whole time. And I went to...

I actually thought I can't deal with this because it was so frequent and loud that I could hear it over my headphones. So I reached into my pocket and I got you know

a nice little pack of tissues out and I handed him and he had the gall to like look at me and go what are you doing as if as if

he didn't know he was being it and then and then it got to the point where it went from to

and it was just and then you can see prairie oyster mining and I was just getting really sick he was looking for something to chew at the back of his palate and I just just full prairie oyster mining and I was just getting really sick he was looking for something to chew at the back of his I just wanted to fucking throttle him

I just wanted to fucking go across and grab his neck and slide him the side of the tube train and then say come on mate sniff one more time and then I take a chopstick and jam it up his nostrils are you carrying you're carrying weaponised chopsticks with you.

Yeah. Now, this is interesting. Right into the brain. Have you got a holster? Are these like metal holsters? Yeah. I've got a... These weapon...

I've got a chopstick holster. But I put some cream on that and it's okay. No, but Paul, sorry as I am to have brought up your bugbear. Hello, I am chopstick holster. No! No more characters. Nobear. Hello, I am Chopstick Holster. No. No more characters. No more. No more.

I'm in broad agreement with you about all of that. Do you know there's a certain type of hypersensitivity to sound, which you might have? I think that might be me. It's like people who can't stand the noise of people eating. Yeah. When we started this, I didn't used to edit

a lot of the munching and crunching out but then as i edit and those sounds became more and more of a thing in my head i just started chopping them up because i thought if i don't like listening to him why should someone listening like listening to him paul i'm glad that you do because i do think it quite it improves the sonic quality also we have to have a rule from now on when it comes to food food tasting on this show we eat and we say fucking nothing until we've masticated and then when we do there was a lot of us talking like this

where it was like I'm so friendly and I was just like well there's been no complaints here's mine, me there's a big ASMR crossover so we need to sort that out so I reckon

new segment what's it called no but that is just the charity shop showcase it's a charity shop showcase it's a new segment that is just a showcase of an item

that we found because I often do see quite interesting items that are in that slightly higher range that what we usually go for yeah

like five to ten pounds sort of range you know and I found something today that you know cost a little bit more than usual so yeah do you think items are allowed we're allowing ourselves to be a bit more spendy yeah a little bit but the ream is if it's in a charity shop you know still cheap and what i've got today are two items which we'll get to later that are surprisingly cheap compared to how much they're going for second hand or even from direct sellers so i think they're interesting for that if nothing else and one of them is a little project i'm going

to give you as well so that'll be fun i've seen that it's very exciting right and then we're doing bread the board game that's how we're ending this because someone gave us the bread board game at the live show and i said we'd play it and then i lied to them with the intention of never touching the fucking thing because you know how it gets me going. Against Golden Games. And I'm already in a very volatile state this week. You are. You were moody. You started really moody and low energy. Then I mentioned the coffee guy, and that set you off.

Yeah. And now you're just ready to rip into Bread the Game. Well, I've said my piece, I think, on Bread already. But when we get to the board game... You're going to say it again? I'm going to say it all again. I'm going to repeat myself. Welcome to Cheap Show.

Our first segment involves a certain friend of mine. Is he ready? I think you should... And then I'll go get him. Oh, I thought we were going to go straight into it. No, because I've got bloody flatmate walking around out there. I can't get into character. Oh, Jeff Beck expert or whatever his name is.

We are the children of the storm. Hang on, who is it? Jeff Lint. Mike Bat. Why can't you remember the guy's name? Mike Bat. Long story short, I don't know what you want me to say. Here is the child of the corn himself, resident Mike Bat expert.

Mike Bat expert. Tell us about the latest Mike Bat news. The children of the corn. He's the children of the corn, which I think is a Stephen King book. Yeah, news. The children of the corn. He's the children of the corn, which I think is a Stephen King book. Yeah, it's not children of the corn. It's children of the storm. It's actually more scary than children of the corn.

I'm beginning to think he's not a Mike Bat expert. He's not. He knows fuck all about Mike Bat. He can't even remember Nora Jones. Yeah. Who's Nora Jones? Nora Jones is Shankaran Kastor's oh yeah

yeah who am I thinking of I don't know did Mike Batt produce that look we're going to have to stop we're going to have to stop then I'll go get Juicy Jeremy yeah go get Juicy Jeremy

alright this has been an awkward end to this segment right shall I go get Juicy Jeremy then yeah go get Juicy Jeremy again I'll go I'll go.

I'll say again because we tried to record that and then our mic bat expert thought his name was Jeremy. Jeremy, come on. Oh, hello, hello, how are you? Welcome in, Jeremy. Come on in. Bring your bag all the way over. Oh, hey, McGillivray Wickers. Oh, hi, old Paul.

Hi. Hello, Mr Jeremy, how are you? How are you this fine day of the Lord? Oh, McGillivickers So, I've got a quick question before we go any further Because I've been meaning to ask you this before Christmas McGillivicky The teeth on my back came off

Oh, your teeth on your back But they were my baby back teeth And so now I've got a full set of adult teeth on my back We used to go down the old company store in my uncle's old wagon. We used to go up and get some baby back ribs and they used to slather all that hickory, old hickory smoke all over it. Yeah but that's not the question I'm asking. The question I'm asking is can I stop drinking your special drinks now? No don't ever stop. Because I can't, I can't deal with these teeth. No, no, no, no, don't ever stop. I have to.

I don't think the teeth are good for me. The teeth, well, they ain't as bad for you as if you stop. And also, my ball bag has grown wings. Oh, very interesting. Like weird kind of like bat wings. Flappy bag. They kind of encompass the sack. We used to go down the...

And then when I get a wreck, they flap real bad. It's ruined my sex life. So your drinks have given me back teeth and ball wings. I'm not drinking anymore. I don't like this. No, these are fine because these are ones you've researched And sent our way I'm not drinking your special bottled mix anymore I just have one last thing to say about that Go on

Poor little boy little boy Yes If you stop drinking the special sodipop Yeah The teeth start to consume the host That's all I'll say No well you should have said this Before I agreed to even take the drinks in the first place

The teeth will start to eat the ball bag skin. No, I don't have teeth on my balls. I've got wings on my balls and teeth on my back. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They reach around

and start chomping down on your ball bag skin. No, it's just along my spine. It's a terrible thing to hold. Behold, when the spine teeth start chomping

on the flying ball skin. I'm getting excited. I'm getting excited. I'm getting excited. Oh, flying Skunk Joe used to come into town. Yeah, that's the noise of your ball bag. Anyway. Yes, it is. That won't do for pointing that out.

I'll just leave these on the table. All right, you can just bring these drinks along. Now, I need your results. I'll wait out in the jallapy. Yes, I know. Actually, the copy club room, could I go in there? I've got some tubes. I mean, we haven't cleaned that place out properly

yet. I could run some great sody out in the swimming pool pub. No, we're thinking about turning that into... We might have some nice elixirs left in the old tiki bar. No, we were thinking about turning that into a bedroom. But I could just do a little bit of sody making today while you...

Today, you can use the space, yes. I'll go get the pipes. I won't be any bother. We'll just go around the back way rather than come through the studio, all right? I'll go around the side in the no space in between the parts, yes. I'll give you the key for the back door.

Here you go, boys. Calm down, bat balls. I'll just do me crossword in the old Jallapy after I've done the piping work. If you see me, if you see me walking around, just don't pay me no never mind. And I just want to ask one last thing. Here we fucking go. What do you think of my new word, Majillicus? It's not working for me.

Bye. Majillicus. Not working for me. Bye. not working for me. Bye. Majillicus. Not working for me. Bye. Not working for me. Goodbye. If you see me with pipes, just never mind me.

Yeah, okay. Okay. I'll go down here. I'll get my pipes and my workings out of the old guy. Where's Eli? Send Eli back in.

Eli. He wants you back. Oh, okay. What a funny, eccentric old fellow. What an interesting character he is. He just said to me he's going to be walking around the back with the pipes and stuff. I know, and I impressed upon him that I don't care.

Goodbye. So we can move on. Now we've got three sodas left by Juicy Jeremy. Yes. They are world-spanning, I can see from the notes. So I'm going to start with this one. So just to break the facade for a moment, this particular drink was given to me by a guy I work with at the BBC,

BBC Radio London. His name's Stephen, and his girlfriend is Danish, and apparently this drink is all the rage. This is called Sport Cola, right? Sport Cola from a company called Hancock Breweries. They're mostly known for beers right but

this is i'm a bit confused do you mean it's it's very popular and it's been around for years like it's a heritage uh soft drink or is it actually a newish thing no let me uh read this to you now on the official hancock website it says sports, Sports Cola and our other soft drinks. Sports Cola was first bottled on the 12th of November 1974. It is fresh and fruity, a real thirst quencher and contains real cola nut. In the first several years,

not many were sold. In fact, so few that at one point there was talk of removing it from the range. Fortunately, that didn't happen and Sports Cola has now become

our best- selling soft drink and um it says it's a real soda we make beer as well but we like to make our soda like the good old days and is there any fermentation a la fentimans i wonder i don't it doesn't have that information here because they're trying to say it's a sort of craft most of those the more craft sodas will go for fermentation that's what gives fentanyl that whole thing i mean maybe it does because they're a brewery that's exactly why so maybe they do but it doesn't mention anything here it just says they like to use raw materials right they also do this applesyn which i think is another soft drink i love the uh packaging

yeah it's got a sort of this looks like old british beer but it's also got a sort of seaside resort sort of vibe, 70s seaside resort sort of vibe. If you were watching a carry-on film and they went into a pub, there'd be rows of this on the back because it'd be like old peculiar or the red barrel. Nice packaging. And I wonder if its newfound sort of popularity is to do with that coconut

having a very mild psychoactive stimulant effect. Oh, yeah, maybe. Because there's types of cola that in Germany in recent years have been getting really popular that have contained mate, which is the tea that they drink in South America. Oh, okay. And have you ever seen those metal straws they drink it? And it's caffeine, essentially,

but it's a different sort of form of it. So it gives you that little buzz. It's similar to a cup of coffee. I'm looking through the range now. And there's a cola brand from Germany which put mate in and they sell it in nightclubs and stuff and it sort of keeps people going.

You know, a bit like a Red Bull, but... Well, here's the thing. So I'm looking through their... I'm wondering if the cola nut has a stimulant effect. I'm looking through the rest of their range and they have drinks that are just called Sport. Fresh and tart. Long and mouth-watering aftertaste. Long mouth. I'm looking through the rest of their range, and they have drinks that are just called Sport. Fresh and tart, long and mouth-watering aftertaste.

Long mouth. I mean, it's been translated from Danish. Long and mouth. Long mouth-watering aftertaste. Mouth-watering aftertaste. Apricot. They look great, don't they? They really do.

They have apricot, grape, pineapple, lemon, and they also have lemon light. They have their own cola as well as that so this is the difference so what makes it sport because they have a sport there which just says for the active with added dextrose which is like a lucasade thing which is glucose yeah i mean i don't know what the translation is what lucasade is on because luca it's so funny how so many of these so many of these soft drinks, Paul, started as medicine, right? And then they went through a phase where they were sort of sports aids. Yeah.

And then they come to the end of their life cycle where everyone just accepts it as a soft drink. What's Apollinaris? Apollinaris. It says water with three added salts gives Apollinaris a very special taste. Apollinaris is like the Greek god of sport or something like that? I don't know. It feels like they've added salts to a mineral water.

Yeah, again, it's a sports drink, isn't it? Grape. So you sweat out all your salts and it's replaced with a drink, like Gatorade. On the label it says Smeg Forskellen, but I read that as Smeg Forskin originally and I was like

mmm mouthwateringly long I am desperate to try this sports cola I don't know about you I'm looking forward to it because Stephen was very keen

for us to try it on the podcast so we're doing it now pop it and get the snuff off pop it and we're going to pour it on some ice which he recommends

yes ooh what's the huff oh that's a real clap very cola nutty oh have a sniff before you pour it I want to give my notes ooh you're right

and it also does have that Fentimans quench what's the name of that cola we like not quench I always call it quench gusto

yeah I'm looking forward to this this is the kind of cola I like the real cola flavour that sort of yeah isn't it like Coke and Pepsi and especially Pepsi don't really have any of that I like. The real cola flavour, that sort of... Yeah. Isn't it? Like Coke and Pepsi,

and especially Pepsi, don't really have any of that. I really like it when they nut into their glass. Oh, and what would you say about the... I've poured him a glass over ice. Added it to him. It's a reasonably light brown. Lighter than Coke. Does seem a bit lighter. Considerably. That other sports drink was clear

you could see from the photo. Yeah, no, they had a long, long range of other types and flavours and all sorts. There was a lot going on. I wouldn't mind trying them, but let's see what this is, as this is their most popular brand. We might hate this, Paulson. I don't think I'm going to. At the very worst, I'll probably find it too similar to something else.

Oh, I love that smell. I'm enjoying the moment with you. Let's just drink this. You can taste the herbs in it, almost. There's a herby grassiness to it. Oh, that's really nice. That's really nice. It's lighter.

Much lighter than I was expecting. It's very sweet though, still. It's sweet. It's slightly more watered cola, but it's not unpleasantly watered down cola, if that makes sense. You know what I'm getting at? The lightness.

There's a sort of, not wateriness, but yeah, it's just a lightness. The cola's more syrupyiness but yeah it's a it's a it's just a lightness cola's more syrupy this doesn't have it doesn't have the syrupy texture yeah it feels a lot more refreshing and i can see because he said to me it's a bit like a can of cross between a fentimans and a dandelion and burdock and i think in the aftertaste in the mouth you could definitely get more of that than in the initial drink i'm looking for that herbiness that you're talking about that dan i'm getting nothing none of that i'm just getting pure cola now you're not getting that

kind of grassy kind of... No. It's weird. My first impression of it is very kind of grassy and light, and then the aftertaste is more kola-y and syrupy. Oh, it's a very lovely, clear kola nut flavour, though. You know? Really, you can really taste the kola nut.

And it is very refreshing. That's the important thing. But that's the other thing I'll make a note of. They've replicated that Coca-Cola acidity, that tartness. There's a really bright, almost sharp tartness there. Unlike Pepsi, which is just syrup and sugar. Yeah. Gloop. But also things like Fentimans and Gusto don't have that sharpness, that tartness.

Do you know what? Are you in agreement about that? I am in agreement with that. Right. So it's light, very clear cola nut tart. That is just really good cola. What a great cola. And so, Stephen, yeah, thank you very much for that.

That is exactly what tickles our fancy on this pod. But it also has that kind of panda pops, that sort of nostalgic, just lovely stuff. I'd have that over a Coke any day of the week, I have to say. Right, next. What do you want to do next? Do you want to do the cherry one? His notes.

Because you said you wanted to end with that power-up. Yeah. So let's do this one. This was a, you say Chinese? I believe it is Chinese. Tang Kao Er Chang. And it looks like what, apricot? Or peach?

I think it's a flavoured kombucha. Oh, really? Have you had kombuchas? It's the tea thing, isn't it? Kombucha is basically like a tea. It's a flavoured kombucha. Oh, really? Have you had kombuchas? It's the tea thing, isn't it? Kombucha is basically like a tea. It's a fermented tea, which is very slightly alcoholic because of the fermentation, but not enough to be actually classed as an alcoholic drink. Ingredients, water, tiny text that I can't read because I'm getting old.

Hand over. Purple sweet potato juice. Ah, there you go. Did you know that? No, because it's got this funny cartoony... I just thought it was an interesting looking sodie pop. Yeah, there you go. Did you know that? No, because it's got this funny, cartoony... I just thought it was an interesting-looking sodie pop. Yeah, because it is, and I have no idea now what to expect from this.

It is basically a sweet potato-flavoured... Purple sweet potato juice concentrate. Hand it over to me. I think you've missed a bit. Mate, go for it. Do you know I'm getting to that age now where I have to move small writing further and further away with a light brighter and brighter to see what i'm actually looking at do you have glasses yeah it doesn't make any fucking difference also

you need new i'm getting tired of people printing like yellow text on brown backgrounds or yellow text on faded gray photography which makes things almost impossible to fucking read it's bugbear number three for the episode. I'm getting all my bugbears out. Are you just trying to tap your thing? Mate, just read it. Take a picture. No, you know what?

We're going to skip this now. No, we're not. I'm bored now. I'm not going to sit here and watch you tap your lamp on rotation until you get it the right brightness that you need to read. Here we go.

Before hitting red by accident and then going for the cycle again. Juice. Fuck me. You ready to taste it? Yes, please do. I thought it was kombucha, but it just seems to be

a sort of purple sweet potato. I've never heard of purple sweet potato. Now, maybe it's not the sole flavour. Maybe that's what they've put in to fill it out or whatever. There's a bit of froth on it, which I didn't expect as well. Very plummy.

Really? With this kind of almost... So that's what I'm saying. Is the sweet potato thing there just to fill out the flavour of the plum? There's a sweetness at first, like a fruity sweetness, but then there's a vegetable, an earthy vegetable potato-iness. So it's plums and spuds. Yeah.

I want a plum and spud drink. See if you agree. All right. Have enough enough. I like myums and spuds? Yeah. I want a plum and spud drink. See if you agree. All right. Have enough enough. I like my plum and spuds. Ooh, yeah. I like it. There's a savouriness at the end of it.

Do you know what I'm saying? The end of the smell is savoury. That's a very curious drink. It's both like cherry, but then like sniffing a tree at the same time. Yeah. It's like if you rub the cherry on your nose whilst it was up against a tree.

That's how I want people to think about this. There are definitely sweet and if you rubbed the cherry on your nose whilst it was up against the tree. That's how I want people to think about this. There are definitely sweet and savoury notes coming through on the nose. Well, I'm looking forward to this. I'm going to pour myself some. It just looks like

purple soda. It smells like a Chew-It. No, not a Chew-It. Frutella. It tastes very similar to how it smells. Oh, God, that's very correct. It's almost smoky, the end, isn't it? It's almost

woody. Isn't it weird, though? I don't hate it, but it's not refreshing. No. It's a slightly strange flavour. I don't know how to explain that. It's kind of savoury at the end. Kind of, but not, like, aggressive. It does more feel like

wood chip and cherry. Woody. Woody and cherry. Well, there you wood chip and cherry. Woody. Woody cherry. Well, there you go. Woody cherry. And shall we move on to our last... Oh, God. Last selection on this soda fountain today.

What an odd drink. Very odd. I like the packaging. Yeah, pictures of these bottles will be on our website should you want to do more research, more than we can fathom right now. Last bottle. Okay.

So we're in China China and we were obviously in Denmark. We're going around the world this week, aren't we? This is Jamaican, I believe, and it's called Plus Power Up. And it's very much sort of like a green version of Lucozade. If you

put into an AI the prompts green Lucozade bottle, it might come up AI the prompts, green Lucozade bottle, it might come up something like this, mightn't it? Because it's got ridges, quite attractive ridges on the shoulder of the bottle and at the bottom, like a star. You know, this... Ribena doesn't do it anymore, but they did have

the knobblies. Do you remember? Their bottle used to have a special bottle with the knobbly bits in the top. No, forget that. It was a glass bottle wrapped in a plastic kind of orange cling film or whatever it was, whenever. And there were nobbles underneath. You're desperately keen to assert the nobbles in this. Nobble, knobble, knobble, knobble.

But it's like those Ramuke bottles. Oh, wait. Sorry to interrupt, because I apologise when I do that, but that bottle of sports cola, he did, Stephen mentioned this into saying that one of the things that this brand does in this particular one is that they recycle the bottles like we used to do in this country where you would take the bottles back to the shop you got it from, they would give you a bit of money, and then they would recycle it. recycler so i was going to say they don't do that anymore in this country and you think they would with the whole recycling and resources and things we just recycle bottles and bring them back because that bottle reminded me the one you're holding up the power one because that looks like it's been recycled almost like it's gone through the process it could have been used twice yeah which i think is a good thing frankly you still have it in the united states don't they i don't know i don't know

how i don't know why it's like that and milkmen seem to die out at the same time. Yes. And I blame supermarkets on that. Do you recall being in the United States and you see on certain soda bottles and cans, it says something like five cents will not be redeemed or has some kind of rules written on it about how much money. I remember you used to take all our Schweppes bottles back to the corner shop and get like a couple of pens each.

You used to do it? Yeah. I vividly remember taking lemonade and cherry aids back it's all part of this trend towards complete disposability isn't it and it's also this trend because i'm the rob the reason i mentioned these red ridges on this yeah the way it was like the the lucas a bottle used to be unique like the way the coke bottle was designed that's the classic coke bottle but it's weird it was part of the whole, but everything, and Rimuke,

obviously. What's that again? Which is the marble stop bottle that they have in Japan. Oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, Rimuke, yeah. What's happened is you can get Rimuke drinks,

but they're just in a standard can now. Yeah. And they just have a picture of the old bottle. And that's what happens. The packaging becomes less unique and more disposable and standard. But this is the problem, isn't it?

Convenience means complacency as well. So you just go drink, dispose, drink drink dispose drink dispose and actually to some extent when you finish your big bottle of swept slimeade taking that bottle back made you wear a bit more of the bottling process and the process of getting a drink to you in the first place yeah you're more connected to the actual process though of what's going on you're not just completely because that's what milk men would do you'd leave your bottles out take them away, you'd get two new ones. And that's what is weird, that we've replaced...

Why has this all disappeared? Because it seems like we've replaced a system with one that is convenient, but creates more waste. Because if the supermarket means you can get your Cokes and your milk there conveniently, then those processes of a milkman delivering

and the bottles being returned seem to... It's almost a step backwards, weirdly. Companies don't want to have to pay people to do any of that work. There's still a milk van that comes up our road on a Monday. They do exist. But they're kind of almost... What's the word I'm looking for?

Bespoke surfaces where it's like you go on a mailing list and then they come and collect your milk. It's probably much more expensive than it used to be as well or bijou yes it's sort of like a nostalgia

a retro service or whatever like a loot crate food box or whatever they are yes exactly Paul make sure you clear out the purple potato water

I have because it's hanging around like a niffy purple potato what's that song purple people eat that's Shed Woolly isn't it it's a around like a niffy purple potato. What's that song? Purple people eat... That's Shed Woolly, isn't it? Yeah, Shed... It's a big bottle of...

Who did the Willem Scream? Yeah. Listen to the episode. We are... I thought what it was. Right, so this is what I can only think it's like a sports drink,

Jamaican, plus power-up. It's like a Lucas A. clone from Jamaica. Let's get into it. In a nice green bottle. Nice differentiated, ridged bottle. Ridged bottle.

Do you think it's going to actually be green? I think it's going to be more like a limey yellow. Oh, no. What? Oh, no. This isn't what you were thinking. It's pineapple flavoured. Is it?

Have a snuff. You wouldn't think it was pineapple considering everything on it gives you a lemon thing. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh. Oh. Smells like unwashed cock.

No, it doesn't. It does. How much? You've only ever smoked your own. It smells like cookie dough and unwashed cock. Cookie dough and unwashed cock. A biography. It's yellow.

It is more pineapple-y. I'm not completely unsure. This isn't what came out of a man's penis once. It did not come out of a penis once. You're right. There's a little bit

of pineapple in there. There's a lot of pineapple. But up front, mate, that is... It's a kind of musty pineapple almost, isn't it? You're going to have to have one sip.

No, I'm going to sip it, but there's a weird... Spit it back in. If it's off, if it's rotten. I'm sure it's fine, but I'm just... It's got a funk to it.

Right, here we go. Has a bit of a pineapple funk, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, God, that is weird as fuck. To me, it just tastes like cheap pineapple soda. It's pineapple, but it's got a really kind of sickly, syrupy aftertaste as well.

If it was just like the sharp pineapple, I'd be like fine with it. It's slightly musty, isn't it? Slightly rotty musty at the end. Oh God. Oh no. I know what it is. It's almost got a chocolatey quote.

Yeah. Quality. Malty, almost. Isn't it? Oh God. I'll get him there. Are you ready to give the scores? Yeah, get Jeremy back.

Jeremy is dead with the pipes. Okay, boys. How do you like the soda this week? Well, I'm going to go... I liked them. I liked them. Thanks, Jeremy. So, sports cola, Jeremy.

Out of five, I'm giving that a 4.25. 4.25 for the sports cola. What did you say, Eli? I liked it a lot. Yeah, it's the best thing we had today. Best thing we had, right? 4.25 for the sports cola. What did you say, Eli? I liked it a lot. Yeah, it's the best thing we had today. Best thing we had, right? 4.5. 4.5.

I would drink that all day long. Yeah, it's a good old drink, that. Okay, that's a big start on the sports cola there. Now, and then second you had the purple potato water soda. Thing, cherry peach. How'd you like that soda, boys? I'll go to you first, my boy, Paul. I think that's about a 2.75.

2.75 from you. And what about you, Eli? Because it's nothing wrong with it, but it's not refreshing. It's not, I don't know. I'd go 2.5. Yeah. 2.5. 2.5 2.5 okay boy I just get

shut up no just keep the thing going because you're talking I can do that voice sorry I may as well I am not going to undertake a scene where we both play Juicy Jeremy all right

well then don't okay boy don't you start this I'm the real Juicy Jeremy here oh, my special boys. Eli, why is... Why is he doing a voice? What's this all about? You know, I don't take...

Is it because he's got the juices? I don't take too kindly to people mocking me, boy. I don't know why he thinks he's mocking me. Because I'm the real deal here. I'm going to ask you once, Paul. I don't know why he thinks he's mocking me because I'm the real deal here I'm going to ask you once Paul I don't know why he's pointing at me Eli should we just not be here for this it's really awkward these two fighting

there's no other character I'm not doing Juicy Jeremy and me and Juicy Jeremy wondering what the fuck you're playing at what's everyone talking about it's getting really confusing in here I don't know which one's which oh boys my special boys. Shut up.

Shut up, Paul. I'll go in a second, my boys. I just need the scoff ready because I've got to go on my swordy round. The final one, I'm going to give

a one out of five to... One five? And what about you, Eli? Yeah, that was... I don't understand. It doesn't replicate Lucozade. It tasted like a very nasty pineapple soda. So...

Right, I won't put that one in my jalopy no more, then, boys, my sweet boys. Ready to try to help? So, I don't know what's wrong with Paul, but keep drinking the sodas and I'll go with... I'll leave that piping down there. I've got some things going down there. All right. I'll just keep going with that.

That's not combustible or anything. We're not going to have to check on that or it's not going to catch fire or anything. Oh, no, no, it's all turned off. There's no chemicals in the actual sluices or the gates yet. Okay. I've just connected some things, used the swimming pool to build some great soda pop.

And that's what you guys like about me and that's what I like about myself. My granddaddy used to say, oh, juicy Jeremiah. Right, I've got to go now because I'm talking. I've got to go, my jello. All right, you go then.

Thank you. Bye, boys. Off he goes. I don't know what was happening there. I don't know what was happening there. Because he's already got a copy character. You're aware of that. Does he?

Thirsty Phil. Never heard of him. Right, so I don't believe it's canon. You're fucking shit up. Just because you can do the voice. got a copy character you're aware of that does he thirsty Phil never heard of him right so I don't believe it's canon you're fucking shit up just because you can do the voice

you found one voice I can do that you can fucking do I don't know what you mean mate fuck off I don't know what you mean

press the button let's do the bloody edit next segment I'm going to go off I'm going to go mouth noise crazy on Ganon's Golden Games do what you want it's charity shop showcased it's the place where you go for a showcase we get the best of the

selection in the charity shops it's the showcase it's the showcase of charity shops. Charity shop showcase. I'll work on that. Absolutely not. I'm going to work on that. I'm vetoing it. I'm slapping out my veto. I'm Danny DeVito-ing it. So, welcome, everyone, to a new segment of this show

where we go for a little bit of a deeper dive on some very interesting, maybe not particularly dirt cheap items found in charity shops which items have you brought for the showcase today paul in the showcase oh i'll just do cobra cabana it is the showcase the charity shop showcase where paul brings along some things in his face it It's the showcase. The charity shop showcase. What have you brung us and bring it

among us in the showcase. Diddle diddle there. Paul's got this stuff. I got two things in Pinner. Both in Pinner? Both in the same shop? Both in the same shop. What was the shop? Pinner has a rich... Can't remember the shop. Can't remember the in the same shop. What was the shop? Pinner has a rich...

I can't remember the shop. I can't remember the name of the shop. Which one is it? Just describe it to me. It's not the... Is it the massive one? It's that massive one. It's the... Is it like a local hospice?

Yeah, it's a hospice. Northwest London Hospice? Is it that one? I don't know. We'll have to come back to you on that. But that's the one with quite... They have quite... I don't know we'll have to come back to you on that but that's the one with quite they have quite

I won't say aggressive but assertive staff very assertive very strict old ladies they're stuck behind glass so they won't let you look at those you know

because they probably have so many time wasters and people that come in there you got muscled out of the way by some ladies didn't you literally barged in front of me was it that shot?

yeah to be fair though this time I went in and both these items were in the window which is what brought my attention of the way by some ladies. Literally barged in front of me. Was it that shop? Yeah. And to be fair, though, this time I went in and both these items were in the window, which is what brought my attention. It's a lovely shop. And I went to her,

oh, I'm going to have to be a pain, but there's the ones I want are in the window. And she went, oh, no, don't worry. It keeps me busy. Very cheery. Good.

And then you open the partition to get through into the window space. And honestly, God, my heart was in my mouth. She fucking falls over because she was like, oh, little old lady. Oh, God, my heart was in my mouth. She fucking falls over. Because she was like, oh, little old lady.

Oh, which one? It's at the front. This one? No. She thought she was going to have an injurious fall. Imagine that. An old lady spread out on the floor of a charity shop window space covered in old Lego toys, pottery, and fucking make-your-own-beer sets. Well, it certainly would make a tell from the shop floor for us.

Yes. It's all content, mate. Also, please send them. I know people have been saying why haven't you read mine out yet, but in some cases we're not reading them out because they fall into that trap of, I don't want to make fun of homeless people. If that's alright, I think we've done it. Is there a lot of that? There's been a fair few, and we've done a few of that in the past, and after a while it kind of gets to a point

where it feels like punching down. I like an eccentric drunk. they're fine because they bring it on themselves but where's the line between eccentric drunk or sort of there's an extremely

fine line there so we kind of try and not cross that that particular charity shop Paul yeah it's really good

they've got a lovely vinyl section in there great book section and I can I just say Pina on the whole got a rich and vibrant charity shop

culture going on up in that village. It's not too bad they have four shops there. It's nice. I think it's just a nice place. So anyway, enough of the preamble. Let's just get into the amble. Get your amble out. This one, this first item I don't think

needs much of a discussion but I got it because I saw the price, checked online and went, holy shit. So this is by a company called Chimera, K-Y-M-E-R-A, and they make, Eli, magic wands. I'm just going to get this out and show it to you. So this is a big, long black box. And when you open it, there is a, it's got a faux leathery kind of snake skin it's faux snake skin the case giving it a but the dark arts well it's almost when the lady likes a great big leather bullwhip in her ano it's more like it's more no it is like that no it's more

like in black snake it's more like when like dads used to buy aftershave for themselves in the 70s. And it came in boxes like that with the name Panther. That's crocodile or snake, isn't it, though? I mean, faux, yeah. Faux. Yes, in a long box. And it is essentially, you were telling me, a remote control. I mean, effectively, that's what you're buying.

It looks like that Chinese fabric housing that it sits in. Which is, again, a strange mix of kind of culture Chinese fabric. Yes. Housing that it sits in. Which is, again, a strange mix of kind of culture identifiers. Yeah. Because you've got a magic wand, which is, you know, whatever. It's sort of fake. It's like, you know, if you went to a Chinese restaurant in Surbiton. They might have that on the walls. Or if you bought a cheap Chinese chopstick set,

it would come in a box like that. So you pull it out I can feel it yeah is it vibrating it's pulsing it means it's in active practice mode well can I

you can give it a swing yeah whip it out I put it inside my underwear I mean next to the flesh of my do you want to it feels quite quite live

yeah live and writhing do you want to every time it pulses you think oh put it on my gooch.

No, I'm not going to put it on my actual gooch. Why not? That's not, I mean, I know we talk about that type of thing, but if I actually just stood here. I'd watch.

I'd watch you wrestle that down your trousers and let you wave it about. It's going off. It must hear us talking about it. No, it's going off because it's based on like, obviously movement

and sensitivity to how it's being held in your hand. So the idea is you're meant to tap it, and then in tap it, you put it into practice mode, and it should vibrate like a heartbeat in your hand. Yeah, that's what I was getting, the pulse. So it's got a haptic sort of vibrator in it. And so it comes with this great big fold-out,

it looks like a kind of... Treasure map style. Treasure map, but it's actually the... Instructions. Yeah but it's actually the instructions yeah it's instructions on how to use it and then effectively what you do is like with most universal remote controls you aim it at a remote control do a gesture and that gesture while you press the button on the remote control you want the gesture to match to which means therefore if you flick it up and press volume up then when you've set it you can aim it your tv flick it up and press volume up, then when you've set it, you can aim at your TV,

flick it up, and it will change the volume. And there's all sorts of things like that, gesture or controls, are there? Yeah, you've got to teach it. And it's a little bit... Pain in the butt. Yeah, because it's not perfect. It's an imperfect system.

So it says it's easy as just swiping it up and then dropping it to a horizontal position. And I tried that and it didn't really work. But it does work. And I tried that and it didn't really work. But it does work. And I got that for £5, which you think is all right for what it is anyway. If you wanted it on a shelf, it'd look all right for Fiverr. However, I looked online and it goes originally for like £100.

And that's what fucking blows my mind. The examples we saw were from £60 up. Secondhand? Someone was selling it for 160 or something. There was a toy chain selling it direct, brand new for that much. Most online eBay secondhand marketplaces were putting it at around about 30, 40, 50.

Some were selling it direct at around 90. I know nothing about the company other than the fact that they make these. It says not a toy on the bump from the sticker. It's weird to say it's not a toy when like it's designed like a toy it has the identifiers of a harry potter type thing well that's what the other thing i was going to mention do you think this product would even exist without the harry potter franchise i mean maybe i've seen like a doctor who sonic screwdriver thing that works

like this come on if you're sitting there and all you want to do is turn the volume up and you're going waving your wand but can you imagine someone getting this for their kids not really understanding the implication and then the kid you know while you're trying to watch grandstand i know that's an outdated thing yeah if it's 1986 and he's got a toy from 2022 you know what i'm saying yeah a kid could annoy the shit out of their siblings and parents with that thing. Oh, yes. I'm watching Looney Tunes. Ding! No, I'm watching Grandstand. I'm watching that BMX show

that used to be on all the time. Oh, look, it's a new sitcom. It's some comic and their wife playing themselves. Oh, isn't that lovely? Oh, that's really lovely. I love it when stand-ups who are in a relationship

get a sitcom on a network. Bugbear 5. Anyway, I'm not going to get into that because I'm trying to be less bitter this year. He's not going full Bugbear. Anyway, what would you give that as an item? I don't like it. Look, the build looks nice.

The haptic works quite effectively in your hand, the pulsing and everything. Yeah. The build quality is nice. I like the fact that it's easy to change the batteries. But beyond that, I see fuck all point for that. it's not any fun really with it um we haven't this is a new segment for the show yeah and we haven't established uh uh marking system so what would you like me to score it out okay i'll tell you what showcase were it's either it's either of value or it's not of value

so we need something like that, don't we? Wow. We're workshopping this live for our audience. They're enjoying it. They're looking at the creative process. Eggs. What about eggs? Eggs out of 10. I'll give it two eggs.

Spunk eggs. Why did you have to say spunk eggs? I haven't said spunk this week. You just said it then. Bibble spunk. Right. Okay, good. You've got it all going on today.

No. Stroganoff spunk eggs. I don't like that. Okay, I've got it. going on today um no stroganoff spank eggs i don't know okay i've got it it's either a showcase or a show waste it's a show waste for me okay i will go with showcase because i think if this is the kind of thing you'd like this is a deal here's what i'm also going to say now i'm going to decide on doing this now every few months after we do a few of these i'm going to put the best of the showcases into a box, and that box will go to someone in our Patreon who answers a question or something. I'm going to give some of the best of the stuff away.

We're going to start giving away some of the stuff that we think. Charity showcase, big cheap show giveaway prizes. So if you're a Patreon supporting us on cheap show Patreon, then what we'll do is once every few months, we'll ask a question, and then we'll pick a winner out and they'll get a little goodie bag of the few things that we've collected could they get as well now if we're brainstorming yeah could they also receive a symbolic trophy called the the grand powdery spunk egg the desperation in your eyes then when you said powdery white spunk egg i

didn't say white did you know no? No, you're imagining things. Well, then let's workshop that then. Powdery white spongy spunk egg. Crumble bits. Crumble spunk egg. Stroganoff spunk egg. Hiya! Hello, I am Stroganoff spunk egg

and I bring you fire. Right, that's that one. This next item though though, is... This was a tenner, and when I went online to look for other versions, they were going for about 30, 40, 50, again in the same bracket. This is a Holger camera. Brand new. It includes precious Holger book.

The world for a plastic lens. I'll let Eli investigate this box. It's nice. It's a nice, colourful box. This, immediately, I thought of... Talk to the mic. I thought of the Lomograph or whatever. Lomography, did you hear?

Yeah. Now, that was a very cheap camera. And Leica, people, there's all these sort of fetishes around old cameras. Polaroids and things like that. Polaroids, another one. It's those instagram like isn't there like us i think there's another camera and lomograph it became a thing lomography but i think originally lomographs were behind the uh in this old soviet empire they were

produced they were made there and then someone in the west got hold of a whole bunch of them yes i think that's what's happened here with Holger. This is a Holger. So let me just read you what Wikipedia says. Oh, no. Do you know what it says at the top? It is a Lomagraph because it says Lomography Holger. It must be a model. So it is the same thing we're talking about.

Okay. So basically, it was first released in 1982. It's a box camera. And it says here, the Holger's low-cost construction and simple meniscus lens. Meniscus lens. M-E-N-I-S-C-U-S. Yeah, meniscus. Do you know what simple meniscus lens meniscus lens m-e-n-i-s-c-u-s yeah meniscus you know what a meniscus is no it's the slightly gloopier surface tension caused layer of a liquid

like mucus you mean no meniscus meniscus is like a hardening hardy jelly i'm just gonna click on the link and get this surface tension it's a lens it with surface tension. It's a lens. It's actually a type of lens. No, a meniscus is a different... It's a type of lens, but meniscus is a word meaning... Imperfect or... No. Oh, mate, I don't care about meniscus. It's the surface tension of water.

Wish I'd brought it up. It's a very cheap show, word pool. Is it what keeps water sprites on the water surface? What are they called? Water boatmen. That's how they stick to the surface. Their legs are in the meniscus. Yes.

Fuck me. Right, so it often yields pictures that display vignetting, blur and light streaks and other distortions. The camera's limitations have brought it a cult following amongst some photographers, and Holger Photos have won awards and competitions in arts and news photography. As of 2017, the camera is in production and after being unavailable for two years. So this box, I think, was one of those,

we found the job lot of these in a warehouse, and now we're going to repackage them and put our brand on them and make them a hipster type thing. Well, that was the whole lomography thing that was the thing with a different camera obviously a lomograph now when i opened it up the batteries that have been left in the camera were a little bit leaky so i haven't cleaned the connectors yet to test if it properly works however yes it comes with an extra um then it's a shade yeah so basically the shape that changes the shape of the photograph that you make that makes it for a much. Yeah, so basically the shape there changes the shape of the photograph that you make.

That makes it for a much more polaroid-y shape. The one that's in the camera is a little bit more kind of panoramic, I guess. It's a filter or square makes it square. This one makes it square. And the thing is, it's only a box camera, so the batteries only power the flash. And the flash has four gels. So it has a white, red, blue and orange gel. So when you take a picture, will add that blur that color that

color to the to the merge yeah to the light into the scene okay that's nice and very if you lift open the uh yellow bottom to it you'll find the other magazines and things in there there's a big fucking poster and a posh book oh could you see it yeah it's a big posh book is full of photographs artists and hips hip young people in design. All of these photos, these must be from about 20 years ago now? No, these are all within the last couple of years, whenever this item first came out. They went to Instagrammers, and they went to YouTubers, and artists, and young people who wear bow ties and dungarees, you know what I mean?

Yes, very hipsterish. They've made it a very hipsterish thing because what they've done is they've said oh everyone likes using instagram filters but here's the og instagram filter it's that it's a real physical thing and it's and it's trendy well in a similar way to the vinyl revival it's an old technology yeah that people on the younger side don't really remember or it has childhood association. But also, it's the aesthetics of the imperfections of it. So with vinyl, you've got the crackle and the dust

and all the other bits and bobs. And with this, it is the physical... I mean, in that book, it shows you how to do tricks as well, like double exposures and light tricks. You know, Blair's way, if you spin a candle around quickly, it'll capture the light, strays and things. It's all of these old school skills that photographers had to you learn through trial and error um that now are literally completely replaced by just a set of um filters yeah on your app i've got one of those

old camera but for me some of the things in this book pretentious as shit there's like a picture of a child like child in a poor street looking a bit lost and then they've put a sign next to it saying he's covered in duct tape and makes for great conversation. It's like, what's the connection there? What are you talking about?

See, look, Hooji. Have you seen this app I've got, Hooji? Yeah. It will take a photo. Like this? Yeah. My Holger was given to me as a birthday present from my best friend and now my holger is my new best friend i never go anywhere without this

amazing camera it's always by my side ready for my imagination inspiration to focus my eyes on the next shot do it all on your phone so it's a bit insufferable isn't it the uh the thing is can you still buy film cameras for that how hard is it to get the film do you think there are places to sell film it's extremely expensive for what it is yeah it casts a little bit of film magic over dual reality it looks like a toy it feels like a toy but no toy i know can turn pictures out like the holger you never know what's going to come out that's also like those disposable cameras that people you always used to have and take on holiday. So there's 35mm, they've put a fish lens on it, long exposures.

There's all, I mean... Paul, I can't help but, because of who I am, to compare this to vinyl and old formats of music recording, you know, cassette and so forth. And for this, I just feel that there's very little value to it. I think it's for a very particular person, a very particular artist,

photographer, who likes the aesthetics of old photographs. You know, the person who would probably go into someone's attic and pull out a lot of stuff that they enjoy

from someone's personal photo album, you know, because... I love old photos, don't get me wrong i just think anything i can do i can do as a digital manipulation i can make it look exactly like that if i want and there's only a limited there's a limited um interest in making a you know making it look like an old photo yeah but most people again like the convenience of it being an app but if you're more autistically bent then maybe this is more pure to you this is this is the real deal this gives you more investment in the shot

and the composure i understand exactly what you're saying because you can take any old picture and then crop it and throw a filter on and go oh look whereas that one is like one go take a picture it's your only chance you know but it's it's like play acting it's a sort of false it's you're pretending to live in an age where photography hasn't changed or is it just you know

keeping that element of it alive that aesthetic alive what's the difference between that and people say vinyl you know what I mean

it's like you don't need vinyl well there's a difference in the actual sound quality no it doesn't matter though you don't need vinyl in this day and age no it's different it's different

no you don't in fact let's take all your vinyl away I it's different. It's different. No, you don't. In fact, let's take all your vinyl away. I'll take them out. I'll throw them out tomorrow. I don't want you to. Just chuck them out. I don't.

Leave my vinyl alone. You can do your whole set with just a fucking iPod. No, but that's not the same. No one, unless they're extremely privileged and rich, who's a professional photographer,

is going to use one of these. You don't know that. It's dirt cheap. No, you can't afford the... It's a gimmick. It's... Yeah, vinyl's expensive, isn't it? No need for vinyl. 40 quid for a fucking best of these. You don't know that. It's dirt cheap. You can't afford the... It's a gimmick. It's... Yeah, vinyl's expensive. Isn't it?

No need for vinyl. 40 quid for a fucking best of queen. Maybe it doesn't work as a comparison with vinyl or it's too similar. It's too similar. They both have

an unnecessary need to exist in this day and age. But that's not to say you should get rid of it. It's just that the people are going to use it because they like the imperfections or the limitations of it. The build quality that the people are going to use it because they like the imperfections

or the limitations of it. The build quality on the camera. In fact, I would say vinyl is even more kind of gate-kept from people because anyone could buy that and have a muddle with it. Whereas if you get a record, you buy vinyl.

Yes, one thing, but then the right needle, the better players, the good speakers, the amps, it's all part of a privilege to have that format. Yes, but all of that stuff is still being manufactured

to a high standard. I'm going to burn your vinyl down and give you nothing. I'm going to let you start from scratch, mate, and see if you really appreciate the art then. He's starting to threaten my vinyl collection. Take the vinyl and just go out the window. He's throwing it out the window. These aren't all my records in here, so be careful.

I don't care. I throw out... I'm getting rid of all vinyl. You know that fucking disco... Friday night disco burn party, whatever it was. The baseball thing. Disco sucks event. Yeah, where everyone brought their vinyl.

You're going to have an Eli's Records sucks event. Yeah, I'm going to rent out like Queen's Park Rangers football stadium and then bring all your records into a big pile. Blow them up. And just set fire to them. Poor. I'm just saying, we'll burn your records in a pile.

Why would we burn my records? And at the top, we'll have a Noel Edmonds effigy. This is the type of thing that is in the toy section of Urban Outfitters. No, where that is, is in the corner on sale of Mankind and those gadget shops and stuff like that. But I would argue if this tickles your fancy creatively,

it's a reasonably cheap way to start taking photographs. Because, again, you get a Canon HC6, whatever it's called, hundreds of pounds, lenses are hundreds of pounds. And you can learn about

how photography, and you get a sort of closer connection to what photography actually sort of consists of. But photography has moved on too much. So has music.

No, it hasn't. No, it hasn't. Digital, wireless, it's all fine. Quadra sound. That's all fine. But vinyl,

there's still an actual quality to vinyl and especially in a nightclub context, Paul, where it sounds, it sounds louder, it sounds fuller,

it sounds warmer. It is. People would argue you could get the same thing with that. I could fucking replicate that on my fucking phone. I'd just show it to you. But that's the point. I can play music that sounds great on my phone. It's like, what do you want? Do you want the experience of tactilely dealing with those items?

Or do you just want music? Do you just want pictures? I don't want to be some insufferable cunt in a sweatshirt. No, you're an insufferable cunt with a vinyl box telling people off for owning Fleetwoods Max Rumours. I would not ever buy or sell that record. In your hate shop of records. No. Yeah, I know.

All I'm saying is, for all your arguments against that, I can throw the exact same or similar arguments at vinyl collection. I would like to see a product like this. Yes. Right? But modern day and made easy that takes digital or uses an actual lens

and a thing but has built in some kind of chip, let's say. And what would that be? That would be a digital camera, wouldn't it? Do you see what I'm getting at?

You know what? I'd like to take a vinyl and then be able to lift the tracks off that vinyl and store them on my digital chip. Oh, that's a mobile phone, isn't it?

Mobile phones have ruined everything for everyone. Everything you used to love is in this. I'm getting quite heated. Oh, here we go. Batballs are away. Fudda, fudda, fudda, fudda, fudda.

Fudda, fudda, fudda, fudda. Fudda, fudda. Chuff, chuff, chuff. Oh, that's... We need Juicy Jeremy. Jeremy for this. Chuff, chuff,uff chuff now you ask me if it's a showcase

or a show waste showcase or show waste I know you're going to say show waste I want to love it Paul I want to love it it's because of all of the

sort of pretense around it and the way that it's I feel like it's a rip off I think the repackaging of it has put you off the item itself

yes as an item I quite like it yeah definitely as-off. I think the repackaging of it has put you off the item itself. Yes. As an item, I quite like it. Yeah. Definitely. As an object, I like it. If that came in a blank cardboard brown box that just said Holger Camera, and there was none of the hipster affectations to it, then you would be much more willing to go,

oh, what a thing. Very fair point. Right? I don't like where it's positioning itself culturally. And it's the same for vinyl. Don't stop. Stop on the vinyl. Vinyl is an actual part of this podcast, yeah?

Not your newfangled, stupid, like I spent some money in Pina bloody segment. I'm just saying. Don't fucking get on my vinyl back. For someone who loves photography as much as you love vinyl, I could see that someone could explore that and do something interesting with it.

There's always someone. Someone can always do something interesting with photography. Let's always someone someone can always do something interesting with photography. Let's take some filthy dirty sex pictures with the hologram. Should we get a film for this and actually try it out?

This is what I was going to end the segment with by saying the challenge is let's find some film and you can take some photographs. Fantastic. Let's do it.

And we'll put them on like this. If it's like a hundred quid a roll for the film it won't be. It'll be about twenty quid I reckon for a roll of film.

But that's what we should try and do. Which is twice what you paid for the item. Actually use it. Yes. Yeah. Showcase then in that case. And then we'll take a About 20 quid, I reckon, for a roll of film. But that's what we should try and do. Which is twice what you paid for the item. Actually use it. Yes. Yeah.

Showcase, then, in that case. And then we'll take a gaping... A showcase. Yes, a showcase. No dirty shots. Why not? Let's do a fucking couple. You want to take a shot of me giving it the full goatee? Is that what you want?

That's what you want. I mean, that's what I want now. That's what you want now. You brought it up. I just thought you might do a little kind of semi-jump-holding-your-palm kind of shot. You know what I mean? Make it look like you're nestling an injured bird. That's not a type of...

You know, like you're nestling an injured robin. That's not a type of pornographic shot. It is. Get me off. Listen. His balls have wings, people. And sonar hearing. Go on, then. Time for Ganon's Golden Games, everybody.

I just want to say this now. I just want to say congratulations. You've won. I've won what? Saying Ganon's Golden Games. You've won this podcast. I'm not trying to win, Paul. You've won the podcast. I don't, I'm not trying to win, Paul. You've won the podcast. I'm trying to do something that entertains you.

People like you a lot more than me on this podcast. And I've just decided that that's fine now. I'm not going to take the piss out of your hands anymore. I'm not going to comment on your smell. I'm not going to comment on your overall belligerent behavior. Just well done. You've won. Thank you.

I've got not a leg to stand on. I come across as needy and annoying. So, well done. You've won the podcast. You get to do whatever the fuck you like now. Paul, that's nice of you to say. Thank you for awarding me winner of podcast. I can't help but sort of detect a slight note of sarcasm

coming from you. No, there's actually no. No, there's not. Because the pushback I would get from the sarcasm coming from you. No, there's not. Because the pushback I would get from the sarcasm would only elongate my misery. Okay, so I've won the podcast. Yeah.

Okay, so little victory lap thing for me. Yeah. I'm going to do the Ganon's Golden Game thing again. By all means, do your victory lap. Which is me doing

that whole thing again, yeah? Yeah. You're fine with that, yeah? Yeah. You like it? You enjoy it? Mate, uncooked silverman is what people want

you enjoy it when i do the gans golden game and as far as i know you're uncut so go you love it when i do the gans gold no you actually know but you could say that though couldn't you i mean i could i mean let's just say that now to move this on i love it you love it no but say it after me i love it i paul gannon i paul gannon love. When Eli Silverman does the Gannon Golden Games thing. I love it. Me, Paul Gannon. I love it so much when Eli does the Gannon's Golden Games introduction. And I really can't wait to see what he's got now in his back

pocket for this victory lap introduction. It's going to Golden's Games, Paul. I'm the winner of the podcast. What game have you got for us today we're playing bread bread explain bread

to everyone bread I have mentioned on the podcast before how growing up in the north how much of a

spectre a shadow I personally feel bread had over the identity of Liverpool during the financial downturn of the 80s, I think

a sitcom about showing how scousers were cheeky, con people who gamed the system, didn't pay rental bills and screwed the DHSS over and not declaring this and that. You know what I mean? It felt like a sitcom built around the

worst images of liverpool if i may yes is it equivalent to what was in america this sort of demon demonization of the poor the the idea of the welfare queen no there's a lot of that you see what i mean it's a it's a sort of a cheeky demonization because look at like a stereotype of of poor people but it's it's also a stereotype okay so the best way I can describe it to British people listening is imagine a funny version of Boys from the Black Stuff. You know, imagine how funny

Boys from the Black Stuff could be. It wasn't funny at all. No, it wasn't. In fact, it got increasingly more depressing and tragic as that show goes on. But Bread was a sitcom.

A huge fucking sitcom. Seven years, highest ratings that they managed to get were 21 million. And was it like, it was definitely a whole family would watch it. And was it Sunday afternoons, early Sunday evening they used to

broadcast? I believe it was midweek. I might be wrong. It was midweek, I think you're right. No, I think you're right because I remember being at boarding school, this is what I remember about Bread. Bread would come on and I'd lose the will to live. Right, okay, but watching Bread, what was your opinion ofpool and scousers at that point but it was just so even at that time paul it was obviously such a thin thinly written yeah that it didn't really give

me any i could see that it was a sort of stereotype of of something something i had no real knowledge of you know people from liverpool but i. But the writing was so poor even then. That's why I found it so boring. But it was huge. It's just boring and lazy. It's just the same joke over and over again. Lazy jokes about, you know... It had its tropes, right?

And it leaned into them heavily. The thing is, it was written by Carla Lane. She was a writer. And this is the thing, right? In terms of female writers in comedy, full stop. She has an important role to play in the history of comedy, right? She was a sketch writer for some shows back in the early days.

She got to write The Liverbirds, which was her first big hit, a sitcom about two single girls living in Liverpool in the 60s, I think. Yes, but was that good, though? Yes. I don't know it too well, but from my memory and from cultural kind of agreement online, it was a bit of a trendsetter sitcom. I can only imagine it was like a kind of softer,

more kind of emotionally honest version of The Lightly Lads. Yes, but it also would have been one of the first sort of sitcoms that shows people from that part of the country and in that sort of socioeconomic level. True, but then her next bunch of sitcoms would go on to be posh middle class and frustrated housewives upset that they can't bang a 20 year old and stuck in a loveless marriage and with kids they don't

like okay butterflies is what i've been describing basically now butterflies again was something that would come on and i'd be like life is like a butterfly it flits and fluts and squirts out spry spry I don't know is that butterfly spunk spry yeah

I got spry in my eye and we see the purple monarch lighting on the on the on the flower and oh his his proboscis like

bellend is unfurling and the spry the spry is on the fly so just so the next the big thing that i think people mostly realize here from outside of bread was butterflies which is about a woman who's in a loveless marriage with kids and she just wanted to break free but she's trapped the thing about carl elaine is the thing she was a trendset for, was that she did deal with subjects in sitcoms that weren't really talked about,

like sex and frustration and emotions and those kind of like psychosexual kind of things, but from a repressed middle-class British background. Then she moves on to bread. And the concept of bread is, it's a family of scousers living in a particularly poor part of Liverpool whose whole reason to exist was to scam the DHSS, make money out of dodgy dealings, and, you know, scam the system. Cheeky, they're always up to something. And then as the show went on,

it became less like a Scouse only Fools and Horses and more like Butterflies with Dirty Scousers in. It was so based on infidelity and sex and frustration well that suggests to me that it became much more soapy soap like with interestingly you know the drama aspect coming interestingly coming to the fore the thing about bread which did mark it out as very different from its contemporary sitcoms at the time was that they each season had an overriding plot with cliffhangers at the end of every episode. Which is like a soap. So you would come back and go, oh, what's Joey Boswell going to drive off in this week?

A Jag or a small mini metro? So it was ahead of its time because that became huge with things like Friends. And even Cheers and stuff like that. Yeah. It was one of the few sitcoms where it was like you couldn't just drop an episode in because it might be that

you'd need to watch the episode before or the one after to understand the whole story. Whereas something like Minder or Early Fools and Horses, the first season were just one-off stories, weren't they? They were proper, that classic, clean sitcom structure. Get in, get out. I prefer. Status quo at the beginning resolved,

you know, all that stuff we said. I prefer that. Don't you? If it's a classic, if it's a proper brilliant setup with brilliant characters and they just do the same thing in a different sort of form every week and like you say everything is resolved by the end yeah i'm into that i like that so like the problem i had with bread is that when i moved to aboriginal to go to university it suddenly became very apparent that people's opinions of me were based on that fucking sitcom because that sitcom ran uh let me get this right it ran from i'd say can i have a guess 82 to 89 86 to 91 ah so it ran a

good fair few years and it was hugely successful no doubt about it but it would get to the point where i would go to see people and it would all be like hello Boswell residents or Lilo Lil's a tart or ooh where's me dinner it was all those catchphrases that came out where's me dinner was from there

because it's all around the kitchen table isn't it the idea is is that Mrs Boswell the mother the patriarch was like a huge

domineering Catholic and Scouse mother and she wanted the best for her family but also there's a kind of mafiosi kind of thing going on. Yeah. They all had to be there for dinner.

They all had to put money into a jar just for the good of the family. It was all about them, like, her trying to micromanage their lives to get what she wanted. What did she want? More money? Well, she just wanted her happy family,

I think. The idea of, like, she had to be in control. I just hate everything about it. So she had a husband who always played about and was having an affair with Lilo Lil, who was a tart. So he was one of the characters, her husband? Freddie, the husband, yeah.

Which is the dad of all of them. Yeah, but he was always, like, never around. He was like a free spirit who had to go and sow his oats and do jobs. That took him away for months on end and then come back. Which, wouldn't you say, is another sort of stereotype for a Liverpudlian man? Yes, a bad fad.

Yeah, yeah. And then you had Joey, who was the breakout star of the show. He was the guy who was the one in the leather jacket and the Jaguar, always gaming the system, chatting up the DHSS woman so she wouldn't do him over. And he would come into a room and go, greetings! And he had a mobile phone, one of the first separate mobile phones.

And then you had the other brother who was a scumbag, and then you had the poet, Adrian, played by Jonathan Morris. He was a sensitive soul. Mate, and I have to read this out. So long story short, big family affairs, relationships, family doing over the doll. All based around the kitchen table

and the casserole thing, the chicken-shaped casserole thing where she put the money in. Peter Howitt played Joey. Greetings! He left the show because he was, I'm too good for this, I'm a big breakout star. Nothing happened to his career afterwards!

Although he did direct one very popular film. He directed a film. He directed quite a very, very big film. Gwyneth Paltrow, Sliding Doors. Joey from Bread directed that. I hated that film.

I really hated it. You know what? For what it is, I'm like, I have no problems with it. I like that more than I like something like fucking love,

actually. Yeah, I mean, yeah, okay, fair enough. Better than love, actually. So, let me just read this out to you.

That was it? He surely had a successful career in directing. I haven't checked his Wikipedia, but that's, yeah, okay, fair enough. Better than that, actually. So, let me just read this out to you. That was it? He surely had a successful career in directing. I haven't checked his Wikipedia, but as far as I'm concerned, he expected to break out into movies and songs, and as we all know, none of that really happened, apart from him directing Sliding Doors, which in itself isn't the worst thing in the world. It's quite a success, I'd say.

So, let me just read this out to you, because this makes me happy in a way that it really shouldn't. So, first of all, quick thing you like, me just read this out to you because this makes me happy in a way that it really shouldn't so first of all quick thing you like they released the single of the song and it didn't hit the charts it didn't chart it couldn't get to the top 40 but they did release a version of this on bbc records a version of the thing of the themes of gotta get up gotta get out i'm gonna play it in a minute they'll know um although they had to re-record it in late 80s because bbc went from normal mono to nicam stereo so they had to read mixed all it in the late 80s because BBC went from normal mono to Nikam stereo,

so they had to re-mix all their tracks for that whole period. Oh, and they put the record out again. Yeah. So, there was a cartoon in Fast Forward magazine. Yeah, we all know that. I've mentioned that before. They did a stage play after the show finished called Bread the Farewell Slice,

which was a long-running tour that existed after the show. Wow. So that doesn't happen these days, apart from maybe Mrs. Brown's Boys does that, but that kind of started there. They do live stuff, yeah. But there's no, like, bottom live or a low, a low live anymore.

There's none of those kind of sitcoms that do that. The Office live? Did they do that? No, they didn't do that. Maybe these days you could do Ghosts live, but I can't stand Ghosts, so fuck them. Bugbear number seven.

I've got all of them coming out. So here's the thing. Jonathan Morris, he played Adrian, the poet, the sensitive soul. Yes. If the thing. Jonathan Morris, he played Adrian, the poet, the sensitive soul. Yes. If you follow Stuart Millard's

channel on YouTube, he pops up a lot hosting the Royal Variety performances, right? Yes. He's that wet-lipped, obviously rather actor school kind of mentality of,

you know what I mean? Foppish shit. Oh, I'm getting them confused. Yeah. Show me a picture of the one who directed Sliding Doors, please. Oh, I'll show you it

when we do the little break in a minute. But Jonathan Morris... There's only one image on this board game. So Jonathan Morris, when the show was wrapping up, goes, well, Adrian's the breakout star. I want to do a spin-off, right? I want to do a spin-off of Adrian as him going to London and trying to break it as a poet.

Of course, yeah. And the BBC said no. And then Carl Alain said no. So he wrote a play to take to, like, on tour about Adrian, a one-man show. And then the BBC said no to that. And then Carl Alain said no to that. So he couldn't. He couldn't even do it.

And then he wrote a pilot. And everyone said, no, we're not going to do it. And so then he adopted it because Philip Schofield said you should do the movie game. So he did the movie game for CBBC. And that's all that happened to Adrian. And there's a certain amount of joy from knowing that he that's all that happened to adrian and there's a bit about joy from knowing that he tried to push that character to get his own spin-off and let me just say adrian from bread is no frazier from cheese it's terribly annoying it was so aggravating

that character i remember so yeah everything about it used to annoy me and it was those days where well there are only three channels four channels on TV I was at boarding school so it was very it had to be democratic you imagine it wasn't like being in a normal home it was like everyone

watching TV at once so it had to be a consensus and everyone wanted to watch bread and I did not want to ever watch bread I think people watch bread

for two reasons one the soap opera quality I think did bring people back if you were invested in these characters lives and there was a baby on the way or a big wedding coming, I can imagine why you'd tune in for those cliffhangers. Also, all the really tropey, big, broad sitcom elements in it,

like the granddad lives next door and all he wants is his dinner and tells everyone to piss off. Because apparently the language is quite bad for the show, for its time slot. There's quite a lot of strong language. Piss and crap. Yeah, bugger and bastard and all this kind of guy.

He probably wouldn't have gotten in, I don't know, like, four to five. No shit, fuck or cunt, though. There was no fucking, where's me fucking cunt dinner? Now I'd watch that. Greetings, cunts.

You know what I mean? I'd see that show. Yeah, that sounds good. I want to be a fucking poet. Gizajob, I could do that. No, you're in the wrong show. Oh, how funny. Although they made the song out of that because, again, the cultural

coat hook to that caught on. The show was well received. It had 21 million viewers at its height, but bread, and I just want to mention this, it's called bread because money, right? Yes. But it's not a scout's term. We would have used the word dough. Of course. It's more of a Cockney thing, bread. Bread and honey money not a Scouts term. We would have used the word dough. Of course.

It's more of a Cockney thing, bread. Bread and honey money. Bread and honey money. We would just go dough. Oh, is that where it's from? Yes. So she's named it after Cockney fucking slang. Do you know, I never was conscious of that.

Bread and honey money. Yeah. But they call it bread in the States. Probably for the same reason. Yeah, but maybe for the same reasons. Because it comes from old gangsters maybe that whole term i wonder if that's where it came from originally

that's what it's that's what i said bread because it's like daily bread bread is such a sort of i see what you mean yeah like central yeah commodity do you see what i'm

getting at like they call it cheese don't they in this instance it was named the cheese yeah it was named after the cottony rhyming slang bread and honey money right i

mean that makes perfect sense yeah but scouters would have said dough. Oh, fucking dough. Get some fucking dough there, mate. Dough, dough, mate. But perhaps someone at the BBC or something went, oh, dough doesn't, you know, doesn't,

people don't know what you mean. Maybe. Or there's another show called Dough or something. Yeah, maybe, but even so, it's one of those weird things where looking back, you go, oh yeah, that doesn't make sense. So, bread was criticised for mocking Liverpudlian culture

and people who had suffered significant economic downturn and unemployment in the 80s and that was true. My dad, we used to work

for a company called Camelerds which made all the big ships, like warships and just, it was a huge big warehouse where my dad was a sheet metal worker.

The minute the Tories closed all those down, my dad and his skills were instantly useless. The whole area of Britain was basically under attack by the government for years. Yeah.

Completely being drained. Absolutely targeted and demonised. Yeah. And this sort of plays into that. I can see why people were annoyed. Lane then countered the criticism and this is what fucking bugs me.

It's just, to one thing to kind of go, bread is a broad and not particularly positive look at Scousers but then she goes she said that the characters in the show

were too cartoonish and one dimensional to be taken seriously and should not be seen as a serious social comment in the state of Liverpool and I'm like no

you can't have your cake and eat it you can't set the sitcom in Liverpool with a poor family who rip off the DHS and then say it's a cartoon and say

well they're all cartoons well then why are you engaging them with characters? Why do you want the audience to care about them having a baby or them getting married? Extremely suspect quote, isn't it? It's basically what she's saying is she doesn't care what people think. Because if she goes, it's just a sitcom,

it's like, no, you've made certain decisions to set it within these boundaries, within these kind of... Yes, but also it's like trying to say, I made it cartoony, so don't take offence. But it's another way of reading that whole idea of making something cartoony is to say it's a stereotype. Stereotypes are cartoony. Stereotypes are one dimensional. you know stereotypes carry along with them certain signifiers which make stereotypes problematic because they can be racist or they can be uh what were they broad and ignorant yeah yeah so it's to say something's one dimensional in that respect and to kind of downplay her own sitcom reeks to

me of insincerity so she can get away if i say oh i knew these people growing up or whatever and that may be true to some extent but I would still argue that ultimately I think bread did more harm than good to the identity of Liverpool to the rest of the UK.

It certainly did me some harm. Yes because you think I'm a cunt. Because okay just just as a comparison look at look at Minder and look at

Only Fools and look at how they cheated treated the cheeky cockney kind of identity and how it's all like living on the edge and wheeling and dealing. It was all kind of almost, it fitted into more of that 80s yuppie ideal of if you make it, if you work hard, you can make it.

Can I just say as well, Minder was a crime. So the characters in Minder weren't meant to be, you know, your standard character. These were people sort of on the lower ebb. And Minder was just brilliantly written and performed. I mean, there's no comparison really. Before we get into the next part of this segment, I do

want to say this. You know Minder and he sings I Can Be So Good For You? Is he singing about Arthur Daly? Yeah. Employ me. It's like, employ me. Yeah, but the lyrics of the song don't necessarily suggest that. The lyrics of the song kind of suggest, alright darling. He's bumming Daly, yeah? No, the lyrics of the song kind of suggest, he's bombing Daley, yeah? No, the lyrics of the song

suggest he's chatting up a woman. You know, I could be so good for you. He is, but it's both, isn't it? But the show's about him working with a car salesman, right? Yeah, but he does, he's a ladies' man in it.

Shaking, shaking hands, a deal. Come on, baby, I'll make you feel. I'll be so good for you. It's like, one minute you're shaking Arthur Daly's hands, the next minute you're grabbing his shoulders and fucking him up the butt. He's not washing his hands in between.

Arthur Daly, not as much as he used to. No, but the thing about Minder, Minder was proper comedy because he'd always come a cropper and get it done over by Arthur by the end. He had a dark streak. As well as being a, you know, a hero and someone that especially young men would look up to Dennis Waterman he was like

an older brother sort of figure yeah yeah and also he'd been in the Sweeney at that point so he already had that kind

of character to him so he had that kind of carry over the hard you know protector but he always

used to get like he'd be at the wrong end of it at the end of every minded Arthur would

get what went up on him he would be given the shitty end of the stick to hold which is

comic yeah and also it kind of also goes into that kind of be careful what you do. Be careful what you sew.

And in those early seasons, Minder never strayed into actual, it had sort of dark themes, yes, but it never got

into the soapy stuff, which I also respect. All I can tell you is that right after this short sound effect, we're going to be briefly playing the bread board game.

So I just want to put a note on this and say, yes, I fucking hate bread. And I hope I've clearly and concisely told you why without just shouting, fuck bread. Really out loud tough. This isn't the last time we'll hear your opinion about bread. No, you know what? Hopefully this will put the ghost to bed.

Is that a real metaphor? I have hopefully this will put the ghost to bed is that a real metaphor i have no idea to bed to bed treading on thin ice with that one put the ghost to bed and then wank it off gotta get up gotta get out grab the world by the throat and shout gotta find it, get us a share. Make it rain out of nothing but air. Riding high and hitting the ground. Catching a penny but missing a pound. Doesn't matter cause we'll soon turn it around. Soon as we get home. Pray, that's why we're trying home. Pray, instead of crying home. Keep it in the Game. Now, when this board game was given to me at the live show,

I can't remember the name of the person who gave it to me, but thank you very much. They gave me a few things. We're getting through it. I went to my board game storage locker the other day and had an anxiety attack because there's too many in there. So what I'm thinking of doing is later in the year... Was it difficult to find it?

No. It was right near the front because they brought it out earlier. But what I'm going to do is I think I'm going to do a bit of a fundraiser later in the year and just sell off some board games to people. Maybe we'll take them to a car booth and say whatever we raise we'll take to charity. Good.

You need to prune your collection. So I'm going to put a list up of all the board games maybe on our website and if anyone wants them we'll sort it out. You'll pick a few select ones that you're favourites, right? I'm going to pick all the TV ones that I like.

You know, the ones based on sitcoms or game shows. With the machines. Yeah, or the little toy ones. And I'll definitely collect all the TV ones that I like, the ones based on sitcoms or game shows. With the machines. Yeah, or the little toy ones. And I'll definitely collect all the different versions of Cluedo that I've got. I want that. You're a Cluedo collector, would you say? Yeah. We still haven't played the Museum Heist game,

but that might be more of a video episode than anything else. I'm up for it. You know what, though, Paul? From looking at the board for this bread game, my appetite still remains dry. We ain't going to be getting into a deep game of this, but effectively, it's a little bit like Monopoly. It's a lot like Monopoly.

So, the game didn't come with instructions. However, I did go onto eBay, and luckily, one of them had taken a reasonably high resolution picture of the first page of the rules. So, the object of the game is to be the first player to successfully leave home to leave home the player must have each of the following a job a partner brackets mrs boswell wants to make sure you're well looked after three somewhere to live four a telephone important to keep in touch with mum five furniture six transport you must have

some transport to get back to mum. You see what I mean? It's like they're treating Mrs. Boswell as this kind of Al Capone kind of character. Yeah, but also, it's like have a car. I don't need transport to get back to mum. Get the train. I can get the train and then get a taxi.

This Monopoly version of bread makes sense when you think about the concept behind it. And the context of when it came out so to start play right some of these items can be picked up on life's travels as you go around the board you get a card because basically all the dhss cards are the things that give you job and money and blah blah yeah these spaces have pick up a dhss card some cards on the corners are things that either keep you on that spot or give you 30 quid depending on if you're employed or not. Well, they are locations. So one is the

DHS office. One is Lilo Lil's. Who's Lilo Lil? She is the woman that the dad of the family has a consistent affair with over the course of those years. And Mrs Boswell goes, Lilo Lil is a tat. Don't you mention that woman in this house?

Oh yeah. There's Mrs Boswell's. Mrs Boswell. Which is what? Lill is a tart. Don't you mention that woman in this house? Oh, yeah. You know. There's Mrs. Boswell's. Mrs. Boswell. Which is what? Which is the house? No, it's the mum. It's the role.

Basically, when you land on that square, it's telling you to do something. And then you've got granddads on the corner, which is... But all of these squares, apart from the DHSS one, are all basically, you don't move on unless you pay

or unless you roll a two, three, or six. It's that kind of thing, right? The idea of the game is you start on the right side of the board you roll dice you collect cards you try and you buy and you sell the cards are a bit like community chests you try and collect all of those items that we mentioned and then you get to the end is that right and at certain points you'll have to all go to the dinner table you move all your pieces to the dinner table and then from that point on it will tell you what to do now unfortunately i don't know have all the rules because i've only got the first page so each person plays a character card and that character they must play for the whole duration

of the game they also have certain things on the card that these characters will and will not do so for instance joey boswell the you know the guy with the jag he can't get a job that involves manual labor why because it's joey boswell it's too hard for him so if you get a card given to you it's like construction site you can't take that car because he won't do again why does he have a jag because he's gaming the system is he he's getting that rich it's basically do you know those complaints when you hear of people online saying oh they're complaining about food banks and heating but they have a PlayStation and a widescreen TV. It's kind of that

logic. It's the embodiment of that. Again, it's the welfare queen. Yeah. And that's kind of what that character is. So each player starts with 60 quid. So two twenties, one ten and two fives. They're the thing on the table. Oh, what's that? I can count these out. Yeah, you're in charge of money. So each two twenties, one ten

and two fives each. We're starting off with 60 quid. Okay. And then you take a card. So I you're in charge of money. So each two 20s, one 10 and two fives each. We're starting off with 60 quid. Okay. And then you take a card. So I'm going to take a card, one of the character cards. I'm going to shuffle them.

We do that randomly, do we? Who do you hope to, who do you want to be? I mean, I don't. Aveline was the daughter. Aveline was the daughter. Who played her? Oh, I can't remember

her name now. But she ended up marrying a Protestant vicar, which upset her, a Catholic mother. Oh, in the show? In the show. Oh, I can't remember her name now. But she ended up marrying a Protestant vicar, which upset her, a Catholic mother. Oh, in the show? In the show. I can tell you all the characters here, actually. You've got Dad.

He has a bad heart and won't do manual work and also cannot drive a car. Aveline, never does anything dodgy, cannot drive. So that means if you pick up a car that says do something dodgy, she can't do that. But this sounds quite subjective. Joey does not like doing manual work will not visit Lilo Lil. So if you get stuck

on the Lilo Lil card, he's the only one who can pass through without having to roll the dice. Why won't he go to Lilo Lil's? Because he's on his mum's side because he knows his dad's a wanker. Adrian Boswell will not do manual work, will not defraud social security. That's nice of him. Billy, he's the youngest and the most immature, will not do manual work, will not defraud social security. That's nice of him. Billy, he's the youngest

and the most immature, will not benefit from partner, which means if you get a partner, a girlfriend and a card, if they earn money, he doesn't get access to it. Also, there's a card in here that says your girlfriend

leaves you with half your money and takes it all. And that's where the game goes. How do they get your money? Because they do. Because women take half the money. You have a joint bank account. That's the job.

Well, that would suggest that half the money is theirs to begin with You have a joint bank account. Well, that would suggest that half the money is theirs to begin with. Now they get free petrol, Jack, and only just manual work and then that's it. That's all the cards. Great stock. I don't like this, Paul. And I am. Oh, I'm Avaline.

Oh, hello, yes. That gives me something to be excited about. I'll be Avaline. What are you wearing? I'm wearing a skimpy top. I think Avaline basically is Carol who works for Brandoff. Yeah, that's why I like her. Who have you got then? Who's your card?

Here's your money. I've got... Thank you for the money. God, it looks like Joe Pesci. Looks like a young Joe Pesci. Then that means you've got Jack. Billy. Oh, Billy.

Yeah, he's the youngest. What's his one again? Doesn't he look like a young Joe Pesci? Yeah, he does. Hey, fuck you in the drive-thru! So, Avaline, never does anything dodgy and cannot drive, okay? Billy will not benefit from partner. That means if you get a partner in the game and she's earning an X amount of money,

whatever, you don't get access to that money. Why? Because he's such a pushover? Yeah, he's like a shit character. He's all very objectionable. Yes. Every aspect of it. Oswald cards. He never gets very objectionable. Yes. Every aspect of it. Oswald cards. He never gets free telephone bills.

Telephone bills. Yes. Why? Some people get a card that says you don't have to pay your telephone bill. Why doesn't Billy... I don't fucking know. You know this fucking show. How much of this crap

do we have to get through? As much as we can tolerate with a few rolls of the dice. I can't tolerate it. Can I mention one thing? Why? This board has the kitchen table in the middle. With the big chicken.

With the ceramic chicken. But from the top, Paul, don't you think that chicken looks a lot like a fish? Like a place. Yes, like a flatfish. I agree. What an amusing observation. Thank you very much. Right, how to play.

Decide who goes first and then roll the dice. Roll the dice. You roll the dice and you go on the square and you do what the square says. We need pieces, player pieces. They're in that little bag on the lid. You can reach for that. So if you pick up a Miss Boswell card, you do that.

If you pick up a DHS card, if you land on the lunch, breakfast or dinner squares, then all players must go to the dinner table and donate to the house kitty the amount indicated on their job card or just £5 if you're unemployed when a player has a job they collect the wages every time they pass on the collect wages square when a player has accommodation they must pay rent every time they land on the pay rent square players must exchange between them by banter or cash payments

furniture telephone transport and accommodation, but not partners and jobs. So if you're playing with a group of people, you can exchange cards for money to get your six items, but you can't do that with jobs and relationships. And that's it. Let's fucking roll the dice. I didn't understand what you said there. I'm good.

I have to be Avaline, so I'm red. Okay. So just stick me on. I'll be blue then. Which way do you start? I don't know. I'm going to start on one. I don't think it makes much of a difference. I think it must be, mustn't it? Yeah. Right. So I'll let Okay So just stick me on I'll be blue then Which way do you start? I don't know I'm going to start on one I don't think it makes much of a difference

I think it must be, mustn't it? Yeah, right So I'll let you go first I'll roll for you Oh, okay, yeah, go on I trust you You're red Yeah

One You've landed on Mrs Boswell Right, okay Mrs Boswell card What does it say? Cordless phone Cost £90 Resell value £40

So if I had £90 I'd buy it and then I'd have the telephone card. But I don't, so I can't, so it goes on the bottom of the pack. Well, that's exciting. Next go, your roll. I'm all for myself now. Yeah, you roll. Card again, up, card again. I'll take the top card of the Miss Boswells.

Mate, you've got to do this in Scouse from this point on. You're going to like this. Go on, you've got to do everything in Scouse from this point on, though, mate. What's the Miss Boswells? this in Scouse from this point on. You're going to like this. Go on, you've got to do everything in Scouse from this point on, don't you? Oh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Fucking, fucking. What's the, what's Mrs. Boswell say? Well, you'll never believe this, right?

Right? Here we go with the accents. No, you talk to me in Scouse. I'm talking to you in fucking Scouse, mate. Come on, mate.

Get it, put your fucking finger out of the business. You'll never, you'll never fucking believe this, right? All right there, mate. Come on.

All right, mate. It's a job. It's a Scylla special. A Scylla special? Laurel Laurel money. So how much money have you got? It costs 120 quid like but the resale value is 80.

Wait, what is it? Is it a card that you're buying? That's a read it. It just says a Scylla special. Laurel Laurel money. Let's have a look. Telephone. It's a telephone.

Scylla special. I'm not doing this. Yeah, please don't. It's really money. Let's have a look. Telephone. It's a telephone. Scylla special. I'm not doing this. Yeah, please don't. It's really getting in the way of the game. Well, let me read the card. Laura, Laura money. Telephone. So it's a telephone.

Do you have 120 quid? No, you don't. I fucking don't. So you can't get that one either. No. Right. Roll the dice for me, please. I've already given up on this.

I am. Mate, this is like... This is like the... You've got to won. Do you know when a body dies, right? Yes. And then it just shits.

This is how bread makes me feel. The death shit. I was dead when the show finished in 91. And now it's just all the shit coming out. Right, DHSS card.

Go to the DHSS. Which is what they called the doll back in the day. It doesn't say pick a card, it says go to the DHSS. Oh, okay, so put it in the top. What does that say pick a card. It says go to the DHSS. Oh, okay.

So put it in the top. What does that corner square say then? DHSS. You go there. What does that square say? Can you read it for me, please? Just rotate it gently. Collect.

Collect 30 quid. Each time you pass. Right. So I've got 30. Give me 30 quid then. Unless you have a job. I don't have a job. So give me.

Five pound on each visit to table. So what? I have to pay five pound, but it gives me 30 you're not passing you just landed on it you're not passing it yeah but i will eventually no it's like it's like do not pass jail go do not pass so do i get 30 when i move no when do i get 30 you don't unless you pass it then why would it send you to that square so you can pay a fiver. You pay a fiver into the... I go to the doll and I pay a fiver? Yeah. How does that work?

Five pound on each visit to the table. Is that what used to happen back in the day? Did you go on sign-on and give them a fiver? Because surely that's not fucking accurate. You don't give them a fiver. You give the ceramic chicken a fiver, don't you? No, but I'm giving the DHS a fiver. No, it says on the table.

So the table. When do you go to the table? So fiver. No, it says on the table. So the table. When do you go to the table? So I have to put a fiver on the table. I guess. I guess I'll put a fiver on the table. I don't want to play this anymore. This is the driest. This is like dry bread.

Your go. Roll the dice. Do this for me. Desecated. Do this for me. Three. One, two, three. Pick a card, DHSS.

Right. Eh! Don't do the voice. On your bike. On your bike? Right. Receive 150 quid. 50 quid.

You receive 150 quid? Only 50. Sorry, I've got... You get 50 quid? For what? Help look for a job if you're still unemployed. So the DHSS

has given you 50 quid to get a bike? Yeah. So you've got a bike now? Help me look for a job. Give us 50 quid, mate. You've got the money near to you, so just take 50. I'll given you 50 quid to get a bike? Yeah. So you've got a bike now? Help me look for a job. Give us 50 quid, mate. You've got the money near to you, so just take 50. I'll fucking have 50 quid then.

Crispy 50! Right. And then what do I do? And then that goes over. I want to stop playing this. Roll me four. Let's go this way. Yeah.

Number nine, nothing. Go. You all go. Two. Mrs Boswell. Mrs Boswell. I'll read your card for you. Fuck yeah.

Transport. Relying Robin. Turbocharged. Cost 240 quid. Mrs Boswell Mrs Boswell I'll read your card for you Fuck yeah Transport Relying Robin Turbocharged Cost 240 quid Resale value 120 I've got a bike already Yeah you don't need it

And I don't have that much money either Do you have to buy it If you have the money No Sucks Roll my dice for me darling This fucking sucks I feel like I'm in limbo

Roll the dice Three What's it Lilo Lil Lilo Lil. Lilo Lil. What does it say? I can't get off the thing. Anyone visiting Lilo Lil's needs to throw to move on.

Fantastic. Mate, would you be against me breaking this? Thrusting the board into the air and saying, fuck it. No. Could you do it? Do it. I'm going to do it. All right, go on.

You dare me. I'll do it. No, you dare me. I want to do it.? Do it. I'm going to do it. All right, go on. You dare me. I'll do it. No, you dare me. I want to do it. Don't break. You're going to break something on the scene. I'm just going to flip the board. You're going to be over violent and something will be broken in the house of ham and eggs.

I'm just going to flip the board. That's all I'm going to do. You can move the figures off so they don't scatter. All right? And now I'd like to flip the board. So I'm going to go ahead and do that. I mean, thank you for sending us the game. It sucks.

But actually, in many respects, this has put a nail in the whole odyssey of my hatred of bread. So, Eli, just give me a countdown from three and I'll flip the board. Three, two, one. Fucking shit. Very bad. And that's that for bread. I mean, the characters are all horrible

and the way it's written is horrible, but also really tedious. Tedious gameplay. Tedious. I mean, compared to Monopoly, it's probably a breezier game to play. It's almost exactly the same, really. And Eli won because you've got...

Because... I've got another 50 quid on top of the 60. Because you achieved something in the game. I got given a bike by the Dole office, as if. Yeah. Do you reckon you could try that now? Go to the Dole office and say, I'd get more jobs if you gave me a bike.

I was in one, I told you, and there was that guy going, you're not giving me enough money, I'm going to have to start doing crime again. I was like, you fucking moron I mean the problem is is that he shouldn't have said it

but it's not as if he's wrong I know you don't know obviously you don't know what anyone's particular situation is but you shouldn't

there's so many reasons why that's stupid that's a stupid thing to say you know as if that's going to encourage them

to actually give you more dull as well I'm not getting any sex so I'm going to have to wank a lot more. I'm sorry, I'm just going to have to josh it because I'm just not getting it. Is that all right? Yeah, as if that would get it.

Oh, now I have sex with you. Anyway, I haven't eaten enough roughage, so I'm just good as shit. Squitty squits. Squit. Super saver. Oh, I had middle of the night red hot searing liquids. Did you? Yeah.

I had a 3am bowel movement the other day, which took me by surprise because I was actually asleep. No, you woke up and went to the loo. Please tell me. I was asleep

and having a dream that I was sitting on a really uncomfortable log. And then when I woke up, I had this real urgency to go for a poo. It was quite shocking to kind of be awake and egg bound and just kind of... Is that what egg bound is? That's what I call it. Egg bound is just constipated.

I felt the urgency. Pokey pokey downstairs. And so I went and it was quite an intense experience to kind of go from deep sleep to wide awake and open bowel. Yeah. So, I don't know. How was yours? Was it just mostly liquid? I had late night hot squits.

Late night hot squits. Yeah. So what was the consistency? Was it more runny? It was extreme, extreme liquid. Yeah, it's not good, mate. It was 90s era extreme hot squits flavor. Paul, it was...

Was it power up one levels of pineapple funk? Funky pineapple shit. Funky pineapple. Now, it was because of a Szechuan meal I had. Which had a lot of chili. A delicious meal. And that must have been... It was a beef chili dish with a lot of different kinds of chili.

That sounds like a really heavy Szechuan. Thank you. Give me that. that yeah i give it to you gladly fuck off bread we're done shit and that's it for jeep show this week we hope you've enjoyed it as much as i've pretended to enjoy it right come on paul you were lifted initially by the Stroganoff in pro and then by your hatred of various members of the public and old sitcoms. But I do feel I've put that to bed this week, so we're good. You know what?

You've taken the ghost, you've given it a glass of milk and you've put the ghost to bed. I've put the ghost to bed. I tucked it up and gave it tuk-tuks. A little tuk-tuk, Benny Mo's night, like kissy-kissy,

one ghosty night. You've had a little sexy time with a ghost before it went to bed. I tucked it up and gave it tuk-tuks. A little tuk-tuk Benny Bowes night night kissy kissy one ghosty night. You've had a little sexy time with a ghost before it went to bed. I got a full on acroid from a ghost. Right so that's it

this week's over. Those of you who will be joining us at the Leicester Comedy Festival have been sending a few emails to say can they bring

things. Now yes. Yes. However me and you are getting a coach home after the show. Dry goods dry so i don't want to have to carry 12 bin bags full of board games and food and toys can we have a dry goods only thing yeah liquids unless it's something we can drink at the time look just be think we're gonna get

on a coach we do not want to be laden with uh five bin bags of board games and tins and cans and boxes so if you are bringing something, make it manageable. And if it's too big, that's why we have a PO box. So maybe do that. Thank you. Yeah, but by all means bring things, especially noodles and sauces. Yes. And maybe get in touch with us on Twitter

and tell you what you'd like to see at the live show. It's only going to be an hour. Straight in, straight out. It won't be as elaborate as 300, so, you know. Pickles. Yeah. So we're on the cheap. Yeah, hang on. Let as elaborate as 300, so, you know. Pickles. Yeah. So, we're on the cheap. Yeah, hang on.

Let me just get this bit out of the way. Pickles. Yeah. There was a pipe. I saw the pipe pickle bomb thing. I would hit that. I just want to say that now. Of course I would.

Can you imagine the scented, ooh, the dill-scented smoke as it curls down to your lungs? I thought it might be a bit too much acidic, a bit too, I don't know. Oh yes, because you'll get that almost, the vinegar would almost make you cough more. That's what I'm thinking,

but I don't know. It wouldn't cool down the smoke. Well, there's only one way to find out. Yes. And I'll be going to the noodle test lab kitchen

and finding out very soon. Get me one large gherkin. I'm going to smoke some shit right through the centre. Eli, I hope you work that Gherkin. Right, so, yes, we're on Twitter. You can get in touch with us and ask us all kinds of silly things there.

It's at thecheapshowpod. I'm at Paul Gannon Show, and Eli is... Eli Snoid, spelled E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And look, if you want to look for pictures to accompany this episode, if you want to see links to merch, if you want to know more about what we do, if you want to look at videos, if you want to look at videos if you want to look

at the magazine that events made and order that physically it's all on our one-stop shop the cheap show.co.uk cheap shot.co.uk go there everything's there links to everything is there it's your one-stop shop it's a cheap show listing off a load of shit also email us cheap Cheapshop.shopshopshopshopshopshopshopshopshopshopshopshop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop It tastes like beef stroganoff. It's very lemony. No, creamy. Oh, power up went down. Beef stroganoff is creamy. Yeah, but you were working that gherkin down my throat, and now it's a very vinegary backflush. I take several small cornichons. Cornichops?

No, cornichons, which are small. Do you get cornichons at cornichops? You can if it's a high-class joint. Of course. I go to Waitrose. I get Waitrose's own brand cornichons. They're very reasonably priced. And then I go to Waitrose. I get Waitrose own brand Cornichons. Yeah. They're very reasonably

priced. And then I put them on a ruler. Yeah. Spaced. It's good to use a ruler, a wooden ruler. This sounds familiar,

doesn't it? And then you space them about an inch and a half apart. About that, yeah. And then you get your knob out. I'm thinking,

this sounds familiar because it's something I used to do in my youth as well. You get your knob out, yeah. Erect? Well, it'd make it harder. I mean,, this sounds familiar because it's something I used to do in my youth as well. You get your knob out, yeah. Erect? Well, it'd make it

harder. I mean, I know that's half Nelson. Yeah. You want some give, especially around the meters. So you want a little

bit of... You've got your gherkins all pinned on at regular intervals onto a wooden ruler. Six. Start with six.

Yeah. You get your gaper. You've got to get a bit of a gaper on the meters. You have to push the lips and go...

Yeah. So it goes a little trout pout, a bit of a gaper on the meat. You have to push the lips together. Yeah. So it goes a little trout pout. A little gapey trout pout. And then you go, shonk, shonk, shonk, shonk. And you bat them in. Yeah. All the way down. Push them down.

Fucking fiery ones. Get the fucking chilly ones. See, I do that with peppercorns. You don't. You do with magic milks on the round side. No, I did the magic milks now, but back in the day. Do the magic milks round the back side. Where chocolate's made. No, back in the magic milks now, but back in the day. Do the magic milks round the back side. Where chocolate's made.

No, back in the day. Where chocolate milk is made. What I used to really like was, you know, spud guns. You'd spud gun your meters.

I would get a spud gun, pull out a little bit of spud, get my cock, direct onto the meters, bang, pop it in. Please do not recreate anything you've heard Paul or

Eli talk about today on Cheap Shirt. Or ever. Although, the mini milks do bring a little bit of satisfaction. Paul, the cornichons,

chilli cornichon up the metres. Fuck. What about if I took a mini milk and rolled it in cornichons? No, they wouldn't stick. They're bigger than that. They're not like microscopic.

They're not like, no, work them in. Work them into the soft milky palate. And then what? Up the arse? Yeah. I'm going to cut all that shit out. Don't cut out my bit about fucking that ruler that was cold. like no work him in work him into the soft milky palate and then what up the ass yeah i'm gonna cut all that shit don't cut out my bit about fucking that ruler it was cold no i'm gonna save that in but i'm gonna do all the other stuff afterwards i'm gonna cut out like your fish noise yeah so

once you finish batting your penis with a ruler full of cornichons why not go to patreon and support this podcast you don't have to but it'd be nice if you could and you can justify it. It's patreon.com forward slash cheap show and you'll have access to podcasts and magazines and videos and behind the scenes and all sorts of lovely, lovely things

exclusive to Patreon supporters. Thank you very much, patrons. Once again, I'm behind on the top tier stuff, but working on that next week. We are going to be doing two videos for top tier to catch up on the Christmas tier stuff, but working on that next week. We are. We're going to be doing two videos for top tier to catch up on the Christmas thing. And then we've got another podcast.

And also a walk video, which is going to tie in with the latest magazine. Yeah. So it's all good. It's all good. We hope you've enjoyed playing with Paul and Eli this week. Once again on Cheap Show. If we bring a little bit of joy to you once a week,

that's all we can ask for, isn't it? Got a bit of a flop on? Pop a corner shon up on your knob on. Got a throb on? Bash it with some corner shons. Strong enough at the knob, lob, lob, chob. That is just nonsense though now at this point.

Oh, turn that frown upside down. You get a chob up your knob, chob, ch up, you know I'm chopping on. Sorry, I'm sorry. I am sorry. Is your meat just perking? Shove it a gherkin. Yay!

Night, night. Night, everyone.